WEBVTT - Back by Popular Demand: Julianna Margulies

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so my stand up dates. I have some dates

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<v Speaker 1>coming up in California in Long Beach, I'm performing on Friday,

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<v Speaker 1>aft and then I'm in Bakersfield October, and then October one,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm in Passa Robels, and then I'm in Vegas at

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<v Speaker 1>the Mirage Saturday October and then Wheatland, California October. And

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<v Speaker 1>then you can go to Chelsea Hamler dot com for

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<v Speaker 1>more dates when I'll be performing, and uh yeah, that's

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<v Speaker 1>pretty much what's happening right now. Hi Catherine, Hello, Chelsea,

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<v Speaker 1>good afternoon, Good afternoon, Good afternoon. I have such a

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<v Speaker 1>funny story. So well, it's not that funny, but Juliana

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<v Speaker 1>Margulie's who any avid listeners should this podcast know that

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<v Speaker 1>when she was on, she was so great and I

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<v Speaker 1>was texting with her after telling her how great she

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<v Speaker 1>was in the response I had gotten, and then she

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<v Speaker 1>was like, if anyone ever falls out, will you please

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<v Speaker 1>let me know I would like to come on again.

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<v Speaker 1>And then someone fell out this week and I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know what, let me text Julietta. Then she was like, yes,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm down, And so how cute is that? That's our

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<v Speaker 1>guest today, You guys, and that's how it transpired. Julianna

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<v Speaker 1>Margut Liz is our special guests back by popular popular demand. Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>by her demand. Also by her demand, We're open. And

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<v Speaker 1>she's also going to be in the third season of

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<v Speaker 1>the Morning Show, reprising her role, so you can look

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<v Speaker 1>forward to that. If you miss The Good Wife, e

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<v Speaker 1>Er and everything else that she's ever been in, you

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<v Speaker 1>can tune into the Morning Show on Apple TV. She

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<v Speaker 1>also has a great book out that I've read, which

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to read again, Sunshine Girl. Yeah, Sunshine Girl

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<v Speaker 1>and Brandy Carlyle's book. Those are two great books that

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<v Speaker 1>I read autobiographies. Please welcome Julianna Margut lese Hi, Hi, Hi,

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<v Speaker 1>without any further ado, We're gonna hop right into it.

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<v Speaker 1>Back by popular demand. Julianna Margut lies is back with

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<v Speaker 1>us today because we had such fierce responses. Right, yes

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<v Speaker 1>we did. I got so many emails about that EPI yes,

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<v Speaker 1>I got so many, Julianna. So many people are like,

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<v Speaker 1>oh my god, Julianna Margutis, like, you guys are so connected.

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<v Speaker 1>I said that to Julianna, I go, I feel very

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<v Speaker 1>connected to you. Especially after the podcast. I just felt

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<v Speaker 1>like your openness. It was just so infectious and people

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<v Speaker 1>really responded to it, and I think you really were

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<v Speaker 1>able to help so many people. Oh that makes me happy.

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<v Speaker 1>I love it. I love it, I really do. I'm sorry.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm on zoom and a mess, but I've been out

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<v Speaker 1>in the depths of the woods to old day to

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<v Speaker 1>day with contractors trying to get lime disease. What were

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<v Speaker 1>you up to? I stay away from that. No. Um,

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<v Speaker 1>We're trying to build something in our house and I

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<v Speaker 1>have to meet with contractors. And here's my problem. I

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<v Speaker 1>know you're in the middle of a renovation. I'm always

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<v Speaker 1>in the middle of a renovation. Always in the middle

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<v Speaker 1>of a renovation. I'm always homeless. I kind of love

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<v Speaker 1>it because I love the creative process of it. But

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<v Speaker 1>like meeting contractors, I love them all. I don't want

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<v Speaker 1>to say no to one because I feel bad. And

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<v Speaker 1>that's my problem. And I literally looked at the architect

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<v Speaker 1>and I was like, I don't know what to do.

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<v Speaker 1>He was like, wait till the bids come in, blah

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<v Speaker 1>bah blah. But so my my problem. These are champagne problems,

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<v Speaker 1>I know, but my problem is always saying no to people. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I have that problem too, whenever I'm like, I remember

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<v Speaker 1>hiring directors, meeting with directors. I was doing a documentary

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<v Speaker 1>series for Netflix, and I was meeting with all these

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<v Speaker 1>directors and I was just like, Okay, let's hire that woman.

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<v Speaker 1>And then the next guy, I was like, oh, I

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<v Speaker 1>like him too, very good too. Yeah. And my cousin

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<v Speaker 1>always like, you have no discernment like between people, and

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, what, that doesn't seem like it goes

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<v Speaker 1>with my personality. But it does for some reason. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>after reading your last book. I've read all, but after

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<v Speaker 1>reading the last one, I feel this tremendous connection to

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like you aren't that person. Yeah, well maybe

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<v Speaker 1>I worried about you do worry about everybody. I see

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<v Speaker 1>how you take care of your family and how you

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<v Speaker 1>do that's sweet. How has your summer been going, Julianna,

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<v Speaker 1>My summer has been going very well. My son came

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<v Speaker 1>off the bus from camp an inch taller and his voices, no, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>that's so bitter. You know, my whole his whole life,

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<v Speaker 1>I've looked down at him when I tell him to

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<v Speaker 1>do something, and now I'm like, um, and that's just

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<v Speaker 1>the beginning. So he's fourteen and a half. So it's

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<v Speaker 1>been it's been nice having him back home, and it's

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<v Speaker 1>been good, gentle gentle summer. Yeah, yeah, pretty good. We

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<v Speaker 1>are going to take a quick break so you can

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<v Speaker 1>hear and add and then we'll be right back. How

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<v Speaker 1>was your vacation? How is your Oh? My god, I

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<v Speaker 1>had so many vacations. They've been so great and like

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<v Speaker 1>healing and friends and family and strangers and people. I've

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<v Speaker 1>new people. I love meeting new people. I always love

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<v Speaker 1>meeting new people, especially British people. I have an affinity

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<v Speaker 1>for British people. So in Greece it was my friends

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<v Speaker 1>sisters getaway, she and all of her British friends and

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<v Speaker 1>their couples and their kids. I'll go to this island,

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<v Speaker 1>Left Cotta, and I had never been to Left Cotta.

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<v Speaker 1>I had also never flown on easy Jet. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know if you guys are familiar with that, but it

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<v Speaker 1>is something to avoid for the entire world because it

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<v Speaker 1>sounds like a cheap ticket. It's yes, it's like being

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<v Speaker 1>airlifted in a I don't even know why they have seats.

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<v Speaker 1>You should just be standing because that's how uncomfortable it is.

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<v Speaker 1>And my friend was like, it's a three and a

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<v Speaker 1>half hour flight back to London, and I had my

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<v Speaker 1>own plane ticket booked, but they were leaving a day

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<v Speaker 1>early and they had gotten their tickets confused. And she goes, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I have some bad news. You're gonna have to fly

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<v Speaker 1>with us. That's the good news. The bad news is

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<v Speaker 1>we're going to uneasy jet and you're not gonna like that.

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<v Speaker 1>And I was like, okay, I go, you know what,

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<v Speaker 1>just give me an edible. I can handle anything, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>and we got on it. I read an entire book,

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<v Speaker 1>Daisy Jones and the Six By the way, Julianna, if

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<v Speaker 1>you're looking for a good quick fiction read, that's really

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<v Speaker 1>really good. I love when I finish a book, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>in a couple of days, when I get sad I

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<v Speaker 1>missed them. Yeah. I have always had a rule in

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<v Speaker 1>my house not to have a TV in the bedroom

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<v Speaker 1>because I'll just watch it rather than read before I

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<v Speaker 1>go to sleep. Yeah. I mean, of course, it's also

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<v Speaker 1>better for a relationship. But nothing makes me more depressed

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<v Speaker 1>than someone falling asleep to the TV in their own

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<v Speaker 1>bed and then waking up at three in the morning

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<v Speaker 1>the TV than But when you have a book you

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<v Speaker 1>like read, your dreams are better. There's no none of

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<v Speaker 1>that the rays of the television going into your head.

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<v Speaker 1>I always say to my kids, the best gift we

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<v Speaker 1>ever gave you was your love for reading. Yeah. A friend.

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<v Speaker 1>No matter where you are in the world, a book

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<v Speaker 1>is a friend. A book is a happy, safe place.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah. And you know what I've realized recently is

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<v Speaker 1>that I'm reading too much serious shit. Like I love

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<v Speaker 1>to be like analytical and think about things and have

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<v Speaker 1>things that provoke my thinking. But at the same time,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, no, it's an escape also, and I deserve

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<v Speaker 1>to read fun things. That's why this book, Daisy Jones

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<v Speaker 1>and the Six was like a departure from what I

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<v Speaker 1>normally read, and it was such a welcome reprieve because

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh, this is like being in a

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<v Speaker 1>fun different world, you know. No, it's so important. Disappearing

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<v Speaker 1>into a normal is my favorite thing to do. Yeah yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>The idea is to go into someone else's world and

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<v Speaker 1>not have to be in your own. I love a memoir,

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<v Speaker 1>and I love but it's hard because whatever you read

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<v Speaker 1>when you're reading really tough stuff, I'm reading a memmore

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<v Speaker 1>right now. Called Unraveling, which is actually fascinating. It's not

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<v Speaker 1>out yet. I'm reading it to give her a blurb.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's by Peggy Ornstein and it's called Unraveling, and

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<v Speaker 1>it's about She's a huge author, New York Times bestselling

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<v Speaker 1>author who writes about um, sex for girls and sex

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<v Speaker 1>for boys. She she talks about gender and children. And

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<v Speaker 1>she was a journalist. But in the pandemic she's a knitter,

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<v Speaker 1>and I think, I guess. She said, I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>how people know ship, but I knit. I've always knitted.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't have a knit in a while, but I

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<v Speaker 1>used to be a big knitter. Anyway, she decided she

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<v Speaker 1>wanted if she was gonna knit, she has to learn

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<v Speaker 1>how to share a sheep and the whole store. And

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<v Speaker 1>I thought, are you fucking kidding me? I said yes

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<v Speaker 1>to this, and I'm gonna be on a farm like

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<v Speaker 1>sharing sheep. It is so fascinating the rabbit holes because

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<v Speaker 1>she's a journalist and because she's an author and a

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<v Speaker 1>great writer. It's all about her experience sharing the sheep

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<v Speaker 1>is unbelievably difficult. And also she goes into what we're

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<v Speaker 1>doing to our planet with all these bad you know,

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<v Speaker 1>all the cheap, easy clothing that's like the landfills. And

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<v Speaker 1>then she goes and she said, once I saw it,

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<v Speaker 1>I couldn't unsee it. I think that's what's hard about

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<v Speaker 1>reading really realistic books, is that once you go there,

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<v Speaker 1>you have to change because now I literally was like,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just gonna run into this store and buy it,

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<v Speaker 1>and I thought, is that going to be landfill? I'll

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<v Speaker 1>just buy vintage? Then, oh my god. And and and

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<v Speaker 1>the way I used to joke about sheep, Actually, if

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<v Speaker 1>you're ever looking for a different job, we're in need

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<v Speaker 1>of sheep shears, and sheep need to be sheared, and

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<v Speaker 1>they actually can help global warming. Like I didn't know

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<v Speaker 1>any of this, so I didn't know. Oh yeah, it's fascinating.

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<v Speaker 1>Everyone says cheaper stupid. They're not. They're some of this.

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<v Speaker 1>They're so smart. The reason their eyes are slanted is

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<v Speaker 1>so they can see behind them, and you always think like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>they have such little funny eyes. You know, they're just stupid,

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<v Speaker 1>little cheep. I'm learning so much that I want to

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<v Speaker 1>know and that I don't want to know because now

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<v Speaker 1>I have to change the way I live. No, I

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<v Speaker 1>think reading is I don't read that book before I

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<v Speaker 1>go to sleep, I read a novel be well. I

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<v Speaker 1>think that's probably so true for so many things right

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<v Speaker 1>that we don't even know about in our environment that

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<v Speaker 1>are actually helping us live and breathe clean air and

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<v Speaker 1>helping put oxygen out into the atmosphere. Like we are

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<v Speaker 1>constantly surrounded by these things, but until you read a

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<v Speaker 1>book like that, you don't even know. You're like, oh, wait,

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<v Speaker 1>this is a contribution to the environment that we could

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<v Speaker 1>be using in a much more mindful way, exactly, Like

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<v Speaker 1>I never knew that a lot of clothes are made

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<v Speaker 1>with plastics in them, all the stretchy stuff. It's all

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<v Speaker 1>all of it, and and by the way, and and

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<v Speaker 1>and you know, and they're like, well, but we send

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<v Speaker 1>all the used closed Africa after saying we don't wear them,

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<v Speaker 1>we don't want them. Stop sending like it is anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>I digress, But literally, I do think that reading is

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<v Speaker 1>important to educate, but it's also really important to disappear

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<v Speaker 1>and and go into someone else's world and think outside

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<v Speaker 1>of yourself. Yeah, there is no comfort like a good book.

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<v Speaker 1>What are some of you? If you can think of

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<v Speaker 1>one or some of your favorite books to recommend to listeners.

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<v Speaker 1>Did you ever read that book Sarcy by Madeline Miller. No,

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<v Speaker 1>that's a beautiful book and it's like fantasy. I mean

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<v Speaker 1>it's about Greek mythology, but it's so beautifully written. I

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<v Speaker 1>mean I had to read that. That was one of

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<v Speaker 1>those books where you read, you read a paragraph and

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<v Speaker 1>you put the you put the book down and just

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<v Speaker 1>think about how she wrote that. It's so impressive. But yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that was one of my favorite books. Did you ever

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<v Speaker 1>read The Red Tent? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, that was a

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<v Speaker 1>great book. Interesting about that book, that book. I was

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<v Speaker 1>in Ireland doing a film and it was right after

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<v Speaker 1>nine eleven and someone had told me to read that

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<v Speaker 1>book and I started it and they were so men.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, it's it's biblical, right, So there were so

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<v Speaker 1>many names, and I was like, I always give a

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<v Speaker 1>book fifty pages before I sam out. I remember turning

0:11:14.720 --> 0:11:17.120
<v Speaker 1>page fifty. I was getting frustrated with it because there

0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:19.640
<v Speaker 1>were so many characters and I couldn't keep track of everyone.

0:11:20.559 --> 0:11:23.400
<v Speaker 1>Page fifty turned it. I never put the book down.

0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:25.560
<v Speaker 1>I couldn't wait till they were like, we have ten

0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:27.679
<v Speaker 1>minutes for lighting. I'd run back to my dressing room

0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:29.800
<v Speaker 1>and read the book. Those are the kind of things

0:11:29.840 --> 0:11:32.959
<v Speaker 1>there's there's another book. Oh, this is why I write

0:11:33.720 --> 0:11:36.920
<v Speaker 1>things down in my notes on my phone. That's no,

0:11:36.920 --> 0:11:39.160
<v Speaker 1>no offense. Really, that's why everybody writes things down in

0:11:39.200 --> 0:11:43.160
<v Speaker 1>their notes. You're not the only You're not the only one. Oh.

0:11:43.200 --> 0:11:46.920
<v Speaker 1>In that realm of the red Tent, there's a book

0:11:46.920 --> 0:11:51.119
<v Speaker 1>called Pope Joan. Did you ever read it? Know? What's that? Oh?

0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:55.200
<v Speaker 1>My god? So Pope Joan. Let me just write that

0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:59.600
<v Speaker 1>down in my notes section one second? Yeah, right, session.

