Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow, Belly up to the Barbie.
Speaker 2: Some of Hollywood's biggest stars turned out to honor a
Speaker 2: hunk of molded petroleum as Barbie turns forty, making her
Speaker 2: too old to play the girlfriend and too young to
Speaker 2: play the mother. Here's Brandy singing the Barbie marching song,
Speaker 2: be Anything with a chorus of future divorce as she
Speaker 2: looks just like Mosha.
Speaker 1: Sh and Dream Dream.
Speaker 2: And here's Brandy talking.
Speaker 3: Barbie means so much to young little girls, and she's
Speaker 3: so positive. She's very classy. And I'm just happy to
Speaker 3: be here, you know, because that's the way you know
Speaker 3: I am.
Speaker 2: Yes, that's exactly right, Brandy, because class is all about
Speaker 2: telling people. You're classy.
Speaker 1: Tell me more about this fabulous woman, Mabbie, you are
Speaker 1: the best.
Speaker 4: Happy Anniversary.
Speaker 2: That was Barbie's role model to Clark, who's also made
Speaker 2: entirely out of age retardant space age polymers.
Speaker 1: Oh is that a microphone?
Speaker 5: I always love Barbies.
Speaker 4: We never really had enough money to have a lot
Speaker 4: of barbiees, but we had we had a few.
Speaker 2: No, Rosie had only a few Barbies. Every morning they
Speaker 2: were forced to sit on the couch and laugh at
Speaker 2: her jokes.
Speaker 1: For a whole hour.
Speaker 2: According to Mattel, somewhere in the world, a Barbie doll
Speaker 2: is sold every two seconds, and every five seconds a
Speaker 2: little girl starts to hate the way she looks tattooed
Speaker 2: Barbie outrage's parents. Barbie exclaims I was drunk. A tattooed
Speaker 2: version of the Barbie doll, called Butterfly Art Barbie, has
Speaker 2: come under fire from parents, prompting Mattel to stop production.
Speaker 2: The toy giant finally agreed the tattoo spoils the natural
Speaker 2: purity of Barbie's non existent mons and forty eight double
Speaker 2: D Knockers.
Speaker 5: Mattel said.
Speaker 2: Mattel says it only included the tattoo at the last
Speaker 2: minute to cover Barbie's teen c section scar. Though Butterfly
Speaker 2: Art Barbie is selling well, Mattel has also pushed back
Speaker 2: the release of Iron Butterfly Art Barbie, which comes in
Speaker 2: the back of a crumpled van at the bottom of
Speaker 2: the Malibu Dream Canyon. The dolls are part of the
Speaker 2: Generation Girl series of Barbie's Witch. According to a Mattel spokesman,
Speaker 2: are cool teenagers who go to an international high school
Speaker 2: in New York City, which of course means they will
Speaker 2: all date Nairobi Ken just to annoy their parents.
Speaker 6: Today is International Women's Day, and here's how the world's
Speaker 6: top feminist organization is celebrating.
Speaker 7: Mattel is also a celebrating International Women's Day with seven
Speaker 7: new role model. The new Barbie lineup was inspired by
Speaker 7: the likeness of female leaders in STEM fields from around
Speaker 7: the world. The company hopes the role models, including former
Speaker 7: YouTube CEO Susan Wojiski and UK Space scientist doctor Maggie
Speaker 7: Addam and Pocock, will inspire the next generation of girls
Speaker 7: to pursue their passions despite women being underrepresented in stemfields.
Speaker 1: This is so important. Kids learn so much from that
Speaker 1: toys they play with.
Speaker 6: You want them to have scientists dolls and ceo dolls
Speaker 6: that can sissor each other. From all this story, we
Speaker 6: turned to Desilidik desi Aza International Women's Day, going well,
Speaker 6: thank you for asking.
Speaker 8: It started out so great this morning. The random guy
Speaker 8: who usually yells nice ass instead yelled I respect your
Speaker 8: nice ass and this is why we march. So yeah,
Speaker 8: I was feeling pretty good. I mean, at least until
Speaker 8: I saw this Barbie story.
