WEBVTT - The Only One | Jenifer's Story 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:06.800 This podcast discusses consensual sexual activity. Please take care while listening. 0:00:07.680 --> 0:00:10.600 One of Spencer's long term affairs was with a friend 0:00:10.600 --> 0:00:15.120 of Jennifer's, and she found that especially hurtful. He wrote 0:00:15.160 --> 0:00:16.320 about it to jen. 0:00:18.120 --> 0:00:21.280 To my memory, she was staring at me a lot 0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:24.479 at the bar. I'm sure I noticed and tried to 0:00:24.520 --> 0:00:29.080 dismiss it as just my imagination, but it continued. I 0:00:29.160 --> 0:00:34.280 honestly have no idea how it started. I simply found 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:37.680 times when you or her husband were both out of 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:43.000 town when it was over with her. You can't imagine 0:00:43.280 --> 0:00:47.080 my relief that problem in my life was over. I 0:00:47.240 --> 0:00:54.520 was so happy. 0:00:56.920 --> 0:01:04.600 I'm Andrea Gunning and this is trial episode six, the 0:01:04.680 --> 0:01:11.039 only one. 0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:17.279 I don't know much about your relationship with this woman, 0:01:17.400 --> 0:01:19.640 but she was your friend, right, yeah. 0:01:19.680 --> 0:01:21.600 I mean one of the reasons that I really wanted 0:01:21.600 --> 0:01:25.839 to talk to her is because she was a. 0:01:25.760 --> 0:01:28.080 Friend of mine. She knew us. 0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:31.800 When Spencer and I opened the bar, her and her 0:01:31.880 --> 0:01:35.080 husband started coming in as regulars, and so, like a 0:01:35.080 --> 0:01:38.600 lot of people, we became friends with them. When they 0:01:38.640 --> 0:01:42.040 got out for a night and had a babysitter, they'd 0:01:42.040 --> 0:01:43.680 go to dinner in town but come. 0:01:43.480 --> 0:01:44.000 By the bar. 0:01:44.200 --> 0:01:49.000 Before or after and spend time with us. So when 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:54.880 I opened Spencer's email and started scrolling through his photos, 0:01:55.560 --> 0:01:59.640 all of a sudden her picture popped up. And to 0:01:59.800 --> 0:02:05.800 see somebody, you know, provocatively in a photo and knowing 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:09.440 that they sent it to your husband, I mean, I 0:02:09.600 --> 0:02:12.280 was so angry, as you can imagine. 0:02:12.360 --> 0:02:14.120 I mean, I was with everybody. 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:17.600 But I called her that night and it was probably 0:02:17.760 --> 0:02:22.520 eleven eleven thirty at night, and I didn't care. I 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:25.920 went back to look through all the correspondence between them, 0:02:26.120 --> 0:02:29.639 and I realized that they had been seeing each other 0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:35.079 from like the end of two thousand and fourteen through 0:02:35.120 --> 0:02:42.280 twenty sixteen, and in reading all of their correspondents, I 0:02:42.320 --> 0:02:47.119 could really tell that she got hurt, like she had 0:02:47.240 --> 0:02:52.520 fallen for Spence hard. She really believed she was the 0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:56.720 only one. She really did. She left me a voicemail 0:02:56.800 --> 0:03:00.919 and she said, I thought I was the only one. 0:03:01.360 --> 0:03:03.880 It wasn't easy for any of the women involved with 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:08.600 Spencer to participate in this podcast. Jen's former friend agreed 0:03:08.600 --> 0:03:11.200 to speak with her on the record. The requested that 0:03:11.240 --> 0:03:15.120 we keep her voice and name private. Although this conversation 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:18.280 is one hundred percent real and the interest of protecting 0:03:18.280 --> 0:03:21.840 her identity. We used a voice actor for her side 0:03:22.160 --> 0:03:22.840 the conversation. 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:29.440 Can you tell me how the relationship between the two 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:30.200 of you started. 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:36.720 It happened so slowly, finding things that were similarities between us, 0:03:36.760 --> 0:03:40.000 Like I played soccer, you know he played soccer. 0:03:40.280 --> 0:03:43.520 I coached, he coached, So early. 0:03:43.280 --> 0:03:47.040 Conversations would be, you know when we run into each other, like, oh, 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:49.120 how's the game, or how's. 