0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:02.719
<v Speaker 1>Hope Joan is about a lot of people feel that

0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:05.720
<v Speaker 1>it's complete falsehood. You just go into the story, but

0:12:05.760 --> 0:12:09.120
<v Speaker 1>it's basically the first pope that was elected that was

0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:14.600
<v Speaker 1>actually a woman, and there's there's historical evidence showing, for example,

0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:19.319
<v Speaker 1>did you know that when someone is elected pope now

0:12:19.960 --> 0:12:22.160
<v Speaker 1>because of Pope Joan, when they found out she was

0:12:22.200 --> 0:12:25.200
<v Speaker 1>a woman and they killed her she was masquerading as

0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:30.320
<v Speaker 1>a man. In thirteen whatever it was, they have basically

0:12:30.360 --> 0:12:33.760
<v Speaker 1>a ball throne where the pope elected pope has to

0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:35.600
<v Speaker 1>sit on it and someone goes under his robes to

0:12:35.640 --> 0:12:39.560
<v Speaker 1>make sure he has pesticals. Oh wonderful. And that's because

0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:42.839
<v Speaker 1>of Pope Joan. It is such a fascinating read. And

0:12:43.240 --> 0:12:46.040
<v Speaker 1>some producers sent it to me when I was on

0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:49.520
<v Speaker 1>the Good Wife and said, we want to make this

0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:52.280
<v Speaker 1>into a movie and we think you'd be a great pope. Joan.

0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:55.400
<v Speaker 1>It was like, you know, eight hundred pages and I want, guys,

0:12:55.720 --> 0:12:58.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm on set fourteen hours a day. You're insane if

0:12:58.080 --> 0:12:59.680
<v Speaker 1>you think I'm going to read this in two weeks

0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:01.920
<v Speaker 1>to get be my answer. So, and they said, take

0:13:01.960 --> 0:13:04.320
<v Speaker 1>all the time you want. I read it in a week.

0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:08.440
<v Speaker 1>I could not put the book down. It was absolutely fascinating.

0:13:09.000 --> 0:13:11.040
<v Speaker 1>I love those kind of because you also learned about

0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:13.600
<v Speaker 1>history and you learn about you know. Anyway, so you

0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:17.480
<v Speaker 1>didn't end up doing the project? Oh so, so I said, yes.

0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:20.439
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I'm in this is I was just

0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:25.000
<v Speaker 1>unbelievable character. And they couldn't get a greenlit anywhere. Oh so,

0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:27.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, I mean, I've been attached to so many

0:13:27.720 --> 0:13:30.680
<v Speaker 1>of those. But you know, you keep throwing it at

0:13:30.679 --> 0:13:33.600
<v Speaker 1>the wall and whatever sticks sticks. You know, you gotta

0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:36.960
<v Speaker 1>make lemonade exactly. But anyway, it's a great read. I

0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:40.439
<v Speaker 1>just read The Latecomer. I'm going down a gene Hans

0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:44.040
<v Speaker 1>Corlett's sort of rabbit hole because I've always loved her writing.

0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:46.800
<v Speaker 1>And then she had read my memoir and actually asked

0:13:46.840 --> 0:13:49.720
<v Speaker 1>she has all these book events, and she said my name.

0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:51.160
<v Speaker 1>I knew who she was because I had read her

0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:53.400
<v Speaker 1>books before, but she just came out with a book

0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:56.320
<v Speaker 1>called The Latecomer and that was so much fun because

0:13:56.760 --> 0:14:00.000
<v Speaker 1>while it's very New York story, but it's about these trips,

0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:02.960
<v Speaker 1>splets who came into existence from a petri dish because

0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:06.719
<v Speaker 1>their mother couldn't get pregnant. And it is a fascinating,

0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:10.440
<v Speaker 1>fabulous fund read. And I love triplets. I like anything

0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:14.240
<v Speaker 1>where there's twins, triplets or sisters. Those are my three.

0:14:15.160 --> 0:14:17.320
<v Speaker 1>Have you ever seen that show The Split? Do you

0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:20.440
<v Speaker 1>have you? Ever? My god? I love it? Oh my god,

0:14:20.440 --> 0:14:25.040
<v Speaker 1>it's my favorite. I haven't I haven't a show for you. Okay,

0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:27.320
<v Speaker 1>So here's what happened last night. I drove up up

0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:30.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm up state and for the first time by myself,

0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:33.000
<v Speaker 1>no dog, no kid, no husband. Like I walked into

0:14:33.040 --> 0:14:34.880
<v Speaker 1>my house. There's no food. I'm like, okay, I'll figure

0:14:34.920 --> 0:14:36.520
<v Speaker 1>it out. There's some eggs, Like what can I do?

0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:42.240
<v Speaker 1>Like you, Chelsea, I'm one technically challenged, like the Pact

0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:43.920
<v Speaker 1>that I'm on this zoom with you and no one's

0:14:43.960 --> 0:14:47.480
<v Speaker 1>gonna help me. It is talking. And I've never actually

0:14:47.600 --> 0:14:52.240
<v Speaker 1>turned my television on up here because my kid or

0:14:52.280 --> 0:14:53.960
<v Speaker 1>my husband are always here and they know how to

0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:56.280
<v Speaker 1>do it. And it's got like, I'm like, what is

0:14:56.680 --> 0:14:59.640
<v Speaker 1>eight m one? So I don't want to be I

0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:03.680
<v Speaker 1>just wait till they're here. So I had just finished

0:15:03.680 --> 0:15:08.400
<v Speaker 1>watching Catastrophe. Have you seen cats Awesome? I love it

0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:11.040
<v Speaker 1>and I love her, Sharon Horgan. I'm obsessed with the

0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:14.520
<v Speaker 1>actress the way I was with Nicola Walker in The Split.

0:15:15.160 --> 0:15:19.560
<v Speaker 1>She's genius. Oh that show is awesome, awesome, just like

0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:22.640
<v Speaker 1>In fact, when I watched that show, I emailed Robert

0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:26.360
<v Speaker 1>Michelle King, who created The Good Wife, and I was like, um,

0:15:27.160 --> 0:15:30.600
<v Speaker 1>do you think maybe this was born out of the

0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:33.080
<v Speaker 1>Good Wife? Because there's way too many similarities, right, She's

0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:35.240
<v Speaker 1>having the affair with the guy at the law firm,

0:15:35.280 --> 0:15:37.440
<v Speaker 1>blah blah blah. And they said, oh, we heard about it.

0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:39.560
<v Speaker 1>And the Washington Post said, if you're missing The Good Wife,

0:15:39.560 --> 0:15:42.600
<v Speaker 1>watched The Split, So anyway, this show. So after I

0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:45.320
<v Speaker 1>watched Catastrophe, I heard that Sharon Horrigan, I'm sure I'm

0:15:45.320 --> 0:15:50.760
<v Speaker 1>saying her name wrong, but she writes, directs, produces, and acts,

0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:53.360
<v Speaker 1>and I I just love women who do that. I

0:15:53.400 --> 0:15:55.440
<v Speaker 1>don't know if I could ever. I can produce an act,

0:15:55.480 --> 0:15:57.600
<v Speaker 1>but I don't know if I could do any of

0:15:57.640 --> 0:16:00.880
<v Speaker 1>the other things. She has a new show called Bad Sisters,

0:16:01.000 --> 0:16:03.600
<v Speaker 1>and I immediately thought of you, Chelsea, you have to

0:16:03.640 --> 0:16:05.680
<v Speaker 1>watch Oh my god, I saw it, you know what.

0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:07.560
<v Speaker 1>I saw it, and I was about to no, no,

0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:10.160
<v Speaker 1>I was about to watch it, and then my assistant said, oh,

0:16:10.200 --> 0:16:13.400
<v Speaker 1>you should watch Severance, I think because they're both on Apple, right,

0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:16.800
<v Speaker 1>and yeah, Severance is on Apple with Adam Scott, who

0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:19.840
<v Speaker 1>I love. I love that show. Oh yeah, you watched

0:16:19.840 --> 0:16:23.720
<v Speaker 1>that show Severance? Oh yeah, I mean I have to

0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:26.080
<v Speaker 1>say at one point, like by episode three, I was

0:16:26.080 --> 0:16:28.560
<v Speaker 1>getting so angst. I was watching with my husband. I said,

0:16:28.600 --> 0:16:30.360
<v Speaker 1>you know, by the next episode, if it doesn't get

0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:32.200
<v Speaker 1>a little bit lighter, I don't know if I can

0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:35.160
<v Speaker 1>handle it anymore. Because we watched it together before we

0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:37.880
<v Speaker 1>go to bed. And then in Walks, I mean, I

0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:41.000
<v Speaker 1>loved all of it, but but the characters were so

0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:46.080
<v Speaker 1>sad and brutal and also frightening. Patricia Arquette is a genius,

0:16:46.080 --> 0:16:48.680
<v Speaker 1>but she scared the ship out of me. And then

0:16:48.840 --> 0:16:52.840
<v Speaker 1>in walks Christopher walking with John Turo and I like,

0:16:53.000 --> 0:16:55.040
<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh my god, it's the sweetest thing

0:16:55.080 --> 0:16:57.440
<v Speaker 1>I've ever seen. I know, Christopher walking. Any time he

0:16:57.480 --> 0:16:59.880
<v Speaker 1>walked into a room, You're like, first all, Patricia Arquette

0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:05.200
<v Speaker 1>is the fucking best. She's Oh my god. Every time

0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:07.919
<v Speaker 1>when you see her, you're like you feel dehydrated from

0:17:07.960 --> 0:17:10.600
<v Speaker 1>missing her. You're like, hey, I need her and more ship.

0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:14.640
<v Speaker 1>She is one of those actresses I've always admired because

0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:19.600
<v Speaker 1>she is unapologetically that character. Yeah you know what I mean,

0:17:19.640 --> 0:17:22.000
<v Speaker 1>Like she just goes in there and you're like, wait,

0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:26.159
<v Speaker 1>wait seriously this is and you believe everything, Like she's crazy.

0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:31.119
<v Speaker 1>Sever Yeah, well she's crazy, Okay, I definitely. Well, I

0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:33.440
<v Speaker 1>love Sharon Horrigan. I'm gonna watch Bad Sisters. We should

0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:36.720
<v Speaker 1>have Sharon on the podcast. Also, she's I think she

0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:41.280
<v Speaker 1>is truly talented on every level. She's funny. She's funny.

0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:44.800
<v Speaker 1>Catastrophe was so good. I started watching Severance. I'm not

0:17:44.920 --> 0:17:47.320
<v Speaker 1>to the end because I also found it slightly depressing.

0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:50.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm just like, this is hark. I'm not good at

0:17:50.080 --> 0:17:53.760
<v Speaker 1>like television analysis. Like when there's a bigger kind of

0:17:53.800 --> 0:17:57.000
<v Speaker 1>metaphorical thing going on. It's not always easy for me

0:17:57.040 --> 0:18:00.439
<v Speaker 1>to identify, you know, like even in in a Bear

0:18:00.560 --> 0:18:03.600
<v Speaker 1>Did you watch that, Julie, I've watched three episodes of it.

0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:07.720
<v Speaker 1>That's a great show, and that I watched it, and

0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:09.760
<v Speaker 1>then I read a review of it and in the

0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:12.080
<v Speaker 1>New York Times. I'm sure because those reviews are like

0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:14.040
<v Speaker 1>I might as well be talking to somebody who speaks French,

0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:18.160
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, wait what. I was like, toxic masculinity, Okay,

0:18:18.160 --> 0:18:19.920
<v Speaker 1>I could see that, but then they listed like all

0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:22.480
<v Speaker 1>of the things that the show was about, and I'm like, wow,

0:18:22.560 --> 0:18:26.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm a real dummy, Like I didn't pick up on that.

0:18:26.400 --> 0:18:28.159
<v Speaker 1>I'm late to the game on a lot of things.

0:18:28.320 --> 0:18:32.879
<v Speaker 1>But I just finished watching the entire four seasons of Ozark,

0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:37.280
<v Speaker 1>which was brilliant. Laura Linney is another she just deserved

0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:41.320
<v Speaker 1>another level. But in the beginning, I was like, I

0:18:41.359 --> 0:18:48.639
<v Speaker 1>don't understand money washing. Wait what? And I'm a fairly

0:18:48.760 --> 0:18:52.880
<v Speaker 1>educated person with you know, a medium sized brain. But literally,

0:18:53.680 --> 0:18:55.480
<v Speaker 1>as the show went, I went, thank you for not

0:18:55.880 --> 0:18:58.119
<v Speaker 1>you didn't talk down to your audience. I love a

0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:02.240
<v Speaker 1>show that allows me to learn what they're talking about

0:19:02.280 --> 0:19:06.280
<v Speaker 1>through time, because writing a pilot is really difficult, and

0:19:06.480 --> 0:19:09.080
<v Speaker 1>any network you want to set up everything within that

0:19:09.160 --> 0:19:12.359
<v Speaker 1>first show to keep the audience coming back. But it's like, no,

0:19:12.440 --> 0:19:14.960
<v Speaker 1>if you really believe in the work you're doing, then

0:19:15.080 --> 0:19:18.720
<v Speaker 1>let the audience learn with you. Yeah. So, like by

0:19:18.760 --> 0:19:21.280
<v Speaker 1>the end, I felt like, oh, I understand Cartel and

0:19:22.440 --> 0:19:26.119
<v Speaker 1>wondering it. But the one show I couldn't keep watching

0:19:26.800 --> 0:19:29.080
<v Speaker 1>because I just they talked too fast and I was

0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:32.159
<v Speaker 1>on it was Billions because I would look over to

0:19:32.200 --> 0:19:33.880
<v Speaker 1>my husband and be like, I don't understand. What does

0:19:33.920 --> 0:19:36.159
<v Speaker 1>that mean? What are they trading in? I don't get

0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:38.720
<v Speaker 1>I didn't. It was a lingo that went over my head. Well,

0:19:38.720 --> 0:19:42.920
<v Speaker 1>Billions is like red Bull, Like that's tell red Bull television,

0:19:43.040 --> 0:19:45.160
<v Speaker 1>you know what I mean. Billions is like two. It's

0:19:45.200 --> 0:19:48.480
<v Speaker 1>high octane, and that's like it's it's like out of

0:19:48.560 --> 0:19:51.240
<v Speaker 1>pace where there's Yeah, I know exactly what you mean

0:19:51.280 --> 0:19:53.920
<v Speaker 1>by that. Ozark is one of the best shows ever.

0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:57.600
<v Speaker 1>That and Jason Bateman is so boad and so is

0:19:57.920 --> 0:20:03.280
<v Speaker 1>good Julia Garner. She's a badass. Yeah, it was fantastic.

0:20:03.320 --> 0:20:05.280
<v Speaker 1>So it's been fun catching up. I know it was

0:20:05.320 --> 0:20:07.080
<v Speaker 1>on like years ago. But well, I think a lot

0:20:07.119 --> 0:20:08.679
<v Speaker 1>of people are gonna be surprised to hear that you

0:20:08.720 --> 0:20:12.439
<v Speaker 1>are not money washing and upstate New York, Julianna, because

0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:17.240
<v Speaker 1>that's what this podcast were supposed to be about. I'm

0:20:17.320 --> 0:20:20.560
<v Speaker 1>watching other things all the time, but not money. Okay. Well,

0:20:20.600 --> 0:20:25.600
<v Speaker 1>now that we've done our television round up, television book, book,

0:20:25.640 --> 0:20:29.520
<v Speaker 1>and television review and entertainment corner, Yeah, we're gonna have

0:20:29.640 --> 0:20:31.560
<v Speaker 1>this is gonna be a regular thing the next time

0:20:31.600 --> 0:20:34.720
<v Speaker 1>we have to call on Julianna. Okay, Katherine some Well,

0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:36.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna make us take a little bit of a

0:20:36.240 --> 0:20:43.080
<v Speaker 1>break and then we'll be back with some colors and

0:20:43.680 --> 0:20:46.719
<v Speaker 1>we're back. What do we got going on today, Katherine?

