1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,119 Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda land Audio 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:05,920 Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. When they were going 3 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,440 Speaker 1: to take me up to room after us feeling better, 4 00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:12,840 Speaker 1: they said that he could not join because of the regulations. 5 00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:16,960 Speaker 1: And I said, listen, like when people birth children, are 6 00:00:17,079 --> 00:00:20,239 Speaker 1: their partners able to come? They said yes? And I said, well, 7 00:00:20,239 --> 00:00:22,640 Speaker 1: why don't you tell your manager that I birthed a 8 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:26,119 Speaker 1: child today? My husband is coming with me. You have 9 00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:36,440 Speaker 1: to be your own advocate. Hi, everybody, and welcome back 10 00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:39,360 Speaker 1: to Katie's Crib. I have been trying to get today's 11 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:43,120 Speaker 1: guest on since the beginning because today's guest is the 12 00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 1: one and only Kim Vanderbeek. She has five children and 13 00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:52,400 Speaker 1: has had just so many real life experiences that we 14 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:56,240 Speaker 1: get into in this podcast. She is the wife of 15 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,480 Speaker 1: actor James Vanderbeek, who my husband is obsessed with and 16 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,240 Speaker 1: they are good friends. And he's best known obviously for 17 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:05,360 Speaker 1: his portrayal of Dawson Leary in the series Dawson's Creek. 18 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:08,959 Speaker 1: But prior to meeting James, Kim Vanderbeek worked as a 19 00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:11,560 Speaker 1: business consultant and Tel Aviv. She's worked as a wellness 20 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:15,240 Speaker 1: blogger She's written articles for People Magazine and Food Heals Nation. 21 00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:19,080 Speaker 1: She and James have four daughters, Olivia, Annabelle, Amelia and 22 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:22,520 Speaker 1: Gwendolyn and a Sunday Joshua. Thank you so much for 23 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:29,720 Speaker 1: coming on to Katie's crib. Hi Kim, whenever I've seen 24 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:33,479 Speaker 1: you out in public or at parties with James and whatever. 25 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 1: Your husband and my husband worked together on certain TV shows. 26 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:39,280 Speaker 1: We have mutual friends in common. But I don't understand 27 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:42,760 Speaker 1: how you have so many children and it seems like 28 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:46,000 Speaker 1: you've got it all going on and you're enjoying honestly 29 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:47,960 Speaker 1: like it. I mean, I'm not to say that it 30 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,640 Speaker 1: doesn't have its ups and downs and it's a ship 31 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,600 Speaker 1: show here and there, but it honestly seems to me 32 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,440 Speaker 1: that it's a good time. I mean, you're probably the 33 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:57,080 Speaker 1: only person where I'm like, should I have like a 34 00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:00,400 Speaker 1: whole pack of kids? Like? This isn't this is a amazing? 35 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:03,000 Speaker 1: And how many times have you been pregnant? A lot? 36 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:11,520 Speaker 1: Like do you and James have sex and don't get pregnant? Thankfully, Yes, 37 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:17,640 Speaker 1: we've had sex more times than we have children. Like 38 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: it's on the fucking real to me, I'm like, oh, 39 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,800 Speaker 1: my god, you're both so attractive, it's ridiculous. Have you 40 00:02:26,919 --> 00:02:29,440 Speaker 1: always wanted to have a lot of kids? I always 41 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:34,160 Speaker 1: knew I was going to have probably three or more, 42 00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:39,160 Speaker 1: but there wasn't really a plan, James says. He claims 43 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,919 Speaker 1: that we discussed five at the beginning of the relationship. 44 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,240 Speaker 1: I do not remember that conversation at all. Do you 45 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:49,119 Speaker 1: think it was meeting James that was like you might 46 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,560 Speaker 1: have had three with someone else, but it's for some reason, 47 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,760 Speaker 1: it's like the two of you together, you just can't 48 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,040 Speaker 1: keep your hands off each other. I mean, what is 49 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:59,320 Speaker 1: going on? Or is it just like you're part of 50 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:02,639 Speaker 1: fate and like what the universe provides is what's happening? 51 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:07,040 Speaker 1: Like tell me, it's the universe providing what it wants. 52 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:12,160 Speaker 1: We were just very open going into our relationship with 53 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:15,040 Speaker 1: whatever the flow is going to be. So we ended 54 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 1: up with a lot of children. What were the pregnancies like, 55 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:23,240 Speaker 1: were they different? Were they the same? And the labors? Well, okay, 56 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:27,200 Speaker 1: let's start with Olivia, my ten year old. When I 57 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,960 Speaker 1: got pregnant with her. I got pregnant with her two 58 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 1: days after I moved in with James, so it was 59 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:36,040 Speaker 1: an easy one to shebank. Yeah. I moved in with 60 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:39,480 Speaker 1: James about six months after we met, and I got 61 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:42,280 Speaker 1: pregnant with her two days after moving in. Now here's 62 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,360 Speaker 1: a little guicy piece of detail. People don't know. James 63 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,040 Speaker 1: and I waited about five and a half months before 64 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,800 Speaker 1: we even gave ourselves an opportunity to get pregnant. We 65 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:54,840 Speaker 1: both were in a place of is this real, Let's 66 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,000 Speaker 1: let's really check it out. And so by the time 67 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 1: we moved in together, we knew we wanted to be 68 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:02,560 Speaker 1: together and got pregnant pretty quickly. I was living between 69 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:05,600 Speaker 1: l A and New York, and I had a couple 70 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,520 Speaker 1: of weeks. My first time mster we're getting out of 71 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:12,240 Speaker 1: bed was simply not happening. I tell people that you 72 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:16,719 Speaker 1: do not know what tired is until you understand pregnancy tired. 73 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:20,200 Speaker 1: And I referred to it as bone tired, tired all 74 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:23,440 Speaker 1: the way into your bones. That is a great thing 75 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 1: that I'm stealing. I've never heard it, and I get it, 76 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,480 Speaker 1: and it is such a perfect description. It's bone tired. 77 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,320 Speaker 1: And actually, the moment you have the baby, you forget 78 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,919 Speaker 1: what bone tired is. I mean, even newborn tired is 79 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:39,880 Speaker 1: not bone tired. You get so tired, but it's a 80 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:43,400 Speaker 1: different thing when you're making a baby inside your body. 81 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,000 Speaker 1: So yeah, I had a couple of weeks where I 82 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:49,400 Speaker 1: couldn't get out of bed. It was really difficult, and 83 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 1: all I wanted to eat with Olivia were oranges and cucumbers. 84 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 1: Were you nauseous with her? I would get very nauseous, 85 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 1: not throw up, but really really not shift. The smell 86 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:07,120 Speaker 1: of steak, meat, garlic like repulse me. Two levels I 87 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,839 Speaker 1: cannot even explain to you. Fast forward. You know, I 88 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:14,080 Speaker 1: got all the energy second trimester, third trimester. I even 89 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,520 Speaker 1: was the crazy one putting on heels and you know, 90 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:21,360 Speaker 1: just walking around like, yeah, I'm pregnant, I'm having a baby, 91 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:24,279 Speaker 1: and I'm so psyched. I've watched that interview with Demi 92 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,679 Speaker 1: Moore when she did that huge, like naked photo shoot, 93 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,920 Speaker 1: but she was like, I have felt really powerful and 94 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:33,479 Speaker 1: beautiful like in my body, and that happens for some women. Yes, 95 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:37,800 Speaker 1: it gave me a level of confidence, like if I 96 00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:40,400 Speaker 1: can't be this way for myself, I get to be 97 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:43,680 Speaker 1: this way for my daughter. Did you know you were 98 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:46,560 Speaker 1: going to have a girl. James was really convinced we 99 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,680 Speaker 1: were going to have a boy until that ultrasound came 100 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:51,039 Speaker 1: in so convinced that we didn't even bother having that 101 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:57,919 Speaker 1: ultrasound until I was maybe six weeks. Wow, that's hilarious. 