WEBVTT - Skinny’s Not a Compliment with Hunter McGrady 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:03.960 Hi, Catherine, Hi, Chelsea, how are you hi. I'm very 0:00:04.000 --> 0:00:07.200 excited about our guest today because she's a Sports illustrated 0:00:07.200 --> 0:00:10.320 cover model, entrepreneur and host of the Model Citizen podcast. 0:00:10.480 --> 0:00:14.760 Please welcome Hunter McGrady. Hunter McGrady, welcome to the podcast. 0:00:14.920 --> 0:00:17.120 Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. Oh you're 0:00:17.160 --> 0:00:19.560 so cute. She Hunter arrived with her sister and her 0:00:19.600 --> 0:00:21.360 mother in toe, which is my favorite thing. 0:00:21.560 --> 0:00:23.720 Yes, with me everywhere whenever I'm in La. 0:00:24.160 --> 0:00:27.479 Yeah, that's whenever I'm in the San Francisco area, my 0:00:27.560 --> 0:00:30.840 sister and my sister's seen me perform probably like sixteen times. 0:00:31.480 --> 0:00:33.480 So she can't be interested. 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:33.720 You know what I mean. 0:00:35.040 --> 0:00:37.680 Even she doesn't even come backstage anymore. She stays in 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:39.479 the dressing room. I'm like, what's the fucking point of 0:00:39.520 --> 0:00:41.839 being here? No, she loses the audience to see if 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:43.880 there are any single men. I'm like, there will never 0:00:43.920 --> 0:00:45.960 be any single street men coming to see my show, 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:50.280 so stop looking there, no one, Harry, that would be 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:50.880 a tip off. 0:00:51.040 --> 0:00:54.920 Yeah, right, all right, straight out there. 0:00:55.400 --> 0:00:57.520 He's coming to meet women. Actually, it's a great guy 0:00:57.640 --> 0:01:01.640 with It's a great place for women because my audience 0:01:01.720 --> 0:01:02.840 is so female heavy. 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:03.760 I love it. 0:01:03.960 --> 0:01:05.800 Hunter, how are you? I'm doing good. 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:08.560 I'm actually on vacation and we're like. I was like, 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:11.640 of course I'm gonna do Chelsea. You kidding with Doug Charldia? 0:01:12.080 --> 0:01:12.679 Yeah? 0:01:12.720 --> 0:01:15.240 Where were you? Where were you vacation? Oh you're on vacation. 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:19.080 This is you're I'm born and raised here. The eyebrows there, 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:20.880 they're real. They're real. 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:23.440 But I'm wondering if it's eyebrow blindness which i'm seeing 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:25.840 on No, no, no, they're perfect, and I'm afraid I'm 0:01:25.880 --> 0:01:27.400 going to look back and it's gonna. 0:01:27.160 --> 0:01:29.000 People are gonna be like that was my proud blindness. 0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:30.520 That means you can't see your own eyebrows. 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:33.400 It means that you've done them so gnarly and so crazy. 0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:36.000 Is that what I look like? Because I'm using on 0:01:36.120 --> 0:01:39.360 your product that it feels like there's semen in my 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:42.760 eyebrows because it's hard and gelatinized. It goes up. But 0:01:42.880 --> 0:01:44.760 I like the look of it where it's kind of 0:01:44.760 --> 0:01:46.039 fuzzy and it looks like hair. 0:01:46.200 --> 0:01:48.040 You know what I mean? I promise, Okay, thank you. 0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:50.240 You're well, you're a model, so you need to tell 0:01:50.240 --> 0:01:52.080 me the truth because I'm not I'll tell you the truth. 0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:52.560 Here's the thing. 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:56.360 I will be so honest that it sometimes hurts the feelings, 0:01:56.360 --> 0:01:57.280 but I will be honest. 0:01:57.640 --> 0:02:01.560 Congratulations on your sports illustrated. Thanks ish you. And I 0:02:01.680 --> 0:02:03.920 was interested in speaking to you because you talk so 0:02:04.000 --> 0:02:07.720 much about body positivity, right, and I want to know 0:02:07.760 --> 0:02:09.800 what you think about the term plus size model. 