WEBVTT - The Simple Question That Makes Every Decision Easier (Use THIS Daily Framework To FINALLY Get Unstuck) 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.040 Most of us don't struggle to find peace, We struggle 0:00:03.080 --> 0:00:05.680 to slow down long enough to feel it. In this 0:00:05.720 --> 0:00:08.920 conversation with Melissa Wood, we explore what it actually takes 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:12.160 to stay grounded when life doesn't slow down, and why 0:00:12.240 --> 0:00:16.079 so many of us feel disconnected even when everything looks fine. 0:00:16.160 --> 0:00:18.759 I share the practices that keep me centered and what 0:00:18.800 --> 0:00:21.360 we need to let go of to actually feel calm. 0:00:21.680 --> 0:00:23.960 If you've been feeling overwhelmed, you don't want to miss 0:00:23.960 --> 0:00:24.599 this conversation. 0:00:24.920 --> 0:00:28.160 We live in such a chaotic world and there's just 0:00:28.240 --> 0:00:30.760 this buzz of energy going on. I mean, I live 0:00:30.800 --> 0:00:33.839 in New York City and you can hear, you know, 0:00:34.000 --> 0:00:38.440 sirens constantly. So to be able to drop into yourself 0:00:39.680 --> 0:00:42.839 is It's the reason I know I'm here and the 0:00:42.880 --> 0:00:46.600 reason that I've been able to build and blossom in 0:00:46.640 --> 0:00:49.199 the way that I have. And I think like the 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:52.519 more that I've gotten to know about you and your story, 0:00:54.120 --> 0:00:56.880 I feel that is like the one thing in people 0:00:58.000 --> 0:01:02.480 that they struggle with the most, they like battle with, 0:01:02.600 --> 0:01:09.759 is finding this like inner peace within themselves. And I 0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:13.400 you know, I'd love to know where the seed of 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:15.560 this all really came from. 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:20.920 For you, If you ask me about inner piece. 0:01:21.319 --> 0:01:22.800 My honest answer is my mom. 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:27.760 And I really believe that a mother's love can be 0:01:27.840 --> 0:01:32.440 the greatest shield to all of the challenges, stresses, pains, 0:01:32.520 --> 0:01:35.720 and pressures that a kid can go through growing up. 0:01:36.319 --> 0:01:38.639 And so my childhood was not easy by any means, 0:01:39.360 --> 0:01:44.640 but I feel like my mother's love was this protective 0:01:46.840 --> 0:01:50.880 shield that when I look back on it, I think, 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:54.280 how do I not have any cuts on me? And 0:01:54.400 --> 0:01:58.240 how do I not have any scars? And where are 0:01:58.240 --> 0:02:03.120 my battle wounds? And the beautiful part of that is 0:02:03.200 --> 0:02:06.640 you realize your mother's love protected you. Then you also 0:02:06.680 --> 0:02:09.960 realize that maybe your mom took some of those wounds 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:16.160 for you. And that's the hardest part because as you 0:02:16.160 --> 0:02:19.520 grow up and you want the people around you to 0:02:19.560 --> 0:02:22.000 also feel peace and also feel love and also feel 0:02:22.080 --> 0:02:25.679 joy that they helped you have you realize you can't 0:02:25.680 --> 0:02:28.480 always control that. And so the seed of piece for 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:31.120 me is definitely my mother's love. I think everything that's 0:02:31.160 --> 0:02:33.840 good about me is because of how my mom raised me, 0:02:34.680 --> 0:02:39.000 and all the credit goes to her, because, yeah, she 0:02:39.639 --> 0:02:41.800 loves me more than anything in the world, and I 0:02:41.800 --> 0:02:42.680 still feel it today. 