1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:04,360 Speaker 1: Do you think I'm too old to play Annie? I? 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:13,400 Speaker 1: I do. Won't you be my Miss Hannigan though? You know, 3 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:16,079 Speaker 1: because by the way, we're at the perfect age to 4 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:19,120 Speaker 1: play Miss Hannigan and I'm older than you. I'll tell 5 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:22,919 Speaker 1: you what man up? Play Daddy Warbox? Yeah, I will 6 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,840 Speaker 1: do that. Now you're not you can forever be Annie. 7 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:31,040 Speaker 1: I come see that, I come see that like every night. Hello, 8 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:35,280 Speaker 1: I'm Mini driver and welcome to many questions. I've always 9 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:39,040 Speaker 1: loved pruce questionnaire. It was originally an eighteenth century parlor 10 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,640 Speaker 1: game meant to reveal an individual's true nature. But with 11 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:45,879 Speaker 1: so many questions, there wasn't really an opportunity to expand 12 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,880 Speaker 1: on anything. So I took the format of Pruce's questionnaire 13 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 1: and adapted What I think are seven of the most 14 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:56,240 Speaker 1: important questions you could ever ask someone. They are when 15 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 1: and where were you happiest? What is the quality you 16 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:05,520 Speaker 1: least about yourself? What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love 17 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:11,600 Speaker 1: for you? What question would you most like answered, What person, place, 18 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:15,840 Speaker 1: or experience has shaped you the most? What would be 19 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,680 Speaker 1: your last meal? And can you tell me something in 20 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,680 Speaker 1: your life that has grown out of a personal disaster? 21 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,440 Speaker 1: The more people we ask, the more we begin to 22 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,480 Speaker 1: see what makes us similar and what makes us individual. 23 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:33,520 Speaker 1: I've gathered a group of really remarkable people who I 24 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 1: am honored and humbled to have had a chance to 25 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:41,399 Speaker 1: engage with. My guest today is actress and podcaster Anna Faris. 26 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:46,760 Speaker 1: Anna is a very curious creature. I was recently the 27 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 1: guest on her podcast Unqualified, and the questions she asked 28 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:54,520 Speaker 1: me were not only far reaching and interesting, they gently 29 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 1: asked for real interrogation of my experience having a second 30 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,840 Speaker 1: chapter to a conversation. By inviting her onto this podcast 31 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 1: was an absolute treat, as her answers have the same 32 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:11,840 Speaker 1: depth as her questions, which always makes for a lively 33 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:18,440 Speaker 1: and memorable chat. What is the quality you like least 34 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:22,520 Speaker 1: about yourself? I think that I can be neglectful towards 35 00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: my relationships, specifically my friendships, and that also ties in 36 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 1: with my laziness. I have developed a reputation for being 37 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 1: very phone inattentive, so people don't really reach out to 38 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:44,160 Speaker 1: me so much anymore. It's my friend Amanda's birthday today. 39 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 1: She was one of my very first friends that I 40 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:50,280 Speaker 1: made in Los Angeles and she is great with birthdays. 41 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 1: Which is always thoughtful, always sending cards, always thinking about me, 42 00:02:56,840 --> 00:03:00,680 Speaker 1: and I haven't done anything for her birthday. Yeah, I'm 43 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,760 Speaker 1: embarrassed and lazy about it. Do you mean that you 44 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,480 Speaker 1: are bad about maintaining friendships because work and that programming 45 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 1: of ambition which you sort of have to have if 46 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:14,160 Speaker 1: you're an actress an actor? Is that what got on 47 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:17,600 Speaker 1: the way of it? Perhaps? But I was. I've always 48 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,480 Speaker 1: been a person with few friends me too. I believe 49 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:23,360 Speaker 1: that about you, Minnie. Yeah, really, really, Johnny, no friends, 50 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:27,280 Speaker 1: I mean really, maybe like six friends. I believe that 51 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,880 Speaker 1: because I believe that you're an intimate person and will 52 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 1: not to say that people with tons of friends aren't 53 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 1: intimate