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Speaker 1: This is Mandy be Welcome to Selective Ignorance, a production

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Speaker 1: of the BLACKPEC podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Hey, Hey, hey, classmates,

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Speaker 1: Welcome to another episode of Selective Ignorance.

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Speaker 2: Am I Ignorant?

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Speaker 1: That's right, It's another Friday bonus episode and we are

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Speaker 1: talking and discussing and I'm advising about whether or not

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Speaker 1: some of you may be a little selectively ignorant, very ignorant,

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Speaker 1: or not ignorant at all. Really excited to get into

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Speaker 1: these and again coming at the top of the year,

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Speaker 1: we are introducing my good brother Jah. He will be

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Speaker 1: on once a week on the Selective Ignorance episodes.

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Speaker 2: So really excited to really just be giving y'all.

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Speaker 1: Some more content, more current events. Of course, also having

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Speaker 1: someone else to join me in the conversation on the

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Speaker 1: am I Ignorance And Yeah, I am really really really

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Speaker 1: ready for the holiday break.

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Speaker 2: I need gonna hold you. I am ready to kind

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Speaker 2: of just clock my brain out.

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Speaker 1: I did want to follow up with some of y'all

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Speaker 1: because last week I had an am I Ignorant rant

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Speaker 1: around Uber drivers in Atlanta. A lot of y'all hit

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Speaker 1: me up on the discord, and you know, pretty much

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Speaker 1: was like that I can request it to be quiet

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Speaker 1: or not in the car. So for some odd reason,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't give me that option every time I call

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Speaker 1: it Uber, So I don't know if that's just Uber

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Speaker 1: black option or not. Secondly, bitch, let me tell you

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Speaker 1: if you follow me on the Gram. I literally recorded

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Speaker 1: one of my Uber drivers this week, and at this

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Speaker 1: point the universe is pranking me or something. So I

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Speaker 1: get in the car and the woman starts talking about girl,

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Speaker 1: that power where the d will make you do some things.

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Speaker 2: It'll make you be a little strange, but don't fuck

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Speaker 2: it up.

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Speaker 1: Now the power wer to peed just as strong, baby, baby,

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Speaker 1: Why did you think that that was appropriate?

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Speaker 2: Oh my god. Anyways, I did start with her.

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Speaker 1: She got a one star, and so I'm just about

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Speaker 1: to start handing out one stars. That's it, skip me,

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Speaker 1: one stars, one stars across the board.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 1: Also, again, the discord is available to anybody who joins

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Speaker 1: my Patreon Again, please support this podcast if you love

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Speaker 1: what we're doing, really excited about what I'm about to

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Speaker 1: be bringing y'all at the top of the year, more content,

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Speaker 1: more everything with Mandy B. So go ahead and join

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Speaker 1: right now Patreon dot com backslash selective ignorance. Anyways, I

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Speaker 1: want to start off with my ignorant rant of the

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Speaker 1: week and it was pushed by my one of my

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Speaker 1: favorite classmates, Barry. He was like, ooh, girl, you better

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Speaker 1: get on with your thoughts around this Diddy documentary. So

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Speaker 1: if you have been living under a rock, fifty Cent

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Speaker 1: recently released and executive produced Sean Combe's directing, which is

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Speaker 1: a four part documentary around p Diddy Puff Daddy Love

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Speaker 1: did He Diddy Bob Okay?

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Speaker 2: And it goes into quite quite a lot of detail.

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Speaker 1: I will say, Barry, you weren't the first to convince

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Speaker 1: me my white as mama did hit me up all

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Speaker 1: some Amanda did did Did he really kill Tupac and Beggy?

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Speaker 1: And at that point I was like, WHOA not my

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Speaker 1: white ass mama asked me about Tupac and Biggie's death

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Speaker 1: and Diddy's affiliation to it. So I was like, okay, Mama,

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Speaker 1: get off my phone. And I decided I need to

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Speaker 1: go watch this documentary now. It is a quick watch

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Speaker 1: if you have some time. If not, you still should

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Speaker 1: be able to get through it in like two days.

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Speaker 1: So episode one takes you all the way back to

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Speaker 1: pretty much his high school and intern days leading up

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Speaker 1: to him being a promoter. And you also, within the

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Speaker 1: first two episodes find out that he was a part

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Speaker 1: of promoting a party that ended up killing nine.

