Speaker 1: Are you leaving?
Speaker 2: I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 3: Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how
Speaker 3: much baggage you claim and give us time and a
Speaker 3: urmano and gay.
Speaker 4: We want to send you off InStyle. You wanna welcome
Speaker 4: you back home?
Speaker 3: Tell us all about every scared or was it fine?
Speaker 4: Malborn?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride.
Speaker 1: With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 2: This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Coilgareff.
Speaker 1: It was loud again, you really.
Speaker 5: Punched it, But I think that's good at the topic
Speaker 5: gets people's attention. Hey, stop doing your data entry and
Speaker 5: pay attention to us for one.
Speaker 6: Right right, like wake them up, make them adjust their knobs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you want to get some knobs going better?
Speaker 6: I punch it, then you punch it, because that would
Speaker 6: mean we'd hit this volt in the bumper.
Speaker 5: If you hit a Chevy Vault in the back, it
Speaker 5: will rust like an old battery.
Speaker 1: A lot of people don't do all that.
Speaker 2: I'd feel like I don't know it because it's one
Speaker 2: of the weirder things I've ever said.
Speaker 1: In front of your eyes.
Speaker 2: It happens, just a quick battery rust.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it happens immediately like you just I'd a vampire
Speaker 6: just dissipates in front of you.
Speaker 1: Chris.
Speaker 2: Speaking of which, have you ever been a vampire for Halloween?
Speaker 7: Yes?
Speaker 6: Really, very yes. While on stage, I had I no,
Speaker 6: I call out a lot of comedy clubs. I've not
Speaker 6: had fun ass, but I was in Houston and who knows.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah exactly. I'm learning from my past mistakes. Anyway,
Speaker 1: at this joke, join I.
Speaker 2: Oh damn it, Oh shoots, it was.
Speaker 1: Halloween and I'm about to do stand up on Halloween
Speaker 1: again in Austin Fortree on Halloween.
Speaker 2: Go see Chris Austin, Texas.
Speaker 6: Yeah, everything I say today is going to be a
Speaker 6: little plug of a very specific day cool. Going backwards
Speaker 6: from Austin, the last stop of my tour.
Speaker 1: Next story, New Orleans, it's going to be hard.
Speaker 2: I've never been there. You don't have plans to go.
Speaker 6: I dressing have vampire and did my show as a vampire,
Speaker 6: and I learned do not dress as I don't know
Speaker 6: that I learned because I was evil Knavel at the
Speaker 6: improv after that, you just shouldn't I like to dress
Speaker 6: up for Halloween. Yeah, and I decided to be a
Speaker 6: vampire right in Houston, and I had blot on my face,
Speaker 6: and I think it took away from my actual act.
Speaker 5: Yes, Now, when you say you did your act as
Speaker 5: a vampire, we talked about a ton of v's.
Speaker 2: You pronounced everything with a V.
Speaker 1: I bought about it until I started talking and my
Speaker 1: normal voice came out and I was like, oh, thank god. Good.
Speaker 1: Every once in a while, my brain takes control of
Speaker 1: itself and it's not just fucking woo woo God, just
Speaker 1: guns ablaze and just being the count. Yeah, it's right,
Speaker 1: my second joke. Can you imagine how awful I have
Speaker 1: the potential to be?
Speaker 2: Yes, for sure.
Speaker 1: Luckily there's that other voice reality.
Speaker 2: What's your face? Halloween costs?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 2: Wait, don't don't you know it?
Speaker 8: We know?
Speaker 2: The toilet legs.
Speaker 1: Yeah, toilet legs is the best.
Speaker 6: But I've done little fake legs sitting on a witch's back,
Speaker 6: and that was a lot of work. I took a
Speaker 6: regular wood putty on a styrofoam wig head and I
Speaker 6: just made the most gruesome, bloody witch head like a
Speaker 6: horrifying little witch lady with a hunchback that went under
Speaker 6: my butt. Sure, and my pants I cut a hole
Speaker 6: in them, and my legs went through the hole in
Speaker 6: my pants. I padded a fake butt, so it's a
Speaker 6: padded butt. And then my legs are the witch's legs.
Speaker 6: So I shaved my legs and put little nylons on
Speaker 6: and then made little foam rubber legs. So I'm sitting
Speaker 6: on a witch and her little arms were just cotton
Speaker 6: stuffed in pantyhose. Yeah, holding my legs. So I was
Speaker 6: on her back and you could you could do a little.
Speaker 6: I just did rodeo movements and entire it was. I
Speaker 6: was on Sixth Street in Austin.
Speaker 1: It's important to dress up for Halloween and Texas, I think,
Speaker 1: is what I'm letting everyone know.
Speaker 2: Austin, I would say, especially.
Speaker 1: Of course some drunken The sixth Street is so intimidating
Speaker 1: in Austin. It's just it's like Bourbon Street. And some
Speaker 1: guy came up and grabbed the Witch's head and mimicked
Speaker 1: Fillatio oh and ripped her head off, And I was
Speaker 1: so angry I almost got in a fight over my costume.
Speaker 8: You should have.
Speaker 1: Oh, he would have beat the dickens out of me, and.
Speaker 5: It should have been about her honor. Right that witches, you.
Speaker 1: Don't do that, do this to this model of my grandmother.
Speaker 5: Even witches deserve to have consent and agency.
Speaker 1: This is in honor of how many times I sat
Speaker 1: on the shoulders of my witch grandmother's back. How dare you,
Speaker 1: frat boy?
Speaker 2: You all sit on.
Speaker 5: The shoulders of witches, you fools.
Speaker 2: You wouldn't be anywhere with that? Which is that thing?
Speaker 8: Said?
Speaker 1: Happy mothers did?
Speaker 8: Yeah? He did?
Speaker 1: It really made me mad?
Speaker 2: Was he like blind drunk?
Speaker 8: He was? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean that street and I'll be there soon is horrifying.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, get on there be one of the horrifying
Speaker 5: people stopping a victim and starting an attacker.
Speaker 1: You're right, I should.
Speaker 5: That's what Halloween's all about, just getting out in front
Speaker 5: of people in terms of drink, drug attack mode.
Speaker 2: Yeah, anger witches.
Speaker 1: Yeah, do what the moon is making you do.
Speaker 2: Do it and don't make excuses.
Speaker 1: When I moved to Austin, I was such an innocent
Speaker 1: Montana boy with my flannel and my wood chopping block.
Speaker 1: I lost. I thought we were going to die. Just
Speaker 1: then I know Anny, what comes out shopping block? None
Speaker 1: of those words apply to reality.
Speaker 5: I just thought we were going to hit that for
Speaker 5: and you want to get kind of a good sense
Speaker 5: of Montana.
Speaker 1: Block coaster govin love.
Speaker 2: Child from Montana. What's the most symbolic shopping block?
Speaker 6: And I it just you go to Austin and you
Speaker 6: go to sixth Street to do your first night of comedy,
Speaker 6: and afterwards there are tattooed cops in short shorts on horseback, yes,
Speaker 6: but ton beating drunken people fighting in the streets.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, this is like erotic fan fix. I
Speaker 2: love it. I want that's all I want to look
Speaker 2: at it.
Speaker 5: Only cool cops that understand I would a problem we
Speaker 5: have with policing these days.
Speaker 1: It is one of those same times, like this is
Speaker 1: absolutely horrifying, and then I glance over in a window
Speaker 1: and I'm smiling. I'm like, what is.
Speaker 8: Wrong with it?
Speaker 2: Drunks? They deserve it and I deserve it.
Speaker 1: We get off on this next day. It takes one
Speaker 1: mile perfect. Oh, this is ringing bells. I've messed this
Speaker 1: up for us before.
Speaker 2: We've tried to do this a couple of times.
Speaker 5: Do you know that I'm we plugged this episode on
Speaker 5: our episode of My Favorite Murder, which will have will
Speaker 5: have already been out but to us, and this time
Speaker 5: comes out tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, that's great.
Speaker 5: I really podcast a lot and with Stephen and uh.
Speaker 5: And in it, Georgia refers to Billy Wayne Davis as
Speaker 5: the Matt Damon of this show, which I thought was
Speaker 5: kind of funny.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's what I texted him.
Speaker 2: Did you really?
Speaker 1: I said, we have been mentioning you the last three
Speaker 1: episodes kind of like and our apologies to Matt Damon's.
Speaker 2: Right about a lot of things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so funny. Yeah, yeah, Georgia. Maybe you know
Speaker 1: what I've been thinking about starting podcast with Georgia. Go ahead.
Speaker 1: I don't even care about escape. She would love that, Cly,
Speaker 1: I don't. I really don't know what to say about
Speaker 1: this now that if I do do a new one,
Speaker 1: my apologies to anyone who doesn't care about it would
Speaker 1: be about that because it is you know how people
Speaker 1: talk about sports, and then it's I zone out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm like, because.
