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Speaker 1: Okay, so my stand up dates. I have some dates

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Speaker 1: coming up in California in Long Beach, I'm performing on Friday,

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Speaker 1: aft and then I'm in Bakersfield October, and then October one,

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Speaker 1: I'm in Passa Robels, and then I'm in Vegas at

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Speaker 1: the Mirage Saturday October and then Wheatland, California October. And

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Speaker 1: then you can go to Chelsea Hamler dot com for

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Speaker 1: more dates when I'll be performing, and uh yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: pretty much what's happening right now. Hi Catherine, Hello, Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: good afternoon, Good afternoon, Good afternoon. I have such a

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Speaker 1: funny story. So well, it's not that funny, but Juliana

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Speaker 1: Margulie's who any avid listeners should this podcast know that

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Speaker 1: when she was on, she was so great and I

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Speaker 1: was texting with her after telling her how great she

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Speaker 1: was in the response I had gotten, and then she

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Speaker 1: was like, if anyone ever falls out, will you please

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Speaker 1: let me know I would like to come on again.

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Speaker 1: And then someone fell out this week and I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, let me text Julietta. Then she was like, yes,

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Speaker 1: I'm down, And so how cute is that? That's our

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Speaker 1: guest today, You guys, and that's how it transpired. Julianna

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Speaker 1: Margut Liz is our special guests back by popular popular demand. Yes,

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Speaker 1: by her demand. Also by her demand, We're open. And

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Speaker 1: she's also going to be in the third season of

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Speaker 1: the Morning Show, reprising her role, so you can look

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Speaker 1: forward to that. If you miss The Good Wife, e

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Speaker 1: Er and everything else that she's ever been in, you

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Speaker 1: can tune into the Morning Show on Apple TV. She

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Speaker 1: also has a great book out that I've read, which

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Speaker 1: I'm going to read again, Sunshine Girl. Yeah, Sunshine Girl

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Speaker 1: and Brandy Carlyle's book. Those are two great books that

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Speaker 1: I read autobiographies. Please welcome Julianna Margut lese Hi, Hi, Hi,

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Speaker 1: without any further ado, We're gonna hop right into it.

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Speaker 1: Back by popular demand. Julianna Margut lies is back with

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Speaker 1: us today because we had such fierce responses. Right, yes

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Speaker 1: we did. I got so many emails about that EPI yes,

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Speaker 1: I got so many, Julianna. So many people are like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, Julianna Margutis, like, you guys are so connected.

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Speaker 1: I said that to Julianna, I go, I feel very

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Speaker 1: connected to you. Especially after the podcast. I just felt

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Speaker 1: like your openness. It was just so infectious and people

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Speaker 1: really responded to it, and I think you really were

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Speaker 1: able to help so many people. Oh that makes me happy.

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Speaker 1: I love it. I love it, I really do. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: I'm on zoom and a mess, but I've been out

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Speaker 1: in the depths of the woods to old day to

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Speaker 1: day with contractors trying to get lime disease. What were

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Speaker 1: you up to? I stay away from that. No. Um,

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Speaker 1: We're trying to build something in our house and I

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Speaker 1: have to meet with contractors. And here's my problem. I

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Speaker 1: know you're in the middle of a renovation. I'm always

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Speaker 1: in the middle of a renovation. Always in the middle

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Speaker 1: of a renovation. I'm always homeless. I kind of love

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Speaker 1: it because I love the creative process of it. But

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Speaker 1: like meeting contractors, I love them all. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to say no to one because I feel bad. And

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Speaker 1: that's my problem. And I literally looked at the architect

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Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't know what to do.

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Speaker 1: He was like, wait till the bids come in, blah

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Speaker 1: bah blah. But so my my problem. These are champagne problems,

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Speaker 1: I know, but my problem is always saying no to people. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I have that problem too, whenever I'm like, I remember

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Speaker 1: hiring directors, meeting with directors. I was doing a documentary

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Speaker 1: series for Netflix, and I was meeting with all these

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Speaker 1: directors and I was just like, Okay, let's hire that woman.

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Speaker 1: And then the next guy, I was like, oh, I

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Speaker 1: like him too, very good too. Yeah. And my cousin

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Speaker 1: always like, you have no discernment like between people, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, what, that doesn't seem like it goes

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Speaker 1: with my personality. But it does for some reason. You know,

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Speaker 1: after reading your last book. I've read all, but after

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Speaker 1: reading the last one, I feel this tremendous connection to

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Speaker 1: I feel like you aren't that person. Yeah, well maybe

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Speaker 1: I worried about you do worry about everybody. I see

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Speaker 1: how you take care of your family and how you

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Speaker 1: do that's sweet. How has your summer been going, Julianna,

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Speaker 1: My summer has been going very well. My son came

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Speaker 1: off the bus from camp an inch taller and his voices, no, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's so bitter. You know, my whole his whole life,

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Speaker 1: I've looked down at him when I tell him to

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Speaker 1: do something, and now I'm like, um, and that's just

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Speaker 1: the beginning. So he's fourteen and a half. So it's

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Speaker 1: been it's been nice having him back home, and it's

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Speaker 1: been good, gentle gentle summer. Yeah, yeah, pretty good. We

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Speaker 1: are going to take a quick break so you can

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Speaker 1: hear and add and then we'll be right back. How

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Speaker 1: was your vacation? How is your Oh? My god, I

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Speaker 1: had so many vacations. They've been so great and like

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Speaker 1: healing and friends and family and strangers and people. I've

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Speaker 1: new people. I love meeting new people. I always love

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Speaker 1: meeting new people, especially British people. I have an affinity

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Speaker 1: for British people. So in Greece it was my friends

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Speaker 1: sisters getaway, she and all of her British friends and

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Speaker 1: their couples and their kids. I'll go to this island,

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Speaker 1: Left Cotta, and I had never been to Left Cotta.

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Speaker 1: I had also never flown on easy Jet. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if you guys are familiar with that, but it

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Speaker 1: is something to avoid for the entire world because it

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Speaker 1: sounds like a cheap ticket. It's yes, it's like being

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Speaker 1: airlifted in a I don't even know why they have seats.

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Speaker 1: You should just be standing because that's how uncomfortable it is.

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Speaker 1: And my friend was like, it's a three and a

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Speaker 1: half hour flight back to London, and I had my

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Speaker 1: own plane ticket booked, but they were leaving a day

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Speaker 1: early and they had gotten their tickets confused. And she goes, okay,

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Speaker 1: I have some bad news. You're gonna have to fly

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Speaker 1: with us. That's the good news. The bad news is

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Speaker 1: we're going to uneasy jet and you're not gonna like that.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, I go, you know what,

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Speaker 1: just give me an edible. I can handle anything, you know,

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Speaker 1: and we got on it. I read an entire book,

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Speaker 1: Daisy Jones and the Six By the way, Julianna, if

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Speaker 1: you're looking for a good quick fiction read, that's really

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Speaker 1: really good. I love when I finish a book, you know,

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Speaker 1: in a couple of days, when I get sad I

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Speaker 1: missed them. Yeah. I have always had a rule in

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Speaker 1: my house not to have a TV in the bedroom

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Speaker 1: because I'll just watch it rather than read before I

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Speaker 1: go to sleep. Yeah. I mean, of course, it's also

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Speaker 1: better for a relationship. But nothing makes me more depressed

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Speaker 1: than someone falling asleep to the TV in their own

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Speaker 1: bed and then waking up at three in the morning

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Speaker 1: the TV than But when you have a book you

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Speaker 1: like read, your dreams are better. There's no none of

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Speaker 1: that the rays of the television going into your head.

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Speaker 1: I always say to my kids, the best gift we

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Speaker 1: ever gave you was your love for reading. Yeah. A friend.

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Speaker 1: No matter where you are in the world, a book

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Speaker 1: is a friend. A book is a happy, safe place.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah. And you know what I've realized recently is

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Speaker 1: that I'm reading too much serious shit. Like I love

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Speaker 1: to be like analytical and think about things and have

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Speaker 1: things that provoke my thinking. But at the same time,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, no, it's an escape also, and I deserve

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Speaker 1: to read fun things. That's why this book, Daisy Jones

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Speaker 1: and the Six was like a departure from what I

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Speaker 1: normally read, and it was such a welcome reprieve because

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, this is like being in a

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Speaker 1: fun different world, you know. No, it's so important. Disappearing

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Speaker 1: into a normal is my favorite thing to do. Yeah yeah.

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Speaker 1: The idea is to go into someone else's world and

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Speaker 1: not have to be in your own. I love a memoir,

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Speaker 1: and I love but it's hard because whatever you read

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Speaker 1: when you're reading really tough stuff, I'm reading a memmore

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Speaker 1: right now. Called Unraveling, which is actually fascinating. It's not

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Speaker 1: out yet. I'm reading it to give her a blurb.

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Speaker 1: But it's by Peggy Ornstein and it's called Unraveling, and

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Speaker 1: it's about She's a huge author, New York Times bestselling

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Speaker 1: author who writes about um, sex for girls and sex

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Speaker 1: for boys. She she talks about gender and children. And

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Speaker 1: she was a journalist. But in the pandemic she's a knitter,

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Speaker 1: and I think, I guess. She said, I don't know

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Speaker 1: how people know ship, but I knit. I've always knitted.

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Speaker 1: I don't have a knit in a while, but I

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Speaker 1: used to be a big knitter. Anyway, she decided she

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Speaker 1: wanted if she was gonna knit, she has to learn

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Speaker 1: how to share a sheep and the whole store. And

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Speaker 1: I thought, are you fucking kidding me? I said yes

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Speaker 1: to this, and I'm gonna be on a farm like

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Speaker 1: sharing sheep. It is so fascinating the rabbit holes because

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Speaker 1: she's a journalist and because she's an author and a

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Speaker 1: great writer. It's all about her experience sharing the sheep

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Speaker 1: is unbelievably difficult. And also she goes into what we're

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Speaker 1: doing to our planet with all these bad you know,

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Speaker 1: all the cheap, easy clothing that's like the landfills. And

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Speaker 1: then she goes and she said, once I saw it,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't unsee it. I think that's what's hard about

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Speaker 1: reading really realistic books, is that once you go there,

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Speaker 1: you have to change because now I literally was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna run into this store and buy it,

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Speaker 1: and I thought, is that going to be landfill? I'll

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Speaker 1: just buy vintage? Then, oh my god. And and and

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Speaker 1: the way I used to joke about sheep, Actually, if

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Speaker 1: you're ever looking for a different job, we're in need

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Speaker 1: of sheep shears, and sheep need to be sheared, and

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Speaker 1: they actually can help global warming. Like I didn't know

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Speaker 1: any of this, so I didn't know. Oh yeah, it's fascinating.

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Speaker 1: Everyone says cheaper stupid. They're not. They're some of this.

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Speaker 1: They're so smart. The reason their eyes are slanted is

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Speaker 1: so they can see behind them, and you always think like, oh,

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Speaker 1: they have such little funny eyes. You know, they're just stupid,

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Speaker 1: little cheep. I'm learning so much that I want to

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Speaker 1: know and that I don't want to know because now

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Speaker 1: I have to change the way I live. No, I

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Speaker 1: think reading is I don't read that book before I

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Speaker 1: go to sleep, I read a novel be well. I

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Speaker 1: think that's probably so true for so many things right

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Speaker 1: that we don't even know about in our environment that

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Speaker 1: are actually helping us live and breathe clean air and

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Speaker 1: helping put oxygen out into the atmosphere. Like we are

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Speaker 1: constantly surrounded by these things, but until you read a

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Speaker 1: book like that, you don't even know. You're like, oh, wait,

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Speaker 1: this is a contribution to the environment that we could

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Speaker 1: be using in a much more mindful way, exactly, Like

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Speaker 1: I never knew that a lot of clothes are made

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Speaker 1: with plastics in them, all the stretchy stuff. It's all

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Speaker 1: all of it, and and by the way, and and

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Speaker 1: and you know, and they're like, well, but we send

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Speaker 1: all the used closed Africa after saying we don't wear them,

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Speaker 1: we don't want them. Stop sending like it is anyway,

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Speaker 1: I digress, But literally, I do think that reading is

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Speaker 1: important to educate, but it's also really important to disappear

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Speaker 1: and and go into someone else's world and think outside

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Speaker 1: of yourself. Yeah, there is no comfort like a good book.