102 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 1: I love it. How was Olivia? Is labor being your 103 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:05,880 Speaker 1: first time? Was it so much longer than the next four? Yes, 104 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,839 Speaker 1: so so so much longer. And everybody says your first one. 105 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,760 Speaker 1: You know you really your body is learning with you 106 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:16,239 Speaker 1: how to birth children. It's first time. I remember seeing 107 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 1: my mucus plug. It was on a Thursday night and 108 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,919 Speaker 1: I said to James and like, hey, I'm going to 109 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,520 Speaker 1: start labor soon, and he goes, okay, And I don't 110 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,640 Speaker 1: know how I had that much confidence with what I 111 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,560 Speaker 1: was saying. We we went to sleep in a suka 112 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:33,280 Speaker 1: that night for the holiday was to goot and we 113 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:36,960 Speaker 1: were outside and I started laboring the whole night. I 114 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:38,839 Speaker 1: never woke him up. I'm like, you know what, he 115 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:41,880 Speaker 1: just needs to get some sleep. Then the next morning 116 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:46,120 Speaker 1: I took some baths and you know, in and out 117 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:49,599 Speaker 1: of contractions, and then by that evening my Dula came 118 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:53,560 Speaker 1: over and I started I was cooking. They were coming quickly, 119 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:56,360 Speaker 1: like five minutes apart. So we went to the hospital 120 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,000 Speaker 1: when I got to the hospital. That's when I decided 121 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,080 Speaker 1: I really don't like hospitals. They asked me to fill 122 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:06,839 Speaker 1: out paperwork, and I don't agree with women filling out 123 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:11,600 Speaker 1: paperwork in labor or sitting there and answering to to 124 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:15,680 Speaker 1: four pages of medical questions. It's like, this is why 125 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:19,440 Speaker 1: I pre registered. Woman. I don't want to fill out 126 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:23,040 Speaker 1: paperwork in labor. I'm coming to you when I'm ready 127 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:27,440 Speaker 1: to give birth. Stoff it. This is such a funny point, 128 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,520 Speaker 1: Like I remember showing up having contractions like three to 129 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,040 Speaker 1: three minutes apart with my second that I just had, 130 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:36,280 Speaker 1: and and I'm getting COVID tested with the brain scratcher 131 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:38,680 Speaker 1: up my nose and Adams asking me for like all 132 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:41,560 Speaker 1: of my information and I'm like, yes, we already filled 133 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,600 Speaker 1: all this Chipette, Like why are we fucking doing this 134 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 1: right now? Like this is insane, Like I am not 135 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:49,720 Speaker 1: in a place you're so right. So wait, was that 136 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 1: your only labor in a hospital or did you labor 137 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:55,520 Speaker 1: them all in the hospital? Yes, it was, and that 138 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:59,280 Speaker 1: was decidedly my only labor in the hospital. So I 139 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:02,760 Speaker 1: got there. I was so upset about the paperwork. It 140 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:06,200 Speaker 1: took me out of that raw animalistic place. I was 141 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 1: so upset about the drive. I got in there and 142 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,440 Speaker 1: they checked me and they said, you're not even a 143 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:14,560 Speaker 1: centimeter dilated. We're going to send you home. And I said, no, 144 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:17,200 Speaker 1: you're not. I'm not getting back in the car and 145 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,880 Speaker 1: driving back. And they're like, well, you know this is 146 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:22,560 Speaker 1: going to be a long time. And thankfully my doctor 147 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,360 Speaker 1: spoke to me and she goes, I remember that you 148 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:26,600 Speaker 1: have a lot of quick labors. I'll tell them that 149 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,600 Speaker 1: you can stay. Said okay, great. I made everybody leave 150 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:33,720 Speaker 1: the room except for me and my husband, and within 151 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:37,280 Speaker 1: an hour I was dilated to nine with pushing contractions. 152 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:41,960 Speaker 1: Thank god you didn't get in the car and drove home. Well, 153 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,560 Speaker 1: if I would have, I think it would have been 154 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,440 Speaker 1: the fight or flight. I think my body would have 155 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:49,720 Speaker 1: resisted and we would have ended up with a true situation. 156 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,439 Speaker 1: But I pushed for two and a half hours and 157 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:57,520 Speaker 1: she wasn't coming out. I just I was wiped. I 158 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:00,559 Speaker 1: had already been in pre labor for what a day 159 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:03,280 Speaker 1: and a half or something. Then they gave me an 160 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:06,040 Speaker 1: epidural and I pushed for two and a half more 161 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:10,120 Speaker 1: hours and they finally used a section to help get 162 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 1: her out. Was it scary. I wasn't scared, but I 163 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:20,760 Speaker 1: was extremely exhausted, and my body is very, very sensitive 164 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 1: to medication, so I get super nauseous and off kilter 165 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:28,760 Speaker 1: or on any kind of medication. I was frustrated. I 166 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:30,960 Speaker 1: kind of felt like, intuitively I wanted to do it 167 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:33,400 Speaker 1: at home, and I was convinced to not. But I'm 168 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:38,440 Speaker 1: actually super grateful for my hospital birth experience because I 169 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,920 Speaker 1: feel like I can really be there for a woman 170 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:44,840 Speaker 1: in a different way, knowing, you know, just having that experience. 171 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 1: And I know everybody's experience is different in every hospital 172 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:51,080 Speaker 1: is different, and every doctor is different, and every baby 173 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:55,480 Speaker 1: and mother is different. But just the logistics of what happens, 174 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,600 Speaker 1: I'm able to prep a lot of friends just so 175 00:09:57,679 --> 00:10:00,000 Speaker 1: you know when you get there, this is going to happen. 176 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:03,880 Speaker 1: And so for that, I'm super grateful for the experience. 177 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:07,119 Speaker 1: The next four I had at home. So with Joshua, 178 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:11,040 Speaker 1: I thought, you know, my doctor did let me stay 179 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:14,040 Speaker 1: at the hospital. She did give me that leeway. Maybe 180 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 1: I'll just stick with her. Maybe I'll, you know, do 181 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,800 Speaker 1: it now I know what to expect. So I did that, 182 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 1: and then I found out he was breach and he 183 00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:24,440 Speaker 1: wasn't churning, so she said, you know, you're gonna have 184 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 1: a C section. And it didn't intuitively feel right to me. 185 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,320 Speaker 1: And I know a lot of women have c sections. 186 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:34,320 Speaker 1: They feel very comfortable having c sections, especially with their 187 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,960 Speaker 1: breach baby. But I'm a big advocate of get your 188 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,240 Speaker 1: information and then trust your intuition. And for me, it 189 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 1: was like, no, my mom birthed my sister breach naturally 190 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,840 Speaker 1: at the hospital, and so I'm like, well, why was 191 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:51,000 Speaker 1: my mother able to do that? Well, I went and 192 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 1: I looked at the studies that they had on breach births, 193 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:57,200 Speaker 1: and they took into account third world malnourish countries and 194 00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,360 Speaker 1: they didn't have a head down counterpart. So when you 195 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,400 Speaker 1: go to the studies that they're doing out of Israel, 196 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:05,640 Speaker 1: Germany and Australia, they're actually saying breach birth is a 197 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:08,160 Speaker 1: risk versus a risk and it depends do you have 198 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,880 Speaker 1: a doctor that knows how to breach births because they 199 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:14,600 Speaker 1: stopped teaching in medical schools based off this outdated study. 200 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:18,560 Speaker 1: And so I found a doctor that's done hundreds of 201 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:23,360 Speaker 1: successful breach births, and at thirty seven weeks pregnant, switched 202 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,480 Speaker 1: to a home birth plan with this doctor that had 203 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:29,160 Speaker 1: birth hundreds of breach babies, and intuitively, I just took 204 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:33,040 Speaker 1: a deep sigh because I had always wanted to do 205 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 1: home births. It just felt more comfortable for me. I 206 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:39,200 Speaker 1: never felt comfort in the hospital, and I think a 207 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,800 Speaker 1: woman needs to feel comfortable where she's at. So if 208 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,920 Speaker 1: my friends are very anxious about childbirth, I'm like, you know, 209 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:48,400 Speaker 1: you might feel more comfortable in the hospital where you 210 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,560 Speaker 1: have all the bells and whistles, But for me, it 211 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:53,280 Speaker 1: was really just not that. And so my water broke 212 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:56,719 Speaker 1: at three o'clock and then um, I gave Olivia at 213 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:59,840 Speaker 1: bath that night and cried, like, what am I doing? 