Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
Speaker 1: episode is going to be a longer one part of
Speaker 1: the series where I interview fascinating people about how they
Speaker 1: take their days from great to awesome and any advice
Speaker 1: they have for the rest of us. So today I
Speaker 1: am delighted to welcome doctor Emily Anhalt to the show.
Speaker 1: Emily is a clinical psychologist and the co founder of CoA,
Speaker 1: which is a gem for mental health. She is the
Speaker 1: author of the brand new book Flex Your Feelings. So, Emily,
Speaker 1: welcome to the show.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me. It's so great
Speaker 2: to be here.
Speaker 1: Awesome. Well, why don't you tell our listeners a little
Speaker 1: bit more about yourself?
Speaker 2: Absolutely so. I am a clinical psychologist. I grew up
Speaker 2: in Silicon Valley. I have been studying and practicing clinical
Speaker 2: psych for about twenty years now. I had reaching ADHD
Speaker 2: as a kid, still do, and so somewhere along the
Speaker 2: way I realized that it would be helpful for me
Speaker 2: to understand how my mind works. And then in high
Speaker 2: school I had a psychology teacher who helped me understand
Speaker 2: that when you know a lot about psychology. You know
Speaker 2: a little about everything because the world is spoken in
Speaker 2: the language of relationships, and psychology is the study of
Speaker 2: the relationship we have to ourselves and to other people.
Speaker 2: So my work in siliconbatilely led me to this interest
Speaker 2: in the psychology of the high performer, and I wanted
Speaker 2: to figure out what a more proactive approach to mental
Speaker 2: health looks like. And so a number of years ago
Speaker 2: I did a big research study where I interviewed one
Speaker 2: hundred psychologists and entrepreneurs, and I asked them, how would
Speaker 2: you know if you were sitting across the table from
Speaker 2: an emotionally healthy person, What does that kind of person do,
Speaker 2: what do they not do? What does that feel like?
Speaker 2: And out of this research came these seven traits of
Speaker 2: emotional fitness, the seven things that emotionally healthy people are
Speaker 2: working on all the time. And that is what my
Speaker 2: book explores is how to do your emotional pushups, how
Speaker 2: to do an emotional workout every day so that you
Speaker 2: become more mentally fit and strong, excellent.
Speaker 1: And I'm sure whenever people hear the tagline about your
Speaker 1: company of co about being a gem for mental health,
Speaker 1: I'm sure they go Oh, oh, that's interesting because we
Speaker 1: aren't used to thinking about mental and physical health in
Speaker 1: the same way, but maybe you can talk about what
Speaker 1: the parallels are.
Speaker 2: Absolutely so, if you think about physical health, a lot
Speaker 2: of people like to think that if they are not sick,
Speaker 2: that that means they're healthy. But if you speak to
Speaker 2: someone with good physical fitness, someone who sleeps eight hours
Speaker 2: a night and eats well and exercises, they'll tell you
Speaker 2: just because you're not ill does not mean that you
Speaker 2: are in tiptop shape. And the same is true with
Speaker 2: our emotions. There is this idea that you're either mentally
Speaker 2: ill or mentally healthy, and the truth is most of
Speaker 2: us exist somewhere in between where things are mostly going fine,
Speaker 2: but we could all level up the relationship we have
Speaker 2: to ourselves and other people. And so emotional fitness is
Speaker 2: similar to physical fitness in that it's a more proactive
Speaker 2: and on going approach to strengthen your emotional health so
Speaker 2: that you actually prevent some of the emotional health struggles
Speaker 2: that may have sent you looking for support down the line.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's interesting to think about it from this
Speaker 1: perspective because you know, you picture people at the gym,
Speaker 1: they're usually not just there to ward off disaster. I mean,
Speaker 1: some of us have you had back issues or something
Speaker 1: and that's why we're there, But many other people it's
Speaker 1: because they want to be, you know, jacked up. They
Speaker 1: want to look good, they want to be the best possible,
Speaker 1: most energetic version of themselves. And are you saying this
Speaker 1: is something we can do with our mental health as well.
