Speaker 1: Okay, so my stand up dates. I have some dates
Speaker 1: coming up in California in Long Beach, I'm performing on Friday,
Speaker 1: aft and then I'm in Bakersfield October, and then October one,
Speaker 1: I'm in Passa Robels, and then I'm in Vegas at
Speaker 1: the Mirage Saturday October and then Wheatland, California October. And
Speaker 1: then you can go to Chelsea Hamler dot com for
Speaker 1: more dates when I'll be performing, and uh yeah, that's
Speaker 1: pretty much what's happening right now. Hi Catherine, Hello, Chelsea,
Speaker 1: good afternoon, Good afternoon, Good afternoon. I have such a
Speaker 1: funny story. So well, it's not that funny, but Juliana
Speaker 1: Margulie's who any avid listeners should this podcast know that
Speaker 1: when she was on, she was so great and I
Speaker 1: was texting with her after telling her how great she
Speaker 1: was in the response I had gotten, and then she
Speaker 1: was like, if anyone ever falls out, will you please
Speaker 1: let me know I would like to come on again.
Speaker 1: And then someone fell out this week and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, let me text Julietta. Then she was like, yes,
Speaker 1: I'm down, And so how cute is that? That's our
Speaker 1: guest today, You guys, and that's how it transpired. Julianna
Speaker 1: Margut Liz is our special guests back by popular popular demand. Yes,
Speaker 1: by her demand. Also by her demand, We're open. And
Speaker 1: she's also going to be in the third season of
Speaker 1: the Morning Show, reprising her role, so you can look
Speaker 1: forward to that. If you miss The Good Wife, e
Speaker 1: Er and everything else that she's ever been in, you
Speaker 1: can tune into the Morning Show on Apple TV. She
Speaker 1: also has a great book out that I've read, which
Speaker 1: I'm going to read again, Sunshine Girl. Yeah, Sunshine Girl
Speaker 1: and Brandy Carlyle's book. Those are two great books that
Speaker 1: I read autobiographies. Please welcome Julianna Margut lese Hi, Hi, Hi,
Speaker 1: without any further ado, We're gonna hop right into it.
Speaker 1: Back by popular demand. Julianna Margut lies is back with
Speaker 1: us today because we had such fierce responses. Right, yes
Speaker 1: we did. I got so many emails about that EPI yes,
Speaker 1: I got so many, Julianna. So many people are like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, Julianna Margutis, like, you guys are so connected.
Speaker 1: I said that to Julianna, I go, I feel very
Speaker 1: connected to you. Especially after the podcast. I just felt
Speaker 1: like your openness. It was just so infectious and people
Speaker 1: really responded to it, and I think you really were
Speaker 1: able to help so many people. Oh that makes me happy.
Speaker 1: I love it. I love it, I really do. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I'm on zoom and a mess, but I've been out
Speaker 1: in the depths of the woods to old day to
Speaker 1: day with contractors trying to get lime disease. What were
Speaker 1: you up to? I stay away from that. No. Um,
Speaker 1: We're trying to build something in our house and I
Speaker 1: have to meet with contractors. And here's my problem. I
Speaker 1: know you're in the middle of a renovation. I'm always
Speaker 1: in the middle of a renovation. Always in the middle
Speaker 1: of a renovation. I'm always homeless. I kind of love
Speaker 1: it because I love the creative process of it. But
Speaker 1: like meeting contractors, I love them all. I don't want
Speaker 1: to say no to one because I feel bad. And
Speaker 1: that's my problem. And I literally looked at the architect
Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1: He was like, wait till the bids come in, blah
Speaker 1: bah blah. But so my my problem. These are champagne problems,
Speaker 1: I know, but my problem is always saying no to people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have that problem too, whenever I'm like, I remember
Speaker 1: hiring directors, meeting with directors. I was doing a documentary
Speaker 1: series for Netflix, and I was meeting with all these
Speaker 1: directors and I was just like, Okay, let's hire that woman.
Speaker 1: And then the next guy, I was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: like him too, very good too. Yeah. And my cousin
Speaker 1: always like, you have no discernment like between people, and
Speaker 1: I was like, what, that doesn't seem like it goes
Speaker 1: with my personality. But it does for some reason. You know,
Speaker 1: after reading your last book. I've read all, but after
Speaker 1: reading the last one, I feel this tremendous connection to
Speaker 1: I feel like you aren't that person. Yeah, well maybe
Speaker 1: I worried about you do worry about everybody. I see
Speaker 1: how you take care of your family and how you
Speaker 1: do that's sweet. How has your summer been going, Julianna,
Speaker 1: My summer has been going very well. My son came
Speaker 1: off the bus from camp an inch taller and his voices, no, oh,
Speaker 1: that's so bitter. You know, my whole his whole life,
Speaker 1: I've looked down at him when I tell him to
Speaker 1: do something, and now I'm like, um, and that's just
Speaker 1: the beginning. So he's fourteen and a half. So it's
Speaker 1: been it's been nice having him back home, and it's
Speaker 1: been good, gentle gentle summer. Yeah, yeah, pretty good. We
Speaker 1: are going to take a quick break so you can
Speaker 1: hear and add and then we'll be right back. How
Speaker 1: was your vacation? How is your Oh? My god, I
Speaker 1: had so many vacations. They've been so great and like
Speaker 1: healing and friends and family and strangers and people. I've
Speaker 1: new people. I love meeting new people. I always love
Speaker 1: meeting new people, especially British people. I have an affinity
Speaker 1: for British people. So in Greece it was my friends
Speaker 1: sisters getaway, she and all of her British friends and
Speaker 1: their couples and their kids. I'll go to this island,
Speaker 1: Left Cotta, and I had never been to Left Cotta.
Speaker 1: I had also never flown on easy Jet. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you guys are familiar with that, but it
Speaker 1: is something to avoid for the entire world because it
Speaker 1: sounds like a cheap ticket. It's yes, it's like being
Speaker 1: airlifted in a I don't even know why they have seats.
Speaker 1: You should just be standing because that's how uncomfortable it is.
Speaker 1: And my friend was like, it's a three and a
Speaker 1: half hour flight back to London, and I had my
Speaker 1: own plane ticket booked, but they were leaving a day
Speaker 1: early and they had gotten their tickets confused. And she goes, okay,
Speaker 1: I have some bad news. You're gonna have to fly
Speaker 1: with us. That's the good news. The bad news is
Speaker 1: we're going to uneasy jet and you're not gonna like that.
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, I go, you know what,
Speaker 1: just give me an edible. I can handle anything, you know,
Speaker 1: and we got on it. I read an entire book,
Speaker 1: Daisy Jones and the Six By the way, Julianna, if
Speaker 1: you're looking for a good quick fiction read, that's really
Speaker 1: really good. I love when I finish a book, you know,
Speaker 1: in a couple of days, when I get sad I
Speaker 1: missed them. Yeah. I have always had a rule in
Speaker 1: my house not to have a TV in the bedroom
Speaker 1: because I'll just watch it rather than read before I
Speaker 1: go to sleep. Yeah. I mean, of course, it's also
Speaker 1: better for a relationship. But nothing makes me more depressed
Speaker 1: than someone falling asleep to the TV in their own
Speaker 1: bed and then waking up at three in the morning
Speaker 1: the TV than But when you have a book you
Speaker 1: like read, your dreams are better. There's no none of
Speaker 1: that the rays of the television going into your head.
Speaker 1: I always say to my kids, the best gift we
Speaker 1: ever gave you was your love for reading. Yeah. A friend.
Speaker 1: No matter where you are in the world, a book
Speaker 1: is a friend. A book is a happy, safe place.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah. And you know what I've realized recently is
Speaker 1: that I'm reading too much serious shit. Like I love
Speaker 1: to be like analytical and think about things and have
Speaker 1: things that provoke my thinking. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, it's an escape also, and I deserve
Speaker 1: to read fun things. That's why this book, Daisy Jones
Speaker 1: and the Six was like a departure from what I
Speaker 1: normally read, and it was such a welcome reprieve because
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this is like being in a
Speaker 1: fun different world, you know. No, it's so important. Disappearing
Speaker 1: into a normal is my favorite thing to do. Yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: The idea is to go into someone else's world and
Speaker 1: not have to be in your own. I love a memoir,
Speaker 1: and I love but it's hard because whatever you read
Speaker 1: when you're reading really tough stuff, I'm reading a memmore
Speaker 1: right now. Called Unraveling, which is actually fascinating. It's not
Speaker 1: out yet. I'm reading it to give her a blurb.
Speaker 1: But it's by Peggy Ornstein and it's called Unraveling, and
Speaker 1: it's about She's a huge author, New York Times bestselling
Speaker 1: author who writes about um, sex for girls and sex
Speaker 1: for boys. She she talks about gender and children. And
Speaker 1: she was a journalist. But in the pandemic she's a knitter,
Speaker 1: and I think, I guess. She said, I don't know
Speaker 1: how people know ship, but I knit. I've always knitted.