214 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:01,360 Speaker 1: You know I won't be able to give all the 215 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:05,200 Speaker 1: attention in the world anymore, and this is our last night, 216 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,560 Speaker 1: is my only child. It was so emotional, and then 217 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:11,280 Speaker 1: I went to bed and I woke up at five 218 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: thirty in the morning with booming contractions and had Joshua 219 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:20,240 Speaker 1: by seven, when he was thirty two or something like that. 220 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,319 Speaker 1: Did you have to push for a long time with him? 221 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:27,480 Speaker 1: My doctor almost didn't make it. Oh my god, how 222 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,720 Speaker 1: was it without an epidural? Oh it's painful, But I 223 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,520 Speaker 1: have this thing like, if you know an epidurals available 224 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:36,520 Speaker 1: to you, you count down the seconds like they're years. 225 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,280 Speaker 1: You don't have the zone, You're like, give it to 226 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:42,840 Speaker 1: me now. If you know that one's not available and 227 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:46,160 Speaker 1: you're breathing and you just, you know, letting the rest 228 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,640 Speaker 1: of the room fade away, you have a different sort 229 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,920 Speaker 1: of strength that starts to take over. And so, yes, 230 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:56,719 Speaker 1: it was incredibly painful, but I knew that I was 231 00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:01,160 Speaker 1: working harmoniously with my body and Joshua for this birth, 232 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,440 Speaker 1: and it was just you know, you go into a flow, 233 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:10,040 Speaker 1: into this animalistic zone. It was really amazing and so beautiful. 234 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 1: Did you find out with all of them? What there 235 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:16,640 Speaker 1: if they were a boy or a girl or great question? 236 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:20,600 Speaker 1: I found out with Olivia and Joshua. But Annabelle, we thought, 237 00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:23,240 Speaker 1: this one wants to be a surprise, and boy has 238 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:26,679 Speaker 1: she been a surprise for her whole life. So she 239 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:30,720 Speaker 1: was thirty minutes of active labor, ten minutes in the water, 240 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:36,240 Speaker 1: didn't make a peep, the most beautiful, peaceful birth. Everybody 241 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 1: was like we barely heard you. It was more a 242 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,719 Speaker 1: few moaning sounds, and she was born. My midwife, bet 243 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:45,160 Speaker 1: Cannon was there, my doula Ivan Novak was there and 244 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,840 Speaker 1: my doctor Stewart fish Bind. I told him, listen, we 245 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,120 Speaker 1: have time, so it's not even his fault and like, 246 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:54,439 Speaker 1: take your time. My whole birthing team were huge hockey fans, 247 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,400 Speaker 1: and I was trying to let them watch more of 248 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,800 Speaker 1: the game and not being really honest with where I 249 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:01,760 Speaker 1: was not the This is only gonna take a half 250 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:04,840 Speaker 1: an hour. The midwife was there, My doctor came like 251 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:09,440 Speaker 1: three minutes later, and I had pizza in the hockey 252 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:12,319 Speaker 1: game downstairs playing for them. Nobody ever got to watch 253 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:16,800 Speaker 1: or eat a piece of that pizza. O. God, Kim, 254 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:21,240 Speaker 1: this is crazy. It's crazy. He was like, you literally 255 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 1: text me like seven minutes before he had the baby. 256 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:27,760 Speaker 1: It's like kind of And she was born in four 257 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:31,440 Speaker 1: seconds in the water. How did the water feel? Heavenly? 258 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:35,120 Speaker 1: It was so beautiful it was we just sat in there. 259 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,400 Speaker 1: I just poured water on her head. It was crazy enough. 260 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,680 Speaker 1: It was bloodless until the placenta was birth. There wasn't 261 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:46,160 Speaker 1: a drop of blood and water. And then Amelia I thought, God, 262 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:48,400 Speaker 1: that was great. I'm going to shoot for that again, 263 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,560 Speaker 1: and I called my my birth team was like the 264 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:55,560 Speaker 1: first strong contraction call us, we're not timing these things. 265 00:14:55,720 --> 00:15:00,480 Speaker 1: Five the first strong contraction, you're calling us. So my 266 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,640 Speaker 1: first strong contraction, I called them. They came. They actually 267 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:06,080 Speaker 1: got to see me in labor for the first time. 268 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:10,320 Speaker 1: But we went upstairs and I'm thinking, you know, beautiful 269 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,680 Speaker 1: water birth. Again. You don't get in the water too 270 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:15,400 Speaker 1: early when you're having a water birth because it can 271 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 1: actually slow down labor. But I was cooking and I 272 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,040 Speaker 1: felt something was a little different. But I got in 273 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:25,400 Speaker 1: the water. I'm thinking, I'm really starting up pushing contractions, 274 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,840 Speaker 1: and she wasn't coming out. So for this one, my 275 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:29,520 Speaker 1: birth team was going to stay in the other room. 276 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:31,920 Speaker 1: So we thought, you know, let's just let it be 277 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,280 Speaker 1: us in the room and our team is right outside 278 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,880 Speaker 1: the door. Wow, Like it was just going to be 279 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,960 Speaker 1: the two of you. Well, it was just gonna be 280 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,200 Speaker 1: the two of us. But something felt different, so I 281 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,400 Speaker 1: called in my team to just watch check my breathing, 282 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:48,320 Speaker 1: and we did some movements and she was like stuck 283 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,040 Speaker 1: in there a little bit. I had to do some 284 00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:53,680 Speaker 1: like wiggling movements in the water, and eventually I got 285 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:56,160 Speaker 1: her out. But because that one took longer, the water 286 00:15:56,320 --> 00:16:00,640 Speaker 1: was cold and she was born with half of her 287 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,640 Speaker 1: face all blue from just bruising because she had been 288 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,400 Speaker 1: sitting in this weird position in my body for a while. 289 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:10,800 Speaker 1: So it wasn't exactly Annabelle's labor, and her brain plates 290 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:16,320 Speaker 1: were like overlapping her her headplates. Did that scare this 291 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:19,720 Speaker 1: ship at you? Or did you know that everything was okay? 292 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 1: I knew everything was okay. I kind of did a 293 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:26,760 Speaker 1: little check in. Um. The team was, you know, looking like, okay, 294 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,560 Speaker 1: this baby's blue on half of her face. But the 295 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:32,160 Speaker 1: half of her face that wasn't blue was facing me 296 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:35,720 Speaker 1: and I could see she was breathing and she was peaceful. 297 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:40,720 Speaker 1: The blue part of her face was facing them. This 298 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:44,800 Speaker 1: is the greatest experience Katie's Grip has ever had. Like, 299 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:48,280 Speaker 1: we've never had anyone that's had five kids on let alone. 300 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 1: We have to get to it. You've had seven pregnancies. 301 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:54,000 Speaker 1: So with Gwendolen, I was in labor. I called my 302 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:57,800 Speaker 1: team right away. Yeah. I actually didn't want anybody around 303 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,960 Speaker 1: for the for the labor was just laying in bed. 304 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,560 Speaker 1: I would lay in bed and then I would need 305 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,959 Speaker 1: to go to the toilet and ladies. I had to 306 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:12,320 Speaker 1: poop a lot. Every contruction it was coming out of me. 307 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,879 Speaker 1: And one thing nobody ever tells you is this is 308 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,800 Speaker 1: very normal when you're in labor. Right. So I was 309 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,240 Speaker 1: just going from the toilet to the bed, from the 310 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,480 Speaker 1: toilet to the bed, from the toilet to the bed, 311 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,879 Speaker 1: and so my team would peek in and look, okay, 312 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,560 Speaker 1: she's good. I was very in my zone this time. 313 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,520 Speaker 1: There was no This was my first labor without cracking jokes. 