WEBVTT - Dear Banya: Cut Her

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<v Speaker 1>Scrubbing In with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio

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<v Speaker 1>and two times People's Choice Award winning podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.

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<v Speaker 3>It is a thirsty Thursday. Thirsty things are happening. I

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<v Speaker 3>might be having a drink right now.

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<v Speaker 2>Wow. Yeah, what's your drink of choice right now?

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<v Speaker 4>So?

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<v Speaker 3>I was off Aperol Sprits because of the red forty

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<v Speaker 3>mm back on it.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think correct me if I'm wrong. I don't

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<v Speaker 2>think Saint Sprits that are friend Jojo design or has created.

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<v Speaker 5>Huh.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think it has red dye forty I.

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<v Speaker 5>Would assume it doesn't.

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<v Speaker 3>No, Yeah, but you can't order like a Saint Sprits

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<v Speaker 3>at like let's say the Javon la Valmont.

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<v Speaker 5>That's true, you know, but.

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<v Speaker 2>Just letting you know if you want a Sprints at home.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, I don't think hers has I think any of that.

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<v Speaker 5>I think that's the point of it.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, So you love spirts an approl. Yeah, I'm really

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<v Speaker 3>into Aperol. I was into Hugo for a minute. Now

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<v Speaker 3>I'm back on the Aperal. Back to me, there's something.

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<v Speaker 5>About the bitterness, the bitterness and the drunk like that

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<v Speaker 5>It really just gives me the perfect buzz without sending

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<v Speaker 5>me over the edge. Two too many, oh one wonder. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I'd also like to correct that we were wrong or

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<v Speaker 2>I was wrong about on Unk last week or Monday,

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<v Speaker 2>because we found out Unk is actually uncle.

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<v Speaker 5>Which makes it better to me.

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<v Speaker 2>But why why are uncles catching flag?

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<v Speaker 5>I don't know. It's like uncle, uncle, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, so it's not uncool. It's uncle that makes

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<v Speaker 2>me feel better. It's really just wherever you put the

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<v Speaker 2>emphasis uncle uncle. Yeah, Unk, you're pretty Unk.

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<v Speaker 5>I'm like, so cool compared to other parents.

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<v Speaker 2>You're like full larp larber and.

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<v Speaker 5>Like the opposite of LARP.

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<v Speaker 3>I like what I like, and I don't like what

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<v Speaker 3>I don't like, and I'm unabashed about it.

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<v Speaker 2>Give imposer LARPer. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 5>Do you see this abuse again?

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<v Speaker 2>You know what heart it is gonna chuckle out of John.

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<v Speaker 3>John likes to say silent. He keeps a professional over there.

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<v Speaker 2>When he has to do our podcast. We really feel

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<v Speaker 2>for him.

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<v Speaker 3>By the way, I meant to say, when Ali was

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<v Speaker 3>doing the podcast, you guys had the scrubbing and mic flags,

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<v Speaker 3>and I was like, why don't I get those when

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<v Speaker 3>we have the show.

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<v Speaker 2>You should have seen my reaction. I was so excited.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, I've never who did that?

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<v Speaker 4>Was that?

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<v Speaker 2>You? John Easton brought them to the show, and John

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<v Speaker 2>put them on.

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<v Speaker 5>You will John.

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<v Speaker 3>We have had this podcast for nine years and I've

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<v Speaker 3>yet to see it.

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<v Speaker 5>Mike flagged.

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<v Speaker 2>I think they go on these though, or they'd have

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<v Speaker 2>to interchange them, or you can take these off. I

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<v Speaker 2>think it's just too much work for Anyonet to put

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<v Speaker 2>how to do it? Let's guesses I didn't know we

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<v Speaker 2>had them from the studio.

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<v Speaker 5>Okay, where are they?

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<v Speaker 3>John in the heavy do you mind grabbing the mic?

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<v Speaker 5>Flags from?

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<v Speaker 2>Where are you going to do this right now?

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<v Speaker 5>Yes, you're going to read an email. I'm gonna turn

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<v Speaker 5>my mic on our break.

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<v Speaker 2>We're gonna do it on our break. Okay, but we're

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<v Speaker 2>gonna get them. So let's start with a dear. We

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<v Speaker 2>have deer Bonia today.

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<v Speaker 5>We treated with respect. There's some respect on our name.

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<v Speaker 2>I couldn't agree more. We're gonna do emails and I'm

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<v Speaker 2>gonna start while we're waiting for those.

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<v Speaker 5>Rebecca's just going right in nothing to share, Like, wait.

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<v Speaker 2>So you're trying to say you want to hear about

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<v Speaker 2>me when I was ready to get started. But you

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<v Speaker 2>don't have anything to share yourself.

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<v Speaker 5>I'd like to know what's happening with the wedding.

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<v Speaker 2>What's how are wedding? Yes, nothing, there's nothing to share.

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<v Speaker 2>We were actually going.

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<v Speaker 5>To go to see there's some some.

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<v Speaker 2>Locations and take a trip somewhere, but we're not going

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<v Speaker 2>there anymore. We're going to Thailand, and I'm very excited

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<v Speaker 2>about Thailand. But we're not going to get married in Thailand. So,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean I could, I could scout, but I feel

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<v Speaker 2>like asking everyone to go to Thailand would be a

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<v Speaker 2>really big ass.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah that's quite the ass.

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<v Speaker 2>So but I am excited about Thailand. I've never been before,

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<v Speaker 2>very excited. Yeah, I'm excited for you.

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<v Speaker 5>So I have to get a guess host for that.

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<v Speaker 2>I yes, yeah, I think for the wedding we are

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<v Speaker 2>kind of just I think location is going to be

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<v Speaker 2>a big deal, but and then figuring out time of

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<v Speaker 2>year that we want to do it. But that's kind

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<v Speaker 2>of the main things that we have to figure out,

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<v Speaker 2>and then everything else will just be the Both of

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<v Speaker 2>us do not like making decisions. Both of us have

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<v Speaker 2>like decision paralysis. So can I help.

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<v Speaker 3>I' I mean like once we get going, Yeah, are

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<v Speaker 3>you gonna have a wedding party like a bridal party?

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I don't think I'll have them stand up with

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<v Speaker 2>me because I don't know. It's also you have to think.

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<v Speaker 2>We have to think of different things in terms of

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<v Speaker 2>how we walk down the aisle, because do we want

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<v Speaker 2>to come at the same time. Do we want to

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<v Speaker 2>meet in the middle instead of you know, one walking

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<v Speaker 2>down and being at the end. So depending on what

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<v Speaker 2>our venue looks like, we have those things to think about.

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<v Speaker 2>And then I don't think I would have our I

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<v Speaker 2>liked what we did for yours, Like we walked up there,

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<v Speaker 2>stood with you, and then we sat for the ceremony

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<v Speaker 2>because beginning to sit during the ceremony is so nice,

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<v Speaker 2>because yeah, it's very nerve wracking standing up and not

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<v Speaker 2>making sure you don't lock your legs and yeah, it's

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<v Speaker 2>just like a lot and you get to like relax

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<v Speaker 2>and hear the vowels and yeah, it was fun. So

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<v Speaker 2>we'll definitely have a wedding party bridle party. We've gone

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<v Speaker 2>back and forth on Bachelor, right if we want to

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<v Speaker 2>do it together separately, I'm team step brit She wants

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<v Speaker 2>to do it together, but it kind of depends on

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<v Speaker 2>what we do because we share a lot of friends.

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<v Speaker 2>So I wouldn't want multiple people to have to do

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<v Speaker 2>multiple trips, you know. So that's one thing too.

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<v Speaker 5>We thought about doing a joint too, did you, uh huh.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I think it's it is. There is a difference

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<v Speaker 2>because we're both women, and so there is kind of

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<v Speaker 2>just like a big slumber party. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah. It got like weird because I was like, we

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<v Speaker 5>were going to do like a big trip.

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<v Speaker 3>We were going to like a big trip joint and

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<v Speaker 3>just like go like all out, and it got like

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, well, I think I would have to

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<v Speaker 3>have my my girlfriend. Like all of his friends are married,

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<v Speaker 3>so I was like, we'd have to have them bring

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<v Speaker 3>their wives because it's like a weird it would be

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<v Speaker 3>a weird trip, oh to like all of my like

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<v Speaker 3>friends and not have the wives there. And then I

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<v Speaker 3>was like, so then I would have to have my

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<v Speaker 3>friends bring their significant others. And then I was like

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<v Speaker 3>then it's just like half of our wedding, right, So

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, ah, yeah, this is not it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Yeah, So those are the that's where we're at

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<v Speaker 2>so far. On any decisions or thoughts so far.

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<v Speaker 5>Well, if I can be of service in any.

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<v Speaker 2>Way, oh my gosh, and I will absolutely utilize you

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<v Speaker 2>because when it comes to weddings, I don't think you're

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<v Speaker 2>LARPer or unk.

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<v Speaker 5>You're pretty helpful, thank you.

