1
00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600
Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this

2
00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240
Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me

3
00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840
Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation

4
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800
Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast

5
00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280
Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs

6
00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000
Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you

7
00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400
Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you

8
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440
Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more.

9
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040
Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

10
00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800
Speaker 1: fm to get started.

11
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:38,199
Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

12
00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:47,320
Speaker 3: The forgiveness is about us releasing and letting go of

13
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:52,839
Speaker 3: this moment, right of this situation, because the reality is

14
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:57,280
Speaker 3: that when we are holding on to not forgiving a person,

15
00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,520
Speaker 3: it is taking up emotional care capital.

16
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:06,080
Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

17
00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:10,280
Speaker 2: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

18
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:14,200
Speaker 2: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

19
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,119
Speaker 2: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

20
00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:21,560
Speaker 2: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

21
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:26,360
Speaker 2: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace dot com to access our

22
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:30,959
Speaker 2: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

23
00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:37,080
Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

24
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:41,840
Speaker 1: women like you. We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Bussard, a

25
00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:44,520
Speaker 1: college professor and psychologist.

26
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:48,080
Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

27
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:53,080
Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

28
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:57,880
Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

29
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:01,080
Speaker 2: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space

30
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:03,520
Speaker 2: where black women can just b.

31
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:07,240
Speaker 4: Hey.

32
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:10,880
Speaker 1: Lady's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.

33
00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:14,720
Speaker 1: Are you currently a resident of the state of California

34
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:20,520
Speaker 1: and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so, please

35
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:24,440
Speaker 1: reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

36
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:29,760
Speaker 1: That's d R D O M I N I q

37
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:34,440
Speaker 1: U E B R O U S s r D

38
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:40,160
Speaker 1: dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I

39
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:44,880
Speaker 1: look forward to hearing from you. All right, So our

40
00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:49,760
Speaker 1: quote of the day now, a lady. If you follow

41
00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:54,520
Speaker 1: Nedra on Instagram or Twitter, then you are familiar with

42
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:58,280
Speaker 1: her Nedra nuggets. So this is one of Nedra Tawab's

43
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:04,760
Speaker 1: Medra nuggets that fits perfect for our topic today. Growth

44
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:09,160
Speaker 1: requires letting go of the parts of yourself that get

45
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:13,440
Speaker 1: in the way of who you want to be. Now,

46
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,239
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say that one more time so that it

47
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,880
Speaker 1: settles in our spirit and guides us in this conversation.

48
00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:26,000
Speaker 1: Growth requires letting go of the parts of yourself that

49
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:29,680
Speaker 1: get in the way of who you want to be.

50
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,560
Speaker 1: All right, te are you ready girl?

51
00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,360
Speaker 2: We are ready, ready, ready to die in You know,

52
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:38,480
Speaker 2: when you read that quote, it made me think about

53
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:42,920
Speaker 2: how sometimes in life, if we are holding on literally

54
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,680
Speaker 2: with our hands. I'm a visual person, so I'm thinking

55
00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:48,280
Speaker 2: about holding on to things, and if we want more

56
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,480
Speaker 2: of something and we're still trying to hold on, it's

57
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,800
Speaker 2: like we don't have the capacity to receive or to

58
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,400
Speaker 2: get that new thing right, or to grow because we're

59
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,680
Speaker 2: still holding onto the old things. And what I really

60
00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,640
Speaker 2: thought about was like winter cleaning, and I was like,

61
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:02,520
Speaker 2: my clisset is only but so big.

62
00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:03,960
Speaker 5: So when I want some new.

63
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:06,280
Speaker 2: Stuff, I really have to get rid of some of

64
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,440
Speaker 2: the old stuff that either doesn't serve me and stuff

65
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,560
Speaker 2: I can't fit, the stuff I haven't touched in years.

66
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,920
Speaker 2: I have to let that go in order to make

67
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,480
Speaker 2: a from right for the new stuff. So That's what

68
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,520
Speaker 2: I thought about when you share that quote what came

69
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:18,360
Speaker 2: up for you down?

70
00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:21,400
Speaker 5: Did you kind of internalize that quote.

71
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,720
Speaker 3: Well before I share what came up for me? I

72
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:29,160
Speaker 3: just love that, like what you brought up, right, because

73
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,960
Speaker 3: it made me think about this philosophy that I've had

74
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:38,920
Speaker 3: of now I have a pandemic life, I remember kind

75
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:42,240
Speaker 3: of shifting how I did that, right, But in general,

76
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:44,520
Speaker 3: the philosophy that.

77
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:45,320
Speaker 2: I have is.

78
00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:49,000
Speaker 3: That if I, like, if I have something in my

79
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:53,960
Speaker 3: closet for two years or more that I have not

80
00:04:54,279 --> 00:05:00,200
Speaker 3: used and I cannot find a way to repurpose it

81
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,240
Speaker 3: or use it in the way that I originally had it,

82
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:09,520
Speaker 3: then it's time to let it go, right And so yeah,

83
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:13,720
Speaker 3: Like when you said that, like that immediately resonated of like, yes,

84
00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:20,880
Speaker 3: so when we have something or way of being that

85
00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:28,240
Speaker 3: isn't working for us or we haven't utilized in years,

86
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:34,680
Speaker 3: then maybe it's time to either repurpose it or let

87
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:35,040
Speaker 3: it go.

88
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,120
Speaker 2: Yes, I love it. I love it, and I think

89
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:41,880
Speaker 2: that's such a great practice that you have with yourself. Like, yes, girl,

90
00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:44,440
Speaker 2: I love it. So I just want to say before

91
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:49,600
Speaker 2: we jump in, our intention with this episode is to

92
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:52,120
Speaker 2: share some of the things that we've noticed that have

93
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:55,160
Speaker 2: kept us from living our most fulfilled life. And some

94
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,200
Speaker 2: of these may apply to you, ladies, some may not

95
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:01,080
Speaker 2: use what resonates and share the rest. And we realize

96
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,560
Speaker 2: that everyone has their own life of course, their own experiences,

97
00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:06,920
Speaker 2: and what we share today is not going to be

98
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:10,839
Speaker 2: a blanket solution or advice for everyone, right, because this

99
00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,839
Speaker 2: is our personal experience. So I just want to preface

100
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:15,520
Speaker 2: the conversation with that, because we're going to dig into

101
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,840
Speaker 2: some bangs, okay, and you might be a little triggered, right,

102
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,320
Speaker 2: some things may come up for you. And the last

103
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:21,960
Speaker 2: thing I want to save down before we dive in

104
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,960
Speaker 2: is make sure you stay until the end, lady, because

105
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,080
Speaker 2: we have something special that we want to try out

106
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,160
Speaker 2: with you, but you have to stay till the end

107
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,880
Speaker 2: to learn more about that. So stay till the end,

108
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:34,120
Speaker 2: and Dom and I are actually going to do a workshop,

109
00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:37,440
Speaker 2: a live workshop about these topics, and if you want

110
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:40,080
Speaker 2: to tune in with us, you can visit New Year

111
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,920
Speaker 2: Workshop dot com again, that's New Year Workshop dot com

112
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,719
Speaker 2: for a deeper dive on these topics. And if you

113
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,440
Speaker 2: don't catch us live, you can always catch the replay.

114
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,320
Speaker 2: But you've got to go to that website, new Year

115
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:53,039
Speaker 2: workshop dot com to see when we're going to do

116
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,400
Speaker 2: it and to get more information about what this workshop

117
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:56,000
Speaker 2: will entail.

118
00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,960
Speaker 5: So don I think we're just dive into.

119
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:04,200
Speaker 3: Let's do it. So the first thing that we want

120
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:10,000
Speaker 3: to leave behind is a victim mindset. Now. See, I

121
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:12,560
Speaker 3: don't know about you, but I know that there have

122
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:17,400
Speaker 3: been phases of my life, or stages, seasons in my

123
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:24,160
Speaker 3: life or situations even where I have had that victim mindset, right,

124
00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:29,680
Speaker 3: And victim mindset is different for everyone, But for me,

125
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:35,840
Speaker 3: the victim mindset is the woe is me? Right, that

126
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:43,760
Speaker 3: I am feeling helpless in this situation. And for me,

127
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:47,240
Speaker 3: what I've found is that there are times when that

128
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:52,400
Speaker 3: is accurate. But then there have been other times where

129
00:07:54,040 --> 00:08:02,040
Speaker 3: I was in that mindset because I was struggling to

130
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:08,680
Speaker 3: see my power in the situation, right. And I think

131
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:13,680
Speaker 3: that that was a game changer for me, right of

132
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:19,440
Speaker 3: recognizing why is the woe is me there? Right, not

133
00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:24,160
Speaker 3: focusing on the woe is me itself, but stepping back

134
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:28,360
Speaker 3: and focusing on the why and recognizing that it was

135
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:37,800
Speaker 3: about me not seeing my own power in those moments, right.

