Speaker 1: Ridiculous crime. It's a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2: Elizabeth Dunton, Zaren Burnette.
Speaker 3: So good to see you.
Speaker 2: It's good to see you.
Speaker 3: Now, before we get any gibber jibber, I got a
Speaker 3: question for you. Do you know it's ridiculous?
Speaker 2: I sure do.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 2: We've been inundated with two things on Instagram, okay to
Speaker 2: I'll just be I'll just say it. Mashups.
Speaker 3: Oh they're something was like, you know, personal request appearances
Speaker 3: for us to be on family feud with you know.
Speaker 2: Richard Dawson. No, two different mashups, right, one of which
Speaker 2: I'm waiting for the actual product to arrive at my home. Oh,
Speaker 2: you've ordered this so you could try it, so that
Speaker 2: I can try it, Yeah, and so that that's on
Speaker 2: holdless well yeah, and the other one. I had this
Speaker 2: like flight of fancy this morning where I was like,
Speaker 2: I wonder if I could get this at like Walmart,
Speaker 2: and then I read up on it and it's only
Speaker 2: available in.
Speaker 3: China, Chinese walmarts.
Speaker 2: Chinese Walmarts. So yeah, I you know, I'm not allowed
Speaker 2: to fly to China and go.
Speaker 3: Not after not after the incident.
Speaker 2: No, not with the ankle bracelet. So anyway, this smashup
Speaker 2: involves two things you like, so you may be into this.
Speaker 2: Let's pretend you like you like Oreo cookies, I do,
Speaker 2: I do. What happens when you also like fried chicken?
Speaker 2: Oh god, yeah, I know, I know, you're like scrunching
Speaker 2: up your face. Yes, So it's KFC has joined forces
Speaker 2: with ore Eo, but it's only in China for some reason.
Speaker 2: And it has the same kind of dark chocolate cooking,
Speaker 2: but the filling inside is uh fried chicken flavored that way. Yeah, exactly, like.
Speaker 3: Fried chicken that had like a crust of oreos.
Speaker 2: Well that's what you would kind of think. No, this
Speaker 2: is it's the sweet cream is replaced with a filling
Speaker 2: meant to taste like KFC's original recipe eleven herbs and spices,
Speaker 2: minus the meat. And so it's. It went on sale
Speaker 2: in China July thirty first, and it's part of their
Speaker 2: limited edition Playful Time Travel collection, which as far as
Speaker 2: I understand, only includes one other. It's a collection of
Speaker 2: two things, and it's like caramel popcorn is the other flavor.
Speaker 3: Lord.
Speaker 2: Uh you know, so if you're wondering, like what is
Speaker 2: fried chicken and milk taste.
Speaker 3: Like, No, I'm not wondering. I can do that one
Speaker 3: on my own.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so anyway, I'd love to like, have they has
Speaker 2: anyone from ORIO or KFC stepped forward to make a
Speaker 2: ridiculous SoundBite about this. No, I found no state.
Speaker 3: Oh wow, what a shame, I know.
Speaker 2: So anyway, now everyone's like, well, I can't wait till
Speaker 2: they get to the States and all these people. Sorry Zarin, sorry, aren.
Speaker 3: I appreciate your sorry.
Speaker 2: And I wanted to make you eat one today because.
Speaker 3: That's my new goal, one of these in my mouth.
Speaker 2: Get on this stuff early enough so I can source it.
Speaker 2: And like I sent a message to the other one
Speaker 2: that I'm trying to get me to answer me. So
Speaker 2: I got to buy it out of my own pocket,
Speaker 2: which I'll do.
Speaker 3: You know, have you seen what go without?
Speaker 2: So you can have thanks?
Speaker 3: Mom? Have you seen a subway takes?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 3: All right? Did you see the one where the guys
Speaker 3: said that he has a theory, a conspiracy theory that
Speaker 3: the colonels of Colonel Sanders Kentucky Fried Chicken is actually
Speaker 3: a Japanese man.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I have seen it, right, I think that's brilliant.
Speaker 3: Well, and now that's now cannon for.
Speaker 2: Me, so sure, well okay, so then now we have
Speaker 2: you know, Chinese Japanese.
Speaker 3: Piece working together in the kitchen here, Yeah, exactly, you
Speaker 3: need God.
Speaker 2: I know you have no idea, but I got some
Speaker 2: ridiculous for you.
Speaker 3: You and I often say we're show folk. Yes right,
Speaker 3: we put on the show. We can muscle our way
Speaker 3: through adversity or pain what have you, for the sake
Speaker 3: of the show. Of course, that attitude is best summed
Speaker 3: up by this old saying around the theater world. The
Speaker 3: show must go on, yes, sir, Well, sometimes in extreme circumstances,
Speaker 3: the show must not go on. And sometimes to stop
Speaker 3: the show from going on, folks turn to crime. This
Speaker 3: is Ridiculous Crime, a podcast about absurd and outrageous capers, heists,
Speaker 3: and cons. It's always ninety nine percent murder free and
Speaker 3: one hundred percent ridiculous. Yees, Elizabeth, sir. Now, as I
Speaker 3: said up top, we're both show fo we both live
Speaker 3: our lives according to the show folk mantra, the show
Speaker 3: must go on exactly. Do you know where that saying
Speaker 3: comes from?
Speaker 2: No, I don't.
Speaker 3: I did not either, and I had to look it up.
Speaker 3: The answer is a bit murky. But there's some speculation
Speaker 3: that this idea was first expressed by my man Billy Shakespeare.
Speaker 3: M yeah, and it was in his play Henry the
Speaker 3: Fourth Part one. Okay, side note, My favorite rendition of
Speaker 3: that play is definitely the River Phoenix Kana Reeves movie
Speaker 3: my own private Idaho.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah right. It is a really great one.
Speaker 3: It really is, and it really captures the whole like
Speaker 3: Prince Hal and like it doesn't matter, but it's a
Speaker 3: great movie. So anyway, in the original Shakespearean play Henry
Speaker 3: the Fourth Part one, the line comes from Act two,
Speaker 3: Scene four. I looked all this up okay Reddit for you,
Speaker 3: so i'd have proper contexts. You see, Prince Hal and Falstaff,
Speaker 3: my man Falstaff, are playing this little game of role
Speaker 3: playing as Shakespeare was wont to do. And in that scene,
Speaker 3: Falstaff is playing Prince how well the Prince plays his
Speaker 3: father the King? Okay? As such, Falstaff is asking his father,
Speaker 3: the King, what he, as the Prince, should do about
Speaker 3: that known miscreant Falstaff, right, and the Prince playing the
Speaker 3: King is giving him advice. So in order, Prince Hal
Speaker 3: is giving him self advice. You follow, yes, okay, now
Speaker 3: towards the end of the scene, Falstaff is playing the
Speaker 3: part of Prince Hal, and he asked the prince playing
Speaker 3: his father the King, if he should keep Falstaff by
Speaker 3: his side. He's still with me. Yes, okay, So Prince
Speaker 3: Hal as his father the King, he describes his friend
Speaker 3: and would be mentor Falstaff, saying that quote that villainous,
Speaker 3: abominable misleader of youth Falstaff, that old white bearded satan.
Speaker 3: And Falstaff as Prince Hal responds, my Lord the man.
Speaker 3: I know. Now it's another classic Shakespeare in double entendre
Speaker 3: of meaning, you know, with the aid of their role
Speaker 3: playing to carry it all off. Now, Prince Hal has
Speaker 3: a nickname. They call him Harry, as you know. And
Speaker 3: I bring this up because it matters for the next quote. Anyway,
Speaker 3: Falstaff as the Prince offers a defense of fall Staff
Speaker 3: the man, and he excuses his own many vices, and
Speaker 3: he goes on to give Harry aka Prince Hal, still
Speaker 3: role playing as the King, this advice and I quote, no,
Speaker 3: my good lord, banish peto, banish, barred off, banish poins.