314 00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:35,040 Speaker 1: And I just wanted to make these sounds like to 315 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:40,960 Speaker 1: to activate and rattle my third eye like hum, and 316 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:44,520 Speaker 1: that's all I wanted to do. And I'm like, I'm 317 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:48,800 Speaker 1: just gonna melt into what my body's asking and then 318 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,480 Speaker 1: I'm like, call the kids. And there was not enough 319 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:54,159 Speaker 1: time to fill up my berth tub. So I'm holding 320 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:57,920 Speaker 1: onto my birth tub squatting and I sit back as 321 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:01,680 Speaker 1: my midwife runs behind me to catch me. I'm literally 322 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:05,400 Speaker 1: berthing Gwendolen in her arms while Olivia and Joshua are there. 323 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:08,439 Speaker 1: And then Julie is another midwife that I love. I 324 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:10,800 Speaker 1: invited her. I'm like, why not Julie come like I 325 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:15,119 Speaker 1: love Julie, And so I had Julie behind Beth holding 326 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,720 Speaker 1: Beth's back up and putting her feet against the wall. 327 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,119 Speaker 1: So it was like this whole ballet that happened in 328 00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:23,000 Speaker 1: in like five seconds of time. These women got in 329 00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:25,480 Speaker 1: place to like hold me up so I could sit 330 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:28,840 Speaker 1: and berth Gwendolen. Joshua was kind of bummed because he 331 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,240 Speaker 1: was looking at my butt to thinking that was where 332 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 1: the baby was coming from, so he didn't actually play 333 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,960 Speaker 1: see it. It happened so quickly, but Olivia was right 334 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,080 Speaker 1: there and she saw and she just it was very special. 335 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,159 Speaker 1: But I'm glad that Joshua got to be in the 336 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:46,480 Speaker 1: space and really see what the labor and how James 337 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:49,040 Speaker 1: was down there and the baby, you know, Gwendolen came 338 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:52,959 Speaker 1: into James's arms. And they all have their own lives 339 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:58,560 Speaker 1: and um had a lot of different experiences between some 340 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,719 Speaker 1: are more difficult than other. Is I'm grateful for every 341 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 1: single one. And I think the baby is also determine 342 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,240 Speaker 1: how they want to be born and what kinds of 343 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,719 Speaker 1: intervention happens. You're really in touch and only with your instinct, 344 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:16,919 Speaker 1: but then with each baby's like own personal spirit and 345 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:21,320 Speaker 1: temperament and letting them guide what sort of way they 346 00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:24,200 Speaker 1: want to come into the world and meeting you wherever 347 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,399 Speaker 1: that is. I'm someone that feels more comfortable in a 348 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:31,200 Speaker 1: hospital because I run super, super anxious, and so I 349 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 1: am just want the most amount of doctors around. But 350 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,880 Speaker 1: I could imagine like me putting myself in someone's shoes, 351 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,440 Speaker 1: Like if you're someone that a hospital is not where 352 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 1: you feel safe and you feel fear or anxiety when 353 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:47,360 Speaker 1: you get there, It's like, yeah, there are other options, 354 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:51,639 Speaker 1: which like everyone should feel comfortable, they should feel in 355 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 1: their body, they should feel like they have at their 356 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:58,560 Speaker 1: fingertips the ability to have the birth experience that they want, 357 00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,760 Speaker 1: or have the opportunity any to have the birth experience 358 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:04,080 Speaker 1: that they want, because birth does have its own life, 359 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:07,000 Speaker 1: and we don't know how that story is going to unfold. 360 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,600 Speaker 1: But people, a lot of people would say to me, well, 361 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,480 Speaker 1: there's a risk, and I'm like, quite honestly, I'm definitely 362 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,480 Speaker 1: being told there's a risk of having a home birth, 363 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,080 Speaker 1: there's a risk of a hospital birth, there's a risk 364 00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:18,639 Speaker 1: of all of them. Well what if you don't get 365 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,560 Speaker 1: to the doctor in time of blah blah blah. I'm like, well, 366 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:23,720 Speaker 1: what if I my anxiety closes me up and creates 367 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 1: a whole host of problems that I've been there before too. 368 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,480 Speaker 1: And also I've heard all these things about home birth, 369 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,160 Speaker 1: like you have to qualify for a home birth, like 370 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:35,240 Speaker 1: the most incredible midwives and dula is like you have 371 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,560 Speaker 1: to go through extensive sort of like be studied in 372 00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:41,479 Speaker 1: a way to even be like applicable that people are 373 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,480 Speaker 1: going to come and do it because that they that 374 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:46,040 Speaker 1: they know that you're there's not a super high risk 375 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:49,200 Speaker 1: of something happening or whatever it is. Well, not every 376 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:53,879 Speaker 1: midwife and doctors created equal, but I do believe the 377 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:57,399 Speaker 1: really great ones out there go through a checklist and 378 00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,080 Speaker 1: they have different sort of things that they're looking for, 379 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:05,120 Speaker 1: and one of them is, um your mental outlook at 380 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:08,760 Speaker 1: birth in general, and do you feel comfortable at home? 381 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,960 Speaker 1: So for me, yes, I I had always wanted a 382 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,679 Speaker 1: home birth and I feel most comfortable at home. And 383 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:18,720 Speaker 1: quite honestly, I think I would have missed making it 384 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:20,720 Speaker 1: to the hospital a couple of times, and I think 385 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:25,160 Speaker 1: it's safer for me to have my whole setup situated 386 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:28,560 Speaker 1: at my house, not like figuring things out in a 387 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,600 Speaker 1: car on the way there. So it is what it is, 388 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,439 Speaker 1: and we have to really honor the information and what 389 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:44,840 Speaker 1: our intuition is telling us back to your good question 390 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:48,840 Speaker 1: seven pregnancy. So I've had five miscarriages. Two of them 391 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:54,520 Speaker 1: were significant miscarriages that hospitalized me. So it's very interesting. 392 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,359 Speaker 1: I've been able to have four home births, but two 393 00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:00,880 Speaker 1: of my miscarriages required the hospital and blood transfusions, and 394 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:04,119 Speaker 1: that is when the hospitals saved my life twice. And 395 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:08,280 Speaker 1: so I have gratitude for the place a hospital has 396 00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:11,639 Speaker 1: had in my life as well. Where did the miscarriages happen? 397 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:16,119 Speaker 1: So they happened at home and and after Gwendolen both 398 00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:18,880 Speaker 1: of them. So I had Olivia, and I had Joshua, 399 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,240 Speaker 1: then I had a miscarriage, then I had Annabelts and 400 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,840 Speaker 1: I had a miscarriage. Then I had Amelia, and then 401 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,840 Speaker 1: I had a miscarriage, then had Gwendolen. Then I had 402 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:30,520 Speaker 1: back to back miscarriages at seventeen and a half weeks 403 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:35,200 Speaker 1: each and both of those hospitalized me. Now we think 404 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:39,280 Speaker 1: we got down to the cause of it being a 405 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:42,720 Speaker 1: weekend cervix. James would be very quick to tell a 406 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:46,359 Speaker 1: doctor if they used the term incompetent service to stop 407 00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:50,800 Speaker 1: using language like that. Thank you, James, you are the best. 408 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:54,720 Speaker 1: So now some doctors are switching the term to weakend service. 