0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:48.160 I love your mom. Your love for your mother, it's 0:02:48.240 --> 0:02:51.280 so real, and as a mother myself, I'm like that 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:53.919 is I think when people are like, what is your 0:02:54.160 --> 0:02:58.040 greatest wish in life, it's to have my children talk 0:02:58.080 --> 0:03:00.600 about me the way you talk about your mother and 0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:04.600 your parents like it's just you know, I think when 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:08.680 you look at just like, what's the point of it all? 0:03:08.960 --> 0:03:14.200 You know? And to have the people that were literally 0:03:14.240 --> 0:03:18.919 bringing into this world to feel that because I didn't 0:03:18.960 --> 0:03:24.520 feel that. I hope and I pray that everyone feels 0:03:25.400 --> 0:03:30.160 what you felt. And I know that's why I feel 0:03:32.240 --> 0:03:36.480 so much passion about the way that I parent, because 0:03:36.560 --> 0:03:40.760 I want to break a cycle. I have broken a cycle. 0:03:41.920 --> 0:03:46.960 And in your home, was your mom a meditator? Was 0:03:47.040 --> 0:03:51.720 she like? What were where? Did all of this grounded? 0:03:51.880 --> 0:03:54.920 Like mama bear energy come from from her? You know 0:03:54.960 --> 0:03:55.400 what it was? 0:03:57.240 --> 0:04:02.160 She was the hardest work right now, and so she 0:04:02.320 --> 0:04:05.400 woke up earlier than us. She'd do her prayers in 0:04:05.440 --> 0:04:10.560 the morning. But at that time, spirituality and religion to me, 0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:13.840 were very ritualistic in how it was practiced at home. 0:04:14.360 --> 0:04:16.719 We did it on a particular day. It didn't have meaning, 0:04:16.760 --> 0:04:21.240 it didn't necessarily have a spirit, it didn't really have depth. 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:23.640 I guess to some degree at least, or at least 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:25.400 from the outside in. It didn't feel that way to me, 0:04:26.080 --> 0:04:29.279 But I think for me, I just saw my mom 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:33.800 working hard. I saw her making a fresh breakfast, lunch, 0:04:33.839 --> 0:04:37.000 and dinner for my sister every day, dropping us to school, 0:04:37.440 --> 0:04:40.479 picking us up from school, going back out to work, 0:04:40.800 --> 0:04:43.200 coming back home. She was the breadwinner of the family. 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:47.640 She did everything, And to be honest, I think that's 0:04:47.640 --> 0:04:50.520 where I get my work ethic from, is watching my 0:04:50.680 --> 0:04:55.080 mom just work so hard at life when it wasn't 0:04:55.120 --> 0:04:58.239 really handing her out any favors, or it wasn't giving 0:04:58.240 --> 0:05:01.160 her the best opportunities, or it wasn't like things were 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:04.320 lining up for her. But I don't remember hearing her complain, 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:08.040 and I don't remember her making a big deal out 0:05:08.080 --> 0:05:11.279 of it. Just remember her getting on with it. And 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:15.040 you know, I think I remember once when I was 0:05:15.080 --> 0:05:17.160 going through a bit of a tough time, and I 0:05:17.160 --> 0:05:19.479 don't talk to my mom about that in that way. 0:05:19.520 --> 0:05:22.040 Our relationship today is very much. I check in with her. 0:05:22.080 --> 0:05:24.120 She asked me what I ate. I tell her I 0:05:24.160 --> 0:05:26.520 love her, and she asked me a bit about something 0:05:26.520 --> 0:05:28.840 that's happening in my world, which she doesn't fully understand 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:32.160 and it's a sweet interaction. But once I remember telling 0:05:32.160 --> 0:05:33.640 her that it was a really stressful time and I 0:05:33.640 --> 0:05:36.360 wouldn't usually say that to my mom. This was around 0:05:36.360 --> 0:05:39.240 seven eight years ago, and she said to me, she goes, well, 0:05:39.279 --> 0:05:42.440 you're really good at dealing with stress. And I said, 0:05:42.480 --> 0:05:44.000 what do you mean? And my mom doesn't give me 0:05:44.040 --> 0:05:47.640 pep talks either, and she said, yeah, when you were 0:05:47.640 --> 0:05:49.960 in my stomach, you went through a lot of stress, 0:05:50.279 --> 0:05:52.440 like I was under a lot of stress. She goes, 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:56.159 you're really good at dealing with it, and that, Like 0:05:56.240 --> 0:05:59.680 I remember just like crying that day because I almost 