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Speaker 1: Hey guys, I'm Kaylie shut and this is too much

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Speaker 1: to say it out you, Okay, So on this week's episode,

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about therapy. UM. It's been a

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Speaker 1: really big part of my life and my personal journey.

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Speaker 1: I've done a lot of different types of it, and

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Speaker 1: I kind of forget that some people haven't gone, and

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Speaker 1: I was afraid to go for the first time, and

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Speaker 1: it was a big, you know, big task for me

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Speaker 1: to take on trying to go through finding somebody and

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Speaker 1: you know, it's it's scary. And so I was thinking

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Speaker 1: about where I was at before I entered therapy, and

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Speaker 1: I wanted to give some advice to some of you

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Speaker 1: who haven't gone, or maybe you haven't haven't had the

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Speaker 1: best experience. UM, it's worth continuing to try to find

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Speaker 1: the right person. And I've been like key enough to

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Speaker 1: do that. I've been lucky enough to find a great

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Speaker 1: UM psychiatrist and have all my you know, medications that

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Speaker 1: I take work on the first try. That I'm very

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Speaker 1: very very lucky for UM. But it did take some

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Speaker 1: trial and error to get to that point with those relationships.

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Speaker 1: So I started therapy in after fight like a girl,

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Speaker 1: I tried to do therapy earlier in my life. Um,

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Speaker 1: it was difficult to afford it. And um, in high school,

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Speaker 1: I was just kind of by, you know, my parents

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Speaker 1: just rerouted, actually rerouted by my mother, rerouted to religious routes.

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Speaker 1: And I think spirituality is a really really important part

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Speaker 1: of finding yourself and finding ways to cope and healing

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Speaker 1: and whatnot. But God made therapists for a reason. And um,

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Speaker 1: like you know, Jesus probably would have would would really

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Speaker 1: like the concept of therapy, and you know I would

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Speaker 1: try to say that and it just wouldn't work. And

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Speaker 1: you know, pastors are really qualified to help in a

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Speaker 1: lot of ways. But it doesn't need to end there.

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Speaker 1: And you're not a bad Christian for going to see

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Speaker 1: a therapist and not your pastor. Truthfully, a therapist has

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Speaker 1: a lot more time to take on your problems that

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Speaker 1: a pastor does, and you know they're they're specifically trained

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Speaker 1: to do that. And there's also a lot of faith

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Speaker 1: based therapists. There's some woven talk about this more at

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Speaker 1: the end of the episode with how to find a

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Speaker 1: therapist and how to find the right fit. But there's

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Speaker 1: many ways to go about it, and you can find

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Speaker 1: people who align with your your worldview and with you know,

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Speaker 1: the ways that you like to go about healing. So

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Speaker 1: I started going in TI s after like a girl

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Speaker 1: came out it kind of I mean, I had made

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Speaker 1: some you know, I was making more money than I

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Speaker 1: had in my life, and I was like, okay, I

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Speaker 1: have the money to do this. And also my life

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Speaker 1: has become really stressful. I was going through a lot

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Speaker 1: um with my family. Um it sounds like I was

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Speaker 1: making millions of dollars. I promised I wasn't, but I

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Speaker 1: just was able to buy a car for the first

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Speaker 1: time in my life and stuff like that. UM. And

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Speaker 1: with that success came, you know, Um, I realized I

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Speaker 1: didn't have a healthy relationship with money because I've grown

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Speaker 1: up really really um poor and it was difficult and

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Speaker 1: I felt like guilty when when family members would ask

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Speaker 1: me for money and I would say no. But I

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Speaker 1: knew that that was a boundary I had to stick to.

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Speaker 1: And actually, fun fact, my business manager as an in

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Speaker 1: house UM money psychologist because it is such a complex issue.

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Speaker 1: And you know, when somebody gets wealthy really quickly. UM.

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Speaker 1: For example, a college athlete who gets drafted into a

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Speaker 1: multimillion dollar contract, they have no idea what to do

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Speaker 1: with it, and then you have all these people. I mean,

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Speaker 1: you hear a million times when somebody wins the lottery,

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Speaker 1: everybody comes out of the woodwork and all of a

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Speaker 1: sudden they have like three third cousins and people take

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Speaker 1: advantage of them. So that was complicated because I have

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Speaker 1: this deep, you know, need to help people, but it

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Speaker 1: can't always just be throwing money at the problem. And

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Speaker 1: you know, like if somebody asked me for money in

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Speaker 1: a parking lot, you know, I'm going into the grocery store. Um,

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Speaker 1: I don't usually carry cash with me anyways, but I'll