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Speaker 2: People and to know how it happened.

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Speaker 1: It pretty much was Travis Scott's festival, Astro World before

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Speaker 1: Astro World, but in a high school gymnasium, and so

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Speaker 1: it's really interesting. You get to see the people around him,

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Speaker 1: You get to see them connecting the dots in a

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Speaker 1: really thorough way, between his affiliation and relationships with the

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Speaker 1: Notorious Big, with Tupac, with Chick Knight, and just across

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Speaker 1: the music industry, him finding Jodasy.

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Speaker 2: Mary J.

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Speaker 1: Blige, and how a DJ at one of the parties

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Speaker 1: he promoted mixed those hardcore hip hop beats with R

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Speaker 1: and B, and you get the background of him pretty

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Speaker 1: much becoming an an R under Andrea.

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Speaker 2: Herral Now.

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Speaker 1: Where my ignorance and I need y'all to call me

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Speaker 1: out if I am mind you, if you've been listening

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Speaker 1: to decisions decisions over the years, this has already been

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Speaker 1: something put on me, but I would like to know

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Speaker 1: from y'all.

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Speaker 2: So I'm listening to all of these.

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Speaker 1: Accounts of people who have worked alongside did He, people

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Speaker 1: who have been physically, sexually, emotionally, financially abused by this

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Speaker 1: man four years And as I got to the final episode,

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Speaker 1: my mind of my heart battled and I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: am I a bad person right now? Is there something

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Speaker 1: that I know that I'm not connecting to?

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Speaker 2: Am I being ignorant?

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Speaker 1: So you have the person that helped start Bad Boy Records.

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Speaker 1: I think his last name was Burrows. He's the man

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Speaker 1: in the documentary with Dreads, Capricorn, who was Ditty's assistant,

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Speaker 1: Capricorn Clark. You have Lil Rod aka lit Leroy, who

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Speaker 1: pretty much put together the entire love album with Ditty,

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Speaker 1: And there's just a few other people sprinkled in there, right.

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Speaker 2: And by the end of.

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Speaker 1: The documentary, after watching all the tea, after hearing about

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Speaker 1: all the abuse, I had zero empathy to the people

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Speaker 1: who portrayed themselves as victims to Ditty. Now here we go,

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Speaker 1: all y'all are gonna be like, God, damn, Mandy, you

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Speaker 1: ain't shit, but.

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Speaker 2: Hear me out.

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Speaker 1: Capricorn Clark got fired after working with him for twelve years. Burrows,

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Speaker 1: who was the co founder of bad Boys, who initially

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Speaker 1: owned twenty five percent of bad Boy Rerecords and eventually

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Speaker 1: ended up giving Diddy back the twenty five percent, and

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Speaker 1: now is broke and you know, living between homeless shelters

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Speaker 1: and at one point in his car, and you know,

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Speaker 1: sued Diddy, I believe in two thousand and thirteen or

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Speaker 1: something like that. And then even low Rod, who also

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Speaker 1: you know, sued him for unpaid wages for the Love album.

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Speaker 1: What I heard through their own mouths was that as

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Speaker 1: long as they continued to get paid by Diddy, as

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Speaker 1: long as they were employed, as long as they can

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Speaker 1: feed themselves or live whatever lifestyle they dreamed of, the

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Speaker 1: abuse was excused. And so as I'm watching this, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: is the grudge that you're no longer getting paid? Is

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Speaker 1: the grudge that you no longer have access? Because the

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Speaker 1: grudge to me did not appear to be from the abuse.

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Speaker 1: Let me give some examples. I could say spoiler alert here,

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Speaker 1: but I'll just give examples.

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Speaker 2: With the three of them.

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Speaker 1: Right for Burrows, which again was the co founder or

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Speaker 1: bad boy, he mentions before, did he even got super

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Speaker 1: super super popping?

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Speaker 2: He's called into his office one.

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Speaker 3: Day and did he is getting head by a woman

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Speaker 3: at the desk, so he calls him in there and

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Speaker 3: just pretty much looks at him and makes this nigga

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Speaker 3: very uncomfortable but makes him Watch did he receive fallatio?

