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Speaker 1: Hi, how are you.

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Speaker 2: I'm updating all my contacts and my iPhone. Yes, okay,

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Speaker 2: and I just have you down as Jackie. Yeah, and

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Speaker 2: it makes me realize I don't actually know your full

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Speaker 2: name is? What is Jackie short for?

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Speaker 1: It's short for Jackie.

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Speaker 2: No, but I mean, like what Jackie, Jacqueline.

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Speaker 3: Jacqueline No, John, it's short for Jackie. And you know

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Speaker 3: that because you've known me since I'm five?

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Speaker 2: Why do I have in my mind that the full

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Speaker 2: name is jack Arandack jack Arondack Cohen. And what's your

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Speaker 2: middle name?

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Speaker 1: I don't have one.

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Speaker 2: Mother mustn't have loved you very much, you know what.

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Speaker 2: Let's give you a middle name right now?

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Speaker 4: How about that?

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Speaker 2: Why Jackie Stewart, Jackie Lynn, Jackie jack Jackie Jack Cohen.

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Speaker 2: And I don't care Jackety Jack's bratt sat on a

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Speaker 2: candlestick from Gimblet Media. I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is

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Speaker 2: Heavyweight Today's episode, Jesse. Most lives are like parallel lines,

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Speaker 2: one life existing alongside another, divided only by an apartment

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Speaker 2: hallway or a cubicle wall, close but never touching. So

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Speaker 2: I will just ask you to start from the very beginning, Okay,

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Speaker 2: lines that are parallel don't have endings or beginnings. Lives do, though,

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Speaker 2: and so do stories. And this story begins in the

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Speaker 2: summer of twenty thirteen in a town just outside Portland, Oregon.

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Speaker 2: Jesse had just graduated college and was spending the summer

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Speaker 2: working in a lab. His life was music festivals, dancing,

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Speaker 2: getting stoned, and eating as much mac and cheese as

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Speaker 2: he could. In other words, he was a typical American

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Speaker 2: twenty one year old whose life was on course.

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Speaker 4: And then one day, it's a half day at work,

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Speaker 4: left the house, got a cup of coffee, was riding

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Speaker 4: my bike, stopped in this little park to sip on

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Speaker 4: the coffee before I headed in, And that's the last

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Speaker 4: thing that I really remember about that day.

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Speaker 2: Later people will tell Jesse that he plugged an earbud

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Speaker 2: into his ear, turned on some LCD sound system, got

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Speaker 2: back on his bicycle, rode to the same four way

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Speaker 2: intersection that he always.

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Speaker 4: Did, and rolled out into the intersection and was te

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Speaker 4: boned by a guy going forty five.

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Speaker 2: Lines that are perpendicular meet at a right angle, touching

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Speaker 2: but only once and then never meeting again. As he

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Speaker 2: lay split out in the middle of the street, Jesse's

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Speaker 2: heart stopped for a while.

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Speaker 4: He was legally dead, and then I came to with

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Speaker 4: a tracheotomy down my throat, trying to throw up, and

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Speaker 4: suddenly I was in a hospital room.

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Speaker 2: Suddenly was actually seventeen days later, seventeen days in a

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Speaker 2: coma that he woke from, unable to breathe on his own,

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Speaker 2: with half his body paralyzed. Everyone was saying it looked

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Speaker 2: like he'd never walk again.

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Speaker 4: And I don't think people realized I was with it

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Speaker 4: enough to hear them say those things. Having a surgeon

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Speaker 4: say to your mom, like you might as well get

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Speaker 4: rid of his car insurance because he's not gonna ever

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Speaker 4: drive again. It just seemed like I wasn't gonna look anymore.

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Speaker 4: I wasn't going to be with anything pretty anymore. My

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Speaker 4: life I had dreamed about is no longer. Having to

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Speaker 4: use a bedpan as a twenty one year old, and

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Speaker 4: the embarrassment that comes with not being able to control

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Speaker 4: your bladder and having a nurse have to clean you up.

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Speaker 4: It just feels like, Okay, I'm in pain, I'm causing pain.

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Speaker 4: My parents aren't going to have a normal life now.

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Speaker 4: A lot of what I was saying was about trying

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Speaker 4: to get someone to end my life. I was like,

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Speaker 4: if it's not going to be a good life, like

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Speaker 4: I don't want life.

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Speaker 2: Every day was like this, the same dark thoughts day

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Speaker 2: after day after day. And then one day Jesse felt

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Speaker 2: his eyes move independently of each other. His head and

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Speaker 2: arms began to flail. He thought, this is it. I'm

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Speaker 2: actually going to die, like.

