1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,320 Speaker 1: Okay for the high and mighty to our people. We 2 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,320 Speaker 1: are rocket and rolling. These are the shows we have 3 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:09,039 Speaker 1: coming up. Chicago April tenth. I start Chicago, then I 4 00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:12,920 Speaker 1: have Indianapolis on the eleventh, and then Louisville, Kentucky on 5 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:18,160 Speaker 1: April twelfth. April sixteenth is Albuquerque. April seventeenth is Mesa, Arizona. 6 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:21,720 Speaker 1: April twenty third is Kansas City, Missouri. April twenty fourth 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:25,560 Speaker 1: is Saint Louis, Missouri. April twenty fifth is Minneapolis. April 8 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:30,680 Speaker 1: thirtieth Nashville. May first, Charlotte, North Carolina. May second is Durham, 9 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 1: North Carolina. May sixth in Los Angeles at the Sabon 10 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:38,199 Speaker 1: Theater for Netflix as a joke. April fifteenth, I will 11 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:42,839 Speaker 1: be in Saratoga. April sixteenth, Monterey, April seventeenth, Modesto. I 12 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:46,320 Speaker 1: will be in port Chester on June fourth. June fifth, 13 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:49,080 Speaker 1: I will be in Boston, Massachusetts. June twelfth, I will 14 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:52,440 Speaker 1: be in Portland, Oregon. And June thirteenth, I will be 15 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:57,080 Speaker 1: in Seattle, Washington. June twenty seventh is going to be Hyennas, Massachusetts. 16 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:00,520 Speaker 1: August sixth is red Bank, New Jersey. August seven I'm 17 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:06,360 Speaker 1: coming home to Montclair, New Jersey, August fifteenth, is Calgary, Alberta, Canada, 18 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:11,640 Speaker 1: September eighteenth, Santa Barbara September nineteenth, San Diego September twenty fifth. 19 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:13,560 Speaker 1: I will be at the Beacon in New York City 20 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:18,000 Speaker 1: September twenty sixth. I will be in Philadelphia September twenty seventh, 21 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: New Haven, Connecticut. October second, Atlanta, Georgia, October third, Baltimore, Maryland, 22 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:31,120 Speaker 1: October fourth, Saginaw, Michigan, October ninth, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, October tenth, Toronto, Canada, 23 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:36,319 Speaker 1: October sixteenth. I'm coming to Boise, Idaho, October seventeenth, Spokane, Washington, 24 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:41,920 Speaker 1: November seventh. I will be in San Francisco and November thirteenth, 25 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 1: Salt Lake City November twentieth, Austin November twenty first, Houston, Texas, 26 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:52,320 Speaker 1: November twenty second, Irving, Texas. December fifth. I am adding 27 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,400 Speaker 1: a second show in Denver for those of you who 28 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,560 Speaker 1: are going to get tickets to the first one. And 29 00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:01,080 Speaker 1: on December sixth, I will be coming to Vancouver, Canada. Okay, 30 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 1: those are all my dates for the Hi Mighty Door. 31 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 1: Go to Chelsea Handler dot com for tickets. Hi Catherine, 32 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:08,560 Speaker 1: Hi Chelsea. 33 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:11,520 Speaker 2: You know what have you seen this thing online of 34 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:12,880 Speaker 2: people only hiring women? 35 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:14,680 Speaker 1: Now? I love it. 36 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,320 Speaker 2: I had to tell you about this because I've been 37 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:19,160 Speaker 2: seeing sort of a movement online of like, why would 38 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,760 Speaker 2: I hire a man when I can just hire a 39 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,200 Speaker 2: woman to do this, whether it's like, you know, odd 40 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:27,120 Speaker 2: jobs around the house, or like going to a female dentist. 41 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:27,680 Speaker 1: I thought of that. 42 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:29,440 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my gosh, why have I been going 43 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:32,920 Speaker 2: to a male dentist? So I'm switching immediately. But there's 44 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:35,000 Speaker 2: even these There's like a couple of little companies that 45 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 2: are like rent a butch where they can hire a 46 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,960 Speaker 2: woman to come and like install your shelves or whatever. Yeah, 47 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,600 Speaker 2: there's another one called Not a Man's. 48 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 1: Solutions in the Dallas Fort Worth area. So I don't know, 49 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 1: that's just been coming across my I love that because obviously, 50 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 1: why not just try to avoid being sexually assultant? Also, 51 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:56,000 Speaker 1: while you're at it, also, I had six doctors appointments, 52 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,680 Speaker 1: so I was in LA for twenty four hours. So 53 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,760 Speaker 1: I did all of my annuals, and four out of 54 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,440 Speaker 1: six of my doctors are women. My dentist is a woman. 55 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 1: My guynecologist is a woman. My dermatologist is a woman. 56 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,880 Speaker 1: The only man that I went to that is the 57 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 1: only man that I saw is my internist. He's a man. Great. 58 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 2: You know what, Sometimes sometimes a man has got to 59 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:18,840 Speaker 2: slip in there, but. 60 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 1: Well sometimes they do have to slip in there. But yeah, 61 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 1: I love that. First of all, if you have, if 62 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:27,720 Speaker 1: you're a woman, you want a female doctor, I mean, 63 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 1: that's just makes some more sense you just do. So 64 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:31,840 Speaker 1: sorry guys. Yeah. 65 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,320 Speaker 2: And also, like we're voting with our dollars whenever we 66 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 2: spend a dollar, so like, let's spend it with women. 67 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 1: I love it. Voting with our dollars. Voting with our dollars. 68 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,800 Speaker 2: They say, like when you are spending a dollar wherever 69 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 2: you're spending it, that dollar is a vote for something. 