Speaker 3: But for sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff,
Speaker 3: valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant being as he
Speaker 3: is old Jack Falstaff, Banish not him, thy Harry's company,
Speaker 3: Banish not him, thy Harry's company, banish plump Jack, and
Speaker 3: banish all the world. So, in other words, Jack Falstaff
Speaker 3: represents the pleasures and the vulgarities of the world which
Speaker 3: any prince must know, no intimately, if he is to
Speaker 3: one day be a wise king. So he must know
Speaker 3: what motivates and satiates lesser men than the king. And
Speaker 3: listening to the advice Prince hal As, the King agrees
Speaker 3: not to banish my man Jack Falstaff. Now they're little
Speaker 3: play inside. The play is then interrupted by the character Bardolf,
Speaker 3: and he warns Prince Hell, oh, my lord, my lord,
Speaker 3: the sheriff with a most monstrous watch is at the door,
Speaker 3: to which Falstaff now has both himself and still the
Speaker 3: Prince roars back out, you rogue, Play out the play.
Speaker 3: I have much to say in the behalf of that Falstaff.
Speaker 3: So there it is the first expression of this idea.
Speaker 3: The show must go on. Play out the.
Speaker 2: Play, play out the play.
Speaker 3: And I love how Shakespeare as the source of so
Speaker 3: many firsts in the English lineguage. Yeah right, he's the best.
Speaker 3: Like I'm sure, you know. He invented a ton of
Speaker 3: words like eyeball and bedroom and birthplace and blanket. But
Speaker 3: he also coined the words addiction and swagger and fashionable, generous,
Speaker 3: and frugal, or emotional words like amazement, excitement, arouse, lonely,
Speaker 3: and gloomy. He also coined some of my favorite words ever,
Speaker 3: like mad cap, cold blooded, lackluster, unreal, unearthly, and bedazzled.
Speaker 3: So when you bedazzle your a JJ, that's because Shakespeare
Speaker 3: taught you that word. Really, not you personally, but it's anybody.
Speaker 3: It's the last time I heard the word bedazzle be used.
Speaker 2: Did I had a bedazzler? Did you as like an adult?
Speaker 3: Did you really?
Speaker 2: Yeah? And I made I made a bedazzled gift for
Speaker 2: my friend Val. It was a T shirt with a
Speaker 2: horse running on it, and I dazzled the horse.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I think she later turned it into a cute purse.
Speaker 3: Oh that's cool, but it lives on. No, it definitely does,
Speaker 3: and all thanks to Billy Shakes. Now, obviously I'm rather
Speaker 3: jealous of Shakespeare. I'd love to invent new words for English.
Speaker 3: But to his credit, he's really good at like making
Speaker 3: new compound words because his language is always so poetic.
Speaker 3: And anyway, my point is, I think I need to
Speaker 3: finish reading all of his plays. And anyway, back to
Speaker 3: the story, that phrase play out the play. It's like
Speaker 3: the headwaters for the more common phrase that later came
Speaker 3: to be the show must go on. But there's also
Speaker 3: another similar phrase from a famous theatrical character that predates it,
Speaker 3: and that character is the crying cloud polyachi.
Speaker 2: Oh from Comedia dol Artes.
Speaker 3: Yes, right, in the eighteen ninety two opera of the
Speaker 3: same name, the clown Palliaci sings this aria at the
Speaker 3: end of the first act, and when he's not playing
Speaker 3: the clown Palliacchi, the character's government name is Kanio, and
Speaker 3: Kanio discovers that his wife is cheating on him, but
Speaker 3: he still has to go out and put on his
Speaker 3: show as the funny man clown Pallacci. It's like the
Speaker 3: meme with the psychiatrist. But I am Polyacci, and so
Speaker 3: in his aria he says vesti la juba, which translates
Speaker 3: into English means on with the motley, or in other words,
Speaker 3: the comedy must go on.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: Still, that's not quite the same thing. So as far
Speaker 3: as the exact wording. It was folks in the circus
Speaker 3: in the United States who first used the phrase the
Speaker 3: show must go on.
Speaker 2: Oh, I see, not a theater thing, but now it.
Speaker 3: Starts with circus because in the case of circus performers,
Speaker 3: it wasn't that the motley must go on even if
Speaker 3: your wife is found to be cheating on you, but
Speaker 3: rather that anything that happens, anything that would could or
Speaker 3: should knock you off your game as a former, it
Speaker 3: must be overcome. It must be transcended, because the show
Speaker 3: matters more.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you can't break no show exactly got.
Speaker 3: Under the big ten of the circus. Things often did
Speaker 3: go wrong, like a lion tamer might be lightly mauled,
Speaker 3: an acrobat might fall, an elephant might escape their tent
Speaker 3: and run amok. And yet despite whatever may happen, the
Speaker 3: ring master would remind all of the circus performers and
Speaker 3: I quote it is a point of honor not to
Speaker 3: let the other players down by deserting them when no
Speaker 3: understudy is available. So I got like the theater, they
Speaker 3: got no backup acura.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So in other words, folks are all counting on you.
Speaker 3: Roll in this together. Now get out there and let's
Speaker 3: put on.
Speaker 2: A show they paid.
Speaker 3: For exactly Now, the same expression soon spread to the
Speaker 3: theater folk who had that same idea, right, and then
Speaker 3: they use it, obviously with the exact same meaning. And
Speaker 3: from there the expression escaped the world of performers. It
Speaker 3: soon became common like American parlance. In fact, by eighteen
Speaker 3: sixty seven, the phrase the show must go on was
Speaker 3: already so common in the US that it was added
Speaker 3: to the Dictionary of Americanisms. Oh right, okay, Dictionary of Americanisms.
Speaker 3: Now you may be wondering, exeren why did you just
Speaker 3: take us down this rabbit hole of the derivation of
Speaker 3: the expression the show must go on? Great question, Elizabeth,
Speaker 3: So glad you got your head on. The reason why
Speaker 3: is that sometimes, in some circumstances, the show must absolutely
Speaker 3: not go on.
Speaker 2: That's very true.
Speaker 3: And that's what I want to tell you about today.
Speaker 3: Three very ridiculous and criminal instances of the show needing
Speaker 3: to stop dead in its tracks. Yeah, yeah, to proceed
Speaker 3: no further, The show must not go on, not go on.
Speaker 3: The first up, let's dip out to Vermont. Staying on theme,
Speaker 3: this story begins in the theater. Uh huh, Yes, in Exeter, Vermont,
Speaker 3: a local theater, was putting on a performance of The
Speaker 3: Rocky Horror Picture Show. Did you ever get into Rocky
Speaker 3: Horror Picture Show, like the midnight screenings or people coming
Speaker 3: I'm guessing you would say quirky and.
Speaker 2: No quirky, that is correct me.
Speaker 3: I was too young. Like my friend's older brother and sisters,
Speaker 3: they went to midnight shows of the Rocky Horror Picture
Speaker 3: Show and they get all dulled up and they it's
Speaker 3: like their favorite character or whatever, and then they'd sing
Speaker 3: along with all the musical numbers. Some would even go
Speaker 3: down and perform below the screen in conjunction.
Speaker 2: I mean, it was before my time. It wasn't something
Speaker 2: that it took a.
Speaker 3: Seventies hangover the last year into the eighties, sure, and
Speaker 3: by the nineties you'd see it.
Speaker 2: It's someplace someplaces in the nineties, and it was like
Speaker 2: people really trying to.