0:02:10.680 --> 0:02:14.160 So it's funny, I'm kind of like even with body positivity, 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:17.680 like now I'm just like body neutrality because we can't 0:02:17.720 --> 0:02:20.640 always all be positive all the time about our body, right, 0:02:20.720 --> 0:02:22.880 Like you can also be neutral about it, and that's 0:02:22.880 --> 0:02:25.720 also so cool. And I think the word plus size. 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:28.000 When I first started out, because I was in this 0:02:28.240 --> 0:02:32.320 such just toxic diet culture mindset, I was like, oh, 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:35.280 don't call me a plus size model. That's mortifying. And 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:37.519 now I'm like, I'm so proud of it. That's that's 0:02:37.560 --> 0:02:39.600 what made me who I am. That's what gave me 0:02:39.680 --> 0:02:42.560 all my success, you know, And now. 0:02:42.440 --> 0:02:44.000 I take it. I could take it or leave it 0:02:44.040 --> 0:02:45.240 whatever anyone wants to say. 0:02:45.360 --> 0:02:50.160 That's interesting body positivity versus body neutrality, because it is true. 0:02:50.200 --> 0:02:52.320 How are you supposed to be fucking positive about something 0:02:52.320 --> 0:02:54.639 all the time? No one's positive about anything all the time. 0:02:54.600 --> 0:02:56.239 Right right, Well that's the thing also is I think 0:02:56.240 --> 0:03:01.200 that like media has also taken it in really spun 0:03:01.240 --> 0:03:03.399 it in such a negative way, where like so many 0:03:03.440 --> 0:03:04.520 brands are saying. 0:03:04.240 --> 0:03:07.080 Like we're inclusive, we're positive. 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:09.320 And then you really go in they don't none of 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:12.640 them make my size. You use the token plus sized girl, 0:03:12.880 --> 0:03:15.160 and it's just gotten so muddied. 0:03:15.320 --> 0:03:18.800 But I don't understand why these brands don't make bigger sizes. 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:20.800 It's not like there are only small women. 0:03:20.840 --> 0:03:22.040 They're leaving money on the table. 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:24.640 And now brands are even pulling back even more because 0:03:24.680 --> 0:03:27.760 we are in this ozembic era, which fine, you I 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:30.600 cannot sit here and be like staunch pro choice and 0:03:30.639 --> 0:03:32.040 then say but you can't do that to your body 0:03:32.080 --> 0:03:34.680 or whatever I want, right like literally take do whatever 0:03:34.680 --> 0:03:37.480 you want, take whatever you want, but know that you 0:03:37.520 --> 0:03:40.520 could lose the weight and still not feel one hundred 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:44.240 percent confident. And it starts with your mind, right like 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:47.080 it starts with here. First I actually had I was 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:48.800 talking to my sister about this. I had a girlfriend 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:51.280 of mine and she's on ozembic and she was like, 0:03:51.360 --> 0:03:54.280 I've lost fifteen pounds. I'm at the weight that I 0:03:54.360 --> 0:03:58.600 told myself that I would feel confident in and I 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:01.200 just don't feel good. And I was like, well, yeah, 0:04:01.200 --> 0:04:03.560 of course, because you bought into the lie that thin 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:07.040 equals confidence. That's just not the truth. Confidence is like 0:04:07.080 --> 0:04:08.320 a journey, it comes from within. 0:04:08.440 --> 0:04:10.920 Right. I'm not a thin woman, but I'm a confident woman. 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:12.400 And you would never take a zempic. 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:14.680 No, I have not ever, you don't know, right, But 0:04:14.720 --> 0:04:16.600 I'm not against it, right, I'm really not. 