WEBVTT - Jana and Gen Z 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:06.920 Wine Down with Jane Kramer and I heard radio podcast. Okay, 0:00:06.960 --> 0:00:11.560 I am so excited for this week's podcast because I 0:00:11.640 --> 0:00:16.599 have got my adorable niece and nephew on. Uh, let's 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:21.880 start with Dylan. Who's in my middle. Dylan, tell everyone 0:00:21.960 --> 0:00:27.840 your age? Who you are? Yeah, I'm Dylan Kramer. I'm fourteen. Uh, 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:34.480 that's about it. And now there's Ava, my beautiful niece. Hi, 0:00:35.159 --> 0:00:41.520 I'm fifteen, and yeah, that's here. For the longest time, guys, 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:43.440 I swear I'm still like yeah, I even Ni's nephew 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:49.000 like seven and eight. And then finally my Katherine was like, uh, 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:51.640 they're like thirteen in for I'm like now, I'm like okay, 0:00:51.720 --> 0:00:55.080 now now I know they're fourtune and fifteen. Um. So 0:00:55.280 --> 0:00:57.760 I wanted to have Ava and Dylan on because we 0:00:57.760 --> 0:00:59.880 were having a conversation. Well, first off, this is the 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:05.480 first solo trip right that they ever took. Um, I've 0:01:05.520 --> 0:01:07.160 been trying to get them to, you know, come down 0:01:07.160 --> 0:01:10.720 and visit me, and so we finally talked about it 0:01:10.800 --> 0:01:14.160 and I was able to fly them to Nashville. And 0:01:14.319 --> 0:01:19.399 when we were talking, um, Dylan, it was actually you 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:21.520 and I. We were having a conversation and I was 0:01:21.560 --> 0:01:24.760 just like, God, I'm like so many people, especially not 0:01:24.880 --> 0:01:29.640 only parents, but like kids or adolescents. Set Um. I know, 0:01:29.720 --> 0:01:31.680 there's not like a ton of kids that listen to 0:01:31.680 --> 0:01:34.880 this podcast, which is a good thing, but like you know, 0:01:35.040 --> 0:01:37.080 just even the things that you were saying that was 0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:40.520 so helpful for me as a mom and um So 0:01:40.560 --> 0:01:42.200 I was just like, would you want to be on 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:46.479 the podcast? And then you said yes. I was really 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:49.920 excited because I was like because I saw when I 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:51.280 was coming, when I came in here to put on 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:53.640 my stuff down, I saw like the little like this 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:55.520 whole area of the whole setup right here, and I'm like, 0:01:55.520 --> 0:02:02.120 this is really cool. So, um so, what why would 0:02:02.200 --> 0:02:06.480 you want or like what part of um coming on 0:02:06.520 --> 0:02:09.679 the podcast? Like why why did you want to do that? 0:02:09.919 --> 0:02:12.360 I feel like there's like just things that have like 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:14.760 the things we talked about should just like more people 0:02:14.760 --> 0:02:19.919 should have to hear it because they're just important topics. Yeah, 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:22.320 which and Ava what about you baby? I mean I 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:24.360 feel like there's like a lot of topics that kids 0:02:24.400 --> 0:02:27.120 go through, so like and like sometimes it's hard to 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:29.760 tell your parents, but there's like ways that you're acting 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:33.000 that kind of shows signs of like going through something hard. 0:02:33.120 --> 0:02:35.480 So maybe it's like for parents who like listen to this, 0:02:35.560 --> 0:02:38.440 they can like us from like what I'm saying to 0:02:38.520 --> 0:02:41.440 see like find in their kids and like see what 0:02:41.480 --> 0:02:43.480 their kids are going through. So let's start with that. 0:02:43.600 --> 0:02:47.600 What is something that you for a parent that the 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:50.760 kids acting a certain way? Like what does that look like? Um? 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:52.600 I mean for me, like when I'm normally sad or 0:02:52.639 --> 0:02:55.600 like going through something, I normally tend to not leave 0:02:55.639 --> 0:02:57.960 my room and I'll tend to just like sit in 0:02:58.000 --> 0:02:59.680 my room all day and like my go to thing 0:02:59.760 --> 0:03:01.400 is like I'm tired, like I don't want to do anything, 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:03.640 like when I want to do something, but I'm just 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:07.320 like not like just not happy, sad. I'll just sit 0:03:07.320 --> 0:03:09.080 in my bed all day and not leave my room 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:11.640 and not want to talk to anybody. Does it bother 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:16.280 you when your parents? Like what what helps that your 0:03:16.280 --> 0:03:20.360 parents do? And what is something that is like it 0:03:20.400 --> 0:03:23.360 would be better? And by the way, so this is 0:03:23.480 --> 0:03:26.280 my niece and nephew. This is from my brother m 0:03:26.360 --> 0:03:30.760 my older brothers kids. Um and uh, they got divorced 0:03:30.800 --> 0:03:33.800 real early on, like when we were like babies like 0:03:33.880 --> 0:03:38.080 one one and too. Yeah, um, so go ahead. Um. 0:03:38.120 --> 0:03:41.360 I think maybe like when you're in your room or 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:43.440 like when you're sad, like the parents just like give 0:03:43.480 --> 0:03:46.040 you space and just like respect your space that you're 0:03:46.080 --> 0:03:48.880 like sad and just want to be left alone, but 0:03:48.920 --> 0:03:52.000 then also like checking in but not like all the time, 0:03:52.080 --> 0:03:54.880 just like every couple hours, just making sure they're okay, 0:03:55.000 --> 0:03:56.680 or like trying to like talk to them and not 0:03:56.760 --> 0:04:00.200 just completely leave them alone, but not like bother them 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:03.440 every ten minutes. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like that would 0:04:03.440 --> 0:04:05.160 be like such a balance for me because I'm always 0:04:05.160 --> 0:04:08.280 like what's wrong, like and it's like to know do 0:04:08.320 --> 0:04:09.960 you do you say like, hey, I just need some 0:04:10.000 --> 0:04:12.440 space right now. Yeah. Normally when to my mom, like 0:04:12.480 --> 0:04:13.920 when i'm sad, I'm just like I don't want to 0:04:13.920 --> 0:04:15.480 talk to anybody right now, Like I just want to 0:04:15.480 --> 0:04:17.560 be left alone and I'll come talk to you when 0:04:17.560 --> 0:04:20.280 I'm ready to talk about things, but I just want 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:21.840 to be left alone right now. But you would get 0:04:21.839 --> 0:04:25.360 annoyed if the parent was like keeps asking, keeps asking, 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:27.120 and then and then I feel like in a way, 0:04:27.160 --> 0:04:29.560 you would shell up and you wouldn't want to then 0:04:29.839 --> 0:04:33.040 have a conversation. Dylan, is that kind of the same 0:04:33.040 --> 0:04:34.840 for you, but for me, it's a little bit different. 0:04:35.000 --> 0:04:37.400 Like my mom just kind of like she just, you 0:04:37.440 --> 0:04:39.000 know how like parents are just come in your room, 0:04:39.160 --> 0:04:40.599 check on you, just in the middle of the day. 0:04:40.720 --> 0:04:43.640 She'll they'll normally my mom will just typically pick up 0:04:43.680 --> 0:04:46.479 if something's wrong and then just try and like pry 0:04:46.480 --> 0:04:49.960 it out of me, sometimes trying to help. Yeah, she 0:04:50.000 --> 0:04:52.200 tries to help me by Yeah, that's that's her method. 