Speaker 1: Wait, you don't like these brand new barbies. But they're
Speaker 1: so accomplished. They got scientists and they got a YouTube ceo.
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, equally great role models. You could be a
Speaker 8: scientist who helps humanity, or you could design a YouTube
Speaker 8: algorithm that says, hey, kids, if you like Pepa Pig,
Speaker 8: you'll love QAnon.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's fair. But some of them adopters and engineers,
Speaker 1: and one of them is a professor.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I know, they're all so successful, those barbies. Yeah,
Speaker 8: it's bad enough. Barbie was always hotter. Now she's smarter
Speaker 8: than me too. But I want a doll that makes
Speaker 8: me feel bad about my body, not my mind.
Speaker 1: So you're saying we should get rid of these barbies.
Speaker 8: Well no, I'm not necessarily, but why can't we also
Speaker 8: have some mediocre Barbies who don't make us feel pressured?
Speaker 3: Right? Not mediocrity.
Speaker 8: Not every Barbie has to be a girl boss. Let's
Speaker 8: have a Barbie who's a paralegal at a mid sized
Speaker 8: law firm, or one who works the lunch shift at
Speaker 8: a just salad. There is nothing wrong with Barbie's who
Speaker 8: are just trying to make it through the day.
Speaker 1: But Barbie's supposed to be aspirational.
Speaker 8: No, no, Marlin, they're not. Give me a barbie who's
Speaker 8: okay with letting five thousand emails pile up in her inbox. Okay,
Speaker 8: the barbie who spilled coffee on her shirt, But no,
Speaker 8: she can still get another day out of it if
Speaker 8: she puts a blazer on top. The barbie who spends
Speaker 8: her Friday nights in bed binge watching vander pump Rules,
Speaker 8: dunkin carrot sticks into a jar of peanut butter, and
Speaker 8: letting kids drive themselves to taekwondo. For the love of God,
Speaker 8: stop judging me, Marlon.
Speaker 1: I wasn't. But those do feel very specific.
Speaker 8: You're specific. My point is they don't all have to
Speaker 8: be rock stars. You think every ken is a Nobel
Speaker 8: Prize winning aeronautical engineer. No, he's just a man with
Speaker 8: a car and a pubic mound, and we all accept him.
Speaker 8: That's what I want. The dream of every woman to
Speaker 8: be as successful as an average white man.
Speaker 1: Doesn't sound like women achieving of their dreams.
Speaker 8: I'm sorry, Are you man explaining my dreams to me
Speaker 8: on International Women's Day?
Speaker 3: No kind of feel I feel like you want to.
Speaker 1: I swear I was not. I think please I bother it.
Speaker 2: Arabs get their own Barbie doll dream house faces Mecca.
Speaker 2: If you happen to be in a K martin Cairo
Speaker 2: next year, be sure to look for Laila. An Arab
Speaker 2: version of the Barbie doll will be dressed in modest
Speaker 2: head to toe Islamic attire. A spokesman said that Laila
Speaker 2: will admire American Barbie for her strength and worldwide dominance,
Speaker 2: while Barbie will only hang out with Laila for the oil.
Speaker 2: Manufacturers insist the dolls are safe but children, but clearly
Speaker 2: state in the warranty that all defects will be blamed
Speaker 2: on Israel. The Laylah doll will be only ten or
Speaker 2: twelve years old, still in little girls underclothes, and too
Speaker 2: young for a boyfriend, which is important as she's already
Speaker 2: been betrothed to sixty eight year old spice trader. Ken
Speaker 2: Algabibi Hu, Taiwanese man marries actual Barbie doll, promises to
Speaker 2: have an hold until death or errant space heater placement.
Speaker 2: Did they part believing it would appease the restless spirit of.
Speaker 1: His dead wife.
Speaker 2: A Taiwanese man, Shang she Shum, married a real plastic
Speaker 2: and in no way living Barbie Doll.
Speaker 5: Last Sunday.
Speaker 2: Religious scholars say, according to the tenets of Buddhism, in
Speaker 2: this life, Chang has been reincarnated as an idiot.
Speaker 1: The happy couple enjoyed a.
