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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi, Chelsea, how are you hi. I'm very

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Speaker 1: excited about our guest today because she's a Sports illustrated

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Speaker 1: cover model, entrepreneur and host of the Model Citizen podcast.

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Speaker 1: Please welcome Hunter McGrady. Hunter McGrady, welcome to the podcast.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. Oh you're

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Speaker 1: so cute. She Hunter arrived with her sister and her

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Speaker 1: mother in toe, which is my favorite thing.

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Speaker 2: Yes, with me everywhere whenever I'm in La.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's whenever I'm in the San Francisco area, my

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Speaker 1: sister and my sister's seen me perform probably like sixteen times.

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Speaker 1: So she can't be interested.

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Speaker 2: You know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Even she doesn't even come backstage anymore. She stays in

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Speaker 1: the dressing room. I'm like, what's the fucking point of

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Speaker 1: being here? No, she loses the audience to see if

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Speaker 1: there are any single men. I'm like, there will never

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Speaker 1: be any single street men coming to see my show,

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Speaker 1: so stop looking there, no one, Harry, that would be

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Speaker 1: a tip off.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, right, all right, straight out there.

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Speaker 1: He's coming to meet women. Actually, it's a great guy

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Speaker 1: with It's a great place for women because my audience

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Speaker 1: is so female heavy.

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Speaker 2: I love it.

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Speaker 1: Hunter, how are you? I'm doing good.

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Speaker 4: I'm actually on vacation and we're like. I was like,

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Speaker 4: of course I'm gonna do Chelsea. You kidding with Doug Charldia?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Where were you? Where were you vacation? Oh you're on vacation.

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Speaker 1: This is you're I'm born and raised here. The eyebrows there,

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Speaker 1: they're real. They're real.

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Speaker 4: But I'm wondering if it's eyebrow blindness which i'm seeing

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Speaker 4: on No, no, no, they're perfect, and I'm afraid I'm

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Speaker 4: going to look back and it's gonna.

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Speaker 2: People are gonna be like that was my proud blindness.

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Speaker 1: That means you can't see your own eyebrows.

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Speaker 2: It means that you've done them so gnarly and so crazy.

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Speaker 1: Is that what I look like? Because I'm using on

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Speaker 1: your product that it feels like there's semen in my

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Speaker 1: eyebrows because it's hard and gelatinized. It goes up. But

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Speaker 1: I like the look of it where it's kind of

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Speaker 1: fuzzy and it looks like hair.

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Speaker 2: You know what I mean? I promise, Okay, thank you.

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Speaker 1: You're well, you're a model, so you need to tell

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Speaker 1: me the truth because I'm not I'll tell you the truth.

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Speaker 2: Here's the thing.

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Speaker 4: I will be so honest that it sometimes hurts the feelings,

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Speaker 4: but I will be honest.

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Speaker 1: Congratulations on your sports illustrated. Thanks ish you. And I

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Speaker 1: was interested in speaking to you because you talk so

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Speaker 1: much about body positivity, right, and I want to know

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Speaker 1: what you think about the term plus size model.

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Speaker 4: So it's funny, I'm kind of like even with body positivity,

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Speaker 4: like now I'm just like body neutrality because we can't

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Speaker 4: always all be positive all the time about our body, right,

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Speaker 4: Like you can also be neutral about it, and that's

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Speaker 4: also so cool. And I think the word plus size.

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Speaker 4: When I first started out, because I was in this

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Speaker 4: such just toxic diet culture mindset, I was like, oh,

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Speaker 4: don't call me a plus size model. That's mortifying. And

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Speaker 4: now I'm like, I'm so proud of it. That's that's

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Speaker 4: what made me who I am. That's what gave me

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Speaker 4: all my success, you know, And now.

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Speaker 2: I take it. I could take it or leave it

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Speaker 2: whatever anyone wants to say.

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Speaker 1: That's interesting body positivity versus body neutrality, because it is true.

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Speaker 1: How are you supposed to be fucking positive about something

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Speaker 1: all the time? No one's positive about anything all the time.

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Speaker 4: Right right, Well that's the thing also is I think

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Speaker 4: that like media has also taken it in really spun

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Speaker 4: it in such a negative way, where like so many

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Speaker 4: brands are saying.

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Speaker 1: Like we're inclusive, we're positive.

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Speaker 4: And then you really go in they don't none of

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Speaker 4: them make my size. You use the token plus sized girl,

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Speaker 4: and it's just gotten so muddied.

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Speaker 1: But I don't understand why these brands don't make bigger sizes.

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Speaker 1: It's not like there are only small women.

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Speaker 2: They're leaving money on the table.

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Speaker 4: And now brands are even pulling back even more because

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Speaker 4: we are in this ozembic era, which fine, you I

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Speaker 4: cannot sit here and be like staunch pro choice and

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Speaker 4: then say but you can't do that to your body

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Speaker 4: or whatever I want, right like literally take do whatever

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Speaker 4: you want, take whatever you want, but know that you

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Speaker 4: could lose the weight and still not feel one hundred

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Speaker 4: percent confident. And it starts with your mind, right like

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Speaker 4: it starts with here. First I actually had I was

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Speaker 4: talking to my sister about this. I had a girlfriend

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Speaker 4: of mine and she's on ozembic and she was like,

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Speaker 4: I've lost fifteen pounds. I'm at the weight that I

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Speaker 4: told myself that I would feel confident in and I

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Speaker 4: just don't feel good. And I was like, well, yeah,

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Speaker 4: of course, because you bought into the lie that thin

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Speaker 4: equals confidence. That's just not the truth. Confidence is like

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Speaker 4: a journey, it comes from within.

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Speaker 2: Right. I'm not a thin woman, but I'm a confident woman.

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Speaker 1: And you would never take a zempic.

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Speaker 2: No, I have not ever, you don't know, right, But

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Speaker 2: I'm not against it, right, I'm really not.

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Speaker 1: Whatever everyone wants to do, it's not my boy.

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Speaker 4: I can't say anything about your body. You do what

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Speaker 4: you want to do, you know, but I think that like,

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Speaker 4: you do what you want to do. But just know

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Speaker 4: that confidence is a mind thing and that's like that's work.

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Speaker 1: Right, And therapy has helped you with a lot of

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Speaker 1: that confidency.

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Speaker 4: Right. I'm such a proponent for therapy. I've been in

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Speaker 4: therapy since I was fifteen years old.

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Speaker 1: Well, I mean it's so fucking obvious that if you

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Speaker 1: can go to therapy, you fucking should go. Like no

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Speaker 1: one goes ever. And it's like it ruined my life, right,

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Speaker 1: you know, unless you end up sucking your therapist, which

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Speaker 1: we advise against. Listen, Yeah, it's like had sex with

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Speaker 1: a therapist. There was a lot of hesitation there. Hunter.

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Speaker 1: I did have a.

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Speaker 2: Hot therapist once. I rid therapist.

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Speaker 1: I once went to couples therapy with a boyfriend and

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Speaker 1: I was attracted to the therapist right away, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, this is not a good idea. I've been

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Speaker 1: telling me right now, this is my type. He's older.

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Speaker 1: At the time, I only liked older men, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I'm because I had daddy issues and I

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Speaker 1: wanted I was attracted to him, and I was like, Oh,

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Speaker 1: he's going to fix me. This is the exact dynamic

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Speaker 1: that I need to stay away from any sort of

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Speaker 1: mentor figure attracted to run for the hills one hundred person.

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Speaker 4: And I always think about like therapy, Like when when

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Speaker 4: people tell me they're getting divorced and they're like, I'm

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Speaker 4: so sorry, but like no happy marriage and divorced. So

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Speaker 4: I'm like, for you, you're fucking you're doing the things.

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Speaker 4: Same with therapy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you're not gonna never going to therapy and it

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Speaker 1: is going to be back. So you haven't been with

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Speaker 1: the same therapist since you were fifteen or no, I haven't.

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Speaker 4: I've bounced around. I've gotten I like that too. I

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Speaker 4: have a grief therapist. I have, you know, my own

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Speaker 4: personal therapist. I'm very much a proponent for it. I

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Speaker 4: think even if you think you have no reason to go,

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Speaker 4: go and they'll find stuff to work pass.

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Speaker 1: And I know that it's not affordable for everybody, which

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Speaker 1: is why we're constantly sponsored by Better Help on this podcast,

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Speaker 1: because anyone can access like affordable therapy and it's worthwhile.

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Speaker 1: And that's not an ad, that's just love. Yeah, of course,

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Speaker 1: So I know you lost your brother. Yeah, I also

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Speaker 1: have a brother that has passed away. How old were

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Speaker 1: you when that happened.

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Speaker 4: Gosh, this was just three years ago. Oh, so it's yeah,

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Speaker 4: it's very new. We were actually talking about this because

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Speaker 4: my mom and I watched your special. I think it

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Speaker 4: was when was your most recent special?

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Speaker 1: Now you're talking about Revolution on HBO Max where I

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Speaker 1: talk about my brother.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and it was so healing to me.

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Speaker 1: Oh, thank you, I'm glad.

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Speaker 4: Yeah it was because I'm sorry, but it is. It's

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Speaker 4: like it's something that is just going to change you forever,

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Speaker 4: you know. Yeah, And it's like sibling loss is very

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Speaker 4: nuanced and not talked about, so it was very healing.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad to hear that. Yeah, it's almost like with siblings.

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Speaker 1: I think those sentence that I learned the most from

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Speaker 1: was celebrating someone's life instead of obviously you have to

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Speaker 1: grieve your brother. We all do, and I can't even

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Speaker 1: imagine what that's like for parents. But when you can

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Speaker 1: move into the celebration of their life and to allow

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Speaker 1: them to as a guiding light in your own life,

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Speaker 1: when you're making tough decisions and you think of the

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Speaker 1: person you lost that you love so much and infuse

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Speaker 1: your decision making with that loss and that love for

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Speaker 1: a person, I think that's when the grief starts to

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Speaker 1: move into a place that you're like, you know, we're

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Speaker 1: always going to be upset, there's always going to be

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Speaker 1: emotion tied to it, but it can be the most

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Speaker 1: useful and loving way to accept someone's departure is to

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Speaker 1: make sure they're with you every step of the way. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Well, and that's why I you know, I often like

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Speaker 4: bring up my brother when it comes to even my

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Speaker 4: like when people talk about weight or their body or

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Speaker 4: the weight, and I'm like, life is so fucking short.

