1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,840 Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:33,960 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode one hundred and fifty six. 11 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,400 Speaker 1: We are talking well pandemic, as we always are, although 12 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,760 Speaker 1: this is through the context of doing a listener Q 13 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:46,040 Speaker 1: and A and people's Q and A staff tends to 14 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:49,720 Speaker 1: be focused on what we're dealing with now. But before 15 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:54,280 Speaker 1: we get into that, Sarah has a little semi professional, 16 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:57,600 Speaker 1: sort of our side gig announcement. Sarah, you want to 17 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:02,760 Speaker 1: tee that up? Yeah, So my first episode, actually my 18 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:06,360 Speaker 1: first two episodes of my new Planner podcast will launch 19 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,120 Speaker 1: in the coming Monday on August the third, So we're 20 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,840 Speaker 1: so excited. We are going to do a little bit 21 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:14,560 Speaker 1: more of a deep dive into what this podcast is 22 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,960 Speaker 1: going to be like on next Tuesday's episode. I wanted 23 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,920 Speaker 1: to do it that way so that you guys can 24 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,240 Speaker 1: while you're listening, go ahead and add that to your 25 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:26,560 Speaker 1: downloads right as you're doing it. I'll be so excited 26 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:29,240 Speaker 1: to have some of you join me there and I'll 27 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,679 Speaker 1: talk to you more about it next Tuesday. Yay. So 28 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:35,400 Speaker 1: you can now get Sarah twice a week, which is great, 29 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:39,200 Speaker 1: and read her blog as well. So please check out 30 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,200 Speaker 1: Best Laid Plans when that launches in a couple days. 31 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 1: All right, Well, let's go ahead and dive into our 32 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:48,600 Speaker 1: listener questions, right or yes, although maybe you should share 33 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,840 Speaker 1: some of your happy news. This week, you had a 34 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 1: really awesome launch of e book. Yeah, so the new 35 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:59,040 Speaker 1: Corner Office is out in the world if people want 36 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 1: to get it. It's an ebook or an audio book, 37 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 1: and Apple chose it as one of their must listens 38 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:09,800 Speaker 1: for July and their Apple Books sections. So that's pretty exciting. 39 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:11,760 Speaker 1: And yeah, have been doing a lot of publicity for it. 40 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:15,079 Speaker 1: I recorded a whole radio tour yesterday on a lot 41 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:18,040 Speaker 1: of different radio shows and podcasts, so hopefully people will 42 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,680 Speaker 1: be able to listen to me various places talking about it. 43 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:22,520 Speaker 1: So cool. That must have been such a fun surprise, 44 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:27,799 Speaker 1: Like whoa, I'm on Apple. Yay. All right, Well, we're 45 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 1: going to just get down to what a lot of 46 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:31,680 Speaker 1: you guys have been. You know, I put out a 47 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:35,079 Speaker 1: call on Instagram, as we do, and this episode is 48 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,639 Speaker 1: a little bit special in that, you know, a lot 49 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:40,920 Speaker 1: of times we record really in advance, which you know 50 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,520 Speaker 1: is helpful for us. But because I've been a little 51 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:47,920 Speaker 1: bit more flexible recently, knowing that I have every Thursday 52 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,800 Speaker 1: essentially off, We've been able to record a little bit 53 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:53,000 Speaker 1: closer to the air date. So these questions are pretty 54 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,560 Speaker 1: hot off the press. I think I put out the 55 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:58,000 Speaker 1: call for them on like Tuesday, the twenty second, and 56 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,160 Speaker 1: this episode is going to air on the twenty eight. 57 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:04,080 Speaker 1: So these are your freshly baked questions and not a 58 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 1: huge lag time for once, So I'm happy about that. 59 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,519 Speaker 1: I'm sorry I had a guest and had to reschedule 60 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 1: that one. Yes, we had a guest get sick, and 61 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:15,000 Speaker 1: we hope that she's doing okay, but we will look 62 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,799 Speaker 1: forward to welcoming her in the future. All right, So 63 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 1: the one question I got many permutations of the same question, 64 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:25,000 Speaker 1: and it's what seems to be dominating my podcast feed, 65 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 1: or at least all the parenting podcasts that I listen 66 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:31,480 Speaker 1: to right now are drum roll just kidding? What are 67 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:38,080 Speaker 1: your plans for school in the fall? A hot button 68 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:41,240 Speaker 1: question for reasons I don't really understand. I wish people 69 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:43,640 Speaker 1: could just choose, if they have a choice, like what 70 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,480 Speaker 1: they're doing, and then be happy with their choice and 71 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,640 Speaker 1: let other people be happy with theirs. That sounds like 72 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:54,440 Speaker 1: quite an idea. I can see why there's third for 73 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,920 Speaker 1: for different because nobody knows what to do, so it's 74 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 1: just helpful to hear what others thought ssses are. And 75 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 1: there is the tendency in our culture, at least as 76 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,680 Speaker 1: it stands with social media, to kind of look up 77 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,840 Speaker 1: to certain people and so you kind of want to know, oh, 78 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 1: what did they do? So I get it. I mean, 79 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,880 Speaker 1: I know what you mean, Like, I guess what you're 80 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,120 Speaker 1: trying to say is it's really a very individualized choice. 81 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,919 Speaker 1: So in a way, like you can't look at anybody 82 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,920 Speaker 1: else's decision or thought process and use that to make 83 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,440 Speaker 1: decision for yourself because all the variables are probably going 84 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:27,799 Speaker 1: to be different. But people still want to know. So, Sarah, 85 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:31,160 Speaker 1: what are you doing? Yeah, so as of now, and again, 86 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 1: who knows, things could change. But I did make the 87 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:40,400 Speaker 1: decision to enroll my rising first grader in a private school, 88 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,240 Speaker 1: which is the same school that my toddler attended. It's 89 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,760 Speaker 1: like a Montessori that goes all the way through middle school. 