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Speaker 1: What are some of you? If you can think of

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Speaker 1: one or some of your favorite books to recommend to listeners.

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Speaker 1: Did you ever read that book Sarcy by Madeline Miller. No,

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Speaker 1: that's a beautiful book and it's like fantasy. I mean

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Speaker 1: it's about Greek mythology, but it's so beautifully written. I

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Speaker 1: mean I had to read that. That was one of

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Speaker 1: those books where you read, you read a paragraph and

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Speaker 1: you put the you put the book down and just

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Speaker 1: think about how she wrote that. It's so impressive. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: that was one of my favorite books. Did you ever

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Speaker 1: read The Red Tent? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, that was a

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Speaker 1: great book. Interesting about that book, that book. I was

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Speaker 1: in Ireland doing a film and it was right after

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Speaker 1: nine eleven and someone had told me to read that

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Speaker 1: book and I started it and they were so men.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's it's biblical, right, So there were so

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Speaker 1: many names, and I was like, I always give a

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Speaker 1: book fifty pages before I sam out. I remember turning

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Speaker 1: page fifty. I was getting frustrated with it because there

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Speaker 1: were so many characters and I couldn't keep track of everyone.

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Speaker 1: Page fifty turned it. I never put the book down.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't wait till they were like, we have ten

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Speaker 1: minutes for lighting. I'd run back to my dressing room

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Speaker 1: and read the book. Those are the kind of things

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Speaker 1: there's there's another book. Oh, this is why I write

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Speaker 1: things down in my notes on my phone. That's no,

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Speaker 1: no offense. Really, that's why everybody writes things down in

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Speaker 1: their notes. You're not the only You're not the only one. Oh.

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Speaker 1: In that realm of the red Tent, there's a book

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Speaker 1: called Pope Joan. Did you ever read it? Know? What's that? Oh?

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Speaker 1: My god? So Pope Joan. Let me just write that

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Speaker 1: down in my notes section one second? Yeah, right, session.

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Speaker 1: Hope Joan is about a lot of people feel that

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Speaker 1: it's complete falsehood. You just go into the story, but

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Speaker 1: it's basically the first pope that was elected that was

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Speaker 1: actually a woman, and there's there's historical evidence showing, for example,

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Speaker 1: did you know that when someone is elected pope now

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Speaker 1: because of Pope Joan, when they found out she was

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Speaker 1: a woman and they killed her she was masquerading as

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Speaker 1: a man. In thirteen whatever it was, they have basically

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Speaker 1: a ball throne where the pope elected pope has to

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Speaker 1: sit on it and someone goes under his robes to

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Speaker 1: make sure he has pesticals. Oh wonderful. And that's because

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Speaker 1: of Pope Joan. It is such a fascinating read. And

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Speaker 1: some producers sent it to me when I was on

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Speaker 1: the Good Wife and said, we want to make this

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Speaker 1: into a movie and we think you'd be a great pope. Joan.

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Speaker 1: It was like, you know, eight hundred pages and I want, guys,

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Speaker 1: I'm on set fourteen hours a day. You're insane if

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Speaker 1: you think I'm going to read this in two weeks

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Speaker 1: to get be my answer. So, and they said, take

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Speaker 1: all the time you want. I read it in a week.

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Speaker 1: I could not put the book down. It was absolutely fascinating.

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Speaker 1: I love those kind of because you also learned about

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Speaker 1: history and you learn about you know. Anyway, so you

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Speaker 1: didn't end up doing the project? Oh so, so I said, yes.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I'm in this is I was just

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Speaker 1: unbelievable character. And they couldn't get a greenlit anywhere. Oh so,

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Speaker 1: you know, I mean, I've been attached to so many

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Speaker 1: of those. But you know, you keep throwing it at

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Speaker 1: the wall and whatever sticks sticks. You know, you gotta

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Speaker 1: make lemonade exactly. But anyway, it's a great read. I

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Speaker 1: just read The Latecomer. I'm going down a gene Hans

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Speaker 1: Corlett's sort of rabbit hole because I've always loved her writing.

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Speaker 1: And then she had read my memoir and actually asked

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Speaker 1: she has all these book events, and she said my name.

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Speaker 1: I knew who she was because I had read her

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Speaker 1: books before, but she just came out with a book

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Speaker 1: called The Latecomer and that was so much fun because

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Speaker 1: while it's very New York story, but it's about these trips,

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Speaker 1: splets who came into existence from a petri dish because

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Speaker 1: their mother couldn't get pregnant. And it is a fascinating,

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Speaker 1: fabulous fund read. And I love triplets. I like anything

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Speaker 1: where there's twins, triplets or sisters. Those are my three.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever seen that show The Split? Do you

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Speaker 1: have you? Ever? My god? I love it? Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: it's my favorite. I haven't I haven't a show for you. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So here's what happened last night. I drove up up

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Speaker 1: I'm up state and for the first time by myself,

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Speaker 1: no dog, no kid, no husband. Like I walked into

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Speaker 1: my house. There's no food. I'm like, okay, I'll figure

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Speaker 1: it out. There's some eggs, Like what can I do?

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Speaker 1: Like you, Chelsea, I'm one technically challenged, like the Pact

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Speaker 1: that I'm on this zoom with you and no one's

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Speaker 1: gonna help me. It is talking. And I've never actually

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Speaker 1: turned my television on up here because my kid or

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Speaker 1: my husband are always here and they know how to

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Speaker 1: do it. And it's got like, I'm like, what is

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Speaker 1: eight m one? So I don't want to be I

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Speaker 1: just wait till they're here. So I had just finished

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Speaker 1: watching Catastrophe. Have you seen cats Awesome? I love it

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Speaker 1: and I love her, Sharon Horgan. I'm obsessed with the

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Speaker 1: actress the way I was with Nicola Walker in The Split.

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Speaker 1: She's genius. Oh that show is awesome, awesome, just like

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Speaker 1: In fact, when I watched that show, I emailed Robert

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Speaker 1: Michelle King, who created The Good Wife, and I was like, um,

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Speaker 1: do you think maybe this was born out of the

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Speaker 1: Good Wife? Because there's way too many similarities, right, She's

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Speaker 1: having the affair with the guy at the law firm,

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And they said, oh, we heard about it.

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Speaker 1: And the Washington Post said, if you're missing The Good Wife,

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Speaker 1: watched The Split, So anyway, this show. So after I

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Speaker 1: watched Catastrophe, I heard that Sharon Horrigan, I'm sure I'm

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Speaker 1: saying her name wrong, but she writes, directs, produces, and acts,

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Speaker 1: and I I just love women who do that. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if I could ever. I can produce an act,

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Speaker 1: but I don't know if I could do any of

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Speaker 1: the other things. She has a new show called Bad Sisters,

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Speaker 1: and I immediately thought of you, Chelsea, you have to

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Speaker 1: watch Oh my god, I saw it, you know what.

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Speaker 1: I saw it, and I was about to no, no,

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Speaker 1: I was about to watch it, and then my assistant said, oh,

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Speaker 1: you should watch Severance, I think because they're both on Apple, right,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, Severance is on Apple with Adam Scott, who

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Speaker 1: I love. I love that show. Oh yeah, you watched

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Speaker 1: that show Severance? Oh yeah, I mean I have to

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Speaker 1: say at one point, like by episode three, I was

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Speaker 1: getting so angst. I was watching with my husband. I said,

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Speaker 1: you know, by the next episode, if it doesn't get

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Speaker 1: a little bit lighter, I don't know if I can

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Speaker 1: handle it anymore. Because we watched it together before we

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Speaker 1: go to bed. And then in Walks, I mean, I

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Speaker 1: loved all of it, but but the characters were so

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Speaker 1: sad and brutal and also frightening. Patricia Arquette is a genius,

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Speaker 1: but she scared the ship out of me. And then

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Speaker 1: in walks Christopher walking with John Turo and I like,

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, it's the sweetest thing

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Speaker 1: I've ever seen. I know, Christopher walking. Any time he

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Speaker 1: walked into a room, You're like, first all, Patricia Arquette

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Speaker 1: is the fucking best. She's Oh my god. Every time

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Speaker 1: when you see her, you're like you feel dehydrated from

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Speaker 1: missing her. You're like, hey, I need her and more ship.

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Speaker 1: She is one of those actresses I've always admired because

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Speaker 1: she is unapologetically that character. Yeah you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: Like she just goes in there and you're like, wait,

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Speaker 1: wait seriously this is and you believe everything, Like she's crazy.

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Speaker 1: Sever Yeah, well she's crazy, Okay, I definitely. Well, I

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Speaker 1: love Sharon Horrigan. I'm gonna watch Bad Sisters. We should

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Speaker 1: have Sharon on the podcast. Also, she's I think she

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Speaker 1: is truly talented on every level. She's funny. She's funny.

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Speaker 1: Catastrophe was so good. I started watching Severance. I'm not

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Speaker 1: to the end because I also found it slightly depressing.

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, this is hark. I'm not good at

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Speaker 1: like television analysis. Like when there's a bigger kind of

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Speaker 1: metaphorical thing going on. It's not always easy for me

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Speaker 1: to identify, you know, like even in in a Bear

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Speaker 1: Did you watch that, Julie, I've watched three episodes of it.

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Speaker 1: That's a great show, and that I watched it, and

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Speaker 1: then I read a review of it and in the

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Speaker 1: New York Times. I'm sure because those reviews are like

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Speaker 1: I might as well be talking to somebody who speaks French,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, wait what. I was like, toxic masculinity, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I could see that, but then they listed like all

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Speaker 1: of the things that the show was about, and I'm like, wow,

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Speaker 1: I'm a real dummy, Like I didn't pick up on that.

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Speaker 1: I'm late to the game on a lot of things.

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Speaker 1: But I just finished watching the entire four seasons of Ozark,

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Speaker 1: which was brilliant. Laura Linney is another she just deserved

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Speaker 1: another level. But in the beginning, I was like, I

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Speaker 1: don't understand money washing. Wait what? And I'm a fairly

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Speaker 1: educated person with you know, a medium sized brain. But literally,

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Speaker 1: as the show went, I went, thank you for not

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Speaker 1: you didn't talk down to your audience. I love a

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Speaker 1: show that allows me to learn what they're talking about

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Speaker 1: through time, because writing a pilot is really difficult, and

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Speaker 1: any network you want to set up everything within that

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Speaker 1: first show to keep the audience coming back. But it's like, no,

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Speaker 1: if you really believe in the work you're doing, then

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Speaker 1: let the audience learn with you. Yeah. So, like by

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Speaker 1: the end, I felt like, oh, I understand Cartel and

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Speaker 1: wondering it. But the one show I couldn't keep watching

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Speaker 1: because I just they talked too fast and I was

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Speaker 1: on it was Billions because I would look over to

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Speaker 1: my husband and be like, I don't understand. What does

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Speaker 1: that mean? What are they trading in? I don't get

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Speaker 1: I didn't. It was a lingo that went over my head. Well,

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Speaker 1: Billions is like red Bull, Like that's tell red Bull television,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Billions is like two. It's

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Speaker 1: high octane, and that's like it's it's like out of

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Speaker 1: pace where there's Yeah, I know exactly what you mean

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Speaker 1: by that. Ozark is one of the best shows ever.