Speaker 2: Absolutely? Yeah. I think that people often wait until things
Speaker 2: are really bad to work on their mental health. But
Speaker 2: that's little like waiting until you have early signs of
Speaker 2: heart disease to start doing cardio. So emotional fitness is
Speaker 2: the idea that if you start right now, you are
Speaker 2: going to see so many benefits. You're going to see
Speaker 2: healthier relationships, You're going to feel like you're living a
Speaker 2: more authentic life. You're going to just be more happy
Speaker 2: with the choices that you're making because they're based on
Speaker 2: a more mentally healthy perspective of who you are and
Speaker 2: your place in the world.
Speaker 1: So mental health, positive mental health is something that can
Speaker 1: be learned.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. You know, we all have certain predispositions and certain
Speaker 2: resources available to us, certain levels of resilience, et cetera.
Speaker 2: But yes, it is a muscle you can flex and
Speaker 2: if you work on it a little every day, it
Speaker 2: will get stronger and you will see huge benefits in
Speaker 2: your life.
Speaker 1: Well, let's talk about that. I mean, what does it
Speaker 1: mean to be emotionally fit? Why don't you just do
Speaker 1: a quick run through of what those seven things are
Speaker 1: that the clinical psychologists could could see with the healthy
Speaker 1: person across the table from them.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. So. The seven traits are mindfulness, which I define
Speaker 2: as becoming more comfortable being uncomfortable. So just like if
Speaker 2: you are working out and you're not willing to be
Speaker 2: a little physically uncomfortable, you're probably not going to get
Speaker 2: any stronger. With emotional fitness, you have to be willing
Speaker 2: to be a little emotionally uncomfortable in order to get stronger.
Speaker 2: The second trait is curiosity, which is pursuing growth over
Speaker 2: defensiveness and continued learning about yourself and other people. The
Speaker 2: next is self awareness, so understanding your emotional strengths and
Speaker 2: struggles triggers biases. Knowing who you are then comes resilience,
Speaker 2: which I define as bouncing forward through setbacks and failures.
Speaker 2: And I say bouncing forward instead of bouncing back, because
Speaker 2: I don't think we ever really go back to being
Speaker 2: who we were before we went through a hard thing.
Speaker 2: So that's not the goal. The goal is to learn
Speaker 2: and grow from the tough things that we go through.
Speaker 2: After resilience is empathy, so understanding the emotions of other people,
Speaker 2: being able to really feel what other people are feeling.
Speaker 2: Then communication, being able to put words to your needs
Speaker 2: and expectations and boundaries. And then finally the seventh trait
Speaker 2: is playfulness. Being a yes and person and fostering a
Speaker 2: space to deepen the connection you have to yourself and
Speaker 2: other people.
Speaker 1: Awesome and are What are the benefits of being emotionally fit?
Speaker 1: So if somebody has high scores on these various different dimensions,
Speaker 1: or at least some of them, what are they able
Speaker 1: to do? What are some of the payoffs one might
Speaker 1: see in life.
Speaker 2: One of the complicated things I think about emotional health
Speaker 2: is it's a little less quantitative than physical fitness. You know,
Speaker 2: when you go to the gym, you can measure exactly
Speaker 2: how much weight you can lift and it's more than
Speaker 2: last time, and there's this very data driven aspect of it,
Speaker 2: whereas with mental health there's sort of a nebulous feeling
Speaker 2: to it. My experience is that people with good emotional
Speaker 2: fitness just describe their life as feeling more authentic and satisfying.
Speaker 2: Their relationships feel healthier, the voice that they speak to
Speaker 2: themselves in is kinder and more compassionate. They are able
Speaker 2: to weather the storm of the difficulties that life throws
Speaker 2: at them with more grace and ease. You know, it's
Speaker 2: all those sort of indescribable things that make life feel
Speaker 2: more satisfying to live. All of those things will get
Speaker 2: better as you strengthen your emotional health.
Speaker 1: Excellent. Well, We're going to take a quick ad break
Speaker 1: and then I will be back with more from Emily
Speaker 1: and Halt with her talk of emotional fitness. Well, I
Speaker 1: am back with Emily Anhalt, who is the author of
Speaker 1: the brand new book Flex Your Feelings. She has a
Speaker 1: clinical psychologist and is sharing all sorts of ways that
Speaker 1: we can become more emotionally fit. So one of the
Speaker 1: things you do in your book is you talko a
Speaker 1: lot of different case studies, particularly like people in the workplace.
Speaker 1: You know, managers that you've done reviews with who have
Speaker 1: various blind spots, maybe not scoring so high on these
Speaker 1: self awareness or mindfulness. You know, levels of your scale.
