WEBVTT - "GOING TO RAVES AND DOING DRUGS WITH MY MOM" 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:01.280 Hey, folks, it's Lyle. 0:00:01.480 --> 0:00:05.680 Get this. I'm coming to over forty cities across the 0:00:05.840 --> 0:00:11.200 United States, the UK, Europe and Australia to do this 0:00:11.320 --> 0:00:16.560 here Therapy Gecko Podcast Live. These shows will involve bringing 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:19.320 folks from the audience up on stage to talk to 0:00:19.360 --> 0:00:23.079 a gecko about whatever they want, just like we do 0:00:23.160 --> 0:00:28.440 on the podcast. The shows are completely unplanned, completely unpredictable, 0:00:28.800 --> 0:00:30.920 and they will be a lot of fun. So if 0:00:30.920 --> 0:00:34.160 you're a fan of the podcast, you should definitely come out. 0:00:34.880 --> 0:00:39.040 Tickets are available right now at therapy geckotour dot com 0:00:39.360 --> 0:00:42.360 and you should get them before they are sold out. 0:00:42.880 --> 0:00:46.760 That's therapy geckotour dot com. We'll put the link in 0:00:46.840 --> 0:00:50.639 the episode description as well. The live shows are are 0:00:50.760 --> 0:00:54.440 very fun, they're very geko wee, and. 0:00:54.200 --> 0:00:56.680 I hope to see you there. All right, let's get 0:00:56.680 --> 0:00:57.440 into the episode. 0:00:57.680 --> 0:01:02.360 Hi, Hello, what's up cooking some chickens? How are you 0:01:02.440 --> 0:01:03.000 doing tonight? 0:01:04.040 --> 0:01:08.000 I'm feeling good. My socks are wet. I've run out 0:01:08.040 --> 0:01:12.480 of clean socks. And normally when people run out of 0:01:12.520 --> 0:01:19.640 clean socks, what do they usually do, Alex, the laundry? 0:01:20.480 --> 0:01:23.920 They do the laundry, answer their socks. What's what they 0:01:23.920 --> 0:01:27.160 normally do. What do you think I've been doing? 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:33.360 Sounds like you have not been doing your laundry. 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:38.240 I have not been doing my laundry. Why do you 0:01:38.240 --> 0:01:42.399 think I'm not doing my laundry? 0:01:43.200 --> 0:01:46.480 It's a great caution. Do you have in house washer 0:01:46.600 --> 0:01:48.240 dryer or do you go to a laundromat? 0:01:48.760 --> 0:01:51.240 I mean it's it's as there's one in where I live, 0:01:52.600 --> 0:01:59.360 but it's upstairs and I'm downstairs. Effort, Alex, How can 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:00.920 I get you today? Is there anything in particular that 0:02:00.920 --> 0:02:02.040 you called in to talk about? 0:02:05.040 --> 0:02:10.200 Yes, you wanted to keep it light and positive today, 0:02:10.480 --> 0:02:15.440 so I wanted to talk about the benefits of not 0:02:15.600 --> 0:02:19.840 having a traditional parent daughter relationship. 0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:25.080 Okay, in what ways? How would you define a non 0:02:25.160 --> 0:02:27.040 traditional parent daughter relationship? 0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:33.400 I think a good example would be like that guy 0:02:33.440 --> 0:02:36.959 who went to the strip club with his mom, and 0:02:37.320 --> 0:02:40.720 I feel like mine is very similar, but I have 0:02:40.840 --> 0:02:43.840 changed mine in the way that my mom has like 0:02:43.919 --> 0:02:45.360 joined my rave family. 0:02:47.040 --> 0:02:49.079 Your mom has joined your rave family? 0:02:51.800 --> 0:02:52.120 Yeah? 0:02:53.200 --> 0:02:56.040 Yeah, what a enture to her first festival this year 0:02:57.600 --> 0:03:01.280 and she just had the best time. And so now 0:03:01.760 --> 0:03:04.720 when we go to the raves and go to the shows, 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:08.000 we always bring her with us. And I do have 0:03:08.080 --> 0:03:11.280 to say she is usually the best dressed for the event. 0:03:12.520 --> 0:03:15.120 Okay, what does she wear that makes her the best dressed? 