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Speaker 1: Marrying for money, filling the void with stuff and money,

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Speaker 1: and someone who's wealthy will avoid you dealing with the

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Speaker 1: real stuff. So are you not getting what you want sexually,

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Speaker 1: emotionally from an intellectual standpoint, maybe from a business standpoint.

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Speaker 2: I've seen this too with other people.

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Speaker 1: It's familiar to me because I recognize it that you

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Speaker 1: are in a relationship and you're able to brag and

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Speaker 1: flex and show to everybody else how generous your partner

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Speaker 1: is and how much they've bought you.

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Speaker 2: And your friends think that this is prince charming.

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Speaker 1: And that you know, how could you ever walk away

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Speaker 1: from something like that? And you're inside your body your

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Speaker 1: mind saying I know this is amazing. I'm spoiled and

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Speaker 1: I'll never find someone who will spoil.

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Speaker 2: Me like this again.

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Speaker 1: But in your body and your heart and your truth,

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Speaker 1: you know that there's there are other things missing, human connection,

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Speaker 1: intellectual drive that someone has that you can. You know

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Speaker 1: that you're challenged by so many women, so many women,

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Speaker 1: more than many, not all women, but an almost infinite

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Speaker 1: number of women want to date or marry for money.

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Speaker 1: There's no discussion. I hear all women talking about it.

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Speaker 1: I've been the woman talking about it. I get it,

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Speaker 1: I really get it. It seems so easy, it looks

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Speaker 1: so easy. You're cute, you have something to offer, You're young,

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Speaker 1: you have good skin, your sexy, you're a girl, and

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Speaker 1: that means that a man should buy you drinks and

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Speaker 1: a man should buy you dinner, and you should wait

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Speaker 1: around all year for a man to buy you a Chanelle.

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Speaker 2: Handbag and the mall.

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Speaker 1: And I've been there to say that I've been there,

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Speaker 1: I've lived there. So I grew up, went to like

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Speaker 1: thirteen schools, and there were a lot of highs and

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Speaker 1: lows about money.

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Speaker 2: It was a roller coaster.

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Speaker 1: My stepfather was a horse trainer and so we were

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Speaker 1: near a lot of money at the racetrack with a

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Speaker 1: lot of rich horse owners.

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Speaker 2: And we were in Saratoga.

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Speaker 1: And we were adjacent to money, but we weren't the owners.

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Speaker 1: He was the trainer and he also was a gambler,

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Speaker 1: so it was very mercurial. It went from like gambling

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Speaker 1: and winning a game to having, you know, a Mercedes

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Speaker 1: in the driveway. But we had a card table we

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Speaker 1: ate off of, and no furniture anywhere in the house

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Speaker 1: except for in my room. So I have had money,

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Speaker 1: noise for years. I still have money noise in a

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Speaker 1: different way, but I had money noise forever. And my

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Speaker 1: mother married two men because she couldn't support herself, and

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Speaker 1: they love bombed her. My real father was a horse

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Speaker 1: trainer and he was a hot shot, and my stepfather

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Speaker 1: went over his skis to buy her nice things and whenever.

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Speaker 2: She wanted when he had money, and she was ride

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Speaker 2: or diye. She was good when things were bad too.

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Speaker 1: I will say that, which I totally relate to, because

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Speaker 1: as you know, I can go from Aramis to the

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Speaker 1: dollar store. So she would always walk around at overalls

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Speaker 1: and she's highs and lows.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure that's where I get it.

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Speaker 1: She was very vain in her, like almost the way

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Speaker 1: that when I renovate homes, I care about like the

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Speaker 1: flooring and the walls and the construction.

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Speaker 2: I don't really care that much about the furniture. From

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Speaker 2: an expensive perspective.

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Speaker 1: She was very like that, Like she liked nice things,

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Speaker 1: and she cared about how she looked to like her

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Speaker 1: age her weight to an obsessive point. But she wasn't

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Speaker 1: vain in that she'd go in overalls to you know,

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Speaker 1: the dry cleaner. I remember that, and I'm obviously exactly

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Speaker 1: like that, but I'm digressing.

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Speaker 2: There was a money noise in my house because I

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Speaker 2: knew that she.

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Speaker 1: Was being beaten and abused when it got really ugly,

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Speaker 1: but she couldn't leave because of the money she had

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Speaker 1: to support herself.

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Speaker 2: And she would say to me, I gave up my

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Speaker 2: whole life for you. I gave up my whole life,

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Speaker 2: you know, to support you.

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Speaker 1: Which was extremely guilt pushing as a young child, and

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Speaker 1: now as an adult, I get it. She couldn't afford

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Speaker 1: her own life. She had me and she was being

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Speaker 1: love bombed, and there was a price. So I bring

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Speaker 1: up dating for money and marrying for money and just

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Speaker 1: wanting to meet a rich person, because I get it.

