1 00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning, 2 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:14,880 Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's 3 00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:17,400 Speaker 1: episode is going to be a longer one part of 4 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:20,640 Speaker 1: the series where I interview fascinating people about how they 5 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:23,799 Speaker 1: take their days from great to awesome and any advice 6 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: they have for the rest of us. So today I 7 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:30,240 Speaker 1: am delighted to welcome doctor Emily Anhalt to the show. 8 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 1: Emily is a clinical psychologist and the co founder of CoA, 9 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:36,680 Speaker 1: which is a gem for mental health. She is the 10 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:40,160 Speaker 1: author of the brand new book Flex Your Feelings. So, Emily, 11 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:41,040 Speaker 1: welcome to the show. 12 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:42,920 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me. It's so great 13 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:43,440 Speaker 2: to be here. 14 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,240 Speaker 1: Awesome. Well, why don't you tell our listeners a little 15 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,360 Speaker 1: bit more about yourself? 16 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:51,599 Speaker 2: Absolutely so. I am a clinical psychologist. I grew up 17 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:55,120 Speaker 2: in Silicon Valley. I have been studying and practicing clinical 18 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:59,240 Speaker 2: psych for about twenty years now. I had reaching ADHD 19 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,880 Speaker 2: as a kid, still do, and so somewhere along the 20 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:03,640 Speaker 2: way I realized that it would be helpful for me 21 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 2: to understand how my mind works. And then in high 22 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:09,520 Speaker 2: school I had a psychology teacher who helped me understand 23 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,840 Speaker 2: that when you know a lot about psychology. You know 24 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,800 Speaker 2: a little about everything because the world is spoken in 25 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:17,960 Speaker 2: the language of relationships, and psychology is the study of 26 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,319 Speaker 2: the relationship we have to ourselves and to other people. 27 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:24,040 Speaker 2: So my work in siliconbatilely led me to this interest 28 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 2: in the psychology of the high performer, and I wanted 29 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,560 Speaker 2: to figure out what a more proactive approach to mental 30 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:31,959 Speaker 2: health looks like. And so a number of years ago 31 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,200 Speaker 2: I did a big research study where I interviewed one 32 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:37,720 Speaker 2: hundred psychologists and entrepreneurs, and I asked them, how would 33 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:39,720 Speaker 2: you know if you were sitting across the table from 34 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:42,760 Speaker 2: an emotionally healthy person, What does that kind of person do, 35 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:44,480 Speaker 2: what do they not do? What does that feel like? 36 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,520 Speaker 2: And out of this research came these seven traits of 37 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 2: emotional fitness, the seven things that emotionally healthy people are 38 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 2: working on all the time. And that is what my 39 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,560 Speaker 2: book explores is how to do your emotional pushups, how 40 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:58,880 Speaker 2: to do an emotional workout every day so that you 41 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,320 Speaker 2: become more mentally fit and strong, excellent. 42 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:06,320 Speaker 1: And I'm sure whenever people hear the tagline about your 43 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:09,919 Speaker 1: company of co about being a gem for mental health, 44 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:13,920 Speaker 1: I'm sure they go Oh, oh, that's interesting because we 45 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:18,520 Speaker 1: aren't used to thinking about mental and physical health in 46 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 1: the same way, but maybe you can talk about what 47 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:22,399 Speaker 1: the parallels are. 48 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:26,240 Speaker 2: Absolutely so, if you think about physical health, a lot 49 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:28,880 Speaker 2: of people like to think that if they are not sick, 50 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,680 Speaker 2: that that means they're healthy. But if you speak to 51 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 2: someone with good physical fitness, someone who sleeps eight hours 52 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:37,480 Speaker 2: a night and eats well and exercises, they'll tell you 53 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 2: just because you're not ill does not mean that you 54 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,480 Speaker 2: are in tiptop shape. And the same is true with 55 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:45,120 Speaker 2: our emotions. There is this idea that you're either mentally 56 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 2: ill or mentally healthy, and the truth is most of 57 00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:51,120 Speaker 2: us exist somewhere in between where things are mostly going fine, 58 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,200 Speaker 2: but we could all level up the relationship we have 59 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:56,520 Speaker 2: to ourselves and other people. And so emotional fitness is 60 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 2: similar to physical fitness in that it's a more proactive 61 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 2: and on going approach to strengthen your emotional health so 62 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 2: that you actually prevent some of the emotional health struggles 63 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,079 Speaker 2: that may have sent you looking for support down the line. 64 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's interesting to think about it from this 65 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,600 Speaker 1: perspective because you know, you picture people at the gym, 66 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,600 Speaker 1: they're usually not just there to ward off disaster. I mean, 67 00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:20,920 Speaker 1: some of us have you had back issues