Speaker 2: Well you have to be invested somehow. Which way?
Speaker 1: Yeah? We now will Oh my god.
Speaker 6: Uh take a left and then another left, another navigation
Speaker 6: snafoo so fun to hear about it.
Speaker 2: Yes, the details are fascinating and it happens.
Speaker 6: Everyone does this, though, when I'm on a podcast or
Speaker 6: an XM radio show like you and I wear Oh yeah.
Speaker 6: On the twenty first, we were on Fortune Timesterssmester Thimester.
Speaker 1: Yes, and the radio show on XM Radio Netflix says
Speaker 1: a joke has something to do with that.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's I think it's Netflix is a joke radio radio?
Speaker 8: Uh.
Speaker 2: And I think the super company is serious probably.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And it's called Top Papa and Fortune is the
Speaker 5: name of the show.
Speaker 6: But anytime I'm on a show like that or Morning
Speaker 6: Radio or Pocket, you end up talking. Someone says, oh,
Speaker 6: look at you. Look how you're dressed today, And I'm
Speaker 6: always like, no one's seeing my flannel. But on their
Speaker 6: show there is cameras, so you can't do that.
Speaker 2: You know what, though, I'm really tired.
Speaker 5: It's like I got into podcasting to get away from cameras.
Speaker 2: Then I have to like get ready for half an
Speaker 2: hour earlier.
Speaker 6: I know what you're saying. Yeah, me too, I do too. Yeah,
Speaker 6: I'm a man of a certain age. I'm in a
Speaker 6: TV show with Scott Macula.
Speaker 1: Why can't. I I could use some under eye cream
Speaker 1: this one, next one, and next one. Okay, I could
Speaker 1: use some over eye cream too. If you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Do you know I don't cause someone tell
Speaker 1: me what I'm saying. Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 2: Do you mean him like an eyemask.
Speaker 1: Or you know, just like the cream that one would
Speaker 1: put under their underreye. I want to put over my
Speaker 1: over eyes.
Speaker 2: You can't put on your over eye What do you
Speaker 2: put on your over eyes?
Speaker 8: That's just.
Speaker 1: I have my over eyes frozen. That tends to get
Speaker 1: rid of the bags. Back and forth between two things.
Speaker 1: That makes sense.
Speaker 2: It's like what the serious radio show this one? All
Speaker 2: of a sudden, Oh the overrides.
Speaker 1: Oh there's a meme.
Speaker 2: Damn it. Okay, so tired.
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 5: Sometimes we have fun, Yeah, especially driving up and down
Speaker 5: the two.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's I just wanted to show you guys that
Speaker 1: exit in case you missed anything last time.
Speaker 2: I really no, no, it did it?
Speaker 1: It did it? It did it? I didn't do it?
Speaker 2: No it did Yeah did it?
Speaker 1: The clown from the movie did it?
Speaker 2: That was like the movie phone voice doing a weird joke.
Speaker 1: The clown from the movie did it? Seven pm. We're
Speaker 1: gonna make a.
Speaker 2: Left number one.
Speaker 1: How about you? Are you gonna dress up here Halloween?
Speaker 2: I don't think so.
Speaker 5: I we got free dresses from a cool.
Speaker 2: Place website.
Speaker 5: One of the dresses was it's just a plain black dress,
Speaker 5: but it has the top part of it just has
Speaker 5: like ribs skeleton. Oh cool, So it's just and oh
Speaker 5: and the bones go down the arms. Oh, but it's
Speaker 5: basically a half skeleton. It stops at the waist. They're
Speaker 5: a lady on the bottom in your dress, but on
Speaker 5: the top you have ripped.
Speaker 1: I have always wanted to. Now it's a common costume.
Speaker 6: But when the villains in Karate Kid all were dressed
Speaker 6: like skeletons, Yes, it's the coolest, and it's weird how
Speaker 6: it was on their side. If it weren't send their
Speaker 6: sen saving a crooked man, I think that movie would
Speaker 6: be totally different.
Speaker 1: For me.
Speaker 2: They look the coolest.
Speaker 1: It just looked cool.
Speaker 2: It's way cooler than being a shower curtain.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and being lonely and only hanging out with some
Speaker 6: weird man that makes you do manual labor. These guys,
Speaker 6: at least they were friends having fun on the beach.
Speaker 1: Yep. A lot of people take Ralph Nacchio's I'm not
Speaker 1: as Oh, I'm a fan of that actor. Whatever.
Speaker 6: His name is, the son from The Equalizer? Yes, oh, no,
Speaker 6: one's gonna know Blondie. Yeah, blondie guy, mister Blondie.
Speaker 1: He was Edward Woodward's son, Was he really? Yeah?
Speaker 8: Oh?
Speaker 2: I remember one episode of The Equalizer that was so creepy.
Speaker 1: Have we talked about this great show?
Speaker 5: I loved that show, but there was one episode about
Speaker 5: a very abusive father and his child and wife, and
Speaker 5: it was so dark and so fucked up, and it
Speaker 5: was basically kind of like it was. It was like
Speaker 5: he was a super control freak and he was a
Speaker 5: rager and all this stuff, and it was really heavy.
Speaker 2: And the Equalizer came in and killed an abusive.
Speaker 5: Father I believe, oh wow, or got him arrested or
Speaker 5: I don't know, he got rid of him so that
Speaker 5: this child wasn't plagued by this father and was.
Speaker 6: Even in Miami Vice or as I noticed in any
Speaker 6: G I. Joe cartoon as a kid. Well, of course,
Speaker 6: the cartoons, but people don't they blow up and then
Speaker 6: you see them dive out of the boat as it explodes. Yeah,
Speaker 6: So You're like, Okay, those guys probably swim to safety.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know they were drug dealers.
Speaker 2: Drug dealers can swim.
Speaker 1: Oh, they're great at it, especially when you're all coked up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: toy laps in the pool.
Speaker 2: He's like, I'm going to do a goddamn breastroke.
Speaker 1: I've never even done this before. I'm on top of
Speaker 1: the world.
Speaker 8: You remember more raw pal.
Speaker 2: Is like rowby powder.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I love that.
Speaker 6: That actually is a That's a phrase coined by Brendan Walsh.
Speaker 1: I say it a lot.
Speaker 2: Is that true? Yes, rowdy powder or raw pow?
Speaker 1: Rowdy powder? I show raw pow is mine?
Speaker 2: Well okay, so be proud because you're good too.
Speaker 6: Sure, but you kind of have to know. Brandon's first
Speaker 6: his whole thing. Yeah yeah, yeah, so I am. Turns
Speaker 6: out I'm a joke thief.
Speaker 2: Hey, aren't we all?
Speaker 7: I guess.
Speaker 5: So it's hard not to, especially these days being addicted
Speaker 5: to Twitter, when you just read people's ID all the time.
Speaker 5: Like I came up with this thing that made me
Speaker 5: laugh so hard last night on stage about talking about
Speaker 5: how when you dye your hair you look even older.
Speaker 5: And I was like, I'm one a crucifix outside of
Speaker 5: my sweater vest away from being the guy from my pillow.
Speaker 2: And there's just no way that I thought of that.
Speaker 2: It must be a tweet.
Speaker 1: Anytime a joke comes easy to me, and it is
Speaker 1: also funny and like there's no way.
Speaker 6: Yes, the stars a line, I'm dead someone else and
Speaker 6: sometimes I'm right.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's not cool, you know what. It's so dark
Speaker 5: out now that I think I need my regular glasses.
Speaker 2: Can you help?
Speaker 8: Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, can you help? I feel like a caddy.
Speaker 2: Get my things. They're in the beige colored. Yeah, that's
Speaker 2: make it.
Speaker 1: That's a naked Okay. I just wanted to grab it
Speaker 1: and feel it. It's MC type print on it.
Speaker 2: It's like a hard glasses case.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's look in here.
Speaker 8: There's there.
Speaker 2: I don't think there's anything embarrassing there.
Speaker 1: And gun drug, some mint gum, birth control, control way
Speaker 1: and brass knuckles in the same container.
Speaker 5: I'm a mon or lady, a couple, ben edrill or
Speaker 5: suit of fed I'm not seeing a glass's case.
Speaker 1: What is wrong with me?
Speaker 2: What about regular glasses in the side pocket?
Speaker 1: Raw the old eight ball corner? Ship balls.
Speaker 2: Not happening?
Speaker 1: Oh, I shouldn't have looked. There a legal pad for
Speaker 1: your lawyery. There's no. Oh god, it's because it's the
Speaker 1: same color as the liner. Yeah, it was a beige and.
Speaker 2: It's a deep purse.
Speaker 1: It's deep.
Speaker 2: Thank you, You're welcome, Thank you.
Speaker 6: I've been listening to a band called Bleached and I
Speaker 6: think it's how your new band should sound.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll send you some tracks.
Speaker 2: Okay, cool.
