1
00:00:01,280 --> 00:00:03,640
Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if you need

2
00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:07,920
Speaker 1: advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more. Please

3
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,879
Speaker 1: submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve RVFM dot com and

4
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:15,080
Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter

5
00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:18,080
Speaker 1: live on the air, just like we're going to read

6
00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:20,400
Speaker 1: this one right here, right now. You never know. It

7
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:23,520
Speaker 1: could be yours. It could be yours. Fuck a lump

8
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,280
Speaker 1: and hold on tight. We got it for you. Here

9
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:31,240
Speaker 1: it your Strawberry Letter. Subject, He's not welcome in my house.

10
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:35,000
Speaker 1: Dear Stephen Shirley. I'm a thirty two year old black

11
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:39,280
Speaker 1: man married to a white woman who is thirty years old.

12
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:42,199
Speaker 1: We've been married for four years and have two children.

13
00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:45,680
Speaker 1: My wife has two older brothers. One lives in the

14
00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:49,040
Speaker 1: same subdivision as us and the other lives out of state,

15
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:52,960
Speaker 1: and I have never met him because I'm black. When

16
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,800
Speaker 1: I proposed to my wife, he told my wife that

17
00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,880
Speaker 1: he'd never accept her marrying an N word, and it

18
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:03,480
Speaker 1: broke my heart. They still talk occasionally, but their relationship

19
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,600
Speaker 1: is damaged forever. I have never gotten this type of

20
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,600
Speaker 1: negative energy from my wife's other brother, and her parents

21
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:12,720
Speaker 1: treat me like I'm their son. Last year, we celebrated

22
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:16,600
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving at my in law's house in Kentucky, and everyone

23
00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:20,319
Speaker 1: came to dinner except her racist brother. Her father has

24
00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,880
Speaker 1: tried to talk some sense into his racist son, and

25
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:26,280
Speaker 1: I've told him it's totally fine and he's allowed to

26
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:29,319
Speaker 1: feel how he wants to feel. The kicker is that

27
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,280
Speaker 1: he's the one child in the family that's foods up

28
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,920
Speaker 1: every job he's ever had. He won't get vaccinated, and

29
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:39,399
Speaker 1: he thinks all lives matter. He is one of those

30
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:42,399
Speaker 1: people that I wouldn't try to talk to anyway. My

31
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:45,880
Speaker 1: father in law is adamant about changing his views, and

32
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,559
Speaker 1: he's asked if this dude can come to Thanksgiving dinner

33
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,720
Speaker 1: at my home this year. I told him that I

34
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:55,760
Speaker 1: would cancel hosting dinner if he insists on having this

35
00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:58,560
Speaker 1: dude in my home. My wife got a call this

36
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,720
Speaker 1: week from a brother and aologize to her and asked

37
00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:04,160
Speaker 1: if she would talk to me, talk me into letting

38
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,320
Speaker 1: him break bread with us this year. I told her,

39
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:11,000
Speaker 1: hell no, he's not welcome in my house. She told

40
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:14,239
Speaker 1: me that she'd respect my wishes, but it's tearing her

41
00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,880
Speaker 1: up inside. Her mother is my girl, and she called

42
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:21,120
Speaker 1: and asked if i'd reconsider I'm looking like the angry

43
00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:24,399
Speaker 1: black dude? So should I allow the racist to come

44
00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:29,079
Speaker 1: to dinner? All right, I gotta tell you, first off,

45
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:32,239
Speaker 1: please don't buy into the racial stereotype of the angry

46
00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,040
Speaker 1: black man, because you are more than justified and how

47
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:38,800
Speaker 1: you feel, especially you know, when there's racism involved, there's

48
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,120
Speaker 1: a lot weighing on this. You've got your wife who's

49
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:44,000
Speaker 1: right in the middle of her family conflict. But of

50
00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:47,880
Speaker 1: course she's choosing you wisely. The rest of her family

51
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,400
Speaker 1: is cool and treat you well, you say, but I

52
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,400
Speaker 1: got to ask you this, what did you think was

53
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:55,440
Speaker 1: going to happen as a black man? Did you not

54
00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:59,400
Speaker 1: think there was a possibility there would be maybe that

55
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:03,320
Speaker 1: some of the family wouldn't accept you. And listen, I'm

56
00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:07,000
Speaker 1: a person that's all about forgiveness and moving forward and