70 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:47,640 Speaker 2: So whether you're spending an Amazon or you're spending it 71 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 2: like shopping small for Christmas or whatever, you're voting with 72 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:51,920 Speaker 2: your dollars of what you want to see more of. 73 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:54,560 Speaker 1: So voting for women. Yeah, I'd like to see less 74 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 1: of Amazon, that's for sure. Same. 75 00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:01,680 Speaker 2: Okay, So I have it update right now from Alyssa, 76 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 2: who called in on our Madeleine Petch episode. She was 77 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,560 Speaker 2: the out who her boyfriend didn't want the dog in 78 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:08,200 Speaker 2: the bedroom. 79 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:13,960 Speaker 1: Okay, so she says, dequerdo or no day record. 80 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,839 Speaker 2: Dequerdo yes okay, Hi ladies, I wanted to update you 81 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,560 Speaker 2: about the situation. When the episode came out, I played 82 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,880 Speaker 2: it for my boyfriend. I don't think he realized how 83 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,720 Speaker 2: much of an asshole he was being about the dog 84 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:27,159 Speaker 2: free time until he heard others talk about it too. 85 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,880 Speaker 2: We talked about it more, and since then, I've simply 86 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,839 Speaker 2: left the door to our bedroom open for my dog 87 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 2: to come in and out as he pleases. Some nights 88 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,200 Speaker 2: he sleeps with us, and other nights he chooses to 89 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,920 Speaker 2: stay on the couch. On top of that, I got 90 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 2: a new job a couple of weeks ago and am 91 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:43,080 Speaker 2: able to work from home Mondays and Fridays, which gives 92 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:44,680 Speaker 2: me much more one on one time with my dog 93 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,880 Speaker 2: than I had before. I think I was missing that, 94 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,800 Speaker 2: and I'm beyond happy to have more time at home 95 00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:51,480 Speaker 2: with him during the week. PS tell Chelsea to keep 96 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:53,600 Speaker 2: posting the Doug content. He's such a light during these 97 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,239 Speaker 2: dark times. Much love, Alissa. 98 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 1: Speaking of light during dark times, Doug is getting lighter 99 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 1: in Whistler because of the time. Color. Yeah, in color, 100 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:05,240 Speaker 1: his coat is getting lighter and lighter. And I was like, 101 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 1: why does he have light brown streaks on him? And 102 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:10,559 Speaker 1: I asked my doggie, my person up there who takes 103 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,720 Speaker 1: care of him. Yes, and she was like, oh, when 104 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 1: these types of dogs aren't exposed to the sun, they're 105 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 1: like their bodies, their their coats get lighter. And when 106 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,599 Speaker 1: they're exposed to the sun, their coats get darker. And 107 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:26,560 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, yeah. And I don't know if it's 108 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:29,839 Speaker 1: just chow Chows or all dogs, but it was definitely 109 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,640 Speaker 1: chow Chow's. So I'm gonna have to follow up the bay, 110 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,840 Speaker 1: but it was true. So his hair is like, he's 111 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:36,880 Speaker 1: got tints of red and blonde. I'm like, come on, buddy, 112 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,800 Speaker 1: let's get back to basics. I got you because you 113 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 1: were black. I need you to stay black. 114 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:44,360 Speaker 2: Well, listen, I can't blame my boy for wanting eyelights. 115 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:48,960 Speaker 1: Okay. 116 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:53,560 Speaker 2: Well, our collor today is Kristen and she is a 117 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:56,920 Speaker 2: lesbian in love with a bisexual girl. So she says, 118 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,600 Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty two year old gay woman 119 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:02,560 Speaker 2: and came out at twenty three. Since then, I've unfortunately 120 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 2: found myself in relationships with people who weren't good for me. 121 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:08,600 Speaker 2: Because of this, I sometimes struggle with insecurities even now 122 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,880 Speaker 2: that I'm finally in a healthy, loving relationship. I'm dating 123 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,719 Speaker 2: an amazing woman. She's twenty seven, has a great career, 124 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,240 Speaker 2: and we truly have fun together. We communicate well, we 125 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,479 Speaker 2: laugh a lot, and I love her deeply. For the 126 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,160 Speaker 2: first time, I can see myself wanting marriage because of 127 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:25,040 Speaker 2: my past, I catch myself worrying that I'll somehow sabotage 128 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:28,680 Speaker 2: the relationship with my fears. Here's where my insecurities creep in. 129 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 2: My girlfriend is bisexual, which I fully accept, but I've 130 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,159 Speaker 2: been cheated on in the past by a by partner. 131 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:35,159 Speaker 1: She cheated with a man. 132 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:37,600 Speaker 2: I sometimes spiral into thinking I'll never be able to 133 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,640 Speaker 2: offer what a man could, and it makes me worry 134 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:43,040 Speaker 2: she'll eventually leave in our relationship. She also kept the 135 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:46,120 Speaker 2: door open with another woman before choosing me, which made 136 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,880 Speaker 2: me question whether I was really her first choice. She 137 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,719 Speaker 2: also tells me she finds me most attractive when I'm confident, 138 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,120 Speaker 2: and honestly, I get that because I feel the same 139 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:56,600 Speaker 2: way about women. Confidence is hot and I want to 140 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:58,760 Speaker 2: show up as a confident, badass woman that I know 141 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:01,320 Speaker 2: I am, But when my insecurities creep in, I feel 142 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 2: her attraction fade, and then I spiral even more. 143 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:05,279 Speaker 1: I know I'm a catch. 