0:04:52.240 --> 0:04:53.960 Normally it works, and then we end up just having 0:04:53.960 --> 0:04:58.080 a conversation about like what's wrong some of it. Most 0:04:58.080 --> 0:05:00.559 of the time I try not to tell her because 0:05:00.600 --> 0:05:02.920 I just I don't know. Normally, I like just keeping 0:05:02.960 --> 0:05:05.440 like my things to myself and I kind of just 0:05:05.480 --> 0:05:08.360 figure it out, you know. But is there a reason 0:05:08.440 --> 0:05:10.920 why you don't want to tell because I think that's 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:13.279 like when, you know, even when I talk to Julian, 0:05:13.279 --> 0:05:15.280 I know she's young, but I'm like, hey, Jeli, you 0:05:15.320 --> 0:05:17.440 can tell me anything. You can talk to me like 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:20.520 I'm I'm you know, whatever, and so what why wouldn't 0:05:20.520 --> 0:05:23.200 you want to say something? I don't know, honestly, it's 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:26.920 just like sometimes I'm just afraid of like just conversations. 0:05:26.920 --> 0:05:30.080 Sometimes it's just I feel like a lot of the 0:05:30.120 --> 0:05:33.160 times I either just figured out myself or like sometimes 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:35.839 when I go to therapy, my therapist helps me out, 0:05:36.120 --> 0:05:38.200 but you know, just sometimes I just most of the 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:40.240 time I figure it out by myself. So let's talk 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:42.440 about that piece. You've been going to therapy for how long? 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:46.840 Since about third grade? Third grade? And why did you 0:05:46.880 --> 0:05:50.479 go into therapy? Um, It's kind of hard to remember, 0:05:50.560 --> 0:05:54.239 but I'm pretty sure just like so many like thoughts 0:05:54.240 --> 0:05:56.440 and struggles as a little kid, you know, there was 0:05:56.480 --> 0:05:59.680 a lot of like like loss of innocence type things 0:05:59.720 --> 0:06:02.240 I was going through at the time that really had 0:06:02.279 --> 0:06:06.240 like an effect on like my younger childhood days. So 0:06:06.480 --> 0:06:08.680 I just started going to the same doctor. I still 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:11.799 go to her. Um. Yeah, and it really honestly helps. 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:16.120 What's been the biggest benefit you've seen going to therapy? Honestly, 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:19.680 like ever since I don't know if this kind of 0:06:19.880 --> 0:06:21.360 is the same, but ever since they put me on 0:06:21.400 --> 0:06:24.920 the medicine, that's honestly really helped. And just like having 0:06:24.960 --> 0:06:27.279 somebody even if there's nothing wrong, just having somebody to 0:06:27.320 --> 0:06:29.800 go to talk to, like about your week, it just 0:06:29.880 --> 0:06:34.280 really helps. Yeah, But because how long have you been 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:36.880 going for Um, I just started. I mean I had 0:06:36.920 --> 0:06:39.799 a therapist. I used to go to um Dylan's therapist 0:06:39.920 --> 0:06:41.800 in fifth grade for about like a couple of months. 0:06:41.800 --> 0:06:44.719 But then with just like anxiety attacks when I was 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:47.240 just I don't know what it was about, but I 0:06:47.320 --> 0:06:49.040 used to do that. And then I just started going 0:06:49.560 --> 0:06:52.080 um like in August, and I've just been going to 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:54.320 her once a week every Wednesday. And I don't even 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:56.200 have things to talk about most of the time. I 0:06:56.240 --> 0:06:58.040 just sit there and I'll have like a conversation. So 0:06:58.040 --> 0:07:01.080 like when something does like strike me or like I 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:03.520 have an anxiety attack or like depression, like she knows 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:05.760 how to help me because I like talk to her 0:07:05.800 --> 0:07:07.640 about my life, so she knows how to approach it 0:07:07.680 --> 0:07:12.600 with me. So fourteen and fifteen, where is y'all's anxiety 0:07:12.680 --> 0:07:15.400 coming from? Like what is this stem for you guys? 0:07:15.520 --> 0:07:19.080 Where that's coming from? I would say my biggest is 0:07:19.160 --> 0:07:22.560 school and doing school work, because I mean I have 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:25.920 volleyball and just like all of that like pile on 0:07:25.960 --> 0:07:27.880 top of it in school work, and then teachers like 0:07:27.920 --> 0:07:30.800 sometimes I'm as lenient with like do dates and stuff 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:32.360 or like when things are going on in your life, 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:35.360 like they don't really understand, so they'll just like pile 0:07:35.440 --> 0:07:38.720 on work and like it's just causes anxiety because like 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:40.760 you need to get it done because they won't accept 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:44.240 it late. And it's like just a lot. What about 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:47.600 for you, buddy? Honestly, it's yeah, it's pretty much just 0:07:47.680 --> 0:07:51.760 great since just likes the pressure. And also on a 0:07:51.760 --> 0:07:55.200 different note, just stuff like we like we're exposed to 0:07:55.520 --> 0:07:58.240 these days, were exposed to like so much, like what 0:07:58.680 --> 0:08:00.360 like just like because you know, we have all the 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:03.280 social media and stuff, so like we just see a 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:07.640 lot of stuff, right, Yeah, I mean I feel like, 0:08:07.880 --> 0:08:13.800 um with social media definitely causes more anxiety, I guess 0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:16.000 with just like especially with friends and like school and 0:08:16.000 --> 0:08:18.720 that kind of stuff. It's like seeing that like certain 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:21.160 things like like what what's giving me a certain thing? 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:25.280 Like when you don't get invited to something, and like 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:27.600 you're like you have like a friend group and they're 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:29.440 all hanging out without you, and then you're kind of 0:08:29.480 --> 0:08:32.520 just like scrolling through your phone, like just laying in 0:08:32.559 --> 0:08:35.520 bed and all you see is like pictures and videos 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:37.840 of your friends together and you're like, man, why I 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:42.520 get invited? Yeah, it's just kind of stressful too, just like, oh, 0:08:42.559 --> 0:08:44.079 like do they not want to be friends with me? 0:08:44.400 --> 0:08:46.080 And then when you try to talk to them about it, 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:49.200 it's like they're like no, like we just didn't like 0:08:49.240 --> 0:08:50.920 you'll come next time, Like we just didn't know you 0:08:50.920 --> 0:08:53.600 wanted to come. And it's just don't people know that 0:08:53.640 --> 0:08:55.400 everyone wants to be like I don't want to come 0:08:55.480 --> 0:08:58.839 to things. I just want to be invited. Yeah, you know, 0:08:59.360 --> 0:09:01.120 I would like to actually stay at home, but being 0:09:01.160 --> 0:09:04.240 invited it feels good because if not, it feels you 0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:06.400 feel left out and you go, will something wrong with me? Like? 0:09:06.800 --> 0:09:08.520 And I mean that's kind of my biggest thing because 0:09:08.520 --> 0:09:10.280 like I've been in so many friend groups. I had 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:13.680 a friend group pretty much growing up, like we were close, 0:09:13.679 --> 0:09:16.080 our parents are all still close, and I would feel 0:09:16.080 --> 0:09:18.240 like at times like I would not be invited to 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:20.200 things like when we would all go camping together, like 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:21.720 they would all hang out and then kind of like 0:09:21.800 --> 0:09:24.720 leave me behind. And then even last year I had 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:26.800 a friend group too, and they would like just hang 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:29.320 out without me, And I'm like, what wasn't me? Am 0:09:29.360 --> 0:09:32.640 I the one that's like driving them away? Like do 0:09:32.679 --> 0:09:35.240 they not want to hang out with me? Or is 0:09:35.280 --> 0:09:37.240 it just like I'm just they don't want to invite me, 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:39.360 