WEBVTT - Fixin' a New Type of Mess 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.120 Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:16.360 and the Black Effects, Oh Ship, And just like that, 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:18.520 we're back on the air. Welcome back to yet another 0:00:18.560 --> 0:00:21.560 carefully Reckless with your girl doctor Jess a k A 0:00:21.960 --> 0:00:24.279 Jess hilarious. All right, we're gonna jump right in. I 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:27.680 am fixing mess, and we don't have any voice notes 0:00:27.840 --> 0:00:31.440 this time, so I'm gonna be reading here we go. Hey, jus, First, 0:00:31.520 --> 0:00:33.760 I love you, but let's get straight to it. Well, 0:00:33.800 --> 0:00:35.880 I was on and off talking to this guy since 0:00:37.320 --> 0:00:39.560 since we both had just got out of year's worth 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:42.920 of relationships that same year, we didn't want to hop 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:47.440 into another relationship together, so we kept it simple. Tom 0:00:47.560 --> 0:00:51.240 goes By, we called ourselves having a flame for a year. 0:00:51.520 --> 0:00:53.559 So I called it off and explained I wanted a 0:00:53.600 --> 0:00:59.279 man and build with someone he understood. Girls, See, this 0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:01.960 is why I told all to I'm I'm gonna go 0:01:02.000 --> 0:01:03.800 back a little bit, but this is why I told 0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:05.840 you all to send in y'all goddamn voice notes because 0:01:05.840 --> 0:01:09.120 this is a long run on fucking sentence, girl ship, 0:01:09.240 --> 0:01:11.039 but it's the juicy story, so I'm gonna try to 0:01:11.040 --> 0:01:14.640 fight through it, y'all. Y'all bad with me. Time goes by, 0:01:14.800 --> 0:01:18.520 we caught ourselves having a fling for a year, so 0:01:18.560 --> 0:01:21.880 I called it off and explained that I wanted a man, 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:25.959 and is this another man, and to build with someone. 0:01:26.400 --> 0:01:29.679 He understood, but he wasn't ready, so we stopped talking. Okay, 0:01:29.680 --> 0:01:32.559 So you wanted to build with him, Okay, okay, okay, 0:01:32.600 --> 0:01:34.600 because you wanted to take it further than the fling, 0:01:34.680 --> 0:01:37.360 but he wasn't ready, So y'all stopped talking. Okay, because 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:39.400 you confused me because you said you cut it off, girl, 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:42.560 all right? Most of last year he kept reaching out, 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:45.080 but I wasn't ready. So finally he approached me right 0:01:45.240 --> 0:01:48.400 this past January and we've been at it since. He 0:01:48.440 --> 0:01:51.240 has been the only man I've seen this entire year. 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:54.840 I have no view for anyone else but him. But 0:01:55.000 --> 0:01:57.920 recently he just out the blue became distant with me. 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:01.760 Mm hmm. I mean we went from at the house 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:05.200 every day to him coming every other week. Then I 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:08.640 moved and I started going by his house like once 0:02:08.680 --> 0:02:11.600 a week. We went from talking on the phone frequently 0:02:11.639 --> 0:02:15.240 to barely talking just distance. One time I went to 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:17.360 his house and he was just super distant with me, 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:19.760 So I asked him what's wrong, but he refused to 0:02:19.760 --> 0:02:23.080 tell me. So I rolled over, but he processed to 0:02:23.240 --> 0:02:28.400 stay around eleven PM. Mind you, I got there around nine, 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:31.080 and I never not spent a night if I came 0:02:31.240 --> 0:02:34.680 at night. Okay, okay, so what you say, because girl, 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:36.239 you're sucking me up right here? All right? So the 0:02:36.320 --> 0:02:38.440 nigga told you had to leave at eleven, and you 0:02:38.480 --> 0:02:40.320 had just got there at nine, But you never not 0:02:40.400 --> 0:02:42.440 