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Speaker 4: Oh, I'm getting what I wanted. And the first emotion

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Speaker 4: that came up was just anger, like this sucks.

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Speaker 2: As Jesse began the process of dying, he lost the

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Speaker 2: ability to hold onto that anger. It was like he

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Speaker 2: no longer had the strength, and so it let go.

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Speaker 2: His dying brain started letting everything go, what was happening

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Speaker 2: around him, all his fears for the future, and with

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Speaker 2: all that gone, past memories flooded in happy memories, playing

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Speaker 2: guitar for his younger cousins Emial of Savice in Lima,

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Speaker 2: camping with his girlfriend in the rain, and drinking champagne

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Speaker 2: as their tent slowly filled with water.

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Speaker 4: I think it was rather spontaneous, though I don't remember

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Speaker 4: putting like one and one together. I think it was

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Speaker 4: like this this rush that happened in a matter of moments,

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Speaker 4: all of the people that had ever wished well for me,

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Speaker 4: or all of the hospital visitors I had made me

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Speaker 4: realize that I had a really fortunate life.

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Speaker 2: Jesse ended up surviving, and with his new life came

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Speaker 2: in appreciation for all the things he'd never noticed before.

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Speaker 2: The blue of the sky through the hospital window looked

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Speaker 2: bluer somehow, the touch of a friend's hand at his

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Speaker 2: bedside stirred his heart in a deeper way. When he

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Speaker 2: was helped outside, the world below his feet felt like

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Speaker 2: a strange and beautiful planet. Even the most familiar things

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Speaker 2: were new again.

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Speaker 4: If I had an apple that day, it was like

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Speaker 4: the first time eating an apple. Every day got better

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Speaker 4: and better, and it was easier and easier to see

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Speaker 4: a life forward. And so every day now is kind

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Speaker 4: of like a second chance.

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Speaker 2: Think that this kind of instantaneous spiritual transformation would have

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Speaker 2: an expiration date, that before long he'd be back to

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Speaker 2: watching Bachelor in Paradise in bed with a bucket of

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Speaker 2: Colonel Sanders on his lap and various dipping sauces neatly

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Speaker 2: laid out across a pillow, just like everybody else. But

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Speaker 2: for Jesse, these new feelings didn't fade. Over the next

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Speaker 2: five months, as his doctors put him back together and

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Speaker 2: taught him how to walk again, Jesse'd come to see

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Speaker 2: that life before the accident, the life he tried so

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Speaker 2: hard to hold onto, wasn't a life lived very deeply,

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Speaker 2: that it was actually kind of superficial. It was a

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Speaker 2: life distracting him from what was good about living, and

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Speaker 2: so to mark the end of one life in the

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Speaker 2: beginning of another, he changed his name, going from Jesse,

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Speaker 2: a favorite moniker for TV uncles, to Gavanna, Sanskrit for

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Speaker 2: giver of light. Four years later, Givanna's life looks quite

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Speaker 2: different from Jesse's. Jesse was always rushing thinking about the future,

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Speaker 2: but Gavanna, helped by a cane, move slowly. While Jesse

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Speaker 2: enjoyed dancing in loud music, Givanna, deaf in one ear

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Speaker 2: leans him close when spoken to. In spite of living

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Speaker 2: with constant pain, he likes this new life better than

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Speaker 2: the old one. In fact, he's grateful for it, which

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Speaker 2: is why Gavanna often finds himself thinking about the man

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Speaker 2: who gave him this new life. That is the driver

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Speaker 2: of the car that hit him.

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Speaker 4: I've always wanted to meet him. I've always wanted to

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Speaker 4: sit down across from him and tell him, like, I've

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Speaker 4: become increasingly grateful for being hit by that car, and

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Speaker 4: I want to I want to thank him for like

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Speaker 4: showing me how beautiful life can be, but I also

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Speaker 4: want to say sorry, really yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: Up until this moment, I was with him the idea

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Speaker 2: of being curious and wanting to meet the driver that

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Speaker 2: I kind of got, but wanting to thank him apologize

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Speaker 2: to the guy who ran you over. Giovanna was acting

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Speaker 2: like Jesus, and for people who give out the Jesus vibe,

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Speaker 2: like say, Jesus, it doesn't usually end so well. An

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Speaker 2: eye for an eye is what my wrathful Hebrew Lord instructs.