Speaker 1: And I still don't know what I'll do in the band,
Speaker 1: but uh, skateboard maybe roady and do some stage skating.
Speaker 5: Okay, cool, you can open with some stage skating away.
Speaker 1: I saw them live and it was so fun. And
Speaker 1: her voice sounds like Belinda Carlyle and it's like that
Speaker 1: kind of beachy garage surf punk that's melodic, a lot
Speaker 1: of harmonizing. It was two sisters, which it's fun. I
Speaker 1: like siblings. I don't. It's just all yeah.
Speaker 6: When they get along and they are harmonizing, their backs
Speaker 6: are together like Motley Crew used to do. They're like
Speaker 6: looking at each other. You can tell they're related.
Speaker 1: Both of them have their skills set and they rock.
Speaker 1: It was a great rock show. That's awesome. That's my
Speaker 1: book report on the book. That is a band called.
Speaker 5: I feel like I have heard the name of the band,
Speaker 5: and I feel like people have told me I should
Speaker 5: listen to it before.
Speaker 1: You should and all and then they love like a
Speaker 1: dancy song that's kind of discoe with whistling, but it's
Speaker 1: still kind of punk rocky. They're just great.
Speaker 8: They do it all.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like Always or Best Coast or one
Speaker 1: of those kind of real sucker for this fast paced
Speaker 1: rock and roll indy pop with lady singers.
Speaker 5: It's the best YEP. That's the way to go. What
Speaker 5: are we doing here?
Speaker 2: People?
Speaker 6: It's funny though it was an all ages show, and
Speaker 6: that used to be a thing that I would shy against,
Speaker 6: but it was kind of fun to see cool parents
Speaker 6: bringing their fifteen year old kids with their headphones to
Speaker 6: a rock and roll show and they were loving it.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 6: If I ever end up in some parent situations, some
Speaker 6: parent trap, I'm going to try and be cool.
Speaker 2: I don't know that's a good idea.
Speaker 1: Not like at a party, like, hey, who wants to
Speaker 1: hear some guitar? But you know, just bring them?
Speaker 2: Can you play the guitar?
Speaker 1: No? No? So I really wouldn't it really would backfire? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Lived here, Yes, it's oh god, it's okay.
Speaker 8: No.
Speaker 1: I love the from the wheels that slipped to the
Speaker 1: wheels a grip. This car has a hell of a
Speaker 1: ender chassis. It's amazing. We were high centered, but I
Speaker 1: felt that one break. I feel we went past it
Speaker 1: by two streets.
Speaker 2: Jesus h.
Speaker 5: I feel like I need to make this set this
Speaker 5: up because there is a GPS in this car. Then
Speaker 5: it seems like it would just be so much easier
Speaker 5: if I could look for it there. But I don't
Speaker 5: know how to make it work.
Speaker 6: Oh well, we can figure out that next time that
Speaker 6: we can do a whole episode.
Speaker 1: Based on it.
Speaker 5: Oh, special content this is that'll go behind a paywall.
Speaker 2: It's so good. Yeah yeah, us program a GPS.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, if you pay our Patreon fee you get
Speaker 1: GPS episodes.
Speaker 5: Then we'll do it in the We'll have signed up
Speaker 5: with a cookie Monster voice. That's funny. Yeah, my sister
Speaker 5: does that. She changes her way's voice, and like most
Speaker 5: recently it was cookie Monster. And when she first told me,
Speaker 5: I was like Laura. And then when we got into
Speaker 5: the car and it was like right up there and
Speaker 5: we all start laughing. It was like the greatest ever.
Speaker 1: Are you a person that's watching Succession?
Speaker 7: Yes?
Speaker 1: I am, And have you watched the final Yes I did.
Speaker 1: When they're on the boat and they're like, just use
Speaker 1: what they said? Why why were they using?
Speaker 2: They were they were making fun of Roman, I believe.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so funny in that.
Speaker 2: Oh he's so good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a great show. But then bums me out
Speaker 1: you At the same time, it's very.
Speaker 5: Depressing and very hilarious, like, yeah, it's rough, but that
Speaker 5: Roman thing, like the spoilers, spoiler spoilers.
Speaker 1: Everybody alert, alert, alert.
Speaker 5: But that thing where he got kidnapped, and then he
Speaker 5: was just like yeah, whatever, and I was pretty scary,
Speaker 5: Like it's so realistic at how people are these especially
Speaker 5: I think people in that situation. They can't have feelings,
Speaker 5: they can't have like reactions, they can't show weakness.
Speaker 1: If they were going to pull out my guts out
Speaker 1: of my bh and fill me with cement. He said
Speaker 1: something like, oh my god, that's gonna be in a
Speaker 1: scary movie. We are almost to be w D's house.
Speaker 1: God damn, this episode is gonna be trying to get.
Speaker 2: There and then giving up, showing up time.
Speaker 1: Driving past him and yelling goodbye, He's gonna.
Speaker 2: Be like, well, my baby woke up. I can't do it.
Speaker 1: Oh he's got a baby.
Speaker 5: Yes, that's the baby has been the crucial element where
Speaker 5: like the first time I was late coming from across
Speaker 5: town again, so should I go left her stadium? And
Speaker 5: he was like, sorry, my the babysitters has to leave it.
Speaker 5: So basically nobody could be flexible because I was late,
Speaker 5: and then he he couldn't stretch it or whatever. Do
Speaker 5: you need a rye?
Speaker 1: Like he got a babysitter just for this mate.
Speaker 5: No, it sounds like they they might have a babysitter. Okay, uh,
Speaker 5: you know a person who comes and helps them. I'm
Speaker 5: not sure we should ask him. Let's save all this gold.
Speaker 6: I can't wait to talk baby talk. Here's a baby
Speaker 6: voice when I ask about his baby.
Speaker 7: That won't be annoying.
Speaker 2: I think parents love stuff like this, the one wing stream.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, okay, that's one thing they like to do,
Speaker 1: is all the baby talk. They want to do it
Speaker 1: outside the house when their baby isn't there with adults. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: so fun.
Speaker 2: The sky is amazing looking tonight.
Speaker 1: It is amazing looking, but we're also at that twilight
Speaker 1: hour where I can't see for some reason.
Speaker 2: Yes, I kind of can't either.
Speaker 1: Okay, and now well cue the guest waiting music.
Speaker 2: Doo boo doo boo doo. Were you gonna do that?
Speaker 5: Student?
Speaker 1: I think it was the same exact melody.
Speaker 5: Doo be doo boo doo do doo boo boo boo
Speaker 5: boo boo.
Speaker 1: Boooooooo, too many booboos boo boo boo boo boo boo
Speaker 1: boo boo booo. Look at it.
Speaker 2: Oh, does you have shoes on?
Speaker 1: Nah, flip flops and just like you? Oh man, I mean,
Speaker 1: I mean those are thin ones.
Speaker 7: Yes, yes, Finally, I don't believe this.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I can't believe we've actually done.
Speaker 2: Ask is this even real?
Speaker 8: Like I was in the hammock on the front porst
Speaker 8: and like, I don't.
Speaker 5: Think we tried our best to be on time, but
Speaker 5: we couldn't do it.
Speaker 1: It just would We had some navigation issues. To be honest,
Speaker 1: when we're driving and talking, it's like hard.
Speaker 8: Oh, it's a terrible idea. What if I really needed
Speaker 8: a ride, I'd be like, we're just not in no way.
Speaker 8: I did have that happen recently where well, it's the
Speaker 8: first time I was going on a trip where I
Speaker 8: wasn't making money, but I was like doing a thing.
Speaker 8: But I had a that's part of a team and
Speaker 8: they were already there, and I was like, there's no
Speaker 8: real reason for me to go.
Speaker 7: But I had that like a deep back.
Speaker 8: Of my head. And then I got in a lift
Speaker 8: and the guy had one eye. I was like, this
Speaker 8: is gonna be the best driver of the work.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, like heighten ability.
Speaker 7: Yeah, where he's going to like just know stuff because.
Speaker 8: He can smell it, or he's had to prove because
Speaker 8: of assholes like me, Like let's see what you got
Speaker 8: one eye?
Speaker 9: Yeah yeah yeah, And he's like I'm good and watch this.
Speaker 9: So hey, there's my wife and child and dog and
Speaker 9: my dog.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Wow that man with them.
Speaker 7: I don't know, he's beautiful.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 8: When I yeah, I came out of the bedroom, he
Speaker 8: was in the living room, I was like, oh, hello,
Speaker 8: have any questions. Then I can't even be I would
Speaker 8: leave everyone for that.
Speaker 2: Who are you, sir?
Speaker 7: You want to be on the Bachelor?
Speaker 1: Either way, here's some roses.
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what you pick.
Speaker 1: And so did when I get you one.
Speaker 7: Oh no, you always are.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
Speaker 7: Yeah uh.
