Speaker 1: Just because a person is popular or famous don't mean
Speaker 1: they know what they talking about.
Speaker 2: That's a fact, because the fact that people still refer
Speaker 2: to us as a celebrity. I'm a regular old girl,
Speaker 2: fast round the way facts, and I don't necessarily care
Speaker 2: to hear what everybody gotta say about everything anyway, dead
Speaker 2: ass thats hey. I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout, and we're
Speaker 2: the Ellis's.
Speaker 3: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.
Speaker 2: Voys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.
Speaker 3: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes.
Speaker 3: Sir, we are.
Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 1: Li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred,
Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 1: Were about to take philosof to our whole new level.
Speaker 2: Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: Okay, story time, So I'm gonna take y'all back to
Speaker 1: twenty twenty was done.
Speaker 3: That was the year. Boy, that was Yeah, I'm glad, but.
Speaker 1: We were going through a lot as a as a
Speaker 1: community of people. And I remember how these things happened,
Speaker 1: right and in order. Kobe Bryant, God Rest, his soul
Speaker 1: had passed away, literally in our backyard.
Speaker 3: We were living off.
Speaker 1: Off of Los Virgines in Calabasas, and it was foggy
Speaker 1: and Kobe Bryant had passed away. Jackson was going to
Speaker 1: the Mamba Academy two times a week when we first
Speaker 1: moved to La and he couldn't wait to meet Kobe.
Speaker 1: That happened two weeks later, Pop Smoke from Brooklyn, our
Speaker 1: community from Kanaski gets murdered in La. It was like
Speaker 1: two weeks that that. Then George Floyd happened, and I
Speaker 1: remember Jackson asking me. Jackson's saying to me, man, everybody's
Speaker 1: just dying. Right after that happened with George Floyd, we
Speaker 1: were also dealing with the pandemic.
Speaker 2: Forget March.
Speaker 1: It was just it was it was it was everything
Speaker 1: was happening at the same time, and it was a
Speaker 1: lot kids my Virtually we were out of school and
Speaker 1: I remember at one point I had I was making posts,
Speaker 1: but then I had put my phone down because Jackson
Speaker 1: was really struggling with the fact that everybody was dying.
Speaker 1: He was asking me the NBA had went on a break,
Speaker 1: and then when they came back, he was asking me
Speaker 1: a bunch of questions like why keep everyone keeps saying
Speaker 1: black lives matter and black lives matter. So I was
Speaker 1: focused predominantly on making sure that my son understood what
Speaker 1: was going on. And I hadn't been on social media
Speaker 1: for like six or seven days, and I came back
Speaker 1: on social media, and I've seen a whole bunch of
Speaker 1: text messages, a whole bunch of dms from and taxed
Speaker 1: people saying Deval doesn't care. He hasn't said anything about
Speaker 1: what happened with George Floyd. And people were saying, Oh,
Speaker 1: this is why I don't funck with y'all. No more,
Speaker 1: y'all got to Hollywood, j I don't care about the.
Speaker 3: People in the community.
Speaker 1: And at first I was I was taken back. I
Speaker 1: was pissed because at first, I let what the fuck
Speaker 1: y'all talking about? Like you and I have always spoken
Speaker 1: up and talked about things that matter, especially within the community.
Speaker 1: But then and another part of me was just like, man,
Speaker 1: fuck y'all because I was worried about my son, my family,
Speaker 1: like real life, like the social media.
Speaker 3: Is not a real place.
Speaker 1: Like me not choosing to make a statement had nothing
Speaker 1: to do with me deliberately deciding that I wasn't saying anything,
Speaker 1: but had everything to do with the fact that way
Speaker 1: we're virtual learning.
Speaker 3: We just moved to La. You know, two people that Jackson.
Speaker 1: Like looked up to, who were kind of like his
Speaker 1: little idols at the time, him being eight years old,
Speaker 1: had passed away.
Speaker 3: I was concerned about.
Speaker 2: His mental health, you know, and not for nothing.
Speaker 3: It was it was this bad.
Speaker 1: He was reading Charlotte's Web at the time and remember,
Speaker 1: oh remember Charlotte had died, and he broke down because
Speaker 1: it was like everybody keeps dying. These were the things
Speaker 1: that were really going on in our life at the time,
Speaker 1: and no one outside of our family cared it all.
Speaker 1: Some of most of these people were nice people, but
Speaker 1: some of the comments were just like y'all, don't care,
Speaker 1: y'all just turn your back on.
Speaker 2: The community, they say.
Speaker 1: I'm like, and I was like, damn, like that's how
Speaker 1: y'all feel, and that shit really pissed me off.
Speaker 2: Me too, because you know I'm quick to be like,
Speaker 2: we ain't doing the shit, no mo, because I didn't
Speaker 2: want to start doing it no how anyway.
Speaker 1: So for karaoke, I'm going to sing this little one
Speaker 1: part of the song because it has a part that
Speaker 1: I like but also has.
Speaker 3: My city in it.
Speaker 1: I came up with it, you did, so you want
Speaker 1: to start, You want me to start, want me to start?
Speaker 2: Good?
Speaker 1: Good, go ahead, start spreading the news because.
Speaker 2: That's what they want you to do on social media.
Speaker 3: Child, I'm leaving today.
Speaker 2: And we was ready to pack our bags and leave
Speaker 2: social media.
Speaker 3: Want to be a part of it.
Speaker 2: It, did not want to be a part.
Speaker 3: Of New York, New York.
Speaker 2: Big up New York every time, baby every time.
Speaker 1: That's the only reason why I agreed to sing that
Speaker 1: part of the song was because Yeah, Kadeen brought up
Speaker 1: the New York, New York per I did.
Speaker 2: And it's like spreading the news because what news goes
Speaker 2: like wildfire on social media, whether you like it to
Speaker 2: or not. What do they say is the span the
Speaker 2: lifespan of like anything that comes out on social media,
Speaker 2: like seventy two hours, seventy two hours and then people forget.
Speaker 3: About two hours and they forget about it.
Speaker 2: But there's some things that drag. Child, there's some things
Speaker 2: that drag, and we are held against our will, and
Speaker 2: unfortunately things just keep going and going and going.
Speaker 1: Let's pay some bills, Yeah, all right, let's pay some bills.
Speaker 1: Let's come back, and let's let's discuss celebrity decorum. When
Speaker 1: is the right time to say something or not say something?
Speaker 1: Platform are we, as people supposed to feel about celebrities
Speaker 1: choosing to or not to say something?
Speaker 2: Right and thereafter judging? Yes, we'll be back, y'all. So
Speaker 2: back to the story of time.
Speaker 3: So I just I want to say this, and I
Speaker 3: want to preface this by saying this.
Speaker 1: Kadeena and I often say that we don't feel like
Speaker 1: we're celebrities because we honestly don't.
Speaker 2: Until the goes to court and then it's thrown out
Speaker 2: of court, right right, did y'all catch that's the Instagram story?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 1: All right, because people wanted photographs while I was actually
Speaker 1: in court.
Speaker 3: You're not supposed to your phones.
Speaker 2: Ordering the court order in the court.
Speaker 1: But I do have empathy for both sides, and I
Speaker 1: want to discuss both sides being that people have said devout. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's past the point if you're saying you're no longer celebrity.
Speaker 1: People recognize you, people know who you are. I'm on
Speaker 1: two number one shows on television. I have a huge
Speaker 1: following on social media. My wife has a huge following
Speaker 1: on social media. So I'll receive that title.
Speaker 2: I'll receive it, thank you, y'all.
Speaker 3: I'm not ecstatic about it.
Speaker 1: I'm not elated about it, in part because I feel
Speaker 1: like social media has changed the way I view celebrities.
Speaker 2: This is just me personally, yeah, same, the same, I
Speaker 2: share the same sentiment.