Speaker 1: I wonder if you could talk us through some of
Speaker 1: a turnaround you've seen and somebody who is able to
Speaker 1: manage their team more effectively after working on their emotional fitness.
Speaker 2: Sure thing. So in the book, for each trait, I
Speaker 2: share a clinical example, and then I share what I
Speaker 2: call an emotional push up, an actionable exercise that you
Speaker 2: can do in that moment to strengthen your emotional health
Speaker 2: in that area. So you want to hear one of
Speaker 2: the examples, so I can share that in the chapter
Speaker 2: about mindfulness, which is becoming more comfortable being uncomfortable, I'm
Speaker 2: speaking about my work with a woman who really had
Speaker 2: a lot of discomfort with uncertainty, and what she found
Speaker 2: was that her inability to tolerate uncertainty was causing all
Speaker 2: kinds of problems because the things she would do to
Speaker 2: try to get certainty were more problematic and uncomfortable for
Speaker 2: her than the uncertainty was in the first place, which
Speaker 2: is so common. The things we do to avoid our
Speaker 2: discomfort often end up causing more problems for us than
Speaker 2: the discomfort itself. And so through our work, she learned
Speaker 2: how to lean toward her discomfort instead of away from it,
Speaker 2: she learned how to prove to herself that she's more
Speaker 2: capable of handling these hard feelings than she thought. She
Speaker 2: did experiments and showed herself, Oh, this thing that I
Speaker 2: thought would be so intolerable is actually not as bad
Speaker 2: as I thought. And there's all these benefits on the
Speaker 2: other side that I really want to keep maximizing for.
Speaker 2: And over time, as she learned to tolerate her discomfort
Speaker 2: a little bit, all of these options started opening up
Speaker 2: to her. So for her specifically, she was in sales,
Speaker 2: and the uncertainty of whether a deal was going to
Speaker 2: go through would push her to demand answers before people
Speaker 2: were ready, and then they would be frustrated with her.
Speaker 2: And she started to learn how to just breathe through
Speaker 2: those moments and tolerate those feelings of discomfort long enough
Speaker 2: to see how things naturally played out. And she saw
Speaker 2: this ripple through her whole life. You know, her friends
Speaker 2: who would be frustrated with her for always needing a
Speaker 2: plan in every moment, started to feel relieved as she
Speaker 2: was able to tolerate the uncertainty of what would happen
Speaker 2: that night, that kind of thing. And so this is
Speaker 2: just an example of these little moments, these little opportunities
Speaker 2: we have to breathe through tough things, show ourselves we're
Speaker 2: stronger than we think, and in that we actually strengthen
Speaker 2: ourselves and become more able to deal with all of
Speaker 2: the hard things we might face.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you mentioned, you know, the emotional push ups,
Speaker 1: the push ups that we're going to do, and many
Speaker 1: of us are at least vaguely familiar with some of
Speaker 1: the basic physical fitness ideas like push ups are set up.
Speaker 1: I wonder if you could share just a few basic
Speaker 1: emotional fitness push ups or sit ups that are things
Speaker 1: we could try in the next day or two to
Speaker 1: maybe make ourselves a little bit more emotionally fit.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, so, you know, physical push up is just this
Speaker 2: small physical exertion puts you a little outside of your
Speaker 2: comfort zone so that you can grow stronger. And if
Speaker 2: you only do one, you're probably not going to get
Speaker 2: much stronger. But if you do a few every day,
Speaker 2: not only will you be able to do more push ups,
Speaker 2: but you'll also be able to do more in other
Speaker 2: areas of life, like carry heavier groceries, pick up your kid,
Speaker 2: that kind of thing. So emotional push up is anything
Speaker 2: that puts you a little outside of your emotional comfort
Speaker 2: zone so you can grow. And what's outside of my
Speaker 2: emotional comfort zone might not be outside of yours. So
Speaker 2: part of this is thinking about what makes you a
Speaker 2: little uncomfortable and figuring out how you can lean toward it.
Speaker 2: So some examples of emotional push ups would be if
Speaker 2: you're someone who says yes to everything that's asked of
Speaker 2: you and then you end up feeling really overwhelmed and
Speaker 2: resentful of people, and motional push up for you might
Speaker 2: be just saying one kind but firm no to a
Speaker 2: small request that's made of you today, Whereas if you
Speaker 2: tend to focus more on yourself, an emotional push up
Speaker 2: might be to offer someone else help with a small task.