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Speaker 4: That is so goddamn boring to talk about. If you're

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Speaker 4: always worrying about that, like you can be gone tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: But I mean, even back to what you're saying, this

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Speaker 1: is not related to grief, but how much time I

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Speaker 1: wasted in my youth focusing on my body and the

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Speaker 1: way that I looked at the hours of like browbeating

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Speaker 1: that I did to myself. If only I were five

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Speaker 1: pounds later, I won't go out tonight because of how

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Speaker 1: much I weigh. I'm going to run six miles tomorrow,

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Speaker 1: and then I would weigh myself when I went running

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Speaker 1: before I went running, and then I'd sweat for an

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Speaker 1: hour and a half, come home, weigh myself. Then, I

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Speaker 1: mean this psychotic behavior around our body images like I

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Speaker 1: can't wait for a generation of women to wake up

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Speaker 1: and not have to deal with that me too.

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Speaker 3: It's happening now because Hunter, I know you. When you

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Speaker 3: first started modeling, you were like rail thin and were

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Speaker 3: told like it's still not enough, you gotta lose what

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Speaker 3: was three inches on your head And.

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Speaker 4: I was one hundred and fourteen pounds and I'm six

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Speaker 4: feet tall, right like it was. It was crazy, And

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Speaker 4: I grew up. My dad's an actor, my mom was

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Speaker 4: a model, and I grew up in this industry. I

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Speaker 4: grew up in LA and it was like that was

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Speaker 4: just the norm, right, And so I thought, well, okay,

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Speaker 4: I'm just gonna have to be the smallest version of

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Speaker 4: me if I want anything to do with this dream

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Speaker 4: of mine. And finally there was a breaking point where

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Speaker 4: I showed up to a job and I was so thin.

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Speaker 4: I wasn't I was in a very massive calorie deficit,

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Speaker 4: working out hours a day, miserable, had severe depression, anxiety.

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Speaker 4: I showed up and they everyone was kind of looking

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Speaker 4: at me, and they came over to my mom and

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Speaker 4: I and they said, we're so sorry. We don't think

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Speaker 4: you're going to fit in any of the clothes. We

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Speaker 4: didn't realize how big you were. I was fifty, I

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Speaker 4: was even a full grown woman. I was fifteen years old.

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Speaker 4: I haven't even like fully developed yet. But I was

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Speaker 4: smart enough to know in that moment, A, I need

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Speaker 4: to get help because I'm severely depressed. Be fuck this,

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Speaker 4: because if this is what it takes for me to

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Speaker 4: live out this dream of being a model, like I'm out.

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Speaker 4: So I took five years off and I did moment

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Speaker 4: self help work, and that's when I kind of fell

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Speaker 4: into the plus size modeling and then once I got

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Speaker 4: Sports Illustrated. I've been with them for seven years, since

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Speaker 4: I was twenty two, and it was just a massive,

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Speaker 4: like pendulum swing for me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it isn't it interesting that women are always told

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Speaker 1: to become smaller and men are always trying to become bigger.

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Speaker 2: Do you want to know something so funny?

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Speaker 4: The other day an article popped up and it was

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Speaker 4: like Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman are promoting an unrealistic

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Speaker 4: body ideal because they're so jacked. I'm like, you can't win.

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Speaker 4: You literally can't win. No, I can't win. I have

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Speaker 4: Donald Trump JUNI you're talking about my body. I have

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Speaker 4: Fox News talking about my body being too big. Then

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Speaker 4: you have Hugh Jackman being too too I'm like, you

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Speaker 4: literally can't win.

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Speaker 1: I like how political you are. Tell me about your

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Speaker 1: like history, Like when did you get involved in politics?

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Speaker 1: When did you start really caring? Or have you always I've.

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Speaker 4: Always cared because my sister and my mom are very

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Speaker 4: very political. They're like strong, powerful women, and my sister

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Speaker 4: is very vocal about it.

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Speaker 2: And for the longest time, I.

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Speaker 4: Was like, ah, I have to kind of be in

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Speaker 4: the background because it's not good for the image to

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Speaker 4: pick it. And my sister was like, if you don't

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Speaker 4: stand for anything, like you stand for fucking nothing. So

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Speaker 4: pick a side, sister, and like let's do our research.

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Speaker 4: And so, you know, in the last few years, I

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Speaker 4: think in the last election, when Trump came in, I

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Speaker 4: got just really riled up and I was like, I'm done,

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Speaker 4: and especially this election, all of a sudden, Fox News

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Speaker 4: started posting me. Donald Trump Junior posted me saying, you know,

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Speaker 4: go wo go broke Sports Illustrated. You want to have

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Speaker 4: someone who's you know, big on your in your magazine.

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Speaker 4: Little did he know that I was going to get

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Speaker 4: the cover a month later. So like that's that, yeah,

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Speaker 4: Because there's too much on the line. There's too much

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Speaker 4: on the fucking line. And I'm a woman in this

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Speaker 4: world where my rights are on the line, and I

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Speaker 4: have people in my life where their lives are on

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Speaker 4: the line. Where and you have children, I have fucking

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Speaker 4: children where their lives are on the line, And like

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Speaker 4: I send my son to school name worried every day,

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Speaker 4: like it's too much at stake. I have a platform

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Speaker 4: and I'm going to use it, and I think that

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Speaker 4: we all have that responsibility honestly, like we should be

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Speaker 4: using our platforms. You use yours so brilliantly because a

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Speaker 4: lot of people are afraid to.

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Speaker 1: They are afraid to, And I also think that is

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Speaker 1: a learning curve as well. I remember when you're talking

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Speaker 1: about Donald Trump becoming elected. Listen, I was with you

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Speaker 1: their sister. I almost had a fucking nervous breakdown. I

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Speaker 1: may have had one, I'm not sure, but at the

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Speaker 1: time I was so angry, angry, angry, angry, and like

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Speaker 1: and it became so divisive, divisive, divisive, And then you realize, oh, like,

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Speaker 1: there's been an evolution in my messaging because I want

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Speaker 1: to be happy and positive. I don't want to be

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Speaker 1: hateful and vitriolic. I want actually to spread the good vibes.

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Speaker 1: And I've realized to not be hand in hand with

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Speaker 1: the candidate all the time, to actually be speaking from

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Speaker 1: my own platforms where it's not like you can confuse

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Speaker 1: or obfuscate what I'm doing with being paid to be

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Speaker 1: promoting a candidate or this candidate. Ye, no one's fucking

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Speaker 1: I'm not for sale, so no one's paying me to

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Speaker 1: do fucking anything, right, I was.

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Speaker 4: Just invited by the Harris team to her rally in Pennsylvania,

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Speaker 4: and I got so many messages from people being like, oh,

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Speaker 4: this is paid, this is so classic, It's paid, And

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Speaker 4: I'm like, no, listen, I don't agree with all the

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Speaker 4: policies that Kamala Harris has. I don't and I definitely

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Speaker 4: don't believe with any of Trump's. But like I'm here

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Speaker 4: to say, like you're saying, I'm voting at what I

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Speaker 4: align with, and I agree. There is so much divisiveness

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Speaker 4: and that's why we are having the issue that we're having.

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Speaker 4: I believe there's three parties. There's the Republican, the Democrat,

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Speaker 4: and the Trump supporters, and they don't care if I'm mad.

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Speaker 4: So why am I going to sit here and be mad.

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Speaker 4: I have two children to have to worry about. You know,

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna be positive. I'm going to use my voice

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Speaker 4: for good and speak out about that and try to

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Speaker 4: make a change where I can, but not let it

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Speaker 4: affect me so much where I'm go down with them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I feel like the Trump administrations almost stole

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Speaker 1: for years of my life, Like you're not getting me againymore?

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Speaker 2: You got me once.

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Speaker 1: An abusive relationship is right it.

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Speaker 4: Is, And that's literally how I feel, like so many

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Speaker 4: people feel. I feel the same way I was. So

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Speaker 4: me and my sister were like out there on the

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Speaker 4: lines with signs, and you know, after a while you're like, okay,

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Speaker 4: you know what, I'm going to change my messaging and

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Speaker 4: spin it and be positive and say like, okay, we

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Speaker 4: have this here, this like future can look right.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's it. Circling back to talking about

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Speaker 1: your brother's death, It's almost like it's analogous in a way.

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Speaker 1: It's about taking something devastating and turning it into something inspiring, right,

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Speaker 1: and actually making positives out of fucking mince meat, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. Change happen, and I think that's

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Speaker 1: such a powerful tool to be able to do. Like

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Speaker 1: I'm sure even in the three years since you've lost

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Speaker 1: your brother, you've seen the dynamic between your remaining family

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Speaker 1: and how that's shifted.

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Speaker 4: Right, Oh, the moment it happened, we all got together

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Speaker 4: and my mom and my dad said, listen to me,

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Speaker 4: right now, this can either make us or break us.

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Speaker 2: It's not gonna break us, so we're all gonna come together.

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Speaker 4: I'm literally my parents are divorced and we spent We've

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Speaker 4: spent every single day on this vacation all together with

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Speaker 4: their grandkids in the house. My dad's remarried, Like, we're

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Speaker 4: going to the beach together, and of course along the

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Speaker 4: way we're like, oh, I wish my brother was here.

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Speaker 4: I wish China could be heari to see it. But

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Speaker 4: like we have gotten so close. We spend Christmases all

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Speaker 4: together like we have. Just I would have never thought

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Speaker 4: my dad and my mom would even be in the

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Speaker 4: same room with each other at one point, and now

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Speaker 4: we're spending Christmases together.

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Speaker 3: Well, and again it comes back to this, like, what

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Speaker 3: are we really gonna worry about here? We're gonna worry

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Speaker 3: about the small stuff? They like, I'm annoid with you

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Speaker 3: because of this. No, when you go through something that

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Speaker 3: devastating and huge, you realize, like, how that stuff's just Manusha.