0:20:47.880 --> 0:20:52.160
<v Speaker 1>So many things. Well, our first question is a sister question,

0:20:52.320 --> 0:20:55.159
<v Speaker 1>or rather a sister in law question. This comes from

0:20:55.280 --> 0:20:58.040
<v Speaker 1>less dear Chelsea. I'm not sure what to do about

0:20:58.040 --> 0:21:00.480
<v Speaker 1>my sister in law. The problem is is that she's

0:21:00.480 --> 0:21:03.560
<v Speaker 1>been purchasing things that I own to an extent that

0:21:03.680 --> 0:21:06.360
<v Speaker 1>is extremely uncomfortable for me, and I feel like I'm

0:21:06.400 --> 0:21:09.199
<v Speaker 1>being stripped of my identity when I'm with her. I

0:21:09.240 --> 0:21:11.080
<v Speaker 1>don't even like to wear things that are special to

0:21:11.119 --> 0:21:13.560
<v Speaker 1>me around her in fear that she'll ask where it's

0:21:13.600 --> 0:21:20.080
<v Speaker 1>from and buy it multiple pairs of shoes, jewelry, coats, sweaters, pants, art,

0:21:20.400 --> 0:21:23.719
<v Speaker 1>et cetera. It may be partially my fault because sometimes

0:21:23.720 --> 0:21:25.719
<v Speaker 1>I share links with her when she asks where did

0:21:25.720 --> 0:21:28.960
<v Speaker 1>you get those pants? I'm getting increasingly upset when I

0:21:29.000 --> 0:21:31.560
<v Speaker 1>see her wearing things I own, and she dresses almost

0:21:31.600 --> 0:21:34.560
<v Speaker 1>exactly like me. Now I'm extremely close with my brother,

0:21:34.720 --> 0:21:37.399
<v Speaker 1>her husband, and I'm afraid confronting her will cause us

0:21:37.440 --> 0:21:42.480
<v Speaker 1>to get in a fight. Please help less. Oh boy,

0:21:42.960 --> 0:21:45.639
<v Speaker 1>I have so many You go first, Julianna, I have

0:21:45.800 --> 0:21:50.760
<v Speaker 1>so many. Well, my first reaction when hearing that is

0:21:50.920 --> 0:21:55.359
<v Speaker 1>imitation is the best form of flattery. And agreed, Chelsea.

0:21:55.440 --> 0:21:57.320
<v Speaker 1>You know I think she's your agent. But my best

0:21:57.359 --> 0:22:02.080
<v Speaker 1>friend Blair Cohen from college is truly one of the

0:22:02.200 --> 0:22:05.000
<v Speaker 1>most fashion forward people I've ever met. Like, everything she

0:22:05.040 --> 0:22:07.800
<v Speaker 1>puts on, I'm like, oh my god, just got style

0:22:08.000 --> 0:22:10.480
<v Speaker 1>up the Jesus You're just like, what the fun is?

0:22:10.920 --> 0:22:13.320
<v Speaker 1>You're like, are those shoes? Are they milk cartons? And

0:22:13.520 --> 0:22:18.080
<v Speaker 1>somehow she's more just stylish person and and I am

0:22:18.200 --> 0:22:23.080
<v Speaker 1>not ashamed to tell you that I now have half

0:22:23.080 --> 0:22:28.040
<v Speaker 1>her wardrobe, and she takes it as a compliment. She

0:22:28.160 --> 0:22:30.200
<v Speaker 1>really does like she She was in town a couple

0:22:30.200 --> 0:22:31.840
<v Speaker 1>of weeks ago and I was wearing these niarly low

0:22:31.880 --> 0:22:34.240
<v Speaker 1>tan pants that I had seen on her first and

0:22:34.320 --> 0:22:36.919
<v Speaker 1>she was like, oh girl, you look great. Like I

0:22:37.000 --> 0:22:39.800
<v Speaker 1>understand what family. It might be different because you suddenly

0:22:39.840 --> 0:22:41.600
<v Speaker 1>you're both showing up. But if you could look at

0:22:41.640 --> 0:22:44.560
<v Speaker 1>it from a different angle, which is that you're inspiring

0:22:44.640 --> 0:22:48.280
<v Speaker 1>somebody your taste. I mean, nothing makes me happier than

0:22:48.320 --> 0:22:49.919
<v Speaker 1>when someone comes into my home and says, oh my god,

0:22:49.960 --> 0:22:51.560
<v Speaker 1>where did you get that lamp? I have to have it,

0:22:52.000 --> 0:22:55.320
<v Speaker 1>And I think, oh, I did good. Yeah, I look

0:22:55.359 --> 0:22:59.040
<v Speaker 1>at it as a compliment unless it's that single white

0:22:59.080 --> 0:23:03.040
<v Speaker 1>female thing where she is trying to become you. I

0:23:03.040 --> 0:23:05.400
<v Speaker 1>wouldn't look at it as anything except she likes your

0:23:05.440 --> 0:23:07.920
<v Speaker 1>style and take it as a compliment. That's my feeling.

0:23:08.119 --> 0:23:10.720
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, what do you think, Katherine. I think she

0:23:10.720 --> 0:23:12.959
<v Speaker 1>should start sending her affiliate links so she can make

0:23:12.960 --> 0:23:17.359
<v Speaker 1>a little money on the side when she clicks commission.

0:23:17.800 --> 0:23:20.200
<v Speaker 1>I mean, you could do the old oh this old

0:23:20.280 --> 0:23:23.160
<v Speaker 1>thing and tell her you don't remember, or tell her

0:23:23.160 --> 0:23:27.040
<v Speaker 1>it's vintage. I mean, I do agree it's flattering. Yeah,

0:23:27.119 --> 0:23:28.960
<v Speaker 1>I think it's flattering, and I think you need to

0:23:28.960 --> 0:23:32.600
<v Speaker 1>adjust your mindset and perspective on it. It's a compliment

0:23:33.000 --> 0:23:34.920
<v Speaker 1>and you should take it as such, like she's never

0:23:34.960 --> 0:23:37.720
<v Speaker 1>going to steal your identity. If it's really crossing a

0:23:37.800 --> 0:23:41.480
<v Speaker 1>line and she's acting like you and making you, then

0:23:41.480 --> 0:23:43.920
<v Speaker 1>that's a separate issue and then that would call for attention.

0:23:43.920 --> 0:23:47.040
<v Speaker 1>But somebody who's just dressing like you is a huge compliment.

0:23:47.080 --> 0:23:49.159
<v Speaker 1>And again, Julianna, like when people come over to my

0:23:49.200 --> 0:23:51.199
<v Speaker 1>house and say, oh my god this or that, I'm like,

0:23:51.280 --> 0:23:54.359
<v Speaker 1>oh yeah, right on, nailed it. You know, I always

0:23:54.359 --> 0:23:55.840
<v Speaker 1>take it as a compliment. I take it as a

0:23:55.880 --> 0:23:58.399
<v Speaker 1>compliment when people show up at my shows wearing jumpsuits

0:23:58.440 --> 0:24:01.280
<v Speaker 1>like I wear. I started in jumpsuits because of Chelsea

0:24:03.200 --> 0:24:05.200
<v Speaker 1>I did, and then I did her first. The first

0:24:05.200 --> 0:24:06.880
<v Speaker 1>podcast I did with her, I was wearing a jump

0:24:07.720 --> 0:24:11.760
<v Speaker 1>the homage to Chelsea. It was a compliment. Thank you,

0:24:12.000 --> 0:24:15.560
<v Speaker 1>That's sweet. I would feel complimented if someone showed up

0:24:16.000 --> 0:24:19.840
<v Speaker 1>wearing something. You know, it's it's about your identity, So

0:24:20.160 --> 0:24:22.919
<v Speaker 1>I say, stay who you are. If you start feeling

0:24:22.960 --> 0:24:26.200
<v Speaker 1>like she's talking like you or is different when there's

0:24:26.240 --> 0:24:28.520
<v Speaker 1>trying to She's married to your brothers, so it's not

0:24:28.560 --> 0:24:30.320
<v Speaker 1>like she's going to try and date the same person

0:24:30.359 --> 0:24:34.240
<v Speaker 1>as you or you know. I just whenever someone was like,

0:24:34.240 --> 0:24:35.800
<v Speaker 1>oh what do you eat? Because I love the way

0:24:35.840 --> 0:24:37.680
<v Speaker 1>you look at what, I'm like, Oh, let me, I'm

0:24:37.720 --> 0:24:41.240
<v Speaker 1>so happy to share. And also remember this, I'm a

0:24:41.320 --> 0:24:43.399
<v Speaker 1>child of the eighties, like that was when I was

0:24:43.600 --> 0:24:46.720
<v Speaker 1>could afford fashion or or cared. We all were the

0:24:46.760 --> 0:24:50.359
<v Speaker 1>same thing, right when you're in middle school in high school,

0:24:50.440 --> 0:24:53.119
<v Speaker 1>you're you're wearing this, you wear with each other wears

0:24:53.200 --> 0:24:55.200
<v Speaker 1>because you're around each other and you like each other,

0:24:55.320 --> 0:24:57.200
<v Speaker 1>you know, and you want to be cool. So you're

0:24:57.200 --> 0:25:00.159
<v Speaker 1>probably really cool to her, and she wants to be

0:25:00.280 --> 0:25:03.960
<v Speaker 1>like you because a your brother is married to her,

0:25:04.600 --> 0:25:06.760
<v Speaker 1>and she probably knows you're really close with your brother

0:25:06.760 --> 0:25:08.120
<v Speaker 1>and maybe you know what I mean. Like it could

0:25:08.160 --> 0:25:11.200
<v Speaker 1>be so many different psychological things. If it gets creepy,

0:25:11.240 --> 0:25:12.880
<v Speaker 1>you can say, hey, babe, I love that you love

0:25:12.920 --> 0:25:15.360
<v Speaker 1>what I'm wearing, and I love that you buy the stuff,

0:25:15.720 --> 0:25:19.199
<v Speaker 1>but can we just talk? Are you okay? Because I

0:25:19.200 --> 0:25:21.919
<v Speaker 1>feel like you're a little bit coming into my orbit

0:25:21.960 --> 0:25:24.720
<v Speaker 1>too much. And you can say it sweetly if you're

0:25:24.720 --> 0:25:27.920
<v Speaker 1>feeling out. Yeah, yeah, and you could even suggest, say

0:25:27.920 --> 0:25:30.399
<v Speaker 1>you're wearing something in yellow and she loves it, be like,

0:25:30.440 --> 0:25:32.080
<v Speaker 1>you know, what would look great on you is the

0:25:32.119 --> 0:25:37.040
<v Speaker 1>blue one? You know that's not exactly the same. That's perfect.

0:25:37.160 --> 0:25:40.520
<v Speaker 1>You're absolutely right. Yeah, these aren't big problems. You just

0:25:40.560 --> 0:25:42.680
<v Speaker 1>have to be a little bit more gracious about it

0:25:42.800 --> 0:25:46.520
<v Speaker 1>and just remember that that's cool. That's a compliment, period,

0:25:46.680 --> 0:25:49.879
<v Speaker 1>it's a compliment. Turn it around. Well. Our next question

0:25:50.840 --> 0:25:54.159
<v Speaker 1>comes from Chandra Dear Chelsea. I'm a twenty four year

0:25:54.160 --> 0:25:56.840
<v Speaker 1>old transman and recently started living alone in my two

0:25:56.920 --> 0:25:59.760
<v Speaker 1>bedroom apartment. My partner of three and a half years

0:25:59.840 --> 0:26:02.199
<v Speaker 1>and did things with me back in March. This was

0:26:02.200 --> 0:26:04.680
<v Speaker 1>an incredibly difficult adjustment, as I had just moved to

0:26:04.720 --> 0:26:07.359
<v Speaker 1>Pennsylvania and left my family to be with them to

0:26:07.440 --> 0:26:10.439
<v Speaker 1>find work out there. I ended up working under my

0:26:10.520 --> 0:26:13.359
<v Speaker 1>partner in our grooming salon. Since then, I've moved up

0:26:13.400 --> 0:26:16.080
<v Speaker 1>to co managing the salon with my now ex partner.

0:26:16.720 --> 0:26:18.560
<v Speaker 1>Less than two months after they broke up with me,

0:26:18.880 --> 0:26:22.760
<v Speaker 1>they started dating our friend slash coworker. I will admit

0:26:22.800 --> 0:26:24.480
<v Speaker 1>this is hard to witness and I had a lot

0:26:24.520 --> 0:26:26.320
<v Speaker 1>of friends tell me to get up and leave my

0:26:26.400 --> 0:26:29.080
<v Speaker 1>job to get away from that hurt. It's been an

0:26:29.119 --> 0:26:31.679
<v Speaker 1>overwhelming loss, but my X and I still maintain a

0:26:31.800 --> 0:26:35.720
<v Speaker 1>distanced but respectful friendship. Here's the deal. I'm now reaching

0:26:35.760 --> 0:26:38.240
<v Speaker 1>a pivotal moment in my life, and I'm stuck, frozen

0:26:38.280 --> 0:26:41.000
<v Speaker 1>in fear of which choice to make. I've always dreamt

0:26:41.040 --> 0:26:43.200
<v Speaker 1>of living in Germany, but I'm too afraid to make

0:26:43.240 --> 0:26:45.240
<v Speaker 1>that leap, and my German needs a lot of work.

0:26:45.640 --> 0:26:47.560
<v Speaker 1>I've also had friends offered to have me stay with

0:26:47.600 --> 0:26:50.280
<v Speaker 1>them in Chicago until I figure things out. I don't

0:26:50.280 --> 0:26:51.840
<v Speaker 1>know what I want to do or where to go,

0:26:52.320 --> 0:26:54.080
<v Speaker 1>but I do know I want to start learning to

0:26:54.160 --> 0:27:01.280
<v Speaker 1>listen and trust myself to make decisions. Any advice, Chandra, Hey, Chandra, Hi, Chandra,

0:27:01.640 --> 0:27:04.680
<v Speaker 1>how are you? This is Julianna, And of course you've

0:27:04.680 --> 0:27:09.280
<v Speaker 1>spoken to Catherine already. Hi were here to help you here?

0:27:10.440 --> 0:27:13.439
<v Speaker 1>Thank you? I need it right now at this point. Okay,

0:27:13.440 --> 0:27:16.720
<v Speaker 1>So how long have you been working together with your ex?

0:27:17.040 --> 0:27:20.440
<v Speaker 1>We broke up in March, and so I've been working

0:27:20.440 --> 0:27:23.520
<v Speaker 1>with all of them together for the last six months.

0:27:23.800 --> 0:27:26.360
<v Speaker 1>And I've been working with my ex for the last

0:27:26.400 --> 0:27:33.000
<v Speaker 1>three years and you obviously feel like you need to change, right, Yeah,

0:27:33.080 --> 0:27:35.880
<v Speaker 1>I mean every if I I've given it a lot

0:27:35.920 --> 0:27:39.240
<v Speaker 1>of thought. And I'm twenty four and basically every major

0:27:39.320 --> 0:27:43.119
<v Speaker 1>life choice I've made has been around a partner. I

0:27:43.320 --> 0:27:45.840
<v Speaker 1>left Michigan and went to college for somebody who was

0:27:45.880 --> 0:27:49.080
<v Speaker 1>going to the same university. That didn't end out well.