136
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:43,480
Speaker 3: And so what I have learned to do is to

137
00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:47,400
Speaker 3: let that let that woe is me go and tap

138
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:53,719
Speaker 3: into my power. But it really is like looking at

139
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:57,040
Speaker 3: an analysis of the situation, because again there are exceptions

140
00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:02,000
Speaker 3: and times where it truly is I am powerless and

141
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,520
Speaker 3: helpless in this moment.

142
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,719
Speaker 2: I'm so glad you share that, don because I think

143
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,199
Speaker 2: that's spot on. I think sometimes when people hear a

144
00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:12,640
Speaker 2: victim mindset, they again they give this sort of perspective

145
00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:16,360
Speaker 2: or advice that's supposed to be this blanket solution for

146
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:19,880
Speaker 2: everyone's situation, when it's like this is it's not a

147
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:22,520
Speaker 2: one size fits all. And so when we were sharing,

148
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,880
Speaker 2: what it made me think about was two particular instances

149
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:28,160
Speaker 2: or phases in my life where I was faced with

150
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,560
Speaker 2: a victim mindset. No one I talked about it on

151
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,040
Speaker 2: the podcast, Very transparent about my upbringing and the things

152
00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:36,560
Speaker 2: I've experienced. And you know what has been part of

153
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,839
Speaker 2: my story is, you know, domestic violence, being physically and

154
00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:43,000
Speaker 2: verbally abused, being molested when I was younger, losing a

155
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,960
Speaker 2: parent a month before going to college, a lot of

156
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,400
Speaker 2: these very tragic situations in which I was a victim, right, Like,

157
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:49,680
Speaker 2: that's the that's the truth.

158
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:50,719
Speaker 5: I was victimized.

159
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:56,200
Speaker 2: And when I think about my journey and what I

160
00:09:56,320 --> 00:10:00,280
Speaker 2: chose to do with those situations, that's where where I

161
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,920
Speaker 2: think the victim mindset comes up for me. When I

162
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,120
Speaker 2: think about, Okay, how do I want to show up

163
00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:08,040
Speaker 2: in the world based on what has happened to me?

164
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:08,560
Speaker 5: Right?

165
00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:12,400
Speaker 2: And I think there is space to sit with your

166
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,440
Speaker 2: story and realize, I guess this happened to me, right,

167
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,240
Speaker 2: like I was a victim. I've had to I've chosen

168
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,320
Speaker 2: to do that for myself, like I was, this happened

169
00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:23,240
Speaker 2: to me right. Sometimes you don't get an apology from

170
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:26,880
Speaker 2: whoever may have violated you. And when I began to

171
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:31,560
Speaker 2: think about what perspective was serving me for me, it

172
00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:35,439
Speaker 2: wasn't wallowing in what happened. But again that's my choice.

173
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,480
Speaker 2: I went through therapy right. Like I went to therapy,

174
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:40,719
Speaker 2: I did a lot of healing work internally, spending a

175
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,160
Speaker 2: lot of time in solid journaling. I did a lot

176
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:47,080
Speaker 2: of connecting the dots for myself to find purpose in

177
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:47,560
Speaker 2: my pain.

178
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,640
Speaker 5: So that was one instance where.

179
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:53,320
Speaker 2: I was absolutely a victim, but I just chose not

180
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:57,400
Speaker 2: to adopt that victim mindset. When I think of victim mindset,

181
00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,720
Speaker 2: down for me, that means like, oh, making excuses.

182
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:00,640
Speaker 5: Oh I can't do that.

183
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,160
Speaker 2: Because no one in my family has done that, or

184
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,640
Speaker 2: because I've been through this, or because this happened to me,

185
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,120
Speaker 2: and wearing that victim badge or that victim mindset is

186
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:11,679
Speaker 2: like a badge of honor, right, Like, oh, yeah, I'll

187
00:11:11,679 --> 00:11:15,160
Speaker 2: never be able to do that because XYZ happened to me, right,

188
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,560
Speaker 2: So that's just that's my story.

189
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:17,680
Speaker 3: Now.

190
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:21,520
Speaker 2: The other thing I think about is recently, how there

191
00:11:21,559 --> 00:11:24,160
Speaker 2: have been goals that I've been trying to accomplish and

192
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,960
Speaker 2: I've done what I thought was everything that I needed

193
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:31,160
Speaker 2: to do to accomplish these goals, but for whatever reason,

194
00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:35,280
Speaker 2: the goal wasn't accomplished, and I began to make up

195
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,320
Speaker 2: stories in my mind like, oh, this person gets more

196
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:39,880
Speaker 2: engagement on their social media posts.

197
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,679
Speaker 5: Maybe some Seriously, sometimes.

198
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:45,320
Speaker 2: Our mindset can really have us going down the rabbit

199
00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:49,480
Speaker 2: hole because don't laugh, okay, don But there have been

200
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:50,360
Speaker 2: times I'm gonna be very.

201
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,480
Speaker 5: Transparent, very transparent.

202
00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:54,480
Speaker 2: There have been times where I'm like, does someone have

203
00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:56,720
Speaker 2: like does someone that one of those tech companies have

204
00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:59,520
Speaker 2: a vendetta against me? Where like I'm not getting any

205
00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:01,920
Speaker 2: engagement I'm posting content that I think is great. I'm

206
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:05,040
Speaker 2: posting valuable stuff and nobody is seeing it, Like I'll

207
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,720
Speaker 2: post it in it for hours. It's the algorithm, right,

208
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,400
Speaker 2: But I'm like, if someone's trying to make it so

209
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:12,640
Speaker 2: that I don't get, you know, achieve my mission and

210
00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:15,200
Speaker 2: my goal. So for me, that's like a whole different

211
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,920
Speaker 2: victim mindset. And it's like, Okay, now this is what

212
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,640
Speaker 2: I'm faced with, right, not getting engagement.

213
00:12:19,679 --> 00:12:22,280
Speaker 5: Am I going to just continue to say, Oh, it's

214
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,880
Speaker 5: the algorithm and it's this or Am I going to

215
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:25,679
Speaker 5: do something about it?

216
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:25,920
Speaker 3: Right?

217
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:27,240
Speaker 5: Am I going to look into coaching?

218
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,120
Speaker 2: Am I going to look into, you know, being proactive

219
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,560
Speaker 2: in my story and not being in this past position

220
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:33,640
Speaker 2: in my story?

221
00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:34,439
Speaker 5: Does that make sense?

222
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,280
Speaker 3: Yes? Yes, I think that that's a good I think

223
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:41,120
Speaker 3: that's a great example, and I appreciate your transparency in that,

224
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:44,760
Speaker 3: right because there's a there there are a lot of

225
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:49,720
Speaker 3: things that can easily pull us in if we're not

226
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:55,000
Speaker 3: paying attention, easily easily.

227
00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:01,400
Speaker 4: See Okay, I'm not trying to interrupt the show, but

228
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,280
Speaker 4: I had this random idea I want to share with you,

229
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:05,640
Speaker 4: and I don't want to forget it.

230
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:07,400
Speaker 3: Tell me, tell me what is it?

231
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:08,720
Speaker 5: Okay?

232
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:13,720
Speaker 4: So you know how at the start of every New Year, Birthday,

233
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:19,679
Speaker 4: new Moon, anniversary, new month, knew anything, people find themselves

234
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,800
Speaker 4: wanted to have a reset, but they're not sure where

235
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:23,199
Speaker 4: to start.

236
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:25,360
Speaker 2: I sure do What are you thinking?

237
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:29,120
Speaker 4: What if we hosted a workshop where we could interact

238
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:32,680
Speaker 4: with our listeners to talk about stuff like self care

239
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,760
Speaker 4: and self love, oh.

240
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:38,000
Speaker 2: And ge and we could even have a session about manifestation,

241
00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:42,480
Speaker 2: leaving toxic relationships and becoming our best selves. Girl, I

242
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:43,560
Speaker 2: am so excited.

