1 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:06,840 Speaker 1: Let's be honest. Life is stressful, its work, its relationships, 2 00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:09,239 Speaker 1: and the state of the world. But there's a way 3 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:12,799 Speaker 1: to bring that stress level down. Calm. It's the number 4 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,320 Speaker 1: one app for mental wellness with tons of content to 5 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:20,760 Speaker 1: manage anxiety, promote concentration, and help you unwind. There's music, meditation, 6 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,840 Speaker 1: and more. Calm makes it easy to de stress. You 7 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:27,720 Speaker 1: can literally do a one minute breathing exercise. Personally, I 8 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:31,560 Speaker 1: love the soundscapes. Nothing like a little rain on leaves 9 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:34,880 Speaker 1: to help soothe my nervous system. I've actually been working 10 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:36,920 Speaker 1: with Calm for a couple of years now, and I'd 11 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,400 Speaker 1: love for you to check out my series on reducing 12 00:00:39,479 --> 00:00:44,600 Speaker 1: overwhelm eight short practices Quick Relief. Right now, listeners of 13 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 1: On Purpose get forty percent off a subscription to Calm 14 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:52,199 Speaker 1: Premium at Calm dot com. Forward slash j that's c 15 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 1: LM dot com Forward slash jay for forty percent off. 16 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:02,400 Speaker 1: Calm your mind, change your life. You can't hate yourself 17 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:06,279 Speaker 1: into changing because you don't invest, you don't give time, 18 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:09,920 Speaker 1: you don't give energy to someone you hate. So if 19 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: you hate yourself, how can you bring out the best 20 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:16,760 Speaker 1: in yourself? If you hate yourself, how can you build 21 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,400 Speaker 1: a life that you're excited by. 22 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:21,759 Speaker 2: The number one health and wellness. 23 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:28,959 Speaker 1: Podcast, Stay Sheety jay, sheety s jaso. Hey everyone, welcome 24 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,360 Speaker 1: back to On Purpose, the number one health and wellness 25 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 1: podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one 26 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:38,360 Speaker 1: of you that come back every week to become a happier, 27 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:43,240 Speaker 1: healthier and more healed. If you're here right now, it's 28 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:47,680 Speaker 1: because you believe that your mental health is a priority 29 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:50,240 Speaker 1: in your life. And I'm so grateful that in twenty 30 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:54,160 Speaker 1: twenty four you're making the time, taking the time, investing 31 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:59,760 Speaker 1: your energy in making this a top top priority. Now. 32 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:04,280 Speaker 1: Today day's episode is all about how to silence your 33 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 1: inner critic when it gets too loud and tells you 34 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:11,519 Speaker 1: to give up. How many of you in the last 35 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:15,840 Speaker 1: seven days have heard your inner critic say you're not 36 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,799 Speaker 1: good enough? Well, then this episode is for you. How 37 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:23,000 Speaker 1: many of you have heard your inner critics say you 38 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:26,480 Speaker 1: just can't get it together? Can you? Well, then this 39 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:29,160 Speaker 1: episode is for you. How many of you have heard 40 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:32,680 Speaker 1: your inner critic say, have you seen what they're doing? 41 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,200 Speaker 1: Have you seen how far behind you are already? Can 42 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,560 Speaker 1: you believe it's only the end of January and you've 43 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:43,359 Speaker 1: already fallen apart. If the answer is yes, this episode 44 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:47,840 Speaker 1: is for you. Research shows that only nine percent of 45 00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:52,119 Speaker 1: people that make resolutions complete them. In fact, research goes 46 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,800 Speaker 1: on to show that twenty three percent of people quit 47 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,079 Speaker 1: their resolution by the end of the first week and 48 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:02,120 Speaker 1: forty three percent quit by the end of January. If 49 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:06,440 Speaker 1: you are one of those people, this episode is for you. 50 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:09,800 Speaker 1: And by the way, some of you may still be 51 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:13,320 Speaker 1: going on strong, but your inner critic is still loud. 52 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 1: Even if you're nailing your new As resolution, you're getting 53 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,919 Speaker 1: it right, you're on point, you're still hearing that voice 54 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 1: say you're not good enough, you're not strong enough, you're 55 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:28,960 Speaker 1: not moving fast enough, you're not getting better enough. So interesting, now, 56 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:36,040 Speaker 1: what's really interesting is we're not struggling because we broke 57 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:39,680 Speaker 1: our new As resolution. We break our new As resolution 58 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,440 Speaker 1: because of how we talk to