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Speaker 2: Even if you don't want to, you have an obligation

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Speaker 2: take an eyeball for later. You never know it might

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Speaker 2: come in handy, and to show extra piety, maybe grab

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Speaker 2: a fistful of eyelash. But at the very least, saith

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Speaker 2: the Lord. If a guy almost kills you, make him

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Speaker 2: beg for your forgiveness. You sincerely don't feel like you're

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Speaker 2: looking for an apology.

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Speaker 4: I don't blame him for what happened that day. We've

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Speaker 4: all been late to work, We've all on yellow lights,

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Speaker 4: like every day that I'd drive on a busy street

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Speaker 4: with intersections going over thirty. I kind of can imagine

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Speaker 4: what it would be like for a bicyclist to suddenly

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Speaker 4: be there.

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Speaker 2: Givanna says that the driver was never found guilty of

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Speaker 2: any crime. He wasn't drinking, he wasn't on his phone.

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Speaker 2: In the end, no fault was ever determined.

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Speaker 4: I don't need an apology from him. I think the

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Speaker 4: only person that can really tell him it's okay, the

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Speaker 4: only person that maybe he would believe that it's okay

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Speaker 4: as me.

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Speaker 2: And you're not afraid that it feels like a little

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Speaker 2: too grand, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 4: I can see that, like, oh, you're trying to love

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Speaker 4: everybody because you want people to look at you and

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Speaker 4: like praise you. But the whole point of loving everyone

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Speaker 4: is almost a selfish thing, because loving people feels good,

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Speaker 4: giving the people feels good. I don't know why we

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Speaker 4: would almost shame people for wanting to be that generous.

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Speaker 2: I think by we, Givanna is politely saying me that

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Speaker 2: I'm shaming him for acting how people should act. But

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Speaker 2: I'm more hung up on how people do act, or

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Speaker 2: at least how I act, which is kind of grabby.

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Speaker 2: So I want to know if there's anything the driver

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Speaker 2: can provide for him.

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Speaker 4: I think the only thing I want from him is

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Speaker 4: maybe for him to explain that day to me. I've

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Speaker 4: always been curious about what happened that day.

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Speaker 2: Givanna doesn't remember anything about that day and knows almost

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Speaker 2: nothing about the driver, so his mind fixates on the

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Speaker 2: few bits of information he has. First the police photograph

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Speaker 2: of the accident. In it, the driver gazes into the camera,

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Speaker 2: stunned and helpless as Javannah lies bleeding on the street. Second,

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Speaker 2: the phone call when a policeman called him up with

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Speaker 2: the news that Javanna would survive, the driver broke down weeping.

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Speaker 2: And the third thing, the driver's name, Christian. I begin

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Speaker 2: my search for Christians in the Portland area, and it

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Speaker 2: turns out to be harder than I'd imagined. So I

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Speaker 2: start combing through databases, the special kind that require log

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Speaker 2: in names and service fees. Why do you need money,

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Speaker 2: Alex Bloomberg asks, while picking his teeth clean of chia seeds.

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Speaker 2: I want to find a man named Christian, I say, why,

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Speaker 2: he asks, laughing, as he good naturedly jabs and elbow

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Speaker 2: into Lisa Chow's ribs. So you can also find a

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Speaker 2: man named Jewish and a man named Muslim and record

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Speaker 2: them walking into a bar for your podcast. No, I say,

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Speaker 2: gnashing my teeth so I can repair the past and

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Speaker 2: win a damn Peabody award and start getting some respect

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Speaker 2: around here. Of course, I only say that last part

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Speaker 2: to myself. The last thing I need is to be

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Speaker 2: exiled back to Canada, to wander sub zero streets while

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Speaker 2: drinking frozen milk from a bag, dancing for Canadian nickels,

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Speaker 2: and begging strangers for podcasting opportunities. Alex takes a sip

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Speaker 2: of his kombucha and, as he rushes off to a

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Speaker 2: business meeting, says he'll venmo me the money, and I

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Speaker 2: pretend to know what that means. I order the police

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Speaker 2: report of the accident, and while I wait for its arrival,

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Speaker 2: I continue my online search for Christian. I try pseudonyms,

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Speaker 2: name variations, anything I can think of. Still no dice. Desperate,

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Speaker 2: I turn to something called a phone book, which it

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Speaker 2: turns out is kind of like Facebook, but without photos

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Speaker 2: of your high school gym teacher's new SKA band. From there,

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Speaker 2: I get even more old school, actually telephoning the telephone

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Speaker 2: numbers from the telephone book. Oh, hi, is Christian there.

