1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:05,320 Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning. The Breakfast Club Morning. 2 00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:09,039 Speaker 2: Everybody's the e j en Vy, Jess, Hilarry Charlamage, the guy. 3 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 2: We are the Breakfast Club. 4 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:11,320 Speaker 1: We got a special guest in the. 5 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:13,520 Speaker 3: Belting, one of my favorite brothers on the planet. 6 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:14,600 Speaker 2: Man, Brother, Jason Wilson. 7 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:18,000 Speaker 1: Welcome brother, Welcome back to meet you. I'm doing well. 8 00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:20,720 Speaker 1: All is well? What's up? Brother, Brother? That is a 9 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,920 Speaker 1: nice beard you got there. Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate it. 10 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:30,320 Speaker 1: You Ja Jaly cat Daddy Now. 11 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:37,240 Speaker 4: To be loving Jason will never see that you're crazy be. 12 00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:40,520 Speaker 1: Texting me like you know, Jason, that man is happily mard. 13 00:00:41,479 --> 00:00:47,480 Speaker 1: I never see any of that. Yeah, that's good, that's good. 14 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:49,880 Speaker 4: Yeah, man, But how are you though? I'm doing well? 15 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:53,720 Speaker 4: Man fought the fluent sinus affection. I was bet ridden 16 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,400 Speaker 4: like for six or seven days at the beginning of 17 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:59,320 Speaker 4: the year, couldn't work out, couldn't do anything, and just 18 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:01,960 Speaker 4: had allow my body to heal and practice what I 19 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:04,840 Speaker 4: preach and just rest and stop allowing my life to 20 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:06,600 Speaker 4: be centered around what I gotta do. 21 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:09,560 Speaker 3: You know, your new book is called The Man. The 22 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:12,600 Speaker 3: Moment Demands Master. The ten characteristics of the comprehensive man. 23 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,480 Speaker 3: So the start of the year, right start of the year, 24 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 3: you know, that's a reset for a lot of people. 25 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:21,039 Speaker 3: But you started the year, you know and sick. Yeah, 26 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 3: six seven days, so it's not. 27 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:23,200 Speaker 1: On the reset. 28 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:25,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, you had to be completely Still. What did you 29 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:26,480 Speaker 3: realize in that moment? 30 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:31,679 Speaker 4: I realized, you know that you know, as men, you know, 31 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,120 Speaker 4: we can't keep our foot to the throttle. You know, 32 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:37,080 Speaker 4: we stay in first gear of manhood, which I call 33 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:40,160 Speaker 4: just the masculine mode, which gets us from stop to start. 34 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,280 Speaker 4: But if we stay in that gear, we're gonna burn 35 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:45,280 Speaker 4: the clutch out in the process. I believe I was 36 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 4: burning my life clutch out, just working really hard on 37 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:51,640 Speaker 4: this book and other things. And so it gave me 38 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 4: a lot of time to sit with the most high 39 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:58,240 Speaker 4: and just meditate on allowing myself to just be instead 40 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,240 Speaker 4: of performing. And that's what's so many men struggle with, 41 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 4: just living performance based lives, and it's taking us out, 42 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,320 Speaker 4: you know. But they gave me time to reflect, and 43 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:10,280 Speaker 4: then you know, it's crazy. I had to beat sister 44 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,359 Speaker 4: be someone which they call like my daughter. Now, I 45 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:15,560 Speaker 4: had to do her podcast, and the Holy Spirit is like, 46 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,800 Speaker 4: I need you you're going to be weak, but you 47 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,520 Speaker 4: gotta go. I got something you gotta tell her, And 48 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,359 Speaker 4: so I barely could make the flight. I wanted to 49 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 4: make sure I wasn't contagious. Went down to the podcast, 50 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,640 Speaker 4: brother and my sister. Within a matter of maybe twenty minutes, 51 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,800 Speaker 4: the interview shifted from that to her, and I was 52 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 4: able to answer one of her prayers. But if I 53 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:38,600 Speaker 4: wasn't weak, because I'm like, man, why would I get 54 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 4: sick in this time when I need to promote this 55 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,799 Speaker 4: message most I was like, I needed you weak for 56 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,680 Speaker 4: my daughter, because if you're strong, you may not be 57 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,680 Speaker 4: broken enough for me to speak to you and to 58 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,280 Speaker 4: speak the words I need to say to her. 59 00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:54,200 Speaker 1: The episode ended with us praying, and it was very powerful. 60 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:57,440 Speaker 4: But that weakness allowed me to be the man in 61 00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:59,960 Speaker 4: that moment for her, you know, and a lot of time, 62 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 4: I'm just man, we miss those moments because we feel 63 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,359 Speaker 4: we have to be perpetually strong, which we know by 64 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 4: now with research that is killing us. And so that 65 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 4: weakness in that moment was needed, and I'm thankful that 66 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 4: I surrendered to that so I can be the man 67 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:16,480 Speaker 4: in the moment for be some. 68 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:19,120 Speaker 5: Mom I'm absolutely grateful that you got to do that. 69 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,840 Speaker 5: That's one of my friends. Like she's always the one 70 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:26,160 Speaker 5: who is like spiritually strong for everybody else, Like she'll 71 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,400 Speaker 5: hit me out the blue, like even you know, she 72 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:30,919 Speaker 5: may get just because we connected in that way, me 73 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,200 Speaker 5: and her pretty v you know a few other people, 74 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,960 Speaker 5: but she she's always spiritually strong and the one praying 75 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:40,080 Speaker 5: for everybody all the time and just like putting her 76 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 5: whatever she got going on to the side to make 77 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,320 Speaker 5: sure we're all good, you know. 78 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 3: So I'm happy that she was able to do. 79 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 4: It was deep, you know, I had shared with her, 80 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,280 Speaker 4: and I had no idea what my daughter was dealing with. 81 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,480 Speaker 1: And I refer to my daughter. She's like my daughter's age. 82 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:56,560 Speaker 4: But she and a lot of women I believe who 83 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:59,440 Speaker 4: are single, especially if your life is renewed in Christ, 84 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 4: you feel that you being hidden is that you're not valuable. 85 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,160 Speaker 4: And I had to let her know that no one 86 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 4: puts anything in the safe that's not valuable, and he's 87 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 4: protecting you. It was a very powerful moment because it 88 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:15,839 Speaker 4: liberated her from the lies in her head. And so yeah, 89 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 4: I've adopted her, so she's a family now. 90 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,240 Speaker 1: But I'm glad I was able to meet that moment 91 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:21,640 Speaker 1: for her. 92 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:25,560 Speaker 3: Wow, you got the book broken down into three parts, dynamic, 93 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,799 Speaker 3: deeper in devotion. Can you explain the difference? 94 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:29,840 Speaker 4: But sure, the dynamic is what we as men are 95 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 4: used to fighting. You know, of course we're used to that, 96 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,800 Speaker 4: and aightly it's in us to protect the problem is 97 00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:38,039 Speaker 4: many of us are fighting the wrong way. I mean, 98 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:41,359 Speaker 4: think of how many intellectually gifted men who are incarcerated 99 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 4: because they couldn't rule their emotions in the moment. The 100 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,440 Speaker 4: next one, of course, is number two, which we tend 101 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:50,880 Speaker 4: to just gravitate to, is the provider, you know, providing 102 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,240 Speaker 4: for our families, making sure they have the care they need, 103 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 4: not just the money, because as we know, once you 104 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 4: get it, it's not really fulfilling. 105 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:03,240 Speaker 1: It's what you do. What is your presence? Really? Is 106 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:04,680 Speaker 1: your presence really present? You know? 107 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,919 Speaker 4: Are you really active with your children, your wife and 108 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,799 Speaker 4: your family and your community. Then I go to the leader, 109 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,479 Speaker 4: like many of us want to be leaders, all right, 110 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,599 Speaker 4: but a lot of us don't lead by example. We 111 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:17,800 Speaker 4: lead by intimidation. So I unpact that, and then we 112 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:20,640 Speaker 4: go to the deeper, which is the lover. I start 113 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,280 Speaker 4: with the lover characteristic because many men we believe love 114 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 4: is sex only. And I share an intimate moment with 115 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 4: my wife when she had we actually, my wife had 116 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:34,719 Speaker 4: five miscarriages, and as a result of our last one, 117 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 4: they had to make a decision vertically on her stomach 118 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,760 Speaker 4: and she you know, as a woman, you become self 119 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:45,320 Speaker 4: conscious of that scar. And so the one even while 120 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:48,960 Speaker 4: we were you know, intimate, the Holy Spirit say I 121 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 4: want you to kiss that scar from the top of 122 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,520 Speaker 4: it to the bottom. And I allowed myself because I'm 123 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:59,000 Speaker 4: emotionally intelligent and I'm a comprehensive man. You know, sex 124 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:01,040 Speaker 4: to me isn't a lot of men we think is 125 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 4: about the ground and power, like Mma, like, it's about force, 126 00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:07,359 Speaker 4: but it's not always about that. It's about sensitivity and connecting. 127 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,000 Speaker 4: And so when I started kissing the scar, my wife 128 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,839 Speaker 4: started weeping and crying, and in that moment, I was 129 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:19,440 Speaker 4: able to allow her to release this self consciousness, well 130 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,560 Speaker 4: a self conscious feeling about this scar, and I just 131 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:26,280 Speaker 4: share where she's always beautiful. But those kisses confirmed that, 132 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,880 Speaker 4: you know, it wasn't just words. In that moment, then 133 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:32,360 Speaker 4: I moved from the lover characteristic to the nurturer. Many 134 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,640 Speaker 4: of us as men. We believe that being a nurturer 135 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:40,159 Speaker 4: is a feminine attribute first and foremost, where you're supposed 136 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,599 Speaker 4: to be human, Masculine and feminine are just adjectives, all right. 137 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:47,080 Speaker 4: Being masculine means you exude strength, boldness, and aggression, which 138 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,800 Speaker 4: we have to have. And so if I'm a nurturer, 139 00:06:49,839 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 4: does that mean I'm feminine? 140 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:51,200 Speaker 1: No? 141 00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:54,400 Speaker 4: The goal for us as humans is to be human, 142 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:58,560 Speaker 4: to exercise humanity. Many of the greatest cultures are nurturers. 143 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:04,480 Speaker 4: Cattle herders farm are nurturers. Any teacher mentor you're a nurturer. 