Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio
Speaker 1: and two times People's Choice Award winning podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 3: It is a thirsty Thursday. Thirsty things are happening. I
Speaker 3: might be having a drink right now.
Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah, what's your drink of choice right now?
Speaker 4: So?
Speaker 3: I was off Aperol Sprits because of the red forty
Speaker 3: mm back on it.
Speaker 2: I don't think correct me if I'm wrong. I don't
Speaker 2: think Saint Sprits that are friend Jojo design or has created.
Speaker 5: Huh.
Speaker 2: I don't think it has red dye forty I.
Speaker 5: Would assume it doesn't.
Speaker 3: No, Yeah, but you can't order like a Saint Sprits
Speaker 3: at like let's say the Javon la Valmont.
Speaker 5: That's true, you know, but.
Speaker 2: Just letting you know if you want a Sprints at home.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't think hers has I think any of that.
Speaker 5: I think that's the point of it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So you love spirts an approl. Yeah, I'm really
Speaker 3: into Aperol. I was into Hugo for a minute. Now
Speaker 3: I'm back on the Aperal. Back to me, there's something.
Speaker 5: About the bitterness, the bitterness and the drunk like that
Speaker 5: It really just gives me the perfect buzz without sending
Speaker 5: me over the edge. Two too many, oh one wonder. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I'd also like to correct that we were wrong or
Speaker 2: I was wrong about on Unk last week or Monday,
Speaker 2: because we found out Unk is actually uncle.
Speaker 5: Which makes it better to me.
Speaker 2: But why why are uncles catching flag?
Speaker 5: I don't know. It's like uncle, uncle, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so it's not uncool. It's uncle that makes
Speaker 2: me feel better. It's really just wherever you put the
Speaker 2: emphasis uncle uncle. Yeah, Unk, you're pretty Unk.
Speaker 5: I'm like, so cool compared to other parents.
Speaker 2: You're like full larp larber and.
Speaker 5: Like the opposite of LARP.
Speaker 3: I like what I like, and I don't like what
Speaker 3: I don't like, and I'm unabashed about it.
Speaker 2: Give imposer LARPer. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Do you see this abuse again?
Speaker 2: You know what heart it is gonna chuckle out of John.
Speaker 3: John likes to say silent. He keeps a professional over there.
Speaker 2: When he has to do our podcast. We really feel
Speaker 2: for him.
Speaker 3: By the way, I meant to say, when Ali was
Speaker 3: doing the podcast, you guys had the scrubbing and mic flags,
Speaker 3: and I was like, why don't I get those when
Speaker 3: we have the show.
Speaker 2: You should have seen my reaction. I was so excited.
Speaker 2: I was like, I've never who did that?
Speaker 4: Was that?
Speaker 2: You? John Easton brought them to the show, and John
Speaker 2: put them on.
Speaker 5: You will John.
Speaker 3: We have had this podcast for nine years and I've
Speaker 3: yet to see it.
Speaker 5: Mike flagged.
Speaker 2: I think they go on these though, or they'd have
Speaker 2: to interchange them, or you can take these off. I
Speaker 2: think it's just too much work for Anyonet to put
Speaker 2: how to do it? Let's guesses I didn't know we
Speaker 2: had them from the studio.
Speaker 5: Okay, where are they?
Speaker 3: John in the heavy do you mind grabbing the mic?
Speaker 5: Flags from?
Speaker 2: Where are you going to do this right now?
Speaker 5: Yes, you're going to read an email. I'm gonna turn
Speaker 5: my mic on our break.
Speaker 2: We're gonna do it on our break. Okay, but we're
Speaker 2: gonna get them. So let's start with a dear. We
Speaker 2: have deer Bonia today.
Speaker 5: We treated with respect. There's some respect on our name.
Speaker 2: I couldn't agree more. We're gonna do emails and I'm
Speaker 2: gonna start while we're waiting for those.
Speaker 5: Rebecca's just going right in nothing to share, Like, wait.
Speaker 2: So you're trying to say you want to hear about
Speaker 2: me when I was ready to get started. But you
Speaker 2: don't have anything to share yourself.
Speaker 5: I'd like to know what's happening with the wedding.
Speaker 2: What's how are wedding? Yes, nothing, there's nothing to share.
Speaker 2: We were actually going.
Speaker 5: To go to see there's some some.
Speaker 2: Locations and take a trip somewhere, but we're not going
Speaker 2: there anymore. We're going to Thailand, and I'm very excited
Speaker 2: about Thailand. But we're not going to get married in Thailand. So,
Speaker 2: I mean I could, I could scout, but I feel
Speaker 2: like asking everyone to go to Thailand would be a
Speaker 2: really big ass.
Speaker 5: Yeah that's quite the ass.
Speaker 2: So but I am excited about Thailand. I've never been before,
Speaker 2: very excited. Yeah, I'm excited for you.
Speaker 5: So I have to get a guess host for that.
Speaker 2: I yes, yeah, I think for the wedding we are
Speaker 2: kind of just I think location is going to be
Speaker 2: a big deal, but and then figuring out time of
Speaker 2: year that we want to do it. But that's kind
Speaker 2: of the main things that we have to figure out,
Speaker 2: and then everything else will just be the Both of
Speaker 2: us do not like making decisions. Both of us have
Speaker 2: like decision paralysis. So can I help.
Speaker 3: I' I mean like once we get going, Yeah, are
Speaker 3: you gonna have a wedding party like a bridal party?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think I'll have them stand up with
Speaker 2: me because I don't know. It's also you have to think.
