WEBVTT - Can Casual Sex Every Really Work?? 0:00:13.920 --> 0:00:16.160 All right, we're back I do part two. This is 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:19.319 mister Wright and I'm joined once again by Luise. We 0:00:19.360 --> 0:00:22.040 had so much fun last time talking about all the 0:00:22.120 --> 0:00:25.000 questions and comments from listeners. I think we ran out 0:00:25.000 --> 0:00:27.120 a time, we had so many. So we want to 0:00:27.120 --> 0:00:29.520 continue this and get right back into it. And of 0:00:29.560 --> 0:00:33.520 course we have producer Heather who is our referee, keeping 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:35.600 us on time and on topic. 0:00:36.040 --> 0:00:39.960 Yes, so let's dive into this is a good one. 0:00:40.920 --> 0:00:44.440 Mister right, We'll start with you. Should you talk about 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:49.280 your previous marriage in early dates when meeting somebody new? 0:00:49.720 --> 0:00:51.360 You know, we're going to do away with the clock 0:00:51.400 --> 0:00:53.319 in this episode. I'm going to give you some. 0:00:53.360 --> 0:00:56.160 Over give me Louise under two minutes because you know. 0:00:56.480 --> 0:00:58.880 Okay, I promise, but go ahead take it away. 0:00:58.880 --> 0:01:01.520 What are your thoughts on talking about your previous marriage 0:01:01.520 --> 0:01:02.880 when first meeting someone new? 0:01:02.920 --> 0:01:03.640 Should you do it? 0:01:04.160 --> 0:01:05.959 Okay, it's the elephant in the room. I think you 0:01:06.000 --> 0:01:07.320 have to. I think you have to get it out 0:01:07.319 --> 0:01:08.880 of the way. I think you have to address it. 0:01:09.240 --> 0:01:11.440 I don't think you have to just dote on it. 0:01:11.480 --> 0:01:13.800 I don't think it has to be the main topic, 0:01:13.880 --> 0:01:17.120 on and on and on and on. You know, I personally, 0:01:17.120 --> 0:01:18.759 I want to know what happened. I mean, if somebody, 0:01:19.040 --> 0:01:21.560 especially if I think somebody's attractive and they're you know, 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:24.640 they're energetic, and they're all the things that I'm looking for. 0:01:25.400 --> 0:01:27.679 The first question I'm going to have is what did 0:01:27.720 --> 0:01:30.959 the other person in their life not like about them? 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:34.240 And so I think that that there has to be 0:01:34.319 --> 0:01:37.880 an addressing of what what happened in the previous relationship 0:01:37.920 --> 0:01:39.840 and you know why it ended the way it did. 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:42.720 But I don't think that you have to sit there 0:01:42.760 --> 0:01:45.800 and commiserate about how bad the X was or commiserate 0:01:45.840 --> 0:01:48.760 about you know what, you know, how terrible the divorce was. 0:01:48.840 --> 0:01:51.800 I think you address it and you're able to move 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:54.440 on and use it as a reference point, but you 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:55.160 can't ignore it. 0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:57.640 Okay, Well that's good, Louise. Before we get to you, 0:01:57.680 --> 0:01:59.680 I want to ask mister Wright one follow up on 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:05.880 that somebody says the reason why their marriage ended in divorce? 0:02:06.840 --> 0:02:10.120 What reason if you hear it is giving you pause 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:12.360 as to if you should go on another date with 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:12.959 this person. 0:02:13.560 --> 0:02:15.440 There could be a ton of reasons why, you know, 0:02:15.600 --> 0:02:18.160 a divorce ended, and things that would give me red flags. 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:22.040 You know, if that person isn't being really specific if 0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:24.640 they're just saying, ah, you know, it just wasn't working out, 0:02:24.760 --> 0:02:26.880 Like I'm gonna be like, well, why why wasn't it 0:02:26.880 --> 0:02:30.000 working out? Because usually there's a pretty simple answer along 0:02:30.040 --> 0:02:32.600 the way, and you know, people can fall out of love. 0:02:32.680 --> 0:02:33.639 People can you. 0:02:33.600 --> 0:02:37.280 Know, have you know, these very very kind of neutral things, 0:02:37.440 --> 0:02:38.800 or they can be dramatic things. 0:02:38.960 --> 0:02:40.200 He cheated, she cheated. 0:02:40.960 --> 0:02:42.799 You know, there was money issues, there was alcohol issues, 0:02:42.840 --> 0:02:45.120 there was drug abuse issues, there was physical abuse issues. 