0:03:18.880 --> 0:03:23.840 This summer, she actually made all her own outfits. She 0:03:24.080 --> 0:03:31.560 made these like purple fuzzy crotchless chaps and then wore 0:03:31.680 --> 0:03:35.600 like super sparkly underwear and she had one of those 0:03:35.720 --> 0:03:41.440 like fuzzy led light up coats. I live in Alaska 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:44.480 and it gets really chilly, so her whole thing is 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:47.920 layer so she changes her outfits throughout the day, so 0:03:47.960 --> 0:03:51.200 it's like less clothes, shiny all the way to fuzzy. 0:03:51.240 --> 0:03:52.040 It's kind of funny. 0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:58.920 What is the raves scene like in Alaska? 0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:05.680 It's on the return. I would say COVID really killed it. 0:04:06.040 --> 0:04:10.800 And in the last maybe like six months, it's become 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:14.280 a lot more prevalent with shows. It's all local, you know. 0:04:14.400 --> 0:04:16.839 I can't say that there's a lot of bigs part. 0:04:17.000 --> 0:04:20.400 I'm surprised that COVID killed I'm surprised that anyone in 0:04:20.400 --> 0:04:23.400 Alaska has COVID, Like, how did it even get over there? 0:04:23.440 --> 0:04:26.159 Alaska is like all the way and four It's like 0:04:26.400 --> 0:04:27.680 not even in a place. 0:04:30.640 --> 0:04:32.800 Yeah, I heard you were coming here for your tour, 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:34.479 and I have to say, I'm very excited. 0:04:35.120 --> 0:04:37.520 Well we'll see, we'll see. We haven't booked in Alaska 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:42.520 place yet, but we're working on it anyway. Okay, So 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:46.839 you have this non traditional relationship with your mom. Has 0:04:46.880 --> 0:04:49.520 it always been that way? What is your relationship with 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:52.080 your mom typically been? Like it says that you're twenty nine, 0:04:52.240 --> 0:04:57.840 so you've had, you know, a long relationship with her. 0:04:58.160 --> 0:04:59.480 How has it helved over the year. Y? 0:05:02.520 --> 0:05:07.279 I think I was I was more of a daddy's girl, 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:11.640 and then my father passed away, and you know, take 0:05:11.680 --> 0:05:14.120 advantage of the parent you have left create a better 0:05:14.160 --> 0:05:18.839 relationship that we've been just like figuring out ways to 0:05:19.080 --> 0:05:24.080 communicate better and spend time together better and like in 0:05:24.200 --> 0:05:27.240 healthier ways. So we're not, you know, frustrated by each other. 0:05:28.279 --> 0:05:31.640 Had you guys been frustrated with each other pretty often beforehand? 0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:38.200 Definitely? I think we just don't. We're very similar and 0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:42.080 stubborn and it just doesn't communicate very well. 0:05:45.400 --> 0:05:48.680 In what ways? Would you say that you guys are stubborn. 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:56.240 Just like sticking to your opinion and having strong opinions, 0:05:57.839 --> 0:06:00.000 you know, and that can butt heads. And I think 0:06:01.400 --> 0:06:05.159 in my household with my history. It's like quick to 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:10.640 frustration and anger, just you know, being that being my 0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:13.160 mom instead of someone I'm just trying to have a 0:06:13.240 --> 0:06:14.080 conversation with. 0:06:15.040 --> 0:06:18.039 Yeah, yeah, I'm all right. I have to ask this. 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:22.760 Did you and your mom do drugs together? 0:06:26.040 --> 0:06:26.280 Yes? 0:06:27.040 --> 0:06:29.159 My mom actually grows mushrooms. 0:06:29.560 --> 0:06:33.680 Ah. 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:40.360 We've also taken Mollie together, which was really fun. But yeah, 0:06:40.400 --> 0:06:43.640 my mom grows mushrooms. I feel like that's what she's 0:06:43.760 --> 0:06:46.560 She partakes a lot more than I do in. 0:06:46.520 --> 0:06:50.039 That particularly, really, so she was turning you on. 0:06:50.279 --> 0:06:54.200 I came home a couple oh ten. 0:06:57.720 --> 0:07:00.760 Mm hm, you were gonna say you came home. 