Speaker 2: We have to think of different things in terms of
Speaker 2: how we walk down the aisle, because do we want
Speaker 2: to come at the same time. Do we want to
Speaker 2: meet in the middle instead of you know, one walking
Speaker 2: down and being at the end. So depending on what
Speaker 2: our venue looks like, we have those things to think about.
Speaker 2: And then I don't think I would have our I
Speaker 2: liked what we did for yours, Like we walked up there,
Speaker 2: stood with you, and then we sat for the ceremony
Speaker 2: because beginning to sit during the ceremony is so nice,
Speaker 2: because yeah, it's very nerve wracking standing up and not
Speaker 2: making sure you don't lock your legs and yeah, it's
Speaker 2: just like a lot and you get to like relax
Speaker 2: and hear the vowels and yeah, it was fun. So
Speaker 2: we'll definitely have a wedding party bridle party. We've gone
Speaker 2: back and forth on Bachelor, right if we want to
Speaker 2: do it together separately, I'm team step brit She wants
Speaker 2: to do it together, but it kind of depends on
Speaker 2: what we do because we share a lot of friends.
Speaker 2: So I wouldn't want multiple people to have to do
Speaker 2: multiple trips, you know. So that's one thing too.
Speaker 5: We thought about doing a joint too, did you, uh huh.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think it's it is. There is a difference
Speaker 2: because we're both women, and so there is kind of
Speaker 2: just like a big slumber party. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah. It got like weird because I was like, we
Speaker 5: were going to do like a big trip.
Speaker 3: We were going to like a big trip joint and
Speaker 3: just like go like all out, and it got like
Speaker 3: I was like, well, I think I would have to
Speaker 3: have my my girlfriend. Like all of his friends are married,
Speaker 3: so I was like, we'd have to have them bring
Speaker 3: their wives because it's like a weird it would be
Speaker 3: a weird trip, oh to like all of my like
Speaker 3: friends and not have the wives there. And then I
Speaker 3: was like, so then I would have to have my
Speaker 3: friends bring their significant others. And then I was like
Speaker 3: then it's just like half of our wedding, right, So
Speaker 3: I was like, ah, yeah, this is not it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, So those are the that's where we're at
Speaker 2: so far. On any decisions or thoughts so far.
Speaker 5: Well, if I can be of service in any.
Speaker 2: Way, oh my gosh, and I will absolutely utilize you
Speaker 2: because when it comes to weddings, I don't think you're
Speaker 2: LARPer or unk.
Speaker 5: You're pretty helpful, thank you.
Speaker 3: And I have no like agenda, Like it's not like
Speaker 3: I have this like vision that I want to like
Speaker 3: push on you, like I just want to help you,
Speaker 3: like i'll help you.
Speaker 2: I'm very decisive in what I know I don't want.
Speaker 2: So that's good because I I if I see something,
Speaker 2: I can be like, no, I don't want that, or
Speaker 2: I don't like that. So those are the things. It's
Speaker 2: just coming down to chairs and stuff. I'm gonna be like,
Speaker 2: that's taking space in my brain trying to pick.
Speaker 5: What we did it in one day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I know. You just have to sit down
Speaker 2: and lock in.
Speaker 5: Yeah. They set up a bunch of different tables and
Speaker 5: you're like I like that, I don't like that. I
Speaker 5: like that.
Speaker 2: Right, we're right.
Speaker 3: Hour and a half ninety minutes, easy, breezy. What a
Speaker 3: chill bride I was?
Speaker 2: You were shockingly chill, A little too chill, No, well
Speaker 2: too chill. I didn't think you were too why do
Speaker 2: you think you were too chill?
Speaker 3: Because there were some things that I did that I
Speaker 3: feel like I was just doing to please other people.
Speaker 5: M And I'm like, I wish I would have just
Speaker 5: done what I wanted. Interesting, Yeah, but you know, we
Speaker 5: all do it.
Speaker 2: We're all people pleasers at heart, we are, you know.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's like that. I don't try not to do
Speaker 2: things I'm gonna. I'm there's gonna be a balance of Okay,
Speaker 2: is this gonna Is this gonna be something I think
Speaker 2: about if I do it and I didn't want to
Speaker 2: do it? Or is it just I don't necessarily want
Speaker 2: to do this, but is it easier for me to
Speaker 2: just say yes? You know, it's just like weighing the
Speaker 2: pros and cons, well, the pros and cons and the
Speaker 2: weight of it, like is it something I mean to
Speaker 2: think about it down the road, right, or am I
Speaker 2: never gonna think about this again?
Speaker 3: Well, whenever you ask your wedding party, just know that
Speaker 3: I'm ready, I'm willing and able, I know, to assistant facilitate,
Speaker 3: and I'm excited about it.
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 5: That's like, you know, yeah, it's more fun to deal
Speaker 5: with your wedding than like my by far. I'm like
Speaker 5: medications and.
Speaker 2: I thought to be doing that right now. Yeah, no, totally,
Speaker 2: you're taking that totally.
Speaker 3: But let me tell you something. A month goes by
Speaker 3: very fast.
Speaker 2: The month from when you got my period? Oh not
Speaker 2: from going to Capri.
Speaker 5: No, I got my period.
Speaker 2: When was up?
Speaker 5: Do you want another date? Yeah, July twenty fifth.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, we got some time though, so don't spend
Speaker 2: it can happen and looking things up.
