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Speaker 1: If you have your own story of being in a

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Speaker 1: cult or a high control group.

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Speaker 2: Or if you've had experience with manipulation or abusive power

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Speaker 2: that you'd like to share.

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Speaker 1: Leave us a message on our hotline number at three

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Speaker 1: four seven eight six trust.

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Speaker 2: That's three four seven eight six eight seven eight seven eight.

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Speaker 1: Or showed us an email at trust Me pod at

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Speaker 1: gmail dot com.

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Speaker 3: Trust me. Trust me.

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Speaker 4: I'm like a swat person.

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Speaker 3: I've never lived. To you.

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Speaker 5: If you think.

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Speaker 2: That one person has all the answers, don't welcome to

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Speaker 2: trust Me. The podcast about cults, extreme belief and manipulation

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Speaker 2: from two Holiday Angels have actually experienced it.

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Speaker 5: I'm Lola Blanc and I'm Megan Elizabeth.

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Speaker 2: And this week is part two of our interview with

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Speaker 2: Thomas and Micah, two formerly closeted religious men who are

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Speaker 2: out and proud and a delight to talk to. Today's episode,

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Speaker 2: we're going to talk about what it was like for

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Speaker 2: Thomas going on his Mormon mission as a man who

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Speaker 2: liked men, how they both finally came out, and how

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Speaker 2: their families reacted when they.

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Speaker 6: Plus Disney adults.

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Speaker 1: How learning about scientology is what led Micah to leave

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Speaker 1: his evangelical belief system and their advice for anyone who

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Speaker 1: might be struggling with their sexuality and religion.

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Speaker 7: Love it. Before we get into it, Megan, tell me

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Speaker 7: what's your cultist thing.

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Speaker 1: Oh, my cultiest thing this week is fun. I think

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Speaker 1: I've said this on the podcast before. The two x

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Speaker 1: two is Growing up. We didn't celebrate Christmas because they

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Speaker 1: said it was rude to Jesus and that we celebrate

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Speaker 1: Christmas every day of the year, and that it was

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Speaker 1: like materialistic and stupid and whatever. So we never had

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Speaker 1: any of the Christmas lights or the Christmas tree, and

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Speaker 1: I never really cared. And it was always weird to

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Speaker 1: me because I would tell people about my upbringing and

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Speaker 1: I'd be like, I had to wear a long jean skirt,

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Speaker 1: we didn't have a television, like, we went to church

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Speaker 1: a lot, and they'd be like okay, and then I'd like,

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Speaker 1: we didn't celebrate Christmas and they'd be like, oh.

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Speaker 6: You didn't celebrate Christmas and I'd be like, did.

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Speaker 1: You just hear I was dressed like an American girl doll,

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Speaker 1: Like why is that the thing?

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Speaker 6: But it is becoming my favorite part of the year.

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Speaker 6: I am Christmas Us.

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Speaker 7: Cessed welcome to the club.

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Speaker 1: I'm Christmas obsessed as fuck, and I have my first

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Speaker 1: tree this year. My beautiful friend gave me a Charlie

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Speaker 1: Brown tree that's like, you know, ironically, like messed up

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Speaker 1: at the top and has all these little Charlie Brown

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Speaker 1: ornaments with the Queen from the Crown as the top

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Speaker 1: like star, and then there's like a man.

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Speaker 6: Which season the last season it's an old okay.

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Speaker 1: Then there's the miss Piggy like bottom and it's just

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Speaker 1: it's so cute and I'm keeping it up for as

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Speaker 1: long as it will stay alive.

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Speaker 6: I am obsessed in a non religious way.

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Speaker 7: Yes, yeah, I fucking love Christmas.

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Speaker 2: My birthday is five days before Christmas. Yours is four

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Speaker 2: days after Christmas.

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Speaker 7: Right.

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Speaker 1: If we were yeah, if we were into numerology, this

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Speaker 1: could mean something really cool.

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Speaker 7: Nine days.

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Speaker 6: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: But my whole life it's been like, oh my god,

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Speaker 2: it's gonna be Christmas week soon. I'm going to get

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Speaker 2: birthday presents. I'm gonna get Christmas presents. We're gonna sing

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Speaker 2: old songs, We're gonna drink hot chocolates.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm family lights. I want it to

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Speaker 1: be all year, and I just love that. I mean,

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Speaker 1: this is all like what everybody in first grade realized.

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Speaker 1: So I'm sorry. I just love that, Like pressure is

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Speaker 1: off because I'm like, it's Christmas.

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Speaker 6: Who cares.

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Speaker 5: I don't have to use my brain.

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Speaker 7: Yeah no, I mean you don't get many.

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Speaker 2: Holidays like that because it's not like the fourth of July.

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Speaker 2: You're like, well, it's the fourth of July.

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Speaker 1: I can eat whatever I want, no weeks on end.

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Speaker 6: It's the fourth of July.

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Speaker 1: No, it's it's a whole thing, and I'm I'm happy

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Speaker 1: to be a part of it.

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Speaker 6: What about you, what's the cultiest thing that happened to

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Speaker 6: you this week?

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Speaker 7: I'm gonna take it down and up because that is

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Speaker 7: my job. That is what I do. That's what I

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Speaker 7: do best.

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Speaker 2: You bring the fun and I bring the depression. It's fine.

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Speaker 2: So I've been thinking a lot about loneliness, Megan. Yeah, stuitively,

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Speaker 2: it feels like we are a lonely society, but actually

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Speaker 2: that is backed up by research. It's something I also

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Speaker 2: feel quite a lot, which I feel like surprises people

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Speaker 2: because they assume that if you have friends, you can't

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Speaker 2: be lonely. But friends don't necessarily always translate to fulfilling

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Speaker 2: that need for community, because it depends on how meaningful

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Speaker 2: your interactions are, how much they're engaging, how much you're

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Speaker 2: disclosing your pain, which is something I'm not very good at,

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Speaker 2: so I don't necessarily always get a ton of support

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Speaker 2: some of the stuff that I'm dealing with.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I consider you so vulnerable.

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Speaker 2: It's so interesting because I think I talk about what's

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Speaker 2: happening right especially here, but with my friends, I'm not

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Speaker 2: actually like, I hate crying in front of people, Like

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Speaker 2: I don't like it, and so people always assume that

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Speaker 2: I'm fine, and that because I'm laughing or talking about

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Speaker 2: something openly, that means I've like, I'm like, I've.

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Speaker 7: Already processed it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that is not the case. I'm very lonely these days.

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Speaker 2: But it's interesting. I was I just like googled loneliness

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Speaker 2: because I was like, what's the latest news on loneliness,

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Speaker 2: And not surprisingly, three out of five young adults between

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Speaker 2: eighteen and twenty four are suffering from loneliness right now.

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Speaker 2: Loneliness increases the risk of premature death by twenty six

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Speaker 2: percent and isolation by twenty nine The US Surgeon General's

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Speaker 2: Advisory report said that in terms of your lifespan. Continuing

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Speaker 2: to live in loneliness is equivalent to smoking up to

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Speaker 2: fifteen cigarettes a day. It increases a person's risk of

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Speaker 2: heart disease by twenty nine percent and the risk of

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Speaker 2: stroke by thirty two percent, according.

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Speaker 7: To the American Heart Association.

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Speaker 2: And this tracks with what you know about like blue zones,

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Speaker 2: which is the areas of the world where people live

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Speaker 2: along time and so much of that seems to be

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Speaker 2: tied to community, yes, and the fact that they have

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Speaker 2: really strong inter generational communal connections.

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Speaker 6: Well, I just randomly on the daily mouth saw.

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Speaker 7: Too that.

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Speaker 1: One it was like, how to stop dementia from taking

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Speaker 1: over if you live alone after the age of fifty,

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Speaker 1: And I was like, what, in my god, it's something

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Speaker 1: that like dementia was linked to living alone where it's

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Speaker 1: the daily mallege.

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Speaker 6: It's like it's too crazy.

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Speaker 1: But then another girl was like selling her book on

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Speaker 1: her near death experience, where she was like, it's a

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Speaker 1: called individuality to community. What I learned from being dead

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Speaker 1: for twenty four minutes, where she was like, before I

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Speaker 1: was very individualistic, and now I know that everything that

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Speaker 1: matters in life is my connection with other people.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I do think that's true, and I think

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Speaker 2: that's so much of what does drive people to cults.

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Speaker 7: I mean, you know, I notice for me that I.

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Speaker 2: Will be like fucking spiraling about some shit that's like whatever,

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Speaker 2: the darkest things you can spiral about, that's where my

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Speaker 2: brain will go. And I think that what I'm spiraling

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Speaker 2: about is that thing. But then I like have a

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Speaker 2: meaningful interaction with someone or like have a phone call

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Speaker 2: with a friend or whatever, or like a good conversation,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, huh, I don't care that much about

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Speaker 2: that thing anymore, but I was. I was fixating on

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Speaker 2: that thing because I felt alone in my feelings about

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Speaker 2: that thing, if that makes sense.

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Speaker 7: Is that confusing and phrasing?

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Speaker 1: But so yeah, indeed, do you mean that you and

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Speaker 1: the friend talk about that thing in particular? Are just

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Speaker 1: talking about them about with anything helps leave the pain?

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Speaker 2: I mean both just like feeling like you're not alone

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Speaker 2: generally like it helps if you can also talk about

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Speaker 2: whatever is actually happening. But sometimes I do think my

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Speaker 2: brain is just like looking for something to fixate on,

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Speaker 2: to fill the like the whole of people, but also

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Speaker 2: being able to get you know, mutual support on the

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Speaker 2: things that are actually going on is obviously very important too.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, but there you.

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Speaker 2: I happen to google it today and there were there

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Speaker 2: are a ton of articles about it right this week.

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Speaker 6: I bet it's the loneliest time of year for most people.

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Speaker 2: True, true, Well, and apparently loneliness skyrocketed after COVID and

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Speaker 2: it has not gone back, and I suspect that will

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Speaker 2: continue to happen because technology makes us more and more

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Speaker 2: isolated because we feel like we're getting kids of community,

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Speaker 2: but it's not actually fulfilling that thing for real.

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Speaker 7: In the UK.

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Speaker 2: UK is fucked up in plenty of ways too, but

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Speaker 2: in terms of mental health stuff, there's so much more

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Speaker 2: ahead of the US in so many ways, even when

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Speaker 2: it comes to light.

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Speaker 1: Well, In the Crown, Charles was a big part of

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Speaker 1: bringing that to the people.

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Speaker 7: Listen, I love the Crown. I love the Crown. This

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Speaker 7: last season was so good. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So they're trying to combat isolation by introducing what are

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Speaker 2: called chatty benches and chatty cafes, so people go there

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Speaker 2: and the whole reON, if you go there, it means

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Speaker 2: you want to talk, and so people can just go

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Speaker 2: there and talk to people. And I fucking love that,

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Speaker 2: and I want to do that in silver.

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Speaker 7: Lake or something.

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Speaker 2: You know, Like there's so many people who just like

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Speaker 2: want to talk, don't know how to reach out, don't

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Speaker 2: feel like they have people they can reach out to.

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Speaker 2: And sometimes even just a stranger like you know, hearing

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Speaker 2: you is is can.

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Speaker 1: Start a chatty app, it would just turn that's still

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Speaker 1: an app perverted immediately too.

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Speaker 7: Yeah. I think that's what o'megal is, and that there's

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Speaker 7: just a lot of digs.

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Speaker 6: Why can't we have anything nice on the internet?

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Speaker 7: I do think.