Speaker 2: Other emotional push ups are apologize for a mistake, or
Speaker 2: meditate for five minutes in the morning, or celebrate a
Speaker 2: win instead of rushing right past it, or maybe pause
Speaker 2: before you pour yourself a drink in the evening to
Speaker 2: ask what feelings you might be trying to move away from.
Speaker 2: Or an emotional pushup could just be put your phone
Speaker 2: away after eight pm and not have your phone be
Speaker 2: the thing that you look at until the very last minute.
Speaker 1: Of your day.
Speaker 2: So one of my favorite emotional push ups to suggest
Speaker 2: if everyone wanted to do one right now, would be
Speaker 2: to ask for feedback. It's a really powerful thing to
Speaker 2: get a sense of how other people feel about us.
Speaker 2: So take out your phone and send a text to
Speaker 2: someone in your life that says something like, Hey, I'm
Speaker 2: working on my emotional fitness. I am hoping you can
Speaker 2: share some feedback with me. What is one thing that
Speaker 2: I am doing well as a friend, a colleague, a sibling,
Speaker 2: a parent, whatever it might be, And what is one
Speaker 2: thing that I could do ten percent better? And send
Speaker 2: that text out and see what comes back. You're going
Speaker 2: to be working on your curiosity, your self awareness, your communication,
Speaker 2: and all of these things affect each other. So as
Speaker 2: you work on any of the seven traits, the others
Speaker 2: will naturally improve.
Speaker 1: I love the ten percent better yes idea, because it's
Speaker 1: not just like, Okay, what am I terrible at right?
Speaker 1: You want me to do? You know that I'm really
Speaker 1: failing at left and right as a spouse, you know, friend,
Speaker 1: a parent, whatever else, But just what could be a
Speaker 1: little bit better? Because most people have at least something
Speaker 1: that they could be ten percent better in and even
Speaker 1: if the person is generally happy, like it coaxes out
Speaker 1: a little something for sure.
Speaker 2: And it's easier to give ten percent better feedback too,
Speaker 2: because it feels a little like you're just giving a
Speaker 2: person a little suggestion, a small improvement, And so I've
Speaker 2: found that that kind of removes the barrier to entry
Speaker 2: for people to write back honest feedback.
Speaker 1: And I bet a lot of people doing this though,
Speaker 1: even if it is only a ten percent improvement, realize
Speaker 1: that they are not very high on the defensiveness score.
Speaker 1: I mean that they get more defensive instead of approaching
Speaker 1: things with a sense of curiosity for sure.
Speaker 2: And what's interesting is a lot of people are defensive
Speaker 2: against the positive feedback. So this also helps you learn
Speaker 2: how to take in the beautiful things that people think
Speaker 2: about you and fold them into your ideas of yourself
Speaker 2: so that you're not only focusing on the negative things.
Speaker 1: I do wonder about that defensiveness though, and versus you know,
Speaker 1: approaching things with a spirit of curiosity. Is there anything
Speaker 1: we can do in particular on that dimension to improve
Speaker 1: because I imagine that would be very impactful, particularly in
Speaker 1: a workplace environment.
Speaker 2: For sure. One of the things that I recommend is
Speaker 2: giving yourself a little bit of space between your defensive
Speaker 2: feelings and the action that you take. Often when someone
Speaker 2: gives us a piece of constructive feedback, the first thing
Speaker 2: we feel is defensive, and so the first thing we
Speaker 2: do is we become overly apologetic, or we deny what
Speaker 2: they're talking about, or we tell them why they're wrong,
Speaker 2: or we give them a piece of feedback right back.
Speaker 2: And if instead we just said, all right, give me
Speaker 2: five minutes to think about that before I respond, and
Speaker 2: in those five minutes, you just sat quietly with yourself
Speaker 2: and wrote down what you were feeling, and wrote down
Speaker 2: what you were worried about, or what you think this
Speaker 2: feedback means about you, and what actually might they be
Speaker 2: trying to do to help you and improve with this
Speaker 2: feedback that kind of thing. In that space, our defenses
Speaker 2: tend to come down a bit and then you're going
Speaker 2: to be able to speak from a less defensive place.