0:27:49.160 --> 0:27:52.160
<v Speaker 1>And then I moved to Pennsylvania for my ex and

0:27:52.240 --> 0:27:54.320
<v Speaker 1>that didn't work out well. I mean, I really thought

0:27:54.400 --> 0:27:57.720
<v Speaker 1>this last relationship was gonna be it for me. I

0:27:57.720 --> 0:28:00.440
<v Speaker 1>mean I thought I met my life partner because I've

0:28:00.480 --> 0:28:04.640
<v Speaker 1>never been in such a supportive, non judgmental relationship. I mean,

0:28:04.640 --> 0:28:06.719
<v Speaker 1>we were open the whole time. And it was because,

0:28:06.800 --> 0:28:09.240
<v Speaker 1>like my partner believed that I should experiment with what

0:28:09.440 --> 0:28:13.000
<v Speaker 1>men and because my partner, my ex is female but

0:28:13.119 --> 0:28:17.920
<v Speaker 1>non binary. So it's still transfer relationship. What was the

0:28:18.000 --> 0:28:22.360
<v Speaker 1>last word you use? Trans for trans relationship? For trans? Okay? Good?

0:28:22.359 --> 0:28:23.720
<v Speaker 1>I need. I need to make sure I'm up on

0:28:23.760 --> 0:28:26.879
<v Speaker 1>all the lingo. Okay, it doesn't matter, But what sex

0:28:26.960 --> 0:28:28.919
<v Speaker 1>is this person that she's having a relationship with. It

0:28:28.960 --> 0:28:31.000
<v Speaker 1>is the same sex or is in another non binary

0:28:31.119 --> 0:28:34.400
<v Speaker 1>or male? They took a huge leap. He's as head

0:28:34.480 --> 0:28:40.240
<v Speaker 1>conservative male. Wow. Well, first and foremost, I want to

0:28:40.280 --> 0:28:43.160
<v Speaker 1>say that you're twenty four years old, and I am

0:28:43.200 --> 0:28:45.080
<v Speaker 1>here to tell you that you are probably going to

0:28:45.160 --> 0:28:49.040
<v Speaker 1>fall in love and have your heartbroken multiple times from

0:28:49.120 --> 0:28:50.800
<v Speaker 1>now on, and that is part of the way of

0:28:50.840 --> 0:28:52.800
<v Speaker 1>the world. And the sooner that you can get on

0:28:52.840 --> 0:28:56.720
<v Speaker 1>that train and accepting of it, the more emboldened and

0:28:56.800 --> 0:29:00.920
<v Speaker 1>empowered you're going to feel. Because relationships do not find you,

0:29:00.960 --> 0:29:03.680
<v Speaker 1>the way you handle relationships defines you, you know what

0:29:03.720 --> 0:29:06.520
<v Speaker 1>I mean. So like you saying I thought I'm at

0:29:06.520 --> 0:29:08.400
<v Speaker 1>the love of my life. Of course, we all want

0:29:08.440 --> 0:29:10.440
<v Speaker 1>to meet that person and we all want to feel

0:29:10.520 --> 0:29:13.960
<v Speaker 1>that way, but the chances of that happening at your

0:29:14.000 --> 0:29:16.520
<v Speaker 1>age are just not you know what I mean. To

0:29:16.600 --> 0:29:18.800
<v Speaker 1>the time, your age is not on your side. You're

0:29:18.840 --> 0:29:22.280
<v Speaker 1>here to explore and to learn and to have multitude,

0:29:22.840 --> 0:29:26.280
<v Speaker 1>a multitude of experiences, not just one, not just two,

0:29:26.360 --> 0:29:28.800
<v Speaker 1>not just three. You want to be a full person, right,

0:29:29.320 --> 0:29:32.160
<v Speaker 1>So I really don't want you to even think about

0:29:32.280 --> 0:29:34.680
<v Speaker 1>I know it's easier said than done, but don't think

0:29:34.720 --> 0:29:37.480
<v Speaker 1>about something as it has to be forever. There is

0:29:37.520 --> 0:29:40.680
<v Speaker 1>no forever. All of that is hogwash anyway, Just think

0:29:40.760 --> 0:29:43.320
<v Speaker 1>about you right now. Just think about what is going

0:29:43.400 --> 0:29:47.360
<v Speaker 1>to make you the most productive, happiest version of yourself.

0:29:47.720 --> 0:29:51.040
<v Speaker 1>And when you think of that, what comes up. That's

0:29:51.080 --> 0:29:54.400
<v Speaker 1>the hard part is I have to basically retrain my

0:29:54.520 --> 0:29:57.120
<v Speaker 1>brain to make me the person I'm taking care of

0:29:57.160 --> 0:30:00.360
<v Speaker 1>instead of a partner or a family member. Do you

0:30:00.400 --> 0:30:02.840
<v Speaker 1>feel you're worth is more valuable to you when you're

0:30:02.880 --> 0:30:06.800
<v Speaker 1>taking care of someone else other than yourself. I've always

0:30:06.800 --> 0:30:09.640
<v Speaker 1>felt like I'm valuable when I'm useful, and yet you're

0:30:09.680 --> 0:30:13.200
<v Speaker 1>not useful to yourself. Not at this moment in time. No.

0:30:13.520 --> 0:30:16.080
<v Speaker 1>I got back into therapy, so a lot of this

0:30:16.160 --> 0:30:20.520
<v Speaker 1>past six months have been like basically creating who I

0:30:20.560 --> 0:30:22.440
<v Speaker 1>am from the ground up and trying to figure out

0:30:22.480 --> 0:30:25.480
<v Speaker 1>what I like. And I bought a bike and trying

0:30:25.520 --> 0:30:27.680
<v Speaker 1>to find out hobbies so I can be around other

0:30:27.680 --> 0:30:31.280
<v Speaker 1>people that aren't connected to my X and stuff like that.

0:30:31.760 --> 0:30:34.040
<v Speaker 1>So here's what I want to say to you right now,

0:30:34.200 --> 0:30:36.760
<v Speaker 1>You're exactly where you're supposed to be. You're at the

0:30:36.800 --> 0:30:40.280
<v Speaker 1>age where you're exactly where you're supposed to be, but

0:30:41.640 --> 0:30:45.160
<v Speaker 1>you don't realize that the world is your oyster. Because

0:30:45.200 --> 0:30:47.880
<v Speaker 1>when you're twenty four, you don't see that. When you

0:30:47.960 --> 0:30:51.120
<v Speaker 1>said something that really struck me in your letter was

0:30:51.600 --> 0:30:53.840
<v Speaker 1>that you want to go to Germany. I can tell

0:30:53.880 --> 0:30:56.800
<v Speaker 1>you as someone who went there once for twenty four

0:30:56.800 --> 0:30:59.400
<v Speaker 1>hours and fell so in love with Berlin, and I

0:30:59.480 --> 0:31:02.160
<v Speaker 1>really like I can say three words in German. You

0:31:02.240 --> 0:31:04.080
<v Speaker 1>go to the country to learn the language, you don't

0:31:04.120 --> 0:31:07.360
<v Speaker 1>learn the language and then go to the country. My

0:31:07.480 --> 0:31:12.040
<v Speaker 1>biggest thing when I hear what you're saying is you've

0:31:12.120 --> 0:31:16.160
<v Speaker 1>already said I went to college for someone, then I

0:31:16.240 --> 0:31:19.440
<v Speaker 1>moved here for someone. Where are you going to move

0:31:19.520 --> 0:31:21.840
<v Speaker 1>for you? And when you say I would love to

0:31:21.840 --> 0:31:24.080
<v Speaker 1>go to Germany and I would love to speak German,

0:31:24.560 --> 0:31:27.400
<v Speaker 1>you're opening up a whole new world, like the whole point.

0:31:27.520 --> 0:31:29.520
<v Speaker 1>And by the way, when you get there, because you

0:31:29.560 --> 0:31:33.200
<v Speaker 1>will after Chelsea and I are done with you, You're

0:31:33.320 --> 0:31:37.400
<v Speaker 1>totally going to Germany. Um I can say this. There's

0:31:38.080 --> 0:31:41.880
<v Speaker 1>I bet you dollars to donuts. You're going to write

0:31:41.920 --> 0:31:45.800
<v Speaker 1>into Chelsea and say, had I not gone through those

0:31:45.840 --> 0:31:49.040
<v Speaker 1>experiences where I was in so much pain, I would

0:31:49.080 --> 0:31:51.840
<v Speaker 1>not have found the path I'm on now. And that's

0:31:51.880 --> 0:31:55.120
<v Speaker 1>just life, right. So instead of looking at it like

0:31:55.160 --> 0:31:58.840
<v Speaker 1>an obstacle, look at it like a challenge and an

0:31:58.840 --> 0:32:02.720
<v Speaker 1>opportunity and an opportunity, right. My challenge to myself is,

0:32:02.760 --> 0:32:05.760
<v Speaker 1>can I take care of me first? When you know

0:32:05.800 --> 0:32:07.840
<v Speaker 1>it's putting the mask on the plane, the parent has

0:32:07.840 --> 0:32:09.280
<v Speaker 1>to put it on before they do the kid otherwise

0:32:09.320 --> 0:32:11.840
<v Speaker 1>they die, right, and then they're no good to the kid.

0:32:12.400 --> 0:32:14.400
<v Speaker 1>So you have to put your own oxygen mask on

0:32:14.920 --> 0:32:17.440
<v Speaker 1>before you can be in a relationship with anybody, because

0:32:17.480 --> 0:32:20.920
<v Speaker 1>you'll lose yourself again. Yeah, I've been there. I've lost

0:32:20.960 --> 0:32:23.719
<v Speaker 1>myself and then spend years going why did I do that?

0:32:23.840 --> 0:32:27.120
<v Speaker 1>And therapy and blah blah blah. It's all good, and

0:32:27.160 --> 0:32:30.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm so grateful I had that terrible relationship because I

0:32:30.080 --> 0:32:32.680
<v Speaker 1>definitely wouldn't have what I have now, and I wouldn't

0:32:32.680 --> 0:32:35.959
<v Speaker 1>know who I am now. Don't live your life regretting.

0:32:36.640 --> 0:32:39.960
<v Speaker 1>Live your life well of an open road, because you

0:32:40.080 --> 0:32:42.720
<v Speaker 1>never know what's behind each door or a left, instead

0:32:42.760 --> 0:32:45.760
<v Speaker 1>of all right, where is that going to take you?

0:32:45.760 --> 0:32:47.840
<v Speaker 1>You know? I remember a friend of mine was we

0:32:47.840 --> 0:32:49.600
<v Speaker 1>were both moving back from l A to New York,

0:32:49.640 --> 0:32:53.080
<v Speaker 1>and he was really wanting to drive across country because

0:32:53.080 --> 0:32:54.560
<v Speaker 1>he wanted his car in New York. He didn't have

0:32:54.560 --> 0:32:57.000
<v Speaker 1>a lot of money, and he was nervous about it

0:32:57.040 --> 0:32:58.960
<v Speaker 1>because he's gay, and he was like, I don't know

0:32:59.040 --> 0:33:00.640
<v Speaker 1>the Midwest. You know, when you're from either l A

0:33:00.760 --> 0:33:02.840
<v Speaker 1>or New York, you think like nobody's going to accept

0:33:02.840 --> 0:33:05.400
<v Speaker 1>you anywhere else in the world. And he was nervous

0:33:05.400 --> 0:33:07.120
<v Speaker 1>about it. And I said, you'll never know unless you

0:33:07.200 --> 0:33:10.040
<v Speaker 1>do it. M hm. And to this day he says

0:33:10.120 --> 0:33:12.480
<v Speaker 1>it was the best experience of his life and it

0:33:12.520 --> 0:33:15.000
<v Speaker 1>gave him so like he was more confident when he

0:33:15.040 --> 0:33:16.960
<v Speaker 1>came home. When he came back to New York, he

0:33:17.040 --> 0:33:19.760
<v Speaker 1>was like, I did that. I did that by myself,

0:33:20.520 --> 0:33:22.400
<v Speaker 1>and then he could conquer the world. And he did.

0:33:23.040 --> 0:33:25.800
<v Speaker 1>And he's been married now twelve years to an amazing guy,

0:33:25.800 --> 0:33:28.760
<v Speaker 1>and he has an incredible career. Like you can create

0:33:28.800 --> 0:33:31.680
<v Speaker 1>your own path, don't wait for someone else to create

0:33:31.720 --> 0:33:34.800
<v Speaker 1>your path. And by the way, if you can get

0:33:34.800 --> 0:33:39.239
<v Speaker 1>the hell out of that job, because I don't think

0:33:39.280 --> 0:33:41.440
<v Speaker 1>it's healthy to have to walk into that every day.

0:33:41.440 --> 0:33:43.480
<v Speaker 1>Why why would you want to put yourself through that.

0:33:43.840 --> 0:33:46.960
<v Speaker 1>It's the best job I've ever had. And I'm having

0:33:47.040 --> 0:33:49.880
<v Speaker 1>a crappy day, I can grab a dog and feel better.

0:33:50.120 --> 0:33:53.920
<v Speaker 1>And the departments are separate enough and we're respectable enough,

0:33:53.960 --> 0:33:56.760
<v Speaker 1>and I can find fifty million reasons to talk myself

0:33:56.800 --> 0:33:58.800
<v Speaker 1>out of it, you know, but it hurts you, right,

0:34:00.400 --> 0:34:02.560
<v Speaker 1>that's when I heard in the letter that you're working

0:34:02.600 --> 0:34:05.600
<v Speaker 1>with them hurts you. It does, because it's at this

0:34:05.680 --> 0:34:11.040
<v Speaker 1>point they have just completely shut off the emotional understanding

0:34:11.160 --> 0:34:13.759
<v Speaker 1>of the situation and just seeing it from like a

0:34:13.840 --> 0:34:17.760
<v Speaker 1>logical choice. I guess I'm a very emotional, hopeless, romantic person.

0:34:18.200 --> 0:34:21.759
<v Speaker 1>They're very clinical and logical person, so it's easy for

0:34:21.800 --> 0:34:24.160
<v Speaker 1>them to just move on or they're just cut off

0:34:24.160 --> 0:34:28.600
<v Speaker 1>from their feelings. Oh, they're trust me. That's the hardest

0:34:28.600 --> 0:34:31.399
<v Speaker 1>part is knowing that they need way more help than

0:34:31.440 --> 0:34:33.960
<v Speaker 1>I do, because at least I know my feelings. Yes,

0:34:34.040 --> 0:34:35.920
<v Speaker 1>but here's something that I can just tell by looking

0:34:35.960 --> 0:34:40.719
<v Speaker 1>at you. Your aura and your energy is a little defeated,

0:34:41.360 --> 0:34:44.279
<v Speaker 1>and you've been a little depleted by this experience. While

0:34:44.280 --> 0:34:46.840
<v Speaker 1>it was honorable to continue to do the job and

0:34:46.880 --> 0:34:49.040
<v Speaker 1>show up and kind of face that, that would be

0:34:49.080 --> 0:34:51.040
<v Speaker 1>hard for a lot of people and be a deal breaker.

0:34:51.360 --> 0:34:53.160
<v Speaker 1>I know I would probably be like out the door

0:34:53.200 --> 0:34:54.759
<v Speaker 1>and be like, there's no way I'm going to face

0:34:55.040 --> 0:34:57.799
<v Speaker 1>my ax with their new person every day. Why would

0:34:57.800 --> 0:35:00.960
<v Speaker 1>I put myself through that hell, even if they're are physical,

0:35:01.280 --> 0:35:03.080
<v Speaker 1>like you're not on top of each other all day,

0:35:03.120 --> 0:35:06.239
<v Speaker 1>you're away departments whatever. I don't know. I've never worked

0:35:06.239 --> 0:35:07.680
<v Speaker 1>inside of building, so I don't know even know what

0:35:07.719 --> 0:35:10.319
<v Speaker 1>I'm talking about. But what I do want to say

0:35:10.480 --> 0:35:13.600
<v Speaker 1>is you are a little bit your energy sad, and

0:35:13.640 --> 0:35:16.120
<v Speaker 1>that is a result of putting yourself in a situation

0:35:16.120 --> 0:35:18.160
<v Speaker 1>that is going to make you sad. And it is

0:35:18.280 --> 0:35:21.239
<v Speaker 1>up to you to get yourself out of that situation.

