WEBVTT - The #1 question I'm always asked 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.000 Hey, grand your My name is Andrew. I'm from Ontario, Canada. 0:00:03.880 --> 0:00:05.840 I'm a senior in high school. I have a ton 0:00:05.880 --> 0:00:07.800 of questions I'd like to ask, but my number one 0:00:07.880 --> 0:00:11.120 is what is the number one life advice you'd give 0:00:11.160 --> 0:00:15.560 to someone who has not found themselves yet or is 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:21.560 in the process of doing so. Ye ye, Andrew is 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:35.880 asking the question, Berniclcoat. Here we go on the podcast, 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:39.720 Here we Go. You have become a fan favorite, no doubt. 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:44.320 I cannot believe that. Thank you, guys, I really just 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:48.400 don't understand why. I'll tell you why I thank you. 0:00:48.800 --> 0:00:51.839 Besides the fact that you're just an awesome dude. I 0:00:51.880 --> 0:00:54.920 think people latch on to when you're a guest on 0:00:54.920 --> 0:00:56.880 this show. I think people latch onto it because they 0:00:56.880 --> 0:00:59.920 could tell that me and you have a long history 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:04.800 of friendship and trust. And after we roll that the 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:08.560 audio and the camera here in this room, we end 0:01:08.640 --> 0:01:11.280 up forgetting that it's even on and we're just talking. 0:01:12.680 --> 0:01:14.440 I say this all the time, like we're just sitting 0:01:14.440 --> 0:01:18.440 around a campfire, cracked a few beers and there's a 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:21.560 third person in a third chair, which is this email. 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:24.280 I read the question and me and you talk through it. 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:29.040 Like we're three friends, right, it's hard. Cool. That sounds awesome, 0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:31.720 but it's hard to do unless you actually have a 0:01:31.760 --> 0:01:34.240 twenty year friendship like me and you do. I think 0:01:34.240 --> 0:01:38.360 that's why they love you. Yeah, So, if anyone out 0:01:38.360 --> 0:01:42.200 there has a question, you email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:45.640 dot com. I collect these daily. I kind of put 0:01:45.680 --> 0:01:47.960 them into different categories depending on your question, but it 0:01:48.000 --> 0:01:51.280 could literally be about anything. Me and Bernie have answered 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:54.720 just about every kind of question you could ask, whether 0:01:54.760 --> 0:01:59.320 it's lighthearted or career based or anything. Throw us something 0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:02.240 difficulty because these have been pretty easy so far. I'm 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:07.320 just kidding, Okay, accept that that was the joke. They 0:02:07.360 --> 0:02:10.720 have not been easy. They're never easy. And as I 0:02:10.760 --> 0:02:12.880 always say, you know, whenever I get to come on 0:02:12.919 --> 0:02:19.440 here with Griz, like we're just giving our perspective and 0:02:19.600 --> 0:02:22.480 our experience on some of the things that we're hearing. 0:02:23.520 --> 0:02:28.639 But we always are going to push you to surround 0:02:28.680 --> 0:02:31.440 yourself with the community that you can process these things 0:02:31.480 --> 0:02:34.880 with and always go back to God's word because it'll 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:38.520 never it'll never fail you will never lead you astray. 0:02:38.639 --> 0:02:42.800 So those two things, God's Word, community, and then you know, 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:48.280 hopefully something we can say will kind of encourage you 0:02:48.360 --> 0:02:51.400 or inspire you to push into those things a little more. So. 