Speaker 8: And so he made one turn where I was like
Speaker 8: the first turn he made, I was like, huh, maybe
Speaker 8: he knows something that I don't. Maybe knows like a
Speaker 8: back road where you know, because there's always those parts
Speaker 8: of LA where you're just like, I didn't even know
Speaker 8: this was a community, right right, Yeah, I lived here
Speaker 8: for seven years and so and I was watching on
Speaker 8: my phone because I was a little worried.
Speaker 7: But I traveled so much.
Speaker 8: You guys know, one time about where you're just like,
Speaker 8: I'm going to get there seven minutes before everything's okay.
Speaker 7: Yeah, and you can normally do that.
Speaker 8: And I looked in the turn added fifteen minutes, like instantly, oh,
Speaker 8: I was.
Speaker 1: I was like, huh, he made a mistake.
Speaker 8: I was like, okay, maybe he's like, you know, there's
Speaker 8: a tunnel and.
Speaker 1: You still didn't want to say anything.
Speaker 8: Yeah No, I was just like okay. And then he
Speaker 8: didn't seem to care. And then he made another turn
Speaker 8: that I was like this, I feel like this is
Speaker 8: very wrong. And he went down the road and it
Speaker 8: was just jam packed and I looked down and it
Speaker 8: added fifteen So that's thirty minute. Oh no, So I
Speaker 8: would get there when the plane, you know, when the
Speaker 8: door was shutting, and I was like, oh, at this point,
Speaker 8: if anything happens between now and then, I'm just not
Speaker 8: going to make it. So and I would have never
Speaker 8: done this before, but I was like, oh, okay, and
Speaker 8: I was like this is good, and he like pulled
Speaker 8: over and I got out and I was just like,
Speaker 8: canceled as the Southwest. So I just canceled it and
Speaker 8: kept the money.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, wow.
Speaker 8: Oh. I was so pleased with it. And then I
Speaker 8: walked back. I was so happy with myself.
Speaker 2: Wead how far away from yours.
Speaker 7: And a half?
Speaker 2: Oh nice? Yeah, a little jogged again for yourself.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I knew everyone's just sitting in traffic and I'm
Speaker 8: just like, hey, I don't have to go do the
Speaker 8: thing now.
Speaker 6: I admire you, and just for the decision making ability,
Speaker 6: which I have trouble with, and then also being able
Speaker 6: to handle a flight over the phone that quickly.
Speaker 1: I guess what, Southwest, It's easy.
Speaker 8: No, you can do it on your phone?
Speaker 2: Really, did you know?
Speaker 5: On the app twenty nineteen in the app this is
Speaker 5: what apps are all about.
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's the whole reason. That's why I'm addicted to him.
Speaker 1: Do you think the guy knew?
Speaker 7: First of all, I do not think he gave a shit.
Speaker 7: What was He was just like, all right, I have
Speaker 7: a good day.
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, Oh he didn't even question it.
Speaker 7: No, no, because.
Speaker 1: I usually when I'm in one of those cards and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, you can just let me off here.
Speaker 1: Instead they're like are you are you sure?
Speaker 6: We only have half a block left to go, Like
Speaker 6: like I don't know where I live.
Speaker 5: On the way to take a plane to Bridgetown, like
Speaker 5: two years ago or whenever, the one before the last one,
Speaker 5: I had to work, so I had to take like
Speaker 5: the flight at like six o'clock or something like that,
Speaker 5: and I got an uber driver or a Lyft driver
Speaker 5: that something was wrong with him, Like I think he
Speaker 5: had brain damage because he did the thing where.
Speaker 8: Of course I did it for like two weeks because
Speaker 8: I'm fascinated with like you just turn on your phone
Speaker 8: to make money.
Speaker 2: You can't, no, you can't kind of get it.
Speaker 5: But he talked and let every time he spoke, which
Speaker 5: was a ton, he would take his foot off the
Speaker 5: gas so he would it would.
Speaker 2: Be like he needed to make the point before he
Speaker 2: would keep going.
Speaker 1: He didn't know how to multitask.
Speaker 5: He did not know how to multitask and with the
Speaker 5: mail thing, and he started telling me about how his
Speaker 5: mother doesn't believe in him, and we were in.
Speaker 7: Did you start ye siding with her pretty quickly.
Speaker 2: Almost immediately I wanted to get her on the phone. Yeah.
Speaker 5: And then basically he made it so that I missed
Speaker 5: my flight RWN and I missed the first night of
Speaker 5: shows I was supposed to be on. I was supposed
Speaker 5: to do the goddamn comedy jam and I can't remember
Speaker 5: something else. And I was just like, as I was
Speaker 5: pulling up, I was just texting Charlene, and I was
Speaker 5: just like, I wish, I wish I was.
Speaker 2: Telling you a story right now.
Speaker 5: But there's something wrong with this uber driver, to the
Speaker 5: point where I think I should call and tell the company.
Speaker 2: This shouldn't be a person that picks anybody up, because well.
Speaker 1: Good luck with that.
Speaker 8: Well you're just like his mom.
Speaker 5: Just one more woman who doesn't believe.
Speaker 7: Well, it's not that I didn't believe in you. You
Speaker 7: just proved me correct.
Speaker 2: You just drove us up onto the sidewalk.
Speaker 1: When I got in the car, I was riddled with.
Speaker 2: Belief and you cleared it out of my sister.
Speaker 7: Yeah, you did a good job.
Speaker 1: So when you because usually you're looking at the back
Speaker 1: of someone said like right now, for instance, I could
Speaker 1: have just lost my eye and you wouldn't know. So
Speaker 1: did this guy turn around and let you know?
Speaker 8: Uh yeah, oh yeah, they always do that. Also, have
Speaker 8: like a picture of me as like a first grader,
Speaker 8: and I don't look that different. I have the shirt,
Speaker 8: it's not it's a different one. It's when I have
Speaker 8: the Miami Vice.
Speaker 2: Things going on, not the one where you have the
Speaker 2: call it.
Speaker 8: No, I have like a different air due I had
Speaker 8: two sisters. They had a good time of man.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's true.
Speaker 8: But they wanted and they were younger. But you know,
Speaker 8: they're smarter. So it's taken me a long time to
Speaker 8: admit that too. They're smarter. For a long time like no,
Speaker 8: but it was just me being like I can still
Speaker 8: punch them. Yeah yeah, yeah. If I did that, that
Speaker 8: would be the scariest thing I could ever do, because
Speaker 8: my dad would be like, well, not.
Speaker 7: Have to rip your head off.
Speaker 2: If you punch your sister.
Speaker 7: Oh god, yeah, where.
Speaker 8: Are you from?
Speaker 7: Tennessee, Tennessee. Yeah, but I mean I think that's just any.
Speaker 2: Were you ever living.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I think it's a raising children thing.
Speaker 6: But did you you did live in Seattle for a while, right, Yes,
Speaker 6: that's where I met you.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, was.
Speaker 5: That your first like where you start to stand up? No,
Speaker 5: did you start in Tennessee?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Oh awesome.
Speaker 1: And like we were talking before, parallel thought or hearing
Speaker 1: a thing I had, like a joke about football jerseys
Speaker 1: and rooting for laundry. I think, what's the phrase, And
Speaker 1: Billy I just met him, He's like, hey, man, that's
Speaker 1: pretty much a Seinfeldt joke. And I was like, no, no,
Speaker 1: it's just something my dad used to say, my dad,
Speaker 1: who's a big fan of seinfeld Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then I looked because there's a lot of things
Speaker 1: my dad, he's written a lot of my jokes just
Speaker 1: by me. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, both, yeah, I have
Speaker 1: jokes that from both parents, and and then I looked
Speaker 1: it up on YouTube and it was almost verbatim.
Speaker 7: He's just well, that's the thing.
Speaker 8: If you're not a professional comedian, that's your materials, just
Speaker 8: fucking funny stuff you hear.
Speaker 5: Yes, all of my everything, I said and a lot
Speaker 5: of the tags for the first like three years.
Speaker 2: Of comedy we're from like Fletch.
Speaker 5: There were just lines from Fletch and lines from you know,
Speaker 5: like all those like.
Speaker 2: Movies from around that time.
Speaker 5: And then I would see the movies and then hear,
Speaker 5: you know, whatever the person say sit down before you
Speaker 5: fall down or something.
Speaker 2: I'd be like, oh my god, I stole that. I
Speaker 2: stole that too, because that's all we did.
Speaker 8: Well, yeah, you're just repeating stuff. That's how you figure
Speaker 8: out rhythm. Yep. I do remember you telling it, like
Speaker 8: me telling you that, and I mean we're both drinking
Speaker 8: too out of comedy club. Yeah, so I probably didn't
Speaker 8: say it as cool as I thought I did.
Speaker 7: But I thought I was helping you, you know.
Speaker 1: What I mean very much, we're helping.