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:20.000 Whatever everyone wants to do, it's not my boy. 0:04:20.000 --> 0:04:21.800 I can't say anything about your body. You do what 0:04:21.839 --> 0:04:23.920 you want to do, you know, but I think that like, 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:25.919 you do what you want to do. But just know 0:04:26.000 --> 0:04:29.960 that confidence is a mind thing and that's like that's work. 0:04:29.880 --> 0:04:32.120 Right, And therapy has helped you with a lot of 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:32.760 that confidency. 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:35.480 Right. I'm such a proponent for therapy. I've been in 0:04:35.560 --> 0:04:37.200 therapy since I was fifteen years old. 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:39.760 Well, I mean it's so fucking obvious that if you 0:04:39.760 --> 0:04:42.760 can go to therapy, you fucking should go. Like no 0:04:42.800 --> 0:04:45.640 one goes ever. And it's like it ruined my life, right, 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:47.719 you know, unless you end up sucking your therapist, which 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:52.560 we advise against. Listen, Yeah, it's like had sex with 0:04:52.600 --> 0:04:55.359 a therapist. There was a lot of hesitation there. Hunter. 0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:57.160 I did have a. 0:04:57.080 --> 0:05:01.239 Hot therapist once. I rid therapist. 0:05:01.520 --> 0:05:03.279 I once went to couples therapy with a boyfriend and 0:05:03.320 --> 0:05:04.960 I was attracted to the therapist right away, and I 0:05:05.000 --> 0:05:06.919 was like, this is not a good idea. I've been 0:05:06.960 --> 0:05:09.040 telling me right now, this is my type. He's older. 0:05:09.080 --> 0:05:11.600 At the time, I only liked older men, and I 0:05:11.640 --> 0:05:14.120 was like, I'm because I had daddy issues and I 0:05:14.200 --> 0:05:16.480 wanted I was attracted to him, and I was like, Oh, 0:05:16.480 --> 0:05:18.600 he's going to fix me. This is the exact dynamic 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:20.640 that I need to stay away from any sort of 0:05:20.720 --> 0:05:25.000 mentor figure attracted to run for the hills one hundred person. 0:05:25.160 --> 0:05:27.000 And I always think about like therapy, Like when when 0:05:27.120 --> 0:05:29.360 people tell me they're getting divorced and they're like, I'm 0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:32.760 so sorry, but like no happy marriage and divorced. So 0:05:32.800 --> 0:05:35.320 I'm like, for you, you're fucking you're doing the things. 0:05:35.320 --> 0:05:36.000 Same with therapy. 0:05:36.320 --> 0:05:37.680 Yeah, you're not gonna never going to therapy and it 0:05:37.720 --> 0:05:39.040 is going to be back. So you haven't been with 0:05:39.080 --> 0:05:42.120 the same therapist since you were fifteen or no, I haven't. 0:05:42.160 --> 0:05:44.680 I've bounced around. I've gotten I like that too. I 0:05:44.720 --> 0:05:47.599 have a grief therapist. I have, you know, my own 0:05:47.640 --> 0:05:51.320 personal therapist. I'm very much a proponent for it. I 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:55.560 think even if you think you have no reason to go, 0:05:55.560 --> 0:05:59.240 go and they'll find stuff to work pass. 0:05:59.520 --> 0:06:01.720 And I know that it's not affordable for everybody, which 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:04.200 is why we're constantly sponsored by Better Help on this podcast, 0:06:04.200 --> 0:06:07.920 because anyone can access like affordable therapy and it's worthwhile. 0:06:08.279 --> 0:06:11.560 And that's not an ad, that's just love. Yeah, of course, 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:14.520 So I know you lost your brother. Yeah, I also 0:06:14.800 --> 0:06:17.680 have a brother that has passed away. How old were 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:18.560 you when that happened. 0:06:18.839 --> 0:06:21.400 Gosh, this was just three years ago. Oh, so it's yeah, 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:23.360 it's very new. We were actually talking about this because 0:06:23.360 --> 0:06:25.120 my mom and I watched your special. I think it 0:06:25.160 --> 0:06:27.279 was when was your most recent special? 0:06:27.400 --> 0:06:29.680 Now you're talking about Revolution on HBO Max where I 0:06:29.720 --> 0:06:30.480 talk about my brother. 