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Speaker 4: I know I can't help you. No, we lived here

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Speaker 4: like that.

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Speaker 5: And ventilating department. I'm not able to come to the

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Speaker 5: phone right now, Mom and somebody else.

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Speaker 2: Okay, But after several weeks have failed attempt, Hello, Hi

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Speaker 2: is Christian there?

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Speaker 4: Well, I'm sad.

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Speaker 2: I finally get through to Christian's childhood home. But when

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Speaker 2: I explain that I'm calling about the car crash and

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Speaker 2: about Gavannah wanting to meet Christian, his stepmom gets on

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Speaker 2: the phone.

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Speaker 4: We have a lot of concern for Chris on this.

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Speaker 4: I hear you. I hear you. He has suffered from

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Speaker 4: PTSD because of that accident. We don't want to make

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Speaker 4: that any worse. I just say to stave go diving

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Speaker 4: back into that.

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Speaker 2: Even after all these years, Christian's parents are still worried

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Speaker 2: about him. They won't give me his phone number, but

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Speaker 2: they do agree to pass along my message. So over

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Speaker 2: the next few months, I check in with them periodically

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Speaker 2: to see if there's any news to report. Hello, well,

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Speaker 2: I there, This is Jonathan Goldstein calling back. We spoke

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Speaker 2: last week weeks ago. I was last week, any movement,

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Speaker 2: any new news, write him a note and ask him.

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Speaker 5: Let me grab a pen here, let me grab well here,

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Speaker 5: Let me have you a talk to my husban. I'm

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Speaker 5: going to put my wife on the phone because of

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Speaker 5: actually again, I'll pass it. I'll let him know you

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Speaker 5: call it, and I will pass on that you called again.

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Speaker 2: Eventually I begin feeling like a trusted friend of the family.

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Speaker 4: Right it's mister, is the silver Stein?

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Speaker 2: Goldstein? For months I wait to hear from Christian. In

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Speaker 2: the interim, I discover something called fidget spinners wind Haven, Tornado, fidget,

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Speaker 2: Golden snitch, Harry Potter, fidget, you name it. To mitigate

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Speaker 2: my anxiety. I passed the days spinning them. How do

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Speaker 2: these fidget spin so easily? I wonder? And why is

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Speaker 2: this sensation between my thumb and index finger more satisfying

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Speaker 2: than all of my personal relationships and career accomplishments Stacked

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Speaker 2: end to end, you might call a circle a line

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00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:42,440
Speaker 2: that's lost its way forward, neurotically retracing its footsteps, making

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Speaker 2: loop after loop after loop after loop after loop after

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Speaker 2: and then one day after an evening of dervish like spinning.

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Speaker 2: I emerge from an underground fidget den in the back

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Speaker 2: room of a Chinatown foot massage parlor, fingers blistered and

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Speaker 2: eyes squinting at my phone in the cruel noontime sun.

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Speaker 2: It's then that I see I've received an email Hello.

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Speaker 2: The subject heading reads, will you be available Friday to

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Speaker 2: talk on the phone? Thanks Christian. After the break Christian.

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Speaker 2: On Friday, Christian tells me about life since the accident,

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Speaker 2: the depression, the panic attacks. He tells me about waking

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Speaker 2: up in the middle of the night, scared to death

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Speaker 2: but not sure why. He tells me how he'd begun drinking,

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Speaker 2: about feeling empty, how sometimes when he's driving he feels

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Speaker 2: so anxious and lost that he finds it hard to

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Speaker 2: breathe and has to pull off to the side of

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Speaker 2: the road. But what surprises me most is when Christian says,

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Speaker 2: almost word for word, the same thing that Javanna said,

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Speaker 2: not just that he's changed as a result of the crash,

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Speaker 2: but that his whole life is different. After the crash,

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Speaker 2: he dropped out of school. He had his own business,

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Speaker 2: but gave that up too. Like Giovanna, Christian feels like

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Speaker 2: a completely different person, and like Javanna, Christian was also

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Speaker 2: advised by the people closest to him not to revisit

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Speaker 2: that day, not to meet with the man from the accident,

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Speaker 2: that such things simply aren't done. And yet in spite

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Speaker 2: of all that, Christians decided it's something he wants to do.