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:50.880 Coaching, or hey, coach? 0:03:51.520 --> 0:03:54.840 You know, certain things that were not necessarily flirtatious, but 0:03:55.240 --> 0:03:57.720 getting to know me and my family and you know, 0:03:57.800 --> 0:04:02.000 making me feel comfortable with him over time, and then 0:04:02.040 --> 0:04:06.080 I guess, you know, knowing that there was an instance 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:08.680 where he would try to start physical interactions. 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:10.560 Was that usually at the wine bar? 0:04:11.200 --> 0:04:12.360 Yeah. 0:04:12.840 --> 0:04:14.720 The very first time I went to the bathroom at 0:04:14.720 --> 0:04:16.360 the end of the night, he asked me if I 0:04:16.400 --> 0:04:18.400 could help stay there for him to close up, like 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:22.800 help carry something out. I went into the bathroom and 0:04:22.880 --> 0:04:25.560 when I came out, he was there and mentioned like, 0:04:26.160 --> 0:04:28.719 you know that we have this thing together. You know 0:04:28.880 --> 0:04:32.320 you're feeling this too, right, And then he came in 0:04:32.360 --> 0:04:36.920 for a kiss, then held my hand and touched his 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:40.440 crotch with my hand on the outside. 0:04:40.040 --> 0:04:42.320 Of his pants and what did you do? 0:04:43.240 --> 0:04:45.520 I mean, I just had wine, you know, So me 0:04:45.800 --> 0:04:48.800 feeling like it was somebody I trusted over at least 0:04:49.040 --> 0:04:52.080 six months to a year. I mean, I had thought 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:54.719 he was attractive, not that that's any fault to my 0:04:54.800 --> 0:04:58.400 significant other, but he was traveling a lot, and when 0:04:58.440 --> 0:05:01.200 he was home he fell asleep, and I was a 0:05:01.200 --> 0:05:03.920 stay at home mom with kids, and I was stressed out, 0:05:04.680 --> 0:05:07.040 and I felt like somebody got me in that moment. 0:05:07.160 --> 0:05:09.240 So he knew he was taking advantage of that. 0:05:10.480 --> 0:05:12.479 So how did it propress them? 0:05:12.960 --> 0:05:13.039 Like? 0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:16.920 How did he, I guess, justify it. 0:05:18.600 --> 0:05:21.760 That we were meant to be together. However, in the 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:24.280 midst of things, I remember him saying that, you know, 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:27.320 his wife can never find out because you know, he 0:05:27.360 --> 0:05:32.080 loves his wife and his relationship, so nobody could find 0:05:32.080 --> 0:05:36.240 out what was going on. He made me feel like 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:39.719 I was the only one and special and I know 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:40.480 that sounds. 0:05:40.240 --> 0:05:44.080 Weird, Nope, but both being married. 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:49.039 And in a relationship, I was okay with it. I 0:05:49.080 --> 0:05:52.320 felt like I didn't necessarily want to have physical contact, 0:05:52.360 --> 0:05:54.680 you know, I think guys are more driven towards that, 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:57.120 but I guess in a way, I almost felt like 0:05:57.720 --> 0:06:01.320 I owed him something and I never forced or never 0:06:01.320 --> 0:06:04.599 said no, and against my will, but all along I 0:06:04.640 --> 0:06:07.560 knew it was wrong. But then I would always hear, 0:06:07.640 --> 0:06:11.400 you know, like you're so beautiful, you're really really well rounded. 0:06:11.400 --> 0:06:12.160 You're a great mom. 0:06:12.800 --> 0:06:16.760 But I was strung out, stressed out, didn't feel pretty 0:06:16.760 --> 0:06:19.119 all the time, because you know, I had kids hanging 0:06:19.120 --> 0:06:20.240 off me, breastfeeding. 0:06:20.760 --> 0:06:22.800 I was greasy, maybe. 0:06:22.520 --> 0:06:25.719 Showered every couple days, maybe washed up with baby wipes, 0:06:26.200 --> 0:06:29.599 and him coming in and making like those compliments and stuff. 0:06:29.680 --> 0:06:31.840 Of course it made me feel good, yea. 0:06:32.400 --> 0:06:35.360 And I remember one day after the wine bar, we 0:06:35.400 --> 0:06:37.480 went to the restaurant back in the back, and I 0:06:37.520 --> 0:06:40.359 remember questioning him, like how many people do you do 0:06:40.400 --> 0:06:40.760 this with? 0:06:41.360 --> 0:06:42.240 And he's like what? 0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:44.640 And I was like, how many people have you had 0:06:44.720 --> 0:06:46.719 relationships with outside of your marriage? 