90 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:49,039 Speaker 1: I really liked the school, and to be completely transparent, 91 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,840 Speaker 1: my husband and I were considering having him make this 92 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:57,479 Speaker 1: transition anyway, just because of his learning styles and fit 93 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:04,119 Speaker 1: with the traditional public school setting. Didn't go completely bump 94 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 1: free in his last year. So to the three months 95 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:11,800 Speaker 1: of distance learning. Yeah, yeah, correct, So this was not 96 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,479 Speaker 1: like a fresh new idea. We had thought about it anyway, 97 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:17,400 Speaker 1: but then having gone through those months of distance learning 98 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:22,080 Speaker 1: and observed that certain things were just not you know, 99 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 1: it seemed I don't want to say, like emotional damage, 100 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,680 Speaker 1: but it was taking a toll on all of us, 101 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:31,600 Speaker 1: and I don't think there was much learning happening. And 102 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 1: I also don't want I don't know, I don't want 103 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:36,960 Speaker 1: to have him look back and think of his beginnings 104 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:40,839 Speaker 1: of school being traumatic and therefore have like a forever 105 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 1: hatred of learning developed. Plus it was just sort of 106 00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:45,919 Speaker 1: torture personally, so for many and I think our nanny 107 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:50,599 Speaker 1: was also struggling, completely understandably because you know, she's a 108 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 1: fantastic nanny, but she's not really a teacher, and neither 109 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:57,880 Speaker 1: am I and able to care for two older kids 110 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:01,160 Speaker 1: with complicated teaching schedules while watching a toddler, so I 111 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:04,200 Speaker 1: knew that I wanted, if possible, something different than what 112 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:09,119 Speaker 1: we were doing. And so this school has very small 113 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,040 Speaker 1: classrooms and is able to separate the kids into pods, 114 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:16,159 Speaker 1: and they're planning on an in person start to the 115 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:20,599 Speaker 1: school year. So I called them. They initially did not 116 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:23,040 Speaker 1: have a spot, and then one opened, so I took it. 117 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: So Key and Genevieve will be going, and Annabel will 118 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 1: be continuing virtual school at home throughout public school system 119 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:33,159 Speaker 1: because for her it worked pretty well, and so I 120 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:38,560 Speaker 1: don't see any reason to change things. On that note, 121 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 1: sounds good. Yeah, we don't start till after Labor Day, 122 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:44,520 Speaker 1: so it's unclear at this point. They haven't announced what's 123 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:48,640 Speaker 1: going on yet. I have high hopes for in person 124 00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:52,760 Speaker 1: in our district. Pennsylvania got slammed with COVID in the spring, 125 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,880 Speaker 1: but the net result is that the caseloads are relatively 126 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:59,600 Speaker 1: low here at the moment. Obviously that could change. The 127 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,880 Speaker 1: issue I see with this is that people are going 128 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:07,280 Speaker 1: to be really trigger happy with closing stuff. So if, 129 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:11,960 Speaker 1: for instance, you know, a close family member of a 130 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:15,040 Speaker 1: kid tests positive, it is entirely possible that they will 131 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 1: then send that class home for two weeks, like and 132 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: it's ridiculous, but it could totally happen. And so I 133 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:25,120 Speaker 1: think everyone needs to be prepared for that, understanding that 134 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:32,120 Speaker 1: there's going to be massive gaps in this. So I mean, 135 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:37,600 Speaker 1: our preschool is supposed to be open in person, that 136 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,960 Speaker 1: is their stated goal they so Alex would at least 137 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,680 Speaker 1: be there for half a day. He's supposed to be 138 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,640 Speaker 1: in the public school for half a day. I hope 139 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,720 Speaker 1: that the public schools will open that if they do 140 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,920 Speaker 1: a hybrid model, the elementary school will go full time 141 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,640 Speaker 1: and they'll have the older kids do distance learning or something. 142 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 1: I from what I read, at least our superintendent is 143 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,520 Speaker 1: looking at this more as an equity issue, which to 144 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,320 Speaker 1: be as great as opposed to like, let's listen to 145 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:07,559 Speaker 1: the people who think that any risk ever is bad 146 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,200 Speaker 1: because they're not evaluating that there's always risks of everything, 147 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,160 Speaker 1: but you never know. So we you know, have a 148 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,520 Speaker 1: full time nanny for the baby, so that's great, but 149 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,720 Speaker 1: I'm planning on having at least a second part time person, 150 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:23,760 Speaker 1: and my goal is to hire somebody who's got some 151 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,440 Speaker 1: flexibility so that if we do have kids home at 152 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:32,000 Speaker 1: various points, we can double up there and you know, 153 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:36,640 Speaker 1: have coverage in that sense, because yeah, I same thing 154 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:39,480 Speaker 1: with the little kids. The distance learning is really really hard. 155 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,400 Speaker 1: Jasper did fine with it, and I think that's probably 156 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,400 Speaker 1: the case that a lot of people are experiencing that. 157 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,480 Speaker 1: You know, middle school and high schoolers have a bit 158 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:50,800 Speaker 1: more ability to do it well, whereas young children. It's 159 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:55,840 Speaker 1: very challenging. So I would love to send the kids 160 00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:57,880 Speaker 1: in person five days a week, and that is my 161 00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:00,440 Speaker 1: hope that will happen. If it doesn't, I will deal 162 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,800 Speaker 1: with it, and we hope we do understand other perspectives. 163 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,400 Speaker 1: If you feel differently, if your risks are different, if 164 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:10,080 Speaker 1: you have a medically complex child, if you are just 165 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: have different calculations of what kinds of things you're willing 166 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,680 Speaker 1: to accept. I mean, I personally think that's completely valid. 167 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:21,120 Speaker 1: So I hope that that goes both ways. And we 168 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:25,440 Speaker 1: don't get too much angry. What do I mean backlash? 