0:02:45.639 --> 0:02:48.680 So I think that you know, obviously those big ones 0:02:48.760 --> 0:02:53.160 are massive red flags, but there's also a lot of 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:56.959 ways that people just grow differently and and so I 0:02:56.960 --> 0:02:58.239 think that's a natural thing as well. 0:02:58.880 --> 0:03:03.440 Okay, Louise, tell me, when dating, should you bring up 0:03:03.600 --> 0:03:05.639 your previous marriage? 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:06.119 Yes? 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:06.400 Or no? 0:03:07.120 --> 0:03:08.079 Dating somebody new. 0:03:08.400 --> 0:03:09.680 I don't think it's a straight rule. 0:03:09.840 --> 0:03:13.200 I think topics just come up organically when you're on 0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:16.440 a date and if it feels right. I would definitely 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:21.880 be weary on the first date of somebody just dumping 0:03:21.919 --> 0:03:25.040 stuff if organically it didn't happen. I just feel like 0:03:25.200 --> 0:03:29.400 everything is different in every connection and situation and commonality 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:33.240 or whatever comes up. So it's just really situation by situation. 0:03:33.280 --> 0:03:36.040 But I think early on it's important to know why 0:03:36.080 --> 0:03:40.000 a significant relationship fell apart because it could be something 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:42.360 that is like a red button issue for you, and 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:46.000 I would rather know that earlier than getting more invested 0:03:46.040 --> 0:03:48.760 in the person and then kind of having that knowledge 0:03:49.080 --> 0:03:50.320 come to light afterwards. 0:03:51.280 --> 0:03:53.000 I want to add one thing to this, though, there's 0:03:53.040 --> 0:03:56.520 also something to be said when it's taking over the conversation. 0:03:57.080 --> 0:04:00.880 And I have met people and their divorce, whether it 0:04:00.920 --> 0:04:02.800 was recent or a long time ago, whatever it was, 0:04:02.960 --> 0:04:06.680 is still occupying every moment and every piece of their energy, 0:04:07.080 --> 0:04:09.000 and all they want to do is talk about their 0:04:09.360 --> 0:04:12.720 marriage and their divorce and how terrible the person wasn't gone, 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:14.560 and on and on and on. And I just look 0:04:14.560 --> 0:04:16.000 at that and say, well, you're not over it yet. 0:04:16.600 --> 0:04:20.280 You are still involved in this relationship, whether you know 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:23.039 it's worked out or not, it has still consumed you, 0:04:23.560 --> 0:04:25.599 and that person isn't ready to move forward. And so 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:27.680 I think that's that's also a red flag, as if 0:04:27.920 --> 0:04:31.520 you cannot stop talking about your previous relationship. 0:04:31.320 --> 0:04:32.479 Well, let me ask you both this. 0:04:33.279 --> 0:04:37.680 You're on a first date with somebody and you find 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:42.279 out in conversation that they're not divorced once, they're not 0:04:42.560 --> 0:04:47.560 divorced twice. They've actually been divorced three times. Oh, Louise 0:04:47.600 --> 0:04:50.560 is making a face. I want to know, if you 0:04:50.680 --> 0:04:54.400 hear somebody's been divorced two plus times on a first date, 0:04:55.680 --> 0:04:57.880 are you hearing them out or are you all of 0:04:57.920 --> 0:05:00.960 a sudden like, yeah, I'm checking out of this date. 0:05:01.320 --> 0:05:04.200 Now kind of neither. I think that first of all, 0:05:04.200 --> 0:05:05.880 it shows me they can be in a relationship, which 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:08.360 I appreciate, and that they can make a commitment, which 0:05:08.400 --> 0:05:11.080 I appreciate. I think a lot of times it has 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:13.560 to do with the reasons for divorce. I mean, somebody 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:16.320 could get married the first time and they're not best 0:05:16.360 --> 0:05:18.960 friends and it just organically falls apart, and then number 0:05:18.960 --> 0:05:21.560 two hasband Number two you could love, and then he 0:05:21.680 --> 0:05:23.479 cheats on you. So I'm not going to make a 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:27.080 judgment there either. I think it's just everything is unique, 0:05:27.080 --> 0:05:30.400 and as you get older, you give grace on different situations. 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:33.040 I think for me, the most important thing to mister 0:05:33.080 --> 0:05:35.320 Wright's point is if somebody is just sitting on a 0:05:35.400 --> 0:05:38.159 date and they're going on and on and on about 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:41.719 their ex husband or their ex you know whatever, boyfriend, 0:05:41.800 --> 0:05:44.039 or whatever. I don't have time for that because they're 0:05:44.080 --> 0:05:46.280 not over it, and I'm not going to get involved 0:05:46.320 --> 0:05:48.560 with somebody who stills looking in the rear view mirror. 