0:35:21.280 --> 0:35:23.759
<v Speaker 1>The idea that you're even thinking about Germany is the

0:35:23.800 --> 0:35:27.279
<v Speaker 1>only answer you need. Go You need to go to Germany.

0:35:27.400 --> 0:35:30.480
<v Speaker 1>Don't worry about learning the language. Exactly what Juliana said.

0:35:30.719 --> 0:35:32.560
<v Speaker 1>You go there to learn the language. Do you know

0:35:32.560 --> 0:35:36.160
<v Speaker 1>how empowering and the build of self esteem that you

0:35:36.200 --> 0:35:40.120
<v Speaker 1>will acquire by actually being immersed in a culture that

0:35:40.200 --> 0:35:43.200
<v Speaker 1>is foreign to you, by learning the language, learning the

0:35:43.200 --> 0:35:48.080
<v Speaker 1>idiosyncrasies of a completely different culture and vibe and the

0:35:48.239 --> 0:35:51.200
<v Speaker 1>energy that comes with Germany. People love Berlin, people love

0:35:51.320 --> 0:35:55.080
<v Speaker 1>what's the other city that everybody loves in Germany? Munich? Yeah,

0:35:55.160 --> 0:35:58.640
<v Speaker 1>people love Munich too, I mean, and West Germany I've visited.

0:35:58.719 --> 0:36:01.800
<v Speaker 1>I mean, it's beautiful, all all of it is beautiful,

0:36:01.920 --> 0:36:05.799
<v Speaker 1>and you have people that are very open, incredible energy there.

0:36:06.000 --> 0:36:08.520
<v Speaker 1>You need different energy around you. Well, I mean that's

0:36:08.600 --> 0:36:10.719
<v Speaker 1>that was the first time I ever felt connected to

0:36:10.760 --> 0:36:13.359
<v Speaker 1>myself was when I was nineteen and I lived in

0:36:13.440 --> 0:36:16.840
<v Speaker 1>Berlin for four months straight, Like I literally did something

0:36:16.880 --> 0:36:19.600
<v Speaker 1>on my own, pushed myself to that and did a

0:36:19.640 --> 0:36:22.200
<v Speaker 1>program that let me live there on my own for

0:36:22.280 --> 0:36:25.719
<v Speaker 1>the first time in my entire life. And I just

0:36:26.080 --> 0:36:28.799
<v Speaker 1>there's always been something keeping me like going back to

0:36:28.880 --> 0:36:31.680
<v Speaker 1>it as an option. And I don't know, I think

0:36:31.680 --> 0:36:33.719
<v Speaker 1>I just staying here is just playing it safe, and

0:36:33.760 --> 0:36:36.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm really tired of doing the same thing that makes

0:36:36.680 --> 0:36:40.280
<v Speaker 1>me feel like ship but it's comfortable, it's actually more damaging.

0:36:40.320 --> 0:36:43.520
<v Speaker 1>It's not playing it safe staying there. Yeah. Yeah, I

0:36:43.600 --> 0:36:46.239
<v Speaker 1>have to say, just hearing you and Chasea, You're right,

0:36:46.280 --> 0:36:49.560
<v Speaker 1>You're you're very deflated, You're very there's a sadness, right,

0:36:49.600 --> 0:36:52.640
<v Speaker 1>but there's such a sweetness. And so when I hear

0:36:52.680 --> 0:36:53.960
<v Speaker 1>you say, first of all, when you say this is

0:36:54.000 --> 0:36:55.719
<v Speaker 1>the best job I've ever had, your twenty four how

0:36:55.719 --> 0:37:00.840
<v Speaker 1>many jobs have you had? Um? Four or five? Please?

0:37:02.160 --> 0:37:04.239
<v Speaker 1>You don't know the best job even you'll ever have,

0:37:04.480 --> 0:37:07.840
<v Speaker 1>Like you're you're fine. So don't live to work, work

0:37:07.960 --> 0:37:12.600
<v Speaker 1>to live? Right? Did I say that? Right? Yes, you don't.

0:37:12.640 --> 0:37:14.719
<v Speaker 1>You don't want to be a slave to something that

0:37:14.840 --> 0:37:19.960
<v Speaker 1>isn't bringing you joy. And and also it's it's like

0:37:20.000 --> 0:37:22.400
<v Speaker 1>you're inside this box when even when the way you

0:37:22.440 --> 0:37:25.879
<v Speaker 1>described the building, like you're inside this box and they

0:37:26.080 --> 0:37:29.799
<v Speaker 1>and they're there. That's energy. Whether you communicate with them

0:37:29.880 --> 0:37:33.279
<v Speaker 1>or not, they're there, and so you're feeling it. And

0:37:34.040 --> 0:37:36.960
<v Speaker 1>just from someone who who once had a horrible breakup

0:37:37.480 --> 0:37:40.080
<v Speaker 1>with someone I had only really dated, like I don't know,

0:37:40.280 --> 0:37:42.160
<v Speaker 1>six months, but I was crazy about him and he

0:37:42.200 --> 0:37:44.800
<v Speaker 1>broke it off with me. I would go everywhere I

0:37:44.880 --> 0:37:49.720
<v Speaker 1>knew he'd be just see and what I was torturing myself.

0:37:49.719 --> 0:37:52.880
<v Speaker 1>It was ridiculous, but of course I was. I just

0:37:52.920 --> 0:37:55.000
<v Speaker 1>wanted him. I wanted to see him. I wanted to

0:37:55.000 --> 0:37:57.760
<v Speaker 1>be in his around him, even though he was a

0:37:57.800 --> 0:38:00.880
<v Speaker 1>fucking asshole, you know. And I look back now and

0:38:00.920 --> 0:38:03.319
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, oh my god, what was I thinking? Go

0:38:03.480 --> 0:38:08.359
<v Speaker 1>find someone else, Go go let yourself be loved by

0:38:08.360 --> 0:38:12.399
<v Speaker 1>other people. Love other people. Berlin is the perfect place

0:38:12.440 --> 0:38:14.160
<v Speaker 1>for it. And you already are familiar with it. It's

0:38:14.200 --> 0:38:16.960
<v Speaker 1>not like you're gonna need a map, you just need

0:38:17.000 --> 0:38:21.600
<v Speaker 1>a plane ticket and and the inspiration to go. Yeah, yeah,

0:38:21.640 --> 0:38:25.040
<v Speaker 1>a good prush. I don't regret you. Do you know

0:38:25.200 --> 0:38:27.440
<v Speaker 1>you're going to Germany? Or do you have a place?

0:38:27.719 --> 0:38:29.239
<v Speaker 1>Do you have a place to live or do you

0:38:29.280 --> 0:38:31.839
<v Speaker 1>have somebody to live with? What's the situation on that front?

0:38:32.280 --> 0:38:34.799
<v Speaker 1>The family that I lived with, they said that I'm

0:38:34.960 --> 0:38:38.160
<v Speaker 1>welcoming back any time. If I'm there again, I might

0:38:38.200 --> 0:38:41.560
<v Speaker 1>actually have a couple of classmates in Berlin. Basically everybody

0:38:41.560 --> 0:38:43.320
<v Speaker 1>that I know that's gone to Berlin has gotten drunk

0:38:43.320 --> 0:38:45.960
<v Speaker 1>on Berlin and needed to go back. Yeah. Sorry, Can

0:38:46.000 --> 0:38:47.719
<v Speaker 1>I just say this one thing, because I don't want

0:38:47.760 --> 0:38:49.880
<v Speaker 1>it to feel like like if you say I'm moving

0:38:49.960 --> 0:38:52.759
<v Speaker 1>to Berlin that that almost sounds too much, like it's

0:38:52.800 --> 0:38:56.640
<v Speaker 1>too much of a challenge. That can be really disorienting, right,

0:38:56.960 --> 0:38:59.080
<v Speaker 1>But if you say, why don't you just go for months?

0:38:59.760 --> 0:39:02.560
<v Speaker 1>Go for months and and take your family, that family

0:39:02.640 --> 0:39:05.120
<v Speaker 1>up on it, you know, and don't overstay your welcome,

0:39:05.480 --> 0:39:08.319
<v Speaker 1>but feel it out, seek it out, look at it

0:39:08.360 --> 0:39:11.720
<v Speaker 1>as a journey, and then if you love it, you stay,

0:39:11.800 --> 0:39:14.000
<v Speaker 1>and if you don't, you find something else. But you

0:39:14.000 --> 0:39:17.400
<v Speaker 1>don't have a mortgage, do you. No, you don't have children,

0:39:18.920 --> 0:39:25.359
<v Speaker 1>and you don't have a partner. No. Go, you're twenty four.

0:39:25.719 --> 0:39:28.439
<v Speaker 1>If you didn't go in ten years, you would sit

0:39:28.440 --> 0:39:30.239
<v Speaker 1>there and go, I fuck. I wish I had gone

0:39:30.239 --> 0:39:32.239
<v Speaker 1>when I was twenty four, when I was thinking about it.

0:39:32.480 --> 0:39:34.880
<v Speaker 1>So where you're You called us for a reason. This

0:39:34.960 --> 0:39:37.520
<v Speaker 1>is the universe telling you you need to go. You

0:39:37.560 --> 0:39:40.080
<v Speaker 1>need to go explore the world, and you are going

0:39:40.120 --> 0:39:42.359
<v Speaker 1>to forget about all of this in a very short

0:39:42.400 --> 0:39:45.080
<v Speaker 1>period of time. I promise you that if you change

0:39:45.080 --> 0:39:48.239
<v Speaker 1>your surroundings, you will change. This is the time in

0:39:48.239 --> 0:39:52.000
<v Speaker 1>your life for big moves, make big moves. You're not

0:39:52.040 --> 0:39:53.640
<v Speaker 1>going to have the energy to do it when you're

0:39:53.680 --> 0:39:57.160
<v Speaker 1>fifty four. You're twenty four. Yeah, I mean, that's my

0:39:57.200 --> 0:39:59.680
<v Speaker 1>biggest fear is waking up a little too late realizing

0:39:59.640 --> 0:40:01.439
<v Speaker 1>I could have done this, I could have done that.

0:40:01.880 --> 0:40:04.040
<v Speaker 1>And it's cool. It's also cool because you're gonna look

0:40:04.040 --> 0:40:05.080
<v Speaker 1>back and be like, you know what I did When

0:40:05.120 --> 0:40:07.200
<v Speaker 1>I was twenty four, I went to Berlin. I was

0:40:07.239 --> 0:40:09.759
<v Speaker 1>in a situation that was pathetic, and then I had

0:40:09.800 --> 0:40:12.120
<v Speaker 1>to get myself out of You have to extract yourself

0:40:12.120 --> 0:40:15.200
<v Speaker 1>from this situation. You have nothing keeping you here, so

0:40:15.320 --> 0:40:17.720
<v Speaker 1>go have a thirst for the world, and I guarantee

0:40:17.760 --> 0:40:20.920
<v Speaker 1>you're going to find exactly what you're looking for. And

0:40:20.960 --> 0:40:24.800
<v Speaker 1>there are dogs in Berlin as well. Yeah, they're really

0:40:24.880 --> 0:40:26.839
<v Speaker 1>nice with their dogs. They have laws where like if

0:40:26.840 --> 0:40:28.600
<v Speaker 1>it's a good dog and it passes a class, it

0:40:28.640 --> 0:40:30.440
<v Speaker 1>can be in public off leash, and you can be

0:40:30.520 --> 0:40:32.239
<v Speaker 1>in a cafe and some dog will go up into

0:40:32.280 --> 0:40:34.160
<v Speaker 1>your lap. I'm telling you, well, you supposed to be

0:40:34.239 --> 0:40:37.960
<v Speaker 1>there taking care of those dogs. Well it's an hour

0:40:38.080 --> 0:40:41.279
<v Speaker 1>or ever. I guess at this point you have nothing

0:40:41.320 --> 0:40:43.920
<v Speaker 1>to lose, right, you have nothing to lose. No, I

0:40:43.960 --> 0:40:46.880
<v Speaker 1>mean I did just give myself a year here. I

0:40:46.920 --> 0:40:49.160
<v Speaker 1>have to move out and real the lease with a roommates,

0:40:49.200 --> 0:40:51.760
<v Speaker 1>so I'm have a year here, but I am definitely

0:40:51.840 --> 0:40:55.760
<v Speaker 1>gonna be planning a trip to Germany at least to go. Okay, good, okay,

0:40:55.800 --> 0:40:57.759
<v Speaker 1>we'll do that and plan and plan on going for

0:40:57.840 --> 0:40:59.520
<v Speaker 1>a longer than a trip, you know what I mean.

0:41:00.120 --> 0:41:02.240
<v Speaker 1>Do a month or do three months or whatever sounds

0:41:02.239 --> 0:41:04.279
<v Speaker 1>good to you, but start planning it. You have that

0:41:04.400 --> 0:41:06.560
<v Speaker 1>on your side too, and then you have the anticipation

0:41:06.640 --> 0:41:09.120
<v Speaker 1>of going and the excitement of going, and you're gonna

0:41:09.160 --> 0:41:11.759
<v Speaker 1>have something to look forward to. I really yeah. And

0:41:11.800 --> 0:41:14.319
<v Speaker 1>you can outreach, you know, on social media to people

0:41:14.360 --> 0:41:17.719
<v Speaker 1>that are in Berlin and start cultivating friendships. It's a

0:41:17.719 --> 0:41:20.239
<v Speaker 1>good preparation for you. But I want you to get

0:41:20.239 --> 0:41:23.440
<v Speaker 1>that ticket and then send us a picture of it. Please,

0:41:24.400 --> 0:41:28.480
<v Speaker 1>you got it? Yeah, you'll get your little receipt, okay.

0:41:28.800 --> 0:41:30.799
<v Speaker 1>And also don't be fooled that you need to like

0:41:30.840 --> 0:41:33.160
<v Speaker 1>finish out a lease, find somebody to take over your lease.

0:41:33.160 --> 0:41:35.080
<v Speaker 1>If you're ready to go in two months or a

0:41:35.120 --> 0:41:39.520
<v Speaker 1>month or a week, you will figure it out, okay. Yeah, okay,

0:41:39.560 --> 0:41:42.880
<v Speaker 1>So Chandra, what's the plan. I'm gonna hang out and

0:41:42.920 --> 0:41:45.399
<v Speaker 1>then probably look at plane tickets to Germany and plan

0:41:45.960 --> 0:41:48.520
<v Speaker 1>for next summer because that gives me enough time to

0:41:48.560 --> 0:41:51.640
<v Speaker 1>plan and get my passport updated because it still says female,

0:41:52.560 --> 0:41:55.359
<v Speaker 1>and send you guys a picture of the ticket and

0:41:55.400 --> 0:42:00.000
<v Speaker 1>just walk around in Berlin for a while. Yeah. Absolutely, absolutely,

0:42:01.040 --> 0:42:06.080
<v Speaker 1>you won't regret it. Yeah, I deserve some fun, I think. Yeah,

0:42:06.239 --> 0:42:09.880
<v Speaker 1>we're sending you Chandra, and have your own little mantra.