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Speaker 2: Hr? Hello, that is not okay.

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Speaker 1: Furthermore, at the end of the documentary we learn and

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Speaker 1: we're told that did he also sexually assaulted him, and

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Speaker 1: it seemed in the physical nature. Now this was such

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Speaker 1: a sexual assault, you know, viewing he was in touch.

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Speaker 2: But by the end of the dock we hear that

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Speaker 2: there was some sexual relations.

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Speaker 1: My guy, you stayed around why because you had twenty

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Speaker 1: five percent of the company. You could have asked to

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Speaker 1: be bought out, got your money and left this hostile

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Speaker 1: work environment when it became hostile. And it seemed to

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Speaker 1: become a hostile in the very beginning, Capricorn Clark, you

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Speaker 1: dead ass allowed Diddy to kidnap you and bring you

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Speaker 1: over to kid Cutty's house to kill him. That that's

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Speaker 1: what Diddy said he wanted to do. He said you

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Speaker 1: were gonna kill that nigga.

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Speaker 2: But hanging out and being around Cassie you got fired

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Speaker 2: right after.

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Speaker 1: But you also saw the abuse that he was given

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Speaker 1: to everyone around him. You saw the bad deals that

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Speaker 1: his artists were being placed into, and you chose to

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Speaker 1: work with him. Everything was all good and dandy as

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Speaker 1: long as you were his assistant, right and then Leroy,

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Speaker 1: lil Leroy, Lil Rod.

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Speaker 2: First off, you let the nigga call you a different name.

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Speaker 1: You ain't even correct that you lay him call you

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Speaker 1: whatever he wanted. You woke up sore in your Buddha

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Speaker 1: hole and him laying right next to you, and you

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Speaker 1: continued working with him. Well, wait, there's more. Before he

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Speaker 1: brought your ass down to Miami and Star Island and

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Speaker 1: had you being a madam to get the bitches out

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Speaker 1: of goddamn booby trap to come and fucking get drugged

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Speaker 1: up in his mansion. You claim that him and his

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Speaker 1: son walked into a bathroom with a gentleman. You heard

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Speaker 1: gunshots and then you saw a man bleeding.

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Speaker 2: And where you had to call an ambulance.

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Speaker 1: You continue to work for someone that you assumed to

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Speaker 1: be a killer, that you assumed to be drugging and

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Speaker 1: raping you, and you only decide to file a lawsuit

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Speaker 1: right after Diddy, I mean right after Cassie filed her

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Speaker 1: lawsuit against Diddy.

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Speaker 2: And right after you were not paid twenty nine thousand dollars.

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Speaker 1: Mind you, you admitted that for two years you pretty

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Speaker 1: much lived.

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Speaker 2: The rock star lifestyle. And so I'm listening to all

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Speaker 2: of these people who were abused for years.

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Speaker 1: For whatever reason, not really view themselves as victims until

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Speaker 1: the well ran dry. And it's interesting because I know

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Speaker 1: that this was heavily a conversation around Cassie being a

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Speaker 1: victim as well, and so I guess that's where my

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Speaker 1: ignorance comes in, because I do believe that Cassie was

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Speaker 1: a victim. But these other people in this work environment,

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Speaker 1: it's like, as long as they was getting paid, as

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Speaker 1: long as they were getting the luxury of being associated

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Speaker 1: and attached to this billionaire, they was willing to bend over.

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Speaker 1: They was willing to assist niggas in covering up murder

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Speaker 1: and crimes. They were willing to turn a blind eye

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Speaker 1: to the abuse that he had on his partners. And so,

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Speaker 1: in the strangest of ways, is did he a monster?

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Speaker 2: Sure? But to me, what this documentary showed is that

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Speaker 2: everybody is a monster for the right price. Hear me out,

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Speaker 2: how many of.