Speaker 3: Keep that spirit totally. They're bringing the toast and throwing it.
Speaker 3: Do you know, yes, I know that, Yeah, Okay, Anyway,
Speaker 3: I wasn't there. This is always what I heard. Anyway.
Speaker 3: Back to Essex, Vermont. In April this year, the Essex
Speaker 3: Community Players were getting ready to put on their production
Speaker 3: of the seventies film. But then things took an ominous turn.
Speaker 3: Oh yes, the twenty six year old musical director of
Speaker 3: the stage play, Kenneth Grenier, he started to receive what
Speaker 3: were described by the local press as threatening text messages.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, the musical director received this storm of text messages.
Speaker 3: The harassment, it was unending, Elizabeth, and so to protect
Speaker 3: him and presume the other members of the show's cast
Speaker 3: and crew, the production company shut down the production of
Speaker 3: the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Speaker 2: These were threatening text to him.
Speaker 3: To him personally, the musical director, and it was bad,
Speaker 3: like you know, like death threaty types.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So this campaign of harassment and threats was so
Speaker 3: pronounced that the local Essex Police began this investigation. And this, Elizabeth,
Speaker 3: is where the story goes sideways.
Speaker 2: Oh I love sideways.
Speaker 3: The investigators from Essex Police, they use all the tools
Speaker 3: at their disposal. They tracked the sources of the threatening texts.
Speaker 3: They identified that this campaign of harassment was coming from
Speaker 3: an IP address that was registered to Grenier's own home.
Speaker 2: I saw this Netflix documentary.
Speaker 3: The calls were coming from inside the house. All naturally,
Speaker 3: the police visited Greanner and asked him why he was
Speaker 3: sending himself threatening text messages and lying about it. That's
Speaker 3: when the musical director confessed. He admitted that he'd created
Speaker 3: a fake account on some subscriber based cell phone app
Speaker 3: and then he sent himself the messages in order to
Speaker 3: to get the local production of the Rocky horror show canceled.
Speaker 3: Must Not Go On.
Speaker 2: And the self sacrifice of it. So he's not saying
Speaker 2: nasty things to other people, calling in a bomb threat,
Speaker 2: but then it also allows for all the people to
Speaker 2: be concerned about him.
Speaker 3: It's major theater kid.
Speaker 2: In so yeah, hardcore love that. You gotta love that.
Speaker 3: Nobody has ever theater kid. It is hard This guy cranky.
Speaker 2: But the performances of like how he's expressing his.
Speaker 3: Fear everyone concerned about him, and then.
Speaker 2: But also saying, you, guys, I don't want you to worry.
Speaker 2: It's just about me exactly.
Speaker 3: But I don't know, you don't understand.
Speaker 2: You have to figure out how to make my home secured.
Speaker 2: Can I stay at your house? Oh no, wait, I
Speaker 2: don't want to put you in danger. Oh god, what
Speaker 2: do I do?
Speaker 3: So it turns out he's been having apparently all sorts
Speaker 3: of issues and problems with the cast and the crew.
Speaker 3: So he was like, I can't do this anymore. This
Speaker 3: show must be stopped. This show cannot go on, And
Speaker 3: so he goes and subscribes to the cell phone apps
Speaker 3: starts texting himself die die or whatever else he die. Yeah.
Speaker 3: The best solution he comes up with is he'd harass
Speaker 3: and threaten himself until the show was shut down, and
Speaker 3: just like that, boom, it works.
Speaker 2: I love that he's also thinking, if it's just against him,
Speaker 2: they're going to have to close the whole show exactly,
Speaker 2: instead of being like, Homie, why don't you leave town
Speaker 2: for a week so we can take this.
Speaker 3: We've got we're past rehearsals, we're almost ready to run
Speaker 3: the show. We got the numbers down.
Speaker 2: That too, he feels he is so important.
Speaker 3: So the local Assex police they charged him with a
Speaker 3: misdemeanor of making a false report to law enforcement. So
Speaker 3: now he has a new set of problems, ones that
Speaker 3: require a lawyer. Oh boy, So there you go, Lizabeth.
Speaker 3: That's our first example of the show must absolutely go
Speaker 3: on for now. Let's take a little break, listen to
Speaker 3: some ads, and when we're back on with show, We're
Speaker 3: back Elizabeth, Hello, you're ready to keep this show rolling? Yes, sir,
Speaker 3: good good, Okay. For my next magic trick, we consider
Speaker 3: another ridiculous and criminal example of someone saying to themselves,
Speaker 3: this show must.
Speaker 2: Not go on in any way go on.
Speaker 3: This one is also from this year. These are recent crimes.
Speaker 3: It comes to us from July of this year. And
Speaker 3: what are June and July the season of I don't
Speaker 3: know that's right, weddings? Eh. Okay, So this story is
Speaker 3: about a wedding one that I guess someone believed must
Speaker 3: not go on. So the story goes in July tenth
Speaker 3: of this year, a family was preparing the church for
Speaker 3: a wedding the next day. They were in the Salt Lake, say,
Speaker 3: suburb of Caysville, and there stood the local chapel for
Speaker 3: the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. So
Speaker 3: it's a Mormon church, yeah, and it's getting laid. It's
Speaker 3: around ten pm. Relatives along with the couple to be married,
Speaker 3: they're putting on the finishing touches for the wedding chapel
Speaker 3: the next day. Now, Elizabeth, you know how stressful that
Speaker 3: can be. You've been the officiant for a wedding. You
Speaker 3: know how it is the night before the wedding. Yep.
Speaker 3: And let's say like in this instance, it's a homemade effort, right, yeah,
Speaker 3: and everyone's doing their part, throwing in, pitching in to
Speaker 3: make a beautiful and dreamy affair.
Speaker 2: Now, when you officiated a wedding, did you have the
Speaker 2: stress of working the night before?
Speaker 3: I did it twice, and the first time I was
Speaker 3: so stressed that a doctor friend offered me beta blockers.
Speaker 3: I didn't end up taking them. I just took a
Speaker 3: shot out of somebody's flask of whiskey and I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm good to go. Night before, No, the moments before
Speaker 3: the event, but the night before I was nervous, but
Speaker 3: not terribly nervous. I was actually running around Berkeley trying
Speaker 3: to get my suit together, so I had other nerves.
Speaker 3: I guess that would be nerves.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, I bounced out night before and went
Speaker 2: in sauft.
Speaker 3: Florence the Machine really.
Speaker 2: At the Ace Hotel in la by yourself. Well. No,
Speaker 2: it was like the debut of that music video the
Speaker 2: long form okay, for that album how whatever, I can't
Speaker 2: really name it anyway, it was super super good. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I took one of the wedding guests and we went nice,
Speaker 2: really can did it up? Have fun at the real didn't.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 3: The second one, I did have to help out a
Speaker 3: bunch because it was much more of a homemade affair,
Speaker 3: and I was nervous that we were going to get
Speaker 3: everything together. But I also had confident because it was
Speaker 3: I liked the crew. I thought they'll pull this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, hey, the show will go on exactly.
Speaker 3: So in this case, the relatives they're helping the would
Speaker 3: be couple put on the finishing touches for the wedding
Speaker 3: the next day, and as I said, you know how
Speaker 3: that can be well, tensions rise, arguments going to occur,
Speaker 3: especially being got family working together. And then when you
Speaker 3: know what, the worst possible thing did occur. Someone hears
Speaker 3: a fire or alarm. Oh yeah, people rush about and
Speaker 3: someone discovers there's smoke, there's flames, it's a real fire.
Speaker 2: Oh no.