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:59.239 It's really heavy responsibility, but also so fulfilling for us 0:02:59.440 --> 0:03:02.200 knowing that right now, at the beginning of a new podcast, 0:03:02.240 --> 0:03:07.080 it's Monday morning, somebody's listening right now somewhere that either 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:09.280 hasn't heard this or maybe they've heard a few times, 0:03:09.320 --> 0:03:11.720 and they have a question and right now, you know, 0:03:11.760 --> 0:03:14.799 they they listen to something through here and they pull 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:18.639 out their phone and they start a new email Granger 0:03:18.720 --> 0:03:21.040 Smith podcast at gmail dot com. Hey Granger, I have 0:03:21.080 --> 0:03:25.120 a question, and there it is. And that's a massive 0:03:26.080 --> 0:03:29.840 responsibility that I don't look at as a burden. I 0:03:29.880 --> 0:03:32.639 look at it as a huge privilegeutely to be able 0:03:32.680 --> 0:03:36.000 to share in your question that you've been stewing over 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:39.280 for maybe years, and to know that right now today 0:03:39.400 --> 0:03:42.480 in this room, as we hit record on this podcast, 0:03:42.920 --> 0:03:48.279 a new one is being born. That's so cool. Yeah, 0:03:48.640 --> 0:03:52.839 And that one day we will have a live podcast 0:03:52.960 --> 0:03:57.119 boom with live audience boom and get to have them 0:03:57.200 --> 0:04:00.960 sit in the chair with us boom and you know, 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:03.560 chop these things up. That would be really fun. Yeah, 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:05.960 it would be so much easier too. Because we could 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:09.600 ask second and third questions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well let's 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:13.880 start with an easy one. Here is this, says Hey Granger. 0:04:14.200 --> 0:04:18.920 I'm Kevin from far Northern California AKAA, state of Jefferson. 0:04:19.600 --> 0:04:21.799 It's funny that he has to say far northern because 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:23.760 he's trying to separate him. So I get I get 0:04:23.800 --> 0:04:26.840 what you're doing there. We know who you are. I 0:04:26.920 --> 0:04:31.000 love California, man. I love you guys, especially the group 0:04:31.040 --> 0:04:34.080 of California that is the silent majority. I feel you, 0:04:34.160 --> 0:04:36.880 I hear you. I love you guys. He says, what 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:39.039 is the ring you wear on your right hand during 0:04:39.080 --> 0:04:44.000 your podcast? Thank you? We' wearing right now? Yeah, this 0:04:44.040 --> 0:04:47.680 is an Aggie ring. This is Texas A and M, 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:51.560 where I went to school. For some reason, it's an 0:04:51.680 --> 0:04:55.080 over one hundred year old tradition. We just like our 0:04:55.120 --> 0:04:57.279 class rings at Texas A and M. It kind of 0:04:57.480 --> 0:05:01.680 becomes a statement after you get out of school and 0:05:01.760 --> 0:05:05.680 you enter the real world. You could spot it far off. 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:07.600 If you're an agg you could spot. Even if you're 0:05:07.600 --> 0:05:10.039 not anag you could go, oh, what class are you? 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:16.240 So it's kind of like a cult, right, Yeah, don't 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:19.080 you have to earn the ring, like not just graduate, 0:05:19.160 --> 0:05:22.440 but you have to like dunk the ring. Yeah, can 0:05:22.480 --> 0:05:24.400 we talk about it. You have to dunk it. So 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:27.280 you earn your ring at tex A and M through 0:05:27.480 --> 0:05:32.279 I believe it's ninety hours of class credit and then 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:35.320 you have to You don't have to, but most everyone 0:05:35.400 --> 0:05:37.920 does what they call a ring dunk, where you take 0:05:38.360 --> 0:05:42.360 your ring and you you go most likely to a 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:44.120 place called the Dixie Chicken, which is a bar and 0:05:44.160 --> 0:05:47.520 college station, and you get a picture of beer, hopefully 0:05:47.600 --> 0:05:51.040 light beer, and you drop your ring in the bottom 0:05:51.160 --> 0:05:54.480 of the picture and you have to chug the picture 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:57.320 until you get to the ring at the bottom and 0:05:57.360 --> 0:06:01.480 everyone times you. Who yeah, I don't remember my time. 