Speaker 7: But I was like, hey, that's a very famous joke.
Speaker 1: And I was horrified, and I'm like, I've never stolen,
Speaker 1: you know, And I didn't mean it like like hey,
Speaker 1: oh I know, and that's not even Yeah, the rest
Speaker 1: of your act wasn't like, Okay, this guy's just stolen
Speaker 1: fo Yeah, the rest of my act was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: these aren't even really jokes on purpose. He's just up,
Speaker 1: so he just keeps talking without stopping.
Speaker 2: He's powering through this nicely.
Speaker 8: I respect it. Well, thank you that early comedy is like,
Speaker 8: I just respect he didn't quit.
Speaker 5: Just don't cry on stage and you'll make friends comedy.
Speaker 7: Just yes, we can't cry in this building.
Speaker 8: You can't. Just don't do it. Rule.
Speaker 7: That's why everyone's on a lot of drugs for.
Speaker 5: Your best, Now, Philly, did you know that you are
Speaker 5: often talked about when people ask us, uh, sorry Chris,
Speaker 5: but when people ask Georgie and I about how we
Speaker 5: started my favorite murder?
Speaker 2: You are in the origin story of that. Did you
Speaker 2: know that?
Speaker 1: I didn't know that?
Speaker 7: I did not know that.
Speaker 2: So do you remember that it was Matt McCarthy's Halloween party,
Speaker 2: you know twel oh, yeah, I was on twenty fifteen.
Speaker 7: Yeah, you really helped me out that night.
Speaker 8: Did I? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I thought I bummed you out.
Speaker 8: I don't think so well because I was on the
Speaker 8: most edibles I've ever been. Now that I looked back,
Speaker 8: like like it was a while ago, and it was
Speaker 8: like also that apartment is not wasn't like an LA
Speaker 8: style apartment. No, So I wasn't mentally prepared to go
Speaker 8: in that space and I was like, this is the worst,
Speaker 8: and there's like there's like vaguely famous people.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I remember that.
Speaker 2: It was intense.
Speaker 5: But also I started telling a story about because I
Speaker 5: think everyone smoked a joint. I started telling a story
Speaker 5: about a car accident, a terrible like a multi yep, yeah,
Speaker 5: I witnessed a huge car accident.
Speaker 2: And I was telling a story as if isn't this interesting?
Speaker 5: And I turned to look at you and I watched
Speaker 5: the blood leave your face and you stepped back and
Speaker 5: went I have to get out of here, like left
Speaker 5: the room.
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh my god, what's wrong with me?
Speaker 5: Like and right is that started happening where I was like,
Speaker 5: I'm such a ghoul. Georgia came running at me, going,
Speaker 5: oh my god, I want to hear every word of this.
Speaker 1: Oh wow.
Speaker 5: So it basically was you had a first hand kind
Speaker 5: of hand in the inception of us thinking of that podcast.
Speaker 2: So anyway, thanks so much.
Speaker 8: You're welcome.
Speaker 2: Really helped us a lot, and.
Speaker 8: I can guess what was happening. I don't remember it,
Speaker 8: but it's that thing of like when you're on that
Speaker 8: many and it's kind of a hallucinogen when you're doing
Speaker 8: edibles if you do a lot of them, because it
Speaker 8: doesn't het either way smoking it does that. It was
Speaker 8: just like the what you brought up was so intense.
Speaker 8: It was like, well, this is the opposite of how
Speaker 8: I need to feel right now. Yeah, I'm not mad
Speaker 8: at you, but I have to not be in this
Speaker 8: space right now.
Speaker 1: Yes, I nothing against you, but I have to get
Speaker 1: away from you.
Speaker 5: So I think at the average party with like, you know,
Speaker 5: people who are just kind of like hey. It was
Speaker 5: also kind of near the beginning of the party. It
Speaker 5: wasn't like the end the dregs or whatever. People were
Speaker 5: just kind of like first starting to mix and mingle,
Speaker 5: and I immediately tell a horrifying story, true story of
Speaker 5: a terrible accident where it's like everyone who was even
Speaker 5: lightly high was just like whoa, whoa, like backing up
Speaker 5: and walking, We're.
Speaker 8: Ramping up a different way, were like, hey, this there's
Speaker 8: that ramp you talk.
Speaker 6: About it though, it was an actual horrifying thing where
Speaker 6: people around you and the line died right.
Speaker 5: Absolutely, Yes, it was really bad, and why not at
Speaker 5: a party, especially at average I'm telling Matt you called
Speaker 5: it party average.
Speaker 1: Someone that's average party.
Speaker 8: I just meant it was like an average It was
Speaker 8: fun It was that that's a good party. I gotta
Speaker 8: go for a minute.
Speaker 2: It's funny.
Speaker 5: You're right because there were a couple like famousy intense
Speaker 5: comedy people there where you're like, oh, I'm afraid David
Speaker 5: Wayne isn't gonna like I'm going to say the wrong thing,
Speaker 5: you know what I mean? There were those people there
Speaker 5: where you're like you felt like you needed to be
Speaker 5: on your best or something.
Speaker 8: They yeah, where you're just like perceived power too yes,
Speaker 8: or they would be like, oh, I can't help anyone.
Speaker 10: He doesn't want to help me, and you're like, no,
Speaker 10: he can't. He does not get to a point like
Speaker 10: there's like three people that can't help you.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I don't know if they know that.
Speaker 1: And I want to thank you for curbing my football joke.
Speaker 1: I mean I do it sometimes on the road.
Speaker 8: You should.
Speaker 1: You should if there's you know, if there's a big game,
Speaker 1: and I don't. One time I added shows and uh,
Speaker 1: big kid, I don't. But there was a Super Bowl
Speaker 1: weekend and I was in Madison, and so every most
Speaker 1: people there were it was like the Steelers and the
Speaker 1: and the Packers, and I called my dad and I
Speaker 1: was like, Dad, I don't know or care about football,
Speaker 1: will you write me some jokes about you know, Ben
Speaker 1: Roethlisberger or whatever guys. And he wrote great dark jokes
Speaker 1: and I couldn't follow them. I had to close with
Speaker 1: my dad's jokes when I was.
Speaker 6: Saying, like, my dad wrote these, and so they like
Speaker 6: adjusted for like dad jokes, and then they were.
Speaker 7: Better they always are. You can't do that.
Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, it's get an old man's in the competition
Speaker 8: and he's just doing street jokes. The audience is is
Speaker 8: the funniest thing I've ever seen.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, he's gonna win.
Speaker 8: Yeah, you're right. It is a polished old man doing
Speaker 8: filthy jokes.
Speaker 5: I had I have to do that once at the
Speaker 5: oh so you'll know that. It was at the Seattle Underground.
Speaker 5: Remember if you headline, if you middled there, you had
Speaker 5: to headline at a one nighter in Boise, Idaho that
Speaker 5: was in a like a motel.
Speaker 1: Bar, incredibly far away from Seattle.
Speaker 7: Yes, are you are you sure? It wasn't Bellingham?
Speaker 5: No, it was like across It was in what might
Speaker 5: be might have been Moscow, Idaho. But it was it
Speaker 5: was like you have to drive over a mountain pass.
Speaker 8: It was Smokane. It was in Spokane. I did this,
Speaker 8: and you have to drive over the snow Qualmie paths.
Speaker 2: It was there was definitely snow.
Speaker 8: Yes, snow because the first time when you're not from there,
Speaker 8: because to them it's nothing. Yes, but if you're never
Speaker 8: if you've never done it. I remember when I first
Speaker 8: moved up there, like yeah, you just go do this
Speaker 8: and you go do that. And I crossed over the
Speaker 8: I pulled over when it was snow and looked at
Speaker 8: me like I was inside, and I was like, this
Speaker 8: is nuts, you guys. Yeah, And they're like no, this
Speaker 8: is like fine. And then you know you lived there
Speaker 8: for like a year and you're like, oh, this is
Speaker 8: just how the world.
Speaker 2: Is out here. Did you see that huge raccoon?
Speaker 7: Two of them, they're just on the stairs out there.
Speaker 1: Can you say, look at that amazing looking cat, that
Speaker 1: cat with a really high back. Are we following that cat?
Speaker 8: Them?
Speaker 7: There? They're going up the alley.
Speaker 5: But so I had to do that, and I was
Speaker 5: so to be the headliner, which I did not believe
Speaker 5: that I could do.
Speaker 7: What it is, well, it is their warning.
Speaker 1: The s posture.
Speaker 7: Well we do too. In the morning, we're just.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, yeah, okay, yeah they're not.
Speaker 2: It's so much garbage last night.
Speaker 5: So this guy that was came to be the opener
Speaker 5: was an old guy who only told street jokes, and
Speaker 5: his closer was that story about the shepherd who it
Speaker 5: ends with.
Speaker 2: Hey, you get off of the cloud.
Speaker 8: You know.