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Speaker 1: That and Jason Bateman is so boad and so is

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Speaker 1: good Julia Garner. She's a badass. Yeah, it was fantastic.

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Speaker 1: So it's been fun catching up. I know it was

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Speaker 1: on like years ago. But well, I think a lot

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Speaker 1: of people are gonna be surprised to hear that you

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Speaker 1: are not money washing and upstate New York, Julianna, because

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Speaker 1: that's what this podcast were supposed to be about. I'm

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Speaker 1: watching other things all the time, but not money. Okay. Well,

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Speaker 1: now that we've done our television round up, television book, book,

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Speaker 1: and television review and entertainment corner, Yeah, we're gonna have

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Speaker 1: this is gonna be a regular thing the next time

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Speaker 1: we have to call on Julianna. Okay, Katherine some Well,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna make us take a little bit of a

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Speaker 1: break and then we'll be back with some colors and

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Speaker 1: we're back. What do we got going on today, Katherine?

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Speaker 1: So many things. Well, our first question is a sister question,

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Speaker 1: or rather a sister in law question. This comes from

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Speaker 1: less dear Chelsea. I'm not sure what to do about

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Speaker 1: my sister in law. The problem is is that she's

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Speaker 1: been purchasing things that I own to an extent that

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Speaker 1: is extremely uncomfortable for me, and I feel like I'm

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Speaker 1: being stripped of my identity when I'm with her. I

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Speaker 1: don't even like to wear things that are special to

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Speaker 1: me around her in fear that she'll ask where it's

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Speaker 1: from and buy it multiple pairs of shoes, jewelry, coats, sweaters, pants, art,

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Speaker 1: et cetera. It may be partially my fault because sometimes

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Speaker 1: I share links with her when she asks where did

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Speaker 1: you get those pants? I'm getting increasingly upset when I

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Speaker 1: see her wearing things I own, and she dresses almost

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Speaker 1: exactly like me. Now I'm extremely close with my brother,

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Speaker 1: her husband, and I'm afraid confronting her will cause us

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Speaker 1: to get in a fight. Please help less. Oh boy,

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Speaker 1: I have so many You go first, Julianna, I have

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Speaker 1: so many. Well, my first reaction when hearing that is

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Speaker 1: imitation is the best form of flattery. And agreed, Chelsea.

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Speaker 1: You know I think she's your agent. But my best

421
00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:02,080
Speaker 1: friend Blair Cohen from college is truly one of the

422
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,000
Speaker 1: most fashion forward people I've ever met. Like, everything she

423
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,800
Speaker 1: puts on, I'm like, oh my god, just got style

424
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,480
Speaker 1: up the Jesus You're just like, what the fun is?

425
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,320
Speaker 1: You're like, are those shoes? Are they milk cartons? And

426
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:18,080
Speaker 1: somehow she's more just stylish person and and I am

427
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:23,080
Speaker 1: not ashamed to tell you that I now have half

428
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:28,040
Speaker 1: her wardrobe, and she takes it as a compliment. She

429
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,200
Speaker 1: really does like she She was in town a couple

430
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:31,840
Speaker 1: of weeks ago and I was wearing these niarly low

431
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 1: tan pants that I had seen on her first and

432
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,919
Speaker 1: she was like, oh girl, you look great. Like I

433
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,800
Speaker 1: understand what family. It might be different because you suddenly

434
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,600
Speaker 1: you're both showing up. But if you could look at

435
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,560
Speaker 1: it from a different angle, which is that you're inspiring

436
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 1: somebody your taste. I mean, nothing makes me happier than

437
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:49,919
Speaker 1: when someone comes into my home and says, oh my god,

438
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 1: where did you get that lamp? I have to have it,

439
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:55,320
Speaker 1: And I think, oh, I did good. Yeah, I look

440
00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 1: at it as a compliment unless it's that single white

441
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:03,040
Speaker 1: female thing where she is trying to become you. I

442
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,400
Speaker 1: wouldn't look at it as anything except she likes your

443
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:07,920
Speaker 1: style and take it as a compliment. That's my feeling.

444
00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:10,720
Speaker 1: But yeah, what do you think, Katherine. I think she

445
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,959
Speaker 1: should start sending her affiliate links so she can make

446
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:17,359
Speaker 1: a little money on the side when she clicks commission.

447
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,200
Speaker 1: I mean, you could do the old oh this old

448
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:23,160
Speaker 1: thing and tell her you don't remember, or tell her

449
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 1: it's vintage. I mean, I do agree it's flattering. Yeah,

450
00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:28,960
Speaker 1: I think it's flattering, and I think you need to

451
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:32,600
Speaker 1: adjust your mindset and perspective on it. It's a compliment

452
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:34,920
Speaker 1: and you should take it as such, like she's never

453
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,720
Speaker 1: going to steal your identity. If it's really crossing a

454
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 1: line and she's acting like you and making you, then

455
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,920
Speaker 1: that's a separate issue and then that would call for attention.

456
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 1: But somebody who's just dressing like you is a huge compliment.

457
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,159
Speaker 1: And again, Julianna, like when people come over to my

458
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:51,199
Speaker 1: house and say, oh my god this or that, I'm like,

459
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:54,359
Speaker 1: oh yeah, right on, nailed it. You know, I always

460
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 1: take it as a compliment. I take it as a

461
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,399
Speaker 1: compliment when people show up at my shows wearing jumpsuits

462
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 1: like I wear. I started in jumpsuits because of Chelsea

463
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,200
Speaker 1: I did, and then I did her first. The first

464
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:06,880
Speaker 1: podcast I did with her, I was wearing a jump

465
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:11,760
Speaker 1: the homage to Chelsea. It was a compliment. Thank you,

466
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,560
Speaker 1: That's sweet. I would feel complimented if someone showed up

467
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 1: wearing something. You know, it's it's about your identity, So

468
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,919
Speaker 1: I say, stay who you are. If you start feeling

469
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:26,200
Speaker 1: like she's talking like you or is different when there's

470
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,520
Speaker 1: trying to She's married to your brothers, so it's not

471
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 1: like she's going to try and date the same person

472
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 1: as you or you know. I just whenever someone was like,

473
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 1: oh what do you eat? Because I love the way

474
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:37,680
Speaker 1: you look at what, I'm like, Oh, let me, I'm

475
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 1: so happy to share. And also remember this, I'm a

476
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:43,399
Speaker 1: child of the eighties, like that was when I was

477
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:46,720
Speaker 1: could afford fashion or or cared. We all were the

478
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:50,359
Speaker 1: same thing, right when you're in middle school in high school,

479
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,119
Speaker 1: you're you're wearing this, you wear with each other wears

480
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,200
Speaker 1: because you're around each other and you like each other,

481
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:57,200
Speaker 1: you know, and you want to be cool. So you're

482
00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:00,159
Speaker 1: probably really cool to her, and she wants to be

483
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:03,960
Speaker 1: like you because a your brother is married to her,

484
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,760
Speaker 1: and she probably knows you're really close with your brother

485
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:08,120
Speaker 1: and maybe you know what I mean. Like it could

486
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,200
Speaker 1: be so many different psychological things. If it gets creepy,

487
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:12,880
Speaker 1: you can say, hey, babe, I love that you love

488
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,360
Speaker 1: what I'm wearing, and I love that you buy the stuff,

489
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:19,199
Speaker 1: but can we just talk? Are you okay? Because I

490
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,919
Speaker 1: feel like you're a little bit coming into my orbit

491
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 1: too much. And you can say it sweetly if you're

492
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,920
Speaker 1: feeling out. Yeah, yeah, and you could even suggest, say

493
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,399
Speaker 1: you're wearing something in yellow and she loves it, be like,

494
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 1: you know, what would look great on you is the

495
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:37,040
Speaker 1: blue one? You know that's not exactly the same. That's perfect.

496
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 1: You're absolutely right. Yeah, these aren't big problems. You just

497
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:42,680
Speaker 1: have to be a little bit more gracious about it

498
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 1: and just remember that that's cool. That's a compliment, period,

499
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,879
Speaker 1: it's a compliment. Turn it around. Well. Our next question

500
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,159
Speaker 1: comes from Chandra Dear Chelsea. I'm a twenty four year

501
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 1: old transman and recently started living alone in my two

502
00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,760
Speaker 1: bedroom apartment. My partner of three and a half years

503
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:02,199
Speaker 1: and did things with me back in March. This was

504
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,680
Speaker 1: an incredibly difficult adjustment, as I had just moved to

505
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:07,359
Speaker 1: Pennsylvania and left my family to be with them to

506
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:10,439
Speaker 1: find work out there. I ended up working under my

507
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:13,359
Speaker 1: partner in our grooming salon. Since then, I've moved up

508
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:16,080
Speaker 1: to co managing the salon with my now ex partner.

509
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 1: Less than two months after they broke up with me,

510
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 1: they started dating our friend slash coworker. I will admit

511
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 1: this is hard to witness and I had a lot

512
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 1: of friends tell me to get up and leave my

513
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 1: job to get away from that hurt. It's been an

514
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:31,679
Speaker 1: overwhelming loss, but my X and I still maintain a

515
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:35,720
Speaker 1: distanced but respectful friendship. Here's the deal. I'm now reaching

516
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,240
Speaker 1: a pivotal moment in my life, and I'm stuck, frozen

517
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:41,000
Speaker 1: in fear of which choice to make. I've always dreamt

518
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:43,200
Speaker 1: of living in Germany, but I'm too afraid to make

519
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 1: that leap, and my German needs a lot of work.

520
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 1: I've also had friends offered to have me stay with

521
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 1: them in Chicago until I figure things out. I don't

522
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 1: know what I want to do or where to go,

523
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 1: but I do know I want to start learning to

524
00:26:54,160 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 1: listen and trust myself to make decisions. Any advice, Chandra, Hey, Chandra, Hi, Chandra,

525
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,680
Speaker 1: how are you? This is Julianna, And of course you've

526
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 1: spoken to Catherine already. Hi were here to help you here?

527
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:13,439
Speaker 1: Thank you? I need it right now at this point. Okay,

528
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 1: So how long have you been working together with your ex?

529
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,440
Speaker 1: We broke up in March, and so I've been working

530
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 1: with all of them together for the last six months.

531
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:26,360
Speaker 1: And I've been working with my ex for the last

532
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 1: three years and you obviously feel like you need to change, right, Yeah,

533
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,880
Speaker 1: I mean every if I I've given it a lot

534
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 1: of thought. And I'm twenty four and basically every major

535
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:43,119
Speaker 1: life choice I've made has been around a partner. I

536
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 1: left Michigan and went to college for somebody who was

537
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 1: going to the same university. That didn't end out well.

538
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:52,160
Speaker 1: And then I moved to Pennsylvania for my ex and

539
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 1: that didn't work out well. I mean, I really thought

540
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 1: this last relationship was gonna be it for me. I

541
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:00,440
Speaker 1: mean I thought I met my life partner because I've

542
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:04,640
Speaker 1: never been in such a supportive, non judgmental relationship. I mean,

543
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,719
Speaker 1: we were open the whole time. And it was because,

544
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 1: like my partner believed that I should experiment with what

545
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 1: men and because my partner, my ex is female but

546
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:17,920
Speaker 1: non binary. So it's still transfer relationship. What was the

547
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:22,360
Speaker 1: last word you use? Trans for trans relationship? For trans? Okay? Good?