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:06.960 I came home a couple of weeks ago, and I 0:07:07.080 --> 0:07:09.440 was staying over at someone else's house. And when I 0:07:09.480 --> 0:07:12.480 came home, I pulled up in the driveway and her 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:15.040 apart were we live in a four pleques. I live 0:07:15.080 --> 0:07:18.920 in a different unit, And when I pulled up in 0:07:18.960 --> 0:07:22.280 the driveway, her apartment was all lit up in lights 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:24.640 and I could hear music. And I came inside and 0:07:25.200 --> 0:07:28.680 she had invited over like five other people from the 0:07:29.800 --> 0:07:32.320 the like rave scene that we hang out, the group, 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:34.560 the family that we hang out with, and they were 0:07:34.560 --> 0:07:37.840 all vibing out and having a chill mushroom Sunday in 0:07:37.920 --> 0:07:40.680 the living room upstairs, and that was it was a 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:44.600 very pleasant surprise to you know, have all these people 0:07:45.280 --> 0:07:48.120 hanging out and having a good time and knowing that 0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:50.280 I don't have to be like a center catalyst to 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:51.120 bring them together. 0:07:52.120 --> 0:07:54.960 Hmmm, you know I have to. I'm curious about this 0:07:55.040 --> 0:08:01.280 because I think traditionally, well, okay, so these these people 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:03.679 that your mom had over when you came to her house, 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:06.240 were they your friends before and then your mom came 0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:09.240 into the scene. 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:15.960 Yes, we have a organized kickball games in the summer 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:19.120 and we have like a very centralized friend group and 0:08:19.160 --> 0:08:22.000 then our rave family's like built around that. So she's 0:08:22.080 --> 0:08:26.040 met them through the kickball But yeah, they were mine 0:08:26.760 --> 0:08:27.960 more of my friends first. 0:08:29.880 --> 0:08:31.840 I think you Well, I was going to Your perspective 0:08:31.880 --> 0:08:34.920 on this is really interesting because I think in some 0:08:36.080 --> 0:08:40.760 situations people could look at this like, oh, my mom 0:08:40.880 --> 0:08:44.120 is like stealing my friends, or they would feel like 0:08:44.400 --> 0:08:48.839 jealous about it. But you have the complete opposite perspective. 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:53.080 You're actually glad that somebody who is important to you 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:55.400 in your life is integrating with other people who were 0:08:55.800 --> 0:08:57.640 important to you in your life and you view it 0:08:57.640 --> 0:08:58.560 as a positive thing. 0:09:01.559 --> 0:09:05.679 Yeah, I definitely view myself as someone who tries to 0:09:05.679 --> 0:09:10.280 bring good people together. You know, Alaska's really small and 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:14.280 it can be really hard to make new friends. You know, 0:09:14.320 --> 0:09:17.480 only have so many options. So that's kind of why 0:09:17.480 --> 0:09:19.920 I organize the kickball too. It's like I just want 0:09:20.080 --> 0:09:23.040 people to you know, be friends with all these other 0:09:23.080 --> 0:09:25.560 people and we can create like a good community, which 0:09:25.600 --> 0:09:28.200 is kind of tying into the EDM thing as well. 