people. That's rude, incorrect. You are quite right, But 54 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 1: it does feel like I'm not great at the day 55 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:45,040 Speaker 1: to day attentiveness. I never was, and I feel like 56 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:49,040 Speaker 1: there is maybe more pressure on our gender to be 57 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 1: better at those things. Thank you notes, birthday cards, just 58 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:57,520 Speaker 1: being thoughtful. I think about myself a lot, Minnie. You 59 00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:01,040 Speaker 1: think about yourself being an asshole. You're not. You're not. 60 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:06,680 Speaker 1: You're so attentive and sort of involved and engaged with people, 61 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:11,760 Speaker 1: but then they think goodbye, goodbye and meeting for all. Yes, please, 62 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:18,599 Speaker 1: it's funny. I think that massive expansion that fame like 63 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 1: if fame is like a bomb going off, and there's 64 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:25,080 Speaker 1: that extraordinary pressure that is released. In order to kind 65 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 1: of cope with the fallout after it and the sheer 66 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:32,440 Speaker 1: kind of mass of energy, one becomes inattentive to other things, 67 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,920 Speaker 1: things that are other than the maintenance of that energy. 68 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,680 Speaker 1: In a way, I found it impossible in my twenties 69 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:42,080 Speaker 1: to maintain friendships because I was so busy working and 70 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:45,120 Speaker 1: sort of prostrating myself at the altar of fame and 71 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:49,599 Speaker 1: ambition and loving working so much and loving that experience. 72 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,039 Speaker 1: As I got a bit older, I became more attentive 73 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,320 Speaker 1: to less friendships. And don't you find the would age 74 00:04:56,320 --> 00:05:01,640 Speaker 1: your feelings get hurt so much less? Yeah? Yes, yes, 75 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:07,000 Speaker 1: laugh of an enormous amount do, But that's good. The 76 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:11,560 Speaker 1: other day, we were in Hawaii. My parents invested in 77 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:14,880 Speaker 1: a time share there about twenty years ago. On the 78 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:20,280 Speaker 1: way to the airport, I was talking with the cab 79 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:24,080 Speaker 1: driver about lava and he was giving me a great 80 00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:28,680 Speaker 1: lecture on different forms of lava and what its uses are, 81 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,760 Speaker 1: and so I was, you know, gaining a new appreciation 82 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:35,640 Speaker 1: for rock and and then at the end of the 83 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 1: trip he said, this is such a weird humble brag, 84 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:41,320 Speaker 1: I suppose, but he said, you know, you're pretty funny 85 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 1: in person too, which I was delighted by. But I 86 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:49,840 Speaker 1: also had not made the assumption that he had recognized me. 87 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:53,240 Speaker 1: And I think that I go through even with this 88 00:05:53,520 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 1: shockingly bleached blonde hair, I move about life without that assumption. 89 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,000 Speaker 1: And it took me aback a little bit, and I 90 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:11,359 Speaker 1: was a little bit to disappoint. It sounds drastic, but um, 91 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,960 Speaker 1: you were bum You weren't just having a regular conversation 92 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,320 Speaker 1: about love that it might have been fueled by his 93 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,200 Speaker 1: shit I'm having it. I'm having a conversation with aunt 94 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:22,279 Speaker 1: affairs a little bit. Or maybe it was that because 95 00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:24,760 Speaker 1: I felt like I was being kind of funny and witty, 96 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:29,200 Speaker 1: and everybody in the car was exhausted and silent, and 97 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,159 Speaker 1: so I was just kind of hamming it up with 98 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:37,480 Speaker 1: the taxi driver, and I felt anonymous, I guess, and 99 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 1: liberated in that if he had mentioned that before, I 100 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:45,920 Speaker 1: probably would have been pretty quiet. Maybe I don't know. 101 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 1: Sometimes I lean into it and ham it up more. 102 00:06:49,839 --> 00:06:53,159 Speaker 1: But it's also a relief, I think because there was 103 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:58,080 Speaker 1: a time in my twenties when it felt electric to 104 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:01,800 Speaker 1: be recognized and I did you know, I went through 105 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:05,000 Speaker 1: those phases of wondering if I would get a good 106 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:06,880 Speaker 1: table or what you know what I mean, like just 107 