Speaker 3: The next thing you know, folks are rushing around trying
Speaker 3: to put the fire out by themselves. And then eventually
Speaker 3: the fire department arrives and the church does get saved
Speaker 3: from burning down to the ground, but it had major
Speaker 3: damage and the wedding Elizabeth, the wedding was ruined. Who
Speaker 3: wants to get married? And what would be ostensibly a
Speaker 3: crime scene like a goth person. No, I say crime
Speaker 3: scene because after the fire department arrives and they quelled
Speaker 3: the fire, they contact the police department and request that
Speaker 3: they come out to investigate the church as an arson.
Speaker 2: They found Kansasline.
Speaker 3: Well, not only that the local PD, the federal agency,
Speaker 3: the ATF, also came out to investigate. Yeah, like the alcohol, tobacco,
Speaker 3: and firearm. So it's your wedding day nightmare pretty much
Speaker 3: of like now you got federal agencies speaking around.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So, Elizabeth, how did this nightmare come to be? Fantastic question?
Speaker 3: And you know what, Rather than me tell you about it, Elizabeth, closed.
Speaker 2: Your eyes as alone.
Speaker 3: I want you to picture it. It's a beautiful day
Speaker 3: in Utah. The date is July tenth. It's also the
Speaker 3: day before your wedding. Yes, that's right, Elizabeth, you are
Speaker 3: the blushing bride to be. It's the eve of the
Speaker 3: big day and at the moment you and your fiance
Speaker 3: are out running some errands. Back at the church, his
Speaker 3: relatives prepared the church for the nuptials and you two
Speaker 3: have stepped out to go buy some extra hooks for
Speaker 3: hanging garlands and signage, as well as some drinks, both
Speaker 3: for the wedding reception and for the folks prepping the church.
Speaker 3: Your fiance drives. You sit in the passenger seat of
Speaker 3: his pickup truck, window down, listening to some satellite radio
Speaker 3: station he likes, a country singer you don't particularly love,
Speaker 3: recounts how his latest love affair went wrong in a
Speaker 3: very country music way. Your fiance pulls into a Chevron
Speaker 3: gas station, not to refuel, but instead to buy drinks.
Speaker 3: He shuts off the truck's engine and the country singer
Speaker 3: with the love troubles cuts off. Doors open, and you
Speaker 3: two crossed the short part from the area to the
Speaker 3: gas station. A bell sounds as your fiance ganks open
Speaker 3: the door. A blast of air conditioned air greech you
Speaker 3: at the cold case. You and your fiance pick out
Speaker 3: some twelve facor sodas and some carbonated water no beer,
Speaker 3: since your fiance is a Mormon. The gas station attendant
Speaker 3: is friendly enough as they ring up your drink purchases.
Speaker 3: The bell sounds again as you two step out of
Speaker 3: the gas station and then walk back to your fiance's
Speaker 3: truck doors open and close. Then, when your fiance turns
Speaker 3: Ginja back on, you're greeted by the sound of a
Speaker 3: different country singer, this time a young woman. She also
Speaker 3: has love troubles, something about not finding a man who
Speaker 3: loves hunting dogs and fishing with his buddies and swimming
Speaker 3: in creeks with her. You assume some of it must
Speaker 3: be metaphorical, only it's not. These are literally her concerns.
Speaker 3: Your fiance drives you over to the second stop. It's
Speaker 3: a short trip. He pulls into the parking lot. You're
Speaker 3: glad when he shuts off the engine and the love
Speaker 3: lorn country singer's voice falls away. There's no bell over
Speaker 3: the door of the local Ace Hardware. Instead, when you
Speaker 3: step inside, you're greeted by a friendly counter person saying
Speaker 3: good afternoon and a welcoming sing song. You and your
Speaker 3: fiance agree to shop separately. He'll find the hooks, and
Speaker 3: you'll browse to see if there's anything else you all
Speaker 3: might need. As soon as he's out of sight, you
Speaker 3: don't browse. Instead, you make a bee line over to
Speaker 3: a display of cigarette lighters. You take a quick look
Speaker 3: around to see if anyone can see you satisfied, there's
Speaker 3: no eyes on you. You swipe two lighters off the
Speaker 3: shelf with a well practiced move. You put your hand
Speaker 3: into your pants pocket, and then you push your hand
Speaker 3: into your shirt as if you were secreting something away
Speaker 3: in your bra. After that, you take a few steps,
Speaker 3: but pause and bend down as if to fix your
Speaker 3: untied shoelaces. As you retie your shoelaces, you also slip
Speaker 3: a lighter into your shoe, and you give a quick
Speaker 3: fur to look around to see if anyone spotted you.
Speaker 3: No one did. You're good. You stand back up. Now
Speaker 3: there are no lighters in your hands, so you go
Speaker 3: to meet your fiance at the counter as he pays
Speaker 3: for the hooks you too came to buy. It's another
Speaker 3: short drive back to the church, soundtracked by more country music,
Speaker 3: not the outlaw country that you prefer, but more of
Speaker 3: the pop crossover variety. The man who as soon to
Speaker 3: be your husband sings along. He obviously doesn't know the
Speaker 3: actual lyrics, but that doesn't stop him. Instead, he sings
Speaker 3: what he guesses the lyrics are, and for some reason,
Speaker 3: it's annoying the hell out of you. Luckily, it's a
Speaker 3: short trip back at the church, some of his relatives
Speaker 3: come out to help bring in the twelve packs of
Speaker 3: drinks and the carbonated water you two picked up. Once
Speaker 3: you're inside the church, you check the progress. There are
Speaker 3: flower garlands hanging in bouquets on the tables in the
Speaker 3: rooms that's decorated for the reception. In the church proper,
Speaker 3: there are more flowers and paper creche decor. You're no
Speaker 3: fan of his family's sense of design, but what can
Speaker 3: you do? There are more of them than there are
Speaker 3: of you. At around ten pm, someone suggests you, guys
Speaker 3: called a night. You have a big day tomorrow and
Speaker 3: you too need all the beauty sleep you can get.
Speaker 3: You are in your fiance. Tell the others you'll go
Speaker 3: lock up the back doors of the reception hall. This
Speaker 3: is when you decide to take matters into your own hands.
Speaker 3: Will your fiance is busy locking up, You pull a
Speaker 3: tampon from your pocket, and then you pull out one
Speaker 3: of the lighters you stole. With a quick flick of
Speaker 3: the bic, you put flame to tampon and it catches
Speaker 3: fire like it was made to burn. You casually toss
Speaker 3: the burning tampon under a stack of church chairs. Your
Speaker 3: fiance returns to find you waiting for him. He doesn't
Speaker 3: smell the smoke or see the burning tampon. You smile, ever,
Speaker 3: confident your plan is going to work. You're gonna burn
Speaker 3: this mother down. You two rejoin his relatives in the
Speaker 3: church as they get ready to leave, and that's when
Speaker 3: your plan runs into misfortune. You hear it. A fire
Speaker 3: alarm goes off. It's loud, it's urgent. At this sound,
Speaker 3: his relatives freak out. They run around looking for the fire.
Speaker 3: It doesn't take long for someone to find it. They
Speaker 3: call for help. Someone else runs over with a bouquet
Speaker 3: of flowers. They toss the blossoms on the floor and
Speaker 3: then pour the water on the fire. It splashes against
Speaker 3: the floor in the flames, but it doesn't put them out.
Speaker 3: Someone else runs over with a fire extinguisher and clash
Speaker 3: the fire with its foamy contents. That does the trick.
Speaker 3: The fire, which had begun to spread to the church walls,
Speaker 3: does indeed go out, leaving behind a scorched wall and
Speaker 3: the heavy, headache inducing smoke of the extinguished fire. Minutes later,
Speaker 3: you hear the familiar sounds of fire engines approaching sirens blaring.