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:31.640 And you know, it's interesting because you're now that you're 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:37.040 twenty nine, it's like you don't really your relationship with 0:09:37.080 --> 0:09:39.800 your parents kind of naturally changes because you don't really 0:09:39.880 --> 0:09:44.000 need your mom to like be your your mom as 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:46.240 much as you did, you know, when you were growing up, 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:49.520 and for her to take this role in your life, 0:09:50.080 --> 0:09:51.839 like as you know, as a friend that you hang 0:09:51.880 --> 0:09:53.760 out with all your other friends that do mushrooms with 0:09:54.480 --> 0:09:57.800 is an interesting development of that relationship. 0:10:00.600 --> 0:10:03.520 Yeah, I completely agree. That's how I look at it too, 0:10:03.679 --> 0:10:07.040 and I think it's been a really positive thing. We're 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:10.960 really looking forward to festivals next year. We have one 0:10:11.000 --> 0:10:12.720 big one, but then we kind of like do our 0:10:12.720 --> 0:10:16.199 own thing out camping with like generators and speakers, so 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:18.320 it'll be really nice to have her around for that 0:10:18.480 --> 0:10:19.040 time too. 0:10:20.240 --> 0:10:25.120 Has there been any like any cons or anything weird 0:10:25.200 --> 0:10:27.800 about integrating your mom into your life in this way. 0:10:33.679 --> 0:10:37.640 I'm always kind of nervous, like what if she you know, 0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:39.920 she's an adult and she can make her own choices, 0:10:39.960 --> 0:10:42.400 But what if she did choose to like sleep with 0:10:42.480 --> 0:10:44.560 one of my friends. I think that would be a 0:10:44.559 --> 0:10:49.200 con I don't think she would, but I've always kind 0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:51.360 of viewed that as like, I don't know if I 0:10:51.360 --> 0:10:52.480 would be comfortable with that. 0:10:53.160 --> 0:10:53.679 Hmmmm. 0:10:55.960 --> 0:10:58.480 Why Why would they like to hit on her and 0:10:58.520 --> 0:11:00.839 be like, Oh, it's your mom? 0:11:00.920 --> 0:11:04.040 Mm hmmm hm. Why do you feel like that would 0:11:04.040 --> 0:11:04.960 make you uncomfortable? 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:13.199 I think it depends on the person, right, Like if 0:11:13.200 --> 0:11:16.600 it was someone who did it and then like kept 0:11:16.600 --> 0:11:18.480 throwing it into my face for the rest of my life, 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:20.280 like who I had sex with your mom? You know, 0:11:20.400 --> 0:11:23.079 like that it would be kind of like my barrier. 0:11:23.160 --> 0:11:25.040 Like I think it's funny when people can be like, oh, 0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:27.840 it's at your mom's house last weekend, you know, hanging 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:30.559 out and doing mushrooms in the fort, which is like 0:11:30.600 --> 0:11:32.920 a positive thing. With the other thing I could see 0:11:32.920 --> 0:11:37.160 it being positive, but I don't know. I just I'm 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:42.400 nervous if that were to happen how I would react. 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:50.600 M Now, if your mom, let's say, like, is it 0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:53.360 just a hookup thing that would bother you? Like if 0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:57.920 somebody from this group started like seriously dating your mom, 0:11:58.840 --> 0:11:59.720 how would that feel? 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:09.920 I don't know. My mom has a tendency to like 0:12:10.480 --> 0:12:13.800 she dated our like a bouncer at one of the 0:12:13.880 --> 0:12:18.000 regular bars that we go to, and so I think 0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:22.640 that would actually be more comfortable for me, which sounds weird, 0:12:24.760 --> 0:12:29.640 but you know, she's been single for like ten years now, 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:36.880 maybe a little bit more and live your best life. 0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:40.360 I just don't want it to negatively impact mine. 0:12:41.200 --> 0:12:44.040 Yeah, this is an interesting issue because a lot of 0:12:44.080 --> 0:12:45.880 the way that you're integrating your mom into your life 0:12:45.960 --> 0:12:49.000 is very much a I would say, like a celebration 0:12:49.160 --> 0:12:54.640 of her as a person in your life who has 0:12:54.679 --> 0:12:58.600 her own independent identity outside of just being your mother. 