1 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:07,960 Speaker 1: This is Unbreakable with Jay Glacier, a mental health podcast 2 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:11,600 Speaker 1: helping you out of the gray and into the blue. 3 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:14,120 Speaker 1: Now here's Jay Glacier. 4 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 2: Welcome to Unbreakable, a mental health podcast with Jay Glazer. 5 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:19,799 Speaker 3: I'm Jay Glazer. 6 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:24,040 Speaker 2: Today we have a very, very inspiring special guest. And 7 00:00:24,079 --> 00:00:26,600 Speaker 2: before we get to him, if you're like many people, 8 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:28,840 Speaker 2: you may be surprised to learn that one in five 9 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:32,720 Speaker 2: adults in this country experience mental illness last year, yet 10 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:35,080 Speaker 2: far too many fail to receive the support they needed. 11 00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 3: Caroline, behavioral health is doing something about it. 12 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,640 Speaker 2: They understand that behavioral health is a key part of 13 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:45,440 Speaker 2: whole health, delivering compassionate care that treats physical, mental, emotional, 14 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:50,560 Speaker 2: and social needs in tandem. Tarlen, behavioral health raising the 15 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:55,040 Speaker 2: quality of life through empathy and action. And with that, 16 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:58,720 Speaker 2: I'd love to welcome in a very special friend of mine, 17 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:01,880 Speaker 2: very special guest, the inspiring people I've ever talked to 18 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 2: my entire life. And we sat down recently and up 19 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:08,440 Speaker 2: here at SOO Elison, Malibu, and we ate and we cried, 20 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:10,160 Speaker 2: and we ate some more, and we cried some more. 21 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 2: We ate some more, we cried some more. Oh my God, 22 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 2: Welcome in like I said a very close dear friend 23 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:16,560 Speaker 2: of mine, Kevin Hines, how are. 24 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:17,000 Speaker 3: You, buddy? 25 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:19,280 Speaker 4: Thank you, Jay, It's so great to be here with you. 26 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 4: I feel blessed right now and I'm very grateful. 27 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:25,120 Speaker 2: Well, man, you feeling blessed is a great great to 28 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:31,240 Speaker 2: hear and listen. Your story is remarkable, incredible, uplifting shows 29 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 2: people also that man, life can change in an instance, 30 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:39,320 Speaker 2: in several different ways. So I want you to I 31 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:42,120 Speaker 2: don't want to take take up more by introducing you 32 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 2: and your story. I want you to introduce you and 33 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:45,560 Speaker 2: your story. 34 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:52,120 Speaker 4: Take it away absolutely. So A lot of people know, well, 35 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,920 Speaker 4: a handful of people know that in the year two thousand, 36 00:01:56,680 --> 00:02:00,960 Speaker 4: because of bipolar depression, the very same brain disease both 37 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:04,920 Speaker 4: my birth parents had before me. As I'm adopted, I 38 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 4: was genetically predisposed to it twice. And I did get 39 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:11,560 Speaker 4: diagnosed with bipolar depression psychotic features at seventeen and a 40 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,840 Speaker 4: half years of age. And that's when I had my 41 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,920 Speaker 4: first complete mental breakdown, and I didn't know what to 42 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:17,240 Speaker 4: call it. 43 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:17,640 Speaker 3: Jay. 44 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 4: I didn't know what the symptoms meant. I didn't they 45 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:22,399 Speaker 4: were I didn't know how to articulate myself about them. 46 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,680 Speaker 4: So what I did when I dealt with those symptoms 47 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,840 Speaker 4: is my family knew I was unwell, but they didn't 48 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 4: know why. None of us had dealt with this kind 49 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:32,800 Speaker 4: of scenario before. And I buried and silenced all of 50 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:37,600 Speaker 4: my pain. I quieted my paranoid delusions, my hallucinations, auditory 51 00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaker 4: and visual, my mannias, my depressions, my panting attacks, the 52 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,880 Speaker 4: heart palpitations. I just shut it all out. And I 53 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 4: didn't tell anyone the severity of my symptoms because I 54 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,960 Speaker 4: didn't know what they were or how to talk about them. 55 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,520 Speaker 3: And that led you to I want to quickly go 56 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:52,400 Speaker 3: in through it. That led you to while were here 57 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:53,720 Speaker 3: and then kind of backtrack to it. 58 00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:57,280 Speaker 4: Yeah, so that led me to attempting to take my 59 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:02,079 Speaker 4: life at nineteen years of age off the Golden Gate Bridge, 60 00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:06,239 Speaker 4: the most frequented spot for suicide in the world. And 61 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:10,720 Speaker 4: I believed that you died upon impact, and frankly so 62 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 4: you did. So you jumped off the Golden Grate Bridge, 63 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:15,760 Speaker 4: would leave off the Golden Gate Bridge in an attempt 64 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,960 Speaker 4: to take my life at nineteen On September fifth of 65 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,239 Speaker 4: the year twenty twenty three years ago. 66 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:26,000 Speaker 5: You said, So, what day did you say September twenty fifth. Okay, yeah, 67 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:29,360 Speaker 5: and I went to the bridge, and I'll never forget Jay, 68 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,080 Speaker 5: the ride to the bridge. This is very important because 69 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 5: I sat on a crowded unibus in San Francisco, sitting 70 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,680 Speaker 5: in the very back row, in the middle seat, looking 71 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:42,240 Speaker 5: out upon what was one hundred or so people that 72 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 5: boarded this bus, and all of them were going to 73 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 5: visit the Golden Gate Bridge to experience all of its 74 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:54,840 Speaker 5: beauty and revere and they were and splendor. 75 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,920 Speaker 3: I didn't know that. I didn't know that part. Yeah. 76 00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:01,000 Speaker 4: They were all there to take pictures and be with 77 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 4: family and go for hikes and walks and bike rides, 78 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,600 Speaker 4: and they were loved. And I get on this bus, 79 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:11,760 Speaker 4: and Jay, all I wanted was for one person to 80 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:16,760 Speaker 4: stop me and say something to the effect of a kid, Okay, brother, 81 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,039 Speaker 4: there's something wrong, or paw, can I help you. I 82 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:20,720 Speaker 4: hadn't made a pact with myself. And I don't know 83 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 4: if you know this, Jay, but it's very common people 84 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:25,560 Speaker 4: make packs with themselves who are suicidal, and it's a 85 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,920 Speaker 4: packed and it basically is instinctual, and it's if then 86 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:32,320 Speaker 4: if one person says or does this, I will if 87 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,080 Speaker 4: one person says or does this, I won't die today. 88 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,360 Speaker 4: And my if then was if one person says, are 89 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:39,840 Speaker 4: you okay, it's something wrong? Can I help you? I 90 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 4: would tell them everything and beg them to save me, 91 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,840 Speaker 4: and I would not jump. And I'm on the bus 92 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,560 Speaker 4: and I realized We're getting closer and closer to that 93 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 4: destination and I'm crying my eyes out, I'm waterfalls flowing 94 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 4: from my eyes and one hundred people are staring at me. 95 00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:58,680 Speaker 4: And then Jay, I don't know if you know this, 96 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:01,279 Speaker 4: but I began yelling aloud out on a crowded bus 97 00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 4: filled with people at the top of my lungs, leave 98 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,400 Speaker 4: me alone. I don't want to die. Why do you 99 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,200 Speaker 4: hate me so much? What did I ever do to you? 100 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,840 Speaker 4: At the voices I was hearing in my head, Wow, 101 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:16,159 Speaker 4: for hallucinations that I still have today that were telling 102 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:19,080 Speaker 4: me I had to die. And if you've net Jay, 103 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:24,000 Speaker 4: if you've never heard or seen visual autry hallucinations, imagine 104 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,840 Speaker 4: your earbuds around your headphones are on right there, and 105 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 4: instead of that playlist of music or that book you're 106 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 4: listening to or that podcast right you hear a person 107 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:34,640 Speaker 4: or people's voices in your head telling you to do 108 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:38,000 Speaker 4: things that you absolutely don't want to, wow, but you 109 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,120 Speaker 4: believe them to be in charge. 