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Speaker 2: I do think in person is really really makes a

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Speaker 2: big difference too.

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Speaker 1: I think that's why the twelve step community helps so

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Speaker 1: much in general. You know, people like literally go meet

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Speaker 1: every day with other like minded people who can talk

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Speaker 1: to each other.

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Speaker 2: Like yeah, yeah, I went to like a social justice

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Speaker 2: group recently just to like process feelings about the war

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Speaker 2: and stuff, and like just being in person with people

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Speaker 2: and like people crying in front of each other like

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Speaker 2: was so amazing.

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Speaker 7: And now some friends are encouraging me to go to

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Speaker 7: alan On.

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Speaker 1: We'll see, I'll go to ellen On with you. Let's

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Speaker 1: go fuck up some alan On's all right, Yeah.

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Speaker 7: Stay tuned for how this goes, folks.

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Speaker 1: Well, it's very brave of you to say that. I

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Speaker 1: know probably most people resonate. Yeah, it's weird. I like,

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Speaker 1: in my conscious mind, I'm never like I'm always like

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Speaker 1: so happy to be by myself. I have a stack

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Speaker 1: of forty library books behind me, and I'm like, love that.

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Speaker 1: But then in my dreams, I'm like, I'll feel lonely.

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Speaker 1: So I'm like it must have been something I'm not

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Speaker 1: consciously aware of.

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Speaker 2: I love being alone, I just also need to offset it. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: we one introverts also new community. Yeah, and that's why

230
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Speaker 2: so many cults are going to become successful.

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Speaker 7: I know, or and are successful.

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Speaker 2: Now because we are, especially in America, we are a

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Speaker 2: lonely individualistic society, and.

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Speaker 7: I think that needs to change. All right, I'm.

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Speaker 1: Done, agreed. Well, do you know who makes me feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm not lonely?

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Speaker 6: Thomas?

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Speaker 7: Oh my god, I agree.

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Speaker 1: These two little bubbly angels have so much more to

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Speaker 1: share with us.

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Speaker 6: So should we listen to them?

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Speaker 7: Let's do it?

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Speaker 8: Okay, so tell us about living together?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I said at the dinner party I met, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was like, I feel like you guys were one

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Speaker 1: ambient away from.

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Speaker 4: Like at that point, I was still like again, like

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Speaker 4: so closeted, it wouldn't have entered my mind. I mean

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Speaker 4: maybe if you'd like come out of the shower naked

250
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Speaker 4: or something, I would have snuck a peek.

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Speaker 3: But it wasn't. It wasn't. There was never like a secret.

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Speaker 4: Crush on Thomas or something.

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Speaker 9: We're all so very much focused and for me, like

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Speaker 9: having come out come out of my like gay sex experience.

255
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Speaker 9: I even always say that like my ex boyfriend, like

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Speaker 9: that past relationship and wanting to go on this mission

257
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Speaker 9: was the furthest thing from my mind, especially when I

258
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Speaker 9: think about that being my why as far as going

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Speaker 9: on a Mormon mission like that was not going to

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Speaker 9: be I wasn't even going to toy with any sort

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Speaker 9: of like any crush or anything of thinking.

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Speaker 5: Did either of you suspect the other one was gay?

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Speaker 3: Well?

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Speaker 4: Yes, because so he talked about like his past indiscretions

265
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Speaker 4: and then somebody that he had been involved with in high.

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Speaker 3: School also got a job at Disney.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and then the words started to like get around,

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Speaker 4: Oh no, that sucks.

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Speaker 3: It really it did it? Did? O?

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Speaker 9: Yes, Yeah, it totally sucks because like that the like

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Speaker 9: it followed me from Temecula all the way over and

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Speaker 9: got really messy and I had to like, basically there

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Speaker 9: was a group of us. We had, like a group

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Speaker 9: of four of us, and like I had to kind

275
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Speaker 9: of like, did I think I denied the queen?

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Speaker 3: You confronted me?

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Speaker 4: It sucks like everyone confronted you like some after school

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Speaker 4: TV specialist.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I was kind of like did I say no?

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Speaker 3: I can't remember. I don't know if I said yeah

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Speaker 3: or no.

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Speaker 9: I feel like maybe I was like, you're just very

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Speaker 9: indirect and like, yeah, I wasn't because I wasn't ready.

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Speaker 9: I was just basically like this isn't I was like,

285
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Speaker 9: oh yeah, I was just some guy's just he thinks

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Speaker 9: he knows who I am and he doesn't know who

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Speaker 9: I am.

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Speaker 4: But I mean, but also like we weren't like like

289
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Speaker 4: our friends were like Karen and Onica was like it

290
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Speaker 4: was very like Thomas, it's okay, like we found this

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Speaker 4: out and it's all right, we're just let you know,

292
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Speaker 4: Whereas meanwhile I'm like, oh shit, like.

293
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Speaker 9: And there was and so I did think about Micah

294
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Speaker 9: as being possibly being gay as well, and I was

295
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Speaker 9: just kind of like I remember that moment of like this,

296
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Speaker 9: we you're gonna kind of like stick up for me

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Speaker 9: or you know, like whatever, but.

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Speaker 3: It really was like you're like, y'are exactly way too.

299
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Speaker 3: It's way too. It was like still just like you

300
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Speaker 3: can just tell us what's going on, you know, right.

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Speaker 1: If Thomas would have told you Micah, like yeah I

302
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Speaker 1: did that, would you have been like, Okay, let's work

303
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Speaker 1: on it, let's fix it, or would you have been

304
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Speaker 1: like be free?

305
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Speaker 7: No.

306
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Speaker 4: I think I was like progressive quote unquote enough to

307
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Speaker 4: not be like let me fix you. I don't even know.

308
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:04,800
Speaker 4: I mean I couldn't even fix myself, Like what what

309
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,040
Speaker 4: was my game? What would my game plan?

310
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Speaker 3: And I probably was the like very like dodgy.

311
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Speaker 9: Even with my friends that were they weren't even Mormon

312
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Speaker 9: because in high school, so I had another relationship and

313
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Speaker 9: rumors got out that like my Mormon friends confronted me

314
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Speaker 9: about it and gave me like informational package of even

315
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:26,000
Speaker 9: like going to like a conversion camp. I never went,

316
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,840
Speaker 9: but they gave me like paperwork and said like here's

317
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:31,440
Speaker 9: this or like and like I remember one of my

318
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Speaker 9: closest friends that was Mormon, she was a convert, so

319
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Speaker 9: she was like fresh on like freshly on board. She's

320
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Speaker 9: just like, you need to talk to the bishop. She's like,

321
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Speaker 9: I'm calling him right now. You're setting up your appointment.

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Speaker 9: This is your this is happening. And like so I

323
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,640
Speaker 9: was very much like triggered from that experience. And so

324
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Speaker 9: with that happening, was it post it was post mission?

325
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Speaker 9: Right what being confronted or is that like before my

326
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,400
Speaker 9: was after because it was in your new apartment, your

327
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Speaker 9: new room, I remember, okay, and so so I remember

328
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Speaker 9: like that experience. I was almost over here and like

329
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Speaker 9: reliving all of that, and I was like in denout

330
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Speaker 9: because I was like, this is not happening again. This

331
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Speaker 9: is not happening in this way, you know, because what

332
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Speaker 9: happened is I ended up like burning bridges with all

333
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:18,280
Speaker 9: those people in high school and whatnot because it was

334
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,840
Speaker 9: just so awful. I was like, this is why I

335
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,200
Speaker 9: never really reached out to anyone, because I felt like

336
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Speaker 9: so shamed, I felt so unworthy, and like I didn't

337
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Speaker 9: feel like I had an emotional support from anyone. So

338
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Speaker 9: that's why I confided only in the bishops and was like, Okay,

339
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,280
Speaker 9: this is between me and God, I guess.

340
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Speaker 3: And so I'm gonna have to figure this out.

341
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Speaker 4: I wonder, like to you know, if I if I

342
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Speaker 4: had had something like that happen again, my world was

343
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Speaker 4: so insular that there wasn't even someone I could have

344
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Speaker 4: had an indiscretion with honestly, but I don't know a blowjob,

345
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:55,480
Speaker 4: but how my family would have handled that because I

346
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,840
Speaker 4: did find out after the fact that my uncle was

347
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,400
Speaker 4: fully like had confronted my parents and my grandparents and

348
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,800
Speaker 4: been like, it's very obvious Mike is gay, right, like

349
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:05,960
Speaker 4: you guys know that.

350
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Speaker 3: And he was.

351
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,240
Speaker 4: He's he's like much more progressive as far as my

352
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:13,120
Speaker 4: family is concerned. So his thing was like, what are

353
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,040
Speaker 4: you gonna how are you going to handle this? Like

354
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,400
Speaker 4: you need to make him know that he's okay and

355
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:20,400
Speaker 4: safe and that it's not a you know whatever, and

356
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:24,320
Speaker 4: they just fully ignored it basically. So yeah, that's fun

357
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Speaker 4: to think about in retrospect. I mean, I it's like

358
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,120
Speaker 4: I wasn't in touch with it, but everybody else knew.

359
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:32,720
Speaker 4: It's like so humiliating, you know, I mean.

360
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,920
Speaker 3: I was in touch with it, but I kept it.

361
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:39,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I definitely, you know, I definitely subconsciously knew,

362
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:41,360
Speaker 4: of course, Like I remember I had.

363
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Speaker 9: You were insular, like you said, like you'd have the

364
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:47,120
Speaker 9: the the tools, like not even tools, but you just

365
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,200
Speaker 9: you were so much, very much in a space where

366
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,840
Speaker 9: you couldn't experiment with someone or you couldn't do any

367
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:52,960
Speaker 9: of that because how could you?

368
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,840
Speaker 4: And in my head it was like, it's something is wrong.

369
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,760
Speaker 4: It wasn't like here's a fact about me. It was like,

370
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:02,000
Speaker 4: here's a in about me. Here's something that needs to

371
00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:06,840
Speaker 4: be fixed or overcome, right, And that's embarrassing. So I'm

372
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,080
Speaker 4: going to handle it on my own.

373
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:10,560
Speaker 2: But you weren't going to church or anything. So this

374
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,680
Speaker 2: is all like sort of self imposed.

375
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:12,800
Speaker 5: At that point.

376
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:17,119
Speaker 4: Well, I my family we went to church until I

377
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:18,760
Speaker 4: was like seventeen or eighteen.

378
00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:22,200
Speaker 5: Okay, yeah, oh and yeah you're still quite young. Yeah,

379
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,120
Speaker 5: but in the Disney years, you're just handling at that point.

380
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:27,400
Speaker 3: Yeah at that point, yeah exactly.

381
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,160
Speaker 4: But another thing that I remember, like just to give

382
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,399
Speaker 4: paint a picture of where I was coming from, is

383
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:39,600
Speaker 4: my first like awareness of gayness was I'm forty now,

384
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:42,400
Speaker 4: but so I was like, alive, you look.

385
00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:44,439
Speaker 7: Forty.

386
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:45,879
Speaker 5: I thought you were younger than me.

387
00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:49,840
Speaker 6: You guys both look like yeah, I'm like.

388
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:55,400
Speaker 4: Disney was younger than me, but but no, So it's

389
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,600
Speaker 4: like very much during the AIDS crisis. I mean I

390
00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,879
Speaker 4: was a child, but if that's what was going on,

391
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,439
Speaker 4: and I remember there was like an adult conversation happening

392
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,359
Speaker 4: about AIDS, and I remember afterwards asking my grandmother like,

393
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:07,639
Speaker 4: so what is that?