Speaker 2: Lengthy ceremony surrounded by relatives and embarrassed loved ones, many
Speaker 2: of whom were also present when the groom met his
Speaker 2: current bride at the factory where he made her. After
Speaker 2: the wedding, the happy couple drove off to their reception
Speaker 2: where they will dance as the wedding band plays the standard.
Speaker 2: I knew the bride when she used to be.
Speaker 1: A lump of unmolded petroleum.
Speaker 2: The forty six year old groom had been hoping to
Speaker 2: remarry ever since his first wife's death over twenty years ago,
Speaker 2: but Chang never met the right woman until Mattel released
Speaker 2: the embodiment of My first Wife, Barbie.
Speaker 1: The day shot.
Speaker 7: With the global economy looking shaky, you may be wondering
Speaker 7: where you can safely invest your money. Well, Michael Costa
Speaker 7: has you covered with an opportunity you count miss.
Speaker 5: When you think of successful markets that have thrived during
Speaker 5: the pandemic while so many others have perished, you think
Speaker 5: of Zoom, Amazon, sweatpants, and haunted dolls. That's right, Haunted
Speaker 5: dolls are big right now. Now I'm not usually in
Speaker 5: a cult guy, but to survive in this economy, I'm
Speaker 5: willing to make a deal with the undead. But first
Speaker 5: I had to find out more about the business. And
Speaker 5: who better to teach me than Cat Flowers, the number
Speaker 5: one seller of haunted dolls on eBay.
Speaker 3: Be scared of demon to be scared of negative energy.
Speaker 3: But other than that, if you're interested, you should jump
Speaker 3: in with both.
Speaker 5: Beet are literally in the business of ghosting people.
Speaker 9: When did you notice that the haunted doll business was
Speaker 9: skyrocketing and that you are basically the Jeff Bezos of
Speaker 9: haunted dolls.
Speaker 3: I started in twenty fourteen and there was only a
Speaker 3: few shops. Now there's probably fifty sixty shops for haunted dolls.
Speaker 9: How many dolls would you say you've sold in the
Speaker 9: last year?
Speaker 3: Probably a thousand.
Speaker 9: There's money in this, there is.
Speaker 3: I've seen a hanted doll go for four thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: Woooooooo Okay, now cost is into it.
Speaker 5: But my big question, aside from how can I hide
Speaker 5: four thousand dollars of doll sales from the irs is
Speaker 5: what made a haunted doll a haunted doll. According to
Speaker 5: haunted doll sellers, any doll that was inhabited by the
Speaker 5: soul of a dead person was prime for selling. But
Speaker 5: what made one haunting more expensive than another?
Speaker 9: When you say haunted, for me, that sounds scary. And
Speaker 9: you're also saying that there's a positive haunting.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, and I try to keep most of my stuff
Speaker 3: on the positive side.
Speaker 9: Oh you mean like the baby with its legs reptog.
Speaker 3: Actually that one's not that positive.
Speaker 9: Right, What if it's like a really evil spirit.
Speaker 3: I actually do charge a little bit more. I don't
Speaker 3: want the little young kids to be able to afford it.
Speaker 9: You can sell a human soul on eBay. There was
Speaker 9: a band who was selling too many human souls.
Speaker 3: You have to have a disclaimer if a ghost causes
Speaker 3: you to murder your wife.
Speaker 5: Isn't capitalism fascinating?
Speaker 3: It can be. That's about twenty five percent of the business.
Speaker 3: And people will send them to me. And right now
Speaker 3: I have a two and a half year waiting list
Speaker 3: for evaluations. Yeah, what write down everything you know about
Speaker 3: the doll so when I open the box, I know
Speaker 3: what I'm dealing with and I'll talk to you in
Speaker 3: two and a half years. The rest of the business
Speaker 3: is people contacting me looking for a haunted doll. Are
Speaker 3: you looking for a little kid? Are you looking for
Speaker 3: something that's going to challenge you? Are you looking for
Speaker 3: something that's going to scare your neighbors. There's spirits that
Speaker 3: will motivate you to do work. There's spirits that will
Speaker 3: attract money to your house. There's spirits that will attract love.