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:15,119 Speaker 1: if somehow people would be you know, breathless. It's oh god, 108 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:19,360 Speaker 1: there she is, scary, scary movie, There she is, Tana. 109 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:24,200 Speaker 1: I think I've shed a little bit of that with age, 110 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,680 Speaker 1: which is nice, or at least just what it occupied 111 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 1: in my mind. Then it's funny. It's just funny about 112 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,760 Speaker 1: wanting to escape the thing which you was so exciting 113 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,760 Speaker 1: and that you wanted to foster. Like I loved it 114 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 1: when people recognize me when I was younger, and now 115 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,400 Speaker 1: I sort of hope that they don't. Usually it's because 116 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 1: you're in your pajamas browing milk. I was at the 117 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 1: Beverly Center probably when I was twenty three, and I 118 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 1: was wearing white, low slung jeans. I was probably wearing 119 00:07:56,280 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 1: a G string. Maybe probably not because I'm verified of 120 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:04,720 Speaker 1: bump flows. Yeah I don't. I don't need to be 121 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,840 Speaker 1: reminded all the time that I have a crot. But 122 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:12,720 Speaker 1: this man came up to me and he said are 123 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,840 Speaker 1: you who I think you are? And I was coy 124 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:19,840 Speaker 1: because I was so excited, and I said, uh, god, 125 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:21,480 Speaker 1: you know, I don't know, like who do you? Who 126 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 1: do you think I am? And he said, no, you're not. 127 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,800 Speaker 1: And so we did that for a second, which was stupid, 128 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:29,000 Speaker 1: and he was like, I don't know if you are 129 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:33,520 Speaker 1: and I said, I'm the girl from Scary Movie and 130 00:08:33,559 --> 00:08:36,200 Speaker 1: he said, ah funk, I thought you were Britney Spears, 131 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:42,920 Speaker 1: which was a huge compliment. Oh my god. It was 132 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:47,640 Speaker 1: a complicated moment just in general. Wait, did I tell 133 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,920 Speaker 1: you about Did I tell you about Stevie Wonder? No. 134 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:53,920 Speaker 1: I was at the Grove, like I don't know, fifteen 135 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,880 Speaker 1: years ago, and I just come from a photo shoot 136 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:57,960 Speaker 1: and I did have big hair and I was still 137 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,920 Speaker 1: in sort of like heels, and I walked by Stevie 138 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:04,040 Speaker 1: Wonder and his security guarden his girlfriend and I walked 139 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,360 Speaker 1: by them and then I I just stopped and I 140 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:09,840 Speaker 1: was like, there was Stevie Wonder, maybe only like two 141 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 1: other people who have meant as much musically. I have 142 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,480 Speaker 1: to go back and say hello. I just have to. 143 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,120 Speaker 1: So I went back and I did the completely embarrassing 144 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,400 Speaker 1: thing of saying hello and the whole thing and you know, 145 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,480 Speaker 1: I love you and in a vision has changed my 146 00:09:22,559 --> 00:09:24,960 Speaker 1: life and I love you and you're amazing and I 147 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,280 Speaker 1: love you, and he was he was so he was like, 148 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,920 Speaker 1: that's great, that's great. And he was like, and what's 149 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:33,640 Speaker 1: your name? And his girlfriend went, oh, Stevie, it's Mariah 150 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 1: Carey and I went, no, no, no, no, it isn't. 151 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,000 Speaker 1: I was so mortified, and I was so embarrassed in 152 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:47,280 Speaker 1: the girl. The girl really confused and I was like, 153 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:52,400 Speaker 1: I'm I'm British. It was honestly, it was one of 154 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:55,480 Speaker 1: those moments where you hope that someone might recognize who 155 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,480 Speaker 1: you are, but you also hope that they might not 156 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:00,920 Speaker 1: think that you're Mariah Carey, because I carry that could 157 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:15,800 Speaker 1: be only one, you know. Okay, So what person, place, 158 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:20,680 Speaker 1: or experience has most altered your life? I thought about 159 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:24,320 Speaker 1: this question, and I think the best, the largest idea 160 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:27,680 Speaker 1: I could come up with is my parents decision to 161 00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:30,760 Speaker 1: move to Seattle