110 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:41,360 Speaker 3: I don't know those party either. 111 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,719 Speaker 4: Yeah, you know this, and Jay, I always say this, 112 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 4: the voices would win the day. The bus gets to 113 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,760 Speaker 4: the going a Bridge parlor, but not before the man 114 00:05:50,839 --> 00:05:54,640 Speaker 4: to my left, after I'm yelling at my voices, turns 115 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,919 Speaker 4: to the guy next to him, points to me with 116 00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:00,120 Speaker 4: his thumb with a smile on his face, while laughing, 117 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,440 Speaker 4: I get my pain. What the hell's wrong with that kid? 118 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:07,800 Speaker 4: Abrupt loud, audible for everyone to hear. Now everyone's really 119 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,360 Speaker 4: staring at me, And I turned and looked at him, 120 00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:14,479 Speaker 4: and I felt broken. Jay I felt absolutely broken. 121 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:16,520 Speaker 2: I would love for people to hear this now and 122 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:20,080 Speaker 2: ask yourself, Yeah, would I be the type to laugh 123 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 2: or would I be the type to help? And if 124 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,839 Speaker 2: you're the type that you know would laugh, let's change 125 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,960 Speaker 2: that about ourselves right now. If you're the type that 126 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 2: you know would help, love yourself up for that right now, 127 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,120 Speaker 2: because you may have saved someone's life already and you 128 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 2: have no idea about it. 129 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:37,920 Speaker 3: Go ahead, Jemen, Thank you, Jay. 130 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,680 Speaker 4: So basically what happened is the bus got to the 131 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 4: Golden gate Bridge. One hundred people deboard the bus right there, 132 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:48,080 Speaker 4: with their fanny packs that were multicolored and zippered, and 133 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,120 Speaker 4: their foreign access from all over the world, and their 134 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:54,920 Speaker 4: cameras that weren't phones. And they they really were there 135 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:58,720 Speaker 4: to experience the splendor and wonder of this bridge. And 136 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,920 Speaker 4: I was there to disappear forever I got off the bus. 137 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:04,800 Speaker 4: But before I got off the bus, here this is 138 00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:08,479 Speaker 4: also important. I looked to the bus driver to stop me. 139 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:12,320 Speaker 4: I looked him in his eyes, and waterfalls are flowing 140 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:14,920 Speaker 4: from mine. It's obvious I'm crying. My eyes are red. 141 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,239 Speaker 4: And he goes, come on, kid, get off the bus. 142 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:20,760 Speaker 4: I gotta go. And I looked down. I say, all right, man. 143 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:24,680 Speaker 4: I walked down those two steps. I walk across the 144 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:27,640 Speaker 4: two mile stretch of walkway. It is the Golden gate Bridge. 145 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:34,960 Speaker 4: For the next forty minutes, crying, the baby, bikers, joggers, runners, tourists, 146 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,840 Speaker 4: patrol officers searching for suicidal people all went by me 147 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:44,160 Speaker 4: at least twice. Now, to be fair, Jay, those officers 148 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,720 Speaker 4: had not been trained in the year two thousand in 149 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 4: suicide prevention. They are today. I've trained many of them, 150 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:53,000 Speaker 4: and today those officers saved between fifty and one hundred 151 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:56,120 Speaker 4: and twenty lives every year, and that's incredible. He did 152 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 4: not have that protocol for me, right, So I get 153 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:00,520 Speaker 4: we didn't. 154 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 2: Talk about mental health back then, and oh no, it 155 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,840 Speaker 2: hard to recognize. And I still think we're ways away, 156 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:09,080 Speaker 2: but at least having these conversations now, it's light years 157 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:09,520 Speaker 2: ahead of that. 158 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,240 Speaker 4: So I get to a particular light rail, a very 159 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 4: specific light rol which I will not name, but I 160 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:18,760 Speaker 4: know very well even now. I stood over that light 161 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:22,080 Speaker 4: rail and I profusely cried my tears to the waters below, 162 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,240 Speaker 4: and a woman from my left approached me with a 163 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 4: big smile, giant sunglasses, and I thought, this lady's gonna 164 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 4: ask me if I'm okay. I don't have to do this. 165 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:36,560 Speaker 4: I don't have to die today, and she approached. I 166 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:38,880 Speaker 4: waited for the ru okay, and then she pulled out 167 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:42,080 Speaker 4: a digital camera and said, will you take my picture? 168 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,800 Speaker 4: And I couldn't believe it. Yeah, I was like, you 169 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:47,800 Speaker 4: gotta be kidding me. She doesn't see the pain I'm 170 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:51,040 Speaker 4: right now. Maybe it's maybe the sun's in her eyes. 171 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,840 Speaker 4: But I left the fate of my life in a 172 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:57,360 Speaker 4: complete stranger's hands and that was a mistake, and that 173 00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:59,920 Speaker 4: wasn't her fault. What happened next to I took her 174 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:04,240 Speaker 4: picture several times, about five times. She took her camera back, 175 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 4: and she walked away. But she didn't walk away twenty 176 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,959 Speaker 4: eight yards off the bridge. She walked back across again, 177 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:14,160 Speaker 4: the entire two mile stretch of walkway, which is what 178 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:17,120 Speaker 4: people did at the ninth wonder of the world, the 179 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,360 Speaker 4: Golden Gate Bridge, every day to experience all of its 180 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:22,040 Speaker 4: glorious beauty, where I was there to destroy all of mine. 181 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:27,480 Speaker 4: Jay when she walked away, I said to myself, absolutely 182 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 4: no one cares the furthest thing from the truth. Let 183 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:37,680 Speaker 4: me articulate that even further today, about half an hour ago, 184 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,920 Speaker 4: I finished a talk in front of two thousand high 185 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:46,480 Speaker 4: school students. And when I asked those students, by honest 186 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,800 Speaker 4: to God, raise the hands. Had any of you seen 187 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:53,560 Speaker 4: me that day on the bridge, nineteen year old young me, 188 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:58,400 Speaker 4: ready to take my life, ready to leave my family forever. 189 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:02,680 Speaker 4: How many of you in this audience would have cared? 190 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,600 Speaker 4: One hundred percent of the audience, both students, staff, and 191 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:11,040 Speaker 4: counselors raise their hands. That's beautiful, right, It's it's gorgeous. 192 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:14,680 Speaker 4: And we can say that about anyone, But we can't 193 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:18,480 Speaker 4: get the help we need if we aren't willing to 194 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:22,880 Speaker 4: ask for it and exhaust that ask until we get it. 195 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,280 Speaker 4: Because it's not everyone, and. 196 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,240 Speaker 3: You aren't asking for help. 197 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,720 Speaker 2: You were hoping somebody recognize the right exactly you were 198 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 2: crying for help, but you weren't asking. 199 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,400 Speaker 4: I wasn't asked, difference, but I was also, Jay, in 200 00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 4: complete denial of my disease. I don't have this illness. 201 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:39,240 Speaker 4: I'm not flawed. There's nothing wrong with me, you know. 202 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:43,440 Speaker 4: And so in that denial, I lied to myself, I 203 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,920 Speaker 4: lied to my family, I lied to my friends, and 204 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,360 Speaker 4: I almost die because of it. So what I'm here 205 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:52,760 Speaker 4: to say, Jay, is to your audience, to everyone that listens, views, watching, subscribes. 