Speaker 1: For example, when we were growing up, in order to
Speaker 1: be a celebrity, you've had to have accomplished something substantial
Speaker 1: in order for people to recognize you as someone who
Speaker 1: needs to be celebrated.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And what I appreciated in the in our in
Speaker 2: our day, back in our day, sounds so old now,
Speaker 2: but what I appreciated at that time, pre social media
Speaker 2: was almost like the mystique that some celebtbrities had when
Speaker 2: it came to their personal life or it came to
Speaker 2: their personal views. It's like you didn't necessarily know, or
Speaker 2: have access to, or expect for them to always speak
Speaker 2: on everything that was happening in the world, because, let's
Speaker 2: face it, now requiring or wanting folks who have a platform,
Speaker 2: or who have celebrity or who have a following to
Speaker 2: have to say something about every single thing that pops up.
Speaker 2: You may not be qualified to speak on it.
Speaker 1: Nor may may not most most of most celebrities are
Speaker 1: not qualified to speak on the things that they speak on.
Speaker 2: And personally, I don't care to hear about it, but
Speaker 2: I do think there's a contingent of people on social
Speaker 2: media who just look to see who is going to
Speaker 2: post about.
Speaker 1: What, absolutely when there's a cause. Absolutely, because this is
Speaker 1: just a truth. This is not me making this up.
Speaker 1: The truth of the matter is is that in recent times,
Speaker 1: you can become popular or a celebrity for literally doing nothing.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: There are people on social media who became famous for
Speaker 1: reposting fight videos right right, So now they're considered a celebrity.
Speaker 1: They have four or five million viewers or followers, and
Speaker 1: they're considered a celebrity. So now when things happen, the
Speaker 1: people who follow them are saying, are you going to speak.
Speaker 3: Up on this?
Speaker 1: I don't care what a person who posts fight videos
Speaker 1: for a living has to say about politics, right, you know.
Speaker 3: What I'm saying, It's not to me.
Speaker 1: There's no value in that voice because realistically their celebrity.
Speaker 1: What have they accomplished to be considered a celebrity? And
Speaker 1: that goes back to why I or you don't feel
Speaker 1: like we're celebrities. We feel like we're continuously growing our
Speaker 1: brand now being a Number one show, being a New
Speaker 1: York Times bestseller, having a Webby Award winning podcast. We
Speaker 1: have accomplished things now to where we can receive, you know,
Speaker 1: we can receive those compliments of being considered a celebrity
Speaker 1: now now in twenty twenty three, in the most humble
Speaker 1: way possible.
Speaker 3: In the most But in twenty twenty I did not
Speaker 3: feel that way.
Speaker 1: At the time, Sisters was not Number one's, the teama
Speaker 1: didn't exist, we didn't win our Webby Award until middle
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty, and we hadn't written the book written
Speaker 1: the book yet. So at the time I just felt
Speaker 1: like we were a popular couple who made videos. So
Speaker 1: when it came time for me to focus on my
Speaker 1: son and my wife, who you were struggling dealing with
Speaker 1: the fact that you have a family of black men,
Speaker 1: three black men. You have a brother, a dad, you
Speaker 1: have uncles, you have a step father, but you have
Speaker 1: a father in law, you have a brother in law.
Speaker 1: You were concerned about what was happening in the world
Speaker 1: at the time. We weren't focused on social media. So
Speaker 1: to come back and to be attacked by certain people,
Speaker 1: not everyone, attacked by certain people for not making a
Speaker 1: statement or not even being able to give a chance
Speaker 1: to make a proper statement, really bothered me.
Speaker 3: And there were two things.
Speaker 1: The first thing I was going to do was be like, man,
Speaker 1: fuck y'all, I'll say what I want and you know,
Speaker 1: go into my Brooklyn petty bag. But then part of
Speaker 1: me was like, you know what, you have a responsibility.
Speaker 1: You've amassed this following. You do have a responsibility to
Speaker 1: let people know how you feel about something, if you
Speaker 1: choose to devow, if you choose to like you, if
Speaker 1: you choose to tell people, you have that responsibility to
Speaker 1: be clear and concise with your feelings. You can't say
Speaker 1: something rambunctious and just so after settling for a couple
Speaker 1: of days and you and I talking about it, I
Speaker 1: started to just be serious and real about how I
Speaker 1: felt and just spoke from a humane place. And even
Speaker 1: in speaking from a humane place, my opinions about things
Speaker 1: during twenty twenty were picked apart.
Speaker 2: Oh for sure, because why they're looking for you to
Speaker 2: take a side. I think that's ultimately what a lot
Speaker 2: of people look too, is for you to take a side.
Speaker 2: And then when you do or do not take a side.
Speaker 2: So if you take a side, right, then the side
Speaker 2: that you don't take is like the enemy. You're the enemy, yes,
Speaker 2: And then if you make a statement that is for
Speaker 2: humanity or for you know, because you're not taking a stand,
Speaker 2: you're taking a stance, So your opinion is going to
Speaker 2: be picked apart regardless.
Speaker 1: Well, there's a reason why, and I think people need
Speaker 1: to understand this. This is what celebrities go through. Right,
Speaker 1: when you are a popular person or a person that
Speaker 1: is celebrated by people, the people who are celebrating you
Speaker 1: typically believe that they are the ones celebrating you, not
Speaker 1: realizing that you are being celebrated by a diaspora of people.
Speaker 3: Right. Take dead ass podcasts.
Speaker 1: The people who listen to dead ass podcasts may think
Speaker 1: we are only listened to by black millennials, heterosexual black millennials. Right,
Speaker 1: because that's what we are, because that's what we are,
Speaker 1: that's what they feel, that's what they represent. No, our
Speaker 1: audience is homosexual, trans gen Z. We also have some
Speaker 1: gen X. We have older people who are fifty saving.
Speaker 1: They're not all black. We have we have white Asian, Indian, Hispanic,
Speaker 1: or Latino, Latin ext it's the correct he Also, we
Speaker 1: have different religions, we have different cultures.
Speaker 3: Right, everybody who.
Speaker 1: Supports us isn't Southern Black, or isn't West Indian. We
Speaker 1: have people from all over the world, and all of
Speaker 1: those different people have different perspectives and walks in life.
Speaker 1: So when something happens, all of those people who support
Speaker 1: you expect you to say something in agreement with the
Speaker 1: way they live their walk of life, not realizing that
Speaker 1: there's thousands of different walks of life who listen to
Speaker 1: the same program.
Speaker 2: So how is that even possible force to begin for
Speaker 2: anyone is to begin to say something that every single
Speaker 2: person is going to agree with. And let's face it,
Speaker 2: at that point, no one's really looking at it from
Speaker 2: a subjective space.
Speaker 1: Right now, they want you to speak to the validate
Speaker 1: and confirm what they believe about what they're going through.
Speaker 1: And a lot of times they even dehumanize you because
Speaker 1: you're no longer a for example, a black heterosexual mom
Speaker 1: from the Caribbean and from Brooklyn. Now you're Kadeen, the
Speaker 1: person who I watched. So the fact that you're black
Speaker 1: and a female heterosexual and grew up seven day adventist,
Speaker 1: none of that matters to me.
Speaker 3: You're just Kadeen.
Speaker 1: But I, for example, I may be a middle American
Speaker 1: white man, I expect Kadeen to empathize with me.
Speaker 3: I don't care what Kadeen is going through.
Speaker 1: And the reason why I say that is because I
Speaker 1: had made a comment about people caring more about buildings
Speaker 1: that were burning during twenty twenty than the black bodies.
Speaker 3: Who were burnt or killed or ravaged or raped or.
Speaker 1: Shot during times during this country when lynchings were allowed,
Speaker 1: right when no one says anything about that. But now
Speaker 1: it's like, oh my god, the buildings, the property. To me,
Speaker 1: it just felt like you were dehumanizing us as black people.
Speaker 1: Then I had some followers who followed me who said
Speaker 1: who felt like I was creating a divide because I
Speaker 1: didn't care about the property owners. And I'm like, guys,
Speaker 1: I'm not speaking to the property owners. I am a
Speaker 1: black man who watched a black man get his head
Speaker 1: kneeled on until he died. My sons watched that because
Speaker 1: it was on the news, and because it was twenty twenty,
Speaker 1: everybody was watching CNN every day.
Speaker 3: It was traumatic.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I was concerned about me and my family,
Speaker 1: But no one was concerned about me and my family.
