Speaker 1: People talk about midlife crisis, people talk about empty nester.
Speaker 1: What people don't talk about is the bridge in between.
Speaker 1: And it's a critical bridge and only someone of a
Speaker 1: certain age understands this bridge. You cannot explain it. You
Speaker 1: have to go through it. What does it mean? You're
Speaker 1: one of the guys that I meet. They're good looking,
Speaker 1: they're successful, they are wealthy, they're in shape, they're brilliant minded.
Speaker 1: Their kids are fourteen fifteen, so they are sitting in
Speaker 1: a holding pattern. Now they're single. They want a date.
Speaker 1: They can see the end of the tunnel. You have
Speaker 1: kids that are thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, Okay, they're going
Speaker 1: to go to college, but in this moment, they're in
Speaker 1: purgatory because you don't know exactly what your purpose is.
Speaker 1: Your kids don't really need you. You could go out
Speaker 1: of town for a week. They don't really care. They've
Speaker 1: got their homework, they've got their sports, they've got their friends.
Speaker 1: They can cook for themselves, clean for themselves, organized for themselves,
Speaker 1: pack for themselves, plan for themselves. They understand their calendar,
Speaker 1: and they are fully functioning beings, which is why in
Speaker 1: Shakespearean times they were getting married. Okay, so they are
Speaker 1: humans that make decisions and are almost adults, so your
Speaker 1: identity is not tied to them anymore. Maybe your kids
Speaker 1: have gone off to college. You're a fifty five year
Speaker 1: old man, you're a fifty four year old woman, you're
Speaker 1: fifty one. You are not yet an empty nest syndrome,
Speaker 1: So you don't know what decisions to make because you
Speaker 1: are aware of the fact that in two three years
Speaker 1: you could live in Florida, you could go to France.
Speaker 1: Your kids are going to college. You know that right
Speaker 1: now they barely need you, and you could go to
Speaker 1: France now, but you still have to be home, and
Speaker 1: you have to be a functioning individual in your home,
Speaker 1: and you're going to take your kids on the college
Speaker 1: tours and you go into the softball and soccer and
Speaker 1: lacrosse games like so you still have to be here
Speaker 1: in body, but you just basically a driver, housekeeper, errand doer, concierge,
Speaker 1: planner atm machine. So you're in this purgatory bridge phase.
Speaker 1: So you think the decisions you're making like you're going
Speaker 1: on a date with someone. You're like, yeah, I yes,
Speaker 1: I do live right now in Des Moines, but in
Speaker 1: two years my kids will be gone. I could live
Speaker 1: anywhere I want. I can live into loom in Saint
Speaker 1: Barts or Africa. You're trying to like make decisions. In addition,
Speaker 1: you're kind of purposeless for that same reason you're working,
Speaker 1: but like you have more free time. You kind of
Speaker 1: know where you are in your life, and you're just
Speaker 1: sort of like this body scarecrow that's just putting your
Speaker 1: arms in different directions to like direct people where to
Speaker 1: go and what to do. You're just waiting till you
Speaker 1: get to live your own fucking Ramona Pino Grigio. Move
Speaker 1: down to Palm Beach, Boca tennis, pickleball, golf club lifestyle. Right,
Speaker 1: that's what it is, you know. Or you're taking your eat,
Speaker 1: praying and loving, or you're painting like it's a per
Speaker 1: Tory Bridge phase that people don't discuss enough. And people.
Speaker 1: I know this because I'll meet men that are like
Speaker 1: so successful and they can do whatever they want. But
Speaker 1: but I got this, you know, fifteen year old sitting
Speaker 1: here that hasn't gotten to where he's gonna be yet.
Speaker 1: So I'm here for this, I'm here for the sports,
Speaker 1: and I'm I'm in the same fucking boat. I have
Speaker 1: this Neppo baby caviar eating freeloader that'll be upstairs at
Speaker 1: three o'clock, just waiting for me to drive her somewhere,
Speaker 1: feed her and give her money. I have to give
Speaker 1: her her allowance today I forgot and tell her where
Speaker 1: she's allowed to be and what she's allowed to do
Speaker 1: and what she's allowed to buy and go to her tournaments. Well,
Speaker 1: she doesn't pay any attention to me, and I sit
Speaker 1: in my own hotel where while she's hanging out with
Speaker 1: her friends braiding each other's hair and just like wants
Speaker 1: me to watch the game. But that's like my only purpose.