Speaker 1: I don't have a knit in a while, but I
Speaker 1: used to be a big knitter. Anyway, she decided she
Speaker 1: wanted if she was gonna knit, she has to learn
Speaker 1: how to share a sheep and the whole store. And
Speaker 1: I thought, are you fucking kidding me? I said yes
Speaker 1: to this, and I'm gonna be on a farm like
Speaker 1: sharing sheep. It is so fascinating the rabbit holes because
Speaker 1: she's a journalist and because she's an author and a
Speaker 1: great writer. It's all about her experience sharing the sheep
Speaker 1: is unbelievably difficult. And also she goes into what we're
Speaker 1: doing to our planet with all these bad you know,
Speaker 1: all the cheap, easy clothing that's like the landfills. And
Speaker 1: then she goes and she said, once I saw it,
Speaker 1: I couldn't unsee it. I think that's what's hard about
Speaker 1: reading really realistic books, is that once you go there,
Speaker 1: you have to change because now I literally was like,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna run into this store and buy it,
Speaker 1: and I thought, is that going to be landfill? I'll
Speaker 1: just buy vintage? Then, oh my god. And and and
Speaker 1: the way I used to joke about sheep, Actually, if
Speaker 1: you're ever looking for a different job, we're in need
Speaker 1: of sheep shears, and sheep need to be sheared, and
Speaker 1: they actually can help global warming. Like I didn't know
Speaker 1: any of this, so I didn't know. Oh yeah, it's fascinating.
Speaker 1: Everyone says cheaper stupid. They're not. They're some of this.
Speaker 1: They're so smart. The reason their eyes are slanted is
Speaker 1: so they can see behind them, and you always think like, oh,
Speaker 1: they have such little funny eyes. You know, they're just stupid,
Speaker 1: little cheep. I'm learning so much that I want to
Speaker 1: know and that I don't want to know because now
Speaker 1: I have to change the way I live. No, I
Speaker 1: think reading is I don't read that book before I
Speaker 1: go to sleep, I read a novel be well. I
Speaker 1: think that's probably so true for so many things right
Speaker 1: that we don't even know about in our environment that
Speaker 1: are actually helping us live and breathe clean air and
Speaker 1: helping put oxygen out into the atmosphere. Like we are
Speaker 1: constantly surrounded by these things, but until you read a
Speaker 1: book like that, you don't even know. You're like, oh, wait,
Speaker 1: this is a contribution to the environment that we could
Speaker 1: be using in a much more mindful way, exactly, Like
Speaker 1: I never knew that a lot of clothes are made
Speaker 1: with plastics in them, all the stretchy stuff. It's all
Speaker 1: all of it, and and by the way, and and
Speaker 1: and you know, and they're like, well, but we send
Speaker 1: all the used closed Africa after saying we don't wear them,
Speaker 1: we don't want them. Stop sending like it is anyway,
Speaker 1: I digress, But literally, I do think that reading is
Speaker 1: important to educate, but it's also really important to disappear
Speaker 1: and and go into someone else's world and think outside
Speaker 1: of yourself. Yeah, there is no comfort like a good book.
Speaker 1: What are some of you? If you can think of
Speaker 1: one or some of your favorite books to recommend to listeners.
Speaker 1: Did you ever read that book Sarcy by Madeline Miller. No,
Speaker 1: that's a beautiful book and it's like fantasy. I mean
Speaker 1: it's about Greek mythology, but it's so beautifully written. I
Speaker 1: mean I had to read that. That was one of
Speaker 1: those books where you read, you read a paragraph and
Speaker 1: you put the you put the book down and just
Speaker 1: think about how she wrote that. It's so impressive. But yeah,
Speaker 1: that was one of my favorite books. Did you ever
Speaker 1: read The Red Tent? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, that was a
Speaker 1: great book. Interesting about that book, that book. I was
Speaker 1: in Ireland doing a film and it was right after
Speaker 1: nine eleven and someone had told me to read that
Speaker 1: book and I started it and they were so men.
Speaker 1: You know, it's it's biblical, right, So there were so
Speaker 1: many names, and I was like, I always give a
Speaker 1: book fifty pages before I sam out. I remember turning
Speaker 1: page fifty. I was getting frustrated with it because there
Speaker 1: were so many characters and I couldn't keep track of everyone.
Speaker 1: Page fifty turned it. I never put the book down.
Speaker 1: I couldn't wait till they were like, we have ten
Speaker 1: minutes for lighting. I'd run back to my dressing room
Speaker 1: and read the book. Those are the kind of things
Speaker 1: there's there's another book. Oh, this is why I write
Speaker 1: things down in my notes on my phone. That's no,
Speaker 1: no offense. Really, that's why everybody writes things down in
Speaker 1: their notes. You're not the only You're not the only one. Oh.
Speaker 1: In that realm of the red Tent, there's a book
Speaker 1: called Pope Joan. Did you ever read it? Know? What's that? Oh?
Speaker 1: My god? So Pope Joan. Let me just write that
Speaker 1: down in my notes section one second? Yeah, right, session.
Speaker 1: Hope Joan is about a lot of people feel that
Speaker 1: it's complete falsehood. You just go into the story, but
Speaker 1: it's basically the first pope that was elected that was
Speaker 1: actually a woman, and there's there's historical evidence showing, for example,
Speaker 1: did you know that when someone is elected pope now
Speaker 1: because of Pope Joan, when they found out she was
Speaker 1: a woman and they killed her she was masquerading as
Speaker 1: a man. In thirteen whatever it was, they have basically
Speaker 1: a ball throne where the pope elected pope has to
Speaker 1: sit on it and someone goes under his robes to
Speaker 1: make sure he has pesticals. Oh wonderful. And that's because
Speaker 1: of Pope Joan. It is such a fascinating read. And
Speaker 1: some producers sent it to me when I was on
Speaker 1: the Good Wife and said, we want to make this
Speaker 1: into a movie and we think you'd be a great pope. Joan.
Speaker 1: It was like, you know, eight hundred pages and I want, guys,
Speaker 1: I'm on set fourteen hours a day. You're insane if
Speaker 1: you think I'm going to read this in two weeks
Speaker 1: to get be my answer. So, and they said, take
Speaker 1: all the time you want. I read it in a week.
Speaker 1: I could not put the book down. It was absolutely fascinating.
Speaker 1: I love those kind of because you also learned about
Speaker 1: history and you learn about you know. Anyway, so you
Speaker 1: didn't end up doing the project? Oh so, so I said, yes.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm in this is I was just
Speaker 1: unbelievable character. And they couldn't get a greenlit anywhere. Oh so,
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, I've been attached to so many
Speaker 1: of those. But you know, you keep throwing it at
Speaker 1: the wall and whatever sticks sticks. You know, you gotta
Speaker 1: make lemonade exactly. But anyway, it's a great read. I
Speaker 1: just read The Latecomer. I'm going down a gene Hans
Speaker 1: Corlett's sort of rabbit hole because I've always loved her writing.
Speaker 1: And then she had read my memoir and actually asked
Speaker 1: she has all these book events, and she said my name.
Speaker 1: I knew who she was because I had read her
Speaker 1: books before, but she just came out with a book
Speaker 1: called The Latecomer and that was so much fun because
Speaker 1: while it's very New York story, but it's about these trips,
Speaker 1: splets who came into existence from a petri dish because
Speaker 1: their mother couldn't get pregnant. And it is a fascinating,
Speaker 1: fabulous fund read. And I love triplets. I like anything
Speaker 1: where there's twins, triplets or sisters. Those are my three.
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen that show The Split? Do you
Speaker 1: have you? Ever? My god? I love it? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's my favorite. I haven't I haven't a show for you. Okay,
Speaker 1: So here's what happened last night. I drove up up
Speaker 1: I'm up state and for the first time by myself,
Speaker 1: no dog, no kid, no husband. Like I walked into
Speaker 1: my house. There's no food. I'm like, okay, I'll figure
Speaker 1: it out. There's some eggs, Like what can I do?
Speaker 1: Like you, Chelsea, I'm one technically challenged, like the Pact
Speaker 1: that I'm on this zoom with you and no one's
Speaker 1: gonna help me. It is talking. And I've never actually
Speaker 1: turned my television on up here because my kid or
Speaker 1: my husband are always here and they know how to
Speaker 1: do it. And it's got like, I'm like, what is
Speaker 1: eight m one? So I don't want to be I
Speaker 1: just wait till they're here. So I had just finished
Speaker 1: watching Catastrophe. Have you seen cats Awesome? I love it
Speaker 1: and I love her, Sharon Horgan. I'm obsessed with the
Speaker 1: actress the way I was with Nicola Walker in The Split.
Speaker 1: She's genius. Oh that show is awesome, awesome, just like
Speaker 1: In fact, when I watched that show, I emailed Robert
Speaker 1: Michelle King, who created The Good Wife, and I was like, um,
Speaker 1: do you think maybe this was born out of the
Speaker 1: Good Wife? Because there's way too many similarities, right, She's
Speaker 1: having the affair with the guy at the law firm,
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And they said, oh, we heard about it.
Speaker 1: And the Washington Post said, if you're missing The Good Wife,
Speaker 1: watched The Split, So anyway, this show. So after I
Speaker 1: watched Catastrophe, I heard that Sharon Horrigan, I'm sure I'm
Speaker 1: saying her name wrong, but she writes, directs, produces, and acts,
Speaker 1: and I I just love women who do that. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I could ever. I can produce an act,
Speaker 1: but I don't know if I could do any of
Speaker 1: the other things. She has a new show called Bad Sisters,
Speaker 1: and I immediately thought of you, Chelsea, you have to
Speaker 1: watch Oh my god, I saw it, you know what.