ourselves. Think about that 59 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:47,200 Speaker 1: for a second. The reason we quit doing something is 60 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:51,120 Speaker 1: because of the story we tell ourselves about it. Think 61 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,640 Speaker 1: about the last time you quit something. Think about the 62 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,800 Speaker 1: last time you gave up on something. Think about the 63 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,839 Speaker 1: last time you had a habit that you couldn't keep up. 64 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:04,560 Speaker 1: Promise you that somewhere your inner critic told you that 65 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 1: you should feel guilty, embarrassed, ashamed because of where you were, 66 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:13,880 Speaker 1: and there's no point in carrying on. You fell off 67 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:17,040 Speaker 1: once and your inner critic said, you're just going to 68 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:21,880 Speaker 1: fall off again, what's the point. Or you're doing something brilliantly, 69 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:25,680 Speaker 1: and your inner critic said, you're still behind, you'll never 70 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:30,279 Speaker 1: catch up. We don't fail because we're not disciplined. It's 71 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:33,800 Speaker 1: because of how we talk to ourselves when we mess up, 72 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:40,039 Speaker 1: when we lose a sense of discipline, a habit, a routine. 73 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:45,040 Speaker 1: The way we talk to ourselves is what steals away 74 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:49,880 Speaker 1: our momentum, our drive, our enthusiasm, our energy. It's how 75 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:54,279 Speaker 1: we speak to ourselves in the quiet moments, in the 76 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:59,600 Speaker 1: silent moments, in the moments in between, that defines what 77 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:04,159 Speaker 1: happened outside of it. Now, I'm sure all of you 78 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 1: are listening right now and thinking, jay I can relate 79 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:12,280 Speaker 1: to all of this. And what's fascinating when I was 80 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,560 Speaker 1: looking at the research is there are two broad types 81 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:20,640 Speaker 1: of self criticism. From a researcher named Sullivan, a clinical 82 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:25,960 Speaker 1: psychologist based in Atlanta. Now, some of these thoughts this 83 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 1: in a critic is first person I statements like I'm 84 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:38,280 Speaker 1: so lazy, I'm so complacent, I'm so not smart enough, right, 85 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,440 Speaker 1: whatever it may be, it's I'm so fill in the blank. 86 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:47,279 Speaker 1: And other people use second person language like you didn't 87 00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:51,040 Speaker 1: go to the gym all week, or you're not good enough, 88 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 1: or you're never going to get that job, or you 89 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:59,200 Speaker 1: can never start a podcast. This second type of statement 90 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,840 Speaker 1: tends to be really really challenging to listen to, and 91 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:07,920 Speaker 1: Sulomon says that our brains process those thoughts as if 92 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:11,920 Speaker 1: someone in a position of authority is talking to us. 93 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:16,000 Speaker 1: They know all our flaws, and they pretend like they 94 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:19,560 Speaker 1: can predict the future. Right when you're hearing that voice 95 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:22,799 Speaker 1: that says you can't do it, you're not good enough, 96 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:28,880 Speaker 1: you're not smart enough, it's actually even more challenging. So, 97 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,640 Speaker 1: whether you're hearing I'm so lazy, or whether you're hearing 98 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:37,400 Speaker 1: you're so lazy, I'm going to share with you seven principles, 99 00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 1: seven tips and hacks to help you navigate your inner 100 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:45,040 Speaker 1: critic and build a healthier relationship with the inner critic 101 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:48,599 Speaker 1: so that you can actually engage in a dialogue with it. Now. 102 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:52,600 Speaker 1: These tips are super practical, super accessible. You'll be able 103 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:55,599 Speaker 1: to implement them right away from today. You won't have 104 00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:58,159 Speaker 1: to buy something or develop a new skill or tool 105 00:06:58,240 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 1: or whatever it may be. You'll be able to do 106 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 1: this today. So take a screenshot of your favorite ones, 107 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:07,560 Speaker 1: make notes, share this with a friend, because this episode 108 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,920 Speaker 1: is going to help you become kinded to yourself, more 109 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:15,560 Speaker 1: compassionate to yourself, yet still let you be driven and ambitious. 110 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,680 Speaker 1: I think that's our worry. Our worry is that if 111 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:22,720 Speaker 1: we're not hard on ourselves, then we won't achieve great things. 112 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 1: But we're scared that if we're too kind to ourselves 113 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,920 Speaker 1: then will be lethargic or complacent. Right, how many times 114 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,600 Speaker 1: have you ever thought to yourself, well, if I don't 115 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,840 Speaker 1: put pressure on myself, then I'm just going to coast. 