WEBVTT - Petty University

0:00:00.150 --> 0:00:08.170
<v Speaker 1>Hello gorgeous it's lala kent welcome to untraditionally lala hello

0:00:08.210 --> 0:00:14.440
<v Speaker 1>my gorgeous sorry are you on one it's really good i.

0:00:14.620 --> 0:00:16.599
<v Speaker 2>Played fucking a hell of a game yesterday i.

0:00:17.060 --> 0:00:19.680
<v Speaker 3>Know you're talking about it again i know i don't

0:00:19.700 --> 0:00:22.360
<v Speaker 3>have much going on That's completely false.

0:00:22.380 --> 0:00:24.670
<v Speaker 2>I know. I just like to, you know, slip it in.

0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:26.360
<v Speaker 2>You know what? You should give yourself a pat on

0:00:26.400 --> 0:00:26.700
<v Speaker 2>the back.

0:00:26.840 --> 0:00:29.120
<v Speaker 1>I was very proud of you waking up at whatever

0:00:29.180 --> 0:00:33.030
<v Speaker 1>time on a Sunday to miss football and go and play.

0:00:33.530 --> 0:00:36.590
<v Speaker 1>So I posted on social media and was like, you

0:00:36.610 --> 0:00:39.930
<v Speaker 1>know what I want to know? What's the pettiest thing

0:00:40.350 --> 0:00:49.490
<v Speaker 1>that someone's done? Like something that's lighthearted, stupid, petty. In fact,

0:00:49.909 --> 0:00:51.790
<v Speaker 1>you know who's the king of petty, I feel, is

0:00:51.830 --> 0:00:52.729
<v Speaker 1>probably Zach Wickham.

0:00:53.470 --> 0:00:56.529
<v Speaker 2>He's so petty and he loves to be petty. See,

0:00:56.910 --> 0:00:59.470
<v Speaker 2>I'm thinking. And it's very endearing. No, I like, give

0:00:59.730 --> 0:01:02.170
<v Speaker 2>me a petty bitch. Come on now. I don't think

0:01:02.190 --> 0:01:03.630
<v Speaker 2>I've ever done anything petty after.

0:01:04.170 --> 0:01:05.929
<v Speaker 3>Because if I feel like you did something to me

0:01:05.970 --> 0:01:07.850
<v Speaker 3>and I have to be petty back, that means you

0:01:08.230 --> 0:01:10.230
<v Speaker 3>could affect me in a way that you affected me

0:01:10.410 --> 0:01:11.270
<v Speaker 3>and nobody affects me.

0:01:11.709 --> 0:01:13.630
<v Speaker 2>So fuck you. I don't need to be petty back.

0:01:13.650 --> 0:01:16.470
<v Speaker 2>You're not a petty person. I think I used to

0:01:16.510 --> 0:01:19.430
<v Speaker 2>be petty. I can think of two things.

0:01:19.690 --> 0:01:23.250
<v Speaker 1>One, people would label it as petty, which is my

0:01:24.310 --> 0:01:27.660
<v Speaker 1>love for clicking the unfollow button. But for me, it's

0:01:27.700 --> 0:01:31.800
<v Speaker 1>not petty. It's like, I don't really mess with you,

0:01:31.819 --> 0:01:35.440
<v Speaker 1>so I can unfollow. But then there's people that are like, yeah,

0:01:35.520 --> 0:01:37.790
<v Speaker 1>but you're following people who you barely even know. And

0:01:37.810 --> 0:01:40.250
<v Speaker 1>it's like, Yeah, when I barely know someone, it.

0:01:40.250 --> 0:01:42.509
<v Speaker 2>Means I don't know enough about you to fuck with

0:01:42.530 --> 0:01:45.170
<v Speaker 2>you or not. So as far as I'm concerned, we're cool.

0:01:45.410 --> 0:01:47.870
<v Speaker 3>And when I get to know them, I'll unfollow them.

0:01:48.050 --> 0:01:49.250
<v Speaker 1>When I get to know them, and if I don't

0:01:49.270 --> 0:01:53.090
<v Speaker 1>like them, then they get the unfollow, obviously. Right. And

0:01:53.110 --> 0:01:57.870
<v Speaker 1>then the other one was putting the toothbrush in my

0:01:57.970 --> 0:02:00.820
<v Speaker 1>asshole during an argument.

0:02:00.590 --> 0:02:02.600
<v Speaker 2>With an ex. Yeah, there was a line, and I

0:02:02.640 --> 0:02:04.560
<v Speaker 2>think you crossed it. I know, but can I tell you?

0:02:05.270 --> 0:02:08.350
<v Speaker 1>It's crazy watching Real Housewives of Salt Lake right now where-

0:02:08.370 --> 0:02:13.149
<v Speaker 1>Somebody else. Why everyone's appalled that she did the toothbrush

0:02:13.190 --> 0:02:15.960
<v Speaker 1>in the toilet, cleaned the toilet bowl, and then he

0:02:16.000 --> 0:02:16.919
<v Speaker 1>brushed his teeth with it.