394
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:08,920
Speaker 3: How do you get it?

395
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,960
Speaker 4: And she said, it's when one man puts another man's

396
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:15,080
Speaker 4: penis in his mouth. So that was my first time,

397
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:15,480
Speaker 4: was like.

398
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:19,479
Speaker 3: You guys would do that? What for? Not the right

399
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:20,080
Speaker 3: person to ask?

400
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:22,600
Speaker 4: And also also, by the way, like when I came out.

401
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:26,440
Speaker 4: I came out when I was thirty three. My mom's

402
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:30,880
Speaker 4: only perception of or not perception, but exposure to gay

403
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:35,000
Speaker 4: people was like I think there was a former missionary

404
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:39,119
Speaker 4: that had been imprisoned for like child pornography, oh no,

405
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:43,440
Speaker 4: and a hairdresser that died from HIV Oh no no.

406
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,840
Speaker 6: So she's just like this is a disaster, disaster, yes,

407
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:48,440
Speaker 6: wow fuck.

408
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:52,040
Speaker 4: And also she still clings to the fact that I

409
00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:56,160
Speaker 4: had girlfriends and that I might be a phase or something. Wow.

410
00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:57,240
Speaker 3: Yeah.

411
00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:00,200
Speaker 4: When I was home just now, my my nineties seven

412
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,720
Speaker 4: year old grandmother who does not know, because I was

413
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:06,399
Speaker 4: just like, what, who cares? What's the point. She was like, Oh,

414
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,800
Speaker 4: you haven't met any cute girls in California. And my

415
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:15,680
Speaker 4: mom was like maybe, And I was like what, I'm like,

416
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:17,000
Speaker 4: I know she doesn't know, but.

417
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:21,639
Speaker 3: Strong come on.

418
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:26,720
Speaker 5: Yes, that's that's cool that they didn't cut off communication.

419
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,520
Speaker 4: Yes, I do feel like my parents are progressive in

420
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:34,320
Speaker 4: that way. I guess maybe more so than like Mormons

421
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,040
Speaker 4: or whoever else, but but yeah, it's definitely like I

422
00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:39,920
Speaker 4: think the first thing my dad said to me was

423
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,520
Speaker 4: like he was worried about basically.

424
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,240
Speaker 3: Like in so many words like aids.

425
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:48,680
Speaker 4: And I'm like, my brothers all have had sex outside

426
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,640
Speaker 4: a marriage, Like what, you're not worried about them?

427
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:05,840
Speaker 2: So you get him a book of Mormon talking to Thomas,

428
00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:09,200
Speaker 2: You get Micah a Book of Mormon with his name

429
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:09,480
Speaker 2: on it.

430
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:13,000
Speaker 5: Do you think, like are you are you talking to

431
00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:15,760
Speaker 5: him about the church or you you know, I.

432
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:16,879
Speaker 3: Don't think I was that bold.

433
00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:19,280
Speaker 9: I think that I was just like the pendulum swung

434
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:22,080
Speaker 9: where it's like get the hardcover, get the name your boss,

435
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,600
Speaker 9: write your testimony, and just drop it off.

436
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,760
Speaker 3: That's the seed, Thomas, that's all.

437
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:27,960
Speaker 6: What was your testimony?

438
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,440
Speaker 9: It was just I think because like he had never

439
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,480
Speaker 9: had any experience with Mormons, and I would be like,

440
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,520
Speaker 9: Mormon's are Christian too, you know, they believe in Jesus Christ.

441
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:38,439
Speaker 3: The Book of Mormon is about Jesus Christ. And it's

442
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,320
Speaker 3: just you know, the same old bullshit of just like

443
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,480
Speaker 3: look at this. You know it's still you know, viable

444
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,680
Speaker 3: to what you already believe. But this, this club's better.

445
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:47,399
Speaker 3: I was.

446
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:51,320
Speaker 4: I mean internally, I was like, oh, hell no, I

447
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:53,480
Speaker 4: don't even know if I fully read your inscription.

448
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,160
Speaker 3: It was just honestly.

449
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,240
Speaker 4: I did for a long time. I think what I

450
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:02,600
Speaker 4: did was I ended up taking a picture of it

451
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,200
Speaker 4: just for posterity and then like recycling it.

452
00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:09,240
Speaker 3: This was clutter.

453
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:15,440
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, I want to know about the parallels between

454
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 2: Mission and Disney, but I don't know if we should

455
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:17,879
Speaker 2: skip to the Mission.

456
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:19,440
Speaker 5: If you're living together?

457
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,280
Speaker 7: Was pre mission we.

458
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,960
Speaker 9: Lived together and then it was very short lived though,

459
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:27,040
Speaker 9: like to be honest, because we you know, started that

460
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:30,240
Speaker 9: year less yeah, less than a year, then went on

461
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:31,880
Speaker 9: the Mission and then came back.

462
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:34,639
Speaker 3: We didn't live together together again after that.

463
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,600
Speaker 4: Now, at that point, I had like a bunch of

464
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:37,680
Speaker 4: other roommates.

465
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:40,080
Speaker 6: Right right right, hopefully they were all straight.

466
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,280
Speaker 4: Oh my god, it's so sad that you say that,

467
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:46,840
Speaker 4: because when Thomas moved out, I remember like reaching out

468
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:50,720
Speaker 4: to like some people at Disney through my Space and

469
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:54,120
Speaker 4: specifically being like, Hey, I'm looking for like a straight roommate.

470
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,800
Speaker 3: No, we didn't know better.

471
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 5: You know, when you know better, you do better, right, right,

472
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:02,080
Speaker 5: It's important.

473
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:03,960
Speaker 4: But eventually I did have a bunch of gay rooms.

474
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,879
Speaker 2: Okay, So if you don't mind telling us a bit

475
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,040
Speaker 2: about being a missionary, because I don't think you got

476
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:17,240
Speaker 2: a boy missionary former missionary.

477
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:20,080
Speaker 3: On Oh my god. I you know, it was a

478
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,440
Speaker 3: weird experience, I'll to say the least.

479
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:26,480
Speaker 9: And I'm very grateful because I like was so intense

480
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 9: about it that one of the things that they'd have

481
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 9: you do, like they have the whole schedule, and one

482
00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:32,679
Speaker 9: of them is like right in your journal every evening.

483
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,159
Speaker 5: So no problem for me.

484
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, what do you want me to jump?

485
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:38,480
Speaker 4: How high? Yeah?

486
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,320
Speaker 3: What kind of mental gymnastics you want me to do?

487
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 7: I will do it.

488
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,200
Speaker 3: So, like I wrote and logged at least every.

489
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,159
Speaker 9: Single day to be able to just say what I

490
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 9: experienced and when it went through and as I go

491
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:52,520
Speaker 9: through some of the old journal entries, It's interesting to

492
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,639
Speaker 9: see how hardcore I was, because a lot of my

493
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:58,159
Speaker 9: issues when I was on a mission was that I'm like,

494
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 9: why aren't my fellow manions like as hardcore as I am?

495
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,560
Speaker 3: Like why like I had no chill, I had like

496
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:06,680
Speaker 3: the zero chill.

497
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,520
Speaker 9: I would be like, we need to be knocking on

498
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,800
Speaker 9: doors right now, get out of bed, Elder, we have

499
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,359
Speaker 9: got to go. I was literally like Elder Price, like

500
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,200
Speaker 9: wanted to climb the ranks and leadership. I wanted to

501
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:21,439
Speaker 9: be and and the missionaries that were hardcore. The highest

502
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 9: rank you could have is being assistant to the mission

503
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:28,320
Speaker 9: president and they're called the aps. Not to be confusive.

504
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:35,399
Speaker 4: Passholders, Yeah, passholders, you know society your listeners that are

505
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,800
Speaker 4: not from southern California, just like what.

506
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 1: And no passholders are something that Disneyland people have.

507
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:47,320
Speaker 9: Yes, So I was very intense about it, and looking back,

508
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,439
Speaker 9: I kind of had this understanding. And I'm reading right

509
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 9: now Heather Gay's book Bad Mormon, and one of the

510
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:56,119
Speaker 9: things that I'm learning about her because she grew up

511
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 9: in Colorado and then moved to Utah, is that there

512
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:02,639
Speaker 9: is this there's this like this culture of where you

513
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:05,760
Speaker 9: when you're in a space like Temecula or Colorado.

514
00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:07,879
Speaker 3: You're either Mormon or you're not Mormon.

515
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:11,639
Speaker 9: Like this in between doesn't really exist except in the

516
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:15,920
Speaker 9: breadth that I'd say Utah only because everyone's Mormon in Utah.

517
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 3: So when you have that statistic of that many people you're.

518
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,240
Speaker 7: Gonna have, you know, you're Jack Mormons.

519
00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:24,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're Jack Mormon's like, I'm familiar with Jack as

520
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 3: Jack Mormon. Well, Jack Mormon is like a bad example

521
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:30,119
Speaker 3: of a Mormon.

522
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like a Mormon who is not mormoning correctly.

523
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 2: Yeah right, they're like kind of like low key, maybe

524
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,040
Speaker 2: drinking like that.

525
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:39,000
Speaker 4: Only goes to church on holidays or something.

526
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:39,360
Speaker 3: Yeah.

527
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:41,600
Speaker 9: But then there's like the the foil to that would

528
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 9: be like the Molly Mormon. Like Molly Mormon is like.

529
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:44,800
Speaker 3: She does everything right.

530
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:45,880
Speaker 5: You are Molly Mormon.

531
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 3: I was a Molly Mormon. That doesn't my god, yes, yes,

532
00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:03,040
Speaker 3: oh my god, I have not own that. I oh

533
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:07,359
Speaker 3: my god, she does Molly ones and suddenly she just

534
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,160
Speaker 3: like knows that. She's like she's a professional.

535
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 5: You are Molly Mormon.

536
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,639
Speaker 3: Now, yeah, I was a complete Molly Mormon.

537
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 9: But I like a big part of it had to

538
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 9: do and this is why when we like kind of

539
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 9: bringing it back to like a cult and like being

540
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,359
Speaker 9: in a big group. Is that like there was shame

541
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:29,199
Speaker 9: brought upon our family name because my sister had an

542
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:33,240
Speaker 9: under an under a teenage pregnancy, and so that brought

543
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:36,720
Speaker 9: shame upon the family and my upset my mother and

544
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,639
Speaker 9: then I'm over here like, oh no, like I have

545
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 9: to step up.

546
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 3: Like I already knew how I felt about who I

547
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 3: was as being gay, but I was like, oh, I

548
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:45,400
Speaker 3: can't come out now because.

549
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,240
Speaker 4: There's a feeling of like I've got to overcompensate because

550
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:49,840
Speaker 4: I'm I've got this, so.

551
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:53,320
Speaker 9: Like I can't worry about me. My mom's upset, she's concerned, like,

552
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 9: so I have to do this. And so I really

553
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 9: was hardcore Mormon in that vein, and even my mom

554
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,399
Speaker 9: would like if if you remember the Book of Mormons,

555
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:02,880
Speaker 9: some of the characters in the Book of Mormon, there's

556
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:06,720
Speaker 9: like Nephi who's like the like solid golden boy child,

557
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:10,480
Speaker 9: and then like they have his brother's Layman and Lemuel

558
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:13,200
Speaker 9: are like the yeah.

559
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 3: Exactly, exactly, yes, it's afraid to try. Nephi was courage

560
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:24,400
Speaker 3: just this was his reply, I will go, I will

561
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:28,000
Speaker 3: do the things the Lord got. Man, I know the

562
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 3: Lord provides a way he wants me to obey. Oh

563
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 3: my god, that's just like O.