like because they were all friends before, so I was like, 0:09:39.440 --> 0:09:41.439 am I just not a part of it? So it's 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:45.520 kind of like stressful to be like what's the talk 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:47.720 that you can like, what what do you do to 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:50.640 to to regulate the self talk with that? Well, in 0:09:50.720 --> 0:09:53.680 that moment, like when I realized I'm not invited, I 0:09:53.800 --> 0:09:55.240 like think like, oh, like they don't want to be 0:09:55.320 --> 0:09:57.200 friends with me. But then I also think to the 0:09:57.200 --> 0:09:59.880 times were like I was invited and then maybe some 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:02.040 else in the friend group wasn't invited, and I kind 0:10:02.040 --> 0:10:03.720 of like reflect on that, I'm like, well, they maybe 0:10:03.760 --> 0:10:06.040 felt the same way, and I feel like sometimes not 0:10:06.200 --> 0:10:10.000 everybody can like be together at the same time. So 0:10:10.040 --> 0:10:12.640 that's kind of like my thought process when I'm really 0:10:12.679 --> 0:10:15.160 thinking about it. And how do you guys work through 0:10:15.400 --> 0:10:16.920 I want to talk about depression to you, but how 0:10:16.920 --> 0:10:20.280 do you guys work through the steps of like when 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:22.240 you get an anxiety attack? Like would it would are 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:23.839 tools because a lot of people that listen to the 0:10:23.840 --> 0:10:26.760 show um not only have kids that have anxiety, but 0:10:26.800 --> 0:10:29.320 also they suffer themselves, and so I think, you know, 0:10:29.720 --> 0:10:31.360 I would say, like you gotta have a toolbox full 0:10:31.400 --> 0:10:33.880 of stuff because what what What might work one day 0:10:33.920 --> 0:10:36.280 for anxiety might not work the next day. Like I 0:10:36.360 --> 0:10:38.840 used to do this thing where I count backwards from 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:42.000 five to one and some days it would work in 0:10:42.000 --> 0:10:44.240 all our days and like screw, Like this isn't working. 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:46.760 And now I'm like and so then you go to, Okay, 0:10:46.760 --> 0:10:48.400 what's the next thing in my toolbox that I can 0:10:48.440 --> 0:10:51.800 potentially work on? So is there anything that has been 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:54.319 helpful for you guys when you go through those moments? 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:57.920 For me, I just distracted myself. I use anything, every 0:10:58.000 --> 0:11:00.560 anything and everything that like just around me, and I 0:11:00.600 --> 0:11:04.240 distract myself. Um. For me, I do have a really 0:11:04.240 --> 0:11:06.480 close relationship with my mom, and I think that's something 0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:08.360 really important, like to be close with your parents, and 0:11:08.360 --> 0:11:10.319 like for parents to be close with their kids because 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:12.599 whenever and my dad too, like whenever I'm upset, like 0:11:12.640 --> 0:11:14.400 I can always go tell my parents, Like if I'm 0:11:14.400 --> 0:11:16.800 having anxiety, like the first thing I do is I'll 0:11:17.360 --> 0:11:21.040 tell one of my parents. But another thing is because 0:11:21.080 --> 0:11:24.599 they're supportive when when you are going to them. I 0:11:24.640 --> 0:11:26.679 think that's key too. Instead of being like, oh you're fine, 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:29.840 it's they talk to you about it. I think just 0:11:29.880 --> 0:11:33.079 having someone like you trust, especially like your parents are 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:35.440 just like someone you know has been through stuff too, 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:36.960 Like you can go to them and talk to them 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:39.079 and then they can help you. But one thing I 0:11:39.160 --> 0:11:42.480 also do is I like clean and like distract myself. 0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:45.120 So like sometimes I'll catch myself like cleaning my room 0:11:45.120 --> 0:11:46.719 at one in the morning because I'm just like so 0:11:46.760 --> 0:11:48.920 stressed and it just helps me clear my mind and 0:11:48.960 --> 0:11:51.920 I'll listen to music and that's one of my main 0:11:51.960 --> 0:11:55.880 coping ways. Yeah, that's good. I like that. It was 0:11:55.960 --> 0:11:57.720 kind of interesting when we were at church, to remember 0:11:57.720 --> 0:11:59.000 they were talking about the three a m. In the 0:11:59.040 --> 0:12:02.079 middle of the night. I loved that, Like I was 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:03.599 just like, what was he saying? I wrote down on 0:12:03.640 --> 0:12:06.240 my phone. It was it was very profound when we 0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:08.360 were in church, and it was like listening to it. 0:12:08.400 --> 0:12:12.400 But what did he say? He said, um Um, I 0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:15.679 wrote it in my loan notes. It says, uh, because 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:17.960 when the night gets the darkest, that's when the light 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:21.920 hits its hardest. So it's like you might feel so 0:12:22.040 --> 0:12:25.080 dark in that moment and it's it's and I'm nice 0:12:25.120 --> 0:12:26.480 to have the same thing where I'd wake up at 0:12:26.480 --> 0:12:28.400 three o'clock in the morning, and it's like instead of 0:12:28.440 --> 0:12:30.000 looking at it like, oh my god, I'm alone and 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:31.800 it's dark and I have anxiety, it's like this is 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:33.719 when this is when the light is like going to 0:12:33.840 --> 0:12:50.160 hit you hard. So depression, what do you guys think 0:12:50.240 --> 0:12:55.320 is you guys are struggling with on a depression level 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:59.800 in with where you guys are at age wise. Honestly, 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:03.120 for me, like how like my depression just builds its 0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:06.800 just honestly builds on each other or itself. Like sometimes 0:13:06.840 --> 0:13:09.760 it'll just be nothing, but then like I'll just start 0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:12.760 feeling MOPy, sad, I don't want to do anything, and 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:14.920 then pile that on with like all the task I 0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:17.280 have to do throughout the day, and then it just 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:20.000 builds upon itself and then it just gets worse from there. 0:13:20.360 --> 0:13:22.160 Do you do you have a thing where you can 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:24.040 go back to and go, Okay, this is where it 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:26.720 kind of stems from. I try to, but some of 0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:30.760 the times that doesn't always work. Okay some of the times. Yeah, 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:35.000 I think for me, like my main like stem cause 0:13:35.040 --> 0:13:37.080 of it has to go Like I do a lot 0:13:37.120 --> 0:13:39.720 with friend issues, so like that's mainly like the cause 0:13:39.760 --> 0:13:41.960 of like trying to fit in, you know, as like 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:46.000 a sophomore girl in high school now trying to like 0:13:46.040 --> 0:13:48.640 fit in social media, like dressed way the other girls dressed, 0:13:48.640 --> 0:13:50.680 trying to be like just like everyone else, like everyone 0:13:50.679 --> 0:13:52.880 wants to be like each other, and it's just kind 0:13:52.920 --> 0:13:54.800 of hard like to try and fit in. And then 0:13:54.840 --> 0:13:56.640 when you feel like you're not fit in, like you're 0:13:56.640 --> 0:13:59.320 not fitting in with them, you start to, like, especially 0:13:59.360 --> 0:14:01.800 for me, like a sad And then it just has 0:14:01.800 --> 0:14:04.760 a lot to do with like relationships with people and 0:14:04.800 --> 0:14:09.360 like stuff like that like causes like boyfriends and friends 0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:13.160 and all