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:03.560 I don't remember. It was a long time ago. Is 0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:05.520 the point to just get to the bottom and then 0:06:05.560 --> 0:06:09.000 you got your ring and you earned it? Kind of okay, 0:06:09.640 --> 0:06:12.040 right word? But it's like, did they do they put 0:06:12.080 --> 0:06:14.280 like the best times up on the wall that yeah, 0:06:14.400 --> 0:06:17.080 they do that kind of stuff, and most of the 0:06:17.080 --> 0:06:20.839 time people throw up Okay the girls I did. I 0:06:20.880 --> 0:06:24.400 did not. I wasn't trying to break a world record though, either. 0:06:24.480 --> 0:06:26.400 Did you write your name and your time on the way, 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:29.720 I didn't do that. You didn't, okay, but a lot 0:06:29.720 --> 0:06:31.760 of people do, a lot of people take it more 0:06:31.800 --> 0:06:36.120 serious than me. But it is a funny. A and 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:39.359 M has their awesome traditions much like that. But you 0:06:39.400 --> 0:06:44.200 got you got you guys definitely. Uh, y'all get some 0:06:44.240 --> 0:06:46.400 traditions going and you don't let them go, you like 0:06:46.440 --> 0:06:48.120 hold fast to them. Do you have a piece of 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:52.560 jewelry that you wear consistently over the years, just my 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:55.680 wedding ring, your wedding ring? You wear a still a 0:06:56.040 --> 0:06:59.640 metal wedding ring too? I do. Yeah. Most people have 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:02.080 gone to the rubber ones like I have. Yeah, I'm 0:07:02.200 --> 0:07:05.640 shocked that I haven't lost this one as much kind 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:10.720 of adventuring as we've done. I'm not a big like 0:07:11.600 --> 0:07:14.040 I'm pretty active, and I know a lot of active 0:07:14.120 --> 0:07:16.640 folks do that, but I don't. I haven't found myself 0:07:16.680 --> 0:07:19.600 doing I don't like throw around a lot of big weights. 0:07:19.760 --> 0:07:21.960 So I know a lot of guys that do that 0:07:22.080 --> 0:07:26.560 get the ververs cause it starts to hurt. But yeah, 0:07:27.000 --> 0:07:29.600 I still have this one that my wife gave me 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:34.360 sixteen years ago. What is that made out of? I 0:07:34.400 --> 0:07:37.520 think it's just sterling silver and says the one I 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:41.559 adore on the inside. Still got the original. That's so cool. 0:07:42.040 --> 0:07:48.080 So my story is my original wedding ring we got. 0:07:48.720 --> 0:07:52.680 I cannot remember the metal, but it was cheaper than silver. 0:07:54.040 --> 0:07:57.320 It wasn't platinum, but it was another one of those 0:07:57.560 --> 0:08:02.000 kinds of high end that's cheaper than gold and silver. 0:08:02.760 --> 0:08:05.640 And I remember thinking it was so cool. And one 0:08:05.720 --> 0:08:08.520 day I was washing my hands and I took my 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:10.680 hands out of the sink and it slipped off my 0:08:10.720 --> 0:08:13.720 finger and it hit the floor. It hit the tile, 0:08:14.160 --> 0:08:19.560 and it disintegrated. It just blew into a thousand pieces. 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:23.040 And apparently that metal is like so hard and so 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:28.920 indestructible except on tile. Whatever that means. Somebody listening knows 0:08:28.960 --> 0:08:32.040 what I mean. And I can't explain why, but something 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:35.160 about when it makes contact with a tile floor, it 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:39.360 will destroy it. So then I got a James Avery 0:08:39.600 --> 0:08:44.120 silver ring after that and lost it because I'm an idiot, 0:08:45.080 --> 0:08:50.040 and it happens, and then I luckily, and luckily, Amber 0:08:50.080 --> 0:08:52.680 has been so cool about the three rings that I've had, 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:55.360 and she doesn't worry about it. So now I wear 0:08:55.440 --> 0:08:58.520 this rubber one, which I do not care. In fact, 0:08:58.559 --> 0:08:59.760 I had one a couple weeks ago that got a 0:08:59.760 --> 0:09:01.600 little in it and just put another one on. So 0:09:01.640 --> 0:09:05.000 it doesn't mean