116 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,360 Speaker 1: And how many times have you tried to think, well, 117 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:40,880 Speaker 1: I'm going to put so much pressure on myself, but 118 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:45,360 Speaker 1: that also limits your ability. So in this episode, I'm 119 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,960 Speaker 1: going to help you understand how do you navigate the 120 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 1: inner critic so that you can still be ambitious and 121 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:56,320 Speaker 1: driven and succeed in whatever way you describe that word, 122 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:02,640 Speaker 1: and at the same time be kind, compassionate, and mindful. Now, 123 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 1: let me ask you a question when was the last 124 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 1: time you helped someone that you hate? If your answer 125 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:14,240 Speaker 1: was never, great, if your answer was actually, I do 126 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:19,440 Speaker 1: remember helping someone I hate, how consistently and how constantly 127 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 1: did you help that person? Generally, we don't help people 128 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:26,640 Speaker 1: that we hate. We don't invest in people that we hate, 129 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:32,719 Speaker 1: especially not consistently or constantly. So think about this. We 130 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 1: think we can hate ourselves into changing, but you can 131 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:40,680 Speaker 1: only love yourself into changing. Let me say that again. 132 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:45,680 Speaker 1: You can't hate yourself into changing because you don't invest, 133 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:49,080 Speaker 1: you don't give time, you don't give energy to someone 134 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:52,760 Speaker 1: you hate. So if you hate yourself, how can you 135 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:55,800 Speaker 1: bring out the best in yourself? If you hate yourself, 136 00:08:56,400 --> 00:09:01,840 Speaker 1: how can you build a life that you're excited by it. So, 137 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 1: just recognizing that this mindset of I'm going to criticize myself, 138 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,720 Speaker 1: I'm going to put pressure on myself, I'm going to 139 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:13,080 Speaker 1: hate myself into changing, I'm going to hate myself into 140 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:16,360 Speaker 1: being better doesn't make sense. And by the way, we 141 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 1: do this to the people we love in our lives. 142 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:21,400 Speaker 1: We often think that if I make someone feel bad enough, 143 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 1: they'll be good to me. If I make someone feel 144 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:29,120 Speaker 1: like they're messing up, they'll get better. How many times 145 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:33,120 Speaker 1: have people improved because of shame, because of guilt? How 146 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:36,640 Speaker 1: many people have you shamed into change? How many people 147 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:39,960 Speaker 1: have you guilted into change? How many people have you 148 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 1: humiliated into change? And how many people have you criticized 149 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 1: into change? Maybe they did it for a bit, but 150 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:52,040 Speaker 1: not long term. We can't guilt people into change. You 151 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:57,280 Speaker 1: can't shame people into change. You can't embarrass people into change, 152 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:03,160 Speaker 1: So stop doing it to yourself. You can't hate yourself 153 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:08,240 Speaker 1: into change. We change because someone believes in us. We 154 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: change because someone loves us. We change because someone invests enough. 155 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:18,720 Speaker 1: You will change because you invest in your truelf. You 156 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:22,440 Speaker 1: will change because you believe in yourself. You will change 157 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 1: because you love yourself. If you want to be better, 158 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:30,520 Speaker 1: be better with yourself. If you want to do more, 159 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:35,840 Speaker 1: be kinder to yourself. That's what you'll respond to. How 160 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:39,440 Speaker 1: many people in your life respond positively to hate, guilt, 161 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:43,480 Speaker 1: or shame, Yet we all still try to hate, guilt 162 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:48,400 Speaker 1: and shame ourselves into positive change. This is your reminder 163 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:52,560 Speaker 1: to be more compassionate, more kind, and more loving. I 164 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,640 Speaker 1: was saying this to a friend the other day. Who 165 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:59,480 Speaker 1: are saying that all he does is gives himself a 166 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:04,480 Speaker 1: hard time. He'll overanalyze every situation, every conversation, a presentation 167 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:08,400 Speaker 1: at work. He'll relive that moment again and again and 168 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,360 Speaker 1: again in his head and keep telling himself it should 169 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:13,320 Speaker 1: have been better, It could have been better if only 170 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:17,640 Speaker 1: he did this, if only he did that? What does 171 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:22,280 Speaker 1: that do? It makes him feel discouraged? But what if 172 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,760 Speaker 1: he said to himself, let's make a plan of how 173 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:27,960 Speaker 1: to be better next time. Let's make a plan of 174 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,160 Speaker 1: how we're going to improve next time. Let's actually take 175 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,360 Speaker 1: a look at what we did great and where we 176 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 1: can grow. Let's look at both greatness and growth in ourselves. 