0:42:09.960 --> 0:42:11.799
<v Speaker 1>Every morning just wake up and say today I'm gonna

0:42:11.800 --> 0:42:13.840
<v Speaker 1>take care of me. I think it helps to have

0:42:13.920 --> 0:42:17.040
<v Speaker 1>a mantra about you come first. It's it was always

0:42:17.040 --> 0:42:19.120
<v Speaker 1>really hard for me, but and then I realized that

0:42:19.160 --> 0:42:21.719
<v Speaker 1>no one wants to be around a martyr, and if

0:42:21.760 --> 0:42:23.439
<v Speaker 1>I don't take care of me, then no one else

0:42:23.640 --> 0:42:26.120
<v Speaker 1>actually gets taken care of. So I have a nentrepree

0:42:26.200 --> 0:42:28.920
<v Speaker 1>to start meditating on that. Yeah, I started to like

0:42:28.960 --> 0:42:32.280
<v Speaker 1>basically tell myself that I am my partner. Like everything

0:42:32.280 --> 0:42:35.520
<v Speaker 1>that I missed out on my last relationship, I'm guaranteeing

0:42:35.520 --> 0:42:38.480
<v Speaker 1>that I'm making it happen for myself. When you're a

0:42:38.480 --> 0:42:44.160
<v Speaker 1>man now, so you should be putting yourself first, the norm, dude,

0:42:45.960 --> 0:42:48.759
<v Speaker 1>an adjustment that must be. It's like, well, you know what,

0:42:49.320 --> 0:42:53.879
<v Speaker 1>I actually am right, and I'm going to tell you why. Yeah.

0:42:53.920 --> 0:42:56.359
<v Speaker 1>Actually I need you guys more around when I get

0:42:56.719 --> 0:42:59.040
<v Speaker 1>questions from my coworkers because I really just backed down

0:42:59.080 --> 0:43:02.840
<v Speaker 1>all the time. Yeah yeah, well, just start with your mantra.

0:43:03.000 --> 0:43:06.040
<v Speaker 1>Don't forget it. It's really important. That stuff is really important.

0:43:06.160 --> 0:43:09.200
<v Speaker 1>It's very subliminal and it seeks seeps into your brain

0:43:09.360 --> 0:43:11.960
<v Speaker 1>and it permeates throughout your whole life. So you have

0:43:12.040 --> 0:43:15.000
<v Speaker 1>to value yourself more. Okay, the next time I see you.

0:43:15.239 --> 0:43:17.479
<v Speaker 1>I want to see a big, bright, shining light coming

0:43:17.480 --> 0:43:21.320
<v Speaker 1>out of your head because you've made such great decisions. Okay,

0:43:21.080 --> 0:43:26.400
<v Speaker 1>you got it. Okay, awesome, good luck, Thanks Chandra. I bye.

0:43:28.040 --> 0:43:31.840
<v Speaker 1>Oh what a sweetie pie. I love him. Oh yeah,

0:43:32.080 --> 0:43:35.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm so glad I'm not twenty four. I feel I

0:43:35.320 --> 0:43:38.359
<v Speaker 1>I could feel his angst. I know, but it's like

0:43:38.440 --> 0:43:41.560
<v Speaker 1>twenty four. Oh my god, I don't even remember what

0:43:42.160 --> 0:43:44.279
<v Speaker 1>I mean. I knew I would end up like this

0:43:44.360 --> 0:43:46.719
<v Speaker 1>because everyone's like, oh, youth is wasted on the young,

0:43:47.239 --> 0:43:50.640
<v Speaker 1>and yet it's so true. It's so true, and I

0:43:50.680 --> 0:43:53.560
<v Speaker 1>hate I used to hate hearing that when I was younger,

0:43:53.640 --> 0:43:57.080
<v Speaker 1>and now I'm like, god, I just I didn't know,

0:43:57.320 --> 0:43:59.360
<v Speaker 1>because didn't you know what the thing is is the

0:43:59.440 --> 0:44:03.080
<v Speaker 1>suffering you put yourself through, so much suffering that is

0:44:03.120 --> 0:44:07.560
<v Speaker 1>so unnecessary. We care so much about other people and

0:44:07.640 --> 0:44:11.200
<v Speaker 1>their perception of us and all of that, and we care.

0:44:11.400 --> 0:44:14.600
<v Speaker 1>We're just it's like the struggle is so unnecessary, the

0:44:14.680 --> 0:44:17.360
<v Speaker 1>pain unnecessary, but we don't know that. We have to

0:44:17.440 --> 0:44:19.440
<v Speaker 1>learn it. Everyone has to learn it at their own time.

0:44:19.640 --> 0:44:21.400
<v Speaker 1>And for me, it was always like the idea of

0:44:21.400 --> 0:44:24.880
<v Speaker 1>being alone was just horrific and so I under I

0:44:24.960 --> 0:44:27.000
<v Speaker 1>could feel in him, like I knew that he was

0:44:27.040 --> 0:44:29.759
<v Speaker 1>going to that job every day because he wanted to

0:44:29.760 --> 0:44:33.120
<v Speaker 1>be at least somewhere in their orbit. I just could

0:44:33.120 --> 0:44:36.680
<v Speaker 1>see that, and it's so toxic. You can feel it

0:44:36.719 --> 0:44:39.600
<v Speaker 1>through a cement wall, like it's you know, even though

0:44:39.800 --> 0:44:42.600
<v Speaker 1>we're in separate floors whatever. No, they're in the building. Yeah,

0:44:42.600 --> 0:44:49.400
<v Speaker 1>there's nothing good that's going to come from that. Yeah. Well,

0:44:49.400 --> 0:44:54.400
<v Speaker 1>our next question is from Heidi. Heidi runs an animal rescue,

0:44:54.680 --> 0:44:58.880
<v Speaker 1>I believe, but also has another job. She says, Dear Chelsea,

0:44:59.440 --> 0:45:01.880
<v Speaker 1>I've had to ushi and my whole adult life started

0:45:01.920 --> 0:45:05.680
<v Speaker 1>antidepressants at one. I suspect I've actually suffered from it

0:45:05.680 --> 0:45:09.000
<v Speaker 1>since childhood but was undiagnosed. I'm tired of the way

0:45:09.000 --> 0:45:11.080
<v Speaker 1>I always feel and the lows that make me want

0:45:11.080 --> 0:45:14.040
<v Speaker 1>to hide away in my home. I started fostering dogs

0:45:14.080 --> 0:45:16.000
<v Speaker 1>to help me get through the stress of the pandemic.

0:45:16.360 --> 0:45:18.760
<v Speaker 1>As I was an icy you nurse. I also changed

0:45:18.800 --> 0:45:21.200
<v Speaker 1>my career and left bedside nursing to see if that

0:45:21.239 --> 0:45:24.719
<v Speaker 1>would help my depression. My anxiety improved, but it's a

0:45:24.760 --> 0:45:28.799
<v Speaker 1>constant struggle every day. I recently started online therapy, but

0:45:28.920 --> 0:45:32.040
<v Speaker 1>my brain then told me this is self indulgent. I'm

0:45:32.080 --> 0:45:35.120
<v Speaker 1>single without children, but I do have several dogs and

0:45:35.160 --> 0:45:38.520
<v Speaker 1>a cat. My brain says, what's the point. You don't matter.

0:45:38.920 --> 0:45:41.560
<v Speaker 1>Your struggles only affect you, so get over them and

0:45:41.600 --> 0:45:45.000
<v Speaker 1>shut up. Other people have real problems and have people

0:45:45.040 --> 0:45:47.480
<v Speaker 1>who depend on them. Any advice to help me get

0:45:47.520 --> 0:45:53.719
<v Speaker 1>back into therapy. It's hard to fight your own self. Thanks, Heidi. Hi. Hi.

0:45:53.920 --> 0:45:56.520
<v Speaker 1>We have Juliana here today as our special guests because

0:45:56.520 --> 0:46:00.680
<v Speaker 1>she gives great advice. And you know Catherine, Oh, hi, yes,

0:46:00.840 --> 0:46:03.799
<v Speaker 1>how are you okay? So talk to us? So you

0:46:03.920 --> 0:46:06.319
<v Speaker 1>are did you say you're on medication or you're not

0:46:06.360 --> 0:46:10.239
<v Speaker 1>on medication? Yeah? I've been on medication off and on

0:46:10.400 --> 0:46:13.880
<v Speaker 1>since my mid twenties. I'm thirty four now. I always

0:46:13.880 --> 0:46:17.480
<v Speaker 1>have to think about it. We all do. Don't worry.

0:46:17.680 --> 0:46:21.560
<v Speaker 1>And and these are you're talking about antidepressants? Yeah, yeah,

0:46:21.719 --> 0:46:27.759
<v Speaker 1>I've been on lexeprol. My increased my dose recently. I

0:46:27.800 --> 0:46:30.120
<v Speaker 1>know a lot of people on lexaprome. It helped my

0:46:30.160 --> 0:46:33.040
<v Speaker 1>mom tremendously. And she's a she would never take a

0:46:33.080 --> 0:46:34.560
<v Speaker 1>drug in her life, and she's like, oh my god,

0:46:34.560 --> 0:46:38.680
<v Speaker 1>why didn't I know? Yeah? Changed your life? Yeah, And

0:46:38.800 --> 0:46:41.200
<v Speaker 1>you're on it now or you're not on it now. No,

0:46:41.360 --> 0:46:44.040
<v Speaker 1>I am on it, And yeah, it was a life

0:46:44.080 --> 0:46:46.480
<v Speaker 1>changer for me. I've always had I think a little

0:46:46.480 --> 0:46:49.799
<v Speaker 1>bit of depression. It runs in my family. My mom

0:46:49.880 --> 0:46:53.080
<v Speaker 1>was diagnosed when actually I was the first one to

0:46:53.120 --> 0:46:58.080
<v Speaker 1>be diagnosed, and then by me kind of working on it,

0:46:58.640 --> 0:47:02.319
<v Speaker 1>my mom decided to see a therapist and psychiatrist and

0:47:02.360 --> 0:47:05.279
<v Speaker 1>she also was diagnosed and she actually has a little

0:47:05.280 --> 0:47:09.000
<v Speaker 1>bit of social anxiety disorder, so she's on some different medications.

0:47:09.600 --> 0:47:14.239
<v Speaker 1>And then my sister has also started going to therapy

0:47:14.360 --> 0:47:17.240
<v Speaker 1>and she was diagnosed with depression in her early twenties

0:47:17.280 --> 0:47:19.640
<v Speaker 1>as well. So I don't know if it's familial or

0:47:20.000 --> 0:47:22.520
<v Speaker 1>we're just sad people, or I don't know. Well, it's

0:47:22.520 --> 0:47:24.880
<v Speaker 1>pretty it's pretty genetic, by the way. Well, first of all,

0:47:24.880 --> 0:47:27.040
<v Speaker 1>it's pretty common. I mean, I think one of the

0:47:27.040 --> 0:47:30.000
<v Speaker 1>three people are on antidepressants, just like one of three

0:47:30.040 --> 0:47:33.600
<v Speaker 1>people have herpes. But don't don't connect that. That's that's

0:47:33.600 --> 0:47:37.359
<v Speaker 1>a personal story. But everyone's onto something, So don't even

0:47:37.520 --> 0:47:39.680
<v Speaker 1>judge yourself about that, you know what I mean? My

0:47:39.760 --> 0:47:42.400
<v Speaker 1>question is why do you go on and off of it? Well,

0:47:42.680 --> 0:47:47.160
<v Speaker 1>insurance because recently is when you've been able to get

0:47:47.360 --> 0:47:50.920
<v Speaker 1>antidepressant sent to you from home. But I was a

0:47:51.000 --> 0:47:54.560
<v Speaker 1>travel nurse for a while, and when you're not working

0:47:54.960 --> 0:47:58.759
<v Speaker 1>for the company or the hospital, you get kicked off

0:47:58.840 --> 0:48:01.560
<v Speaker 1>the insurance. And you know, you're in your twenties and

0:48:01.600 --> 0:48:04.600
<v Speaker 1>you're young, and you're I at least didn't take my

0:48:04.680 --> 0:48:08.600
<v Speaker 1>health too seriously in my twenties. It wasn't until I

0:48:08.680 --> 0:48:12.440
<v Speaker 1>kind of settled like one and I realized, Okay, we

0:48:12.520 --> 0:48:15.560
<v Speaker 1>gotta stop messing around. And that's when I started seeing

0:48:15.560 --> 0:48:18.680
<v Speaker 1>a regular doctor and started taking care of myself. And

0:48:18.920 --> 0:48:22.480
<v Speaker 1>but yeah, there's really no reason. It was just I

0:48:22.520 --> 0:48:25.759
<v Speaker 1>think a little bit of shame, and I felt like,

0:48:26.200 --> 0:48:30.200
<v Speaker 1>let's try to fix this just with courage, with working out,

0:48:30.440 --> 0:48:33.319
<v Speaker 1>with this and that. But then I slowly came to realize, like, no,

0:48:33.480 --> 0:48:37.680
<v Speaker 1>it's just chemistry. It's brain chemistry. It's nothing to be

0:48:37.760 --> 0:48:43.040
<v Speaker 1>ashamed of, which all makes sense up here. But it's

0:48:43.080 --> 0:48:46.640
<v Speaker 1>hard for me to do the therapy part of it

0:48:47.160 --> 0:48:50.279
<v Speaker 1>because so many things I've read have said like the

0:48:50.360 --> 0:48:55.600
<v Speaker 1>medicine will help, but the therapy helps you realize how

0:48:55.640 --> 0:48:59.200
<v Speaker 1>it can be exacerbated and at whatnot. And so I

0:48:59.239 --> 0:49:02.879
<v Speaker 1>recently went through kind of a bad spell of my

0:49:02.960 --> 0:49:06.880
<v Speaker 1>depression and it was really bad. It was like I

0:49:06.920 --> 0:49:09.160
<v Speaker 1>didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want

0:49:09.160 --> 0:49:14.640
<v Speaker 1>to clean myself. And I listen to a lot of

0:49:14.640 --> 0:49:17.160
<v Speaker 1>podcasts and everyone's always talking about like better help and

0:49:17.200 --> 0:49:20.440
<v Speaker 1>all those online ones, and I so I started it,

0:49:21.440 --> 0:49:25.120
<v Speaker 1>and then after a couple of sessions, I just I

0:49:25.239 --> 0:49:28.840
<v Speaker 1>felt like, who are you to complain about anything? And again,

0:49:28.880 --> 0:49:32.920
<v Speaker 1>I probably the chemistry stuff, but it's hard for me

0:49:33.040 --> 0:49:37.840
<v Speaker 1>to justify the expense and and the talking about myself.

0:49:37.920 --> 0:49:41.319
<v Speaker 1>And that's the biggest issue I have. I don't like

0:49:41.400 --> 0:49:45.560
<v Speaker 1>to talk about myself. Right, Okay, Well, first of all,

0:49:45.600 --> 0:49:48.960
<v Speaker 1>you have to stop judging yourself. That's your judging yourself.

0:49:49.000 --> 0:49:53.160
<v Speaker 1>Saying therapy is self indulgent is a judgment. It's not

0:49:53.200 --> 0:49:57.040
<v Speaker 1>self indulgent, it's self help. You're helping yourself. You know. Um,

0:49:57.400 --> 0:49:59.400
<v Speaker 1>I had a friend who always be like, it's navel gazing,

0:49:59.400 --> 0:50:01.440
<v Speaker 1>it's naval amazing. And then guess who ended up in

0:50:01.480 --> 0:50:04.640
<v Speaker 1>therapy for three years because she needed to be nagel gazing.

0:50:05.200 --> 0:50:07.640
<v Speaker 1>So we always have these two voices in our head.