243
00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:44,080
Speaker 5: I'm sold.

244
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:47,400
Speaker 2: We could call it the Vibrate Higher Empowerment Workshop.

245
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:54,760
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, that is it. And we could even host

246
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:58,640
Speaker 4: a live quarterly wind down to check in and build

247
00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:01,400
Speaker 4: community as we vibrate hire all year.

248
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:02,720
Speaker 1: Yo.

249
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:04,480
Speaker 3: I love it, I love it.

250
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:05,800
Speaker 5: I'm so let's do it.

251
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:06,560
Speaker 4: Lady.

252
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,920
Speaker 2: If this sounds like fun to you, visit New Year

253
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:13,439
Speaker 2: Workshop dot com and join us for the Vibrate Higher

254
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:17,679
Speaker 2: Empowerment Workshop. If you want to release baggage, set intentions,

255
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:20,600
Speaker 2: and manifest the like you desire, this is just for you, lady.

256
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:25,440
Speaker 4: That's New Year Workshop dot com. We can't wait to

257
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:26,120
Speaker 4: connect with you.

258
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:36,800
Speaker 3: So what about our second tip or a second thing?

259
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:38,240
Speaker 3: To avoid and let go.

260
00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:44,440
Speaker 2: A second weight of baggage is unforgiveness.

261
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:47,800
Speaker 5: Oof, this one can be tricky.

262
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:52,760
Speaker 3: Yes, okay, okay, so let's just do it. So this

263
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:56,000
Speaker 3: one I have to take a moment and side with

264
00:14:56,160 --> 00:15:00,000
Speaker 3: that and like let it settle, because it is true.

265
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:07,600
Speaker 3: It is complex and complicated. Right, This piece of not

266
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:17,080
Speaker 3: forgiving yourself and not forgiving others, right, can hold us

267
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:23,360
Speaker 3: back emotionally and in all kinds of other ways.

268
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:24,000
Speaker 5: Right, So.

269
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,920
Speaker 3: In our relationships with others, in goals that we're trying

270
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:31,840
Speaker 3: to achieve, and maybe holding us back from manifesting the

271
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:35,920
Speaker 3: things that will take us to the next level. Right,

272
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:41,240
Speaker 3: And it's hard, Like, it is so hard, And I

273
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:50,280
Speaker 3: get it that when we have been hurt, right, And

274
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,760
Speaker 3: sometimes people really do unforgivable shit, like if I'm just

275
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:57,960
Speaker 3: keep it all away, one hundred people do unforgivable shit.

276
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,560
Speaker 5: Absolutely, But the.

277
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:07,360
Speaker 3: Piece that we have to remember is that the forgiveness

278
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:14,840
Speaker 3: is not for the other person. The forgiveness is for ourselves.

279
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:24,040
Speaker 3: The forgiveness is about us releasing and letting go of

280
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:29,560
Speaker 3: this moment right of this situation. Because the reality is

281
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:34,040
Speaker 3: that when we are holding on to not forgiving a person,

282
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:39,440
Speaker 3: it is taking up emotional capital, and our emotional capital

283
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:46,120
Speaker 3: is valuable, and I want to be clear that forgiving

284
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:51,960
Speaker 3: a person does not alleviate them of the responsibility of

285
00:16:52,000 --> 00:17:01,880
Speaker 3: what they did. Again, forgiveness is about free our own

286
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:09,040
Speaker 3: emotional capacity. So it is for us that person doesn't

287
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:14,320
Speaker 3: even need to know that we have forgiven them, because again,

288
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:21,119
Speaker 3: it is for our emotional wellbeing, not theirs.

289
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:22,760
Speaker 5: You hit the nail on the head.

290
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,800
Speaker 2: I don't even have much to say outside of what

291
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:27,959
Speaker 2: you've already shared, because you really did just nail that.

292
00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:31,560
Speaker 2: The only thing I'll add is, I mean, that's spot on, Donica.

293
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,560
Speaker 2: I'm glad that you point out that people do unforgivable things,

294
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,600
Speaker 2: and I think many of us have heard that drinking,

295
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,760
Speaker 2: you know, unforgiveness or being bitter is like drinking poison

296
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:41,240
Speaker 2: and expecting someone else to die.

297
00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:41,520
Speaker 3: Right.

298
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,679
Speaker 2: It does have a heavy impact on us, and I

299
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,040
Speaker 2: love that you also said that it's not excusing the

300
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:51,679
Speaker 2: person right of responsibility for what they did. I personally

301
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:56,040
Speaker 2: believe that you can forgive again you're doing need for yourself.

302
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,880
Speaker 2: You can forgive, but not forget, right, because I think

303
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:02,440
Speaker 2: that people sometimes quate. Oh, forgiving is excusing the person

304
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,040
Speaker 2: and forgetting about what happened. I believe that you can forgive,

305
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:09,479
Speaker 2: and for me, that just means clearing yourself of that energy,

306
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,719
Speaker 2: that anger, that rage, those heavy feelings that you may

307
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:15,919
Speaker 2: have had about the situation, but not forgetting, because you

308
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,400
Speaker 2: don't want to put yourself in the same position right

309
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:22,399
Speaker 2: to be violated, or to be disrespected, or to be

310
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,600
Speaker 2: in a position where that person has an opportunity to

311
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,119
Speaker 2: do what they did again. Right, you can forgive and

312
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:30,000
Speaker 2: still have space between you and that person. And the

313
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,440
Speaker 2: other thing I want to say is that forgiveness can

314
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:33,840
Speaker 2: sometimes be a moving.

315
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:36,000
Speaker 5: Target and that's okay. Like I have been in.

316
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,560
Speaker 2: Situations where I thought I forgave someone and then something

317
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,240
Speaker 2: came up and I was like, oh, hold them, I'm triggered,

318
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,440
Speaker 2: Like I'm oh, I had some anger that just came

319
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,199
Speaker 2: or I had some rage that just came up. I

320
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,560
Speaker 2: need to I want to clear this for myself because

321
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,520
Speaker 2: I don't want that to be filled, you know, I

322
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,480
Speaker 2: don't want that to be within me. And then I'm

323
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:55,920
Speaker 2: held back from goals right or manifesting because it's still within.

324
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,680
Speaker 2: So yes, spot on there, And that takes us.

325
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:01,400
Speaker 5: To number three, Getting ready for number three, lady.

326
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:05,400
Speaker 2: Okay, And we have episodes, girl, We have episodes about

327
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,560
Speaker 2: many of these topics, so you got to check the archives.

328
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:14,040
Speaker 2: But this one, my year is toxic relationships. Toxic relationships,

329
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,000
Speaker 2: And honestly, I just want to say that that goes

330
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:17,960
Speaker 2: for family.

331
00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:19,800
Speaker 5: Yes, friends, yep.

332
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 2: Also I will say even if you're in a serious relationship,

333
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:28,399
Speaker 2: even if you're married, sometimes that's a toxic relationship that

334
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:29,160
Speaker 2: needs to.

335
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,600
Speaker 3: Yes, it's got to go or got to be changed.

336
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,040
Speaker 5: Or got to be changed exactly.

337
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,679
Speaker 3: In my practice, my therapy practice, I work with women

338
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:47,160
Speaker 3: all the time in addressing toxic relationships right, and thinking

339
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:55,359
Speaker 3: about particularly marriages, right, Like a marriage or serious long

340
00:19:55,440 --> 00:20:05,919
Speaker 3: term relationship is so hard to decide to let go of, right,

341
00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:13,679
Speaker 3: And so to say I need to end this thirty

342
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:20,960
Speaker 3: year marriage because this relationship is no longer serving me

343
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:26,120
Speaker 3: is incredibly difficult, and I want to acknowledge that, right,

344
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:32,000
Speaker 3: the difficulty in that and also notes that it does

345
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:36,040
Speaker 3: not mean when we say ending toxic relationships, it does

346
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:43,680
Speaker 3: not always mean the relationship is ending, right because sometimes

347
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,840
Speaker 3: and this you know, this goals to kind of that

348
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:56,200
Speaker 3: forgiveness piece, right, Sometimes the person who is toxic might

349
00:20:56,280 --> 00:21:03,120
Speaker 3: be us, or they are unaway of their toxicity and

350
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 3: the impact. And depending on the person, they may be

351
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:14,840
Speaker 3: open to making a change when that has been brought

352
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:19,080
Speaker 3: to their awareness. Now again, I always have to acknowledge

353
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,000
Speaker 3: that there are exceptions to the rule, and so they're

354
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,960
Speaker 3: like we mentioned before, there are certain things that are unforgivable,

355
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:30,480
Speaker 3: and it is up to you, lady, to determine for yourself,

356
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,280
Speaker 3: not what your mom and them said, not what the

357
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:40,200
Speaker 3: girlfriend said. It is up to you to determine for yourself.