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:02.159 had no idea what she meant. But I also know 0:06:02.200 --> 0:06:04.560 what she meant, and there was so much in that 0:06:04.720 --> 0:06:07.440 coded message that she shared with me, and I felt 0:06:07.440 --> 0:06:10.080 so much strength and resilience from it from that reminder, 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:15.200 and at the same time felt, you know, sadness and 0:06:15.320 --> 0:06:18.040 pain from the fact that she'd undergone so much at 0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:22.240 that time. But it gave me such a boost, And 0:06:22.320 --> 0:06:27.440 so I think it's not Sometimes the peace doesn't always 0:06:27.440 --> 0:06:31.279 come from peace. It comes from knowing how to be 0:06:31.360 --> 0:06:36.359 still in chaos. And I think sometimes we're hoping that 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:39.880 if we create a peaceful atmosphere people will learn peace, 0:06:40.680 --> 0:06:43.000 and I don't think that's the case. I think it's 0:06:43.040 --> 0:06:46.160 giving people the skills and tools to know how to 0:06:46.160 --> 0:06:50.320 be still in a chaotic atmosphere that creates peace. And 0:06:50.360 --> 0:06:54.960 I think that's what my mum did, not consciously or intentionally, 0:06:55.520 --> 0:06:58.160 but simply by watching her work and watching her move, 0:06:59.000 --> 0:07:02.480 I was sure that that's how she got through chaos. 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:06.000 Does that make sense? It totally makes sense. So how 0:07:06.040 --> 0:07:15.120 did you create your practice of stillness? And I want 0:07:15.160 --> 0:07:20.880 to know what it looks like? Yeah, like the real end? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:07:20.960 --> 0:07:25.600 I really believe that my practice of stillness came from 0:07:26.360 --> 0:07:29.560 in the beginning, listening to my inner voice. And I 0:07:29.680 --> 0:07:31.920 probably started listening to my inner voice when I was 0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:35.360 around fourteen years old. And I remember that very strongly 0:07:36.080 --> 0:07:39.920 because there were expectations for my parents from family, and 0:07:40.960 --> 0:07:44.040 I disagreed with them, or my inner voice did, and 0:07:44.160 --> 0:07:47.280 I was strong enough and courageous enough at the time 0:07:47.880 --> 0:07:50.520 to stand up for them, and I felt that's what 0:07:50.560 --> 0:07:54.280 stillness really was. Stillness was the ability to say, this 0:07:54.400 --> 0:07:58.000 is where I stand, this is how I feel, this 0:07:58.080 --> 0:08:00.240 is what's important to me, this is what I value you. 0:08:00.600 --> 0:08:04.040 That's real stillness. There's the external stillness of what we 0:08:04.080 --> 0:08:07.800 think of a calm motion or a calm lake. But 0:08:08.520 --> 0:08:13.920 to me, real stillness is I'm immovable in my spirit 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:20.640 and immovable in my conviction. That's real stillness. I stand 0:08:20.680 --> 0:08:24.000 up for something. There's a beautiful quote from mine Luther 0:08:24.080 --> 0:08:29.440 King where he said that if you can't stand for something, 0:08:29.480 --> 0:08:32.439 you'll fall for anything. And so stillness to me is 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:36.480 that ability to say I'm here. And at that time 0:08:36.520 --> 0:08:38.800 it wasn't serious. It was me telling my parents I 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:42.360 didn't want to study sciences and you know, you're arguing 0:08:42.400 --> 0:08:45.200 over what what you're going to focus on at school. 0:08:45.360 --> 0:08:48.520 It wasn't deep, but it was the seed of learning 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:49.800 how to be still. 0:08:49.720 --> 0:08:54.640 That gave me chills. Right, Like, I've never really thought 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:57.720 about it in that exact way, but that is exactly 0:08:57.760 --> 0:09:03.520 what it is. It's standing so strong in who you 0:09:03.600 --> 0:09:08.960 are and what you believe and regardless of all of 0:09:09.040 --> 0:09:14.480 the stuff and the opinion shopping. It's like, you know, 0:09:14.520 --> 0:09:16.800 when I think of it, it's like being with self. 0:09:17.360 --> 0:09:20.480 And it doesn't mean that it needs to be quiet 0:09:20.600 --> 0:09:24.720 or anything. It's actually really going inside to the depths 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:28.880 of your soul, which I know you can literally do anywhere. 