Speaker 1: I saw it, and I was about to no, no,
Speaker 1: I was about to watch it, and then my assistant said, oh,
Speaker 1: you should watch Severance, I think because they're both on Apple, right,
Speaker 1: and yeah, Severance is on Apple with Adam Scott, who
Speaker 1: I love. I love that show. Oh yeah, you watched
Speaker 1: that show Severance? Oh yeah, I mean I have to
Speaker 1: say at one point, like by episode three, I was
Speaker 1: getting so angst. I was watching with my husband. I said,
Speaker 1: you know, by the next episode, if it doesn't get
Speaker 1: a little bit lighter, I don't know if I can
Speaker 1: handle it anymore. Because we watched it together before we
Speaker 1: go to bed. And then in Walks, I mean, I
Speaker 1: loved all of it, but but the characters were so
Speaker 1: sad and brutal and also frightening. Patricia Arquette is a genius,
Speaker 1: but she scared the ship out of me. And then
Speaker 1: in walks Christopher walking with John Turo and I like,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, it's the sweetest thing
Speaker 1: I've ever seen. I know, Christopher walking. Any time he
Speaker 1: walked into a room, You're like, first all, Patricia Arquette
Speaker 1: is the fucking best. She's Oh my god. Every time
Speaker 1: when you see her, you're like you feel dehydrated from
Speaker 1: missing her. You're like, hey, I need her and more ship.
Speaker 1: She is one of those actresses I've always admired because
Speaker 1: she is unapologetically that character. Yeah you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like she just goes in there and you're like, wait,
Speaker 1: wait seriously this is and you believe everything, Like she's crazy.
Speaker 1: Sever Yeah, well she's crazy, Okay, I definitely. Well, I
Speaker 1: love Sharon Horrigan. I'm gonna watch Bad Sisters. We should
Speaker 1: have Sharon on the podcast. Also, she's I think she
Speaker 1: is truly talented on every level. She's funny. She's funny.
Speaker 1: Catastrophe was so good. I started watching Severance. I'm not
Speaker 1: to the end because I also found it slightly depressing.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, this is hark. I'm not good at
Speaker 1: like television analysis. Like when there's a bigger kind of
Speaker 1: metaphorical thing going on. It's not always easy for me
Speaker 1: to identify, you know, like even in in a Bear
Speaker 1: Did you watch that, Julie, I've watched three episodes of it.
Speaker 1: That's a great show, and that I watched it, and
Speaker 1: then I read a review of it and in the
Speaker 1: New York Times. I'm sure because those reviews are like
Speaker 1: I might as well be talking to somebody who speaks French,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, wait what. I was like, toxic masculinity, Okay,
Speaker 1: I could see that, but then they listed like all
Speaker 1: of the things that the show was about, and I'm like, wow,
Speaker 1: I'm a real dummy, Like I didn't pick up on that.
Speaker 1: I'm late to the game on a lot of things.
Speaker 1: But I just finished watching the entire four seasons of Ozark,
Speaker 1: which was brilliant. Laura Linney is another she just deserved
Speaker 1: another level. But in the beginning, I was like, I
Speaker 1: don't understand money washing. Wait what? And I'm a fairly
Speaker 1: educated person with you know, a medium sized brain. But literally,
Speaker 1: as the show went, I went, thank you for not
Speaker 1: you didn't talk down to your audience. I love a
Speaker 1: show that allows me to learn what they're talking about
Speaker 1: through time, because writing a pilot is really difficult, and
Speaker 1: any network you want to set up everything within that
Speaker 1: first show to keep the audience coming back. But it's like, no,
Speaker 1: if you really believe in the work you're doing, then
Speaker 1: let the audience learn with you. Yeah. So, like by
Speaker 1: the end, I felt like, oh, I understand Cartel and
Speaker 1: wondering it. But the one show I couldn't keep watching
Speaker 1: because I just they talked too fast and I was
Speaker 1: on it was Billions because I would look over to
Speaker 1: my husband and be like, I don't understand. What does
Speaker 1: that mean? What are they trading in? I don't get
Speaker 1: I didn't. It was a lingo that went over my head. Well,
Speaker 1: Billions is like red Bull, Like that's tell red Bull television,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Billions is like two. It's
Speaker 1: high octane, and that's like it's it's like out of
Speaker 1: pace where there's Yeah, I know exactly what you mean
Speaker 1: by that. Ozark is one of the best shows ever.
Speaker 1: That and Jason Bateman is so boad and so is
Speaker 1: good Julia Garner. She's a badass. Yeah, it was fantastic.
Speaker 1: So it's been fun catching up. I know it was
Speaker 1: on like years ago. But well, I think a lot
Speaker 1: of people are gonna be surprised to hear that you
Speaker 1: are not money washing and upstate New York, Julianna, because
Speaker 1: that's what this podcast were supposed to be about. I'm
Speaker 1: watching other things all the time, but not money. Okay. Well,
Speaker 1: now that we've done our television round up, television book, book,
Speaker 1: and television review and entertainment corner, Yeah, we're gonna have
Speaker 1: this is gonna be a regular thing the next time
Speaker 1: we have to call on Julianna. Okay, Katherine some Well,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make us take a little bit of a
Speaker 1: break and then we'll be back with some colors and
Speaker 1: we're back. What do we got going on today, Katherine?
Speaker 1: So many things. Well, our first question is a sister question,
Speaker 1: or rather a sister in law question. This comes from
Speaker 1: less dear Chelsea. I'm not sure what to do about
Speaker 1: my sister in law. The problem is is that she's
Speaker 1: been purchasing things that I own to an extent that
Speaker 1: is extremely uncomfortable for me, and I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: being stripped of my identity when I'm with her. I
Speaker 1: don't even like to wear things that are special to
Speaker 1: me around her in fear that she'll ask where it's
Speaker 1: from and buy it multiple pairs of shoes, jewelry, coats, sweaters, pants, art,
Speaker 1: et cetera. It may be partially my fault because sometimes
Speaker 1: I share links with her when she asks where did
Speaker 1: you get those pants? I'm getting increasingly upset when I
Speaker 1: see her wearing things I own, and she dresses almost
Speaker 1: exactly like me. Now I'm extremely close with my brother,
Speaker 1: her husband, and I'm afraid confronting her will cause us
Speaker 1: to get in a fight. Please help less. Oh boy,
Speaker 1: I have so many You go first, Julianna, I have
Speaker 1: so many. Well, my first reaction when hearing that is
Speaker 1: imitation is the best form of flattery. And agreed, Chelsea.
Speaker 1: You know I think she's your agent. But my best
Speaker 1: friend Blair Cohen from college is truly one of the
Speaker 1: most fashion forward people I've ever met. Like, everything she
Speaker 1: puts on, I'm like, oh my god, just got style
Speaker 1: up the Jesus You're just like, what the fun is?
Speaker 1: You're like, are those shoes? Are they milk cartons? And
Speaker 1: somehow she's more just stylish person and and I am
Speaker 1: not ashamed to tell you that I now have half
Speaker 1: her wardrobe, and she takes it as a compliment. She
Speaker 1: really does like she She was in town a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks ago and I was wearing these niarly low
Speaker 1: tan pants that I had seen on her first and
Speaker 1: she was like, oh girl, you look great. Like I
Speaker 1: understand what family. It might be different because you suddenly
Speaker 1: you're both showing up. But if you could look at
Speaker 1: it from a different angle, which is that you're inspiring
Speaker 1: somebody your taste. I mean, nothing makes me happier than
Speaker 1: when someone comes into my home and says, oh my god,
Speaker 1: where did you get that lamp? I have to have it,
Speaker 1: And I think, oh, I did good. Yeah, I look
Speaker 1: at it as a compliment unless it's that single white
Speaker 1: female thing where she is trying to become you. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't look at it as anything except she likes your
Speaker 1: style and take it as a compliment. That's my feeling.
Speaker 1: But yeah, what do you think, Katherine. I think she
Speaker 1: should start sending her affiliate links so she can make
Speaker 1: a little money on the side when she clicks commission.
Speaker 1: I mean, you could do the old oh this old
Speaker 1: thing and tell her you don't remember, or tell her
Speaker 1: it's vintage. I mean, I do agree it's flattering. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's flattering, and I think you need to
Speaker 1: adjust your mindset and perspective on it. It's a compliment
Speaker 1: and you should take it as such, like she's never
Speaker 1: going to steal your identity. If it's really crossing a
Speaker 1: line and she's acting like you and making you, then
Speaker 1: that's a separate issue and then that would call for attention.
Speaker 1: But somebody who's just dressing like you is a huge compliment.