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<v Speaker 3>And I have no like agenda, Like it's not like

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<v Speaker 3>I have this like vision that I want to like

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<v Speaker 3>push on you, like I just want to help you,

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<v Speaker 3>like i'll help you.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm very decisive in what I know I don't want.

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<v Speaker 2>So that's good because I I if I see something,

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<v Speaker 2>I can be like, no, I don't want that, or

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<v Speaker 2>I don't like that. So those are the things. It's

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<v Speaker 2>just coming down to chairs and stuff. I'm gonna be like,

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<v Speaker 2>that's taking space in my brain trying to pick.

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<v Speaker 5>What we did it in one day.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, I know. You just have to sit down

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<v Speaker 2>and lock in.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah. They set up a bunch of different tables and

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<v Speaker 5>you're like I like that, I don't like that. I

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<v Speaker 5>like that.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, we're right.

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<v Speaker 3>Hour and a half ninety minutes, easy, breezy. What a

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<v Speaker 3>chill bride I was?

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<v Speaker 2>You were shockingly chill, A little too chill, No, well

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<v Speaker 2>too chill. I didn't think you were too why do

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<v Speaker 2>you think you were too chill?

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<v Speaker 3>Because there were some things that I did that I

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<v Speaker 3>feel like I was just doing to please other people.

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<v Speaker 5>M And I'm like, I wish I would have just

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<v Speaker 5>done what I wanted. Interesting, Yeah, but you know, we

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<v Speaker 5>all do it.

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<v Speaker 2>We're all people pleasers at heart, we are, you know.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Sometimes it's like that. I don't try not to do

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<v Speaker 2>things I'm gonna. I'm there's gonna be a balance of Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>is this gonna Is this gonna be something I think

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<v Speaker 2>about if I do it and I didn't want to

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<v Speaker 2>do it? Or is it just I don't necessarily want

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<v Speaker 2>to do this, but is it easier for me to

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<v Speaker 2>just say yes? You know, it's just like weighing the

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<v Speaker 2>pros and cons, well, the pros and cons and the

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<v Speaker 2>weight of it, like is it something I mean to

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<v Speaker 2>think about it down the road, right, or am I

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<v Speaker 2>never gonna think about this again?

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<v Speaker 3>Well, whenever you ask your wedding party, just know that

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<v Speaker 3>I'm ready, I'm willing and able, I know, to assistant facilitate,

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<v Speaker 3>and I'm excited about it.

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<v Speaker 2>I know.

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<v Speaker 5>That's like, you know, yeah, it's more fun to deal

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<v Speaker 5>with your wedding than like my by far. I'm like

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<v Speaker 5>medications and.

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<v Speaker 2>I thought to be doing that right now. Yeah, no, totally,

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<v Speaker 2>you're taking that totally.

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<v Speaker 3>But let me tell you something. A month goes by

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<v Speaker 3>very fast.

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<v Speaker 2>The month from when you got my period? Oh not

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<v Speaker 2>from going to Capri.

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<v Speaker 5>No, I got my period.

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<v Speaker 2>When was up?

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<v Speaker 5>Do you want another date? Yeah, July twenty fifth.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, yeah, we got some time though, so don't spend

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<v Speaker 2>it can happen and looking things up.

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<v Speaker 5>Okay, okay, fine, fair, fair, fair.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, let's get into some other people's problems.

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<v Speaker 5>All right, you want to do the first one?

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<v Speaker 2>Sure?

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<v Speaker 5>I love the first one.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's very It's a very year towards you well

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<v Speaker 2>as you start it.

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<v Speaker 5>Okay.

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<v Speaker 3>From Anonymous dating a Jewish Man. I have been dating

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<v Speaker 3>a Jewish Man for about three months now. I come

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<v Speaker 3>from a Christian background and was curious if Tanya can

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<v Speaker 3>share more of her experience of how she learned the

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<v Speaker 3>culture and religion, especially at the beginning of the relationship.

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<v Speaker 3>Anything you wish you had known at the start of

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<v Speaker 3>it all, and do her and Becca have any tips

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<v Speaker 3>or advice going into a relationship with different religious backgrounds.

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<v Speaker 3>Thank you for bringing me joy and laughter every single week,

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<v Speaker 3>super cute, cute, you know, it's so funny. Again, I

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<v Speaker 3>get asked this question a lot about like inner faith relationships,

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<v Speaker 3>but like at the end of the day, it was

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<v Speaker 3>never about Robbie was never trying to get me to

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<v Speaker 3>like convert, and I was never trying to get him

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<v Speaker 3>to I don't know if you call it convert, convert whatever.

0:10:50.200 --> 0:10:53.319
<v Speaker 3>It was more just about like learning. I got this

0:10:53.400 --> 0:10:56.160
<v Speaker 3>book actually from Nancy Spielberg that was called The Newish

0:10:56.320 --> 0:10:58.679
<v Speaker 3>Jewish Encyclopedia or something.

0:10:58.720 --> 0:11:00.959
<v Speaker 5>She like sent it to me and I read.

0:11:00.800 --> 0:11:05.000
<v Speaker 3>It and it was like very digestible like blurbs of things.

0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:08.040
<v Speaker 3>That's where I kind of like got my start. And

0:11:08.080 --> 0:11:11.440
<v Speaker 3>then as like the Jewish holidays, like you'll start noticing

0:11:11.480 --> 0:11:13.600
<v Speaker 3>when you're dating him as a Jewish holidays like roll

0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:17.000
<v Speaker 3>through and you go, if you start going to like

0:11:17.000 --> 0:11:21.520
<v Speaker 3>Satyrs and stuff, you'll just naturally learn the traditions and

0:11:21.559 --> 0:11:23.559
<v Speaker 3>the ceremonies and like all the things that they do.

0:11:24.080 --> 0:11:25.880
<v Speaker 3>And so that's kind of how I learned. Just I'm

0:11:25.880 --> 0:11:29.959
<v Speaker 3>still learning stuff to this day. I mean there's so much. Yeah,

0:11:30.960 --> 0:11:34.120
<v Speaker 3>but that's kind of that's kind of how we did it.

0:11:34.120 --> 0:11:37.400
<v Speaker 2>It was never tips or advice going into a relationship

0:11:37.480 --> 0:11:39.400
<v Speaker 2>with different religious backgrounds.

0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:43.000
<v Speaker 3>I think just like respecting and honoring each other's like

0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:45.440
<v Speaker 3>wishes and what you know, Like Probably's always asking me,

0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:47.839
<v Speaker 3>like if he wants me, if he wants if you

0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:48.920
<v Speaker 3>want to go to church on Easter?

0:11:49.240 --> 0:11:49.800
<v Speaker 5>Like you know what I mean.

0:11:49.800 --> 0:11:52.360
<v Speaker 3>Like he's always there for me if I want to

0:11:52.400 --> 0:11:55.000
<v Speaker 3>do something, and I'm always there. And we celebrate all

0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:59.400
<v Speaker 3>the Jewish holidays too, and same with like Christmas and Hanukah,

0:11:59.400 --> 0:11:59.920
<v Speaker 3>we do both.

0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:03.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I know, I Haley didn't grow up religious, so

0:12:05.000 --> 0:12:07.120
<v Speaker 2>but she's always been. You know, it's the same thing

0:12:07.160 --> 0:12:09.320
<v Speaker 2>on Easter, She's always like, do you want to go

0:12:09.360 --> 0:12:12.520
<v Speaker 2>to church? Or She's always known that my faith was important.

0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:14.680
<v Speaker 2>But I think my faith in general has changed a lot,

0:12:14.800 --> 0:12:16.760
<v Speaker 2>so even just being in a relationship with Haley, my

0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:22.840
<v Speaker 2>faith just has changed a lot then how I was raised.

0:12:23.000 --> 0:12:27.120
<v Speaker 2>And I think it all comes down to respect and

0:12:27.760 --> 0:12:31.920
<v Speaker 2>giving people space to express their own beliefs and their

0:12:31.960 --> 0:12:34.920
<v Speaker 2>faith because faith is such a personal thing and I

0:12:34.960 --> 0:12:37.920
<v Speaker 2>think having expectations that it's going to look the exact

0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:40.600
<v Speaker 2>same as yours, even if it's the same religion, I

0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:43.840
<v Speaker 2>think is not realistic because I think it's all different,

0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:46.800
<v Speaker 2>and there's going to be things where you align or

0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:48.600
<v Speaker 2>you don't align, and I think being able to have

0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:51.200
<v Speaker 2>a least respectful dialogue about it is what's going to

0:12:51.200 --> 0:12:53.840
<v Speaker 2>be the most important thing. But I think there's so

0:12:53.960 --> 0:12:56.240
<v Speaker 2>much beauty and learning about where other people come from

0:12:56.240 --> 0:13:00.120
<v Speaker 2>and other religions and getting to experience something different, and

0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:01.920
<v Speaker 2>then how you grew up as such a gift in

0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:02.520
<v Speaker 2>my opinion.

0:13:02.720 --> 0:13:04.680
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, so I think so too.