when I was six years old. I 162 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:34,080 Speaker 1: was born in Baltimore. My dad was a professor at 163 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:38,840 Speaker 1: Housing State University of Sociology, and both my parents grew 164 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:43,080 Speaker 1: up in Washington State, and my parents insistence on Raisin 165 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:47,880 Speaker 1: Us in Washington gave me the theater culture that I 166 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:51,319 Speaker 1: grew up with. It was also a really fascinating time 167 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:55,360 Speaker 1: in Seattle too, even though I was definitely observing it 168 00:10:55,400 --> 00:11:00,319 Speaker 1: from a distance. But it was a time of economic depression, 169 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:06,480 Speaker 1: and so it gave birth to grunge and in the 170 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,800 Speaker 1: nineties I wish it could I could legitimize that more 171 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 1: and not use the word angst. But did it give 172 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,360 Speaker 1: you something to push up against? Like watching you know, 173 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:19,480 Speaker 1: this sort of musical movement happened and it was clearly 174 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,679 Speaker 1: a super vibe place, and there were other people who 175 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,280 Speaker 1: were reacting to it, all those musicians, all those bands. 176 00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:28,240 Speaker 1: Was that the general feeling that you feel was good. 177 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:34,040 Speaker 1: It fed into something in my personality that felt very resistant, 178 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 1: that felt very angry. I can't remember if I told 179 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:40,240 Speaker 1: you this. I was very angry that I was born 180 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:43,760 Speaker 1: a woman. Were you not that I was born a woman? 181 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:49,880 Speaker 1: But I was. I had just really absorbed the inequality. 182 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:53,040 Speaker 1: I have an older brother who I love him dearly, 183 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,640 Speaker 1: but growing up we did not get along. He was 184 00:11:56,760 --> 00:12:00,319 Speaker 1: big and popular and like physically big, and we were 185 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:07,200 Speaker 1: completely opposite and we just fought all the time. And 186 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 1: I just felt that injustice of being a woman, and 187 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:16,800 Speaker 1: at that time too, being in Seattle, where there was 188 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:21,160 Speaker 1: like it felt like it could be nurtured easily. That 189 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:28,080 Speaker 1: just unchangeable frustration of circumstance in life, and that felt good, 190 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,800 Speaker 1: Um to feed that. Do you think that it's creative 191 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:36,720 Speaker 1: to feel that like that, that feeling, that conflict, feeling 192 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,320 Speaker 1: that that is actually super creative that when you feel 193 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:42,920 Speaker 1: a bit uncomfortable, it forces you to reimagine and to 194 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:47,199 Speaker 1: keep imagining and to create. Definitely, I wrote a lot more, 195 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 1: and I had an odd sense of style. I wore 196 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:53,360 Speaker 1: a lot of black, I wore big boots. I went 197 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,280 Speaker 1: through this period freshman year where it was the first 198 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:01,560 Speaker 1: time I felt attractive in my life, and I would 199 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:08,600 Speaker 1: wear these tiny little skirts just barely covering my ass 200 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,559 Speaker 1: and like thy high stockings, and it was like I 201 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:16,360 Speaker 1: was truly experimenting. Yet I was terrified of men. I 202 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:20,080 Speaker 1: was so terrified of the boys. It was like I 203 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:24,360 Speaker 1: was I got to experiment playing various characters during that 204 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,280 Speaker 1: time as well. I remember my brother ran into me 205 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:29,680 Speaker 1: on campus. I was like smoking, I was wearing this 206 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:34,040 Speaker 1: really promiscuous outfit, and he was just shocked and I 207 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:37,120 Speaker 1: was so embarrassed. I think that's part of the right 208 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:40,600 Speaker 1: of passage of women, is that we were so unsure 209 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:44,840 Speaker 1: of how sexuality is meant to be metabolized because we're 210 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:47,360 Speaker 1: told that it is to be metabolized by a man. 211 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,800 Speaker 1: So are you supposed to dress for them to attract 212 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,360 Speaker 1: them or you to dress for you to feel that 213 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,320 Speaker 1: so you you become more confident in whatever it is. 214 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,160 Speaker 1: I've always been