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Speaker 2: It's so minutia.

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Speaker 1: Ye, well, for it should be. It should be. But

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Speaker 1: it reminds me of a story that I need to

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Speaker 1: share because, and it's not funny at all. My cousins

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Speaker 1: lost their brother and I was there in the room

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Speaker 1: in the hospital after he had passed away. We were

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Speaker 1: all sitting there and my aunt and uncle had separated,

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Speaker 1: we're not on speaking terms, and then we're all gathered around.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's a horrible day, one of the most

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Speaker 1: horrible days in everyone's life, if not the most. And

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Speaker 1: I remember my uncle putting his hand on my aunt's

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Speaker 1: leg and was like, you know, we need to come together,

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Speaker 1: and she's like, get the fuck off of me. This

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Speaker 1: is not your opening. Our son is dead, and I

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Speaker 1: still don't fucking want anything to do with you. Get out. Yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: every example, that's what I mean, right, Yeah, But I

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Speaker 1: mean if the spirit of it should be what you're describing,

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Speaker 1: but I think my uncle was actually trying to get

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Speaker 1: back together in the hospital room, so that was also,

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Speaker 1: know tonally way off, but that's exactly what you're describing.

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Speaker 1: Sounds like did it make your family come together? You know,

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Speaker 1: when your brother dies, you feel like you're the only

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Speaker 1: person Like that is such a rare thing. And then

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Speaker 1: as I've talked about it, as I've written and about it,

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Speaker 1: so many people have come to me and you're like, God,

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Speaker 1: it's not something that's so common, but it's more common

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Speaker 1: than you think. Yeah, and so many people have lost brothers.

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Speaker 1: So I think experiencing my cousins losing their brother. I

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Speaker 1: remember just all I knew was how to help the situation. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like I've been through this. I'm going to take care

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Speaker 1: of whatever you guys can't deal with in this moment.

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Speaker 1: I'll take care of the funeral, I'll take care of

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Speaker 1: this arrangement. I'll take care of get buying a casket,

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Speaker 1: I'll take care of all this stuff. No one has

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Speaker 1: the capability to deal with something when someone is pulled

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Speaker 1: out of your life unexpectedly. Yeah, no one has any

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Speaker 1: idea what to do. So somebody has to step up

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Speaker 1: and do that. Yeah, so I was I think it

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Speaker 1: was useful for me to have gone through that because

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Speaker 1: I was at an age when my brother died. I

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Speaker 1: wasn't in charge of anything.

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Speaker 4: I was nine years old, right, But you kind of

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Speaker 4: you kind of like immediately get equipped with this armor

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Speaker 4: to deal with life in a different way. And I

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Speaker 4: mean at nine, you're you're that's like such an impressionable age.

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Speaker 4: And I'm sure a lot of people were like, she's nice,

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Speaker 4: She's gonna get over threat. But it's like, no, this

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Speaker 4: has now I've created this armor for the rest of

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Speaker 4: my life of like, how I'm going to move through

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Speaker 4: life like I moved through life differently than I did

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Speaker 4: three years ago. I can handle things now that I

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Speaker 4: would have never that would have broken me.

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Speaker 1: You were pregnant with your first child right when you

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Speaker 1: passed them, So what.

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Speaker 3: Was the experience going through this extreme grief and then

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Speaker 3: suddenly having this huge amount of joy in your life.

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Speaker 4: Yeah? That was very weird because you know, I called

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Speaker 4: my doctor and I was like, I'm flying home and

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Speaker 4: she was like, you're giving birth in like six weeks.

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Speaker 4: You can't And I was like, I don't care, I'll

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Speaker 4: give birth on this plane. When I got back, you know,

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Speaker 4: I gave birth pretty much. Gosh, yeah, five weeks after.

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Speaker 4: It was very weird. Yeah, it was very weird, but

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Speaker 4: it taught me I didn't mean to christ I'm fine with.

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Speaker 1: Anything. If anyone listeners are going anything, we are not

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Speaker 1: apologizing now, that's true.

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Speaker 4: That's true, and I'm it's always a on any platform.

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Speaker 4: I think it made me realize that extreme sadness can

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Speaker 4: only be known with extreme joy, right and vice versa.

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Speaker 4: Like I I it was the weirdest time because I

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Speaker 4: was like, how can I be the most devastating Honestly,

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Speaker 4: before I had my son. I was like, I don't

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Speaker 4: think anything will be able to make me happy again,

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Speaker 4: you know. But then he came out and oh my god,

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Speaker 4: I would never want to put this on him, but

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Speaker 4: like he saved a lot of us, and I never

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Speaker 4: want to put that pressure on him.

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Speaker 2: And I'm not you know, I never am.

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Speaker 1: Like you're you're the one who saved us. But he

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Speaker 1: brought so much healing and he's so much like my brother. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I think those things happen, you know. It's kind

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Speaker 1: of like these rainbows in life when you lose someone

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Speaker 1: you love and then a new there's someone always has

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Speaker 1: a baby, right, No, it's so weird the way that

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Speaker 1: works in a family. Like you can lose your father

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Speaker 1: and then you have a baby. You lose your brother

432
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,199
Speaker 1: and you have a baby, and it's like there's a

433
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,680
Speaker 1: transfer of life and there's like you think about reincarnation

434
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:03,680
Speaker 1: and you're like is that a possibility? Oh my god,

435
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:04,280
Speaker 1: what is this?

436
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,400
Speaker 4: I swear because like I look like my son has

437
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:11,359
Speaker 4: my brother's exact feet, like he has his exact humor.

438
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:15,080
Speaker 4: I'm like, bye bye you in there, Like it's so wild,

439
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,919
Speaker 4: it's so wild, and it does bring that like sense

440
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,760
Speaker 4: of joy and.

441
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:24,000
Speaker 1: Relief, but it was really weird to also like not greed.

442
00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:27,080
Speaker 4: I think I was definitely a different mom to my

443
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,159
Speaker 4: son than I am to my daughter because I was

444
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:32,919
Speaker 4: in such heavy grief. It affected my supply. You know,

445
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,800
Speaker 4: my supply dried up like pretty almost immediately, Like I

446
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,040
Speaker 4: couldn't breastfeed him.

447
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:39,919
Speaker 2: It's all that like up and down.

448
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:43,160
Speaker 4: Whereas my daughter, I'm like, oh, it was easy peasy,

449
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:46,679
Speaker 4: you know, comparing the two of them.

450
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:52,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think Gabor Mate, this psychiatrist from Canada

451
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,399
Speaker 1: or psychologist, I'm not sure what he is. We've had

452
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,520
Speaker 1: him on the podcast before, so I guess I wasn't

453
00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:01,480
Speaker 1: paying attention. But he always talked about that that you're

454
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:05,119
Speaker 1: not the same parent regardless to your children. Every child,

455
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,680
Speaker 1: you're a different parent too, based on what their needs are,

456
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 1: their sex, their personality. Yeah. My sister was so so

457
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,280
Speaker 1: freaked out by her daughter when she found her out

458
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,919
Speaker 1: her daughter was having sex. Meanwhile, her son is the

459
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:20,280
Speaker 1: same age, and she's like, I'm like, is he having sex?

460
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:22,080
Speaker 1: You know now he's the same age And she's like, oh,

461
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,399
Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe I'm like interesting reaction that you

462
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:29,160
Speaker 1: were fucking losing your shit yeah, three or four years ago,

463
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,080
Speaker 1: and now you have no reaction to your son. I'm like,

464
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:32,399
Speaker 1: do you realize how sexist that is?

465
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,800
Speaker 4: It's insane. It's really insane. I'm the opposite with my daughter.

466
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:37,920
Speaker 4: Like literally, when we came out for vacation a couple

467
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,879
Speaker 4: years ago, his first time, mom and like, we have

468
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,080
Speaker 4: three hours until Hudson needs to get home for a nap.

469
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:43,920
Speaker 2: This time, I'm like, if they fucking nap, they nap.

470
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 4: If they eat, the eat, like, I don't care, And

471
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,720
Speaker 4: it's so much more relaxed, Like I think the second.

472
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,320
Speaker 1: Time, you're just like, well, yeah, imagine the third, fourth, fifth,

473
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 1: and sixth.

474
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:53,200
Speaker 2: Childs raising themselves.

475
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,000
Speaker 1: She come from six. Yes, I'm the youngest of six,

476
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,320
Speaker 1: so I was basically reacting like I had a job

477
00:21:58,359 --> 00:21:59,879
Speaker 1: when I was like three months old. I was like,

478
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 1: holy shit, I really got to pitch in around here, right,

479
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:06,960
Speaker 1: I mean, talk about neglect. But yeah, my sister always

480
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,239
Speaker 1: well I always tell the story of my sister. I'm

481
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,920
Speaker 1: sure they are very appreciative of me sharing their personal

482
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:14,480
Speaker 1: lives with the world, but you know, again, I don't

483
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 1: care because they're my stories too. My sister when she

484
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,280
Speaker 1: had her third like you know, how they always stick

485
00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:22,000
Speaker 1: up like something up their nose. Children, like at some age,

486
00:22:22,119 --> 00:22:25,480
Speaker 1: like in school, they stick an eraser in their asshole vagina,

487
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:29,840
Speaker 1: our nose, and my my sister's first kid did it,

488
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,880
Speaker 1: and then her last kid did it, and her last

489
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,240
Speaker 1: kid did it. She has three was in like, you know,

490
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,479
Speaker 1: nursery school and they're like, oh, you know, Seneca has

491
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,679
Speaker 1: an eraser stuck in her nose, and Simone was like,

492
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,359
Speaker 1: we'll just wait until Monday. You know, it's late on

493
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 1: a Friday, late day, Friday afternoon, like before you're fucking

494
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 1: at the emergency room thinking that they're forging going to

495
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,880
Speaker 1: have like, you know, brain damage from a fucking eraser

496
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,239
Speaker 1: whatever the hell they stuck up their nose, yes, and

497
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:56,320
Speaker 1: then cut to the third and you're like, whatever, you know, we'll.

498
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 2: Give it a solid week and then we'll check back in.