0:13:05.360 --> 0:13:08.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I also think do you follow Raven from The Bachelor.

0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:11.440
<v Speaker 2>She's married to She was grew up like Southern Christian

0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:13.800
<v Speaker 2>and she's married to Adam from Bachelor in Paradise.

0:13:13.920 --> 0:13:14.880
<v Speaker 5>His name's Ringing a Bell.

0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:19.319
<v Speaker 2>He's Jewish. Oh, and they're so cute. Do they celebrate

0:13:19.320 --> 0:13:20.000
<v Speaker 2>all the holidays?

0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:23.000
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's like so crazy and like the for our

0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:26.040
<v Speaker 3>the first time Robbie had ever decorated a Christmas tree

0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:27.880
<v Speaker 3>was like our first Christmas that we spent together.

0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:29.640
<v Speaker 5>Like he's like, I've never done this before. This is

0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:32.640
<v Speaker 5>so fun. Yeah, it's like, you're that's so crazy.

0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:35.320
<v Speaker 2>That's what I'm saying. There's so much fun and beauty

0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:38.640
<v Speaker 2>and joy and getting to learn and do those things

0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:39.360
<v Speaker 2>for the first time.

0:13:39.200 --> 0:13:41.160
<v Speaker 3>And he like didn't know, like, so he like brought over.

0:13:41.240 --> 0:13:43.679
<v Speaker 3>He went and bought ornaments. Oh yeah, because he thought

0:13:43.679 --> 0:13:45.880
<v Speaker 3>you were supposed to bring them over, and he like

0:13:46.360 --> 0:13:48.440
<v Speaker 3>had matching ones he'd bought like pears, and he's like

0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:50.320
<v Speaker 3>the girl at the store told me that you have

0:13:50.360 --> 0:13:51.439
<v Speaker 3>to buy them in like pears.

0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:54.400
<v Speaker 5>I was like, Oh, really cute, it's really cute. We

0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:57.600
<v Speaker 5>still have them, of course. Yeah.

0:13:57.679 --> 0:14:01.160
<v Speaker 2>Okay. This is from anonymous career or stay at home mom.

0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:04.000
<v Speaker 2>My husband started a new job about a year ago

0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:07.839
<v Speaker 2>and his hours are insane. We have two young kids

0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:10.280
<v Speaker 2>and most of the parenting falls on me, while I

0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:13.280
<v Speaker 2>also work full time from home. I love my job

0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:16.520
<v Speaker 2>and have spent years building my career, traveling to conferences

0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:19.600
<v Speaker 2>and making contacts throughout my field, but lately I feel

0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:22.760
<v Speaker 2>like I'm constantly juggling work and the kids and doing

0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:26.320
<v Speaker 2>neither particularly well. Thankfully, we can afford for me to

0:14:26.320 --> 0:14:28.360
<v Speaker 2>become a stay at home mom. Part of me would

0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:30.240
<v Speaker 2>be relieved, but part of me feels like I'd be

0:14:30.280 --> 0:14:33.360
<v Speaker 2>throwing away everything I worked for because his career became

0:14:33.440 --> 0:14:36.880
<v Speaker 2>more demanding. To complicate things, my husband really wants a

0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:39.640
<v Speaker 2>third child. I've always pictured three too, but right now,

0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:42.120
<v Speaker 2>I can't imagine adding a baby when I already feel

0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:45.120
<v Speaker 2>stretched so thin. Do I step away from a career

0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:47.440
<v Speaker 2>I love while my kids are little, or keep pushing

0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:53.080
<v Speaker 2>through and hope this is just a hard season. I'm

0:14:53.120 --> 0:14:58.760
<v Speaker 2>so fascinated by the I might ruffle some feathers here.

0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:05.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm fascinated by a mom who primarily takes care of

0:15:05.520 --> 0:15:08.920
<v Speaker 2>the kids and is debating whether she should step stay

0:15:08.920 --> 0:15:13.360
<v Speaker 2>at home and leave her career. And yet the husband

0:15:13.400 --> 0:15:16.920
<v Speaker 2>having the audacity to put any sort of pressure on

0:15:17.080 --> 0:15:23.160
<v Speaker 2>having another child when his career is the reason why

0:15:23.240 --> 0:15:28.200
<v Speaker 2>she is stretched thin. He's not the one having to

0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:30.400
<v Speaker 2>think about stuff. Why don't you ask him if he

0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:32.600
<v Speaker 2>would like to take care of his.

0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:34.480
<v Speaker 5>Career, would he like to carry the baby as well?

0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:37.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry, maybe I'm maybe I'm reading this wrong, but

0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:39.440
<v Speaker 2>it sounds like they've had a discussion that three was

0:15:39.440 --> 0:15:43.160
<v Speaker 2>the goal. But I think you should very strongly stand

0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:46.040
<v Speaker 2>up against needing a third one right now. I think

0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:49.520
<v Speaker 2>there's room to grow the family, But I think right now,

0:15:50.040 --> 0:15:52.520
<v Speaker 2>you figure out what works best for you. I think

0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:58.080
<v Speaker 2>there's a world where I don't think anyone can do

0:15:58.120 --> 0:16:01.640
<v Speaker 2>anything one hundred percent multiple tis like, I don't think

0:16:01.680 --> 0:16:03.880
<v Speaker 2>that if you have a career and kids that you

0:16:03.960 --> 0:16:06.840
<v Speaker 2>can It's just as a human being, even if you're

0:16:06.880 --> 0:16:10.040
<v Speaker 2>the best of the best at doing it, you can't

0:16:10.080 --> 0:16:13.080
<v Speaker 2>give one hundred percent to everything you do when you're

0:16:13.080 --> 0:16:17.040
<v Speaker 2>doing multiple things right. And I think that there's a

0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:21.960
<v Speaker 2>lot of guilt, especially with the moms, because we want

0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:24.240
<v Speaker 2>to be the best at everything, especially if it comes

0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:27.120
<v Speaker 2>how I feel. I can't even imagine what it feels

0:16:27.160 --> 0:16:28.640
<v Speaker 2>like with kids. I want to do this with Phoebe.

0:16:28.640 --> 0:16:30.320
<v Speaker 2>I feel like I want to be the best dog

0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:33.400
<v Speaker 2>mom I could be, And so there's this pressure, and

0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:38.840
<v Speaker 2>then you're you're also trying to give yourself the and

0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:41.320
<v Speaker 2>be the best at this other thing that you've built

0:16:41.360 --> 0:16:43.560
<v Speaker 2>and put so much time into, which is your career.

0:16:43.800 --> 0:16:47.400
<v Speaker 3>You know, it's such a it's such a shitty position

0:16:47.480 --> 0:16:50.520
<v Speaker 3>that women have been put in because I just think, like,

0:16:52.200 --> 0:16:54.400
<v Speaker 3>I'm where I am now, right, and I'm like at

0:16:54.400 --> 0:16:57.360
<v Speaker 3>this age, but I think that for so many years.

0:16:57.360 --> 0:16:59.640
<v Speaker 3>And again, I just got married, so it's not like

0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:02.200
<v Speaker 3>I was trying to have kids at thirty one thirty two,

0:17:02.920 --> 0:17:07.239
<v Speaker 3>but I have thought I've had the thought of like

0:17:07.600 --> 0:17:11.760
<v Speaker 3>having a kid and going on maternity leave step in.

0:17:11.840 --> 0:17:14.440
<v Speaker 3>I've never stepped away from my career for more than

0:17:14.520 --> 0:17:17.400
<v Speaker 3>like a week, do you know what I mean? Yeah,

0:17:17.440 --> 0:17:22.080
<v Speaker 3>And I still have that sense of like, oh, you

0:17:22.119 --> 0:17:24.680
<v Speaker 3>know when you when you become pregnant, you obviously can't

0:17:24.720 --> 0:17:27.040
<v Speaker 3>do as much as you do. And then when you

0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:28.960
<v Speaker 3>go on maturnity leave, and then when you have a baby,

0:17:29.040 --> 0:17:31.159
<v Speaker 3>like you obviously want to like be a mother and

0:17:31.200 --> 0:17:32.760
<v Speaker 3>you want to be there and you want to be involved,

0:17:32.760 --> 0:17:33.840
<v Speaker 3>and you want to do all the things.

0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:35.080
<v Speaker 5>So like I see.

0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:38.040
<v Speaker 3>Wanting to be a stay at home mom, do you

0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:40.040
<v Speaker 3>know what I mean? Because you want to be there

0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:42.119
<v Speaker 3>when your kids are that when time goes by so fast.