564
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 7: Bay, I'm sorry to our listeners.

565
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 3: No, but for all ex.

566
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,320
Speaker 9: Mormans out there, like you are not alone, shout out

567
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:45,800
Speaker 9: like like I really was. I Like my mom referred

568
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,200
Speaker 9: to me as Nephi and my some of my sisters

569
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 9: as Layman and Lemuel, and so that really impressed upon

570
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 9: me this this almost like.

571
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 3: What what what's the word?

572
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:58,879
Speaker 9: It's not air, it's this birthright of like saying like Thomas,

573
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 9: like you have to carry out and you have to

574
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:05,399
Speaker 9: be this otherwise like what it was, what.

575
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 5: It has become of our family?

576
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 3: And so like that really pressure, right, no pressure, And

577
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,359
Speaker 3: so that really like sunk with me.

578
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:15,200
Speaker 9: And so that's why I was so hardcore when it

579
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 9: came to being Mormon, to being a missionary. And so

580
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:20,720
Speaker 9: when I would like have companions that were like lazy

581
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 9: or like so apathetic, I was just like why what

582
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:24,680
Speaker 9: is going on?

583
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 3: And now I'm like now I'm like oh, because because

584
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:29,639
Speaker 3: they weren't overcompensating. They weren't overcompensating.

585
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 9: And also like there it's their time to be away

586
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:34,920
Speaker 9: from their families and like actually can like find themselves.

587
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 6: They were so annoyed with the os.

588
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 4: They're like on.

589
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 3: Vacation in Mississippi.

590
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:49,400
Speaker 2: Well but it's like a full time, like all day job,

591
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 2: so it should be yeah.

592
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:56,200
Speaker 9: Hundred, well it's it's it is almost it's a brainwashing

593
00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 9: boot camp because they say the biggest convert you get

594
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:02,280
Speaker 9: on your mission is yourself, right, you walk away with

595
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:04,679
Speaker 9: you being the one saying like, I'm like, i may

596
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 9: not have had any converts, but I'm most converted to

597
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:09,639
Speaker 9: this and I'm going to be committed the rest of

598
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:10,200
Speaker 9: my life.

599
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:13,440
Speaker 5: So you guys don't necessarily like think you're getting any converts.

600
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 9: No, not necessarily, I mean, and it depends on where

601
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:18,840
Speaker 9: you go because like other places in the world, people

602
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,879
Speaker 9: are lining up to just like go get baptized. But

603
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:24,440
Speaker 9: I mean for a place like the Bible Belt, people

604
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 9: have their own baptisms, have their own religion.

605
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,680
Speaker 7: And did you how what was your were your rates?

606
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,159
Speaker 9: Like very sure, very low, very or very low, like

607
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:34,879
Speaker 9: probably a small handful that probably don't go to church anymore.

608
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 6: That's impressive.

609
00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:36,720
Speaker 5: You got a few?

610
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:40,440
Speaker 9: Yeah, well I know, but like but like that was

611
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,360
Speaker 9: part of the goal. The goal to everything. You would

612
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 9: have to report every single night to your district leader

613
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 9: about who you talk to, how many lessons you had,

614
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:54,440
Speaker 9: who came to church, and ultimately like what how many

615
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 9: baptisms you had.

616
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:57,200
Speaker 3: So they were called key indicators.

617
00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:00,680
Speaker 9: So depending on how you did your day, they'd be like, Elder,

618
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 9: your candicators are kind of low. Why are candicators low

619
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:07,880
Speaker 9: when really has nothing to do with what you can

620
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 9: possibly do and everything to do with the demographic of

621
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:11,280
Speaker 9: people that you're own.

622
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 8: Yeah.

623
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I have a vision of my Oh sorry,

624
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 5: what were you going to say?

625
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 8: Oh?

626
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,360
Speaker 2: I was gonna say my mom broke records with her

627
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 2: conversion rates on her mission and wrote a book about

628
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 2: it called Tracting Made Easy.

629
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I need to check this book out.

630
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 2: I don't know if it still exists, but they used

631
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 2: to sell it at LDS bookstores. Oh.

632
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 4: I was going to say this before any old person,

633
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 4: could you know, self release a book on Amazon or whatever?

634
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 7: Yeah?

635
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 9: Yeah, yeah, because I mean they if it's Mormon literature,

636
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,400
Speaker 9: that's like that is all that's gold.

637
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:39,360
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah.

638
00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:39,680
Speaker 4: Yeah.

639
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 2: She was elevated to some position that women didn't typically

640
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 2: get elevated to on their missions.

641
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 5: But because she had such a high conversion rate.

642
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:52,640
Speaker 3: She could that way to go. Mister missionaries did really

643
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:54,000
Speaker 3: well though, Like I mean.

644
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 7: There are lessons like, yeah, you know people want to

645
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:57,240
Speaker 7: talk to women.

646
00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:00,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, well they're more mature for sure. They're older and

647
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 3: like they seem to be seem to be more grounded

648
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 3: than nineteen year olds, like they seem to be. Also,

649
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:05,840
Speaker 3: she was.

650
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:08,760
Speaker 5: Beautiful still, Yeah, she's gorgeous.

651
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 1: I have a vision of you, like going to look

652
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,760
Speaker 1: at your statistics and being excited and being like, oh

653
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 1: my god, and then you realize it's your jerk off

654
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 1: journal and.

655
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:28,160
Speaker 3: I've got badness.

656
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 7: Yeah yeah, wow.

657
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:32,600
Speaker 5: I didn't know about that about MoMA.

658
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:32,920
Speaker 7: Yeah.

659
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:35,719
Speaker 2: But also like you're in a mission, you're with another

660
00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 2: kid like boy yeah all the time.

661
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:42,320
Speaker 5: Well like never alone, Like were you ever attracted to

662
00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 5: the never boys?

663
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 4: Yeah?

664
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 9: There were definitely companions that I had where I'm like,

665
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 9: they're my companion. Oh, but like of course I didn't

666
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,120
Speaker 9: touch myself. I didn't do any of that because I

667
00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 9: was like so whatever. But like in my mind, I

668
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,600
Speaker 9: was like, man, wouldn't this bean, I like, it's so

669
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 9: great going two by two? Like could I like, as

670
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 9: in my own mind, like in the deep recesses of

671
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 9: my mind.

672
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 4: How did you feel when you found out you were

673
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 4: going to Mississippi.

674
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 9: I had read a book called a Soul So Rebellious

675
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:14,920
Speaker 9: and that's a that's a line from like.

676
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 3: A Mormon hymn, her mom's book. Yeah, but like it's

677
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 3: but it's about like a.

678
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 9: Woman that a black woman that converts to the Church

679
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 9: of Jesus Christain is the Mormon Church, and she's also

680
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:30,160
Speaker 9: from the South.

681
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 3: And so I was like super.

682
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 9: Inspired because it was one it was like an old

683
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,200
Speaker 9: book that my mom had in our library and I

684
00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:36,320
Speaker 9: was like, oh, let's pick it up.

685
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:37,960
Speaker 3: And so it kind of felt like I.

686
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 9: Was like, oh my god, it's a sign I read

687
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,360
Speaker 9: this book and like whatever. But like, when I think

688
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 9: about it, it was really cringe worthy to think that,

689
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:49,960
Speaker 9: like that the Mormon Church did not allow black people

690
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:50,960
Speaker 9: to hold the priesthood.

691
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:52,920
Speaker 3: Yeah till seventy eight.

692
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 4: That's what I learned seventy people's documentary Civil Rights. Was like, oh,

693
00:31:57,960 --> 00:31:59,040
Speaker 4: I guess they can write.

694
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 9: And the fact that I had the audacity to be like, well,

695
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 9: you know, like and like and now it's like black

696
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 9: men are able to hold the priesthood and baptized but

697
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:09,960
Speaker 9: until nineteen seventy eight, the Lord said that it was

698
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:14,080
Speaker 9: okay and not. I was so indoctrinated that, like I

699
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:18,400
Speaker 9: wasn't able to challenge that singular thought like that singular

700
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 9: I wo just accepted it right away.

701
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 2: Like I feel like the narrative that I would hear

702
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 2: was like, oh, well, but they changed they amended that, right,

703
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:27,240
Speaker 2: So actually we're really.

704
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 4: And that's happening right now.

705
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 9: And that's happening right now with the Mormon Church as

706
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 9: far as like we're not Mormons right now, we're you know,

707
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 9: changing the name and like we only go to church

708
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 9: for two hours like.

709
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:39,840
Speaker 2: They and we don't put children alone with bishops to

710
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 2: talk about their sexual symptms anymore.

711
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 7: And that never happened.

712
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 9: Yeah, that eight year old would go in and talk

713
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 9: to bishops about a worthiness of being baptized and apparently

714
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 9: is the age of accountability when really it's just like

715
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,719
Speaker 9: more probably like the age of like actual development, when

716
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 9: you're actually using language and then interesting way in a

717
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:02,960
Speaker 9: way to like develop your own growth.

718
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:06,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, so much, I was like so much to unpack

719
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:07,000
Speaker 3: about Mormonism.

720
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:13,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, so you came out before Mika did, right, Okay? Yeah,

721
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 5: hell was that story.

722
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 9: It was hard because I so we did Disney together

723
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 9: and then I was able to go on a tour

724
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 9: for Disney across Europe, and I was so hardcore Mormon

725
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 9: that album.

726
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:30,600
Speaker 3: On Sundays, I'd be like go online and'd be like,

727
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:33,480
Speaker 3: where's church, And so I would go to church in Scotland,

728
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 3: I'd go to church in Spain wherever we were.

729
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:37,240
Speaker 4: I was like, I don't think I knew that.

730
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, so this is like how crazy I was. But

731
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 3: like I met some cool people and I actually met

732
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:43,680
Speaker 3: some along the way there.

733
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 9: Now some ex Mormons shout out, but like I definitely

734
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 9: when I came back. It was it was that time

735
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 9: away that I kind of like started to separate myself

736
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 9: and started to realizing, like I didn't know if I

737
00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:57,480
Speaker 9: really wanted.

738
00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 4: I knew something was up when there was a picture

739
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 4: of you in a speedo, like a red speedo, like

740
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 4: in the snow, and I was like, yeah, okay, that's

741
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:08,200
Speaker 4: not the church Mormon boy that I.

742
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 9: Remember, because I was like it was, you know, it

743
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 9: was around the time that okay, here we go. It

744
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 9: was around the time when Frozen came out and like, oh.

745
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:21,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, let it go Anthem, like the movie had not

746
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 4: even come out you guys, and it was like on

747
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:27,320
Speaker 4: repeat in his car, and I was like, but the lyrics.

748
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:28,720
Speaker 1: I know, but the lyrics.

749
00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:34,000
Speaker 9: It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small. I mean,

750
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 9: come on, being away in Europe, that was like resonated

751
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 9: with me. I was like, why am I making such

752
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 9: a big deal around this, especially when people on my

753
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:44,480
Speaker 9: tour were clearly gay hooking up with people were going

754
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:46,360
Speaker 9: out to I was going out to bars because I

755
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 9: wanted to hang out with my tour group, and we

756
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 9: would I wouldn't drink or anything. I'd just be like, yeah,

757
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:54,160
Speaker 9: this is fun, and I would just like experience life.