anything to me, but it still symbolizes, yeah, 0:09:05.200 --> 0:09:08.240 that I'm married to Amber. Have you guys considered doing 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:14.080 the ring tattoos. We haven't considered it, but I wouldn't not. Yeah. 0:09:14.120 --> 0:09:17.800 So Leslie and I just celebrated our sixteen year anniversary 0:09:17.880 --> 0:09:21.840 and I was like, we had some plans that day 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:24.719 that didn't include it raining, and it rained all day 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:26.480 so we kind of had some free time. I was like, babe, 0:09:26.520 --> 0:09:29.280 let's just go get tattoos if you know her, like 0:09:29.360 --> 0:09:31.439 she is not in so like just going to get 0:09:31.480 --> 0:09:34.240 tattoos on a whim. But she was like, yeah, we 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:37.200 can get you know, the ring tattoos. And I was like, 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:38.679 for real. She was like, I don't know, you know, 0:09:38.840 --> 0:09:41.160 like kind of backed up on it, but I don't know. 0:09:41.559 --> 0:09:43.800 I know that's the same people to right, huh, Okay, 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:45.360 it could be cool. Yeah, I know a lot of 0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:47.160 people do it and then they don't even wear a 0:09:47.240 --> 0:09:49.920 ring because it's just tattooed on them. Yeah, some people 0:09:49.920 --> 0:09:53.760 are weird. They fill claustrophobic with rings. Yeah, so I 0:09:53.800 --> 0:09:57.760 get it. Yeah, Like I'm just I actually when my 0:09:57.840 --> 0:10:03.040 dad passed away. I kept his wedding ring and it 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:07.240 fits me. So if I'm doing, like, if I'm dressing up, 0:10:07.640 --> 0:10:09.840 you wear that one. It's gold and I put that 0:10:09.920 --> 0:10:11.920 on nice, so I don't have to wear a rubber 0:10:11.960 --> 0:10:14.760 one with if the rare occasion is that I actually 0:10:14.800 --> 0:10:19.439 have to dress up, Yeah, that's cool. So here's here's 0:10:19.440 --> 0:10:25.440 another one. This is let me see how about this one. 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:28.880 I'm still taking. I'm kind of ramping this up. Says Hey, Granger. 0:10:28.960 --> 0:10:32.079 My name is Grace, I'm fourteen. A couple of weeks 0:10:32.120 --> 0:10:33.600 ago I had a birthday and you and never did 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:36.040 a cameo video, So thank you so much for that awesome, 0:10:36.120 --> 0:10:39.559 great cool. I love cameo. It says. We watch this 0:10:39.600 --> 0:10:41.760 Smiths all the time in my house, my sister Emmy 0:10:41.880 --> 0:10:44.560 and my mom Crystal, and I love your music. Thank 0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:46.720 you guys, he said, your music. She said, your music 0:10:46.760 --> 0:10:48.360 has been one of the many things that's impact in 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:51.000 my life. I was inspired to start learning to play 0:10:51.040 --> 0:10:53.160 the guitar and try to pursue a music career. What 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:55.280 are some what's some advice you could give to someone 0:10:55.800 --> 0:11:01.120 very very early on in their music journey. And that's 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:02.960 a great question. Me and you've had this kind of 0:11:03.040 --> 0:11:07.080 question before, And fourteen is actually the age that I 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:10.200 started playing guitar, So Grace, you're right on que with me. 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:16.240 So I would start with this, I would start getting better, 0:11:16.320 --> 0:11:21.520 better at that guitar, which only takes practice. Don't only 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:27.240 read chord charts and music tabs. Don't just do that 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:31.480 at some point early on and you're learning, break away 0:11:31.520 --> 0:11:35.160 from the tabs and just start what we'd say just jamming. 