169 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 1: People should just do what they want to do, and 170 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:29,600 Speaker 1: you don't need to criticize other people. And that's the 171 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:31,800 Speaker 1: thing that's really bothering me. Did you see that, love 172 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,400 Speaker 1: There's a great meme about that that I actually really like, 173 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,360 Speaker 1: like a positive meme, and it said something like, you're 174 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,360 Speaker 1: choosing to homeschool. Your reaction should be, I'm so proud 175 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,760 Speaker 1: of you for making that decision. You're choosing to send 176 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,160 Speaker 1: to your schools, sending your children to school. I'm so 177 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:47,000 Speaker 1: proud of you for, you know, working hard to make 178 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,559 Speaker 1: that decision you're choosing to do X y Z. I'm 179 00:09:49,559 --> 00:09:51,880 Speaker 1: so so we should all I guess the take home 180 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:55,000 Speaker 1: is like we should all support each other and be 181 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:58,160 Speaker 1: proud of the parents for going through a thoughtful process 182 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,440 Speaker 1: to figure out what's right for their kids, whatever their 183 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,960 Speaker 1: choice may be. All right, yay, moving on. We're never 184 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:08,480 Speaker 1: going to get through all these questions, I know, but 185 00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:14,080 Speaker 1: you inquiring minds wanted to know exactly all right, So oh, 186 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:16,200 Speaker 1: here's a good one for Laura. Hopefully she's willing to 187 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,040 Speaker 1: answer it. Do you prefer the trade off of Michael 188 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 1: being home more plus the kids being home. Or was 189 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 1: it better when he was going on business trips and 190 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:30,680 Speaker 1: your children got to attend school. Yes, that is the 191 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 1: trade off of this, right that the same thing that 192 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:36,560 Speaker 1: has kept them home has kept him home too, And 193 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 1: presumably as it becomes possible for them to go back 194 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:44,199 Speaker 1: to school, he will be back with doing what he 195 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,280 Speaker 1: had done before as well. I don't know. I mean, 196 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 1: I hope for a situation that it's dialed down a bit. 197 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:57,840 Speaker 1: I certainly think that business travel will change in general, 198 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:03,600 Speaker 1: partly because you know, the whole consulting thing. You go 199 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:09,080 Speaker 1: to different companies, and that's more of a viral transmission 200 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:15,040 Speaker 1: risk than somebody who just goes to their pod of colleagues. 201 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 1: You know, you work with the same ten colleagues over 202 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,280 Speaker 1: and over, you're not being exposed a whole lot of 203 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:22,199 Speaker 1: new stuff, whereas if you're sending people from company to company, 204 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,840 Speaker 1: there's more of that. So I assume that a lot 205 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,640 Speaker 1: of that will continue to be distanced for a while. 206 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:32,400 Speaker 1: So theoretically we could, I'm just such an optimistic person. 207 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:34,440 Speaker 1: We'll get a world where the kids go back to school, 208 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:37,760 Speaker 1: but he's still like working from home, and that's what 209 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:41,600 Speaker 1: we call best of both worlds. I won't happen. I 210 00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:44,720 Speaker 1: was just thinking that if some of the companies that 211 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:48,200 Speaker 1: he would consult for are now figuring out that remon't 212 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,040 Speaker 1: work is better for their employees, there may not be 213 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,640 Speaker 1: as many physical spaces that you would need to go 214 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:56,559 Speaker 1: to anyway, that's my optimisty. Yeah. Well, and everyone's gotten 215 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:59,680 Speaker 1: used to this idea that you can say pitch business 216 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:05,000 Speaker 1: or zoom and given that, the whole concern was like, well, 217 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,440 Speaker 1: if somebody's paying you big bucks, you want to be 218 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:11,120 Speaker 1: there in person, right. I mean maybe in the future 219 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,200 Speaker 1: they'll get back to that, but at the moment a 220 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:15,160 Speaker 1: lot of that has changed, so we'll see, we'll see. 221 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,640 Speaker 1: I don't know. I like I've been asked this question 222 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:19,719 Speaker 1: in my radio tours about twenty times, like how is 223 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:22,040 Speaker 1: the work going to change? And I do think a 224 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,720 Speaker 1: lot more places will shift the balance of how often 225 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:29,920 Speaker 1: you are supposed to be anywhere in person, and generally 226 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,000 Speaker 1: that's a good thing. I mean, you know, so much 227 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:36,080 Speaker 1: of gas and time has been spent with people commuting 228 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 1: just to email and call people in other places. So 229 00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:43,000 Speaker 1: I'm glad to see that change and how people work awesome, 230 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:46,679 Speaker 1: good answer all right. Question three, do you have your 231 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:50,040 Speaker 1: kids do any chores? Any suggestions for age four and six? 232 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:53,760 Speaker 1: I will preface this by saying that there's a reader 233 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,880 Speaker 1: of my blog who has her own blog called Grateful 234 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:59,040 Speaker 1: k K A E. It's very nice. She kind of 235 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,400 Speaker 1: has done a daily pandemic streak for the most part 236 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:04,880 Speaker 1: as well, and she posted about chores on Instagram on 237 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:08,559 Speaker 1: her personal account, and she hashtag chores and this angry 238 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:13,880 Speaker 1: mob of people like comment after comment about how like 239 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:17,120 Speaker 1: having your children do chores is abusive and she's likes, 240 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:18,640 Speaker 1: but I'm just trying to get them to clean up 241 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,320 Speaker 1: their toy Like what on art? How is that abusive? 242 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:25,320 Speaker 1: Like what do you think she's doing? Like? It was 243 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 1: very it seemed very niche. It was. It was clearly 244 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,400 Speaker 1: like one group of one group of people a little 245 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:34,240 Speaker 1: b in their bonnets about something like really, so, anyway, 246 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 1: don't ever post. If you're going to post, just don't 247 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:43,360 Speaker 1: use that hashtag. Apparently I know. So I will answer 248 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:46,200 Speaker 1: for myself in that I am open to my children 249 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:49,559 Speaker 1: doing more chores. I'm sure certainly not anti hashtag chores. 250 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,000 Speaker 1: We don't have them do that many chores right now? 251 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,240 Speaker 1: They are supposed to bring their plates to the table 252 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,400 Speaker 1: after dinner. They do have to clean up toy messes 253 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 1: that they themselves make, although that can get a little 254 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:05,120 Speaker 1: hairy because the biggest mess maker is the least able 255 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:08,800 Speaker 1: to clean up. Yeah, exactly, So there can be little 256 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,520 Speaker 1: tips about that, but a lot of times we just 257 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:13,400 Speaker 1: sort of say, well, that's fine, you know, you don't 258 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,200 Speaker 1: have to clean up, but you're not watching a movie 259 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:17,960 Speaker 1: until this house, you know, doesn't have a layer of 260 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,320 Speaker 1: toys on top of it, And so that's sort of 261 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,040 Speaker 1: considered their chore and they'll do it. They are. They 262 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,400 Speaker 1: sometimes help set the table I would like to get 263 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,800 Speaker 1: them to do that more consistently. I find that they're 264 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 1: so grumpy at that particular hour that it's hard to 265 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,160 Speaker 1: get them to comply. Like I think they'd probably set 266 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,720 Speaker 1: the table for breakfast pretty happily, but that before dinner 267 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,560 Speaker 1: is not not anyone's finest moment. And then I will say, 268 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:43,360 Speaker 1: they are very eager to help with cooking, but it's 269 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,680 Speaker 1: not at least want them to help with terribly helpful. 