0:06:47.440 --> 0:06:50.800 And he's like, are you kidding me? None? No others, 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:52.920 no one. 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:56.320 In my gut, I knew that this was happening all 0:06:56.320 --> 0:06:58.440 over because I could see the way that he would 0:06:58.480 --> 0:07:01.880 look at people in public situation. If I was off 0:07:01.880 --> 0:07:05.040 in the distance or he was exchanging money with somebody, 0:07:05.120 --> 0:07:08.120 his hand would linger on hers a little bit longer. 0:07:09.200 --> 0:07:10.560 It was a challenge. It was a game. 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:15.360 So this happened over a couple of years. At the 0:07:15.560 --> 0:07:20.560 peak of it, what was it like. 0:07:19.440 --> 0:07:21.840 Like we weren't in contact all the time. I mean, 0:07:22.040 --> 0:07:25.360 it was mostly like texts or emails, and the times 0:07:25.360 --> 0:07:27.920 that we met up were few and far between than 0:07:27.920 --> 0:07:30.520 what you probably think because I wasn't about all that. 0:07:31.120 --> 0:07:33.559 And then there were times where he would, you know, say, 0:07:33.600 --> 0:07:36.840 well just role play and I felt okay doing that 0:07:36.960 --> 0:07:39.480 because I'm like, I'd rather talk about it than meet 0:07:39.600 --> 0:07:42.000 up and do something that I know is horrible. 0:07:42.520 --> 0:07:46.360 Did you also feel that sense to like please him? 0:07:47.200 --> 0:07:50.240 I did, because at some point I did kind of 0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:53.320 feel like, well, now I'm in too deep. If I 0:07:53.400 --> 0:07:55.640 try to stop this, is he going to like go 0:07:55.720 --> 0:07:59.360 tell somebody, you know? But it wasn't like I was 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:05.360 ever forced. Looking back, that's what's embarrassing. I consented to 0:08:05.360 --> 0:08:08.239 that stuff with him merely taking that time to build 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:12.280 that relationship. You don't want to live your life having 0:08:12.280 --> 0:08:14.280 a shield up against somebody who's going to pay you 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:17.000 a compliment or somebody who's going to get to know 0:08:17.080 --> 0:08:20.040 you and be a good person. But that's truly how 0:08:20.040 --> 0:08:25.640 it happened, very nonchalant over time gaining that trust. And 0:08:25.720 --> 0:08:30.440 I think people that have that sickness or that addiction, 0:08:31.920 --> 0:08:33.400 they know that that's what works. 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:36.160 It's grooming. It's rooming. 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:40.520 It is grooming, and they don't mind taking the time 0:08:40.600 --> 0:08:41.480 to build that trust. 0:08:42.440 --> 0:08:45.960 And at what point did you realize it was grooming? 0:08:46.840 --> 0:08:47.040 You know? 0:08:47.120 --> 0:08:49.720 Going through all this, I was going to church and 0:08:49.760 --> 0:08:53.720 believing in God. Was I as strong with my relationship 0:08:53.760 --> 0:08:54.840 with God at that time? 0:08:55.600 --> 0:08:55.680 No? 0:08:56.240 --> 0:08:59.599 I wasn't. I felt bad going to church. 0:09:00.120 --> 0:09:04.839 I felt bad taking the communion, but I felt at 0:09:04.880 --> 0:09:07.720 one point like I was just in too far with things, 0:09:07.760 --> 0:09:09.920 and it just hit me, like I realized what was 0:09:09.960 --> 0:09:12.000 going on, and I just said, I can't, you know, 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:14.680 I can't do this anymore. And it was at that 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:17.080 point when I really realized that I'm not the only 0:09:17.120 --> 0:09:19.480 other one that's being flirted with. And that's when I 0:09:19.600 --> 0:09:25.960 kind of said, like, what's going on? There were plenty 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:27.920 of times when I wanted to come to you, but 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:31.480 I didn't think you'd believe me because he was so 0:09:31.640 --> 0:09:35.400 good at charming and talking his way around things. You 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:37.400 probably would have went to him and he would have 0:09:37.440 --> 0:09:39.199 denied it. And he's your husband. 0:09:39.280 --> 0:09:39.880 If you don't know. 0:09:39.960 --> 0:09:43.760 For sure, you know, there wasn't any evidence, but there 0:09:43.920 --> 0:09:47.760 was evidence not earlier on, when it was just kind 0:09:47.800 --> 0:09:50.000 of the grooming process, right. 0:09:50.679 --> 0:09:53.160 I wish that I could have noticed it at that point. 