stay to night when you came at night. You always 0:02:42.480 --> 0:02:44.200 was coming to stay the night. When you get there 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:46.880 at night, Okay, after a certain time, it's just always 0:02:46.880 --> 0:02:48.200 a given. I'm going I'm gonna get up and go 0:02:48.240 --> 0:02:50.800 in the morning, all right. But this night he didn't 0:02:50.840 --> 0:02:52.799 want you to stay. He said, I have to leave 0:02:52.800 --> 0:02:54.960 out at five am because his kids are coming over, 0:02:55.120 --> 0:02:58.880 the same kids I already met multiple times previously. So 0:02:58.919 --> 0:03:01.040 I got up and left out. Of course, I expressed 0:03:01.080 --> 0:03:04.840 myself afterwards, but that hurt my feelings. Okay, we moved 0:03:04.919 --> 0:03:08.960 past that. Now weeks go by and he's still distant. 0:03:09.000 --> 0:03:11.560 He's still not letting me know what's wrong. I'm constantly 0:03:11.600 --> 0:03:13.800 trying to get him to open up, and he didn't. 0:03:14.160 --> 0:03:17.080 At this point, I'm feeling unwanted and the only one 0:03:17.639 --> 0:03:20.799 in the relationship. So a guy I used to text 0:03:20.880 --> 0:03:24.519 prior to him started hitting me up and we started texting, 0:03:24.880 --> 0:03:29.239 just text more so a comfort zone. Now he knew 0:03:29.240 --> 0:03:31.400 about my man and I let him know I'm not 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:35.200 cutting him off for him, but we will still flirt, 0:03:35.560 --> 0:03:38.360 which was so wrong of me, I know. So another 0:03:38.400 --> 0:03:41.120 week goes by and my man tells me he wants 0:03:41.200 --> 0:03:44.400 us to give each other a break. What So I'm 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:46.640 hurt because why are we on a break? What did 0:03:46.680 --> 0:03:48.840 I do? What's the reason? So I just started to 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:51.680 talk to the other guy more Still didn't meet up 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:54.600 with a guy, just talk. So this past weekend I 0:03:54.600 --> 0:03:57.560 went over because we missed each other, and I go 0:03:57.680 --> 0:04:00.080 to sleep and he go through my damn phone. This 0:04:00.160 --> 0:04:02.320 man goes through my phone and he saw the messages 0:04:02.440 --> 0:04:06.040 and now he has done with me, and I am 0:04:06.040 --> 0:04:09.400 super crushed. He blocked me on everything, and now I 0:04:09.440 --> 0:04:11.760 don't know what to do. I just know I want 0:04:11.800 --> 0:04:14.240 my man back, and I'm hurting so bad right now. 0:04:14.800 --> 0:04:19.200 Oh baby, girl, Okay, there are a couple of things. Girl. 0:04:19.240 --> 0:04:21.479 Next time, you better send me some goddamned voice notes. 0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:22.960 I don't give a funk of a nigga. Know your 0:04:23.040 --> 0:04:26.200 voice or not, Girl, you better fucking talk in a 0:04:26.240 --> 0:04:29.679 different fu accent, because girl, that was hard and should 0:04:29.720 --> 0:04:31.520 I know it's because you heard I know. Let me 0:04:31.560 --> 0:04:37.000 calm down and help you, alright, child, Okay, So it's 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:39.719 a couple of different things. We still didn't get to 0:04:39.760 --> 0:04:42.600 the bottom of why he became so distant. I don't 0:04:42.600 --> 0:04:46.400 know if he's ever showed you narcissist vibes. I don't 0:04:46.440 --> 0:04:50.080 know if he's ever given you manipulative vibes. I'm not sure, 0:04:50.120 --> 0:04:54.479 but this sounds a lot like manipulation. This it sounds 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:56.400 to me as if he was looking for a way 0:04:56.440 --> 0:04:59.960 out and he finally got one. Because if he was 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:03.960 distancing himself all this time, and even down to the 0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:05.920 point where he told you he needed a break, there 0:05:06.000 --> 0:05:08.799 has to be a fucking reason. I'm not gonna jump 0:05:08.839 --> 0:05:11.400 and say there was someone else. I'm not gonna jump 0:05:11.480 --> 0:05:14.560 and say that you were just doing all the wrong 0:05:14.600 --> 0:05:17.240 things or you were doing something wrong, because I don't know. 0:05:17.360 --> 0:05:19.800 Only he knows that, but it's something that he's not 0:05:19.880 --> 0:05:22.320 telling you. And