Speaker 1: They were concerned about what comment I was going to
Speaker 1: make to make them feel better about what they were
Speaker 1: going through.
Speaker 2: And I think also too, if I'm looking at the
Speaker 2: perspective of the folks who don't have the platform, right,
Speaker 2: sometimes they just want you to use your platform to
Speaker 2: bring awareness or to educate. So in sometimes doing that,
Speaker 2: that in itself gets misconstrued, right, because if I'm just
Speaker 2: putting information out there because I know I have, for
Speaker 2: example me one point three million people who support my page,
Speaker 2: then I do we sometimes feel a responsibility to just
Speaker 2: educate the masses on certain topics that are posting near
Speaker 2: and dear to me. For example, even just you know,
Speaker 2: my philanthropy work with Saint Jude, which is something that
Speaker 2: I like. Moving forward, I want to do more posting
Speaker 2: about it is dear to me. Some people may scroll
Speaker 2: past that because they're like, I have the sickle cell dre.
Speaker 2: I't ever heard about sickle cell. Or you may have
Speaker 2: people that said, man, I didn't hear about sickle cell,
Speaker 2: but I'm of Caribbean descent. I didn't know that so
Speaker 2: many people from the Cribbean descent have that trait. I
Speaker 2: didn't think about how impact people. So then I'm putting
Speaker 2: it out there to bring awareness. So I do understand
Speaker 2: when some people who feel like people who have followings
Speaker 2: or who are popular or have some sort of celebrity
Speaker 2: should speak on certain topics just to bring awareness to that.
Speaker 2: And that's something on social media interesting as we're talking
Speaker 2: about it, and it was a meme that was going
Speaker 2: around more recently, and it said some people are posting
Speaker 2: on social media, some are protesting in the streets, some
Speaker 2: are donating silently, some are educating themselves, some are having
Speaker 2: tough conversations with family and friends. A revolution has many lanes.
Speaker 2: Be kind to yourself and to others who are traveling
Speaker 2: in the same direction. And I'm just like, that was
Speaker 2: so so important to me because I'm thinking about everything
Speaker 2: happening now and I'm like you and I have people
Speaker 2: who we know are directly impacted by a lot of
Speaker 2: current events, as in immediate family impacted on different sides,
Speaker 2: different and we've chosen to be a blanket of prayer, comfort, support,
Speaker 2: What do you need in this moment for the people
Speaker 2: who we know in this moment. So people may think
Speaker 2: we're being quiet about it because we just want to
Speaker 2: be but we know some people who are directly impacted,
Speaker 2: and that's how we're choosing to lend our support. But
Speaker 2: if it's not for the and then if we were
Speaker 2: to say, oh, I'm taking this over to my neighbor
Speaker 2: who may be struggling, and then it's like, oh, now
Speaker 2: you're clut chasing because you're now advertising the fact that
Speaker 2: you're trying to support or help. It's a damned if
Speaker 2: you do, damned if you don't situation, and it can
Speaker 2: be really difficult and draining at the same time.
Speaker 1: It is it is, but also people fail to realize
Speaker 1: that social media is extremely divisive because there are no
Speaker 1: checks and balances.
Speaker 3: When we were growing up, all of.
Speaker 1: The media outlets and this doesn't make it any better
Speaker 1: because we too that the media outlets are all controlled,
Speaker 1: but you had to have a cited source that people
Speaker 1: could trust to be on television, right, you had to
Speaker 1: have a cited source or be a cited source to have.
Speaker 3: A show on air.
Speaker 1: But now anybody with millions of followers can just drop
Speaker 1: any type of information on the Internet and people would
Speaker 1: just believe it, because sometimes the lie is more entertaining
Speaker 1: than the truth. I'd rather just run with the lie
Speaker 1: because it's just something fun to do, oh for sure.
Speaker 1: And I'm starting to realize that in this generation of people,
Speaker 1: more celebrities are choosing to not be divisive because they
Speaker 1: realize in a world where you can edit, cut, hyperimpose
Speaker 1: if you say something, AI, if you say something, if
Speaker 1: you do something in front of the camera, they can
Speaker 1: manipulate your image, your.
Speaker 3: Words, your likeness for all of their good.
Speaker 1: And even if it's proven after the fact that that
Speaker 1: wasn't you, the fact that there was already out, the
Speaker 1: damage is already done because if they got millions of
Speaker 1: people to follow it. So a lot more celebrities are
Speaker 1: saying I'm not even giving them content to use me
Speaker 1: as a way to be devices.
Speaker 3: And the older I get, but the more that we
Speaker 3: get a chance.
Speaker 1: To meet people who are in higher parts of and
Speaker 1: this is the truth you think you're famous when you
Speaker 1: on Instagram.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: I think I have a famous friend of mine who
Speaker 1: I won't say their name because I don't want them.
Speaker 1: I don't want people to look at them and feel
Speaker 1: like they think they're bigger than they are.
Speaker 3: But this is the truth.
Speaker 1: Right, If you're popular and you say something or do
Speaker 1: something that ends up on the shade room, fel big.
Speaker 3: Right, I was on a shave and they said this.
Speaker 3: The blogs got me. The blogs.
Speaker 1: When you feel powerful, some people, when they make a statement,
Speaker 1: it ends up on CNN, It ends up on BBC
Speaker 1: and MSNBC.
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: It becomes world news because that person is so influential
Speaker 1: that when they make a statement it matters to people.
Speaker 3: I see how people.
Speaker 1: Who have that type of influence are very selective about
Speaker 1: what they say because there and this is what the
Speaker 1: person told me. You are not going to use me
Speaker 1: to divide any group of people. It doesn't matter if
Speaker 1: it's my powerful or if it's people that I'm not
Speaker 1: related to, You're not going to use me. And I
Speaker 1: want to say this particularly for what's happening now. If
Speaker 1: you're listening to someone speak on a war, or you
Speaker 1: listening to someone speak on a couple's marriage, you have
Speaker 1: to understand that there is an intense amount of research
Speaker 1: and time that goes into understanding all the nuances of
Speaker 1: war and all the nuances of a marriage. For anybody
Speaker 1: to give an opinion without taking the necessary time to
Speaker 1: understand everything in totality is unfair to those people who
Speaker 1: are involved in the war, unfair to those people who
Speaker 1: are involved in the marriage. But it's also unfair to
Speaker 1: the people who you are spreading the information too. And
Speaker 1: when I say take time the things that are happening now,
Speaker 1: you can't learn in the day understanding. Yes, yes, you
Speaker 1: can't learn in a month.
Speaker 3: You can't.
Speaker 1: For for example, people's marriage. People have been married for
Speaker 1: over forty years. You think it'll take you a month
Speaker 1: to figure out why these people have issues.
Speaker 2: Of what they share, right, because think about it, there's
Speaker 2: a lot of stuff happening that you This is what
Speaker 2: people are choosing to share, So think about the stuff
Speaker 2: that you don't know that went into this, yes, or
Speaker 2: if you're just seeing one side of something right, like
Speaker 2: us choosing to educate ourselves in certain things. Now it's
Speaker 2: just like, wow, I had no idea and this stuff
Speaker 2: is dating back to before our parents and grandparents are born. Yes,
Speaker 2: and it's so much to unpack, and there's so much
Speaker 2: to even digest, you know, as an individual then much
Speaker 2: less feel like you're trying to digest that you're continuously learning, yes,
Speaker 2: and then not saying the wrong thing, so that the
Speaker 2: person the masses then feel like you're either taking a
Speaker 2: side or you're just completely uneducated at that point, because
Speaker 2: that's another thing. That's another thing, that's another layer of
Speaker 2: its speaking on topics that you are literally not educated
Speaker 2: or well versed in speaking on, but then just feeling
Speaker 2: like it's a hot button topic right now, so I
Speaker 2: have to say something because people are looking for me
Speaker 2: to say something. You know, I even think about me
Speaker 2: in this moment, choosing to really be there personally for
Speaker 2: people who I know. And then I'm also dealing with
Speaker 2: the loss of my uncle that I haven't even you know,
Speaker 2: publicly put on social media either. But some people may
Speaker 2: be looking at me like, oh my god, Kadane's been
Speaker 2: so quiet for the past two weeks. Oh she has
Speaker 2: nothing to say about this war or anything. Yeah, because
Speaker 2: I just lost my own my mom's brother passed away,
Speaker 2: and I haven't said anything publicly because I'm dealing with it,
Speaker 2: and I'm dealing with it right The last thing I
Speaker 2: want to do with right now is be on anybody's
Speaker 2: social media. So if I was to put my phone down,
Speaker 2: like I really have done for the past two weeks
Speaker 2: because my family and I are grieving in our own way,
Speaker 2: there's some things that I might not even know about
Speaker 2: that's happening, you know, So no one takes that into
Speaker 2: consideration when they're looking for people with a platform or
Speaker 2: with some sort of celebrity to speak during a particular time.