that really causes like some hard depression and 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:19.000 just sadness. Do you think your life would have been less, 0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:22.240 have less depression, less anxiety there wasn't social media, I 0:14:22.280 --> 0:14:25.560 think yeah, because I feel like sometimes I tried thinking 0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:27.000 like wait, what if I just got rid of like 0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:29.360 all my social media? But then the thing is is 0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:32.360 like that's all everybody uses, and all everyone uses a 0:14:32.400 --> 0:14:36.800 snatchet and TikTok and Instagram, Facebook, well not kids, but 0:14:37.520 --> 0:14:38.880 you know, and I feel like if I get rid 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:41.120 of it, then I'm just kind of like not going 0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:44.320 to be with Yeah, So I feel like if nobody 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:46.480 had anything, it would be way better because, like my 0:14:46.520 --> 0:14:48.680 mom always tells me when she was a kid, like 0:14:48.960 --> 0:14:51.000 they didn't have social media and everybody would just like 0:14:51.080 --> 0:14:53.360 hang out and like go out with like no phones 0:14:53.520 --> 0:14:55.640 and like no social media, And I feel like that 0:14:55.640 --> 0:14:59.520 would just make everything better. I honestly agree with that. 0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:01.680 It's but you know, I still have to kind of 0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:04.040 have it. As she said, I don't want to isolate myself. 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:07.160 I want to get out there. But so what do 0:15:07.160 --> 0:15:10.520 you think the balance is? Then? Um, you know, I 0:15:10.520 --> 0:15:13.400 feel like I don't know, because it's just kind of 0:15:13.400 --> 0:15:15.400 hard because like everybody, that's all everybody uses. Like I'll 0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:16.960 try and text you my friends and they won't answer, 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:18.840 but then I'll like send them something on Snapchat and 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:22.120 they respond right away. So I feel like there's been 0:15:22.160 --> 0:15:25.160 times where I have deleted like Snapchat or like I've 0:15:25.280 --> 0:15:27.360 not been allowed to use it, and I've just been 0:15:27.400 --> 0:15:30.400 so like left out and like like never was invited 0:15:30.440 --> 0:15:32.960 to anything, never like and I lost like a lot 0:15:33.000 --> 0:15:35.360 of my friends because of it. So I don't know, 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:39.960 I feel like, just know your limits with it. I 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:43.480 guess I think it's hard to because they're so the 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:46.720 bullying and I think which what The bullying that can 0:15:46.760 --> 0:15:50.360 happen on social media too is just unlike anything I've 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:54.520 ever It's horrible. Yeah, I mean I've had hate pages 0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:57.680 made about me. I've had these like stupid TikTok accounts 0:15:57.720 --> 0:16:00.120 made where they're like the post a video of me 0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:02.600 and be like if a Kramer cheated on her boyfriend 0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:04.880 eight times, And I'm like just like stuff like that, 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:07.120 Like people just post anything to try and get attention, 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:10.600 and it's really just stupid. And like people will like 0:16:11.040 --> 0:16:12.600 tell me, they'll just like text me to nowhere and 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:15.480 be like you're ugly, and then like the biggest thing 0:16:15.520 --> 0:16:18.360 that people say is like you're a whore is what 0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:20.560 people will tend to say to each other, especially like 0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:22.760 girls to girls are like a guy to it and 0:16:23.400 --> 0:16:25.960 because like Katherine will say like you whore, but like 0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:27.840 as a joke, yeah, I know, like they mean it 0:16:28.120 --> 0:16:31.480 seriously seriously like they I feel like one of the 0:16:31.480 --> 0:16:34.560 biggest like bullying things is like guys tend to like 0:16:35.000 --> 0:16:39.520 shame girls what and I feel like just as kids, 0:16:40.400 --> 0:16:43.480 just like yeah and just like that and like guys 0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:45.880 and I feel like a lot of girls like now 0:16:46.040 --> 0:16:49.600 like want like that male attention and all that stuff. 0:16:49.640 --> 0:16:52.320 And then with like when a girl doesn't get that, 0:16:52.360 --> 0:16:55.440 they tend to like be like depressed or like sad, 0:16:55.480 --> 0:16:57.640 and then a guy will like start slut shaming them 0:16:57.640 --> 0:16:59.240 and all that. And I feel like that's just like 0:16:59.280 --> 0:17:02.000 the main thing of so some media, especially like with 0:17:02.240 --> 0:17:04.640 like I hear stories from girls like in my grade 0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:06.440 all like I'll overhear them talking the hallway about like 0:17:06.480 --> 0:17:08.840 stuff that's going on between like her and a guy, 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:10.600 and like what a guy says to them. I think 0:17:10.640 --> 0:17:13.640 it's just like, yeah, it's it's it's terrible because half 0:17:13.680 --> 0:17:16.320 of these things these people are saying, like whether it's 0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:19.399 online or behind someone's back, they would never say to 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:22.399 their face. That's how bad it is. It's just they 0:17:22.440 --> 0:17:24.440 always yeah, they're they're never going to say this type 0:17:24.440 --> 0:17:27.359 of stuff to the person's face, so they just do 0:17:27.400 --> 0:17:30.680 it over social media. Yeah, I mean that's what I mean. 0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:35.120 Y'all seen my, my my that. Yeah. Those Native people, 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:37.119 it's like if you actually knocked down their door and 0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:39.320 said would you like to I mean maybe some of 0:17:39.359 --> 0:17:42.280 them would still say to my face, but I just 0:17:42.560 --> 0:17:44.560 it's so hard because like I can sit here and 0:17:44.600 --> 0:17:46.359 tell you guys, you guys don't listen to that. You 0:17:46.359 --> 0:17:48.639 guys are both you know, you're beautiful, You're just like 0:17:48.680 --> 0:17:52.160 you're stunned, like you guys are just amazing, um and 0:17:52.359 --> 0:17:54.640 your talented like all the things. But it's like when 0:17:54.680 --> 0:17:57.680 you're seeing something like this and you're reading things and 0:17:57.840 --> 0:18:01.760 you're having to have these because high school feels so big. 0:18:03.600 --> 0:18:06.840 I mean, it feels like it's the only thing in 0:18:06.840 --> 0:18:09.800 the world and it's like the biggest thing ever. It's like, 0:18:09.960 --> 0:18:13.159 you remember when Matthew, my high school sweetheart, cheated on me. 0:18:13.200 --> 0:18:16.080 I was like, my life is over. It's like everything 0:18:16.160 --> 0:18:19.480 just feels and like and I'm like, you know, I 0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:21.760 want to be guys, Like there's so much you know, 0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:25.359 more out there and it's and but I also remember 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:27.040 how I felt when I was in that moment and 0:18:27.080 --> 0:18:28.760 my mom was saying this same thing, and it's like 0:18:28.800 --> 0:18:32.040 that doesn't help me when she said that, But I'm curious, 0:18:32.040 --> 0:18:34.600 like what would help? Yeah, I mean, one thing my 0:18:34.680 --> 0:18:36.879 mom does say to me, she's like and I've kind 0:18:36.920 --> 0:18:40.040 of like had to realize it myself. But it's like, 0:18:40.080 --> 0:18:42.120 in four years, it's not gonna matter. Like she told 0:18:42.119 --> 0:18:44.280 me that all freshman year. She