Speaker 1: I'm just like a warm body. So it's something people
Speaker 1: do not discuss enough. And dating at this age and
Speaker 1: stage is interesting because dating at this age and stage
Speaker 1: is kind of like purgatory. Also, you're just in purgatory
Speaker 1: and you're trying. We're all saying to each other, like
Speaker 1: you just don't know where you're going to be, So
Speaker 1: you're trying to date but in your own community. But
Speaker 1: you won't have a community because your kids want to go. Like,
Speaker 1: I've met so many single moms in volleyball, and all
Speaker 1: of them are kind of just operating for their kids.
Speaker 1: But they're not really tied to the places where they are.
Speaker 1: They're in these places because this is where their kids
Speaker 1: are going to school. So you're dating, you're dating, it's
Speaker 1: called dating and waiting. You're dating, but you're waiting not
Speaker 1: for your final resting place, but for your final nesting place.
Speaker 1: So I find it to be a very interesting phase.
Speaker 1: So there are two dynamics I'm noticing in dating. I'm
Speaker 1: noticing a desperation in women where there's certain women that
Speaker 1: I know that'll be texting me, do you know this guy?
Speaker 1: I have this guy, I went out with this guy?
Speaker 1: You interested in this guy? They're almost wanting to horse trade.
Speaker 1: They are like blood in the water. They want to
Speaker 1: find someone who's a partner who's going to take care
Speaker 1: of them, or they're just they know that they still
Speaker 1: look good, they're working out, but like they've got a
Speaker 1: bunch of kids, they've got a divorce, they don't have
Speaker 1: like disposable income, and so now a guy can choose
Speaker 1: them they're forty eight to fifty three, or a guy
Speaker 1: can choose someone in their forties. But this forty year
Speaker 1: old woman might still have young kids, and this fifty
Speaker 1: something year old guy who can be nimble and is
Speaker 1: almost on his way out. He doesn't want to hang
Speaker 1: out with the forty year old with the young kids
Speaker 1: because he doesn't have to, and he definitely could be
Speaker 1: with the young girl, but she's gonna want to go
Speaker 1: out and party in the nightclub and he's already done
Speaker 1: all that, and or maybe he's not interested in that,
Speaker 1: and he's running a business and he's going to board
Speaker 1: meetings and he doesn't want to hang out or look
Speaker 1: stupid like a fool to his ex wife and his
Speaker 1: ex community with this young girl who's going in fringe
Speaker 1: Swayed to Coachella. So now he could be with the
Speaker 1: thirty year old springe suede Coachella to get the best
Speaker 1: blowjob he's ever gotten. But then that girl is pretending
Speaker 1: she doesn't want to have kids, but she is gonna
Speaker 1: want to have kids, or he's gonna have to go
Speaker 1: out and act cool and do molly with her thirty
Speaker 1: something year old friends when he really doesn't want to,
Speaker 1: or he does want to while he's experiencing his you know,
Speaker 1: two old midlife just got divorced crisis where he's gonna
Speaker 1: smoke pot and do molly and take edibles, but he's
Speaker 1: gonna get tired of that real quick. That's a cliche.
Speaker 1: Or he's gonna be with the one in her forties
Speaker 1: who either wants to have another kid or has young kids,
Speaker 1: and then he definitely doesn't fucking want that either, because
Speaker 1: young kids are worse than being the old guy in
Speaker 1: the club with the suede molly taking woman. So now
Speaker 1: he's back to the fifty something year old divorced woman.
Speaker 1: But she has her kids, and she's got more serious
Speaker 1: bills and she's not as fun. So what she brings
Speaker 1: to the table is that she can have a conversation.