758
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:56,360
Speaker 9: And then I was just kind of like really questioning,

759
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:59,800
Speaker 9: like what am I doing? Like why am I doing this? Right? So,

760
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 9: so I didn't want to come out to any of

761
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 9: my friends there because I was somehow probably triggered about

762
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 9: like my family not knowing any of this, and being like,

763
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:10,000
Speaker 9: I have to tell my parents first. I have to

764
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:11,840
Speaker 9: tell my parents first. So I sent them an email

765
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:13,840
Speaker 9: when I was out there, and I was like.

766
00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:18,440
Speaker 3: We're so similar, like that never talked about it.

767
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:19,960
Speaker 9: I think it's because it's just like I couldn't I

768
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:21,880
Speaker 9: couldn't do the live talk to talk about like I

769
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,320
Speaker 9: had to do this. And I come off of reading

770
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:29,359
Speaker 9: a book called The Velvet Rage that was recommended by

771
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 9: one of my fellow ex Mormon gay friends, shout out

772
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:34,880
Speaker 9: to Carrie Lovia, and so I read that and that

773
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:37,760
Speaker 9: kind of really helped me understand my anger and understand

774
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:40,000
Speaker 9: like myself a little bit more as a queer individual.

775
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:42,480
Speaker 9: And so I kind of was doing that and then

776
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 9: on tour and I was like, I can do this,

777
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:46,879
Speaker 9: and so I came out to my to my mom,

778
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:49,239
Speaker 9: but like it was kind of like how you said,

779
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:51,400
Speaker 9: can you be gay and still be Mormon?

780
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:55,000
Speaker 3: My mom was definitely like, but you can still come

781
00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:56,759
Speaker 3: to church. You can still. So I had to.

782
00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:58,400
Speaker 9: I feel like I had to come out to my

783
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:01,920
Speaker 9: mom three times. One to be gay, one to be

784
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 9: like I'm not going to the temple anymore, because I

785
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:06,840
Speaker 9: would go to the temple with her, and then also

786
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:08,680
Speaker 9: finally just being.

787
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 3: Like I'm just not going to church anymore.

788
00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:13,439
Speaker 9: So it's like three because she'd be like, I'm gonna

789
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:15,040
Speaker 9: be buying more garments swimming, you buy you some more

790
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:16,080
Speaker 9: garments Thomas.

791
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 7: Temple garments and underwear as.

792
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:24,399
Speaker 9: Jesus Jammy's also you know, the weird weird underwear God.

793
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:26,360
Speaker 3: So that's very cultish.

794
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:27,839
Speaker 5: What are the underwear again?

795
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:33,200
Speaker 2: It's white undergarments, but it's like a T shirt and shorts,

796
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 2: Like it's not like underwearing abroad, like a full outfit

797
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,600
Speaker 2: under your fa a swimming cozy from the nineteen twenties.

798
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 9: Exactly, except there's like stitchings of like different covenants and

799
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 9: promises that you make in the temple, so that you're

800
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:48,800
Speaker 9: constantly reminded of said covenants and promises.

801
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:49,880
Speaker 5: That you make, and you just have to wear these

802
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 5: in the temple. No, no, all the time, all the time.

803
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:54,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, all the time.

804
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:57,480
Speaker 5: My I mean, my family members still wear them. I

805
00:36:57,480 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 5: don't want to hate them, but yeah, yeah.

806
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,319
Speaker 9: Because it's like like for women, it's like covers up

807
00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 9: and like if you can't show them, so it shows you,

808
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 9: like you can't wear anything that's gonna show your shoulder.

809
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:11,720
Speaker 3: You can't show anything beyond this. Here is your limits

810
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:12,280
Speaker 3: of your mind.

811
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:14,760
Speaker 2: Unless you want your temple garments sleep to be hanging

812
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:17,480
Speaker 2: out of the little little No.

813
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:22,000
Speaker 6: I mean, yeah, it's kind of high cool, okay, okay, cool.

814
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:24,400
Speaker 5: So you had to tell your mom three different I

815
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:25,040
Speaker 5: had to tell.

816
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 3: Her like three separate times.

817
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:28,759
Speaker 9: I'm like, no, it's like the Disney you know, to

818
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 9: say no to a gift, to be like no, no, no,

819
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 9: three times right, no, all right? So ill I tell

820
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,719
Speaker 9: her like I'm I'm gay, so like and then no,

821
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:41,920
Speaker 9: I'm not going to go to the temple anymore, and

822
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,720
Speaker 9: and stop buying me these weird garments.

823
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:47,360
Speaker 3: And then three like I'm not even going to church anymore.

824
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 2: So did you not have any guilt about or like

825
00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:58,800
Speaker 2: questioning whether Mormonism maybe really was true?

826
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,560
Speaker 3: Still, Yeah, that's a good question. I think.

827
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:05,400
Speaker 9: I I I think where I landed was somewhere with

828
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:08,920
Speaker 9: being agnostic and being like, Okay, I still believe in

829
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,440
Speaker 9: a higher power. I believe in spirituality, I believe in

830
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:14,319
Speaker 9: this and that was kind of like my gateway drug

831
00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:17,600
Speaker 9: to probably being more atheist these days and just kind

832
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:22,400
Speaker 9: of just being like okay, but like really, yeah.

833
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:22,440
Speaker 8: It was.

834
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:24,800
Speaker 9: It was a journey of having to go from so

835
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:28,719
Speaker 9: much spirituality, so many answers to trickling out to how

836
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:30,879
Speaker 9: am I going to like organize all this in my head?

837
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:34,279
Speaker 9: Because living with that cognitive dissonance for so long, it

838
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 9: wasn't something that was easily overnight. It was something that

839
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,320
Speaker 9: had to be like developed and like reason through and

840
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:41,920
Speaker 9: also just through life experience and being away from it

841
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 9: really kind of cleanse the palette of being like wow,

842
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,680
Speaker 9: I really kind of had some like fucked up things

843
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:50,759
Speaker 9: like into my hardwired programming.

844
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,120
Speaker 1: So to get to this place, all anyone needs to

845
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:55,200
Speaker 1: do is really just book a tour, do doesnety.

846
00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:00,320
Speaker 4: Round yourself with Gabe and people.

847
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:01,640
Speaker 5: Are you guys doing it?

848
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 6: What character were you are?

849
00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:05,560
Speaker 3: What were you we were?

850
00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:11,360
Speaker 4: What's called well you like I mean primarily like uh buzz,

851
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:12,520
Speaker 4: like you're woody.

852
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:15,879
Speaker 7: Yeah, Thomas, And then.

853
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:21,040
Speaker 5: You were like as a pair, no, no, yeah.

854
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:23,320
Speaker 3: We're like we're always working on That would be honestly

855
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,319
Speaker 3: sometimes that we did and then that would be cool.

856
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:28,799
Speaker 3: But like the band shows and whatnot. So you were

857
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:29,239
Speaker 3: in Europe?

858
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:29,800
Speaker 5: Were you Goofy?

859
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:33,320
Speaker 9: Which was fun because it was like it was the

860
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:36,799
Speaker 9: goofy that could blink and move his mouth because usually

861
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 9: in the park it's just like dead pan, but like

862
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:42,160
Speaker 9: this one was cool because it's like, oh my gosh.

863
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 9: It added this other element of like he could blink

864
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:46,640
Speaker 9: and he could talk and like, oh my god.

865
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:50,080
Speaker 5: And I like I lived, oh my goofy and Pluto

866
00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:50,840
Speaker 5: are my favorite.

867
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:51,759
Speaker 3: There.

868
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,920
Speaker 5: They're fun just childhood favorites right there.

869
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:56,120
Speaker 3: I can't believe it coused for each other.

870
00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:59,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, they're they're the same. I forgot Pluto.

871
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 4: Existing, No, not a planet anymore.

872
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:05,520
Speaker 7: Yeah.

873
00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 4: My gateway to losing religion was scientology and the expos

874
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:16,080
Speaker 4: a remedy, yes, you know my my new Lord and

875
00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 4: Savior ly and remedy. But yeah, like scientology expose. I

876
00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:22,439
Speaker 4: saw a thing on Facebook that was like, oh, there's

877
00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:25,200
Speaker 4: these out in the middle of nowhere in the desert.

878
00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:28,919
Speaker 4: There's these scientology symbols for the visible from space or whatever.

879
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:30,800
Speaker 4: And I was like, what the hell is what is

880
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 4: scientology anyway? Like you know, you hear Tom Cruise whatever.

881
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:36,160
Speaker 3: So I like got really.

882
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:39,840
Speaker 4: Into that and like books on Expose and documentaries and

883
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 4: all this stuff. And then I just started seeing the parallels,

884
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:47,279
Speaker 4: especially with Ace and you know, the leader of that

885
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:49,759
Speaker 4: and you know, the terminology and all that stuff. And

886
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:52,320
Speaker 4: then it just became like, well, how is this any different?

887
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 4: It's just more recent.

888
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:59,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, deconstructing another belief system, you're often deconstructing your own,

889
00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:03,160
Speaker 1: uncom just you know, it's it's an interesting.

890
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:04,680
Speaker 3: But that was a big that was that was the

891
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:06,000
Speaker 3: catalyst for me.

892
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:08,239
Speaker 5: I had no I mean, how would I know? But

893
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:10,239
Speaker 5: that's I did not know.

894
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:14,600
Speaker 4: That weird crazy and I still love scientology xpose.

895
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:15,719
Speaker 5: It's fascinating.

896
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:18,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, against asking about how me coming out?

897
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:21,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah. The catalyst for me coming out oddly.

898
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:25,520
Speaker 4: Was kind of Trump selection really because it kind of

899
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:30,600
Speaker 4: like was just like this perfect shit storm moment. And

900
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:34,000
Speaker 4: I for about a year, I was trying to get

901
00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:37,680
Speaker 4: up the nerve to tell my parents because like, similar

902
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 4: to you, what I was saying was I wanted to

903
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:40,520
Speaker 4: tell them first.

904
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,480
Speaker 3: I felt like it would be way too easy to

905
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:44,720
Speaker 3: have like a secret life.

906
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:47,960
Speaker 4: In California that everybody knew about out here, but I'm

907
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:50,680
Speaker 4: trying to keep secret on social media or whatever and

908
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:52,840
Speaker 4: live this double life. I didn't want to do that.

909
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:55,279
Speaker 4: So it was always in my head like I'm going

910
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:58,279
Speaker 4: to tell my parents first and then I'll tell everyone else.

911
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:01,399
Speaker 4: And then I was trying to work up the nerve.

912
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:03,600
Speaker 4: And then Trump was elected and I was just like,

913
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,920
Speaker 4: fuck it, what does anything even matter? And you know,

914
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:10,440
Speaker 4: everything is awful, and I it's just one more thing

915
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 4: I'm carrying that I can't handle right now. And I

916
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:14,520
Speaker 4: literally called my mom the.

917
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:15,960
Speaker 5: Next day after the election.

918
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:16,399
Speaker 4: Yeah.

919
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:20,640
Speaker 5: Wow, oh that's a that's a lot. Yeah, that's a

920
00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:21,200
Speaker 5: big week.

921
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 3: Yeah.

922
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:25,120
Speaker 2: How did you get to the point where you were

923
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:27,400
Speaker 2: comfortable acknowledging that to yourself?

924
00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:29,000
Speaker 3: It's a good question.

925
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:33,239
Speaker 4: Again, I think it was just being surrounded by gay

926
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:36,560
Speaker 4: friends and just being like, well, I don't care about

927
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,560
Speaker 4: what they're doing. I don't care, I don't think that

928
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:42,239
Speaker 4: they're wrong, and then losing my religion just even more so,

929
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 4: being like what does any of it matter?

