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Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, it is important for you to listen

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Speaker 1: to this message.

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Speaker 2: Your partner wants to be desired period.

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Speaker 3: Fire your ring designer. They go hand in hand, baby,

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Speaker 3: And that wasn't karaoke.

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Speaker 1: It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight

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Speaker 1: from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become

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Speaker 1: Webby award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

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Speaker 3: Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It

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Speaker 3: was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable,

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Speaker 3: be raw.

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Speaker 2: Of course, but most importantly be us.

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Speaker 3: But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we,

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Speaker 3: and through it all, one thing has never changed.

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Speaker 4: This is.

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Speaker 3: Because we got a lot to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Storytime, I'm gonna take y'all back to a couple months ago.

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Speaker 1: This was January sixth, known in our house for different

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Speaker 1: reasons than y'all know.

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Speaker 2: January sixth We all know that's the insurrection day.

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Speaker 3: But something very special to us.

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Speaker 1: Yes, but that's when Kanean got the phone call finally

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Speaker 1: that she was going to be a lead in Divorced Sisters.

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Speaker 1: And from January sixth, for about the next eight weeks,

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Speaker 1: I watched her like dedicate herself to something like I haven't.

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Speaker 3: January sixth, let me just make sure we get the

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Speaker 3: timeline right. January sixth I got the call. Yeah, the call, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but I didn't book until the end of January. But

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Speaker 3: because I got the call, I was focused.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, ye was focused.

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Speaker 1: So she was focused, and I watched her work the

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Speaker 1: way she was working in college when we first met.

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Speaker 1: In college, K was coming off of being a beast

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Speaker 1: in in high school. At pageants. She was dancer, she

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Speaker 1: was modeling, also had a three point I don't know

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Speaker 1: what it was, gjour, but those are the things that

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Speaker 1: made me fall in love with you.

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Speaker 2: Outside of just physical looks.

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Speaker 1: It was watching you dedicate yourself to something and I

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Speaker 1: was like, Yo, that's a woman who was really focused

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Speaker 1: on something and it was attractive. And then as you

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Speaker 1: became my wife and you kind of settled and let

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Speaker 1: me focus on the family, a little bit of that

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Speaker 1: fire to go out and get your own kind of

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Speaker 1: like dwindled only because you were balancing. But for the

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Speaker 1: first time in your life, you was like, I don't

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Speaker 1: got a balance. If I got this, I gotta focus

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Speaker 1: on this. And I watched you only focus on yourself

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Speaker 1: for eight weeks and I'm not gonna lie. The shit

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Speaker 1: was wild attractive, Like you was working out every day,

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Speaker 1: sometimes twice a day. You had changed your eating habits,

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Speaker 1: you made me change my eating habits, and you had

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Speaker 1: just become like relentlessly focused.

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Speaker 2: And I'm not gonna lie. That was a turn on.

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Speaker 1: And I didn't realize that I was missing from when

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Speaker 1: we were eighteen nineteen twenty.

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Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: It was like that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: You fall in love with somebody, and you fall in

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Speaker 1: love with them through all the seasons, not.

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Speaker 2: Realizing like that was the original reason.

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Speaker 1: Why I fell in love with her, gotcha, And that's

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Speaker 1: really made me be like wow, like I want to

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Speaker 1: get back to that, to that not only for me,

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Speaker 1: I want to get back to that for you.

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Speaker 3: Like ye a girlfriend, K.

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Speaker 2: That's what it felt like. It felt like my girlfriend K.

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Speaker 1: Like I was trying to yeah, like whack them mold

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Speaker 1: like and I was trying to catch you, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, wait the fuck ish today?

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Speaker 2: But you know what I'm saying. It reminded me of

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Speaker 2: that summer when you were doing pageants and I was trying.

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Speaker 3: To catch you, and right, yeah, that was that summer, yeah,

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Speaker 3: the first summer that we met where Yeah, but.

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Speaker 1: That's what brought me to wanting to discuss this, like

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Speaker 1: your partner wanting to be desired, because I hadn't felt

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Speaker 1: that in over twenty years, and I've loved you through

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Speaker 1: all these twenty three but that was a different feeling.

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Speaker 3: Well, I guess I can kind of piggyback on your

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Speaker 3: storytime scene as though after this we're going to go

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Speaker 3: into the op or no op, but I didn't realize

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Speaker 3: in that moment what that was doing for you. In

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Speaker 3: that moment, I actually just felt guilty about investing all

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Speaker 3: of my time and energy into prepping for this opportunity

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Speaker 3: where I just felt guilty about, like, damn, I know

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Speaker 3: right now, not locked in one hundred percent as mom.

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Speaker 3: That's why I flew your parents out here to help,

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Speaker 3: you know, while I was filming and prepping or I

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Speaker 3: wasn't locked in one hundred percent as wife. So I

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Speaker 3: was like, babe, come visit me, you know, on campus,

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Speaker 3: if you can just get a couple hours, and so

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Speaker 3: we could see each other. So I appreciate knowing now

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Speaker 3: that that was something that actually from your vantage point,

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Speaker 3: was more of a turn on than it was. Damn,

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Speaker 3: my wife is missing.

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Speaker 2: I'm matter of fact. I'm gonna let that lay right there.

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Speaker 1: Okay, let's go in too karaoke, and I'm gonna talk

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Speaker 1: to you how it created what we are in now.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so we revisit that.

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Speaker 2: Okay, for karaoke, I'm gonna go to one of your favorites.

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Speaker 3: Ready, you said you had the song. You've been You've

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Speaker 3: been taking karaoke over a lot lately.

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Speaker 1: I'm just doing karaoke. You a trouble lie, talk about someone.

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Speaker 1: I always do karaoke.

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Speaker 3: You're only doing it now. You're only doing it now

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Speaker 3: because we said that before.

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Speaker 1: Yo, trible, I asked you to go back to all

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Speaker 1: two hundred episodes.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm gonna do count she's still tallying this.

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Speaker 2: I guarantee it's about sixty five thirty.

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Speaker 5: I have all the time in the world. I might

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Speaker 5: do it.

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Speaker 1: Guarantee you're gonna get fired. No, Trip, We're not gonna

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Speaker 1: get fired. But y'all better not get on the freaking

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Speaker 1: ig talk about Trip. We're gonna get fired if you

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Speaker 1: don't count it. I want to know I'm convincing.

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Speaker 2: Let me go. It's one of our favorites. Tell me

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Speaker 2: it's not easy. Active Okay, pretty girl, let's take it off.

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Speaker 6: In this room crazy, no time, no ways, Hey, good?

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Speaker 4: Just what to.

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Speaker 2: Whoa? We got a lot to try to get it

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Speaker 2: right girl. Hope you're ready.

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Speaker 3: Hope You're ready.

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Speaker 2: That's my favorite part.

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure that's not even that part of the song,

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Speaker 1: but I jumped to that part because that's my favorite part.

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Speaker 3: Yo, you said, Yo, that was take You Down. That's

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Speaker 3: a good one.

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Speaker 2: Two thousand and seven, that song came out.

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Speaker 3: I always am impressed with how you remember years, because

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Speaker 3: I don't remember what I have a breakfamember morning.

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Speaker 1: To be honest, I think I'm autistic sometimes because numbers

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Speaker 1: just stick in my head. And I remember two thousand

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Speaker 1: and seven because it was also my second year in Detroit.

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Speaker 1: That was the first year we were living together on

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Speaker 1: our own and you had you had graduated from college. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and it was that song.

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Speaker 3: It was Lloyd Lloyd huge, it was huge at that time.

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Speaker 2: And American Gangster.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, those those definitely reminded Ryan Lesley.

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Speaker 1: That was around that time, Yes, two thousand and seven,

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Speaker 1: two thousand and eight, Yes, but I remember Chris Brown

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Speaker 1: came out. Yeah, selection that that's that was nice?

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Speaker 2: Was nice, yan Les was nice?

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Speaker 7: That was when I was in high school.

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Speaker 3: Shu manu.

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Speaker 1: To like, I'm a grown man trying to high school

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Speaker 1: biology class.

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Speaker 4: Making very ape zero on our box.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, bro, are you watching.

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Speaker 7: Watch your Mother?

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Speaker 2: He just made you?

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Speaker 3: Did you just make the cut?

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Speaker 7: Watch your Mother?

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Speaker 2: He just made it.

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Speaker 3: Here's my fidget spinner?

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Speaker 2: You remember thee Remember that one of our kids had

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Speaker 2: to finished Jackson?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because it's like a thing at that point where

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Speaker 3: they had different colors.

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Speaker 2: They I never understand that.

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Speaker 1: They said the kids used to be distracted in school

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Speaker 1: and acting crazy, so they gave them fidget spinners.

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Speaker 2: That seems like that's the worst thing you can do, Bro.

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Speaker 2: Make my kids sit down with the board.

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Speaker 4: Bro.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, Well, as millennials go, pay some bills,

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Speaker 3: since we're the oldest ones in the room clearly, and

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Speaker 3: we'll come back and we'll get into op or no opp.

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Speaker 3: All right, well, before we jump into op or no ops,

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Speaker 3: so let's go back to your story time real quick.

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Speaker 3: We can just touch on that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So it kind of threw me because right now it's

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Speaker 1: like it's like I'm in heat for the past two months,

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Speaker 1: I've been wanting my wife right, and it's been because

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Speaker 1: I've been seeing you in a different light that I

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Speaker 1: haven't seen you in in about twenty years. Like once

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Speaker 1: you started having kids, it was like you focused on

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Speaker 1: making sure that you was extremely maternal and nurturing and

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Speaker 1: was focused on them right. And we talked about it

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Speaker 1: all the time. When you're nurturing kids and growing kids,

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Speaker 1: your spouse can't always come first, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: It's like, it's like, all right, the babies didn't ask

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Speaker 1: to be here, So since they didn't ask to be.

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Speaker 2: Here, we have to make sure that they're taken care of.

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Speaker 1: But as the kids started to grow, you and I

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Speaker 1: started to realize, like, hey, the kids can't always come first.

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Speaker 1: So then finally with the kids being grown and then

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Speaker 1: being in school, and you had because this is the

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Speaker 1: first year, it's like everything happened in God's time. The

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Speaker 1: code has started going to school in August, which actually

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Speaker 1: gave you the time over the last quarter to be like,

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Speaker 1: let me focus on myself a little bit, let me breathe,

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Speaker 1: because it was no kids at home for six or

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Speaker 1: seven hours. So when I was watching you from January

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Speaker 1: sixth until about April. It was like, y'all was watching

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend in college. There was no kids hanging off

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Speaker 1: for you. There was no mommy, mommy, mommy. It was

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Speaker 1: like she's in the gym and then she's studying with Leland.

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Speaker 1: That's how school was. Yeah, and it was very reminiscent.

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Speaker 3: But it gave you some time to miss me, I think.

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Speaker 3: I think that's ultimately what I guess helped a bit

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Speaker 3: because you missed me a little bit.

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Speaker 1: Well, I missed you always. I missed you when you

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Speaker 1: were having kids like that, missing you wasn't It was

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Speaker 1: watching you work too.

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Speaker 2: You don't be missing me.

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Speaker 3: I do miss you.

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Speaker 2: It was watching you work.

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Speaker 1: But that's what made me realize that your partner wants

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Speaker 1: to be desired. Yeah, right, Like I think that people

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Speaker 1: take for granted when you get married or you're with

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Speaker 1: someone for a long time, like, oh they loved me

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Speaker 1: for what it is now that person wants to be desired.

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Speaker 1: And when I watched you get into like the best

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Speaker 1: shape of your life, and I started to like clamor

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Speaker 1: for you and want to be with be like yeah,

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Speaker 1: this is what And I was like that's what I want.

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Speaker 3: To I was also very knee deep in developing out

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Speaker 3: Geneva as a character, So we never, even on the podcast,

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Speaker 3: spoke about that whole process.

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Speaker 1: Maybe we need to do a yeah process.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but I was also building out a character simultaneously,

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Speaker 3: and because I was so locked in and I was

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Speaker 3: literally studying with my coach three four or five hours

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Speaker 3: a day, at some point I couldn't. I think you

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Speaker 3: couldn't differentiate, nor could I who you were dealing with.

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Speaker 3: Was it Kadeen or Geneva, Because as actors, it tends

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Speaker 3: to be sometimes muddied water, especially when you're going through

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Speaker 3: the yeah the process of just like, am I turning

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Speaker 3: off Geneva or is my mind still going as Geneva?

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Speaker 3: So a couple of times so I would be like,

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Speaker 3: is this k Facts I'm I talking to right now?

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Speaker 3: You know, because when he's Zach and he's preparing to

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Speaker 3: go to film, it's the same thing. Sometimes he's a

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Speaker 3: little short, he's moody, and I'm just like, Okay, I

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Speaker 3: know what his process is. So I don't take it

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Speaker 3: to heart because I'm like, oh, he's prepping, you know.

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Speaker 3: So I guess that's the benefit of two actors being

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Speaker 3: in a relationship understand it because it's like we know

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Speaker 3: what it is. Yeah, we know what's required.

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Speaker 1: Even even Matt has said to me a couple of times,

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Speaker 1: like I could tell when you're about to go film

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Speaker 1: because I just have like a different energy.

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Speaker 2: You know, no, I have no.

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Speaker 1: First of all, when you're getting ready to go film,

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Speaker 1: there's that anxiety if I got things to do, so.

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Speaker 2: You're always short because of that.

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Speaker 1: But then when you're building out a character, it's like

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Speaker 1: the things that and it is important for people to

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Speaker 1: understand about artists. You have to have your emotions on

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Speaker 1: your sleeve and relating to respond to whatever's going to

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Speaker 1: happen in the scene. When you're preparing your instrument for

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Speaker 1: that weeks out, that tends to be what happens at

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Speaker 1: home sometimes. So now your partner or your kids are

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Speaker 1: someone that you're working with says something that triggers what

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Speaker 1: you're working on for your character, and you respond that

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Speaker 1: way that happens like that is a real thing. That's

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Speaker 1: why you hear some people say, yeah, these actors are

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Speaker 1: like crazy, like their's schizophrenic. It's a real thing. But

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Speaker 1: watching you just be so dedicated to something raised my

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Speaker 1: desire for you. But I also saw how my desire

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Speaker 1: for you, like it raising for you, put you in overdrive.

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Speaker 2: And now it's just like, ye'ah, I want more of that,

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Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: And I think that we as a collective should discuss

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Speaker 1: how we lived through a time where.

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Speaker 2: Letting yourself go was just seemed to be okay.

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Speaker 1: Like, oh, COVID was a COVID was a big thing.

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Speaker 2: I didn't even I didn't even think about that. We

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Speaker 2: live we you know, millennials. You lucky, you're a millennial.

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Speaker 2: We lived through a.