Speaker 1: She's been through it. She understands the music and the references,
Speaker 1: and she's relating to the kids of going to college
Speaker 1: or I've got a kid in high school, or we're
Speaker 1: talking about where are we looking for colleges or looking
Speaker 1: for apartments in the city to move them into. She
Speaker 1: can relate to that. But she definitely has like the
Speaker 1: three kids, and like the financial drag on his ticket
Speaker 1: where he just got fucked over by his last wife
Speaker 1: and still supports her. So how now he's got to
Speaker 1: have another person on the payroll, you know, And frankly,
Speaker 1: the thirty, forty, and fifty. For most women in this
Speaker 1: country that want a guy who has money, they're going
Speaker 1: to be on the payroll. So do you want the
Speaker 1: thirty something swede Molly doing party or that's pretending she
Speaker 1: doesn't want kids that really does. Do you want the
Speaker 1: forty something who has young children that says they don't
Speaker 1: want to have another kid, or probably does because they're
Speaker 1: jealous of your ex wife and wants to knit it
Speaker 1: all together because people are saying you got to get
Speaker 1: him to have another kid, or they want the financial
Speaker 1: security of getting him to have it other kid. He
Speaker 1: wants no part of the fringe swede long term. He
Speaker 1: wants no part of the young kids long term. He
Speaker 1: also wants no part of the fifties. I have three kids,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna need you to support my dental bill
Speaker 1: and support me in some way because I got fucked
Speaker 1: over in my divorce and I really don't have that
Speaker 1: much money and I need you for that. I have
Speaker 1: had a lot of luck and opportunity with men at
Speaker 1: all stages because at most of these stages, it's about
Speaker 1: she who makes the goal, makes the rules. You gotta
Speaker 1: listen to me. It's why you gotta fucking be working.
Speaker 1: It's why pre wed doesn't work. It's why you gotta
Speaker 1: be working, ladies. Because why Because starting in my mid
Speaker 1: to late thirties, I had some money, not a lot,
Speaker 1: but I had enough money that I did not need
Speaker 1: to be on someone else's program. And in my forties,
Speaker 1: I only had one kid, so I met men that
Speaker 1: were extremely desirable, but they really liked that I was
Speaker 1: nimble with one kid and have my own money. And
Speaker 1: now in my fifties, it's fucking a gold rush for
Speaker 1: me because I'm meeting men who want to talk to
Speaker 1: someone who's business minded. I've still got the one kid,
Speaker 1: so I'm light and bright. I can fucking pack that
Speaker 1: suitcase and be anywhere I need to be at any time.
Speaker 1: And I'm no blood in the water. I don't need
Speaker 1: them for anything. I don't need them for a house.
Speaker 1: I don't need them for money, I don't need them
Speaker 1: for my teeth, I don't need them for business help.
Speaker 1: I don't need any of them for anything. The rub
Speaker 1: with me for these men is that they don't want
Speaker 1: to date a man. They want to date the dough
Speaker 1: eyed Bambi on some level with some people, but that's
Speaker 1: also a dying breed because they've also been with the
Speaker 1: gold digger, and they are so exhaling because we can
Speaker 1: have a business conversation. I look decent in a bathing suit,
Speaker 1: I could pay my own bills, and I'm light on
Speaker 1: my feet. So the only drag on my ticket is
Speaker 1: I can't be wherever somebody needs to be because I'm
Speaker 1: still here until my daughter goes to college. So while
Speaker 1: I think I'm fucking busted up and don't understand why
Speaker 1: I'm an influencer, you know, getting the same deals as
Speaker 1: thirty year olds, I also understand that because I've created
Speaker 1: my own financial independence and value in business, that's going
Speaker 1: a long way with men. Bliss, I'm funny, So whatever
Speaker 1: you want to take from all of that, you take.
Speaker 1: But women and men are both going through it okay.
Speaker 1: And a lot of these men are emotional disasters. Women
Speaker 1: get the bad rap for emotional disaster, and I'm just
Speaker 1: telling you meeting a lot of disastrous blood in the water,
Speaker 1: desperate women who want to find their next meal ticket.
Speaker 1: It's giving desperate. It's giving a lot of plastic surgery,
Speaker 1: a lot of that palm beach star wars bar look
Speaker 1: a lot of extensions, a lot of nail, a lot
Speaker 1: of working on the gym, and all of that worked
Speaker 1: over stuff. I'm seeing a lot of that, all that contour,
Speaker 1: all that beatdown from the YouTube makeup videos. I'm seeing
Speaker 1: that in the Desperado women, because it's fucking rough out there,
Speaker 1: and you've got to at least find your market. If
Speaker 1: you're gonna look like a glazed turkey in a short,
Speaker 1: tight dress, you better get your ass to Boca and
Speaker 1: Palm Beach or you know, but wherever, like you need
Speaker 1: to know your audience and where you're supposed to be.
