WEBVTT - Tara Mackey 0:00:09.320 --> 0:00:20.720 Caral, She's a queen of talking. He got theo no 0:00:20.720 --> 0:00:30.319 one can do with Caral, Caral, No one can do 0:00:30.480 --> 0:00:38.159 with Caral, Carol. This episode was such a treat for 0:00:38.200 --> 0:00:41.160 me to get to interview Tara Mackie. She's an amazing 0:00:41.159 --> 0:00:45.280 two times bestselling author. She has gone through so much. 0:00:46.200 --> 0:00:48.159 She was born into a household where her mother was 0:00:48.200 --> 0:00:51.840 on drugs. She was put on to fourteen different prescription 0:00:51.960 --> 0:00:55.040 pills as a child to try to help her I 0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:59.040 guess cope, but really no one ever diagnosed her what 0:00:59.120 --> 0:01:01.120 was really going on with her her, And so she 0:01:01.520 --> 0:01:04.680 got herself off of every single one of these medications 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:08.000 as an adult, and she wrote books about how to 0:01:08.120 --> 0:01:11.440 live naturally and how all of these drugs are basically 0:01:11.840 --> 0:01:14.280 killing us and all of the harmful side effects of 0:01:14.360 --> 0:01:17.399 just putting yourself on a prescription drug. So her book 0:01:17.480 --> 0:01:21.160 is amazing. She's so soulful. She leads us through a 0:01:21.280 --> 0:01:24.759 visualization exercise where you really tap into what you're true 0:01:24.800 --> 0:01:28.000 calling is. She is an angel from God and this 0:01:28.080 --> 0:01:31.399 interview was amazing. Get excited for Tara Mackie. Here she 0:01:31.520 --> 0:01:37.240 is Tara Mackie. Yes, girl, what is up beside you 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:41.520 changing the world? What's up? You know, I think that's 0:01:41.560 --> 0:01:44.440 that's good for now, right. I mean, I think that's 0:01:44.440 --> 0:01:47.039 a big, big task that you've taken on, and you're 0:01:47.160 --> 0:01:50.640 doing it so amazing. And I'm so grateful that you 0:01:50.720 --> 0:01:54.760 have like flowed into my podcast world because I have 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:57.840 in the past couple of years gotten so obsessed with 0:01:57.840 --> 0:02:02.120 the food industry and just trying to understand our food 0:02:02.320 --> 0:02:04.520 and all of the crap that's in our food and 0:02:04.560 --> 0:02:07.680 all these extra products, and like where is it all 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:10.760 coming from? Are we eating real stuff? And then take 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:14.600 that one more step to medications. Are these medicines that 0:02:14.680 --> 0:02:18.240 people are giving us are they really helping us? Are 0:02:18.240 --> 0:02:21.040 they just like band aiding something and then causing a 0:02:21.080 --> 0:02:23.799 greater problem somewhere else, Like I feel like, are we 0:02:23.880 --> 0:02:27.320 really being taken care of out there? And you have 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:30.880 done all of the research and just how You've written 0:02:30.919 --> 0:02:33.840 two books, which is insane, and you have a new 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:35.960 book out called Wild Habits, which is talking about how 0:02:36.000 --> 0:02:39.960 you beat fourteen illnesses? All right, fourteen allesses? Yeah, with 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:45.320 plants and nature and natural everything natural. So how did 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:47.480 how did you get to the point where you're on 0:02:47.600 --> 0:02:53.600 fourteen medications? And how then did you decide to go 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:56.760 on this wild journey to go all natural, and really 0:02:56.800 --> 0:02:59.200 that could have been super scary because doctors are probably 0:02:59.240 --> 0:03:03.280 telling you that the last thing you should do. Only 0:03:03.320 --> 0:03:08.840 my whole life. So I was born on drugs. My 0:03:08.960 --> 0:03:11.360 mother did drugs the entire time she was pregnant with me, 0:03:11.600 --> 0:03:13.720 which I feel like is becoming more and more ubiquitous. 