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Speaker 3: Lot with COVID, though it was kind of like a

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Speaker 3: collective we gave ourselves permission to let ourselves go because

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Speaker 3: nobody knew what was happening. Nobody knew what was going on.

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Speaker 3: It was just like, all right, well, we're just surviving

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Speaker 3: day to day with this unknown. The only person who

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Speaker 3: was just like, I don't care what's going on. I'm

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Speaker 3: gonna be working out every day was de Velt.

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Speaker 2: Nothing else to.

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Speaker 3: Do, and then we all kind of started doing it. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but the whole household and there was nothing else to do.

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Speaker 8: When we were in Calabasas, Like Matt didn't have to

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Speaker 8: do anything because he was doing.

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Speaker 4: He was doing school at home during uh COVID you was?

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Speaker 2: You was just seven? Chin, he's getting home school.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god. Well, let's spiral oper so we can

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Speaker 3: tie it.

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Speaker 2: Back from now on. Matt's gonna be a toddler. You

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Speaker 2: got your bed, Matt the toddler man younger than me.

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Speaker 1: No trouble, groom, don't try to deflect what why was

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Speaker 1: gonna snatch though?

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Speaker 2: Trible? The heat is on me, triple younger than.

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Speaker 5: He tried to give me.

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Speaker 3: I'm cutting it out, cutting out.

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Speaker 2: His wife younger. I'm twenty twenty two, sliding.

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Speaker 7: His wife already blocked up from back.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, wait to take ahead, Matt, lot you she's really did.

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Speaker 6: I ain't seen none of her content in a minute.

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Speaker 6: I don't even worry about it. I was working out

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Speaker 6: during COVID too, actually, and so much so that I

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Speaker 6: posted a picture of my bare ass on Instagram all

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Speaker 6: my stories what because it looked amazing?

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Speaker 1: Okay, Oh, I asked, if you want to put your

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Speaker 1: bears out shaved that bitch?

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Speaker 2: Okay? I bet on Instagram?

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Speaker 5: My butt is not here?

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Speaker 6: Okay, all right, making sure, Okay. So this is something

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Speaker 6: people have been talking about on the internet. Recently, so

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Speaker 6: there was a guy named Telvin Osborne who was killed

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Speaker 6: by his white girlfriend. He was shot and at first

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Speaker 6: she told police that they were in argument and he

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Speaker 6: came at her the knife, and then all of a sudden,

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Speaker 6: it was that she was looking at her gun and

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Speaker 6: it went off. And so recently she was just acquitted

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Speaker 6: because they said it was an accident. Now here's where

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Speaker 6: the oup comes in.

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Speaker 5: Delvin Osborne.

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Speaker 6: When this news came out, uh, some comments that he

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Speaker 6: made online about black women resurface. And during this uh,

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Speaker 6: when the aquittal news came out, those comments resurfaced again.

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Speaker 6: So one of the comments that he made on Twitter,

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Speaker 6: he said, I'll fuck a dog before I fuck a

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Speaker 6: black bitch. It gotta be a white dog though, And

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Speaker 6: so people are like, hm, anyway.

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Speaker 2: Karma working yourself out. It so operno.

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Speaker 3: Foolishness that is unanimous.

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Speaker 1: No, and I'm not condoning any kind I'm not condoning violence.

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Speaker 1: But it's just like it's hard for me to to have,

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Speaker 1: you know, our feelings, like I just sir, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: really have no Op.

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Speaker 8: It's unfortunate that he's passed away. Yeah, but should have

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Speaker 8: made those comments, bro, because you.

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Speaker 3: Know, one thing about comments, They are always going to resurface,

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Speaker 3: like people are going to dig up receipts, So the

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00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:28,200
Speaker 3: comments section, the receipts, the screenshots are very unforgiving.

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Speaker 1: I feel bad for his parents, you know, because he's

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Speaker 1: a black man. I'm pretty sure his mom is black,

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Speaker 1: you know, I don't know. His mom may be white,

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Speaker 1: but his mom might not be around, might not be around.

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Speaker 5: I think other people in his family also are like

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Speaker 5: anti black in the way that he is.

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Speaker 2: My thing is, no one deserves to die for their opinion.

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Speaker 1: But also we don't have to care, you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, no one is saying like he deserves

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Speaker 1: to die. But at the same time, if you don't

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Speaker 1: care for black women, you don't care for black people,

349
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Speaker 1: don't expect black people to care to.

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Speaker 3: Then have sympathy, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: Like that's just how it feel about.

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Speaker 5: All right. It on quite quickly, so recently on Poor Minds.

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Speaker 5: I love Poor Minds. It's a guilty pleasure.

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Speaker 6: Andrea and lexp shout out to y'all, that's gonna be

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Speaker 6: a great episode. But recently they posted a clip from

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Speaker 6: an episode and Drea said, you cannot be a bad

357
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Speaker 6: bitch if you stank behind the ear.

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Speaker 2: So I wouldn't know for no ap on that.

359
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Speaker 3: It's just that I agree the whole stink behind the

360
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Speaker 3: ear situation, no man or woman should, no adult like

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Speaker 3: is the consensus at least here with us. The fact

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Speaker 3: that was like a staple when we learned how to

363
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Speaker 3: wash ourselves.

364
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Speaker 1: Yeah, my mother didn't play with that. My aunt Aunt

365
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:51,040
Speaker 1: Monique shout out to Aunt Monique. She would do this

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Speaker 1: and be like, go back in the shower, go back

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Speaker 1: in the shower, back, come on. We got to ask

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Speaker 1: ourselves why when we was little kids, while we just

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Speaker 1: hated getting in the shower, it was like a pet

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Speaker 1: peeve bro.

371
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,160
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go wash up. You was outside for eight

372
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Speaker 2: I was playing every sport and on the man.

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Speaker 3: I mean that's always too sometime, just like we have

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Speaker 3: the shower now and it's just like why not.

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Speaker 2: It just takes you away from what you're doing, That's

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Speaker 2: what it is.

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00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:22,280
Speaker 1: But to get back to to Drea though, if I

378
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Speaker 1: go to hug a girl and she's beautiful and I.

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Speaker 2: Go to give her a hug, and it's like.

380
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,760
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't then say you a bad bitch. Yeah,

381
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:33,119
Speaker 1: you just bad bitch.

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00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:35,840
Speaker 4: Bro.

383
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Speaker 3: Have you had that experience triuble where you went to,

384
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:41,920
Speaker 3: you know, either be intimate with a girl or get

385
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,479
Speaker 3: closed or whisper sweet, nothing's in her ear? And then

386
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Speaker 3: you choked off the stage.

387
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:46,640
Speaker 6: Yes?

388
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Speaker 5: Actually really yeah?

389
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:53,359
Speaker 2: Man, She laughed and looked away. I don't even want

390
00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:54,280
Speaker 2: to hear this story anymore.

391
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Speaker 6: I had a girl come visit me from out of town,

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Speaker 6: and she didn't shower when she got in, and then

393
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:07,080
Speaker 6: she didn't shower before we went on the date, and then.

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Speaker 5: She didn't shower when we got back.

395
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Speaker 6: When we got back, it's time to fuck now, Like.

396
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:16,920
Speaker 3: All right, because if you go shower, people might fall.

397
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:20,800
Speaker 6: Asleep some some women, Like I had a woman be like, hey,

398
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Speaker 6: can I take a shower?

399
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:22,159
Speaker 2: You know?

400
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,680
Speaker 6: When we got back to my house. I'm like, yeah, absolutely,

401
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:28,240
Speaker 6: you know what you smell like? I don't get all right,

402
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,720
Speaker 6: you got it. You have a moment to make an impression,

403
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:35,160
Speaker 6: all right. This girl really didn't care. And you've done

404
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:43,199
Speaker 6: a lot of things throughout the day, you've eaten. The

405
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,240
Speaker 6: only way to really get the poop off you is

406
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:46,199
Speaker 6: to take a shower.

407
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:46,840
Speaker 4: You can't.

408
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:48,880
Speaker 5: So that was that was funky, but.

409
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,640
Speaker 2: I finished, But did you still smash?

410
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:53,480
Speaker 5: I smashed?

411
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 2: I did.

412
00:19:54,680 --> 00:20:00,000
Speaker 4: And the moisture behind the ears, yeah she an't.

413
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:04,960
Speaker 6: She had moist ears, not the under the arms she had.

414
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,360
Speaker 5: I mean she didn't shower that at all that day.

415
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,560
Speaker 2: Well you still took it down, trouble. Why not?

416
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:11,639
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying.

417
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:17,040
Speaker 6: You know what I'm saying, like seasoned, ain't nothing wrong

418
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:18,800
Speaker 6: with a little funk everything.

419
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:21,879
Speaker 2: From Sinners, remember the young boy and Sinners when Shorty

420
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:28,560
Speaker 2: walked all the way to the remember that, yup, yup.

421
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:33,640
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

422
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:34,280
Speaker 4: You You you.

423
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:37,000
Speaker 6: Got to let the coucie marinate sometimes. You know what

424
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,639
Speaker 6: I'm saying, A little marination. Ain't ain't nothing but a

425
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,040
Speaker 6: little sauce, little season.

426
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:43,640
Speaker 2: No, I can't agree with that, bro.

427
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:44,520
Speaker 5: But it was it was.

428
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:49,359
Speaker 4: Shower bath.

429
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,560
Speaker 2: What do you want to call it? Not judging, but

430
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:53,880
Speaker 2: gotta take a shower, bro.

431
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:59,880
Speaker 1: If she's gonna climb up here, she climbing up here

432
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:01,560
Speaker 1: off that delta flight.

433
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:05,000
Speaker 7: Success.

434
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,199
Speaker 3: Can you imagine the close quarters? And no, that's the

435
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:11,000
Speaker 3: first I think that's like customary, the first thing we

436
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:12,400
Speaker 3: do when we get off the fight and come through

437
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,679
Speaker 3: the door. It's like you strip off your clothes, go

438
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:15,600
Speaker 3: right into the shower.

439
00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:21,240
Speaker 2: Sure, yo, don't paint on play.

440
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 4: Yo, No, I want.

441
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:31,560
Speaker 8: Will say listen, if I see your ankles, it's gonna

442
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:32,240
Speaker 8: be a problem.

443
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:42,399
Speaker 4: But if you don't want to, babe, it's like your

444
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:48,920
Speaker 4: mama better season.

445
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:53,520
Speaker 1: She tastes like curry, this is so wrong.

446
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:55,400
Speaker 2: We sorry.

447
00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:05,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, So as we spiral into desire.

448
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,160
Speaker 2: We're gonna spiral it to desire all that.

449
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:05,960
Speaker 3: Yeah.

450
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,399
Speaker 6: So that's why I kind of picked that opera a lot,

451
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:11,760
Speaker 6: because we're talking about desire today and what makes a

452
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 6: bad bitch really?

453
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:16,080
Speaker 5: What makes you want your partner?

454
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:17,360
Speaker 2: What?

455
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:19,720
Speaker 6: What do we think like keeping yourself up is when

456
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:23,280
Speaker 6: it comes to romance, relationships, sex, what is it?

457
00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 1: Me and Matt were talking about this working out and

458
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,240
Speaker 1: especially for dudes, because of course, desire goes both ways, right.

459
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,360
Speaker 1: A lot of women think that men just we want

460
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,760
Speaker 1: you to just want us just sexually, and that's not

461
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 1: the case. Like we talked about this a couple of

462
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:43,840
Speaker 1: weeks ago. I was like, yo, k be focused on

463
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,480
Speaker 1: everything moving through the day and at the end of

464
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:47,160
Speaker 1: the day, she gonna make sure, Like yo, I'm gonna

465
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,520
Speaker 1: make sure that val Get is fifteen twenty minutes and

466
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,760
Speaker 1: then the next day she was the matter. I'm like, Okay,

467
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,560
Speaker 1: we had sex, but that's not what I want it,

468
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,200
Speaker 1: like I wanted to Like that's been our new thing

469
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:01,680
Speaker 1: is like I want to be desired, Like I don't

470
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:03,040
Speaker 1: want to just be honed and me make sure my

471
00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:07,320
Speaker 1: husband have sex because we've gotten past that. Like before sex,

472
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:09,240
Speaker 1: we talk about sexual time and it was an issue

473
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:10,600
Speaker 1: of how we was going to make sure this can

474
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,040
Speaker 1: handled and stuff. But now it's like we just don't

475
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,920
Speaker 1: want sex just that from our wife. Like I want

476
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,399
Speaker 1: to be desired. I want you to know the things

477
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,439
Speaker 1: that I want to do. I want you to know

478
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:22,480
Speaker 1: the things that I like. Let's let's for example, you

479
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:24,919
Speaker 1: know I like films. You go choose a film that

480
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,199
Speaker 1: you typically wouldn't want to see, but you know I

481
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:27,840
Speaker 1: want to see.

482
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 2: You get the IMAX tickets.

483
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 1: And yeah, you know it's like, Yo, she desires me

484
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:35,640
Speaker 1: enough that where she's interested in the same things I'm

485
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,040
Speaker 1: interested in. Maybe you don't like it, but she took

486
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:40,560
Speaker 1: interest in knowing that I like it, and men need

487
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:43,600
Speaker 1: to do the same thing for women, Like just desiring

488
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 1: your women don't mean that, YO, make sure she stays

489
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,919
Speaker 1: in safe so you can have sex. It's like, what

490
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 1: does your wife like to do? Does she like to travel?

491
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,159
Speaker 1: Does she like to crochet? Like, what are things that

492
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:54,680
Speaker 1: she likes to do that you can be a part

493
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 1: of during that time during the day with me. Well,

494
00:23:58,320 --> 00:23:59,920
Speaker 1: you just told me the other day that you want

495
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:01,959
Speaker 1: me to start learning how to cook right and and

496
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 1: do other things. And I'm actively working on that.

497
00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 3: Just just for the record, but.

498
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:11,119
Speaker 2: I wanted to give a random example.

499
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,639
Speaker 1: So it's not always about us, but the things that

500
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,480
Speaker 1: you say that you want me to try to do,

501
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,920
Speaker 1: even though I don't like doing it, I've been taking.

502
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:22,880
Speaker 2: Steps because I know that that's how you feel that. Yeah,

503
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 2: I got the apron sugar on this small thing now.

504
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:27,879
Speaker 1: But you know what I'm saying, Like y'all both married,

505
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:30,879
Speaker 1: you know what it is as a husband, Like it

506
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 1: isn't always just about at the end of the day,

507
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 1: we gotta have sex. We want to be desired for

508
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:38,720
Speaker 1: being people like humans like I Like I found out

509
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:39,480
Speaker 1: now that I like to.

510
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:42,199
Speaker 2: Do interior design and I'm interested in that.

511
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 6: You know, as men do you find that it maybe

512
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:51,679
Speaker 6: comes naturally or something that women do is to like

513
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:52,880
Speaker 6: romance you in that way.

