WEBVTT - Civic Cipher 120322 Forgiveness in Black Circles (Part 2) 0:00:00.320 --> 0:00:06.080 And now my mic back, you're like that. 0:00:07.640 --> 0:00:11.840 You can strike waters from headquarters behind him. 0:00:11.840 --> 0:00:16.040 And now if you are just tuning into civic cipher, 0:00:16.079 --> 0:00:17.239 I am your host of Ramsey's job. 0:00:17.320 --> 0:00:20.279 He is Jah, I am q Ward. You are listening 0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:22.280 to civic ciphers. 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:26.440 Indeed, keep sticking around because we are still doing our 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:33.159 thug fizzle up here. We're gonna talk about forgiveness in 0:00:33.200 --> 0:00:37.480 the black community, and we're gonna use Will Smith as 0:00:37.840 --> 0:00:41.479 an example. I I'm really excited to talk about that 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:43.480 also far away black history fact. We're gonna talk about 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:47.519 a guy named Solomon Sir Jones, a name that you 0:00:47.640 --> 0:00:50.040 might not be familiar with, but this is a man 0:00:50.080 --> 0:00:54.800 that preserved a not insignificant amount of Black history and 0:00:54.920 --> 0:00:58.680 his name needs to be mentioned, and why the history 0:00:58.680 --> 0:01:01.120 he preserved needs to be mentioned as well, so that 0:01:01.160 --> 0:01:03.880 you understand and can appreciate a little bit more about 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:07.160 your black brothers and sisters. And that's what we're here 0:01:07.200 --> 0:01:09.800 to do. But first and foremost, I think it's about 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:14.560 time that we teach you a new way to become 0:01:14.680 --> 0:01:17.440 a better ally baba. How does that sound cute? Shall 0:01:17.480 --> 0:01:21.080 we we shall so today's baba become a better ally 0:01:21.160 --> 0:01:23.720 sponsored by the Black Information Network Daily Podcast. You can 0:01:23.800 --> 0:01:29.240 check out Black Information Network Daily Podcast on iHeart dot 0:01:29.280 --> 0:01:33.720 com or through the iHeartRadio app. Now, this story comes 0:01:33.720 --> 0:01:39.440 from the Grilloh everyone that everyone has that one excus sorry, 0:01:39.560 --> 0:01:42.640 everyone has that one extravagant person in their lives, that 0:01:42.680 --> 0:01:45.560 person who always shows up fashionably late and dressed to 0:01:45.560 --> 0:01:48.120 the nines, no matter the occasion, whether that's your bougie 0:01:48.160 --> 0:01:51.680 Anti or the Beyonce of your friend group. We've hunted 0:01:51.720 --> 0:01:54.640 down an array of unique and chic gifts for the 0:01:54.680 --> 0:01:57.720 fashion gurus on your list this year. Now, the reason 0:01:57.720 --> 0:02:00.320 we chose this is because we want you to support 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:03.800 black businesses. It's holiday season and these are companies that 0:02:03.840 --> 0:02:07.280 we've littled down for you and don't And I also 0:02:07.280 --> 0:02:09.720 want to mention that this list is available on our 0:02:09.760 --> 0:02:13.320 Facebook it's at Civic Cipher and on our Twitter at 0:02:13.360 --> 0:02:16.840 Civic Cipher. So we're going to shout out these companies. 0:02:16.880 --> 0:02:20.720 There's ten of them, so Lorvae and Alisa Johnson that's 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:24.600 Magic Johnson's daughter. Uh, they are making these really dope glasses, 0:02:24.800 --> 0:02:26.760 like fashion glasses, So check them out if you know 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:29.959 someone that wants some glasses for the holidays. I think 0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:34.799 this is pronounced sukra uh. And then another one that's Oma, 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:37.480 the label they make jewelry. The jewelry looks really dope. 0:02:37.520 --> 0:02:45.880 I checked it out. Strict Alma, nwok Ornuoki, marchhae Chanell 0:02:46.000 --> 0:02:51.040 Squared and Irregular Exposure. All these companies make women's clothing. 0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:58.320 Amina abdul Jalil makes shoes and they're like women's shoes. 