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Speaker 1: Us work at corporations and companies that don't align with

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Speaker 1: our morals and goals. How many of us continue working

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Speaker 1: with people that we don't agree with that mistreat us,

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Speaker 1: but the bills don't pay themselves. And so as I'm

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Speaker 1: watching this, I'm like, Okay, let me take it out

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Speaker 1: of the realm of working for a billionaire.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, damn. How many of us have

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Speaker 2: siblings or parents that we know are abusive in their

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Speaker 2: romantic relationships and we don't speak up and we don't

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Speaker 2: say anything. How many times does the weird ass uncle

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Speaker 2: show up to the barbecue and all you do is

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Speaker 2: tell your child not to go around Uncle Tommy because

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Speaker 2: he a little fast, but you don't check him in

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Speaker 2: his behavior towards little children. So as I'm watching this,

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Speaker 2: I think it's so easy to be like, oh my god,

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Speaker 2: did he as a monster. But as I'm watching this,

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Speaker 2: I was like, Damn, depending on the relationship, depending on

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Speaker 2: how a person benefits, we all got a little monster

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Speaker 2: in us. We all got a little demon in us.

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Speaker 2: And if you're listening.

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Speaker 1: Saying yeah, no, not me, go back to all of

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Speaker 1: the examples I just listened. Have you stuck up for

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Speaker 1: any of your family members that you know are being

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Speaker 1: physically abused by their partners and let them partners though,

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Speaker 1: did you call the cops on the partners? What have

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Speaker 1: you done to stop what you know is morally wrong?

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Speaker 1: And if you called that person out? Because I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of people also lean into the fact that

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Speaker 1: didd he had yes men.

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Speaker 2: Yes, a lot of people have yes men, especially when

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Speaker 2: they're men in power right or or women of power.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of people that are not gonna tell them, hey, bra,

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Speaker 1: what you're doing is wrong at Look at Trump, look

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Speaker 1: at Kanye, look at the kivin naj There's a lot

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Speaker 1: of people that we see that have money and power,

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Speaker 1: and we're confused as to why ain't nobody telling them

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Speaker 1: about themselves?

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Speaker 2: Ain't nobody trying to help them? Well? The people closest

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Speaker 2: to them normally benefit in some way, shape or fashion

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Speaker 2: from what they have to offer, again financially or access wise.

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Speaker 2: And so this led me to be like damn.

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Speaker 1: And again It's why I'd be like, ooh, well, peace,

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Speaker 1: we ain't gonna see it, because.

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Speaker 2: I was like, damn, for ye, A lot.

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Speaker 1: Of these people that were supposed to have empathy for

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Speaker 1: that I'm supposed to be getting emotional for because they're crying,

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Speaker 1: and I know that they were abused because they're sharing

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Speaker 1: the moments in which they were I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: now that you deserve it, bit, And I know when

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Speaker 1: you say, but it's like, bitch, that's what I'm meant,

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Speaker 1: But it's not.

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Speaker 2: No one deserves to be abused. But baby, if you

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Speaker 2: are taking money or you were benefiting off of the

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Speaker 2: behaviors of said monster, how are you not a monster?

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Speaker 1: You assisted in the harm of other people. You assisted

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Speaker 1: in the behaviors of this monster. And now I'm about

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Speaker 1: to be real geeky, but only because I was watching

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Speaker 1: it last night.

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Speaker 2: It's like Vecna in Stranger Things and all the Demi Gorgans.

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Speaker 1: As I'm watching the fucking documentary of Diddy, Lil Ride, Burrows, Janice,

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Speaker 1: his mama, all like Capricorn, everybody's like his Demi Gorgan's

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Speaker 1: and y'all was sitting here being monsters right along with

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Speaker 1: Diddy up until it ain't serve you. And so it

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Speaker 1: was really it was really eye opening to me because

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Speaker 1: when we talk about Hollywood and when we talk about like,

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Speaker 1: you know, celebrity aspects, and we talk about people of power,

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Speaker 1: because we talk about, you know, even Epstein and Trump,

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Speaker 1: and we can lean this into politics, we can lean

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Speaker 1: this into high level execs. Baby, I've been watching fucking

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Speaker 1: woof on Wall Street, which, by the way, if you

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Speaker 1: have not yet, one of the most phenomenal fucking movies.

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Speaker 1: Jordan Belfert monster and everyone that worked for him, monsters,

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Speaker 1: his wife, everyone is a monster. And so it was

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Speaker 1: just I don't know if I think it told us

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Speaker 1: the story right, and the final episode having the fan

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Speaker 1: like the juror member, I think didn't put the nail

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Speaker 1: in the coffin.