0:17:42.560 --> 0:17:44.679
<v Speaker 3>So it's like I see that appeal. But then I

0:17:44.720 --> 0:17:47.399
<v Speaker 3>also think too, depending on what her career is, you

0:17:47.440 --> 0:17:49.560
<v Speaker 3>take your foot off the gas or you step off

0:17:49.600 --> 0:17:53.000
<v Speaker 3>that hamster wheel. It's really hard to get back on

0:17:53.040 --> 0:17:56.800
<v Speaker 3>as a woman, especially older as you get older. So

0:17:56.840 --> 0:17:59.880
<v Speaker 3>it's like my advice to you would be is there

0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:05.359
<v Speaker 3>any way that you can still somehow be Again, I

0:18:05.359 --> 0:18:07.400
<v Speaker 3>don't know what she does, but if there's some way

0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:10.560
<v Speaker 3>that you can still keep your foot in the room

0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:14.679
<v Speaker 3>in the door, do something part time, because I do

0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:17.320
<v Speaker 3>also think once your kids grow up, and I've seen

0:18:17.320 --> 0:18:21.640
<v Speaker 3>this because I just have I'm running in circles with

0:18:22.119 --> 0:18:24.040
<v Speaker 3>kids that are now, like you know, getting older, and

0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:27.479
<v Speaker 3>they don't need so much attention, and then you have

0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:29.359
<v Speaker 3>so much free time, and then you also feel like

0:18:29.400 --> 0:18:32.760
<v Speaker 3>you don't have purpose, and so I feel like having

0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:36.440
<v Speaker 3>your career is also very important in those later years

0:18:36.480 --> 0:18:41.280
<v Speaker 3>when your kids grow up. So I my advice, and

0:18:41.320 --> 0:18:43.720
<v Speaker 3>again this is just totally me, would be if there's

0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:46.640
<v Speaker 3>any way that you could have a combination of the two.

0:18:46.800 --> 0:18:51.159
<v Speaker 5>Be a stay at home mom, but also have some.

0:18:51.080 --> 0:18:55.280
<v Speaker 3>Sort of foot in at work, if it's part time,

0:18:55.560 --> 0:18:58.520
<v Speaker 3>if it's like again, I don't know what you do,

0:19:00.200 --> 0:19:03.560
<v Speaker 3>but like stepping back and scaling down, but not fully fully,

0:19:03.720 --> 0:19:05.040
<v Speaker 3>like closing the door.

0:19:05.320 --> 0:19:07.240
<v Speaker 2>Is there a world if you can afford to be

0:19:07.280 --> 0:19:09.920
<v Speaker 2>a stay at home mom where you could hire someone

0:19:09.920 --> 0:19:12.119
<v Speaker 2>that could come help you during the week with kids,

0:19:12.119 --> 0:19:14.320
<v Speaker 2>so you could give like three days a week that

0:19:14.600 --> 0:19:17.359
<v Speaker 2>they're helped. Someone like a nanny is someone helping with

0:19:17.400 --> 0:19:19.960
<v Speaker 2>the kids while you're putting one hundred percent into work

0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:22.760
<v Speaker 2>or focus being able to focus, and that way you're

0:19:22.800 --> 0:19:24.920
<v Speaker 2>there with the kids. But like when you have to work,

0:19:24.960 --> 0:19:26.919
<v Speaker 2>you're able to give it your full attention since you

0:19:27.480 --> 0:19:30.240
<v Speaker 2>if he's making enough money for you to quit completely,

0:19:30.680 --> 0:19:32.520
<v Speaker 2>I feel like there may be could be a world

0:19:32.560 --> 0:19:36.480
<v Speaker 2>where you could afford to hire someone to come and help. Yeah,

0:19:38.040 --> 0:19:39.760
<v Speaker 2>because I have in the same boat. I'm like, it

0:19:39.800 --> 0:19:42.080
<v Speaker 2>doesn't sound like she wants she doesn't feel like she

0:19:43.040 --> 0:19:45.280
<v Speaker 2>doesn't want to work anymore. Like it doesn't sound like

0:19:45.359 --> 0:19:47.120
<v Speaker 2>her dream is to be a stay at home mom.

0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:50.920
<v Speaker 5>Right, But I think she feels like of like.

0:19:50.680 --> 0:19:56.080
<v Speaker 2>Experiencing the things with their kids while they're small one time. Yes, gosh,

0:19:56.119 --> 0:19:59.600
<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry, I I don't know. I would maybe see

0:19:59.600 --> 0:20:01.320
<v Speaker 2>if you can it's some help, and see if that

0:20:01.480 --> 0:20:07.399
<v Speaker 2>helps you and see if you like having the what.

0:20:07.840 --> 0:20:09.959
<v Speaker 3>No, I just like, I imagine this is such a

0:20:10.000 --> 0:20:12.400
<v Speaker 3>hard thing because like I too on the same mood

0:20:12.400 --> 0:20:15.520
<v Speaker 3>as Sonny, like I, and she's just a dog, you know,

0:20:15.760 --> 0:20:18.000
<v Speaker 3>Like I'm like, I want to be like I want

0:20:18.040 --> 0:20:18.480
<v Speaker 3>to make sure she.

0:20:18.480 --> 0:20:20.560
<v Speaker 5>Has the best day every day. And I'm like, that's

0:20:20.680 --> 0:20:23.719
<v Speaker 5>literally a dog. Like I don't even know what I'm

0:20:23.760 --> 0:20:24.520
<v Speaker 5>going to be like.

0:20:24.480 --> 0:20:26.800
<v Speaker 2>But I would. I would have a conversation with your husband,

0:20:26.840 --> 0:20:28.960
<v Speaker 2>And I don't think he meant it to be selfish

0:20:29.040 --> 0:20:30.960
<v Speaker 2>or anything. I just think he probably hasn't thought of

0:20:31.000 --> 0:20:34.119
<v Speaker 2>what a third kid would mean for you, and how

0:20:35.200 --> 0:20:37.240
<v Speaker 2>it sounds like you're already stretched. Then, based on what

0:20:37.320 --> 0:20:39.560
<v Speaker 2>you literally said, I'm stretched, then I think you just

0:20:39.640 --> 0:20:41.960
<v Speaker 2>have a conversation, put that on pause and just figure

0:20:42.000 --> 0:20:43.480
<v Speaker 2>out what's happening right now.

0:20:43.640 --> 0:20:47.400
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, but good luck, good luck. I'm sorry.

0:20:47.600 --> 0:20:51.280
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if that was helpful advice. We gave

0:20:51.440 --> 0:20:52.080
<v Speaker 2>some input.

0:20:52.800 --> 0:20:55.159
<v Speaker 3>We have an email from a listener named Sarah, and

0:20:55.240 --> 0:20:58.120
<v Speaker 3>I just feel like we might have different opinions on this. Oh,

0:20:59.680 --> 0:21:01.960
<v Speaker 3>so we'll get into it when we come back.

0:21:02.080 --> 0:21:19.480
<v Speaker 4>Nice, We're back, We're back.

0:21:20.280 --> 0:21:20.560
<v Speaker 5>Okay.

0:21:20.600 --> 0:21:24.760
<v Speaker 3>This is from Sarah, my now former manager, and I

0:21:24.840 --> 0:21:27.600
<v Speaker 3>actually started at a company at the same time as coworkers.

0:21:27.920 --> 0:21:30.440
<v Speaker 3>She eventually worked her way up to becoming my manager,

0:21:30.480 --> 0:21:33.840
<v Speaker 3>but through it all we stayed really close friends. However,

0:21:34.440 --> 0:21:36.879
<v Speaker 3>I was recently let go and she didn't give me

0:21:37.000 --> 0:21:39.680
<v Speaker 3>any kind of warning. She says that as my manager,

0:21:39.680 --> 0:21:42.440
<v Speaker 3>she couldn't tell me what was happening before became official.

0:21:42.880 --> 0:21:46.119
<v Speaker 3>Career wise, I'm actually okay. I think this may be

0:21:46.200 --> 0:21:48.400
<v Speaker 3>the push I needed to move on and find something better.

0:21:48.440 --> 0:21:51.040
<v Speaker 3>So please don't feel bad for me, But friendship wise,

0:21:51.119 --> 0:21:55.040
<v Speaker 3>I'm heartbroken. I understand she had a professional responsibility, but

0:21:55.080 --> 0:21:57.160
<v Speaker 3>I can't get past knowing that one of my closest

0:21:57.200 --> 0:21:59.600
<v Speaker 3>friends knew I was about to lose my job and

0:21:59.640 --> 0:22:03.080
<v Speaker 3>acted completely normal around me. She keeps reaching out to

0:22:03.119 --> 0:22:05.840
<v Speaker 3>me to try and check in, But I just, honestly,

0:22:06.280 --> 0:22:09.120
<v Speaker 3>but I just honestly am so upset. I haven't even

0:22:09.160 --> 0:22:11.520
<v Speaker 3>answered her. Am I crazy for thinking this could end

0:22:11.520 --> 0:22:14.280
<v Speaker 3>our friendship? Am I being unfair for taking this personally?

0:22:15.640 --> 0:22:16.679
<v Speaker 5>What do you think? Becca?