Speaker 1: And again, Julianna, like when people come over to my
Speaker 1: house and say, oh my god this or that, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, right on, nailed it. You know, I always
Speaker 1: take it as a compliment. I take it as a
Speaker 1: compliment when people show up at my shows wearing jumpsuits
Speaker 1: like I wear. I started in jumpsuits because of Chelsea
Speaker 1: I did, and then I did her first. The first
Speaker 1: podcast I did with her, I was wearing a jump
Speaker 1: the homage to Chelsea. It was a compliment. Thank you,
Speaker 1: That's sweet. I would feel complimented if someone showed up
Speaker 1: wearing something. You know, it's it's about your identity, So
Speaker 1: I say, stay who you are. If you start feeling
Speaker 1: like she's talking like you or is different when there's
Speaker 1: trying to She's married to your brothers, so it's not
Speaker 1: like she's going to try and date the same person
Speaker 1: as you or you know. I just whenever someone was like,
Speaker 1: oh what do you eat? Because I love the way
Speaker 1: you look at what, I'm like, Oh, let me, I'm
Speaker 1: so happy to share. And also remember this, I'm a
Speaker 1: child of the eighties, like that was when I was
Speaker 1: could afford fashion or or cared. We all were the
Speaker 1: same thing, right when you're in middle school in high school,
Speaker 1: you're you're wearing this, you wear with each other wears
Speaker 1: because you're around each other and you like each other,
Speaker 1: you know, and you want to be cool. So you're
Speaker 1: probably really cool to her, and she wants to be
Speaker 1: like you because a your brother is married to her,
Speaker 1: and she probably knows you're really close with your brother
Speaker 1: and maybe you know what I mean. Like it could
Speaker 1: be so many different psychological things. If it gets creepy,
Speaker 1: you can say, hey, babe, I love that you love
Speaker 1: what I'm wearing, and I love that you buy the stuff,
Speaker 1: but can we just talk? Are you okay? Because I
Speaker 1: feel like you're a little bit coming into my orbit
Speaker 1: too much. And you can say it sweetly if you're
Speaker 1: feeling out. Yeah, yeah, and you could even suggest, say
Speaker 1: you're wearing something in yellow and she loves it, be like,
Speaker 1: you know, what would look great on you is the
Speaker 1: blue one? You know that's not exactly the same. That's perfect.
Speaker 1: You're absolutely right. Yeah, these aren't big problems. You just
Speaker 1: have to be a little bit more gracious about it
Speaker 1: and just remember that that's cool. That's a compliment, period,
Speaker 1: it's a compliment. Turn it around. Well. Our next question
Speaker 1: comes from Chandra Dear Chelsea. I'm a twenty four year
Speaker 1: old transman and recently started living alone in my two
Speaker 1: bedroom apartment. My partner of three and a half years
Speaker 1: and did things with me back in March. This was
Speaker 1: an incredibly difficult adjustment, as I had just moved to
Speaker 1: Pennsylvania and left my family to be with them to
Speaker 1: find work out there. I ended up working under my
Speaker 1: partner in our grooming salon. Since then, I've moved up
Speaker 1: to co managing the salon with my now ex partner.
Speaker 1: Less than two months after they broke up with me,
Speaker 1: they started dating our friend slash coworker. I will admit
Speaker 1: this is hard to witness and I had a lot
Speaker 1: of friends tell me to get up and leave my
Speaker 1: job to get away from that hurt. It's been an
Speaker 1: overwhelming loss, but my X and I still maintain a
Speaker 1: distanced but respectful friendship. Here's the deal. I'm now reaching
Speaker 1: a pivotal moment in my life, and I'm stuck, frozen
Speaker 1: in fear of which choice to make. I've always dreamt
Speaker 1: of living in Germany, but I'm too afraid to make
Speaker 1: that leap, and my German needs a lot of work.
Speaker 1: I've also had friends offered to have me stay with
Speaker 1: them in Chicago until I figure things out. I don't
Speaker 1: know what I want to do or where to go,
Speaker 1: but I do know I want to start learning to
Speaker 1: listen and trust myself to make decisions. Any advice, Chandra, Hey, Chandra, Hi, Chandra,
Speaker 1: how are you? This is Julianna, And of course you've
Speaker 1: spoken to Catherine already. Hi were here to help you here?
Speaker 1: Thank you? I need it right now at this point. Okay,
Speaker 1: So how long have you been working together with your ex?
Speaker 1: We broke up in March, and so I've been working
Speaker 1: with all of them together for the last six months.
Speaker 1: And I've been working with my ex for the last
Speaker 1: three years and you obviously feel like you need to change, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean every if I I've given it a lot
Speaker 1: of thought. And I'm twenty four and basically every major
Speaker 1: life choice I've made has been around a partner. I
Speaker 1: left Michigan and went to college for somebody who was
Speaker 1: going to the same university. That didn't end out well.
Speaker 1: And then I moved to Pennsylvania for my ex and
Speaker 1: that didn't work out well. I mean, I really thought
Speaker 1: this last relationship was gonna be it for me. I
Speaker 1: mean I thought I met my life partner because I've
Speaker 1: never been in such a supportive, non judgmental relationship. I mean,
Speaker 1: we were open the whole time. And it was because,
Speaker 1: like my partner believed that I should experiment with what
Speaker 1: men and because my partner, my ex is female but
Speaker 1: non binary. So it's still transfer relationship. What was the
Speaker 1: last word you use? Trans for trans relationship? For trans? Okay? Good?
Speaker 1: I need. I need to make sure I'm up on
Speaker 1: all the lingo. Okay, it doesn't matter, But what sex
Speaker 1: is this person that she's having a relationship with. It
Speaker 1: is the same sex or is in another non binary
Speaker 1: or male? They took a huge leap. He's as head
Speaker 1: conservative male. Wow. Well, first and foremost, I want to
Speaker 1: say that you're twenty four years old, and I am
Speaker 1: here to tell you that you are probably going to
Speaker 1: fall in love and have your heartbroken multiple times from
Speaker 1: now on, and that is part of the way of
Speaker 1: the world. And the sooner that you can get on
Speaker 1: that train and accepting of it, the more emboldened and
Speaker 1: empowered you're going to feel. Because relationships do not find you,
Speaker 1: the way you handle relationships defines you, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. So like you saying I thought I'm at
Speaker 1: the love of my life. Of course, we all want
Speaker 1: to meet that person and we all want to feel
Speaker 1: that way, but the chances of that happening at your
Speaker 1: age are just not you know what I mean. To
Speaker 1: the time, your age is not on your side. You're
Speaker 1: here to explore and to learn and to have multitude,
Speaker 1: a multitude of experiences, not just one, not just two,
Speaker 1: not just three. You want to be a full person, right,
Speaker 1: So I really don't want you to even think about
Speaker 1: I know it's easier said than done, but don't think
Speaker 1: about something as it has to be forever. There is
Speaker 1: no forever. All of that is hogwash anyway, Just think
Speaker 1: about you right now. Just think about what is going
Speaker 1: to make you the most productive, happiest version of yourself.
Speaker 1: And when you think of that, what comes up. That's
Speaker 1: the hard part is I have to basically retrain my
Speaker 1: brain to make me the person I'm taking care of
Speaker 1: instead of a partner or a family member. Do you
Speaker 1: feel you're worth is more valuable to you when you're
Speaker 1: taking care of someone else other than yourself. I've always
Speaker 1: felt like I'm valuable when I'm useful, and yet you're
Speaker 1: not useful to yourself. Not at this moment in time. No.
Speaker 1: I got back into therapy, so a lot of this
Speaker 1: past six months have been like basically creating who I
Speaker 1: am from the ground up and trying to figure out
Speaker 1: what I like. And I bought a bike and trying
Speaker 1: to find out hobbies so I can be around other
Speaker 1: people that aren't connected to my X and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: So here's what I want to say to you right now,
Speaker 1: You're exactly where you're supposed to be. You're at the
Speaker 1: age where you're exactly where you're supposed to be, but
Speaker 1: you don't realize that the world is your oyster. Because
Speaker 1: when you're twenty four, you don't see that. When you
Speaker 1: said something that really struck me in your letter was
Speaker 1: that you want to go to Germany. I can tell
Speaker 1: you as someone who went there once for twenty four
Speaker 1: hours and fell so in love with Berlin, and I
Speaker 1: really like I can say three words in German. You
Speaker 1: go to the country to learn the language, you don't
Speaker 1: learn the language and then go to the country. My
Speaker 1: biggest thing when I hear what you're saying is you've
Speaker 1: already said I went to college for someone, then I
Speaker 1: moved here for someone. Where are you going to move
Speaker 1: for you? And when you say I would love to
Speaker 1: go to Germany and I would love to speak German,
Speaker 1: you're opening up a whole new world, like the whole point.
Speaker 1: And by the way, when you get there, because you
Speaker 1: will after Chelsea and I are done with you, You're
Speaker 1: totally going to Germany. Um I can say this. There's
Speaker 1: I bet you dollars to donuts. You're going to write
Speaker 1: into Chelsea and say, had I not gone through those
Speaker 1: experiences where I was in so much pain, I would
Speaker 1: not have found the path I'm on now. And that's
Speaker 1: just life, right. So instead of looking at it like
Speaker 1: an obstacle, look at it like a challenge and an
Speaker 1: opportunity and an opportunity, right. My challenge to myself is,
Speaker 1: can I take care of me first? When you know
Speaker 1: it's putting the mask on the plane, the parent has
Speaker 1: to put it on before they do the kid otherwise
Speaker 1: they die, right, and then they're no good to the kid.