514
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:54,760
Speaker 5: I know it's something that Kadeen does.

515
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:58,119
Speaker 6: And y'all really been married since, you know, for a

516
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 6: long time, so maybe you don't have experience with us

517
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 6: their women back is.

518
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,840
Speaker 7: Not an explain that again.

519
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:08,200
Speaker 5: Like do women romance? You have you been romance by women?

520
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 3: Process?

521
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,000
Speaker 5: Is it something that comes naturally like.

522
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:13,960
Speaker 1: In the beginning, I feel like like in the beginning,

523
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,439
Speaker 1: I feel like Kay romance to me, like like she

524
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:20,439
Speaker 1: would ride to school, make my bed up, leave notes,

525
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:21,840
Speaker 1: like leave like handwritten notes.

526
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, speaking of which, I think black love asks for

527
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 3: some like handwritten notes we have.

528
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:27,040
Speaker 2: I have some. I have a whole shoe.

529
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 3: But I used to write letters to this like okay,

530
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:33,400
Speaker 3: I mean pouring my heart out in letters to him.

531
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 3: So that's my Now. If I do leave for a

532
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:37,400
Speaker 3: trip or I go somewhere or whatever, I got those two,

533
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:39,560
Speaker 3: I still will leave him little notes. And I mean, granted,

534
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:41,479
Speaker 3: don't got time for four page letters know anymore, but

535
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:43,200
Speaker 3: I'll leave him a letter because I know that that's

536
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 3: nostalgic of when I used to have to leave to

537
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 3: go back home and we were in college.

538
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:51,920
Speaker 2: But but that's romantic, like men like romance.

539
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,119
Speaker 1: Too, Like I saw a joke yesterday, and there was

540
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 1: like men get to be two things, angry and fine. Right,

541
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,080
Speaker 1: it's like a man walks on my I forgot the

542
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 1: comedian because I really don't want to take his joke

543
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 1: as if it's mine, because I understand that. But he

544
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:06,680
Speaker 1: it was so funny. He was like a man walk

545
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 1: in the house, just like, why the fuck you do that?

546
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:09,440
Speaker 1: Didn't I tell you about.

547
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:11,360
Speaker 2: Angry?

548
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:13,080
Speaker 1: And then he go back and his wife was just like,

549
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,000
Speaker 1: I'll leave my side, throw him a beer. He'll be fine.

550
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 1: Then he comes back inside, babe, Okay, He's like, I'm fine.

551
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:19,960
Speaker 1: Why are you asking me? Didn't I tell you I'm fine?

552
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 1: You're asking men? Men only get to be that. And

553
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 1: I gotta find a comedian because the joke was a

554
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: liar's but it was very true.

555
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:27,920
Speaker 2: It's very very true.

556
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:31,200
Speaker 1: But that's how men really feel sometimes. It's like I

557
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:33,399
Speaker 1: want to be desired, you know, I want you to

558
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:35,359
Speaker 1: romance me a little bit. I want it to be

559
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,919
Speaker 1: more thoughtful than just bending over and giving me some pussy,

560
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 1: like we don't always just want that.

561
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 2: I will receive that, and I will absolutely by the way, Bill,

562
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 2: thank you, thank you.

563
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 1: Shout out Bill, than of Bill, because that made me

564
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 1: laugh out loud, but it also spoke to my soul

565
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:52,920
Speaker 1: shout out.

566
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:53,119
Speaker 2: To my boy.

567
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:56,920
Speaker 3: I think it's sometimes difficult as women, Like if I'm

568
00:26:57,040 --> 00:27:00,680
Speaker 3: I can speak to my experience trying to romance man, right,

569
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 3: I think it's a little easier sometimes for men to

570
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 3: romance to women. You can do flowers, you can do

571
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 3: the balloons like girls like the grandature, like the theatrics

572
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 3: of the thought that goes into something like flowers and balloons.

573
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 3: I usually get stuck with what do I do to

574
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 3: romance in a grand gesture something for my spouse, And

575
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,040
Speaker 3: it's hard because I can't. It's not just any one

576
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,399
Speaker 3: little like thing that I can do to make it

577
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:29,360
Speaker 3: look big, because that tends to be what women look for.

578
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:32,480
Speaker 3: So how do you as guys like what to you

579
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:35,520
Speaker 3: would be a grand gesture of romance? So for Devaleni,

580
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:37,240
Speaker 3: sometimes just type babe, I know we've been busy. I

581
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:38,960
Speaker 3: booked a trip for us to go away so we

582
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 3: can have some time together. Or it's like yo, you know,

583
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 3: going to dinner, get stale, go into a movie, gets

584
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 3: de see.

585
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:47,959
Speaker 8: I don't think it needs to be grand thank you

586
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 8: job right, it's the gesture, Yes, or maybe a series

587
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 8: of gestures that makes it romantic.

588
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:53,640
Speaker 2: Right.

589
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:58,439
Speaker 8: For example, it doesn't need I don't need rose petals

590
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 8: on the floor. Now, if you got like maybe like

591
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:02,919
Speaker 8: twelve roses that you want to sprinkle that.

592
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:04,960
Speaker 4: From the door to the bed. Fine, it don't got.

593
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,880
Speaker 8: To be like a whole row of like a billion pedals, right,

594
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:09,400
Speaker 8: It's just a gesture.

595
00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:13,959
Speaker 4: It is one like red piece of lingerie.

596
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:14,199
Speaker 2: Like.

597
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:17,680
Speaker 8: It's small, it's subtle. It's a candle. It's the room.

598
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 8: It's dark, like, that's what it is. It's the movie.

599
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 8: It's I get into the room and it's Netflix on

600
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 8: and we got a movie that's planned out and it's

601
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:24,760
Speaker 8: not me and you plan it.

602
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:25,480
Speaker 4: What do you want to see?

603
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:25,800
Speaker 2: Babe?

604
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:28,720
Speaker 8: It is small, don't ask me, Just just do something

605
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 8: different something.

606
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 4: Yeah.

607
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 8: And I'm not talking to my wife. I'm not talking

608
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 8: to my wife. I'm talking in general. I'm talking in general.

609
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 8: Women need to understand that we want to be deep,

610
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:45,320
Speaker 8: you know. No, I'm just saying the whole premise is

611
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 8: it doesn't need to be grand, it doesn't need the

612
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 8: first thing, we're simple. I would say that we are

613
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:56,920
Speaker 8: we are simple, like we're complex beings, but in our core.

614
00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 4: We just want the things we want and we like

615
00:28:59,080 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 4: what we say is we we.

616
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:01,440
Speaker 2: That's that's the issue.

617
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:05,080
Speaker 1: It's like she'll say, I don't know what to get

618
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:08,040
Speaker 1: the guy or grand gesture for the guy, and that's like,

619
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:11,760
Speaker 1: I've told you for twenty years exactly what I want,

620
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 1: but that's not grand.

621
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:15,800
Speaker 2: That's the problem. You want grand.

622
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:20,440
Speaker 1: Yes, men don't need a grand trip with If a

623
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 1: guy says, hey, babe, I like when you put your

624
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:25,360
Speaker 1: hair in the bun and you put on that that

625
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 1: red longest rad with the one candle, a lot of

626
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 1: times the women be like, you want me to put

627
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 1: that bun all.

628
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 2: The time with the red thing?

629
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:33,720
Speaker 3: What you ah?

630
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 2: And that's what a lot of women don't realize.

631
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 3: It's not about what you that's definitelyect because it's the

632
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 3: same thing for men.

633
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:40,880
Speaker 1: Men will be like, you want me to do a

634
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 1: grand es to all the time, and women are like yes,

635
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 1: and we like, it's the same thing. You want flowers

636
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:48,080
Speaker 1: and diamonds and trips all the time, and women be

637
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:49,880
Speaker 1: like yes, So we say yes.

638
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:51,160
Speaker 2: And when we say we.

639
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,600
Speaker 1: Want something small all the time, y'all say it's getting stale,

640
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 1: and y'all expect us to change to what y'all want

641
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:58,800
Speaker 1: to give us, and then we don't want to do that.

642
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:02,040
Speaker 3: So yess because as women, we like grand gestures. If

643
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,920
Speaker 3: I don't have a grand gesture in return, I feel.

644
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:06,840
Speaker 4: I feel inadequate.

645
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:07,440
Speaker 3: Exactly.

646
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 8: For example, I think even our like love languages. For example,

647
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:13,360
Speaker 8: that might be a part of it. My legal language

648
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:16,760
Speaker 8: might be giving or receiving gifts. We might have the

649
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,480
Speaker 8: same love language, but we probably have the different intensity.

650
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 2: Right.

651
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:23,240
Speaker 8: My gift might might be something small. Your gift might

652
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:25,600
Speaker 8: be something very, very expensive and valuable.

653
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 4: Right.

654
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:29,680
Speaker 8: So I just think it's just an understanding what we want.

655
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:33,600
Speaker 8: When we say simple, I mean simple, just.

656
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:34,160
Speaker 4: Get it done.

657
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't.

658
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 4: I don't need to give you feedback on what it is.

659
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 8: I just I just want to get done and you

660
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 8: will accept it as it is because you listened to me.

661
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just want you to expound on this, because

662
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 1: this was a roadblock we fell into. You said before,

663
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 1: I don't want to have a discussion about what we're

664
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,720
Speaker 1: going to do if you're doing something for me, Yes,

665
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:57,960
Speaker 1: Can you explain how it takes away the whole romanticism

666
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:00,520
Speaker 1: when a woman says to you, just tell me what

667
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 1: it is right before and then I'm gonna do it.

668
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 2: It's like, that's not romantic.

669
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:06,760
Speaker 1: The romantic is the thought I want to be desired,

670
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:09,560
Speaker 1: which means I want you to think about what does

671
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 1: my husband really want in this moment. And I'm not

672
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 1: talking about sex. I'm talking about it's my birthday. You

673
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,720
Speaker 1: know that this new Tom Cruise movie came out and

674
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 1: they only have certain amount of seats. The fact that

675
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 1: I don't have to say to you, Kaden, this would

676
00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:24,640
Speaker 1: have been nice of you did that, and you just

677
00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 1: did that. I know it's small to you, but to me,

678
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:30,920
Speaker 1: it's like she thought about me without having to say it.

679
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 2: When I have to constantly say.

680
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 1: Why don't you do this, why don't you do this,

681
00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 1: Why don't you do this, It's like I'm dating myself

682
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 1: and now all the romance is coming away from it,

683
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:42,440
Speaker 1: and it's like I've been having to say that and

684
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 1: now it's just like, oh, you always got to say it.

685
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, I gotta say it, because you won't

686
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:46,760
Speaker 2: do it if.

687
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 4: You just do it.

688
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:48,880
Speaker 8: At the end of it, you just wanted to be

689
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 8: desired in the first place, so it takes out what

690
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 8: you're saying. Is I don't want to give you. I

691
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:58,040
Speaker 8: don't want to help you make me feel desired.

692
00:31:58,160 --> 00:31:59,480
Speaker 4: Yes, right, we.

693
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 8: Can talk about out what it takes to get you

694
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:04,400
Speaker 8: get for me to feel like I'm desired in general,

695
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 8: But when it comes down to it and you're actually

696
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:08,160
Speaker 8: doing the deed for me to give you input in

697
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 8: terms of how I'm being desired or what I want

698
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:13,600
Speaker 8: to feel like, or you romanticizing me, it takes away

699
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 8: from it.

700
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,640
Speaker 3: From the whole thing. So essentially we're saying is that

701
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 3: women need to get out of their head about what

702
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 3: it is they feel like. Your man is gonna want That's.

703
00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 4: What you're saying.

704
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:28,080
Speaker 2: I was gonna say with Josh. We're not saying what

705
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 2: women need to do.

706
00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 3: Like.

707
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 2: What we're not going to do is man's plain. What

708
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:32,360
Speaker 2: we're saying is what we like.

709
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 1: Yes, And the thing is we can talk about social conditioning.

710
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 1: As young boys, we're told from young make sure you

711
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 1: know what that young woman likes. Make sure it's like

712
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 1: we've been conditioned from young to be able to see

713
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:45,240
Speaker 1: what y'all need and desire.

714
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 2: At least good men on every man ain't.

715
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 1: So let me not say every man, but good men

716
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:51,320
Speaker 1: when they find a woman it's like, Okay, she likes

717
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:53,440
Speaker 1: that she desires, I'm gonna make sure I can provide that.

718
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:57,120
Speaker 1: I don't see a lot of young women being told

719
00:32:57,160 --> 00:33:00,520
Speaker 1: how to cater to a man. It's often being told opposite.

720
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 1: You don't cater to a man. You focus on yourself

721
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 1: and let him cater to you. But what happens is

722
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:09,880
Speaker 1: that becomes one sided in a relationship because now he's

723
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:13,720
Speaker 1: constantly catering to you because it's happy wife, happy life, and.

724
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 2: It's not like, well, what are you doing for him? Well,

725
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:16,920
Speaker 2: he and man, he'll be fine.

726
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 4: I wouldn't say for all things. I mean, I didn't say, oh.

727
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:21,880
Speaker 2: I think that's why I'm saying we can't generalize.

728
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's millennial. As a millennial woman, and

729
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:30,280
Speaker 3: I can only speak to my experience. I was not taught,

730
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 3: I guess by women older than me who had already

731
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:37,600
Speaker 3: been in relationships and marriages. With the exception of like

732
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:40,800
Speaker 3: one person, I think it was my aunt's who's the

733
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 3: value and the need to be of service and cater

734
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 3: to your husband. A lot of time, the narrative was

735
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 3: you got to make sure that you're taking care of yourself.

736
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 3: You have to make sure that you're an independent woman,

737
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:56,840
Speaker 3: and that that was what was instilled in me even

738
00:33:56,880 --> 00:33:59,240
Speaker 3: my mom. My mom was very much like you need

739
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 3: to be a contry cottributing member of the relationship. Like

740
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,320
Speaker 3: it wasn't a lot of focus put on this is

741
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:07,200
Speaker 3: what you need to do in order to keep your

742
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:10,760
Speaker 3: husband happy or to be you know, what your husband needs.

743
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,640
Speaker 3: Now that can be very general because everyone's husband requires

744
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:16,799
Speaker 3: something different, but that just was not the conversation when

745
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 3: I was growing up. But what I did observe, and

746
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:21,320
Speaker 3: I think the reason why I was able to early

747
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:23,799
Speaker 3: on know how to take care of you was what

748
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:26,800
Speaker 3: witness sing my grandmother. You know, she's from the school

749
00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 3: of very old school, where you know, she would cook

750
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:33,240
Speaker 3: for my grandfather and before anybody could eat, his plate

751
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:35,200
Speaker 3: was taken out, it was put to the side because

752
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,400
Speaker 3: when he came home from work, she was heating up

753
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:39,359
Speaker 3: the food for him. They would sit together, they would

754
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:41,680
Speaker 3: eat and all that. So I think you're right in

755
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 3: that there really is not a lot of focus placed

756
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:48,200
Speaker 3: on telling women how to then cater to your man.