0:11:35.480 --> 0:11:38.320 Just start using three or four chords that you know 0:11:38.400 --> 0:11:42.280 from other songs and mix them up and put them 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:45.880 in different orders and different rhythms, and strum around on 0:11:46.040 --> 0:11:49.240 and pick around on it. And when you start doing that, 0:11:49.280 --> 0:11:53.640 you're then not emulating your creating and I think you 0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:59.880 learn faster through the creative part of guitar. And then 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:02.360 really say that you're a singer. But then you could 0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:05.640 start singing along with songs on the radio while you're playing. 0:12:06.679 --> 0:12:10.120 You're going to grow so fast and in your knowledge 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:14.240 of music when you start this consistently every day. And 0:12:14.320 --> 0:12:18.640 then the third step I would say is start recording yourself. 0:12:19.080 --> 0:12:21.000 You don't have to get anything expensive. You could use 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:24.840 your phone or any kind of digital recording, which almost 0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:28.440 Every cell phone has an app for that, and you 0:12:28.600 --> 0:12:31.720 just hit record, play a song, sing it, and then 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:35.000 listen to it over and over. Find the spots that 0:12:35.040 --> 0:12:37.480 you like what you do, find the spots that you 0:12:37.520 --> 0:12:41.840 don't like what you do, and you'll grow quickly with that. 0:12:41.920 --> 0:12:45.000 What do you say, Burns, Yeah, No, I think that's good. 0:12:45.440 --> 0:12:48.959 You gotta hone your craft. You gotta like push into it. Practice. 0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:51.640 It's gonna be hard, but push into it get really good. 0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:56.520 I think also I started. I remember I started playing 0:12:57.360 --> 0:13:00.320 on I start playing on a classical guitar, but then 0:13:00.360 --> 0:13:05.079 I went to an acoustic guitar that was called an 0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:07.400 arbor Is by a company called Arbor, which I think 0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:09.560 is like maybe one of the cheapest guitars you can get, 0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:13.960 at least the one that I had was. Man, I 0:13:14.000 --> 0:13:17.880 remember in Nashville picking up your black Takamini. You remember 0:13:17.920 --> 0:13:20.160 that guitar, and you I actually sold it at one 0:13:20.200 --> 0:13:23.160 time when I needed money. I remember picking that guitar 0:13:23.320 --> 0:13:26.760 up in Nashville and playing it and being like, man, this, 0:13:27.280 --> 0:13:29.439 I'm so much better on this guitar than I have 0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:32.520 on mind. So I think there's a certain point where 0:13:32.520 --> 0:13:33.880 you don't want to go out and just blow a 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:37.120 bunch of money on a guitar that's way above what 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:39.600 you need. But make sure you got the right instrument 0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:42.160 that fits you. Because I was playing this guitar and 0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:46.200 like the guitar just wasn't what I needed. I picked 0:13:46.280 --> 0:13:49.360 up a guitar that was just a step better and 0:13:49.440 --> 0:13:52.480 realized like, wow, this actually sounds better, which made me 0:13:52.480 --> 0:13:55.240 want to play more. So I sold that other guitar 0:13:55.320 --> 0:13:58.680 and got a newer one. So I would just suggest 0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:02.240 that too. Yeah, when that time's right. It's kind of 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:05.240 like voggers when you're getting into vlogging or making videos. 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:08.199 At the right time, you got to get a better camera, 0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:10.559 but at the beginning it's good to have the cheap one. 0:14:10.640 --> 0:14:13.920 Same with guitars, so you'll know when the right time is. Yep, 0:14:14.640 --> 0:14:17.280 there's a question with the title called A Question for 0:14:17.440 --> 0:14:21.680 You and Bernie. Okay, good, good opportunity. Here says Hey Granger. 