Speaker 1: So you have to put your own oxygen mask on
Speaker 1: before you can be in a relationship with anybody, because
Speaker 1: you'll lose yourself again. Yeah, I've been there. I've lost
Speaker 1: myself and then spend years going why did I do that?
Speaker 1: And therapy and blah blah blah. It's all good, and
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful I had that terrible relationship because I
Speaker 1: definitely wouldn't have what I have now, and I wouldn't
Speaker 1: know who I am now. Don't live your life regretting.
Speaker 1: Live your life well of an open road, because you
Speaker 1: never know what's behind each door or a left, instead
Speaker 1: of all right, where is that going to take you?
Speaker 1: You know? I remember a friend of mine was we
Speaker 1: were both moving back from l A to New York,
Speaker 1: and he was really wanting to drive across country because
Speaker 1: he wanted his car in New York. He didn't have
Speaker 1: a lot of money, and he was nervous about it
Speaker 1: because he's gay, and he was like, I don't know
Speaker 1: the Midwest. You know, when you're from either l A
Speaker 1: or New York, you think like nobody's going to accept
Speaker 1: you anywhere else in the world. And he was nervous
Speaker 1: about it. And I said, you'll never know unless you
Speaker 1: do it. M hm. And to this day he says
Speaker 1: it was the best experience of his life and it
Speaker 1: gave him so like he was more confident when he
Speaker 1: came home. When he came back to New York, he
Speaker 1: was like, I did that. I did that by myself,
Speaker 1: and then he could conquer the world. And he did.
Speaker 1: And he's been married now twelve years to an amazing guy,
Speaker 1: and he has an incredible career. Like you can create
Speaker 1: your own path, don't wait for someone else to create
Speaker 1: your path. And by the way, if you can get
Speaker 1: the hell out of that job, because I don't think
Speaker 1: it's healthy to have to walk into that every day.
Speaker 1: Why why would you want to put yourself through that.
Speaker 1: It's the best job I've ever had. And I'm having
Speaker 1: a crappy day, I can grab a dog and feel better.
Speaker 1: And the departments are separate enough and we're respectable enough,
Speaker 1: and I can find fifty million reasons to talk myself
Speaker 1: out of it, you know, but it hurts you, right,
Speaker 1: that's when I heard in the letter that you're working
Speaker 1: with them hurts you. It does, because it's at this
Speaker 1: point they have just completely shut off the emotional understanding
Speaker 1: of the situation and just seeing it from like a
Speaker 1: logical choice. I guess I'm a very emotional, hopeless, romantic person.
Speaker 1: They're very clinical and logical person, so it's easy for
Speaker 1: them to just move on or they're just cut off
Speaker 1: from their feelings. Oh, they're trust me. That's the hardest
Speaker 1: part is knowing that they need way more help than
Speaker 1: I do, because at least I know my feelings. Yes,
Speaker 1: but here's something that I can just tell by looking
Speaker 1: at you. Your aura and your energy is a little defeated,
Speaker 1: and you've been a little depleted by this experience. While
Speaker 1: it was honorable to continue to do the job and
Speaker 1: show up and kind of face that, that would be
Speaker 1: hard for a lot of people and be a deal breaker.
Speaker 1: I know I would probably be like out the door
Speaker 1: and be like, there's no way I'm going to face
Speaker 1: my ax with their new person every day. Why would
Speaker 1: I put myself through that hell, even if they're are physical,
Speaker 1: like you're not on top of each other all day,
Speaker 1: you're away departments whatever. I don't know. I've never worked
Speaker 1: inside of building, so I don't know even know what
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. But what I do want to say
Speaker 1: is you are a little bit your energy sad, and
Speaker 1: that is a result of putting yourself in a situation
Speaker 1: that is going to make you sad. And it is
Speaker 1: up to you to get yourself out of that situation.
Speaker 1: The idea that you're even thinking about Germany is the
Speaker 1: only answer you need. Go You need to go to Germany.
Speaker 1: Don't worry about learning the language. Exactly what Juliana said.
Speaker 1: You go there to learn the language. Do you know
Speaker 1: how empowering and the build of self esteem that you
Speaker 1: will acquire by actually being immersed in a culture that
Speaker 1: is foreign to you, by learning the language, learning the
Speaker 1: idiosyncrasies of a completely different culture and vibe and the
Speaker 1: energy that comes with Germany. People love Berlin, people love
Speaker 1: what's the other city that everybody loves in Germany? Munich? Yeah,
Speaker 1: people love Munich too, I mean, and West Germany I've visited.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's beautiful, all all of it is beautiful,
Speaker 1: and you have people that are very open, incredible energy there.
Speaker 1: You need different energy around you. Well, I mean that's
Speaker 1: that was the first time I ever felt connected to
Speaker 1: myself was when I was nineteen and I lived in
Speaker 1: Berlin for four months straight, Like I literally did something
Speaker 1: on my own, pushed myself to that and did a
Speaker 1: program that let me live there on my own for
Speaker 1: the first time in my entire life. And I just
Speaker 1: there's always been something keeping me like going back to
Speaker 1: it as an option. And I don't know, I think
Speaker 1: I just staying here is just playing it safe, and
Speaker 1: I'm really tired of doing the same thing that makes
Speaker 1: me feel like ship but it's comfortable, it's actually more damaging.
Speaker 1: It's not playing it safe staying there. Yeah. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: have to say, just hearing you and Chasea, You're right,
Speaker 1: You're you're very deflated, You're very there's a sadness, right,
Speaker 1: but there's such a sweetness. And so when I hear
Speaker 1: you say, first of all, when you say this is
Speaker 1: the best job I've ever had, your twenty four how
Speaker 1: many jobs have you had? Um? Four or five? Please?
Speaker 1: You don't know the best job even you'll ever have,
Speaker 1: Like you're you're fine. So don't live to work, work
Speaker 1: to live? Right? Did I say that? Right? Yes, you don't.
Speaker 1: You don't want to be a slave to something that
Speaker 1: isn't bringing you joy. And and also it's it's like
Speaker 1: you're inside this box when even when the way you
Speaker 1: described the building, like you're inside this box and they
Speaker 1: and they're there. That's energy. Whether you communicate with them
Speaker 1: or not, they're there, and so you're feeling it. And
Speaker 1: just from someone who who once had a horrible breakup
Speaker 1: with someone I had only really dated, like I don't know,
Speaker 1: six months, but I was crazy about him and he
Speaker 1: broke it off with me. I would go everywhere I
Speaker 1: knew he'd be just see and what I was torturing myself.
Speaker 1: It was ridiculous, but of course I was. I just
Speaker 1: wanted him. I wanted to see him. I wanted to
Speaker 1: be in his around him, even though he was a
Speaker 1: fucking asshole, you know. And I look back now and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, what was I thinking? Go
Speaker 1: find someone else, Go go let yourself be loved by
Speaker 1: other people. Love other people. Berlin is the perfect place
Speaker 1: for it. And you already are familiar with it. It's
Speaker 1: not like you're gonna need a map, you just need
Speaker 1: a plane ticket and and the inspiration to go. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: a good prush. I don't regret you. Do you know
Speaker 1: you're going to Germany? Or do you have a place?
Speaker 1: Do you have a place to live or do you
Speaker 1: have somebody to live with? What's the situation on that front?
Speaker 1: The family that I lived with, they said that I'm
Speaker 1: welcoming back any time. If I'm there again, I might
Speaker 1: actually have a couple of classmates in Berlin. Basically everybody
Speaker 1: that I know that's gone to Berlin has gotten drunk
Speaker 1: on Berlin and needed to go back. Yeah. Sorry, Can
Speaker 1: I just say this one thing, because I don't want
Speaker 1: it to feel like like if you say I'm moving
Speaker 1: to Berlin that that almost sounds too much, like it's
Speaker 1: too much of a challenge. That can be really disorienting, right,
Speaker 1: But if you say, why don't you just go for months?
Speaker 1: Go for months and and take your family, that family
Speaker 1: up on it, you know, and don't overstay your welcome,
Speaker 1: but feel it out, seek it out, look at it
Speaker 1: as a journey, and then if you love it, you stay,
Speaker 1: and if you don't, you find something else. But you
Speaker 1: don't have a mortgage, do you. No, you don't have children,
Speaker 1: and you don't have a partner. No. Go, you're twenty four.
Speaker 1: If you didn't go in ten years, you would sit
Speaker 1: there and go, I fuck. I wish I had gone
Speaker 1: when I was twenty four, when I was thinking about it.
Speaker 1: So where you're You called us for a reason. This
Speaker 1: is the universe telling you you need to go. You
Speaker 1: need to go explore the world, and you are going
Speaker 1: to forget about all of this in a very short
Speaker 1: period of time. I promise you that if you change
Speaker 1: your surroundings, you will change. This is the time in
Speaker 1: your life for big moves, make big moves. You're not
Speaker 1: going to have the energy to do it when you're
Speaker 1: fifty four. You're twenty four. Yeah, I mean, that's my
Speaker 1: biggest fear is waking up a little too late realizing
Speaker 1: I could have done this, I could have done that.