757
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:50,480
Speaker 1: I understand what you're saying, and I do think that

758
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 1: socioeconomics played a role in that. Right, If you think

759
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 1: about your grandmother's generation. Absolutely, that was during the time

760
00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:01,319
Speaker 1: when women weren't working right. So women their job in

761
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:03,520
Speaker 1: Jamaica back tone was to take care of the home.

762
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:04,480
Speaker 2: That's what they did.

763
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 1: Because your grandfather was traveling to Canada, traveling, he was worse.

764
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 3: Sending money home and she had to manage that in

765
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 3: the household.

766
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 1: But think about the next generation, right generation was our

767
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:17,359
Speaker 1: mom generation because socio economics changed and women now had

768
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 1: to be in the workplace, and it's happening even more now.

769
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:25,920
Speaker 1: Kadean pulled up annual incomes I mean average incomes for

770
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:29,759
Speaker 1: median households in New York. In order Todd to be

771
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:31,440
Speaker 1: middle class in New York, you have to make one

772
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 1: hundred and eighty seven thousand dollars. So if you just

773
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:37,800
Speaker 1: think about that, right, one hundred and eighty seven thousand dollars,

774
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:41,440
Speaker 1: you need dual incomes. So the training and the teaching

775
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 1: for young women from those times was yo, you have

776
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:46,960
Speaker 1: to be a contributing factor. Make sure you bringing That's

777
00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:50,839
Speaker 1: why to me, it's not a blame. People understand where

778
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:54,000
Speaker 1: we've come from through history, through socio economics, and like WHOA,

779
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:56,120
Speaker 1: there was a whole generation of women who had to

780
00:35:56,239 --> 00:35:58,959
Speaker 1: help in the household, but then also had to go earn.

781
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:01,719
Speaker 1: So what do you tell your daughters. Then you're like, yo,

782
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:03,919
Speaker 1: you got to go earn. Go put you know, put

783
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 1: your big panties on, go to college, get a degree.

784
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 1: And then you have a whole generation of those women

785
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:10,760
Speaker 1: who were taught that's what they needed to do because

786
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:14,000
Speaker 1: that's what we needed. And now you have households where

787
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,840
Speaker 1: people are making a lot more money one family and

788
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,279
Speaker 1: they're like, well, I'm looking for a woman that will

789
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 1: cater to me. But there's been a generation of women

790
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:24,680
Speaker 1: out of necessity had to be earned.

791
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:27,760
Speaker 3: I'm tired, but they both get home, we both are working,

792
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:29,680
Speaker 3: and we both are tied. I was so tickled when

793
00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:33,799
Speaker 3: your grandmother, Nana, bless her heart, when when I first

794
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 3: started dating and everything and we were talking about you know,

795
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:37,279
Speaker 3: she was like, oh, what do you want to do

796
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 3: but work? And I'm talking about school and work and whatnot,

797
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:41,680
Speaker 3: and she was just like, I don't know what it

798
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:43,920
Speaker 3: is with y'all new age women that want to work.

799
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:46,200
Speaker 3: Never day in my life to that, I said, I

800
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:49,520
Speaker 3: wanted to work nowhere, so y'all can continue doing that

801
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:50,720
Speaker 3: and do whatever it is y'all.

802
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:50,719
Speaker 2: Want to do.

803
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:52,839
Speaker 3: Y'all want to work, y'all want to work. See how

804
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 3: that works out for you? And I laugh now because

805
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,759
Speaker 3: here we are fast forward what twenty three years in

806
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:00,680
Speaker 3: and now there's a contingent of women seen on social

807
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:03,640
Speaker 3: media that was just like, who was the person that

808
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,960
Speaker 3: asked for women to have the right to work? Because

809
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:09,480
Speaker 3: this shit is still I want the soft life. I

810
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 3: want to be home. I don't want to work.

811
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:12,840
Speaker 2: That was literally my grandmother.

812
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, my grandmother said I have worked because I had to.

813
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:18,000
Speaker 1: I never wanted to work. The miniature grandfather told me

814
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:22,000
Speaker 1: I could stay home. My father told me this story.

815
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:24,960
Speaker 1: He said, my grandfather was in South Carolina setting up

816
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:28,560
Speaker 1: the factory so that they could move down there. He

817
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:32,440
Speaker 1: was working with another manager who was a woman. My

818
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 1: grandmother found out that it was a woman he was

819
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:37,640
Speaker 1: working with. She quit that day, moved down, never went back.

820
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:41,840
Speaker 1: He said, what, I don't got to work he down there?

821
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:45,160
Speaker 1: Hell no, quit never went back. From that moment, my

822
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:48,320
Speaker 1: grandmother lived the soft life. My grandfather bought her cars,

823
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:50,839
Speaker 1: bought her house, made sure she was home. She took

824
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,319
Speaker 1: care of the kids and the grandkids. But in her

825
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:55,680
Speaker 1: mind because she had to work her whole life.

826
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:58,520
Speaker 2: She was like, I'm not trying to do that corporate shit.

827
00:37:58,600 --> 00:37:59,080
Speaker 2: I'm just not.

828
00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:01,799
Speaker 1: And I think we as a collection of people have

829
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:04,560
Speaker 1: to start looking at socioeconomics before we start pinn and

830
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:08,239
Speaker 1: blame against each other. Understand what the women that you're

831
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 1: dating have gone through in their lives.

832
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:10,800
Speaker 2: Understand that people.

833
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:14,399
Speaker 1: For example, because Kadeen and I have argued so much

834
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:17,840
Speaker 1: about affection in our relationship and have debated about sex,

835
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:19,839
Speaker 1: I've looked at her family life.

836
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:21,600
Speaker 2: I said, her mom, her grandmother was.

837
00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 1: This way, which is what I fell in love with,

838
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 1: but her mom isn't. And I was like, her mom

839
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 1: did move to America at seventeen and had to build

840
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,520
Speaker 1: a life on her own, So how could that woman

841
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:36,040
Speaker 1: teach this woman to be a nurturer when she was

842
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:38,640
Speaker 1: the breadwinner and had to I understand it.

843
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:42,200
Speaker 2: So now it's like a reprogramming for both of us.

844
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:43,319
Speaker 2: It's like, this is.

845
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:46,240
Speaker 1: What you've been taught, this is what I've been taught.

846
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:49,839
Speaker 1: Let's reprogram ourselves to be what we need to be

847
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:50,480
Speaker 1: for each other.

848
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:52,439
Speaker 3: Do you know what I learned about my mother which

849
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:55,320
Speaker 3: gave me a lot more empathy towards her and her experience.

850
00:38:55,880 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 3: She did that out of necessity, right, This was the

851
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 3: need for her to show up for herself and for

852
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:06,120
Speaker 3: her family to build this light. But when I look

853
00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:09,680
Speaker 3: at her now, I realize, when you really look at her,

854
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:12,960
Speaker 3: she really just desires a soft life. Like she said,

855
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:16,840
Speaker 3: I only showed up as you know, the strong woman

856
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:19,840
Speaker 3: who worked all the hours and you know, hustled because

857
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:22,799
Speaker 3: I had to. You know, had she been in a

858
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:24,920
Speaker 3: situation where it's like, Okay, she met my dad and

859
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:26,799
Speaker 3: they were both hustling together, my dad was just very

860
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:28,759
Speaker 3: content with like we have the basics and we're good.

861
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:31,239
Speaker 3: My mom was like, no, but I want more. I

862
00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:33,240
Speaker 3: think it. Had she my father had the same mentality

863
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 3: where they were both hustling together, then she had the

864
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 3: opportunity to kind of just sit back and say, Okay,

865
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:40,960
Speaker 3: he got it, so I could chill and not have

866
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 3: to hustle as hard. She really would have been more

867
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:43,919
Speaker 3: content that way.

868
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:46,439
Speaker 1: I think she would have too. And then I also

869
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:49,160
Speaker 1: say to myself, how can a woman who grew up

870
00:39:49,239 --> 00:39:53,120
Speaker 1: like that train and nurture you to just be a

871
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:55,080
Speaker 1: soft life woman If that's not what she's that's not.

872
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:57,760
Speaker 3: What she experienced. That's why said I give her empathy.

873
00:39:57,840 --> 00:39:59,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's like how that's why when people ask me,

874
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:01,759
Speaker 1: you know, when you and Kadeen have been talking about

875
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:04,399
Speaker 1: the same things for so long, how were you able

876
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 1: to be so patient? It's just like, have you even

877
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:09,959
Speaker 1: listened to your partner talk about what they've been through?

878
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:13,399
Speaker 1: If you listen to what they've been through, you understand

879
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:15,880
Speaker 1: that they're not trying to do anything.

880
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 2: To hurt you. You know what I'm saying.

881
00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:19,440
Speaker 1: They really just trying to live life the best way

882
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:21,759
Speaker 1: they know how. And I think that's why when it

883
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:24,719
Speaker 1: comes to being desirable or also desiring your partner, to

884
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 1: learn about your partner's life, cause then you learn how

885
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 1: and why they experienced desire the way they want to.

886
00:40:31,239 --> 00:40:31,359
Speaker 4: Right.

887
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:34,200
Speaker 1: I learned about k and I learned about Miss Jay

888
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 1: and I was like, yo, Mimi really had a hard life, Like,

889
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:40,440
Speaker 1: let's just put everything aside. I think I told the story.

890
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,280
Speaker 1: I don't know if I told it on the podcast.

891
00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:44,400
Speaker 1: She was seventeen years old when she moved here. She

892
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:46,839
Speaker 1: was staying with her parents' friends and she worked at

893
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:48,320
Speaker 1: Burger King. She worked the night shift.

894
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:50,960
Speaker 2: She eight got home after twelve.

895
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 1: The people that was there, thought that she was out gallivant,

896
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:54,880
Speaker 1: and that made her sleep.

897
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:57,920
Speaker 2: On the apartment hallway floor with the door closed.

898
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 1: She's knocking on the door and they're in there, and

899
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:01,600
Speaker 1: no one's answering the door.

900
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,320
Speaker 2: How can a woman that's lived through that, who grown.

901
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:08,200
Speaker 1: Put herself through school teach her daughter to just look

902
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:09,000
Speaker 1: for a soft life.

903
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:10,920
Speaker 2: It just don't even make sense.

904
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:13,279
Speaker 3: I don't think she even knew that that was a thing.

905
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 3: Like now we have these aspirational lifestyle shows where you

906
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:19,680
Speaker 3: see women living this soft like and the kick back

907
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:21,359
Speaker 3: and their husband earns a ton of money and they

908
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:24,000
Speaker 3: can just chill. That was never my mother's reality, nor

909
00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 3: was that something she aspired to, because she just did

910
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:26,799
Speaker 3: not come from that.

911
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:29,799
Speaker 4: Like your ancest has never experienced a soft life, right.

912
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 3: There was never a soft life. And I see how

913
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 3: she like even just in terms of like keeping things

914
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:39,560
Speaker 3: and having things to herself and hoarding things. It's like this,

915
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 3: what's the what's the word I'm looking for? Scarcity mindset?

916
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:47,359
Speaker 3: The scarcity mindset is something that I'm like, man, it's

917
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:50,000
Speaker 3: but particularly Caribbeans have been passed down because it's like

918
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:53,080
Speaker 3: whatever you came up here in your suitcase with you.

919
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:53,600
Speaker 4: Got all that.

920
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:56,319
Speaker 3: That's all you got until you were able to earn more.

921
00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 5: Your family dynamics.

922
00:41:57,520 --> 00:42:00,839
Speaker 6: When it comes to romance, it also teaches you what

923
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:04,320
Speaker 6: parts of yourself you can feel safe showing or giving

924
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:09,160
Speaker 6: to somebody else. Like for me particularly, I think that

925
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 6: expressing love. I learned how to express love through receiving

926
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:16,839
Speaker 6: love from somebody who didn't have to love me. So

927
00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 6: my dad got married when I was fourteen, and my

928
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:26,560
Speaker 6: step mom when I went away to college, literally every

929
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 6: calendar holiday she would send me a package and it

930
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:33,160
Speaker 6: will always have some of my favorite candy, a gift

931
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:38,280
Speaker 6: card or cash, yeah, and just some random useful item

932
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 6: and a lot of my favorite color is pink, so

933
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:43,880
Speaker 6: a lot of stuff was pink, just on a card.

934
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:45,759
Speaker 6: And my dad would always write the same thing in

935
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:47,719
Speaker 6: a card, keep your eyes on the prize.

936
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:52,480
Speaker 2: And yeah.

937
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:57,440
Speaker 6: And that gesture meant the world to me, because you know,

938
00:42:57,719 --> 00:43:01,760
Speaker 6: my parents aren't very over overtly affectionate, and they didn't

939
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:03,399
Speaker 6: think to do that, and I know my step mom

940
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:06,480
Speaker 6: was just like actively thinking to do this, so that

941
00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:09,120
Speaker 6: I knew that they were thinking about me, and they

942
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:10,759
Speaker 6: cared about me, and they wanted to make sure that

943
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:13,319
Speaker 6: I was taken care of even though I was away

944
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:15,480
Speaker 6: from home. And so because of that, Like now my

945
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:18,640
Speaker 6: love language is gifts, Like I know how good it

946
00:43:18,719 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 6: made me feel and how loved it made me feel

947
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:23,400
Speaker 6: to get a little gift that was thoughtful to know

948
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 6: that somebody was thinking of me.

949
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 5: So that's the way that I show affection in romance.

950
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:32,759
Speaker 6: But some people don't even want to try that because

951
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:36,760
Speaker 6: they don't even feel safe enough to give to somebody

952
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:39,760
Speaker 6: else to like you know what I'm saying. They feel

953
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 6: like somebody needs to love them as they are in

954
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 6: order for them to love them back. You know what

955
00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:47,600
Speaker 6: I'm saying, Like somebody that may have abandonment issues that

956
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:51,000
Speaker 6: as an absent parent or work, they don't they don't

957
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:52,640
Speaker 6: want to put the work in because they're afraid of

958
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:54,920
Speaker 6: being vulnerable in that way, because what if it doesn't work.

959
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 2: That's fair, Yes, that's super fair.

960
00:43:57,120 --> 00:43:59,880
Speaker 3: Do you think love languages were establishing us because of

961
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,520
Speaker 3: the way we receive love as children or do you

962
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:04,799
Speaker 3: think that that's something that became a thing as we

963
00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:06,479
Speaker 3: became romantically involved with people.

964
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:09,080
Speaker 7: I think as children because I never saw my parents

965
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:12,600
Speaker 7: being like overly affectionate sane, and I think that plays

966
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:14,719
Speaker 7: into how I am now, and I'm trying to change

967
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 7: that same.