0:02:17.280 --> 0:02:20.239
<v Speaker 2>And she stands on business. But I'm like- Did he know?

0:02:20.260 --> 0:02:22.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, when did that happen?

0:02:22.860 --> 0:02:25.540
<v Speaker 1>Because when- My book came out in 2020 and I

0:02:25.580 --> 0:02:26.240
<v Speaker 1>wrote about this.

0:02:27.020 --> 0:02:27.700
<v Speaker 2>Me doing that.

0:02:27.720 --> 0:02:31.480
<v Speaker 1>Do you think people are still in your fucking swing?

0:02:31.760 --> 0:02:34.220
<v Speaker 1>Did you match my petty- Or did you create the

0:02:34.240 --> 0:02:37.220
<v Speaker 1>petty and I just happened to like follow suit without knowing?

0:02:37.900 --> 0:02:41.500
<v Speaker 3>I will say there are some times and we've both

0:02:42.280 --> 0:02:45.310
<v Speaker 3>done it. I feel like we've been petty. And then

0:02:45.690 --> 0:02:47.829
<v Speaker 3>after I see it or you have, I've never really

0:02:47.870 --> 0:02:48.270
<v Speaker 3>done it.

0:02:48.350 --> 0:02:51.350
<v Speaker 2>But like, I'll see something. Where you're like, I did

0:02:51.370 --> 0:02:52.970
<v Speaker 2>it first. That I had previously done and I was like,

0:02:53.010 --> 0:02:54.830
<v Speaker 2>I did that first. But maybe I didn't.

0:02:55.010 --> 0:02:57.310
<v Speaker 1>But maybe I didn't. I don't know. I'm not staking

0:02:57.350 --> 0:02:59.620
<v Speaker 1>claim on the toothbrush being in an area that.

0:02:59.510 --> 0:03:01.020
<v Speaker 2>It shouldn't be. Can I be honest to you though?

0:03:01.280 --> 0:03:01.440
<v Speaker 3>What?

0:03:01.520 --> 0:03:05.320
<v Speaker 2>I bet you put that into people's minds. I don't know.

0:03:05.540 --> 0:03:08.500
<v Speaker 2>I've been angry. Very angry. Never have I looked at

0:03:08.540 --> 0:03:10.760
<v Speaker 2>a toothbrush and gone, it's going in my sphincter. I

0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:16.270
<v Speaker 2>was wasted. You don't say. I don't think I would

0:03:16.330 --> 0:03:17.530
<v Speaker 2>ever do that. Not wasted.

0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:22.660
<v Speaker 1>Um, so I asked my friends, what have you done?

0:03:22.860 --> 0:03:25.500
<v Speaker 1>And this person said, I was mad at my husband.

0:03:25.520 --> 0:03:28.370
<v Speaker 1>So I signed our TV out of all streaming services

0:03:28.440 --> 0:03:29.750
<v Speaker 1>and changed login info.

0:03:30.370 --> 0:03:33.090
<v Speaker 2>Oh, I kind of like you. That's so good.

0:03:34.810 --> 0:03:38.470
<v Speaker 1>Wait, that's the petty that I need because I have

0:03:38.490 --> 0:03:41.850
<v Speaker 1>been that person that gets logged out. And I, and

0:03:41.900 --> 0:03:43.920
<v Speaker 1>then every time you type it in, it comes up

0:03:43.960 --> 0:03:46.640
<v Speaker 1>with that red, like error sign. Like your password is

0:03:46.740 --> 0:03:50.890
<v Speaker 1>incorrect and it, You know what fries me? I get

0:03:51.270 --> 0:03:54.330
<v Speaker 1>so fucking angry. I would love to know his response.

0:03:54.390 --> 0:03:56.310
<v Speaker 1>And I love that it was every streaming service.

0:03:56.970 --> 0:03:57.430
<v Speaker 3>No.

0:03:57.530 --> 0:04:00.190
<v Speaker 2>That's a lot of button clicking. That's good for you.

0:04:00.220 --> 0:04:02.530
<v Speaker 2>That's good for divorce. That's good for you. That's good

0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:02.970
<v Speaker 2>for divorce.

0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:06.480
<v Speaker 1>When my ex cheated, I filled his mailbox with rotten

0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:07.640
<v Speaker 1>eggs and bologna.

0:04:07.660 --> 0:04:09.940
<v Speaker 2>You should have filled his car up with that.

0:04:10.960 --> 0:04:13.380
<v Speaker 3>Guys, to all the women listening, if a guy fucks

0:04:13.400 --> 0:04:15.800
<v Speaker 3>you over, take an egg and you crack it where

0:04:15.940 --> 0:04:17.480
<v Speaker 3>their windshield wipers are.