930
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 3: Who am I being closeted for?

931
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:51,360
Speaker 4: Like what's just because I'm embarrassed or I know my

932
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:52,799
Speaker 4: parents are going to be disappointed?

933
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:54,640
Speaker 3: Like who.

934
00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 6: Did you wait to hook up till after you came mouth?

935
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 9: Yes?

936
00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:03,600
Speaker 3: So pure, I know.

937
00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:06,480
Speaker 4: I was like still, I was still like you're a

938
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:09,400
Speaker 4: Christian even though it wasn't a Christian. But I think again,

939
00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:12,200
Speaker 4: it was like I don't want some random hookup to

940
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 4: know before my mom knows.

941
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:17,400
Speaker 3: That's weird. So the paranoia of it all like also

942
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:20,080
Speaker 3: like like let me tell you that, well, what happened

943
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:22,840
Speaker 3: to you? For sure that first hook up though it was.

944
00:43:27,239 --> 00:43:28,359
Speaker 5: It was a long time coming.

945
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:31,480
Speaker 4: You have a major I think I'm in it.

946
00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 3: No.

947
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 4: Actually I got like a boyfriend like like a month out,

948
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:40,320
Speaker 4: which I don't even know how that happened, but anyway,

949
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:43,879
Speaker 4: wild Yeah it was only like three month relationship.

950
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:47,960
Speaker 3: But but after that I was still very like worried.

951
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:51,040
Speaker 4: I don't know, like I just felt very inexperienced and

952
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:53,400
Speaker 4: I didn't want to have like grinder hookups and just

953
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:56,120
Speaker 4: be like I don't know, told what to do or

954
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:58,120
Speaker 4: forced to do things I didn't want to do or something.

955
00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 4: But anyway, but but eventually, yeah, like twenty nineteen ish

956
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,759
Speaker 4: is when I really started like getting myself out there

957
00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:08,040
Speaker 4: and having a lot of experiences, right in time for COVID.

958
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 5: Perfect.

959
00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 4: But we're getting back into it's a new gay, new

960
00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:16,319
Speaker 4: gay on the scene, new day, new gay, new day,

961
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:16,759
Speaker 4: new gay.

962
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 9: Love that for you, No, I honestly like for having

963
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:24,800
Speaker 9: known Micah this long, it is happy. It is wonderful

964
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:27,360
Speaker 9: to see him so happy, and like I'm you know,

965
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:27,920
Speaker 9: I can't.

966
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:29,719
Speaker 5: Get after it.

967
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 9: No, No, but no, like I'm saying, like having known

968
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:37,000
Speaker 9: ourselves when we were repressed, when we were in a

969
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 9: different space where now we've evolved and grown to be

970
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 9: the people that we are meant to become like it's

971
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:46,840
Speaker 9: it's very exciting and it's wonderful to see you happy

972
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:49,200
Speaker 9: and like growing in a way that you probably should

973
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 9: have grown a long time ago but couldn't because of

974
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:51,600
Speaker 9: you know.

975
00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:54,000
Speaker 4: Well, I think that's also like what makes us so

976
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:57,560
Speaker 4: close is that we had very similar paths, like almost

977
00:44:57,640 --> 00:44:58,439
Speaker 4: at the same time.

978
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:03,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, beautiful, it's like a little yeah, it's just what

979
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:07,040
Speaker 1: a what a cool thing to see the old versions

980
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 1: of each other and then to look at each other

981
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 1: now and.

982
00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:12,719
Speaker 5: Be like, holy shit, we're two fabulous game men in

983
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:13,440
Speaker 5: Los Angeles.

984
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:16,239
Speaker 3: That is right, how wonderful?

985
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:17,919
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's let a dream.

986
00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, how did you did you when did you like

987
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:23,400
Speaker 2: find out you were like low key maybe trying to

988
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:26,760
Speaker 2: convert each other or did you ever have a conversation

989
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:27,480
Speaker 2: about that era?

990
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:30,200
Speaker 3: I don't think we ever did. Really. I think a

991
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:33,239
Speaker 3: lot of our bonding is just over Disney, Like we're

992
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:38,480
Speaker 3: deep down like some big Disney nerds and like but

993
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:39,880
Speaker 3: like he's like.

994
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:44,759
Speaker 9: Like I want to say super nerdy, but like he

995
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:47,480
Speaker 9: like it was probably a lot more like knowledgeable as

996
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:50,720
Speaker 9: far as the breadth of like like ask him history

997
00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:54,040
Speaker 9: and ask him about his like his video collection of

998
00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:59,160
Speaker 9: and of like of how like Disney plus whosh, who

999
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:02,320
Speaker 9: is Disney Plus? Disney Plus does not offer everything that

1000
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:03,400
Speaker 9: Micah has.

1001
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:05,760
Speaker 4: Like a wonderful world of color palettes on Instagram.

1002
00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:09,320
Speaker 9: I don't want to follow, great great count to follow,

1003
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:11,440
Speaker 9: but no, but honest to God, though this guy has

1004
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:13,200
Speaker 9: stuff that's not even streaming on Disney Plus.

1005
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:16,560
Speaker 3: Wow, that's like passion, super passion.

1006
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:18,400
Speaker 4: But like that's why we kind of like, you know,

1007
00:46:18,719 --> 00:46:21,600
Speaker 4: I don't like the term Disney adult, but honestly, on paper,

1008
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:22,759
Speaker 4: I'm but.

1009
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:25,440
Speaker 2: Like we're not Disney adults, Like do you know, do

1010
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:27,520
Speaker 2: you like know when we say that, like picture a

1011
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:30,320
Speaker 2: certain kind of person when I think of a Disney adult,

1012
00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:32,080
Speaker 2: and it's not you guys.

1013
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:34,800
Speaker 5: It's a little more like Peter Kid.

1014
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:40,120
Speaker 9: Like wearing the ears, running around the park, no worries.

1015
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:43,439
Speaker 3: You are, no worries.

1016
00:46:43,480 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 7: If you are, you're friends with plenty of Disney adults.

1017
00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:48,480
Speaker 3: But yeah, I don't have an ear collection. No, no,

1018
00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:51,320
Speaker 3: you just I mean no, But how we love Disney

1019
00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:53,680
Speaker 3: like we don't. There's no one way for someone to

1020
00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:58,920
Speaker 3: love it, but like we're not that way. We're special

1021
00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 3: and different, we are unique.

1022
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,440
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, yeah, I not that you still love Disney

1023
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:05,239
Speaker 2: after working for Disney.

1024
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:05,839
Speaker 5: For so long.

1025
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:10,680
Speaker 3: Okay, these are very strong.

1026
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:13,279
Speaker 5: What are like some of the secret language terms that

1027
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 5: people use it Disney?

1028
00:47:14,719 --> 00:47:16,160
Speaker 6: Like what some of the coded call well.

1029
00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:20,960
Speaker 4: Everything, well, I mean everything is is they use acronyms? Yeah,

1030
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:25,200
Speaker 4: well like theater terms to backstage, on stage, cast member,

1031
00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:27,839
Speaker 4: all of that stuff, green room.

1032
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:31,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, but yeah, some of the there's acronyms for everything,

1033
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 3: but I.

1034
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:36,400
Speaker 5: Mean it's not I mean, but that's like kind of yeah, territory.

1035
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, what do you call it? Like they're just called guests?

1036
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:41,560
Speaker 9: Yes, yeah, I'm trying to think of what I could

1037
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 9: share that would be exciting as far as like secrecy

1038
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:44,680
Speaker 9: is concerned.

1039
00:47:44,719 --> 00:47:47,080
Speaker 5: But like there's how do I get into that bar

1040
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:48,680
Speaker 5: that everyone talks about Club.

1041
00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:49,480
Speaker 3: Thirty Club thirty three?

1042
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 9: Yeah, you have to know someone that's like on a

1043
00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:54,320
Speaker 9: member and then they can get you a ticket, like

1044
00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:56,839
Speaker 9: because they have like a certain amount of like people

1045
00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:58,479
Speaker 9: that they can bring in and you can.

1046
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:02,720
Speaker 5: Just go in and go officially requesting a ticket.

1047
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:04,480
Speaker 3: You are members of Club three?

1048
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:06,160
Speaker 4: How much is that a year?

1049
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:09,040
Speaker 9: But it's like one hundred thousand dollars a year membership

1050
00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:10,120
Speaker 9: and then there's like five years.

1051
00:48:10,280 --> 00:48:12,160
Speaker 3: Yeahs like waits.

1052
00:48:12,360 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, so even if you've got the money, you.

1053
00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:15,680
Speaker 3: Got to be on a waiting list.

1054
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:17,640
Speaker 7: Crazy, What is it have you been?

1055
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:19,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's nice.

1056
00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:22,120
Speaker 4: It's nice been there in a work capacity.

1057
00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:25,520
Speaker 9: I've been there with a I was there for someone's guests.

1058
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:29,000
Speaker 9: I was there as someone's guests after they did the reno.

1059
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:32,640
Speaker 9: I was there pre Reno and post I know Reno renovation.

1060
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:35,200
Speaker 3: That's not a Disney like, that's.

1061
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 4: Just me the extra everybody knows the club three three

1062
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:38,279
Speaker 4: reno right.

1063
00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:42,400
Speaker 3: Right, you guys. Were the paintings moving there?

1064
00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:42,920
Speaker 7: Ghosts?

1065
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 9: No, But it's it's I mean, it's all right, Like

1066
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:55,120
Speaker 9: I think it's it's what's interesting about being there is

1067
00:48:55,239 --> 00:48:56,920
Speaker 9: like it doesn't it feels like you're just at a

1068
00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:58,680
Speaker 9: restaurant and then you're like, oh, yeah, I'm at Disneyland.

1069
00:48:58,719 --> 00:49:00,759
Speaker 3: I forget, like whatever. But there's also places that you

1070
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:01,720
Speaker 3: can go that are similar.

1071
00:49:02,040 --> 00:49:03,640
Speaker 7: Why would it cost that much money?

1072
00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:06,760
Speaker 3: Exclusivity and like and it's one of those.

1073
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:09,160
Speaker 2: Things where you're gonna unless you're listening and you remember

1074
00:49:09,160 --> 00:49:09,840
Speaker 2: and you're gonna get me in.

1075
00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:13,440
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, totally worth it.

1076
00:49:14,080 --> 00:49:17,439
Speaker 9: No, it's you know, this is where like I could

1077
00:49:17,840 --> 00:49:20,080
Speaker 9: go on about the company culture, not in the sense

1078
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:23,560
Speaker 9: of like the I'm like talking about like deep rooted

1079
00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 9: stuff that I like have hunches about and that I've

1080
00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:28,520
Speaker 9: had like some weird experiences about about, like how the

1081
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:31,359
Speaker 9: company operates that we're not that's the part that we're

1082
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:34,359
Speaker 9: like how they pay people, Yeah, how low they pay

1083
00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:37,560
Speaker 9: people and kind of undercut people, and you know, that's

1084
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:39,400
Speaker 9: where I'm like hard note. But like as far as

1085
00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 9: like surface level, like you know, sometimes we'll like some

1086
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:44,560
Speaker 9: of the movies and like some of the characters.

1087
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:47,520
Speaker 5: But yeah, sometimes it's great.

1088
00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:51,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, sometimes they're horrible, Like Wish Wish was awful.

1089
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,160
Speaker 4: I haven't seen it, but that was good.

1090
00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:54,759
Speaker 3: That's a movie.