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:18.320 So my mother did, Um, she did cocaine, mostly should 0:03:18.360 --> 0:03:21.160 cocaine in the cab on the way to the hospital 0:03:21.200 --> 0:03:23.560 to give birth to me. So and then she drank 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:27.160 and she smoked cigarettes her whole pregnancy with me. So, Um, 0:03:27.480 --> 0:03:30.560 that didn't. That didn't. That didn't cause any like birth 0:03:30.639 --> 0:03:33.680 defects or anything. I can't say. So no, I mean 0:03:33.720 --> 0:03:35.440 I was in I had to do detox for the 0:03:35.480 --> 0:03:38.440 first two weeks after I was born. Yeah, I was 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:41.720 in the nick you no bonding for me. Um, So 0:03:42.040 --> 0:03:44.720 I know I had tubes up my nose first thing 0:03:44.760 --> 0:03:47.760 when I came out. I mean I wasn't. I had 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:51.880 toxic things in my system when I was born, So 0:03:52.120 --> 0:03:54.440 it kind of started there. And then my mother raised 0:03:54.480 --> 0:03:59.720 me as a single parent and she um got into heroine. 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:03.040 I was five, who was raising you? When she was 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:06.600 doing all this. She was I was, So were you 0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:11.280 ever worried for your safety or anything? I can't, you know. 0:04:11.480 --> 0:04:14.720 I feel like when you're that young and you don't 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:18.680 know any differently, Like you know, you're raised by neighbors 0:04:18.720 --> 0:04:22.599 and the kids down the block and yourself and the 0:04:22.640 --> 0:04:26.479 guy at the store who sees you get cigarettes for 0:04:26.480 --> 0:04:29.400 your mom every other day with a little note from her, 0:04:29.400 --> 0:04:31.080 and you're five years old, Like, those are the people 0:04:31.080 --> 0:04:33.800 who are raised. You know. My grandparents were huge. I mean, 0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:37.360 they ended up getting custody of me um two years 0:04:37.440 --> 0:04:40.400 later because my mother overdosed on heroin in front of 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:42.720 me when I was six, And I think that's when 0:04:42.720 --> 0:04:45.359 they truly realized that, Okay, yeah, no, she's not in 0:04:45.400 --> 0:04:50.400 a safe environment like that. I saw that. That was yeah, 0:04:50.440 --> 0:04:52.960 I saw that. I called them, How does a secural 0:04:53.080 --> 0:04:55.960 process that? What do you even know what's happening? I 0:04:56.000 --> 0:04:58.640 didn't know what a heroine overdose was, but I definitely 0:04:58.720 --> 0:05:01.520 knew something was wrong. When your parent doesn't wake up 0:05:01.560 --> 0:05:03.640 and their eyes are rolled in the back of their head. 0:05:04.760 --> 0:05:06.800 That's one of the first feelings I remember, is just 0:05:06.880 --> 0:05:10.960 being really scared that I she was dead, you know, 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:13.320 because you don't know that, you know, you kind of 0:05:13.400 --> 0:05:17.360 I saw like a dead bird and like and like 0:05:17.480 --> 0:05:19.960 ants and stuff, and you kind of know when something's 0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:24.800 not responding to you, um, it's something is wrong. And 0:05:24.839 --> 0:05:28.400 so I, I uh pulled out a chair from the 0:05:28.760 --> 0:05:31.080 kitchen and student and reached the phone and called my 0:05:31.160 --> 0:05:34.360 grandparents and they came first before the cops and before 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:37.840 the ambulance. Um and they ended up calling nine one, 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:40.360 but and took me out of that situation before the 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:42.760 cops and the ambulance showed up. Because had the cops 0:05:42.800 --> 0:05:45.080 shown up and it was just me there or they 0:05:45.080 --> 0:05:47.440 were there with me, they immediately would have taken me 0:05:47.440 --> 0:05:50.520 into foster care. And they knew that. So they got 0:05:50.520 --> 0:05:53.600 me out of the situation, which was you know, probably 0:05:53.640 --> 0:05:55.760 one of the smartest things they ever did, aside from 0:05:55.839 --> 0:05:58.640 right after that apply for custody of me, because I 0:05:58.640 --> 0:06:01.320 think that's when it really occurred to that of like, oh, 0:06:01.480 --> 0:06:06.160 she's like here by herself, like living alone, and her 0:06:06.200 --> 0:06:09.120 mom is like doing this all the time. It's not 0:06:09.200 --> 0:06:12.840 like a one time thing. And she's making herself dinner 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:15.520 by standing on the same stool that she used to 0:06:15.720 --> 0:06:17.880 you know, call us on the phone. Things like that. 