Speaker 1: Wine Down with Jane Kramer and I heard radio podcast. Okay,
Speaker 1: I am so excited for this week's podcast because I
Speaker 1: have got my adorable niece and nephew on. Uh, let's
Speaker 1: start with Dylan. Who's in my middle. Dylan, tell everyone
Speaker 1: your age? Who you are? Yeah, I'm Dylan Kramer. I'm fourteen. Uh,
Speaker 1: that's about it. And now there's Ava, my beautiful niece. Hi,
Speaker 1: I'm fifteen, and yeah, that's here. For the longest time, guys,
Speaker 1: I swear I'm still like yeah, I even Ni's nephew
Speaker 1: like seven and eight. And then finally my Katherine was like, uh,
Speaker 1: they're like thirteen in for I'm like now, I'm like okay,
Speaker 1: now now I know they're fourtune and fifteen. Um. So
Speaker 1: I wanted to have Ava and Dylan on because we
Speaker 1: were having a conversation. Well, first off, this is the
Speaker 1: first solo trip right that they ever took. Um, I've
Speaker 1: been trying to get them to, you know, come down
Speaker 1: and visit me, and so we finally talked about it
Speaker 1: and I was able to fly them to Nashville. And
Speaker 1: when we were talking, um, Dylan, it was actually you
Speaker 1: and I. We were having a conversation and I was
Speaker 1: just like, God, I'm like so many people, especially not
Speaker 1: only parents, but like kids or adolescents. Set Um. I know,
Speaker 1: there's not like a ton of kids that listen to
Speaker 1: this podcast, which is a good thing, but like you know,
Speaker 1: just even the things that you were saying that was
Speaker 1: so helpful for me as a mom and um So
Speaker 1: I was just like, would you want to be on
Speaker 1: the podcast? And then you said yes. I was really
Speaker 1: excited because I was like because I saw when I
Speaker 1: was coming, when I came in here to put on
Speaker 1: my stuff down, I saw like the little like this
Speaker 1: whole area of the whole setup right here, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is really cool. So, um so, what why would
Speaker 1: you want or like what part of um coming on
Speaker 1: the podcast? Like why why did you want to do that?
Speaker 1: I feel like there's like just things that have like
Speaker 1: the things we talked about should just like more people
Speaker 1: should have to hear it because they're just important topics. Yeah,
Speaker 1: which and Ava what about you baby? I mean I
Speaker 1: feel like there's like a lot of topics that kids
Speaker 1: go through, so like and like sometimes it's hard to
Speaker 1: tell your parents, but there's like ways that you're acting
Speaker 1: that kind of shows signs of like going through something hard.
Speaker 1: So maybe it's like for parents who like listen to this,
Speaker 1: they can like us from like what I'm saying to
Speaker 1: see like find in their kids and like see what
Speaker 1: their kids are going through. So let's start with that.
Speaker 1: What is something that you for a parent that the
Speaker 1: kids acting a certain way? Like what does that look like? Um?
Speaker 1: I mean for me, like when I'm normally sad or
Speaker 1: like going through something, I normally tend to not leave
Speaker 1: my room and I'll tend to just like sit in
Speaker 1: my room all day and like my go to thing
Speaker 1: is like I'm tired, like I don't want to do anything,
Speaker 1: like when I want to do something, but I'm just
Speaker 1: like not like just not happy, sad. I'll just sit
Speaker 1: in my bed all day and not leave my room
Speaker 1: and not want to talk to anybody. Does it bother
Speaker 1: you when your parents? Like what what helps that your
Speaker 1: parents do? And what is something that is like it
Speaker 1: would be better? And by the way, so this is
Speaker 1: my niece and nephew. This is from my brother m
Speaker 1: my older brothers kids. Um and uh, they got divorced
Speaker 1: real early on, like when we were like babies like
Speaker 1: one one and too. Yeah, um, so go ahead. Um.
Speaker 1: I think maybe like when you're in your room or
Speaker 1: like when you're sad, like the parents just like give
Speaker 1: you space and just like respect your space that you're
Speaker 1: like sad and just want to be left alone, but
Speaker 1: then also like checking in but not like all the time,
Speaker 1: just like every couple hours, just making sure they're okay,
Speaker 1: or like trying to like talk to them and not
Speaker 1: just completely leave them alone, but not like bother them
Speaker 1: every ten minutes. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like that would
Speaker 1: be like such a balance for me because I'm always
Speaker 1: like what's wrong, like and it's like to know do
Speaker 1: you do you say like, hey, I just need some
Speaker 1: space right now. Yeah. Normally when to my mom, like
Speaker 1: when i'm sad, I'm just like I don't want to
Speaker 1: talk to anybody right now, Like I just want to
Speaker 1: be left alone and I'll come talk to you when
Speaker 1: I'm ready to talk about things, but I just want
Speaker 1: to be left alone right now. But you would get
Speaker 1: annoyed if the parent was like keeps asking, keeps asking,
Speaker 1: and then and then I feel like in a way,
Speaker 1: you would shell up and you wouldn't want to then
Speaker 1: have a conversation. Dylan, is that kind of the same
Speaker 1: for you, but for me, it's a little bit different.
Speaker 1: Like my mom just kind of like she just, you
Speaker 1: know how like parents are just come in your room,
Speaker 1: check on you, just in the middle of the day.
Speaker 1: She'll they'll normally my mom will just typically pick up
Speaker 1: if something's wrong and then just try and like pry
Speaker 1: it out of me, sometimes trying to help. Yeah, she
Speaker 1: tries to help me by Yeah, that's that's her method.