499
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:01,440
Speaker 1: My sister has like a lead pencil in her leg,

500
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:03,879
Speaker 1: one of my sisters, because she like got stabbed with

501
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,960
Speaker 1: a pencil and my parents never even she was number

502
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,200
Speaker 1: five and they never took her to the hospital so

503
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,680
Speaker 1: she could still see the fucking pencil in her leg.

504
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:16,880
Speaker 4: Isn't that I think I also have that I.

505
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:21,720
Speaker 1: Cannot be good, all right, Well on stabbing yourself with

506
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 1: pencils and putting erasers in your vagina. But even though

507
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:26,720
Speaker 1: Seneca didn't do that, I just want to say she

508
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:28,919
Speaker 1: put it in her nose. We'll take a break and

509
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 1: we'll be right back with Hunter and McGrady. And we're

510
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:38,640
Speaker 1: back with Hunter McGrady. We are back. Look at how

511
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,520
Speaker 1: fucking handsome Doug is standing there like a lion. He

512
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 1: looks like the Lion King. Can you see him? He's

513
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 1: so sweet looking. He's a good dog. He literally came

514
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 1: up and I was like, oh my god, he's just

515
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 1: so like and he's got so much meat, so comforting

516
00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 1: to just snuggle with him.

517
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, our first caller is Abby, and she says,

518
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea, I'm struggling with my body image. I'm a

519
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:11,240
Speaker 3: thirty four year old woman of color, child free, recently married,

520
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 3: and I have a job I enjoy. For the first time,

521
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:16,120
Speaker 3: I've gained some extra weight, and I'm having a hard

522
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 3: time with everything that comes along with that. I was

523
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,439
Speaker 3: an athlete in high school and kept reasonably active in

524
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:22,920
Speaker 3: university and in my twenties.

525
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:24,159
Speaker 1: My dog died at the.

526
00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:26,040
Speaker 3: Beginning of the year, and I guess I didn't realize

527
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,160
Speaker 3: how active he kept me or how hard I took

528
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,919
Speaker 3: this very sudden loss. He was my first pet and

529
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 3: really taught me so much. I'm now trying to do

530
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:35,920
Speaker 3: very long walks three to four days a week. I've

531
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 3: been at it all summer, and this week I'm incorporating weights.

532
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:40,960
Speaker 3: I try to make it fun and do active things

533
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 3: with my husband and friends. The problem is I cannot

534
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:46,840
Speaker 3: stop hating what I'm seeing. I also understand that the

535
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 3: weight I've gained is a lot for me, but I

536
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:52,440
Speaker 3: know I'm catastrophizing and I can't stop comparing my body

537
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:56,200
Speaker 3: to other bodies. I see big, small, whatever I'm looking

538
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:57,960
Speaker 3: and I'm thinking, do I look like this person?

539
00:24:58,200 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 1: Why don't I look like that person?

540
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 3: Every time I get dressed for work and something doesn't

541
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,520
Speaker 3: fit like it once did, I have a complete meltdown.

542
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,440
Speaker 3: My quote baggy jeans have now become the only ones

543
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,200
Speaker 3: that fit, and I have to dress nicely for work,

544
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 3: so I enjoy being stylish and put together. I'm noticing

545
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,159
Speaker 3: these urges to do unhealthy things in an effort to

546
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,679
Speaker 3: lose weight, and it seems easier to try and starve

547
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,480
Speaker 3: myself or restrict my eating. This is all taking a

548
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,120
Speaker 3: toll on my relationship with my husband. While he has

549
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 3: no issues with my body and is completely supportive of me,

550
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:30,840
Speaker 3: it's the meltdowns and the negative self talk that are

551
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 3: causing conflict for us. How do I stop hating my

552
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 3: body so much? Abby?

553
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:35,639
Speaker 1: Hi? Abby?

554
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:35,920
Speaker 4: Hi?

555
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:41,679
Speaker 1: Abby? Hello? Hi, this is Hunter, our special guest today. Hi.

556
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,199
Speaker 2: You're gorgeous. Oh my goodness, thank you, Thank you.

557
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 1: Hunter. Do you want to start?

558
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:48,440
Speaker 4: You know.

559
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,399
Speaker 2: You're not alone. We all are feeling this.

560
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:56,400
Speaker 4: I think, you know, like I was talking to Chelsea earlier,

561
00:25:56,760 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 4: how I'm all about body neutrality, right, I think getting

562
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 4: to that place in your body of knowing instead of

563
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:06,560
Speaker 4: seeing your body for the way that it looks. Right.

564
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 4: We're in the age of social media where we see

565
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,040
Speaker 4: so many different types of bodies all day long. We

566
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:15,480
Speaker 4: are comparing, you know, our bodies to that we also

567
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:19,639
Speaker 4: have to realize that like phase two exists. I always say, like,

568
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:21,439
Speaker 4: not even the models of the magazines look like the

569
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:22,320
Speaker 4: models of the magazines.

570
00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 2: Trust me, I'm one of them.

571
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:28,399
Speaker 4: But you know, and also just comparing yourself is just

572
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 4: going to steal so much of your joy. And also

573
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:34,640
Speaker 4: realizing like your body does so much for you. Your

574
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:37,320
Speaker 4: body does so much for you. Thinking of your body

575
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 4: in that manner will just change your life. I had

576
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:43,680
Speaker 4: a therapist tell me at sixteen that change my world.

577
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:47,199
Speaker 4: I've done it every single day since. She told me

578
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,680
Speaker 4: to stand in the mirror after showering, look in the

579
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,440
Speaker 4: mirror completely naked, slick back your hair, like literally get

580
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:56,359
Speaker 4: down to your stubs, girl, like where you are, no makeup, nothing,

581
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 4: And I want you to have a full blown conversation

582
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 4: with yourself, telling yourself five things that you want to

583
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 4: love about yourself. They're probably not gonna be things that

584
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 4: you actually love about yourself, because for me it was

585
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:08,760
Speaker 4: really hard. I had At first, I thought this is

586
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 4: the dumbest fucking exercise ever because I'm not gonna do it.

587
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:13,240
Speaker 4: But I went home and I was, like, my therapist said,

588
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,480
Speaker 4: to do what. I'm gonna give it a try. I

589
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,359
Speaker 4: looked in the mirror and I said five things I

590
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 4: wanted to love about myselfs, my hips, my arms. I

591
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,399
Speaker 4: had stretch marks. I was sixteen. I had stretch marks

592
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:26,600
Speaker 4: on my inner thighs. I had like ingrown hair bumps

593
00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 4: and things like that. I broke down in tears so bad.

594
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,920
Speaker 4: But I pushed through and I kept doing that exercise

595
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 4: every single day, And can I tell you Abby, what happened.

596
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 4: Instead of those being things that I wanted to love

597
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 4: about myself, they became things that I did love about

598
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:48,360
Speaker 4: myself because I was telling my brain that I've done

599
00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:52,440
Speaker 4: that exercise every single day since. I don't maybe get

600
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:54,760
Speaker 4: down to my stubs now, but I look in my

601
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,200
Speaker 4: rear view mirror, my car. My husband at first thought

602
00:27:57,240 --> 00:28:01,119
Speaker 4: I was crazy, but now it's it's so natural for

603
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:01,960
Speaker 4: me to say.

604
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:02,359
Speaker 2: God, I you know what.

605
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:04,639
Speaker 4: I love those things, And now it's so much deeper,

606
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 4: even than just my bodies. I love my spirit, I

607
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:08,879
Speaker 4: love my soul. I love what I offer to the world.

608
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:13,120
Speaker 1: Your strength, my strength, your strength of as a woman. Yes,

609
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:15,520
Speaker 1: that is what we need to be thinking about. You're

610
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:18,120
Speaker 1: just being a product of your environment. Like the way

611
00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:20,159
Speaker 1: you're thinking is the product of the way we've been

612
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 1: taught to talk about and think about our bodies. And

613
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:26,439
Speaker 1: that's just what we've been fed. So like ye, you

614
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:30,440
Speaker 1: allowing them to rob you of the joy you're First

615
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 1: of all, whatever's happening is temporary, right, Like every situation

616
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:36,200
Speaker 1: we're in is temporary. It's not permanent. If you don't.

617
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 1: If you want to, you know, lose weight, that's fine,

618
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 1: that's okay, But you can't shame yourself for where you

619
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,600
Speaker 1: are in the current moment. You're doing things to help

620
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 1: yourself to be stronger, to be healthier. I love that

621
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 1: you're going for long walks. Walking is so fucking good

622
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,160
Speaker 1: for you. Weights are so good for you. But you

623
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:58,200
Speaker 1: want to change the framework to being strong, not to

624
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:01,320
Speaker 1: being thin or skinny. You want to be strong like

625
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 1: I'm the strongest I've ever been, and that's all I

626
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 1: care about is my strength. And because of that, I'm

627
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 1: smaller than I've ever been because I'm a huge into

628
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:11,960
Speaker 1: weights and everything. And yes, I have the same issues

629
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 1: we all do about bodies, but I know now that

630
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:18,640
Speaker 1: this whole narrative around women and their bodies doesn't get

631
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:21,120
Speaker 1: to control me and my fucking mood. I'm not going

632
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 1: to have a breakdown because I don't fit into jeans

633
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,200
Speaker 1: and there's nothing wrong with that. It's very honest of

634
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 1: you to admit that, but it doesn't have to be

635
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:28,760
Speaker 1: that way.

636
00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 4: Can I give you the best tip for yes when

637
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 4: you when you have a breakdown because jeens don't fit

638
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:35,600
Speaker 4: This is going to be life changing.

639
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 2: Guys ready by a bigger size.

640
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, nothing will make you feel worse than clothes that

641
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 3: don't fit and make.

642
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 1: You feel awful.

643
00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 2: The number means nothing. You're the only one.

644
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 1: Who knows what the number in the genes is.

645
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:50,040
Speaker 5: And I feel like I'm surrounded by it right the

646
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 5: way you described it as being like a steeler.

647
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,720
Speaker 2: Joy is a real thing, you know.