409 00:22:54,760 --> 00:23:01,119 Speaker 1: So what can happen is if your baby is taking 410 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:04,600 Speaker 1: all the tests and measuring great in the pregnancy, looks great, 411 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 1: heartbeats great, everything's great. If all of your measurements in 412 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:12,280 Speaker 1: your body and the way things are look like everything 413 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,719 Speaker 1: is an alignment for a healthy birth. But you're having 414 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:21,720 Speaker 1: these pregnancy losses sometime between seventeen eighteen weeks and weeks 415 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:25,000 Speaker 1: is very rare, so you can't have two in a 416 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:28,640 Speaker 1: row and have them be you know these anomalies, right, 417 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:33,680 Speaker 1: I had this um paranatologist was like this, what probably 418 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:38,159 Speaker 1: happened is a spontaneous opening of the cervix from a 419 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:40,720 Speaker 1: week in cervix, and that can happen and you would 420 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,240 Speaker 1: never know because it closes back up. So what you 421 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:46,920 Speaker 1: do is for future pregnancies, you get a stitch. Very 422 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,440 Speaker 1: interesting because in medical school, I think I was told 423 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,920 Speaker 1: that they wait till you have maybe four or five 424 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:56,520 Speaker 1: of these situations. But some doctors will be like one 425 00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:00,480 Speaker 1: loss where everything looks like it's going great, and then 426 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,520 Speaker 1: this happens after one loss. Some of these doctors will 427 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,760 Speaker 1: just start putting in that stitch and have seen a 428 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,520 Speaker 1: lot of success around it, and actually I'm going to 429 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,439 Speaker 1: switch it from miscarriage to pregnancy loss. Thank you to 430 00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:15,320 Speaker 1: my husband as well, because you said a miscarriage says 431 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:19,880 Speaker 1: that a woman miscarried the baby. This is brilliant, yes, 432 00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:24,320 Speaker 1: or they call a miscarriage also spontaneous abortion. He said 433 00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:28,040 Speaker 1: it's a pregnancy loss, and I'm like, honey, thank you. 434 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:32,760 Speaker 1: I love the vocabulary shift, which is wildly important. So 435 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,879 Speaker 1: at seventeen and a half weeks both of these recent ones, 436 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:40,879 Speaker 1: did you wake up and did you know something was wrong? 437 00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:43,439 Speaker 1: Did you see blood? Like? How did you know the 438 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:47,879 Speaker 1: pregnancy was something was amiss? And when we say significant, 439 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:50,360 Speaker 1: I mean that the other ones you had were were 440 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:53,080 Speaker 1: before twelve weeks and they ended on them their own, 441 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:56,399 Speaker 1: like a very heavy period. Yeah, thank you for saying that, 442 00:24:56,480 --> 00:25:01,639 Speaker 1: because every miscarriage is significant to somebody. Right, significant to 443 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:05,600 Speaker 1: my health, I would like to add my physical health. 444 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,720 Speaker 1: So I was sitting watching a movie with my kids 445 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:12,840 Speaker 1: and jeans and I started feeling dilation and crampiness. And 446 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,480 Speaker 1: I said to my husband there's something going on here, 447 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:20,439 Speaker 1: and he's like, it's probably okay, you know, And so 448 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,240 Speaker 1: I said okay, And then I was like, no, there's 449 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:28,240 Speaker 1: something happening. I'm feeling like I'm dilating and I feel 450 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,640 Speaker 1: really crampy. Something's off. So went into meditation to check in, 451 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:35,600 Speaker 1: and the word fortitude kept coming in fortitude fortitude, and 452 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:38,840 Speaker 1: my husband, being the human dictionary city is, I said, 453 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:44,119 Speaker 1: what exactly is fortitude and he goes strength. I was like, oh, 454 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:47,280 Speaker 1: I'm good. So then it still fell off. So I 455 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,719 Speaker 1: went upstairs to my room and I looked at fortitude 456 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:54,639 Speaker 1: and strength during emergency situations, and I said, okay, I 457 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:58,040 Speaker 1: know what's happening here. Within two minutes, I was in 458 00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:03,960 Speaker 1: the shower birthing this baby, and you know, you know, 459 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,440 Speaker 1: of course it was I've had three where you see 460 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:12,000 Speaker 1: the fetus and it was devastating, just like absolute devastation. 461 00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:16,399 Speaker 1: And then I was told, intuitively, you're going to be 462 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:19,119 Speaker 1: in the hospital. I'm thinking, no, I've had miscarriages before 463 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,639 Speaker 1: I'm five. So then all of a sudden, you know, 464 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:25,119 Speaker 1: after like thirty minutes, I start churning white. I can't 465 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:28,360 Speaker 1: like keep my consciousness and I faint and I ended 466 00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:31,040 Speaker 1: up meeting to go to the hospital, and I guess 467 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,320 Speaker 1: I lost too much blood. So when you have later 468 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:38,359 Speaker 1: term miscarriages and it doesn't always become the fact, but 469 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:43,480 Speaker 1: sometimes it starts pulling things down when it's premature. And 470 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:46,119 Speaker 1: I did lose a lot of blood and so, and 471 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:49,199 Speaker 1: I just remember seeing Gwendolen in james Are arms and 472 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:52,160 Speaker 1: like look of terror is like I'm being whisked away. 473 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,040 Speaker 1: They put me into the chair to take me down 474 00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:59,040 Speaker 1: the stairs like the paramedics, and just fainted during that, 475 00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:02,560 Speaker 1: like just couldn't keep blood in my brain. I actually 476 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:05,879 Speaker 1: thought I was gonna die. And I kept asking my friend, 477 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,960 Speaker 1: like am I dying? What's going on? And then the 478 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:12,000 Speaker 1: doctor I hear, I'm saying, Okay, this isn't working. At 479 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,359 Speaker 1: this point. They have blood going into so many different 480 00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:16,639 Speaker 1: parts of my body. They didn't have enough blood warmer, 481 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,680 Speaker 1: so I have cold blood now going into my body. 482 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:24,440 Speaker 1: So my whole body is just shaking and uncontrollably cold, 483 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:27,280 Speaker 1: and there's no amount of like key packs that can 484 00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:29,840 Speaker 1: keep me warm when you have cold blood in your body. 485 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:33,680 Speaker 1: And it was just such an experience and I just this, 486 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,159 Speaker 1: this gets really spiritual. So I'm looking up at the 487 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,680 Speaker 1: hospital lights and I keep hearing this voice inside me, 488 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:42,120 Speaker 1: the same one that said fortitude was like surrender, surrender, surrender, 489 00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,680 Speaker 1: and I'm like, if you're asking me to die, I'm 490 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:46,920 Speaker 1: going to fight because I've read about these moments where 491 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:49,720 Speaker 1: people fight for their lives. I'm fighting for my life. 492 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:51,840 Speaker 1: I fought, and I fought, and I fought and I fought, 493 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,720 Speaker 1: and for two hours they couldn't stabilize me. And then 494 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:59,359 Speaker 1: after I just couldn't fight anymore. I was like, I 495 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:02,960 Speaker 1: just need to drift away. So I I did finally 496 00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:06,080 Speaker 1: the complete surrender, and all of a sudden, the machine 497 00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:11,359 Speaker 1: start be be be and I totally came back. In 498 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:15,400 Speaker 1: that moment of surrender where I let my body surrender 499 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:19,240 Speaker 1: and stop fighting, is the moment my vitals came back. 500 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:23,520 Speaker 1: Not a lesson and just like going along with with 501 00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:27,800 Speaker 1: what is in store to listen to the intuition. Really, 502 00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:31,400 Speaker 1: because I was being guided. It's like I knew something's off. 503 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,880 Speaker 1: Now I'm hearing fortitude. Now I'm in the shower. I'm thinking, 504 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,480 Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm being told I'm going to the hospital. 