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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if

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Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HAARBFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your

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Speaker 1: letter live on the air, just like we're going to

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Speaker 1: read this one right here, right now, and you never know,

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Speaker 1: it could be yours.

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Speaker 2: It could be yours. Buckle up and hold on type.

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Speaker 2: We got it for you. Here It is Strawberry Letter.

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Speaker 3: Thank you, f you.

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Speaker 1: Subject to My Man and his Money. Dear Stephen Shirley,

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Speaker 1: I've been married for almost two years. My husband and

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Speaker 1: I are both in the insurance field. When I met him,

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Speaker 1: he was going through divorce and he lived in a

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Speaker 1: condo that he was renovating. I was living in an

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Speaker 1: apartment because I just finished college and was starting my career.

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Speaker 1: He's eleven years older than I am, but he always

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Speaker 1: made me feel like his equal. Things changed once we

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Speaker 1: got married. I asked about a joint account so I

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Speaker 1: can start buying furniture for our house. He said he

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Speaker 1: doesn't want to mix the money because he got burned

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Speaker 1: in his last marriage. He said that he will go

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Speaker 1: with me and he will buy all of the furniture.

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Speaker 1: That was fine, but I am still interested in having

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Speaker 1: a joint account. I asked my uncle, who's been married

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Speaker 1: for thirty years, and he said, it seems like my.

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Speaker 3: Husband doesn't trust me. That bothers me.

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Speaker 1: I'm also bothered by the fact that I don't have

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Speaker 1: access to his condo that he rents out. He said

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Speaker 1: he can take care of it on its own, and

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Speaker 1: it's best to keep those kinds of things separate. I

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Speaker 1: would press the issue, but I don't want it to

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Speaker 1: look like I'm money hungry or want to take over

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Speaker 1: things that belong to him. I heard rumors that his

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Speaker 1: family calls me a gold digger, but I'm not. When

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Speaker 1: he mentioned getting a prenup before marriage, I told him

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Speaker 1: i'd sign it. I'm young but proud, and I want

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Speaker 1: to do well at work and make my own money.

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Speaker 1: He pays the bills and all of our living expenses,

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Speaker 1: and I do whatever I want with my money, but

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Speaker 1: I still want access to more money if I need it.

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Speaker 1: He says he'll always give me whatever I want. All

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Speaker 1: I have to do is ask. This really irritates me.

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Speaker 1: Who does my husband love the most me or all

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Speaker 1: of his money. Well, he does love he does love you,

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Speaker 1: but your.

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Speaker 3: Uncle is right.

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Speaker 1: I mean, he doesn't trust you where his money is concerned.

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Speaker 1: People bring baggage into their marriages, and his baggage is fear,

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Speaker 1: fear that you'll take his money like those before you,

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Speaker 1: like in his previous marriage. Like you said, you're much

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Speaker 1: younger by eleven years, and people are in his ear

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Speaker 1: about you being a gold digger and all that.

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Speaker 3: He knows. You offered to sign the pre nup.

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Speaker 1: But keeping his money and his condo are his comfort

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Speaker 1: level right now. You can live with that. So you

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Speaker 1: need to make the necessary adjustments in this marriage. For

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Speaker 1: you continue to let him pay all the bills, all that,

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Speaker 1: all your living expenses. That's a blessing. Just so you know,

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Speaker 1: I say, don't try to change him. Listen, you get

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Speaker 1: to keep all your money. You got to look at

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Speaker 1: this a different way. You get to keep all your

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Speaker 1: money saved, your money, put some aside so you can

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Speaker 1: buy your own property one day. Forget a joint account.

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Speaker 1: That's not going to happen. He's not into that, and

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Speaker 1: that is your reality. So I say, meet him where

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Speaker 1: he is, live your life. He said he'll give you

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Speaker 1: whatever you want and he's doing that, so stop complaining.

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Speaker 3: Worry about yourself, Steve.

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Speaker 4: You know, young sister, I would advise you know, you

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Speaker 4: do have a problem, and Shureley pointed it out at

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Speaker 4: the top. He just doesn't trust you because he's been

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Speaker 4: burned in the past and he thinks that it can

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Speaker 4: happen to him again. So he don't want to mix money.

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Speaker 4: You want a joint account for reasons where you want

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Speaker 4: to say, hey, this is you know hours, this is

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Speaker 4: mister and missus. You want to be able to walk

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Speaker 4: in the bank and feel like you have something with

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Speaker 4: your husband.

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Speaker 2: All of this should.

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Speaker 4: Have been discussed before y'all got married. All of this, See,

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Speaker 4: that's what happens when you marry people that you don't

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Speaker 4: really know.

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Speaker 2: Well.

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Speaker 4: Now, y'all got caught up in the hype and all

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Speaker 4: like this. Here he was living in a condo, he

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Speaker 4: was renovating because he was going.

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Speaker 2: Through a divorce.

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Speaker 4: You was living in an apartment because you had just

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Speaker 4: finished college and was starting your career.

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Speaker 2: All this is good right.

