WEBVTT - Ep 216 - My Mom is Terrible With Her Finances, How Can I Help Her? 0:00:16.200 --> 0:00:25.840 Hey, hey, hey, we're back, We're black, We're growing insane. 0:00:27.880 --> 0:00:29.600 Hey, Mantra, how are you? 0:00:29.600 --> 0:00:29.800 You know? 0:00:29.960 --> 0:00:34.559 Thank you for asking? Not great, not great, great, but 0:00:34.720 --> 0:00:38.959 not great. I just I think everyone has their I'm 0:00:39.000 --> 0:00:41.920 just feeling loopy, but in a good way. I think 0:00:42.040 --> 0:00:45.000 my two months it's been over two months in quarantine 0:00:45.000 --> 0:00:48.760 for us, and I feel like I'm at the point 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:52.199 now where the adrenaline has stuffed, Like the adrenaline that 0:00:52.320 --> 0:00:54.880 was getting me through those you know, especially because I 0:00:54.880 --> 0:00:57.000 manage your team and you won't be strong for your team, 0:00:57.080 --> 0:00:59.600 and just like the adrenaline of checking in with them 0:00:59.600 --> 0:01:01.680 in order equipment that they might need and making for 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:03.560 the team is still putting out your work. 0:01:03.320 --> 0:01:04.520 And all that kind of stuff. 0:01:05.120 --> 0:01:07.880 We're good now, and I just sort of like had 0:01:07.880 --> 0:01:10.399 the realization this week that this is going to be 0:01:11.120 --> 0:01:12.840 this isn't going to be it for a while, Like 0:01:13.560 --> 0:01:15.520 I need to pace myself. I feel like I gave 0:01:15.560 --> 0:01:18.640 the last two months so much of my energy and 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:21.959 I was just so defleted, and I took yesterday off. 0:01:22.680 --> 0:01:25.520 I took it off. I was I just can't. And 0:01:25.520 --> 0:01:27.360 I wonder who else is out there feeling that way. 0:01:27.400 --> 0:01:31.000 But yeah, I think I went way too hard, was 0:01:31.040 --> 0:01:33.920 way too od my game the first two months, and 0:01:33.920 --> 0:01:35.440 now I'm just it's catching up to me and I 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:41.280 just feel just like loopy and ineffective at all the 0:01:41.280 --> 0:01:44.600 things I'm trying to do, whether it's work, parenting. I 0:01:44.800 --> 0:01:47.360 just you know, it's like I don't feel like I'm 0:01:47.360 --> 0:01:50.760 being very good at anything. But my therapist that that's okay. 0:01:51.040 --> 0:01:53.440 She was like, gave us a white girl, and I said, okay, 0:01:53.440 --> 0:01:58.080 but it's hard. So that's that's what's happening in my world. 0:01:58.280 --> 0:01:58.760 How are you? 0:02:00.400 --> 0:02:02.280 I am good? Did I tell you that I got 0:02:02.320 --> 0:02:05.840 my house appraised? And I was like, I feel like 0:02:06.400 --> 0:02:07.720 our blackness played a role. 0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:10.680 Wait, why would they know your race? 0:02:11.240 --> 0:02:12.799 Well, because we had to open the damn door for them, 0:02:12.840 --> 0:02:15.360 because you know, so here was I'd read this article 0:02:16.040 --> 0:02:19.239 that you know that there is a racial bias cost 0:02:19.320 --> 0:02:22.640 when it comes to homes and black folks own homes. 0:02:22.680 --> 0:02:28.120 That's that when appraisers come, there's this unconscious and sometimes 0:02:28.120 --> 0:02:30.480 maybe conscious bias that black homes are just not worth 0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:31.120 as much. 0:02:31.320 --> 0:02:32.799 They've done all these research and study. 0:02:32.880 --> 0:02:34.480 You guys can do your googles and read the New 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:37.960 York Times and what they found or homes that were. 0:02:37.760 --> 0:02:39.080 In similar neighborhoods. 0:02:39.639 --> 0:02:42.560 All things being equal, there's a lot of money lost 0:02:42.600 --> 0:02:43.320 when that happens. 0:02:43.360 --> 0:02:44.880 Like I think it was like in two thousand. 