144 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,640 Speaker 4: You have the nurture to develop anything. And then from 145 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 4: the nurture I go to the gentleman. When I discovered 146 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:15,520 Speaker 4: I unpacked chivalry. We have been misled to believe that 147 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:17,920 Speaker 4: that's a system to pander to women. 148 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 1: It's not. 149 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:22,840 Speaker 4: It was actually a code of honor for medieval knights warriors. 150 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 4: And so how do we relininguish that? We relinquish that? 151 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:29,440 Speaker 4: Then I go to unpack the alpha male myth like 152 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:32,600 Speaker 4: there is no battle between two wolves to see who 153 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,520 Speaker 4: will lead the wolf pack first and foremost. That study 154 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:38,480 Speaker 4: was done on wolves in captivity. What they come to 155 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:42,760 Speaker 4: realize is that the leaders, or the alphas in this pack. 156 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:44,800 Speaker 1: Were the male and female wolf. 157 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,760 Speaker 4: So in essence, in a human sense, the alphas are 158 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:52,120 Speaker 4: the husband and wife leading a family. So I tell 159 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:54,240 Speaker 4: my brothers, look, if you really want to be an alpha, 160 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:58,120 Speaker 4: get married, lead your family, build the community, and that's 161 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,040 Speaker 4: what it's about. So from the gentlemen, I go to 162 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,800 Speaker 4: the friend. Many of us we say we're friends, but 163 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:05,880 Speaker 4: we don't understand really what that means. Like you say, 164 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:06,600 Speaker 4: I'll be somemone. 165 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:10,200 Speaker 1: She sacrifices her life for you guys. You know her time. 166 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 4: And I give an example of the Winnie the Pool series. 167 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,240 Speaker 4: You know where you'll see e War clearly depressed or 168 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,720 Speaker 4: always in the bad word or in the funk sad. 169 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 4: Did his friends say you toxic, I'm gonna put up 170 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:26,560 Speaker 4: a boundary here, you're ruining my energy. No, they always 171 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,240 Speaker 4: accepted him for who he was because they knew he 172 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,280 Speaker 4: was their friend. And that's what we need now in 173 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:34,439 Speaker 4: times like this, is a friend who will endure all 174 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:38,160 Speaker 4: adversity and challenge. So from those characteristics I go to 175 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,720 Speaker 4: the devotion. The first is the husband. What does it 176 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:45,200 Speaker 4: look like to sacrificially love your wife and honor her 177 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:47,720 Speaker 4: the way that you want to be honored. And that's 178 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,559 Speaker 4: where I really take time to help men unpack their 179 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,960 Speaker 4: emotions and how we allow the way we were raised 180 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,000 Speaker 4: to prevent us from truly living from our hearts and 181 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,040 Speaker 4: giving it our all to our wives. You know, we 182 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,440 Speaker 4: stay guarded and often say, brothers, there is no freedom 183 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:05,160 Speaker 4: in the facade. And as a man been married twenty 184 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:08,080 Speaker 4: six years, because of the way I grew up, I 185 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,000 Speaker 4: still have to fight to hold my wife's hand in 186 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 4: public or to be romantic because it was like I'm 187 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:15,680 Speaker 4: dropping my guard and so that's something I'm still working 188 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:19,080 Speaker 4: to improve on. And the last two, of course, is 189 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:22,040 Speaker 4: the father. You know, I can't tell you how many 190 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:26,600 Speaker 4: times as a father I passed down the harshness of 191 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:28,120 Speaker 4: my dad onto my own daughter. 192 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,079 Speaker 1: And as a result of that. 193 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,280 Speaker 4: You know, we had to go through a lot of therapy, prayer, 194 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 4: and a lot of i'm sorries for me to say, hey, lex, 195 00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:39,440 Speaker 4: I apologize for passing on to you what I got 196 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:41,839 Speaker 4: from my dad, and I make it better. And so 197 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:45,480 Speaker 4: the father is helping men learn how to parent, not 198 00:09:45,559 --> 00:09:47,960 Speaker 4: from what we didn't get from my father, but give 199 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,560 Speaker 4: our children what we long for And the last one 200 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,959 Speaker 4: I closed with the son characteristic, because that's the one 201 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,920 Speaker 4: that made me into a comprehensive man. I tell men 202 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,920 Speaker 4: all the time, if you want to become comprehensive, run 203 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,240 Speaker 4: to the areas in your life, life that make you 204 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:06,560 Speaker 4: feel what they would say is are unmasculine emotions. This world, 205 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:10,480 Speaker 4: this society's and dire need of a man's nurturing love 206 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:14,480 Speaker 4: are patience. What does long suffering look like from a man? 207 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 4: So when I had to care for my mother, she 208 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 4: needed more than a protect and provider. She needed someone 209 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 4: who would nurture her, who would file her nails when 210 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 4: the caregiver couldn't paint her nails, wash her hair, wash 211 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 4: her And I couldn't do that the way I was. 212 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:31,920 Speaker 4: And so I end with that one because it makes 213 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,400 Speaker 4: it puts men in positions where we have to be transparent. 