Speaker 2: Let's look at some facts and stats. In twenty nineteen,
Speaker 2: there was a survey done that sixty five percent of
Speaker 2: responding said that political endorsements from celebrities have no bearing
Speaker 2: on their voting decisions, because we actually are going into
Speaker 2: a year a voting year now, so that's interesting to know.
Speaker 2: Twenty four percent said that celebrity endorsements would make them
Speaker 2: less likely to vote for the celebrities preferred candidate, and
Speaker 2: only eleven percent said that a celebrity endorsement would make
Speaker 2: them more likely to vote for that candidate. So does
Speaker 2: it really have an impact what the celebrity that you
Speaker 2: follow were like say, when it comes to politics.
Speaker 1: I will say this, right when I look at these surveys,
Speaker 1: this is the truth. No, I'd be feeling like these
Speaker 1: surveys be trash. You know why people say one thing
Speaker 1: and click another. So in a survey, I'll say, it
Speaker 1: don't matter.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Have you ever done one of those personality tests where
Speaker 2: they like ask you different questions in different ways to
Speaker 2: see if you're like consistent or if you're lying. You're
Speaker 2: like kind of lying a while ago. I feel like
Speaker 2: they I applied for a job or something like that.
Speaker 2: But like you said, it's a similar thing. They gonna
Speaker 2: think one thing, they're gonna click something else. If you
Speaker 2: ask the question a certain kind of way, you're gonna
Speaker 2: get a different response. So it's never really consistent.
Speaker 1: I'll say this. I think popularity is what got Donald
Speaker 1: Trump in office. A lot of people liked Donald Trump.
Speaker 1: A lot of people didn't like Hillary Clinton. That's just
Speaker 1: the fact, like the Clinton's at the time were not
Speaker 1: America's favorite people, you know. And then Donald Trump had
Speaker 1: a history of being little amongst hip hop, using a
Speaker 1: bunch of rap songs, he in a bunch of music videos,
Speaker 1: He's a bunch of movies, he had his own TV show.
Speaker 1: He was popular, you know, he was a celebrity. He
Speaker 1: literally was a celebrity. Ronald Reagan was a celebrity. Arnold
Speaker 1: Schwarzenegger was a celebrity when he became the governor of California.
Speaker 1: Clearly they weren't the most qualified to do.
Speaker 2: The job, but it is proof popularity.
Speaker 1: The popularity matters, you know, And when people say it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter because it sounds like the right thing to say.
Speaker 1: So when you go to fill out a survey and
Speaker 1: they ask you, would you vote for someone, because of
Speaker 1: course this is the right thing to say, No, but
Speaker 1: I really like that guy, So I'm gonna vote, but
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say no.
Speaker 3: I think that's what happens for sure.
Speaker 2: I can see how that definitely becomes a trend after
Speaker 2: a while. That's right.
Speaker 3: Let me ask you a question, Yeah, do.
Speaker 1: You ever feel pressure not to reveal your humanity on
Speaker 1: social media like that? Do you ever feel like I'm
Speaker 1: afraid to show my humanity because in looking vulnerable on thisess,
Speaker 1: it's going to open up so much any doors.
Speaker 3: I just don't want to open.
Speaker 2: I don't necessarily feel that revealing my humanity and social media,
Speaker 2: Like I can't be vulnerable, vulnerable per se, but I
Speaker 2: look at it this way. I feel like I share
Speaker 2: a large portion of my life with people on a
Speaker 2: day to day basis. Again, it's curated, it's what I
Speaker 2: choose to share, It's what we decide as a family
Speaker 2: to share. Some things I feel like are for me.
Speaker 2: Some things I legitimately just feel like are for me.
Speaker 2: And the way I feel about certain things, the way
Speaker 2: I deal with certain things, are not necessarily for public
Speaker 2: consumption all the time, you know. And I feel like
Speaker 2: if I'm always constantly running to social media to post
Speaker 2: every bit and piece of my life and my day,
Speaker 2: that's in part why, Like I haven't even done the subscription.
Speaker 2: For example, people a couple of people say, why don't
Speaker 2: you do subscription or close friends where people pay to
Speaker 2: see like you know, you're day to day the entire day,
Speaker 2: And I'm just like, no, Like, people don't necessarily need
Speaker 2: access to that. And I just feel like some things
Speaker 2: need to be kept for me because I'm dealing with
Speaker 2: things in my own way. You know. I feel like
Speaker 2: I'm a small speck in this world. People don't necessarily
Speaker 2: need to or care to hear about how I feel
Speaker 2: about certain things, because I know sometimes when I scroll
Speaker 2: through social media, I'm like, I don't necessarily care to
Speaker 2: hear what you have to say about it, whether you're popular,
Speaker 2: famous or not, and I just keep scrolling. So I
Speaker 2: just feel like some things I just want to reserve
Speaker 2: for myself, especially when it comes to like core values
Speaker 2: and things like that. We have our podcast where we
Speaker 2: do speak a lot about a lot of things that
Speaker 2: matter to us, and we give our you know, two
Speaker 2: cents generally on certain topics, but some people just don't
Speaker 2: deserve to have access to that because I choose to
Speaker 2: keep some things to myself.
Speaker 3: I feel you, how about you.
Speaker 1: I'm honest with people on social media. If I feel
Speaker 1: a way about it, I'm safe. But I don't share
Speaker 1: a lot. I don't share as much as people think I.
Speaker 2: Share, right, or a lot as much as you used to, as.
Speaker 3: Much as I used to know.
Speaker 1: I don't share as much as I used to because
Speaker 1: I also understand the responsibility that comes with this platform, right,
Speaker 1: And I don't think it just has anything to do
Speaker 1: with the platform.
Speaker 3: I think sharing is naturally what humans do. Right. If
Speaker 3: I wasn't a content creator, that's what it's been labeled now. Right,
Speaker 3: content creator. Say I was a rapper, I would rap
Speaker 3: about my family.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: If I was a painter, I would paint my family.
Speaker 1: So through content creation, I share my family because that's
Speaker 1: what's most important to me.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: If you look at rappers who get famous or do
Speaker 1: well at what they do, they share in an artistic
Speaker 1: form what's important to them.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: Take fifty Cent for example, he shared how the drug
Speaker 1: game helped him develop his business skills.
Speaker 3: Jay Z shared the same thing, right.
Speaker 1: LLL shared his romanticism with women, right, and also the
Speaker 1: fact that he tough like Mama said, not you are
Speaker 1: gonna play with me.
Speaker 3: People share what's important to them.
Speaker 1: Since my family is important to me, I also have
Speaker 1: to take into consideration what about my family isn't safe
Speaker 1: to share?
Speaker 3: So I can't share everything, right.
Speaker 1: But I'm also very deliberate about how I critique other
Speaker 1: people who share, because that's another part of this.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: We did a podcast about Ayisha Curry and steph Curry,
Speaker 1: remember the whole issue they had. We did one about
Speaker 1: Rihanna and Asap Rocky. Right, people constantly give me our dms.
Speaker 1: How come y'all don't talk about Will and Jada. This
Speaker 1: is why, Remember we talked about understanding people's relationships.
Speaker 3: We are not.