648
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,080
Speaker 5: I described with my letter that you know, a lot

649
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 5: of really great things are happening in my life, but

650
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:03,320
Speaker 5: I feel like I am so distracted. I have to

651
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:06,960
Speaker 5: buy this one thing, so distracted by this like negative

652
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,680
Speaker 5: self talk and just like this negative way I however,

653
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 5: looking at myself.

654
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 1: Well, you just need to get up and write those

655
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:15,440
Speaker 1: ten things down every single day. I want you to

656
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:18,240
Speaker 1: write ten things down every single morning of what's going

657
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 1: well in your life, because I promise you that will

658
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,480
Speaker 1: change the channel of the way you're thinking about yourself.

659
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:26,240
Speaker 1: Because we can't miss the moment we're in, and when

660
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:28,520
Speaker 1: we're so preoccupied with the way we look, we miss

661
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 1: all of the good stuff. You know, So you have

662
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 1: to know you're taking steps to get the body that

663
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 1: you are more comfortable in in the meantime, there's no

664
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:39,880
Speaker 1: reason to like self immolate. You can't beat yourself up

665
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:42,720
Speaker 1: about that stuff because it's taking away from all the

666
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 1: other good things in your life. And so a great exercise,

667
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 1: and I've done this. We've had so many people on

668
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 1: the show do this really, like start your gratitude list

669
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 1: every morning and being like, these are the ten things

670
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 1: I'm happy about, and even say I'm on my way

671
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:58,000
Speaker 1: to having the body that I want to have. But

672
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 1: there's no reason to again rob the joy of the

673
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:04,920
Speaker 1: present moment, you know, and look in the mirror and

674
00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 1: look how beautiful that is. Look at the strength that

675
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:10,640
Speaker 1: comes from within your body. Like it's not just about

676
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:12,400
Speaker 1: the outside of the body, it's about all the things

677
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:14,840
Speaker 1: that are working inside that give you the strength and

678
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 1: ability to walk around every day, to want to lift weights,

679
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 1: to have clarity of mind. You know, it's just you're

680
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 1: just changing the channel on your conversation with yourself.

681
00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 3: And yeah, another trick that's really helpful is thinking about

682
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,240
Speaker 3: how you would speak to your best friend, Like you

683
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 3: would never say to your best friend like, oh my god,

684
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:33,680
Speaker 3: you're tummy is spilling over those jeans, or like your

685
00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 3: thighs look really big. Today, or like I hate the

686
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 3: way you look at that. You would never say that

687
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:41,480
Speaker 3: to another person. So when you hear yourself saying that

688
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,640
Speaker 3: to yourself, change it around, Like I don't like the

689
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 3: way my tummy looks right now, but like, think about

690
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:50,200
Speaker 3: what your tummy does. It's nourishing you. It's really like

691
00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:52,840
Speaker 3: helping you live. There are brain cells in there. But

692
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 3: also there's a sexiness.

693
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, when you have a little extra meat on you,

694
00:31:57,440 --> 00:32:00,239
Speaker 1: it's fucking hot and it can be sexy if you

695
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 1: think it is going out and getting a bigger sized pant.

696
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 1: You just said yourself, how important is for you to

697
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,720
Speaker 1: be stylish at work? Like, if you're hiding yourself, you're

698
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:11,360
Speaker 1: not being stylish right, You're covering up because of the

699
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 1: way you're feeling of insecurity. But if you actually get

700
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:16,719
Speaker 1: the clothes that fits you for this moment that you're

701
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:20,480
Speaker 1: going through in time and feel good about yourself every day,

702
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: you're gonna have a different conversation with yourself. And it's

703
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 1: not like you've given up like, oh, now that I

704
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 1: bought these clothes, I'll never get back to the size

705
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,400
Speaker 1: that you feel more comfortable in. It's like, no, I've

706
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 1: got a little extra meat on me, that's fucking sexy.

707
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 1: Flaunt it, don't try to hide it, you know, embrace it,

708
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:39,760
Speaker 1: like embrace what's coming your way and like the moment

709
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:43,280
Speaker 1: that you're in, because I feel like that's also a

710
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:45,240
Speaker 1: better way to move through everything.

711
00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 4: And comb through who you're following on Instagram. There are

712
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:50,960
Speaker 4: a lot of girls out there who are different body types,

713
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 4: curvy girls who have so much good style. And get

714
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 4: rid of the people who do not serve you, because

715
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:01,160
Speaker 4: I know, girl, I know you're scroll on social media.

716
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 1: I know you're scrolling on Instagram and doing.

717
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 4: All the things, and compare yourself. Get the people who

718
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 4: serve you, who make you feel good. And I bet

719
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,320
Speaker 4: your husband likes a little extra curve on you.

720
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 1: The thing he does. I don't have any complaints about it.

721
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 1: I'm the one catastrophizing all of this, I know, because

722
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 1: of society. But like, lean into that, lean into the

723
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 1: fact that he likes it when you're getting dressed, dressed

724
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,400
Speaker 1: for him dress. I mean, I would never say that

725
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,120
Speaker 1: unless you were dealing with this issue. But seriously, think

726
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:32,760
Speaker 1: about the sexual like the sexual nature of that. You

727
00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:34,720
Speaker 1: know that the husband wants you, you know that he's

728
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 1: turned on by that when you get up and go

729
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 1: to work, get dressed, like it doesn't matter what the

730
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 1: weight is that you are, but to embrace every single

731
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 1: thing you have in that moment, you know, in terms

732
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:47,560
Speaker 1: of your body, Embrace your curves, embrace your hips, embrace

733
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 1: your belly, your breasts, all of it. M absolutely love

734
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 1: yourself up. Yeah you deserve it, Abbie, Yes you do.

735
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:56,360
Speaker 5: Thank you, Thank you so much.

736
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:58,960
Speaker 1: Well keep us post it Okay. Absolutely.

737
00:33:59,040 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 5: I love the action eye.

738
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:01,600
Speaker 1: I am going to do that.

739
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 5: I do journal, so that's something I can kind of

740
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 5: work into it. And I like the idea of, you know,

741
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:10,680
Speaker 5: thinking about the things that I'm grateful, because there really

742
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:13,560
Speaker 5: is a lot, Like there's so much. It's just that

743
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 5: I feel like I have my blinders on when I'm

744
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 5: only seeing, you know, this one thing, or fixating I

745
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 5: guess on this one things up.

746
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, so thank you again.

747
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:26,640
Speaker 4: A fine.

748
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 1: But you know there's something that happens too.

749
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:31,840
Speaker 3: I know for me it happened during as for a

750
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 3: lot of people, it happened during the pandemic where our bodies,

751
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 3: especially when we go through a loss like she did

752
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,360
Speaker 3: with her dog. You know, maybe that she's not walking

753
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 3: as much as she was before, but also maybe that

754
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:43,840
Speaker 3: her body is trying to put on this like extra

755
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:47,319
Speaker 3: layer of protection and comfort around her. I know that

756
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 3: that's like something that I've experienced in my life during

757
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:52,399
Speaker 3: harder times. And you know, I like that you said

758
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 3: that it can be temporary, like she may gain weight,

759
00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:57,040
Speaker 3: she may lose weight, but you know, she has to

760
00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:58,920
Speaker 3: learn to love herself right now where she's at.

761
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:01,080
Speaker 4: Well, I think we put so so much emphasis on

762
00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:03,800
Speaker 4: it as a society, right, like as a plus size model.

763
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:07,880
Speaker 4: If I'm on the cover of anything besides Sports Illustrated,

764
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 4: it was the first time I was on the cover

765
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:12,080
Speaker 4: of anything where they didn't mention my body. It's usually

766
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:15,120
Speaker 4: you know, Hunter McGrady talks about how you know she's

767
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 4: so comfortable in her body. Anytime there's an article written,

768
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:20,000
Speaker 4: I'm like, that's the least important thing about me.

769
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 1: That's it's just such a stupid thing to comment on,

770
00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:24,840
Speaker 1: Like it shouldn't even be a plus size model. It

771
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:27,560
Speaker 1: should just be a model. Whoever's a model is a model,

772
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:29,120
Speaker 1: and then you see a picture of them and then

773
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 1: you can interpret that however you want and see however

774
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 1: you want. But to have to qualify because what's the

775
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:35,640
Speaker 1: opposite of a plus size model.

776
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:40,400
Speaker 4: Oh here's what any comedian, Chelsea Handler, everyone take a

777
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:41,360
Speaker 4: round of a plot.

778
00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:45,000
Speaker 1: That'd be such a weird way to say. Yeah, I

779
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:48,280
Speaker 1: know that my whole I know that I've been able

780
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:51,719
Speaker 1: to shift my mindset around weight because when you just

781
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:54,680
Speaker 1: said called me skinny, that wasn't a compliment to me.

782
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:57,440
Speaker 1: I do love that you're saying that like that. I

783
00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,120
Speaker 1: don't want to be that, you know what I mean?

784
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:02,080
Speaker 1: And I wanted to be that my whole life is.

785
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:04,719
Speaker 1: I wanted to be skinny and thin so that people

786
00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 1: thought I had an eating disorder. I thought that would

787
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:09,479
Speaker 1: make me happy, and I don't want that. I want

788
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:12,440
Speaker 1: to be strong. That's like I just might. Ben Bruno

789
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,040
Speaker 1: just got me new weights because I left and I

790
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 1: don't lift, but I sound like I'm from New Jersey

791
00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:21,279
Speaker 1: because I am. But but he got me thirty pound

792
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 1: weights and it's like, Oh, that's a victory that I'm

793
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 1: using thirty pounds. I'm doing bicep curls with thirty pounds,

794
00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 1: Like that's fucking hardcore. Ye, That's what I'm excited about now,

795
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 1: And I'm so glad I just had that reaction to

796
00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:36,040
Speaker 1: being called skinny because I was like, no, I'm not skinny,

797
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:39,719
Speaker 1: I'm fit. Oh I love that we're like we're breakthrough

798
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 1: and so I know I've reframed my brain around it.