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Speaker 1: And when I was younger, I wanted that. I wanted

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Speaker 1: someone to save me, to sweep me away, and even

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Speaker 1: into my thirties and I was, you know, engaged, and

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Speaker 1: the man gave me a credit card, and I loved

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Speaker 1: him deeply. He gave me a credit card still the

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Speaker 1: of my life. Well was the love of my life,

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Speaker 1: and wanted, you know, to get us an apartment, and

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Speaker 1: like he wanted the program to start, and I got

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Speaker 1: anxiety because I had my Bethany bakes cookie business, and

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Speaker 1: I wanted to do something myself, and something in my body,

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Speaker 1: which I talked about on this podcast before, told me

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Speaker 1: that I needed to do it myself, which is much harder.

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Speaker 2: And years ago I dated a.

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Speaker 1: Very very rich guy who was in the music industry,

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Speaker 1: and it was like we were flying on his parents'

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Speaker 1: private plane to Saint Martin and his mom would take

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Speaker 1: me shopping, and even my ex husband, like his mom

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Speaker 1: was wealthy and like she'd take me shopping, and you know,

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Speaker 1: it was intoxicating.

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Speaker 2: I had clothes that I wouldn't have had.

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Speaker 1: I remember I had an Alexander mc queen jumpsuit, you know,

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Speaker 1: in my in my early twenties, and like that was

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Speaker 1: intoxicating and I liked it. And I even heard alex

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Speaker 1: Earl on social media say like that Braxton gave her

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Speaker 1: four hundred dollars to gamble and now she makes her

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Speaker 1: own money, you know, but it still feels good when

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Speaker 1: a man gives you money to gamble.

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Speaker 2: It's something ingrained in us. It's something that's you know,

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Speaker 2: been just fortified and it's.

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Speaker 1: Just been massaged in a deep tissue massage into our pores,

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Speaker 1: you know. For because society, that's what TV shows show.

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Speaker 1: That's exciting. That's a pretty woman showed she's the hooker,

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Speaker 1: then he like whisks her away or that's what goes on.

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Speaker 1: So I kind of always wanted that too, you know,

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Speaker 1: it just would have been it felt like it would

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Speaker 1: have been easy. So now I'm on the other side

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Speaker 1: of it. Okay, So now not only do I have

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Speaker 1: a lot of money, have I made a lot of money?

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Speaker 1: And do I make a lot of money? And I

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Speaker 1: can buy myself anything. I can't buy myself a private plan.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I could buy myself a private plan, actually,

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Speaker 1: but I but I couldn't probably buy it and afford to

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Speaker 1: run it, and I'd have to sell every home I have.

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Speaker 1: And I couldn't afford to buy a three hundred foot

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Speaker 1: in Maggie yacht, you know. But I can afford to

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Speaker 1: do pretty much anything I want, and I can afford

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Speaker 1: to buy any thing I want. And I've had the

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Speaker 1: person who will buy me anything that I want. And

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Speaker 1: I've found that it goes two ways, because when I

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Speaker 1: tell you that it has a price, there's no way

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Speaker 1: to describe it. And it's not only the price that

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Speaker 1: you think the price that people think it is is okay,

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Speaker 1: Let's say it's a.

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Speaker 2: Man and a woman.

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Speaker 1: A man is rich and he's buying someone anything she wants.

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Speaker 1: The price is not only that, like does he control her?

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Speaker 2: Maybe? Does he make the decisions? Maybe? Do they get divorced?

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Speaker 1: And she has no recourse and no financial protection, didn't

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Speaker 1: know where all the money was coming from.

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Speaker 2: Was she stupid?

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Speaker 1: Like the girlfriend that I used to have that was

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Speaker 1: married to a really rich guy, and instead of like

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Speaker 1: saving money or buying things that were investments, she would

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Speaker 1: buy like Fendy turquoise pony pants because she thought that

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Speaker 1: the money would never run out. And I used to think,

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Speaker 1: buy yourself some like solid items so later when you

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Speaker 1: break up, which they did, you're gonna have something to

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Speaker 1: show for it. But women get excited, They get caught

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Speaker 1: up in the flexing in front of other women. It's

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Speaker 1: what The Housewives was made of. Do you know how

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Speaker 1: much flexing there goes on with no real money? And

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Speaker 1: I look at all the money lists and everybody prints

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Speaker 1: saying the net worth of all of us, and I

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Speaker 1: know what a lot of us make and have it.

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Speaker 1: It's always wrong, like respectfully, it's like this flex that

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Speaker 1: goes on, and women who have men pay for everything

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Speaker 1: are doing that flex too.