confused, but I think that it is 215 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,520 Speaker 1: someone part of a woman trying to figure out who 216 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,320 Speaker 1: she is is the way that she dresses when she's young, 217 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:08,640 Speaker 1: and her relationship with the world. I e. Men, but many, 218 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:12,280 Speaker 1: and I felt so hungry for it. I was so 219 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:17,160 Speaker 1: hungry in high school. I had a couple of stunning 220 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:21,800 Speaker 1: friends and I just yearned. I wanted to be that, so, 221 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:26,160 Speaker 1: I mean, who doesn't. So getting a little bit of 222 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 1: attention in college made me feel like it made me 223 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:37,280 Speaker 1: feel irrationally angry because it felt like, fuck you, where 224 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:44,040 Speaker 1: have you been? Which is nonsense. But I think I 225 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:51,040 Speaker 1: was hungry for glances and attention from men. And I 226 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:54,600 Speaker 1: would go to fraternity parties and I would pretend that 227 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:58,200 Speaker 1: I was fifteen because my theory was these guys would 228 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:01,880 Speaker 1: still try to sleep with me. Like I I was 229 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:05,680 Speaker 1: very confused. I was mad, and I wanted them to 230 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:12,120 Speaker 1: prove me right. Isn't that odd? Oh god, yeah, it's awful. 231 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:16,640 Speaker 1: It's like the gauntlet, the gauntlet that young women run, 232 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:19,160 Speaker 1: or feel that they're expected to run in order to 233 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:23,440 Speaker 1: figure out this thing that sort of biased against them fundamentally, 234 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,600 Speaker 1: which is judgment, judgment of the way that you look, 235 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:30,440 Speaker 1: judgment of how in quotes hot you are. My mom 236 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:34,720 Speaker 1: tried to protect me from it. She tried to. She 237 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:39,240 Speaker 1: never let me look at women's magazines. I wasn't allowed 238 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:43,560 Speaker 1: to like watch MTV or she has the whole diet 239 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:49,680 Speaker 1: tribe about pretty woman and grief for that matter. Um, 240 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:54,560 Speaker 1: she really hated it if they and detained for the man. Yeah, 241 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:58,080 Speaker 1: I mean, I gotta say. I mean I liked her 242 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:01,080 Speaker 1: curly hair and wearing the leather at it, but it 243 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:03,800 Speaker 1: did bother me. I was like it did. I liked 244 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 1: her skirts more than hers brion pants. But I think 245 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:11,680 Speaker 1: my mom's insistence that I not be boy crazy just 246 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 1: made it worse. Oh yeah, it's so weird. You see, 247 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,560 Speaker 1: even with direction, even when you have your mother giving 248 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:25,560 Speaker 1: you that direction, you still and saying this, really, this 249 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,480 Speaker 1: is not a good idea, that what is this compulsion 250 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:30,640 Speaker 1: that we have. It's almost like it comes in fully 251 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:33,840 Speaker 1: formed that we have to go and garner that attention 252 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:38,320 Speaker 1: and that somehow qualifies us. You can't just gently explore it. 253 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,800 Speaker 1: I remember being so willing to be like, oh, change, yes, 254 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:44,280 Speaker 1: so you'll fancy me absolutely, What would you like me 255 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:47,400 Speaker 1: to do? Shave my head? You know what will it be, sir? 256 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,640 Speaker 1: I don't know. It's it's terrible. I mean, I'm very 257 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:53,480 Speaker 1: happy that we're still here, because I mean, when we 258 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:55,520 Speaker 1: talk about it, it's like, Jesus Christ, how did you 259 00:16:55,560 --> 00:17:05,400 Speaker 1: say childhood? So where and when were you happiest? Mini? 260 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:09,680 Speaker 1: All right, if I were ten years old, I would 261 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:16,960 Speaker 1: tell you that I would be so euphoric galloping on 262 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:20,840 Speaker 1: a horse, like through the fields of Wyoming. Even though 263 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:25,159 Speaker 1: I'm not a horsewoman. I know how to write a 264 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:34,040 Speaker 1: pony that feeling of like childhood euphoria, where happiness and 265 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:38,919 Speaker 1: sadness are at such extremities in your life. As I 266 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,480 Speaker 1: was thinking about this question, I was thinking, do we 267 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,840 Speaker 1: get those highs anymore? I didn't grow up very wealthy 268 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:50,640 Speaker 1: at all, but my parents prioritized traveling specifically to Italy 269 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,200 Speaker 1: as we got older, and we would all pile into 270 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:58,520 Speaker 1: a minivan with suitcases on our laps, six of us usually. 