or something 68 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,120 Speaker 1: and that's why we're there, But many other people it's 69 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,320 Speaker 1: because they want to be, you know, jacked up. They 70 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,600 Speaker 1: want to look good, they want to be the best possible, 71 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:31,240 Speaker 1: most energetic version of themselves. And are you saying this 72 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,360 Speaker 1: is something we can do with our mental health as well. 73 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:37,160 Speaker 2: Absolutely? Yeah. I think that people often wait until things 74 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,080 Speaker 2: are really bad to work on their mental health. But 75 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 2: that's little like waiting until you have early signs of 76 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,960 Speaker 2: heart disease to start doing cardio. So emotional fitness is 77 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,520 Speaker 2: the idea that if you start right now, you are 78 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,560 Speaker 2: going to see so many benefits. You're going to see 79 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,560 Speaker 2: healthier relationships, You're going to feel like you're living a 80 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,640 Speaker 2: more authentic life. You're going to just be more happy 81 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:56,880 Speaker 2: with the choices that you're making because they're based on 82 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 2: a more mentally healthy perspective of who you are and 83 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:00,880 Speaker 2: your place in the world. 84 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,120 Speaker 1: So mental health, positive mental health is something that can 85 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:04,600 Speaker 1: be learned. 86 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,800 Speaker 2: Absolutely. You know, we all have certain predispositions and certain 87 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,840 Speaker 2: resources available to us, certain levels of resilience, et cetera. 88 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 2: But yes, it is a muscle you can flex and 89 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,120 Speaker 2: if you work on it a little every day, it 90 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,840 Speaker 2: will get stronger and you will see huge benefits in 91 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:19,240 Speaker 2: your life. 92 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,159 Speaker 1: Well, let's talk about that. I mean, what does it 93 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:24,520 Speaker 1: mean to be emotionally fit? Why don't you just do 94 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,960 Speaker 1: a quick run through of what those seven things are 95 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 1: that the clinical psychologists could could see with the healthy 96 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,120 Speaker 1: person across the table from them. 97 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:37,239 Speaker 2: Absolutely. So. The seven traits are mindfulness, which I define 98 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:41,320 Speaker 2: as becoming more comfortable being uncomfortable. So just like if 99 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,359 Speaker 2: you are working out and you're not willing to be 100 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,560 Speaker 2: a little physically uncomfortable, you're probably not going to get 101 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,120 Speaker 2: any stronger. With emotional fitness, you have to be willing 102 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:50,920 Speaker 2: to be a little emotionally uncomfortable in order to get stronger. 103 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:55,800 Speaker 2: The second trait is curiosity, which is pursuing growth over 104 00:04:55,880 --> 00:05:00,680 Speaker 2: defensiveness and continued learning about yourself and other people. The 105 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:04,560 Speaker 2: next is self awareness, so understanding your emotional strengths and 106 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 2: struggles triggers biases. Knowing who you are then comes resilience, 107 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:14,480 Speaker 2: which I define as bouncing forward through setbacks and failures. 108 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:17,239 Speaker 2: And I say bouncing forward instead of bouncing back, because 109 00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:19,159 Speaker 2: I don't think we ever really go back to being 110 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 2: who we were before we went through a hard thing. 111 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:23,080 Speaker 2: So that's not the goal. The goal is to learn 112 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,039 Speaker 2: and grow from the tough things that we go through. 113 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 2: After resilience is empathy, so understanding the emotions of other people, 114 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,359 Speaker 2: being able to really feel what other people are feeling. 115 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:37,080 Speaker 2: Then communication, being able to put words to your needs 116 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,720 Speaker 2: and expectations and boundaries. And then finally the seventh trait 117 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:45,039 Speaker 2: is playfulness. Being a yes and person and fostering a 118 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,719 Speaker 2: space to deepen the connection you have to yourself and 119 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:48,279 Speaker 2: other people. 120 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:53,839 Speaker 1: Awesome and are What are the benefits of being emotionally fit? 121 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:57,919 Speaker 1: So if somebody has high scores on these various different dimensions, 122 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,799 Speaker 1: or at least some of them, what are they able 123 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 1: to do? What are some of the payoffs one might 124 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,360 Speaker 1: see in life. 125 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 2: One of the complicated things I think about emotional health 126 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,680 Speaker 2: is it's a little less quantitative than physical fitness. You know, 127 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,599 Speaker 2: when you go to the gym, you can measure exactly 128 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 2: how much weight you can lift and it's more than 129 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:18,240 Speaker 2: last time, and there's this very data driven aspect of it, 130 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 2: whereas with mental health there's sort of a nebulous feeling 131 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,560 Speaker 2: to it. My experience is that people with good emotional 132 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:29,719 Speaker 2: fitness just describe their life as feeling more authentic and satisfying. 