548
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:23,720
Speaker 1: I need. I need to make sure I'm up on

549
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,879
Speaker 1: all the lingo. Okay, it doesn't matter, But what sex

550
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:28,919
Speaker 1: is this person that she's having a relationship with. It

551
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 1: is the same sex or is in another non binary

552
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:34,400
Speaker 1: or male? They took a huge leap. He's as head

553
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 1: conservative male. Wow. Well, first and foremost, I want to

554
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 1: say that you're twenty four years old, and I am

555
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 1: here to tell you that you are probably going to

556
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 1: fall in love and have your heartbroken multiple times from

557
00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:50,800
Speaker 1: now on, and that is part of the way of

558
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 1: the world. And the sooner that you can get on

559
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:56,720
Speaker 1: that train and accepting of it, the more emboldened and

560
00:28:56,800 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 1: empowered you're going to feel. Because relationships do not find you,

561
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 1: the way you handle relationships defines you, you know what

562
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 1: I mean. So like you saying I thought I'm at

563
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 1: the love of my life. Of course, we all want

564
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 1: to meet that person and we all want to feel

565
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:13,960
Speaker 1: that way, but the chances of that happening at your

566
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,520
Speaker 1: age are just not you know what I mean. To

567
00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 1: the time, your age is not on your side. You're

568
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 1: here to explore and to learn and to have multitude,

569
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:26,280
Speaker 1: a multitude of experiences, not just one, not just two,

570
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:28,800
Speaker 1: not just three. You want to be a full person, right,

571
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:32,160
Speaker 1: So I really don't want you to even think about

572
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:34,680
Speaker 1: I know it's easier said than done, but don't think

573
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 1: about something as it has to be forever. There is

574
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,680
Speaker 1: no forever. All of that is hogwash anyway, Just think

575
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 1: about you right now. Just think about what is going

576
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:47,360
Speaker 1: to make you the most productive, happiest version of yourself.

577
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 1: And when you think of that, what comes up. That's

578
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 1: the hard part is I have to basically retrain my

579
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,120
Speaker 1: brain to make me the person I'm taking care of

580
00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:00,360
Speaker 1: instead of a partner or a family member. Do you

581
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:02,840
Speaker 1: feel you're worth is more valuable to you when you're

582
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 1: taking care of someone else other than yourself. I've always

583
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:09,640
Speaker 1: felt like I'm valuable when I'm useful, and yet you're

584
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:13,200
Speaker 1: not useful to yourself. Not at this moment in time. No.

585
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 1: I got back into therapy, so a lot of this

586
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 1: past six months have been like basically creating who I

587
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,440
Speaker 1: am from the ground up and trying to figure out

588
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:25,480
Speaker 1: what I like. And I bought a bike and trying

589
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 1: to find out hobbies so I can be around other

590
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 1: people that aren't connected to my X and stuff like that.

591
00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 1: So here's what I want to say to you right now,

592
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 1: You're exactly where you're supposed to be. You're at the

593
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:40,280
Speaker 1: age where you're exactly where you're supposed to be, but

594
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:45,160
Speaker 1: you don't realize that the world is your oyster. Because

595
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 1: when you're twenty four, you don't see that. When you

596
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:51,120
Speaker 1: said something that really struck me in your letter was

597
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 1: that you want to go to Germany. I can tell

598
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,800
Speaker 1: you as someone who went there once for twenty four

599
00:30:56,800 --> 00:30:59,400
Speaker 1: hours and fell so in love with Berlin, and I

600
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 1: really like I can say three words in German. You

601
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 1: go to the country to learn the language, you don't

602
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:07,360
Speaker 1: learn the language and then go to the country. My

603
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 1: biggest thing when I hear what you're saying is you've

604
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 1: already said I went to college for someone, then I

605
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 1: moved here for someone. Where are you going to move

606
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:21,840
Speaker 1: for you? And when you say I would love to

607
00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 1: go to Germany and I would love to speak German,

608
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 1: you're opening up a whole new world, like the whole point.

609
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:29,520
Speaker 1: And by the way, when you get there, because you

610
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 1: will after Chelsea and I are done with you, You're

611
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 1: totally going to Germany. Um I can say this. There's

612
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:41,880
Speaker 1: I bet you dollars to donuts. You're going to write

613
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:45,800
Speaker 1: into Chelsea and say, had I not gone through those

614
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:49,040
Speaker 1: experiences where I was in so much pain, I would

615
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 1: not have found the path I'm on now. And that's

616
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:55,120
Speaker 1: just life, right. So instead of looking at it like

617
00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:58,840
Speaker 1: an obstacle, look at it like a challenge and an

618
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:02,720
Speaker 1: opportunity and an opportunity, right. My challenge to myself is,

619
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 1: can I take care of me first? When you know

620
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:07,840
Speaker 1: it's putting the mask on the plane, the parent has

621
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:09,280
Speaker 1: to put it on before they do the kid otherwise

622
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:11,840
Speaker 1: they die, right, and then they're no good to the kid.

623
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,400
Speaker 1: So you have to put your own oxygen mask on

624
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 1: before you can be in a relationship with anybody, because

625
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:20,920
Speaker 1: you'll lose yourself again. Yeah, I've been there. I've lost

626
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:23,719
Speaker 1: myself and then spend years going why did I do that?

627
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:27,120
Speaker 1: And therapy and blah blah blah. It's all good, and

628
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful I had that terrible relationship because I

629
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 1: definitely wouldn't have what I have now, and I wouldn't

630
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:35,959
Speaker 1: know who I am now. Don't live your life regretting.

631
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,960
Speaker 1: Live your life well of an open road, because you

632
00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 1: never know what's behind each door or a left, instead

633
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 1: of all right, where is that going to take you?

634
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 1: You know? I remember a friend of mine was we

635
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 1: were both moving back from l A to New York,

636
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:53,080
Speaker 1: and he was really wanting to drive across country because

637
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:54,560
Speaker 1: he wanted his car in New York. He didn't have

638
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,000
Speaker 1: a lot of money, and he was nervous about it

639
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:58,960
Speaker 1: because he's gay, and he was like, I don't know

640
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 1: the Midwest. You know, when you're from either l A

641
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 1: or New York, you think like nobody's going to accept

642
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:05,400
Speaker 1: you anywhere else in the world. And he was nervous

643
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 1: about it. And I said, you'll never know unless you

644
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:10,040
Speaker 1: do it. M hm. And to this day he says

645
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:12,480
Speaker 1: it was the best experience of his life and it

646
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:15,000
Speaker 1: gave him so like he was more confident when he

647
00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 1: came home. When he came back to New York, he

648
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,760
Speaker 1: was like, I did that. I did that by myself,

649
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:22,400
Speaker 1: and then he could conquer the world. And he did.

650
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:25,800
Speaker 1: And he's been married now twelve years to an amazing guy,

651
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 1: and he has an incredible career. Like you can create

652
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 1: your own path, don't wait for someone else to create

653
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 1: your path. And by the way, if you can get

654
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:39,239
Speaker 1: the hell out of that job, because I don't think

655
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,440
Speaker 1: it's healthy to have to walk into that every day.

656
00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 1: Why why would you want to put yourself through that.

657
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:46,960
Speaker 1: It's the best job I've ever had. And I'm having

658
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 1: a crappy day, I can grab a dog and feel better.

659
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:53,920
Speaker 1: And the departments are separate enough and we're respectable enough,

660
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 1: and I can find fifty million reasons to talk myself

661
00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 1: out of it, you know, but it hurts you, right,

662
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 1: that's when I heard in the letter that you're working

663
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,600
Speaker 1: with them hurts you. It does, because it's at this

664
00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 1: point they have just completely shut off the emotional understanding

665
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,759
Speaker 1: of the situation and just seeing it from like a

666
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:17,760
Speaker 1: logical choice. I guess I'm a very emotional, hopeless, romantic person.

667
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:21,759
Speaker 1: They're very clinical and logical person, so it's easy for

668
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:24,160
Speaker 1: them to just move on or they're just cut off

669
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:28,600
Speaker 1: from their feelings. Oh, they're trust me. That's the hardest

670
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,399
Speaker 1: part is knowing that they need way more help than

671
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 1: I do, because at least I know my feelings. Yes,

672
00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 1: but here's something that I can just tell by looking

673
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:40,719
Speaker 1: at you. Your aura and your energy is a little defeated,

674
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 1: and you've been a little depleted by this experience. While

675
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:46,840
Speaker 1: it was honorable to continue to do the job and

676
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 1: show up and kind of face that, that would be

677
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:51,040
Speaker 1: hard for a lot of people and be a deal breaker.

678
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 1: I know I would probably be like out the door

679
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:54,759
Speaker 1: and be like, there's no way I'm going to face

680
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:57,799
Speaker 1: my ax with their new person every day. Why would

681
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 1: I put myself through that hell, even if they're are physical,

682
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 1: like you're not on top of each other all day,

683
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:06,239
Speaker 1: you're away departments whatever. I don't know. I've never worked

684
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 1: inside of building, so I don't know even know what

685
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:10,319
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. But what I do want to say

686
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:13,600
Speaker 1: is you are a little bit your energy sad, and

687
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 1: that is a result of putting yourself in a situation

688
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 1: that is going to make you sad. And it is

689
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:21,239
Speaker 1: up to you to get yourself out of that situation.

690
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:23,759
Speaker 1: The idea that you're even thinking about Germany is the

691
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:27,279
Speaker 1: only answer you need. Go You need to go to Germany.

692
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 1: Don't worry about learning the language. Exactly what Juliana said.

693
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:32,560
Speaker 1: You go there to learn the language. Do you know

694
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 1: how empowering and the build of self esteem that you

695
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 1: will acquire by actually being immersed in a culture that

696
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 1: is foreign to you, by learning the language, learning the

697
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 1: idiosyncrasies of a completely different culture and vibe and the

698
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:51,200
Speaker 1: energy that comes with Germany. People love Berlin, people love

699
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:55,080
Speaker 1: what's the other city that everybody loves in Germany? Munich? Yeah,

700
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:58,640
Speaker 1: people love Munich too, I mean, and West Germany I've visited.

701
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:01,800
Speaker 1: I mean, it's beautiful, all all of it is beautiful,

702
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:05,799
Speaker 1: and you have people that are very open, incredible energy there.

703
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 1: You need different energy around you. Well, I mean that's

704
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:10,719
Speaker 1: that was the first time I ever felt connected to

705
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:13,359
Speaker 1: myself was when I was nineteen and I lived in

706
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:16,840
Speaker 1: Berlin for four months straight, Like I literally did something

707
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:19,600
Speaker 1: on my own, pushed myself to that and did a

708
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 1: program that let me live there on my own for

709
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:25,719
Speaker 1: the first time in my entire life. And I just

710
00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,799
Speaker 1: there's always been something keeping me like going back to

711
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 1: it as an option. And I don't know, I think

712
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:33,719
Speaker 1: I just staying here is just playing it safe, and

713
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:36,640
Speaker 1: I'm really tired of doing the same thing that makes

714
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:40,280
Speaker 1: me feel like ship but it's comfortable, it's actually more damaging.

715
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:43,520
Speaker 1: It's not playing it safe staying there. Yeah. Yeah, I

716
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,239
Speaker 1: have to say, just hearing you and Chasea, You're right,

717
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:49,560
Speaker 1: You're you're very deflated, You're very there's a sadness, right,

718
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 1: but there's such a sweetness. And so when I hear

719
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:53,960
Speaker 1: you say, first of all, when you say this is

720
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:55,719
Speaker 1: the best job I've ever had, your twenty four how

721
00:36:55,719 --> 00:37:00,840
Speaker 1: many jobs have you had? Um? Four or five? Please?

722
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:04,239
Speaker 1: You don't know the best job even you'll ever have,

723
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:07,840
Speaker 1: Like you're you're fine. So don't live to work, work

724
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 1: to live? Right? Did I say that? Right? Yes, you don't.