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Speaker 2: Lines that meet intersect, and then grow further apart are

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Speaker 2: called perpendicular lines that reintersect. There is no name for

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Speaker 2: such a thing. Up until this point, I had been

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Speaker 2: mostly caught up in Giavanna's story, but in talking with Christian,

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Speaker 2: I start to worry about his trajectory too. I needed

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Speaker 2: to talk with someone who knew more about this stuff

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Speaker 2: than I did. I needed to talk to a real therapist,

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Speaker 2: and so I reached out to a grief and couples counselor.

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Speaker 3: My mother was a therapist, and when she passed away,

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Speaker 3: I started working with grieving children as a volunteer.

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Speaker 2: Matt has a calm way of speaking, like a cross

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Speaker 2: between hal from two thousand and one and someone who

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Speaker 2: enjoys thoughtfully chewing on the arm of his eyeglasses.

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Speaker 3: And a friend suggested that I get another degree in

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Speaker 3: go back and start professionalizing my interest in that topic.

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Speaker 2: I liked Matt right away. From the moment we shook hands.

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Speaker 2: I felt like you could see right through to the

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Speaker 2: deepest recesses of my mind. I felt naked before this

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Speaker 2: man's keen psychological gaze, the breeze goose pimpling the nude

301
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Speaker 2: flesh of my psyche. I quickly caught Matt up on

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Speaker 2: the Christian and Javanna situation about the meeting we were

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Speaker 2: planning and asked what he thought.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess it sounds dicey, like this could go

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00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:57,200
Speaker 3: really wrong. You know, this was a really traumatizing thing

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Speaker 3: for these people, and they they come at it with

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00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 3: feelings that have not been worked through, and that could

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Speaker 3: be a disaster.

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00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,439
Speaker 2: Matt says, you never really know what you're going to

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Speaker 2: feel until you actually step foot in the room. Christian

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00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:17,119
Speaker 2: could become re traumatized, Javanna could get angrier than he anticipated.

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Speaker 3: You just don't know. I mean, it means facing something difficult,

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Speaker 3: and people would much rather ignore something difficult, even you know,

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Speaker 3: even in families, even in loving relationships and couples. You

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00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:29,880
Speaker 3: see that all the time.

316
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Speaker 2: But as we talk about how eager Javanna and Christian

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Speaker 2: are to meet each other. Matt admits that it's possible

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Speaker 2: this plan might not be disastrous, that it might actually

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Speaker 2: be good, that there was something even potentially beautiful about it.

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Speaker 3: If you're given the opportunity to face the source of

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Speaker 3: this event that had so much meaning, it's a tremendous

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Speaker 3: opportunity for reconciliation.

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Speaker 2: Matt offers to speak to Christian and Javanna on the

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Speaker 2: phone separately, just to assess how emotionally prepared they are

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Speaker 2: to face each other. He also says it'd be advisable

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Speaker 2: to have an actual therapist on hand when they meet,

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Speaker 2: and lucky for me, I had just the one. So

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Speaker 2: you want to go to Portland, I'd love to. You

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Speaker 2: want to travel with your therapist to Oregon, Alex says

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Speaker 2: when I ask him to pay for Matt's airfare. He's

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Speaker 2: not my therapist, I say, blushing, He's a friend. It's

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Speaker 2: for a story, a business story. Matt and I can

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Speaker 2: even share a hotel room. Might actually be better stay

334
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:45,679
Speaker 2: up late gossiping about the story. The business story, I

335
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:49,560
Speaker 2: mean Alex's bull of chia seeds arrives and he cuts

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Speaker 2: me off, agreeing to vimeo me the money, so I

337
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,040
Speaker 2: don't know, what do you think of this set up?

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Speaker 3: I mean, so I should.

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Speaker 2: Say that I'm in Portland, Matt and I prepare the

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00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:07,040
Speaker 2: hotel room for Javanna and Christian's arrival. I mean, and

341
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,199
Speaker 2: then this puts some money equal footing that you know

342
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 2: that they're both down chairs and they don't have to

343
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 2: sit side by side of it, so that an already

344
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:16,000
Speaker 2: dicey situation isn't made diceier by us all having to

345
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:19,720
Speaker 2: sit crisscross apple sauce on my unmade hotel bed. I've

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00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:23,120
Speaker 2: rented a suite with chairs and a COUCHU.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's we're both over there kind of.

348
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:30,400
Speaker 2: I expend my nervous energy by arranging and rearranging the furniture.