271 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:03,879 Speaker 1: And there's a restaurant on the Amalfi coast called Da 272 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:08,680 Speaker 1: Teresa and it's a little family place and it's right 273 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:12,919 Speaker 1: on the beach and you walk down like four hundred 274 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:16,760 Speaker 1: stairs to get there in the heat, and they serve 275 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:21,840 Speaker 1: you like peach wine and this shaliaatelli, this hand rolled 276 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:26,399 Speaker 1: pasta with these cherry tomatoes and these little dime sized 277 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:31,960 Speaker 1: sweet clams. And being there with my family and my 278 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:35,080 Speaker 1: fiance we were able to go there a couple of 279 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:41,560 Speaker 1: years ago, is kind of the most perfect afternoon being 280 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,600 Speaker 1: with people that you love in a place that's so 281 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:50,240 Speaker 1: astoundingly beautiful, eating food that's made with love. I'm so 282 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:55,320 Speaker 1: glad that I have those memories, and I'm really grateful 283 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,720 Speaker 1: that I was able to experience. I hope that I'll 284 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:02,040 Speaker 1: be able to experience that lunch again at Datosa. That 285 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:06,199 Speaker 1: makes for a pretty perfect moment. I love that, I 286 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,879 Speaker 1: mean I love I love the Amalficas. It was the 287 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:11,000 Speaker 1: cheapest holiday that you could get, was just going to 288 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,399 Speaker 1: Europe from England. When I was a kid. I have 289 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 1: a restaurant like that on the Amalfikas La Scolia, which 290 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:21,040 Speaker 1: is again it's just right on the water, and we 291 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,720 Speaker 1: would usually get a little put put boat and either 292 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,359 Speaker 1: come up to the jetty or you just dive in 293 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,600 Speaker 1: and swim up the beach and then go into the restaurant. 294 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,480 Speaker 1: And they grow everything up on the hillside behind the restaurant, 295 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:34,320 Speaker 1: so the white anchovies that you eat that have just 296 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:37,560 Speaker 1: come out of the sea, with the warm tomatoes that 297 00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:41,960 Speaker 1: they've just harvested. I had an Italian woman tell me 298 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:46,800 Speaker 1: that the tomatoes taste so good in Italy because it 299 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:50,880 Speaker 1: is the continent where Jesus built his blood. This has 300 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,119 Speaker 1: never left me, Mini, and I had to pass it 301 00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:56,199 Speaker 1: on to you now, so do with it what you 302 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:59,560 Speaker 1: will do, you know, I think that's a very interesting 303 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:03,680 Speaker 1: reason for the tomatoes tasting good. I like that because, 304 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,520 Speaker 1: funny enough, we would go and we would end up 305 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,280 Speaker 1: in this little tiny town called Ravello, which is up 306 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:13,359 Speaker 1: above Positano, and we'd stay in this tiny bed and breakfast. 307 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,399 Speaker 1: And when I was about sixteen, I went out with 308 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:19,199 Speaker 1: this guy who was so cute, and he told me 309 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:22,800 Speaker 1: he was a barrista, and my mom was asking me, like, 310 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,560 Speaker 1: who was the guy? And I was like, he's a barrister, 311 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:29,760 Speaker 1: which in England you know, means a lawyer, like a litigator. 312 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,360 Speaker 1: She was like, no, he's fucking not. He makes coffee, 313 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:43,360 Speaker 1: you idiots. And I was like it doesn't know anyway, 314 00:20:43,480 --> 00:21:05,439 Speaker 1: I didn't mind that he in your life. Can you 315 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,359 Speaker 1: tell me about something that has grown out of a 316 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:13,240 Speaker 1: personal disaster. I have two big incidences. The first one 317 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:20,640 Speaker 1: was I was in a relationship well let me, I'll 318 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:26,080 Speaker 1: put it okay, during my first divorce to the last 319 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:29,119 Speaker 1: chapter carry on. During my first of us, I found 320 00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:33,560 Speaker 1: out something that I had suspected, which was my dear friend, 321 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:41,320 Speaker 1: My dear, dear, dear friend had slept with my husband. 