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:47.840 I'm looking at CNN, Like in twenty eighteen, they said 0:02:47.840 --> 0:02:50.720 homeowners lost one hundred and fifty six billion dollars by 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:54.280 living in black neighborhoods. Right, So anyway, I just felt 0:02:54.280 --> 0:02:58.360 like I had my home like semi appraised by like 0:02:58.400 --> 0:03:00.359 a like a realtor that was real looking to sell, 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:03.680 and the amount that she said that, like, if I 0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:05.480 was going to listen, I'd listed for this because there 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:08.200 were just two homes in your area that just sold 0:03:08.280 --> 0:03:10.880 for literally this week, that just sold for like six 0:03:11.000 --> 0:03:14.280 hundred thousand dollars. And although your house is not as big, 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:16.120 it has these other things that it didn't have, you know, 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:17.640 basically doing all the things. 0:03:17.919 --> 0:03:21.680 Are you thinking of selling it? Is that why? 0:03:21.720 --> 0:03:21.880 Well? 0:03:21.880 --> 0:03:23.560 I wanted to get appraisal because I wanted you know, 0:03:23.600 --> 0:03:26.760 our home is paid off, but I really wanted to 0:03:27.320 --> 0:03:30.960 I felt like having all of this equity sitting in 0:03:30.960 --> 0:03:32.880 the house, I would rather put the money to work, 0:03:33.520 --> 0:03:37.160 And so I wanted to pull out maybe like two hundred, 0:03:37.160 --> 0:03:41.000 two hundred fifty thousand dollars and either purchased another rental property, 0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:44.800 invest do something I wanted. That's why I I wanted 0:03:44.840 --> 0:03:46.600 to my husband and I talked about it. We talked 0:03:46.600 --> 0:03:49.520 about with our CFP, and she was actually shocked because 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:52.600 she knows how anti debt I am. But because I 0:03:52.680 --> 0:03:55.200 have enough money saved that if I wanted to just 0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:58.040 pay off the house again tomorrow, if I felt freaked out, 0:03:58.080 --> 0:04:00.360 I could, so she was like, Okay, yeah, I mean, 0:04:00.560 --> 0:04:02.560 typically I think it's a wise move, but I just 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:03.160 know you and debt. 0:04:03.160 --> 0:04:05.080 You're sure you're gonna be a good girl, but I am. 0:04:05.160 --> 0:04:06.880 Our mortgage is actually not going to be that much, 0:04:07.520 --> 0:04:11.200 about twelve hundred dollars. So because we're moving into these 0:04:11.520 --> 0:04:15.000 you know these times, I said, huh, you know, there 0:04:15.080 --> 0:04:17.360 might be a home that would be you know, we 0:04:17.440 --> 0:04:19.560 might be able to buy investment property that would be 0:04:19.600 --> 0:04:23.040 on sale. We might be able to up our I 0:04:23.080 --> 0:04:26.040 have a goal of being fully financially free it within 0:04:26.120 --> 0:04:28.479 the next ten years, and I know how much I 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:30.839 need to put aside for that, so it would contribute 0:04:30.880 --> 0:04:32.800 to that as well. And you know, we have the 0:04:33.080 --> 0:04:36.719 investment property, the ten thousand dollars property that we're we're renovating. 0:04:36.760 --> 0:04:39.640 So yeah, So anyway, the guys were really nice and 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:40.960 if you know our house, it's tricked out. 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:42.640 Okay, we did all the things. 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:45.840 Like we live in an older neighborhood and I'm talking 0:04:45.880 --> 0:04:50.200 about old people. I'm talking about older neighborhood like that 0:04:50.200 --> 0:04:52.480 that the houses are all built in the nineteen twenties, 0:04:52.560 --> 0:04:55.839 nineteen ten so and oftentimes a lot of these houses 0:04:55.880 --> 0:04:59.479 they don't have AC, they don't have updating plumbing. We 0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:01.200 have all of that. Like when we moved in, we 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:04.880 have all new electric. We have AC units, these beautiful 0:05:04.880 --> 0:05:09.000 picture frame units in every single bedroom. We have like, 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:11.599 like I said, all new electrical. We also did insulation 