Speaker 1: Normally it works, and then we end up just having
Speaker 1: a conversation about like what's wrong some of it. Most
Speaker 1: of the time I try not to tell her because
Speaker 1: I just I don't know. Normally, I like just keeping
Speaker 1: like my things to myself and I kind of just
Speaker 1: figure it out, you know. But is there a reason
Speaker 1: why you don't want to tell because I think that's
Speaker 1: like when, you know, even when I talk to Julian,
Speaker 1: I know she's young, but I'm like, hey, Jeli, you
Speaker 1: can tell me anything. You can talk to me like
Speaker 1: I'm I'm you know, whatever, and so what why wouldn't
Speaker 1: you want to say something? I don't know, honestly, it's
Speaker 1: just like sometimes I'm just afraid of like just conversations.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's just I feel like a lot of the
Speaker 1: times I either just figured out myself or like sometimes
Speaker 1: when I go to therapy, my therapist helps me out,
Speaker 1: but you know, just sometimes I just most of the
Speaker 1: time I figure it out by myself. So let's talk
Speaker 1: about that piece. You've been going to therapy for how long?
Speaker 1: Since about third grade? Third grade? And why did you
Speaker 1: go into therapy? Um, It's kind of hard to remember,
Speaker 1: but I'm pretty sure just like so many like thoughts
Speaker 1: and struggles as a little kid, you know, there was
Speaker 1: a lot of like like loss of innocence type things
Speaker 1: I was going through at the time that really had
Speaker 1: like an effect on like my younger childhood days. So
Speaker 1: I just started going to the same doctor. I still
Speaker 1: go to her. Um. Yeah, and it really honestly helps.
Speaker 1: What's been the biggest benefit you've seen going to therapy? Honestly,
Speaker 1: like ever since I don't know if this kind of
Speaker 1: is the same, but ever since they put me on
Speaker 1: the medicine, that's honestly really helped. And just like having
Speaker 1: somebody even if there's nothing wrong, just having somebody to
Speaker 1: go to talk to, like about your week, it just
Speaker 1: really helps. Yeah, But because how long have you been
Speaker 1: going for Um, I just started. I mean I had
Speaker 1: a therapist. I used to go to um Dylan's therapist
Speaker 1: in fifth grade for about like a couple of months.
Speaker 1: But then with just like anxiety attacks when I was
Speaker 1: just I don't know what it was about, but I
Speaker 1: used to do that. And then I just started going
Speaker 1: um like in August, and I've just been going to
Speaker 1: her once a week every Wednesday. And I don't even
Speaker 1: have things to talk about most of the time. I
Speaker 1: just sit there and I'll have like a conversation. So
Speaker 1: like when something does like strike me or like I
Speaker 1: have an anxiety attack or like depression, like she knows
Speaker 1: how to help me because I like talk to her
Speaker 1: about my life, so she knows how to approach it
Speaker 1: with me. So fourteen and fifteen, where is y'all's anxiety
Speaker 1: coming from? Like what is this stem for you guys?
Speaker 1: Where that's coming from? I would say my biggest is
Speaker 1: school and doing school work, because I mean I have
Speaker 1: volleyball and just like all of that like pile on
Speaker 1: top of it in school work, and then teachers like
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm as lenient with like do dates and stuff
Speaker 1: or like when things are going on in your life,
Speaker 1: like they don't really understand, so they'll just like pile
Speaker 1: on work and like it's just causes anxiety because like
Speaker 1: you need to get it done because they won't accept
Speaker 1: it late. And it's like just a lot. What about
Speaker 1: for you, buddy? Honestly, it's yeah, it's pretty much just
Speaker 1: great since just likes the pressure. And also on a
Speaker 1: different note, just stuff like we like we're exposed to
Speaker 1: these days, were exposed to like so much, like what
Speaker 1: like just like because you know, we have all the
Speaker 1: social media and stuff, so like we just see a
Speaker 1: lot of stuff, right, Yeah, I mean I feel like,
Speaker 1: um with social media definitely causes more anxiety, I guess
Speaker 1: with just like especially with friends and like school and
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. It's like seeing that like certain
Speaker 1: things like like what what's giving me a certain thing?
Speaker 1: Like when you don't get invited to something, and like
Speaker 1: you're like you have like a friend group and they're
Speaker 1: all hanging out without you, and then you're kind of
Speaker 1: just like scrolling through your phone, like just laying in
Speaker 1: bed and all you see is like pictures and videos
Speaker 1: of your friends together and you're like, man, why I
Speaker 1: get invited? Yeah, it's just kind of stressful too, just like, oh,
Speaker 1: like do they not want to be friends with me?
Speaker 1: And then when you try to talk to them about it,
Speaker 1: it's like they're like no, like we just didn't like
Speaker 1: you'll come next time, Like we just didn't know you
Speaker 1: wanted to come. And it's just don't people know that
Speaker 1: everyone wants to be like I don't want to come
Speaker 1: to things. I just want to be invited. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: I would like to actually stay at home, but being
Speaker 1: invited it feels good because if not, it feels you
Speaker 1: feel left out and you go, will something wrong with me? Like?
Speaker 1: And I mean that's kind of my biggest thing because
Speaker 1: like I've been in so many friend groups. I had
Speaker 1: a friend group pretty much growing up, like we were close,
Speaker 1: our parents are all still close, and I would feel
Speaker 1: like at times like I would not be invited to
Speaker 1: things like when we would all go camping together, like
Speaker 1: they would all hang out and then kind of like
Speaker 1: leave me behind. And then even last year I had
Speaker 1: a friend group too, and they would like just hang
Speaker 1: out without me, And I'm like, what wasn't me? Am
Speaker 1: I the one that's like driving them away? Like do
Speaker 1: they not want to hang out with me? Or is
Speaker 1: it just like I'm just they don't want to invite me,
Speaker 1: like because they were all friends before, so I was like,
Speaker 1: am I just not a part of it? So it's
Speaker 1: kind of like stressful to be like what's the talk
Speaker 1: that you can like, what what do you do to
Speaker 1: to to regulate the self talk with that? Well, in
Speaker 1: that moment, like when I realized I'm not invited, I
Speaker 1: like think like, oh, like they don't want to be
Speaker 1: friends with me. But then I also think to the
Speaker 1: times were like I was invited and then maybe some
Speaker 1: else in the friend group wasn't invited, and I kind
Speaker 1: of like reflect on that, I'm like, well, they maybe
Speaker 1: felt the same way, and I feel like sometimes not
Speaker 1: everybody can like be together at the same time. So
Speaker 1: that's kind of like my thought process when I'm really
Speaker 1: thinking about it. And how do you guys work through
Speaker 1: I want to talk about depression to you, but how
Speaker 1: do you guys work through the steps of like when
Speaker 1: you get an anxiety attack? Like would it would are
Speaker 1: tools because a lot of people that listen to the
Speaker 1: show um not only have kids that have anxiety, but
Speaker 1: also they suffer themselves, and so I think, you know,
Speaker 1: I would say, like you gotta have a toolbox full
Speaker 1: of stuff because what what What might work one day
Speaker 1: for anxiety might not work the next day. Like I
Speaker 1: used to do this thing where I count backwards from
Speaker 1: five to one and some days it would work in
Speaker 1: all our days and like screw, Like this isn't working.