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:20.599 I think just started really kind of slowly hitting them, 0:06:20.760 --> 0:06:22.520 especially when I started living at them and going to 0:06:22.600 --> 0:06:25.280 therapy and they asked me like, you know, where did 0:06:25.320 --> 0:06:28.480 you sleep and where are your toys and like things, 0:06:28.600 --> 0:06:31.240 just where's the money we gave you for Easter? Like 0:06:31.600 --> 0:06:34.120 they just kind of started to realize that she wasn't 0:06:34.160 --> 0:06:36.600 taking care of me anymore. You know, it was about 0:06:37.000 --> 0:06:41.840 drugs and alcohol. It wasn't about her child. And um, 0:06:41.880 --> 0:06:44.960 a judge granted them custody of me when I was seven, 0:06:45.400 --> 0:06:49.640 So they raised me with kind of the hope that 0:06:48.920 --> 0:06:52.240 m that my mother would get her act together. And 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:56.000 their daughter, that's their daughter, Yeah, their first daughter, their 0:06:56.000 --> 0:06:59.960 first child. The reason that they are married, um because 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:03.280 they had her in Ireland back in the day. Are 0:07:03.279 --> 0:07:06.680 you are you are your descendants from Ireland? Yeah? Oh yeah, 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:09.280 that whole side of my family. My mom's from Ireland. Um, 0:07:09.360 --> 0:07:11.200 that's why my last name is Mackie. It's my mom's 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:18.040 last name. So yeah, And so my mother was in 0:07:18.080 --> 0:07:20.240 and out of jail and rehab my whole childhood and 0:07:20.240 --> 0:07:22.960 then finally when I was ten, she got sober for 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:25.560 about a year at a at an outpatientary. Have facility, 0:07:25.560 --> 0:07:27.040 and then she came to live with me and my 0:07:27.080 --> 0:07:30.960 grandparents and she was that. It was amazing, actually, I 0:07:30.960 --> 0:07:33.080 mean it was, well, there's some healing that happened. Did 0:07:33.160 --> 0:07:36.280 you have to talk about some stuff or how did you? Yeah, 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:38.440 there was a lot of healing. There was a lot 0:07:38.480 --> 0:07:40.440 of nights out. There was a lot of her actually 0:07:40.520 --> 0:07:44.080 finally really trying um in a way I had never seen, 0:07:44.160 --> 0:07:48.360 because she really had never been sober in my memorable life. 0:07:48.560 --> 0:07:52.560 And I always was a little nostalgic for the you know, 0:07:52.600 --> 0:07:55.640 the teenage version of her that my grandparents always talked 0:07:55.640 --> 0:07:58.000 about before she started drinking and stuff. You never had 0:07:58.080 --> 0:08:00.800 known that side every I never got to see that 0:08:00.920 --> 0:08:03.000 she always had been drinking and always had been doing 0:08:03.080 --> 0:08:06.560 drugs my entire life. And so spending time with her 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:09.480 sober is definitely very interesting because I got to see 0:08:09.520 --> 0:08:13.840 her for who she truly was, and what did you discover? 0:08:14.920 --> 0:08:17.320 She's you know, she's an amazing person. She's a great artist. 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:20.760 She's very compassionate, she's very kind. I think kindness is 0:08:21.040 --> 0:08:24.480 she's she's incredibly selfless. You know, I think a lot 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:28.239 of addicts really are they They drink and they do drugs, 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:30.880 because they get down on themselves, they feel guilty about 0:08:30.960 --> 0:08:33.120 how they treat other people, and they really they have 0:08:33.160 --> 0:08:36.280 a hard time with self forgiveness. And she and a 0:08:36.320 --> 0:08:38.880 lot of the kindest, most gentlest people are like that, 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:41.280 and she really is. She's a really great person. Um 0:08:43.400 --> 0:08:46.760 for you though, to be so open to healing with 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:49.720 her in that way, you know, a child, especially because 0:08:49.720 --> 0:08:53.280 I'm sure that was not easy. Wow, it was dark 0:08:53.360 --> 0:08:57.400 to your life world a little bit, just a little bit. 0:08:57.440 --> 0:08:58.959 So I was saying a therapist this whole time, too, 0:08:58.960 --> 0:09:01.360 and that was definitely helpful because having somebody in your 0:09:01.400 --> 0:09:03.400 life go, you know, it's not your fault what your 0:09:03.400 --> 0:09:06.600 mother is doing. Do you feel like it was your fault? You? 