Speaker 5: It was like a terrible pun joke lyric thing where
Speaker 5: and then I had to go up and and just
Speaker 5: talk about my observations on life, and it was so funny.
Speaker 7: What do you do?
Speaker 2: You know? I just wanted to compare one thing to another. No, okay, thought.
Speaker 1: I thought, Yeah, where are your joke lyric parodies?
Speaker 2: He ruined everything for me.
Speaker 8: There was a I had a very like the first
Speaker 8: when I first moved up there with my now ex wife.
Speaker 1: You married? Was she like a she was a radio person?
Speaker 8: Yeah yeah that's yeah.
Speaker 7: Yeah, everything's fine.
Speaker 1: Everything is fine. People break up, people get married, and.
Speaker 2: Then you find love after that.
Speaker 8: You know, when dead and things are fine, we don't
Speaker 8: have to talk about anything.
Speaker 1: They are walking with a handsome guy.
Speaker 8: I really want. I would leave me too. I'm not
Speaker 8: even mad. Just make a decision. Look at I just
Speaker 8: need to know what I need to do.
Speaker 2: What's my move here?
Speaker 8: That is a fun part in your adult life when
Speaker 8: you're just like, listen, okay, if that's how you're going
Speaker 8: to do it, just let me know.
Speaker 7: Just don't drag it on. I need to do stuff.
Speaker 2: Yes, for real.
Speaker 7: It's a nice being old.
Speaker 2: It's nice it is you don't care as much.
Speaker 7: I've been waiting my whole the whole time. Yeah, I
Speaker 7: really have.
Speaker 8: Like when I was honest about it, like I remember
Speaker 8: being older, being like when I was young, like in
Speaker 8: high school, being around some of my friends just being like,
Speaker 8: I don't want to do any of this.
Speaker 1: I just want to land a hammock and wait for
Speaker 1: a car to pick me up.
Speaker 8: Yeah, and then we can talk about funny stuff, right,
Speaker 8: I mean, we can race if you want racing.
Speaker 2: So there's eyebrows off, but yeah, I don't care.
Speaker 1: So you did that whole time. You were just kind
Speaker 1: of pretending to be a kid.
Speaker 8: Some of it, and then some of us just drinking
Speaker 8: enough that I was like, yeah, it's fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 7: I think then you realize that that's what everyone else
Speaker 7: was doing.
Speaker 1: You're like, oh yeah, in your town in Tennessee, but
Speaker 1: how big was it.
Speaker 8: I don't know, it's ever growing, just because certain things there.
Speaker 8: But that was like there's one high school, yeah, the
Speaker 8: whole county, so.
Speaker 1: There's not much to do. It's when there's nothing to do,
Speaker 1: you just drink in a field somewhere.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 7: Yeah, no, that's the first time I got drunk was
Speaker 7: in the field.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it used to be a field.
Speaker 7: I just did Brooks Wheeland's camping show.
Speaker 2: What's that?
Speaker 7: It's what I just said.
Speaker 8: It's really fine. We just went out to the Kern
Speaker 8: River and there's this crew and we went floating, me
Speaker 8: and him and Cornelle and uh and then there's a
Speaker 8: show they found us doing that. I don't know what
Speaker 8: they're They filmed us for a long time. It was fun.
Speaker 1: I saw some footage of like the you know, off
Speaker 1: off camera hijiks while it was on camera.
Speaker 8: Yeah, there's it should be. He was like, you could
Speaker 8: come help us edit, and I was like good because, like,
Speaker 8: you know, it's three comics hanging out, so you're there
Speaker 8: for a while used to talking ship.
Speaker 7: Yeah, so you're like, yeah, we need to know what
Speaker 7: we said.
Speaker 1: We don't worry about that on this, Like, no, I do.
Speaker 8: How was it.
Speaker 1: What was this, guys, I haven't I've been invited on
Speaker 1: camp trips and then it didn't work out.
Speaker 8: It was fine, IM about a ten afterwards. That's how
Speaker 8: fun it once. Yeah, I need it.
Speaker 1: I just have a ten for my bed. But I've
Speaker 1: been used to do you have one?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I've talked about this and showed pictures to people that listen.
Speaker 1: But I just had this wallpaper that looks like a
Speaker 1: snowy mountain, and then from that decided my whole bedroom
Speaker 1: had to look like a cabin. And so it went
Speaker 1: from there.
Speaker 6: All the way that snowshoes on the wall, which I swear, Karen,
Speaker 6: when you see him, you'll be like, Okay, I get it.
Speaker 1: I don't know. People have looked at the pictures are like, okay,
Speaker 1: I get it. That looks terrific, modern yet rustic.
Speaker 2: Was that your baby again?
Speaker 8: No, that's what the look I did too fast.
Speaker 1: When he's alone, Oh my god, it's a load.
Speaker 8: She he or she he?
Speaker 1: I have a baby, Hey a baby?
Speaker 7: Hey baby?
Speaker 1: Is it a baby or is it a walking person?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Toddlers.
Speaker 7: He likes to stand up a lot.
Speaker 8: Yeah, he's you know, there's been a couple of falls
Speaker 8: where you know, and this is my second one, so
Speaker 8: and this is mom's first one.
Speaker 7: So she came in, you know, and she's like he fail.
Speaker 8: God.
Speaker 7: I'm like, yeah, man, they fucking do.
Speaker 8: All. Yeah. I was like, it's that's why they're head
Speaker 8: and stuff's all malleable right now. I was like, it's
Speaker 8: all made like like whoever designed it, they thought it through.
Speaker 8: And she's like okay, and then like literally, you know,
Speaker 8: there's like the nott goes away so fast or whatever.
Speaker 2: Oh that's good. So you have the calm of like
Speaker 2: an experienced parent.
Speaker 8: Yes, that's nice. Yes, it's nice. It is nice for
Speaker 8: it's it's probably annoying for her sometimes. Like the first
Speaker 8: thing I talked about this the first time, like the
Speaker 8: first night we brought him back, there's just this stuff
Speaker 8: that kicks in that you think you've forgotten, but it's
Speaker 8: just this you're like, oh, yeah, this is how this works.
Speaker 8: It's it was nice. I wasn't even it was just
Speaker 8: everything was kind of smooth. But she was like he's
Speaker 8: like crying and he kept getting louder and she's.
Speaker 7: Just holding him and I'm laying in bed and I'm like,
Speaker 7: we'll do this stuff.
Speaker 8: Check the things but I wasn't saying it out loud,
Speaker 8: just in my head. I was like, fucking do this stuff.
Speaker 8: And then it hit me. I was like, oh, this
Speaker 8: is she does and know. I was like, oh, you
Speaker 8: have to check it with this, is this, this or this?
Speaker 8: And she was like, oh, I just sit and know.
Speaker 8: I was like, no, there's no fucking why you shouldn't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 8: That's how I did it too. I will just stood
Speaker 8: there like an idiot. You're tired and you know it's
Speaker 8: your wife, so you're just like, dude, this, what is
Speaker 8: wrong with you?
Speaker 7: You're smart from the gauntlet.
Speaker 2: Check the thing.
Speaker 7: Yeah, she just delivered the baby the day before.
Speaker 1: It's funny.
Speaker 7: I'm like, I'm tired.
Speaker 1: I'm imagining you being in a hammick this whole time.
Speaker 8: It's not far off. I do get comfortable quick, but
Speaker 8: I do like being it like gets the thing too.
Speaker 8: It's like, oh, I you know, because the first one's scary,
Speaker 8: so you don't know. And then me and his mother
Speaker 8: didn't get along, so there's that too.
Speaker 2: Yeah that doesn't help anything.
Speaker 8: Yeah, well, and then but you're like, oh I do
Speaker 8: love being a dad. That part is like I do
Speaker 8: you see other people and they're like, oh, I don't
Speaker 8: do this, I don't.
Speaker 7: Like this, this and this.
Speaker 8: Oh shit, I love all this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think I would love all that stuff too.
Speaker 1: I think it's easy to just say I'm like a
Speaker 1: real armchair general.
Speaker 8: Well, it's the same as being a comic. Like when
Speaker 8: you start doing it, you see that you can tell
Speaker 8: the people who have like the thing where you're like
Speaker 8: like my good friend who we started together and we
Speaker 8: started traveling together doing their shitty gigs. I loved every part.
Speaker 8: I was like, I love big on the road, I
Speaker 8: love staying in a shitty hotel. And he's like, oh,
Speaker 8: I hate every part of this. And like within like
Speaker 8: a year, he was like I am done. This is
Speaker 8: and I was like, this is the funnest thing I've
Speaker 8: ever done. And he was like, you're an idiot. I'm like, probably,
Speaker 8: let's do it more.
Speaker 7: Let's yeah, they paid me money.
Speaker 8: These were so dumb.
Speaker 1: How do you feel about it now? Because you're on
Speaker 1: the road a lot these days.