57
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,960
Speaker 1: all of that. But blatant racism and someone calling you

58
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:13,519
Speaker 1: the N word, Come on, it's real hard to take

59
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,880
Speaker 1: the high road when stuff like that happens. You just

60
00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:18,720
Speaker 1: can't ignore it and break bread with this clown at

61
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:23,480
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving dinner. No, surely a fight will break out, but

62
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:26,040
Speaker 1: you know, then again, this is the family you married

63
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,360
Speaker 1: into with the racist brother and all, and you have

64
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:32,560
Speaker 1: to address it, and you should address it. I mean

65
00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:35,120
Speaker 1: it would make your wife happy for one thing. And

66
00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:38,440
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving Day, where everyone is there, is a good time

67
00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:41,200
Speaker 1: to try and resolve this issue. So I say yes,

68
00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:44,520
Speaker 1: invite the racist brother to your home, your turf, where

69
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:47,280
Speaker 1: if he starts acting a fool, you can put him out.

70
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,600
Speaker 1: You know, you should put it all out there, say

71
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:52,920
Speaker 1: everything you want to say. Hear him out. See if

72
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,280
Speaker 1: you notice a change or something in him. You should

73
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,840
Speaker 1: get an apologies, which you should get some sort of

74
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,880
Speaker 1: change in his behavior if he's truly remorseful, and then

75
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,320
Speaker 1: maybe you guys can build from there. If it's real.

76
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,880
Speaker 1: I mean, it's worth the shot. I think. I'm sure

77
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:11,040
Speaker 1: your wife will appreciate the fact that you did this

78
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:14,400
Speaker 1: for her. And I think, do it before dinner so

79
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:21,760
Speaker 1: you can enjoy your Thanksgiving meal. Steve, Well, No, I

80
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,679
Speaker 1: don't have a vastly different opinion. You said a couple

81
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:26,800
Speaker 1: of things I agree with. I just don't agree with

82
00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:31,919
Speaker 1: the order because first of all, look, man, you're married

83
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:36,280
Speaker 1: into a different family, which is okay. It happens all

84
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,640
Speaker 1: the time. Love is love. I say this all the time.

85
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:42,000
Speaker 1: People should marry who they love, regardless of your skin color.

86
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,680
Speaker 1: But we all know the problems are going to come

87
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,520
Speaker 1: up in a marriage. I don't care what color the

88
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:52,080
Speaker 1: person is, but when another person does care about the color,

89
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:57,159
Speaker 1: we have an instant problem. Everybody's cool, what you accept

90
00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:01,279
Speaker 1: her brother, the father has taught to him, the mother

91
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:05,039
Speaker 1: has talked to him, Your other brother has talked to him.

92
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:09,640
Speaker 1: Everybody talked to him. But he's not accepting the fact

93
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:14,000
Speaker 1: that she's marrying it. In words, now, I'm gonna get

94
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:17,520
Speaker 1: to what I think the solution to this could be.

95
00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:21,280
Speaker 1: But I also understand if you don't accept what I'm

96
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:27,760
Speaker 1: about to say, because I perfectly understand exactly how you feel.

97
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:32,960
Speaker 1: That right there is a tough peal to swallow. Now,

98
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,680
Speaker 1: you all have been trying to get him to come around.

99
00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:40,800
Speaker 1: He refuses it. Now the Thanksgiving dinner as at your house.

100
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,880
Speaker 1: Now everybody's asking you, and his mother called you and

101
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:49,640
Speaker 1: asked you to reconsider, and she's always been kind to you.

102
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:53,440
Speaker 1: Your wife asked you to consider it, but she also

103
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,960
Speaker 1: said the very smart thing, I would respect your wishes

104
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:00,880
Speaker 1: because okay, this is a good marriage. My husband still

105
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:06,520
Speaker 1: lives here. I got to honor his wishes. Now he

106
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:10,880
Speaker 1: went about it the wrong way. He asked his sister

107
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:16,200
Speaker 1: to talk to you about allowing you to come. That's

108
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,760
Speaker 1: some coward to ask mess right there. What you got

109
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:23,320
Speaker 1: your sister going to undo your damn dirty work for

110
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:29,080
Speaker 1: that to me is foul again. So you're doing everything,

111
00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:33,440
Speaker 1: mister white racist, except deal with the fact that you