there is a reason why he wanted 0:05:22.400 --> 0:05:25.560 out so bad. There is a reason y'all been on 0:05:25.640 --> 0:05:28.560 and off for almost four years, and for it to 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:30.880 be out of nowhere, I'm sorry. I just feel like 0:05:30.920 --> 0:05:33.440 there's been something he's been hiding from you, or there 0:05:33.480 --> 0:05:35.920 has been another woman. And like I said, like I 0:05:35.960 --> 0:05:40.839 just said seconds ago, I usually don't ever just make 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:43.640 that my first go to, you know, because everybody does 0:05:43.680 --> 0:05:46.080 not cheat. I know that there's been this strange narrative 0:05:46.120 --> 0:05:49.320 that all men cheat or all women cheat. No, no, no, no, 0:05:49.320 --> 0:05:52.159 no no. I still don't believe that we can't put 0:05:52.200 --> 0:05:55.320 everybody in a boat together. No, but that's what it 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:56.880 sounds like. And like I said, it sounds like he 0:05:56.920 --> 0:05:59.080 was looking for a way out. I know it hurts you. 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:03.080 I know it's hurting you, But baby girl, you need 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:05.680 to put your big girl panties on. You need to 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:09.719 turn that thinking cap on and really really see him 0:06:09.760 --> 0:06:11.800 for what he is, and see him for what he's 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:14.800 trying to do, and let him know that you know 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:18.120 what he's trying to do, even if you don't know, 0:06:18.200 --> 0:06:22.320 even if you're letting your love for him subside your 0:06:22.400 --> 0:06:25.040 real feelings. Your real feeling is you don't know what 0:06:25.080 --> 0:06:27.560 the funk is happening. You didn't know and that's why 0:06:27.560 --> 0:06:29.919 you started talking to your friend. Okay, it was innocent, 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:32.560 it was still wrong because just because something is not 0:06:32.600 --> 0:06:34.919 going right in your relationship does not mean you turn 0:06:35.040 --> 0:06:38.400 elsewhere for comfort. Now we all do it. It's very 0:06:38.520 --> 0:06:41.680 natural to do so, however, that doesn't make it right, 0:06:41.680 --> 0:06:45.719 and it's not right. But he is not telling you something. 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:47.560 He didn't tell you something, And if you want to 0:06:47.600 --> 0:06:50.960 seek that, I would, But my honest advice is to 0:06:51.080 --> 0:06:54.440 keep it the funck moving and let him know that 0:06:54.600 --> 0:06:57.680 it's his loss. However, you can still contact him. He 0:06:57.680 --> 0:06:59.760 blocks you on everything. That man is with somebody else 0:06:59.839 --> 0:07:04.000 right now. I'm so sorry. After a break, I see 0:07:04.040 --> 0:07:06.440 you after we've been on this break for a while, 0:07:06.560 --> 0:07:09.600 and the first thing you do is go through my phone. 0:07:09.680 --> 0:07:12.120 You're not even trying to miss on me, love on me. 0:07:12.400 --> 0:07:14.480 You guys didn't have a conversation about getting back together 0:07:14.560 --> 0:07:16.360 or whatever. You just went over there to spend the night. 0:07:17.000 --> 0:07:19.760 Are you serious even going back to the one night 0:07:19.760 --> 0:07:21.560 that you spent the night there and you got there 0:07:21.560 --> 0:07:23.320 around nine and he told you you had to leave 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:26.480 at eleven because his kids, who you already knew and 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:30.960 been around frequently. We're coming at five am child. Please. 0:07:31.040 --> 0:07:32.760 If he ain't dealing with the mother, he's dealing with 0:07:32.800 --> 0:07:35.360 somebody else. And that's just what it is. And I'm sorry. 