Speaker 1: And now I'm like and so then you go to, Okay,
Speaker 1: what's the next thing in my toolbox that I can
Speaker 1: potentially work on? So is there anything that has been
Speaker 1: helpful for you guys when you go through those moments?
Speaker 1: For me, I just distracted myself. I use anything, every
Speaker 1: anything and everything that like just around me, and I
Speaker 1: distract myself. Um. For me, I do have a really
Speaker 1: close relationship with my mom, and I think that's something
Speaker 1: really important, like to be close with your parents, and
Speaker 1: like for parents to be close with their kids because
Speaker 1: whenever and my dad too, like whenever I'm upset, like
Speaker 1: I can always go tell my parents, Like if I'm
Speaker 1: having anxiety, like the first thing I do is I'll
Speaker 1: tell one of my parents. But another thing is because
Speaker 1: they're supportive when when you are going to them. I
Speaker 1: think that's key too. Instead of being like, oh you're fine,
Speaker 1: it's they talk to you about it. I think just
Speaker 1: having someone like you trust, especially like your parents are
Speaker 1: just like someone you know has been through stuff too,
Speaker 1: Like you can go to them and talk to them
Speaker 1: and then they can help you. But one thing I
Speaker 1: also do is I like clean and like distract myself.
Speaker 1: So like sometimes I'll catch myself like cleaning my room
Speaker 1: at one in the morning because I'm just like so
Speaker 1: stressed and it just helps me clear my mind and
Speaker 1: I'll listen to music and that's one of my main
Speaker 1: coping ways. Yeah, that's good. I like that. It was
Speaker 1: kind of interesting when we were at church, to remember
Speaker 1: they were talking about the three a m. In the
Speaker 1: middle of the night. I loved that, Like I was
Speaker 1: just like, what was he saying? I wrote down on
Speaker 1: my phone. It was it was very profound when we
Speaker 1: were in church, and it was like listening to it.
Speaker 1: But what did he say? He said, um Um, I
Speaker 1: wrote it in my loan notes. It says, uh, because
Speaker 1: when the night gets the darkest, that's when the light
Speaker 1: hits its hardest. So it's like you might feel so
Speaker 1: dark in that moment and it's it's and I'm nice
Speaker 1: to have the same thing where I'd wake up at
Speaker 1: three o'clock in the morning, and it's like instead of
Speaker 1: looking at it like, oh my god, I'm alone and
Speaker 1: it's dark and I have anxiety, it's like this is
Speaker 1: when this is when the light is like going to
Speaker 1: hit you hard. So depression, what do you guys think
Speaker 1: is you guys are struggling with on a depression level
Speaker 1: in with where you guys are at age wise. Honestly,
Speaker 1: for me, like how like my depression just builds its
Speaker 1: just honestly builds on each other or itself. Like sometimes
Speaker 1: it'll just be nothing, but then like I'll just start
Speaker 1: feeling MOPy, sad, I don't want to do anything, and
Speaker 1: then pile that on with like all the task I
Speaker 1: have to do throughout the day, and then it just
Speaker 1: builds upon itself and then it just gets worse from there.
Speaker 1: Do you do you have a thing where you can
Speaker 1: go back to and go, Okay, this is where it
Speaker 1: kind of stems from. I try to, but some of
Speaker 1: the times that doesn't always work. Okay some of the times. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think for me, like my main like stem cause
Speaker 1: of it has to go Like I do a lot
Speaker 1: with friend issues, so like that's mainly like the cause
Speaker 1: of like trying to fit in, you know, as like
Speaker 1: a sophomore girl in high school now trying to like
Speaker 1: fit in social media, like dressed way the other girls dressed,
Speaker 1: trying to be like just like everyone else, like everyone
Speaker 1: wants to be like each other, and it's just kind
Speaker 1: of hard like to try and fit in. And then
Speaker 1: when you feel like you're not fit in, like you're
Speaker 1: not fitting in with them, you start to, like, especially
Speaker 1: for me, like a sad And then it just has
Speaker 1: a lot to do with like relationships with people and
Speaker 1: like stuff like that like causes like boyfriends and friends
Speaker 1: and all that really causes like some hard depression and
Speaker 1: just sadness. Do you think your life would have been less,
Speaker 1: have less depression, less anxiety there wasn't social media, I
Speaker 1: think yeah, because I feel like sometimes I tried thinking
Speaker 1: like wait, what if I just got rid of like
Speaker 1: all my social media? But then the thing is is
Speaker 1: like that's all everybody uses, and all everyone uses a
Speaker 1: snatchet and TikTok and Instagram, Facebook, well not kids, but
Speaker 1: you know, and I feel like if I get rid
Speaker 1: of it, then I'm just kind of like not going
Speaker 1: to be with Yeah, So I feel like if nobody
Speaker 1: had anything, it would be way better because, like my
Speaker 1: mom always tells me when she was a kid, like
Speaker 1: they didn't have social media and everybody would just like
Speaker 1: hang out and like go out with like no phones
Speaker 1: and like no social media, And I feel like that
Speaker 1: would just make everything better. I honestly agree with that.