133 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:33,800 Speaker 2: Their relationships feel healthier, the voice that they speak to 134 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:38,359 Speaker 2: themselves in is kinder and more compassionate. They are able 135 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:41,320 Speaker 2: to weather the storm of the difficulties that life throws 136 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:44,160 Speaker 2: at them with more grace and ease. You know, it's 137 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:48,080 Speaker 2: all those sort of indescribable things that make life feel 138 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,720 Speaker 2: more satisfying to live. All of those things will get 139 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,839 Speaker 2: better as you strengthen your emotional health. 140 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,760 Speaker 1: Excellent. Well, We're going to take a quick ad break 141 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,120 Speaker 1: and then I will be back with more from Emily 142 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:08,360 Speaker 1: and Halt with her talk of emotional fitness. Well, I 143 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,800 Speaker 1: am back with Emily Anhalt, who is the author of 144 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,160 Speaker 1: the brand new book Flex Your Feelings. She has a 145 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 1: clinical psychologist and is sharing all sorts of ways that 146 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 1: we can become more emotionally fit. So one of the 147 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,320 Speaker 1: things you do in your book is you talko a 148 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:24,920 Speaker 1: lot of different case studies, particularly like people in the workplace. 149 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,680 Speaker 1: You know, managers that you've done reviews with who have 150 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:31,000 Speaker 1: various blind spots, maybe not scoring so high on these 151 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:35,840 Speaker 1: self awareness or mindfulness. You know, levels of your scale. 152 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,280 Speaker 1: I wonder if you could talk us through some of 153 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 1: a turnaround you've seen and somebody who is able to 154 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:45,040 Speaker 1: manage their team more effectively after working on their emotional fitness. 155 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:48,680 Speaker 2: Sure thing. So in the book, for each trait, I 156 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,480 Speaker 2: share a clinical example, and then I share what I 157 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 2: call an emotional push up, an actionable exercise that you 158 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:58,400 Speaker 2: can do in that moment to strengthen your emotional health 159 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 2: in that area. So you want to hear one of 160 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:04,920 Speaker 2: the examples, so I can share that in the chapter 161 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:09,200 Speaker 2: about mindfulness, which is becoming more comfortable being uncomfortable, I'm 162 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:13,000 Speaker 2: speaking about my work with a woman who really had 163 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 2: a lot of discomfort with uncertainty, and what she found 164 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,880 Speaker 2: was that her inability to tolerate uncertainty was causing all 165 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 2: kinds of problems because the things she would do to 166 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 2: try to get certainty were more problematic and uncomfortable for 167 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,320 Speaker 2: her than the uncertainty was in the first place, which 168 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,160 Speaker 2: is so common. The things we do to avoid our 169 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,600 Speaker 2: discomfort often end up causing more problems for us than 170 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:36,320 Speaker 2: the discomfort itself. And so through our work, she learned 171 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,160 Speaker 2: how to lean toward her discomfort instead of away from it, 172 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,200 Speaker 2: she learned how to prove to herself that she's more 173 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:44,720 Speaker 2: capable of handling these hard feelings than she thought. She 174 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,400 Speaker 2: did experiments and showed herself, Oh, this thing that I 175 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,040 Speaker 2: thought would be so intolerable is actually not as bad 176 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,080 Speaker 2: as I thought. And there's all these benefits on the 177 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,640 Speaker 2: other side that I really want to keep maximizing for. 178 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,920 Speaker 2: And over time, as she learned to tolerate her discomfort 179 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:01,520 Speaker 2: a little bit, all of these options started opening up 180 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:05,000 Speaker 2: to her. So for her specifically, she was in sales, 181 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,400 Speaker 2: and the uncertainty of whether a deal was going to 182 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,920 Speaker 2: go through would push her to demand answers before people 183 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,960 Speaker 2: were ready, and then they would be frustrated with her. 184 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,280 Speaker 2: And she started to learn how to just breathe through 185 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:17,640 Speaker 2: those moments and tolerate those feelings of discomfort long enough 186 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:20,360 Speaker 2: to see how things naturally played out. And she saw 187 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,360 Speaker 2: this ripple through her whole life. You know, her friends 188 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,960 Speaker 2: who would be frustrated with her for always needing a 189 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,959 Speaker 2: plan in every moment, started to feel relieved as she 190 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:31,640 Speaker 2: was able to tolerate the uncertainty of what would happen 191 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:34,040 Speaker 2: that night, that kind of thing. And so this is 192 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:38,160 Speaker 2: just an example of these little moments, these little opportunities 193 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:41,719 Speaker 2: we have to breathe through tough things, show ourselves we're 194 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:44,439 Speaker 2: stronger than we think, and in that we actually strengthen 195 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,360 Speaker 2: ourselves and become more able to deal with all of 196 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:48,600 Speaker 2: the hard things we might face. 197 