Speaker 1: And it's cool. It's also cool because you're gonna look
Speaker 1: back and be like, you know what I did When
Speaker 1: I was twenty four, I went to Berlin. I was
Speaker 1: in a situation that was pathetic, and then I had
Speaker 1: to get myself out of You have to extract yourself
Speaker 1: from this situation. You have nothing keeping you here, so
Speaker 1: go have a thirst for the world, and I guarantee
Speaker 1: you're going to find exactly what you're looking for. And
Speaker 1: there are dogs in Berlin as well. Yeah, they're really
Speaker 1: nice with their dogs. They have laws where like if
Speaker 1: it's a good dog and it passes a class, it
Speaker 1: can be in public off leash, and you can be
Speaker 1: in a cafe and some dog will go up into
Speaker 1: your lap. I'm telling you, well, you supposed to be
Speaker 1: there taking care of those dogs. Well it's an hour
Speaker 1: or ever. I guess at this point you have nothing
Speaker 1: to lose, right, you have nothing to lose. No, I
Speaker 1: mean I did just give myself a year here. I
Speaker 1: have to move out and real the lease with a roommates,
Speaker 1: so I'm have a year here, but I am definitely
Speaker 1: gonna be planning a trip to Germany at least to go. Okay, good, okay,
Speaker 1: we'll do that and plan and plan on going for
Speaker 1: a longer than a trip, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Do a month or do three months or whatever sounds
Speaker 1: good to you, but start planning it. You have that
Speaker 1: on your side too, and then you have the anticipation
Speaker 1: of going and the excitement of going, and you're gonna
Speaker 1: have something to look forward to. I really yeah. And
Speaker 1: you can outreach, you know, on social media to people
Speaker 1: that are in Berlin and start cultivating friendships. It's a
Speaker 1: good preparation for you. But I want you to get
Speaker 1: that ticket and then send us a picture of it. Please,
Speaker 1: you got it? Yeah, you'll get your little receipt, okay.
Speaker 1: And also don't be fooled that you need to like
Speaker 1: finish out a lease, find somebody to take over your lease.
Speaker 1: If you're ready to go in two months or a
Speaker 1: month or a week, you will figure it out, okay. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: So Chandra, what's the plan. I'm gonna hang out and
Speaker 1: then probably look at plane tickets to Germany and plan
Speaker 1: for next summer because that gives me enough time to
Speaker 1: plan and get my passport updated because it still says female,
Speaker 1: and send you guys a picture of the ticket and
Speaker 1: just walk around in Berlin for a while. Yeah. Absolutely, absolutely,
Speaker 1: you won't regret it. Yeah, I deserve some fun, I think. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're sending you Chandra, and have your own little mantra.
Speaker 1: Every morning just wake up and say today I'm gonna
Speaker 1: take care of me. I think it helps to have
Speaker 1: a mantra about you come first. It's it was always
Speaker 1: really hard for me, but and then I realized that
Speaker 1: no one wants to be around a martyr, and if
Speaker 1: I don't take care of me, then no one else
Speaker 1: actually gets taken care of. So I have a nentrepree
Speaker 1: to start meditating on that. Yeah, I started to like
Speaker 1: basically tell myself that I am my partner. Like everything
Speaker 1: that I missed out on my last relationship, I'm guaranteeing
Speaker 1: that I'm making it happen for myself. When you're a
Speaker 1: man now, so you should be putting yourself first, the norm, dude,
Speaker 1: an adjustment that must be. It's like, well, you know what,
Speaker 1: I actually am right, and I'm going to tell you why. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Actually I need you guys more around when I get
Speaker 1: questions from my coworkers because I really just backed down
Speaker 1: all the time. Yeah yeah, well, just start with your mantra.
Speaker 1: Don't forget it. It's really important. That stuff is really important.
Speaker 1: It's very subliminal and it seeks seeps into your brain
Speaker 1: and it permeates throughout your whole life. So you have
Speaker 1: to value yourself more. Okay, the next time I see you.
Speaker 1: I want to see a big, bright, shining light coming
Speaker 1: out of your head because you've made such great decisions. Okay,
Speaker 1: you got it. Okay, awesome, good luck, Thanks Chandra. I bye.
Speaker 1: Oh what a sweetie pie. I love him. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm so glad I'm not twenty four. I feel I
Speaker 1: I could feel his angst. I know, but it's like
Speaker 1: twenty four. Oh my god, I don't even remember what
Speaker 1: I mean. I knew I would end up like this
Speaker 1: because everyone's like, oh, youth is wasted on the young,
Speaker 1: and yet it's so true. It's so true, and I
Speaker 1: hate I used to hate hearing that when I was younger,
Speaker 1: and now I'm like, god, I just I didn't know,
Speaker 1: because didn't you know what the thing is is the
Speaker 1: suffering you put yourself through, so much suffering that is
Speaker 1: so unnecessary. We care so much about other people and
Speaker 1: their perception of us and all of that, and we care.
Speaker 1: We're just it's like the struggle is so unnecessary, the
Speaker 1: pain unnecessary, but we don't know that. We have to
Speaker 1: learn it. Everyone has to learn it at their own time.
Speaker 1: And for me, it was always like the idea of
Speaker 1: being alone was just horrific and so I under I
Speaker 1: could feel in him, like I knew that he was
Speaker 1: going to that job every day because he wanted to
Speaker 1: be at least somewhere in their orbit. I just could
Speaker 1: see that, and it's so toxic. You can feel it
Speaker 1: through a cement wall, like it's you know, even though
Speaker 1: we're in separate floors whatever. No, they're in the building. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's nothing good that's going to come from that. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: our next question is from Heidi. Heidi runs an animal rescue,
Speaker 1: I believe, but also has another job. She says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 1: I've had to ushi and my whole adult life started
Speaker 1: antidepressants at one. I suspect I've actually suffered from it
Speaker 1: since childhood but was undiagnosed. I'm tired of the way
Speaker 1: I always feel and the lows that make me want
Speaker 1: to hide away in my home. I started fostering dogs
Speaker 1: to help me get through the stress of the pandemic.
Speaker 1: As I was an icy you nurse. I also changed
Speaker 1: my career and left bedside nursing to see if that
Speaker 1: would help my depression. My anxiety improved, but it's a
Speaker 1: constant struggle every day. I recently started online therapy, but
Speaker 1: my brain then told me this is self indulgent. I'm
Speaker 1: single without children, but I do have several dogs and
Speaker 1: a cat. My brain says, what's the point. You don't matter.
Speaker 1: Your struggles only affect you, so get over them and
Speaker 1: shut up. Other people have real problems and have people
Speaker 1: who depend on them. Any advice to help me get
Speaker 1: back into therapy. It's hard to fight your own self. Thanks, Heidi. Hi. Hi.
Speaker 1: We have Juliana here today as our special guests because
Speaker 1: she gives great advice. And you know Catherine, Oh, hi, yes,
Speaker 1: how are you okay? So talk to us? So you
Speaker 1: are did you say you're on medication or you're not
Speaker 1: on medication? Yeah? I've been on medication off and on
Speaker 1: since my mid twenties. I'm thirty four now. I always
Speaker 1: have to think about it. We all do. Don't worry.
Speaker 1: And and these are you're talking about antidepressants? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I've been on lexeprol. My increased my dose recently. I
Speaker 1: know a lot of people on lexaprome. It helped my
Speaker 1: mom tremendously. And she's a she would never take a
Speaker 1: drug in her life, and she's like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: why didn't I know? Yeah? Changed your life? Yeah, And
Speaker 1: you're on it now or you're not on it now. No,
Speaker 1: I am on it, And yeah, it was a life
Speaker 1: changer for me. I've always had I think a little
Speaker 1: bit of depression. It runs in my family. My mom
Speaker 1: was diagnosed when actually I was the first one to
Speaker 1: be diagnosed, and then by me kind of working on it,
Speaker 1: my mom decided to see a therapist and psychiatrist and
Speaker 1: she also was diagnosed and she actually has a little
Speaker 1: bit of social anxiety disorder, so she's on some different medications.
Speaker 1: And then my sister has also started going to therapy
Speaker 1: and she was diagnosed with depression in her early twenties
Speaker 1: as well. So I don't know if it's familial or
Speaker 1: we're just sad people, or I don't know. Well, it's
Speaker 1: pretty it's pretty genetic, by the way. Well, first of all,
Speaker 1: it's pretty common. I mean, I think one of the
Speaker 1: three people are on antidepressants, just like one of three
Speaker 1: people have herpes. But don't don't connect that. That's that's
Speaker 1: a personal story. But everyone's onto something, So don't even
Speaker 1: judge yourself about that, you know what I mean? My
Speaker 1: question is why do you go on and off of it? Well,
Speaker 1: insurance because recently is when you've been able to get
Speaker 1: antidepressant sent to you from home. But I was a
Speaker 1: travel nurse for a while, and when you're not working
Speaker 1: for the company or the hospital, you get kicked off
Speaker 1: the insurance. And you know, you're in your twenties and
Speaker 1: you're young, and you're I at least didn't take my
Speaker 1: health too seriously in my twenties. It wasn't until I
Speaker 1: kind of settled like one and I realized, Okay, we
Speaker 1: gotta stop messing around. And that's when I started seeing
Speaker 1: a regular doctor and started taking care of myself. And
Speaker 1: but yeah, there's really no reason. It was just I
Speaker 1: think a little bit of shame, and I felt like,
Speaker 1: let's try to fix this just with courage, with working out,
Speaker 1: with this and that. But then I slowly came to realize, like, no,
Speaker 1: it's just chemistry. It's brain chemistry. It's nothing to be
Speaker 1: ashamed of, which all makes sense up here. But it's
Speaker 1: hard for me to do the therapy part of it
Speaker 1: because so many things I've read have said like the
Speaker 1: medicine will help, but the therapy helps you realize how
Speaker 1: it can be exacerbated and at whatnot. And so I
Speaker 1: recently went through kind of a bad spell of my
Speaker 1: depression and it was really bad. It was like I
Speaker 1: didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want
Speaker 1: to clean myself. And I listen to a lot of
Speaker 1: podcasts and everyone's always talking about like better help and
Speaker 1: all those online ones, and I so I started it,
Speaker 1: and then after a couple of sessions, I just I
Speaker 1: felt like, who are you to complain about anything? And again,
Speaker 1: I probably the chemistry stuff, but it's hard for me
Speaker 1: to justify the expense and and the talking about myself.