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Speaker 2: I also, I also even, let's talk about bitches real quick.

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Speaker 2: And I could say bitches because I'm a woman, but

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Speaker 2: even the fact that did he chose to.

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Speaker 1: Sleep with like his enemies, girls or women that you know,

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Speaker 1: dated other men of power.

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Speaker 2: I was even looking like at all the women he

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Speaker 2: had made kids with.

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Speaker 1: All right, Pete Kim Black Cassie finally got what she wanted,

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Speaker 1: and Tupac's asked that we didn't really get to talk

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Speaker 1: about Misa Hilton. Bro I'm looking at her all these

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Speaker 1: bit just like they birds, you know, these niggas beefing.

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Speaker 2: You, hopping from one famous nigga to the next.

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Speaker 1: It was hard for me to like even have empathy

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Speaker 1: for the women, because, Bro, you just going after the

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Speaker 1: bag or the man with the shiniest fucking watch, And

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, it's not he did.

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Speaker 2: He can't go after these men alone. I mean these

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Speaker 2: women alone.

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Speaker 1: Bro, We're in a fucking world full of birds and monsters.

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Speaker 1: That's what I saw from this fucking documentary. My nigga,

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Speaker 1: I ain't even gonna hold you mind you. We literally

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Speaker 1: are also listening to crip gangsters who have a part

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Speaker 1: of this. So now we're listening to gang members willing

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Speaker 1: to just say, yeah, I'll fucking kill the list. Nigga,

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Speaker 1: I have no attachments to them, but I'll kill them.

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Speaker 2: For a bag or a mill on his head.

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Speaker 1: Bet All I saw was how ruthless we are as

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Speaker 1: a community.

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Speaker 2: Birds, monsters.

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Speaker 1: That's what it is. And I don't know if y'all

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Speaker 1: watched the documentary.

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Speaker 2: And thought anything else.

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Speaker 1: I know it's trying to it was being fed to

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Speaker 1: us that Ditty's just this awful fucking person. But I

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Speaker 1: viewed it as a documentary on full display of the

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Speaker 1: world we live in.

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Speaker 2: Birds and monsters. There we go.

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Speaker 1: So when you see this goddamn title and you see

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Speaker 1: birds and monsters. It's actually fucking the Diddy doc That's

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Speaker 1: all I fucking saw. God damn, it could probably add

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Speaker 1: Crabs in there, because boy, with all of these people

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Speaker 1: not being connected and not knowing each other and being

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Speaker 1: a part of Ditty's lives but in different moments of

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Speaker 1: his life, Crabs in a barrel mentality, Boy, it was

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Speaker 1: all doing it for the dollar. So that was my mindset.

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Speaker 1: And literally I was like, oh, is this an ignorant

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Speaker 1: take on this? But I literally was like, Oh, that

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Speaker 1: nigga ain't shit. This nigga ain't shit. That bit Chase shit,

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Speaker 1: this bit Chase shit. Who am I supposed to have

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Speaker 1: empathy for in this documentary because they're all antagonists. To me,

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Speaker 1: The only like people who I was sad for were

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Speaker 1: the nine victims.

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Speaker 2: In the Gymnasium. That's it.

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Speaker 1: And I'm go'nna just say this last thing, but I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna say this very much anywhere else, but this

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Speaker 1: is bonus episode.

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Speaker 2: So here we go.

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Speaker 1: Even to wanna have empathy for tupacin Bigie, but to

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Speaker 1: also know that both of them were women beaters and rapists,

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Speaker 1: It's like, ooh.

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Speaker 2: Yes, they were talented. Yes, we loved their music.

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Speaker 1: But if you watch the documentary on the Notorious Big.

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Speaker 1: In this documentary, we you know see that right before

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Speaker 1: the shooting at Qua Studios, Tupac had just got out

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Speaker 1: of serving a sentence for raping a girl. It's just

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Speaker 1: like masters and birds, Masters and birds, massas and fucking birds.

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Speaker 2: Anyways, we are.