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:52,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, and you mentioned, you know, the emotional push ups, 198 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 1: the push ups that we're going to do, and many 199 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:57,120 Speaker 1: of us are at least vaguely familiar with some of 200 00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:00,000 Speaker 1: the basic physical fitness ideas like push ups are set up. 201 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:04,079 Speaker 1: I wonder if you could share just a few basic 202 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 1: emotional fitness push ups or sit ups that are things 203 00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:10,280 Speaker 1: we could try in the next day or two to 204 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:13,360 Speaker 1: maybe make ourselves a little bit more emotionally fit. 205 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 2: Absolutely, so, you know, physical push up is just this 206 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,800 Speaker 2: small physical exertion puts you a little outside of your 207 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:22,719 Speaker 2: comfort zone so that you can grow stronger. And if 208 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,800 Speaker 2: you only do one, you're probably not going to get 209 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:26,640 Speaker 2: much stronger. But if you do a few every day, 210 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,959 Speaker 2: not only will you be able to do more push ups, 211 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:31,840 Speaker 2: but you'll also be able to do more in other 212 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,920 Speaker 2: areas of life, like carry heavier groceries, pick up your kid, 213 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:38,120 Speaker 2: that kind of thing. So emotional push up is anything 214 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,439 Speaker 2: that puts you a little outside of your emotional comfort 215 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:42,720 Speaker 2: zone so you can grow. And what's outside of my 216 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 2: emotional comfort zone might not be outside of yours. So 217 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,839 Speaker 2: part of this is thinking about what makes you a 218 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 2: little uncomfortable and figuring out how you can lean toward it. 219 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,760 Speaker 2: So some examples of emotional push ups would be if 220 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:56,200 Speaker 2: you're someone who says yes to everything that's asked of 221 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 2: you and then you end up feeling really overwhelmed and 222 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,720 Speaker 2: resentful of people, and motional push up for you might 223 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:05,480 Speaker 2: be just saying one kind but firm no to a 224 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,160 Speaker 2: small request that's made of you today, Whereas if you 225 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,720 Speaker 2: tend to focus more on yourself, an emotional push up 226 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:14,000 Speaker 2: might be to offer someone else help with a small task. 227 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:18,559 Speaker 2: Other emotional push ups are apologize for a mistake, or 228 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,360 Speaker 2: meditate for five minutes in the morning, or celebrate a 229 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:25,720 Speaker 2: win instead of rushing right past it, or maybe pause 230 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:27,920 Speaker 2: before you pour yourself a drink in the evening to 231 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 2: ask what feelings you might be trying to move away from. 232 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,560 Speaker 2: Or an emotional pushup could just be put your phone 233 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:36,200 Speaker 2: away after eight pm and not have your phone be 234 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:39,040 Speaker 2: the thing that you look at until the very last minute. 235 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 1: Of your day. 236 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,920 Speaker 2: So one of my favorite emotional push ups to suggest 237 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:45,360 Speaker 2: if everyone wanted to do one right now, would be 238 00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:48,560 Speaker 2: to ask for feedback. It's a really powerful thing to 239 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 2: get a sense of how other people feel about us. 240 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,280 Speaker 2: So take out your phone and send a text to 241 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:55,760 Speaker 2: someone in your life that says something like, Hey, I'm 242 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,319 Speaker 2: working on my emotional fitness. I am hoping you can 243 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,320 Speaker 2: share some feedback with me. What is one thing that 244 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:04,760 Speaker 2: I am doing well as a friend, a colleague, a sibling, 245 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,680 Speaker 2: a parent, whatever it might be, And what is one 246 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:10,680 Speaker 2: thing that I could do ten percent better? And send 247 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,600 Speaker 2: that text out and see what comes back. You're going 248 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,960 Speaker 2: to be working on your curiosity, your self awareness, your communication, 249 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:18,800 Speaker 2: and all of these things affect each other. So as 250 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,720 Speaker 2: you work on any of the seven traits, the others 251 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:21,720 Speaker 2: will naturally improve. 252 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:25,760 Speaker 1: I love the ten percent better yes idea, because it's 253 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,199 Speaker 1: not just like, Okay, what am I terrible at right? 254 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,880 Speaker 1: You want me to do? You know that I'm really 255 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:33,200 Speaker 1: failing at left and right as a spouse, you know, friend, 256 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,640 Speaker 1: a parent, whatever else, But just what could be a 257 00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:39,440 Speaker 1: little bit better? Because most people have at least something 258 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:42,360 Speaker 1: that they could be ten percent better in and even 259 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:45,400 Speaker 1: if the person is generally happy, like it coaxes out 260 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:46,640 Speaker 1: a little something for sure. 261 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,360 Speaker 2: And it's easier to give ten percent better feedback too, 262 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,560 Speaker 2: because it feels a little like you're just giving a 263 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,559 Speaker 2: person a little suggestion, a small improvement, And so I've 264 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,960 Speaker 2: found that that kind of removes the barrier to entry 265 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,199 Speaker 2: for people to write back honest feedback. 