968
00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:20,760
Speaker 1: Absolutely That's why I'm the opposite, well not the opposite affection.

969
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:24,200
Speaker 1: I watched my hid my mom start off affectionate when

970
00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:25,759
Speaker 1: I was young, and then as they got older, the

971
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:29,200
Speaker 1: affection just like went away. It dwindled, and then I

972
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:31,840
Speaker 1: have like my own issues. I know we talk about me,

973
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:33,319
Speaker 1: me and pop, but I have my own issues. And

974
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:35,520
Speaker 1: I watch with my parents. You know, my mom wasn't

975
00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:39,120
Speaker 1: affectionate with my dad. I watched my dad like chase

976
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:40,960
Speaker 1: after my mom and do all these things for her,

977
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:43,800
Speaker 1: and then she would get him, like for Christmas, she

978
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:45,759
Speaker 1: would get him a pack of underwear, and he would

979
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:47,640
Speaker 1: get her like a bracelet or like buy her car.

980
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:50,560
Speaker 1: And I watched my father be like disappointed and like

981
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:52,360
Speaker 1: he'll have like a tantrument. He would like throw the

982
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:54,560
Speaker 1: shit down, and everybody's like, what's the matter, and he's

983
00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:57,080
Speaker 1: just like, yo, like I went all out for you,

984
00:44:57,120 --> 00:44:58,600
Speaker 1: I should get a pack of underwear. And my mother

985
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:00,759
Speaker 1: will be like, well you need underwear like whatever, like

986
00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:03,400
Speaker 1: and I'm just like I watched that growing up, so

987
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:05,760
Speaker 1: it gave me a complex and I was like, yo, diviow,

988
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:08,399
Speaker 1: you're not going to be forgotten because I always watched

989
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:09,440
Speaker 1: my father be forgotten.

990
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 2: And it was just like, we.

991
00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:13,040
Speaker 1: Have a lot of our issues because I project what

992
00:45:13,120 --> 00:45:16,319
Speaker 1: I saw in my household, and if I feel like

993
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:18,719
Speaker 1: it's happening here, yeah, it triggers me.

994
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:20,480
Speaker 2: And I'm like, yo, I don't want to be forgotten.

995
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:21,319
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

996
00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:23,319
Speaker 1: And I realized, like the same way she has her

997
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:25,800
Speaker 1: triggers from her parents, I got my own triggers.

998
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.

999
00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 6: I think as a as a very young child, I

1000
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:31,960
Speaker 6: was very, very affectionate. I always wanted to sleep in

1001
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,080
Speaker 6: the bed. I kissed my parents on the lips till

1002
00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:37,279
Speaker 6: I was like thirteen. But I think growing up my

1003
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:42,239
Speaker 6: mom started to get a little more harder and like

1004
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:44,520
Speaker 6: kind of reject me when I wanted to like hold

1005
00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 6: on to her. So now as an adult, I kind

1006
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:49,840
Speaker 6: of reserve affection for people that I know for sure

1007
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:51,799
Speaker 6: want to be affectionate with me. So a lot of

1008
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:54,560
Speaker 6: times I reserve affection for romantic relationships.

1009
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:56,280
Speaker 2: Only I noticed that because when.

1010
00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:00,480
Speaker 1: You seem a little uncomfortable and you notice, but I

1011
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 1: hug you on purpose all the time because I want

1012
00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:02,880
Speaker 1: I do it.

1013
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:05,120
Speaker 2: Every time you come in to leave, I always be like, come.

1014
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:06,480
Speaker 3: In, and it's not the titties.

1015
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:10,240
Speaker 2: It's not it's not. I mean, I don't mind titties.

1016
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:12,600
Speaker 2: I never mind titties. The fact that you have titties

1017
00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:14,600
Speaker 2: makes it easy to hug you. But it's because I

1018
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 2: do notice that you. I'm like, why you're so awkward?

1019
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 2: But now I understand why my mom, my mom was.

1020
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:20,799
Speaker 2: I used to do the same thing.

1021
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:24,360
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, when she first moved in. Remember I

1022
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:25,799
Speaker 1: used to be like, love you, me and me, and

1023
00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:28,680
Speaker 1: she'd be like, and I'd be like, your mother can't

1024
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:28,920
Speaker 1: take this.

1025
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:29,799
Speaker 2: Watch this, I believe.

1026
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 1: And I'd be like, I love you, hugger and I

1027
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:35,080
Speaker 1: love you and me and she'd be like, but you know,

1028
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:38,080
Speaker 1: it takes you got to get for them to realize.

1029
00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:39,960
Speaker 3: My brother and sister and I was just in New

1030
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:41,799
Speaker 3: York when I was doing pressed and I went by

1031
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:43,840
Speaker 3: the house and he would like. I got to the

1032
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 3: house and I was like, hey, guys, interesting comes in

1033
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:48,160
Speaker 3: for a hug and me and a carr hugg and

1034
00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:51,080
Speaker 3: we're like, that's so awkward. And we were like, guys,

1035
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:53,600
Speaker 3: do you realize, like we don't hug each other. And

1036
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:56,160
Speaker 3: I was like, can we like start hugging at least

1037
00:46:56,239 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 3: more like we're not touching Philly at all. The family

1038
00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 3: is not, We're not I love you, I love you.

1039
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:02,520
Speaker 3: And then I saw when I became a part of

1040
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:06,399
Speaker 3: da Vos family, they literally will hug everybody when they enter,

1041
00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:09,359
Speaker 3: and they will hug everybody when they leave, and it's like, bye,

1042
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 3: I love you, love you, And I'm like, oh, so

1043
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:13,880
Speaker 3: I'm happy that I was able to adopt that because

1044
00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:16,360
Speaker 3: we do it with our boys now, like our boys

1045
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:19,319
Speaker 3: run and hug and kiss and I love you to

1046
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:22,120
Speaker 3: everybody all the time, you know. And I did not

1047
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:25,560
Speaker 3: experience that. And it's so cringe between the three of us,

1048
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 3: my brother and my sister and I because it's just

1049
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:28,880
Speaker 3: like we don't ug ever.

1050
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:33,000
Speaker 1: But this is important for people to understand about desire

1051
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:36,480
Speaker 1: and relationships. People just think desire is sexual, right, and

1052
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:38,759
Speaker 1: it's not people desire to be loved or.

1053
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:41,960
Speaker 3: Just not even only romantic relationships right. Fact, it's a

1054
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:44,839
Speaker 3: desire within familial It's not.

1055
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:48,719
Speaker 8: Desire to be loved. It's designer to feel loved like

1056
00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:51,480
Speaker 8: you know that you know that they love you, like

1057
00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:52,920
Speaker 8: you know your family loves you.

1058
00:47:52,920 --> 00:47:55,520
Speaker 4: You know your spouse loves you. It's the feeling of it.

1059
00:47:57,120 --> 00:47:57,759
Speaker 2: Yo, you'd be.

1060
00:47:57,719 --> 00:47:59,719
Speaker 1: Saying some deep shit pause, but then you don't like

1061
00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:02,000
Speaker 1: to talk. That's why Troup will be telling your ass

1062
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:04,200
Speaker 1: to get up in the fucking mic, Josh, because that's

1063
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:06,800
Speaker 1: the truth. Though it's not the desire to be loved.

1064
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 1: I want to feel loved and you say that to

1065
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:11,200
Speaker 1: me all the time. Case says to me when we

1066
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 1: have our conversations. You know I love you, DVI. I

1067
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:16,080
Speaker 1: just have to do a better job of showing you

1068
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:18,759
Speaker 1: because you deserve to be shown. And when she says it,

1069
00:48:18,760 --> 00:48:19,719
Speaker 1: I'll be like, what the fuck is that?

1070
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:22,080
Speaker 3: And in a way that he receives it, not I

1071
00:48:22,120 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 3: want to show it to him, but in a way

1072
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:26,200
Speaker 3: that he absorbs it and he's like, wow, I actually

1073
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:27,880
Speaker 3: feel this. Like it's just not enough for me to

1074
00:48:27,880 --> 00:48:29,279
Speaker 3: be like, I love you because I know I do

1075
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:30,640
Speaker 3: how to feel it.

1076
00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 6: So how do you tell your partner that you want

1077
00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:43,200
Speaker 6: a different expression of romance from them? Because in this

1078
00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:46,839
Speaker 6: situation where like I'm a very I'm a romantic person.

1079
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 6: I like to romance. I love to give gifts. I

1080
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 6: love giving thoughtful gifts. But I gave someone a gift

1081
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:55,640
Speaker 6: for Valentine's Day. It was really great, and they gave

1082
00:48:55,680 --> 00:48:58,120
Speaker 6: me flowers, but they didn't give me a card.

1083
00:48:59,400 --> 00:48:59,800
Speaker 2: And I know that.

1084
00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:02,680
Speaker 6: I know that they were like, oh, I had the card,

1085
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:05,160
Speaker 6: but I didn't have time to fill it out. Now,

1086
00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:08,000
Speaker 6: they did come from out of town to visit me

1087
00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:12,840
Speaker 6: for Valentine's Day, and I'm like, so on the airplane

1088
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:15,960
Speaker 6: you didn't have time. On the Uber ride to my apartment,

1089
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:16,680
Speaker 6: you didn't have time.

1090
00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:19,000
Speaker 3: So now you're thinking about this.

1091
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:21,759
Speaker 4: Is this is what you said to her, This.

1092
00:49:21,800 --> 00:49:23,919
Speaker 6: Is this is what I'm thinking, just because I don't

1093
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:27,200
Speaker 6: know how to express this because I just feel ungrateful.

1094
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 1: So so his I'll give you a perfect example. Right,

1095
00:49:31,120 --> 00:49:34,399
Speaker 1: this was last night, right, me and Kadino argue about sex.

1096
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:36,840
Speaker 1: No more, it don't happen. She's just like, what you

1097
00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:38,440
Speaker 1: want me to wear tonight? I was like, yo, you

1098
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:39,719
Speaker 1: you figure it out because.

1099
00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:40,520
Speaker 2: I had got to a point like you.

1100
00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:43,279
Speaker 1: It was like I'm tired of asking for something particularly

1101
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:45,400
Speaker 1: and I'm not getting it. So I say, you figure

1102
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:47,680
Speaker 1: it out. So she knows that I don't like to

1103
00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:49,880
Speaker 1: go in to bed and just start having sex. She

1104
00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:52,000
Speaker 1: knows that I liked the whole heels and things.

1105
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 2: But last night she was tired. She put on her nighty,

1106
00:49:54,400 --> 00:49:55,120
Speaker 2: just got in the bed.

1107
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:59,640
Speaker 3: It wasn't an it was long, it was low purple number.

1108
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:03,200
Speaker 1: But it was everything it is. But this is what

1109
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 1: women do. Like when I'm out saying women, when.

1110
00:50:09,400 --> 00:50:12,880
Speaker 3: I hear ninety, I think of what my mother. It

1111
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:15,160
Speaker 3: wasn't a man it was it was.

1112
00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 2: It wasn't, It wasn't it wasn't a nighty. It was

1113
00:50:17,160 --> 00:50:17,760
Speaker 2: like negligent.

1114
00:50:17,920 --> 00:50:20,839
Speaker 1: It was a neglige, but it wasn't the complete thing

1115
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:23,719
Speaker 1: that I had asked the whole thing, and she just

1116
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:25,720
Speaker 1: gave me what she wanted. So what I did this morning,

1117
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:28,040
Speaker 1: I said, Yo, you see how when I ask for things,

1118
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:30,239
Speaker 1: you tell me to ask and I'm specific, but you

1119
00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:33,000
Speaker 1: don't deliver. These are the things that get me frustrated

1120
00:50:33,080 --> 00:50:34,560
Speaker 1: because then it makes me feel like you.

1121
00:50:34,520 --> 00:50:37,440
Speaker 2: Don't care enough about me, the details, the details. And

1122
00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:39,000
Speaker 2: then she's like, well I didn't have time. I said,

1123
00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:40,440
Speaker 2: I was out front. You could have did it.

1124
00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:41,880
Speaker 1: Then you could have did this, And then I started

1125
00:50:41,880 --> 00:50:43,640
Speaker 1: listening when she could have did it, And sometimes she

1126
00:50:43,680 --> 00:50:46,520
Speaker 1: gets frustrated. But I have to let the person. Know, like,

1127
00:50:46,600 --> 00:50:49,319
Speaker 1: if we're going to be accountable, let's be accountable. You

1128
00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:51,520
Speaker 1: can't just say anything and expect me to.

1129
00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:54,080
Speaker 2: Say, Okay, you couldn't fill out the card. You traveled

1130
00:50:54,120 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 2: six hours and you.

1131
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:56,839
Speaker 1: Had no like you know, like to me, it's kind

1132
00:50:56,840 --> 00:50:59,120
Speaker 1: of like them like you really that hurts the fact

1133
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:01,600
Speaker 1: that you could say that to me and expect that

1134
00:51:01,640 --> 00:51:02,680
Speaker 1: I'm going to just accept that.

1135
00:51:03,040 --> 00:51:05,640
Speaker 3: And any issue. Last night wasn't time. I didn't feel

1136
00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 3: like I didn't have time. I had time because you

1137
00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:08,560
Speaker 3: were in the front with Roger waiting for him to

1138
00:51:08,600 --> 00:51:11,719
Speaker 3: get picked up. I took it edible, and typically when

1139
00:51:11,719 --> 00:51:13,360
Speaker 3: I do, because I'll be trying to be, you know,

1140
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:16,000
Speaker 3: in a good mood, and once it starts to hit,

1141
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:17,960
Speaker 3: it set in and I'm like waiting for him to

1142
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:20,200
Speaker 3: come back. I have no concept of time, so he

1143
00:51:20,239 --> 00:51:21,920
Speaker 3: could have been ten minutes or he could have been

1144
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:24,920
Speaker 3: thirty minutes. But because I'm already like lifted, I don't

1145
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 3: be knowing half the time. So I try to balance

1146
00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:31,440
Speaker 3: between being you know, under the influence, but then also

1147
00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:34,400
Speaker 3: like making sure I'm delivering on what he wants. So

1148
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:41,000
Speaker 3: and I have a bag because I want to die.

1149
00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:46,719
Speaker 2: She did have food in the bed. Yeah, it was mad.

1150
00:51:47,200 --> 00:51:51,400
Speaker 3: It was R's cake pieces in the bed. You know what, I'm.

1151
00:51:53,560 --> 00:51:57,160
Speaker 1: This is why it don't be like arguments though, right like,

1152
00:51:57,239 --> 00:52:00,239
Speaker 1: this is why because it's funny a little bit, right, Like,

1153
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:02,680
Speaker 1: she still was thoughtful enough to make sure, like, yo,

1154
00:52:02,719 --> 00:52:03,920
Speaker 1: I got to take care of my husband.