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Speaker 1: Gonna get into am I ignorant? If you want to

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Speaker 1: send your letters over to me to decide whether you

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Speaker 1: are selectively ignorant, very ignorant, or not ignorant at all,

349
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Speaker 1: send it over to Selective Ignorance pod pod at gmail

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Speaker 1: dot com.

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Speaker 2: Or you can hop into the discord. Shout out to Connie.

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Speaker 1: Connie dropped in the discord one of her ignorant questions

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Speaker 1: and luckily during the week we got to see what

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Speaker 1: happened with her case. Basically, she wanted to know if

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Speaker 1: she was ignorant for wanting her neighbors to be evicted.

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Speaker 1: Now cannot wait till I can take your calls, and

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Speaker 1: we do live calls here. But because it was discord,

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Speaker 1: I was able to ask some additional details. I said, well,

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Speaker 1: why do you want your neighbor evicted? Because it would

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Speaker 1: be an ignorant thought to want someone to be unhoused

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Speaker 1: essentially right, So basically, she was letting me know that

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Speaker 1: they are disruptors and although they're young, there was clearly

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Speaker 1: domestic disputes taking place in the home that called for

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Speaker 1: loud noises and banging and bullshit at all hours of

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Speaker 1: the night. She did say that she had called the

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Speaker 1: cops as well and brought it to the landlord.

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Speaker 2: Now, I'm not mad at you wanting your neighbors to

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Speaker 2: be evicted over.

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Speaker 1: You know, sounds clearly if you guys go back to

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Speaker 1: one of the episodes with myself and Carla, there's a

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Speaker 1: way to go about it. I wouldn't, you know, call

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Speaker 1: people who of other races or ethnicities illegal aliens on

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Speaker 1: a social platform, especially knowing where we're.

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Speaker 2: At with Ice. But I told Connie she wasn't wrong.

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Speaker 1: Now since then, during the week since she asked that question,

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Speaker 1: they have been evicted. They have moved out, So Connie,

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00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:36,399
Speaker 1: kudos to you. However, we also know sometimes the grass

378
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 1: ain't always greener on the other side, So I'm gonna

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00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:43,200
Speaker 1: pray that your new neighbors don't bring about the same

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00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 1: or different problems that drive you crazy. Anyways, again, make

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Speaker 1: sure you send your ignorant letters into me so I

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Speaker 1: could get into it. Okay, I guess let's do this.

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Speaker 1: I know I've been doing quite a bit of letters

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Speaker 1: around like the workplace and romantic partnerships. Definitely last week

385
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Speaker 1: I did. And this one is more about like lifing.

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Speaker 2: Okay, here we go.

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00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 1: Subject title is am I ignorant for thinking my sibling

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Speaker 1: is just lazy instead of struggling with cognitive function?

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Speaker 2: All right? Oh and it's a man? Oh not you

390
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:27,240
Speaker 2: check it? Okay.

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Speaker 1: Hey, Mandy, So I'm a thirty four year old man

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00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:34,479
Speaker 1: and am super organized. That's where I'm shocked. Not an

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Speaker 1: organized man, he said. He's organized with calendars, reminders, spreadsheets

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Speaker 1: all that. Okay, so he's typed one like me. My

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00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:47,200
Speaker 1: younger sibling who's twenty one, is a disaster with anything adulting.

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00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:52,640
Speaker 1: They forget bills, misappointments, losing point in letters, and avoid

397
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Speaker 1: making phone calls until things blow up. Then they call

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00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,120
Speaker 1: me in a panic and I usually end up having

399
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:02,120
Speaker 1: to fix it. I've said, like, if you cared, you'd

400
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:04,520
Speaker 1: remember and just use a calendar.

401
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:05,320
Speaker 2: It's not that hard.

402
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 1: Recently, they missed a crucial financial aid appointment for school,

403
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:13,320
Speaker 1: even after I reminded them several times. I snapped and

404
00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:19,399
Speaker 1: told them they're just irresponsible and doing it to themselves. Later,

405
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:23,440
Speaker 1: my mom called and said that my sibling is being

406
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 1: evaluated for ADHD and has serious issues with executive function

407
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 1: like starting tasks, organizing, and following through, especially under stressed.