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Speaker 1: be like, oh, do you want me to get you

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Speaker 1: lunch or whatever? And I'll go, like, you know, get

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Speaker 1: a box of cheese it's and like a sandwich and

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Speaker 1: some gatorade and like some you know, sour patch kids

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Speaker 1: or whatever, and like put that together and give that

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Speaker 1: to people. And I think that's a great microcosm for

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Speaker 1: how to help others is maybe by providing one of

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Speaker 1: the things that they would spend the money on, so

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Speaker 1: that you aren't setting a standard for throwing money at them,

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Speaker 1: but you're setting a standard for how you you know,

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Speaker 1: want to genuinely help them. So that was complex and

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Speaker 1: obviously those are all that those tactics are all things

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Speaker 1: I've learned in therapy. But after that, you know, things

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Speaker 1: kind of started to get crazy. Most um, mental illnesses

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Speaker 1: appear in your late teens to early UM to mid twenties,

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Speaker 1: so late teens to mid twenties, and that's when things

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Speaker 1: really show up, things like UM a d h D,

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Speaker 1: which I don't think qualifies as a mental illness. You know,

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Speaker 1: that comes about in early childhood, but I didn't receive

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Speaker 1: that diagnosis till this year. So but as far as

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Speaker 1: like bipolar disorder or mood disorders or personality disorders, those

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Speaker 1: are typically you know, in your twenties. And so I

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Speaker 1: was about twenty three and I noticed that for the

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Speaker 1: second year in a row, I was going through a

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Speaker 1: really interesting period twice a year where I would have

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Speaker 1: in the summer, I'd have one week of crazy, high energy, superproductive, UM,

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Speaker 1: really manic, UM, financially irresponsible, UM, sorry for any of

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Speaker 1: my family members, listening, higher sex drive, UM, all these

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Speaker 1: different things, and then it would be followed by another

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Speaker 1: like that would be like a two week period, and

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Speaker 1: then I'd have another two week period crash and I

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Speaker 1: would just be exhausted and hopeless. And even if nothing

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Speaker 1: was wrong, you know, I felt like on the top

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Speaker 1: of the world the week before, and so I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: I know nothing's wrong, nothing's changed, it's just my outlook.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I'm I'm pain shopping, I'm looking for

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Speaker 1: all these things to explain what I'm sad. And I

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Speaker 1: can't get out of bed, and I just have no

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Speaker 1: desire to do anything. Nothing that makes me happy is

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Speaker 1: making me happy right now, and I just want to

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Speaker 1: be alone and cry. And so that happened about four times,

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Speaker 1: and in seventeen I finally realized I was like, Okay, UM,

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Speaker 1: I probably need to probably need to find some some

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Speaker 1: help for this, because I don't think this is normal,

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Speaker 1: and I thought it was just depression and I didn't

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Speaker 1: really consider bipolar as a diagnosis at first. So I

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Speaker 1: found a psychiatrist who was able to diagnose me. But

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Speaker 1: I found him through UM this outreach program in Nashville.

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Speaker 1: It's called Porters Call. It's for people who are full

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Speaker 1: time performing musicians. UM they kind of have a very

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Speaker 1: narrow room for eligibility because of the resources they provide

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Speaker 1: are very, um very expensive and they can only help

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Speaker 1: so many people, and by providing a really specific service,

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Speaker 1: they're helping a very specific set of problems. So you're

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Speaker 1: going to a therapist who, you know, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: a therapist who understands every little intricate part of the

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Speaker 1: music industry because they've worked in it and their husband

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Speaker 1: works in it and whatnot. So I don't have to

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Speaker 1: explain what a publishing deal is and how I'm stressed

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Speaker 1: because I don't know if I'm going to resign it

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Speaker 1: and whatever, and because that can be hard, is explaining

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Speaker 1: things to your therapist. That's arguably the worst part. But

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Speaker 1: so they m their sessions are like a five dollar donation.

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Speaker 1: People who have gone there and have gone on to

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Speaker 1: become really successful end up donating, and that's like what

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Speaker 1: keeps it open, and they have fundraisers and whatnot. But

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Speaker 1: it's an incredible, incredible program, and they were able to

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Speaker 1: refer me to a psychiatrist and they paid for the

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Speaker 1: first few sessions, which was amazing because like the consultation

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Speaker 1: is usually the most expensive one, and you know, it's

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Speaker 1: you want to know if there's a problem before you

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Speaker 1: throw a bunch of money at it. You know, I

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Speaker 1: didn't know if maybe I was just being unreasonable or

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Speaker 1: coping unhealthfully with something. No, it turns out there's actually

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Speaker 1: something literally wrong with my brain. So well, something something

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Speaker 1: that doesn't function to a normal level in my brain.