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:24.400 My name is Lily. I'm from a small town just 0:14:24.440 --> 0:14:26.840 north of Tampa, Florida. I've written to the podcast before, 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:29.880 but this question is different. I have a friend that's 0:14:30.000 --> 0:14:33.240 always starts an argument no matter what I say. She 0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:36.160 claims that I always put the blame on her, and 0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:38.680 I always it always gets heated about the little things, 0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:42.480 which is one hundred percent wrong. I never put the 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:45.320 blame on her for anything. I have called her out 0:14:45.400 --> 0:14:48.560 on things and when she's made me mad or frustrated, 0:14:48.760 --> 0:14:51.360 but calling someone out for something that hurts you and 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:55.560 putting the blame on someone for that are completely different things. 0:14:56.440 --> 0:14:59.480 I told her about that. I also don't get mad 0:14:59.520 --> 0:15:02.400 about the lit things. Every time I tell myself that 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:04.000 I'm not going to be involved as I was, I 0:15:04.080 --> 0:15:06.080 end up right back where I started. I feel like 0:15:06.120 --> 0:15:09.120 I should step back and just not engage. What do 0:15:09.200 --> 0:15:15.280 you do if you're in my situation? Well, that's a 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:19.200 tough one that I asked for for sure, because yeah, 0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:24.320 relationships are so complicated. And again, without having you in 0:15:24.360 --> 0:15:26.200 the third chair and be able to ask you some 0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:30.280 follow up questions, how old is she? If she doesn't say, Lily, 0:15:31.560 --> 0:15:35.840 I guarantee you everyone listening is going through this at 0:15:35.840 --> 0:15:42.640 some level. And it's so much easier for me, Lily, 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:45.400 to read your question and help you through it that 0:15:45.480 --> 0:15:48.640 it is for me when I'm in it giving myself 0:15:48.680 --> 0:15:52.920 advice that probably works for anything in life. It's easier 0:15:53.240 --> 0:15:55.240 for me to sit here, and I'll straight up tell 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:59.000 you I see problem. I see some big problems in 0:15:59.040 --> 0:16:04.400 your email. Don't get mad at me and anyone that emails. 0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:06.280 I'm just going to tell you as if we're sitting 0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:09.120 around a campfire. I'm gonna tell you straight up, and 0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:12.320 there's some there's some big problems. I know you see 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:18.920 them too. It says she claims. You're basically saying we 0:16:19.000 --> 0:16:23.640 have an argument, and typically she starts it, and she 0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:26.760 puts the blame on you. And then you turn around 0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:29.760 in this email and say, which is one hundred percent wrong? 0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:35.280 One hundred percent She's one hundred percent wrong, that's what 0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:39.760 you're saying. And that's just impossible. There's always a little 0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:43.800 truth to everything. So in order for this to get better, 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:48.400 that has to change. Right off the bat, you say, 0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:51.440 I never put the blame on her for anything, and 0:16:51.520 --> 0:16:57.119 yet you're blaming her in this email to me and Bernie, Yeah, right, yeah, 0:16:57.200 --> 0:17:00.200 and using words like never and always yes. What are 0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:06.400 those called explore to explotives? In Star Wars they say 0:17:07.040 --> 0:17:11.840 a what do they say A Jedi never speaks in expletives? Right? 