Speaker 1: It's but you know, I still have to kind of
Speaker 1: have it. As she said, I don't want to isolate myself.
Speaker 1: I want to get out there. But so what do
Speaker 1: you think the balance is? Then? Um, you know, I
Speaker 1: feel like I don't know, because it's just kind of
Speaker 1: hard because like everybody, that's all everybody uses. Like I'll
Speaker 1: try and text you my friends and they won't answer,
Speaker 1: but then I'll like send them something on Snapchat and
Speaker 1: they respond right away. So I feel like there's been
Speaker 1: times where I have deleted like Snapchat or like I've
Speaker 1: not been allowed to use it, and I've just been
Speaker 1: so like left out and like like never was invited
Speaker 1: to anything, never like and I lost like a lot
Speaker 1: of my friends because of it. So I don't know,
Speaker 1: I feel like, just know your limits with it. I
Speaker 1: guess I think it's hard to because they're so the
Speaker 1: bullying and I think which what The bullying that can
Speaker 1: happen on social media too is just unlike anything I've
Speaker 1: ever It's horrible. Yeah, I mean I've had hate pages
Speaker 1: made about me. I've had these like stupid TikTok accounts
Speaker 1: made where they're like the post a video of me
Speaker 1: and be like if a Kramer cheated on her boyfriend
Speaker 1: eight times, And I'm like just like stuff like that,
Speaker 1: Like people just post anything to try and get attention,
Speaker 1: and it's really just stupid. And like people will like
Speaker 1: tell me, they'll just like text me to nowhere and
Speaker 1: be like you're ugly, and then like the biggest thing
Speaker 1: that people say is like you're a whore is what
Speaker 1: people will tend to say to each other, especially like
Speaker 1: girls to girls are like a guy to it and
Speaker 1: because like Katherine will say like you whore, but like
Speaker 1: as a joke, yeah, I know, like they mean it
Speaker 1: seriously seriously like they I feel like one of the
Speaker 1: biggest like bullying things is like guys tend to like
Speaker 1: shame girls what and I feel like just as kids,
Speaker 1: just like yeah and just like that and like guys
Speaker 1: and I feel like a lot of girls like now
Speaker 1: like want like that male attention and all that stuff.
Speaker 1: And then with like when a girl doesn't get that,
Speaker 1: they tend to like be like depressed or like sad,
Speaker 1: and then a guy will like start slut shaming them
Speaker 1: and all that. And I feel like that's just like
Speaker 1: the main thing of so some media, especially like with
Speaker 1: like I hear stories from girls like in my grade
Speaker 1: all like I'll overhear them talking the hallway about like
Speaker 1: stuff that's going on between like her and a guy,
Speaker 1: and like what a guy says to them. I think
Speaker 1: it's just like, yeah, it's it's it's terrible because half
Speaker 1: of these things these people are saying, like whether it's
Speaker 1: online or behind someone's back, they would never say to
Speaker 1: their face. That's how bad it is. It's just they
Speaker 1: always yeah, they're they're never going to say this type
Speaker 1: of stuff to the person's face, so they just do
Speaker 1: it over social media. Yeah, I mean that's what I mean.
Speaker 1: Y'all seen my, my my that. Yeah. Those Native people,
Speaker 1: it's like if you actually knocked down their door and
Speaker 1: said would you like to I mean maybe some of
Speaker 1: them would still say to my face, but I just
Speaker 1: it's so hard because like I can sit here and
Speaker 1: tell you guys, you guys don't listen to that. You
Speaker 1: guys are both you know, you're beautiful, You're just like
Speaker 1: you're stunned, like you guys are just amazing, um and
Speaker 1: your talented like all the things. But it's like when
Speaker 1: you're seeing something like this and you're reading things and
Speaker 1: you're having to have these because high school feels so big.
Speaker 1: I mean, it feels like it's the only thing in
Speaker 1: the world and it's like the biggest thing ever. It's like,
Speaker 1: you remember when Matthew, my high school sweetheart, cheated on me.
Speaker 1: I was like, my life is over. It's like everything
Speaker 1: just feels and like and I'm like, you know, I
Speaker 1: want to be guys, Like there's so much you know,
Speaker 1: more out there and it's and but I also remember
Speaker 1: how I felt when I was in that moment and
Speaker 1: my mom was saying this same thing, and it's like
Speaker 1: that doesn't help me when she said that, But I'm curious,
Speaker 1: like what would help? Yeah, I mean, one thing my
Speaker 1: mom does say to me, she's like and I've kind
Speaker 1: of like had to realize it myself. But it's like,
Speaker 1: in four years, it's not gonna matter. Like she told
Speaker 1: me that all freshman year. She was like when you
Speaker 1: graduate from high school, none of the populated kids are
Speaker 1: gonna be popular. Like when you go to college, like
Speaker 1: none of this is gonna matter, and the kids who
Speaker 1: like like end up like bullying and like all that stuff,
Speaker 1: they're going to be the ones who are like struggling
Speaker 1: to get into college and do good in their life.
Speaker 1: So I feel like that really helped me because then
Speaker 1: I was kind of like, Okay, so like I don't
Speaker 1: need to worry about this, Like I need to worry
Speaker 1: about myself and like do good in tests, do going
Speaker 1: to test, do good just in school in general, And
Speaker 1: then like one day when high school is over, because
Speaker 1: I mean I have two years left and I go
Speaker 1: to college and I feel like there's so many colleges
Speaker 1: where it's not gonna matter who you're with in four years. Yeah,
Speaker 1: how are you guys though? With are you guys? Because
Speaker 1: obviously people have unfortunately bullied you. How are you on
Speaker 1: social media? Like what do you do back in retaliation?
Speaker 1: Do you want to go? Well, honestly, for me, like
Speaker 1: I'm not like as out there as Eva, Like she's like,
Speaker 1: I'm just so there hasn't been like pages made about me,
Speaker 1: but I know like a lot of people, don't. I know,
Speaker 1: people who don't like me. You know, well, it's kind
Speaker 1: of like, you know, I'm I'm a little like I'm
Speaker 1: a little bit more like different. You know, he's more
Speaker 1: into like his own things. I'm into my own stuff. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's that's not different. That's just you like different things.