0:07:35.360 --> 0:07:38.360 The truth will fucking hurt you, especially when you don't 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:42.360 want to see it. If somebody is dumb enough to 0:07:42.480 --> 0:07:45.200 walk away from you, and you're a good woman, be 0:07:45.400 --> 0:07:49.840 smart enough to let them go. I'm serious. I don't 0:07:49.880 --> 0:07:51.520 know if you're a Christian, I don't know if you 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:55.080 believe in any higher being. I believe in God, and 0:07:55.120 --> 0:07:57.440 I'm gonna let you know this. No offense to you 0:07:57.480 --> 0:07:59.480 if you do not, but I'm gonna let you know. 0:08:00.040 --> 0:08:03.160 God will remove something out of your life for you. 0:08:03.400 --> 0:08:05.720 Be that as it may. He may do it any 0:08:05.920 --> 0:08:10.400 way he sees fit for it to happen. Sometimes we're 0:08:10.640 --> 0:08:13.840 blind to certain things that's not good for us. We 0:08:13.880 --> 0:08:17.600 will stay in a relationship, we will stay miserable, will 0:08:17.640 --> 0:08:21.600 be with someone and just stay stagnant at the expense 0:08:21.640 --> 0:08:24.920 of our own hearts, at the expense of our own happiness, 0:08:25.440 --> 0:08:29.760 our own sanity, our own mental health. Will trade that 0:08:30.080 --> 0:08:32.960 for fucking love, or for what we think is love. 0:08:33.000 --> 0:08:35.400 Will trade that. Love is not supposed to feel like 0:08:35.400 --> 0:08:37.120 this now. Love is not easy, but love is not 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:40.920 supposed to feel one sided. It's not supposed to feel manipulative. 0:08:41.160 --> 0:08:44.760 It's not supposed to feel so low and heartaching. It's 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:47.360 not it's not like I said, it's not easy, but 0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:50.920 it's not impossible for it to feel good Right now, 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:53.520 it's impossible for you feel good. The only way that 0:08:53.559 --> 0:08:55.560 you'll feel good, you feel, is if he'll come back 0:08:55.600 --> 0:08:58.880 to you. I wouldn't even want him back, you understand, 0:08:58.880 --> 0:09:01.120 because what he did was he flipp did. There was 0:09:01.160 --> 0:09:04.120 an issue from the beginning that you never got to 0:09:04.200 --> 0:09:07.240 the bottom of. And yet he was looking and fishing 0:09:07.280 --> 0:09:09.720 and fishing until he found something which gave him the 0:09:09.760 --> 0:09:12.200 reason to be done. All right. I just need a 0:09:12.200 --> 0:09:14.520 way out, and you gave it to him. I will 0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:18.600 also applaud your honesty with the other guy. You let 0:09:18.679 --> 0:09:21.320 him know what it was. We're not gonna have sex, 0:09:21.360 --> 0:09:23.840 We're not gonna I just I'm looking for some attention 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:25.920 right now because me and my man are going through 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:29.200 it and I'm not getting that at home. He's lacking attention, 0:09:29.280 --> 0:09:32.120 he's lacking interest in me. I feel, you know, he's 0:09:32.160 --> 0:09:35.720 falling back. He's being distant with me. You know, I 0:09:35.760 --> 0:09:38.960 do applaud you for being very honest. However, I'm not 0:09:39.040 --> 0:09:42.120 gonna give you no cookie for cheating, because that's still cheating. 0:09:42.600 --> 0:09:45.600 But who knows what the funk your man was doing? 0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:48.840 Your ex. I'm going to speak that into existence forever, 0:09:49.480 --> 0:09:52.640 your ex, all right, I'm so sorry. I know how 0:09:52.640 --> 0:09:55.000 a heartbreak feels. I know how it feels to want 0:09:55.000 --> 0:09:58.960 somebody who don't want you. I know, listen to that again. 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:01.240 I'm gonna say it again, and I know how it 0:10:01.240 --> 0:10:05.319 feels to want somebody back so bad that doesn't want you. 0:10:05.679 --> 0:10:07.679 He Ben didn't want you. He just didn't know how 0:10:07.720 --> 0:10:10.160 to leave you. He didn't have a reason to, and 0:10:10.200 --> 0:10:12.959 he didn't want to break your heart. So some people 0:10:13.000 --> 0:10:15.120 just feel like if we fall back, they'll get the picture. No, 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:18.439 you need to communicate that because this girl is here 0:10:18.480 --> 0:10:22.199 in love with you still. You're still in love with him, 0:10:22.240 --> 0:10:24.640 but only time helps you with that. I'm telling you 0:10:24.640 --> 0:10:27.280 you can do better, and you better do better. Check 0:10:27.320 --> 0:10:29.640 back in with me, baby girl. I'm so sorry, but 0:10:29.720 --> 0:10:31.520 that ain't where you need to