0:02:58.320 --> 0:03:00.519 I'm not a woman, so they're cool women shoes. I 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:01.800 don't know what they're called, but they got the thing 0:03:01.840 --> 0:03:06.560 in the back. And Brandon Blackwood makes handbags. And again 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:10.200 check our Twitter or our Facebook at Civic Cipher to 0:03:10.200 --> 0:03:12.079 get some cool gift ideas and at the same time 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:14.960 support a black business and that way a black business 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:16.960 and that way you can become a better ally. All right, 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:24.600 moving on forgiveness. All right, so I'm going to share 0:03:24.600 --> 0:03:34.280 a quick story. I also host a podcast. Q joins 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:37.640 me very often on the show The Black Information Network 0:03:37.720 --> 0:03:40.320 Daily Podcast. And then I have a special version of 0:03:40.320 --> 0:03:42.760 that show that I put out from time to time whenever. 0:03:42.920 --> 0:03:47.840 My producer, Chris leves Me called one More Thing. And 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:50.880 some months ago I had a one More Thing installment 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:56.720 where I talked about the Will Smith apology. Right, So 0:03:56.800 --> 0:04:02.680 this is after the Oscar slap. He was he got 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:04.360 a camera and it was like a newsroom in the 0:04:04.360 --> 0:04:06.160 middle of nowhere, and he just kind of spoke to 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:08.640 the camera for a few minutes and apologized to everyone, 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:14.480 in particular to Chris Rock and his family. And I 0:04:14.520 --> 0:04:18.760 saw that, and I saw that he owned his mistake. 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:26.160 He acknowledged that he hurt Chris Rock above all else. 0:04:26.560 --> 0:04:29.960 He heard his fans, he heard casual you know, viewers 0:04:30.000 --> 0:04:33.159 of the show here at the Academy. You know, he 0:04:33.360 --> 0:04:35.640 stole a night that was so special to so many 0:04:35.680 --> 0:04:42.680 people because of his behavior. Right, he acknowledged that, and 0:04:42.800 --> 0:04:45.320 from what I understand or what I recall of that, 0:04:45.600 --> 0:04:50.960 he committed to trying to be a better man and 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:54.160 doing better in the future. Right. And then of course 0:04:54.200 --> 0:04:57.440 he says, you know, Chris, whenever you're ready to talk, 0:04:57.480 --> 0:05:01.080 I'm here, right, not continuing to you know, harp on 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:02.800 his name or anything like that. But listen, man, I 0:05:03.440 --> 0:05:06.520 was wrong. When you're ready, I'm here, let me make 0:05:06.560 --> 0:05:08.200 it right. You know, this is the energy that he 0:05:08.200 --> 0:05:10.240 gave up. I'm not quoting him. I want to make 0:05:10.240 --> 0:05:14.520 sure that that's clear. And so I had to make 0:05:14.600 --> 0:05:17.599 an episode because I saw that, and I saw people 0:05:17.720 --> 0:05:21.559 saying some some stuff that I didn't really love. People 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:27.120 were like, that's not an apology or a man he deserves, 0:05:27.240 --> 0:05:29.320 you know, blah blah blah. We need to we need 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:32.479 to stop watching you know that sort of stuff. Right, 0:05:33.440 --> 0:05:36.680 And you know, admittedly a lot of these comments come 0:05:36.720 --> 0:05:39.600 from the internet, but the Internet is a real thing. 