0:04:18.100 --> 0:04:20.920
<v Speaker 2>That is so funny, though. I love when people make

0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:26.790
<v Speaker 2>something stink. I know. Oh, gosh.

0:04:26.810 --> 0:04:30.170
<v Speaker 1>Did you see that episode of Vanderpump Rules where they,

0:04:30.270 --> 0:04:35.810
<v Speaker 1>I forget who it was, like who didn't know, but

0:04:35.870 --> 0:04:40.330
<v Speaker 1>it was Jax and the Toms, and they make a

0:04:40.410 --> 0:04:43.910
<v Speaker 1>steak dinner, and then as the person's eating it, they

0:04:43.950 --> 0:04:45.650
<v Speaker 1>have a picture of where the steak was, and it

0:04:45.670 --> 0:04:47.750
<v Speaker 1>was in between one of the Toms' ass cheeks.

0:04:50.950 --> 0:04:52.570
<v Speaker 2>Hopefully it burned off, right?

0:04:52.710 --> 0:04:54.870
<v Speaker 1>And then there was another one where they, something with

0:04:54.930 --> 0:04:56.590
<v Speaker 1>butts and Tom Schwartz got pink eye.

0:04:57.710 --> 0:05:02.680
<v Speaker 2>Oh, old school Vanderpump rules. Iconic. If I got pink eye.

0:05:03.380 --> 0:05:07.400
<v Speaker 1>Oh, here's another toothbrush story. Swirled a girl's toothbrush in

0:05:07.440 --> 0:05:10.440
<v Speaker 1>a toilet at the sorority house. She talks shit, so

0:05:10.480 --> 0:05:11.400
<v Speaker 1>I matched her vibe.

0:05:12.560 --> 0:05:15.349
<v Speaker 2>She talks shit, now she gets to brush shit. Is

0:05:15.370 --> 0:05:19.640
<v Speaker 2>the toothbrush the key to all petty? I'm, I, guys,

0:05:20.020 --> 0:05:22.060
<v Speaker 2>I'm not kidding you. I'm putting a lock on my

0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:25.960
<v Speaker 2>fucking toothbrush. You should. You should. Finger press.

0:05:25.980 --> 0:05:28.820
<v Speaker 1>Hello, have you seen the episode of Seinfeld where he

0:05:28.920 --> 0:05:31.460
<v Speaker 1>accidentally hits the toothbrush into the toilet and he puts

0:05:31.520 --> 0:05:32.980
<v Speaker 1>it back and then she comes out and she's brushing

0:05:33.000 --> 0:05:35.000
<v Speaker 1>her teeth and he can't kiss her after that? Yeah.

0:05:36.250 --> 0:05:39.530
<v Speaker 1>When it was his fault, you know, and it was

0:05:39.570 --> 0:05:43.190
<v Speaker 1>an accident. Like all of us, me, Kwai, this girl,

0:05:43.250 --> 0:05:46.490
<v Speaker 1>we all intentionally grabbed.

0:05:45.529 --> 0:05:47.730
<v Speaker 2>The toothbrush and knew what to do with it. I'm

0:05:47.770 --> 0:05:51.130
<v Speaker 2>into it. Why are your toothbrush so close to the toilet? Well,

0:05:51.170 --> 0:05:53.219
<v Speaker 2>some people have small bathrooms, you know? You don't say.

0:05:53.770 --> 0:05:54.010
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:05:54.070 --> 0:05:54.330
<v Speaker 1>Me.

0:05:54.890 --> 0:05:57.570
<v Speaker 3>I still don't keep my fucking toothbrush where it could

0:05:58.000 --> 0:06:01.600
<v Speaker 3>pop in the toilet. That thing will go underneath.

0:06:01.740 --> 0:06:05.979
<v Speaker 1>Okay, but Seinfeld didn't mean to do it. And also,

0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:08.080
<v Speaker 1>New York bathrooms, they're a real bitch.

0:06:08.260 --> 0:06:08.599
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:06:09.180 --> 0:06:11.120
<v Speaker 1>My husband pissed me off, so I took his credit

0:06:11.160 --> 0:06:12.850
<v Speaker 1>card and bought myself a bag I wanted.

0:06:13.560 --> 0:06:16.490
<v Speaker 2>You know what? You deserved two. That's the level of

0:06:16.529 --> 0:06:17.330
<v Speaker 2>petty we're looking for.

0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:20.800
<v Speaker 1>Cut my sister's fingernails off when she was asleep so

0:06:20.820 --> 0:06:22.160
<v Speaker 1>she couldn't claw me anymore.

0:06:23.600 --> 0:06:26.640
<v Speaker 2>Okay, that's fine. I'm just picturing like a good night's done.

0:06:27.020 --> 0:06:28.220
<v Speaker 1>Oh, like you gave her a manicure.

0:06:28.240 --> 0:06:31.550
<v Speaker 2>That sounds nice. Not like pride them with like tweezers. Yeah,

0:06:31.570 --> 0:06:33.850
<v Speaker 2>I was like, this is not petty. This is torture.