because you are better 0:10:31.600 --> 0:10:34.480 than that and you deserve better. For sure. If you 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:36.959 love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll 0:10:36.960 --> 0:10:41.360 be right back moving on. Hey Jess, First off, I 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:43.760 wanted to let you know you're my favorite comedian and 0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:46.679 the funniest person on the internet right now. I've been 0:10:46.679 --> 0:10:49.959 following your journey since before your pages kept getting deleted 0:10:50.080 --> 0:10:53.719 years ago. Oh and I go to one of your 0:10:53.760 --> 0:10:56.679 shows when you come to my area. Okay, So I'm 0:10:56.679 --> 0:10:59.840 a mom thirty years old. I have three kids, and 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:02.840 my kid's father is thirty years old as well. We 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:06.240 just recently separated. We lived together for years and seem 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:09.439 to have a picture perfect family. They live with me now, 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:11.960 but Dad is active in their lives and lives on 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:14.840 his own. We both work full time jobs and have 0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:17.880 busy schedules. However, he always seems to have time to 0:11:17.920 --> 0:11:22.800 make spontaneous, impulsive decisions to go on vacations, overnight trips 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:25.120 with friends and leave me with the kids alone for 0:11:25.240 --> 0:11:27.960 days at a time. I never have a lone time 0:11:28.320 --> 0:11:30.800 or time for myself where I can go out with friends, 0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:34.680 vacations or just relax kids free for a minute. He 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:37.000 has so much freedom, and in a way, I resent 0:11:37.120 --> 0:11:40.079 him so much for that. Whenever I bring it up, 0:11:40.280 --> 0:11:42.520 he turned it back on me and tell me I 0:11:42.640 --> 0:11:46.360 complain too much or make excuses like I can have 0:11:46.440 --> 0:11:49.120 a life too low key. I think he's going through 0:11:49.120 --> 0:11:52.680 a pre midlife crisis. I've always been a subtle and 0:11:52.800 --> 0:11:55.000 meek girl, and when I use my voice to speak 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:57.520 up for myself, I'm always told I'm the problem, or 0:11:57.559 --> 0:11:59.720 basically there's nothing I can do or say to make 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:02.440 him change his ways. I feel like I'm being taken 0:12:02.480 --> 0:12:05.280 advantage of for my kindness and the fact that I'm 0:12:05.400 --> 0:12:09.120 so accommodating. But at the same time, I'm accommodating because 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:11.960 the kids live with me, and as a mother, I 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:14.800 will never let them think they're an option to me 0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:17.960 like he does. He loves his children, but he's very 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:21.520 immature and still wants to live that college boy bachelor life. 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:24.560 My question for you is what can I do differently 0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:26.760 to get my point across or at least get him 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:29.760 to see what he's doing isn't fair. Thank you, Jess. 0:12:29.800 --> 0:12:32.760 I love you, girl. Hey, baby, I love you as well. 0:12:32.800 --> 0:12:35.000 I want to tell you first and foremost, thank you 0:12:35.120 --> 0:12:37.600 so much for being a fan and a supporter over 0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:40.400 the years. Girl. Back when my pages was getting deleted, 0:12:40.440 --> 0:12:42.600 I was mad as hell and I started to give up. 