725
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:14,719
Speaker 1: You don't want to be a slave to something that

726
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 1: isn't bringing you joy. And and also it's it's like

727
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,400
Speaker 1: you're inside this box when even when the way you

728
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:25,879
Speaker 1: described the building, like you're inside this box and they

729
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:29,799
Speaker 1: and they're there. That's energy. Whether you communicate with them

730
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:33,279
Speaker 1: or not, they're there, and so you're feeling it. And

731
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,960
Speaker 1: just from someone who who once had a horrible breakup

732
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:40,080
Speaker 1: with someone I had only really dated, like I don't know,

733
00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 1: six months, but I was crazy about him and he

734
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,800
Speaker 1: broke it off with me. I would go everywhere I

735
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:49,720
Speaker 1: knew he'd be just see and what I was torturing myself.

736
00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:52,880
Speaker 1: It was ridiculous, but of course I was. I just

737
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 1: wanted him. I wanted to see him. I wanted to

738
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:57,760
Speaker 1: be in his around him, even though he was a

739
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,880
Speaker 1: fucking asshole, you know. And I look back now and

740
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,319
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, what was I thinking? Go

741
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:08,359
Speaker 1: find someone else, Go go let yourself be loved by

742
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:12,399
Speaker 1: other people. Love other people. Berlin is the perfect place

743
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:14,160
Speaker 1: for it. And you already are familiar with it. It's

744
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 1: not like you're gonna need a map, you just need

745
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:21,600
Speaker 1: a plane ticket and and the inspiration to go. Yeah, yeah,

746
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:25,040
Speaker 1: a good prush. I don't regret you. Do you know

747
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:27,440
Speaker 1: you're going to Germany? Or do you have a place?

748
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:29,239
Speaker 1: Do you have a place to live or do you

749
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:31,839
Speaker 1: have somebody to live with? What's the situation on that front?

750
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,799
Speaker 1: The family that I lived with, they said that I'm

751
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 1: welcoming back any time. If I'm there again, I might

752
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 1: actually have a couple of classmates in Berlin. Basically everybody

753
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:43,320
Speaker 1: that I know that's gone to Berlin has gotten drunk

754
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:45,960
Speaker 1: on Berlin and needed to go back. Yeah. Sorry, Can

755
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:47,719
Speaker 1: I just say this one thing, because I don't want

756
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:49,880
Speaker 1: it to feel like like if you say I'm moving

757
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:52,759
Speaker 1: to Berlin that that almost sounds too much, like it's

758
00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 1: too much of a challenge. That can be really disorienting, right,

759
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 1: But if you say, why don't you just go for months?

760
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:02,560
Speaker 1: Go for months and and take your family, that family

761
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:05,120
Speaker 1: up on it, you know, and don't overstay your welcome,

762
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:08,319
Speaker 1: but feel it out, seek it out, look at it

763
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:11,720
Speaker 1: as a journey, and then if you love it, you stay,

764
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:14,000
Speaker 1: and if you don't, you find something else. But you

765
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:17,400
Speaker 1: don't have a mortgage, do you. No, you don't have children,

766
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:25,359
Speaker 1: and you don't have a partner. No. Go, you're twenty four.

767
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:28,439
Speaker 1: If you didn't go in ten years, you would sit

768
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:30,239
Speaker 1: there and go, I fuck. I wish I had gone

769
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:32,239
Speaker 1: when I was twenty four, when I was thinking about it.

770
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:34,880
Speaker 1: So where you're You called us for a reason. This

771
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,520
Speaker 1: is the universe telling you you need to go. You

772
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:40,080
Speaker 1: need to go explore the world, and you are going

773
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:42,359
Speaker 1: to forget about all of this in a very short

774
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 1: period of time. I promise you that if you change

775
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:48,239
Speaker 1: your surroundings, you will change. This is the time in

776
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 1: your life for big moves, make big moves. You're not

777
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 1: going to have the energy to do it when you're

778
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:57,160
Speaker 1: fifty four. You're twenty four. Yeah, I mean, that's my

779
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,680
Speaker 1: biggest fear is waking up a little too late realizing

780
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:01,439
Speaker 1: I could have done this, I could have done that.

781
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:04,040
Speaker 1: And it's cool. It's also cool because you're gonna look

782
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 1: back and be like, you know what I did When

783
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 1: I was twenty four, I went to Berlin. I was

784
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:09,759
Speaker 1: in a situation that was pathetic, and then I had

785
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 1: to get myself out of You have to extract yourself

786
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:15,200
Speaker 1: from this situation. You have nothing keeping you here, so

787
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:17,720
Speaker 1: go have a thirst for the world, and I guarantee

788
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,920
Speaker 1: you're going to find exactly what you're looking for. And

789
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:24,800
Speaker 1: there are dogs in Berlin as well. Yeah, they're really

790
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:26,839
Speaker 1: nice with their dogs. They have laws where like if

791
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:28,600
Speaker 1: it's a good dog and it passes a class, it

792
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:30,440
Speaker 1: can be in public off leash, and you can be

793
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:32,239
Speaker 1: in a cafe and some dog will go up into

794
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:34,160
Speaker 1: your lap. I'm telling you, well, you supposed to be

795
00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:37,960
Speaker 1: there taking care of those dogs. Well it's an hour

796
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:41,279
Speaker 1: or ever. I guess at this point you have nothing

797
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:43,920
Speaker 1: to lose, right, you have nothing to lose. No, I

798
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:46,880
Speaker 1: mean I did just give myself a year here. I

799
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:49,160
Speaker 1: have to move out and real the lease with a roommates,

800
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:51,760
Speaker 1: so I'm have a year here, but I am definitely

801
00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:55,760
Speaker 1: gonna be planning a trip to Germany at least to go. Okay, good, okay,

802
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:57,759
Speaker 1: we'll do that and plan and plan on going for

803
00:40:57,840 --> 00:40:59,520
Speaker 1: a longer than a trip, you know what I mean.

804
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:02,240
Speaker 1: Do a month or do three months or whatever sounds

805
00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:04,279
Speaker 1: good to you, but start planning it. You have that

806
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:06,560
Speaker 1: on your side too, and then you have the anticipation

807
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 1: of going and the excitement of going, and you're gonna

808
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:11,759
Speaker 1: have something to look forward to. I really yeah. And

809
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:14,319
Speaker 1: you can outreach, you know, on social media to people

810
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:17,719
Speaker 1: that are in Berlin and start cultivating friendships. It's a

811
00:41:17,719 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 1: good preparation for you. But I want you to get

812
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:23,440
Speaker 1: that ticket and then send us a picture of it. Please,

813
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 1: you got it? Yeah, you'll get your little receipt, okay.

814
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:30,799
Speaker 1: And also don't be fooled that you need to like

815
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 1: finish out a lease, find somebody to take over your lease.

816
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:35,080
Speaker 1: If you're ready to go in two months or a

817
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 1: month or a week, you will figure it out, okay. Yeah, okay,

818
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:42,880
Speaker 1: So Chandra, what's the plan. I'm gonna hang out and

819
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:45,399
Speaker 1: then probably look at plane tickets to Germany and plan

820
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 1: for next summer because that gives me enough time to

821
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 1: plan and get my passport updated because it still says female,

822
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:55,359
Speaker 1: and send you guys a picture of the ticket and

823
00:41:55,400 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 1: just walk around in Berlin for a while. Yeah. Absolutely, absolutely,

824
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 1: you won't regret it. Yeah, I deserve some fun, I think. Yeah,

825
00:42:06,239 --> 00:42:09,880
Speaker 1: we're sending you Chandra, and have your own little mantra.

826
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:11,799
Speaker 1: Every morning just wake up and say today I'm gonna

827
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:13,840
Speaker 1: take care of me. I think it helps to have

828
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 1: a mantra about you come first. It's it was always

829
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 1: really hard for me, but and then I realized that

830
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:21,719
Speaker 1: no one wants to be around a martyr, and if

831
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:23,439
Speaker 1: I don't take care of me, then no one else

832
00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:26,120
Speaker 1: actually gets taken care of. So I have a nentrepree

833
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:28,920
Speaker 1: to start meditating on that. Yeah, I started to like

834
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:32,280
Speaker 1: basically tell myself that I am my partner. Like everything

835
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 1: that I missed out on my last relationship, I'm guaranteeing

836
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:38,480
Speaker 1: that I'm making it happen for myself. When you're a

837
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 1: man now, so you should be putting yourself first, the norm, dude,

838
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:48,759
Speaker 1: an adjustment that must be. It's like, well, you know what,

839
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:53,879
Speaker 1: I actually am right, and I'm going to tell you why. Yeah.

840
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,359
Speaker 1: Actually I need you guys more around when I get

841
00:42:56,719 --> 00:42:59,040
Speaker 1: questions from my coworkers because I really just backed down

842
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:02,840
Speaker 1: all the time. Yeah yeah, well, just start with your mantra.

843
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:06,040
Speaker 1: Don't forget it. It's really important. That stuff is really important.

844
00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:09,200
Speaker 1: It's very subliminal and it seeks seeps into your brain

845
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:11,960
Speaker 1: and it permeates throughout your whole life. So you have

846
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 1: to value yourself more. Okay, the next time I see you.

847
00:43:15,239 --> 00:43:17,479
Speaker 1: I want to see a big, bright, shining light coming

848
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:21,320
Speaker 1: out of your head because you've made such great decisions. Okay,

849
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:26,400
Speaker 1: you got it. Okay, awesome, good luck, Thanks Chandra. I bye.

850
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:31,840
Speaker 1: Oh what a sweetie pie. I love him. Oh yeah,

851
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:35,320
Speaker 1: I'm so glad I'm not twenty four. I feel I

852
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:38,359
Speaker 1: I could feel his angst. I know, but it's like

853
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 1: twenty four. Oh my god, I don't even remember what

854
00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:44,279
Speaker 1: I mean. I knew I would end up like this

855
00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:46,719
Speaker 1: because everyone's like, oh, youth is wasted on the young,

856
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:50,640
Speaker 1: and yet it's so true. It's so true, and I

857
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:53,560
Speaker 1: hate I used to hate hearing that when I was younger,

858
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:57,080
Speaker 1: and now I'm like, god, I just I didn't know,

859
00:43:57,320 --> 00:43:59,360
Speaker 1: because didn't you know what the thing is is the

860
00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 1: suffering you put yourself through, so much suffering that is

861
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 1: so unnecessary. We care so much about other people and

862
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 1: their perception of us and all of that, and we care.

863
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 1: We're just it's like the struggle is so unnecessary, the

864
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:17,360
Speaker 1: pain unnecessary, but we don't know that. We have to

865
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:19,440
Speaker 1: learn it. Everyone has to learn it at their own time.

866
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:21,400
Speaker 1: And for me, it was always like the idea of

867
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:24,880
Speaker 1: being alone was just horrific and so I under I

868
00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:27,000
Speaker 1: could feel in him, like I knew that he was

869
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:29,759
Speaker 1: going to that job every day because he wanted to

870
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 1: be at least somewhere in their orbit. I just could

871
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:36,680
Speaker 1: see that, and it's so toxic. You can feel it

872
00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 1: through a cement wall, like it's you know, even though

873
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,600
Speaker 1: we're in separate floors whatever. No, they're in the building. Yeah,

874
00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:49,400
Speaker 1: there's nothing good that's going to come from that. Yeah. Well,

875
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:54,400
Speaker 1: our next question is from Heidi. Heidi runs an animal rescue,

876
00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:58,880
Speaker 1: I believe, but also has another job. She says, Dear Chelsea,

877
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:01,880
Speaker 1: I've had to ushi and my whole adult life started

878
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:05,680
Speaker 1: antidepressants at one. I suspect I've actually suffered from it

879
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 1: since childhood but was undiagnosed. I'm tired of the way

880
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 1: I always feel and the lows that make me want

881
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 1: to hide away in my home. I started fostering dogs

882
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:16,000
Speaker 1: to help me get through the stress of the pandemic.