214 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:40,319 Speaker 4: How many of us have you know family members that aging, parents, 215 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:44,120 Speaker 4: or children in the community that bring out emotions that 216 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 4: make you feel weak or sad? Those are those are 217 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 4: not times we run from as men. That's when you 218 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,839 Speaker 4: but they would say, man up, that's when you use 219 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:57,600 Speaker 4: the masculine attributes. Run towards that move past your fears 220 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,839 Speaker 4: of being transparent or perceive as week because you may 221 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,360 Speaker 4: shed a tear, or you may share empathy and be 222 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,040 Speaker 4: the man you need to be in that moment for 223 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:05,800 Speaker 4: those in need. 224 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 5: Very intentional, like a very intentional person About what you wrote, 225 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,559 Speaker 5: I imagine that a lot of this was written from 226 00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:18,560 Speaker 5: your personal experience, absolutely right, okay? And would you feel 227 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:23,920 Speaker 5: like the husband part did that? Did all of that 228 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,640 Speaker 5: transpire within like the twenty six years or were you 229 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:27,439 Speaker 5: ever married. 230 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,439 Speaker 1: Before or that's a good question. 231 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:34,839 Speaker 4: I wasn't married before, but I mean, you know, twenty 232 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:38,559 Speaker 4: and fifteen. I think we got married in nineteen ninety eight. 233 00:11:38,679 --> 00:11:42,079 Speaker 4: So in twenty fifteen, my wife and I were considering separation. 234 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,720 Speaker 4: Because I was only a masculine male. I could only 235 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:50,680 Speaker 4: express my emotions through hitting the table, hitting refrigerator, raising 236 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:54,640 Speaker 4: my voice, lacking the control needed to really communicate with her. 237 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:57,839 Speaker 4: And so that's when I realized that I needed some help. 238 00:11:58,240 --> 00:11:59,960 Speaker 4: That I was holding on to a lot of trial. 239 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 4: I'm unresolved, anger for my father, wound, the death of 240 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,839 Speaker 4: my both of my brothers, my best friend. I could 241 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,640 Speaker 4: go down the line, and I got tired of allowing 242 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:13,800 Speaker 4: that trauma to time travel and ruin my present blessings. 243 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:17,480 Speaker 1: And so the husband chapter basically it shares. 244 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,520 Speaker 4: How I evolved, but even who I am now that 245 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 4: it's constantly a fight. 246 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,600 Speaker 1: Were married, You know what I mean. You gotta make 247 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:24,480 Speaker 1: sure your heart is there. 248 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,880 Speaker 4: I keep a picture of my wife and my phone 249 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 4: when she was young, during a time when she was 250 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:34,200 Speaker 4: very vulnerable, when she didn't feel things were stable in 251 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:37,000 Speaker 4: her own life, and that keeps my heart tender towards 252 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,280 Speaker 4: her in the moments when we may not get along. 253 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:44,319 Speaker 4: And so I also share an analogy of the crayons 254 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,560 Speaker 4: for men so we can be practical, have a practical 255 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:52,120 Speaker 4: understanding of how we're so limited in who we are 256 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,880 Speaker 4: as men we've allowed society to find us. So I 257 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,960 Speaker 4: use a sixty four box of crayons as the amount 258 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:03,520 Speaker 4: of emotions women have access to will actually choose to express, 259 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:04,440 Speaker 4: because we both. 260 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:05,640 Speaker 1: Have access to both of them. 261 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:08,679 Speaker 4: But we as men, like ourselves in the eight box 262 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:11,920 Speaker 4: of crayons, and we probably only express four. Then we 263 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 4: get frustrated when we're communicating with our women, like why 264 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:18,800 Speaker 4: don't you understand me? Well, my brother, she's expressing violet, 265 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,760 Speaker 4: all you got is purple. She's expressing lime. Now you 266 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,640 Speaker 4: got to grab a green and a yellow to try 267 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:27,680 Speaker 4: to meet the moment. And so I'm encouraging man like, Look, 268 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:32,000 Speaker 4: I'm not telling you to relinquish your masculine attributes because 269 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,200 Speaker 4: then now you'll be deficient in that area. You got 270 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,640 Speaker 4: to be the lion and the lamb. And so what 271 00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:39,680 Speaker 4: I'm telling men is to be human, express what you feel. 272 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,120 Speaker 4: All of us as men want to be more available, 273 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:46,280 Speaker 4: want to be more transparent, want to be more emotionally open. 274 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:50,560 Speaker 4: But we fear being admonished or impassively dismissed by those 275 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,880 Speaker 4: that we love. So then we go into suffering in silence, 276 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,480 Speaker 4: and then that leads to emotional incarceration. Then that leads 277 00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,720 Speaker 4: to suicidal ideations, and then our lives don't even know 278 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,360 Speaker 4: what we were dealing with until they plan. 279 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:05,120 Speaker 1: In our funerals. And so that's why I poured my heart. 280 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:08,680 Speaker 4: Into this book, because I mean, just recently, brother, my 281 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:12,600 Speaker 4: best close friend called me and said, you know, for 282 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,360 Speaker 4: the first time he looked at his gun and thought 283 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,720 Speaker 4: about it. And so this is what a lot of 284 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:19,520 Speaker 4: men are going through. 285 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 1: But when you meet him. 286 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:25,360 Speaker 4: He's smiling, he's jovial, he's happy, and so what's the saying, 287 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:28,920 Speaker 4: don't miss the forest for the trees. I'm telling people, 288 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,680 Speaker 4: not just our wives, but the brothers who have friends, 289 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:35,440 Speaker 4: don't miss the struggle for the smile. Just because the 290 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:37,680 Speaker 4: brother says I'm good, I'm all right, doesn't mean that 291 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:39,480 Speaker 4: he's good and we should check on each other. 