266 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,559 Speaker 1: And I bet a lot of people doing this though, 267 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:04,240 Speaker 1: even if it is only a ten percent improvement, realize 268 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,600 Speaker 1: that they are not very high on the defensiveness score. 269 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,960 Speaker 1: I mean that they get more defensive instead of approaching 270 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,160 Speaker 1: things with a sense of curiosity for sure. 271 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,360 Speaker 2: And what's interesting is a lot of people are defensive 272 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,520 Speaker 2: against the positive feedback. So this also helps you learn 273 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:20,600 Speaker 2: how to take in the beautiful things that people think 274 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,840 Speaker 2: about you and fold them into your ideas of yourself 275 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,280 Speaker 2: so that you're not only focusing on the negative things. 276 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,640 Speaker 1: I do wonder about that defensiveness though, and versus you know, 277 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,520 Speaker 1: approaching things with a spirit of curiosity. Is there anything 278 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:34,920 Speaker 1: we can do in particular on that dimension to improve 279 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:38,840 Speaker 1: because I imagine that would be very impactful, particularly in 280 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,120 Speaker 1: a workplace environment. 281 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:43,240 Speaker 2: For sure. One of the things that I recommend is 282 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:47,559 Speaker 2: giving yourself a little bit of space between your defensive 283 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:50,760 Speaker 2: feelings and the action that you take. Often when someone 284 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,319 Speaker 2: gives us a piece of constructive feedback, the first thing 285 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,120 Speaker 2: we feel is defensive, and so the first thing we 286 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:58,880 Speaker 2: do is we become overly apologetic, or we deny what 287 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,720 Speaker 2: they're talking about, or we tell them why they're wrong, 288 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,800 Speaker 2: or we give them a piece of feedback right back. 289 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:05,520 Speaker 2: And if instead we just said, all right, give me 290 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:08,400 Speaker 2: five minutes to think about that before I respond, and 291 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:11,800 Speaker 2: in those five minutes, you just sat quietly with yourself 292 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:14,600 Speaker 2: and wrote down what you were feeling, and wrote down 293 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,600 Speaker 2: what you were worried about, or what you think this 294 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:20,400 Speaker 2: feedback means about you, and what actually might they be 295 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 2: trying to do to help you and improve with this 296 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:26,280 Speaker 2: feedback that kind of thing. In that space, our defenses 297 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:28,640 Speaker 2: tend to come down a bit and then you're going 298 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 2: to be able to speak from a less defensive place. 299 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,680 Speaker 2: So just create that little bit of space. Just tell someone, hey, 300 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,920 Speaker 2: thank you for this feedback, give me a few minutes 301 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 2: to think about it, and then let's talk about it. 302 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,120 Speaker 1: And on the other side of that, you talk in 303 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:43,560 Speaker 1: the book about complaining without blame and what this might 304 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 1: look like in a conversation. What are some ways we 305 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 1: can adopt this mindset of complaining without blame, so still 306 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,280 Speaker 1: trying to get across that there's something that you might 307 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:54,080 Speaker 1: not be happy with, but without telling the other person 308 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:55,560 Speaker 1: that they are terrible as a result. 309 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, I love this phrase. The idea here is if 310 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,240 Speaker 2: you want to enlist someone to help you with a 311 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:05,080 Speaker 2: problem without them feeling like you're blaming them for the problem, 312 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:07,800 Speaker 2: you can say, hey, can I complain without blame for 313 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,640 Speaker 2: a second. So, for example, let's say you and your 314 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:13,200 Speaker 2: romantic partner have kind of just been sitting around the 315 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 2: house a lot lately, not really going on any dates, 316 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,680 Speaker 2: and you'd like to change that, but you want to 317 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,560 Speaker 2: prevent them from feeling like you're saying you aren't taking 318 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,040 Speaker 2: me on any dates. This is a you problem. You 319 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:26,040 Speaker 2: might say, hey, can I complain without blame for a second. 320 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,000 Speaker 2: We haven't really been going out lately. Can we change that? 321 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,160 Speaker 2: And now the other person is going to be able 322 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,360 Speaker 2: to let their defenses down and see it as a 323 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:36,120 Speaker 2: problem that you're working on together. It's sort of us 324 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,560 Speaker 2: versus the problem instead of me versus you, and they 325 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,840 Speaker 2: might say, yeah, you're right, we haven't really been going out. 326 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 2: What if we have a daily or a weekly date 327 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,680 Speaker 2: night from now on and every Tuesday we go out 328 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,800 Speaker 2: no matter what. That kind of thing. So it's just 329 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,440 Speaker 2: a way to help people lower their defenses when you're 330 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,080 Speaker 2: going to give them a piece of feedback as well. 331 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,720 Speaker 1: And let's talk about playfulness, because this might be sort 332 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:01,320 Speaker 1: of a more unexpected one that mentally healthy, emotionally fit 333 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:05,560 Speaker 1: people have a spirit of playfulness. But what does this 334 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,360 Speaker 1: wind up looking like in sort of our day to 335 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,320 Speaker 1: day interactions. 