0:50:07.640 --> 0:50:09.960
<v Speaker 1>We have the real us and then we have our shadow, right,

0:50:10.000 --> 0:50:12.240
<v Speaker 1>who kind of says, oh, don't eat that, or you're stupid,

0:50:12.280 --> 0:50:13.719
<v Speaker 1>or you're not funny, or did you do that right

0:50:13.800 --> 0:50:16.200
<v Speaker 1>or did it da. That's poking us on the shoulder.

0:50:16.640 --> 0:50:20.560
<v Speaker 1>And as soon as you give that little person power,

0:50:20.960 --> 0:50:23.919
<v Speaker 1>then that person has power over the real us. And

0:50:24.160 --> 0:50:26.080
<v Speaker 1>that's not the way it goes. It goes the other

0:50:26.120 --> 0:50:28.719
<v Speaker 1>way around. We have power over that voice of when

0:50:28.719 --> 0:50:30.759
<v Speaker 1>to say, shut up, voice, you don't know what you're

0:50:30.760 --> 0:50:33.719
<v Speaker 1>talking about. You want to be a healthy person, You

0:50:33.760 --> 0:50:36.399
<v Speaker 1>want to feel good about yourself, and the best way

0:50:36.440 --> 0:50:38.840
<v Speaker 1>to do that is, you know, when you have clinical

0:50:38.880 --> 0:50:42.480
<v Speaker 1>depression is a to be taking medication and be to

0:50:42.719 --> 0:50:48.279
<v Speaker 1>supplement that medication with information about your condition and why

0:50:48.440 --> 0:50:53.800
<v Speaker 1>you feel this way, and how to actually articulately grasp

0:50:54.040 --> 0:50:56.560
<v Speaker 1>what is happening with you, so you have a language,

0:50:56.760 --> 0:50:59.359
<v Speaker 1>you know what I mean, with yourself that you can say, oh,

0:50:59.400 --> 0:51:02.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm feeling like this right now because of what happened

0:51:02.200 --> 0:51:05.680
<v Speaker 1>to me over here, or this brings up, this triggers

0:51:05.719 --> 0:51:07.840
<v Speaker 1>me because of something that happened when I was eight

0:51:08.040 --> 0:51:10.960
<v Speaker 1>that I'm not even cognizant of, but my body might. Remember.

0:51:11.160 --> 0:51:13.960
<v Speaker 1>There's so many interfaces that are going on in our

0:51:14.000 --> 0:51:17.439
<v Speaker 1>bodies between our brain and our stomach and our heart

0:51:17.600 --> 0:51:19.880
<v Speaker 1>we all have. We have brains throughout our body that

0:51:19.960 --> 0:51:22.319
<v Speaker 1>are communicating with each other. And if you don't have

0:51:22.400 --> 0:51:26.440
<v Speaker 1>the toolkit to understand that messaging, then you're basically just

0:51:26.640 --> 0:51:28.759
<v Speaker 1>jumping into the water with no raft, you know what

0:51:28.800 --> 0:51:31.720
<v Speaker 1>I mean. You want to set yourself up for success,

0:51:31.760 --> 0:51:35.160
<v Speaker 1>and therapy leads to success, and if you didn't have

0:51:35.200 --> 0:51:37.760
<v Speaker 1>the right person, then maybe you need to find another

0:51:37.800 --> 0:51:40.680
<v Speaker 1>person and try better help again with another person. If

0:51:40.719 --> 0:51:42.839
<v Speaker 1>you can afford to go to a therapist on your own,

0:51:43.120 --> 0:51:47.120
<v Speaker 1>whatever you can afford in your lifestyle, but you have

0:51:47.239 --> 0:51:49.760
<v Speaker 1>to make the effort to get yourself to a healthy spot.

0:51:50.000 --> 0:51:53.880
<v Speaker 1>You have to. I'm always so amazed when someone says

0:51:54.520 --> 0:51:57.160
<v Speaker 1>I don't deserve to go to therapy to too self indulgent,

0:51:58.080 --> 0:52:01.319
<v Speaker 1>especially someone I mean, anyone who's suffering through any kind

0:52:01.320 --> 0:52:05.279
<v Speaker 1>of depression. If you had a broken leg, you go

0:52:05.320 --> 0:52:09.640
<v Speaker 1>to the doctor, right, It's like it's that simple, And

0:52:09.680 --> 0:52:13.440
<v Speaker 1>as human beings were all slightly broken inside. Without therapy,

0:52:13.520 --> 0:52:16.200
<v Speaker 1>I definitely would not be where I am today, which

0:52:16.239 --> 0:52:20.160
<v Speaker 1>is a very calm place. And I thought I remember

0:52:20.320 --> 0:52:22.399
<v Speaker 1>being judgmental and thinking, oh my god, this is so

0:52:22.440 --> 0:52:25.799
<v Speaker 1>self indulgent. Really, Julianna, you had a shitty relationship now

0:52:25.880 --> 0:52:28.400
<v Speaker 1>twice a week. You know, this is ridiculous, but you

0:52:28.440 --> 0:52:30.840
<v Speaker 1>know what, I had to do it, and it was hard,

0:52:30.960 --> 0:52:33.799
<v Speaker 1>and it's hard to go in there. It is hard

0:52:33.840 --> 0:52:36.120
<v Speaker 1>to go in there and figure it out. But just

0:52:36.160 --> 0:52:39.800
<v Speaker 1>what Chelsea said is like, once you have the tools,

0:52:39.880 --> 0:52:42.320
<v Speaker 1>when you have that feeling coming on, you know exactly

0:52:42.320 --> 0:52:44.720
<v Speaker 1>what tool to take out of the box to stop

0:52:44.719 --> 0:52:48.440
<v Speaker 1>the feeling. And it's not actually just about you. It's

0:52:48.440 --> 0:52:51.719
<v Speaker 1>about the people around you too. Right when you are

0:52:51.840 --> 0:52:56.040
<v Speaker 1>fully in a good mental, healthy state, you're paying it

0:52:56.120 --> 0:52:59.000
<v Speaker 1>forward to other people that you let out an energy

0:52:59.040 --> 0:53:03.120
<v Speaker 1>that other people can take into. I always thought, you know,

0:53:03.160 --> 0:53:05.600
<v Speaker 1>it was just about me. It's not. It's about everyone

0:53:05.680 --> 0:53:08.719
<v Speaker 1>you cut And I think you need to think of

0:53:08.760 --> 0:53:10.640
<v Speaker 1>it more because you're in r N. You take care

0:53:10.680 --> 0:53:14.239
<v Speaker 1>of people, right, like, that's that's what you do. Yeah,

0:53:14.440 --> 0:53:17.200
<v Speaker 1>and yet and yet you're having a hard time taking

0:53:17.200 --> 0:53:20.120
<v Speaker 1>care of yourself because you feel it self indulgent. If

0:53:20.120 --> 0:53:22.480
<v Speaker 1>you look at it more in just Layman's terms rather

0:53:22.560 --> 0:53:25.440
<v Speaker 1>than you know, sort of like trying to understand the

0:53:25.480 --> 0:53:28.680
<v Speaker 1>pseudo psycho whatever. If you just look at it. Like.

0:53:29.080 --> 0:53:34.399
<v Speaker 1>One thing I always say to myself is why would

0:53:34.440 --> 0:53:36.719
<v Speaker 1>you treat any of your friends, or your child or

0:53:36.719 --> 0:53:38.919
<v Speaker 1>your husband this way? Why are you treating yourself this way?

0:53:39.040 --> 0:53:40.920
<v Speaker 1>It's a mantra I play all the time because I'm

0:53:41.000 --> 0:53:44.240
<v Speaker 1>so hard on myself, and it has become so normal

0:53:44.280 --> 0:53:46.240
<v Speaker 1>now for me that I almost don't do it anymore

0:53:46.239 --> 0:53:49.120
<v Speaker 1>to myself. But it took therapy, it took tools, it

0:53:49.160 --> 0:53:52.720
<v Speaker 1>took work, and now I'm a lot nicer to be around,

0:53:52.760 --> 0:53:54.680
<v Speaker 1>to be honest, But I know my kid and my

0:53:54.760 --> 0:53:58.120
<v Speaker 1>husband appreciate it because I'm not. I'm not always taking

0:53:58.160 --> 0:53:59.920
<v Speaker 1>on the world and like, I can't do that. Guy's

0:54:00.000 --> 0:54:05.000
<v Speaker 1>so let's order in. It's that easy. Yeah, no, that's

0:54:05.000 --> 0:54:10.480
<v Speaker 1>a good perspective. I didn't think about your right. I mean, sorry, Hi,

0:54:10.680 --> 0:54:14.279
<v Speaker 1>it's good to cry. Let's let it out for me.

0:54:14.400 --> 0:54:18.280
<v Speaker 1>The reason I felt in my mind why it self

0:54:18.320 --> 0:54:20.959
<v Speaker 1>indulgent is because I don't have a partner. I don't

0:54:20.960 --> 0:54:24.080
<v Speaker 1>have a family. I have my pets and everything. But

0:54:24.080 --> 0:54:26.280
<v Speaker 1>but you know, I do have my sister, my nieces,

0:54:26.400 --> 0:54:30.040
<v Speaker 1>my family. I see them often. I have friends, and

0:54:30.440 --> 0:54:33.680
<v Speaker 1>you're right, my behavior affects them and my moods and

0:54:33.840 --> 0:54:37.800
<v Speaker 1>I think I almost the first two sessions of therapy

0:54:37.880 --> 0:54:42.160
<v Speaker 1>were so hie opening that I almost think that I

0:54:42.280 --> 0:54:48.239
<v Speaker 1>got scared. You know, you did, of course, and that's

0:54:48.239 --> 0:54:50.839
<v Speaker 1>gonna be good for me to remember. But you know,

0:54:51.239 --> 0:54:53.840
<v Speaker 1>even though I don't have people in my home, I

0:54:53.920 --> 0:54:57.719
<v Speaker 1>still people in my life. So thank you where you

0:54:57.760 --> 0:55:02.960
<v Speaker 1>needed yourself in your home? Right, Yeah, Ultimately it's yourself

0:55:03.000 --> 0:55:08.880
<v Speaker 1>that you owe it to. Yeah, sorry, your tears are

0:55:08.920 --> 0:55:12.000
<v Speaker 1>welcome here. And also you're talking about being a nurse.

0:55:12.080 --> 0:55:14.680
<v Speaker 1>You're you're taking care of others. It's just what Juliano

0:55:14.719 --> 0:55:16.680
<v Speaker 1>is saying about the mask you know that you put

0:55:16.680 --> 0:55:18.280
<v Speaker 1>on a plane. You have to take care of yourself.

0:55:18.280 --> 0:55:20.799
<v Speaker 1>In order to be a value to other people, you

0:55:20.840 --> 0:55:23.400
<v Speaker 1>have to be a value to yourself. And that is

0:55:23.480 --> 0:55:27.360
<v Speaker 1>the most important part of growth and and and learning

0:55:27.360 --> 0:55:29.399
<v Speaker 1>about yourself is to know to have to take care

0:55:29.440 --> 0:55:32.040
<v Speaker 1>of yourself and get yourself in a healthy place. And

0:55:32.080 --> 0:55:35.080
<v Speaker 1>there's just there's nothing that is ever going to top that.

0:55:35.640 --> 0:55:38.080
<v Speaker 1>Can I ask you something, Heidi, was that the first

0:55:38.160 --> 0:55:43.480
<v Speaker 1>time you'd ever done therapy. No, I had a medical

0:55:44.120 --> 0:55:48.400
<v Speaker 1>malpractice with my eye revision, and it left me with

0:55:48.440 --> 0:55:51.160
<v Speaker 1>a lot of anger, and so I had therapy for

0:55:51.320 --> 0:55:55.080
<v Speaker 1>that three or four years ago, but then I purchased

0:55:55.080 --> 0:55:58.680
<v Speaker 1>a home, and as a single person, I didn't have

0:55:58.719 --> 0:56:02.360
<v Speaker 1>the economics to continue, or I felt like I didn't,

0:56:02.719 --> 0:56:07.640
<v Speaker 1>And then COVID happened and I worked. I see you.

0:56:07.680 --> 0:56:09.640
<v Speaker 1>I don't remember if I put in the letter, and

0:56:09.680 --> 0:56:14.759
<v Speaker 1>that was very difficult, very isolating. So it's almost been

0:56:14.840 --> 0:56:18.840
<v Speaker 1>like a slow build since my previous therapy, and you know,

0:56:18.880 --> 0:56:23.160
<v Speaker 1>with a lot of accelerants, and then I think it's weird.

0:56:23.200 --> 0:56:25.360
<v Speaker 1>But like, since my life has calmed down, you know,

0:56:25.480 --> 0:56:28.759
<v Speaker 1>I left bedside, which has helped a lot with my anxiety,

0:56:28.840 --> 0:56:32.640
<v Speaker 1>and I'm doing things I enjoy. I'm fostering animals. I'm

0:56:32.680 --> 0:56:35.959
<v Speaker 1>trying to take better care of myself. It's almost like

0:56:36.200 --> 0:56:39.720
<v Speaker 1>there was this one part of everything that was lacking

0:56:39.760 --> 0:56:42.000
<v Speaker 1>that I guess I had been ignoring for so long

0:56:42.840 --> 0:56:44.960
<v Speaker 1>that it's almost like it shot. I don't know if

0:56:45.440 --> 0:56:47.760
<v Speaker 1>I can describe, like it's a yelling in my brain,

0:56:47.840 --> 0:56:50.760
<v Speaker 1>like a shout in my brain that's like you're skipping something,

0:56:50.840 --> 0:56:53.960
<v Speaker 1>like you know what you need to do. And and

0:56:54.000 --> 0:56:57.480
<v Speaker 1>so that's why I finally tried to face it again,

0:56:57.560 --> 0:56:59.799
<v Speaker 1>because I did that therapy and it helped me get

0:56:59.800 --> 0:57:02.480
<v Speaker 1>over the anger of you know, all the medical stuff,

0:57:02.480 --> 0:57:09.160
<v Speaker 1>but there's issues from childhood and just anxiety, and there's

0:57:09.200 --> 0:57:12.359
<v Speaker 1>probably issues you don't even know yet I found out.

0:57:12.440 --> 0:57:14.840
<v Speaker 1>So it's a long road. Nothing's going to fix it

0:57:14.880 --> 0:57:18.200
<v Speaker 1>in two sessions, you know, and it's hard. But yeah,

0:57:18.360 --> 0:57:21.680
<v Speaker 1>like I said, I think I scared myself because I

0:57:22.440 --> 0:57:24.680
<v Speaker 1>you know, my grandmother recently passed, and I think that

0:57:24.840 --> 0:57:27.920
<v Speaker 1>was a precipitous. She was a big cheerleader for me

0:57:28.840 --> 0:57:32.760
<v Speaker 1>and she had dimension Alzheimer's. Sorry I'm telling you guys

0:57:32.800 --> 0:57:37.200
<v Speaker 1>my whole life story, but she had dementia during all

0:57:37.280 --> 0:57:39.960
<v Speaker 1>of COVID and we couldn't visit her because you know,

0:57:40.000 --> 0:57:42.800
<v Speaker 1>the lockdown and everything. And she was always a cheerleader

0:57:42.800 --> 0:57:46.720
<v Speaker 1>of mine, and I think losing her presence my brain

0:57:46.880 --> 0:57:49.680
<v Speaker 1>was just like now you have to be your own cheerleader.

0:57:52.200 --> 0:57:53.720
<v Speaker 1>And I don't know if I know how to do that.

0:57:54.000 --> 0:57:57.040
<v Speaker 1>It sounds so silly. Well, here's an exercise for you.

0:57:57.040 --> 0:58:00.000
<v Speaker 1>Your your grandmother is still with you. Remember that her energy.

0:58:00.040 --> 0:58:03.600
<v Speaker 1>She can never be you know, eradicated or erased or anything.