Speaker 1: Experts in Will and Jada or A seven Rocky or
Speaker 1: Aikisha and Steph. So since we're not experts, I don't
Speaker 1: feel qualified to speak on what they're going.
Speaker 2: Through or to pick it apart.
Speaker 3: Only thing we.
Speaker 1: Could speak on is people's responses to what they're going through.
Speaker 1: But when you think about that, that makes it more divisive. Right,
Speaker 1: how you feel about what other people are going through
Speaker 1: says more about you than what they're going through.
Speaker 2: That's interesting.
Speaker 1: And what I've learned through social media is that I
Speaker 1: can't expose myself often without tearing down someone else.
Speaker 2: Right, And that's just not how Yeah, that's not what
Speaker 2: I want to do. It actually goes against everything that
Speaker 2: we we believe it.
Speaker 1: I just don't I don't want to pick a side
Speaker 1: all the time. I don't want to say this person
Speaker 1: is wrong. I don't feel this person is wrong all
Speaker 1: the time.
Speaker 2: And think about how much we we've evolved in that
Speaker 2: when we sit with our groups of friends, and I
Speaker 2: mean like our close knit groups of friends, like our
Speaker 2: core people, which is like adopt it's not even in
Speaker 2: circle anymore. We're not talking about that stuff. We're not
Speaker 2: talking about gossip, We're not talking about the shade room.
Speaker 2: We're not talking about what's new and current events that
Speaker 2: has to do with somebody's love life or somebody's parents
Speaker 2: in way or anything. We're talking about like progression and
Speaker 2: my kids.
Speaker 3: What can we do better parents?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, these are the conversations that we have with
Speaker 2: you know, family, unpacking stuff. Like, there's a lot more
Speaker 2: that goes into the conversations that we have with our
Speaker 2: core people. When I was thinking about everything happening back
Speaker 2: in twenty twenty with racial injustice and everything that we
Speaker 2: were speaking about the pandemic, we pretty much dedicated a
Speaker 2: season of our podcast to speaking about these topics, sometimes
Speaker 2: bringing in guests who were more well versed or more
Speaker 2: experts in certain things that we weren't well versed on
Speaker 2: to speak on these things. And it was like our
Speaker 2: lowest when you look at the numbers, it was our
Speaker 2: lowest numbers in terms of podcasts listen to in all
Speaker 2: of our seasons. Do you think about some things are
Speaker 2: being just performative because it's like you feel like you
Speaker 2: have to say something, But do people really listen to it.
Speaker 2: Do people really care? Are y'all really listening to what
Speaker 2: we have to say? Do you really want to educate yourselves?
Speaker 2: Like some people just don't care to hear that, but
Speaker 2: they want to know that it was done to say
Speaker 2: that my celebrity person has spoken on it.
Speaker 1: Right, I agree with you, But I also feel like
Speaker 1: people want an escape, right, Yes, Like if you're a
Speaker 1: black man in America, yes, and you watch George Floyd
Speaker 1: get murdered, you don't want to sit here and listen
Speaker 1: to podcasts all day about black men being.
Speaker 3: Murdered or black woman being murdered.
Speaker 2: Very true.
Speaker 3: I deal with that in my life every day.
Speaker 2: Very true. And that's what we saw happening too. So
Speaker 2: it's like, not that you don't want to give more
Speaker 2: attention to it, but it's like, that's not what people
Speaker 2: are coming to our pages for necessarily.
Speaker 1: Some people just want to escape from the everyday atrocities
Speaker 1: that happened. Yes, And to piggyback on what you said before,
Speaker 1: we do have some friends who are super celebrities, and
Speaker 1: when we get together, we don't talk about current events.
Speaker 1: So when y'all are expecting that a celebrity should be
Speaker 1: keen on this pop culture phenomenon in the moment, that
Speaker 1: person may be focusing or dealing with some real life issues,
Speaker 1: like they have children, you know, their mom is sick,
Speaker 1: their uncle has passed away. So at times where you
Speaker 1: feel like this celebrity deserves, this celebrity owes us their voice,
Speaker 1: that celebrity may not even be thinking about what you
Speaker 1: guys are thinking about at all, and they're not trying
Speaker 1: to distance themselves on purpose, sure, but it's it's just
Speaker 1: the truth. Like every pop culture phenomenon is not everybody's
Speaker 1: favorite topic of discussion.
Speaker 2: No, And if you put your phone down for three days,
Speaker 2: considering a news cycle on social media last seventy two hours,
Speaker 2: you might miss something, you know what I'm saying, unless
Speaker 2: it's something ongoing. So do you think that like the
Speaker 2: perception that certain celebrities have will keep their fans from
Speaker 2: seeing them in a certain light. And how is it
Speaker 2: convoluted at that point? Right? Because say, for example, your
Speaker 2: favorite celebrity does not align or agree with your views
Speaker 2: on something, do you then just completely stop supporting them
Speaker 2: and whatever it is that they do, whether it's entertainment
Speaker 2: or sports or anything. Because now I'm seeing some celebrities
Speaker 2: speak out and they're on a side clearly, whether it's
Speaker 2: because they you know, it's their background, it's their religion,
Speaker 2: whatever it is. And then you have people just like,
Speaker 2: I'm just not gonna continue to support you or I'm
Speaker 2: on following you now because this is one topic we
Speaker 2: don't agree upon.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, let's be honest, Like, the whole unfollow
Speaker 1: button has always been exists. It's always been in existence, right,
Speaker 1: it's just now people can say I'm unfollowing you for
Speaker 1: that one reason, for that one reason. But back in
Speaker 1: the day, if a celebrity said something that people didn't like,
Speaker 1: they didn't have to announce that they were unfollowing them.
Speaker 3: They just stopped watching their stuff. Right.
Speaker 1: But here's the truth though, And being a celebrity, you
Speaker 1: have your core audience. There's very few celebrities that has
Speaker 1: the whole world behind them, very few. You take the
Speaker 1: biggest names, the biggest names. I could Beyonce, she has
Speaker 1: her people who adore her, she has some people who
Speaker 1: hate her. Taylor Swift have people who adore her, have
Speaker 1: people who hate her.
Speaker 3: Will Smith. You know what I'm saying. People love them,
Speaker 3: people hate them.
Speaker 1: Denzel Washington, a lot of people love Denzel Washington, but
Speaker 1: then there's a lot of people who just be like
Speaker 1: Denzel's too standoffish.
Speaker 3: We don't know the real Denzel. You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You have your people who support you when you are
Speaker 1: authentically and genuine yourself. The only time you start to
Speaker 1: feel like you lose, like people's perceptions change, is when
Speaker 1: you've presented yourself as something that you're not and now
Speaker 1: you have to continuously live with that your whole life.
Speaker 3: And then a minute you.
Speaker 1: Say, you know what, I'm tired of playing this person
Speaker 1: and I want to be who I really am. That's
Speaker 1: when you lose people.
Speaker 2: Because I think also to people want to hold you
Speaker 2: to a standard when you do have certain celebrity, right.
Speaker 2: And it's crazy because people can't separate the two. For example,
Speaker 2: they can't separate, for example, the ballplayer, right, the basketball
Speaker 2: player and what he does as an entertainer in that
Speaker 2: space from what he may believe on a social ass
Speaker 2: or a cause as a person. And it's like some
Speaker 2: people can't detach the two, well, create the two.
Speaker 1: You know why, because of entitlement Now in this day
Speaker 1: and age, it's like I watch your games, I watch
Speaker 1: your shows.
Speaker 3: I want to see who you are on social media.
Speaker 2: Right, I want to see you as a real person.
Speaker 1: And when you don't have a social media as a celebrity,
Speaker 1: then they say you hiding something, right. But then when
Speaker 1: you do have social media and you post about your stuff,
Speaker 1: they may not like some of.