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Speaker 4: Here, But y'all got married so quick that you don't

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Speaker 4: know each other. Now the family's calling you a gold digger. Now,

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Speaker 4: obviously this guy is.

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Speaker 2: Doing really well in insurance.

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Speaker 4: You're starting your career in insurance, so obviously he's doing

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Speaker 4: really well in insurance. Now he asked you to sign

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Speaker 4: a prenupe and you said you sign it. Look, times

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Speaker 4: have changed now, it's just the way it is. I

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Speaker 4: can sit over here and tell y'all all I want,

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Speaker 4: this is how I go, This.

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Speaker 2: Is what you should have did. It's a new day.

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Speaker 2: Y'all not listening to that.

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Speaker 4: You all have this idea that you can rewrite the

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Speaker 4: rules of marriage, that you all can rewrite what it means.

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Speaker 2: To be together.

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Speaker 4: But when it comes down to it, it's all gonna

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Speaker 4: come back to the same thing. Will you sacrifice for

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Speaker 4: this person? Do you love this person? Are you willing

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Speaker 4: to compromise with this person? And how much will you

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Speaker 4: do for this person? Now? What are your limits? That's

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Speaker 4: what a relationship is. But you all have this new

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Speaker 4: fangled idea of relationship that you're gonna rewrite it. We'll

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Speaker 4: go ahead and rewrite it, and we'll just keep going

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Speaker 4: over how it's going for you. So, because you didn't

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Speaker 4: cover none of this information when you first got married,

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Speaker 4: here we are now. I told you when he was

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Speaker 4: going through the divorce. He renovated a place that you

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Speaker 4: were starting your career. But this man is eleven years

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Speaker 4: older than you. That ain't no big deal.

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Speaker 2: But he's always made you feel like his equal.

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Speaker 4: And then you say things change once we got married, Well,

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Speaker 4: what you ain't the equal no more because you didn't

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Speaker 4: have you've join account before you got married. You didn't

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Speaker 4: have access to his money before you got married. And

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Speaker 4: that's really what this whole letter is about. You want

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Speaker 4: access to the money, even though he lets you keep

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Speaker 4: y'all all. You want access to your to all the

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Speaker 4: money in case you need more. His response is ask

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Speaker 4: me and I'll give you anything you want. Now, I

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Speaker 4: know a lot of women would fight and killed to

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Speaker 4: get a relationship like this, And then I know it's

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Speaker 4: some women in that talking about girl.

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Speaker 2: You better get your name on everything you don't have

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Speaker 2: to keep to the apartment.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, hang on, Steve, we will have part two of

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Speaker 1: your response coming up at twenty three minutes after today's

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Speaker 1: Strawberry Letters. Subject is my man and his money. We'll

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Speaker 1: get back into it right after this. You're listening to

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Speaker 1: Steve Harvey Morning Show. Life is unpredictable, but protecting your

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Speaker 1: All right, come on, Steve, let's recap today's strawberry letter.

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Speaker 1: The subject is my man and his money.

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Speaker 4: Here's this young girl who graduated from college, who has

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Speaker 4: an apartment, starting her career in insurance field. Met a

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Speaker 4: man is eleven years older than her, obviously doing really really.

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Speaker 2: Well in the insurance field.

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Speaker 4: But he's going through a divorce, so he wasn't living

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Speaker 4: in a house. He was living in that condo.

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Speaker 2: Rental weight in it.

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Speaker 4: They meet. They've been married now for two years. She

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Speaker 4: was telling me he's a great guy, but all of

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Speaker 4: a sudden things change when they got married. And he's

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Speaker 4: always made her feel like they were equal until they

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Speaker 4: got married, and she wanted to do things a little

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Speaker 4: bit differently, so she wanted to open up a joint account.

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Speaker 4: He said, he ain't opening up no joint account. Your

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Speaker 4: money is yours and my money is mine. Well, that's

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Speaker 4: not what they're gonna say when the divorce come. I

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Speaker 4: can tell you that right now, you can stop all

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Speaker 4: this mine and yours. It's yours if you go to court,

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Speaker 4: it's gonna be y'alls. So but before we go to court,

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Speaker 4: but you don't have to divorce behind this. But you

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Speaker 4: need an understanding. But this is an understanding you should

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Speaker 4: have got before you got married. He doesn't want to

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Speaker 4: join the count. He refuses to do that. But he

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Speaker 4: says he'll give you anything you want. All you do

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Speaker 4: is ask for it. So here's the example she used.

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Speaker 4: I asked her about to join account so I can

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Speaker 4: start buying furniture for our house. He said he doesn't

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Speaker 4: want to mix the money because the way he got

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Speaker 4: burned in his last relationship. But he said he'll go

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Speaker 4: with you and he will buy all the furniture. Now

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Speaker 4: you said, okay, that's fine, but I'm still interested in

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Speaker 4: having a joint account. Then you went and ask your uncle,

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Speaker 4: who'll be married for thirty years and he said, it

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Speaker 4: seems like your husband don't trust you.

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Speaker 2: That's exactly what it is.