was like when you 0:18:44.320 --> 0:18:46.520 graduate from high school, none of the populated kids are 0:18:46.560 --> 0:18:48.240 gonna be popular. Like when you go to college, like 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:50.640 none of this is gonna matter, and the kids who 0:18:50.680 --> 0:18:54.040 like like end up like bullying and like all that stuff, 0:18:54.040 --> 0:18:56.359 they're going to be the ones who are like struggling 0:18:56.400 --> 0:18:59.080 to get into college and do good in their life. 0:18:59.520 --> 0:19:01.159 So I feel like that really helped me because then 0:19:01.200 --> 0:19:02.760 I was kind of like, Okay, so like I don't 0:19:02.760 --> 0:19:04.080 need to worry about this, Like I need to worry 0:19:04.119 --> 0:19:06.840 about myself and like do good in tests, do going 0:19:06.920 --> 0:19:09.760 to test, do good just in school in general, And 0:19:09.800 --> 0:19:12.320 then like one day when high school is over, because 0:19:12.320 --> 0:19:13.639 I mean I have two years left and I go 0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:17.000 to college and I feel like there's so many colleges 0:19:17.040 --> 0:19:21.600 where it's not gonna matter who you're with in four years. Yeah, 0:19:22.680 --> 0:19:25.880 how are you guys though? With are you guys? Because 0:19:25.920 --> 0:19:31.960 obviously people have unfortunately bullied you. How are you on 0:19:32.000 --> 0:19:34.320 social media? Like what do you do back in retaliation? 0:19:35.520 --> 0:19:37.639 Do you want to go? Well, honestly, for me, like 0:19:37.760 --> 0:19:42.120 I'm not like as out there as Eva, Like she's like, 0:19:42.160 --> 0:19:44.640 I'm just so there hasn't been like pages made about me, 0:19:45.000 --> 0:19:47.359 but I know like a lot of people, don't. I know, 0:19:47.359 --> 0:19:50.520 people who don't like me. You know, well, it's kind 0:19:50.520 --> 0:19:53.239 of like, you know, I'm I'm a little like I'm 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:55.880 a little bit more like different. You know, he's more 0:19:55.880 --> 0:19:59.000 into like his own things. I'm into my own stuff. Yeah, 0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:02.560 and that's that's not different. That's just you like different things. 0:20:02.600 --> 0:20:05.359 That doesn't make you like. Don't label yourself as different. 0:20:05.400 --> 0:20:08.560 You're like you just you like other things, and that's okay. 0:20:09.240 --> 0:20:11.200 Don't let anyone just because you don't just because you're 0:20:11.200 --> 0:20:14.760 not into football, into football or yeah, the you know whatever, 0:20:14.960 --> 0:20:19.520 that doesn't you're you're so knowledgeable. I mean, my goodness, gracious, 0:20:19.520 --> 0:20:21.760 move went to the zoo and the plants, Like you 0:20:21.800 --> 0:20:25.399 are the most knowledgeable young man I've ever met. And 0:20:25.440 --> 0:20:30.240 it's like, I that to me is so much like 0:20:31.000 --> 0:20:33.520 you have so much intelligence, Like that's amazing, Like you 0:20:33.560 --> 0:20:37.080 should own that and don't say you're different, because you're 0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:40.120 so special in like the most amazing way. Like those 0:20:40.119 --> 0:20:43.480 football guys would love to have a little piece of 0:20:43.560 --> 0:20:46.760 your knowledge. But yes, I mean, do you like, how 0:20:46.800 --> 0:20:49.679 do you does that weigh on you? That is that 0:20:49.720 --> 0:20:52.280 what causes maybe some of the depression, maybe a little bit, 0:20:52.359 --> 0:20:54.560 but that's not like that it doesn't really get to 0:20:54.600 --> 0:20:58.919 me because I know my worth. Yes, I love that. 0:20:59.000 --> 0:21:03.880 And would you incurage other parents to put their kids 0:21:03.880 --> 0:21:08.040 into therapy? Honestly, yes, I would, because if you can 0:21:08.119 --> 0:21:10.360 really get to know somebody and trust them, even if 0:21:10.400 --> 0:21:13.440 like as like in the younger in the younger days, 0:21:13.440 --> 0:21:15.280 not a lot going on, but if they just have 0:21:15.359 --> 0:21:17.399 someone to talk to and get to know, when they 0:21:17.440 --> 0:21:19.800 do get older and they start having these issues, they 0:21:19.840 --> 0:21:22.080 have someone they can go right to and help them 0:21:22.119 --> 0:21:26.880 solve out their problems. I selfishly want to ask with them, 0:21:26.880 --> 0:21:29.080 why not the mom? I know there needs to be 0:21:29.440 --> 0:21:31.720 and hey, I'm gonna probably most likely you know, put 0:21:31.760 --> 0:21:36.080 Jolie and Jason into you know, a therapy at some point, 0:21:36.080 --> 0:21:39.640 But like what is the piece that like you wouldn't 0:21:39.680 --> 0:21:42.400 feel comfortable talking to your parents? One thing? Like why 0:21:42.480 --> 0:21:45.000 I went to therapy? Like my main reason it was 0:21:45.040 --> 0:21:49.080 because you know, I tell my mom literally everything, like everything, 0:21:49.920 --> 0:21:52.120 even if it doesn't involve me, like some some drama 0:21:52.200 --> 0:21:53.919 happen in school, Like I tell my mom and I 0:21:53.960 --> 0:21:56.639 feel like like I can trust my mom and I 0:21:56.680 --> 0:21:59.480 can trust my parents, but I feel like my mom 0:21:59.480 --> 0:22:03.480 didn't go to school to be like a therapist or 0:22:03.480 --> 0:22:06.119 like like going to counseling. So I feel like having 0:22:06.160 --> 0:22:10.359 somebody who like actually like their profession is to help 0:22:10.400 --> 0:22:12.639 you and be able to listen and talk to you 0:22:12.680 --> 0:22:15.880 through things is like why, Like I think kids should 0:22:15.880 --> 0:22:17.800 go into therapy because you can tell your parents, you 0:22:17.840 --> 0:22:19.520 can trust your parents. But I feel like some things 0:22:19.560 --> 0:22:23.000 they're not, Like they didn't go to school to learn. 0:22:23.040 --> 0:22:25.360 Like my therapist she went to school to learn how 0:22:25.359 --> 0:22:27.040 to Like, we definitely didn't go to school to learn. 0:22:27.080 --> 0:22:31.639 I didn't learn much. I mean like, yeah, when I 0:22:31.680 --> 0:22:33.719 have my really good perspective, I like that a lot 0:22:33.800 --> 0:22:36.560 because that's what even my mom told me. She was like, like, 0:22:36.600 --> 0:22:39.600 when you go into therapy, like you can tell me everything, 0:22:39.640 --> 0:22:42.320 And I do tell her everything, but it's like she 0:22:42.359 --> 0:22:44.679 went to school to do I don't know what, but 0:22:44.800 --> 0:22:49.240 not be a therapist theist. Yeah, and there's different things 0:22:49.280 --> 0:22:51.880 that they have a different way of looking at things 0:22:51.960 --> 0:22:55.520 than maybe a parent's two and like something that they 0:22:55.560 --> 0:22:58.359 would probably have a better response or not a better response, 0:22:58.400 --> 0:23:03.560 but a response that you and really um connect to. Yeah, 0:23:03.600 --> 0:23:06.680 And I feel like a therapist is like more real 0:23:07.000 --> 0:23:09.119 to you, Like when I tell my mom stuff. You know, 0:23:09.160 --> 0:23:10.800 she's always gonna take my side, like she's not going 0:23:10.880 --> 0:23:13.040 to take someone else's side. But then when you talk 0:23:13.080 --> 0:23:14.919 to your therapist, are like, well, maybe you know, like 0:23:15.000 --> 0:23:16.679 you shouldn't have done this to that person, like they 0:23:16.680 --> 0:23:19.240 can give you like their perspective when your parents are 0:23:19.280 --> 0:23:23.080 like they're gonna give Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's all really 0:23:23.080 --> 0:23:27.760 good information. Yeah that makes sense a lot, same for you, Dylan, Yeah, 0:23:27.840 --> 0:23:30.159 probably the same for me. It's just honestly, I just 0:23:30.320 --> 0:23:32.840 I like talking to the therapist a bit more. That's 0:23:32.920 --> 0:23:35.439 just honestly, just that's just what I prefer. That's just 0:23:35.520 --> 0:23:37.879 preference for me. It's almost like you're able to be 0:23:38.000 --> 0:23:41.200 more open. Yeah, but it's I want to even say 0:23:41.200 --> 0:23:43.919 it's about being more open. It's just honestly, like I 0:23:44.040 --> 0:23:46.520 just like having somebody who's just like not in the family, 0:23:47.080 --> 0:23:51.480 just because it's like it's like anonymously talking on it. Right. Yeah, No, 0:23:51.600 --> 0:23:55.359 I like that. That's cool. What Um and Dylan, we 0:23:55.400 --> 0:23:56.840 kind of talked about this the other night. But what 0:23:56.880 --> 0:24:00.600 do you think. I mean, obviously your parents got divorceder 0:24:00.760 --> 0:24:03.760 my brother and your your your mom got divorced really young, 0:24:04.560 --> 0:24:07.040 and I know you guys don't remember