358
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:47,720
Speaker 3: What are the toxic things people in relationships that you

359
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:51,480
Speaker 3: gotta let go of, and how are they being defined

360
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:55,480
Speaker 3: as toxic because again, what's toxic to me might not

361
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,679
Speaker 3: be toxic to you exactly.

362
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,240
Speaker 2: And is it toxic because you don't like it someone's

363
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,720
Speaker 2: trying to hold you accountable, right, Like we kind of

364
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,080
Speaker 2: differentiate between what is toxic. But down I want to

365
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 2: tell you years ago, I was dating this guy and

366
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:11,639
Speaker 2: we were talking about you know, engagement and like you know,

367
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,639
Speaker 2: our future possibly being married together and things. It was

368
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:18,280
Speaker 2: not a healthy relationship, however, and she was very controlling

369
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 2: and I remember, you know how you're in the initial

370
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,560
Speaker 2: stages of a relationship and so you're saying, I love

371
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:26,520
Speaker 2: usual making promises and things like that. I remember when

372
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,960
Speaker 2: I began to think about how the relationship was taking

373
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 2: a toll on me and pulling me away from relationships

374
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:35,439
Speaker 2: that were that were meaningful to me. I remember wanting

375
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,080
Speaker 2: to renig on a lot of the things that I said,

376
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:42,840
Speaker 2: and he made me feel incredibly bad about changing my

377
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,399
Speaker 2: mind and about not doing what I said I was

378
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,320
Speaker 2: going to do, and I felt really guilty and I

379
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 2: felt this, I felt like damn, I felt stuck, like

380
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 2: I have to go through with what I said because

381
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,439
Speaker 2: I want to be a woman of my word. I

382
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,760
Speaker 2: said that, you know, i'd be in this relationship and

383
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:59,000
Speaker 2: blah blah blah, and I felt really really bad, and

384
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 2: I struggled a lot with ending that relationship. But I

385
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:05,639
Speaker 2: remember one of my mentors wrote this beautiful blog post

386
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,960
Speaker 2: about her relationship and being in a similar situation, and

387
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,919
Speaker 2: she said something so powerful and it was as simple

388
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,840
Speaker 2: as it's okay to change your mind. And for me,

389
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 2: it was like this eye opening point of like, oh

390
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,120
Speaker 2: my gosh, it is okay for me to change my mind,

391
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:22,159
Speaker 2: like it's okay for me to you know, be in

392
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,200
Speaker 2: love with someone. And then say you know what, I'm

393
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:25,680
Speaker 2: not in love with this person anymore to be in

394
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 2: a relationship with someone and say you know what, I

395
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,439
Speaker 2: don't want to be in this anymore. So I just

396
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,159
Speaker 2: want to Yes, just drive home that point. It is

397
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:33,800
Speaker 2: okay to change our mind.

398
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:38,840
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, it is. Oh, yes, okay, I'm gonna have

399
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:43,120
Speaker 3: to say I just a little bit more like yes,

400
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:44,359
Speaker 3: but so.

401
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:47,240
Speaker 2: Powerful and lady, if you're watching you on Patreon, I

402
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:48,840
Speaker 2: had to go get a blanket real quick because it's

403
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,320
Speaker 2: a little chilliyers. I had to go get my little blanket.

404
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:52,959
Speaker 2: So this, this is not a fir. This is just

405
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:54,160
Speaker 2: my little my little blanket.

406
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:57,600
Speaker 3: So it looks comfy, super comfy.

407
00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 5: Yes.

408
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:03,959
Speaker 3: So I think then that piece of changing our mind

409
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 3: takes us to our next point, right, Yes, of inauthenticity,

410
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 3: right that, And I think the example that you just

411
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 3: gave right is that of that relationship and we want

412
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:33,119
Speaker 3: to leave behind in authenticity because it's not serving us. Right.

413
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:39,600
Speaker 3: So if I change my mind and I don't speak

414
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 3: up about it, then now it's affecting how I engage

415
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 3: with you, and you're responding to my behavior, and then

416
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 3: I'm looking at that and I might be having a

417
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 3: negative reaction to it. And it all stems from I

418
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 3: did not communicate to you that I changed my mind, right,

419
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:09,200
Speaker 3: or I didn't communicate to you that what you said

420
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:14,119
Speaker 3: made me feel a certain way. So if you said

421
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 3: something to me like we've made this decision and you said, well,

422
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:24,639
Speaker 3: don this is what we're doing and you got to

423
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:29,800
Speaker 3: live with it, right, and in my head, initially I

424
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 3: agreed with that, but now I'm like, no, this current

425
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:38,760
Speaker 3: way of being is hurting my feelings, like it is

426
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:43,800
Speaker 3: making me upset, and I just keep quiet about it.

427
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 3: But because I'm keeping quiet about it, what might end

428
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 3: up happening is I might end up displaying passive aggressive

429
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:57,840
Speaker 3: reactions towards you, right, And then you have no idea

430
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:01,080
Speaker 3: that I've changed my stance or I'm having an emotional reaction.

431
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:06,200
Speaker 3: You are just engaging based on my behavior. And now

432
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:10,399
Speaker 3: you're like dumb over here acting funny, so I'm gonna

433
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:17,520
Speaker 3: respond to her funny behavior. And now we have this weird,

434
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:25,199
Speaker 3: inauthentic interaction because we aren't being authentic and it's not

435
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 3: serving either of us.

436
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 2: Oh, dom No, you're so You're so right, girl, that's

437
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,680
Speaker 2: so powerful. And what I think about when I hear

438
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 2: in authenticity. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's like a tongue twister

439
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 2: for me today when I hear that, what it means

440
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 2: for me is like being real with you, right, And

441
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 2: what I think about I was watching this this interview

442
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:53,800
Speaker 2: on Soft White Underbelly, which is a YouTube show, and

443
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:58,200
Speaker 2: they interview and portrait the human condition.

444
00:26:58,359 --> 00:26:58,439
Speaker 4: Right.

445
00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 2: It's a guy named Mark, and he interviews prostitutes and

446
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 2: drug addicts and folks that are experiencing homelessness and just

447
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:09,640
Speaker 2: people in various stages of life. And on this YouTube show,

448
00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:13,920
Speaker 2: Soft White Underbelly, Mark was interviewing this man who was

449
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,879
Speaker 2: addicted to drugs. I forget what his particular drug was,

450
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,240
Speaker 2: but it was like hardcore drugs. And I remember this

451
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:22,440
Speaker 2: powerful moment when the guy I believe his name was John,

452
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 2: Mark was interviewing John the drug addicts, and he said

453
00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 2: to him that his daughter had called him up one day.

454
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 2: John's daughter and she had asked, like, you know, Dad,

455
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,440
Speaker 2: are you finished? Because he had been in drugs and

456
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:36,040
Speaker 2: in this hustler sort of just criminal lifestyle for so long,

457
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 2: and she asked him like, are you finished? And he

458
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 2: told her no, he was still committed to being where

459
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 2: he was, and for me, that was a part of

460
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 2: being authentic, like letting him, letting it be known that,

461
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:48,160
Speaker 2: you know what, I'm not ready to stop doing this,

462
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 2: like being real with yourself. You know, whether it's you

463
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:53,680
Speaker 2: know what, I'm not achieving this goal right now because

464
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 2: I'm slacking and because this is what I'm going to

465
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:58,000
Speaker 2: do right now. Just be real with you, like whether

466
00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,960
Speaker 2: you want to slack or do the work, like be real.

467
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 2: I know for me, like math is not my strong suit,

468
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 2: and I think there's some trauma and there's some stuff

469
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:08,600
Speaker 2: around it. It's like a long story. There are layers

470
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 2: to it, but it comes from childhood. Math is not

471
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:12,760
Speaker 2: my strong suit. And at this stage of my life,

472
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:15,800
Speaker 2: I'm real with myself and I know, like, yeah, I'll

473
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:17,560
Speaker 2: be pulling off the calculator when I need to get

474
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:20,600
Speaker 2: percentages and when I need to do certain equations because

475
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:23,160
Speaker 2: I just where I am in life right now. I'm

476
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 2: not trying to remember my time's tables and all that.