1091
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:57,120
Speaker 7: It's just silent.

1092
00:49:58,600 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 4: I realized that they have no idea.

1093
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:01,560
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1094
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:02,280
Speaker 7: Wow.

1095
00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:06,840
Speaker 2: So if the listener is struggling with their sexuality and

1096
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:10,399
Speaker 2: maybe still in their religion, what would you say to them?

1097
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 4: I say, explore why think it's wrong? Also, you know,

1098
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:19,879
Speaker 4: something that was hugely beneficial to me as far as

1099
00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:24,560
Speaker 4: losing my religion was a Newsweek article.

1100
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:29,200
Speaker 3: Called what was it? The Bible so shit?

1101
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:32,600
Speaker 4: It's like the Bible so misunderstood, It's a sin or

1102
00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:35,319
Speaker 4: something like that. It's this huge article you can find

1103
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:38,360
Speaker 4: it online. But it's all about the translations of the Bible,

1104
00:50:39,040 --> 00:50:46,919
Speaker 4: and you know, discrepancies across translations, you know, how things

1105
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:50,920
Speaker 4: have been interpreted, how things have been added certain things

1106
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 4: like I think it's like that he who has not

1107
00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:56,320
Speaker 4: sinned cast the first stone was like not even in

1108
00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:58,440
Speaker 4: the Bible stuff like that.

1109
00:50:58,640 --> 00:51:00,319
Speaker 3: That's like, what how did that given?

1110
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1111
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:04,480
Speaker 5: I actually kind of like that one.

1112
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:07,600
Speaker 7: I know that should be the one that yeah, yeah, yeah.

1113
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:10,959
Speaker 4: There's so many things so like like all the gay

1114
00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:13,560
Speaker 4: passages and stuff about being gay, and it's.

1115
00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:17,480
Speaker 1: Like, you know, wait, no, because what he who has

1116
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:19,480
Speaker 1: not first and cast the first done is what all

1117
00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:21,760
Speaker 1: these predators use to defend themselves.

1118
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:24,160
Speaker 7: Oh really, oh whoa.

1119
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 1: That's why it's added end because they're like if you

1120
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:30,400
Speaker 1: don't like, don't judge me. I was just watching a

1121
00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:33,719
Speaker 1: documentary last night on this like small fundamentalist church where

1122
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:35,040
Speaker 1: that's what they were defending themselves.

1123
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:37,600
Speaker 5: Well, don't throw stone at me. You have your own sense.

1124
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:41,399
Speaker 4: I write the article, but like I could swear that's

1125
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:44,280
Speaker 4: one of them, but it's like it's it's in the text,

1126
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:47,840
Speaker 4: but it's not in the original text, you yeah, or

1127
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:50,640
Speaker 4: about like the people that wrote the.

1128
00:51:50,680 --> 00:51:54,200
Speaker 3: Bible and their biases and books of the Bible.

1129
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:57,080
Speaker 4: The Bible exactly the books of the Bible that.

1130
00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:59,880
Speaker 3: Have been ignored or weren't included for whatever reason.

1131
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:01,560
Speaker 5: Oh, I want to learn about that.

1132
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:04,440
Speaker 4: It's just a really interesting article, So I would say,

1133
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:06,960
Speaker 4: I mean, that's maybe more of like if you're questioning

1134
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:09,879
Speaker 4: your religion, that's a good I think anybody should read

1135
00:52:09,920 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 4: that because if you do have faith, and if you

1136
00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:14,200
Speaker 4: are strong in it, you should at least be informed

1137
00:52:14,239 --> 00:52:15,440
Speaker 4: about what you're reading.

1138
00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:16,520
Speaker 3: And where it came from.

1139
00:52:17,520 --> 00:52:19,560
Speaker 4: Learn Hebrew, learn Aramaic.

1140
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:20,359
Speaker 7: Yeah.

1141
00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:23,920
Speaker 9: Yeah, I feel like it's hard for me to think

1142
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:27,839
Speaker 9: of anything like factually or something that I can give

1143
00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:31,040
Speaker 9: you as evidence. I really am just thinking of like

1144
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:35,400
Speaker 9: what I would tell myself, and that's just ultimately that

1145
00:52:35,680 --> 00:52:40,320
Speaker 9: like there are people that feel and think like you,

1146
00:52:40,480 --> 00:52:42,600
Speaker 9: and there are people that can resonate with what you're

1147
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:46,160
Speaker 9: going through. And with all the time and distance that

1148
00:52:46,200 --> 00:52:49,200
Speaker 9: I've had from those experiences, I look at.

1149
00:52:49,120 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaker 3: That and I see how many hours I've logged in.

1150
00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:54,680
Speaker 9: I saw the people I surrounded with, and the biggest

1151
00:52:54,719 --> 00:52:57,279
Speaker 9: thing that I can take back and take away from

1152
00:52:57,320 --> 00:52:59,719
Speaker 9: it is just like the people that you surround your with,

1153
00:53:00,520 --> 00:53:02,920
Speaker 9: surround yourself with, and the hours that you put into

1154
00:53:03,239 --> 00:53:06,200
Speaker 9: an energy, you put into something that becomes your world.

1155
00:53:06,760 --> 00:53:08,920
Speaker 9: So one of the things that Mormons believe it, I

1156
00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:10,640
Speaker 9: don't know if you remember this, like you can become

1157
00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:13,360
Speaker 9: your own God. Yeah, and so like one of the

1158
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 9: things I remember saying as a kid to one of

1159
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:17,960
Speaker 9: my other friends at church was like, you know, if

1160
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 9: I created a world and like my own planet, I

1161
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:22,720
Speaker 9: don't want everyone to be goofy instead of being reverent

1162
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:25,360
Speaker 9: and being like whatever, I want a world where everyone's

1163
00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:30,279
Speaker 9: silly and like everyone has here like like but truly though,

1164
00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:33,440
Speaker 9: the world that I've now built and the planet that

1165
00:53:33,520 --> 00:53:37,080
Speaker 9: I've created that everyone that's in my orbit celebrates that

1166
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:39,920
Speaker 9: they like, I like love to be a reverend. I

1167
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:42,480
Speaker 9: love to be you know, silly and like, you know,

1168
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:46,160
Speaker 9: not taking anything too seriously. But like it's going back

1169
00:53:46,239 --> 00:53:48,160
Speaker 9: to what I would want to tell them is just like,

1170
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:51,160
Speaker 9: look at your world around you. You can change that world,

1171
00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:54,719
Speaker 9: that world. Even though it feels like that's the hard line,

1172
00:53:54,760 --> 00:53:57,680
Speaker 9: the hard boundaries is the greatest part is you are

1173
00:53:57,760 --> 00:54:01,160
Speaker 9: a god and you have the capacity to build whatever

1174
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:04,720
Speaker 9: planet and world around you. Because there's so many different worlds,

1175
00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:06,960
Speaker 9: and especially right now, there's so many different realities that

1176
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:07,480
Speaker 9: are going on.

1177
00:54:08,200 --> 00:54:10,200
Speaker 3: Make it your own, figure out whatever it is you want.

1178
00:54:10,239 --> 00:54:12,040
Speaker 9: If you like that one, then great, then you'll defend

1179
00:54:12,080 --> 00:54:14,200
Speaker 9: it to a boots house down like you will. You

1180
00:54:14,239 --> 00:54:17,200
Speaker 9: will definitely like stay there. But if you don't like it,

1181
00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:19,080
Speaker 9: you want to become a part of a different world.

1182
00:54:19,080 --> 00:54:19,919
Speaker 9: Do you want to make your own?

1183
00:54:20,320 --> 00:54:25,279
Speaker 3: It is possible and you can totally live it. Which

1184
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:26,880
Speaker 3: would you watch it through a gay lens? It's a

1185
00:54:26,920 --> 00:54:29,480
Speaker 3: gay It's a gay story. Everything is so gay.

1186
00:54:30,239 --> 00:54:33,080
Speaker 9: It's so gay when you start seeing it, because I

1187
00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:34,759
Speaker 9: watched that on LSD and I was like.

1188
00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:37,560
Speaker 5: Oh my god, it's a gay Are we talking about

1189
00:54:37,560 --> 00:54:38,160
Speaker 5: the Little Mermaid?

1190
00:54:38,239 --> 00:54:38,439
Speaker 3: Yes?

1191
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:39,279
Speaker 1: Why is it gay?

1192
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:40,600
Speaker 3: Why is it gay?

1193
00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:45,880
Speaker 4: Because she wants she wants to be something else like

1194
00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:49,080
Speaker 4: her dad is holding her back from being her true self.

1195
00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:49,719
Speaker 7: Right.

1196
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:54,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, that was a beautiful thing that you just said.

1197
00:54:54,120 --> 00:54:55,240
Speaker 5: And I love that analogy.

1198
00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:57,040
Speaker 2: There are so many worlds to choose from, and I

1199
00:54:57,120 --> 00:54:59,680
Speaker 2: think people in cults and religions and all kinds of

1200
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:03,759
Speaker 2: beliefs systems feel like they are trapped and there isn't

1201
00:55:03,760 --> 00:55:04,560
Speaker 2: anywhere for them to go.

1202
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:05,840
Speaker 5: But there's so much waiting.

1203
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:08,839
Speaker 4: On the other side, I think, like I think, if

1204
00:55:08,880 --> 00:55:11,960
Speaker 4: you are struggling with your sexuality and you still feel religious,

1205
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:15,400
Speaker 4: like you have to exploring yourself, like why am I

1206
00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:19,240
Speaker 4: doing this a secret for who? Who is not happy

1207
00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:21,879
Speaker 4: with it? Why are they not happy with it? Why

1208
00:55:21,960 --> 00:55:23,000
Speaker 4: do I not want them to know?

1209
00:55:23,800 --> 00:55:26,480
Speaker 3: You know? Like, because that's where I got. I was like,

1210
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:27,080
Speaker 3: I got to a.

1211
00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:28,640
Speaker 4: Point where I was like, well, I don't believe in God,

1212
00:55:28,840 --> 00:55:31,040
Speaker 4: so that's not a factor anymore. I can't blame it

1213
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:34,880
Speaker 4: on that, and I don't want to disappoint my parents.

1214
00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:37,880
Speaker 4: But at a certain point it's like, well, who are

1215
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:39,719
Speaker 4: you serving and what is it serving?

1216
00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:39,920
Speaker 2: Right?

1217
00:55:40,120 --> 00:55:42,920
Speaker 4: Why why am I sufferings? None of my parents business

1218
00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:43,440
Speaker 4: at the end of the.

1219
00:55:43,520 --> 00:55:46,000
Speaker 9: Day, okay, Because at the end of the day, it's

1220
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:48,239
Speaker 9: just you, Like it's your own bed that you have

1221
00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:53,279
Speaker 9: to make, and so make it fabulous then and I

1222
00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:59,000
Speaker 9: say these things, okay, So to this day when I

1223
00:55:59,120 --> 00:56:00,839
Speaker 9: like make my bed with because I used to always

1224
00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:03,040
Speaker 9: bless the sacrament and you take a sheet and we'd

1225
00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:04,759
Speaker 9: have to like put over the thing I.

1226
00:56:04,880 --> 00:56:07,400
Speaker 3: Find and the pieces of bread. I would find myself

1227
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:10,360
Speaker 3: like singing sacrament hymns as I'm like taking my sheet

1228
00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:13,719
Speaker 3: and putting it over, like as now we take us

1229
00:56:14,600 --> 00:56:17,760
Speaker 3: from and our hearts are turned.