270 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:48,560 Speaker 1: What about you guys. Yeah, we got through patches of 271 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,800 Speaker 1: being better and worse about this. Like I was teaching 272 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,000 Speaker 1: kids how to do dishes, so that you know happened 273 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:54,560 Speaker 1: for a while, But then you know you have to 274 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:56,840 Speaker 1: keep asking them to, like, you know, go do it 275 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:59,360 Speaker 1: and assign somebody, and there's always grumbling. But the one 276 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:02,360 Speaker 1: problem is, you know, I have sort of three children 277 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,880 Speaker 1: close in age who are quite capable of helping to 278 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:09,160 Speaker 1: empty the dishwasher. But if I find like one of 279 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,600 Speaker 1: them who's in the kitchen to do it, I'll get 280 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:13,800 Speaker 1: a lot of grumbling like, well I can't who wants 281 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,920 Speaker 1: to help? Or you know, if I ask all three 282 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:19,000 Speaker 1: of them to do it, then there's a murderous rampage 283 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:21,760 Speaker 1: about like who does the easiest approach. I think it's 284 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:26,560 Speaker 1: putting the silverware away, I think, with various arguments about 285 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:31,920 Speaker 1: who's tall enough to reach the dishes and other such things. 286 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,480 Speaker 1: We're definitely working on. They all need to put their 287 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:40,080 Speaker 1: own clothes away after laundry is done, but then kind 288 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:44,000 Speaker 1: of just sits in the hallway for days to be there. 289 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:48,080 Speaker 1: Don't your clothes sometimes sit please? Yeah? Yeah, in the 290 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,880 Speaker 1: hallway for days too. So on some level I was like, well, 291 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,200 Speaker 1: I mean, I my daughter went to her grandparents for 292 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:57,800 Speaker 1: the weekend, and her little backpack is still sitting there 293 00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,800 Speaker 1: full of clothes, and I'm like, well, on the other hand, 294 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:05,040 Speaker 1: my suitcase from the beach is still there, slowly emptying 295 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,440 Speaker 1: out again. I love it. All Right, We're gonna take 296 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,680 Speaker 1: a quick break and then we are going to get 297 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:25,280 Speaker 1: back to the next question. All right, we are back 298 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:27,520 Speaker 1: with question number four, which I think is a fun 299 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:32,080 Speaker 1: one because I always like discussing anything finance or personal finance. 300 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:35,520 Speaker 1: Where do you skimp and where do you splurge? We 301 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 1: want to go first, Well, I'm not a huge splurger 302 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,680 Speaker 1: on all that much. I mean, I guess probably relatively 303 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:48,280 Speaker 1: average person stuff like childcare. You know, we live in 304 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:51,600 Speaker 1: a larger house than the average family because there are 305 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:59,240 Speaker 1: more of us, for instance. But books, I have definitely 306 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:07,080 Speaker 1: decided that I'm aokay with spending whatever on ebooks because 307 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:11,920 Speaker 1: it's something I can do while nursing, and I don't 308 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:15,200 Speaker 1: really have the patience to order from an independent bookstore 309 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,320 Speaker 1: and wait for it to show up. So I'm just 310 00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:20,639 Speaker 1: spending a lot on Amazon ebooks and letting myself be 311 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:29,159 Speaker 1: okay with that and not much else. My husband. My 312 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:33,080 Speaker 1: husband splurges on food. I guess say your costco runs 313 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,880 Speaker 1: are prettymous I don't. He does all the groceries shopping 314 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,520 Speaker 1: now he's got his pandemic routine. This is something that 315 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,280 Speaker 1: he's started doing since a lockdown. That he's the one 316 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,479 Speaker 1: who goes to the grocery store in Costco and all that, 317 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:50,080 Speaker 1: and he definitely buys a lot more than I would. 318 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,639 Speaker 1: My general thought is I don't like to waste food, 319 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,199 Speaker 1: for instance, and so I would underbuy so that we 320 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,159 Speaker 1: wouldn't have that problem, Whereas I think he tends to 321 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,760 Speaker 1: buy more stuff off on the idea that we don't 322 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,600 Speaker 1: want to run out. So these are just various different 323 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,520 Speaker 1: ways of looking at the situation. And because of that, 324 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:11,040 Speaker 1: he will often buy a lot of stuff when he goes. 325 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,480 Speaker 1: But on the other hand, I mean, we don't actually 326 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,159 Speaker 1: throw away all that much food. And we have a 327 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:19,280 Speaker 1: lot of people here between, you know, seven of us 328 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,520 Speaker 1: and e sider like so eight people during the week 329 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:25,399 Speaker 1: and you know occasionally have like my parents over on 330 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,720 Speaker 1: weekends and stuff, and yeah, so it's not like there's 331 00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:33,360 Speaker 1: a small number of people to be fed. So yeah, okay, groceries, 332 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:36,639 Speaker 1: we probably relative to the average family splurge there too. 333 00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:39,360 Speaker 1: I mean, I would say, for you, the only other 334 00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:41,679 Speaker 1: thing that comes to mind is maybe kids' activities, Like 335 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:46,240 Speaker 1: I don't ever imagine you denying your child like some 336 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,920 Speaker 1: camp or something they wanted to explore because of the cost. Yes, 337 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,640 Speaker 1: that's true. I will generally do that and not look 338 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:56,960 Speaker 1: at what the particular cost is for it. And we 339 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,320 Speaker 1: had the whole thing, you know, I chose one of 340 00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:01,240 Speaker 1: these very sort of price day camp around here, but 341 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:05,800 Speaker 1: then they canceled for the summer. Yeah, wound up rolling 342 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,399 Speaker 1: the tuition to next year with a credit. So I 343 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,680 Speaker 1: guess they're going to have to go. How about you 344 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:14,879 Speaker 1: a lot, I would say, Well, I said a skipped 345 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,600 Speaker 1: on income tax. I'm just kidding. No, I meant state 346 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,040 Speaker 1: income tax because we chose to live in it has 347 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,920 Speaker 1: no income tax, and that actually has a relatively low 348 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,040 Speaker 1: cost of living. So I'd say that's sort of part 349 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,520 Speaker 1: of our skimp, at least once we miss it. No, 350 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,600 Speaker 1: that's true. And if we have the East Coast listeners 351 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,480 Speaker 1: who are looking for a low cost East Coast state, 352 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:36,359 Speaker 1: I would recommend Pennsylvania. If you are not in Philadelphia, 353 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 1: it's a flat three percent rate, which is much lower 354 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:43,320 Speaker 1: than say New York, New Jersey and other such things. 