0:05:39.960 --> 0:05:43.760 It is. We can't pretend like it's not. And you know, 0:05:43.880 --> 0:05:45.720 part of the reason, we'll get to it later. But 0:05:45.720 --> 0:05:51.400 part of the reason Will Smith said that he lost 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:53.920 his cool in the moment where he ended up slapping 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:57.560 Chris Rock was because of in part at least because 0:05:57.600 --> 0:06:01.240 he had endured so much online abuse because of his 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:03.520 marriage and some of the goings on in his marriage, right, 0:06:03.520 --> 0:06:06.280 and it just became more than he could handle. I'm 0:06:06.320 --> 0:06:08.120 not making excuses for that man. That man is not 0:06:08.120 --> 0:06:12.360 making excuses for himself. Okay, be clear about that. Anyway, 0:06:13.320 --> 0:06:16.000 So he does his apology and I look at this, 0:06:16.080 --> 0:06:19.240 and I look at the comments, and I'm like, wait 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:26.960 a minute, what more do we want from a person 0:06:28.800 --> 0:06:34.880 if they've done something wrong? You know, Here's what I did. 0:06:36.839 --> 0:06:41.279 Here's how it made you feel. Here's what I'm going 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:48.160 to do in the future. Beyond that, what more do 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:53.520 we want? Right? Are people supposed to be born perfect? 0:06:54.400 --> 0:06:57.599 Are people supposed to be born and then not make mistakes? 0:06:58.000 --> 0:07:04.240 Or let me ask another question, Are people simply the 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:09.360 worst thing that they've ever done? I think you would say, no, 0:07:10.200 --> 0:07:13.480 that's not true anymore than people are simply the best 0:07:13.480 --> 0:07:14.200 thing that they've done. 0:07:14.280 --> 0:07:18.160 Yeah, but most people would say that with regard to themselves. Sure, 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:20.880 and were talking about me, we're the best lawyers in 0:07:20.920 --> 0:07:25.360 the world. We're talking about you. We become judge justice, 0:07:25.680 --> 0:07:28.720 thank you, right, we become We're going to tell you 0:07:28.800 --> 0:07:30.640 all the things that you did wrong and all the 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:33.840 punishment you deserve for them. But when we're talking about ourselves, 0:07:33.880 --> 0:07:38.200 we're going to explain to you, marginalize, justify, make excuses 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:40.040 for all of our wrongs. Because of course there was 0:07:40.080 --> 0:07:42.920 a reason. I'm not just a bad person, right, right, 0:07:42.960 --> 0:07:45.200 So all that context, all that nuance, and all that 0:07:45.280 --> 0:07:49.560 color exists when I'm talking about me. When I'm talking 0:07:49.560 --> 0:07:51.480 about you, you're just awful ramses and you need to 0:07:51.920 --> 0:07:53.160 be able to own and accept that. 0:07:54.720 --> 0:07:59.960 So I love that you said that, because they're in life, 0:08:01.080 --> 0:08:07.080 the double standard and dare I say the hypocrisy that 0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:13.040 we all need to come to terms with right And 0:08:13.120 --> 0:08:17.040 I think that we this show exists to try to 0:08:17.040 --> 0:08:20.040 create a little bit more empathy in our conversations and 0:08:20.040 --> 0:08:23.280 our interactions and so forth. And I think as an 0:08:23.320 --> 0:08:32.000 additional babba, I would challenge you if you can see 0:08:33.240 --> 0:08:41.600 attacks online and you feel like that person is going 0:08:41.600 --> 0:08:44.800 through it better than than me, but you don't feel 0:08:44.800 --> 0:08:47.800 like the attacks are entirely warranted, maybe speak up. 0:08:49.040 --> 0:08:49.240 You know. 0:08:49.280 --> 0:08:51.320 Will Smith says something in his interview with Trevenau which 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:52.440 we'll get to, but he says, you never know what 0:08:52.480 --> 0:08:59.000 a person's going through. And I know that this what 0:08:59.040 --> 0:09:01.360 we're trying to do is to discussed black forgiveness, and 0:09:01.559 --> 0:09:03.280 I will bring it home. But I do believe that 0:09:03.320 --> 0:09:09.560 forgiveness to err is human right to forgive divine. So 0:09:10.200 --> 0:09:14.520 this is not just a black issue. I think that 0:09:15.120 --> 0:09:21.600 in black circles, especially with black men, our mental health 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:31.760 has been addressed more and more in modern years, particularly 0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:35.800 because of people like Charlemagne bringing it out into the 0:09:35.800 --> 0:09:38.440 open so we can discuss it. How do we feel 0:09:39.000 --> 0:09:42.520 is our mind? Is our brain lying to us? You know? 0:09:42.760 --> 0:09:49.160 I used to think because of bad information. I used 0:09:49.200 --> 0:09:53.480 to think that I don't even want to go into it, 0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:57.200 but I used to think really bad things about black people. 