883
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:18,760
Speaker 1: As I was an icy you nurse. I also changed

884
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:21,200
Speaker 1: my career and left bedside nursing to see if that

885
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:24,719
Speaker 1: would help my depression. My anxiety improved, but it's a

886
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:28,799
Speaker 1: constant struggle every day. I recently started online therapy, but

887
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:32,040
Speaker 1: my brain then told me this is self indulgent. I'm

888
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:35,120
Speaker 1: single without children, but I do have several dogs and

889
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:38,520
Speaker 1: a cat. My brain says, what's the point. You don't matter.

890
00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:41,560
Speaker 1: Your struggles only affect you, so get over them and

891
00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 1: shut up. Other people have real problems and have people

892
00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:47,480
Speaker 1: who depend on them. Any advice to help me get

893
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:53,719
Speaker 1: back into therapy. It's hard to fight your own self. Thanks, Heidi. Hi. Hi.

894
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:56,520
Speaker 1: We have Juliana here today as our special guests because

895
00:45:56,520 --> 00:46:00,680
Speaker 1: she gives great advice. And you know Catherine, Oh, hi, yes,

896
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:03,799
Speaker 1: how are you okay? So talk to us? So you

897
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:06,319
Speaker 1: are did you say you're on medication or you're not

898
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:10,239
Speaker 1: on medication? Yeah? I've been on medication off and on

899
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:13,880
Speaker 1: since my mid twenties. I'm thirty four now. I always

900
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:17,480
Speaker 1: have to think about it. We all do. Don't worry.

901
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:21,560
Speaker 1: And and these are you're talking about antidepressants? Yeah, yeah,

902
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:27,759
Speaker 1: I've been on lexeprol. My increased my dose recently. I

903
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 1: know a lot of people on lexaprome. It helped my

904
00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 1: mom tremendously. And she's a she would never take a

905
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:34,560
Speaker 1: drug in her life, and she's like, oh my god,

906
00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 1: why didn't I know? Yeah? Changed your life? Yeah, And

907
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:41,200
Speaker 1: you're on it now or you're not on it now. No,

908
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:44,040
Speaker 1: I am on it, And yeah, it was a life

909
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 1: changer for me. I've always had I think a little

910
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:49,799
Speaker 1: bit of depression. It runs in my family. My mom

911
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:53,080
Speaker 1: was diagnosed when actually I was the first one to

912
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:58,080
Speaker 1: be diagnosed, and then by me kind of working on it,

913
00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:02,319
Speaker 1: my mom decided to see a therapist and psychiatrist and

914
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:05,279
Speaker 1: she also was diagnosed and she actually has a little

915
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:09,000
Speaker 1: bit of social anxiety disorder, so she's on some different medications.

916
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:14,239
Speaker 1: And then my sister has also started going to therapy

917
00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:17,240
Speaker 1: and she was diagnosed with depression in her early twenties

918
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:19,640
Speaker 1: as well. So I don't know if it's familial or

919
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:22,520
Speaker 1: we're just sad people, or I don't know. Well, it's

920
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:24,880
Speaker 1: pretty it's pretty genetic, by the way. Well, first of all,

921
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 1: it's pretty common. I mean, I think one of the

922
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:30,000
Speaker 1: three people are on antidepressants, just like one of three

923
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:33,600
Speaker 1: people have herpes. But don't don't connect that. That's that's

924
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:37,359
Speaker 1: a personal story. But everyone's onto something, So don't even

925
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 1: judge yourself about that, you know what I mean? My

926
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:42,400
Speaker 1: question is why do you go on and off of it? Well,

927
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:47,160
Speaker 1: insurance because recently is when you've been able to get

928
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:50,920
Speaker 1: antidepressant sent to you from home. But I was a

929
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 1: travel nurse for a while, and when you're not working

930
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:58,759
Speaker 1: for the company or the hospital, you get kicked off

931
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 1: the insurance. And you know, you're in your twenties and

932
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:04,600
Speaker 1: you're young, and you're I at least didn't take my

933
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 1: health too seriously in my twenties. It wasn't until I

934
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:12,440
Speaker 1: kind of settled like one and I realized, Okay, we

935
00:48:12,520 --> 00:48:15,560
Speaker 1: gotta stop messing around. And that's when I started seeing

936
00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:18,680
Speaker 1: a regular doctor and started taking care of myself. And

937
00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:22,480
Speaker 1: but yeah, there's really no reason. It was just I

938
00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:25,759
Speaker 1: think a little bit of shame, and I felt like,

939
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:30,200
Speaker 1: let's try to fix this just with courage, with working out,

940
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:33,319
Speaker 1: with this and that. But then I slowly came to realize, like, no,

941
00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:37,680
Speaker 1: it's just chemistry. It's brain chemistry. It's nothing to be

942
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:43,040
Speaker 1: ashamed of, which all makes sense up here. But it's

943
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:46,640
Speaker 1: hard for me to do the therapy part of it

944
00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:50,279
Speaker 1: because so many things I've read have said like the

945
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:55,600
Speaker 1: medicine will help, but the therapy helps you realize how

946
00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:59,200
Speaker 1: it can be exacerbated and at whatnot. And so I

947
00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:02,879
Speaker 1: recently went through kind of a bad spell of my

948
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:06,880
Speaker 1: depression and it was really bad. It was like I

949
00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:09,160
Speaker 1: didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want

950
00:49:09,160 --> 00:49:14,640
Speaker 1: to clean myself. And I listen to a lot of

951
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:17,160
Speaker 1: podcasts and everyone's always talking about like better help and

952
00:49:17,200 --> 00:49:20,440
Speaker 1: all those online ones, and I so I started it,

953
00:49:21,440 --> 00:49:25,120
Speaker 1: and then after a couple of sessions, I just I

954
00:49:25,239 --> 00:49:28,840
Speaker 1: felt like, who are you to complain about anything? And again,

955
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:32,920
Speaker 1: I probably the chemistry stuff, but it's hard for me

956
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:37,840
Speaker 1: to justify the expense and and the talking about myself.

957
00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:41,319
Speaker 1: And that's the biggest issue I have. I don't like

958
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:45,560
Speaker 1: to talk about myself. Right, Okay, Well, first of all,

959
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 1: you have to stop judging yourself. That's your judging yourself.

960
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:53,160
Speaker 1: Saying therapy is self indulgent is a judgment. It's not

961
00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:57,040
Speaker 1: self indulgent, it's self help. You're helping yourself. You know. Um,

962
00:49:57,400 --> 00:49:59,400
Speaker 1: I had a friend who always be like, it's navel gazing,

963
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:01,440
Speaker 1: it's naval amazing. And then guess who ended up in

964
00:50:01,480 --> 00:50:04,640
Speaker 1: therapy for three years because she needed to be nagel gazing.

965
00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:07,640
Speaker 1: So we always have these two voices in our head.

966
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:09,960
Speaker 1: We have the real us and then we have our shadow, right,

967
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:12,240
Speaker 1: who kind of says, oh, don't eat that, or you're stupid,

968
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:13,719
Speaker 1: or you're not funny, or did you do that right

969
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:16,200
Speaker 1: or did it da. That's poking us on the shoulder.

970
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:20,560
Speaker 1: And as soon as you give that little person power,

971
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:23,919
Speaker 1: then that person has power over the real us. And

972
00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:26,080
Speaker 1: that's not the way it goes. It goes the other

973
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:28,719
Speaker 1: way around. We have power over that voice of when

974
00:50:28,719 --> 00:50:30,759
Speaker 1: to say, shut up, voice, you don't know what you're

975
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:33,719
Speaker 1: talking about. You want to be a healthy person, You

976
00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:36,399
Speaker 1: want to feel good about yourself, and the best way

977
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:38,840
Speaker 1: to do that is, you know, when you have clinical

978
00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:42,480
Speaker 1: depression is a to be taking medication and be to

979
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:48,279
Speaker 1: supplement that medication with information about your condition and why

980
00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:53,800
Speaker 1: you feel this way, and how to actually articulately grasp

981
00:50:54,040 --> 00:50:56,560
Speaker 1: what is happening with you, so you have a language,

982
00:50:56,760 --> 00:50:59,359
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, with yourself that you can say, oh,

983
00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:02,200
Speaker 1: I'm feeling like this right now because of what happened

984
00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:05,680
Speaker 1: to me over here, or this brings up, this triggers

985
00:51:05,719 --> 00:51:07,840
Speaker 1: me because of something that happened when I was eight

986
00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:10,960
Speaker 1: that I'm not even cognizant of, but my body might. Remember.

987
00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:13,960
Speaker 1: There's so many interfaces that are going on in our

988
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:17,439
Speaker 1: bodies between our brain and our stomach and our heart

989
00:51:17,600 --> 00:51:19,880
Speaker 1: we all have. We have brains throughout our body that

990
00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:22,319
Speaker 1: are communicating with each other. And if you don't have

991
00:51:22,400 --> 00:51:26,440
Speaker 1: the toolkit to understand that messaging, then you're basically just

992
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:28,759
Speaker 1: jumping into the water with no raft, you know what

993
00:51:28,800 --> 00:51:31,720
Speaker 1: I mean. You want to set yourself up for success,

994
00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:35,160
Speaker 1: and therapy leads to success, and if you didn't have

995
00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:37,760
Speaker 1: the right person, then maybe you need to find another

996
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 1: person and try better help again with another person. If

997
00:51:40,719 --> 00:51:42,839
Speaker 1: you can afford to go to a therapist on your own,

998
00:51:43,120 --> 00:51:47,120
Speaker 1: whatever you can afford in your lifestyle, but you have

999
00:51:47,239 --> 00:51:49,760
Speaker 1: to make the effort to get yourself to a healthy spot.

1000
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:53,880
Speaker 1: You have to. I'm always so amazed when someone says

1001
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:57,160
Speaker 1: I don't deserve to go to therapy to too self indulgent,

1002
00:51:58,080 --> 00:52:01,319
Speaker 1: especially someone I mean, anyone who's suffering through any kind

1003
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:05,279
Speaker 1: of depression. If you had a broken leg, you go

1004
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:09,640
Speaker 1: to the doctor, right, It's like it's that simple, And

1005
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:13,440
Speaker 1: as human beings were all slightly broken inside. Without therapy,

1006
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 1: I definitely would not be where I am today, which

1007
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:20,160
Speaker 1: is a very calm place. And I thought I remember

1008
00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:22,399
Speaker 1: being judgmental and thinking, oh my god, this is so

1009
00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:25,799
Speaker 1: self indulgent. Really, Julianna, you had a shitty relationship now

1010
00:52:25,880 --> 00:52:28,400
Speaker 1: twice a week. You know, this is ridiculous, but you

1011
00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:30,840
Speaker 1: know what, I had to do it, and it was hard,

1012
00:52:30,960 --> 00:52:33,799
Speaker 1: and it's hard to go in there. It is hard

1013
00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:36,120
Speaker 1: to go in there and figure it out. But just

1014
00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:39,800
Speaker 1: what Chelsea said is like, once you have the tools,

1015
00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:42,320
Speaker 1: when you have that feeling coming on, you know exactly

1016
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:44,720
Speaker 1: what tool to take out of the box to stop

1017
00:52:44,719 --> 00:52:48,440
Speaker 1: the feeling. And it's not actually just about you. It's

1018
00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:51,719
Speaker 1: about the people around you too. Right when you are

1019
00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:56,040
Speaker 1: fully in a good mental, healthy state, you're paying it

1020
00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:59,000
Speaker 1: forward to other people that you let out an energy

1021
00:52:59,040 --> 00:53:03,120
Speaker 1: that other people can take into. I always thought, you know,

1022
00:53:03,160 --> 00:53:05,600
Speaker 1: it was just about me. It's not. It's about everyone

1023
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:08,719
Speaker 1: you cut And I think you need to think of

1024
00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:10,640
Speaker 1: it more because you're in r N. You take care

1025
00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:14,239
Speaker 1: of people, right, like, that's that's what you do. Yeah,

1026
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:17,200
Speaker 1: and yet and yet you're having a hard time taking

1027
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:20,120
Speaker 1: care of yourself because you feel it self indulgent. If

1028
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:22,480
Speaker 1: you look at it more in just Layman's terms rather

1029
00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:25,440
Speaker 1: than you know, sort of like trying to understand the

1030
00:53:25,480 --> 00:53:28,680
Speaker 1: pseudo psycho whatever. If you just look at it. Like.