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:45.360 Hell of times, Girl, they would delete my ship every 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:48.000 other fucking week, I swear, until I had to make 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:50.840 another one and start from scratch. Girl. Oh my god, 0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:52.800 that took me back. But I appreciate you for being 0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:54.760 a d one because that's what you proved to me 0:12:54.840 --> 0:12:58.080 with that. All right, all right, now for your mess. 0:12:58.200 --> 0:13:01.000 All right, So you guys are both thirty. You guys 0:13:01.000 --> 0:13:05.079 have three children. Okay, so I don't know how long 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:07.440 you guys have been together, but it seems like you 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:09.160 guys have been together for a while. No, look, you're 0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:11.320 not that old. Correct me if I'm wrong with an 0:13:11.400 --> 0:13:13.679 update when you come back and update me on these 0:13:13.760 --> 0:13:16.640 questions that I'm asking, or even you know, the advice 0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:18.880 that I give you, hopefully you take it. So if 0:13:18.920 --> 0:13:21.600 I'm not mistaken, I'm going to assume that you guys 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:29.280 have been together since what high school? If not since teenagers, 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.760 I would say, or college or something like that. I 0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:34.600 would say that. The reason why I would say that 0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:37.199 is because you're only thirty. I don't know how old 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:41.360 your children are, but that's three kids, so there has 0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:43.680 to be a couple of years in between them, unless 0:13:43.679 --> 0:13:46.120 you got stair step kids. However, what I'm trying to 0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:49.200 get at is if you guys started at such a 0:13:49.320 --> 0:13:52.400 young age. No, he didn't get to live out his 0:13:52.480 --> 0:13:56.720 bachelor years. Neither did you. But like I just told 0:13:56.720 --> 0:13:59.880 someone else who mess I was fixing, we mature faster 0:14:00.080 --> 0:14:02.280 than them. We know what we want faster than them, 0:14:02.520 --> 0:14:04.600 We know what we need to do faster than them. 0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:08.840 We become very responsible, quicker, very mature, quicker. You said 0:14:08.840 --> 0:14:11.760 he's immature and he still wants to live the you know, 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:14.520 the bachelor days. Did he ever get to live them 0:14:14.520 --> 0:14:18.560 out before you? You know, not justifying the way he's 0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:23.440 going about it, but he does. He's correct. He has 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:25.880 a life too. You have one as well? Or are 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:29.280 there any other family members that can help you? Do 0:14:29.360 --> 0:14:32.480 you guys have any other support systems? You know, your 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:35.640 parents or your aunt's, your uncle's, your cousins, little cousins, 0:14:35.720 --> 0:14:36.840 or you know where you can go and let your 0:14:36.840 --> 0:14:39.920 hair down for a weekend or you know, these kind 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:42.440 of things will be good with schedules. If you guys 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:45.000 aren't together, like you said, there needs to be a 0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:48.720 co parenting schedule. It may seem like he's always vacationing 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:51.000 and he's always doing this, doing that, because you don't 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:54.080 ever get to do those things ever. Like you said, 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:59.320 you both work full time jobs, so it's because you 0:14:59.480 --> 0:15:02.240 never get to do it, and probably when you get 0:15:02.280 --> 0:15:03.760 to do it, you don't do it because you'd be 0:15:03.760 --> 0:15:07.160 so tired from working and then being a full time 0:15:07.200 --> 0:15:10.160 mommy as well. You just have to look at what 0:15:10.400 --> 0:15:13.200 healthy co parenting looks like. Me and my son's father, 0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:16.320 we we've been doing it for eight years now, and 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:19.400 that wasn't easy as well, but we've come to a place. 