0:09:29.320 --> 0:09:32.520 I do it, you know, on a park bench, in 0:09:32.559 --> 0:09:37.120 an uber, on an airplane. When you learn how to 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:41.679 do that, it's something that it just like sharpens these 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:45.880 intuitive tools within yourself and you can tap in like 0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:48.240 I mean right before I did it, like I'm just 0:09:48.240 --> 0:09:50.680 like okay, like just do it, go in like it's 0:09:51.320 --> 0:09:54.280 it is something that we all have the ability to do. 0:09:54.559 --> 0:09:58.120 Absolutely yeah it's not. And it's when you first start 0:09:58.200 --> 0:10:01.240 listening to that voice. It's going to be really quiet. 0:10:01.920 --> 0:10:04.240 It's going to be really soft because it's been ignored 0:10:04.280 --> 0:10:07.800 for so long. It's been shunned and put aside. And 0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:10.600 then it gains confidence and then it gets stronger and 0:10:10.600 --> 0:10:12.640 it gets louder, and it gets more courageous, and it 0:10:12.679 --> 0:10:15.760 gets more powerful. And so when you first start listening 0:10:15.800 --> 0:10:19.640 to that voice, which is what makes you immovable, in 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:22.040 the beginning may be a bit shaky. The voice might 0:10:22.080 --> 0:10:25.200 even be a bit shaky, but it will gain strength 0:10:25.200 --> 0:10:27.520 as you listen to and as you follow it. And 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:31.160 I think for me now, my practice means being able 0:10:31.200 --> 0:10:34.880 to reconnect with that voice in and amongst all that noise. 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:41.920 And I think it's about giving that voice a personality, 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:46.720 a character, and name a identity that makes it easier 0:10:46.720 --> 0:10:49.920 for you to recognize it. Because you get older, there's 0:10:49.960 --> 0:10:53.960 more voices. There's your voice that is true to you, 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:58.480 but that's buried in the voices of everyone's expectations, and 0:10:58.520 --> 0:11:02.000 that's buried in the voices of society, and then that's 0:11:02.000 --> 0:11:04.760 buried in the voices of social media, and then that's 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:08.560 buried in the voice of your boss, your team, your friends, 0:11:08.600 --> 0:11:11.560 whatever it may be. So your voice that you're saying 0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:16.800 gives you stillness is clouded by all of this noise, 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:20.640 and so hearing it and identifying it becomes the biggest challenge. 0:11:21.280 --> 0:11:25.040 And so for me, I usually know that it's my 0:11:25.200 --> 0:11:28.320 voice because and this is true for me, and it 0:11:28.320 --> 0:11:29.760 may not be true for others. And you've got to 0:11:29.800 --> 0:11:32.640 find the characteristics that are true for you. For me, 0:11:32.920 --> 0:11:35.800 usually no one agrees with me, and that makes me go, yeah, 0:11:35.840 --> 0:11:40.199 that's I know my voice. He's not really agrees with metail, Yeah, right, 0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:40.839 And it's like. 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:41.960 No one agrees with me. 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:45.280 Most people are probably going to think I'm crazy or 0:11:45.320 --> 0:11:48.599 don't really vibe with it, and I'm probably going to 0:11:48.679 --> 0:11:50.560 have to go against the grain. There's going to be 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:54.040 some resistance that's what I found with mine. One other Yeah, 0:11:54.080 --> 0:11:56.200 other people will say, oh, I feel lots of flow, 0:11:56.240 --> 0:11:59.040 and I feel lots of opening doors. Mine's the opposite. 