0:12:59.720 --> 0:13:02.319 And you've integrated her into your friend group and you know, 0:13:02.520 --> 0:13:05.520 into this this rave scene, which I'm sure is very 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:09.080 exciting for her, but you have this fear of it 0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:15.440 extending into this like sexual romantic place with the rest 0:13:15.480 --> 0:13:19.520 of your friend group, which you know, I can, I can, 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:22.600 I can. I can understand why people bragging about fucking 0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:26.560 your mom would be a not pleasant thing. 0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:34.840 Yeah, I like I said, I don't think it'll ever happen, 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:37.440 but you know, you had asked, and I think that 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:38.600 was my honest answer. 0:13:39.200 --> 0:13:42.560 Mm hm. Is this something you've ever talked to your 0:13:42.559 --> 0:13:44.160 mom about? 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:51.160 No, I have talked to my therapist about it. 0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:52.600 What did they say. 0:13:53.080 --> 0:13:59.960 Never my mother. She The advice she gave me was 0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:03.800 it's just very simple. It was like, you know, re 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:07.600 react to it and let your body process it, and 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:10.880 just communicate whatever happens with her and hopefully you guys 0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:14.400 can work it out. She knows that we don't communicate 0:14:14.520 --> 0:14:18.559 very well, so we came up with some like tips 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:23.880 and tricks for going if that situation were to arise. 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:25.440 But fingers crossed. 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:25.480 It does not. 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:28.520 Can I hear what these tips and tricks are. 0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:39.960 One of them was like writing down ideas like kind 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:42.240 of like almost like in a like a you know, 0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:46.600 just like notes, so if you did get flustered in 0:14:46.680 --> 0:14:50.200 the conversation, you could just draw back to that and 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:51.840 make sure that you guys are staying on track and 0:14:51.880 --> 0:14:55.720 it's not just like exploding, And the other one was 0:14:56.520 --> 0:15:00.640 maybe writing her a letter instead, since I you know, 0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:04.840 we communicate well over text, just not in person. Yeah, yeah, 0:15:04.880 --> 0:15:07.560 so like writing her a letter, so it's like more 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:09.760 than just a text message that someone can like look 0:15:09.800 --> 0:15:11.360 at on their phone and ignore. 