0:05:11.680 --> 0:05:14.120 throughout the whole house. So all of these extras. So 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:15.960 I was like, eh, what I got a praised for 0:05:16.160 --> 0:05:19.159 was about to me twenty five about twenty five thousand 0:05:19.160 --> 0:05:21.280 dollars less than what I thought it was going to 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:22.800 be a praise for. So I was kind of like, 0:05:23.440 --> 0:05:25.320 I turned around all our black pictures though to so 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:26.960 but I was like, you know, me and black Drew, 0:05:27.320 --> 0:05:29.440 my husband, we were in there, so it wasn't I 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:31.760 honestly had the I we said to myself, if I 0:05:31.800 --> 0:05:33.680 was ever going to sell my house. That was going 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:35.599 to take down all the black things, and then I 0:05:35.640 --> 0:05:39.640 was going to have my one white friend, Catherine, like 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:40.880 be there for the appraisal. 0:05:41.120 --> 0:05:46.240 You're my friend, but I have a budget, you know. 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:48.320 Yeah, it's not the same that you even have to 0:05:48.360 --> 0:05:50.000 because I don't even know, you don't know for sure. 0:05:50.000 --> 0:05:51.960 There's that player role. I mean it does play a role, 0:05:51.960 --> 0:05:53.440 but it doesn't mean to play the role with them. 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:55.560 But to me, I would hedge my bets. That was 0:05:55.560 --> 0:05:58.320 always my plan. So I'm not too pissed, only because 0:05:58.320 --> 0:06:00.520 we're not looking to sell. We were just looking to 0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:03.880 pull out some money. So yeah, that was just like 0:06:03.920 --> 0:06:07.040 I just remember thinking that, like, huh did we not 0:06:07.080 --> 0:06:09.360 get that the amount that I thought because we're black, 0:06:09.360 --> 0:06:13.159 Because I mean they kept saying, amazing house, beautiful house. 0:06:13.520 --> 0:06:14.520 Oh my goodness. 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:16.919 I mean every into this place is renovated. 0:06:17.000 --> 0:06:19.880 So I was just like, I wonder, I mean, it'd 0:06:19.920 --> 0:06:21.520 be really, it would be so hard to tell. You 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:24.760 would need to create a similar situation with the white owner, 0:06:25.680 --> 0:06:28.960 similar respect to that, you know, similar neighborhood like all that. 0:06:29.040 --> 0:06:31.520 But no, I have no doubt that that happens. And 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:34.239 it's quite sad. What about getting a second or third opinion. 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:35.800 I know that appraisals cost money, but. 0:06:35.920 --> 0:06:38.800 Yeah, well no, only the only reason why I didn't push. 0:06:38.920 --> 0:06:40.800 If we were looking to sell. 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:43.960 Then yes, absolutely, But because we're looking to pull money out, 0:06:44.320 --> 0:06:45.960 we're when we're looking to sell, we're going to get 0:06:45.960 --> 0:06:47.040 another appraisal anyway. 0:06:47.160 --> 0:06:48.960 So I was just like, eh, we're not. 0:06:49.120 --> 0:06:51.400 Even when you're talking about a home equity alone. 0:06:52.360 --> 0:06:55.839 No, because we're not. This is literally a refinance. They 0:06:55.880 --> 0:06:57.280 call it a refinance cash. 0:06:57.080 --> 0:06:59.600 Out, Oh, cash out refinance. Yeah, sorry, I must have 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:02.000 been looking at my notes when you said that cash 0:07:02.000 --> 0:07:05.320 out refund, so that's when you mm hmmm, I got it. Yeah, 0:07:05.360 --> 0:07:08.920 but still they would do their own appraisal. I think 0:07:08.960 --> 0:07:11.400 the Wonderwood exactly everything so review. 