0:11:59.040 --> 0:12:01.320 I've always felt that my voice means I'm now going 0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:03.960 to have to break down doors and fight my way there. 0:12:04.440 --> 0:12:07.160 And that's just what's worked for me. And I'm just 0:12:07.280 --> 0:12:09.120 more prepared for it now because I've done it so 0:12:09.200 --> 0:12:12.960 many times. And I mean, we can talk more about 0:12:13.040 --> 0:12:15.360 and I'm happy to talk more about more of the 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:18.679 stillness that we'd assume is stillness too. If that's important, well, 0:12:18.760 --> 0:12:19.640 I can definitely do that. 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:23.720 Yeah, I mean, it's all so important. I love just 0:12:24.800 --> 0:12:28.120 you know, my favorite thing about having a conversation with 0:12:28.240 --> 0:12:34.320 anyone who just has mastered the mind and continues to 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:37.120 be on this quest, right, because you can master the 0:12:37.160 --> 0:12:39.320 mind one day and then you wake up and you're like, 0:12:40.120 --> 0:12:42.280 and sis, you got to get back to work. It's 0:12:42.360 --> 0:12:46.199 like this never ending. And I will honestly tell you 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:49.120 here in my forties, I'm like, is there ever going 0:12:49.200 --> 0:12:50.880 to be a day where I just wake up and 0:12:50.880 --> 0:12:54.319 it's like, you know what, you can just get this day? 0:12:54.840 --> 0:12:55.120 For me? 0:12:55.200 --> 0:13:01.839 I can't. I have to continue to quite literally like 0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:07.800 get go to work inside myself because it has opened 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:11.679 up a world beyond anything that I thought could have 0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:17.920 ever happened for me. And with knowing that it's shifted 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:21.920 and changed everything inside of me and to be able 0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:24.440 to experience what it shifted in other people, I'm like, 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:29.600 this is my work, you know, and it's what has 0:13:29.840 --> 0:13:32.560 created other beautiful things in my life. But there's actually 0:13:32.640 --> 0:13:37.480 nothing more important in any day to me. And I 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:41.160 really mean this, And I'm a mom and I'm a wife, 0:13:41.600 --> 0:13:45.320 but I can tell you that taking care of my 0:13:45.679 --> 0:13:53.480 mind first comes comes before anything else, and if I don't, 0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:56.680 things are just different. I'm just more reactive. I'm not 0:13:57.440 --> 0:14:02.320 who I know my purestie highest self to be. And 0:14:03.040 --> 0:14:08.200 it's just this, you know. It's this never ending, like 0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:12.120 beautiful journey of literally opening my eyes every day and 0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:15.440 realizing that even when I don't want to do it, 0:14:15.640 --> 0:14:34.040 you know, how did you do that? 0:14:34.080 --> 0:14:38.760 When there's such a societal conditioning for women, especially to 0:14:40.240 --> 0:14:45.440 forego their own needs for the family, children, partner. I 0:14:45.480 --> 0:14:48.480 feel so many women feel that, and then it comes 0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:52.400 with the guilt of I'm putting myself first. What was 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:56.000 it for you that what reframe helped you do that, 0:14:56.080 --> 0:14:59.640 because I think so many people want that they need it, 0:14:59.680 --> 0:15:02.840 but then the shame, the guilt, the conditioning kind of 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:06.520 becomes overwhelming. And it's especially true for women, Yeah, way 0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:08.840 more than it is for men. Like so where, by 0:15:08.840 --> 