0:09:53.840 --> 0:09:55.960 I wish I had the strength to be that person 0:09:56.080 --> 0:09:59.240 that would have just seen everything bright and clear and 0:09:59.360 --> 0:10:02.200 could have given you heads up, because surely things wouldn't 0:10:02.200 --> 0:10:03.640 have happened with other people, you know. 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:07.920 And I think that's why it's important for other people 0:10:07.920 --> 0:10:11.680 to hear this, because you can honestly say I might 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:15.240 have stepped into something and made that mistake and fallen 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:17.800 for it, but like, look, these are the sign. 0:10:18.520 --> 0:10:20.640 And then, especially when I found out what happened with 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:25.240 somebody underage, do you think I kicked myself the way 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:28.199 I was talked to to feel good about myself. 0:10:27.760 --> 0:10:32.000 And to trust him. Surely that happened to that same girl. 0:10:33.320 --> 0:10:35.319 I bet you any money it was the same steps, 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:39.640 just continuously building a relationship with somebody and making them 0:10:39.640 --> 0:10:43.200 feel good about themselves, but also making them feel like 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:47.600 they're not doing anything bad. I had remembered saying like 0:10:48.000 --> 0:10:51.800 I can't do this, this is wrong. Well no, no, 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:54.200 it's not wrong. You just can't help when two people 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:57.120 just click like we do. Those were the kind of 0:10:57.160 --> 0:11:00.439 comments that I would get really oh my gosh. 0:11:00.520 --> 0:11:00.840 Yeah. 0:11:01.400 --> 0:11:04.240 But then at the same time, I didn't want anyone 0:11:04.320 --> 0:11:07.760 finding out about this and didn't want his marriage to 0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:08.280 be ruined. 0:11:09.559 --> 0:11:13.120 I think that was his cover. His cover was being married. 0:11:13.600 --> 0:11:16.360 People didn't expect him to do these things, and he 0:11:16.520 --> 0:11:16.920 used that. 0:11:23.600 --> 0:11:28.120 So you knew me. You must have asked him about me, 0:11:28.640 --> 0:11:31.480 like were you guys gonna go off together? 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:36.200 Absolutely not, and I asked him that. At one point, 0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:39.920 I said, what do you want from this? He would 0:11:39.960 --> 0:11:42.440 say that he was happy and nothing was wrong with 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:45.160 his relationship, and he would just bring it back on 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:47.880 like you can't help, kind of like a fate situation 0:11:48.040 --> 0:11:51.920 of two people being really good for each other, and 0:11:51.960 --> 0:11:54.920 then he would say, like, you know, there's no commitment 0:11:55.160 --> 0:11:59.560 or whatever. And then at one point I remember him 0:11:59.600 --> 0:12:03.040 saying something about meeting up and I said no, and 0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:09.720 he texted me a picture of his dick right right 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:12.559 out there, not even expecting it right out there on 0:12:12.600 --> 0:12:16.640 my phone. So when he was wanting to meet up 0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:19.559 and I knew things were wrong, I felt like, well, 0:12:20.240 --> 0:12:22.640 if I could give him anything that would make him happy, 0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:25.120 and I wouldn't have to do physical you know, like 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:27.600 meet in person and do that kind of stuff, then 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:31.920 I will. So if I was drinking wine one night 0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:34.920 and you know, binge watching shows or something, and he 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:38.560 texted me and at one point then requested me to 0:12:38.600 --> 0:12:42.400 send him a picture, I felt like that was better 0:12:42.440 --> 0:12:45.920 than actually getting together with him, right, And then I 0:12:45.960 --> 0:12:48.640 remember saying to him the next day, like, you need 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:51.360 to delete that? Will you promised me you delete that now? 0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:55.559 Are you surprised to know that he kept everything? 