177 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,280 Speaker 1: Let's not be blind to our flaws. Let's not be 178 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:45,880 Speaker 1: falsely flattering or complimentary. We don't want that either. But 179 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:50,199 Speaker 1: let's focus on greatness and growth within ourselves. After a presentation, 180 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:53,480 Speaker 1: asking yourself, what was great about it? Okay? Where can 181 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:57,679 Speaker 1: I grow? After a phone call a tough one? What 182 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,240 Speaker 1: was that great? At? What can I grow at? So 183 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:04,760 Speaker 1: quick to judge ourselves and point out all the growth 184 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,160 Speaker 1: and actually not even growth. We point out the guilt, 185 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:13,280 Speaker 1: but we avoid the growth and the greatness. Remember, you 186 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 1: can only love yourself into change. You can only love 187 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:22,079 Speaker 1: yourself into change. You can't hate yourself into change. Step 188 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:27,720 Speaker 1: number two, this is a really important step. Give your 189 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:31,680 Speaker 1: inner critic and name. If we want to remove that 190 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:36,440 Speaker 1: idea of you're lazy or I'm lazy, we have to 191 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:41,240 Speaker 1: shift to recognizing that your inner critic is an external voice, 192 00:12:41,679 --> 00:12:45,360 Speaker 1: that it isn't your voice, it's not how you feel 193 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:49,440 Speaker 1: about yourself. And this is a really really important tool 194 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:52,839 Speaker 1: because this next point that I want to share in 195 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:57,079 Speaker 1: these both are correlated and connected. Is your inner critic. 196 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:01,560 Speaker 1: It's not your voice because someone said it to you first. 197 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:05,560 Speaker 1: You may think it's your belief, but it's not your belief. 198 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:08,120 Speaker 1: You heard it from someone before. I remember having a 199 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:13,239 Speaker 1: client whose mom used to tell her that she looked overweight, 200 00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:17,040 Speaker 1: that she looked fat, that she didn't look good when 201 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,440 Speaker 1: she was a young girl, and as she grew older, 202 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 1: no matter how her body shaped and shifted and everything else, 203 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,800 Speaker 1: she still had that in her voice. No matter what 204 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,560 Speaker 1: she wore, if she wore a color that her mother 205 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:32,040 Speaker 1: didn't like, she heard her mother's voice. What happens, though, 206 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:38,800 Speaker 1: is that over time, the person's voice merges into sounding 207 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:43,640 Speaker 1: like yours. If you repeat someone else's statement. Enough, in 208 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:47,520 Speaker 1: your mind, it sounds like it's your own voice. So 209 00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:49,280 Speaker 1: I want you to think about it who said it 210 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:53,000 Speaker 1: to you first, and you might even name it that person. 211 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:57,360 Speaker 1: So if it was your mom, if it was your dad, 212 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 1: if it was the teacher at school that kept saying 213 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,720 Speaker 1: something to you that has become that voice, maybe let's 214 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,520 Speaker 1: give that name to that voice. That way we can 215 00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:10,520 Speaker 1: recognize that it's a conversation between us and our teacher, 216 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:15,040 Speaker 1: or us in our parents, as opposed to us and ourselves. 217 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 1: We start recognizing that it isn't how we feel about ourselves, 218 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,800 Speaker 1: that this is an adopted belief, that this is a 219 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:28,080 Speaker 1: belief that we've picked up. How does that help? When 220 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,920 Speaker 1: you give your inner critic a name, you start recognizing 221 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:34,600 Speaker 1: that this is a conversation, That this is a relationship 222 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 1: that you've built that you can distance from, that you 223 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:42,040 Speaker 1: can disconnect from, that it isn't something within you. And 224 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 1: when you identify who said it to you first, you 225 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:49,840 Speaker 1: also start to recognize how careful we have to be 226 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:55,360 Speaker 1: in the influences we allow into our space. And now 227 00:14:55,400 --> 00:15:00,320 Speaker 1: we don't want to find other people who reaffirm that voice. Often, 228 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 1: if we had a parent that treated us that way. 229 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:06,640 Speaker 1: We also find a partner who treats us that way 230 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 1: because it feels familiar, it feels relatable, and Tick not 231 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,840 Speaker 1: Harnt talked a lot about this, this idea that we 232 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:20,960 Speaker 1: crave familiar pain. So you would rather repeat a toxic 233 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 1: familiar pattern than break it to experience an unfamiliar uncertain pattern. 