0:58:03.800 --> 0:58:06.880
<v Speaker 1>Your grandmother's around you, and she doesn't have dementia anymore

0:58:06.960 --> 0:58:10.160
<v Speaker 1>because she's not here anymore, So she's your cheerleader. And

0:58:10.160 --> 0:58:13.000
<v Speaker 1>when you're talking to yourself, you can pretend you're your grandmother,

0:58:13.400 --> 0:58:16.280
<v Speaker 1>telling yourself that you deserve to go to therapy, that

0:58:16.360 --> 0:58:18.840
<v Speaker 1>you deserve to figure out all of your ship. As

0:58:18.880 --> 0:58:22.000
<v Speaker 1>difficult as it, maybe it is the most rewarding endeavor

0:58:22.040 --> 0:58:24.600
<v Speaker 1>that you'll ever encounter in life, is to have the

0:58:24.640 --> 0:58:28.360
<v Speaker 1>gift of self awareness and self understanding and self love.

0:58:28.480 --> 0:58:32.080
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, You are worthy. Yes, yes, And I want

0:58:32.080 --> 0:58:34.840
<v Speaker 1>you to remember that. Think about your grandmother every single

0:58:34.920 --> 0:58:37.040
<v Speaker 1>day because she would want this for you, and you

0:58:37.040 --> 0:58:40.080
<v Speaker 1>can do it in her honor. Yeah, you have such

0:58:40.120 --> 0:58:43.120
<v Speaker 1>a beautiful energy to you, like you are so just

0:58:43.160 --> 0:58:46.360
<v Speaker 1>the fact that you're asking these questions you know, and that,

0:58:46.560 --> 0:58:49.960
<v Speaker 1>and you're so gentle. You have this beautiful speaking voice,

0:58:50.000 --> 0:58:52.920
<v Speaker 1>the way you're speaking, and I feel like you're already

0:58:52.920 --> 0:58:56.479
<v Speaker 1>halfway there because you're obviously asking those questions. Your brain

0:58:56.560 --> 0:59:01.000
<v Speaker 1>is way to those questions. Right. So we're so hard

0:59:01.040 --> 0:59:04.560
<v Speaker 1>on ourselves. Just give yourself a great and and and

0:59:04.560 --> 0:59:06.720
<v Speaker 1>and think like if your sister were going through this,

0:59:06.960 --> 0:59:09.920
<v Speaker 1>what would you say to her? Yeah? I always think

0:59:09.960 --> 0:59:11.960
<v Speaker 1>about that, like what would someone tell me to do?

0:59:12.440 --> 0:59:14.360
<v Speaker 1>Because I know I'm going to be too hard to

0:59:14.400 --> 0:59:16.760
<v Speaker 1>tell myself to do the right thing or the thing

0:59:16.800 --> 0:59:18.919
<v Speaker 1>that will help me to do. I want to say,

0:59:18.920 --> 0:59:22.360
<v Speaker 1>you're your own worst enemy type deal. Yeah, a little bit.

0:59:22.440 --> 0:59:24.920
<v Speaker 1>I mean until you get the tools to recognize it,

0:59:25.320 --> 0:59:26.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, but you're not going to learn that in

0:59:26.760 --> 0:59:29.600
<v Speaker 1>two sessions of therapy, or quite frankly, maybe a year.

0:59:29.720 --> 0:59:32.280
<v Speaker 1>Might you might need two years. I mean I've had

0:59:32.320 --> 0:59:34.919
<v Speaker 1>friends through therapists have been like, it's been ten years,

0:59:34.920 --> 0:59:39.560
<v Speaker 1>You're good, you can go. What are you gonna do, though, Heidi?

0:59:39.640 --> 0:59:43.240
<v Speaker 1>What do you what's your next move going to be? Well,

0:59:43.400 --> 0:59:46.040
<v Speaker 1>we're going on a family trip next week for Labor Day,

0:59:46.200 --> 0:59:50.960
<v Speaker 1>so I'm hoping to I'm gonna set my appointment for

0:59:51.080 --> 0:59:56.000
<v Speaker 1>therapy before I go away. Yes, that's hard. It's something

0:59:56.040 --> 0:59:58.280
<v Speaker 1>that I know I needed. I think I just I

0:59:58.280 --> 1:00:00.920
<v Speaker 1>appreciate you kind of giving me the push. It's almost

1:00:01.840 --> 1:00:05.640
<v Speaker 1>so silly, but act feel like I needed an approval. Yeah,

1:00:05.920 --> 1:00:09.200
<v Speaker 1>I don't know, No, that makes sense. Sure, and do

1:00:09.320 --> 1:00:12.560
<v Speaker 1>me another favor. Also, download of meditation app like Headspace

1:00:12.720 --> 1:00:16.280
<v Speaker 1>or Chopra or Sam Harris or Sam Harris. Yeah, ten

1:00:16.320 --> 1:00:20.120
<v Speaker 1>percent happier any of those, and just give yourself five

1:00:20.200 --> 1:00:23.520
<v Speaker 1>or ten minutes each morning starting out with there's all

1:00:23.560 --> 1:00:26.640
<v Speaker 1>these little classes and series they all have different ten

1:00:26.680 --> 1:00:29.920
<v Speaker 1>sessions of something. Find one that speaks to you and

1:00:29.960 --> 1:00:32.080
<v Speaker 1>that resonates with you. Just by the titles. And it

1:00:32.120 --> 1:00:34.360
<v Speaker 1>could be happiness, it could be calmness, it could be

1:00:34.400 --> 1:00:37.480
<v Speaker 1>sleeping better, whatever it is. Just find that and start

1:00:37.520 --> 1:00:39.920
<v Speaker 1>that practice, because you need to get into a practice

1:00:39.960 --> 1:00:42.360
<v Speaker 1>of taking care of yourself. And it doesn't matter whether

1:00:42.360 --> 1:00:43.880
<v Speaker 1>you're doing it right or not. It just matters that

1:00:43.880 --> 1:00:46.440
<v Speaker 1>you're giving yourself that amount of time each day to

1:00:46.560 --> 1:00:48.920
<v Speaker 1>say I care about my day and I care about

1:00:48.960 --> 1:00:52.320
<v Speaker 1>myself and practice self love and so add that with

1:00:52.400 --> 1:00:55.080
<v Speaker 1>your therapy session and just start doing that. And I

1:00:55.120 --> 1:00:56.720
<v Speaker 1>bet you're going to feel the effects of that in

1:00:56.760 --> 1:01:01.240
<v Speaker 1>no time because you seem very open. Yeah, yeah, I'm trying.

1:01:02.320 --> 1:01:05.560
<v Speaker 1>You're gonna be okay. Just say that you're already asking

1:01:05.560 --> 1:01:08.560
<v Speaker 1>the right questions. It's when you can't ask the right

1:01:08.640 --> 1:01:11.080
<v Speaker 1>questions that's when I really worry about people. I'm like,

1:01:11.120 --> 1:01:14.440
<v Speaker 1>oh boy, they're still closed down, but you're already asking

1:01:14.480 --> 1:01:20.200
<v Speaker 1>the questions right. Thank you so much, a pleasure to

1:01:20.240 --> 1:01:27.320
<v Speaker 1>meet you. You're wonderful. Enjoy let go. Oh, I'm so

1:01:27.400 --> 1:01:33.560
<v Speaker 1>excited a little getaway and even told my family, was like,

1:01:34.200 --> 1:01:36.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm going with you guys, but I need my own

1:01:36.680 --> 1:01:42.080
<v Speaker 1>time as well. Yeah for you, I'm going to try

1:01:42.120 --> 1:01:48.040
<v Speaker 1>that with my family. Thanks, h take care. That's like

1:01:48.080 --> 1:01:50.200
<v Speaker 1>the opposite when I go away with my family, They're like,

1:01:50.280 --> 1:01:53.040
<v Speaker 1>you're going to need a time out. Send you to

1:01:53.080 --> 1:01:56.400
<v Speaker 1>your room. That was so sweet and meaningful. What a

1:01:56.440 --> 1:02:01.560
<v Speaker 1>meaningful episode. Absolutely love it. I don't think she's alone though.

1:02:01.600 --> 1:02:03.640
<v Speaker 1>I think so many people after COVID are going through

1:02:03.640 --> 1:02:06.320
<v Speaker 1>what she's going through too, And so I had a

1:02:06.440 --> 1:02:08.640
<v Speaker 1>question before or not. I just I talked to so

1:02:08.680 --> 1:02:12.640
<v Speaker 1>many people who are like I cannot move forward. I

1:02:12.680 --> 1:02:14.200
<v Speaker 1>think there was a lot of that going on. She's

1:02:14.240 --> 1:02:18.800
<v Speaker 1>gorgeous anyway, this fun. Thank you so much for joining

1:02:18.880 --> 1:02:21.440
<v Speaker 1>us again. Yeah. I told Julianna she doesn't have to

1:02:21.480 --> 1:02:24.080
<v Speaker 1>ask me the exit question. That's too much pressure. She's

1:02:24.080 --> 1:02:26.640
<v Speaker 1>already been on the podcast, so we're gonna we're gonna

1:02:26.680 --> 1:02:30.120
<v Speaker 1>skip that part. Although I didn't have one. Oh okay,

1:02:30.160 --> 1:02:32.160
<v Speaker 1>well hold on, let's do our break, right. We're gonna

1:02:32.200 --> 1:02:34.800
<v Speaker 1>take a break and we'll be right back to close

1:02:34.840 --> 1:02:37.720
<v Speaker 1>out this episode with Julianna and Catherine. I like the

1:02:37.720 --> 1:02:39.800
<v Speaker 1>way that I say Julianna in a different way each time.

1:02:39.960 --> 1:02:43.120
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes it's Juanna, sometimes it's Julianna. Which one do you

1:02:43.120 --> 1:02:47.960
<v Speaker 1>perfever you're feeling it's just Julianna. I mean, honestly, I

1:02:48.000 --> 1:02:51.160
<v Speaker 1>love hearing someone say Julianna or Julianna, whatever you want.

1:02:51.480 --> 1:02:54.040
<v Speaker 1>But it's almost never that I hear that because everyone

1:02:54.080 --> 1:02:59.040
<v Speaker 1>calls me Jewels. Okay, everyone like and and sometimes Keith

1:02:59.080 --> 1:03:01.200
<v Speaker 1>will be like me and rules Field like Keith, that's

1:03:01.200 --> 1:03:04.560
<v Speaker 1>your bit, like I don't know him. My nickname with

1:03:04.640 --> 1:03:08.880
<v Speaker 1>an email Jules but but yeah, but either but Julianna

1:03:08.960 --> 1:03:17.800
<v Speaker 1>is the name doesn't matter for me. Okay, and we're back. Yes,

1:03:19.040 --> 1:03:23.200
<v Speaker 1>that was a little bit heavy. That was heavy episode today, um,

1:03:23.320 --> 1:03:25.280
<v Speaker 1>and I really hope it helped a lot of people.

1:03:25.320 --> 1:03:28.480
<v Speaker 1>So I'm gonna ask a lighter question, Okay, Okay. Even

1:03:28.520 --> 1:03:30.960
<v Speaker 1>though I told Julianna that she does not have to

1:03:31.000 --> 1:03:33.960
<v Speaker 1>ask me a question, she is insisting about it. I

1:03:34.000 --> 1:03:36.840
<v Speaker 1>am because I like, I I really appreciate your advice,

1:03:36.840 --> 1:03:39.160
<v Speaker 1>and I like how your brain works, Chelsea. I find

1:03:39.160 --> 1:03:43.320
<v Speaker 1>it it stimulates my mind. So here's my question. To you.

1:03:43.960 --> 1:03:46.520
<v Speaker 1>What do you do, Chelsea when you go to see

1:03:46.560 --> 1:03:51.080
<v Speaker 1>a play or a performance or a stand up whatever

1:03:51.120 --> 1:03:52.920
<v Speaker 1>it is of a friend of yours and you have

1:03:53.000 --> 1:03:58.760
<v Speaker 1>to go backstage. But it really was awful. So as

1:03:58.800 --> 1:04:01.680
<v Speaker 1>someone who has been on stage and then heard all

1:04:01.720 --> 1:04:04.640
<v Speaker 1>of it, I've heard all of it. I've heard I'm

1:04:04.640 --> 1:04:07.200
<v Speaker 1>going to tell everyone about this, which means they hated it,

1:04:07.480 --> 1:04:11.080
<v Speaker 1>and that's their way of or how do you feel?

1:04:11.360 --> 1:04:13.080
<v Speaker 1>How do you feel about your perform I want to

1:04:13.160 --> 1:04:15.680
<v Speaker 1>kill them. I want to shoot them dead. I want

1:04:15.720 --> 1:04:18.080
<v Speaker 1>to be that supportive friend. And I was once in

1:04:18.120 --> 1:04:21.040
<v Speaker 1>an acting class where the teacher would let us comment

1:04:21.200 --> 1:04:23.480
<v Speaker 1>on the scene study we were seeing. But it could

1:04:23.480 --> 1:04:27.240
<v Speaker 1>only be positive, even if the scene was awful. You

1:04:27.240 --> 1:04:29.720
<v Speaker 1>could be like, I love how you dressed, and I

1:04:29.760 --> 1:04:32.000
<v Speaker 1>loved your voice, and that you know, and that's how

1:04:32.040 --> 1:04:34.360
<v Speaker 1>you give a comment. What do you do, Chelsea when

1:04:34.360 --> 1:04:36.479
<v Speaker 1>you go back staging? I do that. I just lie.

1:04:36.760 --> 1:04:39.280
<v Speaker 1>That is not obviously the time to be honest. And

1:04:39.360 --> 1:04:42.520
<v Speaker 1>when somebody they can't change the performance, So no, I

1:04:42.600 --> 1:04:45.360
<v Speaker 1>just think of something positive that I saw, or a

1:04:45.480 --> 1:04:48.200
<v Speaker 1>character that I loved, or wasn't that girl amazing? Or

1:04:48.240 --> 1:04:50.440
<v Speaker 1>your performance I loved it. When you do this, I

1:04:50.480 --> 1:04:53.160
<v Speaker 1>find that being specific with things to deflect from an

1:04:53.200 --> 1:04:56.840
<v Speaker 1>actual review, people are really drawn to that. They want

1:04:56.840 --> 1:04:59.720
<v Speaker 1>to hear about their performance as a performer more than

1:04:59.760 --> 1:05:02.080
<v Speaker 1>any thing else. And if you can just give him

1:05:02.120 --> 1:05:04.280
<v Speaker 1>a couple of like kernels of that, that's just the

1:05:04.320 --> 1:05:06.200
<v Speaker 1>best way to go about it. There's no reason to

1:05:06.200 --> 1:05:10.160
<v Speaker 1>tell the truth in those situations. No, that's what I

1:05:10.200 --> 1:05:12.439
<v Speaker 1>thought you'd say, And I'm glad. I'm glad I've heard

1:05:12.440 --> 1:05:15.880
<v Speaker 1>it from you from your mouth. I've definitely been in

1:05:15.960 --> 1:05:22.040
<v Speaker 1>that situation. Alright, guys, thank you, you have a great day.

1:05:22.080 --> 1:05:28.400
<v Speaker 1>I'll be in touch about we love it well. Thank you. So,

1:05:28.440 --> 1:05:31.000
<v Speaker 1>if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an

1:05:31.040 --> 1:05:35.800
<v Speaker 1>email at Dear Chelsea project at gmail dot com. Dear

1:05:35.920 --> 1:05:39.560
<v Speaker 1>Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced

1:05:39.560 --> 1:05:42.880
<v Speaker 1>by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and

1:05:42.960 --> 1:05:44.400
<v Speaker 1>engineered by Brad Dicker.