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:11.640 Yeah. 0:07:11.720 --> 0:07:13.440 Yeah, so that's why I said I'm not worried about 0:07:13.480 --> 0:07:16.040 it for now. But it's just kind of like mental note. 0:07:16.080 --> 0:07:17.920 You're right, you totally need to get Catherine open the 0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:20.240 door next time, you know. 0:07:20.360 --> 0:07:25.119 So yeah, I mean that's sad, and it's also something 0:07:25.120 --> 0:07:27.760 that's sort of out of your control, especially like when 0:07:27.800 --> 0:07:29.200 I was when we did when we got our house 0:07:29.240 --> 0:07:32.760 approved appraisal. We live our neighborhood is I call it 0:07:32.760 --> 0:07:35.120 a diamond in the rough because it is. And one 0:07:35.120 --> 0:07:36.880 of the things that appealed to me, it's so funny 0:07:36.880 --> 0:07:39.400 that you said you would take all the you know, 0:07:39.520 --> 0:07:41.720 black things out of your house, the picture frames and 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:44.640 the whatever could let lead people to believe, you know, 0:07:44.680 --> 0:07:47.360 which is so just ridiculous to me anyway, that it 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:50.160 was owned by, you know, a black family. But that 0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:52.760 was one of the things that I liked about this house, 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:55.640 in this neighborhood is that I could just see I 0:07:55.640 --> 0:07:58.920 don't think it's legal for real estate agents to tell 0:07:58.920 --> 0:08:00.840 you this, but I could see neighborhoo. It was really diverse, 0:08:01.160 --> 0:08:03.200 especially for the area of the Burbs where we live. 0:08:03.640 --> 0:08:05.640 It's not that common. And I had my own perceptions 0:08:05.640 --> 0:08:07.440 about what happens when you go thirty minutes out of 0:08:07.480 --> 0:08:09.800 New York City. I had my own stereotypes of what 0:08:09.880 --> 0:08:12.320 kind of people live there. And we did find a 0:08:12.360 --> 0:08:15.440 really diverse neighborhood. And I'll never forget when I walked 0:08:15.480 --> 0:08:17.520 into the kitchen, I just I could feel it was 0:08:17.560 --> 0:08:19.400 a black family. Like I just it just felt like 0:08:19.440 --> 0:08:21.640 my aunt Brenda's house, you know, it just and she 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:25.440 had this this like Maya. This man and woman like 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:28.920 salt pepper shakers, but they were they were African American 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:31.480 salt pepper shakers, and I was like, this is so 0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:33.360 cute and it just felt like a good fan. I 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:35.319 don't know, but you're right, it could totally work against 0:08:35.360 --> 0:08:36.840 you the other way. And there's so much that goes 0:08:36.880 --> 0:08:41.000 sadly along with majority minority neighborhoods that is not you know, 0:08:41.160 --> 0:08:43.200 is not the fault of the people who live there 0:08:43.240 --> 0:08:47.160 at all, but you know, tend to have lower uh 0:08:47.360 --> 0:08:50.400 not the best school districts, and you know, lower income, 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:54.000 which feeds into property taxes, which feeds into public services, 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:55.760 which you know, it just like is a self fulfilling 0:08:55.760 --> 0:08:58.280 prophecy that that's not going to be an ideal place, 0:08:58.360 --> 0:09:01.000 but you know it's a dam Yeah. 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:02.960 Because we considered it, because I was like, okay, so 0:09:03.040 --> 0:09:05.640 once we reach a certain level of income, we were 0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:08.400 talking about do we do we move? Do we move 0:09:08.559 --> 0:09:11.040 like super suburb? And I considered it because there's some 0:09:11.080 --> 0:09:12.520 other there's like Montclair. I don't know if you've heard 0:09:12.559 --> 0:09:13.240 of Montclair before. 0:09:13.240 --> 0:09:15.320 It's like, oh, we oh, we looked at Montclair. Girl 0:09:15.360 --> 0:09:16.200 too expensive a. 