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:32.280 Yeah, and it was so healing to me. 0:06:32.560 --> 0:06:34.720 Oh, thank you, I'm glad. 0:06:34.839 --> 0:06:38.159 Yeah it was because I'm sorry, but it is. It's 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:41.000 like it's something that is just going to change you forever, 0:06:41.400 --> 0:06:44.920 you know. Yeah, And it's like sibling loss is very 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:48.239 nuanced and not talked about, so it was very healing. 0:06:49.000 --> 0:06:52.200 I'm glad to hear that. Yeah, it's almost like with siblings. 0:06:52.360 --> 0:06:55.040 I think those sentence that I learned the most from 0:06:55.160 --> 0:06:59.159 was celebrating someone's life instead of obviously you have to 0:06:59.200 --> 0:07:01.920 grieve your brother. We all do, and I can't even 0:07:01.960 --> 0:07:05.800 imagine what that's like for parents. But when you can 0:07:06.200 --> 0:07:09.320 move into the celebration of their life and to allow 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:13.040 them to as a guiding light in your own life, 0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:16.200 when you're making tough decisions and you think of the 0:07:16.240 --> 0:07:20.080 person you lost that you love so much and infuse 0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:22.960 your decision making with that loss and that love for 0:07:23.040 --> 0:07:26.200 a person, I think that's when the grief starts to 0:07:26.280 --> 0:07:29.040 move into a place that you're like, you know, we're 0:07:29.080 --> 0:07:30.880 always going to be upset, there's always going to be 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:34.200 emotion tied to it, but it can be the most 0:07:34.480 --> 0:07:39.600 useful and loving way to accept someone's departure is to 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:42.160 make sure they're with you every step of the way. Yeah. 0:07:42.200 --> 0:07:44.280 Well, and that's why I you know, I often like 0:07:44.400 --> 0:07:46.240 bring up my brother when it comes to even my 0:07:46.440 --> 0:07:49.400 like when people talk about weight or their body or 0:07:49.440 --> 0:07:52.360 the weight, and I'm like, life is so fucking short. 0:07:52.680 --> 0:07:55.320 That is so goddamn boring to talk about. If you're 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:58.760 always worrying about that, like you can be gone tomorrow. 0:07:59.120 --> 0:08:01.240 But I mean, even back to what you're saying, this 0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:04.520 is not related to grief, but how much time I 0:08:04.600 --> 0:08:07.880 wasted in my youth focusing on my body and the 0:08:07.880 --> 0:08:12.680 way that I looked at the hours of like browbeating 0:08:12.720 --> 0:08:14.760 that I did to myself. If only I were five 0:08:14.800 --> 0:08:17.280 pounds later, I won't go out tonight because of how 0:08:17.320 --> 0:08:19.840 much I weigh. I'm going to run six miles tomorrow, 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:21.920 and then I would weigh myself when I went running 0:08:22.040 --> 0:08:23.960 before I went running, and then I'd sweat for an 0:08:23.960 --> 0:08:26.320 hour and a half, come home, weigh myself. Then, I 0:08:26.320 --> 0:08:30.680 mean this psychotic behavior around our body images like I 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:33.480 can't wait for a generation of women to wake up 0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:35.640 and not have to deal with that me too. 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:38.840 It's happening now because Hunter, I know you. When you 0:08:38.920 --> 0:08:41.680 first started modeling, you were like rail thin and were 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:44.200 told like it's still not enough, you gotta lose what 0:08:44.280 --> 0:08:46.079 was three inches on your head And. 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:47.760 I was one hundred and fourteen pounds and I'm six 0:08:47.840 --> 0:08:51.360 feet tall, right like it was. It was crazy, And 0:08:51.440 --> 0:08:53.320 I grew up. My dad's an actor, my mom was 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:55.680 a model, and I grew up in this industry. I 0:08:55.679 --> 0:08:57.400 grew up in LA and it was like that was 0:08:57.559 --> 0:09:00.640 just the norm, right, And so I thought, well, okay, 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:04.440 I'm just gonna have to be the smallest version of 0:09:04.480 --> 0:09:08.640 me if I want anything to do with this dream 0:09:08.679 --> 0:09:12.000 of mine. And finally there was a breaking point where 0:09:12.160 --> 0:09:15.400 I showed up to a job and I was so thin. 0:09:15.760 --> 0:09:19.560 I wasn't I was in a very massive calorie deficit, 0:09:19.679 --> 0:09:23.800 working out hours a day, miserable, had severe depression, anxiety. 