1155
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:06,239
Speaker 2: I'm gonna put this on. Was it everything that I

1156
00:52:06,280 --> 00:52:06,640
Speaker 2: asked for?

1157
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:06,920
Speaker 4: No?

1158
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:09,040
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I could also tell her

1159
00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:12,000
Speaker 1: politely without it being a thing. And I also don't

1160
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:14,960
Speaker 1: gotta hey, babe, not just like yo. Remember when we

1161
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:16,719
Speaker 1: said this and you said you didn't do it, and

1162
00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 1: she was like, you know what, You're right? Then I

1163
00:52:18,080 --> 00:52:19,440
Speaker 1: was like, but this is the ship that hurts my

1164
00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:21,759
Speaker 1: feelings because now I feel like I don't matter nothing,

1165
00:52:22,160 --> 00:52:22,319
Speaker 1: you know.

1166
00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:24,680
Speaker 8: I think it goes back to what Triple was saying

1167
00:52:24,680 --> 00:52:27,000
Speaker 8: with old girl Valentine's Day.

1168
00:52:27,440 --> 00:52:30,759
Speaker 2: Look at them I'm listening to.

1169
00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:37,840
Speaker 8: Yeah for Valentine's Day because she gave her a gift.

1170
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:40,880
Speaker 8: She received the gift. It was just the card. So like,

1171
00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:42,799
Speaker 8: I think, did you ever mention it to her?

1172
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:43,400
Speaker 4: You just say that.

1173
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:48,120
Speaker 6: I said, you know, I really love cards. Cards go

1174
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:51,239
Speaker 6: a long way for me, Like gifts. I don't care

1175
00:52:51,239 --> 00:52:55,520
Speaker 6: about gifts, but cards like thoughtful words that that means

1176
00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:57,440
Speaker 6: something to me. And then that's when she told me

1177
00:52:57,480 --> 00:52:59,840
Speaker 6: that she had a card but she didn't bother to

1178
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:00,799
Speaker 6: wright in it.

1179
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:05,160
Speaker 1: Well, it's important that you also give leeway and grace

1180
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:06,400
Speaker 1: for her to make an adjustment.

1181
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:08,799
Speaker 2: If you're correct here, so you have to say it.

1182
00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:11,000
Speaker 1: And then once you say it, if she's like, bet

1183
00:53:11,080 --> 00:53:13,359
Speaker 1: next time, I know, so the next time a car

1184
00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:14,880
Speaker 1: comes and it's like, oh, she listened.

1185
00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:16,719
Speaker 2: But then at the next time, if there's no card,

1186
00:53:16,800 --> 00:53:18,120
Speaker 2: then it's just like you paying me.

1187
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:25,000
Speaker 4: Get that card. Yeah, that car next time?

1188
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:27,880
Speaker 1: The there is no next time. You broke up with

1189
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:29,000
Speaker 1: her right after the card thing.

1190
00:53:29,719 --> 00:53:31,919
Speaker 5: No, she broke up with me right after the card thing.

1191
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:35,680
Speaker 1: Actually so, but you know what she just showed you.

1192
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:38,160
Speaker 1: She has her own things she needs to deal with.

1193
00:53:38,760 --> 00:53:41,239
Speaker 1: And then not that you dodge the bullet. But this

1194
00:53:41,320 --> 00:53:44,080
Speaker 1: is what the dating process is. You date people you

1195
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:46,719
Speaker 1: see if y'all have synergies, and if you do have synergies,

1196
00:53:46,719 --> 00:53:48,279
Speaker 1: then it's like we keep going. But then once you

1197
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:50,080
Speaker 1: realize that you know what, this person isn't really my

1198
00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:52,719
Speaker 1: cup of tea, you move on. You just can't keep

1199
00:53:52,760 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 1: holding on to the fact that you know I've wasted

1200
00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:56,360
Speaker 1: time with that person.

1201
00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:56,919
Speaker 2: You really didn't.

1202
00:53:57,320 --> 00:53:57,920
Speaker 4: I don't think I.

1203
00:53:57,880 --> 00:53:58,439
Speaker 5: Waste the time.

1204
00:53:59,040 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 6: My thing is like I just am like, when do

1205
00:54:03,280 --> 00:54:07,200
Speaker 6: you or do you? I guess compromise, like you know

1206
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:08,839
Speaker 6: what I'm saying, because I felt bad being like, well,

1207
00:54:08,960 --> 00:54:10,680
Speaker 6: she did come, she did bring flowers.

1208
00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:14,920
Speaker 1: But I think life is a compromise because you can't

1209
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:18,040
Speaker 1: mind read. I don't know everything that Kadeen and her

1210
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:20,239
Speaker 1: family have been through. She doesn't know everything that I've

1211
00:54:20,280 --> 00:54:23,880
Speaker 1: been through. So what it takes is you meeting you,

1212
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 1: going through some life experiences and realizing like, oh, you

1213
00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:31,600
Speaker 1: handle things like this. I handle things like this. For example,

1214
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:34,560
Speaker 1: Kate just sent me that the meme. The girl said,

1215
00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:39,040
Speaker 1: I told my husband on his way home to get detergent.

1216
00:54:40,040 --> 00:54:42,560
Speaker 2: So when he came home with there, he came home

1217
00:54:42,560 --> 00:54:43,440
Speaker 2: with dish soap.

1218
00:54:43,719 --> 00:54:43,879
Speaker 4: Right.

1219
00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:48,440
Speaker 1: She was first pissed, and then it was just like,

1220
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:50,959
Speaker 1: let me not be pissed. Let me ask him, Hey,

1221
00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:52,759
Speaker 1: what's detergent?

1222
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:53,640
Speaker 2: She said.

1223
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:57,360
Speaker 1: He said, oh, what you watch dishes with, and then

1224
00:54:57,680 --> 00:54:59,439
Speaker 1: she was like, okay, so then what do you watch

1225
00:54:59,480 --> 00:54:59,880
Speaker 1: clothes with?

1226
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:01,320
Speaker 2: He said, washing powder?

1227
00:55:02,200 --> 00:55:05,040
Speaker 1: She said, note it next time, I'm just going to

1228
00:55:05,120 --> 00:55:10,080
Speaker 1: say washing powder when a lot of people I told

1229
00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:15,000
Speaker 1: this dumb mass to bring home, and then it was

1230
00:55:15,040 --> 00:55:17,799
Speaker 1: just a small little oh, you think like this.

1231
00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:19,279
Speaker 2: I think like this.

1232
00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:22,000
Speaker 1: A lot of people in relationships should just do the

1233
00:55:22,040 --> 00:55:24,719
Speaker 1: same thing, especially in the beginning. Let me find out

1234
00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:27,480
Speaker 1: how they say that, how they word this, how they

1235
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:29,680
Speaker 1: moved this way. And then as y'all start to learn

1236
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:32,600
Speaker 1: each other, is it worth me to just say washing powder?

1237
00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:33,560
Speaker 2: Okay, it's worth it.

1238
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:35,320
Speaker 3: When I saw it in that sense, it of devide

1239
00:55:35,320 --> 00:55:37,239
Speaker 3: I said, this is a mature marriage. You can tell

1240
00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:39,680
Speaker 3: if somebody who's like tuned in and just say, okay,

1241
00:55:40,239 --> 00:55:41,840
Speaker 3: first of all, you're gonna pick your battles. Is this

1242
00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:44,120
Speaker 3: a battle that I really want to fight right now?

1243
00:55:44,480 --> 00:55:45,640
Speaker 3: Or is it something that I can say?

1244
00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 5: You know what?

1245
00:55:46,160 --> 00:55:49,400
Speaker 3: There might have just been a difference triple. When you

1246
00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:51,799
Speaker 3: talked about the crash out episode, right, and you talked

1247
00:55:51,800 --> 00:55:55,799
Speaker 3: about knowing how your body feels before you have a

1248
00:55:55,800 --> 00:55:58,520
Speaker 3: crash out moment and trying to take note of that,

1249
00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:02,600
Speaker 3: I think the same can be said for this conversation.

1250
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:06,640
Speaker 3: It's like knowing what your triggers are because of your

1251
00:56:06,680 --> 00:56:09,120
Speaker 3: family history and because of how you were raised and

1252
00:56:09,160 --> 00:56:13,359
Speaker 3: not crashing out because of the trigger that has been

1253
00:56:13,440 --> 00:56:15,360
Speaker 3: jumped on, but saying, you know what, I know that

1254
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:17,160
Speaker 3: this is about to trigger me. So this is a

1255
00:56:17,280 --> 00:56:21,000
Speaker 3: me moment. Let me not take this out on my spouse.

1256
00:56:21,239 --> 00:56:25,560
Speaker 3: Let me try to explain what's that as it pertains

1257
00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:27,800
Speaker 3: to just desire on what you're looking for. Like for example,

1258
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:30,800
Speaker 3: Deval has said several times, because of my mom and

1259
00:56:30,880 --> 00:56:33,960
Speaker 3: dad's relationship, I realize, damn, I don't want this to

1260
00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:37,600
Speaker 3: be my reality. So let me say something now before

1261
00:56:37,640 --> 00:56:41,040
Speaker 3: it becomes that. So he's become very aware of what

1262
00:56:41,080 --> 00:56:44,120
Speaker 3: his triggers are based off of his family, you know,

1263
00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:46,759
Speaker 3: up bringing, or just whatever his experiences are, so he's

1264
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:48,879
Speaker 3: been able to kind of temper those so we can

1265
00:56:48,920 --> 00:56:51,279
Speaker 3: have a conversation and it's not just a fad as

1266
00:56:51,280 --> 00:56:51,719
Speaker 3: out moments.

1267
00:56:51,760 --> 00:56:54,080
Speaker 2: I realize it ain't her, that's the problem, you know

1268
00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:54,560
Speaker 2: what I'm saying.

1269
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:57,600
Speaker 1: When you realize like it's really not her, it's you,

1270
00:56:58,320 --> 00:57:00,520
Speaker 1: So just tell her how you feel about what happening.

1271
00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 1: And then when you tell her, and kudos to my wife.

1272
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:06,200
Speaker 1: In the past, I would tell her she would try

1273
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:08,719
Speaker 1: to defend, deflec defend, deflect, but now she listens and

1274
00:57:08,760 --> 00:57:11,080
Speaker 1: she's just like, Okay, what exactly is it? And I

1275
00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:13,400
Speaker 1: tell her and she's like, all right, I'll try to

1276
00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:17,000
Speaker 1: see if I can correct it. But realistically, it's realizing

1277
00:57:17,040 --> 00:57:20,400
Speaker 1: that she knows that I want to be desired. She's

1278
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:23,520
Speaker 1: just trying to work and figure out how can I

1279
00:57:23,560 --> 00:57:25,600
Speaker 1: continue to give him the desire he wants.

1280
00:57:25,640 --> 00:57:26,720
Speaker 2: And I do the same thing.

1281
00:57:27,040 --> 00:57:29,440
Speaker 1: I realized during pregnancy she didn't want to be desired

1282
00:57:29,440 --> 00:57:32,040
Speaker 1: the same way she was when she wasn't pregnant, and

1283
00:57:32,080 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 1: it took me a minute.

1284
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:33,640
Speaker 2: I used to do all these.

1285
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:35,680
Speaker 1: Videos about her being you know, she was a little

1286
00:57:35,680 --> 00:57:37,560
Speaker 1: bit bigger at that time, and me still loving her

1287
00:57:37,680 --> 00:57:39,560
Speaker 1: and doing all this stuff because I wanted her to

1288
00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:42,640
Speaker 1: feel desired that way, until she realized, like, I don't

1289
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:45,080
Speaker 1: need to feel desired like that when I'm going through that,

1290
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:48,240
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh shit, like damn, and that

1291
00:57:48,360 --> 00:57:50,560
Speaker 1: was I was doing something for me, thinking I'm helping

1292
00:57:50,600 --> 00:57:52,960
Speaker 1: her and then not realizing that She's like, no, I

1293
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:54,120
Speaker 1: just really want to get back in.

1294
00:57:54,080 --> 00:57:56,200
Speaker 2: Fucking shape and get back to myself. I'm tired of

1295
00:57:56,200 --> 00:57:56,840
Speaker 2: being like this.

1296
00:57:57,040 --> 00:57:58,160
Speaker 7: But I think it goes back to what you were

1297
00:57:58,200 --> 00:58:01,080
Speaker 7: saying before, like, nobody's in my regrating you have to

1298
00:58:01,320 --> 00:58:03,360
Speaker 7: My mother literally told me my wife that on our

1299
00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:06,040
Speaker 7: wedding card, the bottom of it said, yes, nobody's a

1300
00:58:06,080 --> 00:58:07,520
Speaker 7: minderer to make sure you talk to each other.

1301
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:14,480
Speaker 2: Right, But I understand that's a fact though.

1302
00:58:14,880 --> 00:58:17,640
Speaker 3: I get why she wrote it now, it definitely is true.

1303
00:58:18,240 --> 00:58:21,640
Speaker 1: Married men are having these conversations not only about we

1304
00:58:21,800 --> 00:58:24,280
Speaker 1: wanting sex or we wanting to be desired, but it's

1305
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:27,560
Speaker 1: like what can we do to help our partners when

1306
00:58:27,600 --> 00:58:29,800
Speaker 1: we have desires? And you know, like we are having

1307
00:58:29,800 --> 00:58:31,720
Speaker 1: these conversations, and I know they say men don't talk

1308
00:58:31,760 --> 00:58:32,160
Speaker 1: about ship.

1309
00:58:32,240 --> 00:58:32,880
Speaker 2: That is not true.

1310
00:58:33,360 --> 00:58:35,680
Speaker 1: The three of us and Jay will get down here

1311
00:58:35,760 --> 00:58:37,320
Speaker 1: but live like, we all will get down here and

1312
00:58:37,360 --> 00:58:39,160
Speaker 1: talk and be like, yo, what is it you going through?

1313
00:58:39,560 --> 00:58:41,200
Speaker 1: And one thing we did notice is like, yo, we

1314
00:58:41,240 --> 00:58:43,440
Speaker 1: all want to be desired like we do, and we

1315
00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:46,000
Speaker 1: don't want to be desired for just sex, like we

1316
00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:47,520
Speaker 1: all hate that. Oh you're gonna wait till the end

1317
00:58:47,560 --> 00:58:49,280
Speaker 1: of the night and then just be like, hey, I

1318
00:58:49,320 --> 00:58:50,400
Speaker 1: gave you some booty.

1319
00:58:50,640 --> 00:58:53,480
Speaker 2: That's not the type of desire. Yeah, I don't want

1320
00:58:53,520 --> 00:58:53,880
Speaker 2: no tire.

1321
00:58:53,920 --> 00:59:01,040
Speaker 9: Booty is booty regardless, and I'll be like, I don't

1322
00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:04,360
Speaker 9: even want this, but you know I'm not even gonna

1323
00:59:04,400 --> 00:59:14,880
Speaker 9: smile in this, and I'll be like, man, you're so stupid.