349
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:34,920
Speaker 2: Working in such close proximity, I can't help catching wisps

350
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:39,920
Speaker 2: of Matt's aftershave, a masculine, leathery scent that recalls grandfather's

351
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:43,680
Speaker 2: barbering strop. So I would, just, if you're comfortable with it,

352
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Speaker 2: I would ask.

353
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Speaker 4: You to sit.

354
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Speaker 2: On the couch with me. Yeah, okay, would that be okay?

355
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Speaker 1: Yeah?

356
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:03,960
Speaker 2: Our exchange is preempty by a tentative knock at the door. Hello, Hello,

357
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Speaker 2: Gavanna arrives first come on in thank You.

358
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Speaker 3: This is man time.

359
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,520
Speaker 2: Gravanna's tall and thin, with long red hair and a beard.

360
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:17,160
Speaker 2: The clothing he's wearing his robelike Jesus, like his movement

361
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:21,239
Speaker 2: slow and careful. So Christian is on his way. I

362
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:23,520
Speaker 2: believe he might be a little bit late because of

363
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 2: the parade as it happens today is Portland's Rose Bowl Parade.

364
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,120
Speaker 2: I keep waiting for the sound of Alice Cooper's Schools

365
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:34,199
Speaker 2: Out for Summer, performed on tubas and snare drums to

366
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 2: fade into the distance, but it never does. It's like

367
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,480
Speaker 2: the parade route this year is stuck in a spiral

368
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:45,240
Speaker 2: of endless laps around our hotel. Outside the window, life

369
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 2: in all its obnoxious splendor, was going on at this point.

370
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:58,440
Speaker 2: Christian still hasn't arrived. Eleven oh five, eleven, ten, eleven, fifteen,

371
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Speaker 2: eleven twenty. It begins to set in that Christian might

372
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,879
Speaker 2: have had a change of heart and may never show,

373
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,240
Speaker 2: and I'd have to return to Gimlet with my tail

374
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 2: between my legs, scamper over to Alex's treadmill desk and

375
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:12,200
Speaker 2: admit he was right and I was wrong, and how

376
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,680
Speaker 2: He's always right? He and Lisa chow because they understand

377
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:19,680
Speaker 2: the quote financial risk of flying a therapist across the country,

378
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:23,440
Speaker 2: renting this whole dumb hotel suite, arranging furniture according to

379
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 2: the laws of FENSHUEI which I don't even know at

380
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:33,800
Speaker 2: that are Christian, Hi clue, Christian.

381
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 4: Christian?

382
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:36,760
Speaker 3: This is Jivanna.

383
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:43,040
Speaker 2: Christian enters the room. He's solid looking and crew cut

384
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,919
Speaker 2: it wearing jeans and running shoes. He looks like the

385
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,280
Speaker 2: amiable guy in a sports bar whose voice rises easily

386
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:53,440
Speaker 2: above the din when ordering a beer. Standing side by side,

387
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:57,240
Speaker 2: these two young men could not seem less alike. Once

388
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,800
Speaker 2: they've taken each other in, they sit down in armchairs,

389
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:03,040
Speaker 2: op at one another, Christian with his hands on his knees,

390
00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:07,320
Speaker 2: Givanna sunk into his chair. For a while, they quietly

391
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:12,280
Speaker 2: watch each other. Givanna pulls out a small bottle of

392
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:15,480
Speaker 2: sandalwood oil that he keeps around his neck. He explains

393
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,199
Speaker 2: that it's the oil burned in ashrams to maintain a

394
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 2: deep level of meditation and body awareness.

395
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:23,720
Speaker 4: So I don't know if anyone else wants to smell this,

396
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 4: but I treat it very preciously.

397
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:30,440
Speaker 2: Givanna passes it around and we each smell it. When

398
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:34,400
Speaker 2: we're done, the room returns to silence. Matt looks from

399
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,480
Speaker 2: Christian to Javanna. He wonders aloud what it might have

400
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 2: been like had they met under different circumstances.

401
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 3: Imagining you two coincidentally running into each other and then

402
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,399
Speaker 3: kind of figuring it out who each other was.

403
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 5: I know immediately was that I would know immediately. Yeah,

404
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:56,480
Speaker 5: I'll never forget your face.

405
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:06,520
Speaker 2: It was the most transformative day of both their lives.

406
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 2: And since Christian can't forget anything about it and Javanna

407
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,120
Speaker 2: can't remember anything about it, some kind of exchange needs

408
00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:16,119
Speaker 2: to happen so that Javanna can reclaim the day and

409
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 2: Christian can finally lay it to rest. Christian takes a

410
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:24,640
Speaker 2: deep breath and begins, I.