355 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,600 Speaker 1: The people who live who work around Philadelphia but choose 356 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,520 Speaker 1: to live on the Jersey side. That is a fairly 357 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:53,560 Speaker 1: expensive choice versus living on the Pennsylvania side of it 358 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,400 Speaker 1: outside of the city. So just putting that out there. 359 00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:58,960 Speaker 1: If any East Coast listeners are are looking for options, 360 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:04,120 Speaker 1: there you go. I also like Pennsylvania for other reasons. Okay, 361 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,920 Speaker 1: so cars. I drive a nearly ten year old Prius 362 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:11,119 Speaker 1: and plan to drive it until it has significant issues 363 00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:15,679 Speaker 1: which knock on some stuff it hasn't. I use the library, 364 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,320 Speaker 1: although I do buy books too, and actually books I 365 00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:19,960 Speaker 1: have to say, like it's one of those splurges where 366 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:23,000 Speaker 1: like you can feel like you are treating yourself, but 367 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:27,280 Speaker 1: like it doesn't actually add up to them. No, it's 368 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,280 Speaker 1: like each book. Yeah, Like even if you're like, I'm 369 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,160 Speaker 1: gonna buy one hundred and twenty dollars books this year, 370 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:32,920 Speaker 1: I mean that's a lot. That would be two thousand dollars, 371 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,359 Speaker 1: But you could easily buy one handbag that is two 372 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,679 Speaker 1: thousand dollars, and let me tell you, I would get 373 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,720 Speaker 1: you mind. I don't think I could easily buy it. 374 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,800 Speaker 1: I would feel bad. I could not easily buy that either. 375 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:47,520 Speaker 1: But I have friends that do the two hundred books 376 00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:50,280 Speaker 1: would bring me so much more joy. I mean, I 377 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,959 Speaker 1: can say, so, okay, so books, I splurge on my 378 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 1: hair straining, I splurge on oh and sorry, one more savings. 379 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:03,399 Speaker 1: Things I would say that, like the phones and technology 380 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:07,040 Speaker 1: and toys and clothes, especially for the kids. I used 381 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:08,520 Speaker 1: to think it was more of a splurs but now 382 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,240 Speaker 1: I feel like, you know what, I don't buy that often, 383 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,480 Speaker 1: Like I try not to quote unquote shop. I just 384 00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:15,200 Speaker 1: buy when I'm like, oh my god, we're out of clothes, 385 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,320 Speaker 1: we need something, And then I don't buy like eight 386 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:20,080 Speaker 1: million things when it comes to toys or clothes or 387 00:21:20,119 --> 00:21:22,280 Speaker 1: anything like that. In fact, I hate buying toys because 388 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:26,320 Speaker 1: I feel like just from gifts and like hand me 389 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,440 Speaker 1: downs and stuff, we get plenty of stuff to the 390 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,800 Speaker 1: point where we don't need to buy anything. Ever, so 391 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,000 Speaker 1: our problem is like nobody around here shops for clothes. 392 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,120 Speaker 1: And there's a bit of an issue with this because 393 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:40,320 Speaker 1: like the kids, I mean, nobody's really going all that 394 00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:42,840 Speaker 1: many places right now, so it hasn't really mattered all 395 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:46,359 Speaker 1: that much. But you know, kids like all their holes 396 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,480 Speaker 1: will have socks will have holes in them, you know, 397 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:53,760 Speaker 1: pants have holes in them. I mean, you know, why 398 00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,399 Speaker 1: do pajama pants always get holes in the knees? We 399 00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,560 Speaker 1: have this problem. But then I'm like, yeah, who cares anyway, 400 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:03,960 Speaker 1: So splurge I was going to say, pre COVID travel 401 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:09,480 Speaker 1: childcare one hundred percent. I splurge on our school decision. 402 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:13,639 Speaker 1: To me, feels like a big splurge camps And then 403 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,800 Speaker 1: I think I said straightening already, and then Sephora. Sometimes 404 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,240 Speaker 1: there we go, not in a ridiculous extent, but I 405 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,720 Speaker 1: do like my nice skincare seems to bring a disproportionate 406 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,160 Speaker 1: amount of pleasure, so I'm going to keep doing it. 407 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:30,159 Speaker 1: There you go, all right? Best ideas for time blocking? 408 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:32,439 Speaker 1: You know, I think we had a whole discussion what 409 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:36,080 Speaker 1: time blocking means. I guess that is choosing a chunk 410 00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:39,560 Speaker 1: of time to focus on one particular activity and then 411 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,320 Speaker 1: another chunk of time to focus on a different activity. 412 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:46,040 Speaker 1: People who really get into this will do this day 413 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:47,960 Speaker 1: after day or have a block during the week. And 414 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:51,800 Speaker 1: so say Monday is always mourning for research, and like 415 00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:55,840 Speaker 1: twelve to two for administration, and like two to five 416 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:59,560 Speaker 1: for meetings or something like that. And the idea is 417 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,919 Speaker 1: that that you know, there is a time devoted to 418 00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,720 Speaker 1: a particular activity in your life, and so you make 419 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,840 Speaker 1: progress on all these things. And ideally, if you are 420 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,080 Speaker 1: only focused on that activity during this time, you can 421 00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:14,119 Speaker 1: get quite a bit done. So how's that working for you, Sarah. 422 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,399 Speaker 1: I don't think I'm actually an extreme time blocker, in 423 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:21,440 Speaker 1: part because some of my work constraints are not really 424 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,480 Speaker 1: under my control. Like if I have to go to 425 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,040 Speaker 1: the quality and safety meeting, I don't get to like 426 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:27,480 Speaker 1: pick to when it is. But what I do in 427 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,480 Speaker 1: terms of time blocking is I'll look at my week 428 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:31,639 Speaker 1: and if I know I have a big project I 429 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:33,159 Speaker 1: need to get done. I was very stressed about a 430 00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 1: project last week. I was like, where are my blank spots? 