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:26.920 I showed up and they everyone was kind of looking 0:09:26.960 --> 0:09:28.720 at me, and they came over to my mom and 0:09:28.760 --> 0:09:31.120 I and they said, we're so sorry. We don't think 0:09:31.120 --> 0:09:32.280 you're going to fit in any of the clothes. We 0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:35.440 didn't realize how big you were. I was fifty, I 0:09:35.480 --> 0:09:37.520 was even a full grown woman. I was fifteen years old. 0:09:37.559 --> 0:09:40.800 I haven't even like fully developed yet. But I was 0:09:40.960 --> 0:09:42.800 smart enough to know in that moment, A, I need 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:46.240 to get help because I'm severely depressed. Be fuck this, 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:49.559 because if this is what it takes for me to 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:53.199 live out this dream of being a model, like I'm out. 0:09:53.440 --> 0:09:55.679 So I took five years off and I did moment 0:09:55.920 --> 0:09:57.880 self help work, and that's when I kind of fell 0:09:57.920 --> 0:10:00.400 into the plus size modeling and then once I got 0:10:00.440 --> 0:10:03.960 Sports Illustrated. I've been with them for seven years, since 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:06.520 I was twenty two, and it was just a massive, 0:10:06.840 --> 0:10:09.199 like pendulum swing for me. 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:11.680 Yeah, it isn't it interesting that women are always told 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:14.360 to become smaller and men are always trying to become bigger. 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:17.120 Do you want to know something so funny? 0:10:17.480 --> 0:10:19.760 The other day an article popped up and it was 0:10:19.840 --> 0:10:25.000 like Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman are promoting an unrealistic 0:10:25.080 --> 0:10:28.840 body ideal because they're so jacked. I'm like, you can't win. 0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:32.319 You literally can't win. No, I can't win. I have 0:10:33.240 --> 0:10:35.600 Donald Trump JUNI you're talking about my body. I have 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:37.840 Fox News talking about my body being too big. Then 0:10:37.880 --> 0:10:40.440 you have Hugh Jackman being too too I'm like, you 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:41.319 literally can't win. 0:10:41.600 --> 0:10:43.959 I like how political you are. Tell me about your 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:46.800 like history, Like when did you get involved in politics? 0:10:46.920 --> 0:10:51.640 When did you start really caring? Or have you always I've. 0:10:51.520 --> 0:10:55.120 Always cared because my sister and my mom are very 0:10:55.760 --> 0:11:00.600 very political. They're like strong, powerful women, and my sister 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:01.920 is very vocal about it. 0:11:01.960 --> 0:11:03.520 And for the longest time, I. 0:11:03.559 --> 0:11:06.000 Was like, ah, I have to kind of be in 0:11:06.040 --> 0:11:09.200 the background because it's not good for the image to 0:11:09.240 --> 0:11:10.760 pick it. And my sister was like, if you don't 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:13.280 stand for anything, like you stand for fucking nothing. So 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:15.880 pick a side, sister, and like let's do our research. 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:18.320 And so, you know, in the last few years, I 0:11:18.320 --> 0:11:23.240 think in the last election, when Trump came in, I 0:11:23.280 --> 0:11:26.080 got just really riled up and I was like, I'm done, 0:11:26.160 --> 0:11:29.800 and especially this election, all of a sudden, Fox News 0:11:29.800 --> 0:11:33.040 started posting me. Donald Trump Junior posted me saying, you know, 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:35.559 go wo go broke Sports Illustrated. You want to have 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:39.000 someone who's you know, big on your in your magazine. 