Speaker 2: So just create that little bit of space. Just tell someone, hey,
Speaker 2: thank you for this feedback, give me a few minutes
Speaker 2: to think about it, and then let's talk about it.
Speaker 1: And on the other side of that, you talk in
Speaker 1: the book about complaining without blame and what this might
Speaker 1: look like in a conversation. What are some ways we
Speaker 1: can adopt this mindset of complaining without blame, so still
Speaker 1: trying to get across that there's something that you might
Speaker 1: not be happy with, but without telling the other person
Speaker 1: that they are terrible as a result.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love this phrase. The idea here is if
Speaker 2: you want to enlist someone to help you with a
Speaker 2: problem without them feeling like you're blaming them for the problem,
Speaker 2: you can say, hey, can I complain without blame for
Speaker 2: a second. So, for example, let's say you and your
Speaker 2: romantic partner have kind of just been sitting around the
Speaker 2: house a lot lately, not really going on any dates,
Speaker 2: and you'd like to change that, but you want to
Speaker 2: prevent them from feeling like you're saying you aren't taking
Speaker 2: me on any dates. This is a you problem. You
Speaker 2: might say, hey, can I complain without blame for a second.
Speaker 2: We haven't really been going out lately. Can we change that?
Speaker 2: And now the other person is going to be able
Speaker 2: to let their defenses down and see it as a
Speaker 2: problem that you're working on together. It's sort of us
Speaker 2: versus the problem instead of me versus you, and they
Speaker 2: might say, yeah, you're right, we haven't really been going out.
Speaker 2: What if we have a daily or a weekly date
Speaker 2: night from now on and every Tuesday we go out
Speaker 2: no matter what. That kind of thing. So it's just
Speaker 2: a way to help people lower their defenses when you're
Speaker 2: going to give them a piece of feedback as well.
Speaker 1: And let's talk about playfulness, because this might be sort
Speaker 1: of a more unexpected one that mentally healthy, emotionally fit
Speaker 1: people have a spirit of playfulness. But what does this
Speaker 1: wind up looking like in sort of our day to
Speaker 1: day interactions.
Speaker 2: Yeah, playfulness was the one that surprised me until I
Speaker 2: realized how kind of obvious it is because play is
Speaker 2: such an undervalued and important part of life. I read
Speaker 2: a study ones that showed that people who play regularly
Speaker 2: live longer by a significant number of years than people
Speaker 2: who don't play regularly. I love the improv definition of play,
Speaker 2: which is saying yes. And it's the idea that when
Speaker 2: people come to you with an idea, you expand on
Speaker 2: that idea and together you get somewhere that neither of
Speaker 2: you could have gotten alone. So brainstorming is a type
Speaker 2: of play or taking a joke way too far with
Speaker 2: a friend, is a type of play, and so my
Speaker 2: hope is that people start feeling the permission encouragement to
Speaker 2: infuse more play into their daily interactions and their life.
Speaker 2: Maybe you start your meetings with an icebreaker game or
Speaker 2: an icebreaker question, or maybe you just try to say
Speaker 2: yes and to a few more ideas that come to
Speaker 2: you today.
Speaker 1: All right, well, we're going to take one more quick
Speaker 1: ad break and then we'll be back with more about
Speaker 1: flexing our feelings. So I am back with doctor Emily Anhalt,
Speaker 1: who is talking about how we can become more emotionally fit,
Speaker 1: all the way we can do our pushups and sit
Speaker 1: ups in our daily life in order to interact better
Speaker 1: with our friends, our colleagues, our family members from a
Speaker 1: place of emotional resilience and strength. So, Emily, we always
Speaker 1: talk about people's routines. I wonder if you have any
Speaker 1: daily routines in your life that help you be more productive.
Speaker 2: Sure, so I mentioned I have ADHD, and I feel
Speaker 2: like I've developed a lot of structure in my life
Speaker 2: to counteract that. So I do have a lot of
Speaker 2: routines because routines kind of keep me doing what I
Speaker 2: need to be doing. So, for example, in the morning.
Speaker 2: I have a whole morning routine. I wake up, I
Speaker 2: resist the urge to look at my phone as much
Speaker 2: as I want to. I make myself a cup of tea.