234 00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:35,960 Speaker 1: So you would rather choose toxic familiarity than untoxic uncertainty. 235 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,440 Speaker 1: Let me say that again, you would rather choose toxic 236 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:48,320 Speaker 1: familiarity than untoxic uncertainty because we'd rather deal with problems 237 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 1: that we're aware of than the challenge of a new problem. 238 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,400 Speaker 1: So often what we do is, if our parents believed 239 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,960 Speaker 1: a certain thing about us, we find a partner who 240 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,600 Speaker 1: believes it as well, or we do the opposite. We 241 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:02,440 Speaker 1: try and find the partner who adores us and makes 242 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:04,680 Speaker 1: that feeling go away. But guess what, it doesn't because 243 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,400 Speaker 1: the voice is still in our heads. We're looking for 244 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:10,880 Speaker 1: the partner who tells us the opposite without forgetting the 245 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:14,480 Speaker 1: message we've gained from our parents. So give your inner 246 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 1: critic a name. Name it after that teacher or that parent, 247 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,760 Speaker 1: so you can make it a conversation or give it 248 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:25,000 Speaker 1: an imaginary name to even weaken it further, to remove 249 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:28,520 Speaker 1: that authority from it and who said it to. You. 250 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:32,040 Speaker 1: First recognize that this isn't your voice, and actually say that. 251 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,920 Speaker 1: Whenever you hear that in a voice, say this is 252 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:37,080 Speaker 1: not me, this is not my voice. I am not 253 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 1: my thoughts, I am not my mind. Actually repeat that 254 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:44,240 Speaker 1: with me right now. I am not my thoughts. I 255 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:49,400 Speaker 1: can choose my thoughts. I can choose which thoughts to 256 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 1: give energy to. I can choose the voice inside my head. 257 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:59,080 Speaker 1: Step number four is remove the I am statement. Instead 258 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 1: of saying I am late, say I am experiencing laziness, 259 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:09,280 Speaker 1: I'm experiencing whatever emotion it may be, allowing yourself to 260 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:14,919 Speaker 1: create some distance from that emotion or what I accept is. 261 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:19,720 Speaker 1: I may say I am feeling lazy and I am 262 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:23,720 Speaker 1: going to make a plan, I am feeling tired, and 263 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:26,879 Speaker 1: I'm going to get to bed early tonight. So if 264 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,879 Speaker 1: you're accepting it, you can say the I am, but 265 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,640 Speaker 1: you're still saying I am feeling instead of saying you 266 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:37,479 Speaker 1: are right. That distance allows you to disconnect from that 267 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,840 Speaker 1: inner critic. It allows you to create some space between 268 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,359 Speaker 1: you and that inner critic, so you can now fill 269 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:48,040 Speaker 1: that space with enthusiasm and energy. The repetition of I'm lazy, 270 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:52,240 Speaker 1: I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, I can't 271 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,560 Speaker 1: do that. What that does is it creates a story 272 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:57,680 Speaker 1: and a narrative that you repeat and perpetuate in your life. 273 00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:02,120 Speaker 1: Step number five, This one has probably been my favorite 274 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,080 Speaker 1: one because I think what we often try and do 275 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:07,440 Speaker 1: is we try to silence the inner critic before taking 276 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,399 Speaker 1: the right step. And this is pretty tough because the 277 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:12,360 Speaker 1: inner critic doesn't go away. I still have an inner 278 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:15,679 Speaker 1: critic today, right after all these years, I still have 279 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,600 Speaker 1: an inner critic. It still shows up. It still turns 280 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,200 Speaker 1: up because over years I'd heard things, You're not good 281 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:22,879 Speaker 1: enough of that, you can't do that, You're going to 282 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:26,280 Speaker 1: lose everything, you don't deserve this. Whatever it may have 283 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,800 Speaker 1: been right, it still appears. And what I've realized is 284 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 1: that I have a few choices with it. I can 285 00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:34,320 Speaker 1: either think, Okay, I need to get rid of this though, 286 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:37,600 Speaker 1: and then I'll live my life right. Once I get 287 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:41,000 Speaker 1: rid of this though, then I'll take action. And actually 288 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:45,159 