Speaker 5: Okay, okay, fine, fair, fair, fair.
Speaker 2: All right, let's get into some other people's problems.
Speaker 5: All right, you want to do the first one?
Speaker 2: Sure?
Speaker 5: I love the first one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's very It's a very year towards you well
Speaker 2: as you start it.
Speaker 5: Okay.
Speaker 3: From Anonymous dating a Jewish Man. I have been dating
Speaker 3: a Jewish Man for about three months now. I come
Speaker 3: from a Christian background and was curious if Tanya can
Speaker 3: share more of her experience of how she learned the
Speaker 3: culture and religion, especially at the beginning of the relationship.
Speaker 3: Anything you wish you had known at the start of
Speaker 3: it all, and do her and Becca have any tips
Speaker 3: or advice going into a relationship with different religious backgrounds.
Speaker 3: Thank you for bringing me joy and laughter every single week,
Speaker 3: super cute, cute, you know, it's so funny. Again, I
Speaker 3: get asked this question a lot about like inner faith relationships,
Speaker 3: but like at the end of the day, it was
Speaker 3: never about Robbie was never trying to get me to
Speaker 3: like convert, and I was never trying to get him
Speaker 3: to I don't know if you call it convert, convert whatever.
Speaker 3: It was more just about like learning. I got this
Speaker 3: book actually from Nancy Spielberg that was called The Newish
Speaker 3: Jewish Encyclopedia or something.
Speaker 5: She like sent it to me and I read.
Speaker 3: It and it was like very digestible like blurbs of things.
Speaker 3: That's where I kind of like got my start. And
Speaker 3: then as like the Jewish holidays, like you'll start noticing
Speaker 3: when you're dating him as a Jewish holidays like roll
Speaker 3: through and you go, if you start going to like
Speaker 3: Satyrs and stuff, you'll just naturally learn the traditions and
Speaker 3: the ceremonies and like all the things that they do.
Speaker 3: And so that's kind of how I learned. Just I'm
Speaker 3: still learning stuff to this day. I mean there's so much. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but that's kind of that's kind of how we did it.
Speaker 2: It was never tips or advice going into a relationship
Speaker 2: with different religious backgrounds.
Speaker 3: I think just like respecting and honoring each other's like
Speaker 3: wishes and what you know, Like Probably's always asking me,
Speaker 3: like if he wants me, if he wants if you
Speaker 3: want to go to church on Easter?
Speaker 5: Like you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: Like he's always there for me if I want to
Speaker 3: do something, and I'm always there. And we celebrate all
Speaker 3: the Jewish holidays too, and same with like Christmas and Hanukah,
Speaker 3: we do both.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, I Haley didn't grow up religious, so
Speaker 2: but she's always been. You know, it's the same thing
Speaker 2: on Easter, She's always like, do you want to go
Speaker 2: to church? Or She's always known that my faith was important.
Speaker 2: But I think my faith in general has changed a lot,
Speaker 2: so even just being in a relationship with Haley, my
Speaker 2: faith just has changed a lot then how I was raised.
Speaker 2: And I think it all comes down to respect and
Speaker 2: giving people space to express their own beliefs and their
Speaker 2: faith because faith is such a personal thing and I
Speaker 2: think having expectations that it's going to look the exact
Speaker 2: same as yours, even if it's the same religion, I
Speaker 2: think is not realistic because I think it's all different,
Speaker 2: and there's going to be things where you align or
Speaker 2: you don't align, and I think being able to have
Speaker 2: a least respectful dialogue about it is what's going to
Speaker 2: be the most important thing. But I think there's so
Speaker 2: much beauty and learning about where other people come from
Speaker 2: and other religions and getting to experience something different, and
Speaker 2: then how you grew up as such a gift in
Speaker 2: my opinion.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I think so too.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I also think do you follow Raven from The Bachelor.
Speaker 2: She's married to She was grew up like Southern Christian
Speaker 2: and she's married to Adam from Bachelor in Paradise.
Speaker 5: His name's Ringing a Bell.
Speaker 2: He's Jewish. Oh, and they're so cute. Do they celebrate
Speaker 2: all the holidays?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like so crazy and like the for our
Speaker 3: the first time Robbie had ever decorated a Christmas tree
Speaker 3: was like our first Christmas that we spent together.
Speaker 5: Like he's like, I've never done this before. This is
Speaker 5: so fun. Yeah, it's like, you're that's so crazy.
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. There's so much fun and beauty
Speaker 2: and joy and getting to learn and do those things
Speaker 2: for the first time.
Speaker 3: And he like didn't know, like, so he like brought over.
Speaker 3: He went and bought ornaments. Oh yeah, because he thought
Speaker 3: you were supposed to bring them over, and he like
Speaker 3: had matching ones he'd bought like pears, and he's like
Speaker 3: the girl at the store told me that you have
Speaker 3: to buy them in like pears.
Speaker 5: I was like, Oh, really cute, it's really cute. We
Speaker 5: still have them, of course. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Okay. This is from anonymous career or stay at home mom.