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:09.360 Every child of an alcoholic or a drug addict feels 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:11.960 like it's their fault because you do something wrong or 0:09:12.040 --> 0:09:14.199 you do something right and your parent goes and drinks 0:09:14.200 --> 0:09:16.320 and does it doesn't change anything. So how can you 0:09:16.400 --> 0:09:19.840 not internalize that? Right? And so I think when you 0:09:19.880 --> 0:09:22.360 see a therapist when that's your situation, they have to 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:24.160 really kind of hammer into you that this is not 0:09:24.200 --> 0:09:26.839 your fault, especially when you're the only child and there 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:29.920 really is no like you can't even mentally go blame 0:09:30.000 --> 0:09:31.920 someone else, you know, you know what to talk to 0:09:31.920 --> 0:09:35.000 you about it. You're alone, and you're also learning all 0:09:35.040 --> 0:09:38.280 of what's happened, like you're plopped into this world, like 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:41.640 you're learning everything and you don't know how to interpret 0:09:41.720 --> 0:09:43.439 what's happening, and you don't have anyone to talk to 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:46.600 you about it right exactly. And you know, I went 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:49.200 to a very small private school with literally ten of 0:09:49.240 --> 0:09:52.079 their kids, and all of their families were completely nuclear, 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:55.480 like not even divorced, like I mean, everybody had just 0:09:55.559 --> 0:09:59.079 like happy, smiling like just and you know, in Catholic school, 0:09:59.160 --> 0:10:01.640 and everyone's just kd of putting on this whether it 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:03.719 was a front or whether it was real, Like it 0:10:04.160 --> 0:10:07.600 wasn't relatable to my experience at all. And so the 0:10:07.640 --> 0:10:09.679 only the only things I really saw as a kid 0:10:09.679 --> 0:10:11.520 that were relatable to my experience was when I was 0:10:11.520 --> 0:10:14.480 watching Oprah. You know, we're listening to Tony Robbins, like, 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:18.240 because those are the only people in the early nineties 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:21.080 who were speaking to things like this on a on 0:10:21.120 --> 0:10:24.520 a public platform in a large way to millions. It's true. 0:10:24.920 --> 0:10:27.040 Do you do you feel like and I'm not I 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:28.520 want to get back to this but do you feel 0:10:28.559 --> 0:10:30.920 like social media, all those social media I want to 0:10:30.920 --> 0:10:32.840 talk to you about that too, can be like a downside. 0:10:33.080 --> 0:10:34.480 Do you feel like that? Is one of the positive 0:10:34.480 --> 0:10:36.520 things about social media is it gives so many people 0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:38.480 a voice to speak about these things that maybe we 0:10:38.480 --> 0:10:41.440 wouldn't have heard before. Totally, and I love it, and 0:10:41.440 --> 0:10:42.880 I think it gives a lot of people a lot 0:10:42.880 --> 0:10:46.280 of inspiration to get better in a way that yeah, 0:10:46.280 --> 0:10:48.280 we only had one or two things before and if 0:10:48.320 --> 0:10:52.200 you couldn't afford those, the box cassette from Tony Robbins 0:10:52.280 --> 0:10:55.360 or a TV who were you listening to? You know, 0:10:55.520 --> 0:10:57.680 people still thought that was kind of crazy back then too. 0:10:57.800 --> 0:11:02.720 Oh yeah, totally totally. It was wasn't happening. It wasn't 0:11:02.760 --> 0:11:05.959 the movement yet. No, no, not yet. We were still 