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Speaker 1: I hate saying things like like wrong or like illness

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Speaker 1: or whatever it sounds, so just like distressing and distressing

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Speaker 1: and depressing. But um, it was really really helpful. But um,

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Speaker 1: moving forward, like trying to find a therapist, because Porter's

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Speaker 1: Call is not a long term solution because of how

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Speaker 1: you know, inexpensive it is. You you have to find

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Speaker 1: somebody after that. But they give you a way to

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Speaker 1: learn what therapy is and lots of recommendations. They'll tell

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Speaker 1: you people you should go see, and it's really great.

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Speaker 1: But like I said, it takes several tries to find

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Speaker 1: the right therapist. So we're going to talk about that

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Speaker 1: right after the break. So the first therapist I ever

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Speaker 1: went to was perfectly lovely. There was there was actually

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Speaker 1: nothing wrong with her. Um. This was around the time

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Speaker 1: I went to Porter's College. I tried to do it

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Speaker 1: on my own first, but I remember, um, she had

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Speaker 1: specifically done a lot of work with people in prison,

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Speaker 1: and each therapist hasn't has a niche and you can

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Speaker 1: ask them or find out on their website what that is.

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Speaker 1: But um, it was interesting because I able to talk

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Speaker 1: a lot about when my sister was in prison with

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Speaker 1: somebody who understood the dynamics of that and my sister

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Speaker 1: and I had passed away. But I found like some

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Speaker 1: of the other things I was having issues with, specifically

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Speaker 1: music industry, was difficult because I don't know if she'd

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Speaker 1: ever had a client who was an artist before. And

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Speaker 1: I spent you know, half our sessions explaining things, and

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Speaker 1: she'd provide some really good tools, but at the end

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Speaker 1: of the day, I found like I kind of wanted

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Speaker 1: somebody who was a little bit harder on me. And

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Speaker 1: remember one day being like, hey, can you just tell

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Speaker 1: me when I'm wrong or like I'm acting inappropriately And

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Speaker 1: she's like, well, that's not really my place, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: but that's why I'm here, Like I want to know

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Speaker 1: when I'm the asshole, and I want to know how

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Speaker 1: to not be the asshole. So those sessions slowly tapered off,

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Speaker 1: and it's easy to break up with a therapist. You

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Speaker 1: don't always have to have some big conversation. You can

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Speaker 1: just be like, oh yeah, like allred schedule and then

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Speaker 1: I kind of let it fall off. Maybe that's not

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Speaker 1: what you're supposed to do, but that's what I've done

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Speaker 1: and it works and they understand. Also, the book that

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Speaker 1: I've talked about on my podcast before I called you

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Speaker 1: should talk to someone. It's written from a therapist point

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Speaker 1: of view who's going to therapy, and if you are

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Speaker 1: kind of scared to take that jump and you want

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Speaker 1: to know a little bit more about it, that is

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Speaker 1: a great book to read to understand more about what

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Speaker 1: a therapist does and what therapy does. And it's funny

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Speaker 1: because you kind of heear the behind the scenes of

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Speaker 1: what the therapist thinks about you and like it's not

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Speaker 1: it's not as scary as you think it is. But

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Speaker 1: after that, I went to Porter's Call and found like

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Speaker 1: this incredible woman who was just so helpful. And I

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Speaker 1: think that um preemptive therapy is really important and we're

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Speaker 1: gonna talk about that more later. But nothing incredibly tragic

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Speaker 1: could happened in my life that well, I mean it had,

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Speaker 1: but not that wasn't the reason why I entered therapy

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Speaker 1: and or therapy to just kind of remainstable figure out

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Speaker 1: what was what was wrong. But there was no like

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Speaker 1: massive dramatic event that had made me go there. And

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Speaker 1: I think that's a really good time to sign up

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Speaker 1: for therapy. So I was like, I just want to

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Speaker 1: work on my helf. That first therapist wasn't really working.

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Speaker 1: I went to Porter's calm Um for a few sessions,

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Speaker 1: and then she connected me to my psychiatrist. But I

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Speaker 1: was already seeing her and already seeing him, and I

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Speaker 1: had the bipolar diagnosis and I was getting treated for it.