Speaker 2: My husband started a new job about a year ago
Speaker 2: and his hours are insane. We have two young kids
Speaker 2: and most of the parenting falls on me, while I
Speaker 2: also work full time from home. I love my job
Speaker 2: and have spent years building my career, traveling to conferences
Speaker 2: and making contacts throughout my field, but lately I feel
Speaker 2: like I'm constantly juggling work and the kids and doing
Speaker 2: neither particularly well. Thankfully, we can afford for me to
Speaker 2: become a stay at home mom. Part of me would
Speaker 2: be relieved, but part of me feels like I'd be
Speaker 2: throwing away everything I worked for because his career became
Speaker 2: more demanding. To complicate things, my husband really wants a
Speaker 2: third child. I've always pictured three too, but right now,
Speaker 2: I can't imagine adding a baby when I already feel
Speaker 2: stretched so thin. Do I step away from a career
Speaker 2: I love while my kids are little, or keep pushing
Speaker 2: through and hope this is just a hard season. I'm
Speaker 2: so fascinated by the I might ruffle some feathers here.
Speaker 2: I'm fascinated by a mom who primarily takes care of
Speaker 2: the kids and is debating whether she should step stay
Speaker 2: at home and leave her career. And yet the husband
Speaker 2: having the audacity to put any sort of pressure on
Speaker 2: having another child when his career is the reason why
Speaker 2: she is stretched thin. He's not the one having to
Speaker 2: think about stuff. Why don't you ask him if he
Speaker 2: would like to take care of his.
Speaker 5: Career, would he like to carry the baby as well?
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, maybe I'm maybe I'm reading this wrong, but
Speaker 2: it sounds like they've had a discussion that three was
Speaker 2: the goal. But I think you should very strongly stand
Speaker 2: up against needing a third one right now. I think
Speaker 2: there's room to grow the family, But I think right now,
Speaker 2: you figure out what works best for you. I think
Speaker 2: there's a world where I don't think anyone can do
Speaker 2: anything one hundred percent multiple tis like, I don't think
Speaker 2: that if you have a career and kids that you
Speaker 2: can It's just as a human being, even if you're
Speaker 2: the best of the best at doing it, you can't
Speaker 2: give one hundred percent to everything you do when you're
Speaker 2: doing multiple things right. And I think that there's a
Speaker 2: lot of guilt, especially with the moms, because we want
Speaker 2: to be the best at everything, especially if it comes
Speaker 2: how I feel. I can't even imagine what it feels
Speaker 2: like with kids. I want to do this with Phoebe.
Speaker 2: I feel like I want to be the best dog
Speaker 2: mom I could be, And so there's this pressure, and
Speaker 2: then you're you're also trying to give yourself the and
Speaker 2: be the best at this other thing that you've built
Speaker 2: and put so much time into, which is your career.
Speaker 3: You know, it's such a it's such a shitty position
Speaker 3: that women have been put in because I just think, like,
Speaker 3: I'm where I am now, right, and I'm like at
Speaker 3: this age, but I think that for so many years.
Speaker 3: And again, I just got married, so it's not like
Speaker 3: I was trying to have kids at thirty one thirty two,
Speaker 3: but I have thought I've had the thought of like
Speaker 3: having a kid and going on maternity leave step in.
Speaker 3: I've never stepped away from my career for more than
Speaker 3: like a week, do you know what I mean? Yeah,
Speaker 3: And I still have that sense of like, oh, you
Speaker 3: know when you when you become pregnant, you obviously can't
Speaker 3: do as much as you do. And then when you
Speaker 3: go on maturnity leave, and then when you have a baby,
Speaker 3: like you obviously want to like be a mother and
Speaker 3: you want to be there and you want to be involved,
Speaker 3: and you want to do all the things.
Speaker 5: So like I see.
Speaker 3: Wanting to be a stay at home mom, do you
Speaker 3: know what I mean? Because you want to be there
Speaker 3: when your kids are that when time goes by so fast.
Speaker 3: So it's like I see that appeal. But then I
Speaker 3: also think too, depending on what her career is, you
Speaker 3: take your foot off the gas or you step off
Speaker 3: that hamster wheel. It's really hard to get back on
Speaker 3: as a woman, especially older as you get older. So
Speaker 3: it's like my advice to you would be is there
Speaker 3: any way that you can still somehow be Again, I
Speaker 3: don't know what she does, but if there's some way
Speaker 3: that you can still keep your foot in the room
Speaker 3: in the door, do something part time, because I do
Speaker 3: also think once your kids grow up, and I've seen
Speaker 3: this because I just have I'm running in circles with
Speaker 3: kids that are now, like you know, getting older, and
Speaker 3: they don't need so much attention, and then you have
Speaker 3: so much free time, and then you also feel like
Speaker 3: you don't have purpose, and so I feel like having
Speaker 3: your career is also very important in those later years
Speaker 3: when your kids grow up. So I my advice, and
Speaker 3: again this is just totally me, would be if there's
Speaker 3: any way that you could have a combination of the two.
Speaker 5: Be a stay at home mom, but also have some.
Speaker 3: Sort of foot in at work, if it's part time,
Speaker 3: if it's like again, I don't know what you do,
Speaker 3: but like stepping back and scaling down, but not fully fully,
Speaker 3: like closing the door.
Speaker 2: Is there a world if you can afford to be
Speaker 2: a stay at home mom where you could hire someone
Speaker 2: that could come help you during the week with kids,
Speaker 2: so you could give like three days a week that
Speaker 2: they're helped. Someone like a nanny is someone helping with
Speaker 2: the kids while you're putting one hundred percent into work
Speaker 2: or focus being able to focus, and that way you're
Speaker 2: there with the kids. But like when you have to work,
Speaker 2: you're able to give it your full attention since you
Speaker 2: if he's making enough money for you to quit completely,
Speaker 2: I feel like there may be could be a world
Speaker 2: where you could afford to hire someone to come and help. Yeah,
Speaker 2: because I have in the same boat. I'm like, it
Speaker 2: doesn't sound like she wants she doesn't feel like she
Speaker 2: doesn't want to work anymore. Like it doesn't sound like
Speaker 2: her dream is to be a stay at home mom.