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:10.760 in our little bubble. But uh but I really feel 0:11:10.840 --> 0:11:13.959 like so. My mother actually relapsed in front of me 0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:16.400 when I was twelve, and then when I was thirteen 0:11:16.520 --> 0:11:18.640 is when I was put on for a month. After 0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:21.520 that was when I saw a child psychiatrist for the 0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:23.199 first time. I was put on my first drug, which 0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:26.160 was a mood stabilizer called lithium. So they put you 0:11:26.240 --> 0:11:31.320 on a drug at fourteen and what is that is 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:34.400 that a heavy drug. It's a heavy duty adult dosage 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:37.400 of a moon stabilizer that they normally at the time. 0:11:37.480 --> 0:11:39.320 What was interesting at the time was that this was 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:46.240 you know, early early two thousands, and they were just 0:11:46.400 --> 0:11:50.760 starting to give these adult dosages of drugs to children. 0:11:51.440 --> 0:11:54.080 At the time, they were not allowed to test them 0:11:54.120 --> 0:11:56.800 on children. So only in the last like five years 0:11:56.800 --> 0:11:59.360 have they been legally allowed to test these drugs on children. 0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:02.280 But they've been giving adult dosages of drugs to children 0:12:02.280 --> 0:12:05.120 for at least the last twenty years. So you had 0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:08.600 no choice when you were You're born into drugs in 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:12.240 your system, then not your fault at all that you 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:15.000 are in this world which is what you're born into, 0:12:15.040 --> 0:12:17.240 and then you get put on drugs like out of 0:12:17.280 --> 0:12:23.600 your control. Totally wow, Okay, so what happened when that happened, Well, 0:12:23.640 --> 0:12:26.680 my grandparents, I don't think, even maybe to this day, 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:30.520 still don't see the irony of of paying a therapist 0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:33.040 for many many years to help me stay off drugs 0:12:33.040 --> 0:12:35.880 and then paying another therapist to put me on drugs. 0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:41.640 Um but I got put on another drug the next year. 0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:44.800 So lithium can inhibit your ability to do math and science, 0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:46.400 which is what it started to do for me. I 0:12:46.440 --> 0:12:48.720 started to go from being a complete straight A student 0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:52.600 to getting I brought one C plus home on one 0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:54.760 math test and my grandparents were like, what the fuck? 0:12:55.080 --> 0:12:58.120 So they brought me into my psychiatrist and he was like, 0:12:58.920 --> 0:13:03.559 this is attention defice, that hyperactivity disorder. You are very serious. 0:13:03.640 --> 0:13:06.600 And they put me on a drug called Methodate. Are 0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:09.680 they keeping you on the other one too? Oh? Yeah? 0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:13.520 What and your tiny little baby pression and body I 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:17.600 was like eighty pounds on a hundred and five pounds now, 0:13:17.840 --> 0:13:22.400 like my gosh, ebody, person, prescious body was just pump 0:13:22.480 --> 0:13:24.360 with all these drugs. It makes you want to cry. 0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:27.640 Oh no, I know, I'm so sad. I'm so sorry. 0:13:28.040 --> 0:13:30.199 I don't know. I want to go back and hug thirty. 0:13:30.760 --> 0:13:34.640 I want I want to hug seven year old me always. 0:13:35.040 --> 0:13:38.000 I'm just like, oh man, you've been such a fighter, Terra. 