206 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:58,480 Speaker 4: Don't learn the hard way like I did. Bag plead 207 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:02,160 Speaker 4: and ask for help whenever you need it to everyone, 208 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:05,200 Speaker 4: And it's not going to be everybody that comes to 209 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,360 Speaker 4: your aid, because not everybody is willing or able to 210 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,040 Speaker 4: empathize with that kind of pain period. 211 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,200 Speaker 6: When people just are on equipped now, people can't do it. 212 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:12,840 Speaker 6: Some people don't have the empathy, they can't make they 213 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:16,640 Speaker 6: can't shake it. But by the sheer probability of the 214 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:20,240 Speaker 6: number of people you turn to someone will be willing 215 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 6: to answer your call. And Jay, I can prove right message. 216 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:28,120 Speaker 6: I can prove that in the last twenty three years, 217 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,720 Speaker 6: since my attempt off that bridge you see behind me, 218 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:35,720 Speaker 6: I have been chronically suicidal for twenty three years. It 219 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:39,319 Speaker 6: doesn't happen every day, it happens often enough, Jay, you understand, 220 00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:43,120 Speaker 6: and those chronic suicidal ideations they're insidious. They're inspid, and 221 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,480 Speaker 6: they perseparate in your brain and you feel like you 222 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:48,400 Speaker 6: can't get the loop out of your head when that happens. 223 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,199 Speaker 6: I do exactly two things. 224 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:53,960 Speaker 4: Every time I find a mirror, Jay, in any room, 225 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,480 Speaker 4: I find a mirror wherever I am, I look in 226 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,280 Speaker 4: that mirror and I say, first, my thoughts do not 227 00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:01,840 Speaker 4: have to to come my actions, they can simply be 228 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,319 Speaker 4: my thoughts. And the second thing I do, Jay, is 229 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,280 Speaker 4: I turn to anyone in front of me. And Jay, 230 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,320 Speaker 4: if I was feeling this way right now, if I 231 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,520 Speaker 4: was Sue's settled right now, which I'm not, I would 232 00:12:11,559 --> 00:12:17,040 Speaker 4: say to you right now for effective, purposeful words, Jay, 233 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 4: I want you to repeat them after me. Ready, I 234 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 4: right need need help, help now. 235 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:29,800 Speaker 3: Now Okay, So how would I support you there? Right? 236 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,040 Speaker 4: But first of all, do you know how hard that 237 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,319 Speaker 4: is for some people? Sure, it's so hard to look 238 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:35,920 Speaker 4: someone in the eyes and say I need help now 239 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,520 Speaker 4: and then describe what you need right? But I do 240 00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:41,200 Speaker 4: it every time everywhere I go, And in twenty three 241 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 4: years of being suicidal, I've done that to people all 242 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,040 Speaker 4: around the world, sometimes who I don't know from Adam, 243 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,760 Speaker 4: and they have stepped up. For twenty three years, people 244 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,960 Speaker 4: have stepped up and kept me safe from myself. 245 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,440 Speaker 3: Now I'll be here, and so here's my question. 246 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 2: And again we're about to get to Kevin's story also 247 00:12:58,240 --> 00:12:59,040 Speaker 2: where he does job. 248 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,160 Speaker 3: So I help people, We're saying, hey, what happened next? 249 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 2: Well, more importantly, how would I support you right there 250 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,800 Speaker 2: when you say to me, I need help now? 251 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,880 Speaker 4: So this is crucial Jay for your whole audience. It 252 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,280 Speaker 4: doesn't mean you have to put them in a psych ward. 253 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:14,040 Speaker 4: Do you have to call the police now that if 254 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:15,679 Speaker 4: that's necessary for a cute situation. 255 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:16,240 Speaker 3: I get that. 256 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,640 Speaker 4: I've been there ten times, psyche Words stays myself. I 257 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:22,360 Speaker 4: get it. What I'm saying is I often need somebody 258 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:26,200 Speaker 4: to sit beside me and listen to understand, not to respond. 259 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:29,080 Speaker 4: I don't need your advice. I need to know you're there. 260 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:30,800 Speaker 4: I need to know you've got my back. 261 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,720 Speaker 3: So, but how would I do that? How would I say? 262 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 3: What would I say to you like I want to 263 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,360 Speaker 3: get specifically? What would I say? Would I just say, Kevin, 264 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:37,600 Speaker 3: how can I help you? 265 00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:38,400 Speaker 4: What is it? 266 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,640 Speaker 3: What does it look like for you right now? Yeah? 267 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 4: This is what it looks like. What do you need 268 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,319 Speaker 4: from me right now? 269 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:45,040 Speaker 3: Okay? 270 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,400 Speaker 4: Meet them where they're at, and then I would I 271 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:50,080 Speaker 4: would also say this. I would say, look, hey, I 272 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,679 Speaker 4: care about you, maybe even love the person I love you. 273 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,080 Speaker 4: Here are three questions I'm going to ask you right 274 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,560 Speaker 4: now because I am very worried, but I want you 275 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:01,120 Speaker 4: to be one hundred percent honest with your answers. I'm 276 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 4: not gonna accept anything else, and I want you to 277 00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:06,840 Speaker 4: know I am not going to judge your answers. I'm 278 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:10,440 Speaker 4: gonna be here for you. Are you thinking of killing yourself? 279 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:14,240 Speaker 4: Have you made plans to take your life? Do you 280 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,600 Speaker 4: have the means? That does not put the thought in 281 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,440 Speaker 4: their mind if it's not already there, that's a myth. 282 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 4: It gives them permission to speak on their pain. And Jay, 283 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,120 Speaker 4: a pain shared is a pain had. 284 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 3: So if you're saying to me, yes, I am planning, yeah, 285 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,760 Speaker 3: is my action to then say, okay, then we've got 286 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:34,960 Speaker 3: to go get your help now. Yes, we've got to call. 287 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:37,720 Speaker 4: We've got to call nine to eight. We've got to 288 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,160 Speaker 4: text CNQR to seven four and seven for one in 289 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,240 Speaker 4: the crisis text line. We have got to reach out 290 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 4: to the mental support systems we know and love in 291 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,840 Speaker 4: our lives. If we're if we're the kind of people 292 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,240 Speaker 4: like you, Jay, who does this work on a daily basis, 293 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,120 Speaker 4: on top of the other work you do in sports 294 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:54,160 Speaker 4: and fitness, like it's in martial arts. You know, you 295 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,120 Speaker 4: find the people that you know in your life have 296 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:59,200 Speaker 4: the resources, have the tools, have the ability to share 297 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,960 Speaker 4: information with someone to get them to a safe place. 298 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,760 Speaker 2: And you know, and if you say no, I'm not 299 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,920 Speaker 2: looking to feel myself. I just need to voice it. 300 00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,520 Speaker 2: I want to act like I would. Okay, Well I'm 301 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:11,680 Speaker 2: here for you. Yeah, yeah, I'm here for you. 302 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:12,480 Speaker 3: I love you, brother. 303 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,160 Speaker 4: I just sit right here and I put my hand 304 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 4: on your shoulder and I listen, I listen. 305 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:19,280 Speaker 2: I give you a virtual hug. Right yeah, right, now, 306 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:20,320 Speaker 2: take us to the bridge. 307 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,960 Speaker 4: Absolutely, So the bus guts to go and get bridge. 