477
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 2: Math is not my thing right now, and I know

478
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:31,199
Speaker 2: that I'm not ready to dive into why it's not

479
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 2: my thing, and so I'm just going to be authentic

480
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:34,639
Speaker 2: and real with myself. And that's what it is. So

481
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 2: that's what comes up for me down when I think

482
00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 2: about inauthenticity. I had a little tongue twister when I

483
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,239
Speaker 2: said it the first time, But that's what comes up

484
00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:41,479
Speaker 2: for me.

485
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:46,600
Speaker 3: What comes up for me also in thinking about the

486
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:53,280
Speaker 3: inauthenticity I'm getting hung tied too, is that part of

487
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:59,280
Speaker 3: what allows us the space to be authentic is having

488
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:08,640
Speaker 3: those rusted relationships right and recognizing that that ties back

489
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:12,920
Speaker 3: into the toxic relationships piece that if you are in

490
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 3: a relationship with someone, no matter what the type of

491
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 3: relationship is, right, if you are engaging with someone and

492
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 3: you do not feel safe enough, like emotionally and or

493
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 3: physically safe enough to be your authentic self, then this

494
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:41,880
Speaker 3: must this may be a toxic relationship. And that covers

495
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 3: personally and professionally.

496
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:45,440
Speaker 5: You better preach.

497
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 3: So when I sit with that, right, I think, and

498
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:55,120
Speaker 3: I think about all of these these things that we're

499
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:58,160
Speaker 3: trying to let go of. It's all about going back

500
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 3: to our quote of the day, it's all about growth, right,

501
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 3: And all of these things are about releasing what is

502
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 3: no longer serving us. And if I am recognizing that

503
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 3: I'm engaging with someone or group and I cannot it

504
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 3: is not safe to be my authentic self. Then maybe

505
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:25,840
Speaker 3: I need to look at changing that dynamic. It may

506
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 3: be a situation that I need to see is there

507
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 3: way out? What's the pathway out?

508
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 5: Ooh?

509
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 2: We getting deep and we are about halfway through our

510
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 2: list of eleven things to leave. In the past year,

511
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:45,280
Speaker 2: we had victim mindset, unforgiveness, toxic relationships, and authenticity. And

512
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 2: number five, get ready, y'all, get ready. Number five is

513
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,720
Speaker 2: self doubt. And I don't know about you, don but

514
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 2: when I hear self doubt, it makes me think about

515
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:57,320
Speaker 2: the ways in which I be sleeping on myself, the

516
00:30:57,360 --> 00:31:00,280
Speaker 2: ways in which ILL be playing small, the way in

517
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:05,680
Speaker 2: which I am letting limiting beliefs just kind of hang

518
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 2: out in my mind.

519
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:08,880
Speaker 5: You know. I think about all those things when it

520
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 5: comes to self doubt. What about you?

521
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:14,680
Speaker 3: I think about all of that, and I think about

522
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:22,880
Speaker 3: how the self doubt may come from those around us,

523
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 3: right like, and because again I think all of these

524
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 3: things are connected. So when we're surrounded by folks who

525
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 3: don't believe in us, then things that they may say

526
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:41,200
Speaker 3: can lead to us doubting ourselves. Right and so again

527
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:43,640
Speaker 3: I think all of this is information for us to

528
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:47,640
Speaker 3: go within. Right, So if I'm recognizing that I'm doubting

529
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 3: myself for some reason, then I need to go within

530
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 3: and think about and really look at what.

531
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 1: Are the things that are happening.

532
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 3: Internally, what are the things that are happening externally to

533
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 3: figure out what's causing.

534
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:07,720
Speaker 2: This self doubt.

535
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:13,800
Speaker 3: Is it something that I am doing within myself and

536
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 3: or are there things in my external environment that are

537
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 3: causing me to do this to myself?

538
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:25,280
Speaker 2: Spot on, I love it. I love it. That takes

539
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 2: us to number six, which is, oh yeah, I know

540
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 2: I said get ready for the last one, get ready

541
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 2: for this one. Okay, get don your face. Number six

542
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:38,200
Speaker 2: is outdated financial habits that don't service. We've got to

543
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 2: leave this back there all the way back there. I

544
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,360
Speaker 2: don't know about you, don, but when I think about

545
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:48,920
Speaker 2: this one, it makes me think about how my relationship

546
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:53,640
Speaker 2: with money has what's created. It makes me think about how

547
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:56,200
Speaker 2: my relationship with money was created. Of course, it allsomes

548
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:59,200
Speaker 2: from childhood, and what I've learned over the course of

549
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 2: this journey with my money is that the way you

550
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:04,480
Speaker 2: do one thing is the way you do many things.

551
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:08,240
Speaker 2: The way you handle a thousand dollars is likely the

552
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,360
Speaker 2: way you're going to handle a million dollars. And so

553
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:13,880
Speaker 2: I have invested in a financial coach because I've realized

554
00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 2: that no matter how much money I make, I still

555
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 2: have the same cycle of financial habits that don't serve me.

556
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 2: They get me back into the same predicaments that I

557
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 2: got myself out of, and not knowing a lot about

558
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 2: money because we're healthy habits with money, because that's not

559
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 2: what I was raised around, right, We're raised around a

560
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 2: scarcity mindset of a secret of mindset about spending money

561
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:37,640
Speaker 2: and you know, not telling your spouse, right. I remember

562
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 2: we used to go shopping and were like, all right,

563
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,560
Speaker 2: we got to bring the bags in. We got to

564
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 2: bring the bags in so so pop hoop and my

565
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,120
Speaker 2: dad don't see the stuff. And then you know how

566
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:48,560
Speaker 2: it is, ladies when they ask about that new outfit,

567
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 2: you like, oh, I've been had this, like little stuff

568
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:52,040
Speaker 2: like that, right, I mean some of that is not

569
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 2: necessarily Some of that I think is you know, it's cool,

570
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:57,160
Speaker 2: we can still keep some of that, but some of

571
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:58,480
Speaker 2: that we won't need to say we want need to

572
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,400
Speaker 2: tell everything. But I'm talking like that, I'm talking about

573
00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 2: you know, not saving for our future. I'm talking about

574
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:07,400
Speaker 2: investing in you know, generational wealth and investing in like

575
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 2: real estate, in the stock market, all that stuff. Those

576
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:12,280
Speaker 2: are things that are important to me. But I didn't

577
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:14,719
Speaker 2: come up with that knowledge. So having to invest to

578
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:15,880
Speaker 2: myself has been key.

579
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:18,719
Speaker 3: I think that's important. I think one thing that I

580
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 3: think about for myself as my income grows is really

581
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 3: being careful and determining about like what I allow for myself. Right,

582
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:39,839
Speaker 3: So giving myself permission to say that if it is

583
00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:47,320
Speaker 3: within my budget, that when I am taking a trip again,

584
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 3: within my budget, that I can upgrade to comfort plus

585
00:34:55,200 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 3: economy plus first class, whatever the extras, right that I can.

586
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 3: I can allow that to happen if it is within

587
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:15,280
Speaker 3: my budget. Right, yes, girl, that I can buy things

588
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 3: that I normally would have said, oh, this is a splurge,

589
00:35:22,239 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 3: right that if it is now within my new budget

590
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 3: and the budget shifts as the income shifts. But allowing

591
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:42,720
Speaker 3: myself to have access to the things that I can

592
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 3: now afford, right, and being clear with myself about what

593
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 3: it is I can truly afford. Because I think sometimes

594
00:35:56,239 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 3: we get into that space of ooh, I'm making my more,

595
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 3: then I get to get I get to have all

596
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:06,759
Speaker 3: the things, but the reality is that your budget might

597
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:11,839
Speaker 3: not allow for that. Right. So just being really careful

598
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:15,560
Speaker 3: about your relationship with money and understanding that relationship with money,

599
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,759
Speaker 3: and yes, I agree, having that financial coach, having that

600
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:23,320
Speaker 3: financial planner, like to think about the long term gains

601
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 3: and planning and mapping all of that out and being

602
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:34,880
Speaker 3: strategic is super important. So then I think that actually

603
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:40,080
Speaker 3: thinking about your finances and really being careful and intentional

604
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:47,719
Speaker 3: about your relationship with money ties into our next thing

605
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 3: that we have to let go of, right, And I'll

606
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:53,520
Speaker 3: explain why. So our next thing that we have to

607
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 3: let go of is a false reality of death. Right.