it, but through 0:24:07.040 --> 0:24:09.280 the co parenting, Like, what is the one thing that 0:24:09.359 --> 0:24:14.760 like I I can learn or make sure that I'm doing. Yeah, 0:24:14.800 --> 0:24:17.920 co parenting is like that's like a really like how 0:24:18.040 --> 0:24:20.879 you like do this in their younger days is going 0:24:20.920 --> 0:24:24.000 to have a giant effect on how they like. I'm like, 0:24:24.040 --> 0:24:26.719 I don't honestly their mental health in the future. All 0:24:26.800 --> 0:24:29.240 I'm in all you should do is like as of 0:24:29.320 --> 0:24:31.520 right now, just try to maintain some sort of like 0:24:31.760 --> 0:24:34.200 in front of the kids, some sort of positive relationship 0:24:34.560 --> 0:24:36.720 between you and Mike. Yeah. I mean you guys saw 0:24:36.760 --> 0:24:39.240 us at the basketball game. That was good. That's like 0:24:39.359 --> 0:24:41.920 exactly it. Yeah, because I feel like when I hear 0:24:41.960 --> 0:24:43.600 stories or like when I talk to my friends his 0:24:43.720 --> 0:24:47.160 parents are also divorced, they're like yeah, like like having 0:24:47.160 --> 0:24:49.760 two parents is like so hard, and it's like because 0:24:49.800 --> 0:24:52.479 you know, their parents aren't close, and it's like I 0:24:52.520 --> 0:24:54.199 hate having the fact that I have to go like 0:24:54.200 --> 0:24:56.480 to two different houses for Christmas and my family can't 0:24:56.480 --> 0:24:59.159 be together. But for me, honestly think if it as 0:24:59.200 --> 0:25:01.080 a plus and not the fact that I get to 0:25:01.280 --> 0:25:04.920 Christmas present, I just know I can trust both them 0:25:04.920 --> 0:25:07.919 and that they're like good with each other together, and 0:25:07.920 --> 0:25:09.960 it just makes me feel a lot more comfortable like 0:25:10.000 --> 0:25:11.760 having divorced parents, because I mean, my whole life, I 0:25:11.760 --> 0:25:13.960 grew up with having divorced parents, but I mean my 0:25:14.000 --> 0:25:18.360 whole life, they've been able to like work together together. Yeah, 0:25:18.440 --> 0:25:21.080 and that's really helped me knowing that my parents are 0:25:21.119 --> 0:25:24.720 like still like my parents and they like obviously be 0:25:24.840 --> 0:25:26.760 like I don't know how to explain it, like they 0:25:26.760 --> 0:25:31.160 just know they can co parent together, and that's really 0:25:31.160 --> 0:25:46.200 helpful for exactly. Do you think it was easier too 0:25:46.400 --> 0:25:50.320 that you guys were younger? Yah, I look at you 0:25:50.359 --> 0:25:54.160 know when the divorce, the divorce that your dad and I, um, 0:25:54.280 --> 0:25:57.080 I went through with our parents, and it was I mean, 0:25:57.119 --> 0:26:01.360 your dad was let's see, if I was thirteen fourteen, 0:26:01.400 --> 0:26:05.719 he was fifteen sixteen, and we saw a lot of 0:26:05.760 --> 0:26:08.200 stuff that we should not have seen. We were witnessed 0:26:08.200 --> 0:26:10.560 to a lot of stuff, and I think that really 0:26:10.640 --> 0:26:14.880 shaped my adolescent years. And you know, same with him, 0:26:14.920 --> 0:26:17.080 and a lot of stuff that like, you know, I 0:26:17.119 --> 0:26:20.720 know that he personally, you know, deals with from that 0:26:20.800 --> 0:26:26.119 like childhood trauma. I guess place um, but I don't know, 0:26:26.160 --> 0:26:29.600 Like I obviously I hate the fact that Julian Jason 0:26:29.640 --> 0:26:32.399 are in a separate house. Having said that, you know, 0:26:32.520 --> 0:26:35.560 I think at the age was helpful. No, I don't 0:26:35.600 --> 0:26:37.239 think they're going to remember too much. And so that's 0:26:37.240 --> 0:26:40.160 why I'm really trying, like okay, like you know, inviting 0:26:40.280 --> 0:26:43.919 my acts to the birthday parties and like just trying 0:26:43.960 --> 0:26:46.359 to have something that like they can see us, like 0:26:46.440 --> 0:26:49.680 you said, together and that's the best thing you could do. Yeah, 0:26:49.680 --> 0:26:52.280 and then I can still have my own personal feelings 0:26:52.280 --> 0:26:59.240 on whatever. But in front of the kids, like I mean, 0:26:59.240 --> 0:27:05.680 I like, yeah, that was Schuman Shuman laughing. Yeah, Like no, 0:27:05.760 --> 0:27:09.280 but I mean I mean we're good. You know, we 0:27:09.320 --> 0:27:13.680 have days, right, but like good and bad. But I think, um, yeah, 0:27:13.720 --> 0:27:16.239 I think that's a really good thing. And is there 0:27:16.280 --> 0:27:18.679 anything else that you should think that I should be 0:27:18.720 --> 0:27:20.800 aware of, Like that's not a good thing to do, 0:27:21.320 --> 0:27:24.800 or I have to think of past experiences, probably not 0:27:25.000 --> 0:27:27.800 having a relation, like not having the kids meet I 0:27:27.800 --> 0:27:30.880 mean the kids have only met one person, honestly, Like 0:27:30.920 --> 0:27:34.040 when um our mom remarried, that was honestly, like that 0:27:34.119 --> 0:27:37.879 was a good thing because I felt like, honestly, it 0:27:37.960 --> 0:27:39.679 was just like it was a really good thing to 0:27:39.720 --> 0:27:42.240 happen after the divorce. It's another parent in your life, 0:27:42.240 --> 0:27:45.040 another parent, because I mean, we love our stepdad, we 0:27:45.080 --> 0:27:47.720 love our stepmom, like and they're two like really good 0:27:47.720 --> 0:27:50.560 people who we are very fortunate to have in our life, 0:27:50.640 --> 0:27:52.560 and that we can also trust them, like I can 0:27:52.560 --> 0:27:55.239 trust my stepdad and I trust my stepmom like and 0:27:55.280 --> 0:27:57.440 you know, I think it's good to have that relationship 0:27:57.560 --> 0:28:01.520 or like bonus parents exactly. But your mom will always 0:28:01.520 --> 0:28:03.679 be your mom, your dad will always be her. And 0:28:03.720 --> 0:28:06.000 I think that's when as when I was going through 0:28:06.680 --> 0:28:11.280 why I didn't want to divorce your uncle Mike, But 0:28:11.600 --> 0:28:13.560 it was because I was like, I don't want someone 0:28:13.600 --> 0:28:15.040 else to raise my kids. But at the end of 0:28:15.080 --> 0:28:17.320 the day, like your mom's your mom, your dad's your dad. 0:28:17.760 --> 0:28:20.040 And I said, of people get to like Kristen, who's 0:28:20.119 --> 0:28:22.159 I love her and she's you know, your stepmom and 0:28:22.320 --> 0:28:24.159 she's my sister in law, but like, and I adore her. 0:28:24.200 --> 0:28:26.159 So it's like, oh my god, that's so cool. Like 0:28:26.200 --> 0:28:28.080 she gets to love the kids, to like more people 0:28:28.080 --> 0:28:32.040 to love you guys. It's amazing. I never really thought 0:28:32.080 --> 0:28:34.680 of it as like a negative type of thing because 0:28:34.720 --> 0:28:36.960 I know, like my dad, like I always love him 0:28:36.960 --> 0:28:39.080 as my dad and like nobody can replace him, and 0:28:39.080 --> 0:28:41.640 nobody can replace my mom. And I think just having 0:28:41.720 --> 0:28:44.000 like a stepmom and a stepdad too, that just can 0:28:44.040 --> 0:28:46.880 like help because I think it's hard being like a 0:28:46.920 --> 0:28:50.760 single parent, especially because when I was like little, little er, 0:28:51.400 --> 0:28:53.320 my parents were like I don't know, I just felt 0:28:53.320 --> 0:28:54.920 like it was more hard for them. So having another 0:28:54.920 --> 0:28:57.280 person to come in and help with the income and 0:28:57.360 --> 0:29:01.200 like just like help them, like help us and just 0:29:01.320 --> 0:29:03.400 be a good parent for us is like really helpful 0:29:03.400 --> 0:29:06.760 and like good for kids to It's interesting because a 0:29:06.800 --> 0:29:09.720 lot of times, like I remember, um, people are like 0:29:09.760 --> 0:29:12.240 wait till the kids are older to like settle down, 0:29:12.720 --> 0:29:15.080 Um just focus on and it's like, yes, my focus 0:29:15.120 --> 0:29:17.560 is always the kids, but the waiting to settle down, 0:29:17.600 --> 0:29:20.000 I'm like I I would think that it would be 0:29:20.240 --> 0:29:21.880 I mean, either one like right, you gotta do it's 0:29:21.880 --> 0:29:24.160 ever best for you, so something, you know, nine, I 0:29:24.200 --> 0:29:27.040 know some people that have waited until, you know, getting 0:29:27.080 --> 0:29:30.080 remarried or getting into relationships until after the kids are older. 0:29:30.600 --> 0:29:32.680 But also like my kids are so young that, yeah, 0:29:32.800 --> 0:29:34.760 it is nice to have that partner and then of 0:29:34.840 --> 0:29:38.240 all them also to have that family. Yeah, I think, 0:29:39.080 --> 0:29:41.400 I mean, you settle whenever you're ready to settle. I 0:29:41.440 --> 0:29:43.920 feel like there's not like a never settle baby, never 0:29:44.000 --> 0:29:47.800 settle you love and yeah, never settle, you know you 0:29:47.840 --> 0:29:50.960 know what I mean? Um, I think just like getting 0:29:50.960 --> 0:29:54.480 into another relationship, it's like and like getting married and 0:29:54.560 --> 0:29:56.600 having another person there for your kids, Like there's never 0:29:56.600 --> 0:29:59.040 really a time for that, it's just whatever it feels right. 