505 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,800 Speaker 1: Now I'm being told to surrender, you know, and to 506 00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:44,440 Speaker 1: stop fighting my intuition. So the next time that it happened, 507 00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:46,480 Speaker 1: at seventeen and a half weeks, I'm sitting in a 508 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:53,680 Speaker 1: rocking chair water breaks and I just run upstairs and 509 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:57,640 Speaker 1: all my kids daylight are there, and I tell James 510 00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:01,480 Speaker 1: my water broke and I run upstairs straight into the 511 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:04,920 Speaker 1: shower and I have a miscarriage. And this time, I'm like, 512 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:08,320 Speaker 1: call the ambulance, like you went into labor again, Like 513 00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:12,360 Speaker 1: and the baby comes out? Yeah, holy shit. Yeah, the 514 00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:17,040 Speaker 1: water came out. Body went into very quick labor um contractions, 515 00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:21,440 Speaker 1: but baby came and so, you know, the paramedics got me. 516 00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:24,080 Speaker 1: I it was kind of healing. The reason it was 517 00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,520 Speaker 1: healing wasn't from pregnancy loss that was devastating. I just 518 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:30,080 Speaker 1: couldn't stop crying, but from the fact that I felt 519 00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,720 Speaker 1: like I wasn't going to die this time. I felt 520 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,160 Speaker 1: like my body was going to be safe. But then 521 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:37,240 Speaker 1: I get to the hospital and I mean, I'm you know, 522 00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:41,280 Speaker 1: I'm questioning the guy about everything in the in the ambulance. 523 00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,800 Speaker 1: Nobody could go with me this time because it was COVID. 524 00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:49,440 Speaker 1: It was June four, the day before my daughter's second birthday, 525 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:54,200 Speaker 1: I know, and I'm like, I'm picking all everybody's brain 526 00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:57,640 Speaker 1: about COVID. I'm just asking all the questions. I'm like, 527 00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:02,760 Speaker 1: I want the real scoop here. Oh, I just I 528 00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:05,040 Speaker 1: was so devastated, but there was the part of me 529 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:07,960 Speaker 1: that was like, but at least I'm alive. And then 530 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,760 Speaker 1: I get to the hospital. In the moment I tried 531 00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:13,440 Speaker 1: to go to the bathroom, Damn, consciousness, gone, can't keep 532 00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:18,560 Speaker 1: consciousness turned into emergency needed blood. Like but this time 533 00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:20,720 Speaker 1: they thought like, oh, we're gonna wait till we can 534 00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:24,240 Speaker 1: like filter the blood. So they filter blood. When you 535 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:26,760 Speaker 1: get it, they go through the blood, they filter and 536 00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:29,600 Speaker 1: they bring you your blood type. Well, they were trying 537 00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:32,200 Speaker 1: to do that for me because it was really difficult 538 00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:35,400 Speaker 1: for me to integrate the blood the time before. This time, 539 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,640 Speaker 1: They're like, let's, you know, do this for her. And 540 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:40,160 Speaker 1: then I ended up needing the emergency bag. It's like no, 541 00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:42,400 Speaker 1: I I did like, I can't wait one more moment. 542 00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:45,000 Speaker 1: I just kept painting, so they gave it to me, 543 00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:48,000 Speaker 1: and then eventually by the third bag they were able 544 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,680 Speaker 1: to give me my blood type. Thank God for blood owners, 545 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:54,160 Speaker 1: thank God for universal blood owners, thank God for all 546 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:56,400 Speaker 1: of it. And you're alone all these times, like James 547 00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,080 Speaker 1: couldn't be there with you because of COVID, and the 548 00:30:58,120 --> 00:30:59,920 Speaker 1: first time James gonna be there with you because he's 549 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:03,760 Speaker 1: watching for five children. We were able to have somebody 550 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:07,080 Speaker 1: watched the kids. And then this time James met me 551 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:11,600 Speaker 1: at the hospital. He came into the room and at 552 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:14,120 Speaker 1: this point they were when they were going to take 553 00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:17,320 Speaker 1: me up to room after us feeling better, they said 554 00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:21,560 Speaker 1: that he could not join because of the regulations. And 555 00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:24,400 Speaker 1: I said, listen, like we have the same germs, first 556 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:27,680 Speaker 1: of all, and second of all, when people birth children, 557 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:30,920 Speaker 1: are their partners able to come? And they said yes, 558 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:33,200 Speaker 1: And I said, well, why don't you tell your manager 559 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:36,000 Speaker 1: that I birthed a child today and my husband is 560 00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:39,640 Speaker 1: coming with me. I am obsessed with you like you were. 561 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:43,920 Speaker 1: Just like I'm telling you. You don't get the instinct 562 00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:47,680 Speaker 1: and the boundaries and the standing up for yourself like 563 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:50,800 Speaker 1: you are a mother bear like another other. You have 564 00:31:50,920 --> 00:32:01,880 Speaker 1: to be your own advocate. Here's the sad thing about 565 00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:07,120 Speaker 1: those two um last letter miscarriages was they were both boys, 566 00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:13,320 Speaker 1: and Joshua was so elated to have a brother. So 567 00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:17,480 Speaker 1: that was pretty devastating for him, as much as he 568 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:20,480 Speaker 1: loves his sisters, you know, there was just so much 569 00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:23,959 Speaker 1: excitement about a little boy having a little boy around. 570 00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:28,600 Speaker 1: But Joshua is the best possible brother that you could 571 00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:32,120 Speaker 1: have two sisters. He's just so kind and gentle and sensitive, 572 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:37,160 Speaker 1: and they certainly keep him on his toes. How did 573 00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:40,080 Speaker 1: they take the pregnancy. I mean, obviously they must have 574 00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:44,000 Speaker 1: been very scared for your health and your safety. But 575 00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:49,320 Speaker 1: I take it you're very honest and clear with what happened, 576 00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:52,959 Speaker 1: and that is definitely the route that we chose. I 577 00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,520 Speaker 1: think that, you know sometimes that we try to protect 578 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:59,920 Speaker 1: our children from information, and energetically they can feel the 579 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:02,240 Speaker 1: something's off and so if we can just put it 580 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:04,640 Speaker 1: out in the open and allow everybody to process it, 581 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,120 Speaker 1: that's beautiful. Now, the amount of detail you go into 582 00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:11,680 Speaker 1: differs with emotional intelligence and maturity and age, right, so 583 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:15,200 Speaker 1: things become a little more vague, but honest, big, But 584 00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:17,880 Speaker 1: we told them all, we all cried about it, we 585 00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:21,600 Speaker 1: all processed it. Um. You know, we still talk about it. 586 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:26,400 Speaker 1: My kids will say I miss Grammy m or I'm 587 00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:29,200 Speaker 1: thinking about the mischaracter, I'm thinking about the little brother, 588 00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:32,000 Speaker 1: you know, like they they'll bring it up when they're 589 00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:35,800 Speaker 1: feeling it because there's an invitation there to express and 590 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:39,280 Speaker 1: to go through. Well, sometimes when something big happens, we'll 591 00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:41,760 Speaker 1: have a family circle, which is where we all send 592 00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:45,120 Speaker 1: a circle. We lighted a candle with an intention to 593 00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:48,240 Speaker 1: process whatever emotions we're feeling and talk about them. And 594 00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,920 Speaker 1: we'll just sit in a circle and we'll all, you know, 595 00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:54,640 Speaker 1: share how we're feeling. And sometimes a child won't want to. 596 00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:58,960 Speaker 1: In the nature versus nurture question, I feel so much 597 00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:02,760 Speaker 1: just like wow, like my children are really my children, 598 00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:04,800 Speaker 1: and how I met them is who they are. And 599 00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:07,320 Speaker 1: even though I can like I'm one for like, we 600 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:11,800 Speaker 1: don't mold them, We unfold them, you know what I mean? Yeah, Yeah, 601 00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:15,440 Speaker 1: you can raise them all the same more similarly, and 602 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:18,680 Speaker 1: you'll start noticing that maybe they actually require different things 603 00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:21,360 Speaker 1: from you because they come in is their own person, 604 00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:24,520 Speaker 1: with their own soul and their own way of being. 605 00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,080 Speaker 1: I think the nature and the nurture both have components 606 00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:30,319 Speaker 1: that feed into the whole thing. But I think they're 607 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:34,080 Speaker 1: energetic fields drawn exactly their experiences that they're getting as 608 00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:38,279 Speaker 1: well as ours. Do I completely agree with that. I 609 00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:40,719 Speaker 1: completely agree that. Do you think there's a lot to 610 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:44,359 Speaker 1: birth order? You know, it's hard to say whether they're 611 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:48,560 Speaker 1: energetic field asked to be first because they had that 612 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:52,680 Speaker 1: kind of energy, or if it's a result of the nurturing. 