322 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:48,520 Speaker 1: Oh god, and I had suspected it and then it 323 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:56,399 Speaker 1: was confirmed. And I loved this woman so intensely. I 324 00:21:56,440 --> 00:22:00,000 Speaker 1: wonder if that's why you you know, you're neglectful of relationships, 325 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,640 Speaker 1: Perhaps because it's like, look what happens when you're well. 326 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,800 Speaker 1: This is something I'm kind of proud of though, because 327 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:12,119 Speaker 1: what happened was for four years, I imagined running into 328 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 1: her in Los Angeles, and I imagined what it would 329 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,920 Speaker 1: be like I imagine just getting into her face. I 330 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:22,520 Speaker 1: imagined just I would fantasize about it, you know. And 331 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:27,240 Speaker 1: I didn't run into her years past, which was surprising 332 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:29,560 Speaker 1: because you know, we live alone but not far from 333 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:33,200 Speaker 1: each other. We're both actors. But I would miss her 334 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:38,679 Speaker 1: like I would ask people, like, what do you think? 335 00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:40,720 Speaker 1: What does it mean that I missed her so much? 336 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,600 Speaker 1: Like my heart? It kind of aches in a way 337 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:47,680 Speaker 1: that it didn't at all for my ex That's hilarious, 338 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:53,359 Speaker 1: that's amazing. And I was on a flight with my son, 339 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:56,160 Speaker 1: who was ten months old at the time, to London, 340 00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 1: and I had our nanny with us. We decided to 341 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:07,040 Speaker 1: exit the plane after everybody else because this kid, you know, 342 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:11,520 Speaker 1: all this stuff, and I'm leaving the flight with a 343 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:16,600 Speaker 1: whole of my ship and I hear Anna and I 344 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:20,760 Speaker 1: turned around and coming up the other aisle was my 345 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:29,440 Speaker 1: friend and I just dropped my stuff. I burst into tears. 346 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:33,960 Speaker 1: We like collapsed into each other's arms. The flight attendants 347 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:39,720 Speaker 1: must have been just totally freaked out. We held each 348 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:44,000 Speaker 1: other as we walked to baggage claim. My nanny was like, 349 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:50,240 Speaker 1: row boy, what's happening? And now we're dear friends. It 350 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:55,359 Speaker 1: felt so good. It felt so good. She was. She 351 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,240 Speaker 1: was just like, I'm so sorry, and I said, I 352 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:03,959 Speaker 1: just missed you so and it felt so good. And 353 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,560 Speaker 1: I'm proud that my first reaction my gut wasn't like 354 00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:11,240 Speaker 1: fuck you, you know it was it was so it 355 00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:16,560 Speaker 1: felt very honest, and I'm I'm I'm proud of myself 356 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:20,199 Speaker 1: for prioritizing what I really felt, which was that I 357 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:24,240 Speaker 1: missed her. It's so commendable. I mean, it's really extraordinary. 358 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,439 Speaker 1: It's really extraordinary to still be friends with the person 359 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:31,520 Speaker 1: that was instrumental in part of the ending of a marriage. 360 00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:33,880 Speaker 1: Because maybe it's not the whole story, but like it's 361 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:37,200 Speaker 1: a pretty huge thing. It's a huge betrayal of a friendship. 362 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:38,960 Speaker 1: But then to be able to go beyond that and 363 00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:42,840 Speaker 1: into the friendship is actually stronger and needs to survive 364 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:47,800 Speaker 1: more than the betrayal does. That's that's a beautiful evolution. 