Speaker 3: Damn it, you think to yourself, you thought for sure
Speaker 3: your tampon fire would burn this church down. But at
Speaker 3: least it looks like it's made. The wedding tomorrow and
Speaker 3: it possibility. So there you go, Elizabeth, That's how a
Speaker 3: little bit arson ruined a wedding yours. Clearly it was you,
Speaker 3: the bride who tried to burn down the church the
Speaker 3: night before her wedding, because you a bad, bad girl, Elizabeth.
Speaker 3: But why why would you or rather she do this? Well,
Speaker 3: for many brides and grooms, their wedding day is one
Speaker 3: of the biggest, greatest, most important days of their lives.
Speaker 3: So again, why would she burn it all down?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Fantastic question, Elizabeth. At this point, let's turn the story
Speaker 3: over to the police and their investigation. According to Devin J. Rich,
Speaker 3: the responding officer from the local Kasville Police, things were
Speaker 3: hinky from the start. Yeah, as he documented in his
Speaker 3: police report and I quote I responded to the scene
Speaker 3: as the on call investigator and worked alongside the fire
Speaker 3: Marshal end atf During the investigation, was pointed out by
Speaker 3: the fire investigators that the fire appeared to have started
Speaker 3: under a chair that was amongst stacked chairs along the wall.
Speaker 3: Under one of the chairs appeared to be items that
Speaker 3: were out of the ordinary, including what appeared to be
Speaker 3: a tampon with the applicator on the floor. So you're
Speaker 3: telling me that the bride started a church fire with
Speaker 3: a tampon. I mean, points are being creative, right, right,
Speaker 3: exactly sourceful. I mean she's going to have those things
Speaker 3: on her right. So as far as the tampon's importance.
Speaker 3: Back to Officer Rich, he also recorded in his official
Speaker 3: police report that these items were collected by the ATF. So,
Speaker 3: now the ATF's got you, Tawn.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, because the thing is the firefighters they know
Speaker 2: they see these things and they know.
Speaker 3: Right away that's a fire starter.
Speaker 2: That's a fire like yeah, because they can tell looking
Speaker 2: at it, like what's the ignition point and stuff. It's
Speaker 2: fascinating if you've ever had a chance to really irritate
Speaker 2: a firefighter and ask them a lot of questions.
Speaker 3: I have, actually, Elizabeth. In fact, I actually got to
Speaker 3: talk to three fire marshals from three different counties at
Speaker 3: the same time because the fire that I started was
Speaker 3: out on the corner of three counties for Sonoma, Yolo,
Speaker 3: and Napa County.
Speaker 2: Okay, which was awesome. Do we get to do an
Speaker 2: episode about that.
Speaker 3: We should one day. It cost a lot of money
Speaker 3: for me to learn a lot of hard lessons anyway,
Speaker 3: So in this case, the alcohol, tobacco on firearms gets
Speaker 3: called in and they're supposed to collect the evidence, and
Speaker 3: they did know they did their part. But for more
Speaker 3: actual info, let's go back to Officer Rich as he
Speaker 3: documented his police report. I began interviewing those on the
Speaker 3: scene and those who were reported to have been at
Speaker 3: the church during the night, and his investigation begins to
Speaker 3: point him in the right direction this soon to be
Speaker 3: married couple. As Officer Rich learned from the folks in
Speaker 3: the church that faithful night, and I quote it was
Speaker 3: reported that Tessa and a N had gone to secure
Speaker 3: the building just prior to the fire alarm going off,
Speaker 3: and a en statement was that they were in the
Speaker 3: relief Society room. So it's like the back road. So
Speaker 3: the groom a N. He's also called Alexi in the
Speaker 3: police report, he confirmed that throughout the night that he
Speaker 3: and Tessa had gone to Ace Hardware and Chevron. Alexi
Speaker 3: reported he gonned Ace Hardware to obtain hooks for setting
Speaker 3: it up and Chevron to get drinks. All this in
Speaker 3: the police totally. So you remember all this from the picture,
Speaker 3: and obviously when you remember.
Speaker 2: And I'm having I have a suspicion that there what
Speaker 2: I was thinking when I heard what I did, And
Speaker 2: were there surveillance cameras in the ACE hardware?
Speaker 3: You are good. So what we didn't cover was a
Speaker 3: key fact about the police as they begin to focus
Speaker 3: their attention on you, or rather the bride to be.
Speaker 3: As Officer Rich reported, the woman known as Tessa was
Speaker 3: actually not named Tessa. Her real name was Lenita Joy
Speaker 3: Moreno dun dun, dun. Drama intensifies that was not in
Speaker 3: the officer Rich's p So not only was Tessa not
Speaker 3: her real name, but when she gave her birthday to
Speaker 3: the cops, she stated she was born on January eighteenth,
Speaker 3: two thousand and two. That too was a lie. Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: it was.
Speaker 2: Oh, please tell me she was born in the nineteen hundreds.
Speaker 3: It turns out, ohle, Lenita Joy Morena was actually born
Speaker 3: on January eighteenth, two thousand and one.
Speaker 2: Just I wanted her to be like whaled to undreds, ye.
Speaker 3: So don't I don't know why she chose to lie
Speaker 3: about her age but just one year, like maybe said
Speaker 3: they were the same age or something or I don't
Speaker 3: know about. All of this make the cops super suspicious
Speaker 3: of her and they start focusing on her entirely as
Speaker 3: the prime suspect for the church arson, and as such,
Speaker 3: Officer Rich begins to gather evidence that he could prove
Speaker 3: that Tessa aka Lenita Joey Moreno was indeed the firebug.
Speaker 3: And as you so rightfully pointed out, he's like surveillance
Speaker 3: camera footage. I knew some of that. So he drives
Speaker 3: over to the Chevron station, speaks with the gas station employees.
Speaker 3: He has to view their video surveillance footage. They handed over.
Speaker 3: The video shows young couple walk in, they buy some drinks,
Speaker 3: and then they pay and they leave nothing hanky there.
Speaker 3: Then he drives over to a hardware and again he
Speaker 3: asked of you their video surveillance footage, and sure enough,
Speaker 3: just like in the picture it, he watches Tessa aka
Speaker 3: Lenita Joey Moreno walk in, grab some lighters, stick them
Speaker 3: in her shoes, and look whatnot or bra Notably, he
Speaker 3: notices this is about six forty two pm, just a
Speaker 3: few hours before the church fire. Right, So, now the
Speaker 3: police investigator has established his prime suspect had the means
Speaker 3: as in the lighters and the tampon. He establishes opportunity
Speaker 3: since five witnesses can put the suspect in the church
Speaker 3: at the time of the fire. But what he doesn't
Speaker 3: have is motive. So Officer Rich goes back to Tessa
Speaker 3: aka Lenita joy Moreno, and he confronts her with the
Speaker 3: evidence he's collected. Yes, if she did indeed steal the
Speaker 3: lighters from Ace Hardware, She admits, yes, I did. Do
Speaker 3: you do you smoke or do you not have the
Speaker 3: five ninety eight to buy them? She says no, she did,
Speaker 3: but and she has no reason to carry a lighter,
Speaker 3: right Okay, He tells her, will five witnesses have can
Speaker 3: place you in the relief society room of the church
Speaker 3: just before the fire started, And then he also notes
Speaker 3: that her driver's license from Wyoming is a She makes
Speaker 3: her now obviously out of state resident, but when she
Speaker 3: originally gave her name and birthdate, both of those were incorrect,
Speaker 3: and yet her Wyoming license, you know, corrects the score. Sure,
Speaker 3: so she admits, yes, I did lie about that as well.