308 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,200 Speaker 4: Everybody the boards. I go, I find that light rail 309 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:27,520 Speaker 4: leading over that light rail, the woman comes up. I 310 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,960 Speaker 4: take her picture. She walks away. At that moment, Jay, 311 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,960 Speaker 4: I said to myself, absolutely no one cares, which is, 312 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,800 Speaker 4: you know, is the greatest live I've ever told. Giving 313 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:38,480 Speaker 4: what I just told earlier, everybody cared. Nobody knew where 314 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,680 Speaker 4: I was and what I was doing. And then I 315 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,280 Speaker 4: leapt off the Golden Gate Bridge after hearing a voice 316 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:46,440 Speaker 4: in my head saying jump, now I did. I held 317 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:48,280 Speaker 4: two hundred and forty feet twenty five stories. 318 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,320 Speaker 3: Oh wait wait, so on the way down two hundred 319 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:51,000 Speaker 3: and forty feet? 320 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,240 Speaker 4: Yeah, how many stories? Twenty five? 321 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:57,560 Speaker 3: What is racing through your head as you're descending? What 322 00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:58,240 Speaker 3: have I just done? 323 00:15:58,240 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 4: It? I want to die, God, please save me? 324 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,480 Speaker 3: Not to God. Really yep. 325 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,160 Speaker 4: So the moment you did it, moment I had regret, 326 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:08,080 Speaker 4: a taneous regret for my actions and the one hundred 327 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,720 Speaker 4: percent recognition that I just made the greatest mistake in 328 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:11,720 Speaker 4: my life. It was too late. 329 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:12,840 Speaker 3: Oh my god. 330 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 4: Yeah, for ninety nine percent of the people that I 331 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:19,360 Speaker 4: left off that bridge, it's been too late. In ninety years, 332 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:23,240 Speaker 4: nearly a century of that bridge being open. Okay, ninety 333 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,840 Speaker 4: nine point nine percent of the people who've left off 334 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:30,520 Speaker 4: that bridge do not exist. Thirty nine individuals in ninety 335 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:34,120 Speaker 4: years have survived that fall. Twenty six remain alive today. 336 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 4: My name died of natural causes of old age. Nineteen 337 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 4: have come forward to say after I did, they all 338 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:43,800 Speaker 4: had the exact same instant regret that I had. Five 339 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:49,160 Speaker 4: of the survivor five of the survivors, including myself, get 340 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:52,680 Speaker 4: the privileged to stand, walk and run. They call us 341 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:57,680 Speaker 4: the most exclusive survivors club in the world. Wow in 342 00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:01,440 Speaker 4: the water, Jay, As I flailed almost so, you hit 343 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:04,360 Speaker 4: the water, hit the water. How did you survive that well? 344 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,880 Speaker 3: And what are most people die from? Is it the 345 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,040 Speaker 3: impact in the water? 346 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,480 Speaker 4: Is it? There's tons of ways to die off the 347 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,040 Speaker 4: Golden get Bridge jet. They're mostly very quick and violent. 348 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:15,840 Speaker 4: I'd rather not get into like the severity of it, 349 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,800 Speaker 4: because it's I don't want people to ruminate on it. 350 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 4: That could be dangerous. But I would say this, there 351 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:27,080 Speaker 4: is one way to survive that fall, and all of 352 00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 4: the survivors have survived in the same way, which I'm 353 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:31,200 Speaker 4: not going to repeat. I don't want anybody to minimic 354 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:35,040 Speaker 4: that activity. Yeah, but most people. But people don't understand 355 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:37,880 Speaker 4: is most people die upon impact in very very very 356 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:38,760 Speaker 4: violent ways. 357 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:40,639 Speaker 3: So you've got to land a certain way that you 358 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:42,920 Speaker 3: don't really have control over. You have no like somebody 359 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:43,359 Speaker 3: can go I. 360 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,440 Speaker 4: Can do this and yeah, give no control, which is 361 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:49,680 Speaker 4: why most people die, right, Yeah, Okay, So this vacuum 362 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,120 Speaker 4: sucks me under seventy feet neath the water service because 363 00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:54,760 Speaker 4: of the velocity which I've fallen. You hit the water 364 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:59,480 Speaker 4: jay at fifteen thousand pounds of pressure. Because the velocity 365 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,600 Speaker 4: which you fall I go down seventy feet. I opened 366 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:05,919 Speaker 4: my eyes. I'm drowning and I don't want to and 367 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:09,680 Speaker 4: I'm freaking out. I swim in any direction I'm going down. 368 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,840 Speaker 4: My eyes begin to bulge, my ears begin to ring. 369 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,480 Speaker 4: I knew I was the pressure. I shot for the 370 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:16,080 Speaker 4: opposite direction of the surface as fast as my arms 371 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:18,479 Speaker 4: would take me. I could not feel my legs. They 372 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 4: were moving. It was the fastest I ever swam in 373 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,280 Speaker 4: my life. That's all I wanted to do was live. 374 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,960 Speaker 4: I got closer and closer to the lit circle of 375 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:29,480 Speaker 4: water above me, and I started to convulse. My head 376 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:31,760 Speaker 4: started going back. My eyes began to roll in the 377 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 4: back of my head. I remember thinking, I can't die here. 378 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:36,800 Speaker 4: If I die here, no one will ever know. I 379 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,200 Speaker 4: didn't want to No one will ever know. I knew 380 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,720 Speaker 4: I made a mistake. I break the surface of the water. 381 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,080 Speaker 4: I bob up and down in it, and I did 382 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:47,080 Speaker 4: the one thing I've had control over since kindergarten. I prayed, God, 383 00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:49,160 Speaker 4: please save me. I don't want to die. I made 384 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:53,880 Speaker 4: a mistake. On repeat, and he heard me. A woman 385 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,159 Speaker 4: driving behind a red car at the moment of my 386 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,960 Speaker 4: attempt saw me go over, called her friend from her 387 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:01,640 Speaker 4: car phone in the year two thousand, called her friend 388 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,280 Speaker 4: in the United States Coast Guard. The only reason the 389 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,879 Speaker 4: Coastguard boy arrived behind me was because of that woman's 390 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,560 Speaker 4: phone call at the timely manner of which it did 391 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,760 Speaker 4: before I would sit out and drown a very few 392 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:12,320 Speaker 4: minute window. 393 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:13,960 Speaker 3: That's shark infested. 394 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,960 Speaker 4: It is shark infested. And so I'm in the water 395 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:20,160 Speaker 4: and I'm kind of I'm going down. I think I'm 396 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,240 Speaker 4: gonna drown. I think this is it. This is where 397 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:25,119 Speaker 4: I go. I can't get to the surface right, And 398 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,400 Speaker 4: that's when something began to circle beneath me, and I thought, 399 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,360 Speaker 4: you gotta be you gotta be kidnaped. I didn't die 400 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:32,480 Speaker 4: jumping off the Golden Gate bridge, and the shark is 401 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,119 Speaker 4: about to devour me. And I take my right hand 402 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,560 Speaker 4: because it's the only hand that works. And I'm starting 403 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:41,400 Speaker 4: to this thing and it won't go away. Wow, certainly, 404 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,480 Speaker 4: faster and faster, faster and faster, faster and faster. No 405 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,160 Speaker 4: longer my waiting in the water, treading in it. I'm 406 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,280 Speaker 4: lying on the top of my back being kept boyant 407 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,840 Speaker 4: by this creature, thinking that it's a nice shark. I've 408 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,320 Speaker 4: named him Herbert. The creature turned out to be no 409 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:54,919 Speaker 4: shark at all. 410 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:55,240 Speaker 3: Jay. 411 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:59,000 Speaker 4: It turned out that when I surfaced, the only reason 412 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,040 Speaker 4: I surface was because the creature was bumping me to 413 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:04,399 Speaker 4: the surface. And I was on a television program a 414 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,600 Speaker 4: year later, promoting a suicide prevention campaign in San Francisco 415 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,240 Speaker 4: on ABC News. I said to the show, I thought 416 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:13,119 Speaker 4: there was a shark beneath me in the water. People 417 00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:15,159 Speaker 4: wrote into the show from all over the world at 418 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,560 Speaker 4: viral online. One man's letter stuck out of all the rest. 419 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,040 Speaker 4: Of His name was Morgan. He was from Las Vegas, Nevada, 420 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,080 Speaker 4: and he was on the bridge that day with his 421 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,479 Speaker 4: mom and he writes to me and he says, Kevin, 422 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,280 Speaker 4: I'm so very glad you're alive. I was standing less 423 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:32,879 Speaker 4: than two feet away from you when you jumped. Until 424 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,200 Speaker 4: this day, no one would tell me whether you lived 425 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,360 Speaker 4: or died. It's haunted me until now. By the way, Kevin, 426 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,919 Speaker 4: there was no shark like you mentioned. You thought there 427 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:42,440 Speaker 4: was on the show, But there absolutely was. 428 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:43,720 Speaker 3: A sea lion. 429 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 4: No way, that is my friend Herbert right there. No 430 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:53,560 Speaker 4: way they see that's Herbert right there. Yeah, that's Herbert. 