0:11:39.040 --> 0:11:40.440 Little did he know that I was going to get 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:44.000 the cover a month later. So like that's that, yeah, 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:46.079 Because there's too much on the line. There's too much 0:11:46.080 --> 0:11:49.000 on the fucking line. And I'm a woman in this 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:52.200 world where my rights are on the line, and I 0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:55.000 have people in my life where their lives are on 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:56.800 the line. Where and you have children, I have fucking 0:11:56.920 --> 0:12:00.240 children where their lives are on the line, And like 0:12:00.760 --> 0:12:03.280 I send my son to school name worried every day, 0:12:03.320 --> 0:12:07.119 like it's too much at stake. I have a platform 0:12:07.160 --> 0:12:09.280 and I'm going to use it, and I think that 0:12:09.320 --> 0:12:12.160 we all have that responsibility honestly, like we should be 0:12:12.240 --> 0:12:16.320 using our platforms. You use yours so brilliantly because a 0:12:16.320 --> 0:12:18.120 lot of people are afraid to. 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:20.520 They are afraid to, And I also think that is 0:12:20.559 --> 0:12:23.120 a learning curve as well. I remember when you're talking 0:12:23.160 --> 0:12:25.440 about Donald Trump becoming elected. Listen, I was with you 0:12:25.480 --> 0:12:27.280 their sister. I almost had a fucking nervous breakdown. I 0:12:27.320 --> 0:12:29.880 may have had one, I'm not sure, but at the 0:12:29.960 --> 0:12:33.960 time I was so angry, angry, angry, angry, and like 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:38.200 and it became so divisive, divisive, divisive, And then you realize, oh, like, 0:12:38.240 --> 0:12:40.760 there's been an evolution in my messaging because I want 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:42.760 to be happy and positive. I don't want to be 0:12:42.800 --> 0:12:45.800 hateful and vitriolic. I want actually to spread the good vibes. 0:12:46.120 --> 0:12:48.840 And I've realized to not be hand in hand with 0:12:48.920 --> 0:12:51.400 the candidate all the time, to actually be speaking from 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:55.120 my own platforms where it's not like you can confuse 0:12:55.200 --> 0:12:57.800 or obfuscate what I'm doing with being paid to be 0:12:58.200 --> 0:13:00.760 promoting a candidate or this candidate. Ye, no one's fucking 0:13:00.840 --> 0:13:03.320 I'm not for sale, so no one's paying me to 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:05.160 do fucking anything, right, I was. 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:10.160 Just invited by the Harris team to her rally in Pennsylvania, 0:13:10.520 --> 0:13:12.960 and I got so many messages from people being like, oh, 0:13:13.000 --> 0:13:15.319 this is paid, this is so classic, It's paid, And 0:13:15.360 --> 0:13:17.480 I'm like, no, listen, I don't agree with all the 0:13:17.520 --> 0:13:21.000 policies that Kamala Harris has. I don't and I definitely 0:13:21.040 --> 0:13:23.680 don't believe with any of Trump's. But like I'm here 0:13:23.760 --> 0:13:27.360 to say, like you're saying, I'm voting at what I 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:31.000 align with, and I agree. There is so much divisiveness 0:13:31.000 --> 0:13:33.440 and that's why we are having the issue that we're having. 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:35.960 I believe there's three parties. There's the Republican, the Democrat, 0:13:36.200 --> 0:13:40.960 and the Trump supporters, and they don't care if I'm mad. 0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:43.000 So why am I going to sit here and be mad. 0:13:43.040 --> 0:13:45.440 I have two children to have to worry about. You know, 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:47.200 I'm gonna be positive. I'm going to use my voice 0:13:47.240 --> 0:13:50.880 for good and speak out about that and try to 0:13:50.920 --> 0:13:52.360 make a change where I can, but not let it 0:13:52.400 --> 0:13:56.200 affect me so much where I'm go down with them. 