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:43.680 Oh you are crying like it really like makes you emotional, 0:13:43.800 --> 0:13:48.480 Like I'm sorry. You're so innocent, I know, and it's 0:13:48.520 --> 0:13:51.080 so weird when you don't have a choice. Even no, 0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:54.400 it's okay, it's all right, but you don't even realize 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:56.080 you don't have a choice. And that's why when I 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:58.280 talk to parents who are like they want to put 0:13:58.320 --> 0:14:00.760 my five year old on a d D medic Like, 0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:03.600 here's the thing, and it's not even the health, it's 0:14:03.600 --> 0:14:06.800 not even anything. It's it is this. It's the choice. 0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:09.800 It's the fact that when you when you're five and 0:14:09.840 --> 0:14:12.360 somebody tells you to take a pill, you don't have 0:14:12.400 --> 0:14:15.360 a choice. And if you really think that your kid 0:14:15.440 --> 0:14:18.640 needs this because he needs to graduate from kindergarten or 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:22.080 she needs to do better in a subject, if they 0:14:22.200 --> 0:14:25.240 ever regret being on this medication, and trust me, they 0:14:25.280 --> 0:14:29.600 probably will, they're not going to blame themselves. They're gonna 0:14:29.640 --> 0:14:32.880 blame you. And so if you just let them go 0:14:33.040 --> 0:14:35.600 through challenges, they have to blame themselves and then they 0:14:35.600 --> 0:14:38.040 have to overcome that and they're not going to rely 0:14:38.120 --> 0:14:39.960 on a pill and they're not gonna rely on you 0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:42.520 or someone else to solve that for them. But the 0:14:42.560 --> 0:14:46.240 second you start medicating your children, you start holding them 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:50.240 back because you stop giving them a choice. That's my 0:14:50.440 --> 0:14:53.440 larger message, Like that's what I want to really, really 0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:56.760 really bring home to parents, because when you're a child, 0:14:57.320 --> 0:15:01.560 you don't have a choice. You don't and you're you 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:04.160 don't know, you're not even mentally capable of knowing that 0:15:04.240 --> 0:15:08.240 you have a choice because a doctor is involved. Anything yeah, 0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:13.440 anything like no, no, no, no. And And what's weird 0:15:13.520 --> 0:15:15.920 is I think every thirteen year old can be diagnosed 0:15:15.920 --> 0:15:20.560 as bipolar. That's the thing. I mean. I wasn't even 0:15:20.600 --> 0:15:25.240 exhibiting mood swings or any or really any like takeoffs 0:15:25.280 --> 0:15:28.600 of the disorder. And but not do a quick little 0:15:28.920 --> 0:15:31.400 background check and just like examine what's happening in your 0:15:31.400 --> 0:15:34.200 life and be like, Oh, she's probably going through some 0:15:34.720 --> 0:15:37.120 home and that's what's happening. I like to say, I 0:15:37.160 --> 0:15:45.800 probably had shitty life disorder and they must diagnosed, because no, 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:49.200 they did. They knew exactly what was going on. Even 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:54.000 when I got even when my grades started slipping, you'd think, well, 0:15:54.080 --> 0:15:57.240 maybe it's because she's been through something traumatic, or maybe 0:15:57.280 --> 0:16:01.040 it's because she's on this medication that at may after 0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:05.040 a while started inhibiting her learning capabilities. But but no, 0:16:05.360 --> 0:16:09.600 every single time something was wrong, and this is every doctor. 0:16:09.640 --> 0:16:12.320 First it was my psychiatrist, but then I went to 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:14.760 see doctors for other things. For my school usis for 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:17.760 I got diagnosed with arthritis. I got diagnosed with anxiety, 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:21.280 and every single one of them their first line of 0:16:21.320 --> 0:16:24.800 defense was pills. I don't know if it's because I 0:16:24.840 --> 0:16:27.720 had shitty health insurance. I don't know, because actually I 0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:30.080 didn't at the time, because when I was a kid. 0:16:30.560 --> 0:16:33.960 I mean, it definitely became more prevalent when I, you know, 0:16:34.360 --> 0:16:36.280 was on state health insurance. Of course, what are they 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:38.080 gonna do. They don't want to take any time to 0:16:38.080 --> 0:16:40.400 see you because you're not even paying to be there, 0:16:40.600 --> 0:16:43.200 so they're just going to give you the quickest, easiest solution. 