Speaker 8: I changed the way I do it, which is nice,
Speaker 8: and I've accepted, you know, I've accepted that that is
Speaker 8: always going to be a little bit in there, and
Speaker 8: I have to fight it all the time.
Speaker 7: But I think that for so long.
Speaker 8: The way, if you're raised in the South or certain
Speaker 8: parts of the mountain part of the South, you're not
Speaker 8: supposed to brag.
Speaker 7: So that's that doesn't suit comedy.
Speaker 8: Yeah right, no, because like a lot of promotion is
Speaker 8: just like you know, hey me, Yeah, of course. Yeah.
Speaker 7: And so for a long.
Speaker 8: Time, like I didn't feel like I was that good
Speaker 8: yet to be like hey look at me. So I
Speaker 8: just got just kept getting So the last year or
Speaker 8: two I've been like, oh, I'm you should come watch me.
Speaker 8: And that's been like, oh, I'm starting to make more money.
Speaker 8: We're like, oh yeah, I should have kept telling me.
Speaker 8: I should have told people earlier to come see me.
Speaker 1: This This confidence thing really helps.
Speaker 2: It does pay off.
Speaker 5: Also, I was bragging about your when we were plugging
Speaker 5: that you were finally going to be on the show
Speaker 5: on My Favorite Murder, and I was explaining how good
Speaker 5: you are making a road poster like that one that
Speaker 5: you have where the wolf is on the bathroom counter.
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, that's from that. Those are Cody and the
Speaker 8: Nashville conventions, And it was.
Speaker 5: So like you do those things where suddenly I'm like
Speaker 5: I know who you are, and I know that you're
Speaker 5: just on the.
Speaker 2: Road and I'm like, oh, I want to go to
Speaker 2: that show.
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, it doesn't work like I thought it would though,
Speaker 8: Like not a lot of people show up because of
Speaker 8: the art.
Speaker 2: Well they're fucking idiot, but yeah.
Speaker 8: But Aaron's the same way my wife is. She's like,
Speaker 8: this is you should charge for this, and I was like,
Speaker 8: but it's for me, right, So.
Speaker 1: Say I'm the opposite.
Speaker 6: I only do it for other people, like draw posters
Speaker 6: or illustrations for people.
Speaker 1: I never do it for myself. I don't know why
Speaker 1: you should.
Speaker 8: You very do that. That's part of it's just saying
Speaker 8: you're raising next to a mountain too, just like like
Speaker 8: we can't talk about our skills.
Speaker 1: I'und my mountains. So it's even worse. There's no way out.
Speaker 1: That was a glacial lake at one point. It was
Speaker 1: in a valley.
Speaker 8: Don't tell people we can do anything. Yeah, And they're
Speaker 8: like what, I don't understand. We're just we're gonna live
Speaker 8: here forever.
Speaker 1: Stay away from the valley. That's where confidence blows in
Speaker 1: in the wind.
Speaker 8: Well, it was like there's like parts of near where
Speaker 8: I grew up that I would always go back to
Speaker 8: and try to do comedy and it would go fine.
Speaker 8: And then I realized like, oh, well, the whole area's
Speaker 8: theme song is Rocky Top, which is about people that
Speaker 8: can't grow because you can't grow crops because it's just rocky.
Speaker 8: But the people are like, no, we're going to do it,
Speaker 8: and then they did it. Yeah, so that's who I
Speaker 8: was trying to be, like, hey, think different and they're like,
Speaker 8: I don't like this guy. You guys and as you
Speaker 8: get older, like they were right, I needed to cool it.
Speaker 8: I had their figure, but it was like going back
Speaker 8: at them and they don't like that.
Speaker 6: No, no, this has never happened on the podcast.
Speaker 1: It's happened when I've been a.
Speaker 6: Guest on one before and I do use a bottle,
Speaker 6: but I really have to go to the bathroom. Yeah,
Speaker 6: it's really kind of think the best. I was going
Speaker 6: to not say anything, but it's it's starting to become
Speaker 6: an issue.
Speaker 1: And if it's up Raccoon Road.
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, I like that. That's dangerous.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm willing to do it, it's it's where.
Speaker 7: It's a gain dangerous.
Speaker 1: Oh really is it dangerous?
Speaker 8: Sorry?
Speaker 7: Now I invite the violence.
Speaker 2: You deserve everything you got.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe I could find a restroom in in in
Speaker 1: a gas station or something. Okay, I could go between cars.
Speaker 1: I'm very elusive, you.
Speaker 8: Know the best. Okay, we're going to turn left anyway. Okay,
Speaker 8: but then, like a public bathroom, I'm just thinking, there's
Speaker 8: a Oh, there's a library right over there.
Speaker 1: Do they typically do they let you? I can browse
Speaker 1: through a book and then you know, just just checking
Speaker 1: out the reference section.
Speaker 8: You don't have a library card.
Speaker 1: I don't. It's that embarrassing a little bit. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I check my email at home.
Speaker 6: I'm assuming that's just most of the people when I
Speaker 6: go to the library, they're just checking their.
Speaker 8: Email because loo's that good for kids and books and
Speaker 8: stuff like that.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, once I have a kid, there's I'm going to
Speaker 1: change everything and I'll start reading.
Speaker 7: When are you going to have a kid.
Speaker 1: I don't know any day now the way I've been living.
Speaker 6: Just kidding, I don't know. I like being around kids.
Speaker 6: I like being an uncle. I'm and then when you're
Speaker 6: around kids and then they think you're fun, You're like, oh.
Speaker 1: Okay, I guess I could do this. But it's not
Speaker 1: all about being fun.
Speaker 8: No, they get mad at you because you have to
Speaker 8: not be their friend. That's right, that's a tough one.
Speaker 8: My son and I have to go over again and again.
Speaker 1: This is Raccoon Road. I'm willing to go up there, okay?
Speaker 1: Or do you I mean this isn't you know?
Speaker 7: No, you don't need to go this is people live.
Speaker 2: What if you live nearby?
Speaker 8: Right? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Do you mind if Chris just uses your bone?
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's that works.
Speaker 2: I just don't know where it is. Yeah, it's just
Speaker 2: tell me where to go.
Speaker 8: I just turn around.
Speaker 7: You have the opposite way the way we're going.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'll be okay for Yeah.
Speaker 8: So funny. I don't know why they didn't.
Speaker 2: I had to force your hands.
Speaker 7: Hey, you live here. I don't know what the illusion
Speaker 7: we're doing is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my dad would be really funny and use different voices.
Speaker 6: And I remember specifically saying talk like your own self.
Speaker 6: Like it made me furious that and now I yeah,
Speaker 6: I just became him.
Speaker 7: Basically, what's fun?
Speaker 8: Have fun? My son? You can tell like his instinct
Speaker 8: there is. Our instinct is to be like your stupid yeah,
Speaker 8: your day and then like but I'll catch him every
Speaker 8: now and then being like he's pretty fucking cool. You
Speaker 8: can just see it, like he's say, it just breaks
Speaker 8: through and they're like, yeah, man, I'm cool. And you
Speaker 8: even know dude, when you get older, you're like holy shit,
Speaker 8: like yeah, and you're being a dick most of the time.
Speaker 7: I could have introduced you to some cool people, but
Speaker 7: I didn't.
Speaker 8: You were a dick. I didn't know how you would act.
Speaker 5: And then you just lay out pictures of people that
Speaker 5: your child could have met, just like.
Speaker 8: Look at look at who I was hanging out with.
Speaker 7: We were in your room.
Speaker 2: I told him I didn't have a son.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I said, this is a weird room.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and know what you did when they were there?
Speaker 1: You just filled your diapers. You think they thought that
Speaker 1: was cool?
Speaker 8: Was it cool?
Speaker 7: He was like, dad, I was six months old. No, no,
Speaker 7: the next one that was a good guess.
Speaker 2: So it was so close it looks familiar.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 8: There's an alley, Yeah, there's a wait, this is cool.
Speaker 8: There's just there's an alley gun here. Yeah. And one
Speaker 8: night I came out because I heard the the helicopter
Speaker 8: was lower than usual, and I was like, hey, what's
Speaker 8: going on?
Speaker 11: And then you'll see right through here I saw like
Speaker 11: he was like spotlight not through this, and I was like,
Speaker 11: that's an alley and it's like Kia Soul, like the
Speaker 11: the Hamster car.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love those commercials.
Speaker 8: Flying through that alley. And then like six cop cars
Speaker 8: like chasing it. I was like, that was the coolest
Speaker 8: thing I've ever seen. And then like the police helicopter
Speaker 8: was chasing it, and I ran in like chunking the
Speaker 8: goonies and I was like, honey, honey, there's a cop
Speaker 8: and they were chasing and he was in the alley,
Speaker 8: and then the car came rolling back on this street
Speaker 8: like five minutes later.
Speaker 7: I was like, this is just he's just having fun.