Speaker 5: Right, But I think she feels like of like.
Speaker 2: Experiencing the things with their kids while they're small one time. Yes, gosh,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I I don't know. I would maybe see
Speaker 2: if you can it's some help, and see if that
Speaker 2: helps you and see if you like having the what.
Speaker 3: No, I just like, I imagine this is such a
Speaker 3: hard thing because like I too on the same mood
Speaker 3: as Sonny, like I, and she's just a dog, you know,
Speaker 3: Like I'm like, I want to be like I want
Speaker 3: to make sure she.
Speaker 5: Has the best day every day. And I'm like, that's
Speaker 5: literally a dog. Like I don't even know what I'm
Speaker 5: going to be like.
Speaker 2: But I would. I would have a conversation with your husband,
Speaker 2: And I don't think he meant it to be selfish
Speaker 2: or anything. I just think he probably hasn't thought of
Speaker 2: what a third kid would mean for you, and how
Speaker 2: it sounds like you're already stretched. Then, based on what
Speaker 2: you literally said, I'm stretched, then I think you just
Speaker 2: have a conversation, put that on pause and just figure
Speaker 2: out what's happening right now.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but good luck, good luck. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: I don't know if that was helpful advice. We gave
Speaker 2: some input.
Speaker 3: We have an email from a listener named Sarah, and
Speaker 3: I just feel like we might have different opinions on this. Oh,
Speaker 3: so we'll get into it when we come back.
Speaker 4: Nice, We're back, We're back.
Speaker 5: Okay.
Speaker 3: This is from Sarah, my now former manager, and I
Speaker 3: actually started at a company at the same time as coworkers.
Speaker 3: She eventually worked her way up to becoming my manager,
Speaker 3: but through it all we stayed really close friends. However,
Speaker 3: I was recently let go and she didn't give me
Speaker 3: any kind of warning. She says that as my manager,
Speaker 3: she couldn't tell me what was happening before became official.
Speaker 3: Career wise, I'm actually okay. I think this may be
Speaker 3: the push I needed to move on and find something better.
Speaker 3: So please don't feel bad for me, But friendship wise,
Speaker 3: I'm heartbroken. I understand she had a professional responsibility, but
Speaker 3: I can't get past knowing that one of my closest
Speaker 3: friends knew I was about to lose my job and
Speaker 3: acted completely normal around me. She keeps reaching out to
Speaker 3: me to try and check in, But I just, honestly,
Speaker 3: but I just honestly am so upset. I haven't even
Speaker 3: answered her. Am I crazy for thinking this could end
Speaker 3: our friendship? Am I being unfair for taking this personally?
Speaker 5: What do you think? Becca?
Speaker 2: Thank you for the emotionally for Sarah. Yeah, you were
Speaker 2: really emoting in that. I think that my mind switched
Speaker 2: halfway through the email because at first I thought, oh, like,
Speaker 2: this was really not cool of her friend, Because even
Speaker 2: if y'all were in a position of like power dynamics
Speaker 2: being off, I still would be like, Hey, I just
Speaker 2: want to give your heads up, like people are getting
Speaker 2: laid off and it might be coming, Like I would
Speaker 2: hope that that would be something you or I would
Speaker 2: do for each other. M The other part of me, though,
Speaker 2: realizes that she was probably put in a really hard
Speaker 2: position and had to separate the personal relationship from the
Speaker 2: professional relationship, and I think that her trying to reach
Speaker 2: out and check in makes me think that it was
Speaker 2: really hard for her too, and I think she feels
Speaker 2: I think she feels the weight of it being bad
Speaker 2: on the friend's side. But I also think she was
Speaker 2: put in a tough position. And that's why they say
Speaker 2: don't work with your friends. You know, we don't have
Speaker 2: to worry about that. I would be very blunt and
Speaker 2: honest with you, but I do think if you're in
Speaker 2: like a corporate world, there is you do have to
Speaker 2: find a separation, especially when you're in a different position,
Speaker 2: a higher up position, you know, because now she also
Speaker 2: has to think about her own job and her security.
Speaker 2: So I think it's just hard for both of y'all.
Speaker 2: I think you're both valid for she's valid for having
Speaker 2: you do what she did and do it the way
Speaker 2: that she did it, because I think it was a
Speaker 2: tough position. And I also I appreciate that she's trying
Speaker 2: to reach out to you, because I mean, she cares
Speaker 2: about you. She isn't just like, well, whatever, screw her.
Speaker 5: So, yeah, she should have reached out to you before
Speaker 5: you got fired.
Speaker 2: Okay, so your take is she should have told her, Yes.
Speaker 5: She should have told you, she should have given you
Speaker 5: some sort of heads up.
Speaker 3: Even if she didn't tell you directly, like, hey, you're
Speaker 3: getting fired, she could have said exactly what you said, Hey,
Speaker 3: I'm hearing there's layoffs.
Speaker 5: I wouldn't be.
Speaker 3: Surprised if you are you know, you or I or
Speaker 3: whatever however you want to say.