1324
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:17,080
Speaker 3: One of the questions we started with at the top

1325
00:59:17,120 --> 00:59:19,920
Speaker 3: of the show was like letting yourself go in the relationship.

1326
00:59:19,960 --> 00:59:21,920
Speaker 3: So letting yourself go doesn't always have to be physical.

1327
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:25,600
Speaker 3: Hunt anything go that you know your spouse is looking

1328
00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:25,840
Speaker 3: to do.

1329
00:59:26,480 --> 00:59:29,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is what I'll say. I noticed you let

1330
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:33,520
Speaker 1: go of your ambition a little bit. Yeah, you let

1331
00:59:33,560 --> 00:59:34,160
Speaker 1: you let that go.

1332
00:59:34,520 --> 00:59:35,560
Speaker 2: You let go of your ambition.

1333
00:59:35,600 --> 00:59:37,200
Speaker 1: And when I'm when I mean ambition, I don't mean

1334
00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:41,040
Speaker 1: ambition for working on your ambition to be the best

1335
00:59:41,120 --> 00:59:43,560
Speaker 1: at what it is you do. You was a pageant winner,

1336
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:47,120
Speaker 1: magnum cum laude, and then once you got pregnant.

1337
00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:49,080
Speaker 2: I guess hormones does change that. It was like I'm

1338
00:59:49,120 --> 00:59:51,320
Speaker 2: chilling for a little bit, you know.

1339
00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:53,640
Speaker 3: Which is by the day.

1340
00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:56,440
Speaker 7: I feel like that's maturity hearing somebody tell their wife that,

1341
00:59:56,480 --> 00:59:58,040
Speaker 7: I feel like you lost your ambition a little bit,

1342
00:59:58,040 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 7: because I feel like most marriages that don't land well

1343
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:02,240
Speaker 7: or dependent on situation just right.

1344
01:00:02,600 --> 01:00:05,000
Speaker 3: Because I could have been and probably like ten years ago,

1345
01:00:05,040 --> 01:00:07,320
Speaker 3: i'd have been like, so what do you know? So

1346
01:00:07,320 --> 01:00:09,280
Speaker 3: now I'm in adequate because you didn't because I don't

1347
01:00:09,320 --> 01:00:10,960
Speaker 3: do this that, and I just had four kids for

1348
01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:14,400
Speaker 3: you own that. Yeah, and you know right, and I

1349
01:00:14,440 --> 01:00:17,240
Speaker 3: know exactly what he means. But that's why, going back

1350
01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:20,960
Speaker 3: to your story time January sixth, I got the call

1351
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:23,640
Speaker 3: that I have a potential opportunity and then you're like, oh, shoot,

1352
01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:26,640
Speaker 3: this is something that sparked that in you again, which

1353
01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:28,800
Speaker 3: is the ambition that I know you have in you,

1354
01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:31,520
Speaker 3: but your focus has just been elsewhere. I spent fifteen

1355
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:34,640
Speaker 3: years of my life, yeah, having children, getting back, having

1356
01:00:34,680 --> 01:00:37,680
Speaker 3: more children, getting back, and dedicating to my family. So

1357
01:00:37,880 --> 01:00:40,120
Speaker 3: was my ambition at the time, not maybe at the

1358
01:00:40,120 --> 01:00:43,600
Speaker 3: top of my priority list. No, my ambition was to

1359
01:00:43,600 --> 01:00:46,040
Speaker 3: be a great mom and to be a great wife.

1360
01:00:46,400 --> 01:00:48,080
Speaker 3: And when I now feel like I'm in the space

1361
01:00:48,080 --> 01:00:51,040
Speaker 3: where I can transition because I've got the wife mom

1362
01:00:51,320 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 3: thing kind of down, you know, I'm still working on myself,

1363
01:00:54,120 --> 01:00:56,560
Speaker 3: but now I can get back into my career.

1364
01:00:56,960 --> 01:00:59,520
Speaker 1: Watching you chase your goals is great, Like watching you

1365
01:00:59,640 --> 01:01:03,000
Speaker 1: chase something that's outside of this house is what was

1366
01:01:03,080 --> 01:01:06,680
Speaker 1: what turned me on at eighteen. So seeing that again

1367
01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:07,800
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, I like that.

1368
01:01:08,240 --> 01:01:09,840
Speaker 3: All right, Well, let's go pay some bills and we

1369
01:01:09,880 --> 01:01:32,200
Speaker 3: will get back into listener letters. Y'all stick around.

1370
01:01:24,720 --> 01:01:26,000
Speaker 2: Yo, We back with listening to letters.

1371
01:01:26,040 --> 01:01:28,760
Speaker 1: Kadean's favorite part of the show, Yes still is let's

1372
01:01:28,840 --> 01:01:29,280
Speaker 1: check this.

1373
01:01:29,200 --> 01:01:31,520
Speaker 2: Out, hey, Kadeen and Duval and the rest of the fam.

1374
01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:33,320
Speaker 2: I am in a bit of a dilemma.

1375
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:35,800
Speaker 1: My husband and I have been married for almost six years,

1376
01:01:35,840 --> 01:01:38,000
Speaker 1: we have three children, and for some reason, I'm not

1377
01:01:38,040 --> 01:01:40,800
Speaker 1: sexually attracted to him anymore. I'm thinking that the problem

1378
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:43,200
Speaker 1: is that I don't think that I'm physically attractive anymore.

1379
01:01:43,360 --> 01:01:46,360
Speaker 1: But there's also things that I just don't like about

1380
01:01:46,440 --> 01:01:49,880
Speaker 1: him anymore. For instance, he still smokes weed and it

1381
01:01:49,920 --> 01:01:52,680
Speaker 1: makes his breath stink. That's that the mommy knows, you know,

1382
01:01:52,720 --> 01:01:54,960
Speaker 1: when you get pregnant. Ye, the things you used to

1383
01:01:55,040 --> 01:01:56,160
Speaker 1: like you don't like no more.

1384
01:01:56,480 --> 01:01:56,720
Speaker 3: True.

1385
01:01:58,080 --> 01:02:00,440
Speaker 2: His breath stink and his body stink, and that comes

1386
01:02:00,480 --> 01:02:02,600
Speaker 2: out of his nose. I hate it.

1387
01:02:02,840 --> 01:02:05,160
Speaker 1: I have a long list, but not enough time to discuss,

1388
01:02:05,760 --> 01:02:12,320
Speaker 1: enough money to therapy. She goes, that's crazy, She says,

1389
01:02:12,320 --> 01:02:14,600
Speaker 1: I have a long list, but not enough time to discuss,

1390
01:02:14,640 --> 01:02:17,360
Speaker 1: and not enough money to afford therapy, which was something

1391
01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:19,240
Speaker 1: we tried to do a year or two ago.

1392
01:02:19,640 --> 01:02:21,800
Speaker 2: So do y'all think I'm going through a severe case

1393
01:02:21,840 --> 01:02:24,720
Speaker 2: of postpartum? Yes? Or is my marriage in shamboos?

1394
01:02:24,720 --> 01:02:24,800
Speaker 3: No?

1395
01:02:25,200 --> 01:02:25,800
Speaker 2: Please help.

1396
01:02:25,920 --> 01:02:28,240
Speaker 1: Also, I am very strong in my faith in God,

1397
01:02:28,280 --> 01:02:31,720
Speaker 1: but I often feel alone and forget what my purpose

1398
01:02:31,800 --> 01:02:34,960
Speaker 1: is since I'm left alone with these crazy kids postpartum

1399
01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:37,439
Speaker 1: by myself at night while my husband works a job

1400
01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:39,960
Speaker 1: that barely pays the bills, and I work all day

1401
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:42,680
Speaker 1: with high school kids who could care less about theater.

1402
01:02:42,920 --> 01:02:46,760
Speaker 1: I'm glad she's saying, which is the subject that I teach.

1403
01:02:47,320 --> 01:02:50,640
Speaker 1: I'm going through it if y'all couldn't tell, lol. I

1404
01:02:50,680 --> 01:02:52,720
Speaker 1: love y'all, like y'all, my cousins that I only saw

1405
01:02:52,720 --> 01:02:55,440
Speaker 1: at weddings and funerals, and every other family you and you, well, we.

1406
01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:55,919
Speaker 2: Love you too.

1407
01:02:57,640 --> 01:03:02,040
Speaker 3: Yeah. It's part of them. It's it's the it's the

1408
01:03:02,160 --> 01:03:05,200
Speaker 3: rat race. Remember how we talked about just being tired,

1409
01:03:05,360 --> 01:03:07,840
Speaker 3: like it just seems like you are over everything. You

1410
01:03:07,960 --> 01:03:10,760
Speaker 3: tired of everything, You tired of his nose ear, You're

1411
01:03:10,800 --> 01:03:15,120
Speaker 3: tired of them, the stupid ass high school kids. I

1412
01:03:15,160 --> 01:03:17,120
Speaker 3: know what she means, my nose air I get it.

1413
01:03:17,920 --> 01:03:21,400
Speaker 3: But no, no, you say, I will tell you. If

1414
01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:24,720
Speaker 3: it did, I would tell you. But yeah, you have

1415
01:03:24,760 --> 01:03:26,440
Speaker 3: these high school kids that don't probably don't give a

1416
01:03:26,520 --> 01:03:28,880
Speaker 3: damn about anything, and then you're with your children as well.

1417
01:03:28,920 --> 01:03:30,640
Speaker 3: So it's like, when do you clock out and actually

1418
01:03:30,680 --> 01:03:32,880
Speaker 3: have time to decompress for yourself.

1419
01:03:32,920 --> 01:03:34,080
Speaker 2: You don't. This is what's happened.

1420
01:03:34,120 --> 01:03:34,520
Speaker 3: You don't.

1421
01:03:34,880 --> 01:03:37,560
Speaker 1: This is what's happening. She has a partner, they're supposed

1422
01:03:37,600 --> 01:03:40,560
Speaker 1: to build this life together. She feels like she's taking

1423
01:03:40,600 --> 01:03:43,520
Speaker 1: on the brunt of everything. She said that he works

1424
01:03:43,560 --> 01:03:45,800
Speaker 1: a job at night that doesn't make enough money to

1425
01:03:45,840 --> 01:03:47,880
Speaker 1: pay the bills, which means her job pays the bills.

1426
01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:51,120
Speaker 1: This means she's the breadwinner as your teacher. And she's

1427
01:03:51,160 --> 01:03:54,280
Speaker 1: a teacher, and she has three children, which at night,

1428
01:03:54,280 --> 01:03:56,400
Speaker 1: when her husband is gone, she has the kids all

1429
01:03:56,440 --> 01:03:59,280
Speaker 1: by herself. So she wakes up, probably gets the kids

1430
01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:02,680
Speaker 1: ready for school, goals, deal with kids all day, comes home,

1431
01:04:02,760 --> 01:04:04,560
Speaker 1: deals with the kids when they come home from school,

1432
01:04:04,560 --> 01:04:07,600
Speaker 1: and goes to sleep, never gets to to see no reprieve.

1433
01:04:07,960 --> 01:04:10,680
Speaker 2: Plus, she said they've been married six years, have three children.

1434
01:04:10,720 --> 01:04:12,040
Speaker 3: I wonder if they had the three children within the

1435
01:04:12,280 --> 01:04:14,400
Speaker 3: within the six years because if so, that was back

1436
01:04:14,440 --> 01:04:14,920
Speaker 3: to back to.

1437
01:04:14,920 --> 01:04:17,600
Speaker 1: Back, which you know you like him enough to have

1438
01:04:17,640 --> 01:04:19,800
Speaker 1: three children, right, So I do think that she still

1439
01:04:19,840 --> 01:04:21,640
Speaker 1: likes him. But I think that women don't understand the

1440
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:25,000
Speaker 1: same way men didn't understand that. Physiologically, your body changes

1441
01:04:25,040 --> 01:04:27,840
Speaker 1: when you have children, when you get pregnant and you

1442
01:04:28,280 --> 01:04:30,440
Speaker 1: start to smell different things that you used to like

1443
01:04:30,440 --> 01:04:31,120
Speaker 1: and you don't like.

1444
01:04:31,160 --> 01:04:33,600
Speaker 2: It's not that person. Your body is changing.

1445
01:04:34,080 --> 01:04:36,080
Speaker 1: So maybe you should tell him, like, hey, ever since

1446
01:04:36,120 --> 01:04:37,720
Speaker 1: we started having kids, because it was the.

1447
01:04:37,680 --> 01:04:39,480
Speaker 2: Same thing with Kay. Certain things k liked.

1448
01:04:39,840 --> 01:04:43,160
Speaker 1: Remember we did the podcast the Light, Green Light, Light,

1449
01:04:43,360 --> 01:04:46,280
Speaker 1: Yellow Light. Certain things just aren't the same no more.

1450
01:04:46,280 --> 01:04:49,160
Speaker 1: And I've learned with women when they go through the

1451
01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:52,560
Speaker 1: physiological changes, it takes two years after the last child

1452
01:04:52,640 --> 01:04:54,320
Speaker 1: to get back to who you really were.

1453
01:04:54,520 --> 01:04:56,320
Speaker 3: And you're never really back to who you were. You're

1454
01:04:56,360 --> 01:04:57,720
Speaker 3: like version of yourself you are.

1455
01:04:57,760 --> 01:04:58,880
Speaker 2: And I think that's what she's dealing with.

1456
01:04:58,880 --> 01:05:02,520
Speaker 3: Your fifth rate who I am? Okay, it's Kadeen that

1457
01:05:02,600 --> 01:05:05,560
Speaker 3: you met, Kadeen after Jackson, after Kiro, aftercasts, after Coda

1458
01:05:05,600 --> 01:05:06,880
Speaker 3: and whoever the fuck I am now?

1459
01:05:07,720 --> 01:05:08,000
Speaker 2: Person?

1460
01:05:08,120 --> 01:05:12,160
Speaker 6: You know what gives me the ick in romance that

1461
01:05:12,240 --> 01:05:15,640
Speaker 6: I feel like she's probably experiencing when I'm telling my

1462
01:05:15,760 --> 01:05:19,880
Speaker 6: partner like that I'm stressed out or you know, I

1463
01:05:19,880 --> 01:05:22,520
Speaker 6: feel like I don't have time for myself and my

1464
01:05:22,600 --> 01:05:27,080
Speaker 6: partner has the means and the opportunity to help to

1465
01:05:27,200 --> 01:05:30,560
Speaker 6: try to make my life easier, and they don't. And

1466
01:05:30,880 --> 01:05:33,680
Speaker 6: I'm frustrated, and You're getting from me what you want,

1467
01:05:33,720 --> 01:05:36,320
Speaker 6: but I'm not getting from you what I need. I

1468
01:05:36,440 --> 01:05:39,480
Speaker 6: just start to point out every little thing that is

1469
01:05:39,640 --> 01:05:42,080
Speaker 6: disgusting about you, and I start to hate your fucking guts.