1230
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:21,960
Speaker 9: It's like and I'm just like what is going And

1231
00:56:22,040 --> 00:56:24,200
Speaker 9: then like finally like just to just like make it

1232
00:56:24,320 --> 00:56:26,680
Speaker 9: light whatever. Sometimes I'm just like when I say, oh, God,

1233
00:56:27,280 --> 00:56:28,280
Speaker 9: the Eternal Father.

1234
00:56:30,239 --> 00:56:33,640
Speaker 3: Jesus Christ, to bless the sactify this bed, or we'll say,

1235
00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:35,560
Speaker 3: like to this shot of tequila.

1236
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:36,640
Speaker 5: Oh my god.

1237
00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:39,680
Speaker 2: I was never able to do that in church, but

1238
00:56:39,840 --> 00:56:41,759
Speaker 2: I love I want to use that now when I

1239
00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:42,759
Speaker 2: make my bed do it.

1240
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 9: I mean, I'm just all about like not yeah, making

1241
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:49,640
Speaker 9: a mockery and being a reverend. I'm all about taking

1242
00:56:49,719 --> 00:56:52,000
Speaker 9: things that once held sacred put a big.

1243
00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:52,520
Speaker 3: Fuck you to them.

1244
00:56:52,640 --> 00:56:55,839
Speaker 1: Well it's interesting, like earlier you sneezed, Lola, and when

1245
00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:58,440
Speaker 1: I was growing up, to say bless you was a sin.

1246
00:56:59,040 --> 00:56:59,920
Speaker 5: You do not say blessed.

1247
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:00,719
Speaker 3: What do you say?

1248
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:05,560
Speaker 1: Maybe excuse you, probably not excuse you, but like you

1249
00:57:05,640 --> 00:57:07,800
Speaker 1: would never say bless you, You would never say amen,

1250
00:57:07,960 --> 00:57:10,040
Speaker 1: Like those were show off things to say.

1251
00:57:10,440 --> 00:57:11,000
Speaker 7: So off.

1252
00:57:11,239 --> 00:57:13,359
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, you're like you're like showing off that God

1253
00:57:14,000 --> 00:57:14,680
Speaker 5: that you're that.

1254
00:57:14,719 --> 00:57:15,879
Speaker 3: You can bless God.

1255
00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:18,040
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, Like that's.

1256
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:21,600
Speaker 1: Too, so so I have never grown up saying it,

1257
00:57:21,880 --> 00:57:25,720
Speaker 1: and I just recently started because people will sneeze and

1258
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:28,880
Speaker 1: then they'll look at me and I'll be like, oh,

1259
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:32,160
Speaker 1: bless you, and so sneeze and I was like so

1260
00:57:32,320 --> 00:57:34,280
Speaker 1: proud of myself for being like, oh bless you.

1261
00:57:34,440 --> 00:57:36,080
Speaker 7: And then I'm like, that's stupid.

1262
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:38,800
Speaker 5: It's like so crazy, and that's good.

1263
00:57:38,920 --> 00:57:42,160
Speaker 2: That's like an act of rebellions. Bless you, Thank you,

1264
00:57:42,520 --> 00:57:43,440
Speaker 2: Thank you for doing your well.

1265
00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:46,680
Speaker 9: You processed the hard wired programming in you and was

1266
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:48,360
Speaker 9: were able to Yeah, I'm not.

1267
00:57:48,640 --> 00:57:51,560
Speaker 5: Now I'm able to like recognize the moment.

1268
00:57:51,680 --> 00:57:54,760
Speaker 2: It's those little things that like keep us locked and

1269
00:57:55,760 --> 00:57:58,520
Speaker 2: them brainwashing in those little subconscious ways.

1270
00:57:58,800 --> 00:57:59,400
Speaker 3: It's important.

1271
00:57:59,600 --> 00:58:01,520
Speaker 7: Yeah, a little things.

1272
00:58:01,840 --> 00:58:03,640
Speaker 5: How do we find you on social media? How do

1273
00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:04,200
Speaker 5: we stock you?

1274
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:06,840
Speaker 3: How do we you're what's your Yeah, you do yours well?

1275
00:58:07,080 --> 00:58:09,520
Speaker 4: I mean, if you're interested in my my nerdy Disney self,

1276
00:58:09,600 --> 00:58:14,440
Speaker 4: that's wonderful world of color palettes. My my regular account

1277
00:58:14,480 --> 00:58:16,880
Speaker 4: on Instagram is just Micah's Pictures Amazing.

1278
00:58:17,520 --> 00:58:18,400
Speaker 3: I'm on Instagram.

1279
00:58:18,560 --> 00:58:21,680
Speaker 9: It's a you know, I'm a bit spotty, but it's

1280
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:28,120
Speaker 9: serving underscore TLCO.

1281
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:27,280
Speaker 4: Some good thirst traps every now.

1282
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:29,360
Speaker 3: And then you know, yeah sometimes, I mean, you know,

1283
00:58:29,360 --> 00:58:30,840
Speaker 3: I have a cocktail on there. Sometimes I'll have a

1284
00:58:30,880 --> 00:58:32,880
Speaker 3: picture of me and my dog. You know, who knows

1285
00:58:33,240 --> 00:58:35,720
Speaker 3: is the speedo picture on there? You know, maybe it's

1286
00:58:35,760 --> 00:58:37,560
Speaker 3: on there, maybe it's not. Maybe you're gonna have to

1287
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:38,040
Speaker 3: check it out.

1288
00:58:38,120 --> 00:58:40,760
Speaker 7: Fin I know, I'm enticed.

1289
00:58:40,920 --> 00:58:44,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh yeah, the red the red Speedo's for sure

1290
00:58:44,040 --> 00:58:46,520
Speaker 3: on there. Okay, great, the one that might go referenced.

1291
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 6: I'll go back a few years.

1292
00:58:47,960 --> 00:58:50,480
Speaker 5: That's fine with me. I want to see history in

1293
00:58:50,480 --> 00:58:50,840
Speaker 5: the making.

1294
00:58:51,040 --> 00:58:53,000
Speaker 7: Thank you so much for coming in today.

1295
00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:57,360
Speaker 3: Thank you for having us personal stuff. Yeah, thanks for

1296
00:58:57,440 --> 00:58:57,800
Speaker 3: having us.

1297
00:58:59,160 --> 00:58:59,960
Speaker 6: What a conversation.

1298
00:59:00,960 --> 00:59:08,280
Speaker 2: Love them so much, Megan, So, would you ever date

1299
00:59:08,320 --> 00:59:09,400
Speaker 2: a Disney adult?

1300
00:59:10,360 --> 00:59:15,080
Speaker 1: That's our question this week? Yeah, okay, would I ever

1301
00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:17,960
Speaker 1: date a Disney adult? Okay, I mean I have a

1302
00:59:18,040 --> 00:59:20,280
Speaker 1: lot of really close Disney adult friends.

1303
00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:22,880
Speaker 7: You'll be honest, I did not know this about you.

1304
00:59:23,120 --> 00:59:25,840
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do so far.

1305
00:59:26,080 --> 00:59:31,520
Speaker 1: No like sexual chemistry with any of them, but I

1306
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:34,600
Speaker 1: think they're dope and no judgment, I don't know. I

1307
00:59:34,680 --> 00:59:38,280
Speaker 1: don't know if I could ever personally have that chemistry

1308
00:59:38,520 --> 00:59:39,880
Speaker 1: with with somebody who.

1309
00:59:40,280 --> 00:59:42,080
Speaker 7: A straight man. As a Disney adult.

1310
00:59:42,520 --> 00:59:46,520
Speaker 6: Seems my one of my very best friends is a

1311
00:59:46,600 --> 00:59:50,640
Speaker 6: straight Disney adult. He shall remain anonymous.

1312
00:59:50,720 --> 00:59:54,160
Speaker 7: Wow, okay, I would like Jack to be slightly more

1313
00:59:54,240 --> 00:59:55,240
Speaker 7: of a Disney adult.

1314
00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:58,880
Speaker 6: There's a happy medium, Yeah, because there's a happy medium.

1315
00:59:58,920 --> 01:00:00,840
Speaker 7: He's never been to Disneylan and then I'll bring it up,

1316
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:02,760
Speaker 7: but I'm like, we should go to Disneyland. It's so fun.

1317
01:00:02,840 --> 01:00:06,040
Speaker 2: You get to fucking go in the yeah things and

1318
01:00:06,240 --> 01:00:09,760
Speaker 2: see the fireworks and tinkerbells flying and singing and it's amazing.

1319
01:00:10,320 --> 01:00:14,080
Speaker 2: And yeah, yeah, he's like Disney you know, like I

1320
01:00:14,160 --> 01:00:17,640
Speaker 2: do think medium Disney adult is the secret.

1321
01:00:18,080 --> 01:00:19,040
Speaker 6: It's the secret sauce.

1322
01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:22,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, and believe me, I'm sure there's a man out

1323
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:25,040
Speaker 1: there who's a full on Disney adult and we love him.

1324
01:00:25,320 --> 01:00:25,520
Speaker 7: Yeah.

1325
01:00:25,680 --> 01:00:29,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, whatever, we just haven't met you yet.

1326
01:00:32,200 --> 01:00:35,400
Speaker 7: Megan's next love, That's what it's gonna be. Can't wait.

1327
01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:36,600
Speaker 7: You heard it here first.

1328
01:00:36,840 --> 01:00:39,240
Speaker 6: I can't wait for this next week of the holidays.

1329
01:00:39,280 --> 01:00:41,840
Speaker 1: I'm not over it yet. The Christmas trees standing up.

1330
01:00:42,080 --> 01:00:44,600
Speaker 1: Gonna keep listening to Thomas and Micah over and over

1331
01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:45,720
Speaker 1: in my ear because they.

1332
01:00:45,640 --> 01:00:46,240
Speaker 6: Make me happy.

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01:00:46,440 --> 01:00:48,840
Speaker 1: We can't wait to see you again next week. Please

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01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:51,240
Speaker 1: leave us a five star review for Christmas. That's all

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01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:54,560
Speaker 1: we want for Christmas. All we want as always remember.

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01:00:54,280 --> 01:00:56,960
Speaker 6: To follow your gut, watch out for red flags.

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01:00:56,800 --> 01:01:00,960
Speaker 7: And never ever trust me. We'll be off next week,

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01:01:01,000 --> 01:01:02,919
Speaker 7: but you will see you again the week after.

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01:01:07,160 --> 01:01:09,800
Speaker 2: Trust Me is produced by Kirsten Woodward, Gabby Rapp and

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01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:11,240
Speaker 2: Steve Delemator.

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01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:13,080
Speaker 6: With special thanks to Stacy Para and our.

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01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:15,160
Speaker 7: Theme song was composed by Holly amber Church.

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01:01:15,400 --> 01:01:18,200
Speaker 1: You can find us on Instagram at trust Me Podcast,

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01:01:18,440 --> 01:01:21,720
Speaker 1: Twitter at trust Me Cult Pod, or on TikTok at

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01:01:21,880 --> 01:01:23,480
Speaker 1: trust Me Cult Podcast.

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01:01:23,680 --> 01:01:26,920
Speaker 7: I'm Ula Lola on Instagram and Ola Lola on Twitter.

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01:01:26,760 --> 01:01:30,360
Speaker 1: And I am Megan Elizabeth eleven on Instagram and Babraham

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01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:31,480
Speaker 1: Hits on Twitter.

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01:01:31,720 --> 01:01:34,000
Speaker 5: Remember to rate and review and spread the word.