0:09:58.000 --> 0:10:00.160 And I thought that I was bad because I as 0:10:00.160 --> 0:10:03.199 a black person. Right, And that's as much as I'll 0:10:03.200 --> 0:10:05.240 give right now, because I don't feel like crying on 0:10:05.280 --> 0:10:07.480 this show. But I had to grow up with that. 0:10:07.720 --> 0:10:11.360 Right, we'd be tearing up on this like crying again, 0:10:11.480 --> 0:10:13.840 you mean, right, right exactly, we'd be in this thing. 0:10:14.840 --> 0:10:17.680 But I had to grow up with that, right and 0:10:20.200 --> 0:10:22.640 you know, the self hat you know, we talked about 0:10:22.640 --> 0:10:24.640 self hatred in the first half of the show with 0:10:24.920 --> 0:10:26.679 a lot of the black white supremacist. Now, obviously I 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:29.560 didn't get nowhere near that far gone, but I did 0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:36.400 recognize that I didn't. I wish that I wasn't me. 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:42.240 Why would I be born and have consciousness? Why would 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:45.360 I be born this person? What did I do to 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:48.559 deserve this? How come I can't have a happy story 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:53.120 where my family came on the Mayflower? Why did my 0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:57.520 family have to be slaves? How can I be proud 0:10:57.559 --> 0:11:01.280 of that? And then everyone I see that looks like 0:11:01.360 --> 0:11:04.560 me is poor and crying and they don't have food 0:11:04.640 --> 0:11:06.559 and nobody. You know what I'm saying. And I'm from confidence, 0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:08.880 So my experience is not universal among black people, but 0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:10.679 I had a real childhood. 0:11:10.800 --> 0:11:12.360 It may not be universal. 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:14.079 It's not uncommon though. 0:11:14.000 --> 0:11:18.240 But it's definitely not uncountable that most Black people in 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:20.560 this country, even those who have reached the pinnacle of 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:25.200 success and wealth, they're at most a generation removed from 0:11:25.240 --> 0:11:26.600 the exact story that you told. 0:11:28.640 --> 0:11:31.240 You know what I mean? That not great brand, but 0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:34.960 just grandma. Yeah. Doctor Wessenbergh comes to the show all 0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:36.840 the time and she always tells us the stories of 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:40.960 what life was like growing up herself. So anyway, so 0:11:42.280 --> 0:11:50.200 mental health, right, us taking a moment now to have 0:11:50.240 --> 0:11:55.800 at least a conversation about our mental health, our self image, 0:11:58.320 --> 0:12:01.000 what it means to be exhausted, and how effective we 0:12:01.040 --> 0:12:04.520 are as fathers and as protectors and as you know, 0:12:05.120 --> 0:12:10.120 leaders and as you know, whatever your role is, you know, 0:12:11.440 --> 0:12:15.720 to take a moment and make sure that our brain 0:12:15.800 --> 0:12:20.840 isn't lying to us. It's become a little bit more important, right. 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:29.800 But what I've seen is that we also need to 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:35.560 have conversations about how to forgive each other. That doesn't 0:12:35.600 --> 0:12:38.840 mean that we don't take responsibility. That doesn't mean that 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:41.960 at all, because I think that I think one of 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:48.559 the highest testaments to manhood. I'm a man, so I 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:51.600 will speak for men and adulthood because I'm an adult, 0:12:51.640 --> 0:12:55.400 so I will speak to that is acknowledging where you 0:12:55.520 --> 0:12:58.600 fall short and owning that and owning the impact that 0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:01.920 it makes, and owning how you are going to revise 0:13:01.960 --> 0:13:04.240 your behavior if you don't don't like it. Again, here's 0:13:04.280 --> 0:13:06.720 what I did, Here's how it made you feel. Here's 0:13:06.720 --> 0:13:07.600 what I'll do in the future. 