0:12:56.240 --> 0:12:59.160 I mean he told me like, of course, of course, 0:12:59.320 --> 0:12:59.520 you know. 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:02.520 But then in the back of my mind I had 0:13:02.520 --> 0:13:05.800 a feeling, especially towards the end, that he did not 0:13:05.880 --> 0:13:10.360 delete that kind of stuff really aggravates me. That was 0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:14.640 personal and important things. Yes, that I made the wrong 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:17.880 decision to do, but in me asking him he should have. 0:13:17.840 --> 0:13:20.240 Deleted those, like, I feel like that is not right 0:13:20.280 --> 0:13:20.600 at all. 0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:23.480 Well wait, let me ask you this. I just want 0:13:23.520 --> 0:13:26.280 to go back. Did you guys sleep together? 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:32.760 Yes? Where in the bathroom at the bar. 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:38.160 And then there was another time when I was out 0:13:38.200 --> 0:13:40.480 on my own with friends and he was kind of 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:42.800 pestering me for me to pick him up, and that 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:43.960 was another place. 0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:48.440 This car. Yes, did you ever come to my house. 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:50.040 I came to your house once. 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:55.080 He invited a woman into my house. 0:13:55.600 --> 0:14:00.960 He did, and I bet I wasn't the only one. 0:14:00.280 --> 0:14:02.840 And so you just came into my house. 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:07.120 He took my hand and he took me upstairs. He 0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:09.320 had things set up in the upper bedroom with like 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:13.280 candles and shit. That was the point where I couldn't 0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:17.800 and I told him no. So I ended up staying 0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:19.760 downstairs and we got. 0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:20.360 Into an argument. 0:14:21.080 --> 0:14:22.800 And that was one of the times toward the end 0:14:22.840 --> 0:14:25.840 that I felt like I just couldn't do this because 0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:27.840 of the regret that I had for what I was 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:29.920 doing to you and my family. 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:32.360 Well what did you think you were there for? 0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:36.160 I don't know. He talked me into going. 0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:38.520 I was just like, yeah, I'll come over quick whatever, 0:14:38.640 --> 0:14:41.600 you know. I said, like, I don't feel like going 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:45.040 in your house, and I'm like, is somebody else home? 0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:47.960 He said that you were traveling or something, and that's 0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:51.120 when I was like, I can't. And along the way, 0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:53.920 I think it was things like that situations he was 0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:56.520 putting me into where I knew that it was going 0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:58.840 past the point of no return, but I wasn't going 0:14:58.880 --> 0:15:03.440 any farther. And then finally I just took a look 0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:07.160 back and really started praying about it. And at that point, 0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:09.880 it was almost like a dream, like I can't believe 0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:12.920 what I did, what had happened. It was like what's 0:15:12.960 --> 0:15:16.120 done is done. I ended up telling my husband on 0:15:16.200 --> 0:15:18.840 my own without him even finding anything out, because it 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:19.760 was just eating at me. 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:23.840 So what happened after you told your husband? 0:15:24.360 --> 0:15:27.240 It was one night and the kids were in bed, 0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:30.920 and I ended up telling him at the table. I'm like, 0:15:31.120 --> 0:15:34.560 I have something to tell you. I'm like, I did 0:15:34.600 --> 0:15:38.480 something really horrible and he's like, did you have sex? 