0:15:10.360 the way, that's true for my mom, Like when I 0:15:10.360 --> 0:15:12.360 look at my mom's life everything, I was saying, my 0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:16.160 mom sacrificed everything, yep, for being a nurturer, and I've 0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:19.080 reaped the benefits of that. But at the same time, 0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:23.200 as now an adult son, all I want is for 0:15:23.240 --> 0:15:25.600 my mom to have taken out time for herself, right, 0:15:26.000 --> 0:15:28.120 Like That's what my wish was. So I wonder what 0:15:28.200 --> 0:15:30.720 was the reframe for you that helped you get to 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:33.680 that conviction of you being so clear that your mind 0:15:33.720 --> 0:15:35.200 is your first priority. 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:40.120 And like complete honesty. Who it's hard to even say 0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:46.760 without choking up. It is from not growing up in 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:53.600 a happy home that I like will do anything and 0:15:53.800 --> 0:16:00.080 everything in my power to bring love and happiness and 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:03.720 joy and fulfillment into like the energy of my home. 0:16:03.880 --> 0:16:07.480 And I think when you when you grow up in 0:16:07.520 --> 0:16:13.960 a house where there's just mental struggles and mental illness 0:16:14.040 --> 0:16:18.280 and just mental health, you know, it's it's a it's 0:16:18.280 --> 0:16:21.480 a battle. And for me, it's just knowing that I 0:16:21.560 --> 0:16:27.000 could so easily shift in that gear like that is 0:16:27.080 --> 0:16:30.680 my natural state. I can go there so quick that 0:16:30.880 --> 0:16:33.480 I know I have to work, I have to work 0:16:33.640 --> 0:16:37.640 extra hard. And it's not even about hard at this point. 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:43.960 It's it's about this devotion. It's this daily devotion to myself, 0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:49.760 to my family, to my team, to my community, to 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:55.520 any person that I interact with, because I know that 0:16:55.600 --> 0:16:58.200 I want to wake up and operate at a frequency 0:16:58.720 --> 0:17:03.680 that is at a vibration that I never felt growing up. 0:17:03.760 --> 0:17:09.480 I didn't really know that that was what people felt 0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:14.720 at home. So it's it's so like deep you feel it. 0:17:14.720 --> 0:17:18.280 It's so deep in my soul that it's it's like 0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:21.680 I do it when I don't want to do it 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:24.320 because of that. 0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:28.439 That's beautiful. Yeah, really special. Thank you for sharing. 0:17:28.600 --> 0:17:32.680 Yeah, So what does your practice look like? Because you're 0:17:32.880 --> 0:17:37.040 so wise and you know it's it's easy to look 0:17:37.080 --> 0:17:39.520 at someone like yourself and just think like, oh, you 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:41.800 have it all, Like look what you've built, Like you're 0:17:41.840 --> 0:17:47.560 the you know, top health and wellness podcast in the world. 0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:50.800 You're But I think when you like strip back the 0:17:50.920 --> 0:17:56.320 layers of just being a human. Like we all have 0:17:56.480 --> 0:17:59.960 these inner struggles and these things that were up again, 0:18:00.880 --> 0:18:04.760 and some look different for others. So what is it 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:09.840 with you? Like what? And how do you devote to 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:13.760 yourself to keep coming back and just stay so connected 0:18:13.920 --> 0:18:17.800 to yourself and your purpose. One of my. 0:18:17.760 --> 0:18:21.320 Favorite practices that I do on a daily and weekly 0:18:21.359 --> 0:18:26.480 basis is called seeds and weeds. And so when I'm 0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:30.720 