431 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:58,479 Speaker 4: And Herbert saved my life. This creature that didn't speak 432 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:02,520 Speaker 4: my language right there was the only ad your bet. 433 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,359 Speaker 4: It was the only animal that saved my life that 434 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:08,680 Speaker 4: day And it did not leave from beneath me until 435 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,679 Speaker 4: I heard the Coastguard boat and murmur behind me, and 436 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,399 Speaker 4: then it took off like a bat of the hell. 437 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:17,359 Speaker 4: Coastguard fishes me onto a flatboard. They secondarily saved my life. 438 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:20,120 Speaker 4: They get me to the hospital. Tertiarily. The doctor there, 439 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,160 Speaker 4: one of the foremost back surgeons on the West Coast, 440 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:25,080 Speaker 4: saved my back. Went into my left side. Twenty three 441 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,760 Speaker 4: stable scar across my left side. No Mahamaderma is gonna 442 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:29,480 Speaker 4: make that go away. And he went in there. He 443 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:34,040 Speaker 4: restructured my shattered vertebrae with titanium, titanium plates, titanum cages, 444 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:38,280 Speaker 4: titanium pins, the whole nine. That surgery never been done 445 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:41,480 Speaker 4: anything before, never been done to anybody again. He invented 446 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:41,879 Speaker 4: it for me. 447 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:44,760 Speaker 3: And how many how many injuries did you substand? 448 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,560 Speaker 4: From that? It shouted my T twelve L one, L two, 449 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,880 Speaker 4: and I sprained my right ankle, just a sprain right 450 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,720 Speaker 4: And so it was a four and a half week 451 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,560 Speaker 4: recovery in the physical hospital. I went from a wheelchair 452 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:00,560 Speaker 4: to a walker and a back race to back race 453 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,200 Speaker 4: in the cane, then right into my first syde words 454 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,240 Speaker 4: because he can't just call him after that, and Jay, 455 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 4: this is not even the kicker. Okay. So my dad 456 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,920 Speaker 4: calls me one day and I don't know the date. 457 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,560 Speaker 4: I'm not paying attention to the timeline. It's a year 458 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,000 Speaker 4: to the date of my attempt. At the exact time 459 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:17,399 Speaker 4: of my attempt. My father calls me, I'm going to 460 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:20,080 Speaker 4: the same city college where he dropped me off the 461 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:21,760 Speaker 4: day I went to attempts to take my life the 462 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:25,160 Speaker 4: year before he picks me up at the exact same 463 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 4: spot he dropped me off a year before when I 464 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,320 Speaker 4: went to take my life. We get I get in 465 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:31,480 Speaker 4: the car. We're driving. He goes, Dad, where are we going? 466 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,400 Speaker 4: He said, we're going for a drive. Said okay, Dad. 467 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,159 Speaker 4: So we go and we're driving down Nineteenth Avenue and 468 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,280 Speaker 4: then park Prosidio and you know, it goes only to 469 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:39,960 Speaker 4: the Golden Gate Bridge. I'm like, Dad, I don't want 470 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,919 Speaker 4: to do this. He goes, Kevin, we need closure, and 471 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:43,719 Speaker 4: I'm like, you need closure. I need to go one 472 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:45,639 Speaker 4: lay down. I didn't say that. He's six to one, 473 00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,400 Speaker 4: I'm nine. So we pull over. At that comment, he says, 474 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,480 Speaker 4: pick a flower from that flower bed. It's a purple 475 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,440 Speaker 4: tools with gold pollen inside. Beautiful flowers. I said, Dad, 476 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,080 Speaker 4: that's the police Officer's union building. There's police bikes, police cars, 477 00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:57,960 Speaker 4: and police officers in their dress blues in the windows. 478 00:22:57,960 --> 00:22:59,760 Speaker 4: I'm not going over there picking a flower at Samsuski. 479 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:01,720 Speaker 4: You get rested. He goes, pick a damn flower. So 480 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,000 Speaker 4: I picked the flower. We go to the Golden gate Bridge. 481 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,960 Speaker 4: I'm frantically shaking in the car. I'm having a panic attack. 482 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,120 Speaker 4: My heart's palpatating on my chest. We get to the bridge, 483 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,880 Speaker 4: he says, show me the exact light rail. I knew 484 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,000 Speaker 4: exactly where it was. I took him to that light rail. 485 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:16,879 Speaker 4: He held my hand. We said in our father and 486 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,680 Speaker 4: hel Mary. We dropped, he said, dropped the flower. I 487 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,560 Speaker 4: dropped the flower. He walked it down very slowly, made 488 00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,639 Speaker 4: the tiniest of ripple effect in the water, and immediately 489 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,320 Speaker 4: upon that ripple effect happening two feet to the right, 490 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:29,800 Speaker 4: popped up a settlement. 491 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:32,480 Speaker 3: No way. Wow. 492 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:37,600 Speaker 4: Yes, it was the most beautiful ever spent with my 493 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:41,320 Speaker 4: father next to him being the best man at my wedding, 494 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,719 Speaker 4: and there was no other choice. All my friends were 495 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:44,280 Speaker 4: pissed off. 496 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:49,640 Speaker 2: Incredible, absolutely incredible. So how many lives do you think 497 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:50,800 Speaker 2: you saved as a result of this? 498 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,200 Speaker 4: Oh, brother, I don't count. I'll tell you that. Well, 499 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,200 Speaker 4: I'll tell you this. I know for a fact that 500 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,080 Speaker 4: we've we've done data on some of it. My team 501 00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:01,160 Speaker 4: has I don't really do it, but we've done down 502 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,560 Speaker 4: some of it. And over the last twenty three years, 503 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:08,239 Speaker 4: literally a couple hundred thousand people have reached out to 504 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,560 Speaker 4: say that this story, somehow they heard it, saw it, 505 00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,760 Speaker 4: view did save their life. I don't say I saved lives. 506 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,240 Speaker 4: I'm a conduit. I give a message, you go home. 507 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,440 Speaker 4: They do the work. They're saving and changing their own lives. 508 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:22,040 Speaker 4: They hear a message that inspires them. It's the inspiration 509 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:23,640 Speaker 4: that leads them to change. 510 00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:25,800 Speaker 3: So you tell me you feel about this. 511 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,360 Speaker 2: When I've tried to help with the situation, I've tried 512 00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:31,199 Speaker 2: to villainize suicide. I don't want to glorify, and then 513 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:34,160 Speaker 2: is too glorify These days, I think, you know, we 514 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:36,080 Speaker 2: see our and this is like the power of suggestion. 515 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:37,679 Speaker 3: We see somebody commit suicide. 