1470
01:05:42,120 --> 01:05:42,320
Speaker 2: Did you?

1471
01:05:43,880 --> 01:05:44,160
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1472
01:05:44,280 --> 01:05:46,720
Speaker 6: I mean, I mean I feel I think I think

1473
01:05:46,760 --> 01:05:50,120
Speaker 6: too sometimes being like a hyper independent adult or you know,

1474
01:05:50,320 --> 01:05:52,800
Speaker 6: or just like a working woman in general, it's like,

1475
01:05:53,200 --> 01:05:56,640
Speaker 6: I'm not necessarily even sure what I need from you,

1476
01:05:56,760 --> 01:05:59,680
Speaker 6: or that it's your responsibility to take care of it.

1477
01:05:59,760 --> 01:06:02,240
Speaker 6: I'm but I know that I'm stressed, and I know that, Like,

1478
01:06:02,800 --> 01:06:05,400
Speaker 6: if it's dinner time and I feel like I'm stressed

1479
01:06:05,440 --> 01:06:08,200
Speaker 6: at work, I'm not feeling well, I'm busy. It would

1480
01:06:08,240 --> 01:06:10,280
Speaker 6: be nice if you made plans for dinner, or you

1481
01:06:10,360 --> 01:06:13,200
Speaker 6: cook dinner instead of waiting for me to cook for you. Yeah,

1482
01:06:13,360 --> 01:06:15,320
Speaker 6: I shouldn't have to, I shouldn't have to say that.

1483
01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:16,120
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying.

1484
01:06:16,240 --> 01:06:17,640
Speaker 4: I think ultimately what it is.

1485
01:06:17,600 --> 01:06:18,480
Speaker 5: It's being thoughtful.

1486
01:06:18,560 --> 01:06:22,800
Speaker 6: Like the lack of thoughtfulness is just so unattractive to me.

1487
01:06:23,040 --> 01:06:26,320
Speaker 8: And I think that dealing with that makes you resent

1488
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:29,400
Speaker 8: them over time. Ultimately, what I feel like is leading

1489
01:06:29,440 --> 01:06:32,000
Speaker 8: to his resentment. And she sounds like she resentes. She

1490
01:06:32,080 --> 01:06:36,360
Speaker 8: resents her husband he's breastak she's not, she's not attracted

1491
01:06:36,360 --> 01:06:38,120
Speaker 8: to him, and he's not doing as much as he

1492
01:06:38,160 --> 01:06:38,480
Speaker 8: can do.

1493
01:06:39,080 --> 01:06:41,280
Speaker 4: She just she resents that.

1494
01:06:41,360 --> 01:06:41,560
Speaker 7: Man.

1495
01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:46,040
Speaker 8: I agree, yeah, And I think to come back that

1496
01:06:46,160 --> 01:06:49,240
Speaker 8: is like figure out why you resent him, Like, what's

1497
01:06:49,280 --> 01:06:52,479
Speaker 8: the ultimate reason why you're in resentment with him? Because

1498
01:06:52,480 --> 01:06:54,920
Speaker 8: once you resent somebody, nothing they do is going to

1499
01:06:54,960 --> 01:06:56,080
Speaker 8: be it's going to make you happy.

1500
01:06:56,160 --> 01:06:59,640
Speaker 1: We know what to underlying resentment happens because lack I

1501
01:06:59,680 --> 01:07:04,320
Speaker 1: consider lack of consideration, lack of thoughtfulness. One person is like,

1502
01:07:04,360 --> 01:07:05,960
Speaker 1: we know it's never going to be fifty to fifty,

1503
01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:08,320
Speaker 1: but if it's eighty twenty one sided all the time,

1504
01:07:08,360 --> 01:07:09,840
Speaker 1: that's how resentment grows.

1505
01:07:10,080 --> 01:07:12,600
Speaker 6: And just because I feel like I shouldn't have to

1506
01:07:12,640 --> 01:07:16,080
Speaker 6: tell you what I need, I actually do Like communication

1507
01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:18,520
Speaker 6: is absolutely needed if your partner's not doing what you

1508
01:07:18,600 --> 01:07:21,000
Speaker 6: need them to do. And you figure out what it's

1509
01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:22,840
Speaker 6: what is making you resent them, then now it's your

1510
01:07:22,880 --> 01:07:25,880
Speaker 6: responsibility to let them know and give them an opportunity

1511
01:07:26,360 --> 01:07:27,720
Speaker 6: to show up for you the way you need them to.

1512
01:07:27,880 --> 01:07:28,560
Speaker 2: That is a fact.

1513
01:07:28,920 --> 01:07:31,160
Speaker 4: And then she has no time for herself either, she

1514
01:07:31,320 --> 01:07:31,960
Speaker 4: do on top.

1515
01:07:31,800 --> 01:07:33,400
Speaker 2: Of that, that's the biggest thing.

1516
01:07:33,760 --> 01:07:37,120
Speaker 1: Imagine you wake up, well, imagine after having kids, you

1517
01:07:37,160 --> 01:07:39,080
Speaker 1: wake up got to take care of other people kids,

1518
01:07:39,320 --> 01:07:41,440
Speaker 1: go back home and take care of your kids by yourself,

1519
01:07:41,480 --> 01:07:42,840
Speaker 1: because your partner's at work.

1520
01:07:43,080 --> 01:07:44,320
Speaker 2: And while he's at work.

1521
01:07:44,200 --> 01:07:46,760
Speaker 1: He's not even bringing enough enough, bringing enough money to

1522
01:07:46,840 --> 01:07:48,240
Speaker 1: reprieve you from the bills.

1523
01:07:48,880 --> 01:07:49,640
Speaker 2: Like she got.

1524
01:07:49,440 --> 01:07:52,240
Speaker 4: Everything on my mind, she's carrying a heavy burden.

1525
01:07:52,560 --> 01:07:55,520
Speaker 3: So that heavy burden will make something like nose aar

1526
01:07:55,600 --> 01:07:58,919
Speaker 3: stinking being a biggest issue. It is at that point,

1527
01:07:58,960 --> 01:08:00,680
Speaker 3: but the resentment has both so much that it's just

1528
01:08:00,720 --> 01:08:02,800
Speaker 3: like the littlest thing, it's gonna pitch you the FuG off.

1529
01:08:02,960 --> 01:08:06,160
Speaker 1: Also, I gotta say this, you know, what's the one

1530
01:08:06,240 --> 01:08:08,760
Speaker 1: thing for health that people need to start prioritizing that

1531
01:08:08,800 --> 01:08:10,600
Speaker 1: we don't sleep?

1532
01:08:12,320 --> 01:08:14,560
Speaker 2: Sleep Sleep sleep.

1533
01:08:14,320 --> 01:08:17,439
Speaker 1: Is well water Definitely, because your body's made up of

1534
01:08:17,479 --> 01:08:18,479
Speaker 1: seventy five percent water.

1535
01:08:18,800 --> 01:08:23,439
Speaker 2: But sleep is your body's maxim juvenation period. That's the only.

1536
01:08:23,240 --> 01:08:25,320
Speaker 1: Time you get to go back to who you were

1537
01:08:25,360 --> 01:08:29,000
Speaker 1: when you started today. So imagine you spent months and

1538
01:08:29,040 --> 01:08:33,120
Speaker 1: months and months never recovering from the day before. There

1539
01:08:33,120 --> 01:08:35,439
Speaker 1: comes a point where everything stinks. At that point, like

1540
01:08:36,000 --> 01:08:38,479
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, At that point, freaking the sunlight.

1541
01:08:38,800 --> 01:08:42,280
Speaker 1: You hate sunlight because you're just exhausted. Exhaustion is a

1542
01:08:42,280 --> 01:08:45,519
Speaker 1: real thing. It affects your mental You can't see clearly.

1543
01:08:45,560 --> 01:08:49,000
Speaker 1: You hate everything, you smell everything. People really need to

1544
01:08:49,040 --> 01:08:52,519
Speaker 1: start prioritizing sleep. Team No sleep was a millennial thing.

1545
01:08:52,880 --> 01:08:56,280
Speaker 2: We not on that. I get my sleep facts.

1546
01:08:57,080 --> 01:08:59,120
Speaker 8: One thing I'm saying is she says that her faith

1547
01:08:59,160 --> 01:09:02,600
Speaker 8: in God is strong, but she feels alone and she

1548
01:09:02,720 --> 01:09:05,400
Speaker 8: feels like she has no purpose. I think I mean

1549
01:09:05,560 --> 01:09:08,559
Speaker 8: for you, sweetheart, like the fact that you find your

1550
01:09:08,560 --> 01:09:10,840
Speaker 8: purpose in God, and to find that, the fact that

1551
01:09:10,880 --> 01:09:12,920
Speaker 8: you are strong in your faith in God. I think

1552
01:09:12,920 --> 01:09:15,800
Speaker 8: you should continue to find your purpose in Him. Lean

1553
01:09:15,880 --> 01:09:19,240
Speaker 8: on Him for whatever whatever is, whatever you're dealing with

1554
01:09:19,240 --> 01:09:22,439
Speaker 8: in your marriage, Lean on God for to guide you.

1555
01:09:22,479 --> 01:09:24,720
Speaker 8: If He was in the center of your marriage, lead

1556
01:09:24,800 --> 01:09:26,679
Speaker 8: him to guide you through what you're going through, and

1557
01:09:26,920 --> 01:09:29,639
Speaker 8: like Develle said, find time for sleep prior to tize

1558
01:09:29,680 --> 01:09:30,960
Speaker 8: yourself and figure.

1559
01:09:30,640 --> 01:09:34,320
Speaker 4: Out why you are resenting your husband.

1560
01:09:34,920 --> 01:09:37,160
Speaker 5: I'll be forgetting. Josh is a deacon, he.

1561
01:09:49,160 --> 01:09:52,200
Speaker 4: Said, marriage I.

1562
01:09:54,040 --> 01:09:56,800
Speaker 8: Appreciate I'm not sure to appreciate it, but I mean

1563
01:09:57,040 --> 01:10:01,120
Speaker 8: I know I know what I would want and what

1564
01:10:01,200 --> 01:10:01,720
Speaker 8: I would do.

1565
01:10:01,960 --> 01:10:03,519
Speaker 3: All right, y'all, if you want to be featured as

1566
01:10:03,520 --> 01:10:06,880
Speaker 3: a listener letter, email us at the Ellis Advice at

1567
01:10:06,880 --> 01:10:08,040
Speaker 3: gmail dot com.

1568
01:10:08,080 --> 01:10:10,920
Speaker 1: That's t H E E L L I S A

1569
01:10:11,080 --> 01:10:13,240
Speaker 1: d V I C E at gmail dot com.

1570
01:10:13,280 --> 01:10:17,000
Speaker 3: All right, moment of true time. We're talking vire and designer.

1571
01:10:17,920 --> 01:10:18,800
Speaker 3: What you got, y'all?

1572
01:10:18,920 --> 01:10:23,160
Speaker 7: What's a little bit? Nobody is a mind reader?

1573
01:10:23,200 --> 01:10:27,040
Speaker 3: Come on now, spoken like the true miss Edna.

1574
01:10:27,520 --> 01:10:28,000
Speaker 2: We love that.

1575
01:10:29,760 --> 01:10:32,200
Speaker 8: We all want to be desired. I would say, from

1576
01:10:32,200 --> 01:10:36,320
Speaker 8: my perspective, men are simple and just listen to us.

1577
01:10:36,360 --> 01:10:36,880
Speaker 2: That's all I.

1578
01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:38,880
Speaker 3: Got got it.

1579
01:10:39,800 --> 01:10:44,240
Speaker 6: Romance is about how you make your partner feel and

1580
01:10:44,320 --> 01:10:46,760
Speaker 6: your partner wants to feel love.

1581
01:10:48,479 --> 01:10:51,479
Speaker 1: I'm going to piggyback off that it's not enough that

1582
01:10:51,520 --> 01:10:53,439
Speaker 1: your partner knows that you love them.

1583
01:10:53,840 --> 01:10:55,599
Speaker 2: They have to feel that.

1584
01:10:55,479 --> 01:10:59,800
Speaker 3: You love them, and don't over complicate things. If you're

1585
01:10:59,800 --> 01:11:03,720
Speaker 3: partartner is expressive and says exactly what they want, just

1586
01:11:03,760 --> 01:11:06,439
Speaker 3: do it. Don't try to reinvent the wheel, don't try

1587
01:11:06,439 --> 01:11:08,000
Speaker 3: to give them the grand gesture if that's not what

1588
01:11:08,000 --> 01:11:11,240
Speaker 3: they're asking for. Sometimes the smaller, more thoughtful things are

1589
01:11:11,280 --> 01:11:15,639
Speaker 3: really what counts. That was cute. We left everything concise today, y'all,

1590
01:11:15,880 --> 01:11:18,320
Speaker 3: But the moment of truth. I love that, all right, y'all.

1591
01:11:18,360 --> 01:11:21,759
Speaker 3: If you have not yet, please subscribe to our Patreon

1592
01:11:21,840 --> 01:11:23,599
Speaker 3: because that's where you have all the good stuff. Okay,

1593
01:11:23,600 --> 01:11:26,960
Speaker 3: that's where the after show is exclusive Ellis ever After content,

1594
01:11:27,000 --> 01:11:29,479
Speaker 3: as well as more Ellis Family content. You can follow

1595
01:11:29,560 --> 01:11:33,120
Speaker 3: us on Instagram at Ellis ever After and then I'm Kadeen,

1596
01:11:33,160 --> 01:11:35,200
Speaker 3: I am and i am Deval.

1597
01:11:35,080 --> 01:11:36,800
Speaker 7: I'm Underscore mad Dog Ellis A.

1598
01:11:37,000 --> 01:11:40,040
Speaker 4: Double click on my flicks at Joshua Underscore, Dwayne.

1599
01:11:39,840 --> 01:11:44,000
Speaker 6: I'm at Trims, the Cool Tribbz, the Cool on Everything.

1600
01:11:44,280 --> 01:11:46,880
Speaker 1: And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate,

1601
01:11:47,200 --> 01:11:54,120
Speaker 1: review a subscribe on three y'all one two three Baby.

1602
01:11:54,640 --> 01:11:59,519
Speaker 6: Got Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted

1603
01:11:59,560 --> 01:12:04,200
Speaker 6: by Dean and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,

1604
01:12:04,280 --> 01:12:08,800
Speaker 6: Production by Joshua Duane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by

1605
01:12:08,880 --> 01:12:09,679
Speaker 6: Lashawn Rowe.

1606
01:13:00,680 --> 01:13:23,120
Speaker 10: If had the gift, has gift, has

1607
01:13:27,120 --> 01:13:27,160
Speaker 1: To