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Speaker 1: Um that had all happened before I went through this breakup. Um,

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Speaker 1: this is the one after six years and the week

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Speaker 1: that I found out he cheated on me, I miraculously

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Speaker 1: had a therapy appointment already scheduled. So I go in

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Speaker 1: because you know they're busy, and sometimes you're scheduling like

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Speaker 1: one to two weeks out, and it's hard for people

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Speaker 1: to get you in last minute. They will if something

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Speaker 1: really bad happens, typically, but um or in my time

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Speaker 1: for like a phone appointment. But it was just really

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Speaker 1: great that I already had that infrastructure set up to

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Speaker 1: support myself in my mental health. And so I go

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Speaker 1: in with a vengeance and I'm like, hey, so this

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Speaker 1: thing happened, and she gave me some really incredible advice.

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Speaker 1: And she was like, well, you know, because I was

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Speaker 1: at the point where I was deciding if I wanted

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Speaker 1: to stay with him or not. And she was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, they say that sometimes, like in order for

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Speaker 1: a has to be rebuilt, the foundation must be completely

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Speaker 1: destroyed and you have to kind of start over. And

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Speaker 1: she's like, so that's a route that you can go.

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Speaker 1: It's not the only route, but in this instance, it

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Speaker 1: sounds like that's like what would be best for you. Um,

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Speaker 1: and you know, they give you room to disagree. You

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Speaker 1: don't have to take everything they say you can. You

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Speaker 1: can like filter it out a little bit. I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: recommend doing that too much because you might not get

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Speaker 1: anything out of it. But she was like, you know,

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Speaker 1: not forcing this advice on me. But I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: that's interesting. And we we just talked it through and

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Speaker 1: I was like made a plan and I was like, okay, cool,

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Speaker 1: so I want to wait a week. She definitely she

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Speaker 1: did strongly advise me to do this. She's like, don't

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Speaker 1: make a decision today, take a week, decide what you

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Speaker 1: want to do, and you know, maybe do a therapy

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Speaker 1: session with him. He'd suggested couples therapy at that point,

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Speaker 1: so we scheduled an appointment and I was like, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna wait a week, and if you listen to my podcast,

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Speaker 1: you know how that went down. And that went down

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Speaker 1: with him and we were I was like, hey, let's

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Speaker 1: tay well this, let's not talk about it. Um, it's

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Speaker 1: going to be awkward, but we shouldn't talk about this

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Speaker 1: until we're in front of somebody else, and he couldn't wait,

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Speaker 1: and then we had this like the explosive fight. I

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Speaker 1: think fight might be the wrong word, considering I wasn't

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Speaker 1: doing anything and it was a very one sided fight

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Speaker 1: and I was just kind of quiet, and it ended

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Speaker 1: really bad. And so I think, you know, the cheating

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Speaker 1: was a sign that maybe the relationship needed to end,

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Speaker 1: but the physical abuse was a sign that it absolutely

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Speaker 1: needed to end. And I think that might have even

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Speaker 1: been I mean, I don't want to say like, God's

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Speaker 1: the reason why a guy hit me, but like I

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Speaker 1: think it was a moment of hey, let me show

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Speaker 1: you who this person really is right now as opposed

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Speaker 1: to later, so that you you you don't stay any longer.

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Speaker 1: Than you should. It was like, Okay, cheating isn't enough

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Speaker 1: for you to leave. This should be enough free to leave,

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Speaker 1: because I think either of those things would have happened eventually,

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Speaker 1: but the fact that they happened so close together, there

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Speaker 1: was no way for me to justify staying and leaving

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Speaker 1: that relationship was the best thing I've ever done. And

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of you who are going through

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Speaker 1: a breakup that was toxic and and hard, I think

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Speaker 1: you'll find that, you know, two to three years later,

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Speaker 1: you'll be saying, Wow, that was the best thing I

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Speaker 1: ever did. And I wouldn't have Sam. I don't think

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Speaker 1: my career would look the same. I wouldn't have Open Book.

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Speaker 1: I mean, fuck, I wouldn't maybe even have this podcast.

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Speaker 1: And there's so many things that wouldn't have happened if

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Speaker 1: I had stayed in that relationship. And you know, there's

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Speaker 1: been ups and downs, but I'm very thankful for how

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Speaker 1: many blessings I have that have been you know, in

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Speaker 1: the line of dominoes that the relationship falling apart started.

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Speaker 1: So after going to Porter's call, getting my psychiatrist. He

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Speaker 1: helped with talk therapy a little bit, but it's mostly

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Speaker 1: like talking about like the science of of the you know,

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Speaker 1: mental illness and treatment for bipolar disorder, coping mechanisms. I

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Speaker 1: didn't try any medications right away. I wanted to make

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Speaker 1: sure that that was like something that would be necessary

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Speaker 1: for me in my path, and it was, and I

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Speaker 1: looked out took um these two different ones they took.