0:06:33.890 --> 0:06:36.909
<v Speaker 2>And you may need to look into this. No, I

0:06:36.930 --> 0:06:41.630
<v Speaker 2>think she probably had nails. A little Greyjoy. A little Theon.

0:06:42.010 --> 0:06:45.940
<v Speaker 2>A little Theon. A little Theon Snowish. I called him

0:06:46.060 --> 0:06:47.279
<v Speaker 2>Theon Bolton. Isn't it Greyjoy?

0:06:47.300 --> 0:06:47.500
<v Speaker 3>Greyjoy?

0:06:48.570 --> 0:06:52.290
<v Speaker 2>Oh, Theon Greyjoy. Oh, Ramsey Snow. Yeah, Ramsey's the one

0:06:52.350 --> 0:06:54.669
<v Speaker 2>who is doing the nail pulling.

0:06:55.570 --> 0:06:58.890
<v Speaker 1>I called him Ramsey Bolton on one of, or yeah,

0:06:59.050 --> 0:07:00.669
<v Speaker 1>on one of them. And I'm like, I know better

0:07:00.690 --> 0:07:01.770
<v Speaker 1>than to call him that.

0:07:01.790 --> 0:07:05.090
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's Troy Bolton. High school musical. Get it together.

0:07:05.110 --> 0:07:09.710
<v Speaker 1>X cheated on me, so I put tuna juice in

0:07:09.950 --> 0:07:16.010
<v Speaker 1>all his vents. That's a sister who knows petty and

0:07:16.030 --> 0:07:16.690
<v Speaker 1>she knows exact.

0:07:16.770 --> 0:07:18.330
<v Speaker 2>I mean, how do you get rid of it?

0:07:19.000 --> 0:07:22.740
<v Speaker 1>You move the juice. I have to imagine that's like

0:07:22.760 --> 0:07:24.220
<v Speaker 1>cat pee in carpet.

0:07:24.480 --> 0:07:27.910
<v Speaker 2>It's not going anywhere. That is seeping and staying demolish

0:07:27.930 --> 0:07:28.910
<v Speaker 2>the whole house. Yeah.

0:07:29.150 --> 0:07:31.470
<v Speaker 3>I would just start making tuna every day to make

0:07:31.510 --> 0:07:34.570
<v Speaker 3>myself feel okay. That it smelled like tuna. It's probably

0:07:34.590 --> 0:07:37.640
<v Speaker 3>where I'd go with it. It smells like tuna in here.

0:07:37.700 --> 0:07:38.580
<v Speaker 3>I'm always cooking it.

0:07:39.820 --> 0:07:42.220
<v Speaker 1>You wouldn't just move. You couldn't get rid of that house.

0:07:43.460 --> 0:07:44.800
<v Speaker 1>You could not get rid of that house.

0:07:45.610 --> 0:07:46.770
<v Speaker 2>Oh, she kind of made a mess.

0:07:47.010 --> 0:07:49.750
<v Speaker 1>I still use my ex-boyfriend's gas points every month.

0:07:49.800 --> 0:07:50.920
<v Speaker 2>He has no idea it's me.

0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:52.840
<v Speaker 1>Fuck.

0:07:53.100 --> 0:07:55.480
<v Speaker 2>You can use points for gas. Yeah, you have to

0:07:55.500 --> 0:07:58.160
<v Speaker 2>sign up. I should do that. I know. I'm a

0:07:58.220 --> 0:08:00.980
<v Speaker 2>Costco member. That is petty. Who gets gas at Costco?

0:08:01.020 --> 0:08:03.360
<v Speaker 2>I don't have three hours to wait for gas. No,

0:08:03.400 --> 0:08:05.040
<v Speaker 2>but guess what? But I would do that.

0:08:05.100 --> 0:08:07.120
<v Speaker 1>When you think about all the money that you're spending

0:08:07.180 --> 0:08:09.960
<v Speaker 1>on gas, I mean, it costs me over $ 150 a

0:08:10.040 --> 0:08:12.380
<v Speaker 1>week just to fill up my freaking tank.

0:08:13.480 --> 0:08:14.380
<v Speaker 2>You think that's a lot.

0:08:14.480 --> 0:08:17.920
<v Speaker 3>Just to let you know, mine, my little sedan is

0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:20.220
<v Speaker 3>18 and I think it's 18 and a half or

0:08:20.220 --> 0:08:25.800
<v Speaker 3>19 gallons. I'm around 130, 140 in that car. We're

0:08:25.880 --> 0:08:26.620
<v Speaker 3>not far off.

0:08:26.820 --> 0:08:28.820
<v Speaker 2>But is that once a week? Yeah.

0:08:29.490 --> 0:08:29.830
<v Speaker 1>Wow.

0:08:30.630 --> 0:08:31.150
<v Speaker 2>Once or twice.