0:13:07.720 --> 0:13:11.440 That gives us a lot to unpack. And the lack 0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:14.880 of what you just said is what has caused a 0:13:15.000 --> 0:13:22.240 sort of hypervigilance or a gross need for hyper accountability. 0:13:22.320 --> 0:13:25.400 That's where cancel culture came from. People think that people 0:13:25.520 --> 0:13:28.160 just that we all just jumped off the porch wanting 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:33.120 to cancel people because we're mean. I guess I think 0:13:33.280 --> 0:13:36.120 you know. We speak about like the Me Too movement 0:13:36.160 --> 0:13:39.840 as a moment in history. So many years of so 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:44.760 many men taking full advantage of their manhood and broad 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:51.000 daylight at the peril of so many women caused a 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:54.839 backlash that for some people felt like it was too far. 0:13:54.920 --> 0:13:56.760 But you have to understand this is in the face 0:13:56.800 --> 0:14:00.920 of impunity. Sure, so many people have not been held accountable. 0:14:01.000 --> 0:14:05.040 Now everyone has to be yeah, right, So the lack 0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:08.199 of people saying this is what I did, this is 0:14:08.240 --> 0:14:10.240 how it made you feel, this is what you deserve, 0:14:10.280 --> 0:14:12.920 and this is what I plan to do, causes people 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:15.520 to overreach because if they think nothing's being done or 0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:19.240 no one's being held accountable, they want accountability on a 0:14:19.320 --> 0:14:22.720 grander scale exactly. So that's what leads to that kind 0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:25.040 of lack of forgiveness, Like, no, we don't want another 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:27.320 person to get away with doing something wrong. 0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:33.040 I'm so glad you said that, because, if I'm honest, 0:14:33.080 --> 0:14:35.960 didn't even think of the opposite side of that, right, 0:14:36.080 --> 0:14:38.920 So I'm glad you brought that into the conversation here. Now, 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:44.880 let's talk about will Smith, just because it gives us 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:49.400 a great opportunity to examine what forgiveness looks like. Now again, 0:14:50.560 --> 0:14:54.720 to err is human and then when it comes to 0:14:55.360 --> 0:14:58.160 black people and black men in particular, because I have 0:14:58.280 --> 0:15:04.720 that frame of reference, these conversations don't often happen because 0:15:04.760 --> 0:15:07.720 we're not taught this and because we are dealing with 0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:11.280 other societal pressures and we need the discipline and we 0:15:11.320 --> 0:15:13.760 need to, you know, understand the pressures that we have 0:15:13.840 --> 0:15:15.600 so that we can do a lot more healing and 0:15:15.640 --> 0:15:20.080 a lot less fighting, on and on. You know, again, 0:15:20.160 --> 0:15:23.840 this is a constructive show, not a destructive show. We 0:15:23.920 --> 0:15:25.880 try to make it that way. It's an important thing 0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:30.440 to point out. But we have to also acknowledge black 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:33.920 white supremacists too, so not tear them down, just point 0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:38.040 it out. So don't give these people your attention, money, time, energy, 0:15:38.160 --> 0:15:40.920 or anyone like them. And that's how