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Speaker 1: Jackie, to me, epitomized everything that a person would want

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Speaker 1: in a mom. She was patient, she was caring, she

3
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Speaker 1: was affectionate, physically affectionate with the girls, which both Chris

4
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Speaker 1: and Jackie were like that. But she was definitely very

5
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Speaker 1: maternal and even with me. I mean, gosh, I can't

6
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Speaker 1: even tell you how many times I would go to

7
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Speaker 1: her and cry about something. I went to her for

8
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Speaker 1: advice all the time. I absolutely looked up to her,

9
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Speaker 1: and she was so nurturing in everything that she did.

10
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Speaker 2: The voice you heard belongs to Elena, a woman who

11
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Speaker 2: babysat Becky and her sister for many years. Now thirty

12
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Speaker 2: four years old, Becky lives a normal life like everyone else.

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Speaker 2: But what's unusual about her story is that her biological

14
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Speaker 2: mother is convicted killer Diane Downs, ordered by the state

15
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Speaker 2: to place Becky then Amy up for adoption. She went

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Speaker 2: to live a peaceful life with her adoptive parents, Jackie

17
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Speaker 2: and Chris and bend Oregon. Becky had a great home life,

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Speaker 2: and her parents provided her with a good home environment

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Speaker 2: and treated her well.

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Speaker 3: They were amazing. I mean, we had eighty acres, we

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Speaker 3: did forage and had horses and all the animals you

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Speaker 3: could think of. We lived on the river. It was

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Speaker 3: a deal to be a place to raise children, and

24
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Speaker 3: so my sister was adopted first, and then four years

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Speaker 3: later my parents adopted me.

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Speaker 2: Elena is a very same babysitter whom Becky tricked into

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Speaker 2: revealing her biological mother's identity. Alena remembers the interaction from there.

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Speaker 3: I went to the bookstore and I had to have

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Speaker 3: my parents take me, obviously because I was a kid,

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Speaker 3: And I found the book by Anniual and I thumbed

31
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Speaker 3: through the pages and went straight to the pictures. That

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Speaker 3: was like the moment reality set that this woman is

33
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Speaker 3: actually my biologic mom. And more so, the reality said

34
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Speaker 3: that my parents weren't my real parents. I always knew

35
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Speaker 3: they were not my real parents, but it was the

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Speaker 3: fact that now there was this third person. Now there

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Speaker 3: was reality of who my biological mother was. I think

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Speaker 3: it had been three years of asking that. It just

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Speaker 3: I didn't think i'd ever know, And at that point

40
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Speaker 3: I wish I hadn't known. It was really scary.

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Speaker 2: Becky was able to mostly forget about Diane for a

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Speaker 2: few years.

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Speaker 3: It was that answer to the question, you know, and

44
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Speaker 3: so I was able to let that go, and it

45
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Speaker 3: was more of just the needing to know, and now

46
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Speaker 3: that I knew, I didn't want to know, so I

47
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Speaker 3: just kind of buried it deep.

48
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Speaker 2: It stayed buried for a while until Becky decided to

49
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Speaker 2: share her secret.

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Speaker 3: When I was sixteen, I had told a boyfriend who

51
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Speaker 3: Diane Downs was, and it was just during that get

52
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Speaker 3: to know you phase. You know, he had asked if

53
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Speaker 3: I had anything that I never told anybody before, you know,

54
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Speaker 3: a secret, and that was the biggest secret I had.

55
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Speaker 3: So I told him. One day he said, you know,

56
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Speaker 3: let's watch a movie. Come on over to my house.

57
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Speaker 3: I remember sitting on his puton and he popped the

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Speaker 3: tape in and then he left the room to go

59
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Speaker 3: make snacks or something, and that's when it started playing.

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Speaker 3: And you know, you see the small sacrifices. It was

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Speaker 3: difficult to watch Barack faucet as dining down and to

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Speaker 3: let that story unfold in front of me. You can't

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Speaker 3: look away. But I did not want to watch it,

64
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Speaker 3: but I couldn't stop watching it.

65
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Speaker 2: At the bookstore, Becky saw the pictures of her mom

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Speaker 2: in the book but didn't read it. So watching this

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Speaker 2: was the first time she'd heard the entire story.

68
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Speaker 3: I don't even know the words to explain how it felt.