608
00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:01,400
Speaker 3: And so I say that those two things tie in

609
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 3: together because it's important for us to do a state

610
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:11,880
Speaker 3: planning and writing wills and recognizing that those are things

611
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:14,479
Speaker 3: that it's important. Conversations it's important to have at any

612
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:19,759
Speaker 3: age that it's not just And I remember an episode

613
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:24,960
Speaker 3: of Insecure where Molly had to have this conversation with

614
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:31,120
Speaker 3: her parents right and thinking and how, and they were

615
00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:34,080
Speaker 3: so hesitant to engage in the dialogue around it, right,

616
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:41,359
Speaker 3: but recognizing the importance of having those conversations about death

617
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:44,719
Speaker 3: and being real that death is a part of life

618
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 3: and we're not going to ignore the psychological and emotional

619
00:37:48,239 --> 00:37:51,279
Speaker 3: effects of it, but we have to acknowledge it in

620
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:53,680
Speaker 3: order to deal with it. And I know that was

621
00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 3: a lot, So I'm gonna turn it.

622
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,680
Speaker 2: To ut oh No your spot on Dom. You know,

623
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:00,319
Speaker 2: I love this topic and we've done episodes about about this.

624
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:02,600
Speaker 2: But what comes up for me around this topic is

625
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:06,040
Speaker 2: having those again, like you said, the death conversations with family.

626
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:09,400
Speaker 2: Record your grandparents, y'all, if you still have your grandparents,

627
00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:12,879
Speaker 2: record them, okay, get them on camera. Record your conversations,

628
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:16,320
Speaker 2: record your voice notes, like do all of just do it, okay,

629
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:18,800
Speaker 2: get life insurance, talk to your kids and your family

630
00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:21,919
Speaker 2: about it. Document your life. Make videos with your loved ones.

631
00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:25,759
Speaker 2: You guys. I was my family's paparazzi. I have videos

632
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 2: of one of my grandmother's aunt died of cancer years ago.

633
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 2: I have videos of her. I have videos of my uncles,

634
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:35,279
Speaker 2: my nana, my grandmother. I have videos of so many people.

635
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,400
Speaker 2: I would be the one with the camera and everybody's

636
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 2: face of the family's function, Like, hey, y'all, what you're

637
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 2: thankful for on Thanksgiving? Like just all you know all

638
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:45,440
Speaker 2: the things, and those memories are priceless. It's stuff that

639
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:47,440
Speaker 2: I can't get back, but I can share those with

640
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 2: my children. Also, y'all, if you never had a chance

641
00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:54,200
Speaker 2: to meet your grandparents or older family members, can you

642
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 2: imagine how amazing it would be like if your grandmother

643
00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 2: left you a video of just her speaking life into

644
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:01,800
Speaker 2: you and tell her how much she loves you, or

645
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,120
Speaker 2: your grandfather, whoever that person might be for you. Can

646
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:06,680
Speaker 2: you imagine how dope that would be. So my kids,

647
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:08,719
Speaker 2: my family, they're gonna have a bunch of stuff for me.

648
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 2: I'm already making tons of legacy videos. I would even

649
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 2: love for us to do an episode about our death

650
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:16,360
Speaker 2: at some point on the podcast, because I think this

651
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:19,359
Speaker 2: is very important and one hundred percent of people on

652
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 2: Earth are going to pass, so we should prepare for it.

653
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:25,839
Speaker 5: That's all. I'm going to move on to the next I.

654
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:30,640
Speaker 3: Think that's beautiful. Yes, I think that that's beautiful. So

655
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 3: our next thing that we have to leave behind is

656
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:43,040
Speaker 3: an unrealistic relationship with the present. Right, So what this

657
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 3: looks like is you know this person who every time

658
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:56,240
Speaker 3: you talk to them, they are talking about what life

659
00:39:56,320 --> 00:40:00,359
Speaker 3: was like twenty years ago, right, like, ooh girl, when

660
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:04,400
Speaker 3: I was at such and such and all, Like every

661
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:12,720
Speaker 3: conversation is about their life twenty years ago, and every

662
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:15,880
Speaker 3: time you try to steer it into what girl, what's

663
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,480
Speaker 3: going on with you now? Like how is life? How

664
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 3: is life now? What did you do yesterday? What did

665
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:23,359
Speaker 3: you eat for lunch today? Well, girl, let me tell

666
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:26,560
Speaker 3: you about you know this one time when I took

667
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:29,400
Speaker 3: this trip to Cancun twenty years ago, I had the

668
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 3: best lunch ever. Oh wait, I was asking you about

669
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:35,799
Speaker 3: what you just had today? Like didn't I just hear

670
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 3: your doorbell ring with the door dash like like, let's

671
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:45,160
Speaker 3: think about focusing on the present and why you're not

672
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:47,319
Speaker 3: focusing on the present. Right. So, if you have that

673
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:51,960
Speaker 3: person who is constantly putting the past on a pedestal

674
00:40:53,640 --> 00:41:00,960
Speaker 3: and not acknowledging the present, that is a sign of

675
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:05,640
Speaker 3: something going on for them, right. I also want to

676
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:11,319
Speaker 3: acknowledge the toxicity of positive, too much positivity, that we

677
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:16,880
Speaker 3: can also have those people who are so focused on

678
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:23,320
Speaker 3: when I make my millions right, and I want to

679
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:26,759
Speaker 3: be I want to clarify that I'm not that I'm

680
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:30,400
Speaker 3: not saying to not do that. What I'm saying is

681
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:34,320
Speaker 3: that that's your only focus. Right, If your only focus

682
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:38,880
Speaker 3: is on the future, well you can't get to the

683
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:43,239
Speaker 3: future without dealing with your present. So if you're not

684
00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:48,560
Speaker 3: addressing your present, then the future's not going to happen.

685
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,239
Speaker 3: All of those things you've been trying to manifest will

686
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:57,920
Speaker 3: not come to fruition if you are not handling the

687
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:03,760
Speaker 3: here and now present. There's a delicate, fine balance of

688
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 3: navigating all three of those spaces.

689
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:11,760
Speaker 2: That is so spot on. I am definitely this resonates

690
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:15,080
Speaker 2: with me deeply. I was definitely that person sometimes who

691
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:18,400
Speaker 2: would be so excited and interested in the future and

692
00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:20,200
Speaker 2: the vision and the things that I want to manifest,

693
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:25,759
Speaker 2: and so nostalgic, right, and so that person that put

694
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,040
Speaker 2: the past in the pedal store, right and thinking about,

695
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:30,359
Speaker 2: you know, reminiscing about, oh man, how good it used

696
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 2: to be when this happened. And then I began to

697
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,680
Speaker 2: reflect and I was like, you know what, this moment

698
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:36,120
Speaker 2: that I'm living right now, this is going to be

699
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:37,480
Speaker 2: the past at some point, and then I'm going to

700
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 2: look back on this very moment and think about all

701
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:42,440
Speaker 2: the amazing things. So why not think about them right now?

702
00:42:42,719 --> 00:42:45,600
Speaker 2: Why not be in the present? Take deep breaths, literally,

703
00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:48,600
Speaker 2: smell your surroundings, right, be with your family, like, be

704
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 2: off your phone, really be in the present, and realize

705
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 2: all the blessings and things that we have to be

706
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:57,040
Speaker 2: grateful for right now. I also want to say, don't

707
00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:59,400
Speaker 2: delay your happiness and fulfillment, like, this is not address

708
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:01,960
Speaker 2: for her. So as we are pursuing our dreams, okay, Like,

709
00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:05,680
Speaker 2: as we're pursuing our dreams and goals, like, we just

710
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:08,080
Speaker 2: have to really realize that this is not a dress rehearsal,

711
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:11,120
Speaker 2: Like as you build towards your millions or whatever that

712
00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:13,040
Speaker 2: goal is for you, right or your book or your

713
00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:16,520
Speaker 2: whatever goals they are, this is all about the journey

714
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:18,200
Speaker 2: as well, because these are the moments that we're going

715
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:20,040
Speaker 2: to look back on. And I don't know about you,

716
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:21,600
Speaker 2: but I don't want to look back on my life

717
00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:23,480
Speaker 2: and wish that I would have spent more time with

718
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:26,279
Speaker 2: my family and been more in the moment like I

719
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:29,480
Speaker 2: want to be. I want to reminisce on the amazing times,

720
00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:31,440
Speaker 2: but also be grateful for what we have in the present.