516 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,240 Speaker 2: We all have this outpouring of love, and people who 517 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,520 Speaker 2: are going through shitty times go, well, my life stocks 518 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:45,480 Speaker 2: right now. That person gets so much love. I'm gonna 519 00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,480 Speaker 2: do the same thing. So I try and villainize. So 520 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:49,200 Speaker 2: I just tell people, will say, hey, listen, lives about 521 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,480 Speaker 2: our choices. First life choice is life or death. Got 522 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,760 Speaker 2: to choose life because it's selfish not to because we're 523 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:57,120 Speaker 2: just leaving people with our problems. Now, let's be trying 524 00:24:57,119 --> 00:25:00,439 Speaker 2: to villainize. A lot of people react positively that to that. 525 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:02,800 Speaker 2: A lot of people say that's bullshit. You shouldn't say that. 526 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:04,640 Speaker 2: You wouldn't say its selfish as you have cancer. It's 527 00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:07,920 Speaker 2: a disease, but I'm trying to villainize it. What's your 528 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:08,640 Speaker 2: view on that. 529 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:14,320 Speaker 4: I believe suicide is never the solution to our problem. 530 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:17,440 Speaker 4: It is the problem. I believe suicide ideations are the 531 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,719 Speaker 4: greatest liars we know. We don't have to listen to them. 532 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,720 Speaker 4: That's why your thoughts don't have to become your actions. 533 00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,840 Speaker 4: They consider to be your thoughts. I also believe, Jay, 534 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:29,680 Speaker 4: that suicidal people, suicidal ideations and actions are not selfish, 535 00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:33,000 Speaker 4: because if you are, if you are being selfish, you 536 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:36,679 Speaker 4: have to know you are hurting other people. It has 537 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,600 Speaker 4: to be malicious. People who die by suicide or attempt 538 00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:44,760 Speaker 4: are in a world of what's called lethal emotional pain. 539 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,480 Speaker 4: That lethal emotions. Okay, Jay, look at it. Look at 540 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,600 Speaker 4: it like this. What is the say this out loud? 541 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:51,920 Speaker 4: What is the say the response? What is the one 542 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,040 Speaker 4: thing you want to happen? When you find yourself an 543 00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:56,960 Speaker 4: excruciating physical pain which you're in a lot of relief? 544 00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,160 Speaker 4: What is that pain? What do you want that relief? 545 00:25:59,440 --> 00:25:59,600 Speaker 3: Right? 546 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,040 Speaker 4: You want to go away, you want it to end, 547 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:06,080 Speaker 4: You wanted to stop right right? So that's physical pain. 548 00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:11,200 Speaker 4: I argue that brain pain here is three hundred thousand 549 00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,760 Speaker 4: times worse physical pain you've ever experienced. I'm in crucial, 550 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,800 Speaker 4: excuciating physical pain most days because of what I did 551 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,280 Speaker 4: off to go and get bridge. It's painful. My back 552 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:22,439 Speaker 4: is it hurts. It hurts all day. You understand that 553 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:23,520 Speaker 4: more than most so. 554 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:25,800 Speaker 2: But but you understand also like the other end of 555 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,640 Speaker 2: it is, there's a lot of us with that extreme pain, 556 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:30,920 Speaker 2: a lot of us with problems, and I'm trying to 557 00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,440 Speaker 2: take and they're different, right, but we all we kind 558 00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:35,880 Speaker 2: of think, men, our problems are the same as that. 559 00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,120 Speaker 3: And that's why for that group of people I'm trying 560 00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,520 Speaker 3: to who have the choice, Yeah. 561 00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:42,600 Speaker 2: I'm trying to villainize and say, man, it's selfish because 562 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,800 Speaker 2: you're leaving us with that pain. Don't do that to us. 563 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:46,960 Speaker 2: And I think it's more for that group of people. 564 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:49,720 Speaker 2: I understand there's other group who you're in, the other 565 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,960 Speaker 2: group where man, those roommates in our head, they're just 566 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:54,159 Speaker 2: gonna they're gonna win. 567 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:56,879 Speaker 4: I think that we need to teach people, and I 568 00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,840 Speaker 4: do it all around the world, is that your soucialidiation 569 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,920 Speaker 4: are not your fault. They're not selfish in the sense 570 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:10,520 Speaker 4: of selfishness. They're actually millions and millions of people have them, right, So, yes, 571 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:11,760 Speaker 4: people have these thoughts. 572 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,280 Speaker 2: Yes, but correct and I include myself in that one. 573 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:16,480 Speaker 3: Again, I'm not gonna do it. 574 00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:20,720 Speaker 4: I'm not gonna right right, Let's normalize the fact that 575 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:23,200 Speaker 4: we have these thoughts. But let's have a purpose driven 576 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:26,320 Speaker 4: point together to say we can help you get past 577 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:29,520 Speaker 4: these thoughts. Your pain does not have to defeat you 578 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:33,080 Speaker 4: in suicide. Instead, let your pain build you, break by 579 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,679 Speaker 4: break from the ground up until you're stronger than ever you. 580 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:37,880 Speaker 4: J have been through a lot of pain. I've been 581 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:39,840 Speaker 4: through and go through. We go through a lot of pain. 582 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:44,320 Speaker 4: We're still here. Let us be light lighted examples for 583 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:48,280 Speaker 4: people that are considering taking their lives and help them recognize, no, 584 00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:51,439 Speaker 4: it's not selfish, but it's not right. It's not the 585 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:55,680 Speaker 4: right option. You have so many other options. Let's count them. 586 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,560 Speaker 4: How about this, Jay, And And what you're saying too. 587 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:00,000 Speaker 3: Is like I don't need to use tough level the time. 588 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:02,600 Speaker 2: No, no, no, And that's kind of how you know, Yeah, 589 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:04,600 Speaker 2: that's why I've you know, we're in this what we're 590 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,280 Speaker 2: trying to do now. Also, we're all works in progress. 591 00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:09,360 Speaker 2: That's why I want to learn. I like to learn 592 00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:12,040 Speaker 2: from people like you so I can know, Okay, what 593 00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:13,080 Speaker 2: what is the proper way? 594 00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:14,960 Speaker 3: What is well? I don't know if there's a word proper. 595 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:16,439 Speaker 3: What's a better way? What's uh? 596 00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:20,000 Speaker 2: You know, a common ground? If we if we can 597 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,439 Speaker 2: because we can grow. And how I talk about it, 598 00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:23,960 Speaker 2: how a lot of us talk about it. I never 599 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,120 Speaker 2: want to shame anybody, and we're not going to do that. 600 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,239 Speaker 4: And earlier, earlier, you said committed suicide. I'm not going 601 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:30,520 Speaker 4: to tell you what to say. Jay, You've got your 602 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:34,359 Speaker 4: own thing going. I would say people die by suicideide right, 603 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:37,480 Speaker 4: just like they would die of any other organ. Diseased 604 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:40,880 Speaker 4: people forget that the brain is an organ. In fact, 605 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,520 Speaker 4: it's the single most powerful organ you wield mostly on 606 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:48,160 Speaker 4: automatic mode, controlling every action in action you take, decision, indecision, 607 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:49,720 Speaker 4: for lack of a better way of saying it, Jay, 608 00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:52,120 Speaker 4: if your brain is malfunctioning, there goes rescue. And as 609 00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:55,280 Speaker 4: your friend DJ says, we're all projects. 610 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:59,120 Speaker 2: Right, we're off works in progress. 611 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:01,680 Speaker 4: We're absolutely we have to put in the work. 612 00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:05,040 Speaker 2: So you're in the hospital after what changes do you 613 00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:09,480 Speaker 2: make immediately or start to make so you don't make 614 00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:10,640 Speaker 2: this same decision again. 615 00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:13,760 Speaker 4: So I have to really frank with you, Jay, I didn't. 616 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,440 Speaker 4: I didn't come to the realization that I needed to change. 