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:14.560 Right, right. You can also you can collect your thoughts 0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:16.680 a little bit better when you have some time to 0:15:16.680 --> 0:15:23.600 write them down and prepare them. Yeah, exactly, why do 0:15:23.640 --> 0:15:28.600 you why do you feel like you like I'm prepared? Sure? Well, okay, 0:15:28.640 --> 0:15:30.000 so what I was gonna say just now is like 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:32.520 this is into the more I'm talking about it though, 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:38.120 it's very interesting because you have integrated your mom into 0:15:38.160 --> 0:15:44.440 your life in this you know, in this way. Why 0:15:44.440 --> 0:15:51.840 do you feel like you have trouble communicating with her? 0:15:52.840 --> 0:15:57.080 I think it's mostly just a childhood thing. She's one 0:15:57.120 --> 0:16:00.560 of eleven kids, and so her family is like a 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:05.240 yelling family, right, They never really like you don't you're crying, 0:16:05.360 --> 0:16:07.720 You don't sit down and talk to you mom about 0:16:07.720 --> 0:16:09.400 your feelings. You just shut up and sit down and 0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:12.600 need dinner because there's eleven of you. 0:16:13.920 --> 0:16:17.120 And is that the uh? Does she bring that energy 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:21.320 into your family when when you were growing up. 0:16:24.480 --> 0:16:27.320 I think there was definitely like a conscious effort to 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:36.120 have conversations. I think when it came to like serious topics, uh, 0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:39.960 they were just not handled as well as they could 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:42.240 have been. And it always gets kind of ugly. I 0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:45.160 think again, like you know, just a wolfing stubborn you 0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:48.880 don't want to like give on either side about what 0:16:48.920 --> 0:16:49.880 you're arguing about. 0:16:50.480 --> 0:16:58.800 Right. You mentioned you guys both being stubborn. Has that 0:16:58.880 --> 0:17:01.640 has this gotten like has this communication issue gotten like 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:09.440 better as you've your relationship has progressed and as you've 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:15.760 degraded her to your rave family, I would say yes. 0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:20.240 I think seeing her and being able to interact with 0:17:20.280 --> 0:17:25.760 her in a way that is more like friendly and 0:17:25.880 --> 0:17:30.480 just like relaxing or you know, partying or whatever it 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:34.000 is kind of when you have enough of those interactions, 0:17:34.600 --> 0:17:36.960 I feel like it's changed the way I see her 0:17:37.000 --> 0:17:40.560 when I speak to her. Yeah, I don't. I haven't 0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:45.160 called my mom mom in like, I don't know, six 0:17:45.240 --> 0:17:47.520 and a half years. I call her by her name. 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:52.159 People think that's weird, but it's just when we started 0:17:52.160 --> 0:17:54.960 attending bars together. It was something I did because I 0:17:54.960 --> 0:17:58.640 didn't I just didn't want to be like mom across 0:17:58.640 --> 0:17:59.320 the bar, you know. 0:18:00.160 --> 0:18:04.040 Hmmm, so you've been calling her by her first name 0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:05.679 for six years. 0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:13.359 Yeah, And I think kind of having that separation of 0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:19.719 your mother versus you know, this another adult person, and 0:18:19.760 --> 0:18:23.480 having enough of those interactions has kind of like helped 0:18:23.520 --> 0:18:25.959 rewire my brain. So when I see her and we 0:18:26.000 --> 0:18:28.240 are talking, I don't just think of her as like 0:18:28.760 --> 0:18:31.399 my annoying mother who wants you know, A B and 0:18:31.480 --> 0:18:36.119 C and uh. It's it's just allowed me to like 0:18:36.920 --> 0:18:39.280 actually have a conversation. I don't know what it's like 0:18:39.320 --> 0:18:42.320 on her end, but she also seems to communicate a 0:18:42.359 --> 0:18:44.080 lot better with me as well. 0:18:43.880 --> 0:18:46.800 All yeah, I was gonna ask like about her end, 0:18:46.960 --> 0:18:51.520 