69
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Speaker 3: It killed a little part of my innocence in a sense,

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Speaker 3: just to know that that's really where I'm biologically from.

71
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Speaker 3: And I felt so stupid looking back, wanting to know

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Speaker 3: for so long, And I understand why my mom didn't

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Speaker 3: want to tell me.

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Speaker 2: Becky finally understood where she had come from and the

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Speaker 2: woman who had given birth to her.

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Speaker 3: The part that really got me was when Diane was

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Speaker 3: holding that baby that was a representation of who I am,

78
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Speaker 3: and it became real, It's like that's me in a sense,

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Speaker 3: and the fact that she held me and it was uncomfortable,

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Speaker 3: really difficult to watch.

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Speaker 2: After the discovery of who her biological mom was, Becky's

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Speaker 2: behavior shifted towards rebellion.

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Speaker 3: Looking back now as an adult, I can see that

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Speaker 3: it affected me greatly because it was the beginning of

85
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Speaker 3: my rebellious years, and perhaps that information and not dealing

86
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Speaker 3: with it appropriately and emotionally that it caused me to

87
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Speaker 3: go off the rails a little bit.

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Speaker 2: Becky came to resent the secrecy and the hidden facts

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Speaker 2: about where she came from. She also saw part of

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Speaker 2: her identity in Diane not being prepared emotionally to the

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Speaker 2: jarring physical resemblance to Diane, causing her to question who

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Speaker 2: she was.

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Speaker 3: After I saw the video and really got the full

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Speaker 3: idea of who Diane downs was, I just kind of

95
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Speaker 3: stopped caring. I shut down inside somehow. And I had

96
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Speaker 3: already been pretty rebellious, but at that age it was

97
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Speaker 3: more destructive rebellion, self destruction, partying, sleeping around, drugs, running away.

98
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Speaker 3: You know, I wasn't living at home at that point.

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Speaker 3: It was scary. I guess looking back now, I'm amazed

100
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Speaker 3: and I'm still alive by some of the situations I

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Speaker 3: would put myself in. At seventeen is when I decided

102
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Speaker 3: that I'm going nowhere in life and I'm just a

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Speaker 3: disappointment to everybody. So I needed to do something, and

104
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Speaker 3: I joined the Army, and the day that I shipped

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Speaker 3: out for boot camp, they told me I was pregnant.

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Speaker 2: Before being shipped off to boot camp, recruits are subject

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Speaker 2: to a battery of tests, and for women, this includes

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Speaker 2: a last minute pregnancy test.

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Speaker 3: As I walked by and they said, okay, everybody's clear.

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Speaker 3: And as I walked by, I looked down at him

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Speaker 3: and there's one positive and I was like, excuse me,

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Speaker 3: you know, it's like is that mine? And they're like, oh,

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Speaker 3: my gosh, sit right here, and they made me wait

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Speaker 3: for hours. They didn't tell me anything. They did call

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Speaker 3: my dad though, because I was seventeen, and they called

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Speaker 3: and told him, and that was awful.

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Speaker 4: I told before you yeah, and.

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Speaker 3: I begged them. I said, please, don't tell my dad.

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Speaker 3: You know, he can't let me at least tell him

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Speaker 3: that I'm pregnant.

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Speaker 2: Becky's parents were supportive to an extent, but for the

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Speaker 2: most part, she was on her own.

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Speaker 3: After finding out that I was pregnant, I stayed in

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Speaker 3: Portland for a while and continued to hang out with

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Speaker 3: some of the same people that weren't very healthy for me.

126
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Speaker 3: I wasn't doing any drugs. I quit smoking and I

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Speaker 3: talked with my dad and I tried to come home,

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Speaker 3: but they said, you know, we raised our children. This

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Speaker 3: is something you need to do on your own. They

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Speaker 3: paid for me to have a house so I could

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Speaker 3: raise my child, and my dad said that every parent

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Speaker 3: needs to be home for at least the first two

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Speaker 3: years of a child's life, so they helped me for

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Speaker 3: the first two years, even though I couldn't live with

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Speaker 3: them and they wouldn't like, really help me raise him,

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Speaker 3: they were there the whole time, and they made it

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Speaker 3: possible that I could have my child and that I

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Speaker 3: could take care of them and be that hands on parents.

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Speaker 2: With Christian, Becky discovered that she loved being a mom.