Speaker 5: You don't have to say it exactly.
Speaker 3: But if this is your friend, I think personally like,
Speaker 3: but she shouldn't give like heads up.
Speaker 2: End of a friendship type of I don't know.
Speaker 5: It's hard to say, Becca, it's hard to say. It's
Speaker 5: hard to say if.
Speaker 2: She hadn't reached if she hasn't if she hadn't reached
Speaker 2: out since it happened, I would be like, Yeah, maybe
Speaker 2: she's not a great friend, but I think she's trying
Speaker 2: and she probably felt very conflicted on it, and so
Speaker 2: I would I would give her the opportunity to talk.
Speaker 2: And if she is defensive and like, doesn't offer more condolences,
Speaker 2: because you're the one who really got the end up
Speaker 2: the stick here, you know, I think that it's I
Speaker 2: think it's if she's your really, if she's really your friend,
Speaker 2: I think it warrants a converse and you can be hurt.
Speaker 2: You can say hey, I'm really hurt and I haven't
Speaker 2: wanted to talk to you because I'm mad at you.
Speaker 2: That's okay. Like relationships should go through things where you
Speaker 2: have to have hard conversations.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like when I had to tell you I was
Speaker 3: upset you didn't tell me you were going to Taylor's
Speaker 3: this wedding.
Speaker 2: Yes. Yeah, they have to go through hardships to overcome things.
Speaker 2: And this is a hardship that you all are facing.
Speaker 2: And I think either you move forward as friends or
Speaker 2: you choose not to hear her out. But I think
Speaker 2: it's worth hearing her out. If she's a good friend
Speaker 2: to you.
Speaker 5: I say cut her.
Speaker 2: Oh my, there's no way you say cut her.
Speaker 5: Cut her?
Speaker 2: Do you mean that? Are you LARPing?
Speaker 5: You're such an unc.
Speaker 2: Do you mean that? Are you LARPing? Wow? Sarah? I
Speaker 2: think if I.
Speaker 3: Were fired and my best friend knew and didn't tell
Speaker 3: me and give me some sort of heads up, it
Speaker 3: would be.
Speaker 2: But after all the time through, if I was in
Speaker 2: a position where they were like, you cannot tell her,
Speaker 2: or that puts you in harms a way for your
Speaker 2: job security, and I didn't tell you, and then I
Speaker 2: reached out and I was like, I love you. I
Speaker 2: feel horrible for what happened, and like I know you
Speaker 2: probably don't trust me right now and feel hurt, but
Speaker 2: like I love you and I had to separate and
Speaker 2: trust you again because that's a professional choice. That wasn't
Speaker 2: a personal thing.
Speaker 5: I just always think personal over professional.
Speaker 2: Well, not everyone thinks the same as you, and I
Speaker 2: think to not give your friend who you've been friends
Speaker 2: with at least a conversation. She's hold us up face.
Speaker 3: I was like, you know what, like you're trying to
Speaker 3: hold in a yawn. I was trying to like close
Speaker 3: my lips so it didn't like open.
Speaker 5: Wow.
Speaker 3: That was a challenge and like mocial gymnastics, but.
Speaker 2: I help it in Sarah, give her a chance, be
Speaker 2: a good friend, be a good friend. Even though she
Speaker 2: heard you give her a chance.
Speaker 5: Wait will you do?
Speaker 2: Jenny Jenny Jenny Jenny Jenny Jenny says bathroom wipes give
Speaker 2: me the ick. I just went on my first vacation
Speaker 2: with my boyfriend and it was honestly great, except he
Speaker 2: brought a pack of flishable wipes for the bathroom. I
Speaker 2: know this is objectively good hygiene, but something about seeing
Speaker 2: that pack sitting next to our toilet all week gave
Speaker 2: me the biggest egg. I couldnt explain it, but it
Speaker 2: sent me into another universe. Am I completely insane? Please
Speaker 2: tell me Robbie or Haley has done something equally harmless
Speaker 2: that randomly gives you the ick. I feel like the
Speaker 2: answer is no, but please help me. I really like
Speaker 2: this man, so please talk me off the ledge before
Speaker 2: I let bathroom wipes ru in a perfectly good relationship.
Speaker 5: This is not about the bathroom wipes.
Speaker 2: Oh you just think she has the ick?
Speaker 5: Yeah, Jenny, you have the ick because.
Speaker 2: Bathroom wipes should be a green flat.
Speaker 3: Yes, Like he takes care of his butthole after he poops,
Speaker 3: like amazing love that for him?
Speaker 5: For you? Yeah? Much?
Speaker 2: No, I just something about the word butthole sent me
Speaker 2: until I go another orbit. I don't know. I just.
Speaker 5: Over a second.
Speaker 2: Yeah I Unfortunately, can you come back from this?
Speaker 5: Yeah? I don't know. I don't know. Unfortunately, I don't
Speaker 5: know because he.
Speaker 2: Just packed his little his little wife used to go.
Speaker 3: Because like, if I'm being honest, every like probably icky
Speaker 3: thing that Robbie did and our relationship, like I found
Speaker 3: so adorable or so cute or so charming.
Speaker 2: I will say when it is, I would get the
Speaker 2: ick from everything someone did like they're pinky Now could
Speaker 2: be too long and I'd be like, no, so, but
Speaker 2: I do believe in coming back from an egg, I don't.
Speaker 2: I do, Jenny.
Speaker 3: I think I think that this is bigger than the
Speaker 3: bathroom wipes, and you have got to go.