Speaker 1: And that's the biggest issue I have. I don't like
Speaker 1: to talk about myself. Right, Okay, Well, first of all,
Speaker 1: you have to stop judging yourself. That's your judging yourself.
Speaker 1: Saying therapy is self indulgent is a judgment. It's not
Speaker 1: self indulgent, it's self help. You're helping yourself. You know. Um,
Speaker 1: I had a friend who always be like, it's navel gazing,
Speaker 1: it's naval amazing. And then guess who ended up in
Speaker 1: therapy for three years because she needed to be nagel gazing.
Speaker 1: So we always have these two voices in our head.
Speaker 1: We have the real us and then we have our shadow, right,
Speaker 1: who kind of says, oh, don't eat that, or you're stupid,
Speaker 1: or you're not funny, or did you do that right
Speaker 1: or did it da. That's poking us on the shoulder.
Speaker 1: And as soon as you give that little person power,
Speaker 1: then that person has power over the real us. And
Speaker 1: that's not the way it goes. It goes the other
Speaker 1: way around. We have power over that voice of when
Speaker 1: to say, shut up, voice, you don't know what you're
Speaker 1: talking about. You want to be a healthy person, You
Speaker 1: want to feel good about yourself, and the best way
Speaker 1: to do that is, you know, when you have clinical
Speaker 1: depression is a to be taking medication and be to
Speaker 1: supplement that medication with information about your condition and why
Speaker 1: you feel this way, and how to actually articulately grasp
Speaker 1: what is happening with you, so you have a language,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, with yourself that you can say, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling like this right now because of what happened
Speaker 1: to me over here, or this brings up, this triggers
Speaker 1: me because of something that happened when I was eight
Speaker 1: that I'm not even cognizant of, but my body might. Remember.
Speaker 1: There's so many interfaces that are going on in our
Speaker 1: bodies between our brain and our stomach and our heart
Speaker 1: we all have. We have brains throughout our body that
Speaker 1: are communicating with each other. And if you don't have
Speaker 1: the toolkit to understand that messaging, then you're basically just
Speaker 1: jumping into the water with no raft, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. You want to set yourself up for success,
Speaker 1: and therapy leads to success, and if you didn't have
Speaker 1: the right person, then maybe you need to find another
Speaker 1: person and try better help again with another person. If
Speaker 1: you can afford to go to a therapist on your own,
Speaker 1: whatever you can afford in your lifestyle, but you have
Speaker 1: to make the effort to get yourself to a healthy spot.
Speaker 1: You have to. I'm always so amazed when someone says
Speaker 1: I don't deserve to go to therapy to too self indulgent,
Speaker 1: especially someone I mean, anyone who's suffering through any kind
Speaker 1: of depression. If you had a broken leg, you go
Speaker 1: to the doctor, right, It's like it's that simple, And
Speaker 1: as human beings were all slightly broken inside. Without therapy,
Speaker 1: I definitely would not be where I am today, which
Speaker 1: is a very calm place. And I thought I remember
Speaker 1: being judgmental and thinking, oh my god, this is so
Speaker 1: self indulgent. Really, Julianna, you had a shitty relationship now
Speaker 1: twice a week. You know, this is ridiculous, but you
Speaker 1: know what, I had to do it, and it was hard,
Speaker 1: and it's hard to go in there. It is hard
Speaker 1: to go in there and figure it out. But just
Speaker 1: what Chelsea said is like, once you have the tools,
Speaker 1: when you have that feeling coming on, you know exactly
Speaker 1: what tool to take out of the box to stop
Speaker 1: the feeling. And it's not actually just about you. It's
Speaker 1: about the people around you too. Right when you are
Speaker 1: fully in a good mental, healthy state, you're paying it
Speaker 1: forward to other people that you let out an energy
Speaker 1: that other people can take into. I always thought, you know,
Speaker 1: it was just about me. It's not. It's about everyone
Speaker 1: you cut And I think you need to think of
Speaker 1: it more because you're in r N. You take care
Speaker 1: of people, right, like, that's that's what you do. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and yet and yet you're having a hard time taking
Speaker 1: care of yourself because you feel it self indulgent. If
Speaker 1: you look at it more in just Layman's terms rather
Speaker 1: than you know, sort of like trying to understand the
Speaker 1: pseudo psycho whatever. If you just look at it. Like.
Speaker 1: One thing I always say to myself is why would
Speaker 1: you treat any of your friends, or your child or
Speaker 1: your husband this way? Why are you treating yourself this way?
Speaker 1: It's a mantra I play all the time because I'm
Speaker 1: so hard on myself, and it has become so normal
Speaker 1: now for me that I almost don't do it anymore
Speaker 1: to myself. But it took therapy, it took tools, it
Speaker 1: took work, and now I'm a lot nicer to be around,
Speaker 1: to be honest, But I know my kid and my
Speaker 1: husband appreciate it because I'm not. I'm not always taking
Speaker 1: on the world and like, I can't do that. Guy's
Speaker 1: so let's order in. It's that easy. Yeah, no, that's
Speaker 1: a good perspective. I didn't think about your right. I mean, sorry, Hi,
Speaker 1: it's good to cry. Let's let it out for me.
Speaker 1: The reason I felt in my mind why it self
Speaker 1: indulgent is because I don't have a partner. I don't
Speaker 1: have a family. I have my pets and everything. But
Speaker 1: but you know, I do have my sister, my nieces,
Speaker 1: my family. I see them often. I have friends, and
Speaker 1: you're right, my behavior affects them and my moods and
Speaker 1: I think I almost the first two sessions of therapy
Speaker 1: were so hie opening that I almost think that I
Speaker 1: got scared. You know, you did, of course, and that's
Speaker 1: gonna be good for me to remember. But you know,
Speaker 1: even though I don't have people in my home, I
Speaker 1: still people in my life. So thank you where you
Speaker 1: needed yourself in your home? Right, Yeah, Ultimately it's yourself
Speaker 1: that you owe it to. Yeah, sorry, your tears are
Speaker 1: welcome here. And also you're talking about being a nurse.
Speaker 1: You're you're taking care of others. It's just what Juliano
Speaker 1: is saying about the mask you know that you put
Speaker 1: on a plane. You have to take care of yourself.
Speaker 1: In order to be a value to other people, you
Speaker 1: have to be a value to yourself. And that is
Speaker 1: the most important part of growth and and and learning
Speaker 1: about yourself is to know to have to take care
Speaker 1: of yourself and get yourself in a healthy place. And
Speaker 1: there's just there's nothing that is ever going to top that.
Speaker 1: Can I ask you something, Heidi, was that the first
Speaker 1: time you'd ever done therapy. No, I had a medical
Speaker 1: malpractice with my eye revision, and it left me with
Speaker 1: a lot of anger, and so I had therapy for
Speaker 1: that three or four years ago, but then I purchased
Speaker 1: a home, and as a single person, I didn't have
Speaker 1: the economics to continue, or I felt like I didn't,
Speaker 1: And then COVID happened and I worked. I see you.
Speaker 1: I don't remember if I put in the letter, and
Speaker 1: that was very difficult, very isolating. So it's almost been
Speaker 1: like a slow build since my previous therapy, and you know,
Speaker 1: with a lot of accelerants, and then I think it's weird.
Speaker 1: But like, since my life has calmed down, you know,
Speaker 1: I left bedside, which has helped a lot with my anxiety,
Speaker 1: and I'm doing things I enjoy. I'm fostering animals. I'm
Speaker 1: trying to take better care of myself. It's almost like
Speaker 1: there was this one part of everything that was lacking
Speaker 1: that I guess I had been ignoring for so long
Speaker 1: that it's almost like it shot. I don't know if
Speaker 1: I can describe, like it's a yelling in my brain,
Speaker 1: like a shout in my brain that's like you're skipping something,
Speaker 1: like you know what you need to do. And and
Speaker 1: so that's why I finally tried to face it again,
Speaker 1: because I did that therapy and it helped me get
Speaker 1: over the anger of you know, all the medical stuff,
Speaker 1: but there's issues from childhood and just anxiety, and there's
Speaker 1: probably issues you don't even know yet I found out.