making choices every day, I ask myself whether that choice 0:18:31.320 --> 0:18:34.879 is a seed or a weed? Am I planting a 0:18:34.920 --> 0:18:38.720 seed that will one day turn into a beautiful tree 0:18:38.920 --> 0:18:43.280 and bear fruit, give shade to others and be a 0:18:43.280 --> 0:18:46.600 beautiful place to rest or? Am I planting a weed 0:18:47.280 --> 0:18:51.600 which will eventually strangle the new bronze tree in its 0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:55.280 infancy and kill all the things that are good in 0:18:55.320 --> 0:19:01.199 my garden? And that simple practice is a practice of 0:19:01.480 --> 0:19:07.680 evaluating intentions and actions. So when I'm saying yes to something, 0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:12.960 is my intention my ego and is my action aligned 0:19:13.000 --> 0:19:16.080 with that? Or when I'm saying yes to something, is 0:19:16.160 --> 0:19:21.240 my intention joy and purpose? And is my action aligned 0:19:21.280 --> 0:19:24.159 with that? And by the way, I've made mistakes on 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:27.560 both of those. And you only learn by planning A 0:19:27.560 --> 0:19:31.000 weed and a couple of years later, feeling the weed, 0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:33.240 grab a hold of it. And even if you did 0:19:33.280 --> 0:19:36.000 it unconsciously, by the way, sometimes it's not like you 0:19:36.040 --> 0:19:40.280 consciously made a bad choice. You subconsciously, you unconsciously, you 0:19:40.359 --> 0:19:43.800 unintentionally did it. But that's why it happened to teach you, 0:19:44.359 --> 0:19:46.800 to raise to you. So now it's very clear to 0:19:46.840 --> 0:19:56.840 me that I think of seeds as purpose, love, joy, commitment, duty, responsibility, accountability. 0:19:57.280 --> 0:19:58.400 Those are all seeds. 0:19:59.359 --> 0:20:09.360 Weeds are ego, jealousy, anger, comparison, lost, illusion, These are 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:14.680 all weeds. And we have the ability just by pausing 0:20:15.119 --> 0:20:18.040 to know which one we're watering and which one we're planting. 0:20:18.560 --> 0:20:24.320 And so I will visualize myself unweeding my garden of 0:20:24.359 --> 0:20:27.760 my mind. I'll literally visualize myself grabbing hold of the 0:20:27.840 --> 0:20:30.960 root of a weed and pulling it out in order 0:20:31.040 --> 0:20:33.159 to dispose of it from my mind, because that's what 0:20:33.200 --> 0:20:36.280 it takes, and visualizing myself. And by the way, I'm 0:20:36.320 --> 0:20:38.600 terrible at gardening, so I have no idea what my 0:20:38.600 --> 0:20:41.240 brain works this way, but the idea of planting a 0:20:41.280 --> 0:20:43.720 seed very deeply in the soil and making sure that 0:20:43.800 --> 0:20:46.840 it has sunlight and water and everything else that it needs. 0:20:46.880 --> 0:20:49.879 So to me, that practice has been one of the 0:20:49.880 --> 0:20:52.960 game changes in my life because it's something that I 0:20:52.960 --> 0:20:55.240 can always be honest and that's all that's required. 0:20:55.520 --> 0:20:57.840 So are you sitting in a meditation? First? 0:20:58.160 --> 0:21:00.560 When I first started this, I would do it paper, 0:21:01.080 --> 0:21:03.200 and so I'd literally draw a line down the middle 0:21:03.240 --> 0:21:05.600 of the page, and on one sid'd write seeds. And 0:21:05.640 --> 0:21:09.199 once i'd write weeds, I then made a list of 0:21:09.240 --> 0:21:11.680 categories of what seeds are to me, which I just 0:21:11.800 --> 0:21:14.040 named to you, and then a list of what weeds 0:21:14.080 --> 0:21:16.080 are to me. And then I would look at the 0:21:16.119 --> 0:21:21.320 next choice, so the next deal, the next partnership, the 0:21:21.400 --> 0:21:24.840 next career venture, whatever it may be, and then I 0:21:24.880 --> 0:21:28.119 get to be honest with myself. Sometimes I would honestly 0:21:28.119 --> 0:21:31.320 put in the weed and still do it because I 0:21:31.400 --> 0:21:34.719 was being pulled, but recognizing it was a weed. And 0:21:34.840 --> 0:21:38.119 sometimes I'd be like, no, it's a weed. Can I 0:21:38.400 --> 0:21:41.800 upgrade my intention to a seed? Can it be improved? 