1
00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:18,280
Speaker 1: Rible advice till Welcome to our weekend special edition of

2
00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:22,760
Speaker 1: our podcast. Monday through Friday, we do all the celebrity news,

3
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:25,680
Speaker 1: all the celebrity gossip, and we love doing it. But

4
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:29,160
Speaker 1: on the weekends we do a very very special podcast.

5
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:33,519
Speaker 1: As well as being one of the top top entertainment

6
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:37,519
Speaker 1: reporters in the world, I'm also a best selling author.

7
00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:40,879
Speaker 1: It's under the category of self help. Now. I like

8
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:44,280
Speaker 1: to think of this stuff as more essential than help.

9
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:48,040
Speaker 1: Help is helping somebody to cross the road, or maybe

10
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:51,120
Speaker 1: taking them out for a drink, helping them with something

11
00:00:51,159 --> 00:00:53,199
Speaker 1: they need in their life. This is a little bit

12
00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:57,160
Speaker 1: more important than that. These are some life lessons, some

13
00:00:57,240 --> 00:01:01,600
Speaker 1: really important tools, some revelations that have certainly made my

14
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,960
Speaker 1: life better and I hope they will do the same

15
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:11,160
Speaker 1: for you. Let's jump into today's shower. Today's show is

16
00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:16,040
Speaker 1: called do This when people can't be kind to you.

17
00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:20,360
Speaker 1: So we all deserve to have a squad that cheers

18
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:25,480
Speaker 1: us on, a team of supporters that celebrates and encourages

19
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:30,560
Speaker 1: our success. And the only way to get a squad

20
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:34,440
Speaker 1: like that that we do deserve is to build it.

21
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:37,640
Speaker 1: Let me say that again, the only way to get

22
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:42,320
Speaker 1: such a squad is to build it. Start surrounding yourself

23
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:47,200
Speaker 1: with people who are kind and have your best interests

24
00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:52,160
Speaker 1: at heart. And this starts with one really important person,

25
00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:58,320
Speaker 1: the foundation of the squad. It starts with you. You

26
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:02,800
Speaker 1: are the corners own of success. You are the cornerstone

27
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:08,240
Speaker 1: of any squad that you build, So recruit yourself first

28
00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:12,120
Speaker 1: before you're out there looking for other people to join

29
00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:16,560
Speaker 1: your squad to be friends with. Become friends with yourself first,

30
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:21,680
Speaker 1: and get into the habit of cheering yourself as well

31
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:27,440
Speaker 1: as cheering your friends, because the only reason people cannot

32
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:32,120
Speaker 1: be happy for others is because they can't be happy

33
00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:37,079
Speaker 1: for themselves. When you are kind to yourself, you will

34
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:41,400
Speaker 1: always be the very first person to jump up to

35
00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:46,280
Speaker 1: your feet and cheer yourself on and others on tour.

36
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:51,200
Speaker 1: The way you react to other people's news actually says

37
00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:58,120
Speaker 1: more about you than anybody else. That's really important to remember.

38
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:03,200
Speaker 1: The way you react to other people's news tells me

39
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:09,720
Speaker 1: more about you than anybody else's achievements. Remember that the

40
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:14,760
Speaker 1: next time someone doesn't give you the response that you want,

41
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:19,800
Speaker 1: it's their problem, not yours. So we fall into this trap,

42
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,840
Speaker 1: don't we. We want our friends to jump up and

43
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:27,160
Speaker 1: scream and be happy for us. When they don't, It's

44
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:32,200
Speaker 1: not our problem, it's theirs. So remember, the next time

45
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:37,200
Speaker 1: you don't get the response that you wanted, it's their problem.

46
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:43,000
Speaker 1: Here is the amazing thing about the way people react

47
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:48,960
Speaker 1: to you. It doesn't matter. That's the amazing thing. It

48
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:56,360
Speaker 1: does not matter. Tune out, Tune out everyone trying to

49
00:03:56,600 --> 00:04:02,280
Speaker 1: discourage you, because you don't need anyone's permission to go

50
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:07,720
Speaker 1: after your goals. Show everyone, including yourself, who you are

51
00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:12,760
Speaker 1: by your actions. Be the first person who's happy for

52
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:17,320
Speaker 1: other people's success, and surround yourself with folks who are

53
00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:22,440
Speaker 1: just as excited for your success, because trying to win

54
00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:26,360
Speaker 1: the support from people who can't be excited for you

55
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:30,480
Speaker 1: is a losing game, a game that you can only

56
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:34,719
Speaker 1: win when you stop playing. Let me ask you a question.

57
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:39,479
Speaker 1: Has your day ever been ruined by the actions of

58
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:43,599
Speaker 1: another person? I know mine have. I remember quite recently

59
00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,800
Speaker 1: getting a nasty d M from somebody after watching me

60
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,680
Speaker 1: on the Today Show. On the Morning Show I think

61
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:52,120
Speaker 1: it was the Today Show. They were upset that somebody

62
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:56,400
Speaker 1: with a right arm that quote just hung there was

63
00:04:56,440 --> 00:05:00,839
Speaker 1: allowed to be on morning TV. They were arked that

64
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:05,520
Speaker 1: somebody with such a noticeable disability as I was a

65
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:10,280
Speaker 1: regular on America's number one morning show, and it hurt.