617 00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:19,280 Speaker 4: For three years after that job, I was in and 618 00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:21,160 Speaker 4: out of psyche words. For those three years, I was 619 00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:21,640 Speaker 4: a mess. 620 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:21,960 Speaker 3: Jay. 621 00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:25,400 Speaker 4: I had my physical rehabilitation, I had my first psyche 622 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:27,160 Speaker 4: worts stay. I got the hell out of there. I 623 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,080 Speaker 4: didn't want to go back. I went back a year later, 624 00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:32,240 Speaker 4: went back a year later. Third syche warts stay involuntary, 625 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:35,000 Speaker 4: forced in against my will those three times. But Jay, 626 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:38,080 Speaker 4: the next seven psyche warts days, I walked in there 627 00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:39,520 Speaker 4: and said, I need to be here or I won't 628 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,840 Speaker 4: be here. What changed it the moment that things changed. 629 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:46,920 Speaker 4: Maybe this is my unbreakable moment. Okay, the moment things changed. 630 00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:51,160 Speaker 4: Really this was visceral. My uncle George on my mom's side, 631 00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:53,040 Speaker 4: my favorite uncle on my mom's side, comes into the 632 00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:56,360 Speaker 4: hospital on a special admit against visiting hours. He's allowed 633 00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:59,480 Speaker 4: in because somebody needs to shake me to my core. 634 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,920 Speaker 4: And he comes in with a rolled up magazine in 635 00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:06,320 Speaker 4: his right hand. He says, Kevin, your family and friends 636 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:09,120 Speaker 4: can help you until we are blue in the face. 637 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:11,680 Speaker 4: But until and when you take one hundred and ten 638 00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:14,720 Speaker 4: percent responsibility, young man, for the fact that you have 639 00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:17,480 Speaker 4: this disease and you fight it tooth and nail every 640 00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:19,800 Speaker 4: single day. Kidd, ain't nothing in to change. You'll be 641 00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:21,520 Speaker 4: in now of these places for the rest of your life. 642 00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:24,600 Speaker 4: Is that what you want? I said, no, George, and 643 00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:27,479 Speaker 4: he literally said, well get it together, kid, We're counting 644 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,200 Speaker 4: on you. And he dropped the magazine, walked out of 645 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:32,600 Speaker 4: the room and said read it. I was like, you're 646 00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:35,360 Speaker 4: not my favorite uncle anymore. I yelled that he was 647 00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:39,160 Speaker 4: already gone. I reluctantly picked up the magazine and unfolded 648 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:42,600 Speaker 4: it a Time magazine article two thousand and four on 649 00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:47,200 Speaker 4: how to battle bipolar disorder, depression, mental illness with routine 650 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:50,640 Speaker 4: and regimen and win. And I was like, wait a minute, 651 00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:52,520 Speaker 4: you're saying I can do these things and I might 652 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:55,760 Speaker 4: actually feel better for once. Why did my first three 653 00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:59,680 Speaker 4: psychiatrists routine was a good idea. I go into my room, 654 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:01,800 Speaker 4: I read the article through and through. I come out 655 00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:03,560 Speaker 4: of there. I put words in action. I changed every 656 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:07,040 Speaker 4: aspect of my life I began. I was pre diabetic. 657 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,400 Speaker 7: You made that change. You made that choice to change. 658 00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,960 Speaker 7: That made the decision. I made the cognitive decision. I 659 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:16,600 Speaker 7: was pre diabetic. I was nearly three hundred pounds. I 660 00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:19,520 Speaker 7: was I was a mess. I was lying in therapy 661 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:22,440 Speaker 7: every therapy session. I was all over the place. I 662 00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,680 Speaker 7: began telling the truth in therapy every time, all the time, 663 00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:30,680 Speaker 7: about everything. I began exercising rigorously, multiple times a day, 664 00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:32,880 Speaker 7: with just using the surfaces. 665 00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:32,840 Speaker 3: In my room. 666 00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,760 Speaker 4: There's no gym in the psyche ward. I began. I 667 00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:38,320 Speaker 4: cut the weight. I began. I went to my case manager. 668 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,760 Speaker 4: I said, I'd like to have some therapy with my father. 669 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:43,640 Speaker 4: I think there's something there we need to talk about. 670 00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,440 Speaker 4: He told me his story. I understood why he was 671 00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:48,920 Speaker 4: so hard on me. We came to a connection. Okay. 672 00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:51,760 Speaker 4: I went to the nutritionist. I said, what do I do? 673 00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:53,880 Speaker 4: I'm overweight? What do I do? She said, you should 674 00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:56,160 Speaker 4: stop eating four unhealthy meals for one meal a day. 675 00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:58,800 Speaker 4: You're ordering four meals for one meal and they're all 676 00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:01,000 Speaker 4: healthy foods. Stop it. And I was like, that's that's 677 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:05,240 Speaker 4: a good idea. I changed every aspect of my routine, 678 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:08,400 Speaker 4: which I didn't really have one before. Right, I woke 679 00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:10,080 Speaker 4: up at the same time I went to bed at 680 00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:11,720 Speaker 4: the same time I took my pills, at the same 681 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:15,680 Speaker 4: time I exercised at the same time every day in therapy, 682 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:20,680 Speaker 4: I told my truth. It relieved so much for me. 683 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:24,560 Speaker 4: Would I be in seven more sac words, dacious cutil ideation, Yes, 684 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:27,240 Speaker 4: because I fell off my routine, or I messed up, 685 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:30,560 Speaker 4: or I relapsed, or whatever the situation was. But I 686 00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,479 Speaker 4: walked in there and said I need help now, and 687 00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:36,560 Speaker 4: I got it. And today, Jay, I travel around the 688 00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:39,560 Speaker 4: world and I share my story and people have all 689 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:41,920 Speaker 4: walks life come up to me and say this story 690 00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:43,800 Speaker 4: changed me or saved me. And that's the most incredible 691 00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:45,720 Speaker 4: feeling on the face of the planet. And it's the 692 00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:48,239 Speaker 4: most cathartic thing I've ever gotten the privileged to do. 693 00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:50,440 Speaker 4: And I'm so grateful to be here with you. 694 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:50,760 Speaker 3: Jed. 695 00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:56,280 Speaker 8: You're a beautiful soul who is doing amazing things from 696 00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:59,320 Speaker 8: your seat there, and you are changing the world and 697 00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,920 Speaker 8: it is it is empowering and it is incredible. 698 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:02,520 Speaker 4: So keep it up. 699 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:05,479 Speaker 2: Thank you, brother, I appreciate it. Listen, you're being of service, right, 700 00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:06,800 Speaker 2: and that's one of the things I have. You know, 701 00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,240 Speaker 2: these pillars that I talk about, what you know helps 702 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,080 Speaker 2: the roommates in my head talk nicer to each other. 703 00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:13,400 Speaker 3: And it's for all of us. 704 00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:16,640 Speaker 2: I mean, if your service to others, the gray hates that, 705 00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:20,400 Speaker 2: it fights you, that gray. Nothing bad could come from 706 00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:22,160 Speaker 2: you being of service to others. 707 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:23,200 Speaker 4: Yeah. 708 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,760 Speaker 2: And the other thing you're doing is you're now building 709 00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:28,400 Speaker 2: that team. Where you were doing it by yourself and 710 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:30,640 Speaker 2: you were expecting a team to. 711 00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:33,880 Speaker 4: Just pasically fear. 712 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,200 Speaker 3: You're now seeking out that team. 713 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,880 Speaker 2: You're not telling people, hey, I'm struggling, I'm this and 714 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:40,720 Speaker 2: you know when you and I first met, by you 715 00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:43,080 Speaker 2: just open up and you open up. Obviously, there's certain 716 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:45,840 Speaker 2: things differently we say a little private, right, there's obviously, 717 00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:46,320 Speaker 2: but you. 718 00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:50,360 Speaker 3: Really laid it on the lot. That's you building your team. Yeah, right, 719 00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:52,760 Speaker 3: that's you opening up building your team. That's what happens, folks, 720 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:53,760 Speaker 3: when you open up to others. 