0:08:31.170 --> 0:08:31.310
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:08:31.470 --> 0:08:34.069
<v Speaker 2>You know what? Keep using his gas points. Yeah, right.

0:08:34.130 --> 0:08:36.070
<v Speaker 2>Fuck it up, babe. Fuck him.

0:08:37.090 --> 0:08:38.610
<v Speaker 1>I wonder what he did to make her do that.

0:08:40.210 --> 0:08:42.429
<v Speaker 1>This is, this is the petty I love you guys.

0:08:43.420 --> 0:08:45.860
<v Speaker 1>I wish that this could be documented on camera. I

0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:49.280
<v Speaker 1>threw every single right shoe out of my ex's closet

0:08:49.490 --> 0:08:51.190
<v Speaker 1>so he only had left shoes.

0:08:51.429 --> 0:08:54.230
<v Speaker 2>Don't cross me. Well, now he's only crossing.

0:08:54.250 --> 0:08:57.969
<v Speaker 3>He's like, what the fuck is going on?

0:08:59.110 --> 0:09:01.070
<v Speaker 2>He's wearing two different pairs of the same shoe.

0:09:01.110 --> 0:09:02.270
<v Speaker 1>You can't. They're all left.

0:09:02.450 --> 0:09:03.849
<v Speaker 2>They're all left feet.

0:09:03.990 --> 0:09:07.290
<v Speaker 3>I am wearing a pair of two lefties to go

0:09:07.330 --> 0:09:08.770
<v Speaker 3>buy a pair of normal shoes.

0:09:08.970 --> 0:09:11.620
<v Speaker 2>I'm not walking out in one shoe going... My girl

0:09:11.660 --> 0:09:13.380
<v Speaker 2>stole them. I'm going to just going to look stupid.

0:09:13.740 --> 0:09:18.580
<v Speaker 2>So good. You do this while the guy's at work. Oh,

0:09:18.620 --> 0:09:23.420
<v Speaker 2>at least he has one pair. Hopefully. Oh yeah. He's fine.

0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:25.730
<v Speaker 2>He had to have worn something wherever he was.

0:09:25.750 --> 0:09:26.120
<v Speaker 3>Right.

0:09:26.179 --> 0:09:30.929
<v Speaker 2>Here's the thing. I have around like 50 shoes.

0:09:31.490 --> 0:09:34.630
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. And if every right foot was gone, I'd be

0:09:34.670 --> 0:09:36.610
<v Speaker 3>pretty pissed off about, but like if he only had

0:09:36.630 --> 0:09:38.070
<v Speaker 3>like a pair of like four or five, he's like,

0:09:38.130 --> 0:09:38.929
<v Speaker 3>I'll just go by now.

0:09:40.250 --> 0:09:43.150
<v Speaker 2>Who'd you hit? You know, like I'm a sneaker head.

0:09:43.290 --> 0:09:46.179
<v Speaker 1>If he was a sneaker head, you not only threw

0:09:46.200 --> 0:09:51.839
<v Speaker 1>his like right shoes away, you threw out like a

0:09:51.920 --> 0:09:52.579
<v Speaker 1>pretty penny.

0:09:52.600 --> 0:09:54.140
<v Speaker 2>I have boxes.

0:09:54.470 --> 0:09:56.970
<v Speaker 3>I'll post a picture of my shoes because I keep

0:09:57.010 --> 0:09:58.710
<v Speaker 3>the boxes like they're trophies.

0:09:59.670 --> 0:10:00.670
<v Speaker 2>And she got rid of left shoes.

0:10:02.120 --> 0:10:04.780
<v Speaker 1>Created a fake email to let a man know that

0:10:04.860 --> 0:10:07.500
<v Speaker 1>his wife was cheating with my boyfriend.

0:10:08.540 --> 0:10:09.679
<v Speaker 2>You were just doing God's work.

0:10:09.760 --> 0:10:09.980
<v Speaker 1>I feel.

0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:14.100
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I feel like sometimes you just kind of get

0:10:14.140 --> 0:10:16.860
<v Speaker 2>the message there. You know, that's one that I go

0:10:16.940 --> 0:10:18.120
<v Speaker 2>back and forth on. Like.

0:10:20.220 --> 0:10:23.420
<v Speaker 1>Background checks, I used to run them on every single

0:10:23.480 --> 0:10:25.580
<v Speaker 1>human I came in contact with. And by the way,

0:10:25.620 --> 0:10:28.420
<v Speaker 1>you guys, it was like $ 2, 000 a pop for a

0:10:28.600 --> 0:10:32.140
<v Speaker 1>worldwide background check. So if a guy's like, yeah, I'm

0:10:32.220 --> 0:10:35.560
<v Speaker 1>separated and I'm going through a divorce, that's obviously not

0:10:35.580 --> 0:10:39.340
<v Speaker 1>going to come back on a background check. So do

0:10:39.400 --> 0:10:45.080
<v Speaker 1>you reach out to his soon-to-be ex-wife to say, hey,

0:10:45.179 --> 0:10:47.220
<v Speaker 1>I just want to know, are you guys trying to

0:10:47.260 --> 0:10:50.110
<v Speaker 1>work it out because … We've been talking.