0:22:17.320 --> 0:22:22.400
<v Speaker 2>Thank you for the emotionally for Sarah. Yeah, you were

0:22:22.440 --> 0:22:28.800
<v Speaker 2>really emoting in that. I think that my mind switched

0:22:28.840 --> 0:22:33.720
<v Speaker 2>halfway through the email because at first I thought, oh, like,

0:22:33.920 --> 0:22:38.240
<v Speaker 2>this was really not cool of her friend, Because even

0:22:38.280 --> 0:22:41.880
<v Speaker 2>if y'all were in a position of like power dynamics

0:22:41.920 --> 0:22:45.359
<v Speaker 2>being off, I still would be like, Hey, I just

0:22:45.480 --> 0:22:47.160
<v Speaker 2>want to give your heads up, like people are getting

0:22:47.200 --> 0:22:50.160
<v Speaker 2>laid off and it might be coming, Like I would

0:22:50.160 --> 0:22:53.480
<v Speaker 2>hope that that would be something you or I would

0:22:53.520 --> 0:22:56.359
<v Speaker 2>do for each other. M The other part of me, though,

0:22:57.440 --> 0:22:59.680
<v Speaker 2>realizes that she was probably put in a really hard

0:22:59.680 --> 0:23:04.679
<v Speaker 2>position and had to separate the personal relationship from the

0:23:04.720 --> 0:23:08.560
<v Speaker 2>professional relationship, and I think that her trying to reach

0:23:08.600 --> 0:23:11.000
<v Speaker 2>out and check in makes me think that it was

0:23:11.040 --> 0:23:13.200
<v Speaker 2>really hard for her too, and I think she feels

0:23:13.359 --> 0:23:17.000
<v Speaker 2>I think she feels the weight of it being bad

0:23:17.080 --> 0:23:19.800
<v Speaker 2>on the friend's side. But I also think she was

0:23:19.800 --> 0:23:22.080
<v Speaker 2>put in a tough position. And that's why they say

0:23:22.080 --> 0:23:26.080
<v Speaker 2>don't work with your friends. You know, we don't have

0:23:26.119 --> 0:23:28.040
<v Speaker 2>to worry about that. I would be very blunt and

0:23:28.119 --> 0:23:30.199
<v Speaker 2>honest with you, but I do think if you're in

0:23:30.240 --> 0:23:32.720
<v Speaker 2>like a corporate world, there is you do have to

0:23:32.760 --> 0:23:36.080
<v Speaker 2>find a separation, especially when you're in a different position,

0:23:36.160 --> 0:23:38.760
<v Speaker 2>a higher up position, you know, because now she also

0:23:38.800 --> 0:23:41.480
<v Speaker 2>has to think about her own job and her security.

0:23:41.600 --> 0:23:44.080
<v Speaker 2>So I think it's just hard for both of y'all.

0:23:44.080 --> 0:23:47.080
<v Speaker 2>I think you're both valid for she's valid for having

0:23:47.080 --> 0:23:49.000
<v Speaker 2>you do what she did and do it the way

0:23:49.040 --> 0:23:50.359
<v Speaker 2>that she did it, because I think it was a

0:23:50.680 --> 0:23:53.520
<v Speaker 2>tough position. And I also I appreciate that she's trying

0:23:53.520 --> 0:23:55.080
<v Speaker 2>to reach out to you, because I mean, she cares

0:23:55.080 --> 0:23:57.960
<v Speaker 2>about you. She isn't just like, well, whatever, screw her.

0:23:58.240 --> 0:24:00.200
<v Speaker 5>So, yeah, she should have reached out to you before

0:24:00.280 --> 0:24:00.959
<v Speaker 5>you got fired.

0:24:01.320 --> 0:24:03.800
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so your take is she should have told her, Yes.

0:24:04.080 --> 0:24:05.600
<v Speaker 5>She should have told you, she should have given you

0:24:05.680 --> 0:24:06.560
<v Speaker 5>some sort of heads up.

0:24:06.600 --> 0:24:08.920
<v Speaker 3>Even if she didn't tell you directly, like, hey, you're

0:24:08.960 --> 0:24:11.239
<v Speaker 3>getting fired, she could have said exactly what you said, Hey,

0:24:11.280 --> 0:24:12.400
<v Speaker 3>I'm hearing there's layoffs.

0:24:14.280 --> 0:24:14.879
<v Speaker 5>I wouldn't be.

0:24:14.880 --> 0:24:17.480
<v Speaker 3>Surprised if you are you know, you or I or

0:24:17.480 --> 0:24:18.760
<v Speaker 3>whatever however you want to say.

0:24:18.760 --> 0:24:19.680
<v Speaker 5>You don't have to say it exactly.

0:24:20.240 --> 0:24:23.800
<v Speaker 3>But if this is your friend, I think personally like,

0:24:23.960 --> 0:24:25.720
<v Speaker 3>but she shouldn't give like heads up.

0:24:25.760 --> 0:24:28.000
<v Speaker 2>End of a friendship type of I don't know.

0:24:28.040 --> 0:24:29.680
<v Speaker 5>It's hard to say, Becca, it's hard to say. It's

0:24:29.680 --> 0:24:30.560
<v Speaker 5>hard to say if.

0:24:30.480 --> 0:24:33.800
<v Speaker 2>She hadn't reached if she hasn't if she hadn't reached

0:24:33.840 --> 0:24:36.440
<v Speaker 2>out since it happened, I would be like, Yeah, maybe

0:24:36.520 --> 0:24:39.119
<v Speaker 2>she's not a great friend, but I think she's trying

0:24:39.200 --> 0:24:41.960
<v Speaker 2>and she probably felt very conflicted on it, and so

0:24:42.040 --> 0:24:44.399
<v Speaker 2>I would I would give her the opportunity to talk.

0:24:44.880 --> 0:24:48.840
<v Speaker 2>And if she is defensive and like, doesn't offer more condolences,

0:24:48.880 --> 0:24:51.639
<v Speaker 2>because you're the one who really got the end up

0:24:51.680 --> 0:24:56.199
<v Speaker 2>the stick here, you know, I think that it's I

0:24:56.240 --> 0:24:58.919
<v Speaker 2>think it's if she's your really, if she's really your friend,

0:24:58.960 --> 0:25:01.680
<v Speaker 2>I think it warrants a converse and you can be hurt.

0:25:01.720 --> 0:25:03.320
<v Speaker 2>You can say hey, I'm really hurt and I haven't

0:25:03.359 --> 0:25:04.960
<v Speaker 2>wanted to talk to you because I'm mad at you.

0:25:05.280 --> 0:25:08.720
<v Speaker 2>That's okay. Like relationships should go through things where you

0:25:08.800 --> 0:25:10.200
<v Speaker 2>have to have hard conversations.

0:25:10.280 --> 0:25:11.560
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, like when I had to tell you I was

0:25:11.640 --> 0:25:13.159
<v Speaker 3>upset you didn't tell me you were going to Taylor's

0:25:13.200 --> 0:25:13.600
<v Speaker 3>this wedding.

0:25:13.800 --> 0:25:18.160
<v Speaker 2>Yes. Yeah, they have to go through hardships to overcome things.

0:25:18.240 --> 0:25:20.399
<v Speaker 2>And this is a hardship that you all are facing.

0:25:20.440 --> 0:25:23.000
<v Speaker 2>And I think either you move forward as friends or

0:25:24.760 --> 0:25:26.840
<v Speaker 2>you choose not to hear her out. But I think

0:25:26.880 --> 0:25:28.640
<v Speaker 2>it's worth hearing her out. If she's a good friend

0:25:28.640 --> 0:25:28.920
<v Speaker 2>to you.

0:25:30.760 --> 0:25:31.520
<v Speaker 5>I say cut her.

0:25:31.680 --> 0:25:34.040
<v Speaker 2>Oh my, there's no way you say cut her.

0:25:34.200 --> 0:25:34.720
<v Speaker 5>Cut her?

0:25:35.520 --> 0:25:36.879
<v Speaker 2>Do you mean that? Are you LARPing?

0:25:39.960 --> 0:25:41.120
<v Speaker 5>You're such an unc.

0:25:43.800 --> 0:25:47.239
<v Speaker 2>Do you mean that? Are you LARPing? Wow? Sarah? I

0:25:47.240 --> 0:25:50.360
<v Speaker 2>think if I.

0:25:50.320 --> 0:25:53.160
<v Speaker 3>Were fired and my best friend knew and didn't tell

0:25:53.200 --> 0:25:55.159
<v Speaker 3>me and give me some sort of heads up, it

0:25:55.200 --> 0:25:55.600
<v Speaker 3>would be.

0:25:56.160 --> 0:25:58.879
<v Speaker 2>But after all the time through, if I was in

0:25:58.880 --> 0:26:00.959
<v Speaker 2>a position where they were like, you cannot tell her,

0:26:01.080 --> 0:26:03.120
<v Speaker 2>or that puts you in harms a way for your

0:26:03.200 --> 0:26:05.679
<v Speaker 2>job security, and I didn't tell you, and then I

0:26:05.720 --> 0:26:07.320
<v Speaker 2>reached out and I was like, I love you. I

0:26:07.440 --> 0:26:10.159
<v Speaker 2>feel horrible for what happened, and like I know you

0:26:10.200 --> 0:26:12.040
<v Speaker 2>probably don't trust me right now and feel hurt, but

0:26:12.119 --> 0:26:14.000
<v Speaker 2>like I love you and I had to separate and

0:26:14.040 --> 0:26:18.080
<v Speaker 2>trust you again because that's a professional choice. That wasn't

0:26:18.119 --> 0:26:18.960
<v Speaker 2>a personal thing.