66
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:13,520
Speaker 1: I've got to be honest, it really did hurt. The

67
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:18,000
Speaker 1: old me would have spiraled down a deep, dark, deep

68
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:23,159
Speaker 1: dark tunnel, ignoring the success that I had been asked

69
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:27,320
Speaker 1: to sit down next to holder. Who else gets to

70
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:30,680
Speaker 1: do that. Of all the millions of people in America,

71
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,400
Speaker 1: I'm one of the people who's asked to go on

72
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:37,320
Speaker 1: the morning shows. They value my expertise enough to go

73
00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:41,919
Speaker 1: on their show. So instead of focusing on that one

74
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:47,680
Speaker 1: negative comment, I started to focus on the good stuff.

75
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,520
Speaker 1: I was no longer going to lead a stranger. A

76
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:55,880
Speaker 1: total stranger ruined my day, maybe my week, possibly my year,

77
00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:00,320
Speaker 1: but not anymore now. I removed the people from my

78
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:05,080
Speaker 1: life who don't bring me kindness and happiness. Get those

79
00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:08,920
Speaker 1: negative people, those negative noises out of your head, and

80
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:13,520
Speaker 1: stop giving them access to your time and attention because

81
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:17,560
Speaker 1: they don't deserve it. Think of your thoughts and your

82
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:23,080
Speaker 1: feelings as two very precious possessions that need to be

83
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:29,080
Speaker 1: fiercely protected without any apology. Learn to be brutal when

84
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:33,600
Speaker 1: it comes to your happiness, including your happiness on social

85
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:39,160
Speaker 1: media and online. I call this my attention diet. I

86
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,520
Speaker 1: write down the names of every person who has entered

87
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,920
Speaker 1: my head, my life on any given day. Do it

88
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,040
Speaker 1: one day a week, Just write down all the people

89
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:51,320
Speaker 1: that you come into contact with. And it's quite similar

90
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:55,400
Speaker 1: actually to the traditional way of diet ng, where you

91
00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:58,599
Speaker 1: keep track of everything that enters your mouth, when instead

92
00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:02,080
Speaker 1: of your mouth, it's anyone that enters your head. Take

93
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,800
Speaker 1: a look at the list and perform a little audit,

94
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:10,400
Speaker 1: the attention audit, where you increase the portion size of

95
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:13,280
Speaker 1: everyone who brings you happiness and joy, and you cut

96
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:17,440
Speaker 1: out all the bad apples that leave a nasty taste

97
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:23,720
Speaker 1: in your mouth, especially those people who are constantly saying sorry.

98
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:28,080
Speaker 1: You know who they are, the people who keep apologizing

99
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:33,880
Speaker 1: and then doing the same thing over and over again

100
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:38,320
Speaker 1: because they're not really sorry. What they're actually doing is

101
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:42,240
Speaker 1: trying to make themselves feel better, and nobody has any

102
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:48,120
Speaker 1: time for that moving forward. A change in behavior is

103
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:53,440
Speaker 1: the only apology that we are going to accept. And

104
00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:57,760
Speaker 1: if they won't change, then you have to. If they

105
00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:03,320
Speaker 1: can't be kind, they have to go. But what can

106
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:07,520
Speaker 1: you do with the people that you can't walk away

107
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:11,760
Speaker 1: from run away from escape. What are you to do

108
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,880
Speaker 1: with those people? The mean boss that you can't escape

109
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,960
Speaker 1: right now because you need the money, or the family

110
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:22,160
Speaker 1: member who just cannot be happy for you, but you

111
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:26,720
Speaker 1: still care about them. You know who I'm talking about.

112
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,720
Speaker 1: When you can't unfriend them, when you can't cut them

113
00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:36,679
Speaker 1: out of your life, the only answer is empathy. Instead

114
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:43,199
Speaker 1: of getting hurt, get empathetic. When they can't show kindness,

115
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:47,839
Speaker 1: you must. This does not excuse what they're doing for

116
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:52,760
Speaker 1: one single second, but it does explain it. So the

117
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:57,559
Speaker 1: next time a parent disapproves or a boss doesn't understand,

118
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:02,720
Speaker 1: stop and think about their lives. And I guarantee you

119
00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:08,040
Speaker 1: the crueler they are, the more pain they are in.

120
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:15,000
Speaker 1: Never ever forget that the opposite of anger is empathy.

121
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:21,080
Speaker 1: The only reason people attack is because they are in pain.

122
00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:26,640
Speaker 1: They can't show you kindness because they can't show it

123
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:31,920
Speaker 1: to themselves. Once again, what do you do when people

124
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:36,920
Speaker 1: can't be kind to you? You leave? You have to

125
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:40,560
Speaker 1: get rid of them. What do you do if people

126
00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:43,640
Speaker 1: that are not kind to you you cannot get away from?

127
00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:46,800
Speaker 1: What about if it's a boss or a family member

128
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:50,360
Speaker 1: at least in the short term empathy is going to

129
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:55,360
Speaker 1: be your secret weapon. So the next time somebody is

130
00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:59,400
Speaker 1: cruel to you, it's going to happen. It's life. Remember that,

131
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:03,280
Speaker 1: that cruel comment, that cruel action, it's not about you.

132
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,640
Speaker 1: It really helps when you remember that it's not about you.

133
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:12,200
Speaker 1: It's about them trying to tear you down to build

134
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:16,920
Speaker 1: themselves up. Don't be one of those people. Be one

135
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:20,440
Speaker 1: of the people that jump up and cheer for your friends,

136
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:29,720
Speaker 1: and most importantly, learn to cheer for yourselves. It's not

137
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,439
Speaker 1: even nice with ra