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Speaker 3: At the beginning, when Christian was a little well, I

141
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Speaker 3: didn't have time to think, you know, sleep deprived and

142
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Speaker 3: always caring for a little baby. I loved being a mom.

143
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Speaker 3: I never really worried about my genes transferring to him.

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Speaker 3: He was perfect in my eyes. Maybe it's how my

145
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Speaker 3: mom felt when she looked at me, you know, and

146
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Speaker 3: accepted me, and so their family is. I just didn't

147
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Speaker 3: see any negative things or anything bad. I just saw

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Speaker 3: this perfect little child, and so I didn't worry who

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Speaker 3: he was going to grow up to be.

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Speaker 2: Becky started dating a coworker and fell in love, and then,

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Speaker 2: by choice, Becky got pregnant a second time.

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Speaker 3: At that point, things started to go wrong. Before we

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Speaker 3: got pregnant, we drank a lot. We were still partying

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Speaker 3: quite a bit, and I had to sober up and

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Speaker 3: do things right because I was pregnant. We just realized

156
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Speaker 3: we didn't really like each other anymore, and we didn't

157
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Speaker 3: know who each other was without the alcohol and staying

158
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Speaker 3: up all night partying and that sort of stuff.

159
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Speaker 2: And then things got worse. Without warning, the father of

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Speaker 2: a child just left.

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Speaker 3: I was just destroyed. I was heartbroken. I was pregnant

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Speaker 3: with my second child. It was you know, I couldn't

163
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Speaker 3: afford where I was living because I couldn't work. It

164
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Speaker 3: was a high risk of pregnancy. I was bedridden for

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Speaker 3: most of it. I didn't want to give up on

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Speaker 3: our family, so I ended up staying in a homeless

167
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Speaker 3: shelter because I couldn't work.

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Speaker 2: After speaking to her parents, Becky decided the best option

169
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Speaker 2: would be to put the second child up for adoption.

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Speaker 3: They said that if I would think about adoption and

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Speaker 3: do what's best for both the children, that I could

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Speaker 3: stay with them till the baby was born. And they

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Speaker 3: were right. I was homeless, I was a single mom.

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Speaker 3: I couldn't raise two children, even though it even though

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Speaker 3: I really wanted to. I didn't want to give my

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Speaker 3: son away, but it was what's best for both of them.

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Speaker 2: The birth of Becky's second child was emotionally and physically challenging,

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Speaker 2: so that.

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Speaker 3: It gets to the point where it's time to be induced.

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Speaker 3: Because it was the highrist pregnancy, they wanted to just

181
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Speaker 3: kind of, you know, move things along. I was there

182
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Speaker 3: by myself because my family was too hard on them.

183
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Speaker 3: It broke their heart to let him go as well.

184
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Speaker 3: It hurt in so many ways, you know, emotionally and physically,

185
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Speaker 3: and everything just hurt. And then he was born and

186
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Speaker 3: he was perfect. They told me, you know, that I

187
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Speaker 3: could spend as much time with him as I wanted,

188
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Speaker 3: and you know, just told him. But I knew that

189
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Speaker 3: if I didn't let him go, that I would never

190
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Speaker 3: let him go. They just had to take him. Because

191
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Speaker 3: I didn't let go. I was devastated, and I didn't

192
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Speaker 3: know who to talk to. I didn't know anybody else

193
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Speaker 3: that had put their child up for adoption and had

194
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Speaker 3: that loss. For some reason, I thought about contacting Diane.

195
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Speaker 2: I understand how she felt. I too did a similar thing.

196
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Speaker 2: I had reached out to my father in a letter

197
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Speaker 2: to his prison as a teen, telling him about my abortion,

198
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Speaker 2: thinking I find a soft place to share that he

199
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Speaker 2: couldn't be judgmental as he was serving multiple life sentences.

200
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,840
Speaker 2: It doesn't make sense logically, but in the moment of

201
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:30,440
Speaker 2: desperation and a need for connection. He was the only

202
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,720
Speaker 2: person I thought would be in a place to listen

203
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Speaker 2: and to care.

204
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:40,560
Speaker 3: One night, I was especially sad, and I just wondered

205
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,640
Speaker 3: if Diane ever felt what I felt in that moment.

206
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Speaker 3: I just needed somebody that I could relate to. I

207
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,280
Speaker 3: didn't need a mother, I had one, but I needed

208
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Speaker 3: somebody that had been through it, and she went through.