431 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,320 Speaker 1: Because I need to like claim it as a block 432 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,240 Speaker 1: for this project or it's never going to get done 433 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:42,120 Speaker 1: and I'm going to be stressed out about it. And 434 00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:44,840 Speaker 1: just the act of dedicating that time number one took 435 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,639 Speaker 1: some of the stress away because I sort of knew 436 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:48,560 Speaker 1: that that's when I was going to handle it. And 437 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,200 Speaker 1: number two, from a practical standpoint, prevented me from putting 438 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:52,720 Speaker 1: other things in that slot so I can actually get 439 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:54,720 Speaker 1: the thing done. And so I mean last week I 440 00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:57,560 Speaker 1: was pretty successful with this. I find it works best 441 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:01,199 Speaker 1: if I really have a goal it's important, and I 442 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:06,399 Speaker 1: find myself grading against it when maybe I didn't select 443 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:08,719 Speaker 1: my goal carefully enough, like maybe it wasn't something that 444 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:11,760 Speaker 1: really needed to be done, or it wasn't clearly defined. 445 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,280 Speaker 1: I had this document that I basically had to complete 446 00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,840 Speaker 1: with all sorts of information about our residency program. That 447 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:18,679 Speaker 1: took a while to compile everything, and there was some 448 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,159 Speaker 1: writing components of it, and so I felt like the 449 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,280 Speaker 1: blocking worked really well when I knew it was like 450 00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:25,119 Speaker 1: I have to get this done. I also find that 451 00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:27,800 Speaker 1: breaking up a project can be helpful because if I 452 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,240 Speaker 1: were to put a time block and write work on 453 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,159 Speaker 1: my new podcast, like what does that mean? But if 454 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:36,000 Speaker 1: it's like, no, choose the logo, pick your music, and 455 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,960 Speaker 1: record an intro, and I know, like I only have 456 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:39,560 Speaker 1: two hours to do that, I'm going to have a 457 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,640 Speaker 1: pretty good chance of successfully focusing on what I need 458 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,560 Speaker 1: to do because it's been defined and it's doable, but 459 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,840 Speaker 1: I'm not. That's that's sort of good basic one oh 460 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:52,560 Speaker 1: one productivity advice here, like never put work on something 461 00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,000 Speaker 1: on your to do list because that is so nebulous, 462 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 1: Like what does it even mean to work on something 463 00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,879 Speaker 1: like list what you're going to accomplish and so choose 464 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:04,600 Speaker 1: the music, choose the logo, buy the equipment necessary, or 465 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,879 Speaker 1: whatever it is that is you know it's a set, 466 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,560 Speaker 1: concrete task because then it is doable and you know 467 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,560 Speaker 1: when you are done. Whereas how do you even know 468 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,639 Speaker 1: if you're done on working on so and so? I 469 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:16,560 Speaker 1: mean you're never done, like you could work on it forever. 470 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:19,520 Speaker 1: So it helps. It just helps have a better sense 471 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:23,240 Speaker 1: of what it means to be to accomplish your result. Yeah. 472 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,720 Speaker 1: I love the concept of time blocking, but like I also, 473 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,919 Speaker 1: sometimes I feel like it's taken to an extreme that 474 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:34,440 Speaker 1: does more negative than good. Yeah, I don't know. I'd 475 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:36,640 Speaker 1: love to hear from people, different people on how they 476 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,760 Speaker 1: use it and what works and what doesn't. I think 477 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:43,280 Speaker 1: it's interesting, all right, Question number six tips on moving. 478 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:48,199 Speaker 1: I can talk about that one because I did do 479 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,800 Speaker 1: this twice, and they said specifically to a new house 480 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,840 Speaker 1: with a young child across country or world. Well, I 481 00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:58,920 Speaker 1: have no experiences the worldwide moves whatsoever, although I will 482 00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:01,080 Speaker 1: admit that we thought about it back in twenty sixteen 483 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:04,480 Speaker 1: and may think about it again. We'll see what happens. 484 00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:06,920 Speaker 1: I'm not sure there are that many countries that want 485 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:12,879 Speaker 1: Americans anymore. Okay, sorry, too political. Anyway, we moved twice, 486 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,399 Speaker 1: both times with toddler's the first time not across the 487 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:17,040 Speaker 1: country but all the way down the coast from North 488 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:19,560 Speaker 1: Carolina to Florida, and then the second time fairly locally, 489 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:21,480 Speaker 1: again with a toddler, but this time with three kids. 490 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:26,840 Speaker 1: And I guess my takeaway is, like things, it's painful 491 00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,320 Speaker 1: for like a week or so, but I mean it's 492 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:32,240 Speaker 1: the actual act of the move, and the children adjusting 493 00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:34,040 Speaker 1: did not turn out to be nearly as big a 494 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,240 Speaker 1: deal as one might think. I actually think it's probably 495 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:39,119 Speaker 1: a lot harder with older children who have really cemented 496 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:43,120 Speaker 1: really good friendships, Like you know, thinking about uprooting Genevieve now, 497 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,680 Speaker 1: like who cares. She wouldn't care, she'd be happy anywhere, 498 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:50,280 Speaker 1: but Annabelle probably would have tears and big emotions about 499 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,520 Speaker 1: you know, some of the close friends that she's made here. 500 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:56,000 Speaker 1: So I actually think younger is probably a better time, 501 00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:59,360 Speaker 1: or at least an easier time. And then I'll say, 502 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,920 Speaker 1: like the short term part is not that bad. I 503 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:06,320 Speaker 1: would outsource whatever you possibly can, including if there's an 504 00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:09,080 Speaker 1: opportunity to put in your contract the covering of moving 505 00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:10,919 Speaker 1: expansions that that kind of takes a lot of the 506 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:14,680 Speaker 1: pain out of out of outsourcing that. But the hard 507 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,560 Speaker 1: part for me has been because if we're still not 508 00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:21,000 Speaker 1: there yet the rebuilding of social connections, because oh my god, 509 00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,359 Speaker 1: that takes forever, and in a way, you don't know 510 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:26,040 Speaker 1: what you lose until you've really lost it. I mean, 511 00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:27,800 Speaker 1: I still get sad when I get like book club 512 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:31,880 Speaker 1: invitations in Miami Beach and like, actually, now they're on Zoom, 513 00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:33,680 Speaker 1: so I theoretically could go, but I feel like a 514 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,879 Speaker 1: part of that community anymore. So it's just like weird, 515 00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:37,800 Speaker 1: and I'm like, well, I don't have a book club here, 516 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:40,080 Speaker 1: Like I don't really, you know, we've been here a 517 00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:42,560 Speaker 1: year and a half. But I keep reminding myself, like 518 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:44,360 Speaker 1: I think we were in Miami Beach for like four 519 00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,199 