Speaker 1: That doesn't make you like. Don't label yourself as different.
Speaker 1: You're like you just you like other things, and that's okay.
Speaker 1: Don't let anyone just because you don't just because you're
Speaker 1: not into football, into football or yeah, the you know whatever,
Speaker 1: that doesn't you're you're so knowledgeable. I mean, my goodness, gracious,
Speaker 1: move went to the zoo and the plants, Like you
Speaker 1: are the most knowledgeable young man I've ever met. And
Speaker 1: it's like, I that to me is so much like
Speaker 1: you have so much intelligence, Like that's amazing, Like you
Speaker 1: should own that and don't say you're different, because you're
Speaker 1: so special in like the most amazing way. Like those
Speaker 1: football guys would love to have a little piece of
Speaker 1: your knowledge. But yes, I mean, do you like, how
Speaker 1: do you does that weigh on you? That is that
Speaker 1: what causes maybe some of the depression, maybe a little bit,
Speaker 1: but that's not like that it doesn't really get to
Speaker 1: me because I know my worth. Yes, I love that.
Speaker 1: And would you incurage other parents to put their kids
Speaker 1: into therapy? Honestly, yes, I would, because if you can
Speaker 1: really get to know somebody and trust them, even if
Speaker 1: like as like in the younger in the younger days,
Speaker 1: not a lot going on, but if they just have
Speaker 1: someone to talk to and get to know, when they
Speaker 1: do get older and they start having these issues, they
Speaker 1: have someone they can go right to and help them
Speaker 1: solve out their problems. I selfishly want to ask with them,
Speaker 1: why not the mom? I know there needs to be
Speaker 1: and hey, I'm gonna probably most likely you know, put
Speaker 1: Jolie and Jason into you know, a therapy at some point,
Speaker 1: But like what is the piece that like you wouldn't
Speaker 1: feel comfortable talking to your parents? One thing? Like why
Speaker 1: I went to therapy? Like my main reason it was
Speaker 1: because you know, I tell my mom literally everything, like everything,
Speaker 1: even if it doesn't involve me, like some some drama
Speaker 1: happen in school, Like I tell my mom and I
Speaker 1: feel like like I can trust my mom and I
Speaker 1: can trust my parents, but I feel like my mom
Speaker 1: didn't go to school to be like a therapist or
Speaker 1: like like going to counseling. So I feel like having
Speaker 1: somebody who like actually like their profession is to help
Speaker 1: you and be able to listen and talk to you
Speaker 1: through things is like why, Like I think kids should
Speaker 1: go into therapy because you can tell your parents, you
Speaker 1: can trust your parents. But I feel like some things
Speaker 1: they're not, Like they didn't go to school to learn.
Speaker 1: Like my therapist she went to school to learn how
Speaker 1: to Like, we definitely didn't go to school to learn.
Speaker 1: I didn't learn much. I mean like, yeah, when I
Speaker 1: have my really good perspective, I like that a lot
Speaker 1: because that's what even my mom told me. She was like, like,
Speaker 1: when you go into therapy, like you can tell me everything,
Speaker 1: And I do tell her everything, but it's like she
Speaker 1: went to school to do I don't know what, but
Speaker 1: not be a therapist theist. Yeah, and there's different things
Speaker 1: that they have a different way of looking at things
Speaker 1: than maybe a parent's two and like something that they
Speaker 1: would probably have a better response or not a better response,
Speaker 1: but a response that you and really um connect to. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I feel like a therapist is like more real
Speaker 1: to you, Like when I tell my mom stuff. You know,
Speaker 1: she's always gonna take my side, like she's not going
Speaker 1: to take someone else's side. But then when you talk
Speaker 1: to your therapist, are like, well, maybe you know, like
Speaker 1: you shouldn't have done this to that person, like they
Speaker 1: can give you like their perspective when your parents are
Speaker 1: like they're gonna give Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's all really
Speaker 1: good information. Yeah that makes sense a lot, same for you, Dylan, Yeah,
Speaker 1: probably the same for me. It's just honestly, I just
Speaker 1: I like talking to the therapist a bit more. That's
Speaker 1: just honestly, just that's just what I prefer. That's just
Speaker 1: preference for me. It's almost like you're able to be
Speaker 1: more open. Yeah, but it's I want to even say
Speaker 1: it's about being more open. It's just honestly, like I
Speaker 1: just like having somebody who's just like not in the family,
Speaker 1: just because it's like it's like anonymously talking on it. Right. Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: I like that. That's cool. What Um and Dylan, we
Speaker 1: kind of talked about this the other night. But what
Speaker 1: do you think. I mean, obviously your parents got divorceder
Speaker 1: my brother and your your your mom got divorced really young,
Speaker 1: and I know you guys don't remember it, but through
Speaker 1: the co parenting, Like, what is the one thing that
Speaker 1: like I I can learn or make sure that I'm doing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: co parenting is like that's like a really like how
Speaker 1: you like do this in their younger days is going
Speaker 1: to have a giant effect on how they like. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't honestly their mental health in the future. All
Speaker 1: I'm in all you should do is like as of
Speaker 1: right now, just try to maintain some sort of like
Speaker 1: in front of the kids, some sort of positive relationship
Speaker 1: between you and Mike. Yeah. I mean you guys saw
Speaker 1: us at the basketball game. That was good. That's like
Speaker 1: exactly it. Yeah, because I feel like when I hear
Speaker 1: stories or like when I talk to my friends his
Speaker 1: parents are also divorced, they're like yeah, like like having
Speaker 1: two parents is like so hard, and it's like because
Speaker 1: you know, their parents aren't close, and it's like I
Speaker 1: hate having the fact that I have to go like