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:59.760 Yeah, Like I feel like the Trump administrations almost stole 0:13:59.840 --> 0:14:03.040 for years of my life, Like you're not getting me againymore? 0:14:03.720 --> 0:14:04.360 You got me once. 0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:08.160 An abusive relationship is right it. 0:14:08.000 --> 0:14:10.120 Is, And that's literally how I feel, like so many 0:14:10.160 --> 0:14:12.000 people feel. I feel the same way I was. So 0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:14.360 me and my sister were like out there on the 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:17.400 lines with signs, and you know, after a while you're like, okay, 0:14:17.440 --> 0:14:20.280 you know what, I'm going to change my messaging and 0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:22.720 spin it and be positive and say like, okay, we 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:26.080 have this here, this like future can look right. 0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:29.080 And I think that's it. Circling back to talking about 0:14:29.080 --> 0:14:33.200 your brother's death, It's almost like it's analogous in a way. 0:14:33.560 --> 0:14:39.880 It's about taking something devastating and turning it into something inspiring, right, 0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:45.120 and actually making positives out of fucking mince meat, you 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:48.080 know what I mean. Change happen, and I think that's 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:50.200 such a powerful tool to be able to do. Like 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:53.080 I'm sure even in the three years since you've lost 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:56.080 your brother, you've seen the dynamic between your remaining family 0:14:56.160 --> 0:14:57.240 and how that's shifted. 0:14:57.320 --> 0:14:59.960 Right, Oh, the moment it happened, we all got together 0:15:00.240 --> 0:15:02.000 and my mom and my dad said, listen to me, 0:15:02.120 --> 0:15:04.960 right now, this can either make us or break us. 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:07.760 It's not gonna break us, so we're all gonna come together. 0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:11.440 I'm literally my parents are divorced and we spent We've 0:15:11.480 --> 0:15:14.080 spent every single day on this vacation all together with 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:17.040 their grandkids in the house. My dad's remarried, Like, we're 0:15:17.040 --> 0:15:19.640 going to the beach together, and of course along the 0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:21.760 way we're like, oh, I wish my brother was here. 0:15:21.760 --> 0:15:23.560 I wish China could be heari to see it. But 0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:27.600 like we have gotten so close. We spend Christmases all 0:15:27.640 --> 0:15:31.000 together like we have. Just I would have never thought 0:15:31.080 --> 0:15:32.360 my dad and my mom would even be in the 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:35.080 same room with each other at one point, and now 0:15:35.080 --> 0:15:36.760 we're spending Christmases together. 0:15:36.880 --> 0:15:38.880 Well, and again it comes back to this, like, what 0:15:38.920 --> 0:15:40.560 are we really gonna worry about here? We're gonna worry 0:15:40.560 --> 0:15:42.320 about the small stuff? They like, I'm annoid with you 0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:44.240 because of this. No, when you go through something that 0:15:44.440 --> 0:15:49.720 devastating and huge, you realize, like, how that stuff's just Manusha. 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:50.400 It's so minutia. 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:54.160 Ye, well, for it should be. It should be. But 0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:56.080 it reminds me of a story that I need to 0:15:56.240 --> 0:15:59.280 share because, and it's not funny at all. My cousins 0:15:59.280 --> 0:16:02.440 lost their brother and I was there in the room 0:16:02.480 --> 0:16:04.880 in the hospital after he had passed away. We were 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:08.000 all sitting there and my aunt and uncle had separated, 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:12.520 we're not on speaking terms, and then we're all gathered around. 