Speaker 5: I think that the episode is cut. It cut the friendship.
Speaker 2: You're cutting too. You're being a little too cutthroat just
Speaker 2: because you're married. Now you're old.
Speaker 5: You would never do this, You're right, right, that's so true.
Speaker 2: Yeah, here's the thing. I think bathroom wipes, even though
Speaker 2: again I get it him bringing his little wipeies along
Speaker 2: on the trip and setting them mout like it's.
Speaker 5: Him, like bringing like pooperie and like putting it next
Speaker 5: to the toilet.
Speaker 2: It's a thoughtful gesture and it's clean. It's hygiene, and
Speaker 2: that at the end of the day is a green flag.
Speaker 2: You know. Yeah. I think you just need to reframe
Speaker 2: how you see the wipes.
Speaker 3: Maybe see him as a clean butthole. Are we allowed
Speaker 3: to say that, like John keeps marking things down? Are
Speaker 3: we not allowed to say butthole?
Speaker 2: I think but whole spine. It's anatomy, okay, and we
Speaker 2: are a Gray's Anatomy podcast exactly. So yeah, I think
Speaker 2: maybe there's a cool container you can put the wipes
Speaker 2: in a warmer.
Speaker 5: That would actually be amazing.
Speaker 2: I believe you can come back from this ick, But
Speaker 2: I also cluse.
Speaker 3: Him yourself, ask him if you could have one? Can
Speaker 3: I borrow one of your wipes?
Speaker 2: I also think when I met Haley, I did not.
Speaker 2: I'm like still to this day, it takes I don't
Speaker 2: even know if I can list anything that's ever given
Speaker 2: me the ick. So and I was the ick queen
Speaker 2: everything in the eck. Yeah, So this might not be
Speaker 2: your person.
Speaker 3: I just I just don't think it's your I mean
Speaker 3: because I too, like I got the ick from a
Speaker 3: guy drinking a drink out of a straw and he
Speaker 3: was very hot and handsome and charming and great job,
Speaker 3: and he sucked on that straw and I was like.
Speaker 5: Boner gone wow.
Speaker 2: So okay. My truth is, Jenny, I think you can
Speaker 2: come back from this, and I also think that this
Speaker 2: might not be your person because this is in theory,
Speaker 2: should be a positive thing. Yeah, And that's all we
Speaker 2: have to offer. On that note, that's too bad. It's
Speaker 2: too bad.
Speaker 3: This is from anonymous. My friend annoys me. One of
Speaker 3: my best friends is annoying this out of me, and
Speaker 3: I hate.
Speaker 5: Feeling this way.
Speaker 3: I love her and we see each other weekly, but
Speaker 3: certain personality quirks really get under my skin. Elisha's details
Speaker 3: about her career and finds ways to work stories about
Speaker 3: men hitting on her into conversations. She's also asked hypothetical
Speaker 3: questions that are obviously about problems in her relationships, sometimes
Speaker 3: right in front of her boyfriend, who just sits there uncomfortably.
Speaker 3: I think a lot of it comes from insecurity, and
Speaker 3: I don't think she's being malicious. She genuinely seems to
Speaker 3: think she's being more subtle than she is. But these
Speaker 3: little things make me disproportionately irritated. Is it normal to
Speaker 3: be this annoyed by someone you love? How do I
Speaker 3: know what's worth addressing and what I just need to
Speaker 3: accept about her?
Speaker 2: Oh? This is so hard.
Speaker 5: I don't even just annoy you. I think people can,
Speaker 5: like I was.
Speaker 2: Gonna say, but when it's your best friend, that's different.
Speaker 5: I'm sure I've annoyed you before.
Speaker 3: Never, no chance, never in my life you're saying that
Speaker 3: with the You're saying that with a smirk on your face,
Speaker 3: which leads me to believe you're lying.
Speaker 5: You're LARPing.
Speaker 2: Every single person in my life has annoyed me at
Speaker 2: some point in my life. I'm just saying, like being
Speaker 2: having being annoyed by someone isn't a long term thing.
Speaker 2: But this sounds did.
Speaker 5: Annoy about with you?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's just like neither here nor there.
Speaker 5: It's here nor there. What this is exactly what we're
Speaker 5: talking about. What have you been annoyed about?
Speaker 2: Like you're getting mad about Taylor Swift? I found annoying
Speaker 2: the wedding. That's valid you you got mad and I
Speaker 2: found it annoying.
Speaker 5: When else have I annoyed you?
Speaker 2: No other time?
Speaker 5: Not ever?
Speaker 2: Ever?
Speaker 5: Lying, LARPer, when have I annoyed you never?
Speaker 2: That's so not true.
Speaker 5: It's like the truth.
Speaker 2: When you're talking about Taylor's wedding, I would.
Speaker 5: Say it didn't annoy me. That really hurt my feelings deeply.
Speaker 5: There's a difference.
Speaker 2: I think there's so many difference towards like getting hurt
Speaker 2: and I would say I I am not as like sensitive,
Speaker 2: so I find things that would be hurtful to you annoying.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like I don't. I never have found you annoying.
Speaker 3: I have found you to be hurtful, deeply worse.
Speaker 5: Actually, yeah, it's hard being on this side of things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well I'm sorry, you have to be my friend anyways. Yeah, anyways,
Speaker 2: I think this is a person Like I think this
Speaker 2: is a personality. And if Tanya had a personality that
Speaker 2: annoyed me, I don't think i'd be friends with her.