144 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 2: I have a solid career, I have a PhD and 145 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:11,440 Speaker 2: actively work on equality and Arkansas all places. But sometimes 146 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:13,880 Speaker 2: my fear of being left blindsides me, and I can't 147 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:15,880 Speaker 2: tell if it's my trauma making me feel this way, 148 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,120 Speaker 2: or if my gut is trying to warn me. I 149 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,280 Speaker 2: want to marry this woman. I want to trust her 150 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,680 Speaker 2: fully and stop doubting myself. But how do I know 151 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 2: if these are just my insecurities and trauma talking, or 152 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 2: if they're red flags I'm ignoring best. 153 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:35,080 Speaker 1: Kristin Hi, Kristian, Hi, Hi, those are insecurities and you 154 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,920 Speaker 1: as a woman. This is the most important lesson we 155 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,560 Speaker 1: can learn, is that that negative talk in our brains. 156 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,520 Speaker 1: It's a narrative that every single person has, and it's 157 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,800 Speaker 1: up to you if you're going to decide to listen 158 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,880 Speaker 1: to that narrative, if you're going to decide to listen 159 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 1: to the little voice in your head, which is your 160 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 1: ego telling you, oh, maybe this isn't going to work out. 161 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,440 Speaker 1: Maybe you're not good enough. Maybe that person isn't she 162 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,520 Speaker 1: is going to cheat on you. If if there's nothing 163 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,480 Speaker 1: you can do to control anybody else's behavior, the only 164 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 1: person's behavior that you're in control love is your own. 165 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:07,360 Speaker 1: So you have to reshape the things, the thoughts that 166 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:10,280 Speaker 1: you react to. You know, as a woman, what is 167 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 1: in your gut. You know, if a situation doesn't feel 168 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:16,440 Speaker 1: right right, you've had that feeling, you know that. And 169 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: then there's the differentiation between the thoughts in your head 170 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,520 Speaker 1: that just kind of like you're lying in bed at 171 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,760 Speaker 1: night and you're like, oh, maybe I'm not this or 172 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,720 Speaker 1: maybe they don't like me, or you know, whatever your 173 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:29,240 Speaker 1: negative thought patterns are. That is not your intuition, that's 174 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:32,800 Speaker 1: just your negative narrative. And in order to change that, 175 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,840 Speaker 1: you kind of have to flip the script. You have 176 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,800 Speaker 1: to always be like, those are thoughts, those are that's 177 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:42,840 Speaker 1: not a reality. She's with you. Take things at face value. 178 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:46,760 Speaker 1: Even if she was going to cheat on you, even 179 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:48,880 Speaker 1: if the worst of the worst was going to happen, 180 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:52,480 Speaker 1: there's nothing that your thoughts are going to do to 181 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:55,760 Speaker 1: control that behavior of hers. So you have to trust 182 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:58,840 Speaker 1: in your relationship and with this person that you feel 183 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:01,960 Speaker 1: this passionately about. You have to trust you. You have 184 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,760 Speaker 1: to be like, I'm making a solid decision. She's given 185 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,080 Speaker 1: me evidence that she wants to be with me. She 186 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,880 Speaker 1: was honest about being with someone else and then choosing 187 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:13,040 Speaker 1: you to be with That's not a negative, that's a positive. 188 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:17,480 Speaker 1: That's being transparent because she was right. Yeah. 189 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:21,160 Speaker 3: And I think one of the things too, that comes 190 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:24,440 Speaker 3: with of being insecure, particularly for the gay community. I 191 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:28,160 Speaker 3: feel like as a gay woman that's openly like a lesbian, 192 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,400 Speaker 3: we from like coming out at like thirty, you are 193 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:34,080 Speaker 3: taught that there is no healthy relationship for us, you know, 194 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:35,680 Speaker 3: like being in the South, which is why I do 195 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 3: so much advocacy work with it. I think that a 196 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,480 Speaker 3: lot of people skip that part when it comes to 197 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,200 Speaker 3: why do we have insecurities? Because I think all women 198 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:45,840 Speaker 3: have insecurities, it's just the nature of it. But I 199 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:47,600 Speaker 3: think when you look into the gay community as a 200 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,439 Speaker 3: gay woman, it's all of these things that we've been taught, well, 201 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:52,000 Speaker 3: it's not going to work out because you're gay and 202 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:54,199 Speaker 3: all these things coming from the South, you know, not 203 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,080 Speaker 3: even I didn't even wasn't able to come out until 204 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:59,400 Speaker 3: twenty three so whenever something negative happens to go, oh, 205 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:02,440 Speaker 3: it's because of this, and that's like, you know, like 206 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:06,080 Speaker 3: stopping channeling that negative self talk. And I think for 207 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:09,000 Speaker 3: the gay community, it's really there because we're just taught 208 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:11,200 Speaker 3: it's gonna fail. And I think when you look at 209 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,840 Speaker 3: our relationship and things are working, if this was in 210 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:16,880 Speaker 3: a normal like if I was dating man and I 211 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,240 Speaker 3: was you know, straight, it would be a totally different 212 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:20,680 Speaker 3: world to me. I think where you'd be like, oh, 213 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,960 Speaker 3: they they're with me. You don't have as many securities 214 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 3: because we're tad. Oh that's gonna work out, you know, 215 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,960 Speaker 3: like you can get married, which they're trying to take 216 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,320 Speaker 3: away from upside of rapid pace. 217 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:29,360 Speaker 1: So I think those are. 218 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:34,880 Speaker 3: Things that just aren't that lean into it. And surprisingly 219 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,200 Speaker 3: she's now moved to New York. We're still together. She 220 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:40,760 Speaker 3: got a dream job and fashion in New York. Honestly, 221 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:45,680 Speaker 3: distant who knew is much easier for me, even with insecurities, 222 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,640 Speaker 3: because it's like such a thing like I think you 223 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 3: get time to like not think about that all the time, 224 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:54,079 Speaker 3: and like work, I feel like you being I love 225 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,000 Speaker 3: long distance, not in a bad way, like I love 226 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,120 Speaker 3: being with someone at the same time and having them here. 227 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,960 Speaker 3: But distance is nice because I'm able to filter through 228 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,360 Speaker 3: my thoughts and like work and do my own thing, 229 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:06,320 Speaker 3: but then not be focused on because she's here, of like, 230 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,559 Speaker 3: oh she could leave, you know for some reason. Distance 231 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,520 Speaker 3: for me is like, oh, I can really buy you 232 00:11:10,559 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 3: this person. Trust is really there. You have to lean 233 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,200 Speaker 3: on it, so there's no other way. But I think 234 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:19,280 Speaker 3: the a lot of my insecurities come from that idea. 235 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:22,400 Speaker 1: Narrative that you've been told which is not which is 236 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:27,520 Speaker 1: a story, Like there's thoughts and then there's facts and reality. 237 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:30,760 Speaker 1: Like your thoughts are not reality, They're just thoughts. You 238 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:32,920 Speaker 1: could always be like, oh my god, am I gonna 239 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,000 Speaker 1: have it? Like am I gonna do well tonight? Or 240 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,920 Speaker 1: am I gonna do well at my job? Like if 241 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 1: I go on, well, Actually, I don't have these thoughts 242 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:42,040 Speaker 1: because I've had this conversation with myself. I mean, I'm 243 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,360 Speaker 1: not immune to them, but I work very hard at 244 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:48,280 Speaker 1: being able to delineate the thoughts in your head from 245 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:51,520 Speaker 1: the actions on the ground. You know, what's real is 246 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:54,760 Speaker 1: not what you're thinking. That we all have insecurities around 247 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 1: so many things, and you've been fed a story and 248 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 1: you're choosing to continue to eat that story instead of 249 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:04,640 Speaker 1: putting it aside and being like, no, actually, I'm going 250 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,319 Speaker 1: on to the next meal of my life, which is reality. 251 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:11,040 Speaker 1: You're in a situation, you're in love, and if something 252 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:14,240 Speaker 1: happens in that relationship to change the dynamic that you 253 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,800 Speaker 1: find out about, then that's the time to be like, Okay, 254 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:20,480 Speaker 1: well this is this is face value, this is real. 255 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:24,120 Speaker 1: This isn't your imagination getting the better of you. So 256 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:27,000 Speaker 1: I think it's just an it's a practice and you 257 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,760 Speaker 1: have to really employ it, but you you don't have 258 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:34,440 Speaker 1: time for this old story, like that's not helping you. Yeah. 259 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:36,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, And I told Catherine I think I had said that, 260 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 3: Like I work where my whole job is just identifying problems, right, 261 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,800 Speaker 3: like having PHG. You're just built to identify problems and 262 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,520 Speaker 3: then the problem has to be fixed. And if there's 263 00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:48,440 Speaker 3: no problem, then I have no job and it's useless, right, 264 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:51,840 Speaker 3: So I think to take that out of my work life, 265 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:54,679 Speaker 3: and then it merges so much in a personal life. 266 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,439 Speaker 3: I think, like your work identity, you don't realize it 267 00:12:57,559 --> 00:13:00,679 Speaker 3: because my brain's built to fix things and I don't 268 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,320 Speaker 3: want to fix a person. You know I'm trying to 269 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 3: fix myself if anyone in this, and it's just one 270 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,120 Speaker 3: of those things that makes it hard with so many 271 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:07,880 Speaker 3: things going through. 272 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,600 Speaker 1: But you're exactly right. It's like, how do I shut 273 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:10,240 Speaker 1: that off. 274 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 3: When I'm done at five and not bring it into 275 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,560 Speaker 3: this relationship to be like, there's a problem, I need 276 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:16,040 Speaker 3: to fix it. 277 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,400 Speaker 1: I mean, you should have this conversation with yourself out 278 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,400 Speaker 1: loud daily, Like you leave work and you're like, Okay, 279 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 1: I'm leaving my problem solving and problem creating and troubleshooting. 280 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:28,640 Speaker 1: Talking yourself out loud is a powerful tool. Like leave work, 281 00:13:28,679 --> 00:13:31,000 Speaker 1: You're like, okay, I'm done with work. I'm done with troubleshooting. 282 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,080 Speaker 1: Now I get to get into my personal life and 283 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,560 Speaker 1: my real life. That's my work life and this is 284 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,000 Speaker 1: my real life. And I know exactly what you mean 285 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 1: about bleeding personal life into professional life. My life is 286 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,640 Speaker 1: all kind of one big basket. But I do make 287 00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:47,720 Speaker 1: sure that I have positive conversations with myself, constantly remind 288 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:51,319 Speaker 1: myself that I'm incredible, that I'm brave, that I help people, 289 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,440 Speaker 1: and that you know, so you have to do that 290 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,640 Speaker 1: for yourself too. And it doesn't you don't have to 291 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,120 Speaker 1: do it forever. You just kind of have to flip 292 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:01,280 Speaker 1: the channel, you know what I mean, the channel from 293 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:04,560 Speaker 1: the negative talk and the negative narrative that's been implanted 294 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 1: in your brain from other people. That's not real. That's 295 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:11,320 Speaker 1: a story, and you're done with that story. You know, 296 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:14,120 Speaker 1: you can believe that story or you can move on 297 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:16,319 Speaker 1: with your life in a positive way. So I would 298 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:18,520 Speaker 1: start with saying talking to yourself in a really loving 299 00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:21,280 Speaker 1: way every day, even when you get up, like yeah, 300 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 1: wake up and be like I'm a fucking badass, I'm 301 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:26,240 Speaker 1: in a happy relationship, i have a great job. I'm 302 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,160 Speaker 1: going to go and kick ass today. And when you 303 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,800 Speaker 1: leave work, you're like, that's over. That part of my 304 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,400 Speaker 1: day is over, and now I'm going into my personal 305 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 1: life and remind and write the things down. When you 306 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,000 Speaker 1: do have these thoughts, write it down. And this doesn't 307 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,400 Speaker 1: have to be a permanent habit either. It's just kind 308 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:45,680 Speaker 1: of a transition into a more positive state of mind 309 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 1: and like a little bit more I don't want to 310 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:52,200 Speaker 1: say self esteem, but like self assuredness within your relationship, 311 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,440 Speaker 1: because listen, nobody wants to be with somebody who's insecure 312 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,760 Speaker 1: about being with them. It's not a turn on. Yeah, 313 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,680 Speaker 1: nobody likes that. You know that. You don't like that, Yeah, 314 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,760 Speaker 1: I don't like that. It's it's a nick. So you 315 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:06,120 Speaker 1: have to like when you have those moments, you have 316 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,560 Speaker 1: to sit with yourself and say what is this? Is 317 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,040 Speaker 1: this real or is this a story I'm telling myself? 318 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,480 Speaker 2: And I think it's a It is a really common 319 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,520 Speaker 2: question that people who are dating someone who's bisexual, whether 320 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:18,520 Speaker 2: you're a man or a woman dating someone whose bisexuals, like, 321 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:20,120 Speaker 2: oh am I going to be enough for them? 322 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:26,160 Speaker 1: And I would argue that you're more than yeah, than 323 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:29,720 Speaker 1: a man you can buy at the store, and we 324 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:30,400 Speaker 1: all know that. 325 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,120 Speaker 3: Actually don't yet, So I'm like, it's not me, but 326 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,320 Speaker 3: I always wonder, you know, you're like, oh gosh, I 327 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,680 Speaker 3: don't want to be that. I can't compare, and I don't. 328 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,200 Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm not even in that. 329 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:40,440 Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not competing with that. 330 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,840 Speaker 3: Like if that's like it also new. 331 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 1: What you're saying is just it's so like vast and 332 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 1: that's like me dating someone and being like, what if 333 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:55,160 Speaker 1: he meets a brunette? Right Exactly, it's silly. It's because 334 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,480 Speaker 1: he's dated brunettes before, you know what I mean, Like, 335 00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:00,000 Speaker 1: it doesn't it doesn't matter. You have to show up 336 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,280 Speaker 1: to your relationship and give, like give what you've got 337 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:07,040 Speaker 1: to give, and that's gonna be enough. And if it's 338 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:09,800 Speaker 1: not enough, then you're gonna move on to do something else. 339 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,080 Speaker 1: Even if the relationship were to blow up, you're gonna 340 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:15,240 Speaker 1: survive that too. Like I'm here to tell you everyone 341 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:18,040 Speaker 1: survives all of this stuff, you know, Like we always 342 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,120 Speaker 1: think it's the end of the world and we were 343 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,280 Speaker 1: so worried. I've been in that position when I've been 344 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,560 Speaker 1: in relationships where I've been like, she get a cheat 345 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,760 Speaker 1: on me, I have to call them. You know, this 346 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:30,000 Speaker 1: is you know, a very toxic relationship obviously, but it's like, yeah, 347 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,600 Speaker 1: because when you think like that and you act like that, 348 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,880 Speaker 1: it's almost like you could kind of create that situations. 349 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:36,720 Speaker 2: Like a self fulfilling prophecy. 350 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, And it's so annoying. And I feel like I 351 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,440 Speaker 3: do a good job about not blowing up phones or 352 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:43,200 Speaker 3: like doing anything crazy. It's just one of those things 353 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:45,320 Speaker 3: where I'm like, what's happened? This has never happened to 354 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,320 Speaker 3: me before in my entire life. Either that most of 355 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 3: the time, I'm like, oh, whatever, fuck it, like you know, 356 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:51,680 Speaker 3: but for the first time, I'm like, oh, I really 357 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,240 Speaker 3: like somebody, is this ever gonna happen again? 358 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,800 Speaker 1: And I'm like they get along with my family this. 359 00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,760 Speaker 3: And ever, you know, because being in the South, like 360 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,320 Speaker 3: finally someone that is gay that you can actually go 361 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,000 Speaker 3: and hang out with them and it's cool and it's 362 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,639 Speaker 3: fun and you get to not hide or like have 363 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,040 Speaker 3: to be like, oh, we're just friends, which is such bullshit. 364 00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:10,800 Speaker 3: And it's I'm in this moment where I'm like, oh, 365 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:15,119 Speaker 3: my gosh, I actually care. And I've never felt like insecure, 366 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,920 Speaker 3: like nervous or worried about different things because most of 367 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:19,360 Speaker 3: the time I'm like, oh, I'm just gonna like kick 368 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,320 Speaker 3: us in my job. I've got stuff to do, like, 369 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:24,439 Speaker 3: and it's like where is my confidence? And then I 370 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:26,560 Speaker 3: hear the people make comments, and then you look at 371 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:28,040 Speaker 3: stuff and you're like, am I crazy? 372 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:29,000 Speaker 1: Or is this like as good? 373 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:29,439 Speaker 2: What do you mean? 374 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,240 Speaker 1: You hear other people make comments. 375 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:33,119 Speaker 3: Like when we'll go like we've hung out with a 376 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:36,120 Speaker 3: couple of her friends and they'll mention her being bisexual 377 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,800 Speaker 3: or be like pick your like we'll say something about 378 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,400 Speaker 3: like men or bring it up, and then I feel 379 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:41,600 Speaker 3: like I get a little bit true because I'm like, 380 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,440 Speaker 3: oh my gosh, is that something that she still wants? 381 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,280 Speaker 3: And I'm like, wait, what that? And it's not her 382 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,320 Speaker 3: making the comment, so I'm like, why am I making 383 00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:50,960 Speaker 3: as in my head she's literally not even doing it. 384 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,520 Speaker 3: And then after as just like I'd like that's just stupid, 385 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:55,520 Speaker 3: Like why do we worry about it? 386 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 1: Because she has other shit to do too, you know. 387 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,679 Speaker 3: So I think kind of dealing with stuff with like 388 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,679 Speaker 3: this here and everything everything has me a birthday looking 389 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,080 Speaker 3: at what's going on in the world. I'm like, this 390 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,120 Speaker 3: is too good to be true in these times, which 391 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:07,800 Speaker 3: is terrible. 392 00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:11,120 Speaker 1: But that's just when those feelings come up. I think 393 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:14,119 Speaker 1: it's really important in that moment if you can, Like obviously, 394 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,840 Speaker 1: if you're out with her friends and they say something 395 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:17,800 Speaker 1: like that, you're not gonna go get at your journal 396 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:26,159 Speaker 1: out but yes, yeah, I'm so sorry, But but I 397 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,080 Speaker 1: think it's important to clock those moments, especially when you're 398 00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:31,479 Speaker 1: alone and your mind starts to go. Even if you're 399 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:34,760 Speaker 1: lying down and going to sleep and your mind is spinning, 400 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:37,440 Speaker 1: it's important to just like get up, write it down, 401 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:40,719 Speaker 1: go this is how I'm feeling. This is what triggered it, 402 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:43,480 Speaker 1: what happened. Maybe it's nothing, Maybe it's just you and 403 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,359 Speaker 1: your you know, going through your thoughts at the end 404 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:49,199 Speaker 1: of the day. But like identifying the times when you 405 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:51,560 Speaker 1: start to feel that way and what what triggers it. 406 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,120 Speaker 1: Like for that example, it's perfect, that girl saying that 407 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,960 Speaker 1: triggered you. But then you get into your real self 408 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,560 Speaker 1: and you and you know, wait, this has nothing to 409 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:01,359 Speaker 1: do with me. You didn't say it, They said it, 410 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:05,119 Speaker 1: you know, like it's not real. Again, it's part of 411 00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:08,080 Speaker 1: a conversation. But I think if you write those things 412 00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:12,679 Speaker 1: down and you recognize the pattern, it's easier to shift 413 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,960 Speaker 1: and pivot the pattern, and it's easier to remind yourself 414 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:20,080 Speaker 1: you're safe. You're in a great relationship and a loving relationship, 415 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:24,439 Speaker 1: you have a job. Like, everything's okay. There's nothing for 416 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,960 Speaker 1: you to feel that way about. I mean, everything's that okay. 417 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 1: The world's about to fucking end. But in your personal life, 418 00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:35,240 Speaker 1: everything is okay, right, Yeah, things are stable, Things are stable, 419 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,320 Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, I mean I have to do that 420 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:40,199 Speaker 1: all the time. I'm like, you're safe. I have this 421 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:43,000 Speaker 1: gratitude journal on my phone and I'm like, you are safe. 422 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:45,399 Speaker 1: Like I get so wrapped up in the news and 423 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:49,080 Speaker 1: everything that's happening, and I have to remind myself, Okay, 424 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:52,000 Speaker 1: you know you're safe, you're happy, you have people who 425 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,800 Speaker 1: love you, you're protected, you know, like all of the 426 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,439 Speaker 1: things to remind yourself that, like, there is no point 427 00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:01,040 Speaker 1: in losing your shit over something. It just takes time 428 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,280 Speaker 1: away from happiness and joyfulness. 429 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:07,000 Speaker 3: Right now and this climate, well everything is just like 430 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,520 Speaker 3: I want to be intentional about it, you know, And 431 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:12,159 Speaker 3: it's likely if I'm wasting my attention on something, it 432 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:14,480 Speaker 3: better be like marching in the street, you know what 433 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:15,959 Speaker 3: I mean. Like, I don't want to waste it on 434 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,119 Speaker 3: something that's not real. 435 00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:19,840 Speaker 1: And it's also just differentiating the things that you can 436 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,480 Speaker 1: have control over and the things that you can't. I 437 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:25,520 Speaker 1: went to bed last night and I read this synopsis 438 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:28,679 Speaker 1: about AI that was so dark and so scary, and 439 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,800 Speaker 1: I was like, I obviously shouldn't read that before I 440 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,360 Speaker 1: go to bed, but I shouldn't do half the things 441 00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 1: I do before I go to bed. And I was like, Okay, 442 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,879 Speaker 1: I can either choose to be freaked out about what 443 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:43,520 Speaker 1: could potentially happen that I have absolutely no control over 444 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:48,000 Speaker 1: or I can just be present and be loving and 445 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:51,520 Speaker 1: be kind and enjoy myself while before AI kills us all, 446 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,399 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like, let's focus on the 447 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,720 Speaker 1: moment that you're in and remember to focus on the 448 00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,720 Speaker 1: moment you're in, and when you get out of that moment, 449 00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:01,800 Speaker 1: because you're not present, you know what I mean, and 450 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,120 Speaker 1: your thoughts are racing, and so you have to try 451 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,320 Speaker 1: to get back into the present moment. And if it's 452 00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:08,960 Speaker 1: happening at night when you're sleeping, literally write down what 453 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,680 Speaker 1: you feel white like if something triggered it, and then 454 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,400 Speaker 1: think about the things that do make you feel good, 455 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:18,280 Speaker 1: you know, focus your attention and intention on the things 456 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,359 Speaker 1: that are good in your life and all of the 457 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:21,760 Speaker 1: things that you can control. 458 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:23,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure. 459 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:24,879 Speaker 1: And then by the way, that just makes you a 460 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,960 Speaker 1: more attractive person all the way around. Do you know 461 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:27,400 Speaker 1: what I mean? 462 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,800 Speaker 3: No, for sure, I don't know. It's just been a 463 00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:33,399 Speaker 3: weird time. It's a fine time right now, you know, 464 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,359 Speaker 3: I mean, I hate today. It's just a weird time 465 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:37,359 Speaker 3: to just kind of be I understand through stuff and 466 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,359 Speaker 3: everything feels like a problem and it's you know, there 467 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,119 Speaker 3: are so many good things that feel good about and 468 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:42,600 Speaker 3: be happy. 469 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,159 Speaker 1: But I mean, like you said so many positive things already. 470 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,360 Speaker 1: You said you have a long distance relationship that's even 471 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:50,480 Speaker 1: better than you expected. Like that's a victory that you're 472 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:52,960 Speaker 1: having a good reaction to it. That's a sign of maturity, 473 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:56,440 Speaker 1: a sign of independence, you know. Like, that's that's good 474 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:59,040 Speaker 1: that you feel that way. You're in a loving relationship 475 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:00,600 Speaker 1: with someone you're in love with that you want to 476 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,040 Speaker 1: spend the rest of your life with. That's a good thing. 477 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,480 Speaker 1: You have all these good things in your life, Like 478 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,679 Speaker 1: fucking focus on them for sure. 479 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,480 Speaker 2: Well, thank you so much for calling in, and thanks 480 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:19,439 Speaker 2: for calling in. Yeah, thanks you, guys, Kristen, see you guys. Okay, 481 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,879 Speaker 2: all right, Chelsea, We're gonna wrap up with a quickie 482 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,639 Speaker 2: that I feel like only you can answer. So doctor 483 00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:28,520 Speaker 2: Amy says, dear Chelsea. I'm endlessly impressed with your ability 484 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,960 Speaker 2: to bring awareness and humor to the issues which continue 485 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,920 Speaker 2: to oppress and annoy women, particularly men, and open toad shoes. 486 00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:38,280 Speaker 2: I find feet in general pretty revolting, and I think 487 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:41,320 Speaker 2: that people should wear clothsed toed shoes at all times, 488 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:44,720 Speaker 2: with rare exceptions. This view is not only for esthetics. 489 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:48,520 Speaker 2: But for safety. I'm a veterinarian with a small goat farm, 490 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,240 Speaker 2: so nowhere in my world would exposed toes be a 491 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,920 Speaker 2: good idea. As a female veterinarian, I'm often in situations 492 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,560 Speaker 2: where I'm treated with less respect than my male counterparts. 