292 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:42,960 Speaker 2: I do have two questions that something you said. One 293 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,880 Speaker 2: was you talked about your relationship with your daughter and 294 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,360 Speaker 2: you said not sure the term of you was. I 295 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,920 Speaker 2: guess you had to apologize or change because what you 296 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,800 Speaker 2: learned from your father, you were teaching your daughter and 297 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:54,840 Speaker 2: you realize it was wrong. 298 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:58,640 Speaker 4: What was that my father, I had no idea at 299 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,600 Speaker 4: the time that he had a lot of un resolved 300 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:02,920 Speaker 4: anger from the way he was raised in the South, 301 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,640 Speaker 4: had to deal with a lot of racism, and he 302 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 4: carried that back to Detroit. And I mean I remember 303 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:12,320 Speaker 4: one time brother he asked me. He ran a barber shop. 304 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,440 Speaker 4: He asked me just simply to cut the arrow on. 305 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:16,960 Speaker 4: I accidentally cut the heat on. I think got may 306 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,240 Speaker 4: been ten years old. He cursed me out in front 307 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:24,360 Speaker 4: of everybody in the barbershop. That right there shattered my 308 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,800 Speaker 4: confidence as a man. It demeaned me and it didn't 309 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,480 Speaker 4: stop there. He loved me, but he thought giving me 310 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:35,480 Speaker 4: gifts would suffice, and it didn't. I needed him to 311 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,040 Speaker 4: be active in my life, but he couldn't because of 312 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,400 Speaker 4: all the pain that he'd been through. And so what 313 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:44,040 Speaker 4: it's called intergenerational trauma when you passed down what you've received. 314 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:46,880 Speaker 4: So before I knew it, this anger that he even 315 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 4: had taught my mother. He said he he told my 316 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:55,200 Speaker 4: mother one day they had gotten divorced, and she accidentally 317 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:57,120 Speaker 4: opened one of his letters. What mailed it, came to 318 00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:57,840 Speaker 4: the house. 319 00:15:58,280 --> 00:15:58,760 Speaker 1: And here it is. 320 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:02,160 Speaker 4: I'm going to middle school and my mother shows me 321 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,200 Speaker 4: her gun and her purse, and she says, your father 322 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:06,920 Speaker 4: just called and said he's gonna do something to me 323 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,440 Speaker 4: because I opened this letter. So here this is a 324 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,600 Speaker 4: young boy trying to focus in class. I got to 325 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:15,320 Speaker 4: think about my mother's life. But that's how much anger 326 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 4: my father had. And brother, you know, I hope my 327 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:22,960 Speaker 4: transparency free some brothers listening or watching. It's like, you know, 328 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,760 Speaker 4: you don't want to create a legacy of wounds. 329 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,240 Speaker 1: You want to fight and do. 330 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 4: Whatever you can to get healed because if not, now 331 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,800 Speaker 4: you're going to see that same behavior and your children, then. 332 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,680 Speaker 1: You're mad at them, and all they did was become 333 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 1: who you were. 334 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:39,560 Speaker 3: That's why I think apologizing to your kids is so important, 335 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:41,600 Speaker 3: because that's something that you know, I feel like I 336 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:43,960 Speaker 3: never got from from my father. And I always say 337 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,480 Speaker 3: my father raised me out of fear and not love. 338 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:47,840 Speaker 3: And I think that's what. 339 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:50,480 Speaker 1: We got to avoid doing, raising our kids out of fear. 340 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,080 Speaker 3: I mean, we gotta we gotta raise our kids out 341 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,320 Speaker 3: of love and not not fear, the fear of that 342 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 3: they might end up, you know, falling into the street 343 00:16:58,680 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 3: or end up if we were in the street, and 344 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:01,800 Speaker 3: the same thing that we were doing, like, we got 345 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,280 Speaker 3: to relinquish that. 346 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,560 Speaker 1: That's true. I call it fear based parenting. You know. 347 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,960 Speaker 4: My mother was that way, which is understandably. I understand 348 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,320 Speaker 4: why she was because she just lost a son, you know, 349 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 4: and then mother brother from my father, he was murdered, 350 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:18,679 Speaker 4: so she she was terrified that I would die the 351 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:22,320 Speaker 4: same way. And because of that fear, she had checked out, 352 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:26,400 Speaker 4: you know, meaning the affirmation that you typically get from 353 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,800 Speaker 4: your mother, the nurturing. I didn't get that my mother 354 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,000 Speaker 4: loved me. Like everyone who knew my mother knew she 355 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 4: loved me. But I realized in therapy one session when 356 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:38,000 Speaker 4: the therapist asked me who we get the band aid 357 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:38,400 Speaker 4: when you. 358 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,240 Speaker 1: Got hurt, and I said I will. My mother would 359 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:41,280 Speaker 1: just tell me where it was. 360 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:45,919 Speaker 4: And in that moment, I realized, Man, this is why 361 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:51,240 Speaker 4: I'm misusing women, because I never understood the importance of 362 