799
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,440
Speaker 1: And even when I have gained five or seven pounds,

800
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:49,480
Speaker 1: for me, it is about my mental clarity is the

801
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:51,759
Speaker 1: most important thing. But when I put on five or

802
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:54,239
Speaker 1: seven pounds, I do not have the same reaction I

803
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,800
Speaker 1: used to have. I actually do go, oh, you're a

804
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,360
Speaker 1: little bigger girl right now, you know, show your booty,

805
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 1: now you have a show it off. I do embrace

806
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 1: it in a different way. So I just feel like

807
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:06,240
Speaker 1: we can all do a little bit better about ourselves.

808
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,120
Speaker 4: Absolutely, And like I said to Abby, like comb through

809
00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 4: your social media whoever it's not serving you, like get

810
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:15,280
Speaker 4: just mute them, block whatever you have to do, because

811
00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:17,000
Speaker 4: we are all whether we like it.

812
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:18,359
Speaker 2: Or not, we're all on it all day long.

813
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 1: Well, and it does help.

814
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:22,560
Speaker 3: I know for me, it really helped me like finally

815
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 3: accept like my body and what my body looks like

816
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 3: and also like why my body is sexy and beautiful

817
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 3: by following women who looked like me who looks sexy

818
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:35,319
Speaker 3: and beautiful on Instagram, it took a while, but then

819
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 3: one day.

820
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:37,279
Speaker 1: It was like, oh, I get it.

821
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:39,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, it really is powerful.

822
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:46,279
Speaker 3: Well, this is a little bit more on bodies, but

823
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:47,799
Speaker 3: I kind of wanted to get the other side of

824
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 3: the coin of how to have these conversations within family

825
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 3: and especially, I know, having kids. This is something you've

826
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 3: said you would never speak negatively about your body in

827
00:37:56,640 --> 00:38:01,160
Speaker 3: front of your kids, So this question comes from Whitney.

828
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:04,720
Speaker 3: Whitney says, Dear Chelsea, my mom has criticized me about

829
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:07,240
Speaker 3: my weight since I was a child. She's never accepted

830
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:09,520
Speaker 3: me for me, even at my thinnest, a whopping one

831
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,120
Speaker 3: hundred and twenty pounds in high school, the comments and

832
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:15,040
Speaker 3: bullying continued. I've never stuck up for myself when these

833
00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:15,799
Speaker 3: comments are made.

834
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:16,520
Speaker 1: No one has.

835
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 3: I'm now thirty three years old and I've become an

836
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 3: aunt to my three month old niece. My brother has family,

837
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:23,960
Speaker 3: and I went back to my parents' house for a

838
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,680
Speaker 3: long weekend. My mom began making comments to my niece,

839
00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:29,200
Speaker 3: her granddaughter. She said how she needs to work on

840
00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 3: her waistline because her shorts don't fit, and how fat

841
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:33,239
Speaker 3: her legs are, you know, like we do like a

842
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:37,120
Speaker 3: little chunky leg baby to a growing ass baby. I

843
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 3: got up and walked away. These comments triggered so much

844
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:41,719
Speaker 3: for me, and I have not talked to my mom

845
00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:44,120
Speaker 3: since the trip. I'm ready to talk to my mom

846
00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:46,719
Speaker 3: after all these years of abuse. My niece cannot be

847
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:49,319
Speaker 3: another victim of this kind of perfect good. How do

848
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:50,879
Speaker 3: I talk to her in a way that she'll hear

849
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 3: me and stop perpetuating the cycle.

850
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 1: Write a letter? Yes, I totally agree with that. Yeah,

851
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 1: write a letter and start from the very beginning. These

852
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:01,319
Speaker 1: are the memories of the things that you've said to

853
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 1: me about my body, like your first imprint, your first

854
00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:09,200
Speaker 1: memory of her saying that, and list multiple examples, and

855
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:12,520
Speaker 1: then describe how that made you feel. And this isn't

856
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:16,840
Speaker 1: an angry letter, this is you. Clearly, she clearly has

857
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:20,000
Speaker 1: no idea the impact of her words. Yeah, she has

858
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:24,000
Speaker 1: no idea how damaging this is. And you are never

859
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:26,760
Speaker 1: going to let her do this to another person.

860
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's brilliant. I also think, like you're

861
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:33,840
Speaker 4: now a grown woman, set those boundaries and tell her sister,

862
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:36,719
Speaker 4: who is the mother of her niece, these are boundaries.

863
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,319
Speaker 4: We can talk about anything. We can't talk about this

864
00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:42,919
Speaker 4: that's off the table, no questions asked, do not bring

865
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 4: it up. I think that that's so important. I think

866
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 4: as we're seeing the generations like our parents, that was

867
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,440
Speaker 4: so something they talked about, right, like don't eat that

868
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:54,000
Speaker 4: eat handful of almonds, Like now they call them all

869
00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:57,560
Speaker 4: my moms. Like set that boundary. We're not talking about

870
00:39:57,600 --> 00:39:57,959
Speaker 4: that mom.

871
00:39:58,040 --> 00:39:58,839
Speaker 1: And I think as you.

872
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:01,560
Speaker 3: Go into writing this, leve better have a moment where

873
00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:04,320
Speaker 3: you realize, like, this was how your mom was talked

874
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:07,640
Speaker 3: to and have a little bit of empathy for that,

875
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:10,319
Speaker 3: and like as you go into it, so you can

876
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:11,520
Speaker 3: release some of that anger.

877
00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 1: When I say you're never going to allow that to

878
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:15,279
Speaker 1: happen to your niece, I mean that is advice to you.

879
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:17,239
Speaker 1: That is something that you need to tell your mother.

880
00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 1: I mean you can say that to your mother, but

881
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:20,560
Speaker 1: you don't have to say it in that kind of language.

882
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:24,480
Speaker 1: You exactly go into this knowing that your mother didn't

883
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:26,840
Speaker 1: know better, and you are going to be the tool

884
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 1: to help her understand how to better behave in the

885
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 1: future and what the impact of those negative words can

886
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:35,360
Speaker 1: have on someone's body image.

887
00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:38,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, and also good on you for having the wherewithal

888
00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:41,760
Speaker 4: to know that, right, like to know that. This really

889
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:45,080
Speaker 4: messed me up, and I don't want that for my niece.

890
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:50,000
Speaker 4: Like that, Whitney, You've already grown so much from breaking

891
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:51,280
Speaker 4: that cycle and that trauma.

892
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:55,279
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, Yeah, and so called a cycle breaker. I

893
00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:57,840
Speaker 1: like the breaker. Yeah, cycle breaker, when you break the

894
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:00,799
Speaker 1: cycle within your family. Yeah, that's what you need to do.

895
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're going to be it with me. I love that.

896
00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:08,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, great, Well, our next question is kind of

897
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:11,720
Speaker 3: a toughie. This comes from Colton. He says, Dear Chelsea,

898
00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 3: A few months ago, my little brother died by suicide.

899
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 3: I'm twenty seven and hey was twenty As a gay

900
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:21,239
Speaker 3: man from a very small conservative town, I've put some

901
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 3: distance between.

902
00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:24,200
Speaker 1: Myself and where I grew up. I have a little

903
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 1: sister who's.

904
00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 3: A teenager, and her and my mom are very much

905
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 3: struggling with the loss of my brother. She doesn't know

906
00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:31,640
Speaker 3: how to cope and doesn't want to share her feelings

907
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:34,400
Speaker 3: or emotions, at least with me. How can I support

908
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:36,160
Speaker 3: them and care for them when I don't live close

909
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:38,600
Speaker 3: and Chelsea, I'd love your insight on being a young

910
00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:41,040
Speaker 3: girl losing their older brother. Am I right to push

911
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,680
Speaker 3: her to confide in me and open up about her emotions.

912
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:46,879
Speaker 3: I'm still trying to navigate the grieving process myself while

913
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:47,799
Speaker 3: trying to move on with.

914
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:48,560
Speaker 1: My own life.

915
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 3: I adore my family and want to be around for them,

916
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:53,160
Speaker 3: but I also still need to work on figuring out

917
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 3: my own identity, and that includes putting more distance between

918
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 3: me and my negative small town childhood ps. My younger

919
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:02,360
Speaker 3: brother and I. I would watch Chelsea Lately all the time.

920
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:04,279
Speaker 3: He was probably too young, but those are memories, all

921
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:07,200
Speaker 3: cherished forever. Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

922
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:10,200
Speaker 1: Colton. I think whatever you can do to get your

923
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:13,480
Speaker 1: sister to start talking, whether it's I don't know if

924
00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 1: you can afford getting her her own therapist or setting

925
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:19,400
Speaker 1: something up for her online. But like, forget about you

926
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:21,560
Speaker 1: having to create distance between you and your family and

927
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:24,600
Speaker 1: that small town. That's a separate issue. We're just talking

928
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:27,640
Speaker 1: about your brother's death right now, and that doesn't require

929
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:31,280
Speaker 1: you to even be there in person to go back home.

930
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 1: That just requires you to keep a dialogue going with

931
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:36,880
Speaker 1: your sister, and that is something that you have to

932
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 1: do for her mental health in order to get her

933
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 1: to start talking, because this will only fester and manifest

934
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:46,560
Speaker 1: in her life in a negative way if she doesn't

935
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:50,839
Speaker 1: get the conversation going. So you have to just kind

936
00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:55,000
Speaker 1: of be tireless in your efforts to engage with her

937
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:58,640
Speaker 1: about your brother and to possibly, if you guys can

938
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:01,680
Speaker 1: afford it, start seeing a therapist. And even if that's

939
00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:04,319
Speaker 1: something that you do on a zoom with her for

940
00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:07,600
Speaker 1: like grief counseling, like you only have to do this

941
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:09,440
Speaker 1: ten times with me, you know what I mean. You

942
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:11,399
Speaker 1: just have to open the door so that she can

943
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:14,480
Speaker 1: begin the conversation and then you can either hop out

944
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:16,719
Speaker 1: of that or you guys can do it together as

945
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:19,000
Speaker 1: a family, which I think would probably be really healing.

946
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:21,920
Speaker 1: I mean, there's individual grief and then there's familial grief,

947
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:24,760
Speaker 1: and you want to be able to be well versed

948
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 1: in both of those things. But if you don't push

949
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 1: your sister, you're older and wiser, so you have a

950
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:34,120
Speaker 1: responsibility to really try to get in there. And it

951
00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:37,440
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be aggressive. It can be like a soft,

952
00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:41,120
Speaker 1: safe place, you know whatever. I don't know her personality,

953
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:43,919
Speaker 1: but I know how rigid I became when my brother died.