209
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Speaker 5: It with me.

210
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Speaker 3: There was that connection. It was my biological mom who

211
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Speaker 3: held me and who let me go, And for that

212
00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:05,720
Speaker 3: brief moment, I just wanted to know that she was human.

213
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Speaker 2: Becky reached out with a fairly ordinary letter, just describing herself,

214
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Speaker 2: and Diane responded.

215
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Speaker 3: She responds fairly normal. The first letter, actually, it was

216
00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:21,840
Speaker 3: telling me what she looked like, and where she was born,

217
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:26,000
Speaker 3: and just general really nice things. I got the letter

218
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Speaker 3: and I was almost like, Okay, this isn't so bad.

219
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:31,120
Speaker 3: Maybe I didn't make a mistake in writing her. Because

220
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Speaker 3: after I put that letter in the mailbox, my heart sank.

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Speaker 3: I was just what did I do? Why did I

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Speaker 3: do that? Ever since the day that I sent that

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Speaker 3: first letter, I was terrified of what the letter coming

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Speaker 3: back would be, but it was excited terrified.

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Speaker 2: The correspondence with Diane didn't last long.

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Speaker 3: I think there was only like six letters in total exchanged.

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Speaker 3: I wrote her my first letter about a week and

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Speaker 3: a half later, so she had to have written me

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Speaker 3: that day that she received a letter and sent it back,

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Speaker 3: because it was a very quick turnaround. And so then

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Speaker 3: I responded, you know, a few days after receiving her letter,

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Speaker 3: and I think that I in this second letter, I

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Speaker 3: asked about my biological father, and I asked who he

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Speaker 3: was and if I could know him and where he was.

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Speaker 2: Diane was a clinical narcissist and couldn't stand the idea

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Speaker 2: that the focus was no longer on her.

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Speaker 3: She just got angry and said she was never going

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Speaker 3: to tell me and why would I ask those questions?

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Speaker 3: And I don't need to know, and just avoided it

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Speaker 3: in every way possible.

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Speaker 2: After writing to Diane for a while, she begins to

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Speaker 2: see the parallels between their lives and behavior. Becky begins

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Speaker 2: to wonder if she's a psychopath just like Diane.

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Speaker 6: So talking with her, and I said, you know what,

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Speaker 6: if at some point you would like to tell your story,

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Speaker 6: I could help you get your story told.

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Speaker 2: Somewhere after Eric's first meeting with Becky, he began to

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Speaker 2: explore the idea that he could be the person to

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Speaker 2: help tell her story, to finally give her a chance

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Speaker 2: to let the world know about her from her own

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Speaker 2: point of view.

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Speaker 6: I think there was this sort of this Diane shaped

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Speaker 6: void inside of her that she's always trying to bring

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Speaker 6: the drugs and the men and everything too. I mean,

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Speaker 6: she would talk about really sort of crying out to

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Speaker 6: God and saying, please help me. I don't know who

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Speaker 6: I really am. Am I just the daughter of this

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Speaker 6: crazy killer? Or am I this person who's going to

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Speaker 6: have my own life and my own identity and I

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Speaker 6: don't want to be known as the daughter of Diane

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Speaker 6: Downs anymore.

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Speaker 2: By going to the media, this was a way for

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Speaker 2: Becky to take back control of her identity.

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Speaker 6: It was this thursd and this quenched for identity. But

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Speaker 6: also in addition to identity, it was also how much

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Speaker 6: do I want Diane to be a part of my

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Speaker 6: future going forward? How far do I let Diane in?

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Speaker 6: I think at the end it was, you know what,

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Speaker 6: I'm satisfied with that, and now I'm going to move

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Speaker 6: on and I'm going to decide what I want to

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Speaker 6: do with my life in terms of I'm going to

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Speaker 6: do to help people and be a person who's kind

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Speaker 6: to other people.

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Speaker 2: Eric teamed up with a reporter from The Oregonian, Lisa

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Speaker 2: Grace Ldneiser, and he began to shop the story around.

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Speaker 6: And at the time, I had really no idea what

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Speaker 6: I would do or how I would do it. But

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Speaker 6: Lisa and I approached several magazines and all of them

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Speaker 6: were like, how we'd loved that story.