Speaker 1: to two different houses for Christmas and my family can't
Speaker 1: be together. But for me, honestly think if it as
Speaker 1: a plus and not the fact that I get to
Speaker 1: Christmas present, I just know I can trust both them
Speaker 1: and that they're like good with each other together, and
Speaker 1: it just makes me feel a lot more comfortable like
Speaker 1: having divorced parents, because I mean, my whole life, I
Speaker 1: grew up with having divorced parents, but I mean my
Speaker 1: whole life, they've been able to like work together together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's really helped me knowing that my parents are
Speaker 1: like still like my parents and they like obviously be
Speaker 1: like I don't know how to explain it, like they
Speaker 1: just know they can co parent together, and that's really
Speaker 1: helpful for exactly. Do you think it was easier too
Speaker 1: that you guys were younger? Yah, I look at you
Speaker 1: know when the divorce, the divorce that your dad and I, um,
Speaker 1: I went through with our parents, and it was I mean,
Speaker 1: your dad was let's see, if I was thirteen fourteen,
Speaker 1: he was fifteen sixteen, and we saw a lot of
Speaker 1: stuff that we should not have seen. We were witnessed
Speaker 1: to a lot of stuff, and I think that really
Speaker 1: shaped my adolescent years. And you know, same with him,
Speaker 1: and a lot of stuff that like, you know, I
Speaker 1: know that he personally, you know, deals with from that
Speaker 1: like childhood trauma. I guess place um, but I don't know,
Speaker 1: Like I obviously I hate the fact that Julian Jason
Speaker 1: are in a separate house. Having said that, you know,
Speaker 1: I think at the age was helpful. No, I don't
Speaker 1: think they're going to remember too much. And so that's
Speaker 1: why I'm really trying, like okay, like you know, inviting
Speaker 1: my acts to the birthday parties and like just trying
Speaker 1: to have something that like they can see us, like
Speaker 1: you said, together and that's the best thing you could do. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then I can still have my own personal feelings
Speaker 1: on whatever. But in front of the kids, like I mean,
Speaker 1: I like, yeah, that was Schuman Shuman laughing. Yeah, Like no,
Speaker 1: but I mean I mean we're good. You know, we
Speaker 1: have days, right, but like good and bad. But I think, um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that's a really good thing. And is there
Speaker 1: anything else that you should think that I should be
Speaker 1: aware of, Like that's not a good thing to do,
Speaker 1: or I have to think of past experiences, probably not
Speaker 1: having a relation, like not having the kids meet I
Speaker 1: mean the kids have only met one person, honestly, Like
Speaker 1: when um our mom remarried, that was honestly, like that
Speaker 1: was a good thing because I felt like, honestly, it
Speaker 1: was just like it was a really good thing to
Speaker 1: happen after the divorce. It's another parent in your life,
Speaker 1: another parent, because I mean, we love our stepdad, we
Speaker 1: love our stepmom, like and they're two like really good
Speaker 1: people who we are very fortunate to have in our life,
Speaker 1: and that we can also trust them, like I can
Speaker 1: trust my stepdad and I trust my stepmom like and
Speaker 1: you know, I think it's good to have that relationship
Speaker 1: or like bonus parents exactly. But your mom will always
Speaker 1: be your mom, your dad will always be her. And
Speaker 1: I think that's when as when I was going through
Speaker 1: why I didn't want to divorce your uncle Mike, But
Speaker 1: it was because I was like, I don't want someone
Speaker 1: else to raise my kids. But at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, like your mom's your mom, your dad's your dad.
Speaker 1: And I said, of people get to like Kristen, who's
Speaker 1: I love her and she's you know, your stepmom and
Speaker 1: she's my sister in law, but like, and I adore her.
Speaker 1: So it's like, oh my god, that's so cool. Like
Speaker 1: she gets to love the kids, to like more people
Speaker 1: to love you guys. It's amazing. I never really thought
Speaker 1: of it as like a negative type of thing because
Speaker 1: I know, like my dad, like I always love him
Speaker 1: as my dad and like nobody can replace him, and
Speaker 1: nobody can replace my mom. And I think just having
Speaker 1: like a stepmom and a stepdad too, that just can
Speaker 1: like help because I think it's hard being like a
Speaker 1: single parent, especially because when I was like little, little er,
Speaker 1: my parents were like I don't know, I just felt
Speaker 1: like it was more hard for them. So having another
Speaker 1: person to come in and help with the income and
Speaker 1: like just like help them, like help us and just
Speaker 1: be a good parent for us is like really helpful
Speaker 1: and like good for kids to It's interesting because a
Speaker 1: lot of times, like I remember, um, people are like
Speaker 1: wait till the kids are older to like settle down,
Speaker 1: Um just focus on and it's like, yes, my focus
Speaker 1: is always the kids, but the waiting to settle down,
Speaker 1: I'm like I I would think that it would be
Speaker 1: I mean, either one like right, you gotta do it's
Speaker 1: ever best for you, so something, you know, nine, I
Speaker 1: know some people that have waited until, you know, getting
Speaker 1: remarried or getting into relationships until after the kids are older.
Speaker 1: But also like my kids are so young that, yeah,
Speaker 1: it is nice to have that partner and then of
Speaker 1: all them also to have that family. Yeah, I think,
Speaker 1: I mean, you settle whenever you're ready to settle. I
Speaker 1: feel like there's not like a never settle baby, never
Speaker 1: settle you love and yeah, never settle, you know you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Um, I think just like getting
Speaker 1: into another relationship, it's like and like getting married and
Speaker 1: having another person there for your kids, Like there's never
Speaker 1: really a time for that, it's just whatever it feels right.