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Speaker 2: But there's another part to it.

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Speaker 1: There's another really important part to it, and what that

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Speaker 1: is is there's a price even beyond all that. I've

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Speaker 1: been in a situation where even though I have money,

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Speaker 1: I'm being not only love bombed, but stuff bombed, and

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Speaker 1: it's intoxicating. You kind of almost think that someone just

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Speaker 1: treating you like a princess and buying you things all

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Speaker 1: the time, you kind of start to think that that's love.

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Speaker 1: And even if the person does give you love, there's

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Speaker 1: something that's missing that makes them feel the need to

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Speaker 1: fill the voice with the stuff you can ren and

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Speaker 1: there's something that's missing in you or me, And even

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Speaker 1: though you can have anything you want or you already

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Speaker 1: have everything, in filling the void with the stuff, because

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Speaker 1: filling the void with the stuff will make you avoid

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Speaker 1: the real stuff. So I just caution you to be

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Speaker 1: looking for money, because those who marry or date for

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Speaker 1: money pay for the rest of their lives. And only

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Speaker 1: because I have my own money and because I'm successful

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Speaker 1: and because I earn am I in a position to

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Speaker 1: walk away from or not be in a situation like that.

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Speaker 1: Because it's so tempting and intoxicating. And if I didn't

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Speaker 1: have any money, if I didn't earn any money, if

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Speaker 1: I didn't have my own career, I I would stay

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Speaker 1: with that because that intoxication would be impossible to walk

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Speaker 1: away from, and I'd become increasingly more miserable. And when

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Speaker 1: in those situations, I have become increasingly more miserable because

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Speaker 1: I'm selling out. I almost sold out when I was

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Speaker 1: married years ago. I almost sold out when I was

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Speaker 1: with the wealthy guy. It's happened, you know, many times

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Speaker 1: where I've almost sold out.

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Speaker 2: Because I'm in something and I'm not really happy.

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Speaker 1: And that's not the only reason I'm not not happy,

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Speaker 1: because I'm being showered with gifts. I'm not happy, and

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Speaker 1: the gifts are masking the unhappiness.

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Speaker 2: And that's what rich women do. That's what Palm Beach

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Speaker 2: is made of.

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Speaker 1: That's what you know, certain people in the Hampton's and

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Speaker 1: the Upper East Side of Manhattan is made of.

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Speaker 2: You know, you see it.

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Speaker 1: You see it on women's faces like a vacancy, and

203
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Speaker 1: you see it on women's labels.

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Speaker 2: Everything. It's a flex, you know, head to toe dripping.

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Speaker 1: I had a woman a billionaire that I know who's

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Speaker 1: very deeply insecure, and her entire identity is her money.

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Speaker 2: It's her entire personality.

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Speaker 1: And by the way, I was in a relationship with

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Speaker 1: someone whose personality was their money. That was their personality

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Speaker 1: was to buy and to you know, to subtly impress.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't like braggy. It was just like constantly, you know.

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Speaker 1: And it's a beautiful thing to give someone a gift,

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Speaker 1: and it's a beautiful thing to be generous, but it's

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Speaker 1: one thing when it's an avoidance of something else. So

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Speaker 1: I knew this wealthy woman who's a billionaire and very

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Speaker 1: deeply insecure, because this person is constantly flexing their money.

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Speaker 2: It's their identity. It really is their whole personality.

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Speaker 1: It's who they are, and it's why other people associate

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Speaker 1: with them.

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Speaker 2: And they run the show.

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Speaker 1: They run the program, They control everything, not unlike a

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Speaker 1: very wealthy man. And that's what happens in those relationships too.

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Speaker 1: They run the program. And by the way, even if

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Speaker 1: someone is not actively running the program, meaning they're not

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Speaker 1: aggressive and they're not controlling and they're not abusive. He

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Speaker 1: who makes the gold makes the rules. She who makes

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Speaker 1: the gold makes the rules. They are still in a

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Speaker 1: controlling power position. And often people who have money want

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Speaker 1: someone more subservient because they want to be in the

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Speaker 1: controlling position. And we can market it as Harrison Bucker saying,

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Speaker 1: a woman should be a homemaker, but it's not you know,

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Speaker 1: it's not that attractive once a woman's trap doesn't know

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Speaker 1: how to make her own money and feels like she

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Speaker 1: cannot sleep in her Chanel handbags. So I just like

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Speaker 1: anything in work, like if you experience a death or

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Speaker 1: some challenges and you don't emotionally deal with it, like

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Speaker 1: you don't go to therapy, you repress it. Something happens

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Speaker 1: in your childhood, you stuff it.