0:15:19.840 --> 0:15:23.080 Are there still feelings there on either end? Do you 0:15:23.120 --> 0:15:25.720 feel that a little of that resentment comes from you 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:29.400 guys failed relationship and I'm sorry if it didn't fail, 0:15:29.440 --> 0:15:31.160 and you guys just grew apart. Let me know that 0:15:31.240 --> 0:15:35.200 as well. But where where else is that resentment coming from? 0:15:35.520 --> 0:15:37.880 Is he's still trying to get with you? Do you 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:39.960 still try to get with him? Do you still miss him? 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:42.040 Do you still want him back? Do you think he 0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:44.640 still wants you back and that's why he takes all 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:47.520 these trips and all that you know to make you jealous? 0:15:47.600 --> 0:15:49.880 Or two? It? Could it be deeply rooted? Could it 0:15:49.960 --> 0:15:53.840 be another take on it? You need to think about 0:15:53.880 --> 0:15:56.800 all that you know and that from wrong. That's fine, 0:15:57.240 --> 0:15:59.560 I'm just trying to get more clarity on it before 0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:02.400 I can really fully assess you the way that you 0:16:02.440 --> 0:16:04.880 know you need. But I think scheduling would be the 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:10.200 best way. Communication and scheduling, scheduling, scheduling. There's four weeks 0:16:10.200 --> 0:16:12.360 in a month. Most of the time you get the 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:15.440 first and third weekend. I'll take the second and fourth 0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:17.480 weekend and I'll go do something with my girls and 0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:20.320 all that. You know, And I do understand he is 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:25.400 very immature, yes, but he loves his children. And while 0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:28.240 you feel that he treats them as an option, um, 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:32.000 I just think that you're more devoted because you're the 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:35.560 primary parents. They live with you, so of course you 0:16:35.640 --> 0:16:38.320 have the bulk of the responsibility at all times. And 0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:41.240 it's not just one, it's three of them. So I 0:16:41.280 --> 0:16:43.760 can see how you're very, very stressed and just how 0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:46.560 it's never enough time in a day and then you 0:16:46.560 --> 0:16:48.480 have no me time and no time to let your 0:16:48.480 --> 0:16:51.280 hair down. I think you need to commit to a schedule, 0:16:51.640 --> 0:16:53.720 and no, you can't make him do something. But I 0:16:53.760 --> 0:16:56.080 think I don't even know him, but I do think 0:16:56.200 --> 0:16:58.440 the fact that he loves his children, he'd be open 0:16:58.480 --> 0:17:01.400 to that. He would be open to it. Also, it 0:17:01.480 --> 0:17:05.400 may depend on how you guys ended. How did it? 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:08.760 Was it a nasty breakup? Like you know? How? How how? 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:11.359 So just help me with more clarity, get back to me, 0:17:11.440 --> 0:17:13.520 update me if you want, or if you can, but 0:17:13.640 --> 0:17:15.600 just just let me know, let me know. I do 0:17:15.640 --> 0:17:19.800 appreciate you reaching out, baby girl, But that's a scheduling issue. 