1031
00:53:29,080 --> 00:53:34,399
Speaker 1: One thing I always say to myself is why would

1032
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:36,719
Speaker 1: you treat any of your friends, or your child or

1033
00:53:36,719 --> 00:53:38,919
Speaker 1: your husband this way? Why are you treating yourself this way?

1034
00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:40,920
Speaker 1: It's a mantra I play all the time because I'm

1035
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:44,240
Speaker 1: so hard on myself, and it has become so normal

1036
00:53:44,280 --> 00:53:46,240
Speaker 1: now for me that I almost don't do it anymore

1037
00:53:46,239 --> 00:53:49,120
Speaker 1: to myself. But it took therapy, it took tools, it

1038
00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:52,720
Speaker 1: took work, and now I'm a lot nicer to be around,

1039
00:53:52,760 --> 00:53:54,680
Speaker 1: to be honest, But I know my kid and my

1040
00:53:54,760 --> 00:53:58,120
Speaker 1: husband appreciate it because I'm not. I'm not always taking

1041
00:53:58,160 --> 00:53:59,920
Speaker 1: on the world and like, I can't do that. Guy's

1042
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:05,000
Speaker 1: so let's order in. It's that easy. Yeah, no, that's

1043
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:10,480
Speaker 1: a good perspective. I didn't think about your right. I mean, sorry, Hi,

1044
00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:14,279
Speaker 1: it's good to cry. Let's let it out for me.

1045
00:54:14,400 --> 00:54:18,280
Speaker 1: The reason I felt in my mind why it self

1046
00:54:18,320 --> 00:54:20,959
Speaker 1: indulgent is because I don't have a partner. I don't

1047
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:24,080
Speaker 1: have a family. I have my pets and everything. But

1048
00:54:24,080 --> 00:54:26,280
Speaker 1: but you know, I do have my sister, my nieces,

1049
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:30,040
Speaker 1: my family. I see them often. I have friends, and

1050
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:33,680
Speaker 1: you're right, my behavior affects them and my moods and

1051
00:54:33,840 --> 00:54:37,800
Speaker 1: I think I almost the first two sessions of therapy

1052
00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:42,160
Speaker 1: were so hie opening that I almost think that I

1053
00:54:42,280 --> 00:54:48,239
Speaker 1: got scared. You know, you did, of course, and that's

1054
00:54:48,239 --> 00:54:50,839
Speaker 1: gonna be good for me to remember. But you know,

1055
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:53,840
Speaker 1: even though I don't have people in my home, I

1056
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:57,719
Speaker 1: still people in my life. So thank you where you

1057
00:54:57,760 --> 00:55:02,960
Speaker 1: needed yourself in your home? Right, Yeah, Ultimately it's yourself

1058
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:08,880
Speaker 1: that you owe it to. Yeah, sorry, your tears are

1059
00:55:08,920 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 1: welcome here. And also you're talking about being a nurse.

1060
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:14,680
Speaker 1: You're you're taking care of others. It's just what Juliano

1061
00:55:14,719 --> 00:55:16,680
Speaker 1: is saying about the mask you know that you put

1062
00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:18,280
Speaker 1: on a plane. You have to take care of yourself.

1063
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:20,799
Speaker 1: In order to be a value to other people, you

1064
00:55:20,840 --> 00:55:23,400
Speaker 1: have to be a value to yourself. And that is

1065
00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:27,360
Speaker 1: the most important part of growth and and and learning

1066
00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:29,399
Speaker 1: about yourself is to know to have to take care

1067
00:55:29,440 --> 00:55:32,040
Speaker 1: of yourself and get yourself in a healthy place. And

1068
00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:35,080
Speaker 1: there's just there's nothing that is ever going to top that.

1069
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:38,080
Speaker 1: Can I ask you something, Heidi, was that the first

1070
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:43,480
Speaker 1: time you'd ever done therapy. No, I had a medical

1071
00:55:44,120 --> 00:55:48,400
Speaker 1: malpractice with my eye revision, and it left me with

1072
00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:51,160
Speaker 1: a lot of anger, and so I had therapy for

1073
00:55:51,320 --> 00:55:55,080
Speaker 1: that three or four years ago, but then I purchased

1074
00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:58,680
Speaker 1: a home, and as a single person, I didn't have

1075
00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:02,360
Speaker 1: the economics to continue, or I felt like I didn't,

1076
00:56:02,719 --> 00:56:07,640
Speaker 1: And then COVID happened and I worked. I see you.

1077
00:56:07,680 --> 00:56:09,640
Speaker 1: I don't remember if I put in the letter, and

1078
00:56:09,680 --> 00:56:14,759
Speaker 1: that was very difficult, very isolating. So it's almost been

1079
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:18,840
Speaker 1: like a slow build since my previous therapy, and you know,

1080
00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:23,160
Speaker 1: with a lot of accelerants, and then I think it's weird.

1081
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:25,360
Speaker 1: But like, since my life has calmed down, you know,

1082
00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:28,759
Speaker 1: I left bedside, which has helped a lot with my anxiety,

1083
00:56:28,840 --> 00:56:32,640
Speaker 1: and I'm doing things I enjoy. I'm fostering animals. I'm

1084
00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:35,959
Speaker 1: trying to take better care of myself. It's almost like

1085
00:56:36,200 --> 00:56:39,720
Speaker 1: there was this one part of everything that was lacking

1086
00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:42,000
Speaker 1: that I guess I had been ignoring for so long

1087
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:44,960
Speaker 1: that it's almost like it shot. I don't know if

1088
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:47,760
Speaker 1: I can describe, like it's a yelling in my brain,

1089
00:56:47,840 --> 00:56:50,760
Speaker 1: like a shout in my brain that's like you're skipping something,

1090
00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:53,960
Speaker 1: like you know what you need to do. And and

1091
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:57,480
Speaker 1: so that's why I finally tried to face it again,

1092
00:56:57,560 --> 00:56:59,799
Speaker 1: because I did that therapy and it helped me get

1093
00:56:59,800 --> 00:57:02,480
Speaker 1: over the anger of you know, all the medical stuff,

1094
00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:09,160
Speaker 1: but there's issues from childhood and just anxiety, and there's

1095
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:12,359
Speaker 1: probably issues you don't even know yet I found out.

1096
00:57:12,440 --> 00:57:14,840
Speaker 1: So it's a long road. Nothing's going to fix it

1097
00:57:14,880 --> 00:57:18,200
Speaker 1: in two sessions, you know, and it's hard. But yeah,

1098
00:57:18,360 --> 00:57:21,680
Speaker 1: like I said, I think I scared myself because I

1099
00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:24,680
Speaker 1: you know, my grandmother recently passed, and I think that

1100
00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:27,920
Speaker 1: was a precipitous. She was a big cheerleader for me

1101
00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:32,760
Speaker 1: and she had dimension Alzheimer's. Sorry I'm telling you guys

1102
00:57:32,800 --> 00:57:37,200
Speaker 1: my whole life story, but she had dementia during all

1103
00:57:37,280 --> 00:57:39,960
Speaker 1: of COVID and we couldn't visit her because you know,

1104
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:42,800
Speaker 1: the lockdown and everything. And she was always a cheerleader

1105
00:57:42,800 --> 00:57:46,720
Speaker 1: of mine, and I think losing her presence my brain

1106
00:57:46,880 --> 00:57:49,680
Speaker 1: was just like now you have to be your own cheerleader.

1107
00:57:52,200 --> 00:57:53,720
Speaker 1: And I don't know if I know how to do that.

1108
00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:57,040
Speaker 1: It sounds so silly. Well, here's an exercise for you.

1109
00:57:57,040 --> 00:58:00,000
Speaker 1: Your your grandmother is still with you. Remember that her energy.

1110
00:58:00,040 --> 00:58:03,600
Speaker 1: She can never be you know, eradicated or erased or anything.

1111
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:06,880
Speaker 1: Your grandmother's around you, and she doesn't have dementia anymore

1112
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:10,160
Speaker 1: because she's not here anymore, So she's your cheerleader. And

1113
00:58:10,160 --> 00:58:13,000
Speaker 1: when you're talking to yourself, you can pretend you're your grandmother,

1114
00:58:13,400 --> 00:58:16,280
Speaker 1: telling yourself that you deserve to go to therapy, that

1115
00:58:16,360 --> 00:58:18,840
Speaker 1: you deserve to figure out all of your ship. As

1116
00:58:18,880 --> 00:58:22,000
Speaker 1: difficult as it, maybe it is the most rewarding endeavor

1117
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:24,600
Speaker 1: that you'll ever encounter in life, is to have the

1118
00:58:24,640 --> 00:58:28,360
Speaker 1: gift of self awareness and self understanding and self love.

1119
00:58:28,480 --> 00:58:32,080
Speaker 1: Thank you, You are worthy. Yes, yes, And I want

1120
00:58:32,080 --> 00:58:34,840
Speaker 1: you to remember that. Think about your grandmother every single

1121
00:58:34,920 --> 00:58:37,040
Speaker 1: day because she would want this for you, and you

1122
00:58:37,040 --> 00:58:40,080
Speaker 1: can do it in her honor. Yeah, you have such

1123
00:58:40,120 --> 00:58:43,120
Speaker 1: a beautiful energy to you, like you are so just

1124
00:58:43,160 --> 00:58:46,360
Speaker 1: the fact that you're asking these questions you know, and that,

1125
00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:49,960
Speaker 1: and you're so gentle. You have this beautiful speaking voice,

1126
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:52,920
Speaker 1: the way you're speaking, and I feel like you're already

1127
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:56,479
Speaker 1: halfway there because you're obviously asking those questions. Your brain

1128
00:58:56,560 --> 00:59:01,000
Speaker 1: is way to those questions. Right. So we're so hard

1129
00:59:01,040 --> 00:59:04,560
Speaker 1: on ourselves. Just give yourself a great and and and

1130
00:59:04,560 --> 00:59:06,720
Speaker 1: and think like if your sister were going through this,

1131
00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:09,920
Speaker 1: what would you say to her? Yeah? I always think

1132
00:59:09,960 --> 00:59:11,960
Speaker 1: about that, like what would someone tell me to do?

1133
00:59:12,440 --> 00:59:14,360
Speaker 1: Because I know I'm going to be too hard to

1134
00:59:14,400 --> 00:59:16,760
Speaker 1: tell myself to do the right thing or the thing

1135
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:18,919
Speaker 1: that will help me to do. I want to say,

1136
00:59:18,920 --> 00:59:22,360
Speaker 1: you're your own worst enemy type deal. Yeah, a little bit.

1137
00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:24,920
Speaker 1: I mean until you get the tools to recognize it,

1138
00:59:25,320 --> 00:59:26,720
Speaker 1: you know, but you're not going to learn that in

1139
00:59:26,760 --> 00:59:29,600
Speaker 1: two sessions of therapy, or quite frankly, maybe a year.

1140
00:59:29,720 --> 00:59:32,280
Speaker 1: Might you might need two years. I mean I've had

1141
00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:34,919
Speaker 1: friends through therapists have been like, it's been ten years,

1142
00:59:34,920 --> 00:59:39,560
Speaker 1: You're good, you can go. What are you gonna do, though, Heidi?