0:21:42.119 --> 0:21:45.000 And so it gives you a real map of being 0:21:45.000 --> 0:21:46.520 able to figure it out. It's almost like looking at 0:21:46.560 --> 0:21:48.840 a garden and going, well, do on a plant, rose 0:21:48.840 --> 0:21:51.240 bushes over there, do on a plant, you know, whatever 0:21:51.320 --> 0:21:54.399 else it is, and I like the idea of doing 0:21:54.440 --> 0:21:56.760 it on paper and writing seeds and weeds on either side, 0:21:57.080 --> 0:21:59.119 and having a list of seeds and a list of weeds, 0:21:59.600 --> 0:22:02.160 and then looking at every choice that's a big choice, 0:22:02.200 --> 0:22:05.480 a career choice, a relationship choice. It's almost like, am 0:22:05.480 --> 0:22:08.680 I getting into this relationship because I'm scared of being alone? 0:22:09.480 --> 0:22:13.000 Or because this person is compatible with my values and vision? 0:22:13.640 --> 0:22:17.800 Am I staying in this relationship because I'm settling for 0:22:17.880 --> 0:22:20.880 less than I deserve because I'm scared if anyone will 0:22:20.880 --> 0:22:23.960 ever love me? Or Am I staying in this relationship 0:22:24.119 --> 0:22:27.320 because I believe we can make it work. Every single decision, 0:22:27.359 --> 0:22:29.959 you know, whether it's your seed or weed, yes, But 0:22:30.080 --> 0:22:34.639 because we think of our decisions as final and fatalistic, 0:22:35.760 --> 0:22:38.240 we don't talk about them in the right way. Where 0:22:38.600 --> 0:22:40.440 Whereas when you think about a seed and a weed, 0:22:41.000 --> 0:22:43.520 you realize it's something that can be grown and cut, 0:22:43.960 --> 0:22:46.200 and so all of a sudden you approach your life, 0:22:46.600 --> 0:22:48.359 you realize a seed has a long journey, and so 0:22:48.440 --> 0:22:50.560 does a weed. So if you catch a weed when 0:22:50.600 --> 0:22:52.919 it's only got to fifty percent of your garden, you 0:22:52.920 --> 0:22:55.240 can still take it out. It's not a decision that 0:22:55.280 --> 0:22:56.080 can't be changed. 0:22:56.320 --> 0:22:59.040 I love that so much. I'm definitely going to start 0:22:59.040 --> 0:23:01.879 thinking about that. And I'm like in that, you know 0:23:01.920 --> 0:23:04.919 when you're just like but I but hold on a second, 0:23:05.000 --> 0:23:08.760 And I think the thing that I've learned in this 0:23:08.960 --> 0:23:15.119 place when you're maybe not feeling certainty right, because we 0:23:15.200 --> 0:23:18.200 live in such an uncertain world, but the way to 0:23:18.359 --> 0:23:21.960 really gain certainty is to trust and to go with 0:23:22.119 --> 0:23:24.480 the thing and to give it one hundred percent of 0:23:24.520 --> 0:23:27.119 what you have. Yes, right, because that's how you're going 0:23:27.200 --> 0:23:30.439 to like certainty is going to come through whether you 0:23:30.480 --> 0:23:32.760 made the right decision or the wrongs absolute. 0:23:32.359 --> 0:23:35.040 Really yeah, And I don't think there is a right 0:23:35.080 --> 0:23:38.119 or wrong decision. I think there's too much pressure on 0:23:38.160 --> 0:23:41.120 making the right or wrong decision. But I think that 0:23:41.680 --> 0:23:44.480 you can choose to make something work for you and 0:23:44.520 --> 0:23:48.600 make something right if you desire to. I think the 0:23:48.640 --> 0:23:51.560 wrong decision is just a harder decision. It may come 0:23:51.600 --> 0:23:54.199 with more discomfort, it may come with more stress, and 0:23:54.240 --> 0:23:56.919 therefore we think, oh, I made the wrong decision, But 0:23:57.040 --> 0:23:59.320 sometimes that leads you to your greatest growth and your 0:23:59.359 --> 0:24:03.000 greatest lesson. And I think as as you as you're 0:24:03.040 --> 0:24:05.920 smiling to that, it's like I think there's there's a 0:24:05.920 --> 0:24:08.680 beautiful quote that I love, and it says that I've 0:24:08.720 --> 0:24:12.159 never seen a strong person with an easy past. And 0:24:12.200 --> 0:24:14.440 it goes back to what we were saying about children 0:24:15.000 --> 0:24:21.959 or about raising someone that by overprotecting and by over coddling, 0:24:22.640 --> 0:24:27.800 you create something weak. You don't create something strong because 0:24:28.000 --> 0:24:31.400 it never had to build the resilience or the strength 0:24:31.440 --> 0:24:35.000 to fight off anything that was bad for it. And 0:24:35.040 --> 0:24:40.000