0:05:49.000 --> 0:05:51.200 Mister Wright, what do you think if somebody's on a 0:05:51.200 --> 0:05:53.080 first date with you and they say that they've been 0:05:53.120 --> 0:05:54.760 divorced three times? 0:05:55.240 --> 0:05:56.880 I think I think at that point it's probably a 0:05:56.880 --> 0:05:57.760 commitment issue. 0:05:57.839 --> 0:06:00.479 And you know, relationships are hard. Don't get me wrong, 0:06:00.480 --> 0:06:01.080 they are hard. 0:06:01.640 --> 0:06:04.560 But if you've called it quits three times and there 0:06:04.600 --> 0:06:08.279 hasn't been some extenuating circumstances like a cheating or the 0:06:08.320 --> 0:06:11.360 things I talk about, the big ones, alcohol, drug abuse, 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:14.799 physical abuse, you know, money issues. 0:06:15.160 --> 0:06:16.280 If it's just it. 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:19.160 Didn't work out three times, then that person didn't take 0:06:19.240 --> 0:06:22.200 enough time learning going in and didn't give enough commitment 0:06:22.279 --> 0:06:22.640 staying in. 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:24.720 So your red flags are going up. 0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:26.920 If somebody says to you on a first date, I've 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:28.279 been divorced three times. 0:06:27.960 --> 0:06:30.520 Well, it depends on the circumstances, it. 0:06:30.400 --> 0:06:33.240 Does, but I think generally, if somewhere to say I've 0:06:33.240 --> 0:06:38.920 been divorced three times, I'm definitely curious about those reasons. 0:06:39.160 --> 0:06:39.599 You know that. 0:06:41.360 --> 0:06:44.279 Three times, you know, for me once, for me twice, 0:06:44.440 --> 0:06:47.560 so I think that three times would be would be 0:06:47.600 --> 0:06:48.240 a hard. 0:06:48.000 --> 0:06:49.000 Thing to get over. 0:06:49.360 --> 0:06:51.760 I do think they say that if you've been divorced 0:06:51.800 --> 0:06:55.400 once and you get married a second time, it's easier 0:06:55.520 --> 0:06:58.440 to get divorced a second time because you've seen that 0:06:58.520 --> 0:06:59.760 you can survive it. 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:02.359 So for me, you almost take it that much more. 0:07:02.400 --> 0:07:06.560 So if you're not even easier, it's it's more likely second. Statistically, 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:10.480 statistically more marriage second marriages end in divorce because yes, 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:14.520 it's not necessarily that it's easier, but you've already gone 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:17.920 through it before, so you know what to expect, and 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:20.600 that's why second marriages often and in divorce. 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:23.800 Yes, right, yeah, proceed with caution. 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:26.040 If you're willing to make that commitment again, you have 0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:28.640 to really feel that it's going to be solid. 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:32.240 To me, not that anybody's asking, but it sounds like 0:07:32.520 --> 0:07:37.239 quite a bit of paperwork and stress to go through 0:07:37.480 --> 0:07:41.680 a divorce. To have gone through it three times, you know, 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:46.000 and still back out there dating again, would definitely I 0:07:46.040 --> 0:07:51.120 think give pause because it would also if I were 0:07:51.160 --> 0:07:53.000 on the receiving end of that, it would make me 0:07:53.160 --> 0:07:56.920 wonder why are they so gung ho to date? It 0:07:57.080 --> 0:08:00.800 sounds like they're needing some sort of support if they've 0:08:00.840 --> 0:08:03.200 been through this three times already, which we all know 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:06.800 on this zoom that divorce is not cheap. It would 0:08:06.800 --> 0:08:09.800 be to me, what's the motive, what's the reasoning for 0:08:09.840 --> 0:08:14.160 getting back out there again? Because you could date with 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:19.000 no expectation of marriage, but it seems like marriage is 0:08:19.040 --> 0:08:21.760 the expectation for somebody that's been divorced three times. 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:24.640 Right, But first of all, there's ways to get married 0:08:24.680 --> 0:08:26.880 a second time. Right. You don't have to share money, 0:08:26.920 --> 0:08:29.600 and you're probably not going to share kids if you're older. 0:08:30.080 --> 0:08:32.839 Or there's many people in my life where she wears 0:08:32.880 --> 0:08:35.640 a ring and they live together but they're not legally married. 