0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:45.880 But I don't understand how it started when I was 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:48.960 under my grandparents insurance, which was like really good at 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:53.080 the time because my grandparents worked for the airlines and um, 0:16:53.120 --> 0:16:56.280 and it was every single doctor I saw just here's 0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:58.640 a pill. And I think it was just becoming a 0:16:58.720 --> 0:17:01.000 more prevalent part of the culture at the time. If 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:03.840 you really look at the drug statistics. When I started 0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:07.400 getting prescribed drugs, is when they started prescribing everybody drugs 0:17:07.440 --> 0:17:10.280 they went for. They never prescribed the old ones. I 0:17:10.359 --> 0:17:13.600 just kept adding on, so they I did get switched 0:17:13.640 --> 0:17:16.040 from lithium to a drug called the Michtal. But I 0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:17.920 stayed on the Michtal for the next eight and a 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:21.639 half years, and I never switched drugs because I really, 0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:25.760 the honest truth was because I didn't feel any really 0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:28.280 that much different on the new drug and I didn't 0:17:28.320 --> 0:17:30.840 want to get switched to something else. What are they 0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:34.480 trying to cure in you? With all this kind of 0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:38.520 what I was wondering the time was like, what is 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:42.640 the final destination here? Like, yeah, I don't really get it, 0:17:42.800 --> 0:17:45.320 Like you're just a kid, Like what are they trying. 0:17:46.320 --> 0:17:48.879 I'm not gonna saw your mom overdose in front of you, 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:52.080 so they're gonna put you on heavy drugs. Also, I 0:17:52.119 --> 0:17:57.040 mean that that seemed to be the train of thought, right, 0:17:57.119 --> 0:18:00.720 I know, it's so ironic, and there's so many ironic 0:18:00.720 --> 0:18:02.720 parts to it, with the fact that my grandparents went 0:18:02.720 --> 0:18:05.639 along with it when drugs were the cause of this 0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:09.840 whole thing, right, the fact that like the doctors didn't 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:12.960 connect what I was going through even physically. Right, So 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:16.280 now I know when I'm more stressed or anxious or 0:18:16.320 --> 0:18:19.040 something's going on, or I don't have control over what's happening, 0:18:19.040 --> 0:18:21.720 which was like my whole life as a child and 0:18:21.800 --> 0:18:25.480 young adult I'm in a lot more pain, right, And 0:18:25.520 --> 0:18:28.440 so to get diagnosed with arthritis as a child or 0:18:28.480 --> 0:18:32.520 as a teenager and not have a doctor go like, 0:18:32.600 --> 0:18:36.040 are you going through anything stressful or traumatic in your life? 0:18:37.119 --> 0:18:43.400 How much do you exercise? What are you eating? How? Yeah? Like, yeah, 0:18:43.600 --> 0:18:45.920 do you have anyone in your life who's supporting you? 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:48.600 Do you? Are you getting enough? Like? Are you able 0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:53.359 to talk about your feelings to anyone? Exactly? They never 0:18:53.600 --> 0:18:56.280 asked me any personal questions about my life. And that's 0:18:56.280 --> 0:19:01.160 where I start. Why not? What is that disconnect between? 