613 00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:55,960 Speaker 1: I mean it's probably also both, right, James and I 614 00:34:56,000 --> 00:35:00,440 Speaker 1: are both firstborns, and there are definitely traits that will live. Yes, 615 00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:04,440 Speaker 1: that our firstborn trades. You know, Now do you do 616 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:07,640 Speaker 1: you make time to solo play with each of them? 617 00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:11,919 Speaker 1: I can't even imagine how one does that. Yeah, that's 618 00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:14,280 Speaker 1: the big thing. I had a lot of concerns Actually 619 00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:18,359 Speaker 1: each pregnancy, I'm thinking, oh, now I have less one 620 00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:21,319 Speaker 1: on one time for my children, and I think at 621 00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:24,040 Speaker 1: that point you have to realize, like one on one 622 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:27,200 Speaker 1: time is really important for a child, so they get 623 00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,520 Speaker 1: it when they snuggle at night. I go and James 624 00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:32,279 Speaker 1: and I each have a song and a snuggle that 625 00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:34,400 Speaker 1: we do with each child where we open up a 626 00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:36,839 Speaker 1: little bit of discussion, you know, we try to take 627 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:40,440 Speaker 1: them on their own little date days occasionally. James actually 628 00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:43,759 Speaker 1: does that more frequently than I do. But you have 629 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:49,360 Speaker 1: to realize you can't be everybody's everything. That sometimes the 630 00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:53,439 Speaker 1: village comes in. Sometimes the siblings come in to help 631 00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:58,239 Speaker 1: heal and nurture and listen and ask questions. And you know, 632 00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:00,719 Speaker 1: when you feel like something needs to be brought to 633 00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:03,160 Speaker 1: the surface, that's when a family circle or a gathering 634 00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:05,200 Speaker 1: can happen, but you can also tell like this child 635 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:08,040 Speaker 1: is needing a little something extra right now, I have 636 00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:11,360 Speaker 1: one child that we do a lot of sunset walks together, 637 00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:14,480 Speaker 1: so that's kind of our thing, Olivia. She says, like, 638 00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:18,080 Speaker 1: I want more one on one time with you, and so, okay, 639 00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,640 Speaker 1: what do you wanted to do? Like, you know, give 640 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,360 Speaker 1: a few options. We talk and so we take sunset 641 00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:26,800 Speaker 1: walks together very frequently, and it can be really short. 642 00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:29,400 Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be a whole day, or it 643 00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:32,400 Speaker 1: doesn't have to be even like a whole morning or 644 00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:34,759 Speaker 1: an hour. What you're saying is actually, I think one 645 00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:38,319 Speaker 1: of the most important parenting tips anybody can give. There 646 00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:41,239 Speaker 1: was a teacher ones that told me that it really 647 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:44,000 Speaker 1: can just be walking around the block once to pick 648 00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:46,040 Speaker 1: a flower. But if they know that they have that 649 00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:50,680 Speaker 1: time with you, then there's a conversation that can happen. 650 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:55,440 Speaker 1: So that's why typically it happens bedtime for us, and 651 00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:58,040 Speaker 1: then whoever I'm into it and need it, I would 652 00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:00,600 Speaker 1: actually that's one thing I would love to make or rhythmic. 653 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:05,080 Speaker 1: That hasn't happened as much since our move to Texas, 654 00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:07,680 Speaker 1: but you know, as they need it, they all do 655 00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:09,759 Speaker 1: get one on one time with both of us. It's 656 00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:12,319 Speaker 1: just not as much when you have five. They also 657 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,320 Speaker 1: have each other, which is like, so I'm sure during 658 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:19,360 Speaker 1: COVID was that just so great? Like I wanted to 659 00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:21,160 Speaker 1: blow my brains out, Like I was alone with a 660 00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:22,719 Speaker 1: three and a half year old and I was the 661 00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:24,520 Speaker 1: only option of someone to play with, and I was like, 662 00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:29,239 Speaker 1: this is helen. I know. I Actually I've had a 663 00:37:29,239 --> 00:37:32,360 Speaker 1: lot of conversations with mothers about how when you have 664 00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:35,839 Speaker 1: multiple children during a time like that, it's actually a 665 00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:41,520 Speaker 1: lot easier because they really do play together. They played catch, 666 00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:45,120 Speaker 1: they draw together, they talked together, they danced together, they 667 00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:48,960 Speaker 1: make up choreography together. There's all kinds of things. So 668 00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:53,920 Speaker 1: during um this interesting period of time in the world, Yeah, 669 00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:56,720 Speaker 1: they really needed their teammates and it was quite helpful. 670 00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:59,680 Speaker 1: Like do you guys have dinner together most nights? Yeah. 671 00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,400 Speaker 1: Since we moved to Texas in l A. It was 672 00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:04,839 Speaker 1: I don't feel like culture was set up for that. 673 00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:08,279 Speaker 1: There was always work that was going late for somebody, 674 00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:11,040 Speaker 1: or there was something happening, or there was an event 675 00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:13,320 Speaker 1: that there was, you know, something that pulled one of 676 00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:17,400 Speaker 1: us away. Often. But when we moved to Texas, dinner 677 00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:21,960 Speaker 1: happens every night together. Wow, I'm very jealous of that. Okay, 678 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:26,240 Speaker 1: what's the TV media rule in the house? So this 679 00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:29,479 Speaker 1: is so interesting you're saying this because I was having 680 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:32,640 Speaker 1: a feeling about that this morning. Um, we used to 681 00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:35,919 Speaker 1: do movie nights on Fridays, no other TV. And when 682 00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,960 Speaker 1: we moved to Texas and moved to without help, we started, 683 00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:43,040 Speaker 1: you know, having to pack and unpack and and organize 684 00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:44,759 Speaker 1: and do all these things, and I put the TV 685 00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:47,640 Speaker 1: on more than I wanted to. You can actually really 686 00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:50,360 Speaker 1: tell at a difference in the way your child behaves 687 00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:52,960 Speaker 1: when they have the TV on. They seem to be 688 00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:56,400 Speaker 1: more anxious, they seem to get agitated more quickly. They 689 00:38:56,120 --> 00:38:59,920 Speaker 1: seemed to get like frenetic. We do have TV sometimes, 690 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:04,920 Speaker 1: but my big thing is is you go from something 691 00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:11,120 Speaker 1: calming to physical. So then you know, I'll tell the kids, Okay, 692 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:14,399 Speaker 1: when this show is over, we're going to turn off 693 00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:17,880 Speaker 1: the TV and we're going to do some art, or 694 00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:21,200 Speaker 1: we're going to go play, or we're going to go 695 00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,520 Speaker 1: do whatever. Or you guys can just play and figure 696 00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:25,040 Speaker 1: out what it is that you want to play. Get 697 00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:27,800 Speaker 1: creative so that they know and they can start to prepare, 698 00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:31,239 Speaker 1: their brain will be done. Wow, but you used to 699 00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:35,000 Speaker 1: be only movie night on Friday nights. That's impressive. Well, 700 00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:37,440 Speaker 1: we've gone through so many phases. Let me let me, 701 00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,760 Speaker 1: let me just be clear. When Olivia was a baby, 702 00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:44,600 Speaker 1: she was up through the night screaming for three hours. 703 00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:46,560 Speaker 1: And it's so funny because my skills that I have now, 704 00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:49,840 Speaker 1: I feel like I could have figured out how to 705 00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:52,640 Speaker 1: help her through that. I had no freaking clue at 706 00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:56,000 Speaker 1: the time, and so James and I were exhausted, we 707 00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:58,640 Speaker 1: were not sleeping, and you're also healing from birth. I 708 00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:00,960 Speaker 1: would stick her in a swing in front of the 709 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:04,000 Speaker 1: TV so I could sleep. So, yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, 710 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,840 Speaker 1: because she's ten years old. So you've gone through ebbs 711 00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:11,320 Speaker 1: and flows of television or meals together or not meals together, 712 00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:14,640 Speaker 1: like whatever. Sure, yeah, and then you fast forward to 713 00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:17,359 Speaker 1: like Annabelle and Amelia, Well they didn't even watch TV 714 00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:19,600 Speaker 1: for the first year or two of their life. You know, 715 00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:21,960 Speaker 1: they had no interest because they're like, what's that thing 716 00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:24,439 Speaker 1: that's boring? It's like, I'm not playing with that thing. 