we beat that anyway, 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:43.840 back to what I'm saying. So Will Smith goes on 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:49.520 to the Trepanoah show, okay, and he talks about that 0:15:51.760 --> 0:15:55.520 slap after he talks about the movies promoting right and 0:15:55.520 --> 0:15:57.120 I'll be honest, man, that was good to see his face. 0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:03.120 Will Smith is not again, this is me talking. I 0:16:03.160 --> 0:16:04.960 won't speak for you, I won't speak for anyone else. 0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:07.680 He's not the worst thing that he's ever done. You're 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:09.280 not the worst. Listening to my voice, You're not the 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:12.520 worst thing you've ever done. I certainly hope I will 0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:15.120 not be the worst thing I've ever done on my 0:16:16.480 --> 0:16:18.320 day of judgment or whatever. 0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:20.520 I know some people who are dead set that I 0:16:20.560 --> 0:16:25.200 am sure. Fortunately we've heard them say it out loud. Well, 0:16:26.040 --> 0:16:27.160 those people are not God. 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:34.120 Amen. Now Will Smith mentioned he's like, you know, my 0:16:34.240 --> 0:16:35.640 father used to hit my mother. I think it might 0:16:35.640 --> 0:16:37.800 have been Trevor Noah said that he read that in 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:40.760 Will's book that you know he saw a lot of 0:16:40.800 --> 0:16:45.800 abuse growing up. So there was a component of that. Right. 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:51.040 I mentioned earlier that Will mentioned that he had pent 0:16:51.160 --> 0:16:56.000 up rage from a lot of the online harassment, a 0:16:56.040 --> 0:17:00.320 lot of which was directed at his relationship with his 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:06.720 wife and people everyone had their opinions on what he 0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:09.119 should have done, what he shouldn't have done, how he 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:13.200 should feel or shouldn't feel, and know him being emotional 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:16.040 about it, and you got to bear man's this man's wife, 0:17:16.280 --> 0:17:17.520 there is children. People have a. 0:17:17.600 --> 0:17:20.879 Very very slighted view of how impossible it is to 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:24.800 live all of your life publicly, not just your public 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:28.400 persona in your career, but your relationship as well. I 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:32.800 unfortunately had a small peak into what a public relationship 0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:35.800 with a public figure looks and feels like. I remember 0:17:35.840 --> 0:17:39.200 that it is not fun, It is not exciting, especially 0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:43.080 when there are hardships and downfalls and mistakes. They are 0:17:43.119 --> 0:17:45.720 also made out loud and in front of people, and 0:17:45.800 --> 0:17:49.520 you get to hear how, in my case, thousands of people, 0:17:49.560 --> 0:17:53.080 in his case, millions of people feel about the decisions 0:17:53.080 --> 0:17:56.000 that you make that hurt that person, that there might 0:17:56.040 --> 0:17:58.720 be that person's fan and not yours, and so you 0:17:58.840 --> 0:18:04.840 are ppetuity the bad guy. The whole Will Smith thing 0:18:04.880 --> 0:18:07.880 has been complicated for me. Rams is because I've I've 0:18:07.920 --> 0:18:10.000 never met Chris Rock, but as you know, I have 0:18:10.040 --> 0:18:14.320 a very close relationship with his brother and met Will 0:18:14.560 --> 0:18:17.920 when I first started my career in professional sports and entertainment, 0:18:18.400 --> 0:18:20.040 have been to his home and got some of the 0:18:20.080 --> 0:18:24.400 best advice I ever got from him. Both of those 0:18:24.400 --> 0:18:28.520 guys were heroes to me, both of them superheroes. And 0:18:29.160 --> 0:18:32.480 seeing them put in a position where for a moment 0:18:32.600 --> 0:18:39.679 they were, you know, because of Will's decision, opposition to 0:18:39.720 --> 0:18:44.520 each other, and they never been that before. And what 0:18:44.560 --> 0:18:48.159 we've all seen is, you know, I got to feel 0:18:48.920 --> 0:18:52.040 how one of my best friends felt about his brother 0:18:52.720 --> 0:18:55.679 being hit in front of everybody world. 