336 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, playfulness was the one that surprised me until I 337 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,240 Speaker 2: realized how kind of obvious it is because play is 338 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:17,000 Speaker 2: such an undervalued and important part of life. I read 339 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,560 Speaker 2: a study ones that showed that people who play regularly 340 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 2: live longer by a significant number of years than people 341 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:26,760 Speaker 2: who don't play regularly. I love the improv definition of play, 342 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 2: which is saying yes. And it's the idea that when 343 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,800 Speaker 2: people come to you with an idea, you expand on 344 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:35,160 Speaker 2: that idea and together you get somewhere that neither of 345 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,120 Speaker 2: you could have gotten alone. So brainstorming is a type 346 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,320 Speaker 2: of play or taking a joke way too far with 347 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:43,000 Speaker 2: a friend, is a type of play, and so my 348 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:47,200 Speaker 2: hope is that people start feeling the permission encouragement to 349 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,880 Speaker 2: infuse more play into their daily interactions and their life. 350 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:53,760 Speaker 2: Maybe you start your meetings with an icebreaker game or 351 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:57,480 Speaker 2: an icebreaker question, or maybe you just try to say 352 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,840 Speaker 2: yes and to a few more ideas that come to 353 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:00,440 Speaker 2: you today. 354 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:02,760 Speaker 1: All right, well, we're going to take one more quick 355 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,520 Speaker 1: ad break and then we'll be back with more about 356 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:14,520 Speaker 1: flexing our feelings. So I am back with doctor Emily Anhalt, 357 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:17,440 Speaker 1: who is talking about how we can become more emotionally fit, 358 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,000 Speaker 1: all the way we can do our pushups and sit 359 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:23,119 Speaker 1: ups in our daily life in order to interact better 360 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,639 Speaker 1: with our friends, our colleagues, our family members from a 361 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:31,359 Speaker 1: place of emotional resilience and strength. So, Emily, we always 362 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,560 Speaker 1: talk about people's routines. I wonder if you have any 363 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,160 Speaker 1: daily routines in your life that help you be more productive. 364 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,560 Speaker 2: Sure, so I mentioned I have ADHD, and I feel 365 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,880 Speaker 2: like I've developed a lot of structure in my life 366 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:45,800 Speaker 2: to counteract that. So I do have a lot of 367 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,520 Speaker 2: routines because routines kind of keep me doing what I 368 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:51,080 Speaker 2: need to be doing. So, for example, in the morning. 369 00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:53,600 Speaker 2: I have a whole morning routine. I wake up, I 370 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:55,520 Speaker 2: resist the urge to look at my phone as much 371 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 2: as I want to. I make myself a cup of tea. 372 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:01,800 Speaker 2: I meditate for exactly five minutes because that's all my 373 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:05,399 Speaker 2: ADHD brain can handle. I do a quick workout just 374 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,560 Speaker 2: to get my body moving. I eat some kind of 375 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:13,359 Speaker 2: healthy breakfast, and then I write just one line in 376 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,679 Speaker 2: a journal. I have a line a day journal. So 377 00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:18,200 Speaker 2: I'm not the kind of person who could write for 378 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,000 Speaker 2: half hour every day, so I challenge myself just to 379 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,440 Speaker 2: write a single line about how I'm feeling that day, 380 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,440 Speaker 2: or what I'm grateful for that day, or whatever it 381 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 2: might be. And I've been doing this for so many 382 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:29,639 Speaker 2: years that now I have an idea of how I 383 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,760 Speaker 2: have felt on this day for the last five or 384 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,320 Speaker 2: six years, which is really cool way to see patterns 385 00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:36,680 Speaker 2: that kind of thing. And then once I've done that, 386 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:39,520 Speaker 2: then I dive into my emails and get started in 387 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,400 Speaker 2: my actual day. And this has just been a really 388 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,960 Speaker 2: lovely way to make sure that I'm setting the tone 389 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,800 Speaker 2: for my own life instead of letting my phone decide 390 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,440 Speaker 2: in the morning how I'm going to feel that day. 391 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,399 Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely well. We love morning routines here on a 392 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:55,600 Speaker 1: show called Before Breakfast. I also wonder how you tend 393 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:58,040 Speaker 1: to structure your workday, because I guess you have lots 394 00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,960 Speaker 