Speaker 8: Yeah. But then here's this thing that sucks. Is you
Speaker 8: never know the inding.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, even when it's on the news, it's like, I'm
Speaker 1: not going to watch this has been going on an hour.
Speaker 1: It's probably not an exciting ending.
Speaker 5: Did you guys see the one recently where the guy
Speaker 5: stole the police cruiser during in the middle of the
Speaker 5: high speed chase.
Speaker 2: It's pretty bad.
Speaker 7: I mean, if you're going to do it, do it big.
Speaker 7: You gotta go out and see the time I did that.
Speaker 1: I just drove it across the street and parked it
Speaker 1: and ran.
Speaker 2: But those fifteen seconds must have been amazing.
Speaker 1: I was drunk and I was young.
Speaker 8: But I mean, how high were you when you were
Speaker 8: in that cop car? Uh?
Speaker 1: It was exhilarating. But immediately the minute I got out,
Speaker 1: I was riddled with fear that I'd be arrested because
Speaker 1: I knew people saw me and one of them was
Speaker 1: a police cadet in training to be a cop.
Speaker 8: Oh that's the worst cattle.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, he never told, He never told. I didn't No.
Speaker 1: I added him on Facebook years later. I said how
Speaker 1: have you been? And he's like, oh, I'm a cop
Speaker 1: in Seattle now or Portland maybe, And then at the
Speaker 1: end he said, have you stolen any cop cars lately?
Speaker 1: It was just an unmarked I'd simply was put in
Speaker 1: this car and the keys were left in it.
Speaker 6: These guys made a mistake. They both went back in
Speaker 6: the bar, and I just drove it across the street.
Speaker 6: It's the most illegal thing I've ever done.
Speaker 7: It's pretty illegal.
Speaker 1: It is pretty It's a big one.
Speaker 7: But I mean what you did was more cute than yes,
Speaker 7: it was more.
Speaker 6: Of it, And I could have taken the keys and
Speaker 6: thrown them on a roof. I used to tell people
Speaker 6: I did, but I just left them on the seat.
Speaker 5: If you had been arrested for driving a cop unmarked
Speaker 5: cop car fifteenth feet, it would have been gone from
Speaker 5: cute getting away with it too deeply pathetic.
Speaker 2: Yes, actually spending time in jail for that, Yes.
Speaker 1: Twenty years old, riddled with alcohol.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 7: Nos, you to get a DUI for that too.
Speaker 1: Maybe i'd still be sitting here, but we know i'd
Speaker 1: have at least one tattoo on my face.
Speaker 6: Immediately, probably, but I don't know if I get the
Speaker 6: rain drop. I kind of like when people have a
Speaker 6: little bat on their cheek.
Speaker 7: Oh do you like it?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 7: You respected? I respect it.
Speaker 1: I make eye contact and nice shake hands more firmly.
Speaker 2: No, it'sn't that just for Halloween.
Speaker 1: Don't know these guys. Tattoos are year round.
Speaker 2: They are.
Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, they're serious, serious business code.
Speaker 5: I mean, Billy, do you have anything you want to plug?
Speaker 5: We're coming near the end of this, just like useless
Speaker 5: driver on your.
Speaker 1: Neighborhood, if you were going to plug your bathroom being nice,
Speaker 1: I'll vouch for that.
Speaker 8: Cool.
Speaker 7: I'll tell my wife. Yeah, beautiful, Because we've learned that.
Speaker 8: Uh, my idea of clean and her idea of clean
Speaker 8: a totally different things.
Speaker 1: It was a very clean bathroom and what appears to
Speaker 1: be brand new squatty potty. Ohay, feet up.
Speaker 8: Well yeah, it's just in the it's in the boys room,
Speaker 8: so that I'll use it like if you go an
Speaker 8: r ram it that things used.
Speaker 1: It's just covered.
Speaker 7: But I didn't tell you that much.
Speaker 2: Children don't need it as badly.
Speaker 8: Yeah. I don't think the bathroom gets as much work
Speaker 8: sure as the kids. They don't spend as much time or.
Speaker 1: Need to little kids little work.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I know their bodies are smaller, there's not as
Speaker 7: much maintenance.
Speaker 1: Are you do you have a tour coming up there?
Speaker 8: I do? What When does this come out? Tomorrow? Monday? Monday?
Speaker 8: Oh cool? Yeah, now that helps. Yeah. I'll be in
Speaker 8: Sea Attult November first and second on Capitol Hill at
Speaker 8: Club Comedy.
Speaker 1: I've never heard of that.
Speaker 8: It's great. It's a little boutique comedy club. They take
Speaker 8: care of everybody. See it's like eighty. It's in next
Speaker 8: to this joke Thai restaurant and it's on Capitol Hills,
Speaker 8: so it's like cool, it's as cool up. They're nice. Nice,
Speaker 8: So you have to do like four shows, so come
Speaker 8: out to that. You can get all my dates at
Speaker 8: buwu d tour dot com or just say google Billy
Speaker 8: Wayne Davis and all my stuff comes up.
Speaker 2: Nice.
Speaker 1: You can do the same for me. I'm going on tour.
Speaker 1: We'll be on tour at the same time. Maybe we'll
Speaker 1: pass each other, I hope. So the South Louisiana and
Speaker 1: Texas and Oklahoma.
Speaker 8: Those are fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's fun, right.
Speaker 8: Those are fun. They're fun. The people are they have
Speaker 8: a good time in all those places.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to go to the real Bourbon Street
Speaker 1: and see real cops on horseback beat up real drunk people.
Speaker 8: Have you never been to Bourbon Street?
Speaker 1: No, I just compare it always to Sixth Street, even
Speaker 1: though I've never been there.
Speaker 7: A bourban It's nothing like Sixth Street. It's worse, sure,
Speaker 7: of course, but.
Speaker 8: The rest, I mean, there's just nothing like that city.
Speaker 8: City's fucking awesome. Like we went to Mobile first, Aaron
Speaker 8: and I and it's really cool. But we've never been
Speaker 8: to New Orleans, so we're like man Mobiles, like one
Speaker 8: of the coolest places. Why are why aren't there people there?
Speaker 8: And then the next time we went through there, we
Speaker 8: went to New Orleans, which is like an hour and
Speaker 8: a half from They were like.
Speaker 7: Oh, because they did it all good over here, right right,
Speaker 7: So it's like, oh, they just want to go over there. Yeah,
Speaker 7: why would you? And people mobile or we get it.
Speaker 1: But I heard I've only heard nightmares about.
Speaker 7: Marty Grott, Like I wouldn't go there.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 1: A friend of mine, she worked in a bar, and
Speaker 1: she said that one night she's working, there's just so
Speaker 1: many people. They were squished against each other, everyone swaying
Speaker 1: back and forth.
Speaker 6: She said, off in the corner, two people were just
Speaker 6: openly having sex, and when everyone finally left, there was
Speaker 6: a stabbed person.
Speaker 2: Really yeah, inside the same bar.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's just a fun place.
Speaker 1: Yeah passion.
Speaker 7: Yeah that sounds like yeah parts of the Bible. There
Speaker 7: was small.
Speaker 8: Started stabbing. He's like, I just want to do all
Speaker 8: this stuff.
Speaker 1: And then the floor was covered with low.
Speaker 8: Yeah, coveed.
Speaker 7: This guy's all good, a big high.
Speaker 8: He'll shoe with murder.
Speaker 1: That's the story of Marty girl.
Speaker 2: It is kind of I like those neighbors, they're chilling,
Speaker 2: they're older.
Speaker 8: There's the old man that sits there, and I've learned
Speaker 8: a lot of Spanish phrases from him. Really, from time to.
Speaker 7: Day he went on, passing you, guys, thanks for the
Speaker 7: really good thank.
Speaker 5: You so much for just letting us come back time
Speaker 5: and again to cancel and then reschedule with you over.
Speaker 8: Let's do it for another year or two.
Speaker 2: Yes, it would be great.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I'll be the Matt day.
Speaker 1: It's fine. I said that to you, but Georgia said
Speaker 1: that to Karen.
Speaker 2: You are the mad You are the Matt Damon of
Speaker 2: this podcast.
Speaker 1: Our apologies up until now.
Speaker 7: You're the third chalkboard, math.
Speaker 1: And mopping terrible. You're one man that can multit. You've
Speaker 1: been listening due. Do you need a ride? Do you why? In?
Speaker 6: They are?
Speaker 2: Are you leaving?
Speaker 1: I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 3: Either way we want to be there, doesn't matter how
Speaker 3: much baggage you claim. I give us time and they
Speaker 3: termino and gay a.
Speaker 4: We want to send you off InStyle. We wanna welcome
Speaker 4: you back home. Tell us all about every scared he.
Speaker 2: Was it fine, Malcorn.
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 8: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you ride do you mean.
Speaker 1: With Karen and Cress
Speaker 8: M