Speaker 3: So At this point, he asked her, what was your
Speaker 3: motive to burn down the church where your wedding was
Speaker 3: going to be held the next day? And Tessa admits
Speaker 3: that you asked if the wedding, you know, if it
Speaker 3: had gone off, it wouldn't have been legal anyway. He's like, well, wait,
Speaker 3: what do you what do you mean by that? Now
Speaker 3: you may be wondering how could that be? Right? Well,
Speaker 3: I'm glad you asked Elizabeth. Turns out Tessa had lied
Speaker 3: to the groom and his family about getting a marriage license,
Speaker 3: so there wasnage, so it wouldn't they could have done
Speaker 3: the ceremony.
Speaker 2: All they want the ceremony means nothing right.
Speaker 3: So at this point the motive for the church arson
Speaker 3: came into glaring relief. It seems that Tessa absolutely did
Speaker 3: not want to go through with her marriage to the groom,
Speaker 3: and she was prepared to burn down a church in
Speaker 3: order to avoid it. God, she was very committed to
Speaker 3: the idea this show must not go on right totally now.
Speaker 3: As for damage, the cost to repair the church reestimated
Speaker 3: to be about one hundred and eight thousand dollars. WHOA, yeah,
Speaker 3: she burned a lot of wall. Apparently, some rafters. I
Speaker 3: don't know. As for Tessa aka Lenita, she was charged
Speaker 3: with aggravated arson theft and providing false information to police.
Speaker 3: So it looks like she will be spending some time
Speaker 3: in prison where she can think about what she's done
Speaker 3: and also amuse the hell out of her cellmate fellow
Speaker 3: jailhouse friends. Because I'm guessing a woman who attempted to
Speaker 3: burn down a church to get out of her own weddings,
Speaker 3: it is going to be very popular in prison.
Speaker 2: Yeah, probably.
Speaker 3: So on that note, let's take another little break and
Speaker 3: after these messages, Elizabeth, we'll be back to discuss why
Speaker 3: are people so bad at music shows these days?
Speaker 5: Oh we're back, Elizabeth.
Speaker 3: Hi, you're ready for things to get a bit gross.
Speaker 3: I'm talking like a patented dutton gross.
Speaker 2: So you're asking me.
Speaker 3: Impression.
Speaker 2: I don't know. Sometimes your gross your gross outs are
Speaker 2: different than my gross outs. Yours are very clinical, and
Speaker 2: then I start to like see very wrong, real like
Speaker 2: photo realistic images in my head, and then I get queazy.
Speaker 3: Yours are like a cartoony.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm fully cartoonish.
Speaker 3: Fluffy round edges. Yeah yeah, Well, thus far, we've had
Speaker 3: a musical director for a local play send himself threatening
Speaker 3: text to get the play canceled. And we had a
Speaker 3: bride try to burn down a church where she was
Speaker 3: getting married, And both instances it was someone who felt
Speaker 3: events had gone too far. Someone must do something to
Speaker 3: say this show must not go on, and in both
Speaker 3: cases that someone was the person we've described. Well in
Speaker 3: this story, we have multiple someones who said, yeah, quite
Speaker 3: the opposite, the show must go on, and it was
Speaker 3: others who were like, no, no, no, go handle your business.
Speaker 3: So or more specifically, in this case, it was the
Speaker 3: people putting on the show from the stage who were like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 3: the show's gonna go on, but you need to leave.
Speaker 3: Oh this may be a bit confusing, so let me
Speaker 3: put it in play language. Yeah, Elizabeth, did you know
Speaker 3: there's been a popular uprising by music acts who've been
Speaker 3: asking their fans to take a moment for themselves and
Speaker 3: to step away from their performance. You may be wondering,
Speaker 3: is Saren Is this because of the severe heat waves
Speaker 3: we've been seeing this summer? Right? Are these music acts
Speaker 3: looking out for their fans, not wanting them to suffer
Speaker 3: from heat exhaustion? Yeah, And I would say that's a
Speaker 3: really kind thought. But no, that's not it.
Speaker 2: Oh it's not.
Speaker 3: I'm sure many music performers are worried about their fans
Speaker 3: and these record breaking heat waves. Yeah, that's not the
Speaker 3: issue here. Perhaps you were thinking, zaren, are these performers
Speaker 3: worried about the physical safety of their fans, Like, perhaps
Speaker 3: they're worried things are getting to raucous in the pit
Speaker 3: and they don't want to see anyone get hurt. Yeah, again,
Speaker 3: I would say, good instinct, kind heart, Elizabeth, yea, like
Speaker 3: where your head's up? It again, No, that's not the
Speaker 3: concern I'm refer referencing. Or maybe you worry that fans
Speaker 3: are getting harassed or geting assaulted. You like me, like
Speaker 3: to see performers step it up and like look out
Speaker 3: for their fans in that instance. But once again, while
Speaker 3: it's a very real concern, it's not what I'm referencing.
Speaker 3: So what is this great dangers there? It is because
Speaker 3: it is such a popular trend that music acts and
Speaker 3: performers across the nation are stepping up and asking their
Speaker 3: fans to step away and take care of themselves. The danger, Elizabeth,
Speaker 3: is poop, as in fresh feces. I'm talking about steaming turns, yes,
Speaker 3: side note, what's your favorite safer work go to phrase
Speaker 3: for crab For crab, I'll give you a second to think,
Speaker 3: and I'll tell you mine. Mine is the kids, as
Speaker 3: in I'm gonna go drop the kids off at the pool. Yeah,
Speaker 3: which is something a friend of mine who used he
Speaker 3: used to always say when we work together as house spanners.
Speaker 3: He's always like, I gotta go drop the kids off
Speaker 3: at the pool for some swim lessons.
Speaker 2: I knew someone always talked about throwing rope, throwing rope,
Speaker 2: or court and ribbon geez, or I'm gonna put a
Speaker 2: potato in the crock pot.
Speaker 3: I like that one.
Speaker 2: You're horrible.
Speaker 3: So on that note, let's get into it. Apparently, fast
Speaker 3: spreading danger of human dung is a real issue.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean for a lot of reasons, but I
Speaker 2: don't know the it's bad. It's a danger for reasons,
Speaker 2: but I want to know why. Well, you see, Saron,
Speaker 2: give me the why.
Speaker 3: Many music acts and performers have noticed and are now
Speaker 3: speaking up about the fact that people are taking dumps
Speaker 3: at their concerts and has become a major issue. Not
Speaker 3: like there's not enough porta potties for all the eager
Speaker 3: butts to unload into. But rather people are just kind
Speaker 3: of going freelance, like this is good enough spot for me.
Speaker 3: As Paste magazine noted on June twenty nineties of this year,
Speaker 3: they commented on this putrid trend and a story with
Speaker 3: the arresting headline, We're entering a on the floor at
Speaker 3: concerts epidemic.
Speaker 2: I can't get my head. I mean, I have been it.
Speaker 2: I've been at all kinds of cont any number of attendees.
Speaker 3: I see a lot of bodily fluids, puke, blood spits,
Speaker 3: never seen. Yes, Allen's getting loose with it. Thank you, producer, dude. Now,
Speaker 3: I don't know if this is some sort of like
Speaker 3: post COVID hangover people no longer knowing how to act
Speaker 3: in public, or if this is an issue of this
Speaker 3: just like these little crap happy monsters weren't raised right
Speaker 3: or right. All I know is the facts, Elizabeth, and
Speaker 3: the facts are feted, as Pace magazine explained and I quote.
Speaker 3: Earlier this month, Alivia Rodrigo revealed that she's often smelled
Speaker 3: her fans feces at the barricade to the internet's collective horror.
Speaker 2: Wait, she sings like tiny little music and that people.
Speaker 2: The people are pooping.