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Speaker 2: After some wrestling with their own ideals about how they

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Speaker 2: wanted to present the story, Eric and Lisa finally decided

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Speaker 2: to work with Glamor Magazine.

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Speaker 6: Well, I mean, there was that debate like, am I

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Speaker 6: just you know, a con do it in another tawdry

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Speaker 6: story about a killer? Or is this somebody who is

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Speaker 6: as a microcosm of what you find out when you

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Speaker 6: find out your family secrets? And is this a bigger

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Speaker 6: story about family secrets and what to do with them

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Speaker 6: once you find out about them? And so when we

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Speaker 6: sort of came from that angle, and then Glamour said

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Speaker 6: we'll take care of a sidebar about what happens when

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Speaker 6: you find out you know that you're related to this

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Speaker 6: over here. Then it seemed to take on more of

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Speaker 6: a little bit more of a public service story in

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Speaker 6: terms of that everybody has this dark side of a family,

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Speaker 6: the pedophile, the murderer, the person who did something ended

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Speaker 6: up in prison, and how to handle that.

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Speaker 2: Becky didn't make telling the story easy. She would be

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Speaker 2: cooperative at times and not at others.

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Speaker 6: Well, it was tortuous at times. I mean, some days

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Speaker 6: she was really up and ready to tell her story,

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Speaker 6: and Lisa and I had gone over and rented a

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Speaker 6: condo for three or four days, and she would come

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Speaker 6: and talk at length about it, and then she'd drop

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Speaker 6: off the face of the earth for a couple of

306
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Speaker 6: weeks and you wouldn't hear from her.

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Speaker 2: Becky's parents didn't respond well to her sudden interest in

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Speaker 2: outing herself in the media, and her diminishing relationship with

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Speaker 2: them at the time made the experience even more difficult,

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Speaker 2: not only for Becky but for Eric and Lisa as well.

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Speaker 6: I think that they sort of made a decision to

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Speaker 6: step back from helping her. And so it was up

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Speaker 6: and it was down, and it was God and the

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Speaker 6: devil and light and dark and all these things, and

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Speaker 6: that she was influenced by sometimes very small things, and

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00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,880
Speaker 6: those very small things became big things. And so sometimes

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Speaker 6: the article was really on and really going, and then

318
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Speaker 6: other times it looked like it was going to blow up.

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Speaker 6: So part of the debate was are we writing an

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Speaker 6: article about something or are we being taken on a

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Speaker 6: ride that's never going to be an article anywhere for anyone,

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Speaker 6: and that we're just going along on this ride and

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Speaker 6: we're going to end up at the bottom of a

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Speaker 6: ravine in the rocks, And we wanted to be responsible

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Speaker 6: with somebody's life who was about to share their biggest

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Speaker 6: secret ever.

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Speaker 2: The article was published June twenty ten, and Becky's story

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Speaker 2: is officially out there in the world. This led to

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Speaker 2: many more media opportunities for Becky.

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Speaker 6: I'm not sure quite the timing of this, but Oprah

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Speaker 6: is finally winding down her show and Oprah says, would

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Speaker 6: you like to be on with me? And she comes

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Speaker 6: up very well, on Oprah, did you have you seen those.

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Speaker 5: I didn't watch her tape yet with oka.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: During the Oprah appearance, Oprah replays a clip from a

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Speaker 2: nineteen eighty eight interview with Diane where Oprah tries to

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Speaker 2: find out the identity of Becky's father, but is only

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Speaker 2: given what Diane claimed was the date of conception, which

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Speaker 2: at the time was the only clue into her biological

341
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:14,520
Speaker 2: father's identity that Becky had. There was only one other

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Speaker 2: person who supposedly knew the identity of Becky's father, and Rule.

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Speaker 2: Becky met with her on The twenty twenty Piece when

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Speaker 2: the show did a two hour feature on Becky in

345
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,960
Speaker 2: the case and took her to meet Anne. When Becky

346
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Speaker 2: asked Anne Rule who her father was, she refused to

347
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Speaker 2: give out his name.

348
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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: I think Anne had made like a journalist deals to

350
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Speaker 6: get the story and be able to keep the anonymity.

351
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Speaker 6: And we all understand that. And I've figured, well, I mean,

352
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Speaker 6: to be able to get that story, you've got to

353
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Speaker 6: promise whatever the person was to do.