0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:14.280 You know, it's a horrible day, one of the most 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:17.600 horrible days in everyone's life, if not the most. And 0:16:18.000 --> 0:16:20.880 I remember my uncle putting his hand on my aunt's 0:16:21.360 --> 0:16:24.000 leg and was like, you know, we need to come together, 0:16:24.040 --> 0:16:26.840 and she's like, get the fuck off of me. This 0:16:27.000 --> 0:16:29.880 is not your opening. Our son is dead, and I 0:16:29.960 --> 0:16:32.720 still don't fucking want anything to do with you. Get out. Yeah, no, 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:35.000 every example, that's what I mean, right, Yeah, But I 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.960 mean if the spirit of it should be what you're describing, 0:16:38.000 --> 0:16:39.880 but I think my uncle was actually trying to get 0:16:39.880 --> 0:16:43.560 back together in the hospital room, so that was also, 0:16:44.240 --> 0:16:48.920 know tonally way off, but that's exactly what you're describing. 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:52.080 Sounds like did it make your family come together? You know, 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:55.320 when your brother dies, you feel like you're the only 0:16:55.400 --> 0:16:57.800 person Like that is such a rare thing. And then 0:16:58.080 --> 0:17:00.680 as I've talked about it, as I've written and about it, 0:17:01.160 --> 0:17:03.440 so many people have come to me and you're like, God, 0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:06.320 it's not something that's so common, but it's more common 0:17:06.320 --> 0:17:09.359 than you think. Yeah, and so many people have lost brothers. 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:12.600 So I think experiencing my cousins losing their brother. I 0:17:12.640 --> 0:17:16.720 remember just all I knew was how to help the situation. Yeah, 0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:18.600 like I've been through this. I'm going to take care 0:17:18.600 --> 0:17:20.760 of whatever you guys can't deal with in this moment. 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:22.280 I'll take care of the funeral, I'll take care of 0:17:22.359 --> 0:17:24.520 this arrangement. I'll take care of get buying a casket, 0:17:24.520 --> 0:17:26.680 I'll take care of all this stuff. No one has 0:17:26.680 --> 0:17:30.240 the capability to deal with something when someone is pulled 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:32.920 out of your life unexpectedly. Yeah, no one has any 0:17:32.960 --> 0:17:34.679 idea what to do. So somebody has to step up 0:17:34.680 --> 0:17:36.600 and do that. Yeah, so I was I think it 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:38.960 was useful for me to have gone through that because 0:17:38.960 --> 0:17:40.439 I was at an age when my brother died. I 0:17:40.480 --> 0:17:41.400 wasn't in charge of anything. 0:17:41.440 --> 0:17:43.240 I was nine years old, right, But you kind of 0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:47.280 you kind of like immediately get equipped with this armor 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:51.280 to deal with life in a different way. And I 0:17:51.359 --> 0:17:54.879 mean at nine, you're you're that's like such an impressionable age. 0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:56.960 And I'm sure a lot of people were like, she's nice, 0:17:57.040 --> 0:17:59.720 She's gonna get over threat. But it's like, no, this 0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:02.359 has now I've created this armor for the rest of 0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:04.480 my life of like, how I'm going to move through 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:07.120 life like I moved through life differently than I did 0:18:07.119 --> 0:18:10.240 three years ago. I can handle things now that I 0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:11.879 would have never that would have broken me. 0:18:12.400 --> 0:18:14.359 You were pregnant with your first child right when you 0:18:14.400 --> 0:18:15.520 passed them, So what. 0:18:15.440 --> 0:18:18.119 Was the experience going through this extreme grief and then 0:18:18.520 --> 0:18:21.080