954
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:46,720
Speaker 1: I refuse to talk about it because I wasn't allowed

955
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:50,000
Speaker 1: to be vulnerable. I couldn't allow myself the vulnerability, and

956
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:51,920
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be I didn't want to allow

957
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:56,360
Speaker 1: myself to cry. It was embarrassing. I felt crying was embarrassing, embarrassing, embarrassing, embarrassing.

958
00:43:56,840 --> 00:44:00,160
Speaker 1: So like, you just have to create a space and

959
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,439
Speaker 1: a dialogue between the two of you where she knows

960
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:05,680
Speaker 1: she can come there, where she can be vulnerable and

961
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:07,800
Speaker 1: she can cry, And it might require you to be

962
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 1: vulnerable to her first.

963
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:12,800
Speaker 4: Well I think that, yeah, exactly, being vulnerable first, being like, listen,

964
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:14,680
Speaker 4: I feel very sad about this.

965
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 2: I'm really struggling. How are you feeling? You know?

966
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 4: And even it doesn't even have to maybe be super

967
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:22,480
Speaker 4: sad at first. It could be, Hey, you know what

968
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:25,319
Speaker 4: I've been thinking about sonzel, Let's do something together to

969
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:27,839
Speaker 4: celebrate him, maybe like mom takes you out for ice

970
00:44:27,840 --> 00:44:30,239
Speaker 4: cream today, we could FaceTime while we eat it. Let's

971
00:44:30,239 --> 00:44:32,759
Speaker 4: do something that he loved to do, and really just

972
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:36,440
Speaker 4: celebrate him. You know. If the emotional is hard, because

973
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,879
Speaker 4: it is. And did he say she was thirteen? Yeah,

974
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 4: that's so, that's so young.

975
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 1: You're still in such an important age. It is such

976
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:47,400
Speaker 1: an important age because she's about to burst into womanhood. Yeah,

977
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:51,400
Speaker 1: she's going through puberty. You know, she's adolescent. Yeah, so

978
00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:54,960
Speaker 1: she But it's such an important age to actually build

979
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:56,800
Speaker 1: these skills and tools right.

980
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:59,080
Speaker 4: Now and say it's okay to be emotional, like you said,

981
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 4: like crying is not a embarrassing and crying is like listen,

982
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,440
Speaker 4: we all do it, and like you said, don't apologize

983
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:06,359
Speaker 4: for it. And I think her learning that at this

984
00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:11,200
Speaker 4: age will be yeah, massively important. And grief therapy. Oh

985
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 4: I think insurance should cover some of that as well.

986
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,279
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, with grief therapy if he has if there's

987
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:20,359
Speaker 3: a way to have her or her and your mom

988
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:22,640
Speaker 3: come to visit you so like you don't have to

989
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:25,200
Speaker 3: go to a place that's triggering, but like maybe it's

990
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:27,720
Speaker 3: just your sister, and it's like that's a pretty big

991
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:29,880
Speaker 3: age gap, like fourteen years. It's hard to know what

992
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:32,080
Speaker 3: to say to somebody who's fourteen years younger than you.

993
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:34,560
Speaker 3: But even giving her something to look forward to that's

994
00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:36,080
Speaker 3: a month or two down the road of like I'm

995
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:38,080
Speaker 3: going to see my like cool gay brother and whatever

996
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 3: somebody lives in. Having that to look forward to I

997
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:43,120
Speaker 3: think can be really helpful in addition.

998
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 1: To the therapy.

999
00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 3: And then also like not feeling like you have to

1000
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:47,680
Speaker 3: talk about it right away, you know, give it a

1001
00:45:47,719 --> 00:45:50,000
Speaker 3: day or two and before you bring it up while

1002
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 3: you're doing inactivity whatever it is.

1003
00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:55,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, And when I'm saying be aggressive or be persistent,

1004
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:57,279
Speaker 1: I don't mean to hammer her, Like you don't want

1005
00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:59,719
Speaker 1: to hammer because then people will get turned off. But

1006
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:03,240
Speaker 1: you have to like create a path of vulnerability between

1007
00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 1: the two of you so that at least she thinks

1008
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:07,759
Speaker 1: she has a confidante in you. At least she'll know.

1009
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:10,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, like chickens, Hey, how you doing today? You know,

1010
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:14,160
Speaker 4: But that's exactly it. It's that consistency is so important.

1011
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 1: Like no one did that with me. Yeah, everyone was

1012
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:19,919
Speaker 1: in their own grief, so no one came and said,

1013
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:21,839
Speaker 1: we need you to talk about it. And when they

1014
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:24,000
Speaker 1: did try to talk about it later, too much time

1015
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 1: had passed. So I was like, oh no, no, that

1016
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:28,720
Speaker 1: that shut we star. I don't talk about that anymore.

1017
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:30,719
Speaker 1: I won't talk to my mom would be like, don't

1018
00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:33,319
Speaker 1: you miss your brother? And I would leave the room.

1019
00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:34,759
Speaker 1: I'm like, you don't get to talk to me about

1020
00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 1: my brother.

1021
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:38,640
Speaker 4: That's a lot. You have your grief and then you

1022
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:42,239
Speaker 4: have the secondary grief. Of Okay, my parents just lost somebody,

1023
00:46:42,719 --> 00:46:45,919
Speaker 4: and for nine years old. You know, I don't blame

1024
00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:48,680
Speaker 4: you for having a scar over that wound and being

1025
00:46:48,719 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 4: like I'm all set, don't open it please. That was

1026
00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:54,920
Speaker 4: painful enough, you know. Do you feel like that with

1027
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:55,919
Speaker 4: your family too?

1028
00:46:56,239 --> 00:46:58,600
Speaker 1: I mean I would, I would turn the question. I

1029
00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:01,400
Speaker 1: mean yeah, it was devis stating to see my parents

1030
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:02,480
Speaker 1: so devastated.

1031
00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:03,120
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1032
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:06,319
Speaker 1: So with my dad, I was disappointed in him for

1033
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:08,799
Speaker 1: not being able to get it together. Yeah, and my

1034
00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:11,719
Speaker 1: mom I felt so badly for But my mom was

1035
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 1: able to get it together sooner, so it was easier

1036
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:19,160
Speaker 1: to watch than my father's basically emotional demise after my brother.

1037
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:20,560
Speaker 2: That's its own grief.

1038
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:23,239
Speaker 1: Well, but I would actually turn the question back to you, like,

1039
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:25,879
Speaker 1: how is it at now that you're older, seeing your

1040
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:27,839
Speaker 1: parents grief? Yeah, it is.

1041
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:31,240
Speaker 4: It is its own grief. It's its own grief, for sure.

1042
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:34,080
Speaker 4: It's so many layers. I think with grief, it's the

1043
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 4: grief my kids don't have their uncle around. It's the

1044
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:40,520
Speaker 4: grief of seeing my parents, the sibling loss. Sibling loss

1045
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:42,200
Speaker 4: in our society is not really talked about.

1046
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:45,719
Speaker 2: It's really not. It's very it's its own thing.

1047
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 4: Also, I think that back to Colton, like maybe saying

1048
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 4: to her, like, just so you know, people say, oh,

1049
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:53,400
Speaker 4: there's five stages to grief.

1050
00:47:53,440 --> 00:47:54,080
Speaker 2: That's bullshit.

1051
00:47:54,239 --> 00:47:58,400
Speaker 4: There's like so many stages. Saying it's okay if you

1052
00:47:58,440 --> 00:48:00,879
Speaker 4: feel angry, little sister, it's okay, if you feel sad,

1053
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:02,600
Speaker 4: it's okay to laugh to by the way, like it's

1054
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:05,799
Speaker 4: okay to to if that helps you cope, Just saying

1055
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:07,600
Speaker 4: it's okay to feel these things, you know.

1056
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:09,200
Speaker 1: I wish there was a good book to give her

1057
00:48:09,239 --> 00:48:11,080
Speaker 1: at thirteen. I'm trying to think of what a good

1058
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:13,600
Speaker 1: book on grief is, but I'm coming up empty handed.

1059
00:48:13,640 --> 00:48:15,239
Speaker 1: I haven't read a book on grief. Yea, all I

1060
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:17,400
Speaker 1: keep thinking about is Joan Didion's book. But that's not

1061
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:18,440
Speaker 1: good for a thirteen year old.

1062
00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:19,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's a good book.

1063
00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:21,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Well.

1064
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:22,840
Speaker 3: Why don't we have listeners write in and if you

1065
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:25,520
Speaker 3: have suggestions, we'll pass them along to Colton.

1066
00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:26,200
Speaker 1: Good idea?

1067
00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:29,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Well, why don't we take our last break

1068
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:30,759
Speaker 3: and we'll come back to wrap up.

1069
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:34,399
Speaker 1: I have a question that's very specific for Hunter. Also, Okay,

1070
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:35,680
Speaker 1: we're going to take a break, a Hunter and I

1071
00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:37,359
Speaker 1: are going to take a bath, and we'll be right back.

1072
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:43,040
Speaker 1: And we're back.

1073
00:48:43,560 --> 00:48:44,160
Speaker 2: We are back.

1074
00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:46,879
Speaker 3: Now, this question, at first, Blush doesn't seem like something

1075
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:50,680
Speaker 3: that you would ask the supermodel Lush, Sure, but I

1076
00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:53,080
Speaker 3: know the gun reform is something you've been really passionate about.

1077
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:58,000
Speaker 3: And the yeah, yeah, you're going to the White House, right, Yeah,

1078
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:00,840
Speaker 3: it's very exciting. Yeah, very exciting, which brings me to

1079
00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:03,759
Speaker 3: the question, So Alicia says, and she's actually written in

1080
00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:05,920
Speaker 3: a couple of times, so I'm glad that you're here.

1081
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:06,400
Speaker 1: To talk about this.