354
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Speaker 5: I get this sense that he's right underneath our nose,

355
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Speaker 5: that he's right in the area. I get the sense

356
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Speaker 5: that he also knows that she exists well.

357
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Speaker 6: And I think the reason that you're probably right is

358
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Speaker 6: because Anne was able to have what appears to be

359
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:23,320
Speaker 6: a conversation and that I think it's based also on

360
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Speaker 6: the fact that she was a best selling author and

361
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Speaker 6: people would come to her with details. It's like people

362
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Speaker 6: would stumble over there themselves to get her the story.

363
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Speaker 2: Anne Rule passed away in twenty fifteen, and thus the

364
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:42,479
Speaker 2: mystery of Becky's father remains. She's wondered who he is

365
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,080
Speaker 2: almost as long as she's known about her mother.

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Speaker 6: I mean, it would answer a lot of questions. She

367
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:52,120
Speaker 6: was talking about that since the day she walked into

368
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Speaker 6: the pizza parlor. That's what she wanted, and that's what

369
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,960
Speaker 6: she hopes for, and she believes that it's just right

370
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Speaker 6: around the corner.

371
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Speaker 2: I came to meet Becky Baucock ten years ago while

372
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Speaker 2: filming a documentary. We remained in contact through Facebook and

373
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Speaker 2: discussed the backlash we'd sometimes received by coming forward in

374
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:22,679
Speaker 2: the media. Some people few believing we saw attention or fame. Others,

375
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Speaker 2: knowing our true intention, are desired to connect with others

376
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,399
Speaker 2: out there so that they don't feel alone that there

377
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,160
Speaker 2: are other women and men just like them who are

378
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:36,239
Speaker 2: related to perpetrators. In Becky's case, she didn't know who

379
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:40,480
Speaker 2: her biodad was. I already knew my entire family background,

380
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:44,480
Speaker 2: which tremendously helped me to navigate my identity. So I

381
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,840
Speaker 2: wanted to help Becky get the answer she needed to

382
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:50,000
Speaker 2: know she isn't just like her mom, that part of

383
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:53,480
Speaker 2: her is also rooted in another family, another story.

384
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Speaker 3: I think it would be an interesting journey to go on.

385
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:02,440
Speaker 3: I have a little bit of a disconnect from Diane Down's.

386
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:05,000
Speaker 3: I never referred to her as my mom, and if

387
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:09,160
Speaker 3: anybody does, I quickly correct them and say biological because

388
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 3: I was blessed to have great parents, which I talk

389
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,240
Speaker 3: about all the time because I want them to know

390
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,400
Speaker 3: that even though I'm going on this journey, it has

391
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,359
Speaker 3: nothing to do with them not being good parents.

392
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Speaker 2: It was ten years ago now that I first came

393
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:28,919
Speaker 2: forward with my secret. I had hidden the fact that

394
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 2: my father was a serial killer because I was terrified

395
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:35,320
Speaker 2: of the public reaction and the potentials fallout it would

396
00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 2: have on my kids and myself. So I know exactly

397
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,119
Speaker 2: the risk when it comes to answering the call to

398
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:46,160
Speaker 2: find the truth. There is no control. Had I remained silent,

399
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 2: I would have probably never have met Becky or the

400
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:51,159
Speaker 2: numerous others that have reached out to me that have

401
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,360
Speaker 2: a killer in their family.

402
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 4: So it's such a positive experience, and so I thought,

403
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 4: I know that in my case, I had a lot

404
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:03,200
Speaker 4: of answers, and then you're case, you have so many questions, right.

405
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:06,000
Speaker 2: The other voice you're hearing is me. I had lost

406
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,720
Speaker 2: my voice on the day of this interview.

407
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:12,000
Speaker 3: I do want to go on a journey to figure

408
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,119
Speaker 3: out who I am, where I came from, why I

409
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 3: do the things that I do, And in a sense,

410
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:18,880
Speaker 3: I want to know all that so I can leave

411
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,680
Speaker 3: it in the past. I can stop all those questions.

412
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 3: I can shut down that chapter and move on. And

413
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,680
Speaker 3: I think that that's really big for me right now,

414
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:28,959
Speaker 3: is I want to know these things because they've been

415
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:32,439
Speaker 3: questions I've had for such a huge part of my life.