112
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:37,400
Speaker 1: are the white racist. When I come back, I offer

113
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:41,560
Speaker 1: my potential solution. All right, thank you, Steve. We'll have

114
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,200
Speaker 1: part two of Steve's response coming up at twenty three

115
00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:47,280
Speaker 1: minutes after the hour of today's Strawberry Letters. Subject He's

116
00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:50,360
Speaker 1: not Welcome in my house. We'll get back into it

117
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:55,800
Speaker 1: right after this you're listening to all right, come on, Steve,

118
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:59,600
Speaker 1: let's recap today's Strawberry letter. He's not welcome in my

119
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,960
Speaker 1: house is the subject. Well, the thirty twoyear old black

120
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,359
Speaker 1: guy has a problem. He's married to a white woman.

121
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:09,039
Speaker 1: That's not his problem. Or she's thirty, been married for

122
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,800
Speaker 1: four years, they got two kids. Your wife got two

123
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:14,960
Speaker 1: older brother living the same subdivision as us. That's one

124
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,200
Speaker 1: of them, an other and out of state. You've never

125
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,480
Speaker 1: met the other one out of state because you're black,

126
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:24,280
Speaker 1: because he never approved of her marrying an in word

127
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:29,720
Speaker 1: quote unquote. Now they still talk occasionally, but their relationship

128
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:34,040
Speaker 1: is damaged forever. I've never gotten this negative energy from

129
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:37,160
Speaker 1: my wife's other brother and her parents. They treat me

130
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:40,560
Speaker 1: like their son. And last year they celebrated Thanksgiving out

131
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:43,080
Speaker 1: the in law's house in Kentucky. Everybody came, but then

132
00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:47,080
Speaker 1: accept a racist brother a father and tried talking him

133
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:51,040
Speaker 1: sense into this boy. I've told him it's totally fine

134
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,920
Speaker 1: and he's allowed to feel how he wants to feel.

135
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,320
Speaker 1: The kicker is that he's the one child in the

136
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:59,200
Speaker 1: family that screws up every job he's ever had. He

137
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:04,040
Speaker 1: won't get accentating. He thinks all lives matter. He's one

138
00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:09,240
Speaker 1: of those people I wouldn't try to talk to anyway. Okay,

139
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:13,880
Speaker 1: I got it. Now, your father in law is adamant

140
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:19,360
Speaker 1: about changing his son's views. Now this shiit of Thanksgiving

141
00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:23,520
Speaker 1: dinner is at charles house and he's asked if this

142
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:26,720
Speaker 1: dude could come to Thanksgiving dinner at your house. I

143
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:31,120
Speaker 1: told him I would counsel hosting dinner if he insists

144
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:34,760
Speaker 1: on having this dude in my house. Then your wife

145
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,800
Speaker 1: got a call this week from her brother and he

146
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:41,080
Speaker 1: apologized to her and asked if she would talk me

147
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:45,600
Speaker 1: into letting him break bread with us this year. That's

148
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:49,079
Speaker 1: the cowardice that I don't like in this letter. So

149
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,600
Speaker 1: you can call a man an inn word. You want

150
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:55,800
Speaker 1: to come to his house, but you won't your sister

151
00:08:56,600 --> 00:09:00,120
Speaker 1: to talk to you about it and apologize. No, man,

152
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:05,280
Speaker 1: that's your damn job you to screw up. You made

153
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:09,679
Speaker 1: the violation. The only way this could work. I told her,

154
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,960
Speaker 1: hell no, he ain't welcome in my house. She told

155
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,319
Speaker 1: me she respect my wishes, but it's tearing her up inside.

156
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:17,600
Speaker 1: Her mother is my girl. She called and asked me

157
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,760
Speaker 1: if I reconsider I'm looking like the angry black dude. No,

158
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,200
Speaker 1: you're not. No, you're not. You know you're not looking

159
00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:26,720
Speaker 1: like the angry black dude. You looking like a victim

160
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,880
Speaker 1: of racism. And they need to get a close up

161
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:31,600
Speaker 1: view of what they look like because the racist is

162
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:35,000
Speaker 1: in their damn family. So should I allow this racist

163
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:40,079
Speaker 1: to come to dinner? Now? Here we go. I agree

164
00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:44,559
Speaker 1: with everything you've said in this letter, and I understand

165
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:51,960
Speaker 1: exactly how you feel, and I don't know if I

166
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,960
Speaker 1: would allow him in my home. She brought him with

167
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,719
Speaker 1: you one thousand percent on this. You're not wrong on

168
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:04,360
Speaker 1: any stretch of the amountagination problem. The whole problem is

169
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,840
Speaker 1: they asking you to be the biggest man of them

170
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,240
Speaker 1: all and allow a person in your house that didn't

171
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:21,120
Speaker 1: call you the end. That's hard, man, that's a big ask. Now.