Speaker 1: But like I think that just having like your kids
Speaker 1: grow up with another person there, because you know, we
Speaker 1: grew up with our stepdad there, so we basically he's
Speaker 1: like a glued in peace to our family, like when
Speaker 1: we think about like our family, like he's like in
Speaker 1: there in same with my stepmom. We didn't grow up
Speaker 1: with her, but I mean we've known her for like
Speaker 1: a long time. And for me, honestly, having this person
Speaker 1: like come into their life when they're younger is better
Speaker 1: than old when they're older, because when they're older, this
Speaker 1: random person is just going to try and enter their
Speaker 1: life and they're like what instead of like when they're
Speaker 1: little and they'll always be there. Yeah. I think just
Speaker 1: like growing up with that that person also helps because
Speaker 1: I feel like now if like my parents weren't married
Speaker 1: and they just got married, and then there's just like
Speaker 1: this guy like trying to come in and like trying
Speaker 1: to like parent me. But I mean, like I'm an older,
Speaker 1: moody teenager, like the old I'm gonna please be the
Speaker 1: title of this podcast, old moody teenager. I just feel
Speaker 1: like with that, like it would just be harder to
Speaker 1: like a just and you just have so many feelings
Speaker 1: when you're older, and I feel like it would just
Speaker 1: be like kind of more more difficult. But I mean,
Speaker 1: I think people should just do what's right. But I
Speaker 1: mean I feel like for me growing up with having
Speaker 1: a step dad, like enter my life when I was
Speaker 1: like four, no younger than that, right, like three, Well,
Speaker 1: you guys were able to have that family even though
Speaker 1: it looked a little different. You have two homes, like
Speaker 1: you were able to have that family unit. But I
Speaker 1: think you know, at the end of the day, you
Speaker 1: got to do what's best and do not settle because
Speaker 1: never settled. I love my family three and I would
Speaker 1: never settle again for because I know what my kids deserve,
Speaker 1: I know what I deserve, and I think you know,
Speaker 1: it has to be that right puzzle piece. Yeah, exact,
Speaker 1: perfect puzzle perfect. What is something else that you guys
Speaker 1: want to either say two kids out there, like a
Speaker 1: message to bullies or to the parents, or like, what
Speaker 1: is something like if you could have one thing that
Speaker 1: you just want to say or a few things that
Speaker 1: you just something that needs to either be known or
Speaker 1: that you just want to say that you feel strongly about. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and what is that to you? Just don't let anybody
Speaker 1: define who you are as a person. You You're yourself
Speaker 1: and nobody should ever have the right to change that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I kind of saying like what he's saying, but like
Speaker 1: you should know who you are and never like change
Speaker 1: yourself for other people. And you should just have people
Speaker 1: love you for who you are. And if they don't
Speaker 1: love you for who you are, then they're not the
Speaker 1: right person. And I mean you can see that with
Speaker 1: friends relationships, and then for parents, I feel like when
Speaker 1: your kid is like you never know really what your
Speaker 1: kid is going through. It's kind of hard to tell
Speaker 1: because kids are like really good at hiding things. Because
Speaker 1: I've had so many things from my mom like when
Speaker 1: I was and you guys are close, yeah, and when
Speaker 1: I wasn't able to tell her like I just felt
Speaker 1: like I couldn't. I eventually did, but I mean, like
Speaker 1: just over time, I just I think you should just
Speaker 1: like be there for your kids no matter what. And
Speaker 1: they might not always tell you everything, and they might
Speaker 1: just act kind of distant, but just like you can
Speaker 1: be there from them and like remind them that like
Speaker 1: you're there for them, that you love them, that they're loved,
Speaker 1: and yeah, to be consistent and you know what, I
Speaker 1: want you guys to remember and know you're worth too
Speaker 1: when you get into those moments. I think it's so easy.
Speaker 1: I mean I do the same thing. I get on
Speaker 1: here and I'm like, I know you're worth and don't
Speaker 1: settle and you know, love yourself and don't read those
Speaker 1: hate pages. And then two hours later I'm like, so
Speaker 1: it's like I think you know you were. We also
Speaker 1: have to take in what we say and know that, um,
Speaker 1: you know who you are. And I think it always
Speaker 1: goes back to like in those places like when you're
Speaker 1: not invited, or when you feel depressed or someone's being
Speaker 1: mean to your bullying, it's like, what is the truth?
Speaker 1: You know? And like that's what I think you should
Speaker 1: go back through. The truth is you are worthy you
Speaker 1: are enough. You are smart, but you and you're not
Speaker 1: book smart. Okay we didn't we didn't we didn't get
Speaker 1: that gene. Okay, we didn't even see. Yeah, we were
Speaker 1: counting in our fingers, like I mean, and I felt
Speaker 1: seen so thank you so, But I mean, you know
Speaker 1: and you know. So It's like we all have our
Speaker 1: our things and our strengths, and I think we just
Speaker 1: need to, like what the truth is that we are
Speaker 1: all all we are all good enough, we're all worthy,
Speaker 1: and we just if someone isn't being kind to us,
Speaker 1: we'd be kind to them no matter what. I think.
Speaker 1: One thing is like you shouldn't like take into perspective
Speaker 1: that everybody's going through something and that you never know
Speaker 1: what someone's going through. And I mean, just like just
Speaker 1: I can't say be nice to everybody, because you know,
Speaker 1: people aren't nice to everybody. I mean, there's been times
Speaker 1: when I've been mean to people, and I feel like
Speaker 1: it's just like I don't I don't like being mean
Speaker 1: to people, but then there's also been times where I've
Speaker 1: been mean to people. People have been mean to me.