1: of different projects that you're dealing with. 395 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:03,520 Speaker 2: I don't have a very clear structure of my workday 396 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,160 Speaker 2: because every day is different. Some days I see clients, 397 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:10,040 Speaker 2: some days I'm teaching, some days I'm writing, some days 398 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,399 Speaker 2: I'm just trying to manage all of the odds and 399 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,760 Speaker 2: ends that kind of thing. But in general, I did 400 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,040 Speaker 2: my doctoral research on ADHD and success, and a lot 401 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:22,280 Speaker 2: of what I've found is the power of shifting your 402 00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:26,080 Speaker 2: work environment to match your work needs instead of the 403 00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:28,680 Speaker 2: other way around. And so I learned at some point 404 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,520 Speaker 2: what I need in order to get work done. I 405 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,240 Speaker 2: need to be in a comfortable chair. I need to 406 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,960 Speaker 2: have a snack nearby. It needs to be a certain 407 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,640 Speaker 2: time of day. You know, I don't do my best 408 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:38,840 Speaker 2: work super early in the morning or super late at night, 409 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,200 Speaker 2: and so my workday is a lot of me setting 410 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:44,439 Speaker 2: up conditions to allow myself to optimize for how my 411 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,239 Speaker 2: mind works best, and then leaning in. 412 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,719 Speaker 1: But do you generally like plan your life in weeks 413 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:52,199 Speaker 1: like these are the days that I generally will do 414 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,200 Speaker 1: X and Y or like, these are the days I'm 415 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,280 Speaker 1: not seeing clients, and so that's when I'm going to 416 00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:58,760 Speaker 1: organize these projects. I'm just curious how you plan it out. 417 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,920 Speaker 2: I actually plan my life in half hour segments. You 418 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,400 Speaker 2: would really laugh if you saw my calendar. It's very specific. 419 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,800 Speaker 2: But yes, there are certain days that I see clients. 420 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,200 Speaker 2: There are certain days that I, you know, focus more 421 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,719 Speaker 2: on getting emails all of that kind of thing done, 422 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:16,440 Speaker 2: and there's chaos and structure at the same time. I'd 423 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,080 Speaker 2: say that really defines my work style. 424 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, because you know, we do. We have talked 425 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:26,080 Speaker 1: a little bit about, you know, neurodivergent personalities on this show. 426 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 1: We've had a couple of guests who have also talked 427 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,760 Speaker 1: about their experience with ADHD and the like. I'm curious 428 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,840 Speaker 1: how you feel about ADHD and productivity. I think a 429 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:37,159 Speaker 1: lot of people are coming to new realizations that these 430 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,719 Speaker 1: two things are not completely at odds as we might 431 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,520 Speaker 1: have thought in the past. Yeah. 432 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 2: I mean, my research really showed that ADHD is just 433 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:47,680 Speaker 2: a different way of being in the world, a different 434 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,760 Speaker 2: way of working in our systems were not necessarily created 435 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,359 Speaker 2: with that way of being in mind, and so you 436 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,280 Speaker 2: have to be willing to restructure your environment a little 437 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,960 Speaker 2: bit if you can. So, for example, there's a whole 438 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,760 Speaker 2: lot out there about how procrastination is really a bad 439 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:04,600 Speaker 2: thing and you should be fighting your urge to procrastinate. 440 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,840 Speaker 2: And I have found that I need to procrastinate because 441 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,480 Speaker 2: the anxiety of an impending deadline is what allows me 442 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,920 Speaker 2: to kick into gear and get things done. And so 443 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:16,320 Speaker 2: instead of trying to get myself not to be a procrastinator, instead, 444 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:20,280 Speaker 2: I've worked on learning how to procrastinate effectively figuring out 445 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,639 Speaker 2: how long something's actually going to take, and not waiting 446 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:25,160 Speaker 2: so long that I can't get it done in time. 447 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:26,080 Speaker 2: That kind of thing. 448 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:29,240 Speaker 1: Okay, Well, so one thing we always talk about on 449 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,320 Speaker 1: this show is what is something you have done recently 450 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:34,640 Speaker 1: to take a day from great to awesome? 451 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:39,040 Speaker 2: Oh? I love that question. Uh, can I share three 452 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:40,080 Speaker 2: things that come to mind? 453 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:41,400 Speaker 1: We will take three. 454 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,520 Speaker 2: Okay, So the first one is I have this thing 455 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:47,760 Speaker 2: called the gratitude trio, which is that every day I 456 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,520 Speaker 2: try to very quickly think of three things I'm grateful for. 457 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,159 Speaker 2: One thing I'm grateful for about myself, Like, oh, my 458 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,720 Speaker 2: body is working and it allows me to move. One 459 00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:58,320 Speaker 2: thing I'm grateful for about someone else in my life, like, oh, 460 00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:00,280 Speaker 2: this friend reached out to me who haven't spoke too 461 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,159 Speaker 2: in a while, and it really made my day. And 462 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,919 Speaker 2: one thing I'm grateful for about the world in general, like, oh, 463 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 2: it's about to be stone fruit season and that's exciting 464 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,600 Speaker 2: and I'm going to get to eat all my favorite fruit. 