721
00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:33,640
Speaker 2: So don't delay your happiness. Do that thing that you've

722
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:35,480
Speaker 2: been thinking about doing right now.

723
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 3: Boom boom, So now we're at number nine, poor communication, right,

724
00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:52,920
Speaker 3: And I think poor communication ties into the inauthenticity and

725
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:57,919
Speaker 3: toxic relationships and unforgiveness and all those things. Right. Poor

726
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:02,160
Speaker 3: communication can sometimes stem from self doubt, right, It can

727
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:09,080
Speaker 3: sometimes stem from not living in the present. So I think, again,

728
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:12,720
Speaker 3: I can't stress enough how all of these things are interconnected.

729
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:16,920
Speaker 3: And I think the beautiful piece about this is that

730
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:20,319
Speaker 3: once you start addressing one or two of these, you

731
00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:25,520
Speaker 3: start to notice some of these others, and then things

732
00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 3: will naturally more of these will start to naturally be resolved.

733
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:35,759
Speaker 3: You'll see the growth in multiple areas because they're all interconnected.

734
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:45,320
Speaker 3: So for communication, we want to be intentional with our words.

735
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 3: We want to be intentional in our tone as well.

736
00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:57,319
Speaker 3: Something that I am constantly trying to work on for

737
00:44:57,400 --> 00:45:04,200
Speaker 3: myself is exactly that, right, being intentional with my words

738
00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 3: and my tone and making sure that what I am

739
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:14,560
Speaker 3: communicating and how I'm communicating it is honoring myself and

740
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:21,880
Speaker 3: my needs as well as the other person's. Right. So example,

741
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:27,720
Speaker 3: t let's say that I needed to deliver some bad

742
00:45:27,840 --> 00:45:33,120
Speaker 3: news to you, but I knew that you were already

743
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:38,440
Speaker 3: having a shitty ass day, right, But I also knew

744
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 3: that that news could not wait. So what am I

745
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 3: gonna do? Well, poor communication says that I'm not gonna

746
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:48,480
Speaker 3: give you the news at all, right, that I'm gonna

747
00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 3: avoid it, and we're just gonna keep on pushing. And

748
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,680
Speaker 3: then either one you're gonna find out on your own

749
00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:59,279
Speaker 3: and maybe have some feelings because I didn't tell you

750
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:03,279
Speaker 3: right away you didn't hear it from me, or two

751
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:06,480
Speaker 3: I'm gonna wait until the absolute last minute, and it's

752
00:46:06,520 --> 00:46:12,359
Speaker 3: gonna make the situation worse, right, And that poor communication

753
00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:16,960
Speaker 3: is about my stuff, right, So ideally, if I'm having

754
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:23,440
Speaker 3: healthier communication, I would start off with acknowledging that I

755
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:27,359
Speaker 3: see you, I see you are having a bad day,

756
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:32,759
Speaker 3: and then let you know that I have something that

757
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:35,759
Speaker 3: may add to your plate and check in to see

758
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:39,319
Speaker 3: if I can share it with you, right, And if

759
00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:42,640
Speaker 3: you say yes, then I share it right. If you

760
00:46:42,719 --> 00:46:47,319
Speaker 3: say no, then I step back and ask you to

761
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:49,239
Speaker 3: let me know when would be a good time to.

762
00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:49,920
Speaker 5: Share it with you.

763
00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:53,200
Speaker 2: I think that's a great tactic. And I will say, dom,

764
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:54,920
Speaker 2: I grew up, as you know, in a household with

765
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 2: a lot of violence and very poor communication, and I

766
00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:02,640
Speaker 2: mean saying things to one another that should never be uttered, right,

767
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:05,880
Speaker 2: And I have my master's in conflict analysis and dispute

768
00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:09,880
Speaker 2: resolution and learning how to communicate effectively. Learning how to

769
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 2: navigate conflict effectively has been one of the most amazing

770
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:17,399
Speaker 2: transferable skills that I've learned, and it literally can go.

771
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 2: I can use it in any setting right because we

772
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:22,680
Speaker 2: have people all around us, right, and where there are

773
00:47:22,719 --> 00:47:25,440
Speaker 2: people that will likely be conflict and so working on

774
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:29,239
Speaker 2: our communication can be great for our relationships, work and

775
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 2: everything in between.

776
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:31,640
Speaker 5: So yes, we're leaving.

777
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:34,239
Speaker 2: Poor communication in the past and we are evolving to

778
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:37,520
Speaker 2: communicate better. And we have an episode about that too, ladies.

779
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:40,279
Speaker 2: So again check the archives, but that takes us on

780
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:45,200
Speaker 2: to number ten here, and number ten is a disconnection

781
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 2: with self. So spending no time with ourselves right, not

782
00:47:50,719 --> 00:47:54,640
Speaker 2: knowing who we are right, not understanding what we like.

783
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:58,080
Speaker 2: I think that it's so useful for everyone to date

784
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:00,400
Speaker 2: themselves right. I did this back when I was in

785
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:02,960
Speaker 2: grad school, and as I continue to evolve, I'm finding

786
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:05,640
Speaker 2: like literally today, dom I had a private party before

787
00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:07,360
Speaker 2: our session, so I took a shower, put on my

788
00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:10,760
Speaker 2: dri lotion my body. After the shower in the mayor

789
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:13,520
Speaker 2: dancing all that stuff right in relationship with myself even

790
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:16,000
Speaker 2: though I'm married and I have a child now, my

791
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:19,080
Speaker 2: self care and time with myself is so important and

792
00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:21,880
Speaker 2: this is the most important relationship of my life, my

793
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 2: relationship with me right, and so I really do believe

794
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:27,239
Speaker 2: that us being in tune with ourselves no matter what

795
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:29,280
Speaker 2: stage we're in life. Again, this is going to differ

796
00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:31,239
Speaker 2: based on where you are in life and what you're

797
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 2: able to do right now. But I would encourage you

798
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:36,640
Speaker 2: to take a personality test, go to therapy of course

799
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:38,960
Speaker 2: if possible, look at your birth chart and see if

800
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:40,960
Speaker 2: that resonates. That's also another great way to learn more

801
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:43,719
Speaker 2: about you and your purpose, your mission and all that

802
00:48:43,719 --> 00:48:45,799
Speaker 2: good stuff. So be in relationship with.

803
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:50,480
Speaker 3: You, well, I mean you had me at NDIIRI and

804
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:54,640
Speaker 3: having a private party like I Yes, yes, this is

805
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:59,719
Speaker 3: spot on. I think that taking time to get to

806
00:48:59,760 --> 00:49:06,040
Speaker 3: know you not only benefits you, but it benefits everyone

807
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 3: around you because it allows you space to know what

808
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:16,800
Speaker 3: you like, what you don't like, what you need, and

809
00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:23,360
Speaker 3: then hopefully you can authentically communicate that out to those

810
00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:31,560
Speaker 3: around you. So then that takes us to our final

811
00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:35,839
Speaker 3: thing that we will leave behind now lady, the thing

812
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 3: that we will leave behind is up to you. Number

813
00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:43,000
Speaker 3: eleven is up to you. So you want to tell

814
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 3: us about number eleven how that really works?

815
00:49:45,239 --> 00:49:48,359
Speaker 2: Right, So what we want you to do, lady, if

816
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 2: you tuned in up until this point, we want you

817
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:54,480
Speaker 2: to go to our Instagram at her Space podcast, we

818
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:56,760
Speaker 2: are going to have a little insider okay, so please

819
00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:58,440
Speaker 2: do this. We want to see how many people respond.