365 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:51,080 Speaker 1: If I may. The other moment that I thought about 366 00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:55,480 Speaker 1: what this question was, my son was born early. He 367 00:24:55,640 --> 00:25:01,840 Speaker 1: was born ten weeks early. And I'm really well, I 368 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:07,119 Speaker 1: don't know if I'm proud, but I was able to 369 00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:11,919 Speaker 1: be very present and focused in the moment my mind 370 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:17,119 Speaker 1: didn't leap too far into tragedy, into whatever. You know. 371 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:23,080 Speaker 1: I was able to absorb information that was scary and 372 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:29,560 Speaker 1: process it and continue to march forward and be there 373 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:35,200 Speaker 1: at the nick you with my son in that position 374 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,400 Speaker 1: that one just doesn't imagine, you know. So I think 375 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:43,560 Speaker 1: that knowing that I could do that, I think was affirming. Yeah, 376 00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:46,840 Speaker 1: oh my god, especially at that time, in that moment 377 00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:51,119 Speaker 1: when you're flooded with expectation and then there's a different 378 00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:53,840 Speaker 1: set of circumstances that you're faced with in this you know, 379 00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:57,520 Speaker 1: the anticipated most joyful moment of your life is then 380 00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:02,520 Speaker 1: kind of co opted by serious medical concerns. Yeah. I remember, 381 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,600 Speaker 1: because it was my first pregnancy, my first baby. I 382 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:09,359 Speaker 1: remember having a couple of moments of envy and a 383 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:14,679 Speaker 1: couple of moments of why me. But I'm really proud 384 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,040 Speaker 1: that there were only a couple of them, you know. 385 00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:21,159 Speaker 1: I'm really proud that I was able to like no, no, no, 386 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:25,800 Speaker 1: like this, Well, here's what we do. How old is 387 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:31,240 Speaker 1: he now? He's eight, he's about to turn nine. I 388 00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:37,240 Speaker 1: can't believe he's great. He's just a confident gem. He's 389 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:42,120 Speaker 1: so confident it's wild. Yeah, these kids are I mean 390 00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:44,280 Speaker 1: I think they're just kids who are very different to 391 00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:46,560 Speaker 1: when I was young. They feel like they're more confident 392 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:48,800 Speaker 1: and they're way more knowledgeable about like what's up in 393 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:52,840 Speaker 1: the world. Oh completely, I am such a luddite, and 394 00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:57,679 Speaker 1: I think I'm both a willing and unwilling luddite. I 395 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:02,760 Speaker 1: think because I got scary movie right after college, I 396 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:07,120 Speaker 1: didn't have to learn how to use anything. So yeah, 397 00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:09,359 Speaker 1: so I'm in trouble when it comes to him being 398 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:13,639 Speaker 1: a teenager with technology. Well, maybe he'll teach you. My 399 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:17,960 Speaker 1: son is very patient and sweetly patronizing. I can't wait 400 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,400 Speaker 1: to meet your son, Minie. He's like, Okay, now, what's 401 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,520 Speaker 1: your password? Have you written it down? Have you written 402 00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,560 Speaker 1: it down somewhere mom? Yet in my notes? Okay, we 403 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:28,520 Speaker 1: might want to have a hard copy as well as 404 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:33,800 Speaker 1: a digital copy because sometimes you delete shit. Okay, all right, 405 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:39,000 Speaker 1: thanks Dad. It's so funny, it really is, And I 406 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,360 Speaker 1: think there's something so sweet, like he loves teaching me, 407 00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:43,719 Speaker 1: and sometimes I pretend not to know stuff so that 408 00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,880 Speaker 1: he can tell me. Oh that's really sweet. I mean 409 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:49,640 Speaker 1: it's a bit manipulative, but I really like watching him 410 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:53,840 Speaker 1: figure out stuff and tell me about it. Oh, love. 411 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:55,560 Speaker 1: I can't wait. I can't wait to see. I don't 412 00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:57,640 Speaker 1: know whenever that will be, but I hope that it's 413 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:02,320 Speaker 1: I hope that it's soon. Earnie. Thank you, Minnie, I 414 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:08,720 Speaker 1: just love you. Recent guests on Anna's podcast Unqualified include 415 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:17,679 Speaker 1: me Hassan Minaj, Bob Odenkirk, and Glennon Doyle. Mini Questions 416 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:21,919 Speaker 1: is hosted and written by me Mini Driver, supervising producer 417 00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:30,040 Speaker 1: Aaron Kaufman, Producer Morgan Lavoy, Research assistant Marissa Brown. Original 418 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:36,040 Speaker 1: music Sorry Baby by Minni Driver, Additional music by Aaron Kaufman. 419 00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:41,560 Speaker 1: Executive produced by me Mini Driver. Special thanks to Jim Nikolay, 420 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:46,800 Speaker 1: Will Pearson, Addison No Day, Lisa Castella and a Nick 421 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:52,280 Speaker 1: Oppenheim at w kPr, de La Pescador, Kate Driver and 422 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:57,520 Speaker 1: Jason Weinberg, and for constantly solicited tech support, Henry Driver