411
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 5: Was going to school. I had an easy day. I

412
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:32,440
Speaker 5: was needed to be in class around twelve o'clock, so

413
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 5: I woke up early and I had pre nutritious meal.

414
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:38,439
Speaker 5: I had oatmeal, a little bit of milk and innate that.

415
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,200
Speaker 5: Then I was just driving the school, and then.

416
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:43,359
Speaker 4: That's where I met you.

417
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:49,119
Speaker 2: Throughout the day, this language will recur. Christian never says

418
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:52,879
Speaker 2: when I hit you or when we crashed. It's almost

419
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:57,120
Speaker 2: always when we met, as in when two lines meet

420
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,919
Speaker 2: without agency, as though drawn by the tremulous hand of

421
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,440
Speaker 2: a child holding down a ruler in math class.

422
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:08,560
Speaker 5: So when we met, I remember there being a really

423
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:13,040
Speaker 5: large car in front of me, and I've processed this

424
00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:16,040
Speaker 5: moment in my head over and over again. How that

425
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:18,439
Speaker 5: car in front of me blocked the view of my

426
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,640
Speaker 5: car because I have a really small on a civic

427
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,919
Speaker 5: and you thought you were fine.

428
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:31,680
Speaker 4: That's how I've understood it, too, is that we didn't

429
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:36,200
Speaker 4: see each other. I guess until it was too late.

430
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:48,959
Speaker 5: I saw the moments when you hit my windshield.

431
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:54,280
Speaker 2: According to the police report, earbuds were found lodged in

432
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 2: the windshield. The impact of the crash had caused the

433
00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 2: roof of the car to cave in.

434
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,480
Speaker 5: For some reason, I was able to get the car parked,

435
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:06,480
Speaker 5: and I rushed to you. Some one yells at me,

436
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:09,560
Speaker 5: called nine one one, called nine one one, get help.

437
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:13,360
Speaker 5: I tried to call nine one one, and I couldn't

438
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:17,679
Speaker 5: do it. I tried over and over and over to

439
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:20,200
Speaker 5: type numbers in the phone, and I was in shock.

440
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 5: Somebody else said they got we got the emergency responders

441
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:30,439
Speaker 5: on the phone. There on the way. We all just

442
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:34,119
Speaker 5: huddled around you, and you were going I think, in

443
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:37,880
Speaker 5: and out of consciousness, and we were trying to cheer

444
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 5: you on. Just stay with it, stay with it. And

445
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 5: everybody around us were we're trying to fight for you.

446
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:51,840
Speaker 5: I was over your body and I was looking down at.

447
00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 4: You, and it was just trying to cheer you.

448
00:28:55,120 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 5: All the paramedics came and they were able to get

449
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 5: you in the ambulance and everything, and then I just

450
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 5: remember I just wanted to run away. I just wanted

451
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:11,840
Speaker 5: to get out of there, run away. And one of

452
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 5: the police officers stayed with me and kept me calm,

453
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 5: and I remember, uh, after a few hours, going to

454
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,760
Speaker 5: my dad and being like a bad thing happened, and

455
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:23,719
Speaker 5: I cried with him for a long time. Then we

456
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 5: he we prayed for you, and my family prayed for you.

457
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 5: That's pretty much what I remember from that day. It

458
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 5: was very scary for me. I was very worried about you.

459
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 4: I wanted to meet you because you're kind of like

460
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 4: a fable in my head until now, like you're the

461
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 4: man who sent me on this second half of my life.

462
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 4: I've wanted I wanted to know how you are and

463
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:03,640
Speaker 4: how you've.

464
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:10,480
Speaker 2: Been You wanted to let Christian know I know that,

465
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 2: like you were okay too.

466
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think I'm okay as well. Yeah. I don't

467
00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:25,400
Speaker 4: know what happened at that intersection, and I can only

468
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,959
Speaker 4: believe that I'm at least, if not more, of fifty

469
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 4: percent at fault. And I've been wanting to tell you

470
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 4: for a long time that I'm sorry, that it's all right.

471
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:44,720
Speaker 4: The things I experienced later in the hospital and in

472
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 4: my recovery were very beautiful for me, and I wouldn't

473
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 4: have gotten to experience a lot without that accident. And

474
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:02,560
Speaker 4: it leads me to believe my heart that I love you.

475
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 2: I love you too. Christian gets up on his feet.