Speaker 2: The stuff you post or it's like, oh man, their
Speaker 2: content is so curated. We don't know who the real
Speaker 2: Beyonce is. For example, we don't know anything about her personality. Well,
Speaker 2: I mean no, because you're supposed to know Beyonce the entertainer, yes,
Speaker 2: and then you have to be able to like, no,
Speaker 2: I want to know Beyonce the person. So any little
Speaker 2: bit that she does gives and I think that's the
Speaker 2: beauty and what she does, the little that she does
Speaker 2: give insight to her personal life. People eat it up
Speaker 2: because they're like, wow, she actually let me into a
Speaker 2: little bit of her personal space to see what that's like.
Speaker 2: And I think that's what celebrities back in the day
Speaker 2: had the that was the beauty of being it because
Speaker 2: people just knew you as the entertainer.
Speaker 3: They didn't have I'll give you an example. I'll give
Speaker 3: you an example.
Speaker 1: I think social media has opened up the world to
Speaker 1: people who for thirty forty years we didn't get a
Speaker 1: chance to really.
Speaker 3: Know who they are.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1: But now we get a chance to see who they
Speaker 1: really are. And some people don't like who they really.
Speaker 2: Are, right. They like the persona, they like the celebrity,
Speaker 2: they like the image for the image.
Speaker 1: Yeah, which is what brands have been telling celebrities from
Speaker 1: the beginning. It's like, if you want to continuously make money,
Speaker 1: if you want to continue to do what you do
Speaker 1: at a high level, you have to present an image
Speaker 1: that people will like.
Speaker 3: Because people don't like humans. People don't like flawed versions
Speaker 3: of the superheroes they see absolutely, which is crazy, right.
Speaker 3: Think about this.
Speaker 1: Remember the movie Hancock with Will Smith. He was a hero,
Speaker 1: he had superpowers, but he was flawed. So remember when
Speaker 1: what's the white guy's name, Jason Bateman, Jason Baman.
Speaker 3: When Jason Bateman came over.
Speaker 1: To Hancock as the image consultant and he said, hey,
Speaker 1: if you want people to like you, you got to act
Speaker 1: this way.
Speaker 3: He said, I don't like people.
Speaker 1: If you think about how real, if you think about
Speaker 1: know how real that movie is, you could be a superhero,
Speaker 1: a god, but if you act like a human acts,
Speaker 1: they don't like you. So you don't like that I'm
Speaker 1: flawed like you. You don't want me to be flawed as
Speaker 1: a celebrity because escapism, right, think about it, I want
Speaker 1: to see something that they're not. Yes, So when they
Speaker 1: see a celebrity, it's just like, no, that person is
Speaker 1: rich and powerful because they're not flawed, Like, how do
Speaker 1: I get rid of all of my flaws to be
Speaker 1: like that person? Then when they find out that that
Speaker 1: person is just as flawed as them, it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: my life is over now.
Speaker 2: Or they say, yo, I can relate to this person
Speaker 2: because I'm the same way.
Speaker 3: But here's the thing. That's what celebrities were thinking.
Speaker 1: Yeah, people were gonna say, right, people, And I remember
Speaker 1: this being an athlete, remember when Charles Barkley said.
Speaker 3: I'm not a role model.
Speaker 1: Was one of the top five basketball players in the
Speaker 1: world at that time.
Speaker 3: This was I believe nineteen ninety two.
Speaker 1: He had just come off going to the finals and
Speaker 1: losing to Michael Jordan in the NBA Finals and they
Speaker 1: were about to play in the Dream Team, and Charles
Speaker 1: Barkles on the Dream Team, he got to a fight
Speaker 1: in the bar, and he did a whole psa like, Yo,
Speaker 1: I'm not a role model, thinking that if I show
Speaker 1: you that I'm human just like you and you you
Speaker 1: shouldn't look up to me because if you look up
Speaker 1: to me, you're going to see how flawed I am.
Speaker 1: He probably thought, I'm gonna get people off my back.
Speaker 3: You know what them people said, Man, fuck.
Speaker 1: That you are role model? You made how many millions
Speaker 1: of dollars? You have no choice but to act the
Speaker 1: way we want you to.
Speaker 2: This is what we pay you for. Yes, this is
Speaker 2: what we pay you for.
Speaker 3: Yes. So the moral of the story is, ultimately.
Speaker 2: Don't become a celebrity.
Speaker 1: No, no, no for real though, like for understanding understanding
Speaker 1: that the quorum works on both sides. Yes, celebrities should
Speaker 1: have the quorum because you have a huge responsibility when
Speaker 1: you ask people to support you and spend their money
Speaker 1: by your products.
Speaker 3: You have a responsibility absolutely not to agree.
Speaker 1: With everything your followers want, but to use discernment with
Speaker 1: the messages you put out and not be divisive and
Speaker 1: create more harm. That's the only responsibility you have as
Speaker 1: a celebrity. You don't have to share, but you have
Speaker 1: a responsibility to not be divisive. You have a responsibility
Speaker 1: to understand that you've asked these people to support you
Speaker 1: in a lot of ways, so you can't abandon in
Speaker 1: times when they need that right. And you also have
Speaker 1: to be like you have to be aware. For example,
Speaker 1: we are well, we're not at war, but there's a
Speaker 1: war happening in the world right now. Yes, And I
Speaker 1: had made a video with Kadeen weeks before and in
Speaker 1: joking before we actually went to war, before the war
Speaker 1: became a big deal, I had made a joke and
Speaker 1: she had on camel pants. It was green and painting
Speaker 1: camel pants, and I said, man, you look like an
Speaker 1: AKA going to war. Me using discernment, was saying people
Speaker 1: are actually in war right now, losing loved ones.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, this joke is not funny.
Speaker 2: It would be what do you think.
Speaker 1: As you asked, Matt, and both of you were just like,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't even mention it. And I think that's the responsibility,
Speaker 1: the decorum that a celebrity has to have, understanding that
Speaker 1: you do have a bunch of people, what is going
Speaker 1: before I post this, what is happening, that this may
Speaker 1: be taking.
Speaker 3: The wrong way?
Speaker 2: Read the room, Yes, read.
Speaker 1: And that's the only responsibility you have, not to be
Speaker 1: divisive and not to cause harm. But celebrities don't owe
Speaker 1: nobody nothing. They don't owe anybody anything. But they're also
Speaker 1: decorum on the.
Speaker 3: Sides of people who are not celebrities.
Speaker 1: Just because that person you look up to may make
Speaker 1: a lot of money or may be popular, does not
Speaker 1: mean that that person is intelligent enough to give you
Speaker 1: advice or to make a statement on behalf of anything
Speaker 1: just because they're popular.
Speaker 3: That's because, so let's understand, the korum works on both sides.
Speaker 1: You expecting that person to speak on your behalf when
Speaker 1: it comes to politics or marriage or finances, and you're
Speaker 1: setting yourself up for failures.
Speaker 2: And if I need to go in for surgery, I
Speaker 2: ain't calling a mechanic to see what he are he
Speaker 2: trying to say he fixes stuff a popular ma right,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to the michelin man like, hey, what
Speaker 2: do you think about this? You know, thyroid issue? I
Speaker 2: got no sir. You might work on stuff, but you
Speaker 2: ain't about to work on me. All right, y'all, let's
Speaker 2: go take a quick break listening out, take a quick bit. Okay,
Speaker 2: all right, y'all, let's take a quick break. We're gonna
Speaker 2: pay some bills and then we're going to move into
Speaker 2: listener letters. So stick around and we'll be back.
Speaker 1: All right, listener letters, we are back. I'm gonna jump
Speaker 1: right in. We don't have a lot of time, so
Speaker 1: we're gonna read one today.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: I just want to say thank you to Valen Kadeen
Speaker 1: for remaining discipline and seeing the bigger picture for people
Speaker 1: like us.
Speaker 3: Well, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: You guys are amazing. My husband and I have been
Speaker 1: married for over a year. I love that man so much.
Speaker 1: That sounds good.
Speaker 2: One of the issues, one.
Speaker 3: Of the issues.