0:10:50.190 --> 0:10:52.030
<v Speaker 2>That or you get it in writing.

0:10:52.090 --> 0:10:54.850
<v Speaker 3>You have to get him in writing saying that they're

0:10:54.890 --> 0:10:57.510
<v Speaker 3>split up. Not conversational.

0:10:57.620 --> 0:10:59.300
<v Speaker 2>But what's the point of the writing?

0:11:00.440 --> 0:11:03.620
<v Speaker 3>That if he is still married and the wife comes,

0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:06.260
<v Speaker 3>you can go, well, you got a liar.

0:11:06.280 --> 0:11:08.199
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Because if it's your.

0:11:07.980 --> 0:11:12.020
<v Speaker 3>Word versus his, for whatever reason, and I don't understand,

0:11:12.679 --> 0:11:14.829
<v Speaker 3>women take the guy's side still.

0:11:15.170 --> 0:11:16.030
<v Speaker 2>Have you noticed that?

0:11:16.150 --> 0:11:16.630
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I have.

0:11:16.690 --> 0:11:17.330
<v Speaker 2>It's very frustrating.

0:11:17.350 --> 0:11:21.130
<v Speaker 3>I wish that the women would be together more so

0:11:21.170 --> 0:11:22.170
<v Speaker 3>than because.

0:11:21.870 --> 0:11:22.600
<v Speaker 2>The guy is the problem.

0:11:22.620 --> 0:11:26.340
<v Speaker 1>Kind of on Friends when Paolo makes a pass at

0:11:26.440 --> 0:11:30.240
<v Speaker 1>Phoebe during the massage and she goes to Rachel and

0:11:30.260 --> 0:11:32.080
<v Speaker 1>they're like, I'm so sorry. And they're like, why are

0:11:32.100 --> 0:11:33.020
<v Speaker 1>we apologizing?

0:11:33.580 --> 0:11:35.620
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, fuck him. He's a pig man.

0:11:37.800 --> 0:11:40.959
<v Speaker 1>My aunt was a total nightmare at Universal Studios. She

0:11:41.020 --> 0:11:44.500
<v Speaker 1>drank and treated us so badly. I would keep pouring

0:11:44.580 --> 0:11:47.360
<v Speaker 1>water on her shoes. So she had wet shoes the

0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:50.800
<v Speaker 1>whole trip. There was a time at Universal Studios. I

0:11:50.820 --> 0:11:53.270
<v Speaker 1>went with James and one other or two other people,

0:11:53.350 --> 0:11:57.770
<v Speaker 1>James Logan and one other person. And I had my

0:11:57.890 --> 0:12:00.900
<v Speaker 1>clip ins and we were obviously drinking.

0:12:01.420 --> 0:12:01.760
<v Speaker 3>And then.

0:12:02.770 --> 0:12:05.050
<v Speaker 1>Smoked a ton of weed in the car before we

0:12:05.090 --> 0:12:07.270
<v Speaker 1>got out of the car to, we were in the

0:12:07.290 --> 0:12:09.209
<v Speaker 1>parking garage. I get out of the car and I

0:12:09.250 --> 0:12:10.850
<v Speaker 1>look at James and I was like, I don't feel good.

0:12:10.890 --> 0:12:12.950
<v Speaker 1>And he thought I was joking. And I freaking went

0:12:13.190 --> 0:12:17.290
<v Speaker 1>down so hard. My clip-ins saved my life. Wow.

0:12:18.660 --> 0:12:23.040
<v Speaker 2>Start wearing that Raven's helmet. I don't need that anymore.

0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:27.140
<v Speaker 2>Jesus Christ. You're falling upward.

0:12:27.179 --> 0:12:29.720
<v Speaker 1>I could have used the helmet in my drinking and

0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:32.940
<v Speaker 1>smoking weed days. Because sometimes it just goes to the head. Oh,

0:12:32.960 --> 0:12:35.700
<v Speaker 1>could you imagine you in your Tupac?

0:12:36.860 --> 0:12:39.220
<v Speaker 2>Stop it. In that helmet. Stop it.

0:12:39.420 --> 0:12:42.290
<v Speaker 1>Oh, I'm picturing it now. Oh, with those earrings that

0:12:42.370 --> 0:12:45.550
<v Speaker 1>didn't clip in the back. So instead, I just put

0:12:45.590 --> 0:12:47.490
<v Speaker 1>like a little thing on them to keep them in.

0:12:47.530 --> 0:12:48.850
<v Speaker 2>So in every picture.

0:12:48.630 --> 0:12:48.950
<v Speaker 1>You can see.