717 00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:27,800 Speaker 1: But I think, listen, whatever you do, if you're starting 718 00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:31,680 Speaker 1: to have this feeling where something's becoming too much, or 719 00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:35,080 Speaker 1: you're noticing fits with your children, or something's going on. 720 00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:39,560 Speaker 1: There's a solution, and so you've got to start unraveling 721 00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:43,239 Speaker 1: what you're like, what's coming through around it. So if 722 00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,440 Speaker 1: you're feeling like the kids are watching too much TV, 723 00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:50,239 Speaker 1: some really successful ways that I've like transitioned my kids 724 00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:52,719 Speaker 1: out of that are having an art table, for example. 725 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:54,600 Speaker 1: So you set up a table with a ton of 726 00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:58,680 Speaker 1: art supplies or plato or something fun, and you get 727 00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:01,120 Speaker 1: them to start maneuvering to that. But it's also about 728 00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:04,400 Speaker 1: having a conversation. Like the TV can sometimes make it 729 00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:07,279 Speaker 1: our brains go ah, so I'm gonna We're gonna try 730 00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:10,560 Speaker 1: churning it off. This is not a punishment. This is 731 00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:13,839 Speaker 1: an adventure to explore different parts of who we are 732 00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:18,359 Speaker 1: and our creativity. And once they start to adapt to that, 733 00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:22,200 Speaker 1: you find that they can really definitely have that independent, 734 00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:25,920 Speaker 1: meditative time doing something different, and the art can be 735 00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:29,280 Speaker 1: the babysitter while you get something done. You and James, 736 00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:31,560 Speaker 1: do you feel like you guys are a real like 737 00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:34,319 Speaker 1: fifty fifty split. I get the sense that you are, 738 00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:39,600 Speaker 1: like you guys really split up childcare duties. James is 739 00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:45,320 Speaker 1: super hands on. He is such an incredible dad. Last week, 740 00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:50,080 Speaker 1: Joshua was not feeling doing anything educational and he wanted 741 00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:53,000 Speaker 1: time with James, so he found a lake somewhere and 742 00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:55,759 Speaker 1: spent some time with him and had some good bonding 743 00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:58,960 Speaker 1: and um, you know, we think that that's more important. 744 00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:02,440 Speaker 1: Sometimes it's really you know, to be called in. He 745 00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,239 Speaker 1: has songs that he sings to each one of them 746 00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:08,680 Speaker 1: every night, and they sing it with him, and everybody 747 00:42:08,719 --> 00:42:10,760 Speaker 1: wants to make sure they have their snuggle with daddy. 748 00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:13,239 Speaker 1: He does most the cooking in the house. I love 749 00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:15,560 Speaker 1: cooking and if people have been following me long enough 750 00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:18,719 Speaker 1: on Instagram, they would see all the dishes I used 751 00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:21,839 Speaker 1: to make. But James really does most the cooking and 752 00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:24,600 Speaker 1: he loves cooking on a fire, so it's phenomenal. And 753 00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:26,719 Speaker 1: he'll have a kid out there usually hanging out with 754 00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:30,640 Speaker 1: him while he's making something on the fire. He is 755 00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:35,279 Speaker 1: the best. Do you think there are more children in 756 00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:40,600 Speaker 1: your future? That's a great question, and um, I think 757 00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:44,239 Speaker 1: we're definitely open. You know, there's obviously a lot of 758 00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:51,000 Speaker 1: fear that um I'm processing and moving through. So yeah, 759 00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:54,600 Speaker 1: I have. By the way, some helpful tips on anxiety, 760 00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:59,359 Speaker 1: do you want to tell us? Tell us anxiety is 761 00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:07,680 Speaker 1: basically suppressed emotions and feelings and knowings. So one way 762 00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:11,920 Speaker 1: to help is to put your hand on your solar plexus, 763 00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:15,799 Speaker 1: which is where we hold our soul energy, and to 764 00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:19,280 Speaker 1: just sit with it, take deep breaths through it, almost 765 00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:23,200 Speaker 1: in a meditative state, allow whatever needs to surface to surface. 766 00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:26,600 Speaker 1: So if it's like needing to cry, or to express 767 00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:30,360 Speaker 1: a feeling or a thought, or I need to journal, 768 00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:34,279 Speaker 1: or even just talk and rattle off, like you have 769 00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:36,279 Speaker 1: no idea what's going to come out of your mouth, 770 00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:38,880 Speaker 1: but you're just going to start spitting a flow and 771 00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:44,160 Speaker 1: eventually the gibberish will turn into an unearthing what's been 772 00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:48,000 Speaker 1: locked up in there, because it's our body, like really 773 00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:51,880 Speaker 1: knocking at our door wanting to process something. Have you 774 00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:55,879 Speaker 1: always been someone so connected to your body? No, definitely not. 775 00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:58,479 Speaker 1: Do you think birth is a huge part of something 776 00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:01,640 Speaker 1: that got you connected into as you are now? It's 777 00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:05,800 Speaker 1: definitely helped me and actually I am definitely on a 778 00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:09,600 Speaker 1: journey of really allowing my spirit to embody my body 779 00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:12,760 Speaker 1: even more fully because I have a lot of wisdom 780 00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:18,000 Speaker 1: around it, and sometimes I am not following that wisdom myself. 781 00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:20,280 Speaker 1: I've had a lot of beautiful people in my life 782 00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:22,480 Speaker 1: that have really helped guide me and just my own 783 00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:26,040 Speaker 1: intuitive knowing. I cannot thank you enough. We're going to 784 00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:29,480 Speaker 1: have to have you on again because I just there's 785 00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:33,239 Speaker 1: very few women in my life who have had as 786 00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:36,520 Speaker 1: many children as you and as many pregnancies and labors 787 00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:39,520 Speaker 1: and experience that you have, And I just think it's 788 00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:45,520 Speaker 1: so valuable because you're so connected and you're this wonderful 789 00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:48,640 Speaker 1: mix of what I think is such a sweet spot 790 00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:51,319 Speaker 1: and that I take in this podcast is you're so 791 00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:55,640 Speaker 1: researched and knowledgeable, but you're also so good at throwing 792 00:44:55,719 --> 00:44:58,520 Speaker 1: whatever away there needs to be thrown away to really 793 00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:01,200 Speaker 1: trust your gut and you're in stinct and that you 794 00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:04,279 Speaker 1: know what you need and you know what your kids need, 795 00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:08,040 Speaker 1: mixed with like you know your ship too, you know 796 00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:11,080 Speaker 1: what I mean. So I just think it's really impressive 797 00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:15,759 Speaker 1: and you're you're raising beautiful humans to be put into 798 00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:19,279 Speaker 1: the world. Oh, thank you, and thank you for being 799 00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:23,000 Speaker 1: on Katie's crist Thanks for having me. It was really fun. 800 00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:25,840 Speaker 1: It was nice to step away for a minute and 801 00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:38,360 Speaker 1: have an adult conversation with somebody you guys, thank you 802 00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,960 Speaker 1: so much for listening to this episode. It means so 803 00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:43,319 Speaker 1: much to me. What do you guys want to talk 804 00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:46,360 Speaker 1: about upcoming? Huh? What do you guys want? What should 805 00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:47,960 Speaker 1: we talk about? Who should we have on? You know? 806 00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:50,239 Speaker 1: You can always reach me via email at Katie's Crib 807 00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:55,880 Speaker 1: at Shonda land dot com. Katie's Crib is a production 808 00:45:55,880 --> 00:45:58,560 Speaker 1: of Shonda Land Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio. 809 00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:01,399 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from an audio visit the I Heart 810 00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:04,040 Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your 811 00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:22,400 Speaker 1: favorite shows. You never know until you try. Catil Men 812 00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:24,239 Speaker 1: need to Ride th