Speaker 1: Look at you, look at you. One of the issues
Speaker 1: I have with him is his weight. I don't know
Speaker 1: an approachable way to express my feelings to him for
Speaker 1: him to receive what my thoughts and opinions are. I've
Speaker 1: expressed it before, but it wasn't in a loving way
Speaker 1: for him to take it. I've tried the loving and
Speaker 1: encouraging way, but it doesn't resonate with him. His weight
Speaker 1: is an issue for me. I met him in college
Speaker 1: he was a young tender ronie. To then meet him
Speaker 1: back in Texas, he had gained weight, but not much
Speaker 1: to where I couldn't take it. Plus he was working
Speaker 1: out heavily then. Now it's out of hand. I understand
Speaker 1: a man has to eat, but guys, this is out
Speaker 1: of hand. He would juice and eat right after for
Speaker 1: a couple hours to now, picking up food on his
Speaker 1: way home, grabbing McDonald's cookies, etc. He is bottom heavy,
Speaker 1: so he has thick thighs. Pause, and but bigger than mine.
Speaker 1: I have a nice one, she said, And I have
Speaker 1: a nice one. It's getting to the point where it's
Speaker 1: embarrassing and I don't want him to I don't want
Speaker 1: to take him nowhere. The way he runs in his
Speaker 1: family is what is a loving, approachable way for him
Speaker 1: to understand that I don't like it and it's time
Speaker 1: for him to change. I heard his feelings last time
Speaker 1: and made things worse. I love him, but I'm now embarrassed.
Speaker 1: He can do better, But how can I influence him
Speaker 1: to do better and be consistent?
Speaker 2: Wow?
Speaker 3: This is a topic.
Speaker 2: Wow, a man with a booty bigger than mine? Like, Oh,
Speaker 2: I don't like the media fat body to child. We
Speaker 2: can't be in competition. We definitely can't be in competition. However,
Speaker 2: she did say she said something the first time, and
Speaker 2: then it kind of backfired and made things worse. He
Speaker 2: might even just be rebelling because that's nothious terrorist, no
Speaker 2: dead ass. Because sometimes it's just like, oh, and you've
Speaker 2: been guilty of that too. It's like, oh, I say
Speaker 2: something about it, you don't like the way I said it,
Speaker 2: or I'm trying to put a parameter on you, and
Speaker 2: you're just like just to rebel.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'm not just to rebel and get out
Speaker 1: of shape and put my health at risk to rebel.
Speaker 2: That's true. That's true too. And it's funny because this
Speaker 2: is like a reverse. Like usually you'll hear about women
Speaker 2: gaining weight after like childbirth, and she got big, But
Speaker 2: now it's like a woman not to her husband.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, Na, it's not the reverse.
Speaker 1: Women have been saying more frequently now that they have
Speaker 1: issues too with their husbands who gained weight. The problem
Speaker 1: is back in the day, there was no voice for
Speaker 1: them to express that. But it's always been a thing.
Speaker 1: It's always been a thing, but they can't express it
Speaker 1: the same way. Men have felt like it's been a thing,
Speaker 1: but I can't say nothing because I hurt my wife feelings.
Speaker 1: This is the truth, ladies and gentlemen, When you meet someone,
Speaker 1: physical attraction.
Speaker 2: Is part of it, man or woman.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's the physical attraction is part of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you could say, oh, it's the heart. Oh, it's
Speaker 2: how they make me feel. Oh, it's they're a good person.
Speaker 2: Absolutely not. No, y'all are liars. Yes, saying that because
Speaker 2: I know for me, I mean when I met you,
Speaker 2: you you know, yeah, you were young, TENDERRONI resemble a potspoon.
Speaker 2: I knew you would grow into your resemble I even
Speaker 2: grow into yourself and whatnot. But no, you you say
Speaker 2: they in the day out that you maintain a certain
Speaker 2: level of physicality for yourself, but most so for me,
Speaker 2: because I deserve to have I.
Speaker 1: Want to look the way you remembered me, because I
Speaker 1: want you to constantly have that feeling of desire.
Speaker 3: Yes, I want that for you.
Speaker 1: Yes, I want that for you like it's important. I
Speaker 1: want that as a man as well. But I also
Speaker 1: want to walk in the door, walk out of that shower,
Speaker 1: get done working out, and have my wife say ooh
Speaker 1: not oh I remember when And if it's something I
Speaker 1: can control, right, take away health risks. Right, If it's
Speaker 1: something I can control, I can eat better, I can
Speaker 1: work out more, I can make better life choices. I
Speaker 1: should do that for my spouse on my significant other,
Speaker 1: and she should do that for me.
Speaker 3: I'm a firm.
Speaker 1: Believer in that, this whole idea, and I just want
Speaker 1: to be lazy, and you're going to accept me as
Speaker 1: I am because the Bible says accept me as I
Speaker 1: am is just a crock of shit.
Speaker 3: It's a crock of shit. Bro. It's an easy way
Speaker 3: to set the bar lower so that you have to
Speaker 3: do less.
Speaker 1: And the truth of the matter is, most people who
Speaker 1: set the ball lower for themselves still expect more from
Speaker 1: their significant other. So you set the ball low, but
Speaker 1: now expect that man to stay in shape or that
Speaker 1: woman to stay in shape.
Speaker 3: No, how right, how about you set.
Speaker 1: The ball high for yourself and stay in shape for
Speaker 1: them and then say, babe, let's do this together.
Speaker 2: I was about to ask her, or not ask her,
Speaker 2: but I was wondering if she's in shape and it's
Speaker 2: the thing that they can do together, right, because she
Speaker 2: mentioned talking about it before. But is it like a
Speaker 2: blaming him for getting weight and then not giving him
Speaker 2: actionable things to help him.
Speaker 1: She didn't she didn't give us a breakdown of that.
Speaker 1: But I will say this, gentleman, gentleman, just because your
Speaker 1: wife hasn't said to you that the little bit of
Speaker 1: weight gain is unattractive doesn't mean that she doesn't feel
Speaker 1: that way. I have a group of my guys, group
Speaker 1: of married guys, and we discussed this, like, Yo, have
Speaker 1: you been working out?
Speaker 3: What do you look like? Why would you do that
Speaker 3: to your wife? Like me bowl reef. Like we get
Speaker 3: in and be like, yo, you gained about fifteen my ge.
Speaker 2: That's true. You said to your brother.
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm like that. What are you doing?
Speaker 1: You expect that woman to come home and bust it
Speaker 1: wide open and be ready to do all this stuff
Speaker 1: for you, and you not keeping up your end of
Speaker 1: the bargain.
Speaker 3: No, I am never gonna be on that train where
Speaker 3: I'm allowed to just gain weight.
Speaker 1: No, you have a thyroid issue, you hurt, you got
Speaker 1: to a car accident, you're going through men a pause.
Speaker 1: You're an older person who's dealing with an issue, a
Speaker 1: medical issue that you can't do it. That's different, it's different,
Speaker 1: but you just choosing to not do it. Come on, man,
Speaker 1: because you efforting right, Because if you were single, right,
Speaker 1: most single people do what and this is my thing. This,
Speaker 1: this is the thing that bothers me. With you, ladies,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna shout you out a little bit.
Speaker 3: Here.
Speaker 1: You and this guy, right, y'all not doing well? You
Speaker 1: gain weight, he cheats, or he decides you want to
Speaker 1: be with someone, what's the first thing you do. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go get I'm gonna get right, I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: get my body right to.
Speaker 2: Not agree with you with I was like trying to
Speaker 2: stick up for y'all, ladies, But I know about three
Speaker 2: people come to mind right now that that's exactly what
Speaker 2: they did. That's exactly what they did. They broke up
Speaker 2: a homeboy and God was just like and then in
Speaker 2: the gym, heavy bomb looking bomb.
Speaker 3: Now you know, why not do that for him while
Speaker 3: he was there?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And it goes both ways, right, we've been saying, Yo,
Speaker 1: there's a whole contingent now on social media. King, work
Speaker 1: on yourself, King, work on yourself. That girl only working King,
Speaker 1: work on yourself. How about you work on yourself while
Speaker 1: being with somebody, not after you've left them.
Speaker 3: To work on yourself, true work on yourself.