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,800 Speaker 4: having my mother, the understanding of what nurturing is, the 363 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:58,240 Speaker 4: value with the affirmation. And I unpacked the mother wound 364 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:01,120 Speaker 4: as well in that book because many of us, what 365 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,280 Speaker 4: we're seeking is the love for my mothers and women, 366 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:06,840 Speaker 4: and they'll never be able to match what we didn't 367 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:11,560 Speaker 4: need and it's unfair to them. And so I had 368 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:15,320 Speaker 4: to unpack all of that brother because I didn't want 369 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 4: to transfer that onto my children. And so I've allowed 370 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,560 Speaker 4: myself to be more tender in that area. My son 371 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:26,720 Speaker 4: by far has the best father because I've become the. 372 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:28,240 Speaker 1: Embodiment of what I teach. 373 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:32,439 Speaker 4: And so to your point, year, it's absolutely important for 374 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:35,040 Speaker 4: us as parents to not be fear based, especially my son's. 375 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:38,840 Speaker 4: But he's driving, Now, why do I have to teach 376 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,720 Speaker 4: him how to get pulled over by the police? 377 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,000 Speaker 1: Why am I focused on that? What is that teaching him? 378 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:47,920 Speaker 4: Is that really making it better or is it making 379 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:51,080 Speaker 4: it worse when he gets pulled over? But those are 380 00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:53,520 Speaker 4: the things you know, we have to teach in our community. 381 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,760 Speaker 4: But at the end of the day, making sure you 382 00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:01,639 Speaker 4: balance that with some positive re enforcement and to teach 383 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:05,560 Speaker 4: them that how to live in a moment, because when 384 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,720 Speaker 4: we teach our children, we got to understand we're also 385 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,000 Speaker 4: teaching them how to miss the moment, because they're programming 386 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:13,680 Speaker 4: themselves like, Okay, if this happened, this probably gonna happen. 387 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,800 Speaker 4: Because that happened to dad, that happened to mom, It's 388 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,119 Speaker 4: probably gonna happen to me. And so in that moment, 389 00:19:18,119 --> 00:19:22,439 Speaker 4: if they're not open to be able to meet the 390 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:25,439 Speaker 4: moment to do what's necessary, they may fail in that moment. 391 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:27,960 Speaker 1: I know you're, oh, what the last question? 392 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,840 Speaker 2: You talk about turning it off right. And this is 393 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,480 Speaker 2: important because I say it with Jess, I say it 394 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:33,720 Speaker 2: with myself, and I say it with a lot of 395 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,960 Speaker 2: other brothers talk about the importance of turning it off right. 396 00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 2: I think we come from a place where we had 397 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:43,000 Speaker 2: to get it right. And if you listen to just story, 398 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 2: just tell your times where. 399 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,120 Speaker 1: The lights were off. 400 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,280 Speaker 2: And so I know for herself it's hard to turn 401 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:50,680 Speaker 2: things down now because you never want to go back 402 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:52,240 Speaker 2: to that place. I feel the same way, and a 403 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,800 Speaker 2: lot of my friends around me feel the same way. 404 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,840 Speaker 2: It's like we can't stop because you never know when 405 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,200 Speaker 2: it's over. So talk about the important of that, because 406 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,399 Speaker 2: you say, you know, beginning of the year, you had 407 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:03,679 Speaker 2: to turn it off, and for some it's difficult to 408 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,040 Speaker 2: turn it off. I mean, I've seen just recently in 409 00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:09,720 Speaker 2: the hospital still doing stories because it's like it's hard 410 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:10,640 Speaker 2: to turn the shit off. 411 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:15,680 Speaker 1: That's real, brother. For me, you know, I remember the 412 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,320 Speaker 1: concept of balance life. 413 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:20,000 Speaker 4: We hit that a lot, you know. For me, Envy, 414 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:23,760 Speaker 4: I live an imbalanced life. So the things that hold 415 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:27,080 Speaker 4: the greatest importance must always tip the scale. So we 416 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:31,199 Speaker 4: live a balance life. Nothing truly claims priority. So for 417 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:35,800 Speaker 4: me it's my it's of course the most high, my family, 418 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:41,000 Speaker 4: my calling, my health. See, when it's leveled, everything gets 419 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,479 Speaker 4: the same attention. So I tell people, make sure that 420 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:48,400 Speaker 4: scale always tips in favor of what matters the most. 421 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,120 Speaker 4: When I started living that way, and stop living from 422 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:54,119 Speaker 4: what I do, stop living from fear again not having 423 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:58,959 Speaker 4: I understand that, brother, I stop worrying about those things 424 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:02,240 Speaker 4: and realizing I can only do so much man, And 425 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:05,800 Speaker 4: then what's most important is to ask yourself, why am 426 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:06,520 Speaker 4: I doing this? 427 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,080 Speaker 1: You know, so many of. 428 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,560 Speaker 4: Us, especially in the air of social media and everything 429 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:15,160 Speaker 4: is broadcast and content creation. It's like our lives are 430 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 4: becoming that instead of you know, really being authentic, and 431 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:21,800 Speaker 4: it's like, no, I'm pregnant. 