0:12:48.990 --> 0:12:50.910
<v Speaker 2>Like an eraser? Holy shit.

0:12:51.760 --> 0:12:55.210
<v Speaker 1>Oh my God. Thank God for eight years. Praise Jesus.

0:12:55.330 --> 0:12:56.290
<v Speaker 2>I will really.

0:12:56.809 --> 0:13:00.650
<v Speaker 1>Peed in my roommate's soap every day for months.

0:13:00.970 --> 0:13:04.740
<v Speaker 2>It's a long story. Was it a dove bar? I

0:13:04.750 --> 0:13:07.020
<v Speaker 2>feel like it would get to him. No, it was. No,

0:13:07.179 --> 0:13:10.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm sure it was in the thing. Body wash.

0:13:11.420 --> 0:13:11.740
<v Speaker 1>Yuck.

0:13:12.540 --> 0:13:16.240
<v Speaker 3>I was thinking like a bar of soap. I was like, oh, self-cleaning.

0:13:16.340 --> 0:13:20.170
<v Speaker 3>But like, you're just like, ooh, urine. Oh God, you

0:13:20.190 --> 0:13:21.929
<v Speaker 3>need another shower after your shower.

0:13:22.750 --> 0:13:26.310
<v Speaker 1>I love that with all of this, we're like, they

0:13:26.330 --> 0:13:26.870
<v Speaker 1>fucked up.

0:13:26.890 --> 0:13:27.830
<v Speaker 2>So this is what you get.

0:13:27.929 --> 0:13:36.280
<v Speaker 3>My favorite thing was her. I'm picturing her untwisting the bottle, squatting. He,

0:13:36.460 --> 0:13:40.540
<v Speaker 3>the whole thing is just fucking great. Not only like,

0:13:40.640 --> 0:13:43.100
<v Speaker 3>you got to think like, yeah, there's pee in your thing,

0:13:43.140 --> 0:13:45.059
<v Speaker 3>but it's like, how did we get the pee in here?

0:13:46.460 --> 0:13:47.040
<v Speaker 2>So funny.

0:13:47.070 --> 0:13:47.330
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:13:48.309 --> 0:13:50.199
<v Speaker 2>I wish I was a fly on the wall to

0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:52.780
<v Speaker 2>see her just hunched over with this fucking thing.

0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:00.140
<v Speaker 3>It's like when you shave your gooch, you can't do

0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:03.360
<v Speaker 3>it in a great form, you know? You're hunched over,

0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:05.520
<v Speaker 3>you're like, if somebody were to see me right now,

0:14:05.600 --> 0:14:06.819
<v Speaker 3>I would never get laid again.

0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:09.120
<v Speaker 2>Gollum, Gollum. Oh my god, I can't breathe.

0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:13.250
<v Speaker 1>My mom drove a Tahoe growing up, so I would

0:14:13.370 --> 0:14:15.770
<v Speaker 1>underline hoe every day before school.

0:14:16.850 --> 0:14:19.950
<v Speaker 2>That's so rude. What did your mom do? My mom's

0:14:20.030 --> 0:14:22.750
<v Speaker 2>a hoe. What did your mom do? I don't know.

0:14:22.770 --> 0:14:24.230
<v Speaker 2>She probably thought it was funny going to school.

0:14:38.020 --> 0:14:40.760
<v Speaker 1>He wanted to just be friends. I got him to

0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:43.990
<v Speaker 1>drop me off at a date with his cousin. You

0:14:44.010 --> 0:14:46.010
<v Speaker 1>want to be just friends and now you're my Uber driver.

0:14:47.000 --> 0:14:47.700
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:14:48.820 --> 0:14:50.080
<v Speaker 1>And then she said, we're married.

0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:52.580
<v Speaker 2>It's like, which one? The one you just wanted to

0:14:52.600 --> 0:14:54.980
<v Speaker 2>be friends or the cousin? Damn, I wish I knew.

0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:56.640
<v Speaker 2>That's a great story.

0:14:57.330 --> 0:14:59.620
<v Speaker 1>Cut the crotch out of all my ex's pants after

0:14:59.680 --> 0:15:00.570
<v Speaker 1>catching him cheating.

0:15:00.920 --> 0:15:04.370
<v Speaker 2>Oh, that's excellent. He's just wearing some assless chaps. Some chaps.

0:15:04.570 --> 0:15:06.970
<v Speaker 2>The crocs. His wieners hanging out.

0:15:08.890 --> 0:15:11.210
<v Speaker 1>Packed up the whole house and left him with a

0:15:11.270 --> 0:15:14.690
<v Speaker 1>mattress and the frying pan he hated. Genius. She's happy.

0:15:15.110 --> 0:15:15.410
<v Speaker 3>Genius.