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:20.120 Girl it is, oh and it's super super funcy, and 0:09:20.160 --> 0:09:22.560 I was just like, but there's something to be said, 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:24.960 Like I take a walk every day now, just something 0:09:25.000 --> 0:09:27.360 to be said is the neighborhood. It's I mean, we 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:29.600 have a mix here as well, so you get lots 0:09:29.640 --> 0:09:32.160 of black families, lots of Hispanic families, we have some 0:09:32.160 --> 0:09:32.720 white families. 0:09:32.760 --> 0:09:33.880 So there's something to be. 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:36.920 Said to walk in my hoodie and my sweats and 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:38.760 people not clutch their bag and stuff. 0:09:38.800 --> 0:09:42.880 You know, there's everything to get said about it. It's sad. Truth. 0:09:42.960 --> 0:09:43.200 Yeah. 0:09:43.240 --> 0:09:44.240 So I'm like, I can live. 0:09:44.679 --> 0:09:46.480 I could see me and Superman moving to like this 0:09:46.600 --> 0:09:49.000 Montclair or some of these other places. But the truth 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:52.320 is he's six six and like two shades lighter than 0:09:52.400 --> 0:09:55.760 Jet Black. And I don't want him to feel uncomfortable, 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:57.360 you know what I mean, Or like I don't. We 0:09:57.400 --> 0:09:59.319 don't have to think about it here, like this is Newark, 0:09:59.360 --> 0:10:03.959 it's New k it's largely a black city, and then 0:10:04.080 --> 0:10:07.679 we have like a large Hispanic and Portuguese population, and 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:10.600 so you know, you can just be here and be black. 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:11.880 He doesn't have to think about it, like if he 0:10:11.920 --> 0:10:14.000 comes home at night, it's not the clutching of my pearls. 0:10:14.040 --> 0:10:15.920 It's like, oh, well, for the most part, we're black 0:10:15.960 --> 0:10:18.640 around here, so okay. So I just was thinking. I 0:10:18.679 --> 0:10:20.800 was thinking that the other day because I was kind 0:10:20.800 --> 0:10:23.199 of like making a list of like okay, well, Tiffany, 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:24.000 as you're making. 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:25.920 More and you're doing better, like, well, what do you want? 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:27.640 I remember thinking to myself, I think I want a 0:10:27.640 --> 0:10:29.440 different house because I don't want to be on the 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:31.199 third floor when I'm fifty. 0:10:31.400 --> 0:10:34.040 We have a nice third fourth suitep but my knees girl, right, 0:10:34.080 --> 0:10:35.440 So I was like, oh, where would you get it? Oh, 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:36.480 maybe Montclair or. 0:10:36.440 --> 0:10:39.200 Maybe these other places. And I was like, yeah, but 0:10:39.679 --> 0:10:42.400 is that really where you? Like there's a beauty Coulpon 0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:45.920 probably find a beautiful house here because there's just a 0:10:45.960 --> 0:10:48.640 certain level of, you know, being in a neighborhood where 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:49.719 folks look like you and you. 0:10:49.640 --> 0:10:51.800 Can at least boossa Like. 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:53.480 I love the fact that, like we live next to 0:10:53.600 --> 0:10:57.800 a Dominican family, and I just love like we go 0:10:57.840 --> 0:11:00.440 outside and if it's barbecue time, they're playing in music 0:11:00.960 --> 0:11:03.440 and they're like, mommy, you want anything. And it's not 0:11:03.480 --> 0:11:06.000 the sense of like, oh, y'all playing music, because then 0:11:06.000 --> 0:11:07.840 when it's our party and Drel's playing hip hop. 0:11:08.200 --> 0:11:09.880 You know what I mean, Not that. 0:11:09.880 --> 0:11:12.720 There's no Karen's next door, yes exactly. 0:11:12.360 --> 0:11:14.400 Because well we do have a Karen across the street. 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:17.560 And yeah, but she came for the whole food. 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:19.560 What I mean, Well, it's actually not Karen. 0:11:19.559 --> 0:11:21.080 I guess it's a literally well I'm not gonna say 0:11:21.080 --> 0:11:22.640 his name because actually his name starts with the K. 0:11:23.200 --> 0:11:27.400 But he one day came to our house, Keith, aggressively 0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:31.040 because someone had parked up and their bumper was blocking 0:11:31.040 --> 0:11:33.480 his driveway, and so he rang our doorbell right right right, 0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:35.240 I'm singing him on the ring. I wasn't even home, 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:38.160 and so he's like, someone bumpers dropping, you know, blocking 0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:40.679 my driveway. I scraped my Mercedes trying to get in. 0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:43.240 So one I was like, that seems odd because who 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:45.000 would scrape their own car trying to get in? Why 0:11:45.000 --> 0:11:47.120 not just find the person first and. 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:49.120 Love how we had to drop the name of the 0:11:49.120 --> 0:11:53.480 car too, That was understanding, yes. 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:55.680 And so it turned out it was my husband's twin brother, 0:11:56.080 --> 0:11:58.240 and so I mean we know them across the street. 0:11:58.320 --> 0:12:00.440 I mean we were fairly friendly. He was like, you know, 0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:03.400 your car is blocking my driveway he's like, oh, I'm 0:12:03.400 --> 0:12:05.400 so sorry. He's like, where you're going. He's like, oh, 0:12:05.480 --> 0:12:06.760 I'm going to decide to get the keys so I 0:12:06.760 --> 0:12:08.839 can move my car. He's like okay, So he waits 0:12:08.840 --> 0:12:11.720 for him and then starts berating him, don't ever do 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:15.439 this again. And meanwhile, my husbands twin they're twin twins, 0:12:15.480 --> 0:12:17.800 so he's six six as well. He's like, okay, I 0:12:17.880 --> 0:12:21.439 heard you. I'm sorry I scraped my car. Okay, well, 0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:24.960 don't be sorry, be careful. And he was like wow, yes. 0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:26.720 So he was like, all right, man, I hear you. 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:29.160 And so I guess it wasn't enough. 0:12:29.360 --> 0:12:32.480 I don't know. Maybe he was drunk. He kicked his car. 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:34.319 Oh god, yes? 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:38.000 And then so and then to his credit, my twin 0:12:38.120 --> 0:12:40.400 did not do anything. He just said come on man. 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:42.840 And then the dude puts his fists up and says, 0:12:42.920 --> 0:12:44.520 let's go. 0:12:45.200 --> 0:12:48.640 So this is on your ring, Please tell me the ring? 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:52.000 Oh fabulous, Well you can you have evidence? You know? 0:12:53.640 --> 0:12:57.040 For those What a damn shame, isn't it. You need 0:12:57.080 --> 0:12:57.880 a camera these days. 0:12:58.120 --> 0:12:59.760 But I'm so glad because something that he did is 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:01.680 I'm like, I don't speak to them anymore because I 0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:04.480 could have forgiven all of that. So luckily, because you know, 0:13:04.720 --> 0:13:08.200 like he's a small white man. Twin was just like, 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:10.160 all right, man, it just goes across street while he's 0:13:10.160 --> 0:13:11.840 being yelled at and cursed at whatever and just come 0:13:11.920 --> 0:13:13.920 back in the house. So I'm watching, and so I 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:18.280 hear him tell his partner partner, call the police, Call 0:13:18.320 --> 0:13:22.240 the police. That's when I was like, oh yes, That's 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:26.400 when I was like wow. And so my sister happened 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:28.079 to be at my house and she's like, oh my god, 0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:30.560 I heard yelling outside, and so I was in I 0:13:30.600 --> 0:13:34.480 was actually in California taping the reel. So I was like, well, 0:13:34.520 --> 0:13:36.600 let me look at my ring and I saw all 0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:41.199 of that, and I was like, wow, call the police. 0:13:41.600 --> 0:13:43.760 Actually, so this wasn't I thought this happened like this week. 0:13:43.880 --> 0:13:46.120 No, no, no, this happened like a little while ago. Yeah, 0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:47.840 but it just happened to thinking because you said like like, 0:13:47.840 --> 0:13:49.520 I don't live next Tony Karens, And I'm like, I 0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:52.640 live next door Ken though, and so yeah, so I 0:13:52.679 --> 0:13:55.280 told my husband because he the guy across the street, 0:13:55.320 --> 0:13:57.560 ended up calling my husband to say, your brother was 0:13:57.600 --> 0:13:59.440 so this, you know, trying to cop police and I 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:02.760 just told Superman, just send him the ring videos one 0:14:02.800 --> 0:14:05.120 by one. It was four collectively, send him each one 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:07.480 and don't say anything. All of a sudden, you know, 0:14:07.559 --> 0:14:08.400 his tune change. 0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:10.960 I'm so sorry. I'm ashamed of my behavior. You weren't 0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:12.480 ashamed until we had you on video. 0:14:12.559 --> 0:14:12.800 Wow. 0:14:12.800 --> 0:14:14.560 So we just keep it as insurance. So if they 0:14:14.800 --> 0:14:16.600 you know, you want to get you want to act up, 0:14:16.600 --> 0:14:18.760 you can get smacked up. So we we I never 0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:20.160 we never get it. We didn't call the police, we 0:14:20.200 --> 0:14:22.080 did anything. I just keep it with me. We keep 0:14:22.080 --> 0:14:25.320 it saved. So if you know, if ever anything, it's 0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:27.360 cause we can be like, well, actually let me show 0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:30.160 you how you behave so you just gotta be mindful. 0:14:30.160 --> 0:14:31.360 That's why I was like, do I really want to 0:14:31.360 --> 0:14:32.080 live in Montclaire? 0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:36.280 M m, well, you know side note mark, Montclair is 0:14:36.320 --> 0:14:38.800 supposed to be the biracial capital I've heard, but it's 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:47.000 I would have my people racially confused people. But for 0:14:47.040 --> 0:14:49.320 that reason alone, like, no, I get it, you want 0:14:49.400 --> 0:14:51.680 and I'm the same way, or you know we are 0:14:51.720 --> 0:14:55.600 that well, we're the Dominican you know, racially ambiguous family 0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:57.920 next door. Yes we are, but we have plenty of 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:01.520 lovely neighbors. Goodness gracious. Yeah, and I feel like in 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:03.960 this time, you want to feel like you have good 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:07.200 neighbors because they're all b C. And our neighbor's next door, 0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:09.800 you know, the little kiddie walks our dog, he's so sweet, 0:15:09.840 --> 0:15:12.400 and then his his mom and dad. You know, we've 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:16.320 we took them a little Easter arrangement because I don't know, 0:15:16.360 --> 0:15:18.040 I just felt like I wanted to see some flowers, 0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:19.480 and so I got some flowers for them, and then 0:15:19.480 --> 0:15:21.280 they brought us a Mother's Day gift, brought me a 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:25.360 Mother's Day gift over, and then my neighbor across the street, Paulette, 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:29.160 is always texting me, and anyway, it feels like we 0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:33.120 have this cute little I don't know, I just I 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:34.960 