Speaker 1: So it's a long road. Nothing's going to fix it
Speaker 1: in two sessions, you know, and it's hard. But yeah,
Speaker 1: like I said, I think I scared myself because I
Speaker 1: you know, my grandmother recently passed, and I think that
Speaker 1: was a precipitous. She was a big cheerleader for me
Speaker 1: and she had dimension Alzheimer's. Sorry I'm telling you guys
Speaker 1: my whole life story, but she had dementia during all
Speaker 1: of COVID and we couldn't visit her because you know,
Speaker 1: the lockdown and everything. And she was always a cheerleader
Speaker 1: of mine, and I think losing her presence my brain
Speaker 1: was just like now you have to be your own cheerleader.
Speaker 1: And I don't know if I know how to do that.
Speaker 1: It sounds so silly. Well, here's an exercise for you.
Speaker 1: Your your grandmother is still with you. Remember that her energy.
Speaker 1: She can never be you know, eradicated or erased or anything.
Speaker 1: Your grandmother's around you, and she doesn't have dementia anymore
Speaker 1: because she's not here anymore, So she's your cheerleader. And
Speaker 1: when you're talking to yourself, you can pretend you're your grandmother,
Speaker 1: telling yourself that you deserve to go to therapy, that
Speaker 1: you deserve to figure out all of your ship. As
Speaker 1: difficult as it, maybe it is the most rewarding endeavor
Speaker 1: that you'll ever encounter in life, is to have the
Speaker 1: gift of self awareness and self understanding and self love.
Speaker 1: Thank you, You are worthy. Yes, yes, And I want
Speaker 1: you to remember that. Think about your grandmother every single
Speaker 1: day because she would want this for you, and you
Speaker 1: can do it in her honor. Yeah, you have such
Speaker 1: a beautiful energy to you, like you are so just
Speaker 1: the fact that you're asking these questions you know, and that,
Speaker 1: and you're so gentle. You have this beautiful speaking voice,
Speaker 1: the way you're speaking, and I feel like you're already
Speaker 1: halfway there because you're obviously asking those questions. Your brain
Speaker 1: is way to those questions. Right. So we're so hard
Speaker 1: on ourselves. Just give yourself a great and and and
Speaker 1: and think like if your sister were going through this,
Speaker 1: what would you say to her? Yeah? I always think
Speaker 1: about that, like what would someone tell me to do?
Speaker 1: Because I know I'm going to be too hard to
Speaker 1: tell myself to do the right thing or the thing
Speaker 1: that will help me to do. I want to say,
Speaker 1: you're your own worst enemy type deal. Yeah, a little bit.
Speaker 1: I mean until you get the tools to recognize it,
Speaker 1: you know, but you're not going to learn that in
Speaker 1: two sessions of therapy, or quite frankly, maybe a year.
Speaker 1: Might you might need two years. I mean I've had
Speaker 1: friends through therapists have been like, it's been ten years,
Speaker 1: You're good, you can go. What are you gonna do, though, Heidi?
Speaker 1: What do you what's your next move going to be? Well,
Speaker 1: we're going on a family trip next week for Labor Day,
Speaker 1: so I'm hoping to I'm gonna set my appointment for
Speaker 1: therapy before I go away. Yes, that's hard. It's something
Speaker 1: that I know I needed. I think I just I
Speaker 1: appreciate you kind of giving me the push. It's almost
Speaker 1: so silly, but act feel like I needed an approval. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know, No, that makes sense. Sure, and do
Speaker 1: me another favor. Also, download of meditation app like Headspace
Speaker 1: or Chopra or Sam Harris or Sam Harris. Yeah, ten
Speaker 1: percent happier any of those, and just give yourself five
Speaker 1: or ten minutes each morning starting out with there's all
Speaker 1: these little classes and series they all have different ten
Speaker 1: sessions of something. Find one that speaks to you and
Speaker 1: that resonates with you. Just by the titles. And it
Speaker 1: could be happiness, it could be calmness, it could be
Speaker 1: sleeping better, whatever it is. Just find that and start
Speaker 1: that practice, because you need to get into a practice
Speaker 1: of taking care of yourself. And it doesn't matter whether
Speaker 1: you're doing it right or not. It just matters that
Speaker 1: you're giving yourself that amount of time each day to
Speaker 1: say I care about my day and I care about
Speaker 1: myself and practice self love and so add that with
Speaker 1: your therapy session and just start doing that. And I
Speaker 1: bet you're going to feel the effects of that in
Speaker 1: no time because you seem very open. Yeah, yeah, I'm trying.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be okay. Just say that you're already asking
Speaker 1: the right questions. It's when you can't ask the right
Speaker 1: questions that's when I really worry about people. I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh boy, they're still closed down, but you're already asking
Speaker 1: the questions right. Thank you so much, a pleasure to
Speaker 1: meet you. You're wonderful. Enjoy let go. Oh, I'm so
Speaker 1: excited a little getaway and even told my family, was like,
Speaker 1: I'm going with you guys, but I need my own
Speaker 1: time as well. Yeah for you, I'm going to try
Speaker 1: that with my family. Thanks, h take care. That's like
Speaker 1: the opposite when I go away with my family, They're like,
Speaker 1: you're going to need a time out. Send you to
Speaker 1: your room. That was so sweet and meaningful. What a
Speaker 1: meaningful episode. Absolutely love it. I don't think she's alone though.
Speaker 1: I think so many people after COVID are going through
Speaker 1: what she's going through too, And so I had a
Speaker 1: question before or not. I just I talked to so
Speaker 1: many people who are like I cannot move forward. I
Speaker 1: think there was a lot of that going on. She's
Speaker 1: gorgeous anyway, this fun. Thank you so much for joining
Speaker 1: us again. Yeah. I told Julianna she doesn't have to
Speaker 1: ask me the exit question. That's too much pressure. She's
Speaker 1: already been on the podcast, so we're gonna we're gonna
Speaker 1: skip that part. Although I didn't have one. Oh okay,
Speaker 1: well hold on, let's do our break, right. We're gonna
Speaker 1: take a break and we'll be right back to close
Speaker 1: out this episode with Julianna and Catherine. I like the
Speaker 1: way that I say Julianna in a different way each time.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's Juanna, sometimes it's Julianna. Which one do you
Speaker 1: perfever you're feeling it's just Julianna. I mean, honestly, I
Speaker 1: love hearing someone say Julianna or Julianna, whatever you want.
Speaker 1: But it's almost never that I hear that because everyone
Speaker 1: calls me Jewels. Okay, everyone like and and sometimes Keith
Speaker 1: will be like me and rules Field like Keith, that's
Speaker 1: your bit, like I don't know him. My nickname with
Speaker 1: an email Jules but but yeah, but either but Julianna
Speaker 1: is the name doesn't matter for me. Okay, and we're back. Yes,
Speaker 1: that was a little bit heavy. That was heavy episode today, um,
Speaker 1: and I really hope it helped a lot of people.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna ask a lighter question, Okay, Okay. Even
Speaker 1: though I told Julianna that she does not have to
Speaker 1: ask me a question, she is insisting about it. I
Speaker 1: am because I like, I I really appreciate your advice,
Speaker 1: and I like how your brain works, Chelsea. I find
Speaker 1: it it stimulates my mind. So here's my question. To you.
Speaker 1: What do you do, Chelsea when you go to see
Speaker 1: a play or a performance or a stand up whatever
Speaker 1: it is of a friend of yours and you have
Speaker 1: to go backstage. But it really was awful. So as
Speaker 1: someone who has been on stage and then heard all
Speaker 1: of it, I've heard all of it. I've heard I'm
Speaker 1: going to tell everyone about this, which means they hated it,
Speaker 1: and that's their way of or how do you feel?
Speaker 1: How do you feel about your perform I want to
Speaker 1: kill them. I want to shoot them dead. I want
Speaker 1: to be that supportive friend. And I was once in
Speaker 1: an acting class where the teacher would let us comment
Speaker 1: on the scene study we were seeing. But it could
Speaker 1: only be positive, even if the scene was awful. You
Speaker 1: could be like, I love how you dressed, and I
Speaker 1: loved your voice, and that you know, and that's how
Speaker 1: you give a comment. What do you do, Chelsea when
Speaker 1: you go back staging? I do that. I just lie.
Speaker 1: That is not obviously the time to be honest. And
Speaker 1: when somebody they can't change the performance, So no, I
Speaker 1: just think of something positive that I saw, or a
Speaker 1: character that I loved, or wasn't that girl amazing? Or
Speaker 1: your performance I loved it. When you do this, I
Speaker 1: find that being specific with things to deflect from an
Speaker 1: actual review, people are really drawn to that. They want
Speaker 1: to hear about their performance as a performer more than
Speaker 1: any thing else. And if you can just give him
Speaker 1: a couple of like kernels of that, that's just the
Speaker 1: best way to go about it. There's no reason to
Speaker 1: tell the truth in those situations. No, that's what I
Speaker 1: thought you'd say, And I'm glad. I'm glad I've heard
Speaker 1: it from you from your mouth. I've definitely been in
Speaker 1: that situation. Alright, guys, thank you, you have a great day.
Speaker 1: I'll be in touch about we love it well. Thank you. So,
Speaker 1: if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an
Speaker 1: email at Dear Chelsea project at gmail dot com. Dear
Speaker 1: Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced
Speaker 1: by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and
Speaker 1: engineered by Brad Dicker.