Speaker 1: or five years before I was like, oh I have 520 00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,720 Speaker 1: friends now. It took that long, and luckily we're not 521 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,520 Speaker 1: that far. So some of my Miami Beach friends are 522 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:53,720 Speaker 1: still my friends and I can still actually see them 523 00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:58,320 Speaker 1: when you know there's no pandemic going on. But like, 524 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,280 Speaker 1: it takes a long time. To have a tribe, and 525 00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:03,800 Speaker 1: I think it's on the order of years, not months 526 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,359 Speaker 1: in my experience, So you have to be patient and 527 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:09,399 Speaker 1: willing to deal with that. Yeah, I have friendships are 528 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:13,720 Speaker 1: hard as a working parent anyway, in terms of they 529 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:15,879 Speaker 1: tend to get pushed to the bottom of the list. 530 00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,400 Speaker 1: So yes, it's hard when you move to make new ones. 531 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,119 Speaker 1: But on the other hand, it's hard to make them 532 00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:23,600 Speaker 1: in the first place. So it's uh, we haven't really 533 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,440 Speaker 1: moved that much. So we moved once from New York 534 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:29,439 Speaker 1: to Pennsylvania, but the kids were four and one at 535 00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:33,560 Speaker 1: the time, and you know, it was rough at the beginning, 536 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:38,240 Speaker 1: but then yeah, you adjust eventually and figure it out 537 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:42,200 Speaker 1: all right. Perspectives and going from one to two children 538 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:46,680 Speaker 1: in terms of ideal spacing and impact on career, hmm, 539 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:51,440 Speaker 1: I don't know. I do the US people keep asking 540 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,239 Speaker 1: this question. I wonder if they feel like there's going 541 00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:55,560 Speaker 1: to be some study to be like, actually, if you 542 00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:59,760 Speaker 1: have exactly two point eight years between kids, this is 543 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:04,120 Speaker 1: the least impact on career and the most like happiness 544 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:07,760 Speaker 1: in terms of kids still interacting and you know, you 545 00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:10,400 Speaker 1: not feeling like you completely went back into the baby stage. 546 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:13,280 Speaker 1: I don't know, Like, do people think there's an exact 547 00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:15,480 Speaker 1: answer to this, Well, there have been studies in the 548 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:19,480 Speaker 1: ob world about like the healthiest time, like the spacing 549 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:21,800 Speaker 1: they will give you the least chance of complications, and 550 00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:23,640 Speaker 1: I believe it's something like three or three and a 551 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:25,280 Speaker 1: half years. Don't quote me on that. I am not 552 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:27,680 Speaker 1: an obgui n. But I remember when I was pregnant 553 00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:29,800 Speaker 1: with Cameron reading about that and being like, oh no, 554 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:36,640 Speaker 1: like my uterus has been overused. So I guess there 555 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:41,120 Speaker 1: is some science on that. I will say, like to me, 556 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,640 Speaker 1: the two well, the impact on career, I don't know. 557 00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:45,920 Speaker 1: I don't. I think that has more to do with 558 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,760 Speaker 1: your choices and your support system than it does on 559 00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:51,280 Speaker 1: like the sheer number of children or the spacing. So 560 00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:53,760 Speaker 1: I just don't think that that should play a big 561 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:57,440 Speaker 1: part in your decision making. But in terms of like 562 00:29:57,640 --> 00:30:01,200 Speaker 1: lifestyle and easiness, and like, I don't know, I do 563 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:04,720 Speaker 1: feel like the baby toddler combo is a rough mix. 564 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:06,760 Speaker 1: So if you're someone who just doesn't like to be 565 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:10,000 Speaker 1: extremely acutely stressed out, like you may want to space 566 00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,600 Speaker 1: your kids a little bit farther than that. Because when 567 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,840 Speaker 1: my kids were like six months and like not even three. 568 00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:20,320 Speaker 1: That was really hard, much harder than say, actually having 569 00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:23,560 Speaker 1: three kids and having one of them be you know, 570 00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:26,480 Speaker 1: almost four years, Like my baby was almost four years 571 00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:30,280 Speaker 1: younger than my second youngest child. So however, there's like 572 00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:32,200 Speaker 1: the other side to that, which is that as they 573 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:35,160 Speaker 1: get older in age, out of that very hands on stage, 574 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:39,520 Speaker 1: kids that are closer in age might might no guarantees 575 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:41,920 Speaker 1: be better playmates or be more you know, easy to 576 00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:44,240 Speaker 1: put in the same school or same activities or things 577 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:46,520 Speaker 1: like that. So then you know, like if people have twins, 578 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:51,600 Speaker 1: there's some sort of savings and I don't know, convenience 579 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,000 Speaker 1: or something, so so you know, there's there's like a 580 00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:55,360 Speaker 1: trade off there, Like I think it can be hard 581 00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:57,520 Speaker 1: if kids are ten years apart, although ten year olds 582 00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:02,400 Speaker 1: are probably pretty helpful. Hashtag chores just kid don't flame 583 00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:08,680 Speaker 1: us anyway, So I guess I will say from a 584 00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:12,800 Speaker 1: personal standpoint, I've found a slightly bigger space, just a 585 00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:18,600 Speaker 1: little bit more life friendly. Put it that way. Yeah, 586 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:22,480 Speaker 1: I have to say, I mean, babies are always hard, 587 00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,200 Speaker 1: and I'm definitely having a rough time with this little one. 588 00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:27,600 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not sleeping very well at all, and 589 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:32,040 Speaker 1: you know the fact that he won't. I mean, I've 590 00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:35,160 Speaker 1: started doing solid foods. That's good, but you know, he 591 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:37,680 Speaker 1: has a rough time taking anything other than me, so 592 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:41,640 Speaker 1: I'm like breastfeeding around the clock. That said, it's really 593 00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:44,880 Speaker 1: nice that the other four don't generally need to be watched. 