0:26:20.480 --> 0:26:22.320
<v Speaker 5>I just always think personal over professional.

0:26:23.000 --> 0:26:27.359
<v Speaker 2>Well, not everyone thinks the same as you, and I

0:26:27.400 --> 0:26:30.000
<v Speaker 2>think to not give your friend who you've been friends

0:26:30.000 --> 0:26:36.879
<v Speaker 2>with at least a conversation. She's hold us up face.

0:26:40.680 --> 0:26:42.040
<v Speaker 3>I was like, you know what, like you're trying to

0:26:42.040 --> 0:26:44.760
<v Speaker 3>hold in a yawn. I was trying to like close

0:26:44.800 --> 0:26:46.200
<v Speaker 3>my lips so it didn't like open.

0:26:47.359 --> 0:26:47.639
<v Speaker 5>Wow.

0:26:47.680 --> 0:26:53.640
<v Speaker 3>That was a challenge and like mocial gymnastics, but.

0:26:53.600 --> 0:26:57.439
<v Speaker 2>I help it in Sarah, give her a chance, be

0:26:57.520 --> 0:26:59.399
<v Speaker 2>a good friend, be a good friend. Even though she

0:26:59.480 --> 0:27:00.919
<v Speaker 2>heard you give her a chance.

0:27:01.760 --> 0:27:02.399
<v Speaker 5>Wait will you do?

0:27:02.560 --> 0:27:10.600
<v Speaker 2>Jenny Jenny Jenny Jenny Jenny Jenny says bathroom wipes give

0:27:10.680 --> 0:27:13.280
<v Speaker 2>me the ick. I just went on my first vacation

0:27:13.440 --> 0:27:16.159
<v Speaker 2>with my boyfriend and it was honestly great, except he

0:27:16.240 --> 0:27:19.359
<v Speaker 2>brought a pack of flishable wipes for the bathroom. I

0:27:19.400 --> 0:27:22.320
<v Speaker 2>know this is objectively good hygiene, but something about seeing

0:27:22.359 --> 0:27:24.640
<v Speaker 2>that pack sitting next to our toilet all week gave

0:27:24.680 --> 0:27:28.240
<v Speaker 2>me the biggest egg. I couldnt explain it, but it

0:27:28.320 --> 0:27:33.720
<v Speaker 2>sent me into another universe. Am I completely insane? Please

0:27:33.720 --> 0:27:36.560
<v Speaker 2>tell me Robbie or Haley has done something equally harmless

0:27:36.560 --> 0:27:38.600
<v Speaker 2>that randomly gives you the ick. I feel like the

0:27:38.600 --> 0:27:41.040
<v Speaker 2>answer is no, but please help me. I really like

0:27:41.160 --> 0:27:43.879
<v Speaker 2>this man, so please talk me off the ledge before

0:27:43.880 --> 0:27:47.160
<v Speaker 2>I let bathroom wipes ru in a perfectly good relationship.

0:27:48.280 --> 0:27:49.680
<v Speaker 5>This is not about the bathroom wipes.

0:27:50.760 --> 0:27:52.440
<v Speaker 2>Oh you just think she has the ick?

0:27:52.760 --> 0:27:56.960
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, Jenny, you have the ick because.

0:27:56.720 --> 0:27:59.920
<v Speaker 2>Bathroom wipes should be a green flat.

0:28:00.240 --> 0:28:03.480
<v Speaker 3>Yes, Like he takes care of his butthole after he poops,

0:28:03.520 --> 0:28:06.000
<v Speaker 3>like amazing love that for him?

0:28:06.080 --> 0:28:08.840
<v Speaker 5>For you? Yeah? Much?

0:28:09.040 --> 0:28:12.159
<v Speaker 2>No, I just something about the word butthole sent me

0:28:12.240 --> 0:28:17.520
<v Speaker 2>until I go another orbit. I don't know. I just.

0:28:18.960 --> 0:28:19.840
<v Speaker 5>Over a second.

0:28:22.480 --> 0:28:25.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah I Unfortunately, can you come back from this?

0:28:25.880 --> 0:28:30.120
<v Speaker 5>Yeah? I don't know. I don't know. Unfortunately, I don't

0:28:30.160 --> 0:28:30.840
<v Speaker 5>know because he.

0:28:30.880 --> 0:28:33.639
<v Speaker 2>Just packed his little his little wife used to go.

0:28:37.040 --> 0:28:40.479
<v Speaker 3>Because like, if I'm being honest, every like probably icky

0:28:40.520 --> 0:28:43.360
<v Speaker 3>thing that Robbie did and our relationship, like I found

0:28:43.360 --> 0:28:45.120
<v Speaker 3>so adorable or so cute or so charming.

0:28:45.240 --> 0:28:47.720
<v Speaker 2>I will say when it is, I would get the

0:28:47.760 --> 0:28:53.200
<v Speaker 2>ick from everything someone did like they're pinky Now could

0:28:53.240 --> 0:28:59.520
<v Speaker 2>be too long and I'd be like, no, so, but

0:28:59.760 --> 0:29:02.840
<v Speaker 2>I do believe in coming back from an egg, I don't.

0:29:03.440 --> 0:29:04.360
<v Speaker 2>I do, Jenny.

0:29:04.400 --> 0:29:06.600
<v Speaker 3>I think I think that this is bigger than the

0:29:06.640 --> 0:29:09.440
<v Speaker 3>bathroom wipes, and you have got to go.

0:29:09.960 --> 0:29:13.240
<v Speaker 5>I think that the episode is cut. It cut the friendship.

0:29:13.440 --> 0:29:16.120
<v Speaker 2>You're cutting too. You're being a little too cutthroat just

0:29:16.120 --> 0:29:18.040
<v Speaker 2>because you're married. Now you're old.

0:29:18.120 --> 0:29:21.040
<v Speaker 5>You would never do this, You're right, right, that's so true.

0:29:21.360 --> 0:29:25.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, here's the thing. I think bathroom wipes, even though

0:29:26.240 --> 0:29:28.960
<v Speaker 2>again I get it him bringing his little wipeies along

0:29:29.000 --> 0:29:30.640
<v Speaker 2>on the trip and setting them mout like it's.

0:29:30.600 --> 0:29:33.960
<v Speaker 5>Him, like bringing like pooperie and like putting it next

0:29:34.000 --> 0:29:34.520
<v Speaker 5>to the toilet.

0:29:34.600 --> 0:29:37.680
<v Speaker 2>It's a thoughtful gesture and it's clean. It's hygiene, and

0:29:37.720 --> 0:29:39.959
<v Speaker 2>that at the end of the day is a green flag.

0:29:40.560 --> 0:29:47.920
<v Speaker 2>You know. Yeah. I think you just need to reframe

0:29:47.960 --> 0:29:49.120
<v Speaker 2>how you see the wipes.

0:29:50.160 --> 0:29:54.240
<v Speaker 3>Maybe see him as a clean butthole. Are we allowed

0:29:54.280 --> 0:29:58.320
<v Speaker 3>to say that, like John keeps marking things down? Are

0:29:58.320 --> 0:29:59.360
<v Speaker 3>we not allowed to say butthole?

0:29:59.640 --> 0:30:03.640
<v Speaker 2>I think but whole spine. It's anatomy, okay, and we

0:30:03.720 --> 0:30:10.280
<v Speaker 2>are a Gray's Anatomy podcast exactly. So yeah, I think

0:30:10.320 --> 0:30:13.000
<v Speaker 2>maybe there's a cool container you can put the wipes

0:30:13.000 --> 0:30:17.160
<v Speaker 2>in a warmer.

0:30:18.760 --> 0:30:20.160
<v Speaker 5>That would actually be amazing.

0:30:21.520 --> 0:30:23.560
<v Speaker 2>I believe you can come back from this ick, But

0:30:23.880 --> 0:30:25.280
<v Speaker 2>I also cluse.

0:30:25.040 --> 0:30:27.080
<v Speaker 3>Him yourself, ask him if you could have one? Can

0:30:27.120 --> 0:30:28.600
<v Speaker 3>I borrow one of your wipes?

0:30:28.680 --> 0:30:34.160
<v Speaker 2>I also think when I met Haley, I did not.

0:30:34.560 --> 0:30:36.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm like still to this day, it takes I don't

0:30:36.760 --> 0:30:38.960
<v Speaker 2>even know if I can list anything that's ever given

0:30:39.000 --> 0:30:42.040
<v Speaker 2>me the ick. So and I was the ick queen

0:30:42.360 --> 0:30:45.840
<v Speaker 2>everything in the eck. Yeah, So this might not be

0:30:45.880 --> 0:30:46.440
<v Speaker 2>your person.