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Speaker 2: It always comes out. Nobody gets out without paying the bill.

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Speaker 1: So if you are marrying or dating for money and

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Speaker 1: not doing for yourself, it will come out later in

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Speaker 1: some way. You will be miserable or everybody else will

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Speaker 1: think you're great because they think you're rich, and they

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Speaker 1: think it's so they're envious of your wealth, but you're

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Speaker 1: miserable inside. So that's the Housewives. That literally is the Housewives.

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Speaker 1: It's more important to show people how much you have than.

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Speaker 2: Actually what you have. And even with the way people.

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Speaker 1: Look, you know, it's more important to look amazing in

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Speaker 1: your filtered, bullshit pictures than to actually feel amazing in

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Speaker 1: your real life, which is why it's jarring that I

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Speaker 1: post for people, but I actually look like. Some people

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Speaker 1: are like, what's wrong with her? Why is she posted

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Speaker 1: to looking like a wreck?

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Speaker 2: Why? Because I'm not a phony piece of shit. I'm

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Speaker 2: doing the work like I am doing the work I've

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Speaker 2: been in therapy.

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Speaker 1: I'm doing the goddamn work. And that's how I've come

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Speaker 1: to all of this, and so it will come out.

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Speaker 1: So you better work, and you better have your own thing,

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Speaker 1: because it will rise to the surface and it will

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Speaker 1: surprise you.

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Speaker 2: And you cannot.

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Speaker 1: Sleep with your money. And that doesn't mean that you

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Speaker 1: making your own money is going to make you happy.

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Speaker 1: But I can tell you that you're making your own

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Speaker 1: money and deciding whether to give it all away to

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Speaker 1: charity or deciding whether to buy you know, arimes bags

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Speaker 1: and live in them. That's your choice, and you can

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Speaker 1: bob and weave. I've gone through fai. I'm going to

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Speaker 1: tell you the truth. Like I was in a relationship

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Speaker 1: that was extremely materialistic and it was intoxicating. I've been

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Speaker 1: in relationships that were very materialistic and they're intoxicating, And

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Speaker 1: then I find myself wanting to sell everything because I

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Speaker 1: was medicating with stuff. I was unhappy, I was bored,

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Speaker 1: I was depressed, and I was despondent, and stuff was

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Speaker 1: a good way to like temporarily medicate. People medicate with alcohol,

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Speaker 1: people medicate with food, people medicate with sugar, people medicate

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Speaker 1: with drugs, people medicate with work. I was medicating with stuff,

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Speaker 1: and I sit there with all this stuff, like.

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Speaker 2: What the fuck? Who needs all this shit? Who needs

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Speaker 2: all this shit?

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Speaker 1: I don't, you know. And so it's something to think about.

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Speaker 1: So when you look at all those young girls on

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Speaker 1: social media unboxing their luck's goods, think about the fact

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Speaker 1: that they might just be miserable and that but might

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Speaker 1: be their entertainment. And if they are able to impress

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Speaker 1: you with what they have, it makes them feel better

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Speaker 1: about what they don't have emotionally or intellectually in their

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Speaker 1: lives or morally.

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Speaker 2: They may not feel valued.

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Speaker 1: You know, it doesn't mean you're valued that someone buys

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Speaker 1: you a luxury piece, and you shouldn't be seeking that out.

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Speaker 1: And I've been there and I've done it. I've stood

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Speaker 1: in malls and hoped that a guy would buy me

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Speaker 1: something like a dog like your way. I remember going

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Speaker 1: with someone in Vegas and you're hoping they're going to

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Speaker 1: want to take you shopping.

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Speaker 2: And they know. Now. Some of them like that. I

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Speaker 2: know men who really.

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Speaker 1: Love gold Diggers because it's the transaction like meeting the

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Speaker 1: girls there. She's super hot, the guy's super rich. By

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Speaker 1: the third date, he's got her an Arimez bag, she's

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Speaker 1: flexing to our friends.

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Speaker 2: They think it's great.

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Speaker 1: A year and a half later, she's cheating on him,

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Speaker 1: you know, and then it's a fight and he may

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Speaker 1: want some of the stuff back.

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Speaker 2: Or whatever it is. It's what goes on. It's what

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Speaker 2: goes on.

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Speaker 1: I've seen it. I've been I've been there and wanted

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Speaker 1: someone to buy me some thing. You know, I've wanted

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Speaker 1: them to pay for it, and you know, it feels

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Speaker 1: really good. I can fucking buy myself flowers, shoes on

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Speaker 1: my feet, I bought them.

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Speaker 2: I depend on me. So if you're a mom, because

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Speaker 2: a lot of you are a mom's, you talk to

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Speaker 2: those daughters