0:17:13.000 --> 0:17:17.960 Because there's always a chance of something else. Sorry, Star 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:24.800 Wars reference. So from reading and you, I'm so glad 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:28.000 you asked us, and I'm thankful that you're trusting us 0:17:28.600 --> 0:17:32.080 with something that's really bothering you. And it is clear 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:35.680 that you're going to have to give some on this 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:38.879 because you're holding your ground, you get your heels in 0:17:38.960 --> 0:17:42.080 the dirt. You're not giving any ground back to her, 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:47.160 and that is clearly not working. You're saying, I feel 0:17:47.160 --> 0:17:49.160 like I should just step back and not engage, which 0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:51.840 I don't really think that that's necessary. You guys are 0:17:52.600 --> 0:17:56.240 you guys are good friends, so you do want to engage, 0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:59.440 But I think I think you gotta you got to 0:17:59.480 --> 0:18:03.720 step back and while you're engaging, step back during the 0:18:03.720 --> 0:18:07.040 engagement and just say what if you ever would say? 0:18:08.760 --> 0:18:11.280 And there's nothing specific in here, but she claims that 0:18:11.320 --> 0:18:14.600 I always put the blame on her. What if you 0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:20.200 just step back and say, I'm so sorry for putting 0:18:20.200 --> 0:18:24.760 the blame on you. What if you said that even 0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:28.320 if you don't necessarily believe it. What if that's what 0:18:28.400 --> 0:18:31.680 came out of your mouth instead of I don't ever 0:18:31.760 --> 0:18:34.800 put the blame on you know you're wrong, You're one 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:38.320 hundred percent wrong. I don't put the blame on you 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:41.480 for anything. You call me out on these things. And 0:18:41.560 --> 0:18:44.879 look what if you just said, I'm so sorry. I 0:18:45.000 --> 0:18:49.040 want to work on this with you, because you're you 0:18:49.200 --> 0:18:51.800 mean so much to me as a friend that I 0:18:52.000 --> 0:18:54.879 truly want to work on getting better at blaming me 0:18:55.000 --> 0:18:58.520 for things. Now, what happened. What's happening here in this 0:18:58.560 --> 0:19:04.800 conversation is you are hurting your pride because your pride 0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:08.800 says I'm right, I don't blame you for anything. And 0:19:08.880 --> 0:19:11.080 so to step back and say, I'm so sorry, I 0:19:11.119 --> 0:19:14.120 want to work on putting blame on you. You're crushing 0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:16.800 your own pride inside. But that's okay, it's not a 0:19:16.800 --> 0:19:21.000 bad thing. This is what saves relationships, is putting your 0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:24.640 own pride aside that happens with anything. That's what separates 0:19:24.680 --> 0:19:27.600 us from humans from dogs. Yep, I look at my dogs. 0:19:27.600 --> 0:19:30.800 I have three dogs. They're all three great, loving creatures. 0:19:30.960 --> 0:19:34.320 But when I feed them, Remy, the male, will steal 0:19:34.359 --> 0:19:36.840 the food of the females every time. He'll steal their 0:19:36.880 --> 0:19:39.479 food when they're not looking, or he'll push them out 0:19:39.480 --> 0:19:41.640 of the way and he'll eat the food. And sometimes 0:19:41.960 --> 0:19:43.600 I look at him and I'm like, Amber, look, this 0:19:43.640 --> 0:19:45.639 is what separates us as humans. It's like he's the 0:19:45.680 --> 0:19:48.040 sweetest dog, but he has nothing in his brain that 0:19:48.080 --> 0:19:53.960 says share that's their food, that's not yours. His nut. 0:19:54.000 --> 0:19:58.199 But we as humans, we do see that, and we 0:19:58.320 --> 0:20:03.080 sometimes have to crush our pride a little bit. Yeah, 0:20:03.600 --> 0:20:04.919 I know something else I want to go with, but 0:20:04.920 --> 0:20:09.360 I want to let you speak, Yeah, Lily, to tell 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:16.600 you the truth. I'm a bit kind of mentally lost 0:20:16.720 --> 0:20:23.960 in some of my own relationship situations very similar to this, 0:20:24.080 --> 0:20:26.840 And I'm guessing that there's people out there that have 0:20:28.119 --> 0:20:35.040 not just relatively similar, but very very