Speaker 5: Wow, clearly Catherine was selling these haunted little hotcakes. But
Speaker 5: who are the everyday folks buying these haunted dolls?
Speaker 9: Hi?
Speaker 5: Oh, I know it's you, I know you. Hey, yep.
Speaker 5: The Stormy Daniels Stormy's doll, Susan, was purchased in twenty
Speaker 5: eleven and is said to be cursed with a uniquely
Speaker 5: malevolent spirit.
Speaker 4: We believe Susan belonged to a little girl who died
Speaker 4: in nineteen fifty five, and it definitely had something to
Speaker 4: do with a stomach issue.
Speaker 5: Before we even started shooting, the producer on set here
Speaker 5: wanted to touch her, and you said, don't do that, you'll.
Speaker 1: Shit your pants.
Speaker 4: Yes. Three people that I slept with in a row
Speaker 4: she attacked. They had stomach problems and back issues pretty
Speaker 4: much immediately. She's more mischievous than Militia's. I've never felt
Speaker 4: like I was in danger.
Speaker 5: What has Susan added to your life?
Speaker 4: She adds protection when you go into these places that
Speaker 4: could be dangerous.
Speaker 5: Okay, but is Susan really worth that much?
Speaker 4: I have been offered seventy five hundred dollars for her
Speaker 4: once and ten thousand dollars for her once, but she
Speaker 4: is not for sale. She has her own TV show.
Speaker 4: She's on VH one's The Real Life. Anyone who follows
Speaker 4: her Instagram will note this little plastic bitch has been
Speaker 4: on yachts and Ferrari's.
Speaker 1: Is that her handle?
Speaker 5: This little plastic bitch it should be? Would you say
Speaker 5: she's living her best afterlife?
Speaker 4: She is definitely living her best afterlife.
Speaker 5: So I went back to KAT to learn about the
Speaker 5: highly scientific analysis process used to identify a haunted doll.
Speaker 5: So bells okay. After studying the extensive tools needed and
Speaker 5: the strict procedure.
Speaker 1: What if the.
Speaker 5: UPS guy rings the doorbell screws it up? I knew
Speaker 5: if I was serious about getting into the business of
Speaker 5: haunted dolls, The next step had to be trying out
Speaker 5: the haunted product to see what all the fuss is about.
Speaker 3: Her name's Jennifer. She is about seven or eight years old,
Speaker 3: and we think she was murdered.
Speaker 9: Is it safe to say that she was killed by
Speaker 9: a white man?
Speaker 1: Yes? Probably, at least it with the white men lately.
Speaker 9: What would Jennifer cost for someone?
Speaker 3: Sixty seventy bucks.
Speaker 1: Sixty seventy bucks.
Speaker 9: Okay, all right, Jennifer. Uh, sorry, you got murdered.
Speaker 5: So I left with my free trial named Jennifer, and
Speaker 5: I took a video diary to record my feedback. Hey,
Speaker 5: so day one with Jennifer. I don't know if I
Speaker 5: really get it yet. The only thing I can report.
Speaker 5: Have had some violent dreams. There was a river of
Speaker 5: blood and there.
Speaker 9: Was stabbing, but still better than what I was jewing
Speaker 9: about before, which was the state of this country.
Speaker 5: So I think I'm starting to get it a little bit.
Speaker 1: Did you make this for me?
Speaker 5: I don't know if she's following me.
Speaker 9: Or if I just bring her everywhere.
Speaker 4: I can't do this with you watching.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 5: The soul of this doll has excellent comedic timing. It's
Speaker 5: just great having someone around who laughs, sad jokes. She
Speaker 5: is a haunted doll. And I know what I'm saying,
Speaker 5: and it sounds crazy, but it's just it's wonderful.
Speaker 9: Nice to meet you.
Speaker 3: Nice of me.
Speaker 5: I'm gonna kill you, just kidding.
Speaker 1: The trial.
Speaker 5: The trial's over and I can't get into this business.
Speaker 5: Sending Jennifer back to Catherine is the hardest thing I've
Speaker 5: ever had to do.
Speaker 3: Jennifer, you gotta go get in the box.
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