Speaker 1: But I feel like, just know that like everybody's kind
Speaker 1: of going through the same thing. And that you should
Speaker 1: just treat everybody, like try your hardest to just treat
Speaker 1: everybody good because you never know, like something you could
Speaker 1: say could be someone's last straw or and you don't
Speaker 1: want to, like you never know what someone's going through
Speaker 1: their internal battle. And that's what I said. I got
Speaker 1: had this one Instagram question the other day. Someone was like,
Speaker 1: who is the rudest celebrity you ever met? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to answer that because like, first of all,
Speaker 1: I had no idea what they were going through on
Speaker 1: that day. And there's been times when people have caught
Speaker 1: me on bad days because I was insecure about something,
Speaker 1: or Mike and I were fighting or something. It's like
Speaker 1: and I probably didn't I probably might not have been
Speaker 1: nice because we don't I don't know someone that has
Speaker 1: been nice every single day, but we can try to
Speaker 1: do better the next day and we can. Again, like
Speaker 1: you just don't know what someone's personally going through, So
Speaker 1: it's like just be kind you haven't you know even
Speaker 1: the mean people that are not being mean, and just
Speaker 1: remember the truth and remember your worth. One thing I
Speaker 1: had one thing I like reflect on is sometimes like
Speaker 1: when I mean to somebody like in the past, I
Speaker 1: like tend to be like, oh, like I'll feel really
Speaker 1: bad about it, and I'll like either send them a
Speaker 1: text message or I'll DM them. I'm like hey, like
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Like I was just going through some things
Speaker 1: and like I didn't mean anything, just like I just
Speaker 1: wanted to say sorry. Like I always have to apologize
Speaker 1: for my actions because I feel like you just never know,
Speaker 1: and I feel like talking to somebody and like like
Speaker 1: saying like like sorry, it's just really helpful because you
Speaker 1: never know, like someone could be so mean to me
Speaker 1: and like say something mean to me, or getting a
Speaker 1: fight with a boyfriend and then they like text and
Speaker 1: I'm like really upset over it and like you know,
Speaker 1: just get like depression thoughts and then I'm just saying sorry.
Speaker 1: It's like really yeah, it washes the energy away too.
Speaker 1: And also it's like because you're not a mean person.
Speaker 1: I'm not a mean person. You're not a mean person.
Speaker 1: No one likes to be me. And I remember one
Speaker 1: time I yelled, so I'll I'll say this is um
Speaker 1: because I announced that, you know, I'm doing a new
Speaker 1: house and I was having uh something was going to
Speaker 1: maybe potentially be in the backyard, and I was like,
Speaker 1: but my privacy, and I got really angry and I
Speaker 1: yelled and I ended up. Whenever I yell or if
Speaker 1: I might potentially be mean, I just cry because I
Speaker 1: feel awful, Like I don't like the way that it
Speaker 1: makes me feel. I don't like the fact that I
Speaker 1: might have hurt someone or they saw a different side
Speaker 1: of me that's not really me. And I remember I
Speaker 1: just wrote like this long thing going like I'm really sorry.
Speaker 1: I was really struggling with the fact and and at
Speaker 1: first I just said sorry, right, because you don't want
Speaker 1: to be like but um, and then when the conversation opens,
Speaker 1: that's and I'm like, yeah, I was just I was
Speaker 1: struggling with some stuff and and um. You know, once
Speaker 1: that's done and the conversations, it's like, oh, like, well,
Speaker 1: it's all good. It's like you didn't have to but
Speaker 1: if does, you're right, does feel nice to say you're sorry.
Speaker 1: And I think communication is the most important thing, like
Speaker 1: exactly with everybody, Like I just always like have communication,
Speaker 1: Like whenever I get into a fight, like I communicate
Speaker 1: when I'm like mad with my parents, are sad or
Speaker 1: talking to my parents, like I communicate everything because I
Speaker 1: feel like it just makes me feel better about it,
Speaker 1: and like talking to somebody or even just one of
Speaker 1: my biggest things that I do, like coping with depression
Speaker 1: is I'll write myself a note or I'll like like
Speaker 1: write everything down on a piece of paper and I'll
Speaker 1: just rant like say whatever, and then I'll tear up
Speaker 1: that piece of paper or all like burning or something,
Speaker 1: and it makes me just like even just communicating like that,
Speaker 1: like just to yourself really helps. But I love the
Speaker 1: reference to I love the reference. I didn't actually burn
Speaker 1: the book. It was yeah, they were like they just
Speaker 1: in the book. I love the fact that you don't
Speaker 1: even know that movie because I feel like, really, yeah,
Speaker 1: I like word really that one that came background. And
Speaker 1: that's awesome because I was gonna about to feel a
Speaker 1: roll old uh yeah, I know there's something to um
Speaker 1: anytime you have this. I learned this in therapy. So
Speaker 1: like one of my things, i'm not I'm not enough,
Speaker 1: you always replace it with like when you're having the thought,
Speaker 1: I know I am enough, and so like that's like
Speaker 1: retraining your brain to remember because of course we all
Speaker 1: have those shame messages like I'm not enough, I don't
Speaker 1: deserve this or I all those things, and it's like, no,
Speaker 1: I am worth, you know, I am worthy, and so, uh,
Speaker 1: last year I started writing the affirmations on my mirror
Speaker 1: and that really helps the house. Yeah. Well yeah, my
Speaker 1: girlfriend Kristen, she she did that because I was, you know,
Speaker 1: having a minute, and so she she wrote those around
Speaker 1: and it's good. It's nice to see it. And for
Speaker 1: a long time I had him in a mirror and like,
Speaker 1: I am enough, I'm worthy, I'm lovable, and I deserve.
Speaker 1: I deserve like I deserve. I would always do Bible
Speaker 1: verses on my mirror. I would like right like or
Speaker 1: I would just take like a X marker and I
Speaker 1: would like write like something big on my mirror, so
Speaker 1: I looked at it every morning. Or I would take
Speaker 1: like sticky notes and put them on the mirror of
Speaker 1: like Bible verses that are like your love, You're enough
Speaker 1: for anything around those lines. You gotta feel it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: is there anything anything else you guys want to say
Speaker 1: to the to the wine Down listeners, be kind, be
Speaker 1: kind to people, you never know what people are going through,
Speaker 1: love yourself, love others, stay cool. Well, thank you guys
Speaker 1: so much for coming on the show. I love you, guys,
Speaker 1: and yeah, I just I'm it's been beautiful to watch
Speaker 1: you guys grow into to just incredible loving I mean,
Speaker 1: your hearts, and I just if I could take the
Speaker 1: weight of some of this world and the negativity off y'all,
Speaker 1: you know I would, um, and yeah, I just don't
Speaker 1: ever forget how loved you are. Thank you, thank you,
Speaker 1: love you.