0:08:36.000 --> 0:08:37.720 And then there's just a lot of you know, there's 0:08:37.720 --> 0:08:41.559 different ways to do a long term committed relationship, especially 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:44.120 as you get older. Heather, we got to get you 0:08:44.120 --> 0:08:48.280 feeling more positive about relationships. So we're gonna have a 0:08:48.280 --> 0:08:50.760 sidebar on this because I'm like hearing you say now 0:08:50.840 --> 0:08:53.040 this version of it, like we're going to do some 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:53.520 work here. 0:08:55.520 --> 0:08:58.680 Okay, So Louise, let's take this one to you. When 0:08:58.720 --> 0:09:04.200 you're dating someone's curiously, how many mistakes do they get? 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:07.160 How long till you are fully out. And let's say 0:09:07.200 --> 0:09:11.080 mistakes are things like not texting back for a few days, 0:09:11.400 --> 0:09:16.360 or prioritizing other things over the relationship, whether that's buddy 0:09:16.360 --> 0:09:20.480 buddy time, not kids, not work, but like things that 0:09:21.000 --> 0:09:23.920 are a choice, whether that's going golfing versus hanging out 0:09:23.960 --> 0:09:28.240 with you, or maybe forgetting important things, whether that's dates 0:09:28.360 --> 0:09:30.800 or something that you ask them to attend. So how 0:09:30.840 --> 0:09:34.800 many mistakes do you let somebody have before you're out 0:09:34.880 --> 0:09:36.199 when you're dating somebody new. 0:09:37.040 --> 0:09:40.160 Look, I don't look at a lot of small things 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:43.080 as mistakes, right, Like, I think we have to be flexible. 0:09:44.040 --> 0:09:45.200 We all have a lot going on. 0:09:45.240 --> 0:09:48.000 But I think there's a degree of respect and accountability 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:51.840 and clarity and transparency in a relationship. So for me, 0:09:52.280 --> 0:09:54.520 you know, if somebody is forgetting to show up somewhere, 0:09:54.800 --> 0:09:56.600 he's just not that into me, right or it's just 0:09:56.640 --> 0:10:01.720 not that important. If he is, you know, not you know, 0:10:02.160 --> 0:10:04.679 dotting his eyes and crossing his t's on certain things, 0:10:04.760 --> 0:10:06.439 then it depends on what it is. 0:10:06.679 --> 0:10:09.360 Right. So it's just again, as. 0:10:09.200 --> 0:10:11.439 You get older, it's there's not it's not like the 0:10:11.559 --> 0:10:13.880 rules like back in the in the day, there were 0:10:13.920 --> 0:10:14.560 there were rules. 0:10:14.600 --> 0:10:15.880 I think It's just it's. 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:20.160 Just different and everybody has different triggering kind of points 0:10:20.440 --> 0:10:22.760 that upset them versus don't upset them. 0:10:22.800 --> 0:10:24.800 So for me, it just depends on the situation. 0:10:24.920 --> 0:10:27.680 Now, I have some big red you know, big issues 0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:30.280 that are like there's no looking back. It's the big 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:34.680 ones cheating on me, period, awful, you know, being disrespectful 0:10:34.960 --> 0:10:37.680 to my family and friends and children. 0:10:37.960 --> 0:10:39.400 That to me just shows you. 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:42.400 I don't like when people are rude to to waitresses 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:44.920 and leaders and help staff. That shows me who they are. 0:10:45.240 --> 0:10:48.040 Different things like that I pay close attention to. 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:51.560 Okay, same question for you, mister right what kind of 0:10:52.120 --> 0:10:57.360 mistakes do you maybe see or would you allow? And 0:10:57.400 --> 0:11:00.640 which mistakes would you say too many? Miss Now I've 0:11:00.679 --> 0:11:02.320 got to go this is this is not for me. 0:11:03.080 --> 0:11:03.520 Well, first of. 0:11:03.520 --> 0:11:06.360 All, if you have been you know, intentional and communicating 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:08.600 and you kind of know what the expectations and boundaries are, 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:12.080 then I think there's very little room for for for 0:11:12.200 --> 0:11:16.480 mistakes in my personal opinion, if you know, things like 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:20.400 communication super important, super easy to do too, responding to 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:23.480 text super easy. Ghosting somebody even for a couple of 0:11:23.600 --> 0:11:24.800 days is. 0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:25.520 I think in my world. 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:27.640 So it's like it's it's not that it's inexcusable, but 0:11:27.679 --> 0:11:29.920 it just shows that that person just doesn't really care 0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:33.160 that much, you know, repeatedly canceling on things or not 0:11:33.280 --> 0:11:36.800 showing up, you know, I think is basically, I don't know, 0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:39.560 it's just a show a sign that to use Louise's line, 0:11:40.000 --> 0:11:43.240 she's just not dead into you. And so I mean, 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:45.960 if someone's doing the big issues of course, cheating or 0:11:46.240 --> 0:11:48.440 you know, lying or whatever else, that that's that's not 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:51.360 gonna that's not gonna fly. But I think that if 0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:54.640 that person is showing continued disrespect of the boundaries that 0:11:54.640 --> 0:11:58.600 you've created again back to communication, showing up when you're 0:11:58.640 --> 0:12:01.480 supposed to, all those kind of little things, if there 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:04.880 is a pattern that you're going outside of that, then 0:12:05.400 --> 0:12:07.520 I think you're I think basically the diet is cast 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:08.760 and you know where you stand. 0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:12.880 Okay, mister Wright, we'll start with you. Who do you 0:12:13.000 --> 0:12:16.080 turn to for relationship advice? 0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:18.679 So this is an interesting one. I mean, usually I 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:21.240 would say it's the guys. I looked as much to 0:12:21.360 --> 0:12:26.000 my girlfriends, to my sisters, to my nieces as I 0:12:26.040 --> 0:12:29.000 do to my guys now, And I don't know, maybe 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:30.920 it's just you know, an age thing or a more 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:35.319 maturity thing. But I'm you know, I commiserate with my guys, 0:12:35.360 --> 0:12:38.560 I guess, but I'm probably looking for more advice from 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:40.280 the women in my life. And I'm lucky to have 0:12:40.400 --> 0:12:45.040 super strong women that aren't afraid to tell me, you know, 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:48.360 maybe sometimes what I don't want to hear, but they 0:12:48.360 --> 0:12:50.440 give me good advice. And I think it's a lot 0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:54.040 more effective to get advice from the opposite sex when 0:12:54.080 --> 0:12:57.040 talking about relationships than it is going and talking to, 0:12:57.520 --> 0:12:59.640 you know, my buddies that just want to, you know, 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:00.640 make you feel the good. 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:03.000 Louise, you agree, tell me about that. 0:13:03.160 --> 0:13:03.640 I agree. 0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:06.480 And this is why I think this episode is actually 0:13:06.559 --> 0:13:09.960 really interesting because I would listen to podcasts like this, 0:13:10.080 --> 0:13:14.640 and I do hearing the male's perspective, it's really important 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:18.160 in terms of helping our side to navigate and to 0:13:18.280 --> 0:13:21.319 understand and to kind of read the coding and the messages. 0:13:21.760 --> 0:13:23.600 So I have a guy best friend. 0:13:23.720 --> 0:13:27.600 There has been zero romantic sexual interest for us since 0:13:27.640 --> 0:13:31.679 the nineties, and literally we FaceTime in the morning and 0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:33.880 we just kind of hammer it all out. 0:13:34.080 --> 0:13:36.640 And I agree with mister Wright. 0:13:36.679 --> 0:13:40.560 I think opposite sex advice is so valuable. 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:44.400 Okay, I like this that we're agreeing on a topic. 0:13:44.760 --> 0:13:46.480 It's surprising, a little surprising. 0:13:46.640 --> 0:13:48.240 I think we've agreed on a lot. 0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:01.360 So Louise, let's start with this one for you. Is 0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:07.319 casual dating actually casual? And what about casual sex? Can 0:14:07.360 --> 0:14:10.320 it ever be casual? Let's not just say just for you, 0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:12.959 just in general? What do you think for men and women? 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:15.800 I think it has to For me, it depends on 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:18.840 the age. I mean, I'm not a casual dater. I 0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:22.760 want to I'm intentional about finding a partner, So something 0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:25.720 that's casual feels like it's kind of lukewarm, neither here 0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:28.720 nor there. So for me, that's definitely not a person 0:14:28.760 --> 0:14:31.800 that I'm probably sleeping with And I'm just going to 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:34.040 put that to rest because I don't feel a romantic 0:14:34.040 --> 0:14:35.040 connection and keep looking. 0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:40.000 But in general, knowing other women, knowing other single men, 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:44.920 do you think that casual dating is real and attainable? 0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:48.160 Do you think casual sex is real and attainable? 0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:52.360 Sure you do? Okay, great, mister Wright, same question for you. 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:54.800 Tell me what you think about when it comes to 0:14:54.880 --> 0:14:57.600 casual dating or casual sex. 0:14:58.240 --> 0:15:00.560 So I think that in this kind of chapter two 0:15:00.720 --> 0:15:05.920 so you know, post divorce. As long as both people 0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:08.560 know exactly what it is they're getting themselves into, I 0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:12.080 think casual dating or casual sex is totally can be 0:15:12.160 --> 0:15:14.520 totally agreeable. The only time that it doesn't work is 0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:17.440 when one person doesn't realize that it's casual. When one 0:15:17.440 --> 0:15:20.760 person doesn't realize that actually, this doesn't mean anything or 0:15:20.840 --> 0:15:22.240 isn't going anywhere. 0:15:21.960 --> 0:15:23.480 Or catches feelings. 0:15:23.240 --> 0:15:25.640 Yes, or catches feelings along the way and doesn't explain 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:28.280 that because you know, it might be that you know, 0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:30.840 you have a you know, a vacation coming up, and 0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:34.480 you know this person and you you know, you have 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:36.880 sort of feelings for each other, but it's not serious, 0:15:37.400 --> 0:15:40.000 and so you go on a trip together, but maybe 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:41.920 you're not calling on the Tuesday when you get back, 0:15:42.400 --> 0:15:44.960 and if one person's expecting that call, wondering why they'ren't 0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:47.200 you know, why this the next date isn't you know, 0:15:47.320 --> 0:15:50.520 isn't scheduled, that's when casual dating or casual sex can 0:15:50.560 --> 0:15:55.360 get really really complicated and destroy what could be a 0:15:55.480 --> 0:15:58.480 nice friendship or relationship. But I think as long as 0:15:58.520 --> 0:16:00.760 both people know what they're getting themselves into and are 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:04.320 kind of aware of what the parameters are. Then I think, 0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:06.360 you know, I think that's totally fine, and I think 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:09.920 it's it is casual. It is you know, it's because 0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:11.440 two people are kind of looking for the same thing. 0:16:11.440 --> 0:16:14.600 They're looking for someone to spend time with. I'mone to 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:16.880 have fun with, but maybe not build their life with. 0:16:17.480 --> 0:16:20.880 Yeah, let's you said something interesting there in the sense 0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:24.240 of you made a comment about going on a trip. 0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:28.240 Let's define what we each think is of casual. Because 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:31.440 when I think casual dating, I'm not thinking going on 0:16:31.480 --> 0:16:31.960 a trip. 0:16:32.000 --> 0:16:35.520 To me, going on a trip is serious. 0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:39.000 I'm not spending money and I'm not going a distance 0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:41.000 with somebody for something casual. 0:16:41.280 --> 0:16:42.760 If it's casual, that. 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:45.960 Means I'm also probably not going to fancy dinners with 0:16:46.040 --> 0:16:49.840 that person. Right, the investment is low, the level of 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:53.960 energy is low. If it's casual, what I would interpret 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:58.640 is casual as a single woman would be drinks. And 0:16:59.080 --> 0:17:04.359 if it is leading to casual intimacy, we have to 0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:08.600 keep verbalizing out loud that this is casual. There can't 0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:13.000 be any telepathic communication going on. It needs to actually 0:17:13.080 --> 0:17:16.879 keep being said that this is fun, this is a hangout. 0:17:17.040 --> 0:17:20.520 And if I'm in chapter two, it means I'm not 0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:23.280 meeting your kids. It means you're not meeting my kids. 0:17:24.240 --> 0:17:27.439 There's no chance of that kind of happening. I'm not 0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:30.360 meeting your ex, I'm not talking to your ex. I'm 0:17:30.400 --> 0:17:33.760 probably not meeting your coworkers or your friends. You're not 0:17:33.880 --> 0:17:38.000 meeting my friends. Those to me, are levels of intimacy. 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:40.680 When you start to bring somebody into your inner circle, 0:17:41.160 --> 0:17:43.040 that makes it not casual. 0:17:43.240 --> 0:17:45.840 Do you guys agree? Disagree? What do you think about that? 0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:50.639 When you're introducing this person in a meaningful way to 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:54.440 important people in your life, like your kids, then it's 0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:57.159 not casual. A guy going out with you because your 0:17:57.200 --> 0:17:59.320 friends are all out one night and you're just hanging 0:17:59.320 --> 0:18:01.879 out with a guy, going to bring him into a 0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:04.680 fun night out that can be more casual. You need 0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:07.840 to have full transparency, and I think somewhere along the way, 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:11.479 typically somebody catches more feelings than the other person, and 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:14.200 that's when it gets diicy to go on a trip. 0:18:14.760 --> 0:18:18.440 For me with a guy, it means that we're sleeping 0:18:18.440 --> 0:18:21.920 together and you're waking up with that person and you're 0:18:22.400 --> 0:18:25.840 it's different. There's a different level of intimacy. So for me, 0:18:26.040 --> 0:18:28.800 that's not casual, and I would be pretty bummed if 0:18:28.840 --> 0:18:32.280 I went on a trip with somebody and he didn't 0:18:32.320 --> 0:18:33.880 call me the next day. 0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:36.840 I agree, and it's even. It would also be like, 0:18:36.960 --> 0:18:39.240 say he's going on a work trip and he has 0:18:39.480 --> 0:18:41.919 a hotel room being paid for by the company, and 0:18:41.960 --> 0:18:44.640 he says, come along, you can hang out, But that's 0:18:44.640 --> 0:18:47.360 still a trip, even if his company is paying for 0:18:47.440 --> 0:18:51.520 it and he's inviting you. That's you going distance, that's 0:18:51.520 --> 0:18:55.800 you putting time. I think that there's a difference between 0:18:56.520 --> 0:18:58.840 boyfriend treatment and. 0:19:00.119 --> 0:19:00.720 Ual dating. 0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:05.000 I do not do certain things with a man if 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:06.520 he is not my boyfriend. 0:19:06.960 --> 0:19:11.120 Are you saying you or are you saying in general me, Well, 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:14.200 you're a different You're in a different You're almost a 0:19:14.240 --> 0:19:16.520 different I mean, for me at least a different generation, 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:17.600 right sure. 0:19:17.720 --> 0:19:22.080 But I'm also I'm not in my twenties, and I'm 0:19:22.280 --> 0:19:25.960 if I'm dating somebody at this age, there's a very 0:19:26.000 --> 0:19:29.439 high probability that he's in his chapter two at the 0:19:29.480 --> 0:19:32.040 age range that I'm dating. So I'm just saying, like 0:19:32.240 --> 0:19:36.680 in general, when we're talking casual, that's how I would 0:19:36.680 --> 0:19:42.800 define casual as like, casual means low effort, low level 0:19:42.840 --> 0:19:48.520 of money, being paid, low level of interaction of different 0:19:48.520 --> 0:19:49.520 parts of my life. 0:19:50.560 --> 0:19:53.520 That would be what casual is what I define it as. 0:19:53.800 --> 0:19:56.399 I think people want different things at different chapters. I 0:19:56.440 --> 0:19:59.040 have friends that are, you know, brand new divorced, and 0:19:59.080 --> 0:20:01.719 they want thirty one flour right, and they're just going 0:20:01.800 --> 0:20:04.240 to go out and you know, different night, you know, 0:20:04.840 --> 0:20:05.600 meet a different guy. 0:20:05.640 --> 0:20:06.480 Doesn't mean they're. 0:20:06.240 --> 0:20:09.360 Necessarily going to sleep with them, but then they get 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:12.359