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:43.040 And I said yes, And that was the utmost hardest 0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:47.359 thing I've ever had to do. And he was very distraught, 0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:50.920 very distraught, and it was really hard for a long time. 0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:55.240 You know, our relationship is great now, and looking back, 0:15:55.440 --> 0:15:57.360 I think it was that moment when I got a 0:15:57.400 --> 0:16:00.560 text from somebody with the article that came out about 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:05.120 him going to jail for underage sex and stuff like that, 0:16:05.400 --> 0:16:09.720 and I had no doubt, no doubt. I felt a 0:16:09.720 --> 0:16:13.200 flood of emotion. Is that something I could have prevented? 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:13.680 You know? 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:17.760 But that's the moment in our relationship that we could 0:16:17.840 --> 0:16:20.280 actually look at this in a different light other than 0:16:20.360 --> 0:16:22.320 me just being a person that goes and does this. 0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:25.960 I thought I was just a horrible person and this 0:16:26.040 --> 0:16:28.400 is something that I sought out, and knowing that it's not, 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:32.800 I was blindly taken advantage of in a lot of 0:16:32.800 --> 0:16:33.760 different ways. 0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:38.120 Did us being friends ever give you pause or factor 0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:38.800 into it? 0:16:39.560 --> 0:16:41.600 I know we were associated with you guys, and we 0:16:41.600 --> 0:16:44.600 were friends, but like, there wasn't too much entanglement in 0:16:44.640 --> 0:16:47.160 our lives. It wasn't like we were going out every 0:16:47.200 --> 0:16:49.080 weekend and we were doing things together. 0:16:49.520 --> 0:16:52.400 And part of me looks back and wishes that would. 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:54.800 Have happened, because I think I would have been stronger 0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:57.360 to resist, you know, those those passes by him. 0:16:58.440 --> 0:17:01.160 What happened when your husband confronted and it's Spence about this. 0:17:03.040 --> 0:17:06.240 Just yelling and screaming, and he didn't want me to 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:08.359 hear him, but I was trying to listen through the 0:17:08.359 --> 0:17:10.439 event in the first floor to listen to him, Like 0:17:10.520 --> 0:17:15.840 in the basement. He was livid, he was yelling, spitting, 0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:18.879 I mean, he wanted to rip him apart. Still to 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:22.880 this day, does cannot ever ever forgive even though he's 0:17:22.920 --> 0:17:26.800 a god loving person, can't ever ever forgive what had happened. 0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:30.919 But at that point, like why didn't anybody come to me? 0:17:31.880 --> 0:17:35.520 I guess I just knew that it was like your 0:17:35.520 --> 0:17:37.879 fairy tale and stuff, and I guess at that point 0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:39.760 I just wanted to just hide everything. 0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:44.840 But then after that, you guys still kind of communicated. 0:17:46.440 --> 0:17:49.680 Was that Spence kind of making that gesture? 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:50.960 Oh? 0:17:51.000 --> 0:17:55.040 Absolutely, I mean, now that it was out to my husband, 0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:57.800 I would have never I had to salvage everything that 0:17:57.840 --> 0:18:00.199 I could. I mean, I wanted to meet up to 0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:04.320 like talk to him about why and how many other 0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:07.480 people and could he come clean with me? Because I 0:18:07.560 --> 0:18:10.720 knew he was lying. And then I also wanted to 0:18:10.720 --> 0:18:13.119 tell him, like you need to tell your wife or 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:15.720 else I'm going to and he avoided. 0:18:16.119 --> 0:18:18.200 He always made an excuse not to get together. 