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Speaker 1: I'm hesitant to talk about prescription drugs on my podcast

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Speaker 1: because it's so different for everybody. But I just take

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Speaker 1: take this with a grain of salt, because zoloft my

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Speaker 1: work for one person. Am I completely destroy another person's

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Speaker 1: life and sometimes like that's dramatic. It won't destroy your life.

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Speaker 1: It will make you feel icky. Um, but you have

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Speaker 1: to kind of it's trial and error. I looked out

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Speaker 1: and you know, with these two but I started taking

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Speaker 1: lemotrogen um off label to treat bipolar disorder. It's actually

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Speaker 1: anti seizure medication. But it targets the same part of

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Speaker 1: the brain that bipolar disorder affects, and so that's really great.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't really do anything except soften the depressive state. UM.

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Speaker 1: I still have manic states, but I only get hypomanic,

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Speaker 1: which is a lesser form of it and not as

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Speaker 1: um not as it doesn't affect my life as much.

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Speaker 1: It's just a clear change and energy and what I want,

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Speaker 1: And it's really just assigned that the depression is coming,

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Speaker 1: so that treats that. And then I took well beutron

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Speaker 1: as just a general antidepressant um and that's sort of

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Speaker 1: you know that that the lemodiden like kind of numbs

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Speaker 1: the depression and the well besion like lifts me up

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Speaker 1: a little bit to be happier, and it does that

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Speaker 1: every day. It kind of treats that. So any sort

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Speaker 1: of like you know, depressive episodes that come about that

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Speaker 1: might even be smaller than the full bipolar cycle. Um,

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Speaker 1: it treats very well. And the two of those have worked.

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Speaker 1: And then recently, UM, after some you know, real thinking

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Speaker 1: and talking about it, I started taking out are all

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Speaker 1: um a really small dose of it. Some people take

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Speaker 1: thirty mile grams a day. I take five to ten,

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Speaker 1: depending on the day, And that's been really really helpful.

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Speaker 1: And I think that a lot of there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of comorbidity, which means, you know a lot of people

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Speaker 1: have bipolar disorder have a d H team, and their

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Speaker 1: symptoms can look alike and they can so exacerbate each other.

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Speaker 1: So given that I'm already UM, I already hyper fixate

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Speaker 1: on things, and I'm really excitable by select things that

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Speaker 1: are very important to me. I know that that sounds like, oh,

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Speaker 1: everybody's like that, but I mean, like, you know, if

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Speaker 1: I decide that I went through an insane slime phase,

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Speaker 1: like I didn't post about it because I was kind

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Speaker 1: of embarrassed, but I would make like that slime that

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Speaker 1: used to be all over Instagram. I would make it

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Speaker 1: all the time, and I'd spend a lot of money

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Speaker 1: making it. Um. I would make different kinds. I would

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Speaker 1: watch videos of it. And it actually makes sense because

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Speaker 1: a lot of a d h D like stuff and

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Speaker 1: hyperfixation is sensory. And so there was something like really UM,

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Speaker 1: really calming and UM interesting to me about the way

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Speaker 1: it felt and playing with the different textures and UM,

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Speaker 1: I've turned into a little bit of a child with it.

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Speaker 1: And that's also something that you find a lot in

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Speaker 1: people with autism. But just because a d h D

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Speaker 1: isn't onto M doesn't mean that those symptoms can't look

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Speaker 1: nearly exactly like UM. And there's a lot of qual

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Speaker 1: morbidity there. And there's also a lot of misdiagnosis with

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Speaker 1: people thinking that someone with a d h D has autism,

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Speaker 1: but there are some similarities there. Um. But so like

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Speaker 1: I went through that phase for like three months, and

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Speaker 1: I would spend all my money on slime and I

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Speaker 1: come home and I play with my slime, and it

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Speaker 1: was just like very bizarre. I'd watch TV, I'd play

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Speaker 1: with my slime. I just couldn't stop. Um. And so

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Speaker 1: when I'm when I manic, it's like, okay, well I'm

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Speaker 1: already really interested in these things, and then I just

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Speaker 1: get like really interested in everything, and then I hyper

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Speaker 1: fixate on everything at once and it's a very chaotic time. Um.

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Speaker 1: So that's um kind of also the limo and sort

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Speaker 1: of just you know, it kind of brings that down

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Speaker 1: a little bit too. I also know when it's coming

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Speaker 1: and I know to kind of you know, breathe through

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Speaker 1: it and be like, Okay, don't make any rash decisions

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Speaker 1: right now. This is a weird time to do that.