0:29:59.120 --> 0:30:02.720 But like I think that just having like your kids 0:30:02.760 --> 0:30:04.560 grow up with another person there, because you know, we 0:30:04.600 --> 0:30:06.560 grew up with our stepdad there, so we basically he's 0:30:06.600 --> 0:30:09.720 like a glued in peace to our family, like when 0:30:09.760 --> 0:30:12.280 we think about like our family, like he's like in 0:30:12.320 --> 0:30:14.760 there in same with my stepmom. We didn't grow up 0:30:14.760 --> 0:30:17.960 with her, but I mean we've known her for like 0:30:18.000 --> 0:30:21.160 a long time. And for me, honestly, having this person 0:30:21.280 --> 0:30:23.560 like come into their life when they're younger is better 0:30:23.600 --> 0:30:26.080 than old when they're older, because when they're older, this 0:30:26.280 --> 0:30:28.200 random person is just going to try and enter their 0:30:28.240 --> 0:30:31.520 life and they're like what instead of like when they're 0:30:31.560 --> 0:30:33.640 little and they'll always be there. Yeah. I think just 0:30:33.680 --> 0:30:36.000 like growing up with that that person also helps because 0:30:36.000 --> 0:30:39.000 I feel like now if like my parents weren't married 0:30:39.040 --> 0:30:40.880 and they just got married, and then there's just like 0:30:41.000 --> 0:30:43.680 this guy like trying to come in and like trying 0:30:43.680 --> 0:30:46.400 to like parent me. But I mean, like I'm an older, 0:30:46.440 --> 0:30:51.120 moody teenager, like the old I'm gonna please be the 0:30:51.120 --> 0:30:56.560 title of this podcast, old moody teenager. I just feel 0:30:56.560 --> 0:30:59.280 like with that, like it would just be harder to 0:30:59.360 --> 0:31:01.840 like a just and you just have so many feelings 0:31:01.880 --> 0:31:03.480 when you're older, and I feel like it would just 0:31:03.520 --> 0:31:06.240 be like kind of more more difficult. But I mean, 0:31:06.240 --> 0:31:07.840 I think people should just do what's right. But I 0:31:07.840 --> 0:31:10.680 mean I feel like for me growing up with having 0:31:10.960 --> 0:31:12.880 a step dad, like enter my life when I was 0:31:12.920 --> 0:31:17.479 like four, no younger than that, right, like three, Well, 0:31:17.520 --> 0:31:19.840 you guys were able to have that family even though 0:31:19.840 --> 0:31:21.560 it looked a little different. You have two homes, like 0:31:21.560 --> 0:31:23.120 you were able to have that family unit. But I 0:31:23.160 --> 0:31:24.120 think you know, at the end of the day, you 0:31:24.160 --> 0:31:27.480 got to do what's best and do not settle because 0:31:29.160 --> 0:31:31.560 never settled. I love my family three and I would 0:31:31.560 --> 0:31:34.960 never settle again for because I know what my kids deserve, 0:31:35.040 --> 0:31:36.880 I know what I deserve, and I think you know, 0:31:36.880 --> 0:31:41.440 it has to be that right puzzle piece. Yeah, exact, 0:31:41.520 --> 0:31:46.440 perfect puzzle perfect. What is something else that you guys 0:31:46.560 --> 0:31:49.480 want to either say two kids out there, like a 0:31:49.520 --> 0:31:53.479 message to bullies or to the parents, or like, what 0:31:53.600 --> 0:31:55.800 is something like if you could have one thing that 0:31:55.840 --> 0:31:57.560 you just want to say or a few things that 0:31:57.640 --> 0:32:00.800 you just something that needs to either be known or 0:32:00.840 --> 0:32:05.800 that you just want to say that you feel strongly about. Yeah, 0:32:05.840 --> 0:32:08.680 and what is that to you? Just don't let anybody 0:32:08.680 --> 0:32:11.520 define who you are as a person. You You're yourself 0:32:11.560 --> 0:32:14.160 and nobody should ever have the right to change that. Yeah, 0:32:14.240 --> 0:32:17.280 I kind of saying like what he's saying, but like 0:32:17.960 --> 0:32:21.000 you should know who you are and never like change 0:32:21.000 --> 0:32:23.080 yourself for other people. And you should just have people 0:32:23.120 --> 0:32:24.880 love you for who you are. And if they don't 0:32:24.880 --> 0:32:26.960 love you for who you are, then they're not the 0:32:27.040 --> 0:32:28.800 right person. And I mean you can see that with 0:32:28.840 --> 0:32:31.880 friends relationships, and then for parents, I feel like when 0:32:31.920 --> 0:32:34.080 your kid is like you never know really what your 0:32:34.160 --> 0:32:35.640 kid is going through. It's kind of hard to tell 0:32:35.680 --> 0:32:38.600 because kids are like really good at hiding things. Because 0:32:38.600 --> 0:32:41.080 I've had so many things from my mom like when 0:32:41.120 --> 0:32:44.120 I was and you guys are close, yeah, and when 0:32:44.120 --> 0:32:46.960 I wasn't able to tell her like I just felt 0:32:46.960 --> 0:32:49.560 like I couldn't. I eventually did, but I mean, like 0:32:49.640 --> 0:32:52.440 just over time, I just I think you should just 0:32:52.480 --> 0:32:54.520 like be there for your kids no matter what. And 0:32:54.680 --> 0:32:56.880 they might not always tell you everything, and they might 0:32:56.960 --> 0:33:00.360 just act kind of distant, but just like you can 0:33:00.400 --> 0:33:02.880 be there from them and like remind them that like 0:33:03.240 --> 0:33:05.520 you're there for them, that you love them, that they're loved, 0:33:06.400 --> 0:33:10.080 and yeah, to be consistent and you know what, I 0:33:10.120 --> 0:33:14.960 want you guys to remember and know you're worth too 0:33:15.000 --> 0:33:17.240 when you get into those moments. I think it's so easy. 0:33:17.280 --> 0:33:18.760 I mean I do the same thing. I get on 0:33:18.840 --> 0:33:21.160 here and I'm like, I know you're worth and don't 0:33:21.200 --> 0:33:24.560 settle and you know, love yourself and don't read those 0:33:24.560 --> 0:33:28.920 hate pages. And then two hours later I'm like, so 0:33:29.000 --> 0:33:32.080 it's like I think you know you were. We also 0:33:32.080 --> 0:33:38.080 have to take in what we say and know that, um, 0:33:38.200 --> 0:33:40.440 you know who you are. And I think it always 0:33:40.440 --> 0:33:42.640 goes back to like in those places like when you're 0:33:42.640 --> 0:33:45.080 not invited, or when you feel depressed or someone's being 0:33:45.080 --> 0:33:47.440 mean to your bullying, it's like, what is the truth? 0:33:48.240 --> 0:33:49.680 You know? And like that's what I think you should 0:33:49.680 --> 0:33:51.800 go back through. The truth is you are worthy you 0:33:51.880 --> 0:33:55.360 are enough. You are smart, but you and you're not 0:33:55.360 --> 0:33:57.239 book smart. Okay we didn't we didn't we didn't get 0:33:57.280 --> 0:34:01.160 that gene. Okay, we didn't even see. Yeah, we were 0:34:01.200 --> 0:34:03.760 counting in our fingers, like I mean, and I felt 0:34:03.800 --> 0:34:07.680 seen so thank you so, But I mean, you know 0:34:07.720 --> 0:34:10.400 and you know. So It's like we all have our 0:34:11.280 --> 0:34:13.440 our things and our strengths, and I think we just 0:34:13.480 --> 0:34:15.839 need to, like what the truth is that we are 0:34:15.920 --> 0:34:18.960 all all we are all good enough, we're all worthy, 0:34:19.000 --> 0:34:22.239 and we just if someone isn't being kind to us, 0:34:22.360 --> 0:34:24.600 we'd be kind to them no matter what. I think. 