416
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 3: It's funny, but my biggest fear is my parents being

417
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 3: disappointed that I'm public with such deep stories because my

418
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 3: parents don't want to be public. It's interesting that even

419
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:52,400
Speaker 3: everything the questions that I have violate their pas. It does,

420
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,240
Speaker 3: and it's very very difficult to talk in public because

421
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 3: it's what I need, but it's not what they want

422
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:02,760
Speaker 3: and it hurts them. Even finding my biological father or

423
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,359
Speaker 3: you know, going on this amazing quest, they're still in

424
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,159
Speaker 3: the back of my mind that they're going to be disappointed.

425
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:12,439
Speaker 4: So there's parts of me that felt incredibly selfish and

426
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 4: would shame myself for wanting this. But what I discovered.

427
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:23,320
Speaker 4: My advice to you is that there's no shame in

428
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:26,400
Speaker 4: wanting to know what you want to know, and that

429
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:29,520
Speaker 4: I have come to learn that I'm not a selfish

430
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 4: person for wanting answers, that there's no shame in that.

431
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 4: Do you think you would get a sense of by

432
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:39,119
Speaker 4: knowing who your biological father is? What would that do

433
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 4: for you?

434
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 3: I almost don't want to know, because I have this

435
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 3: side of me that is from a monster, and this

436
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 3: other side of me that the other half of me

437
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 3: that I don't know. At this point, I can think

438
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 3: that it's good to fill in the blanks, right I

439
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:58,439
Speaker 3: can decide who he is, and I can think that

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Speaker 3: he's an amazing person. Even if he's not. As long

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Speaker 3: as he's a decent human being, I'd be happy. But

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Speaker 3: I'm scared to go on this journey because what if

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Speaker 3: he is deceased? What if he doesn't want me in

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Speaker 3: his life?

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Speaker 4: On this journey we're going to go on. What are

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Speaker 4: your biggest questions that you would like answered?

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Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, there's so many questions I have that

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Speaker 3: I want to have answered throughout all this. I want

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00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:31,920
Speaker 3: to find my biological father, even if he doesn't want

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00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 3: to find me. You know, at least I know and

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Speaker 3: I can put that to rest. I want to find

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Speaker 3: out medical history because I've gotten very sick as i've

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00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:43,679
Speaker 3: gotten older, and I want to see if that's in

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Speaker 3: my history, and if so, if there's anything to do

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Speaker 3: about it, to see if I have any relatives out

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Speaker 3: there that maybe want a relationship.

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Speaker 4: I have gone on this journey before in a similar fashion,

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00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,639
Speaker 4: not exactly in the footsteps you're going to walk, but

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Speaker 4: I'd be honored to be your guy. Yeah, I love that,

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00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,479
Speaker 4: and to walk side by side with you, and I

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00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:12,199
Speaker 4: will make every expert medical record anything you want, I

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Speaker 4: will try and my very best to provide that for you.

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Speaker 4: If you're ready and committed to do this, I promise

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Speaker 4: you all. And you will be a different person in

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Speaker 4: so many sense of the word of that in a

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00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 4: positive way. I know that because it's not contingent on

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Speaker 4: other people's contingent HOMEWI you want right and the fact

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Speaker 4: that you're doing this for yourself.

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Speaker 3: I'm honored to have you as my guide. Thank you

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Speaker 3: so much.

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Speaker 2: My first step with Becky is to take her to

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Speaker 2: meet with the people she's avoided, Diane's family. I would

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Speaker 2: have never expected how that meeting would unfold. Next week,

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Speaker 2: join us as Becky and James Frederickson meet for the

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Speaker 2: first time and the surprising letter Diane Downs gave to

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Speaker 2: James to read to her.

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Speaker 4: James, this is Becky.

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Speaker 1: Hi.

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Speaker 6: Hi, good to see you.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: How is your chip?

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Speaker 6: Yeah? That's good? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: How are you nervous getting through it?

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Speaker 2: Our executive producer is Ben Bollen, Melissa More is our

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00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 2: co executive producer, Maya Cole is our primary producer, and

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00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:35,200
Speaker 2: Paul Dekant is our supervising producer. Our story editor is

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00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 2: Matt Riddle. Research assistance from Sam Teagarden. Featured music by

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00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:42,720
Speaker 2: a dream Tent. Happy Vace Presents To Face is a

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00:27:42,720 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 2: production of iHeartMedia Rings Us