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Speaker 1: So another time that I was in like therapy preemptively

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Speaker 1: for a trauma was when my sister passed away. So

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Speaker 1: I was already in therapy and I already had a

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Speaker 1: session set up and was able to process that in

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Speaker 1: you know, the healthiest way I possibly could. I didn't

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Speaker 1: handle it. I don't know how you're supposed to handle

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Speaker 1: that well, but like I used a lot of unhealthy

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Speaker 1: coping mechanisms. And that goes very back to that heartbreak

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Speaker 1: and to say I'm always talking about which is like, okay,

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Speaker 1: you kind of get a pass for a little bit

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Speaker 1: on that one. But I really like it really helped

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Speaker 1: me because I didn't have to retell the whole story

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Speaker 1: to a therapist. They already knew my family dynamics, they

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Speaker 1: already knew how I cope with things, and so, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I was like, hey, are you Are you

389
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Speaker 1: drinking and going out too much? Are you running away

390
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Speaker 1: from your problems? Are you projecting this onto some micro

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Speaker 1: relationship you have with a shitty guy? And I was like, oh, okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I am doing that. And there's something really valuable about

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Speaker 1: your therapist knowing. And I'm going to touch a little

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Speaker 1: bit more in this last segment on preemptive therapy and

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Speaker 1: why it's so great and why you should enter before

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Speaker 1: anything bad happens. We'll be very back so um trigger

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Speaker 1: warning on this one. It's in the description, Um, but

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Speaker 1: we're talking about sexual assault. And another time that I

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Speaker 1: was in preemptive therapy, I was it was when I

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Speaker 1: was raped, and so it was incredibly invaluable to have

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Speaker 1: somebody who knew me and have somebody to talk to.

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Speaker 1: And I texted her the day after it happened to

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Speaker 1: tell her and got some really good advice for what

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Speaker 1: to do in the meantime until we could meet. And

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Speaker 1: I again, I don't think you can really handle something

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Speaker 1: like that well or bad, because like, what the fund

407
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Speaker 1: are you supposed to do? But at that point, at

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Speaker 1: that point, I learned a lot of coping mechanisms that

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Speaker 1: were healthy, and you know, it looked like yoga and um,

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Speaker 1: not going out and kind of trying to stay sober

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Speaker 1: and you know, have like two glasses of wine instead

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Speaker 1: of going out and like taking tequila shots because like,

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Speaker 1: if you want to take a tequil shot because it

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Speaker 1: sounds fun because you're happy with your friends, that's one thing.

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Speaker 1: You want to take a tequil shot to pretend that

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Speaker 1: you haven't been writing, that's not a good thing. And

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Speaker 1: you you may be like, you know, but again, you

418
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Speaker 1: gotta do what you gotta do to get over it,

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Speaker 1: But like, I think you will get over it faster

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Speaker 1: if you know some good, healthy coping mechanisms that work

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Speaker 1: for you. So anyways, just I never ever ever want

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Speaker 1: anybody to think that I'm that they should have handled

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Speaker 1: themselves better after a sexual assault, because that becomes blaming yourself. Um.

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Speaker 1: But what I'm kuess when I'm trying, I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: be careful here because I would be really offended if

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Speaker 1: somebody said that to me. But I think that it's

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Speaker 1: more like you'll you'll feel really good about using healthy

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Speaker 1: copy mechanisms and you'll feel better for a second by

429
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 1: using unhealthy ones. So it's like you're making that you

430
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:32,320
Speaker 1: know those choices for yourself and you know you've gotta

431
00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 1: do what you gotta do to get over it. But

432
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,679
Speaker 1: even if you are going out drinking every night to

433
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 1: try to cope with something, don't necessarily beat yourself up

434
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:43,119
Speaker 1: about it, but maybe try to incorporate some other healthy

435
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:47,159
Speaker 1: ones like journaling and in yoga or whatever works for you,

436
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:52,320
Speaker 1: or long walks and the wilderness. But that journaling is

437
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,880
Speaker 1: incredible too, because you go back and you see how

438
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,760
Speaker 1: you felt, and like I actually went back and there

439
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:01,600
Speaker 1: was a diary entry that I wrote, um the week

440
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 1: after I was assaulted, and I ended up turning it

441
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:07,920
Speaker 1: into a song last week and it's a a very

442
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:12,359
Speaker 1: very special song to me. And I had all those

443
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:15,800
Speaker 1: feelings written down and it's interesting to go back and

444
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 1: read them. There's certain ones that I like, don't go

445
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:20,359
Speaker 1: back and read all that often, but there's also fun

446
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:22,280
Speaker 1: things in my journal, like you know, when I was

447
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 1: falling in love with Sam and the beginning of that.