like how do you think she feels about you calling 0:18:51.560 --> 0:18:57.960 her by her name instead of calling her your mom? 0:18:58.520 --> 0:19:00.840 She doesn't mind it. We've had convers stations about it. 0:19:01.119 --> 0:19:02.840 There's a lot of people who think it's weird and 0:19:02.880 --> 0:19:05.080 they'll be like why do like why do you call 0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:08.480 her that? And I'm like, that's her second name, Like, yeah, 0:19:08.480 --> 0:19:12.280 she's my mom, but we I don't know. I just 0:19:12.640 --> 0:19:16.080 I feel like once that kind of like high school 0:19:16.400 --> 0:19:19.920 teenage mothering situation turned off, I just turned the name off. 0:19:23.240 --> 0:19:31.240 Do you feel like you calling her by her real name, 0:19:31.359 --> 0:19:35.080 which you're saying, is giving you a more I guess, 0:19:35.119 --> 0:19:38.680 three dimensional portrait of her in your head, seeing her 0:19:38.720 --> 0:19:42.240 as more of her own person than just as your mom. 0:19:43.080 --> 0:19:45.080 Do you think that's helped you guys' relationship. 0:19:48.119 --> 0:19:53.200 I don't think I noticed a difference in the beginning 0:19:53.880 --> 0:20:00.000 as much as I do now, And I don't really 0:20:00.320 --> 0:20:03.600 know what, you know, what exactly came into play with that, 0:20:03.800 --> 0:20:06.800 but I I think in the beginning it was just like, oh, 0:20:06.840 --> 0:20:09.160 I'm at the bar with my mom. I don't want 0:20:09.200 --> 0:20:11.360 other people to see her at my mom and Kate, 0:20:11.680 --> 0:20:13.200 you know whatever. 0:20:15.480 --> 0:20:18.440 So a part of it was like in service of her. 0:20:21.480 --> 0:20:24.160 Yeah, I mean she's you know, we we, like I said, 0:20:24.160 --> 0:20:29.160 we frequent the same bar, and if she's if she's 0:20:29.200 --> 0:20:31.280 on like a date there and I just so happened 0:20:31.320 --> 0:20:33.080 to also be going there. I don't want to walk 0:20:33.160 --> 0:20:34.600 up and be like hey mom and. 0:20:34.560 --> 0:20:35.960 He's like, oh you you have. 0:20:35.960 --> 0:20:38.359 Kids, like you know, I just kind of erased that 0:20:38.440 --> 0:20:41.680 part out and just call her Liz because we've had 0:20:41.680 --> 0:20:44.720 that happen before, where she's like on a date and 0:20:44.760 --> 0:20:46.840 I walk up and then you know, at the end 0:20:46.880 --> 0:20:50.040 of the night, we I asked her if she needed 0:20:50.040 --> 0:20:52.280 a ride, and she was like, oh, that's so nice, 0:20:52.359 --> 0:20:54.639 and she's like, yeah, the daughter, you know, but I 0:20:54.680 --> 0:20:59.240 didn't he wouldn't know that because I didn't call her mom. 0:20:59.359 --> 0:21:01.399 This is really fascinating to me because this is like, 0:21:02.760 --> 0:21:09.920 you know, there is something really especially you know, when 0:21:09.920 --> 0:21:13.239 you become like an adult adult, there is something to 0:21:13.240 --> 0:21:18.399 be said about you. You really upgrade your relationship with 0:21:18.440 --> 0:21:21.359 your parents the more you can see them outside of 0:21:21.400 --> 0:21:25.240 the context of them being your parents. But then within that, 0:21:25.520 --> 0:21:29.600 how do you also maintain you know, I mean, the 0:21:29.640 --> 0:21:33.000 fact that they are your parents and that is its 0:21:33.040 --> 0:21:39.280 own special relationship. It's an interesting push and pull. So 0:21:39.520 --> 0:21:41.960 I have a question for you, and I was kind 0:21:42.000 --> 0:21:48.440 of holding on to it for a bit. Now, you 0:21:48.480 --> 0:21:51.600 have done Molly and mushrooms with your mother, I assume 0:21:51.760 --> 0:21:53.920 several times with all the raves and stuff. 0:21:55.480 --> 0:22:00.840 Yeah, yeah, probably probably like three or four times significantly. Yeah, 0:22:00.880 --> 0:22:03.720 but like you know, at home chilling with all her 0:22:04.560 --> 0:22:07.479 fuck shitty, we probably like ten or twelve. 0:22:08.720 --> 0:22:10.639 And And have you ever done Molly your mushrooms with 0:22:10.760 --> 0:22:12.960 just her or is it always in a group setting? 