493 00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:59,879 Speaker 2: It's not uncommon to enter an exam room and have 494 00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:03,400 Speaker 2: a client wearing flip flops sitting down with their terrified 495 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:07,000 Speaker 2: dog hiding between their legs under the chair. This is 496 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,640 Speaker 2: a particular type of male client who will just sit 497 00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,600 Speaker 2: there completely unhelpful, while I'm on my hands and knees 498 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,080 Speaker 2: trying to coax their dog out of their cratch, and 499 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:18,399 Speaker 2: can currently gagging at the sight of their nasty exposed feet. 500 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:20,680 Speaker 2: I'm also at a point in my career where I'm 501 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:23,879 Speaker 2: often working with young veterinarians eighty five or eighty percent 502 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,520 Speaker 2: of whom are female. I try to lead by example 503 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:30,080 Speaker 2: on how to handle microaggressions and gender disparities. Regarding the 504 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,919 Speaker 2: fit situation. I have always just sucked it up, but 505 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:35,119 Speaker 2: I don't want that for the younger generations. Do you 506 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:38,720 Speaker 2: think there's anything I can do differently? Sincerely, Doctor Amy. 507 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,919 Speaker 1: Yeah, Doctor Amy. Put a sign outside your office that 508 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:48,199 Speaker 1: says footwear required, full footwear required, no open toed shoes. 509 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,159 Speaker 1: And while I understand a lot of people go to 510 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:53,760 Speaker 1: the vet in an emergency situation, like that's okay, you're 511 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,280 Speaker 1: putting the message out there. You're putting the message out there. 512 00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,840 Speaker 1: They're still going to get serviced. But we've crossed full 513 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:03,440 Speaker 1: foot coverage. There's nothing wrong with putting that on a 514 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:07,480 Speaker 1: sign or we appreciate full foot coverage. We appreciate full 515 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:12,439 Speaker 1: So it's more of a suggest for safety. Yeah, for safety. 516 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,520 Speaker 2: And I think with the you know, when you have 517 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,399 Speaker 2: to coax the dog up, that is something like you 518 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:20,080 Speaker 2: let the owner do. Just ask them straight up, like hey, 519 00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:21,840 Speaker 2: can you get your dog to come over here so 520 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,640 Speaker 2: we can lift them up on the table or whatever, 521 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,880 Speaker 2: But make that the owner's responsibility to get the dog 522 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,760 Speaker 2: out from where they are. And I mean, I think 523 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:30,919 Speaker 2: ninety nine percent of people will comply. They're just like 524 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,960 Speaker 2: not thinking straight to like move their dog for you. 525 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:36,440 Speaker 2: So I would just say like, yeah, can you bring 526 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:37,800 Speaker 2: your dog out and then we can get them on 527 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:41,040 Speaker 2: the table. But yeah, I think we agree with doctor Amy. 528 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,679 Speaker 2: I think closed toad shoes, especially on men, is is ideal. 529 00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:45,639 Speaker 1: I had I was at a ski lodge, like a 530 00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:47,840 Speaker 1: Helly ski lodge a couple of weeks ago, and there 531 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:49,560 Speaker 1: was a couple there that I was like, really, we 532 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,400 Speaker 1: were hanging out with it, and they were really cute 533 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,159 Speaker 1: and we had a good time with them. But the 534 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,840 Speaker 1: man did wear flip flops at a ski lodge and 535 00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,000 Speaker 1: I had to look away, and I was like, all right, 536 00:24:58,040 --> 00:24:59,800 Speaker 1: this guy's going to get a pass because, like you know, 537 00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,400 Speaker 1: is you're having a good time, I worry. I we're 538 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,320 Speaker 1: having a good time. And I liked him. I didn't 539 00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:06,639 Speaker 1: want to brade him, but you know, I try to 540 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,680 Speaker 1: pick and choose my moments, but it was like, we're 541 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:10,879 Speaker 1: at a Helli ski lodge the time you want to 542 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:12,000 Speaker 1: break out your flip flops. 543 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, there is always there is like a weird thing 544 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,280 Speaker 2: where it doesn't matter how cold it is outside, even 545 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:20,320 Speaker 2: in the Midwest or Northeast, like there will be a 546 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:23,080 Speaker 2: white man in shorts and flip flops, Like somewhere there 547 00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:25,639 Speaker 2: will be it doesn't matter if it's twenty below. 548 00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,600 Speaker 1: I who ever came up with flip flops needs to 549 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:32,160 Speaker 1: get sued, and I should be the one. I believe 550 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:32,919 Speaker 1: in it. I believe in it. 551 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:33,560 Speaker 3: I think you should. 552 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,680 Speaker 1: Okay, Well, that's all for this week. All right, bye, guys, 553 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:38,879 Speaker 1: see you next week. 554 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,600 Speaker 2: If you want advice from Chelsea, right into Dear Chelsea 555 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,000 Speaker 2: podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production 556 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:50,040 Speaker 2: of iHeartMedia. Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler 557 00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:53,639 Speaker 2: and find Catherine on TikTok at flash Cadabra. Dear Chelsea 558 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:58,000 Speaker 2: is edited and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Catherine Law. 559 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,360 Speaker 2: Find full video episodes and many pisodes now on Netflix, 560 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,080 Speaker 2: and get tickets to see Chelsea live at Chelseahanler dot 561 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:08,600 Speaker 2: com