0:19:01.240 --> 0:19:05.280 And I feel very passionate about this. I've not lived 0:19:05.520 --> 0:19:08.280 your experience in the slightest, but I feel very passionate 0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:11.159 about why when you go to the doctor, is it 0:19:11.280 --> 0:19:14.280 not a well being experienced. It's not for your whole 0:19:14.320 --> 0:19:17.760 well being. It's like nothing about it treats your whole 0:19:17.800 --> 0:19:22.240 well being. It's it's so I have a biology background. 0:19:22.320 --> 0:19:24.640 Of course, I ended up getting into psychology and biology 0:19:24.680 --> 0:19:28.600 in college because why not, Let's explain my own neuroses, right, 0:19:28.640 --> 0:19:30.159 What were you like as a kid? What was your 0:19:30.160 --> 0:19:34.719 personality like with all this going on? Like you know, 0:19:34.840 --> 0:19:39.400 I mean, I went from being pretty outgoing and really 0:19:39.480 --> 0:19:43.800 happy and unstoppable to being pretty fucking jaded and melancholy. 0:19:44.000 --> 0:19:47.240 Like I'm gonna be honest, and I think any friends 0:19:47.320 --> 0:19:51.399 I had around that time will be uh very quick 0:19:51.480 --> 0:19:53.680 to say that that's probably the truest thing I've ever 0:19:54.200 --> 0:19:56.959 said about myself, is like, honestly, I mean it really 0:19:57.080 --> 0:20:00.679 like it changes you. And but for me to answer 0:20:00.720 --> 0:20:03.920 your previous question, like it's part of the education system 0:20:04.280 --> 0:20:08.040 they don't teach doctors. When you're going through the education 0:20:08.160 --> 0:20:12.040 system of pre med and medical school. They don't teach 0:20:12.080 --> 0:20:15.280 you about mind body connection. They teach you about the drugs, 0:20:15.320 --> 0:20:17.320 but they don't even teach you about how the drugs 0:20:17.359 --> 0:20:20.439 really work to treat the ailments they're designed for it, 0:20:20.640 --> 0:20:24.159 like the SSR eyes or the anti anxiety medications, or 0:20:24.200 --> 0:20:27.920 the mood stabilizing medications, the mood stabilizers, especially because once 0:20:27.960 --> 0:20:30.080 I really started to look into it, after I came 0:20:30.080 --> 0:20:33.959 off my drugs and started um researching natural healing and 0:20:34.000 --> 0:20:36.320 really wanted to get into the science of why it 0:20:36.359 --> 0:20:38.679 works so I could explain it to myself and to 0:20:38.760 --> 0:20:41.439 other people and then eventually used it in my books. 0:20:41.680 --> 0:20:45.240 But I came across things like lithium, the first drug 0:20:45.280 --> 0:20:48.280 I was put on that we've talked about is a 0:20:48.359 --> 0:20:54.240 GABBA inhibitor, and so it's it suppresses your the GABBA 0:20:54.280 --> 0:20:57.560 in your brain, and GABBA is a neurotransmitter found in 0:20:57.560 --> 0:21:01.560 all of us that's responsible for your mood balance. And 0:21:01.600 --> 0:21:04.560 so if the drug they're giving you is inhibiting the 0:21:04.600 --> 0:21:08.119 ability for your GABA to be transported through your brain, 0:21:08.800 --> 0:21:14.920 how is it helping to stabilize your mood? Exactly interesting, 0:21:15.160 --> 0:21:18.560 I don't get it, Like there's so many really started 0:21:18.680 --> 0:21:21.440 to look into the chemical makeup of it. I was like, 0:21:22.080 --> 0:21:25.800 how is this possible that they like have approved these 0:21:25.840 --> 0:21:29.040 things when they're so counterintuitive to the science of how 0:21:29.080 --> 0:21:34.800 your body actually works. And another thing, to one doctor's 0:21:34.840 --> 0:21:39.080 opinion decided you should be on that pill. Like what 0:21:39.200 --> 0:21:41.040 if you have walked in on a different day with 0:21:41.080 --> 0:21:48.399 a different doctor, he could have put it different. Are human, Like, 0:21:48.480 --> 0:21:52.320 that's why people don't realize they have preconceived notions about 0:21:52.359 --> 0:21:56.240 things before you walk into their office, just like every 0:21:56.280 --> 0:21:59.760 other human. They judge people trying to put you into 0:21:59.840 --> 0:22:03.080 a human Yeah, they are trying to label you when 0:22:03.119 --> 0:22:07.240 you walk to their office, like that is their job 0:22:07.480 --> 0:22:10.000 is to find a label for what's wrong with you. 0:22:10.359 --> 0:22:12.919 You're not. I mean unless you literally are going in 0:22:12.960 --> 0:22:14.560 there and they ask why and you say, I'm just 0:22:14.680 --> 0:22:17.480 here for a checkup. If you go in there saying 0:22:17.680 --> 0:22:20.160