Speaker 2: I meditate for exactly five minutes because that's all my
Speaker 2: ADHD brain can handle. I do a quick workout just
Speaker 2: to get my body moving. I eat some kind of
Speaker 2: healthy breakfast, and then I write just one line in
Speaker 2: a journal. I have a line a day journal. So
Speaker 2: I'm not the kind of person who could write for
Speaker 2: half hour every day, so I challenge myself just to
Speaker 2: write a single line about how I'm feeling that day,
Speaker 2: or what I'm grateful for that day, or whatever it
Speaker 2: might be. And I've been doing this for so many
Speaker 2: years that now I have an idea of how I
Speaker 2: have felt on this day for the last five or
Speaker 2: six years, which is really cool way to see patterns
Speaker 2: that kind of thing. And then once I've done that,
Speaker 2: then I dive into my emails and get started in
Speaker 2: my actual day. And this has just been a really
Speaker 2: lovely way to make sure that I'm setting the tone
Speaker 2: for my own life instead of letting my phone decide
Speaker 2: in the morning how I'm going to feel that day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely well. We love morning routines here on a
Speaker 1: show called Before Breakfast. I also wonder how you tend
Speaker 1: to structure your workday, because I guess you have lots
Speaker 1: of different projects that you're dealing with.
Speaker 2: I don't have a very clear structure of my workday
Speaker 2: because every day is different. Some days I see clients,
Speaker 2: some days I'm teaching, some days I'm writing, some days
Speaker 2: I'm just trying to manage all of the odds and
Speaker 2: ends that kind of thing. But in general, I did
Speaker 2: my doctoral research on ADHD and success, and a lot
Speaker 2: of what I've found is the power of shifting your
Speaker 2: work environment to match your work needs instead of the
Speaker 2: other way around. And so I learned at some point
Speaker 2: what I need in order to get work done. I
Speaker 2: need to be in a comfortable chair. I need to
Speaker 2: have a snack nearby. It needs to be a certain
Speaker 2: time of day. You know, I don't do my best
Speaker 2: work super early in the morning or super late at night,
Speaker 2: and so my workday is a lot of me setting
Speaker 2: up conditions to allow myself to optimize for how my
Speaker 2: mind works best, and then leaning in.
Speaker 1: But do you generally like plan your life in weeks
Speaker 1: like these are the days that I generally will do
Speaker 1: X and Y or like, these are the days I'm
Speaker 1: not seeing clients, and so that's when I'm going to
Speaker 1: organize these projects. I'm just curious how you plan it out.
Speaker 2: I actually plan my life in half hour segments. You
Speaker 2: would really laugh if you saw my calendar. It's very specific.
Speaker 2: But yes, there are certain days that I see clients.
Speaker 2: There are certain days that I, you know, focus more
Speaker 2: on getting emails all of that kind of thing done,
Speaker 2: and there's chaos and structure at the same time. I'd
Speaker 2: say that really defines my work style.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, because you know, we do. We have talked
Speaker 1: a little bit about, you know, neurodivergent personalities on this show.
Speaker 1: We've had a couple of guests who have also talked
Speaker 1: about their experience with ADHD and the like. I'm curious
Speaker 1: how you feel about ADHD and productivity. I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people are coming to new realizations that these
Speaker 1: two things are not completely at odds as we might
Speaker 1: have thought in the past. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean, my research really showed that ADHD is just
Speaker 2: a different way of being in the world, a different
Speaker 2: way of working in our systems were not necessarily created
Speaker 2: with that way of being in mind, and so you
Speaker 2: have to be willing to restructure your environment a little
Speaker 2: bit if you can. So, for example, there's a whole
Speaker 2: lot out there about how procrastination is really a bad
Speaker 2: thing and you should be fighting your urge to procrastinate.
Speaker 2: And I have found that I need to procrastinate because
Speaker 2: the anxiety of an impending deadline is what allows me
Speaker 2: to kick into gear and get things done. And so
Speaker 2: instead of trying to get myself not to be a procrastinator, instead,
Speaker 2: I've worked on learning how to procrastinate effectively figuring out
Speaker 2: how long something's actually going to take, and not waiting
Speaker 2: so long that I can't get it done in time.
Speaker 2: That kind of thing.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, so one thing we always talk about on
Speaker 1: this show is what is something you have done recently
Speaker 1: to take a day from great to awesome?