0:18:18.800 --> 0:18:22.480 The first voicemail that you left me, you said something 0:18:22.520 --> 0:18:25.600 that stuck with me, and that was he made you 0:18:25.640 --> 0:18:28.200 feel special and like you were the only one. 0:18:30.200 --> 0:18:33.639 He made me feel that way but lied to my face. Yeah, 0:18:34.080 --> 0:18:37.720 I felt like I knew him and trusted him. 0:18:37.760 --> 0:18:41.200 Looking back, it was so stupid. It was so stupid. 0:18:41.920 --> 0:18:44.639 I cannot believe I let somebody so far into my 0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:48.920 mind mentally, and I think it was also the situation 0:18:49.080 --> 0:18:51.080 that I was in, you know, with my husband working 0:18:51.119 --> 0:18:53.679 a lot, and again not his fault at all, like 0:18:53.800 --> 0:18:57.960 I should have known better as avoid of other things 0:18:58.000 --> 0:19:00.479 I guess kind of in my life. He came and 0:19:00.520 --> 0:19:04.000 he knew those were things I would tell him, and 0:19:04.040 --> 0:19:05.240 he knew that he could. 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:05.800 Be right in there. 0:19:05.880 --> 0:19:09.960 But my thing that boggled my mind was like, if 0:19:09.960 --> 0:19:13.600 I was his only person, why would he always say like, well, 0:19:13.640 --> 0:19:16.280 my wife can never find out or like I like things, 0:19:16.280 --> 0:19:19.640 how I have them? Well, yeah, you do, because that's 0:19:19.680 --> 0:19:22.080 your front, and it enables you to do this stuff, 0:19:22.600 --> 0:19:25.080 enables you to go out and like encroach on other 0:19:25.160 --> 0:19:28.160 women knowing that you're married, like nothing would ever happen. 0:19:28.840 --> 0:19:33.760 Well, I mean you were right on. There were more women, 0:19:33.960 --> 0:19:34.720 that's for sure. 0:19:35.800 --> 0:19:36.040 You know. 0:19:36.280 --> 0:19:41.439 I hate what happened all around. And I feel like 0:19:41.560 --> 0:19:45.800 you're super strong, obviously way better than he is. And 0:19:45.880 --> 0:19:47.600 I'm glad you found this out in the way that 0:19:47.680 --> 0:19:51.480 you did. I'm glad you found it out so you 0:19:51.520 --> 0:19:53.679 can live a really awesome life moving forward. 0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:57.960 That's right. I mean, if one out of all the 0:19:58.040 --> 0:20:03.439 women I found spoken up, you know, thank God for 0:20:03.520 --> 0:20:07.760 the victim, the student who had the courage. 0:20:08.520 --> 0:20:11.679 She even waited until later to come out right, like, 0:20:12.240 --> 0:20:15.160 you're scared. First of all, you don't want to admit 0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:19.000 that you did something horribly wrong. You don't want to 0:20:19.040 --> 0:20:21.080 admit that you were taken advantage of. 0:20:21.600 --> 0:20:21.760 Right. 0:20:22.320 --> 0:20:26.120 You know, it's embarrassing, but people can't be afraid. 0:20:26.200 --> 0:20:27.320 To be embarrassed. 0:20:27.520 --> 0:20:34.520 You have to talk to somebody. 0:20:37.160 --> 0:20:41.639 Are you surprised to hear that I found more women? 0:20:42.680 --> 0:20:45.320 No, not at all, Absolutely not. 0:20:46.520 --> 0:20:49.359 That's why when I came out and saw there's comments 0:20:49.480 --> 0:20:53.159 about an underage girl and stuff like that, and people 0:20:53.200 --> 0:20:57.199 being on his side, that pissed me off because I 0:20:57.320 --> 0:21:01.479 sometimes wondered if he did that. You know, I was like, 0:21:01.800 --> 0:21:04.720 all these girls probably think he's real cute at school 0:21:04.760 --> 0:21:07.280 and stuff like. In the back of my mind, I 0:21:07.359 --> 0:21:10.040 was like, hopefully he wouldn't do something like. 0:21:10.000 --> 0:21:12.200 That, and then like that comes out. 0:21:12.240 --> 0:21:15.800 I felt horrible. I felt mixed emotions. I felt bad 0:21:15.840 --> 0:21:19.199 for the girl, I felt pissed off at him, I 0:21:19.240 --> 0:21:22.800 felt sorry for you. I couldn't believe it actually came 0:21:22.840 --> 0:21:26.679 out and happened, but I was happy it happened because 0:21:26.720 --> 0:21:27.400 that got him. 0:21:27.880 --> 0:21:30.800 If not to this day, he could still be doing 0:21:30.800 --> 0:21:31.200 that crap. 0:21:33.840 --> 0:21:37.639 But knowing that he kept all those things, that's somebody 0:21:37.680 --> 0:21:42.960 with a major issue, major horrible, disgusting issue. He had you, 0:21:43.160 --> 0:21:46.040 he had his kids, he had everything right in front 0:21:46.040 --> 0:21:49.560 of him, and whatever it was, whatever was wrong with 0:21:49.720 --> 0:21:54.240 him mentally fucked up or whatever, that is somebody with 0:21:54.280 --> 0:21:57.520 an issue. So all along I felt like it was 0:21:57.600 --> 0:22:00.640 me and that I was horrible and I did this, 0:22:01.400 --> 0:22:04.879 I did this thing and made this horrible mistake. But 0:22:04.920 --> 0:22:07.800 now I do realize that it is a victim type situation. 0:22:09.880 --> 0:22:14.560