721 00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:56,000 Speaker 2: And I've said here, every time I've opened up to 722 00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:58,280 Speaker 2: my friends about this, none of them has told me 723 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,480 Speaker 2: to suck it up or oh, come on, glean your 724 00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:03,800 Speaker 2: life is great, stop and my life is great, phenomenal, 725 00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:07,560 Speaker 2: but between my earsucks and I didn't sign up for it. 726 00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:09,839 Speaker 2: You didn't sign up for it. But there are things 727 00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:12,040 Speaker 2: that we can do. We don't have to let the 728 00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:15,000 Speaker 2: gray win. We don't have to let it push us 729 00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:18,080 Speaker 2: off that golden gate bridge. There's things we can do 730 00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:21,080 Speaker 2: if we recognize it, if we see it, or if 731 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,520 Speaker 2: we make that decision that you're talking about to get 732 00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:23,839 Speaker 2: the help. 733 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,880 Speaker 4: We can survive the gray. Jay, Damn right, you can 734 00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,760 Speaker 4: survive it. You know, on your team. You're on my team. 735 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:33,239 Speaker 4: I need to bring Glan's on my team. Hell yeah, 736 00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:33,879 Speaker 4: put it in. 737 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:35,880 Speaker 3: I like it, brother, Kevin. I appreciate you. 738 00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:36,080 Speaker 4: Man. 739 00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:39,279 Speaker 2: This is being just incredible. Dude, Thank you so much. Man, 740 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:41,800 Speaker 2: Before I let you go, Is there any other quick 741 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:45,640 Speaker 2: story you want to tell that man may blow us 742 00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:47,279 Speaker 2: away or may help people? 743 00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:50,360 Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, real quick, So I'll try to condense 744 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:53,640 Speaker 4: this third sepe words day, I finagled my way into 745 00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:56,359 Speaker 4: volunteering for the hospital I was staying, which is an 746 00:34:56,400 --> 00:35:00,000 Speaker 4: ethical and illegal. I'm wearing civilian clothes and a side 747 00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:03,239 Speaker 4: word where everybody else is wearing hospital counts. And I 748 00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:05,840 Speaker 4: got to tap my left shoulder and I turn around 749 00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:08,040 Speaker 4: and it's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in 750 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:10,279 Speaker 4: my life. And I knew she'd be the rest of 751 00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:13,080 Speaker 4: my life. And I quickly said, don't don't tell her 752 00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:16,040 Speaker 4: that that's that'd be awkward. And she's looking for her 753 00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:19,480 Speaker 4: cousin who's in the hospital because of metha that I'm 754 00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:20,239 Speaker 4: being used other drugs. 755 00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:20,920 Speaker 3: He's overdosed. 756 00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:24,040 Speaker 4: I had helped this kid come out of catatonia. He 757 00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:27,880 Speaker 4: couldn't move, he couldn't talk. I told him stories until 758 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:31,520 Speaker 4: it's elicited response. Nobody else, not the staff, not the patients, 759 00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:34,320 Speaker 4: helped this kid. He was starving in the hospital. Literally, 760 00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:36,279 Speaker 4: they're bringing this trail of food they'd taken away full. 761 00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:38,360 Speaker 4: I broke my heart. I got him out of catatonia. 762 00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:40,280 Speaker 4: I got him to eat, and I meet this woman, 763 00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:44,319 Speaker 4: his cousin, and it was magic. And we go into 764 00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:45,840 Speaker 4: his room because I show where the room is and 765 00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:49,160 Speaker 4: I'm I'm in like I'm in like worker clothes. And 766 00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:51,360 Speaker 4: she turns around and goes, your nursing staff is so 767 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:55,720 Speaker 4: nice to her, and he goes that guy. That guy's 768 00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:58,920 Speaker 4: a fucking nutball. That guy jumps off bridges. 769 00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:00,000 Speaker 3: Don't talk to that guy. 770 00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:02,040 Speaker 4: And I ran in the room and I said it 771 00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:06,879 Speaker 4: was one one. Oh, that's ridiculous. Long story short, Jay. 772 00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:09,480 Speaker 4: She gives me outside of the psych ward a first date. 773 00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:12,560 Speaker 4: It's a debacle. I get Marinara sauce all over my 774 00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:16,320 Speaker 4: white shirt. I get lemon in her eyes. She's crying 775 00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:18,360 Speaker 4: mess carriage running down her basebooks as a band, kissing 776 00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,240 Speaker 4: from the crow. I get hot, boiling butter on her chest. 777 00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:22,799 Speaker 4: I try to wipe the butter. 778 00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:24,600 Speaker 3: Off her chest. Right, my god, you know what the 779 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:25,160 Speaker 3: hell are you doing? 780 00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,200 Speaker 4: I said, I don't know, but Jay, somehow, this beautiful 781 00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:31,239 Speaker 4: woman gave me a second date and is now the 782 00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:33,480 Speaker 4: love of my life, my very best friend and my 783 00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:37,560 Speaker 4: wife spent teen years. Thank you, Margaret Hines for saving 784 00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:41,600 Speaker 4: my life every time I'm suicidal. I will be with 785 00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:43,719 Speaker 4: you for the rest of my life. I know you 786 00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:45,120 Speaker 4: will be there for the rest of mine. 787 00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:49,399 Speaker 2: Amazing, Bob, absolutely amazing. Like, as you know, man, I'm 788 00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:50,799 Speaker 2: fifty three. I finally fell love. 789 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:53,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, you never know where it's in the coup. You 790 00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:55,120 Speaker 3: never know. I just you know, did something recently. 791 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:58,600 Speaker 2: You're one away, right, You're one conversation away, You're one 792 00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:01,120 Speaker 2: phone call away, You're one chance meeting away. I could 793 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:03,279 Speaker 2: just change your life, right, just one. That's why we 794 00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:05,080 Speaker 2: have to have faith, because you never know when that 795 00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:05,840 Speaker 2: one's gonna. 796 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:08,040 Speaker 3: Come, right, faith is important. 797 00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,879 Speaker 4: I have faith in God. You know that, you too, 798 00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:13,440 Speaker 4: your self. People don't. That's fine. We're not pushing. 799 00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:14,720 Speaker 3: It's that's our choice. 800 00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,839 Speaker 4: That's our choice. We want you who don't have that 801 00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:21,760 Speaker 4: faith have faith in yourself, have faith in the human 802 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:25,520 Speaker 4: condition and the idea that you can change your pain 803 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:30,040 Speaker 4: to purpose and you can always, no matter what, survive 804 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:30,640 Speaker 4: that pain. 805 00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,080 Speaker 3: Look, can I choose that faith? Because you know it's 806 00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:35,040 Speaker 3: my choice. I just feel I'm not alone. 807 00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:36,839 Speaker 2: I have a best friend and best friend, my parent 808 00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:38,560 Speaker 2: with me and God and that helps me. 809 00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:39,640 Speaker 3: That's my choice. 810 00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:42,839 Speaker 2: Doesn't hurt me. To do doesn't hurt Try it old faith. 811 00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:44,839 Speaker 2: If you don't want to, you don't want you. Again, 812 00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:47,520 Speaker 2: We're not pushing it. Hey, Kevin Man, I love you, dude. 813 00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:49,399 Speaker 2: I'm so proud that. 814 00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:50,360 Speaker 3: You're my new teammate. 815 00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:52,560 Speaker 2: And like I'd like to tell a lot of my 816 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:55,440 Speaker 2: guests here, I'm so proud that we're walking this walk together. 817 00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:58,680 Speaker 3: You my friend. To be able to walk this walk 818 00:37:59,120 --> 00:37:59,839 Speaker 3: is incredible. 819 00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,200 Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you, Jan your brother. 820 00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:02,840 Speaker 3: Love you.