476
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 2: Gavanna rises too, and then they meet and it's Christian,

477
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:31,720
Speaker 2: not Givanna, who initiates it. It isn't a half hug,

478
00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:34,520
Speaker 2: one of those awkward, one armed things that men do,

479
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 2: but a full on embrace. Later, when I speak to Gavanna,

480
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:44,200
Speaker 2: he'll tell me that Christian didn't strike him as the

481
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 2: huggy type, but that the hug he gave felt like

482
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,560
Speaker 2: the hug of someone who'd been saving up his hugs.

483
00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:53,840
Speaker 4: I thought you could pick me up.

484
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 2: I feel like you could pick me up, Gavannah says,

485
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:03,640
Speaker 2: I probably could, says. They sit back down, but continue

486
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 2: to touch each other's fingers from across the coffee table.

487
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,520
Speaker 2: They look at each other without saying anything. They stay

488
00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 2: quiet like this for what feels like a long time. Later,

489
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 2: I'll ask Jirvanna how he thought it all went, and

490
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:18,640
Speaker 2: he'll say that more than the talking or even the

491
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 2: sense of sorrow, he shared, he was actually touching Christian.

492
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 2: That felt the most powerful, that made him feel the

493
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 2: most connected.

494
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 5: I think we probably should have met a lot sooner.

495
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:36,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like lawyers hash things out before the

496
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 4: people get to him. If I could do it over,

497
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 4: we would have met a lot earlier. I'm happy I

498
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:44,960
Speaker 4: came today.

499
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:56,200
Speaker 2: Only one line has to alter its course, even the

500
00:32:56,240 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 2: tiniest bit, and eventually two parallel lines will meet. It

501
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:05,320
Speaker 2: could take forever, only happening at some theoretical infinity point,

502
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 2: or it could take four years and happen in a

503
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:09,600
Speaker 2: Portland hotel room.

504
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 4: You'll be safe, you too, and okay.

505
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 2: Christian sets off to find his girlfriend at the parade,

506
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:25,680
Speaker 2: and shortly after Javanna leaves two to meet up with

507
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 2: friends outside. It's Saturday morning. And the streets of downtown

508
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:33,280
Speaker 2: Portland are bustling in a cab. On our way to lunch,

509
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:35,680
Speaker 2: Matt and I pass a group of young guys on

510
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 2: a street corner. They're carrying shopping bags and look like

511
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,800
Speaker 2: they might be discussing where to eat. At the center

512
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 2: of the group is a tall, thin redhead, his hair

513
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 2: and a bun. Is that Javanna? Matt asks, I don't

514
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:52,360
Speaker 2: think so. I say he looks too young. But as

515
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:55,440
Speaker 2: we get closer we see that it is Javanna, out

516
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 2: in the sunshine, shopping with his friends. He's not Jesusy

517
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:02,960
Speaker 2: at all. He's just the kid arise meat. But only

518
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 2: for a second, and then we all continue along our

519
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:25,000
Speaker 2: separate paths.

520
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:49,279
Speaker 1: Now that the Fernitures return into its goodwill home, Now

521
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:54,160
Speaker 1: that the last month's rant is scheming with the damage

522
00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:57,840
Speaker 1: to potty, take this moment to deserve.

523
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:09,480
Speaker 4: Man too felt from the Thames.

524
00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:18,920
Speaker 2: A Heavyweight is hosted and produced by me Jonathan Goldstein

525
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:22,240
Speaker 2: along with Khalila Holt. The senior producer is Caitlin Roberts,

526
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:26,280
Speaker 2: editing by Jorge just, Alex Bloomberg and Wendy Door. Special

527
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:29,759
Speaker 2: thanks to Emily Condon, Devin Taylor and Jackie Cohen. The

528
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 2: show was mixed by Kate Bolinski, music by Christine Fellows,

529
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 2: John K. Sampson, and Edwich. Additional music credits for this

530
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 2: episode can be found on our website, Gimletmedia dot com

531
00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:43,279
Speaker 2: slash Heavyweight. Our theme music is by the Weaker Bands

532
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:46,520
Speaker 2: courtesy of Epitaph Records, and our ad music is by

533
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:50,280
Speaker 2: Hailey Shaw. Follow us on Twitter at Heavyweight or email

534
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 2: us at Heavyweight at gimbletmedia dot com. We'll have a

535
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:55,439
Speaker 2: new episode next week.

536
00:35:56,400 --> 00:36:08,040
Speaker 1: Niway garrol O grams on bills.

537
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 4: Are we repeated?

538
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 2: H