820
00:49:58,440 --> 00:50:00,040
Speaker 2: We want to get your insight and wisdom. Could you

821
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:02,160
Speaker 2: can listen to us now? We want to tune into

822
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:04,040
Speaker 2: what you have to say. So we're going to post

823
00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:07,080
Speaker 2: a pink square on Instagram. Right, We're probably not even

824
00:50:07,120 --> 00:50:08,839
Speaker 2: going to add a caption, So that means you have

825
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:12,080
Speaker 2: to listen to this episode until the end to know

826
00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:13,440
Speaker 2: what to post. And what we want you to do

827
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:15,600
Speaker 2: is go to our Instagram. If you're tuning in to

828
00:50:15,680 --> 00:50:18,120
Speaker 2: this episode months later, you can always scroll on down

829
00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:20,000
Speaker 2: and find the pink square. But we want you to

830
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,279
Speaker 2: share what your number eleven is. Right, What are you

831
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:26,200
Speaker 2: going to leave behind in the past year? And I'll

832
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:29,400
Speaker 2: tell you mine right now. Mine is playing small period

833
00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:32,440
Speaker 2: like line small. There's so much there are just so

834
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:34,880
Speaker 2: many things that I've been able to accomplish for myself,

835
00:50:34,920 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 2: but also for my students and the people that I

836
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 2: work with. And sometimes I'm.

837
00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:39,520
Speaker 5: Like, oh, I'm going to be modest, I'm not going

838
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:40,080
Speaker 5: to share this.

839
00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:42,640
Speaker 2: But I've made such a great impact on the people

840
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:44,840
Speaker 2: that I've been able to work with, and so really

841
00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:47,880
Speaker 2: walking into that power and into that greatness is so important.

842
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:51,120
Speaker 2: And so for me, my number eleven is playing small Ladies.

843
00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:53,760
Speaker 2: Share yours on Instagram again, it's at her Space podcast.

844
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:55,880
Speaker 2: Go to the pink square that we post and you

845
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:58,160
Speaker 2: can share yours. Dom Do you have a number eleven

846
00:50:58,200 --> 00:50:58,800
Speaker 2: for yourself?

847
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:03,640
Speaker 3: Yes? So my number eleven is one that I'm constantly

848
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:08,200
Speaker 3: working on, and that is putting the needs of others

849
00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:13,560
Speaker 3: before myself. I think as someone who is in the

850
00:51:13,560 --> 00:51:17,400
Speaker 3: therapy field, who is a giver nurturer just by nature,

851
00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:25,840
Speaker 3: that I constantly find myself in situations where I automatically

852
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:30,520
Speaker 3: think about considering other folks stuff, and then how do

853
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:36,239
Speaker 3: I accommodate other folks stuff without putting myself at the forefront,

854
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:43,960
Speaker 3: right and recognizing that when I put other people's needs

855
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:48,840
Speaker 3: before my own, it ends up being detrimental to me, right,

856
00:51:49,520 --> 00:51:52,359
Speaker 3: And that goals also to with boundary setting. Right, So

857
00:51:52,400 --> 00:51:55,480
Speaker 3: when I put my needs first and then I can

858
00:51:55,520 --> 00:51:59,239
Speaker 3: set the boundaries, then I feel better overall, and then

859
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:03,840
Speaker 3: my interaction with those around me feel better overall. But

860
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:09,760
Speaker 3: what it truly does is when I put my needs first,

861
00:52:09,920 --> 00:52:13,799
Speaker 3: put my needs out there, it gives The beautiful thing

862
00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 3: is that it gives space for other people to show

863
00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:21,800
Speaker 3: up for me and just and I think also seeing

864
00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:27,719
Speaker 3: that has really encouraged and motivated me to continue to

865
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:31,480
Speaker 3: do that. Right that, like, it's okay for me to

866
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:33,319
Speaker 3: have other people show up for me.

867
00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:36,359
Speaker 2: Oh girl, that's powerful. I think a lot of women,

868
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:39,160
Speaker 2: especially black women, will relate to that. And I think

869
00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:41,799
Speaker 2: it also trains people on how to treat because if

870
00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:44,600
Speaker 2: we know that dom puts her needs first, then other

871
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:46,080
Speaker 2: people are not going to try to get over They're

872
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:47,840
Speaker 2: gonna be like, oh wait, let me make sure I

873
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,080
Speaker 2: respect her her time. When she says, don't text me,

874
00:52:50,719 --> 00:52:53,120
Speaker 2: when she don't text me real late, that's me. I'll

875
00:52:53,160 --> 00:52:56,000
Speaker 2: be texting down super late. Anyway, let's do a recap

876
00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:57,759
Speaker 2: and Lady again, if you want to tune into the

877
00:52:57,760 --> 00:52:59,800
Speaker 2: workshop where we do a deep dive on these different

878
00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:02,960
Speaker 2: tops said we cover today, you can visit New Yearworkshop

879
00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:05,920
Speaker 2: dot com, New Yearworkshop dot com. Come and hang out

880
00:53:05,920 --> 00:53:07,960
Speaker 2: with us, or you can catch the replayed you can't

881
00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:10,160
Speaker 2: tune in live and then don let's go ahead and

882
00:53:10,160 --> 00:53:12,879
Speaker 2: do a quick recap before we record our after show

883
00:53:12,920 --> 00:53:15,520
Speaker 2: on Patreon. A.

884
00:53:15,520 --> 00:53:20,719
Speaker 3: All right, So the eleven things that you need to

885
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 3: leave behind so that you can vibrate higher are number one,

886
00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:35,760
Speaker 3: the victim mindset number two, unforgiveness number three, toxic relationships

887
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:46,160
Speaker 3: number four, inauthenticity number five, self doubt number six, outdated

888
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:52,160
Speaker 3: financial habits that don't serve you seven, a false reality

889
00:53:52,200 --> 00:53:58,640
Speaker 3: about death number eight, an unrealistic relationship with the present

890
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:06,719
Speaker 3: number nine, poor communication number ten, a disconnection with yourself.

891
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:12,480
Speaker 3: And number eleven is whatever you put in that pink

892
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:14,680
Speaker 3: square on Instagram.

893
00:54:15,239 --> 00:54:17,080
Speaker 2: That's right, lady, Thank you so much for tuning in,

894
00:54:17,120 --> 00:54:20,040
Speaker 2: and if you've got any value from this episode, please share.

895
00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:22,480
Speaker 2: Imagine what life is going to be like for us

896
00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:24,239
Speaker 2: in this year if you share this with other black

897
00:54:24,280 --> 00:54:27,239
Speaker 2: women and we're all vibrating high together, so please share.

898
00:54:27,360 --> 00:54:29,640
Speaker 2: Definitely leave us a review as well so we can

899
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:31,960
Speaker 2: get your feedback and we will see you on the

900
00:54:31,960 --> 00:54:34,520
Speaker 2: after show. Head on over to our website. Herspace podcast

901
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:37,200
Speaker 2: dot com. Click on Patreon on the top and you

902
00:54:37,239 --> 00:54:40,279
Speaker 2: can watch the video episode and tune into what we

903
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:41,160
Speaker 2: chat about next.

904
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:42,040
Speaker 5: Talk to you soon.

905
00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:47,280
Speaker 2: Hey lady, it's Terry here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.

906
00:54:47,680 --> 00:54:50,440
Speaker 2: I'm hosting a free podcasting masterclass where I'm going to

907
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:54,080
Speaker 2: teach you how to create your impactful podcast and how

908
00:54:54,120 --> 00:54:57,200
Speaker 2: you can generate multiple streams of income. You can visit

909
00:54:57,320 --> 00:55:01,359
Speaker 2: podcast with Terry dot com direct for free. I hope

910
00:55:01,360 --> 00:55:02,040
Speaker 2: to see you there.

911
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:08,280
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show

912
00:55:08,360 --> 00:55:14,279
Speaker 1: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and

913
00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:17,520
Speaker 1: mental health, but is by no means meant to be

914
00:55:17,560 --> 00:55:21,840
Speaker 1: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained

915
00:55:21,880 --> 00:55:25,920
Speaker 1: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is

916
00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:29,280
Speaker 1: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy

917
00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:35,240
Speaker 1: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

918
00:55:35,800 --> 00:55:37,640
Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

919
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:42,640
Speaker 2: the conversation going, visit our website at cultivatinghirspace dot com

920
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:45,319
Speaker 2: and be sure to click the Patreon tab to get

921
00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:50,400
Speaker 2: access to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show.

922
00:55:51,320 --> 00:55:55,920
Speaker 2: And before we meet again, repeat after me, What's meant

923
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:57,880
Speaker 2: for me, will never miss me.

924
00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:00,360
Speaker 5: I don't have to chase Spot