1143
00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:43,240
Speaker 1: What do you what's your next move going to be? Well,

1144
00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:46,040
Speaker 1: we're going on a family trip next week for Labor Day,

1145
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:50,960
Speaker 1: so I'm hoping to I'm gonna set my appointment for

1146
00:59:51,080 --> 00:59:56,000
Speaker 1: therapy before I go away. Yes, that's hard. It's something

1147
00:59:56,040 --> 00:59:58,280
Speaker 1: that I know I needed. I think I just I

1148
00:59:58,280 --> 01:00:00,920
Speaker 1: appreciate you kind of giving me the push. It's almost

1149
01:00:01,840 --> 01:00:05,640
Speaker 1: so silly, but act feel like I needed an approval. Yeah,

1150
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:09,200
Speaker 1: I don't know, No, that makes sense. Sure, and do

1151
01:00:09,320 --> 01:00:12,560
Speaker 1: me another favor. Also, download of meditation app like Headspace

1152
01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:16,280
Speaker 1: or Chopra or Sam Harris or Sam Harris. Yeah, ten

1153
01:00:16,320 --> 01:00:20,120
Speaker 1: percent happier any of those, and just give yourself five

1154
01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:23,520
Speaker 1: or ten minutes each morning starting out with there's all

1155
01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:26,640
Speaker 1: these little classes and series they all have different ten

1156
01:00:26,680 --> 01:00:29,920
Speaker 1: sessions of something. Find one that speaks to you and

1157
01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:32,080
Speaker 1: that resonates with you. Just by the titles. And it

1158
01:00:32,120 --> 01:00:34,360
Speaker 1: could be happiness, it could be calmness, it could be

1159
01:00:34,400 --> 01:00:37,480
Speaker 1: sleeping better, whatever it is. Just find that and start

1160
01:00:37,520 --> 01:00:39,920
Speaker 1: that practice, because you need to get into a practice

1161
01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:42,360
Speaker 1: of taking care of yourself. And it doesn't matter whether

1162
01:00:42,360 --> 01:00:43,880
Speaker 1: you're doing it right or not. It just matters that

1163
01:00:43,880 --> 01:00:46,440
Speaker 1: you're giving yourself that amount of time each day to

1164
01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:48,920
Speaker 1: say I care about my day and I care about

1165
01:00:48,960 --> 01:00:52,320
Speaker 1: myself and practice self love and so add that with

1166
01:00:52,400 --> 01:00:55,080
Speaker 1: your therapy session and just start doing that. And I

1167
01:00:55,120 --> 01:00:56,720
Speaker 1: bet you're going to feel the effects of that in

1168
01:00:56,760 --> 01:01:01,240
Speaker 1: no time because you seem very open. Yeah, yeah, I'm trying.

1169
01:01:02,320 --> 01:01:05,560
Speaker 1: You're gonna be okay. Just say that you're already asking

1170
01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:08,560
Speaker 1: the right questions. It's when you can't ask the right

1171
01:01:08,640 --> 01:01:11,080
Speaker 1: questions that's when I really worry about people. I'm like,

1172
01:01:11,120 --> 01:01:14,440
Speaker 1: oh boy, they're still closed down, but you're already asking

1173
01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:20,200
Speaker 1: the questions right. Thank you so much, a pleasure to

1174
01:01:20,240 --> 01:01:27,320
Speaker 1: meet you. You're wonderful. Enjoy let go. Oh, I'm so

1175
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:33,560
Speaker 1: excited a little getaway and even told my family, was like,

1176
01:01:34,200 --> 01:01:36,640
Speaker 1: I'm going with you guys, but I need my own

1177
01:01:36,680 --> 01:01:42,080
Speaker 1: time as well. Yeah for you, I'm going to try

1178
01:01:42,120 --> 01:01:48,040
Speaker 1: that with my family. Thanks, h take care. That's like

1179
01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:50,200
Speaker 1: the opposite when I go away with my family, They're like,

1180
01:01:50,280 --> 01:01:53,040
Speaker 1: you're going to need a time out. Send you to

1181
01:01:53,080 --> 01:01:56,400
Speaker 1: your room. That was so sweet and meaningful. What a

1182
01:01:56,440 --> 01:02:01,560
Speaker 1: meaningful episode. Absolutely love it. I don't think she's alone though.

1183
01:02:01,600 --> 01:02:03,640
Speaker 1: I think so many people after COVID are going through

1184
01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:06,320
Speaker 1: what she's going through too, And so I had a

1185
01:02:06,440 --> 01:02:08,640
Speaker 1: question before or not. I just I talked to so

1186
01:02:08,680 --> 01:02:12,640
Speaker 1: many people who are like I cannot move forward. I

1187
01:02:12,680 --> 01:02:14,200
Speaker 1: think there was a lot of that going on. She's

1188
01:02:14,240 --> 01:02:18,800
Speaker 1: gorgeous anyway, this fun. Thank you so much for joining

1189
01:02:18,880 --> 01:02:21,440
Speaker 1: us again. Yeah. I told Julianna she doesn't have to

1190
01:02:21,480 --> 01:02:24,080
Speaker 1: ask me the exit question. That's too much pressure. She's

1191
01:02:24,080 --> 01:02:26,640
Speaker 1: already been on the podcast, so we're gonna we're gonna

1192
01:02:26,680 --> 01:02:30,120
Speaker 1: skip that part. Although I didn't have one. Oh okay,

1193
01:02:30,160 --> 01:02:32,160
Speaker 1: well hold on, let's do our break, right. We're gonna

1194
01:02:32,200 --> 01:02:34,800
Speaker 1: take a break and we'll be right back to close

1195
01:02:34,840 --> 01:02:37,720
Speaker 1: out this episode with Julianna and Catherine. I like the

1196
01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:39,800
Speaker 1: way that I say Julianna in a different way each time.

1197
01:02:39,960 --> 01:02:43,120
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's Juanna, sometimes it's Julianna. Which one do you

1198
01:02:43,120 --> 01:02:47,960
Speaker 1: perfever you're feeling it's just Julianna. I mean, honestly, I

1199
01:02:48,000 --> 01:02:51,160
Speaker 1: love hearing someone say Julianna or Julianna, whatever you want.

1200
01:02:51,480 --> 01:02:54,040
Speaker 1: But it's almost never that I hear that because everyone

1201
01:02:54,080 --> 01:02:59,040
Speaker 1: calls me Jewels. Okay, everyone like and and sometimes Keith

1202
01:02:59,080 --> 01:03:01,200
Speaker 1: will be like me and rules Field like Keith, that's

1203
01:03:01,200 --> 01:03:04,560
Speaker 1: your bit, like I don't know him. My nickname with

1204
01:03:04,640 --> 01:03:08,880
Speaker 1: an email Jules but but yeah, but either but Julianna

1205
01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:17,800
Speaker 1: is the name doesn't matter for me. Okay, and we're back. Yes,

1206
01:03:19,040 --> 01:03:23,200
Speaker 1: that was a little bit heavy. That was heavy episode today, um,

1207
01:03:23,320 --> 01:03:25,280
Speaker 1: and I really hope it helped a lot of people.

1208
01:03:25,320 --> 01:03:28,480
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna ask a lighter question, Okay, Okay. Even

1209
01:03:28,520 --> 01:03:30,960
Speaker 1: though I told Julianna that she does not have to

1210
01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:33,960
Speaker 1: ask me a question, she is insisting about it. I

1211
01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:36,840
Speaker 1: am because I like, I I really appreciate your advice,

1212
01:03:36,840 --> 01:03:39,160
Speaker 1: and I like how your brain works, Chelsea. I find

1213
01:03:39,160 --> 01:03:43,320
Speaker 1: it it stimulates my mind. So here's my question. To you.

1214
01:03:43,960 --> 01:03:46,520
Speaker 1: What do you do, Chelsea when you go to see

1215
01:03:46,560 --> 01:03:51,080
Speaker 1: a play or a performance or a stand up whatever

1216
01:03:51,120 --> 01:03:52,920
Speaker 1: it is of a friend of yours and you have

1217
01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:58,760
Speaker 1: to go backstage. But it really was awful. So as

1218
01:03:58,800 --> 01:04:01,680
Speaker 1: someone who has been on stage and then heard all

1219
01:04:01,720 --> 01:04:04,640
Speaker 1: of it, I've heard all of it. I've heard I'm

1220
01:04:04,640 --> 01:04:07,200
Speaker 1: going to tell everyone about this, which means they hated it,

1221
01:04:07,480 --> 01:04:11,080
Speaker 1: and that's their way of or how do you feel?

1222
01:04:11,360 --> 01:04:13,080
Speaker 1: How do you feel about your perform I want to

1223
01:04:13,160 --> 01:04:15,680
Speaker 1: kill them. I want to shoot them dead. I want

1224
01:04:15,720 --> 01:04:18,080
Speaker 1: to be that supportive friend. And I was once in

1225
01:04:18,120 --> 01:04:21,040
Speaker 1: an acting class where the teacher would let us comment

1226
01:04:21,200 --> 01:04:23,480
Speaker 1: on the scene study we were seeing. But it could

1227
01:04:23,480 --> 01:04:27,240
Speaker 1: only be positive, even if the scene was awful. You

1228
01:04:27,240 --> 01:04:29,720
Speaker 1: could be like, I love how you dressed, and I

1229
01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:32,000
Speaker 1: loved your voice, and that you know, and that's how

1230
01:04:32,040 --> 01:04:34,360
Speaker 1: you give a comment. What do you do, Chelsea when

1231
01:04:34,360 --> 01:04:36,479
Speaker 1: you go back staging? I do that. I just lie.

1232
01:04:36,760 --> 01:04:39,280
Speaker 1: That is not obviously the time to be honest. And

1233
01:04:39,360 --> 01:04:42,520
Speaker 1: when somebody they can't change the performance, So no, I

1234
01:04:42,600 --> 01:04:45,360
Speaker 1: just think of something positive that I saw, or a

1235
01:04:45,480 --> 01:04:48,200
Speaker 1: character that I loved, or wasn't that girl amazing? Or

1236
01:04:48,240 --> 01:04:50,440
Speaker 1: your performance I loved it. When you do this, I

1237
01:04:50,480 --> 01:04:53,160
Speaker 1: find that being specific with things to deflect from an

1238
01:04:53,200 --> 01:04:56,840
Speaker 1: actual review, people are really drawn to that. They want

1239
01:04:56,840 --> 01:04:59,720
Speaker 1: to hear about their performance as a performer more than

1240
01:04:59,760 --> 01:05:02,080
Speaker 1: any thing else. And if you can just give him

1241
01:05:02,120 --> 01:05:04,280
Speaker 1: a couple of like kernels of that, that's just the

1242
01:05:04,320 --> 01:05:06,200
Speaker 1: best way to go about it. There's no reason to

1243
01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:10,160
Speaker 1: tell the truth in those situations. No, that's what I

1244
01:05:10,200 --> 01:05:12,439
Speaker 1: thought you'd say, And I'm glad. I'm glad I've heard

1245
01:05:12,440 --> 01:05:15,880
Speaker 1: it from you from your mouth. I've definitely been in

1246
01:05:15,960 --> 01:05:22,040
Speaker 1: that situation. Alright, guys, thank you, you have a great day.

1247
01:05:22,080 --> 01:05:28,400
Speaker 1: I'll be in touch about we love it well. Thank you. So,

1248
01:05:28,440 --> 01:05:31,000
Speaker 1: if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an

1249
01:05:31,040 --> 01:05:35,800
Speaker 1: email at Dear Chelsea project at gmail dot com. Dear

1250
01:05:35,920 --> 01:05:39,560
Speaker 1: Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced

1251
01:05:39,560 --> 01:05:42,880
Speaker 1: by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and

1252
01:05:42,960 --> 01:05:44,400
Speaker 1: engineered by Brad Dicker.