Speaker 3: From it at the bear enough that she can smell it.
Speaker 3: She's like, I don't mind the pot smoke, but it's
Speaker 3: In a Kiss FM interview from June of this year,
Speaker 3: Olivia Rodriguez said, and I quote, I've been to certain
Speaker 3: concerts in certain festivals where people wear diapers so that
Speaker 3: they can be front row of the show. And that's
Speaker 3: been an experience as a performer that I have smelled.
Speaker 3: Like the Times Square ball drop on New Year's Eve,
Speaker 3: everyone is wearing diapers and they sit there all day.
Speaker 3: I think about it kind of often. There's so much
Speaker 3: too part in the expression unpacked.
Speaker 2: There's a lot to unpack. First of all, I know
Speaker 2: so many people who won't use public bathrooms to drop
Speaker 2: body boulders.
Speaker 3: I'm one of them.
Speaker 2: You're one of them. Are like camping and stuff.
Speaker 3: I've gone three days camping and it's not a hard.
Speaker 2: Time eating Taylor Farms, Dude, I was easier to hold
Speaker 2: in and held it, but it's easier to hold in
Speaker 2: number two.
Speaker 3: Sorry to the internet burgers right near Carmel, California.
Speaker 2: Then it is number one. So I can see people
Speaker 2: like peeing themselves. I mean, I.
Speaker 3: Wouldn't sure run down the leg Maybe the cafeter that you. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but like you.
Speaker 2: Know, fudge babies in the pants.
Speaker 3: People are brown in their underwears so often it was
Speaker 3: so much volume that singers like Olivia Rodrigo can smell
Speaker 3: their Hershey highways all the way up on stage now two,
Speaker 3: Rodrigo Riley points out that this trend didn't start with
Speaker 3: her young fans. This is something people have been doing
Speaker 3: for a minute. She referenced the Times Square Ball drop
Speaker 3: in New Year's Eve, where people crammed into that packed
Speaker 3: plaza because they don't want to lose their place. They
Speaker 3: wear diapers so they can crab freely and not worry
Speaker 3: about having their way back to the now. This means
Speaker 3: when reasonable people like you and me are watching the
Speaker 3: Times Square Ball Drop at home on TV, we are
Speaker 3: looking at some folks who have a diaper fole between
Speaker 3: their legs. Right anyway, Being a bit of a trendsetter,
Speaker 3: when Olivia Rodrigo spoke up about fans flooding the zone
Speaker 3: with the craptacular stench of their bowels, she started a
Speaker 3: wave of other performers who came forward to say, yes,
Speaker 3: I too have smelled the insides of my fans from
Speaker 3: the safety of the stage. One of the artists was
Speaker 3: the same songwriter, Noah Kahan, the bearded singer of the
Speaker 3: song Hurt Somebody, came forward to lectureus fans about dropping
Speaker 3: a deuce in their jeans at his shows. In a
Speaker 3: post on X Noah said, and I quote, if you
Speaker 3: have to poop at a show, please, Dear God, just
Speaker 3: go to the bathroom. I've pooped my pants as much
Speaker 3: as the next twenty nine year old. But you guys
Speaker 3: got to understand there's a venue worker out there with
Speaker 3: a thousand yard stare after dealing with that.
Speaker 2: Wait, I poop my pants?
Speaker 3: Is that a lot I don't know, years old exactly.
Speaker 3: Make a little look love burrito action down there that
Speaker 3: I got. I got to commend him, though, because when
Speaker 3: he took his brown wave of shame seriously, he brought
Speaker 3: it up with his fans and I had a show
Speaker 3: in Toronto. He recounted an incident from a previous show
Speaker 3: in Philadelphia where some dookie droppings soiled the good vibe
Speaker 3: at his show, and he made his fans in Toronto's
Speaker 3: take a pledge that they would not soil themselves just
Speaker 3: so they didn't miss the song.
Speaker 2: Did you take a pledge?
Speaker 3: Yes? No, it told us again, this is awkward, and
Speaker 3: this is fresh in more ways than one. You'll find
Speaker 3: out in a second. When you entered this building, you
Speaker 3: entered a social contract, right, and one of the big
Speaker 3: rule number two besides don't literally kill each other, is
Speaker 3: don't on the floor. So that's right, Noah Kahan had
Speaker 3: to explicitly tell his fans not to on the floor.
Speaker 2: Did this happen just once? No all, it has multiple times.
Speaker 3: This is where we are at as a society, Elizabeth.
Speaker 3: And he wasn't done. Noe also told his fans, so
Speaker 3: we're gonna do some therapy type thing where we all
Speaker 3: basically repeat after me. Okay. If you think you have
Speaker 3: to shut on the floor, then don't repeat after me.
Speaker 3: I guess, but please don't do it, okay. And at
Speaker 3: this point, Noah then leads his fans in a serious
Speaker 3: don't on the floor oath, and from the stage he
Speaker 3: asked them to repeat these words allowed and so you
Speaker 3: can more fully get a sense of the scene, Elizabeth,
Speaker 3: I'd like you to repeat after me and Han's oath.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm ready, I'm gonna raise my right hand.
Speaker 3: Okay, there we go. I solemnly swear.
Speaker 2: I solemnly swear I will not my pants. I will
Speaker 2: not my pants and if I do, and if I.
Speaker 3: Do, I won't take it from my pants and put
Speaker 3: it on the floor.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I won't take it from my pants
Speaker 2: and put it on the floor. Colly.
Speaker 3: After he makes his fans take this solemn oath, he
Speaker 3: undercuts the whole thing because you see, he takes this
Speaker 3: fake phone call from the stage, and the fake phone
Speaker 3: calls from the National Center for IBS Colitis and Diarrhea,
Speaker 3: and Cahan says it's actually wonderful adult suffers from IBS. Well,
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry, And then he admonishes his crowd.
Speaker 2: Oh you want, I would stand up and go triggered.
Speaker 3: Mixed messages, bros message that I just took an oath.
Speaker 2: So I have you know, what would you do if
Speaker 2: you saw someone pop in a squat? Oh yeah, and
Speaker 2: just unleashing. What would you do?
Speaker 3: Shove them into it?
Speaker 2: I kick them clean that.
Speaker 3: Up with the front of you.
Speaker 2: I once I was at a Social Destroyer show and
Speaker 2: there was a skinhead in the pit, and like you know,
Speaker 2: social distortion is not not a skinhead kind of like
Speaker 2: mess wouldn't stand for it, and the guy was just
Speaker 2: pushing people around and here I am just a gal
Speaker 2: standing on the side. When he came by it as
Speaker 2: a circle pit. He came out and put my foot
Speaker 2: out and he bit.
Speaker 3: It went from like skinhead straped to skinhead.
Speaker 2: Plump yeah, with like I hope you like the tooth fairy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: something would be something like that. They're not in that
Speaker 2: kind of motion, but if I looked over, I would
Speaker 2: just you know, I played soccer as a kid. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean not from the I go across the top,
Speaker 2: I go shoulder and if they're squatting.
Speaker 3: Down, I got you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm thinking I am just.
Speaker 3: Pushing it, you know, like it was just.
Speaker 2: There's that too or then you push him down and
Speaker 2: then you poop on them.
Speaker 3: That's too far, and then someone else poops on You're
Speaker 3: part of the problem. Yea.
Speaker 2: It is true, plain.
Speaker 3: Little stunt about the whole pooping thing. It was motivated
Speaker 3: by Olivia Rodrigo coming forward about the crap and her
Speaker 3: craw but also, as I mentioned earlier, there was an
Speaker 3: incident in Philadelphia at one of his shows, apparently at
Speaker 3: Philadelphia's Citizens Bank Park, someone in his audience filmed an
Speaker 3: actual crap that had been smashed and smushed across the
Speaker 3: floor of the venue, and the fan filming it was
Speaker 3: aghast as you are currently and she said, and I quote,
Speaker 3: what the yea show? Which is an appropriate response when
Speaker 3: you see smeared feces on the floor of a concert venue.