0:34:25.040 --> 0:34:29.000 One thing is like you shouldn't like take into perspective 0:34:29.080 --> 0:34:32.359 that everybody's going through something and that you never know 0:34:32.400 --> 0:34:35.600 what someone's going through. And I mean, just like just 0:34:36.080 --> 0:34:38.040 I can't say be nice to everybody, because you know, 0:34:38.160 --> 0:34:40.359 people aren't nice to everybody. I mean, there's been times 0:34:40.360 --> 0:34:41.960 when I've been mean to people, and I feel like 0:34:42.000 --> 0:34:44.560 it's just like I don't I don't like being mean 0:34:44.600 --> 0:34:46.600 to people, but then there's also been times where I've 0:34:46.600 --> 0:34:48.120 been mean to people. People have been mean to me. 0:34:48.440 --> 0:34:50.480 But I feel like, just know that like everybody's kind 0:34:50.480 --> 0:34:52.960 of going through the same thing. And that you should 0:34:52.960 --> 0:34:55.160 just treat everybody, like try your hardest to just treat 0:34:55.200 --> 0:34:58.319 everybody good because you never know, like something you could 0:34:58.360 --> 0:35:00.759 say could be someone's last straw or and you don't 0:35:00.800 --> 0:35:03.799 want to, like you never know what someone's going through 0:35:03.960 --> 0:35:05.799 their internal battle. And that's what I said. I got 0:35:05.880 --> 0:35:08.080 had this one Instagram question the other day. Someone was like, 0:35:08.080 --> 0:35:10.600 who is the rudest celebrity you ever met? And I'm like, 0:35:11.160 --> 0:35:13.719 I'm not going to answer that because like, first of all, 0:35:13.719 --> 0:35:15.000 I had no idea what they were going through on 0:35:15.040 --> 0:35:17.479 that day. And there's been times when people have caught 0:35:17.480 --> 0:35:20.879 me on bad days because I was insecure about something, 0:35:20.960 --> 0:35:22.640 or Mike and I were fighting or something. It's like 0:35:22.680 --> 0:35:26.400 and I probably didn't I probably might not have been 0:35:26.480 --> 0:35:29.160 nice because we don't I don't know someone that has 0:35:29.200 --> 0:35:31.920 been nice every single day, but we can try to 0:35:31.960 --> 0:35:34.719 do better the next day and we can. Again, like 0:35:34.760 --> 0:35:36.759 you just don't know what someone's personally going through, So 0:35:36.800 --> 0:35:39.399 it's like just be kind you haven't you know even 0:35:39.440 --> 0:35:41.759 the mean people that are not being mean, and just 0:35:42.600 --> 0:35:47.120 remember the truth and remember your worth. One thing I 0:35:47.120 --> 0:35:49.399 had one thing I like reflect on is sometimes like 0:35:50.040 --> 0:35:52.719 when I mean to somebody like in the past, I 0:35:52.800 --> 0:35:55.080 like tend to be like, oh, like I'll feel really 0:35:55.080 --> 0:35:57.680 bad about it, and I'll like either send them a 0:35:57.760 --> 0:35:59.719 text message or I'll DM them. I'm like hey, like 0:35:59.760 --> 0:36:02.200 I'm sorry, Like I was just going through some things 0:36:02.280 --> 0:36:03.880 and like I didn't mean anything, just like I just 0:36:03.920 --> 0:36:05.960 wanted to say sorry. Like I always have to apologize 0:36:06.000 --> 0:36:08.400 for my actions because I feel like you just never know, 0:36:08.480 --> 0:36:12.600 and I feel like talking to somebody and like like 0:36:12.840 --> 0:36:15.920 saying like like sorry, it's just really helpful because you 0:36:16.040 --> 0:36:18.080 never know, like someone could be so mean to me 0:36:18.120 --> 0:36:20.400 and like say something mean to me, or getting a 0:36:20.400 --> 0:36:22.360 fight with a boyfriend and then they like text and 0:36:22.400 --> 0:36:24.560 I'm like really upset over it and like you know, 0:36:24.719 --> 0:36:27.880 just get like depression thoughts and then I'm just saying sorry. 0:36:27.920 --> 0:36:31.279 It's like really yeah, it washes the energy away too. 0:36:31.320 --> 0:36:33.520 And also it's like because you're not a mean person. 0:36:33.560 --> 0:36:35.240 I'm not a mean person. You're not a mean person. 0:36:35.600 --> 0:36:37.200 No one likes to be me. And I remember one 0:36:37.239 --> 0:36:40.759 time I yelled, so I'll I'll say this is um 0:36:41.280 --> 0:36:43.279 because I announced that, you know, I'm doing a new 0:36:43.280 --> 0:36:47.400 house and I was having uh something was going to 0:36:47.600 --> 0:36:49.480 maybe potentially be in the backyard, and I was like, 0:36:49.480 --> 0:36:51.680 but my privacy, and I got really angry and I 0:36:51.800 --> 0:36:54.719 yelled and I ended up. Whenever I yell or if 0:36:54.760 --> 0:36:56.960 I might potentially be mean, I just cry because I 0:36:57.000 --> 0:36:59.000 feel awful, Like I don't like the way that it 0:36:59.040 --> 0:37:00.719 makes me feel. I don't like the fact that I 0:37:00.800 --> 0:37:02.919 might have hurt someone or they saw a different side 0:37:02.920 --> 0:37:05.120 of me that's not really me. And I remember I 0:37:05.160 --> 0:37:07.279 just wrote like this long thing going like I'm really sorry. 0:37:07.320 --> 0:37:09.680 I was really struggling with the fact and and at 0:37:09.719 --> 0:37:11.399 first I just said sorry, right, because you don't want 0:37:11.400 --> 0:37:15.120 to be like but um, and then when the conversation opens, 0:37:15.120 --> 0:37:16.400 that's and I'm like, yeah, I was just I was 0:37:16.440 --> 0:37:20.359 struggling with some stuff and and um. You know, once 0:37:20.440 --> 0:37:22.520 that's done and the conversations, it's like, oh, like, well, 0:37:22.560 --> 0:37:24.440 it's all good. It's like you didn't have to but 0:37:24.480 --> 0:37:27.320 if does, you're right, does feel nice to say you're sorry. 0:37:27.440 --> 0:37:30.160 And I think communication is the most important thing, like 0:37:30.440 --> 0:37:34.440 exactly with everybody, Like I just always like have communication, 0:37:34.480 --> 0:37:36.239 Like whenever I get into a fight, like I communicate 0:37:36.280 --> 0:37:39.000 when I'm like mad with my parents, are sad or 0:37:39.080 --> 0:37:41.840 talking to my parents, like I communicate everything because I 0:37:41.880 --> 0:37:44.560 feel like it just makes me feel better about it, 0:37:44.880 --> 0:37:47.880 and like talking to somebody or even just one of 0:37:47.880 --> 0:37:50.520 my biggest things that I do, like coping with depression 0:37:51.320 --> 0:37:53.840 is I'll write myself a note or I'll like like 0:37:54.120 --> 0:37:56.120 write everything down on a piece of paper and I'll 0:37:56.160 --> 0:37:58.520 just rant like say whatever, and then I'll tear up 0:37:58.520 --> 0:38:00.440 that piece of paper or all like burning or something, 0:38:00.480 --> 0:38:03.319 and it makes me just like even just communicating like that, 0:38:03.440 --> 0:38:11.680 like just to yourself really helps. But I love the 0:38:11.800 --> 0:38:14.680 reference to I love the reference. I didn't actually burn 0:38:14.760 --> 0:38:17.759 the book. It was yeah, they were like they just 0:38:18.320 --> 0:38:20.480 in the book. I love the fact that you don't 0:38:20.480 --> 0:38:23.719 even know that movie because I feel like, really, yeah, 0:38:23.880 --> 0:38:27.600 I like word really that one that came background. And 0:38:27.719 --> 0:38:29.640 that's awesome because I was gonna about to feel a 0:38:29.680 --> 0:38:33.280 roll old uh yeah, I know there's something to um 0:38:33.320 --> 0:38:36.640 anytime you have this. I learned this in therapy. So 0:38:36.719 --> 0:38:38.799 like one of my things, i'm not I'm not enough, 0:38:39.400 --> 0:38:41.759 you always replace it with like when you're having the thought, 0:38:41.760 --> 0:38:43.640 I know I am enough, and so like that's like 0:38:43.719 --> 0:38:47.319 retraining your brain to remember because of course we all 0:38:47.360 --> 0:38:49.600 have those shame messages like I'm not enough, I don't 0:38:49.640 --> 0:38:53.000 deserve this or I all those things, and it's like, no, 0:38:53.120 --> 0:38:56.680 I am worth, you know, I am worthy, and so, uh, 0:38:56.920 --> 0:38:59.760 last year I started writing the affirmations on my mirror 0:39:00.400 --> 0:39:03.239 and that really helps the house. Yeah. Well yeah, my 0:39:03.280 --> 0:39:06.920 girlfriend Kristen, she she did that because I was, you know, 0:39:07.040 --> 0:39:09.280 having a minute, and so she she wrote those around 0:39:09.280 --> 0:39:11.239 and it's good. It's nice to see it. And for 0:39:11.280 --> 0:39:12.799 a long time I had him in a mirror and like, 0:39:12.840 --> 0:39:15.480 I am enough, I'm worthy, I'm lovable, and I deserve. 0:39:16.280 --> 0:39:19.080 I deserve like I deserve. I would always do Bible 0:39:19.200 --> 0:39:22.600 verses on my mirror. I would like right like or 0:39:22.640 --> 0:39:24.759 I would just take like a X marker and I 0:39:24.760 --> 0:39:26.600 would like write like something big on my mirror, so 0:39:26.680 --> 0:39:28.799 I looked at it every morning. Or I would take 0:39:28.840 --> 0:39:30.640 like sticky notes and put them on the mirror of 0:39:30.680 --> 0:39:33.480 like Bible verses that are like your love, You're enough 0:39:33.560 --> 0:39:37.880 for anything around those lines. You gotta feel it. Yeah, 0:39:38.080 --> 0:39:40.359 is there anything anything else you guys want to say 0:39:40.480 --> 0:39:44.440 to the to the wine Down listeners, be kind, be 0:39:44.480 --> 0:39:46.359 kind to people, you never know what people are going through, 0:39:46.600 --> 0:39:52.600 love yourself, love others, stay cool. Well, thank you guys 0:39:52.640 --> 0:39:55.720 so much for coming on the show. I love you, guys, 0:39:55.960 --> 0:40:01.560 and yeah, I just I'm it's been beautiful to watch 0:40:01.600 --> 0:40:06.960 you guys grow into to just incredible loving I mean, 0:40:07.000 --> 0:40:09.520 your hearts, and I just if I could take the 0:40:09.560 --> 0:40:12.360 weight of some of this world and the negativity off y'all, 0:40:12.400 --> 0:40:15.640 you know I would, um, and yeah, I just don't 0:40:15.640 --> 0:40:19.240 ever forget how loved you are. Thank you, thank you, 0:40:19.400 --> 0:40:20.279 love you.