0:15:16.580 --> 0:15:18.500
<v Speaker 2>He hated the frying pan and now he just has

0:15:18.540 --> 0:15:21.380
<v Speaker 2>a mattress. It doesn't take a lot for a man

0:15:21.420 --> 0:15:23.680
<v Speaker 2>to be happy. That makes me sad for you guys. Yeah,

0:15:23.920 --> 0:15:24.420
<v Speaker 2>it is sad.

0:15:24.450 --> 0:15:27.130
<v Speaker 1>Because everything in a girl's room down to like the

0:15:27.430 --> 0:15:32.310
<v Speaker 1>smell of the linen spray, you create an atmosphere. And

0:15:32.370 --> 0:15:34.230
<v Speaker 1>I have gone to some men's rooms and I'm like.

0:15:34.250 --> 0:15:38.390
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we're just living in there. Like this is good enough?

0:15:39.070 --> 0:15:42.350
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. I'm like, why is there like just a blanket

0:15:42.490 --> 0:15:43.670
<v Speaker 1>as like the top sheet?

0:15:44.290 --> 0:15:48.500
<v Speaker 2>Less laundry. The fitted sheet. Way less laundry. It's disgusting.

0:15:48.900 --> 0:15:51.800
<v Speaker 2>It works for us. I slept with my ex's brother.

0:15:51.820 --> 0:15:55.160
<v Speaker 1>This was the only way I knew how to hurt him,

0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:55.840
<v Speaker 1>and it worked.

0:15:57.160 --> 0:15:59.120
<v Speaker 2>Fuck your brother. You know what?

0:15:59.140 --> 0:16:02.880
<v Speaker 1>Because this happens a lot, and everyone always looks at

0:16:02.900 --> 0:16:06.330
<v Speaker 1>the girl like, how could you? And it's like, look

0:16:06.350 --> 0:16:09.510
<v Speaker 1>at your brother. Your brother is like really shitty. It

0:16:09.550 --> 0:16:14.940
<v Speaker 1>goes back to, that ain't your sister. Stole his microwave

0:16:14.960 --> 0:16:19.360
<v Speaker 1>plate and signed him up for various email newsletters. You guys,

0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:20.240
<v Speaker 1>the amount of.

0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:23.480
<v Speaker 2>Work that you guys go to to hit petty is

0:16:23.900 --> 0:16:26.850
<v Speaker 2>so good. That's why I think I'm not the effort.

0:16:26.870 --> 0:16:28.110
<v Speaker 2>Women have stamina though.

0:16:28.630 --> 0:16:31.850
<v Speaker 1>You hurt us and it's like, well, the reason there's

0:16:32.190 --> 0:16:36.430
<v Speaker 1>the saying fuck around and find out is because of

0:16:36.510 --> 0:16:38.940
<v Speaker 1>women who will go to great lengths.

0:16:39.520 --> 0:16:40.200
<v Speaker 2>They will put in.

0:16:40.240 --> 0:16:43.700
<v Speaker 1>So much time and effort just to hit that level.

0:16:44.240 --> 0:16:45.220
<v Speaker 1>A fucking petty.

0:16:45.580 --> 0:16:45.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:16:46.100 --> 0:16:48.700
<v Speaker 1>I know how long it takes to sign out of

0:16:48.940 --> 0:16:50.420
<v Speaker 1>every single streaming service.

0:16:51.160 --> 0:16:54.070
<v Speaker 2>It is a lot. Yeah. I would just be, if

0:16:54.290 --> 0:16:55.690
<v Speaker 2>I went to do that and I was like, I'm

0:16:55.710 --> 0:16:57.630
<v Speaker 2>going to sign them out. And I went to Netflix

0:16:57.670 --> 0:16:59.190
<v Speaker 2>and signed them out. I'd be like, all right, he

0:16:59.210 --> 0:17:00.390
<v Speaker 2>can watch the rest. I don't even care.

0:17:01.230 --> 0:17:03.590
<v Speaker 1>My petty is over because effort is too much. What

0:17:03.630 --> 0:17:05.580
<v Speaker 1>was your favorite one? Mine was the peeing in the,

0:17:05.810 --> 0:17:06.020
<v Speaker 1>in the.

0:17:06.510 --> 0:17:09.040
<v Speaker 2>Oh, the peeing in the fucking soap. How could it not?

0:17:09.080 --> 0:17:12.800
<v Speaker 2>This girl just hunched over with vengeance. I get her.

0:17:12.820 --> 0:17:19.190
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to get her. This'll get her. Like that's God.

0:17:19.230 --> 0:17:20.150
<v Speaker 2>So funny to me.

0:17:20.550 --> 0:17:23.270
<v Speaker 1>You guys, thank you for listening to another bonus episode

0:17:23.290 --> 0:17:26.770
<v Speaker 1>of untraditionally Lala. I appreciate y'all's petty. Keep up the

0:17:26.810 --> 0:17:28.670
<v Speaker 1>good work. I will catch you guys next week.

0:17:28.850 --> 0:17:29.419
<v Speaker 2>Bye. Bye.