172
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,240
Speaker 1: I know it's their family and they gonna love him

173
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:29,240
Speaker 1: regardless as they should. But he ain't your family, and

174
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:31,439
Speaker 1: you ain't got to love him. See a difference between

175
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,520
Speaker 1: family and friends. You get to pick your friends. You

176
00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:35,160
Speaker 1: said in a letter, this is not a guy you

177
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,600
Speaker 1: would talk to anyway. You wouldn't even pick him as

178
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:41,440
Speaker 1: a friend. But he came with that damn family and

179
00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:47,400
Speaker 1: he is the rotten apple in that family. So now

180
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:55,640
Speaker 1: I don't understand how he thinks that by calling your

181
00:10:55,840 --> 00:11:00,720
Speaker 1: wife and apologizing to her and then ask if she

182
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,920
Speaker 1: would talk you into letting him break bread with us

183
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:08,440
Speaker 1: this year, well see, now this is what the you

184
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:12,760
Speaker 1: know now would now didn't come to a head. Here's

185
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:19,400
Speaker 1: what the coward racist should have done. Can I talk

186
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:24,040
Speaker 1: to him? Man to man, I disagree with Shirley. This

187
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,400
Speaker 1: is a wonderful time to solve it. At Thanksgiving all,

188
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,920
Speaker 1: you ain't coming to my house, messing up my damn holiday.

189
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,319
Speaker 1: We have Thanksgiving once a year. You're not coming to

190
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,200
Speaker 1: my house to talk about why you didn't call me

191
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:36,400
Speaker 1: the N word. Now, if we want to meet with

192
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:43,760
Speaker 1: me one on one somewhere outside of my home before Thanksgiving,

193
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:48,000
Speaker 1: get him. I'll give you an opportunity to say what

194
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:50,880
Speaker 1: you want to say. I'll give you an opportunity to

195
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:53,839
Speaker 1: make me feel better about having your racist ass in

196
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,720
Speaker 1: my house. I'll give you an opportunity to tell me

197
00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:00,319
Speaker 1: how you calling me the N word now all of

198
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:03,360
Speaker 1: a sudden way, that person at that versus the one

199
00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:07,840
Speaker 1: that's coming to my house prior to Thanksgiving Day. Because

200
00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:11,280
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving Day ought to be just family sitting around eating,

201
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:15,560
Speaker 1: watching football, having a good time. The day of Thanksgiving

202
00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:18,880
Speaker 1: is not the day to resolve this conflict. The coward

203
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,880
Speaker 1: racist should have enough gumption in his body, which he

204
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:28,480
Speaker 1: don't have. Most racist are cowards. You need to talk

205
00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:31,360
Speaker 1: to me, man to man before the week, and then

206
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:36,719
Speaker 1: you decide from that. If he can apologize and tell

207
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:40,439
Speaker 1: you he was wrong, that he's grown and he's changed,

208
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:44,600
Speaker 1: he's trying to become a better man. And then if you,

209
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,120
Speaker 1: for the sake of your wife and your family won't

210
00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:50,880
Speaker 1: allow him to come to your house. That be one thing,

211
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:55,679
Speaker 1: or the simple thing was we haven't Thanksgiving at your

212
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,920
Speaker 1: mom and daddy's house and we can all go there.

213
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:02,960
Speaker 1: I don't really know how you're gonna get past this one,

214
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:05,680
Speaker 1: all right, Steve, thank you. Post your comments on today's

215
00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:09,160
Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter. It's Steve HARVEFM on Instagram and Facebook, and

216
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,920
Speaker 1: check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand coming up

217
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,960
Speaker 1: at forty six minutes after you know what time, it

218
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:16,960
Speaker 1: is time for junior and sports talk. Right after this,

219
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,959
Speaker 1: you're listening to the Stave Harvey Morning Show