0:18:56.600 --> 0:18:58.120 That's a lot to reconcile. 0:18:58.800 --> 0:19:03.320 And I also, you know, never like for us to 0:19:03.440 --> 0:19:06.600 be out front at each other like that. You and I, 0:19:07.000 --> 0:19:10.359 in our own way have steered as clear as we 0:19:10.400 --> 0:19:14.440 can of being opposition to someone that as far as 0:19:14.560 --> 0:19:17.840 views go, we are opposed to, but we've tried very 0:19:17.880 --> 0:19:19.960 hard to not have it be framed as an US 0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:23.959 versus him, even with things that we're dealing with. 0:19:24.040 --> 0:19:26.159 Q was being very cryptic, but I know what he's 0:19:26.200 --> 0:19:28.160 talking about it and you probably know too. 0:19:28.160 --> 0:19:31.280 So it hurt to see them in that space. I 0:19:31.359 --> 0:19:34.320 must say, however, though Will is trying. 0:19:35.000 --> 0:19:37.960 That's where I want it, because I think that forgiveness 0:19:38.000 --> 0:19:43.359 starts with intention trying, right, and I think that we 0:19:43.400 --> 0:19:48.240 should honor that in our interpersonal relationships one on one, 0:19:48.680 --> 0:19:51.920 when we look at people and offer our opinions online, 0:19:52.440 --> 0:19:55.679 when we move through time and space, we have to 0:19:55.720 --> 0:20:00.360 acknowledge that we are human beings interacting with other human beings. Right. 0:20:02.200 --> 0:20:05.320 Will says something in his interview says, be nice. You 0:20:05.440 --> 0:20:07.720 never know what someone else is going through. He says, 0:20:07.720 --> 0:20:10.440 on that day, I was going through some stuff, right, 0:20:10.680 --> 0:20:13.720 and for whatever reason, he thought what he did was 0:20:13.720 --> 0:20:16.159 the right thing. And in short order he tells the story. 0:20:16.760 --> 0:20:20.520 He says, when I got home, my nephew was at home. 0:20:20.640 --> 0:20:23.800 He was watching the oscars. He says, my nephew came 0:20:23.800 --> 0:20:26.240 and sat on my lap, and he held the oscar. 0:20:26.520 --> 0:20:30.000 That oscar or emmy oscar? Okay cool? So he sat 0:20:30.040 --> 0:20:33.200 on his lap and held the oscar and he says, uncle, Will, 0:20:33.280 --> 0:20:35.320 why did you hit that man? And Will was like, 0:20:36.400 --> 0:20:43.040 oh my god. And in that moment he realized that 0:20:43.160 --> 0:20:44.360 was the wrong thing. 0:20:44.280 --> 0:20:47.760 To do and they need to try to maybe even 0:20:47.800 --> 0:20:50.480 not just in that moment when you talk about an exclamation. 0:20:50.080 --> 0:20:52.200 Mark, there you go, that's that's probably because I don't 0:20:52.200 --> 0:20:54.640 want to speak for the man, but you know, And 0:20:54.760 --> 0:20:58.040 since then he's like, look, that was wrong. That whole 0:20:58.119 --> 0:21:01.560 night was a stupor what I did, what I said afterward, 0:21:01.600 --> 0:21:05.680 It just that was where I was at and that's 0:21:05.720 --> 0:21:07.720 not who I want to be. So how do I 0:21:07.800 --> 0:21:10.440 make it right? How does he make it right? Ask yourself, 0:21:10.920 --> 0:21:14.800 what do we want from people when they make mistakes? 0:21:15.200 --> 0:21:19.800 If not perfection apparently, but what is perfection after you've 0:21:19.800 --> 0:21:22.199 made a mistake. If we can understand and appreciate that 0:21:22.280 --> 0:21:25.359 human beings make mistakes, if you yourself recognize the mistakes 0:21:25.359 --> 0:21:31.200 are possible in your own life and skin right, then 0:21:31.480 --> 0:21:33.680 what do we want from other people when they make mistakes? 0:21:33.760 --> 0:21:36.120 Do we want them to apologize? Do we want them 0:21:36.160 --> 0:21:38.760 to acknowledge the hurt that they've you know, cause do 0:21:38.800 --> 0:21:43.359 we want them to adjust their you know, behavior moving forward? 0:21:43.440 --> 0:21:46.240 Do we want some sort of compensation? 