448
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:28,560
Speaker 1: It's really fucking cute, you know, So journaling is really great.

449
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:32,680
Speaker 1: And um so after the assault, like I kind of

450
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:38,120
Speaker 1: just it wasn't like reclusive, but I was really intentional

451
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 1: with who and what I spent my time with. And

452
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:45,119
Speaker 1: I was really intentional about avoiding things that would trigger

453
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,719
Speaker 1: me even further into the dark hole that I had

454
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 1: been pulled into by this awful person. And I'm just

455
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 1: really glad I was already in therapy. And that's why,

456
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:59,639
Speaker 1: you know, if you had something really traumatic happen, you

457
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:03,120
Speaker 1: should start therapy as soon as possible. But if you're

458
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:06,760
Speaker 1: feeling okay, and you know, everybody has issues, everybody needs

459
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 1: to talk to a therapist, every single fucking person. We

460
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:12,280
Speaker 1: all have stuff. We need to work through pain is relative.

461
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:13,920
Speaker 1: So even if you feel like, oh, no, I've never

462
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,920
Speaker 1: been through anything awful in my life, it's like, well, yeah,

463
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,920
Speaker 1: but you probably still have something that changed you after

464
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 1: you saw it as a child, and it's affected your relationships,

465
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,920
Speaker 1: or you know, maybe you're dealing with a person who's

466
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,640
Speaker 1: not well and you need to process that. So maybe

467
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,719
Speaker 1: you're dealing with somebody who's really traumatized and so you

468
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 1: need to learn how to best be around them. Therapy

469
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,640
Speaker 1: is for you and for the people you love. So

470
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:42,919
Speaker 1: this is the best way to find a therapist. And

471
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,680
Speaker 1: this has worked really well for me. But so Psychology

472
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:50,840
Speaker 1: Today is a like scientific magazine, and it has a

473
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,719
Speaker 1: lot of great articles that you should read. Everything's written

474
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:58,679
Speaker 1: by a actual like doctor or therapist or somebody who's vetted.

475
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:00,560
Speaker 1: You can go on a lot of these sites and

476
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 1: read these like opinion articles about like what to do

477
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:05,960
Speaker 1: after a breakup, and they're written by like some fucking

478
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:10,480
Speaker 1: sorority girl with a block, you know, and you really

479
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 1: should be listening to professionals. And Psychology Today has a

480
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:16,480
Speaker 1: really high bar for the content they allow on the

481
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 1: website and the people that they let write for them.

482
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 1: But most importantly they have a find a therapist section

483
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:25,960
Speaker 1: and so they you can go to get help. It's

484
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,159
Speaker 1: just psychology today dot com and you can find a

485
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:33,080
Speaker 1: therapist UM, find a treatment center, find a psychiatrist, find

486
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:36,640
Speaker 1: a support group, find teletherapy. So there's still I mean,

487
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 1: I mean with my psychiatrist on zoom and my therapist

488
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,200
Speaker 1: in person, and both are great. But if you go

489
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,919
Speaker 1: to find a therapist, you put in your zip code

490
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 1: and you can see people in your area. But it

491
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:52,479
Speaker 1: doesn't just give you people. It brings up really really

492
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 1: great specific things. And so this person UM is a

493
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:01,879
Speaker 1: marriage and family therapist and they're verified by Psychology Today.

494
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 1: I would highly recommend only using people who have the

495
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 1: check park next to them, but they have like a

496
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,960
Speaker 1: little summary of what they do. It's UM. Life in

497
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,120
Speaker 1: today's world is challenging. There are times when it can

498
00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 1: feel lonely and overwhelming. With the help of a good therapist, however,

499
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:18,359
Speaker 1: these times can become opportunities to find healthier ways of

500
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:22,200
Speaker 1: coping and a deeper understanding of who we are. Mutual respect, empathy,

501
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,640
Speaker 1: and a sense of trust or key ingredients in those process.