Speaker 1: Wowly while you're with somebody, be the best version of
Speaker 1: yourself and not only for them, but for yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was healthy. I about to say, like, even
Speaker 2: when we've had issues with like just consistency on my
Speaker 2: part in the gym, it was never because you didn't
Speaker 2: like the way I looked at various phases. It was
Speaker 2: you just trying to hold me accountable, saying, kay, like
Speaker 2: you need to be consistent with this like anything else
Speaker 2: in life, and me complaining about the things that I
Speaker 2: wanted to achieve, and you're just like, you're never gonna
Speaker 2: achieve those things if you're not doing it consistently. So
Speaker 2: it's like it's coded in love, and sometimes sometimes it's
Speaker 2: tough love. But I do think since that the approach
Speaker 2: may be, you know, trying to do things together. It's
Speaker 2: a lot more fun when we do it together. Deval
Speaker 2: and I were just talking about this the other day
Speaker 2: because he was just like, you know, I see working
Speaker 2: out together as like bonding time. Whereas he likes to
Speaker 2: get up in the morning, he'll brush his teeth and
Speaker 2: he'll go right to the gym. Me, I gotta get up,
Speaker 2: I got to have my coffee. I gotta like sit,
Speaker 2: I gotta marinate, I gotta get some energy. I just
Speaker 2: can't function like that in the gym, and we've learned
Speaker 2: to agree that, Okay, we do things differently, but I
Speaker 2: get my workout in. Ultimately I get my workout in.
Speaker 2: He gets his workout in. And we've been doing it
Speaker 2: consistently that way for the past few weeks.
Speaker 1: We've learned, or I've learned that Kadeen is going to
Speaker 1: do what Kadeen wants to do on her time and
Speaker 1: in her terms. So you know what Devala is gonna do.
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell Kadeen
Speaker 1: exactly what I acquire, what I need. You find a
Speaker 1: way to get it done. Because when you require something
Speaker 1: and you need it.
Speaker 3: I find a way to get it done.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to mince my words or stay it
Speaker 1: in a way because ma'am, there's no way I can
Speaker 1: tell you to talk to your husband to make him
Speaker 1: feel better about it. You know your husband. Listen to
Speaker 1: your husband. Listen to him and say, hey, babe, what's
Speaker 1: going on with your weight? Let him tell you what
Speaker 1: it is, and then when he tells you what it is,
Speaker 1: support him, but also tell.
Speaker 3: Him what you require. There's nothing wrong with that. Like
Speaker 3: we can hold our spouse is responsible. We're gonna spend
Speaker 3: life together. Life.
Speaker 1: This is what I require, Baby, tell me what you require?
Speaker 1: Do we agree on what we require and what we
Speaker 1: can perform for each other. If we do, let's work
Speaker 1: on it. It's that simple, this whole be gentle and talk,
Speaker 1: be kind.
Speaker 3: Just too much of that these days.
Speaker 1: Babe, you like what you like, six packs, you like
Speaker 1: beards to me to be a little bit lean but
Speaker 1: a little big. I'm gonna work on that. You know
Speaker 1: what I like? I like thirty six, twenty eight, forty two.
Speaker 3: Can you do that?
Speaker 2: Period?
Speaker 1: If Kate would have said I ain't with all of that,
Speaker 1: I'd been like, cool, this. We don't work well together
Speaker 1: because that's what I require. If I didn't want to
Speaker 1: give us to get a six pack of work to
Speaker 1: grow up because I don't like grown my beer, I
Speaker 1: grow it out for her. But I feel comfortable making
Speaker 1: a choice doing that because I know that's what she likes.
Speaker 3: We chose to do that for each other, so we
Speaker 3: happy with each other.
Speaker 1: Yes, I can't tell nobody how to make their husband
Speaker 1: feel good working out. I can't tell a woman how
Speaker 1: to feel good working out. Y'all got to talk to
Speaker 1: each other, find out what it is, and talk clearly
Speaker 1: and directly to it. Don't talk around you know what.
Speaker 1: That's my advice, don't talk around each other.
Speaker 2: And working out too, I've had moments where I'm just
Speaker 2: like devout. You can't talk me into feeling like doing anything. No,
Speaker 2: you can't, because work out for me, I felt like
Speaker 2: was an extremely personal thing in terms of just finding
Speaker 2: the energy to do it. You know, my method, how
Speaker 2: I want to do it, my approach. But eventually something
Speaker 2: had to click in me to be like, Okay, this
Speaker 2: is the result that I need and want for myself
Speaker 2: first and foremost, and then my husband's going to reap
Speaker 2: the benefits of it too, all the better. That was
Speaker 2: the motivation that I needed to even sometimes just get
Speaker 2: the kickstart, because sometimes the rut is just trying to
Speaker 2: get it started. Once you get in there, it becomes addictive.
Speaker 2: So good luck to you. Sis. Hopefully you can just
Speaker 2: be straightforward but also take an approach with him that
Speaker 2: is coded in love and coded in support, but straightforward
Speaker 2: but straightforward for sure.
Speaker 3: And when he's straightforward with you, be willing to accept
Speaker 3: it and don't.
Speaker 2: Judge him for it. Yes, for sure, all right, y'all,
Speaker 2: keep writing in to us. You could be featured as
Speaker 2: one of our listening letters. If you do so, email
Speaker 2: us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: That's d E A D A S S A D
Speaker 1: V I C E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: All right, moment of truth time. We're talking about celeb
Speaker 2: culture when it comes to decorum and social media and
Speaker 2: what to speak on or not speak on, and what
Speaker 2: we really think about that. Do you want to hear
Speaker 2: from your celebrity person or not?
Speaker 3: This is my moment of truth.
Speaker 1: Social media has made people feel entitled to hearing from
Speaker 1: quote unquote celebrities about everything all the time, and my
Speaker 1: moment of truth is those people are not qualified to
Speaker 1: talk about everything all the time, so stop expecting them
Speaker 1: to talk about everything all the time. And as on
Speaker 1: the other side, as a celebrity, you have a responsibility
Speaker 1: to make sure you educate yourself and not be a
Speaker 1: tool for the divisiveness in a world where it's so
Speaker 1: easy to take a little bit of comment and blow
Speaker 1: the world up because they can say so and so
Speaker 1: said this. Be smart, celebrities, be smart. Don't be a
Speaker 1: tool and use for divisiveness. And people give them a
Speaker 1: little bit of empathy and understanding that they may may
Speaker 1: not know what they're talking about.
Speaker 2: My moment of truth. I'm going to reiterate something that
Speaker 2: I said earlier because I think it's so so so
Speaker 2: spot on with the way I felt lately. Some are
Speaker 2: posting on social media, some are protesting in the streets,
Speaker 2: Some are donating silently, Some are educating themselves, Some are
Speaker 2: having tough conversations with family and friends. People are doing
Speaker 2: things and working through them in their own way, and
Speaker 2: we cannot hold people to the standard that we feel
Speaker 2: and see fit for them when it comes to how
Speaker 2: they deal with situations, particularly pertaining to social media. Some
Speaker 2: people are doing things behind the scenes and silently and
Speaker 2: with the core group of people who they have access to,
Speaker 2: where their help and their voice is more tangible in
Speaker 2: that moment. A revolution has many lanes, so don't judge,
Speaker 2: be kind to other people as long as we're working
Speaker 2: in the same direction, period period. All right, y'all, that
Speaker 2: is all we have for you today. Thank you for listening,
Speaker 2: Thank you for coming back. Be sure to find us
Speaker 2: on Patreon to say exclusive dead Ass content, video, exclusive
Speaker 2: family content. If you have not subscribed yet, jump on
Speaker 2: Baby Jump On. Are you guys watching the doc sidebar?
Speaker 2: I feel like at this point you guys should be
Speaker 2: in it, Okay, in it and preparing for our live shows.
Speaker 2: Pick a city, y'all, pick a city. I know some
Speaker 2: of y'all are dying for us to get to certain cities,
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Speaker 2: Try to get there. Make a weekend out of it,
Speaker 2: make a trip out of it. You can also find
Speaker 2: us on social media at dead Ass the Podcast. You
Speaker 2: can find me on my page Kadeine I am and.
Speaker 3: I Am Devout.
Speaker 1: And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, subscribe,
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