Speaker 1: it's the opposite. Don't let it stop you from making 289 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:49,240 Speaker 1: the right choice or taking action. You can be self 290 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:53,359 Speaker 1: critical and still work out. You can be self critical 291 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:56,400 Speaker 1: and still meditate. So often what we do is our 292 00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:59,400 Speaker 1: mind says, oh, you've missed meditation yesterday, what's the point 293 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,760 Speaker 1: of meditating today? And then you think, all right, well, 294 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,440 Speaker 1: let's not meditate today. Well, no, you can be critical 295 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:07,640 Speaker 1: of yourself and still turn up to meditation. You can 296 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,760 Speaker 1: be critical of yourself and still work out. And it's 297 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,639 Speaker 1: better to take the right action because the right action 298 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,159 Speaker 1: will allow you to gain more strength to have a 299 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,399 Speaker 1: healthier conversation. You'll then be able to say, well, I 300 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,320 Speaker 1: worked out today and I feel great, So I'm going 301 00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:23,760 Speaker 1: to keep working out. And guess what, I feel great 302 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:25,640 Speaker 1: when I work out, So I'm going to keep working out. 303 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,960 Speaker 1: I'm going to keep building that muscle. So don't let 304 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:33,199 Speaker 1: something stop you from making and taking the right choice 305 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:38,840 Speaker 1: and right decision. So many of us block ourselves because 306 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:42,840 Speaker 1: of a couple of misses, because of a belief about ourselves. 307 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,359 Speaker 1: How many of you have missed out on a great 308 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:52,240 Speaker 1: opportunity that was offered to you because somewhere you felt 309 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:56,040 Speaker 1: you don't deserve that opportunity. Maybe you bumped into someone 310 00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:58,320 Speaker 1: and they said, to hey, message me, I'd love to 311 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,680 Speaker 1: talk to you about this opportunity, and you didn't even 312 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:03,520 Speaker 1: message because you were so scared that you'd mess it 313 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,960 Speaker 1: up and you'd rather not even turn up. You'd rather 314 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,480 Speaker 1: not even go there. How many of you in your 315 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:14,000 Speaker 1: life have tried something and because it didn't work out 316 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,560 Speaker 1: one day, because one day didn't go wrong, you changed 317 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:21,720 Speaker 1: your belief about yourself. Please, please, please. Your inner critic 318 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:27,520 Speaker 1: is a retrainable voice. Your inner critic is not a truth. 319 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:32,119 Speaker 1: Your inner critic is not a reality. Your inner critic 320 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:38,680 Speaker 1: is a changeable, trainable voice. And that's what we're trying 321 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,439 Speaker 1: to do here. We're trying to make it a voice 322 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 1: that is like your coach in your mind, that is 323 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:49,920 Speaker 1: going to excel and allow you to want to do better. 324 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:54,880 Speaker 1: Ask yourself, when you want a friend to improve, when 325 00:20:54,920 --> 00:21:00,679 Speaker 1: you want to encourage, cheer and enthuse your how do 326 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,080 Speaker 1: you talk to them? How would you explain them to 327 00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:04,800 Speaker 1: be better? And this is an activity that I want 328 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:08,400 Speaker 1: you to do. Find the area of your life where 329 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:15,040 Speaker 1: you most overthink, overanalyze, and overwhelm yourself. What's something that 330 00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:18,600 Speaker 1: triggers you regularly into your inner critic giving you a 331 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:21,479 Speaker 1: hard and tough time. Let's say that when you make 332 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,840 Speaker 1: a mistake at work, that's when you're the kind of 333 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 1: person that wants to lock yourself in a bathroom and completely, 334 00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:31,760 Speaker 1: you know, attack yourself. In that moment, I want you 335 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,600 Speaker 1: to ask yourself this question. How would I connect with 336 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:38,000 Speaker 1: a friend, How would I connect with a loved one 337 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:40,399 Speaker 1: if they just told me this news? How would I 338 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:41,960 Speaker 1: talk to them? Not? What would I say to them? 339 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,680 Speaker 1: How would I talk to them? I'm sure it's with love. 340 00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:48,760 Speaker 1: I'm sure it's with empathy. Sure it's with compassion. Okay, 341 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,879 Speaker 1: Now what would you say to them? You wouldn't just 342 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,439 Speaker 1: say to them, Hey, it's all going to be fine. 343 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:55,119 Speaker 1: And you wouldn't say to them, oh, you've really messed 344 00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:58,280 Speaker 1: up this time. You're the worst. You're going to get fired. 