0:30:47.040 --> 0:30:48.719
<v Speaker 3>I just I just don't think it's your I mean

0:30:48.800 --> 0:30:50.520
<v Speaker 3>because I too, like I got the ick from a

0:30:50.560 --> 0:30:53.760
<v Speaker 3>guy drinking a drink out of a straw and he

0:30:53.920 --> 0:30:58.040
<v Speaker 3>was very hot and handsome and charming and great job,

0:30:58.640 --> 0:31:02.360
<v Speaker 3>and he sucked on that straw and I was like.

0:31:06.800 --> 0:31:09.760
<v Speaker 5>Boner gone wow.

0:31:10.000 --> 0:31:12.680
<v Speaker 2>So okay. My truth is, Jenny, I think you can

0:31:12.680 --> 0:31:14.440
<v Speaker 2>come back from this, and I also think that this

0:31:14.560 --> 0:31:17.160
<v Speaker 2>might not be your person because this is in theory,

0:31:17.160 --> 0:31:21.960
<v Speaker 2>should be a positive thing. Yeah, And that's all we

0:31:22.080 --> 0:31:28.000
<v Speaker 2>have to offer. On that note, that's too bad. It's

0:31:28.000 --> 0:31:28.480
<v Speaker 2>too bad.

0:31:45.760 --> 0:31:49.200
<v Speaker 3>This is from anonymous. My friend annoys me. One of

0:31:49.200 --> 0:31:52.479
<v Speaker 3>my best friends is annoying this out of me, and

0:31:52.520 --> 0:31:53.360
<v Speaker 3>I hate.

0:31:53.040 --> 0:31:53.840
<v Speaker 5>Feeling this way.

0:31:54.200 --> 0:31:56.360
<v Speaker 3>I love her and we see each other weekly, but

0:31:56.440 --> 0:32:00.800
<v Speaker 3>certain personality quirks really get under my skin. Elisha's details

0:32:00.840 --> 0:32:03.080
<v Speaker 3>about her career and finds ways to work stories about

0:32:03.120 --> 0:32:07.000
<v Speaker 3>men hitting on her into conversations. She's also asked hypothetical

0:32:07.120 --> 0:32:10.160
<v Speaker 3>questions that are obviously about problems in her relationships, sometimes

0:32:10.200 --> 0:32:13.840
<v Speaker 3>right in front of her boyfriend, who just sits there uncomfortably.

0:32:14.360 --> 0:32:16.600
<v Speaker 3>I think a lot of it comes from insecurity, and

0:32:16.640 --> 0:32:19.520
<v Speaker 3>I don't think she's being malicious. She genuinely seems to

0:32:19.520 --> 0:32:22.480
<v Speaker 3>think she's being more subtle than she is. But these

0:32:22.520 --> 0:32:27.840
<v Speaker 3>little things make me disproportionately irritated. Is it normal to

0:32:27.840 --> 0:32:29.800
<v Speaker 3>be this annoyed by someone you love? How do I

0:32:29.840 --> 0:32:31.880
<v Speaker 3>know what's worth addressing and what I just need to

0:32:31.960 --> 0:32:32.720
<v Speaker 3>accept about her?

0:32:33.400 --> 0:32:36.200
<v Speaker 2>Oh? This is so hard.

0:32:38.800 --> 0:32:40.920
<v Speaker 5>I don't even just annoy you. I think people can,

0:32:41.000 --> 0:32:41.400
<v Speaker 5>like I was.

0:32:41.440 --> 0:32:46.000
<v Speaker 2>Gonna say, but when it's your best friend, that's different.

0:32:46.200 --> 0:32:47.600
<v Speaker 5>I'm sure I've annoyed you before.

0:32:48.160 --> 0:32:52.360
<v Speaker 3>Never, no chance, never in my life you're saying that

0:32:52.400 --> 0:32:54.880
<v Speaker 3>with the You're saying that with a smirk on your face,

0:32:54.920 --> 0:32:56.200
<v Speaker 3>which leads me to believe you're lying.

0:32:56.240 --> 0:32:56.800
<v Speaker 5>You're LARPing.

0:32:57.120 --> 0:32:59.719
<v Speaker 2>Every single person in my life has annoyed me at

0:32:59.720 --> 0:33:03.080
<v Speaker 2>some point in my life. I'm just saying, like being

0:33:03.440 --> 0:33:07.680
<v Speaker 2>having being annoyed by someone isn't a long term thing.

0:33:07.840 --> 0:33:08.880
<v Speaker 2>But this sounds did.

0:33:08.840 --> 0:33:10.840
<v Speaker 5>Annoy about with you?

0:33:11.080 --> 0:33:13.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's just like neither here nor there.

0:33:14.160 --> 0:33:16.080
<v Speaker 5>It's here nor there. What this is exactly what we're

0:33:16.080 --> 0:33:17.880
<v Speaker 5>talking about. What have you been annoyed about?

0:33:18.120 --> 0:33:20.600
<v Speaker 2>Like you're getting mad about Taylor Swift? I found annoying

0:33:21.760 --> 0:33:26.120
<v Speaker 2>the wedding. That's valid you you got mad and I

0:33:26.200 --> 0:33:27.080
<v Speaker 2>found it annoying.

0:33:28.600 --> 0:33:30.040
<v Speaker 5>When else have I annoyed you?

0:33:30.080 --> 0:33:30.800
<v Speaker 2>No other time?

0:33:31.520 --> 0:33:31.960
<v Speaker 5>Not ever?

0:33:32.360 --> 0:33:32.560
<v Speaker 2>Ever?

0:33:33.160 --> 0:33:36.680
<v Speaker 5>Lying, LARPer, when have I annoyed you never?

0:33:36.920 --> 0:33:37.880
<v Speaker 2>That's so not true.

0:33:37.960 --> 0:33:39.280
<v Speaker 5>It's like the truth.

0:33:40.120 --> 0:33:42.120
<v Speaker 2>When you're talking about Taylor's wedding, I would.

0:33:41.960 --> 0:33:44.960
<v Speaker 5>Say it didn't annoy me. That really hurt my feelings deeply.

0:33:45.400 --> 0:33:46.040
<v Speaker 5>There's a difference.

0:33:46.560 --> 0:33:48.920
<v Speaker 2>I think there's so many difference towards like getting hurt

0:33:48.960 --> 0:33:52.240
<v Speaker 2>and I would say I I am not as like sensitive,

0:33:52.280 --> 0:33:55.280
<v Speaker 2>so I find things that would be hurtful to you annoying.

0:33:55.520 --> 0:33:57.800
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, like I don't. I never have found you annoying.

0:33:58.360 --> 0:34:01.600
<v Speaker 3>I have found you to be hurtful, deeply worse.

0:34:01.680 --> 0:34:04.440
<v Speaker 5>Actually, yeah, it's hard being on this side of things.

0:34:04.520 --> 0:34:09.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well I'm sorry, you have to be my friend anyways. Yeah, anyways,

0:34:09.680 --> 0:34:12.200
<v Speaker 2>I think this is a person Like I think this

0:34:12.239 --> 0:34:15.880
<v Speaker 2>is a personality. And if Tanya had a personality that

0:34:15.960 --> 0:34:18.439
<v Speaker 2>annoyed me, I don't think i'd be friends with her.

0:34:18.760 --> 0:34:21.400
<v Speaker 3>No, I don't think it's a personality. I think I

0:34:21.400 --> 0:34:23.920
<v Speaker 3>think that sometimes people can go through annoying phases. Like

0:34:24.000 --> 0:34:27.799
<v Speaker 3>let's say, like let's say one of your friends goes

0:34:27.800 --> 0:34:29.879
<v Speaker 3>through a breakup and they're like, I'm sure I've been

0:34:29.960 --> 0:34:32.000
<v Speaker 3>so annoying after a breakup and I want to like

0:34:32.440 --> 0:34:33.640
<v Speaker 3>go out like.

0:34:34.280 --> 0:34:37.200
<v Speaker 2>Crazy after the break up. Yeah, annoying.

0:34:39.640 --> 0:34:42.120
<v Speaker 3>But that's what I'm saying, Like people go through like

0:34:42.160 --> 0:34:44.880
<v Speaker 3>different seasons of life and different emotions, and like this

0:34:44.960 --> 0:34:47.160
<v Speaker 3>might just be something that like she's just being annoying

0:34:47.200 --> 0:34:49.279
<v Speaker 3>right now because you said she's insecure about something, so

0:34:49.320 --> 0:34:51.800
<v Speaker 3>it's like right now she might just be like annoying

0:34:51.880 --> 0:34:53.880
<v Speaker 3>and you just step back, you say you see her weekly,

0:34:54.320 --> 0:34:56.879
<v Speaker 3>maybe take it back to buy you know, to say

0:34:56.880 --> 0:35:00.520
<v Speaker 3>bi weekly. That's more twice a month, you know, like

0:35:00.600 --> 0:35:03.040
<v Speaker 3>every other week you see her, and just like just

0:35:03.800 --> 0:35:06.080
<v Speaker 3>slow it down on seeing her for a bit while

0:35:06.120 --> 0:35:09.040
<v Speaker 3>she's going through this phase, and then just jump right

0:35:09.080 --> 0:35:09.359
<v Speaker 3>back in.