465 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:10,520 Speaker 1: So doing a. 466 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:13,760 Speaker 2: Gratitude trio every day really takes it from great to awesome. 467 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:17,280 Speaker 2: The second one sounds really simple, but just taking a 468 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:20,120 Speaker 2: moment to revel in the fact that you are alive. 469 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,560 Speaker 2: I think sometimes we take for granted how incredible it 470 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,960 Speaker 2: is that we've won this cosmic lottery and we get 471 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:29,679 Speaker 2: to exist, and it's this beautiful, profound truth. So sometimes 472 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,360 Speaker 2: I'll just take a really slow breath and think, holy shit, 473 00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:36,679 Speaker 2: I'm alive. What an incredible thing. And then finally, my 474 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,720 Speaker 2: third one is send a text to someone in your life, 475 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,520 Speaker 2: letting them know that you're thinking about them. There's something 476 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,119 Speaker 2: so nice about just maintaining those connections. It will make 477 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,840 Speaker 2: people's day, it will spark conversations, and it reminds me, 478 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,040 Speaker 2: you know, wow, I have community, I have love, in 479 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:53,160 Speaker 2: my life. There are other people going about their days 480 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,119 Speaker 2: right now. I'm not really in anything alone here, and 481 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,399 Speaker 2: that also takes things from great to awesome for me. 482 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:01,960 Speaker 1: I love it. Yeah, the cosmic part is is fun 483 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,680 Speaker 1: for me. I have these random obsessions and lately I've 484 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:09,520 Speaker 1: been obsessed with this. Be a little detour here, but 485 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:13,920 Speaker 1: the post the end Permian extinction two hundred and fifty 486 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,800 Speaker 1: two million years ago, ninety percent of species on the 487 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,600 Speaker 1: Earth were wiped out. You know, people are more familiar 488 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,280 Speaker 1: with the extinction that ended the dinosaurs sixty six million 489 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,640 Speaker 1: years ago, but there were there were numerous extinctions through 490 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:26,520 Speaker 1: Earth history, and I was just sort of like, wow, 491 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:30,040 Speaker 1: ninety percent, Like isn't it nice that we came back right? Like, 492 00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:33,280 Speaker 1: you know, it could have been one hundred percent, or 493 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:35,119 Speaker 1: you know, maybe the ninety percent, the ten percent that 494 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,720 Speaker 1: lasted could have been ten percent that led somewhere else 495 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:41,600 Speaker 1: other than to eventually, you know, primates that developed the 496 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:45,080 Speaker 1: ability to you know, use fire and walk upright and 497 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,200 Speaker 1: listen to time management podcasts and also starts the wondering. 498 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,560 Speaker 2: Really though, our existence is such a miracle, and I 499 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,879 Speaker 2: think there's something really lovely about taking a second to 500 00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:54,680 Speaker 2: appreciate it all right. 501 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,119 Speaker 1: We made it through. Our ancestors made it through the 502 00:23:57,119 --> 00:24:00,399 Speaker 1: post Permian extinction, so it's good to know to know. 503 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:02,600 Speaker 1: So Emily, where can people find you? 504 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,760 Speaker 2: Absolutely find me on socials. I'm on all the platforms. 505 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:09,879 Speaker 2: My handle is at dr Emily an Halt. My website 506 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,480 Speaker 2: is dr Emilyandhalt dot com. And I would love to 507 00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:15,640 Speaker 2: stay in touch about and hear about everyone's emotional fitness journeys. 508 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,800 Speaker 2: And oh, grab a copy of my book Flex your 509 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,679 Speaker 2: feelings on anywhere that you would find. 510 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:22,600 Speaker 1: Books excellent, Well, please do that, and thank you Emily 511 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,520 Speaker 1: for joining us. Thank you to everyone for listening. If 512 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:28,199 Speaker 1: you have feedback, we know that feedback is important and 513 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,000 Speaker 1: I will take your feedback. You can tell me how 514 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,280 Speaker 1: to improve by ten percent or fifty percent or whatever 515 00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,160 Speaker 1: else you want to let me improve by. But if 516 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:36,920 Speaker 1: you have feedback for me about this or any other episode, 517 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,720 Speaker 1: you can always reach me at Laura at Laura vandercam 518 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,919 Speaker 1: dot com. And in the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks 519 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,720 Speaker 1: for listening, and here's to making the most of our time. 520 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:55,800 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, 521 00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:59,840 Speaker 1: ideas or feedback, You can reach me at Laura at 522 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:09,640 Speaker 1: Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. 523 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:14,240 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit the iHeartRadio app, 524 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,800 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.