feel more than ever like I want to reach out 0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:37.120 to these people and just say, hey, we're here, and 0:15:37.160 --> 0:15:39.920 we are you know, nice people, and how are you? 0:15:39.960 --> 0:15:42.360 And have some because they're the only people we can 0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:45.960 see in person, you know, And it sucks. I know, 0:15:46.000 --> 0:15:48.560 I said I was going a little bit loopy, but legitimately, 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:51.000 when I do my one on ones now with people 0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:53.360 on my team, the ones who were living in studio, 0:15:53.400 --> 0:15:56.440 apartments or living on alone wherever they are, they're the 0:15:56.440 --> 0:15:58.200 ones really struggling, and I try and check in with 0:15:58.240 --> 0:16:00.920 them more often than not, and they're all kind of 0:16:00.920 --> 0:16:04.520 feeling the fatigue of just not we just we need 0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:09.240 physical connection, social connection to people, and a lot of it, 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:10.800 doesn't it feel. I mean, I don't know what's happening 0:16:10.800 --> 0:16:12.520 on your world, but I just feel like over here 0:16:13.040 --> 0:16:16.080 it's starting to get to people. And I'm not even 0:16:16.080 --> 0:16:18.480 near a breaking point, you know, I thank god. I 0:16:19.080 --> 0:16:21.360 still I still talk to my therapist once a week. 0:16:21.600 --> 0:16:23.600 I still have the anti anxiety meds that I started 0:16:23.640 --> 0:16:26.280 long before this all happened, not long before before. It 0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:29.200 was a good time. I'm just saying, if it wasn't 0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:30.720 going to be the post part of anxiety that was 0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:33.400 gonna get me, it was probably gonna be the pandemic anxiety. 0:16:33.640 --> 0:16:37.120 But I got my little Zola prescriptions on time, and 0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:40.360 you know, I'm just doing something. But it's the unknown. 0:16:40.440 --> 0:16:43.200 It's like how long does this lasts? And it's so 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:47.080 anyway I feel, and all the anxiety. I was gonna say, 0:16:47.080 --> 0:16:49.240 if this happened that week with your neighbor, you almost 0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:52.600 wonder is it just people going nuts. You know, before 0:16:53.960 --> 0:17:00.920 he sounds, he sounds next levels delightful. Makes me so mad. 0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:04.000 Yeah, but I'm actually proud, Like I just I was like, Yo, 0:17:04.040 --> 0:17:05.760 you're better than me. Bro. I'm not even violent. I 0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:07.200 feel like I would at least pushed him when he 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:10.480 kicked my car. But yeah, so this. 0:17:10.520 --> 0:17:12.800 Is random but not random. Did you see there's like 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:13.800 this big Well. 0:17:13.840 --> 0:17:15.280 I don't know how often you're on Twitter, but black 0:17:15.320 --> 0:17:21.919 Twitter right now is dragging a particular influencer. Because no, thankfully, 0:17:22.920 --> 0:17:24.919 I'm not gonna say her name just because I feel 0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:26.600 like I don't think that that's part of the point. 0:17:26.680 --> 0:17:30.880 I feel like it's a good teachable lesson, not about 0:17:30.880 --> 0:17:33.439 the influencer. But so someone reached out to her to 0:17:33.480 --> 0:17:37.520 be their mentor and she sent them a letter like 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:40.239 the The letter seemed like it was really nice. It 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:42.560 was like, you know, I'm eager to connect with another 0:17:42.560 --> 0:17:44.320 black woman who's doing the dagone thing. 0:17:44.880 --> 0:17:46.000 I too, am like a mom. 0:17:46.520 --> 0:17:48.159 I'm sure you get this alive and you have a 0:17:48.160 --> 0:17:49.840