345 00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:02,680 Speaker 1: You'd say, Hey, let's figure out how we can avoid 346 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,119 Speaker 1: this mistake in the future. Let's figure out how to 347 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,960 Speaker 1: improve this situation right now. Let's build the skill set 348 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:13,040 Speaker 1: we need in order to perform better. Notice how the 349 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:17,399 Speaker 1: way you talk to yourself transforms how you talk to 350 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:21,359 Speaker 1: others and how you listen to others. I've realized that 351 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,120 Speaker 1: when I miss a day of going to the gym, 352 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:30,399 Speaker 1: giving myself grace allows me to commit again tomorrow. Making 353 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:33,919 Speaker 1: myself guilty mayn't force me to work out today, but 354 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,440 Speaker 1: it doesn't last. Let's have a day where I eat unhealthy, 355 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:39,600 Speaker 1: or a couple of days where I ate something that 356 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,080 Speaker 1: I know wasn't good for me, and then I can 357 00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:47,040 Speaker 1: beerate myself. I can criticize myself, I can slander myself. 358 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,560 Speaker 1: I can do all of that stuff. But if I 359 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,560 Speaker 1: actually ask myself, Hey, why did that happen? What was 360 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,639 Speaker 1: it about that day that drove me to that decision? Oh? 361 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:59,480 Speaker 1: I was tired? Oh I was jet lagged. Oh yeah, 362 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,160 Speaker 1: that was the day I was feeling really stressed. Understood. Okay, 363 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:05,200 Speaker 1: so let me make sure that I'm resting more. Let 364 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 1: me make sure that I'm sleeping better this weekend, and 365 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:11,119 Speaker 1: then I'll make better choices. Checking in with yourself and 366 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,680 Speaker 1: asking yourself, why was that? Why did I do that? 367 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:16,800 Speaker 1: Why did I miss going to the gym? What was 368 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,760 Speaker 1: the reason? Rather than being like you miss going to 369 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,120 Speaker 1: the gym, You're the worst? Now, a couple more things 370 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,800 Speaker 1: I want to mention to you. We have to start 371 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:29,439 Speaker 1: journaling our winds and good moments. We have to start 372 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:34,879 Speaker 1: sharing them more deeply. What we usually do is when 373 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:38,400 Speaker 1: something good happens in our life, we celebrate for a day, 374 00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:41,720 Speaker 1: but when something bad happens in our life, we cry 375 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:45,480 Speaker 1: for a month. It's no wonder that our negative thoughts 376 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:49,119 Speaker 1: become more pronounced. Right. If you get something wrong, you 377 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,919 Speaker 1: literally tell yourself every day for a week, I'm the worst. 378 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,640 Speaker 1: I should have done better. But if you get something right, 379 00:23:56,119 --> 00:23:58,560 Speaker 1: you may say once, oh, yeah, I did good. And 380 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,600 Speaker 1: whether we're being modest, whether playing ourselves down, whatever it 381 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:03,840 Speaker 1: may be, we're training our mind to say, when I 382 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:06,399 Speaker 1: do something wrong, I go really hard on myself. And 383 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,480 Speaker 1: when I do something well, I consider it to be easy. 384 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:14,520 Speaker 1: I consider it to be expected. We expect greatness from ourselves, 385 00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: and so we only amplify our weaknesses and flaws. Next 386 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:23,080 Speaker 1: time you do something right, next time you do something well, 387 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:25,720 Speaker 1: I want you to journal it deeply. I want you 388 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,080 Speaker 1: to share it with a friend. And by the way, 389 00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:30,720 Speaker 1: I got into a bad habit of this when a 390 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,399 Speaker 1: few years ago, when I was really grateful that so 391 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,600 Speaker 1: many of my dreams were coming true, when I was 392 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:39,119 Speaker 1: speaking to friends, I started to play down my achievements 393 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,520 Speaker 1: because I didn't want to make other people feel uncomfortable. 394 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:45,920 Speaker 1: And while I was well intentioned. What ended up happening 395 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:49,520 Speaker 1: is I started becoming more negative because what I was 396 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:53,680 Speaker 1: doing is I was amplifying my negative experience and minimizing 397 00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:58,080 Speaker 1: my positive experience. Now, if you do this consistently, what 398 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,639 Speaker 1: ends up happening is your spending more time talking about 399 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,960 Speaker 1: the mistakes and flaws and spending less time talking about 400 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,680 Speaker 1: your successes. No, I'm not telling you to be arrogant 401 00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:09,800 Speaker 1: and walk around being like, look what I achieve, Look 402 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,320 Speaker 1: what I did. That's not the point. But the point 403 00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:18,360 Speaker 1: is if you don't deeply cherish, welcome, celebrate your success, 404 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:22,240 Speaker 1: is deeply you're training your mind to be more critical 405 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:26,399 Speaker 1: than the cheerleader. We need to strengthen the cheerleader in 406 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:30,399 Speaker 1: our mind, not the arrogant person, not the egotistic person, 407 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,639 Speaker 1: but the cheerleader that says you're doing great, you're on 408 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,919 Speaker 1: the right path, you're making the right choices, keep going. 