0:22:14.359 --> 0:22:17.760 Yes? I have just her. Yeah, we've we've done that 0:22:18.640 --> 0:22:23.000 we did like the music festival. And then another significant 0:22:23.000 --> 0:22:27.960 time was we actually in the four plexat we have, 0:22:28.160 --> 0:22:33.640 there's a Airbnb also, and so instead of my mom 0:22:33.680 --> 0:22:38.240 renting out the airbnb that night, she just left it 0:22:38.280 --> 0:22:41.560 open and we turned it into like kind of like 0:22:41.600 --> 0:22:44.520 a like a DJ room and like put a couple 0:22:44.560 --> 0:22:46.800 of DJs in there and had like lights and stuff, 0:22:47.160 --> 0:22:50.439 and we had a bunch of our friends over and 0:22:50.440 --> 0:22:52.679 and that was a pretty significant time as well. 0:22:52.920 --> 0:22:54.760 I'm talking about like just well, okay, so let me 0:22:54.800 --> 0:22:57.560 here's what I'm getting at is like and if you know, 0:22:57.680 --> 0:23:00.960 for me, I've experienced, like you know, Molly mushrooms. There 0:23:01.040 --> 0:23:03.400 they are like you know, you said your and your 0:23:03.400 --> 0:23:06.879 mom have trouble like communicating with each other. And to me, 0:23:07.080 --> 0:23:11.600 like Molly is like, it's just the fucking ultimates. Here's 0:23:12.520 --> 0:23:17.560 everything on my chest and every vulnerable vulnerability I have 0:23:17.720 --> 0:23:20.280 to give. Let me just throw it out there, like 0:23:20.320 --> 0:23:23.240 it really kind of primes your brain in that sense. 0:23:23.359 --> 0:23:26.560 And I guess it. I have very limited experience with mushrooms, 0:23:26.600 --> 0:23:29.960 but I assume it does a similar thing. And have 0:23:30.040 --> 0:23:32.960 you had any interactions with your mom both of you 0:23:33.000 --> 0:23:37.879 guys being on these these drugs that kind of enhance 0:23:37.960 --> 0:23:42.320 your tendency for vulnerability and sharing. Has that brought up 0:23:43.200 --> 0:23:49.240 anything in in this your guys' relationship, or like any 0:23:49.520 --> 0:23:51.040 thing that you guys have been talking about, you know 0:23:51.080 --> 0:23:52.000 what I'm kind of asking. 0:23:53.440 --> 0:23:56.640 Yeah, Yeah, No, I totally get that. No, I don't 0:23:56.680 --> 0:24:00.560 really feel like it has more chillen like at home 0:24:00.600 --> 0:24:02.760 with the mushrooms, like you said, like it is, it's 0:24:02.800 --> 0:24:05.560 not the same as far as like you said, still 0:24:05.600 --> 0:24:09.719 your guts and tell everything. But I do think it 0:24:09.800 --> 0:24:12.879 makes things easier, just like in my mind more clear 0:24:12.880 --> 0:24:14.400 and I'm able to communicate better. 0:24:15.480 --> 0:24:17.040 So what helps you communicate better with her? 0:24:19.320 --> 0:24:24.239 Yeah? I can say that we had one experience at 0:24:24.400 --> 0:24:28.480 a music festival where she wanted to have a conversation 0:24:28.560 --> 0:24:32.399 about something, but for me, it was just kind of 0:24:32.480 --> 0:24:36.040 triggering with my dad, and so I just didn't feel 0:24:36.080 --> 0:24:39.600 comfortable sharing that moment with her in that time. You know, 0:24:39.680 --> 0:24:41.840 it's supposed to be like a positive space for me, 0:24:42.560 --> 0:24:45.520 So I kind of shut that down and we I 0:24:45.600 --> 0:24:50.080 tried to revisit it after, but she couldn't really figure 0:24:50.080 --> 0:24:52.679 out why it was significant. I don't know if she 0:24:52.840 --> 0:24:55.480 was telling the truth and she just didn't want to 0:24:55.520 --> 0:24:57.800 talk about it, or you know what I mean. 0:24:59.640 --> 0:25:02.520 So she in that music festival environment, like had she 0:25:02.680 --> 0:25:05.120 was on what's molly or mushrooms or something like that, 0:25:05.960 --> 0:25:10.240 and yeah, this thing that she really wanted to talk 0:25:10.240 --> 0:25:14.240 about was like brought up into her mind, but it 0:25:14.320 --> 0:25:16.760 was too intense for you at the time, so you 0:25:16.800 --> 0:25:18.240 didn't you didn't have the conversation. 0:25:20.720 --> 0:25:26.800 Yeah, exactly. I find that mushrooms make me really emotional, 0:25:26.960 --> 0:25:31.119 like I feel things a lot deeper. And so while 0:25:31.800 --> 0:25:37.359 having those conversations is great, if they ever veer, like 0:25:37.480 --> 0:25:39.680