0:17:19.880 --> 0:17:23.520 That's all. That's it, that's all. Check back in now. 0:17:23.520 --> 0:17:25.280 We got a commercial, and if you click off of 0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:27.879 this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen, 0:17:30.359 --> 0:17:32.080 and this is the last one and we're gonna get 0:17:32.080 --> 0:17:36.600 on out of here, y'all. This one is a voice note. Okay, okay, 0:17:36.720 --> 0:17:38.040 Just first of all, I just want to say I 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:40.639 absolutely love your show, and I figured my problem might 0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:42.359 be a little bit more interesting because you tend to 0:17:42.359 --> 0:17:44.600 talk about relationship problems and things like that on here, 0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:46.560 but mine's a little bit different. It actually has nothing 0:17:46.600 --> 0:17:50.000 to do with relationships. I'm in college right now, and 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:54.159 I am in my first major production. Most of my 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:56.680 time here, I've been doing like little student productions that 0:17:56.720 --> 0:17:58.719 are a little bit rough around the edges because they 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:00.720 don't have a budget and it's really hard to get 0:18:00.760 --> 0:18:02.840 into a main stage show where I go to school. 0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:05.600 So I finally got into a mainstage show. I do 0:18:05.680 --> 0:18:09.320 struggle with mental health, and I'm working, and I'm a senior, 0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:11.199 and I'm doing a research project and I'm in the 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:13.440 honors college. So there's just a lot on my plate 0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:16.159 right now. But I was really happy because this show 0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:18.920 has well. I wanted it to be an outlet for me. 0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:21.480 I've been acting and singing ever since I was little, 0:18:21.520 --> 0:18:25.080 so this is like my passion. So one day, the 0:18:25.160 --> 0:18:28.399 director emailed me and she said that multiple people had 0:18:28.440 --> 0:18:30.720 come up to her and told her that I was 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:34.600 talking about her, and which is ridiculous because first of all, 0:18:34.640 --> 0:18:37.200 that's not true, and I just kind of broke down 0:18:37.280 --> 0:18:38.879 in front of her and I had a panic attack 0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:42.600 because I am so dedicated to this project. I come 0:18:42.600 --> 0:18:44.920 in every day. I don't complain. Well, there's other people 0:18:44.920 --> 0:18:47.760 in the show who literally actively complained during rehearsal to 0:18:47.800 --> 0:18:50.040 where she can hear them. And they talked during rehearsal 0:18:50.080 --> 0:18:52.119 and they goof off and stuff like that, and it 0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:55.720 just makes me feel like you decided to single me out, 0:18:56.240 --> 0:18:59.200 you know, And there's already issues with racism and stuff 0:18:59.200 --> 0:19:02.560 like that. In my school, so I'm trying not to 0:19:02.680 --> 0:19:04.440 just make it that kind of issue, but I can't 0:19:04.440 --> 0:19:07.040 help but feel that way. And now I come to 0:19:07.080 --> 0:19:09.359 rehearsal and I feel like just an outsider and like 0:19:09.400 --> 0:19:11.320 I can't trust people because a lot of people in 0:19:11.320 --> 0:19:13.600 that show are very messy, and I just don't know 0:19:13.600 --> 0:19:17.640 who to trust. Whenever I talk, people ignore me and 0:19:17.800 --> 0:19:20.080 they'll just literally look me in the face and not 0:19:20.160 --> 0:19:23.520 say anything. There was a bit of choreography that was 0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:27.120 similar to a YouTube video of the show, and the 0:19:27.200 --> 0:19:30.400 choreographer asked the girl to pick out who she wanted 0:19:30.440 --> 0:19:31.760 to dance with, and I said, well, I was in 0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:33.359 the YouTube video, you should pick me, and she was like, 0:19:33.400 --> 0:19:36.040 we're not doing the YouTube video. And I don't know. 0:19:36.119 --> 0:19:38.440 This whole process has just made me kind of depressed, 0:19:38.440 --> 0:19:41.280 and I'm not wanting to come to rehearsal anymore. I 0:19:41.320 --> 0:19:44.560 feel like I don't belong and I've talked my family 0:19:44.560 --> 0:19:46.679 about it, and I know, truly inside, I have to 0:19:46.680 --> 0:19:48.280 do it for me and I just have to suck 0:19:48.320 --> 0:19:50.480