Speaker 3: Since it's the Internet age, naturally, we do have an
Speaker 3: eyewitness account of this crap on the floor in Philadelphia.
Speaker 3: On Reddit, someone shared the story and I quote the
Speaker 3: person who did this was one row in front of
Speaker 3: me and Section AA, and I guess they didn't want
Speaker 3: to miss a couple songs to use the bathroom, so
Speaker 3: they just straight up themselves and started picking actual pieces
Speaker 3: of poop up out of their butt and put it
Speaker 3: on the floor. She started trying to waffle stomp the
Speaker 3: turrets and acted to if nothing happened, but we flagged
Speaker 3: down security.
Speaker 2: What.
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry that I had to read that out
Speaker 3: loud to you.
Speaker 2: People are broken, But I know you're.
Speaker 3: Curious, and I know that darkly you wanted.
Speaker 2: To know, darkly really want to know. But people should
Speaker 2: not be in public.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so there you go. People are literally themselves that
Speaker 3: they don't miss a single minute of Olivia Rodrigo or
Speaker 3: Noa Kahan and other pop stars. And that's where our
Speaker 3: country and our culture is at music shows. They've become
Speaker 3: so expensive that people want to get their money.
Speaker 2: I've seen like online people talking about tickets to the shows.
Speaker 3: So ridiculous, insane thousand, Yeah, it's insane, And therefore that's
Speaker 3: why people are dropping their pants and clearing their bowels
Speaker 3: because they don't want to They want to get full
Speaker 3: dollars worth, which also means that someone else then has
Speaker 3: to clean up their mess, which they mentioned earlier. So
Speaker 3: there are venue workers you have to go around and
Speaker 3: mop up turns and puddles of piss from the floor
Speaker 3: because someone else didn't want to miss a single second
Speaker 3: of their favorite like K pop bands.
Speaker 2: That's how disease spreads.
Speaker 3: Yeah, to which I must implore these younger concert goers
Speaker 3: sometimes the show.
Speaker 2: Must not go on, agreed, right, So, in case.
Speaker 3: You were wondering about attending a summertime concert series, I'm
Speaker 3: here to inform you that you and I Elizabeth are,
Speaker 3: in the words of Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon, Yeah,
Speaker 3: too old for this.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, isn't that the.
Speaker 3: T I must now ask you, what's a ridiculous takeaway here?
Speaker 2: All these people? Could you know, just be honest and
Speaker 2: not be in any of these terrible situations? Right? So
Speaker 2: honesty is the best policy, is my takeaway. But also
Speaker 2: when you asked me, like, what's my favorite euphemism? I
Speaker 2: suddenly remembered one of the worst ones I've ever heard.
Speaker 3: Oh what do you got for me?
Speaker 2: Gorilla fingers?
Speaker 3: Oh bored? Oh good lord, that's something I'm not going
Speaker 3: to forget.
Speaker 2: No, it's not. What's your ridiculous takeaway?
Speaker 3: Gorilla fingers? I'm taking that one away. Unfortunately, I'm keeping it.
Speaker 3: It looks like looks like that's now tattooed.
Speaker 2: It was I'd put it in a lock box in
Speaker 2: my head, an.
Speaker 3: Al Gore blockbox behind the key, and I was.
Speaker 2: Just, you know, it was like, what what is what's it?
Speaker 2: What's my favorite? Wait? Because I went to remember on
Speaker 2: the air rage, one of.
Speaker 3: Our first That's what I was kind of inspired by.
Speaker 2: You know, I had to run through all these ways
Speaker 2: to say it, and I thought of like childhood ones.
Speaker 2: But then I don't know if this one just kind
Speaker 2: of dark memories coming forward.
Speaker 3: I think I think producer he's actually crying right now,
Speaker 3: just at the sound inside of these So you and
Speaker 3: the mover were talking about we can wash this one away,
Speaker 3: hit wash on this one. Produced you do what you
Speaker 3: got for us? Oh god, oh my god, I went jee.
Speaker 4: Some ridiculous history. In the eighties and nineties, Sweden military
Speaker 4: repeatedly picked up suspected Russian sub incouragions into their waters
Speaker 4: on sonar fifteen whole years. They poured resources into trying
Speaker 4: to locate the subs but always failed. Why because apparently
Speaker 4: these national security emergencies were being caused by herring farts.
Speaker 4: That's right, huge schools of fish just tooting away under there.
Speaker 4: That is ridiculous and on theme, thank you for that.
Speaker 3: Oh I didn't know herring's farted, to be quite honest,
Speaker 3: I didn't know fish farted. I guess they have to
Speaker 3: expel gas like any other creatures.
Speaker 2: They're just like gobbling error as they go.
Speaker 3: And also they have the gas bladder that they use
Speaker 3: for floatation. They eat a lot of beans. As always.
Speaker 3: You can find is online a ridiculous crime on social
Speaker 3: media that's mostly uh Instagram for pictures of what we mentioned.
Speaker 3: Because good luck with this episode.
Speaker 2: Harry Terry save yourself. Don't do it. You don't need
Speaker 2: one for.
Speaker 3: This week emails. If you'd like at ridiculous Crime at
Speaker 3: gmail dot com, please start your email. Do you producer
Speaker 3: d and or Terry now? Oh well, so we also
Speaker 3: have our website, ridiculous Crime dot com, which was recently
Speaker 3: nominated for Good Housekeeping seal Over for Best Website dedicated
Speaker 3: to a podcast about ridiculous crimes. You're kidding, We're a
Speaker 3: shoe in for this one. We're nominated all the awards.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Now, obviously we love your talkback, so please go to
Speaker 3: the iHeart app, download it, leave a talkback and maybe
Speaker 3: get to hit your voice here. We'd love to hear
Speaker 3: your voice here and as always, thank you for listening
Speaker 3: and we will catch you next crime. Ridiculous Crime is
Speaker 3: hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Zaren Burnette, produced and edited
Speaker 3: by the man once known as the turd Ranger for
Speaker 3: his ability to keep the peace and prevent poops at
Speaker 3: concerts and shows, mister Dave Cousten. A Ridiculous assistant is
Speaker 3: the person voted most likely to keep their crap to
Speaker 3: themselves out in Olivia Rodrigo show, Terry Maldonatto. Palm Research
Speaker 3: is by a resident wedding arsenist specialist who says her
Speaker 3: best kept secret is to dip the tampons in gasoline first.
Speaker 3: Marissa Brown. Our theme song is by our house band
Speaker 3: question Mark and the mysterious Brown Stained Blue Jeans always
Speaker 3: available for weddings, birthday parties and bar Mitzvahs aka Thomas
Speaker 3: Lee and Travis Dudd. The host wardrobe provided by Botany
Speaker 3: five hundred producer Dave's wardrobe provided by Mister Guy of
Speaker 3: Beverly Hills. Guest hair and makeup by Sparkleshock and mister Andre.
Speaker 3: Executive producers are Ben. You know I still get compliments
Speaker 3: from my performance as Tim Curry's role Doctor Frankenferder at
Speaker 3: my local midnight movies Poland and Noel. I once asked
Speaker 3: Ben and Jerry's to make a new ice cream flavor
Speaker 3: called Rocky Road Horror Picture Show, but they said no, Brown.
Speaker 2: Geek, why say it one more time? Geek?
Speaker 1: Cr Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio four more podcasts.
Speaker 1: My heart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows.