Speaker 1: Marrying for money, filling the void with stuff and money,
Speaker 1: and someone who's wealthy will avoid you dealing with the
Speaker 1: real stuff. So are you not getting what you want sexually,
Speaker 1: emotionally from an intellectual standpoint, maybe from a business standpoint.
Speaker 2: I've seen this too with other people.
Speaker 1: It's familiar to me because I recognize it that you
Speaker 1: are in a relationship and you're able to brag and
Speaker 1: flex and show to everybody else how generous your partner
Speaker 1: is and how much they've bought you.
Speaker 2: And your friends think that this is prince charming.
Speaker 1: And that you know, how could you ever walk away
Speaker 1: from something like that? And you're inside your body your
Speaker 1: mind saying I know this is amazing. I'm spoiled and
Speaker 1: I'll never find someone who will spoil.
Speaker 2: Me like this again.
Speaker 1: But in your body and your heart and your truth,
Speaker 1: you know that there's there are other things missing, human connection,
Speaker 1: intellectual drive that someone has that you can. You know
Speaker 1: that you're challenged by so many women, so many women,
Speaker 1: more than many, not all women, but an almost infinite
Speaker 1: number of women want to date or marry for money.
Speaker 1: There's no discussion. I hear all women talking about it.
Speaker 1: I've been the woman talking about it. I get it,
Speaker 1: I really get it. It seems so easy, it looks
Speaker 1: so easy. You're cute, you have something to offer, You're young,
Speaker 1: you have good skin, your sexy, you're a girl, and
Speaker 1: that means that a man should buy you drinks and
Speaker 1: a man should buy you dinner, and you should wait
Speaker 1: around all year for a man to buy you a Chanelle.
Speaker 2: Handbag and the mall.
Speaker 1: And I've been there to say that I've been there,
Speaker 1: I've lived there. So I grew up, went to like
Speaker 1: thirteen schools, and there were a lot of highs and
Speaker 1: lows about money.
Speaker 2: It was a roller coaster.
Speaker 1: My stepfather was a horse trainer and so we were
Speaker 1: near a lot of money at the racetrack with a
Speaker 1: lot of rich horse owners.
Speaker 2: And we were in Saratoga.
Speaker 1: And we were adjacent to money, but we weren't the owners.
Speaker 1: He was the trainer and he also was a gambler,
Speaker 1: so it was very mercurial. It went from like gambling
Speaker 1: and winning a game to having, you know, a Mercedes
Speaker 1: in the driveway. But we had a card table we
Speaker 1: ate off of, and no furniture anywhere in the house
Speaker 1: except for in my room. So I have had money,
Speaker 1: noise for years. I still have money noise in a
Speaker 1: different way, but I had money noise forever. And my
Speaker 1: mother married two men because she couldn't support herself, and
Speaker 1: they love bombed her. My real father was a horse
Speaker 1: trainer and he was a hot shot, and my stepfather
Speaker 1: went over his skis to buy her nice things and whenever.
Speaker 2: She wanted when he had money, and she was ride
Speaker 2: or diye. She was good when things were bad too.
Speaker 1: I will say that, which I totally relate to, because
Speaker 1: as you know, I can go from Aramis to the
Speaker 1: dollar store. So she would always walk around at overalls
Speaker 1: and she's highs and lows.
Speaker 2: I'm sure that's where I get it.
Speaker 1: She was very vain in her, like almost the way
Speaker 1: that when I renovate homes, I care about like the
Speaker 1: flooring and the walls and the construction.
Speaker 2: I don't really care that much about the furniture. From
Speaker 2: an expensive perspective.
Speaker 1: She was very like that, Like she liked nice things,
Speaker 1: and she cared about how she looked to like her
Speaker 1: age her weight to an obsessive point. But she wasn't
Speaker 1: vain in that she'd go in overalls to you know,
Speaker 1: the dry cleaner. I remember that, and I'm obviously exactly
Speaker 1: like that, but I'm digressing.
Speaker 2: There was a money noise in my house because I
Speaker 2: knew that she.
Speaker 1: Was being beaten and abused when it got really ugly,
Speaker 1: but she couldn't leave because of the money she had
Speaker 1: to support herself.
Speaker 2: And she would say to me, I gave up my
Speaker 2: whole life for you. I gave up my whole life,
Speaker 2: you know, to support you.
Speaker 1: Which was extremely guilt pushing as a young child, and
Speaker 1: now as an adult, I get it. She couldn't afford
Speaker 1: her own life. She had me and she was being
Speaker 1: love bombed, and there was a price. So I bring
Speaker 1: up dating for money and marrying for money and just
Speaker 1: wanting to meet a rich person, because I get it.
Speaker 1: And when I was younger, I wanted that. I wanted
Speaker 1: someone to save me, to sweep me away, and even
Speaker 1: into my thirties and I was, you know, engaged, and
Speaker 1: the man gave me a credit card, and I loved
Speaker 1: him deeply. He gave me a credit card still the
Speaker 1: of my life. Well was the love of my life,
Speaker 1: and wanted, you know, to get us an apartment, and
Speaker 1: like he wanted the program to start, and I got
Speaker 1: anxiety because I had my Bethany bakes cookie business, and
Speaker 1: I wanted to do something myself, and something in my body,
Speaker 1: which I talked about on this podcast before, told me
Speaker 1: that I needed to do it myself, which is much harder.
Speaker 2: And years ago I dated a.
Speaker 1: Very very rich guy who was in the music industry,
Speaker 1: and it was like we were flying on his parents'
Speaker 1: private plane to Saint Martin and his mom would take
Speaker 1: me shopping, and even my ex husband, like his mom
Speaker 1: was wealthy and like she'd take me shopping, and you know,
Speaker 1: it was intoxicating.
Speaker 2: I had clothes that I wouldn't have had.
Speaker 1: I remember I had an Alexander mc queen jumpsuit, you know,
Speaker 1: in my in my early twenties, and like that was
Speaker 1: intoxicating and I liked it. And I even heard alex
Speaker 1: Earl on social media say like that Braxton gave her
Speaker 1: four hundred dollars to gamble and now she makes her
Speaker 1: own money, you know, but it still feels good when
Speaker 1: a man gives you money to gamble.
Speaker 2: It's something ingrained in us. It's something that's you know,
Speaker 2: been just fortified and it's.
Speaker 1: Just been massaged in a deep tissue massage into our pores,
Speaker 1: you know. For because society, that's what TV shows show.
Speaker 1: That's exciting. That's a pretty woman showed she's the hooker,
Speaker 1: then he like whisks her away or that's what goes on.
Speaker 1: So I kind of always wanted that too, you know,
Speaker 1: it just would have been it felt like it would
Speaker 1: have been easy. So now I'm on the other side
Speaker 1: of it. Okay, So now not only do I have
Speaker 1: a lot of money, have I made a lot of money?
Speaker 1: And do I make a lot of money? And I
Speaker 1: can buy myself anything. I can't buy myself a private plan.
Speaker 1: I mean, I could buy myself a private plan, actually,
Speaker 1: but I but I couldn't probably buy it and afford to
Speaker 1: run it, and I'd have to sell every home I have.
Speaker 1: And I couldn't afford to buy a three hundred foot
Speaker 1: in Maggie yacht, you know. But I can afford to
Speaker 1: do pretty much anything I want, and I can afford
Speaker 1: to buy any thing I want. And I've had the
Speaker 1: person who will buy me anything that I want. And
Speaker 1: I've found that it goes two ways, because when I
Speaker 1: tell you that it has a price, there's no way
Speaker 1: to describe it. And it's not only the price that
Speaker 1: you think the price that people think it is is okay,
Speaker 1: Let's say it's a.
Speaker 2: Man and a woman.
Speaker 1: A man is rich and he's buying someone anything she wants.
Speaker 1: The price is not only that, like does he control her?
Speaker 2: Maybe? Does he make the decisions? Maybe? Do they get divorced?
Speaker 1: And she has no recourse and no financial protection, didn't
Speaker 1: know where all the money was coming from.
Speaker 2: Was she stupid?
Speaker 1: Like the girlfriend that I used to have that was
Speaker 1: married to a really rich guy, and instead of like
Speaker 1: saving money or buying things that were investments, she would
Speaker 1: buy like Fendy turquoise pony pants because she thought that
Speaker 1: the money would never run out. And I used to think,
Speaker 1: buy yourself some like solid items so later when you
Speaker 1: break up, which they did, you're gonna have something to
Speaker 1: show for it. But women get excited, They get caught
Speaker 1: up in the flexing in front of other women. It's
Speaker 1: what The Housewives was made of. Do you know how
Speaker 1: much flexing there goes on with no real money? And
Speaker 1: I look at all the money lists and everybody prints
Speaker 1: saying the net worth of all of us, and I
Speaker 1: know what a lot of us make and have it.