Speaker 1: Or if you're gonna be over plastic surgery, you need
Speaker 1: to be in Palm Beach and Beverly Hills. That's not
Speaker 1: gonna fly as much. It's gonna be a combo platter
Speaker 1: in a place like Aspen. So you know, maybe you're
Speaker 1: gonna do well in the Midwest where there are a
Speaker 1: lot of wealthy guys but not a lot of those
Speaker 1: glazed up turkey hot women that might land there, or
Speaker 1: it might be like an alien. Just figure out where
Speaker 1: the hell you're supposed to be and where it's not
Speaker 1: too competitive. Is it Chicago, Is it Philadelphia? Where there
Speaker 1: are a lot of wealthy men, but the talent is
Speaker 1: not as competitive as a place like a Miami market
Speaker 1: or Palm Beach or Boca. But then again, these men
Speaker 1: are sick of looking at bimbos Miami, So figure out
Speaker 1: where the hell you're going to be If you're going
Speaker 1: to be a barracudah, that's going out there and looking,
Speaker 1: and also your emotional well being, Like you got to
Speaker 1: be a fully formed human being emotionally before you go
Speaker 1: out there, because men are saying, God, is she a
Speaker 1: fucking beating, she's a train wreck, et cetera. But here's
Speaker 1: the good news and the bad news. The men are
Speaker 1: fucking emotional train wrecks. And that's what no one talks
Speaker 1: about because men hide there. Crazy women show it on
Speaker 1: the first date, the second date. Okay, I've told you before,
Speaker 1: you got to talk about what your attachment disorder is.
Speaker 1: Are you anxious attachment? Are you disorganized attachment? Are you
Speaker 1: attachment avoidant? You know what are you? And that can
Speaker 1: seem crazy, but if you understand and could diagnose it,
Speaker 1: that's it's necessary for two people to be in a
Speaker 1: relationship communicating and understand how they communicate and does someone
Speaker 1: get anxious if you're not texting back, and what does
Speaker 1: that look like. But I've met a fair share of
Speaker 1: men that are a mess. I've met the Catholic guilt
Speaker 1: disaster mess that's basically paralyzed and can't function because they
Speaker 1: don't know how to operate. I've met the anxious attachment
Speaker 1: where the minute that something gets serious at all, they
Speaker 1: want it so bad they're according it. They want it.
Speaker 1: The minute it gets attached or communicative or anything, they
Speaker 1: fucking they dissolve. They panic. I've met the guy who
Speaker 1: suffers from anxiety. I've met the guy that suffers from
Speaker 1: clinical depression. I've met there are a lot of these
Speaker 1: men where it's in a different package. You see them,
Speaker 1: they give strong businessman, but then when you get under
Speaker 1: the hood, they're a fucking withering mess. And the man
Speaker 1: that has to go to bed at eight o'clock and
Speaker 1: is neurotic and doesn't like germs and doesn't like sharing,
Speaker 1: and you know has you know is a mess about
Speaker 1: over is a mess about being tired and travel and
Speaker 1: so like, take your menu out and decide what you
Speaker 1: can do and what you can't do. In deal breakers,
Speaker 1: because you may be fine with someone that wants to
Speaker 1: go to eight o'clock, or someone who gets super anxious,
Speaker 1: or someone who's super needy. Maybe you were a nurse
Speaker 1: in another life. You want to have a patient on
Speaker 1: your hands and you don't mind it. You know the
Speaker 1: character in White Lotus, the woman liked the woman with
Speaker 1: the teeth that got made fun of on Saturday Night Live,
Speaker 1: which we can unpack later. Her partner. She liked that
Speaker 1: he needed her and she was saving him. I don't
Speaker 1: want to save anyone. I'm not looking for the Jewish patient. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's a reference to like English Patient, which was movie
Speaker 1: years ago. But like, decide what you can deal with
Speaker 1: and what you can't deal with. But by no means
Speaker 1: are the women going to take over this fucking this
Speaker 1: helm of being the disasters because men are disasters too.
Speaker 1: He went to bat to the stern