Speaker 3: No, I don't think it's a personality. I think I
Speaker 3: think that sometimes people can go through annoying phases. Like
Speaker 3: let's say, like let's say one of your friends goes
Speaker 3: through a breakup and they're like, I'm sure I've been
Speaker 3: so annoying after a breakup and I want to like
Speaker 3: go out like.
Speaker 2: Crazy after the break up. Yeah, annoying.
Speaker 3: But that's what I'm saying, Like people go through like
Speaker 3: different seasons of life and different emotions, and like this
Speaker 3: might just be something that like she's just being annoying
Speaker 3: right now because you said she's insecure about something, so
Speaker 3: it's like right now she might just be like annoying
Speaker 3: and you just step back, you say you see her weekly,
Speaker 3: maybe take it back to buy you know, to say
Speaker 3: bi weekly. That's more twice a month, you know, like
Speaker 3: every other week you see her, and just like just
Speaker 3: slow it down on seeing her for a bit while
Speaker 3: she's going through this phase, and then just jump right
Speaker 3: back in.
Speaker 2: She said, certain personality quirks really good under my skin.
Speaker 2: So it sounds like it's a personality.
Speaker 3: It just seems like they're heightened. I think I'm taking
Speaker 3: this as a momentary lapse of something else that's going on.
Speaker 2: It's not like so you just don't see each other
Speaker 2: as much, give it a little time. Distance makes the
Speaker 2: heart grow fall exactly. So maybe you just need some
Speaker 2: space from her right now. I don't think you even
Speaker 2: need to tell her that. I think you just yeah,
Speaker 2: when she wants to hang.
Speaker 3: Out, Yeah, she wants to get a drink, I'm busy.
Speaker 3: But how about next week?
Speaker 5: Great, and you just kick the can.
Speaker 2: Okay, kick the can.
Speaker 5: Kick the can.
Speaker 2: Doesn't that mean die?
Speaker 3: No, it just means like when you kick the can,
Speaker 3: you're just like prolonging, prolonging, I see, Okay, larving that
Speaker 3: may say.
Speaker 2: Okay, I think we're misusing that now. Okay, yeah, I
Speaker 2: think I would get some space, clear your head, clear
Speaker 2: the energy. It is hard to be around someone who's annoying,
Speaker 2: annoying but also talks about relationship problems in front their boyfriend,
Speaker 2: because it puts you in It makes everyone feel awkward, intense,
Speaker 2: and that's a lot of energy to absorb and try
Speaker 2: to give. Yeah, so just take some space. And I
Speaker 2: also think if it continues, if it's not just a phase,
Speaker 2: maybe this person's cutter. Just like we get sum this
Speaker 2: podcast up, we could just erase all the advice given
Speaker 2: and just it's Yeah, why are you so cut throat today?
Speaker 2: Why are you feeling fed up like this?
Speaker 5: I'm feeling fed up?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think just because I don't know.
Speaker 5: I'm just like tired when I'm tired, I'm.
Speaker 2: Just Yeah, why why even try?
Speaker 5: Yeah? Why I try? Why try?
Speaker 4: I know?
Speaker 5: It's why not?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Why not? Yeah? Today I did a pilates class
Speaker 2: this money again. I did a heated plates class like
Speaker 2: a Matt class where at this place near my house.
Speaker 2: And I was late because I couldn't find parking. And
Speaker 2: I almost just ate the money because I didn't want
Speaker 2: to go in late.
Speaker 3: I done star because I was I was finding parking
Speaker 3: for ten minutes. I was ten minutes late because I
Speaker 3: was finding parking. I was like, I might as well
Speaker 3: just go home, and then I was like, I paid
Speaker 3: for the class.
Speaker 2: I know, well, I wasn't that late, but it was
Speaker 2: just the idea of walking in while it was dark
Speaker 2: and they had already started, not knowing where my mat
Speaker 2: was going to be. But I did it.
Speaker 5: Proud of you.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
Speaker 5: You start going with me.
Speaker 2: You're so far away, it's too far away. I will
Speaker 2: go like I would go with you here and there,
Speaker 2: but like, go wak, I'm hear to you. Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: I would love to go. Let's go together when I'm back.
Speaker 3: I want to try what and then the effort to
Speaker 3: see each other to get you over the hill.
Speaker 2: You always get me. I always come to you.
Speaker 5: I always come to you too if you're here for work. Yeah,
Speaker 5: so that I do it, but not always, Yeah, not always.
Speaker 2: You only come to me if you're here for work.
Speaker 5: But I do it often because.
Speaker 3: Anyway, anyways, we need to have some therapy, you and I.
Speaker 5: Really I think that's pretty good lingering issues I fear.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, just Taylor slipped.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Obviously still top of mind for you and for me.
Speaker 2: It was just the only recent example I had I
Speaker 2: give you it's fresh. It's fresh, but we're good. I
Speaker 2: have no issues about it. Neither to you.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, On that note, the podcast is over,
Speaker 1: but don't worry because we will be back on Monday
Speaker 1: for a new episode.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is gonna Monday is gonna be a good one.
Speaker 3: You better believe we're gonna go out and we're gonna
Speaker 3: be living.
Speaker 2: Yes we are. Yeah, you're gonna have a lot of
Speaker 2: stories from when we come back. So stay tuned, stay tuned,
Speaker 2: and we love you so much, love you, Bye bye.