409 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 1: Not the voice that says you're the best in the world. 410 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,160 Speaker 1: No one's as good as you. Everyone else sucks, Right, 411 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:47,520 Speaker 1: it's not that voice. So notice the difference between the critic, 412 00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:54,800 Speaker 1: the cheerleader, and the person who's actually cheating you. Right, 413 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:58,080 Speaker 1: we're not trying to be cheated by our ego. We're 414 00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:05,000 Speaker 1: trying to be challenging and enthused by the cheerleader. Final step, 415 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:08,800 Speaker 1: at the end of every day, write down three things 416 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:12,760 Speaker 1: you did that day that you did well. Three things. 417 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,359 Speaker 1: It could be as simple as washing the dishes and 418 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:17,920 Speaker 1: saying to yourself today, I did a really good job 419 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,680 Speaker 1: washing the dishes. It could be you got the laundry done. 420 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,119 Speaker 1: It could be that you wrote that article, you launched 421 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:27,480 Speaker 1: that podcast, you got to the gym. Whatever is, what 422 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:30,639 Speaker 1: are three things you did that you did well today 423 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:34,840 Speaker 1: that you made happen today. We have to start retraining 424 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:36,679 Speaker 1: that thought because guess what, most of us, when our 425 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,080 Speaker 1: head it's the pillow, will list all the things we 426 00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:43,520 Speaker 1: didn't do. This isn't positive thinking. This is improving the 427 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:45,640 Speaker 1: conversation in your head. If your head it's the pillow 428 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,040 Speaker 1: and you go, I didn't do that, I didn't do that, 429 00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,040 Speaker 1: I didn't do that. Basically, what you're saying is you're 430 00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:51,320 Speaker 1: a failure. But if you said to yourself, Okay, I 431 00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:53,520 Speaker 1: didn't do those three things, but I did that, and 432 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:55,480 Speaker 1: I did that and I did that. All right, I'm 433 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,320 Speaker 1: doing okay, I'm doing good. I can do better, but 434 00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:01,639 Speaker 1: I'm doing good. I really I hope that this episode 435 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:07,120 Speaker 1: helps you silence, calm, and navigate your inner critic. I'm 436 00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,240 Speaker 1: hoping that you can be kinder and more compassionate to 437 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,320 Speaker 1: yourself so that you can be more successful, so that 438 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:16,480 Speaker 1: you can achieve more, so that you can be more impactful. 439 00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:22,040 Speaker 1: And I'm wishing you a year of productivity, performance, but 440 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:27,160 Speaker 1: also patience, calmness, and love. Thank you so much for listening. 441 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,600 Speaker 1: Please leave a review on any podcast app that you're 442 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:33,679 Speaker 1: listening to this on right now. Look out. Every Monday 443 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,680 Speaker 1: there's a new episode with a guest. Every Friday there's 444 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,360 Speaker 1: a new episode with me. And of course you've got 445 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,320 Speaker 1: five years of episodes to listen to, so there's plenty 446 00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:45,640 Speaker 1: of episodes to go through. Enjoy it. Make sure you've subscribed, 447 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:47,960 Speaker 1: turn on your notifications because I know a lot of 448 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,800 Speaker 1: you have been missing some of my episodes. I don't 449 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:52,359 Speaker 1: want you to miss out and on purpose. In twenty 450 00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:55,639 Speaker 1: twenty four, we're on the journey to happiness, health, and 451 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:59,639 Speaker 1: healing together. If you love this episode, you will also 452 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:03,439 Speaker 1: love I interview with Kendall Jenna on setting boundaries to 453 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:06,719 Speaker 1: increase happiness and healing. You're inner child. 454 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:09,040 Speaker 2: You could be reading something that someone is saying about 455 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:11,000 Speaker 2: you and being like, that is so unfair because that's 456 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:14,080 Speaker 2: not who I am and that really gets to me sometimes. 457 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:15,879 Speaker 2: But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like, 458 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,359 Speaker 2: but I know who I am. Why does anything else matter.