502
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 1: Because those begin to deepen, one can begin to explore

503
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,560
Speaker 1: past relationships and hurts that may have led to ways

504
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,200
Speaker 1: of thinking and feeling that keep us stuck in old

505
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:34,439
Speaker 1: patterns of behavior. Understanding these patterns creates awareness and the

506
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 1: ability to make healthier choices. So that's great, right. They

507
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:40,720
Speaker 1: tell you cost procession, which is a hundred hundred fifty

508
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:44,200
Speaker 1: dollars for the specific doctor. They operate on a sliding scale,

509
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:49,200
Speaker 1: which means that if you are not UM, if you're

510
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,639
Speaker 1: if your income is low enough, they will, you know,

511
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 1: lower it. So that's great. And I've had some therapists

512
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:57,680
Speaker 1: do that as well when I have been going through

513
00:27:57,680 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 1: a time we haven't had that much money and they've

514
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,119
Speaker 1: been like, okay, well if you can only pay this,

515
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 1: then do this until you can pay more. And that's

516
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,720
Speaker 1: been really great. So they have specialties and so this

517
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:10,680
Speaker 1: says addiction, trauma, and PTSD child or adolescent and then

518
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:17,720
Speaker 1: issues that they specifically UM have experience treating our alcohol use, anxiety,

519
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:24,359
Speaker 1: behavioral issues, codependency, coping spills, depression, divorce, drug abuse, dual diagnosis, grief,

520
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 1: marital and pre marital parenting, relationship issues, self esteem, spirituality,

521
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 1: and stress. UM. They also say like if UM, typically

522
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:37,679
Speaker 1: I don't know what this would this when it doesn't

523
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 1: have it apparently, but they will say. If you can

524
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:45,680
Speaker 1: search by gender issues UM ages that people work, you

525
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,880
Speaker 1: can also say, um people who are who work with

526
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:53,080
Speaker 1: show me therapist who work with lgbt Q plus, because unfortunately,

527
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:58,240
Speaker 1: UM even therapists are um homophobic, and so you can

528
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 1: you know that this person um like specializes in working

529
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:08,719
Speaker 1: with trans people. And that's a very very specific, specific

530
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:13,720
Speaker 1: UM life experience that needs to be met with somebody,

531
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:15,840
Speaker 1: like needs to be talked about with somebody who has

532
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,240
Speaker 1: experienced with it and has studied it, and like just

533
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,960
Speaker 1: showing up to any Joe Schmos therapist and being like,

534
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:24,760
Speaker 1: I'm trans and my life is significantly more difficult than

535
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 1: everybody else's, especially if you're a trans person of color.

536
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,600
Speaker 1: UM that's that's really important. So you can search by

537
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 1: that and find people who are you know, friendly. You

538
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 1: can also find people who speak different languages. You can

539
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,959
Speaker 1: also search different faiths, so it's show me therapist who

540
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 1: Hall of Christian, Buddhist, Jewish, Church of Jesus Christ of

541
00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:47,960
Speaker 1: Latter day Saints, Hindu, Islam, etcetera, etcetera. And that's really

542
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:52,920
Speaker 1: really cool because you can find somebody who operates under

543
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 1: the same world view as you, and I think that's

544
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 1: really beautiful. So that's how I would go about finding

545
00:29:57,720 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 1: your own therapist. It's a really great resource. There's a

546
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 1: their ways to do it, for sure. If you talk

547
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:07,320
Speaker 1: to UM doctors typically they have recommendations. I found my

548
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:11,240
Speaker 1: current therapist through a friend who saw her. And it's

549
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,200
Speaker 1: very funny because like when we talk about each other,

550
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:15,760
Speaker 1: like not like complaining about each other, but we'd just

551
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 1: be like, oh, I went out with so and so

552
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:20,120
Speaker 1: last week, and like the therapist has to pretends that

553
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:21,960
Speaker 1: that she doesn't know who I'm talking about. And then

554
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 1: our other friends started to go to them too, and

555
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,320
Speaker 1: we would just casually mention each other and then like,

556
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 1: you know, you look at her and she just can't

557
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 1: acknowledge that she knows who they are, UM, which is funny.

558
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 1: But so I found her through a friend and then

559
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 1: but what I did is I went to her psychology

560
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:41,720
Speaker 1: today profile to see what her you know, her beliefs were, UM,

561
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 1: what special things she treated, if she was UM, you know,

562
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 1: LGBTQ plus friendly. And I found a really great therapist

563
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 1: and I've been back seeing her. She's awesome she listens

564
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 1: to me word vomit, and I highly highly recommend trying

565
00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 1: to find that person for you. So thank you guys

566
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 1: for listening. My name is Kayle Short. This is too

567
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 1: much to say and I'll see you next week. Don't

568
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:13,240
Speaker 1: go asking questions, so I've got to us say now

569
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:15,760
Speaker 1: turn it out to you