594 00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:46,600 Speaker 1: I feel like there's less of a sense of like 595 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:50,400 Speaker 1: constantly as you know had when I had, say a 596 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:51,760 Speaker 1: four year old to two year old and a baby 597 00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:55,040 Speaker 1: that you're kind of like counting minutes like as you're 598 00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:59,800 Speaker 1: watching all of them, because it's only one who really 599 00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:05,760 Speaker 1: needs the constant watching. So you know, that's there is 600 00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,440 Speaker 1: something to be said for those those larger age gaps. 601 00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:10,840 Speaker 1: On the other hand, Yeah, as you said, the kids 602 00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:14,440 Speaker 1: have more in common when they are closer together in age. 603 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,120 Speaker 1: And I do wonder, you know, if Henry will feel 604 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:20,560 Speaker 1: left out on someone maybe just hopefully everyone will dote 605 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:22,800 Speaker 1: on him and it'll be great. Okay. I think we 606 00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:26,240 Speaker 1: have time for like one or two more? Right, one more? Okay, 607 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:28,720 Speaker 1: So you choose you're going to have to turn on 608 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:31,720 Speaker 1: your microphone, Sarah, I think you muted yourself. Wow, yeah, 609 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,520 Speaker 1: that'll work better. Okay. So I think we should finish 610 00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:38,200 Speaker 1: up with number eight here, which is because we're both 611 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:39,720 Speaker 1: on video and I don't think we're following any of 612 00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:44,440 Speaker 1: these tips right now, but says best video appearance tips 613 00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:49,160 Speaker 1: working from home. Well, I think the first thing you 614 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,400 Speaker 1: want to do is good lighting and a good sort 615 00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:57,479 Speaker 1: of backdrop and that perspective, because I mean, the lighting 616 00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,280 Speaker 1: has more to do with how you look than pretty 617 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:04,960 Speaker 1: much anything else. And if you have bad lighting, you're 618 00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:09,840 Speaker 1: going to look washed out, and that's you know, a 619 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:12,960 Speaker 1: whole host of makeup will not help with that. So 620 00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:16,480 Speaker 1: experiment with the lighting to make sure that you've got it. 621 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:18,720 Speaker 1: Usually you want it on your face to a degree, 622 00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:21,280 Speaker 1: but off to the side. There's a whole thing with 623 00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:25,280 Speaker 1: this that you have to kind of warm lighting. Experiment, 624 00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:27,800 Speaker 1: just i'll say experiment. You can read up some like 625 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:30,880 Speaker 1: YouTube tutorials on how people who do this kind of 626 00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:34,520 Speaker 1: professionally how they lighting up. I think lipstick goes a 627 00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:39,200 Speaker 1: long way. Solid colors like not too busy. People who 628 00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:41,840 Speaker 1: do a lot of on camera work are told to 629 00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:46,360 Speaker 1: wear kind of bright solid jewel tones, so blue green, 630 00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:51,200 Speaker 1: you know, a nice sort of not too bubbly pink, 631 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:54,160 Speaker 1: like more deeper pink like your shirt. Well, yeah, I 632 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:57,360 Speaker 1: guess that's what I'm wearing right now. And you know, 633 00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:59,520 Speaker 1: some people like to have a little structure around the 634 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:02,440 Speaker 1: collar that that helps frame your face on a video, 635 00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:04,240 Speaker 1: especially you know, we've got a smaller screen. It doesn't 636 00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:05,880 Speaker 1: matter as much when you're in a big room and 637 00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,000 Speaker 1: having a meeting, but if you're in a small square, 638 00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,640 Speaker 1: having some sort of collar around your face can can 639 00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,640 Speaker 1: frame it nicely. And if you have any sort of 640 00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:18,200 Speaker 1: you know, self consciousness about your neck for whatever reason 641 00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:21,719 Speaker 1: that is, that that's helpful as well. For that perspective. 642 00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:24,319 Speaker 1: Care nexists could be cute too, but not if it's 643 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:28,360 Speaker 1: jangly when you like move around, that would be bad. Well, 644 00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:31,640 Speaker 1: And on that note, we have another fun of the 645 00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:36,759 Speaker 1: video little visitor coming to see me that has happened. Yeah, 646 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:39,280 Speaker 1: I lock my door when I'm seeing patients because yesterday 647 00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:42,080 Speaker 1: Genevieve walked in and someone that's dealing with their sick 648 00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:45,399 Speaker 1: child doesn't necessarily want to see my cute, healthy child 649 00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:49,040 Speaker 1: in the background, so and I respect that. So I'm like, no, 650 00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:51,920 Speaker 1: no kid down the screen exactly, all right. Well, I 651 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,080 Speaker 1: have to go deal with this hangnail issue, So that 652 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:56,359 Speaker 1: will be the end of this episode. This has been 653 00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:58,920 Speaker 1: Episode one hundred. Didn't do a Love of the Weed. Oh, 654 00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,800 Speaker 1: we didn't do a Love of the wi Oh okay, 655 00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:03,040 Speaker 1: do you want to do your Love of the week. 656 00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:06,919 Speaker 1: I just have to come up with something very off 657 00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:12,840 Speaker 1: the cuff. Oh okay. I have this benetitent little blush 658 00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:14,840 Speaker 1: that I'm not wearing right now, but it's lasted like 659 00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:16,920 Speaker 1: three years and it smells like roses. And I do 660 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,759 Speaker 1: think a little bit of cheek color can also be 661 00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:22,839 Speaker 1: helpful on your zoom. So very user friendly. Just put 662 00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:24,200 Speaker 1: a couple of drops and you just kind of blend 663 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:25,719 Speaker 1: it in. I don't really think you can mess it up. 664 00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:29,240 Speaker 1: And it comes in a cute little container with liquid 665 00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:32,319 Speaker 1: and a brush. So penitent. Cool. Yeah. I've been using 666 00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:35,200 Speaker 1: various skincare, like you know, facek. I'm not wearing makeup anymore. 667 00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:38,480 Speaker 1: I gave that up with the pandemic. But the Thrive 668 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:43,200 Speaker 1: Cosmetics fashwash and also one from Ulla Hendrickson. I do 669 00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:44,440 Speaker 1: one in the morning and one at the night, and 670 00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:46,799 Speaker 1: I feel like it's helped to some degree. That's me. 671 00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:50,319 Speaker 1: Thrive was a sponsor, and I'm a sponsor. Henrickson was 672 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:52,319 Speaker 1: a sponsor of one of my other podcasts too, so 673 00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:54,520 Speaker 1: this is you know, I'm trying out the stuff and 674 00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:56,279 Speaker 1: I can recommend both of them. So there. Yeah, I 675 00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:58,120 Speaker 1: just broke into my thrive as well because it took 676 00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:00,360 Speaker 1: me forever and I really like it actually, so h 677 00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:02,439 Speaker 1: there you go. All right, Well, this has been Best 678 00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,799 Speaker 1: at Both world Episode one fifty six. We will be 679 00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:06,839 Speaker 1: back next week with more on making work and life 680 00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:11,960 Speaker 1: fit together. Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah 681 00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:15,920 Speaker 1: at the shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox 682 00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:19,680 Speaker 1: on Instagram, and you can find me Laura at Laura 683 00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:23,040 Speaker 1: vandercam dot com. This has been the best of Both 684 00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:26,600 Speaker 1: Worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for more on 685 00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:28,640 Speaker 1: making work and life work together.