Speaker 1: It's always wrong, like respectfully, it's like this flex that
Speaker 1: goes on, and women who have men pay for everything
Speaker 1: are doing that flex too.
Speaker 2: But there's another part to it.
Speaker 1: There's another really important part to it, and what that
Speaker 1: is is there's a price even beyond all that. I've
Speaker 1: been in a situation where even though I have money,
Speaker 1: I'm being not only love bombed, but stuff bombed, and
Speaker 1: it's intoxicating. You kind of almost think that someone just
Speaker 1: treating you like a princess and buying you things all
Speaker 1: the time, you kind of start to think that that's love.
Speaker 1: And even if the person does give you love, there's
Speaker 1: something that's missing that makes them feel the need to
Speaker 1: fill the voice with the stuff you can ren and
Speaker 1: there's something that's missing in you or me, And even
Speaker 1: though you can have anything you want or you already
Speaker 1: have everything, in filling the void with the stuff, because
Speaker 1: filling the void with the stuff will make you avoid
Speaker 1: the real stuff. So I just caution you to be
Speaker 1: looking for money, because those who marry or date for
Speaker 1: money pay for the rest of their lives. And only
Speaker 1: because I have my own money and because I'm successful
Speaker 1: and because I earn am I in a position to
Speaker 1: walk away from or not be in a situation like that.
Speaker 1: Because it's so tempting and intoxicating. And if I didn't
Speaker 1: have any money, if I didn't earn any money, if
Speaker 1: I didn't have my own career, I I would stay
Speaker 1: with that because that intoxication would be impossible to walk
Speaker 1: away from, and I'd become increasingly more miserable. And when
Speaker 1: in those situations, I have become increasingly more miserable because
Speaker 1: I'm selling out. I almost sold out when I was
Speaker 1: married years ago. I almost sold out when I was
Speaker 1: with the wealthy guy. It's happened, you know, many times
Speaker 1: where I've almost sold out.
Speaker 2: Because I'm in something and I'm not really happy.
Speaker 1: And that's not the only reason I'm not not happy,
Speaker 1: because I'm being showered with gifts. I'm not happy, and
Speaker 1: the gifts are masking the unhappiness.
Speaker 2: And that's what rich women do. That's what Palm Beach
Speaker 2: is made of.
Speaker 1: That's what you know, certain people in the Hampton's and
Speaker 1: the Upper East Side of Manhattan is made of.
Speaker 2: You know, you see it.
Speaker 1: You see it on women's faces like a vacancy, and
Speaker 1: you see it on women's labels.
Speaker 2: Everything. It's a flex, you know, head to toe dripping.
Speaker 1: I had a woman a billionaire that I know who's
Speaker 1: very deeply insecure, and her entire identity is her money.
Speaker 2: It's her entire personality.
Speaker 1: And by the way, I was in a relationship with
Speaker 1: someone whose personality was their money. That was their personality
Speaker 1: was to buy and to you know, to subtly impress.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like braggy. It was just like constantly, you know.
Speaker 1: And it's a beautiful thing to give someone a gift,
Speaker 1: and it's a beautiful thing to be generous, but it's
Speaker 1: one thing when it's an avoidance of something else. So
Speaker 1: I knew this wealthy woman who's a billionaire and very
Speaker 1: deeply insecure, because this person is constantly flexing their money.
Speaker 2: It's their identity. It really is their whole personality.
Speaker 1: It's who they are, and it's why other people associate
Speaker 1: with them.
Speaker 2: And they run the show.
Speaker 1: They run the program, They control everything, not unlike a
Speaker 1: very wealthy man. And that's what happens in those relationships too.
Speaker 1: They run the program. And by the way, even if
Speaker 1: someone is not actively running the program, meaning they're not
Speaker 1: aggressive and they're not controlling and they're not abusive. He
Speaker 1: who makes the gold makes the rules. She who makes
Speaker 1: the gold makes the rules. They are still in a
Speaker 1: controlling power position. And often people who have money want
Speaker 1: someone more subservient because they want to be in the
Speaker 1: controlling position. And we can market it as Harrison Bucker saying,
Speaker 1: a woman should be a homemaker, but it's not you know,
Speaker 1: it's not that attractive once a woman's trap doesn't know
Speaker 1: how to make her own money and feels like she
Speaker 1: cannot sleep in her Chanel handbags. So I just like
Speaker 1: anything in work, like if you experience a death or
Speaker 1: some challenges and you don't emotionally deal with it, like
Speaker 1: you don't go to therapy, you repress it. Something happens
Speaker 1: in your childhood, you stuff it.