specifically similar situations 0:20:35.240 --> 0:20:41.120 to what you're dealing with now. And man, relationships are 0:20:41.240 --> 0:20:45.919 just so so tough to navigate, especially when you get deep, 0:20:46.840 --> 0:20:50.720 when you intend to love someone in a deep way. 0:20:52.000 --> 0:20:57.200 And we also have to fight our own flesh that's 0:20:57.240 --> 0:21:01.160 broken and has been hurt and has a tendency not 0:21:01.200 --> 0:21:05.560 to trust, and all the things in First Corinthians thirteen 0:21:05.600 --> 0:21:08.600 that it talks about what love is. I challenge you 0:21:08.640 --> 0:21:10.960 to go back. I did this, so what I'm going 0:21:11.000 --> 0:21:17.879 through personally took me back through First Corinthians thirteen and 0:21:18.000 --> 0:21:20.680 just read the list of everything that love is. It's 0:21:20.800 --> 0:21:27.119 kind it's patient. It doesn't envy, it doesn't boast, it's 0:21:27.240 --> 0:21:33.320 not irritable or resentful, it does not insist in its 0:21:33.400 --> 0:21:37.040 own way. I mean, there's just so many of you 0:21:37.080 --> 0:21:39.520 get the love as patient. Love is kind. You've heard that. 0:21:39.720 --> 0:21:42.119 But when you get into the middle part of that passage, like, 0:21:44.080 --> 0:21:45.840 there's no way that you don't go back to your 0:21:45.880 --> 0:21:48.840 friend and say, so, I have not loved you the 0:21:48.880 --> 0:21:51.639 way that I should have, the way that I'm called 0:21:51.680 --> 0:21:55.240 to love you. I have not done that. That's where 0:21:55.359 --> 0:21:59.120 your email is showing and where I too, am guilty 0:21:59.200 --> 0:22:03.359 of showing air arrogance. But it says love is not 0:22:03.480 --> 0:22:07.040 arrogant like and so like we have to humble ourselves 0:22:07.119 --> 0:22:09.600 and just go there's no butt. Well, I'm sorry, but 0:22:10.000 --> 0:22:13.440 you start this or you it's like, no, hey, that's 0:22:13.560 --> 0:22:18.320 not your responsibility. What you're responsible for. What I'm responsible for. 0:22:18.840 --> 0:22:22.360 And the only thing I can control is the way 0:22:22.400 --> 0:22:27.119 that I place myself in a servant role of love 0:22:27.280 --> 0:22:30.040 towards the people that God has put in my path. 0:22:30.080 --> 0:22:34.280 And whether that's a shallow or deep relationship. Man, it 0:22:34.440 --> 0:22:37.240 is the hardest thing to navigate because, like Chris said, 0:22:37.240 --> 0:22:43.280 we are fighting these you know, constantly fighting these things 0:22:43.320 --> 0:22:48.960 within us. But I think that that is what I'm 0:22:49.000 --> 0:22:52.760 struggling with and what I'm going through and trying to navigate. Okay, 0:22:52.800 --> 0:22:54.760 at what point, and maybe Gris is a follow up 0:22:54.800 --> 0:22:57.560 question for you, you know on behalf of Lily is like, 0:22:57.680 --> 0:23:01.600 at what point? So I now gone through this? I 0:23:01.720 --> 0:23:06.960 have gone to this person humbly. They have said something 0:23:06.960 --> 0:23:10.760 I've done against them. I've I've like asked for forgiveness. 0:23:11.320 --> 0:23:13.280 I've said, man, I'm sorry, I'm gonna try. I'm gonna 0:23:13.320 --> 0:23:15.320 try to serve you and love you. I'm sorry I 0:23:15.359 --> 0:23:18.479 haven't loved you the way I'm called to, and I 0:23:18.520 --> 0:23:23.119 do love you. I want you to trust me. And 0:23:23.200 --> 0:23:27.320 yet again they they come back that I have, you know, 0:23:27.480 --> 0:23:29.960 like just they're carrying these things and they come back 0:23:30.200 --> 0:23:34.199 with these accusations, And at what point is it like, 0:23:35.160 --> 0:23:38.880 this isn't really about me, this is about you. How 0:23:38.880 --> 0:23:41.800 do I love and serve that person? Right? So let's 0:23:41.800 --> 0:23:43.720 try to do an experiment we haven't done on the 0:23:43.760 --> 0:23:46.159 podcast before. Let's try to hack this out for Lily. 0:23:48.640 --> 0:23:51.400 You you're gonna You're gonna tell me Burns, You're gonna 0:23:51.400 --> 0:23:54.320 be the friend. And I'm gonna be Lily. I'm gonna 0:23:54.320 --> 0:23:56.800 be what I think Lily should try. As an experiment, 0:23:57.280 --> 0:24:02.640 You're gonna tell me just say, man, are you losing weight? 0:24:02.720 --> 0:24:05.880 That shirt looks you look really you look like you're 0:24:05.880 --> 0:24:08.639 getting smaller, which would actually be because I try to 0:24:08.680 --> 0:24:10.440 work out and I try to eat right, So that 0:24:10.480 --> 0:24:13.600