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Speaker 4: And you didn't have to go to your uncle because

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Speaker 4: he told you, I don't want to mix money because

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Speaker 4: of the way it ended in his last relationship.

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Speaker 2: So Sirley's right about that.

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Speaker 4: He done brought the baggage from that relationship to the

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Speaker 4: new relationship, so now he don't want.

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Speaker 2: To split no money with you.

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Speaker 4: And your uncle told you seemed like your husband don't

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Speaker 4: trust you, Well, that's what that is.

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Speaker 2: Then you say, well that bothered me. Then you say

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Speaker 2: you bothered.

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Speaker 4: By the fact that I don't have access to his

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Speaker 4: condo that he rents out.

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Speaker 2: He said he can take care.

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Speaker 4: Of it on his own and it's best to keep

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Speaker 4: those things separate. So so listen to me. When you met him,

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Speaker 4: he was living in this condo that he renovated. You

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Speaker 4: know why he was living there because his ex wife

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Speaker 4: got the house. So now what he don't want to

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Speaker 4: do is put your name on this here and he

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Speaker 4: lose another house. Put you the one he was living

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Speaker 4: in in renovation. But once you get married, all that

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Speaker 4: becomes joy property. Anyway, he gonna lose it anywhere. I

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Speaker 4: hate to tell you that I would press the issue,

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Speaker 4: but I don't want to look like I'm money hungry.

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Speaker 4: I want to take over things that belonged to him.

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Speaker 4: I heard rumors that his family calls me a gold

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Speaker 4: to Well. See, young lady, you don't want it to

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Speaker 4: seem like you money hungry or you want to take

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Speaker 4: over things that belong to him, but you want access

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Speaker 4: to it.

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Speaker 2: You want to join the count.

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Speaker 4: And I'll tell you why you want access to it,

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Speaker 4: and no matter what I let you tell me. When

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Speaker 4: he mentioned getting a prenup before marriage, I told him

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Speaker 4: I sign it. I'm young, but I'm proud. I want

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Speaker 4: to do well and work and make my own money.

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Speaker 4: He pays the bills and all I live in expenses,

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Speaker 4: and I do whatever I want to do with my money.

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Speaker 4: But I still want access to more money if I

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Speaker 4: need it. That's what this letter is about. He does

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Speaker 4: everything for you, get you anything you want, by all

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Speaker 4: the furniture, pay all the bills, and you can do

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Speaker 4: whatever you want with your money. But I still want

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Speaker 4: access to more money if I need it, and you

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Speaker 4: gonna need it because you're gonna spend all your money.

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Speaker 4: He says he will always give me whatever I want.

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Speaker 4: All I gotta do is ask. This really irritates me.

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Speaker 4: Who does my husband love the most me all his money.

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Speaker 4: I think you're proposing the wrong question. This is not

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Speaker 4: a question of does he love you or his life

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Speaker 4: money the most.

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Speaker 2: The question is.

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Speaker 4: Can you live under these circumstances, because clearly he has

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Speaker 4: made up his mind. I'm not giving you access to

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Speaker 4: nothing I've built before and prior to this marriage. But

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Speaker 4: in this marriage, I will take care of everything. So

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Speaker 4: like right now, he seems like a really good provider.

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Speaker 4: But you want access to more money, and he asked

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Speaker 4: you for a pre nup. I don't know what to

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Speaker 4: tell you, young lady, because there's so many things. See,

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Speaker 4: if a man asks you for a prenup, that should

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Speaker 4: have let you know something right there. But pre nups

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Speaker 4: are big now and everybody's doing pre nups. It's just

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Speaker 4: the way of the world. But I will make this

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Speaker 4: statement like I've made a hundred times. I have never

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Speaker 4: met a couple that had a pre nup that did

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Speaker 4: not use it.

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Speaker 2: It is a preparation for failure.

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Speaker 4: It is a preparation in event that something happens, and

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Speaker 4: if that's what you're preparing for.

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Speaker 2: That's what's gonna happen. So it's just that way.

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Speaker 4: Now that sounds old fashioned and hokey, but that's what

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Speaker 4: it is.

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Speaker 2: But it's okay to get a pre no. Just get

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Speaker 2: ready for the results. That's all.

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Speaker 3: Well, she says, she signed it, Steve, she did say that.

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Speaker 3: All right, lead.

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Speaker 4: Comments, Well then you can quit, won't in this joint account?

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Speaker 3: Okay?

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Speaker 1: Leave your comments on Today's letter on Instagram and Facebook

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Speaker 1: at Steve Harvey FM and check us out on the

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Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter podcast on the free iHeartRadio app. Coming up

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Speaker 1: next to his junior with a sports update right after this.

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Speaker 3: What's going on? This is your boy, Kevin Hart, This

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Speaker 3: is Erica Badua, This is Dave Chappelle.

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Speaker 2: You have no idea what it is.

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Speaker 3: This is Carlos Miller.

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Speaker 2: And this may or may not be the Steve Harvey

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Speaker 2: Morning Show.

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Speaker 3: You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.