Speaker 2: It always comes out. Nobody gets out without paying the bill.
Speaker 1: So if you are marrying or dating for money and
Speaker 1: not doing for yourself, it will come out later in
Speaker 1: some way. You will be miserable or everybody else will
Speaker 1: think you're great because they think you're rich, and they
Speaker 1: think it's so they're envious of your wealth, but you're
Speaker 1: miserable inside. So that's the Housewives. That literally is the Housewives.
Speaker 1: It's more important to show people how much you have than.
Speaker 2: Actually what you have. And even with the way people.
Speaker 1: Look, you know, it's more important to look amazing in
Speaker 1: your filtered, bullshit pictures than to actually feel amazing in
Speaker 1: your real life, which is why it's jarring that I
Speaker 1: post for people, but I actually look like. Some people
Speaker 1: are like, what's wrong with her? Why is she posted
Speaker 1: to looking like a wreck?
Speaker 2: Why? Because I'm not a phony piece of shit. I'm
Speaker 2: doing the work like I am doing the work I've
Speaker 2: been in therapy.
Speaker 1: I'm doing the goddamn work. And that's how I've come
Speaker 1: to all of this, and so it will come out.
Speaker 1: So you better work, and you better have your own thing,
Speaker 1: because it will rise to the surface and it will
Speaker 1: surprise you.
Speaker 2: And you cannot.
Speaker 1: Sleep with your money. And that doesn't mean that you
Speaker 1: making your own money is going to make you happy.
Speaker 1: But I can tell you that you're making your own
Speaker 1: money and deciding whether to give it all away to
Speaker 1: charity or deciding whether to buy you know, arimes bags
Speaker 1: and live in them. That's your choice, and you can
Speaker 1: bob and weave. I've gone through fai. I'm going to
Speaker 1: tell you the truth. Like I was in a relationship
Speaker 1: that was extremely materialistic and it was intoxicating. I've been
Speaker 1: in relationships that were very materialistic and they're intoxicating, And
Speaker 1: then I find myself wanting to sell everything because I
Speaker 1: was medicating with stuff. I was unhappy, I was bored,
Speaker 1: I was depressed, and I was despondent, and stuff was
Speaker 1: a good way to like temporarily medicate. People medicate with alcohol,
Speaker 1: people medicate with food, people medicate with sugar, people medicate
Speaker 1: with drugs, people medicate with work. I was medicating with stuff,
Speaker 1: and I sit there with all this stuff, like.
Speaker 2: What the fuck? Who needs all this shit? Who needs
Speaker 2: all this shit?
Speaker 1: I don't, you know. And so it's something to think about.
Speaker 1: So when you look at all those young girls on
Speaker 1: social media unboxing their luck's goods, think about the fact
Speaker 1: that they might just be miserable and that but might
Speaker 1: be their entertainment. And if they are able to impress
Speaker 1: you with what they have, it makes them feel better
Speaker 1: about what they don't have emotionally or intellectually in their
Speaker 1: lives or morally.
Speaker 2: They may not feel valued.
Speaker 1: You know, it doesn't mean you're valued that someone buys
Speaker 1: you a luxury piece, and you shouldn't be seeking that out.
Speaker 1: And I've been there and I've done it. I've stood
Speaker 1: in malls and hoped that a guy would buy me
Speaker 1: something like a dog like your way. I remember going
Speaker 1: with someone in Vegas and you're hoping they're going to
Speaker 1: want to take you shopping.
Speaker 2: And they know. Now. Some of them like that. I
Speaker 2: know men who really.
Speaker 1: Love gold Diggers because it's the transaction like meeting the
Speaker 1: girls there. She's super hot, the guy's super rich. By
Speaker 1: the third date, he's got her an Arimez bag, she's
Speaker 1: flexing to our friends.
Speaker 2: They think it's great.
Speaker 1: A year and a half later, she's cheating on him,
Speaker 1: you know, and then it's a fight and he may
Speaker 1: want some of the stuff back.
Speaker 2: Or whatever it is. It's what goes on. It's what
Speaker 2: goes on.
Speaker 1: I've seen it. I've been I've been there and wanted
Speaker 1: someone to buy me some thing. You know, I've wanted
Speaker 1: them to pay for it, and you know, it feels
Speaker 1: really good. I can fucking buy myself flowers, shoes on
Speaker 1: my feet, I bought them.
Speaker 2: I depend on me. So if you're a mom, because
Speaker 2: a lot of you are a mom's, you talk to
Speaker 2: those daughters