0:35:10.400 --> 0:35:14.359
<v Speaker 2>She said, certain personality quirks really good under my skin.

0:35:14.440 --> 0:35:16.000
<v Speaker 2>So it sounds like it's a personality.

0:35:16.200 --> 0:35:19.080
<v Speaker 3>It just seems like they're heightened. I think I'm taking

0:35:19.080 --> 0:35:22.400
<v Speaker 3>this as a momentary lapse of something else that's going on.

0:35:22.480 --> 0:35:27.160
<v Speaker 2>It's not like so you just don't see each other

0:35:27.200 --> 0:35:29.759
<v Speaker 2>as much, give it a little time. Distance makes the

0:35:29.800 --> 0:35:34.080
<v Speaker 2>heart grow fall exactly. So maybe you just need some

0:35:34.120 --> 0:35:36.560
<v Speaker 2>space from her right now. I don't think you even

0:35:36.600 --> 0:35:40.359
<v Speaker 2>need to tell her that. I think you just yeah,

0:35:40.719 --> 0:35:41.960
<v Speaker 2>when she wants to hang.

0:35:41.840 --> 0:35:44.240
<v Speaker 3>Out, Yeah, she wants to get a drink, I'm busy.

0:35:44.280 --> 0:35:45.360
<v Speaker 3>But how about next week?

0:35:45.800 --> 0:35:48.600
<v Speaker 5>Great, and you just kick the can.

0:35:48.920 --> 0:35:50.439
<v Speaker 2>Okay, kick the can.

0:35:50.719 --> 0:35:51.319
<v Speaker 5>Kick the can.

0:35:52.520 --> 0:35:53.439
<v Speaker 2>Doesn't that mean die?

0:35:53.880 --> 0:35:56.560
<v Speaker 3>No, it just means like when you kick the can,

0:35:56.600 --> 0:36:00.160
<v Speaker 3>you're just like prolonging, prolonging, I see, Okay, larving that

0:36:00.239 --> 0:36:01.120
<v Speaker 3>may say.

0:36:01.000 --> 0:36:04.960
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I think we're misusing that now. Okay, yeah, I

0:36:05.000 --> 0:36:08.319
<v Speaker 2>think I would get some space, clear your head, clear

0:36:08.360 --> 0:36:11.960
<v Speaker 2>the energy. It is hard to be around someone who's annoying,

0:36:12.400 --> 0:36:16.040
<v Speaker 2>annoying but also talks about relationship problems in front their boyfriend,

0:36:16.080 --> 0:36:18.960
<v Speaker 2>because it puts you in It makes everyone feel awkward, intense,

0:36:19.480 --> 0:36:23.479
<v Speaker 2>and that's a lot of energy to absorb and try

0:36:23.480 --> 0:36:26.840
<v Speaker 2>to give. Yeah, so just take some space. And I

0:36:26.880 --> 0:36:29.840
<v Speaker 2>also think if it continues, if it's not just a phase,

0:36:30.480 --> 0:36:35.680
<v Speaker 2>maybe this person's cutter. Just like we get sum this

0:36:35.840 --> 0:36:39.279
<v Speaker 2>podcast up, we could just erase all the advice given

0:36:39.400 --> 0:36:44.880
<v Speaker 2>and just it's Yeah, why are you so cut throat today?

0:36:45.560 --> 0:36:47.359
<v Speaker 2>Why are you feeling fed up like this?

0:36:47.640 --> 0:36:48.799
<v Speaker 5>I'm feeling fed up?

0:36:48.960 --> 0:36:52.360
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I think just because I don't know.

0:36:52.400 --> 0:36:54.720
<v Speaker 5>I'm just like tired when I'm tired, I'm.

0:36:54.560 --> 0:36:58.120
<v Speaker 2>Just Yeah, why why even try?

0:36:58.320 --> 0:37:02.879
<v Speaker 5>Yeah? Why I try? Why try?

0:37:02.960 --> 0:37:03.080
<v Speaker 4>I know?

0:37:03.160 --> 0:37:03.640
<v Speaker 5>It's why not?

0:37:04.440 --> 0:37:09.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Why not? Yeah? Today I did a pilates class

0:37:09.680 --> 0:37:12.000
<v Speaker 2>this money again. I did a heated plates class like

0:37:12.000 --> 0:37:14.440
<v Speaker 2>a Matt class where at this place near my house.

0:37:14.600 --> 0:37:19.359
<v Speaker 2>And I was late because I couldn't find parking. And

0:37:20.719 --> 0:37:25.000
<v Speaker 2>I almost just ate the money because I didn't want

0:37:25.000 --> 0:37:25.640
<v Speaker 2>to go in late.

0:37:25.800 --> 0:37:28.120
<v Speaker 3>I done star because I was I was finding parking

0:37:28.160 --> 0:37:30.600
<v Speaker 3>for ten minutes. I was ten minutes late because I

0:37:30.600 --> 0:37:32.480
<v Speaker 3>was finding parking. I was like, I might as well

0:37:32.520 --> 0:37:34.399
<v Speaker 3>just go home, and then I was like, I paid

0:37:34.400 --> 0:37:35.040
<v Speaker 3>for the class.

0:37:35.160 --> 0:37:36.880
<v Speaker 2>I know, well, I wasn't that late, but it was

0:37:36.960 --> 0:37:39.279
<v Speaker 2>just the idea of walking in while it was dark

0:37:39.320 --> 0:37:41.239
<v Speaker 2>and they had already started, not knowing where my mat

0:37:41.360 --> 0:37:43.319
<v Speaker 2>was going to be. But I did it.

0:37:43.840 --> 0:37:44.200
<v Speaker 5>Proud of you.

0:37:44.400 --> 0:37:45.040
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much.

0:37:45.160 --> 0:37:45.960
<v Speaker 5>You start going with me.

0:37:46.360 --> 0:37:49.879
<v Speaker 2>You're so far away, it's too far away. I will

0:37:49.880 --> 0:37:52.239
<v Speaker 2>go like I would go with you here and there,

0:37:52.239 --> 0:37:54.279
<v Speaker 2>but like, go wak, I'm hear to you. Oh yeah,

0:37:54.400 --> 0:37:57.400
<v Speaker 2>I would love to go. Let's go together when I'm back.

0:37:57.520 --> 0:38:01.080
<v Speaker 3>I want to try what and then the effort to

0:38:01.120 --> 0:38:03.960
<v Speaker 3>see each other to get you over the hill.

0:38:05.080 --> 0:38:07.239
<v Speaker 2>You always get me. I always come to you.

0:38:07.480 --> 0:38:10.799
<v Speaker 5>I always come to you too if you're here for work. Yeah,

0:38:11.040 --> 0:38:16.719
<v Speaker 5>so that I do it, but not always, Yeah, not always.

0:38:17.000 --> 0:38:19.160
<v Speaker 2>You only come to me if you're here for work.

0:38:19.239 --> 0:38:20.960
<v Speaker 5>But I do it often because.

0:38:23.600 --> 0:38:28.040
<v Speaker 3>Anyway, anyways, we need to have some therapy, you and I.

0:38:28.640 --> 0:38:33.040
<v Speaker 5>Really I think that's pretty good lingering issues I fear.

0:38:33.120 --> 0:38:35.480
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, just Taylor slipped.

0:38:35.880 --> 0:38:38.680
<v Speaker 5>Yeah. Obviously still top of mind for you and for me.

0:38:40.120 --> 0:38:42.640
<v Speaker 2>It was just the only recent example I had I

0:38:42.719 --> 0:38:46.640
<v Speaker 2>give you it's fresh. It's fresh, but we're good. I

0:38:46.680 --> 0:38:48.680
<v Speaker 2>have no issues about it. Neither to you.

0:38:49.800 --> 0:38:54.960
<v Speaker 1>Okay, all right, On that note, the podcast is over,

0:38:55.800 --> 0:39:00.120
<v Speaker 1>but don't worry because we will be back on Monday

0:39:01.040 --> 0:39:01.920
<v Speaker 1>for a new episode.

0:39:02.080 --> 0:39:04.879
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, this is gonna Monday is gonna be a good one.

0:39:05.680 --> 0:39:07.560
<v Speaker 3>You better believe we're gonna go out and we're gonna

0:39:07.560 --> 0:39:07.960
<v Speaker 3>be living.

0:39:09.840 --> 0:39:11.640
<v Speaker 2>Yes we are. Yeah, you're gonna have a lot of

0:39:11.680 --> 0:39:14.920
<v Speaker 2>stories from when we come back. So stay tuned, stay tuned,

0:39:15.400 --> 0:39:22.000
<v Speaker 2>and we love you so much, love you, Bye bye.