0:21:46.400 --> 0:21:48.360 I mean, you hit the nail on the head man 0:21:48.600 --> 0:21:53.000 starting at I was wrong, that's a lot. Yeah, I 0:21:53.160 --> 0:21:57.560 was wrong, and I apologize without no qualifiers at all. 0:21:58.000 --> 0:22:02.159 What I did was wrong. Stop I apologize. Stop like, 0:22:02.720 --> 0:22:08.240 that's it. There's not qualifiers there, you know. Apparently for 0:22:08.359 --> 0:22:10.840 some people there is no right thing to do after 0:22:10.880 --> 0:22:13.879 a mistake. You made that mistake, So that's it. That's it, 0:22:14.400 --> 0:22:19.560 and that's fair. But if we are inclined to forgive someone, 0:22:20.040 --> 0:22:23.080 we need to really be conscientious of what that looks like. 0:22:23.160 --> 0:22:26.879 And if you feel like people don't deserve any grace, 0:22:27.000 --> 0:22:33.000 any forgiveness, then keep that energy and expect that in return. 0:22:33.359 --> 0:22:35.760 Point exactly now, I want to say that no one 0:22:35.800 --> 0:22:38.920 deserves forgiveness. Please include yourself that equation. 0:22:39.160 --> 0:22:43.920 Yes, now, I do want to say this. I wrote 0:22:43.920 --> 0:22:46.399 this note and I think it sounds great. Trevor No 0:22:46.640 --> 0:22:50.960 was very gracious. Trevor allowed him to not be a 0:22:51.000 --> 0:22:56.440 perfect human, but be perfectly human, right, recognizing that human 0:22:56.480 --> 0:23:01.040 beings are flawed creatures. And I do want to add this, 0:23:01.480 --> 0:23:02.879 and this is kind of one of the things that 0:23:03.000 --> 0:23:05.680 sort of helped me start thinking about this as a concept. 0:23:05.720 --> 0:23:08.960 You know, forgiveness among us black people. You know, there's 0:23:09.160 --> 0:23:12.320 we have stuff, gang stuff, we have you know, click stuff, 0:23:12.359 --> 0:23:14.879 wrap beefs and all this sort of stuff in our communities, 0:23:14.920 --> 0:23:17.239 and forgiveness is not talked about nearly enough. And so 0:23:17.240 --> 0:23:18.760 this is why I really wanted to take some time. 0:23:19.040 --> 0:23:20.960 But there were two people that I saw. This was 0:23:20.960 --> 0:23:22.880 a year's old video, but I just saw it recently, 0:23:22.920 --> 0:23:25.560 So forgive me, sports guys, I'm not a sports guy again. 0:23:26.000 --> 0:23:29.520 I saw Magic Johnson and Isaiah Thomas. They were interviewing 0:23:29.560 --> 0:23:31.520 with each other. Were they forgave each other? Now, I 0:23:31.560 --> 0:23:33.320 don't even know why they were mad in the first place, 0:23:33.480 --> 0:23:35.280 I'll tell you that. But story one day, when the 0:23:35.320 --> 0:23:40.920 MIC's turned along, okay, but it was beautiful, they broke down. 0:23:40.960 --> 0:23:43.320 They started crying. I guess they were friends once upon 0:23:43.400 --> 0:23:46.960 a time. Clos and Jordan Ram's level friends. Oh, that 0:23:46.960 --> 0:23:49.280 would never happen to me and you But you know 0:23:49.320 --> 0:23:50.480 what I'm saying. You could see that. 0:23:50.720 --> 0:23:53.320 It's like I'm but imagining it did happen to me 0:23:53.359 --> 0:23:56.720 and you? Yeah, can paint why you saw them so emotional. 0:23:57.320 --> 0:24:00.000 But for that video again, if you wanted to go 0:24:00.000 --> 0:24:04.720 Google at Magic Johnson Isaiah Thomas interview, you see why 0:24:04.880 --> 0:24:08.040 forgiveness is important and just how healing it can be. 0:24:08.480 --> 0:24:10.639 And I think it's important for us to start to 0:24:10.720 --> 0:24:13.439 center that in our conversations in addition to our mental 0:24:13.480 --> 0:24:18.880 health and scene. And now it's time for the Way 0:24:18.920 --> 0:24:22.360 Black History Fact. Today's Way Black History Fact is sponsored 0:24:22.359 --> 0:24:27.640 by Major Threads Men'swear. To get the finest in men'swear, 0:24:27.760 --> 0:24:31.640 check out major threads dot com our Way Black History Fact. Today, 0:24:31.640 --> 0:24:36.800 we're talking about Solomon Sir Jones from eighteen sixty nine 0:24:36.840 --> 0:24:41.119 to nineteen thirty six right. He was an American minister 0:24:41.160 --> 0:24:43.760 and an amateur filmmaker, best known for his collection of 0:24:43.840 --> 0:24:46.960 twenty nine silent black and white films totally three hundred 0:24:46.960 --> 0:24:49.919 and fifty five minutes worth of footage documenting African American 0:24:49.960 --> 0:24:53.080 communities in Oklahoma from nineteen twenty four in nineteen twenty eight. 0:24:54.080 --> 0:24:56.560