Speaker 2: Oh? I love that question. Uh, can I share three
Speaker 2: things that come to mind?
Speaker 1: We will take three.
Speaker 2: Okay, So the first one is I have this thing
Speaker 2: called the gratitude trio, which is that every day I
Speaker 2: try to very quickly think of three things I'm grateful for.
Speaker 2: One thing I'm grateful for about myself, Like, oh, my
Speaker 2: body is working and it allows me to move. One
Speaker 2: thing I'm grateful for about someone else in my life, like, oh,
Speaker 2: this friend reached out to me who haven't spoke too
Speaker 2: in a while, and it really made my day. And
Speaker 2: one thing I'm grateful for about the world in general, like, oh,
Speaker 2: it's about to be stone fruit season and that's exciting
Speaker 2: and I'm going to get to eat all my favorite fruit.
Speaker 1: So doing a.
Speaker 2: Gratitude trio every day really takes it from great to awesome.
Speaker 2: The second one sounds really simple, but just taking a
Speaker 2: moment to revel in the fact that you are alive.
Speaker 2: I think sometimes we take for granted how incredible it
Speaker 2: is that we've won this cosmic lottery and we get
Speaker 2: to exist, and it's this beautiful, profound truth. So sometimes
Speaker 2: I'll just take a really slow breath and think, holy shit,
Speaker 2: I'm alive. What an incredible thing. And then finally, my
Speaker 2: third one is send a text to someone in your life,
Speaker 2: letting them know that you're thinking about them. There's something
Speaker 2: so nice about just maintaining those connections. It will make
Speaker 2: people's day, it will spark conversations, and it reminds me,
Speaker 2: you know, wow, I have community, I have love, in
Speaker 2: my life. There are other people going about their days
Speaker 2: right now. I'm not really in anything alone here, and
Speaker 2: that also takes things from great to awesome for me.
Speaker 1: I love it. Yeah, the cosmic part is is fun
Speaker 1: for me. I have these random obsessions and lately I've
Speaker 1: been obsessed with this. Be a little detour here, but
Speaker 1: the post the end Permian extinction two hundred and fifty
Speaker 1: two million years ago, ninety percent of species on the
Speaker 1: Earth were wiped out. You know, people are more familiar
Speaker 1: with the extinction that ended the dinosaurs sixty six million
Speaker 1: years ago, but there were there were numerous extinctions through
Speaker 1: Earth history, and I was just sort of like, wow,
Speaker 1: ninety percent, Like isn't it nice that we came back right? Like,
Speaker 1: you know, it could have been one hundred percent, or
Speaker 1: you know, maybe the ninety percent, the ten percent that
Speaker 1: lasted could have been ten percent that led somewhere else
Speaker 1: other than to eventually, you know, primates that developed the
Speaker 1: ability to you know, use fire and walk upright and
Speaker 1: listen to time management podcasts and also starts the wondering.
Speaker 2: Really though, our existence is such a miracle, and I
Speaker 2: think there's something really lovely about taking a second to
Speaker 2: appreciate it all right.
Speaker 1: We made it through. Our ancestors made it through the
Speaker 1: post Permian extinction, so it's good to know to know.
Speaker 1: So Emily, where can people find you?
Speaker 2: Absolutely find me on socials. I'm on all the platforms.
Speaker 2: My handle is at dr Emily an Halt. My website
Speaker 2: is dr Emilyandhalt dot com. And I would love to
Speaker 2: stay in touch about and hear about everyone's emotional fitness journeys.
Speaker 2: And oh, grab a copy of my book Flex your
Speaker 2: feelings on anywhere that you would find.
Speaker 1: Books excellent, Well, please do that, and thank you Emily
Speaker 1: for joining us. Thank you to everyone for listening. If
Speaker 1: you have feedback, we know that feedback is important and
Speaker 1: I will take your feedback. You can tell me how
Speaker 1: to improve by ten percent or fifty percent or whatever
Speaker 1: else you want to let me improve by. But if
Speaker 1: you have feedback for me about this or any other episode,
Speaker 1: you can always reach me at Laura at Laura vandercam
Speaker 1: dot com. And in the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks
Speaker 1: for listening, and here's to making the most of our time.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions,
Speaker 1: ideas or feedback, You can reach me at Laura at
Speaker 1: Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit the iHeartRadio app,
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