432 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:23,960 Speaker 1: I don't have time to do this and just. 433 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:27,680 Speaker 4: Let people know that. But when we allow society to say, hey, Envy, 434 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:29,119 Speaker 4: I need you to do this. You the man, You 435 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,480 Speaker 4: got to do this and promote this. Can you go here? 436 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:33,960 Speaker 1: Man? Your life feels like it's not. 437 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,879 Speaker 4: Worth living, you know, and often tell man, you're not 438 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:39,480 Speaker 4: tired of living, You're tired of not living. And the 439 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:43,520 Speaker 4: same thing with our women. So many of our sisters 440 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 4: have to be so strong that they can't even be 441 00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:49,400 Speaker 4: human either. They can't cry, They gotta work, Am I right? 442 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:53,639 Speaker 4: And so as even for them, I'm like, man, I 443 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,679 Speaker 4: hope we never lose a woman's empathy and love. This 444 00:21:56,760 --> 00:22:00,679 Speaker 4: world is over when she has to become stoic and 445 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:01,960 Speaker 4: hide behind the facade. 446 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:03,640 Speaker 1: We could forget about it. 447 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,520 Speaker 4: And so, you know, my freedom started when I started 448 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:11,439 Speaker 4: prioritizing what mattered the most. Everything else, I let it 449 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:14,840 Speaker 4: you know, in where it may. But my identity is 450 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,960 Speaker 4: first and the most high in Christ. After that man, 451 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,480 Speaker 4: my information come from my home. 452 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,520 Speaker 1: Man. And so if I could, if I could shut 453 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:24,560 Speaker 1: down now, I'm cool. I was. 454 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 4: I was sad when COVID was over because that meant 455 00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:28,919 Speaker 4: I had to go back to the norm. I couldn't 456 00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,359 Speaker 4: be with my family to day. You see what I'm saying, 457 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:34,520 Speaker 4: And so I just tell people to live from that. 458 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:38,320 Speaker 4: Make sure that don't live a balance life. Make sure 459 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,159 Speaker 4: the skill always tips in favor what you love and 460 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:42,440 Speaker 4: matters the most. 461 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,679 Speaker 1: That I had a question. 462 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:49,280 Speaker 5: I have one more question, because you seem to like 463 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:52,919 Speaker 5: you've done the self work, like to be all of 464 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,600 Speaker 5: these to play all of these roles, the husband, the son, 465 00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,680 Speaker 5: the father, But you're you know, you're still not perfect 466 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,960 Speaker 5: and you still can fall short that as well. What 467 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 5: happens when, like you know, if you're mad as a 468 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,280 Speaker 5: dad one day and you react the wrong way, is 469 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,440 Speaker 5: it ever a point where the husband has to talk 470 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:13,280 Speaker 5: to the husband, you are haves to speak to the father, 471 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,600 Speaker 5: or you have to relate to your kids on a 472 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,560 Speaker 5: sun level because you're somebody's son. Do you ever merge 473 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,080 Speaker 5: the roles? So you know what I'm saying, like pull 474 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:23,120 Speaker 5: from different places. 475 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:26,840 Speaker 4: Absolutely, you can't always operate in Yeah, I agree with you, 476 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:29,600 Speaker 4: you know, absolutely, I'm more between all of them. Again, 477 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,679 Speaker 4: I remember the mental health mental health, mental health expo, 478 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,320 Speaker 4: when the brother asked me, how do you define a man? 479 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,359 Speaker 4: I say, you can't, and so I have to be 480 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:41,320 Speaker 4: anything and everything at any given moment. And so to 481 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,960 Speaker 4: your point, Charlemagne, you know, I always reconcile. All I 482 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,840 Speaker 4: tell brothers, we can always make mistakes. Mistakes are great teachers. 483 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,879 Speaker 4: The only worst mistake is the one we don't learn from. 484 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:55,600 Speaker 4: And so I always apologize immediately. I try to reconcile 485 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:59,159 Speaker 4: and make sure that you know, uh, the day doesn't 486 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:01,399 Speaker 4: end with me and my children being in eyes, or 487 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,879 Speaker 4: even me and my wife, because it's not that deep, 488 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,119 Speaker 4: you know. And so yeah, even with my son, you know, 489 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,879 Speaker 4: when he doesn't want to talk. He's a teenager, and 490 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:13,920 Speaker 4: I'm concerned. I don't want to invade his space because 491 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:15,959 Speaker 4: he has his own life, but I want to let 492 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,240 Speaker 4: him know that I'm here for him. So some days 493 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:21,200 Speaker 4: I just walk to his room door and I see 494 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,960 Speaker 4: him laying there. Maybe on his phone, and I say, son, 495 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,600 Speaker 4: do you mind if I just lay down in the 496 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:29,480 Speaker 4: room and read ask for his permission. He typically always 497 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,200 Speaker 4: says sure, Dad, and I lay down, And that opens 498 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,439 Speaker 4: the door to a conversation and lets him know that 499 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,600 Speaker 4: he's very important to me, not what I do, not 500 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,600 Speaker 4: who I am in society, but who I am in 501 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:44,760 Speaker 4: that home, and I prioritize that, and being the son 502 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,800 Speaker 4: in that moment to him is giving him what I 503 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,320 Speaker 4: wanted as a son. If my father would have gave 504 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:52,720 Speaker 4: me that attention, that affirmation, probably would be even further 505 00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:55,280 Speaker 4: in life than I am now. And so I make 506 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:59,240 Speaker 4: sure I'm there for him in all aspects that I can. 507 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,359 Speaker 3: Two quick questions, I know you got to go. You 508 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:05,920 Speaker 3: removed the word vulnerable from the book completely? 