1082
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:10,239
Speaker 3: Alicia says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a twenty nine year old

1083
00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 3: female married to a thirty year old male. He's in

1084
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:15,520
Speaker 3: the army and I'm in sports medicine. I don't like guns.

1085
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:17,920
Speaker 3: I believe the world will be safer without them. And he,

1086
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:20,520
Speaker 3: on the other hand, wants multiple guns and stated I

1087
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:23,600
Speaker 3: will have an AR fifteen. I did let him get

1088
00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 3: a handgun because he's been robbed and feel safer with

1089
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:28,040
Speaker 3: a gun. I do not feel safe living with an

1090
00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:31,040
Speaker 3: AR fifteen in the house or multiple guns. I do

1091
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 3: have a history of self harm and mental illness, so

1092
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:35,280
Speaker 3: that makes me very cautious around weapons.

1093
00:49:35,680 --> 00:49:37,920
Speaker 1: My husband says, it's controlling that I will not live

1094
00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:39,960
Speaker 1: in a house with more than one gun. I'm controlling

1095
00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:41,520
Speaker 1: your safety.

1096
00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:44,680
Speaker 3: I do not want even one, but he wants one

1097
00:49:44,719 --> 00:49:47,680
Speaker 3: for protection, so he got one. Now he says he

1098
00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 3: wants more and to collect them. How am I being unreasonable,

1099
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:53,360
Speaker 3: Alicia Ude, Yeah, you're being reasonable.

1100
00:49:53,400 --> 00:49:53,960
Speaker 1: You're a woman.

1101
00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:57,800
Speaker 4: What woman wants guns around? Right, and with a history

1102
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:00,680
Speaker 4: of self harm? This is a no brainer. This is

1103
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:04,120
Speaker 4: get a new model breaker, get a new fucking hobby. Yeah,

1104
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:09,000
Speaker 4: I get a new hobby. You're not being unreasonable. My husband, Yeah,

1105
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:11,919
Speaker 4: I get a new husband exactly. That's ridiculous.

1106
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:15,680
Speaker 1: That's not like, that's not an issue that someone feels

1107
00:50:15,680 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 1: so passionately about in the way that like I need

1108
00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:20,080
Speaker 1: more guns to make me feel better, I want to

1109
00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:20,600
Speaker 1: collect them.

1110
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:23,600
Speaker 4: That's unreasonable. It's not like I don't like cats. Don't

1111
00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:25,439
Speaker 4: get a cat. It's like, this is my you could,

1112
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:27,320
Speaker 4: this is right my safety.

1113
00:50:27,640 --> 00:50:27,920
Speaker 1: Huh.

1114
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:31,000
Speaker 4: The Go Say Act is basically the act that needs

1115
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:34,880
Speaker 4: to be signed to reinstate a ban on assault weapons.

1116
00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:37,880
Speaker 4: We don't fucking need air fifteens, we don't need access

1117
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:40,280
Speaker 4: to them. It is a law that was already passed

1118
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:43,399
Speaker 4: from nineteen ninety four to two thousand and four, and

1119
00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:46,920
Speaker 4: the moment it stopped, you can.

1120
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:49,360
Speaker 1: Look at all the stats.

1121
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:52,839
Speaker 4: Everything started to rise up as far as like mass

1122
00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:56,320
Speaker 4: shootings and stuff. As a mother, first and foremost, I

1123
00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:58,960
Speaker 4: every single day I'm worried about my son going to

1124
00:50:59,040 --> 00:51:02,880
Speaker 4: school because you look at history and what these people

1125
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 4: are using. They're using air fifteens. Nobody needs access to

1126
00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:10,640
Speaker 4: an air fifteen unless you are in combat. There's there's

1127
00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:13,879
Speaker 4: no need for it. And again, this is a nonpartisan organization,

1128
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:16,320
Speaker 4: so it's not saying, oh, we're banning the Second Amendment,

1129
00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:18,440
Speaker 4: we're banning your right to bear arms. I grew up

1130
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 4: with my dad, who was a hunter. We were taught

1131
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:24,040
Speaker 4: gun safety, we were taught all those things. But nobody

1132
00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:27,680
Speaker 4: needs access on air fifteen. It's so fucking stupid.

1133
00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:29,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's you know, like you were saying, an

1134
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:31,799
Speaker 3: air fifteen is used for one thing, and that's an

1135
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:34,280
Speaker 3: act of war. That's not something you need in your household.

1136
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 1: I actually got.

1137
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:37,800
Speaker 4: Into an argument over this with a guy on DMS,

1138
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:38,600
Speaker 4: and you know, he was.

1139
00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:40,239
Speaker 1: Like, but I use him for hunting. It's so great

1140
00:51:40,239 --> 00:51:40,640
Speaker 1: for hunting.

1141
00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:43,680
Speaker 4: I was like, get a better aim, get a better aim,

1142
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:46,040
Speaker 4: and he was like, too shake, because I'm like, if

1143
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:48,040
Speaker 4: that's really what you're going to use it for, I.

1144
00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:50,360
Speaker 1: Mean, is that how you hunt? By taking a fucking

1145
00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:54,800
Speaker 1: sawed off shotgun into the fucking woods right and spraying

1146
00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:59,319
Speaker 1: bullets right? Exactly? You're not a very good hunter then, right.

1147
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:03,200
Speaker 1: Oh my god, any argument about a semi automatic weapon

1148
00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:05,560
Speaker 1: makes me sick to my stomach. I can't even believe

1149
00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:08,560
Speaker 1: people think that they need something like that self protect

1150
00:52:08,760 --> 00:52:09,000
Speaker 1: I know.

1151
00:52:09,400 --> 00:52:12,840
Speaker 3: All right, So I would say, Alicia, I think this

1152
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:16,120
Speaker 3: is a deal breaker. If he really feels like he

1153
00:52:16,160 --> 00:52:17,759
Speaker 3: needs that, then I don't think he needs to have

1154
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:18,399
Speaker 3: you in his life.

1155
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:20,560
Speaker 4: This is like one of those ones where I would say,

1156
00:52:20,560 --> 00:52:23,480
Speaker 4: give him an ultimatum. Yeah, if you really feel so

1157
00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:27,120
Speaker 4: strongly about that, then Cyanara, yep.

1158
00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:30,040
Speaker 1: Okay, we're going to wrap up. But your podcast with

1159
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:32,759
Speaker 1: your sister, I also want to mention before we leave

1160
00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:37,359
Speaker 1: is really fun for listeners and you guys love doing

1161
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:37,880
Speaker 1: it together.

1162
00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:41,640
Speaker 4: Yes, it's called the Model Citizen Podcast. We drop every Thursday.

1163
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:44,879
Speaker 4: We talk about everything, like we are here to talk

1164
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,239
Speaker 4: about everything from sex to.

1165
00:52:48,800 --> 00:52:50,320
Speaker 2: We get deep into listen.

1166
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:53,600
Speaker 4: There's nothing off limits basically, right, Like, it's just it's

1167
00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:56,239
Speaker 4: girlfriends hanging out talking about the things that no one

1168
00:52:56,239 --> 00:52:58,080
Speaker 4: wants to talk about out in the world, and we're

1169
00:52:58,200 --> 00:53:00,719
Speaker 4: very bold and brazen with it and it is so

1170
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:01,360
Speaker 4: much fun.

1171
00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:03,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're doing this series right now that's like

1172
00:53:03,360 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 3: self Love Summer Summer.

1173
00:53:04,719 --> 00:53:05,319
Speaker 2: Of self Love.

1174
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:08,480
Speaker 4: Yeah. We've had some amazing guests on basically saying like,

1175
00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:12,839
Speaker 4: what are some tools that we can use in our

1176
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:15,719
Speaker 4: own personal toolbox to love ourselves a little bit better?

1177
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:16,719
Speaker 1: Like how can we do this?

1178
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:18,880
Speaker 4: And again we touch on subjects like how can we

1179
00:53:18,880 --> 00:53:21,480
Speaker 4: do that in bed, like with our partners, how can

1180
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:23,759
Speaker 4: we do that in life? How can we We've had

1181
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 4: fitness experts on how can we get into the gym

1182
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:30,040
Speaker 4: without feeling shamed for wanting to go to the gym

1183
00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:33,280
Speaker 4: and be better? And it really kind of delves into

1184
00:53:33,360 --> 00:53:35,640
Speaker 4: so many different aspects of our life. And it's been

1185
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:38,239
Speaker 4: really really cool that now we're kind of also going

1186
00:53:38,280 --> 00:53:38,839
Speaker 4: to go into the.

1187
00:53:38,760 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 2: Fall with it since it's got such a great response.

1188
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:45,160
Speaker 1: Awesome, Yeah, thank you, fun, Thank.

1189
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:46,839
Speaker 4: You so much, ladies, This is so much fun.

1190
00:53:46,920 --> 00:53:49,600
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, And well you'll hear us again

1191
00:53:49,600 --> 00:53:55,120
Speaker 1: next week. Goodbye. Okay, So upcoming shows that I have

1192
00:53:55,239 --> 00:53:57,640
Speaker 1: you guys, I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint

1193
00:53:57,680 --> 00:54:00,160
Speaker 1: Louis and Kansas City, and then I will be in

1194
00:54:00,239 --> 00:54:04,560
Speaker 1: Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel.

1195
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:08,040
Speaker 1: My first three dates in Vegas are September first, Labor

1196
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:11,680
Speaker 1: Day weekend, and then November two and November thirtieth. I'm

1197
00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:14,840
Speaker 1: coming to Brooklyn, New York, at the King's Theater on

1198
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:19,279
Speaker 1: November eighth, and I have tickets on sale throughout the

1199
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:22,520
Speaker 1: end of the year in December, so if you're in

1200
00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:26,759
Speaker 1: a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or

1201
00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:30,680
Speaker 1: New Orleans or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.

1202
00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:33,719
Speaker 3: Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an

1203
00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:36,880
Speaker 3: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and

1204
00:54:36,920 --> 00:54:39,640
Speaker 3: be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is

1205
00:54:39,760 --> 00:54:43,480
Speaker 3: edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law

1206
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:46,000
Speaker 3: and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler

1207
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:49,120
Speaker 3: dot com.