509 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:09,320 Speaker 1: Yes, what what words can we use? In number one? 510 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:10,040 Speaker 1: Why did you do that? 511 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,399 Speaker 3: What words can we use this instead of vulnerable? 512 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,639 Speaker 4: When I discovered that when I read the dictionary, the 513 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:19,520 Speaker 4: word itself means susceptible to harm, danger, or even death. 514 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,800 Speaker 4: And so when you think about being in a vulnerable situation, 515 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,680 Speaker 4: or you hear it on the news, vulnerable citizens were 516 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:30,159 Speaker 4: defenseless against a gunman, No good man ever wants to 517 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:33,080 Speaker 4: be vulnerable. I don't want my wife, my children, and 518 00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:36,160 Speaker 4: anyone I love in a vulnerable position. So we're trying 519 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:38,600 Speaker 4: to tell men is to be emotionally open, to be 520 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:42,800 Speaker 4: transparent with how you feel, and that way is it's 521 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:46,720 Speaker 4: a door way to you becoming more human, becoming more 522 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:50,560 Speaker 4: of a verbal process or emotionally emotionally intelligent. And that's 523 00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:51,919 Speaker 4: why I took the word out. That's why it's so 524 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,119 Speaker 4: hard for us as brothers to say it, because it 525 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,520 Speaker 4: goes against the way where were created as men. 526 00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:59,040 Speaker 1: We don't want anyone that we love to be in 527 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,000 Speaker 1: a vulnerable position. 528 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,920 Speaker 4: And however, what is hindering us as men is that 529 00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:06,719 Speaker 4: we're not emotionally open with those who love us. And 530 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,840 Speaker 4: so as a result of that, the suffering in silence 531 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:13,159 Speaker 4: peace is really taking us down. And so I just 532 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:17,520 Speaker 4: encourage by being the example of being transparent and emotionally 533 00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:21,000 Speaker 4: open and showing my men that just because you can 534 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:24,359 Speaker 4: express how you feel doesn't mean you'll be taking advantage 535 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:28,240 Speaker 4: of And if someone misuses your emotions, be thankful. Now 536 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:31,160 Speaker 4: you know who's in front of you and you got 537 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:32,680 Speaker 4: a decision to make you know. 538 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,240 Speaker 3: My last question, I love when you talk about, you know, 539 00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:36,960 Speaker 3: your relationship with your wife. And I saw a video 540 00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:40,240 Speaker 3: where you said, happy wife, happy life. Isn't about love? 541 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:41,720 Speaker 1: What is it about? 542 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,440 Speaker 4: Well, you know, it never was a term of endearment. 543 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,520 Speaker 4: We know that as men. It was a way, you 544 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,000 Speaker 4: know what was it saying? You know, give her what 545 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,080 Speaker 4: she want, keep her mouth shut so you can have peace, 546 00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:54,399 Speaker 4: all right? And now women are realizing this is not 547 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:58,040 Speaker 4: a happy life for neither of us, and so call 548 00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:00,600 Speaker 4: it a misleading mantra. Brother and as an another one too, 549 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,440 Speaker 4: if you're out with your wife, this happened to me 550 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:07,480 Speaker 4: a few times. I'm addressed as the lesser half and 551 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:10,440 Speaker 4: she's the better half. So I had no idea until 552 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:13,600 Speaker 4: I was meeting with a psychologists, well no a psychotherapist, 553 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,359 Speaker 4: of what that does to a man's mind, that you 554 00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:20,359 Speaker 4: are the lesser half, and the resentment that silently builds 555 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,479 Speaker 4: within your heart. And so my wife and I vowed 556 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:26,440 Speaker 4: not to use that mantra. Ever, so when Sta Nicole 557 00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:30,280 Speaker 4: and I say happy houses, happy spouses, and it takes 558 00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:33,520 Speaker 4: for both of us to meet the moment in marriage together, 559 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:37,040 Speaker 4: every moment, we're always willing to cross the line. If 560 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:40,160 Speaker 4: she's not doing well, mentally, emotionally, I have to cross 561 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,480 Speaker 4: the line if I'm falling short like you were saying, 562 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:46,919 Speaker 4: just she crosses the line. And that's why our marriage is. 563 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:51,719 Speaker 4: We call it a beautiful struggle. We're pushing through. We 564 00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:55,440 Speaker 4: won't give up on each other. And the biggest game 565 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,320 Speaker 4: changer was when we both decided that we know we're 566 00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:01,560 Speaker 4: not intentionally hurting each other. There has to be just 567 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,159 Speaker 4: some miscommunication and let's be patient and work through it. 568 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:07,359 Speaker 4: And we're going on twenty seven years this year and 569 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:08,679 Speaker 4: thirty three years together. 570 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,760 Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, thank you, brother. Well, let you have it. 571 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:13,840 Speaker 2: Pick up the new book out now. 572 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:18,920 Speaker 3: Jason Cat Daddy Wilson Man the moment demand. Okay, Daddy, 573 00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:20,359 Speaker 3: it's the Breakfast Club. 574 00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:23,440 Speaker 1: Good morning wake that ans up in the morning. The 575 00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:24,439 Speaker 1: Breakfast Club