408
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:38,719
Speaker 1: She said that my constant your lazy comments are just

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00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 1: making things worse. I basically dismissed it as everyone blaming

410
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 1: ADHD for everything, but I can see my sibling isn't

411
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:51,040
Speaker 1: proud of any of this. They get anxious and ashamed

412
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:54,480
Speaker 1: when they mess up. I've been assuming everyone's brains work

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00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:58,120
Speaker 1: like mine and that willpower is the only difference. Am

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Speaker 1: I ignorant for treating this like so laziness instead of

415
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:07,920
Speaker 1: trying to understand the issue at hand. You probably should

416
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:12,439
Speaker 1: have ended this with I'm probably asking the wrong person.

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00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:19,360
Speaker 1: Here's the thing with the advancement of knowledge, and when

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00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 1: I say knowledge, it's conversation, it's access, its social media.

419
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:27,199
Speaker 1: Over the last I would say five to ten years,

420
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:29,920
Speaker 1: there's been a lot of things brought to the forefront

421
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:36,399
Speaker 1: in regards to mental health. So we've been introduced to

422
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 1: the word narcissists. And while we knew add ADHD OCD

423
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:46,920
Speaker 1: in those things, a lot of people are now self

424
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 1: diagnosing themselves. I have recently been quote unquote joking about

425
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 1: my neuro divergence. But we're also normalizing the spectrum and autism,

426
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:03,840
Speaker 1: and many more kids and much of the youth are

427
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:07,440
Speaker 1: now being diagnosed with autism at a much higher rate

428
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:08,680
Speaker 1: than ever before.

429
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:10,400
Speaker 2: However, we also know.

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Speaker 1: That as millennials, and you said you are thirty four,

431
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 1: you're a millennial.

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00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 2: We also grew up in an era where our parents

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00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:24,920
Speaker 2: didn't want.

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00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:28,359
Speaker 1: To get us diagnosed because they would be ashamed that

435
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 1: something was wrong, or they just felt like a lot

436
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:34,800
Speaker 1: of our missteps in school were from just bad behavior.

437
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,640
Speaker 2: We just had angry shoes, or you know, we just

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00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:39,000
Speaker 2: you know.

439
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:43,240
Speaker 1: And so I'm not mad that more people are being

440
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 1: diagnosed or being evaluated.

441
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 2: However, I ain't gonna hold you.

442
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 1: And this is where I'm going to lean into my

443
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 1: selective ignorance and push you to lean into your selective ignorance. Baby,

444
00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:01,520
Speaker 1: ADHD and add cannot be your excuse for not adulting

445
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:05,520
Speaker 1: and being responsible. It just can't. At the same time,

446
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 1: there's medication for it. If you're diagnosed, there is a

447
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 1: way to treat it. But there are wait, baby, there's

448
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:19,920
Speaker 1: post its, there's calendars right in our phones, there's alarms,

449
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 1: and you have someone right now also trying to help

450
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,880
Speaker 1: you stay on top of your responsibilities. I ain't gonna

451
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:32,520
Speaker 1: hold you. If someone's not utilizing ways to be organized,

452
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:38,480
Speaker 1: knowing that they're unorganized, it's pure laziness to me. I

453
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:41,000
Speaker 1: don't think you're ignorant at all here. I think what

454
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:44,000
Speaker 1: Yo Mama wants you to do is invite that bitch

455
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:52,520
Speaker 1: grace over to the plate and where maybe you can.

456
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 1: The only grace I would say you could extend is

457
00:29:56,680 --> 00:30:01,080
Speaker 1: to the age a twenty one year old who's navigating

458
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 1: financial aid, meaning they're still in school, they are two

459
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 1: three years into adulting. Maybe you're about sixteen years into

460
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 1: adulting at the age of thirty four if you left

461
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 1: the house at eighteen, right, and so.

462
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:17,360
Speaker 2: Where I'm not.

463
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:21,040
Speaker 1: Extending any grace to these niggas with ADHD and add

464
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 1: because maybe I feel like I'm on the spectrum a

465
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:25,600
Speaker 1: little bit. And that's why I say, if you don't

466
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 1: send me a calendar, lock, it doesn't exist.

467
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:32,200
Speaker 2: There are ways for those of us.

468
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 1: With neurodivergence or ways in which we go about things

469
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:40,560
Speaker 1: to still lean into being responsible adults. The world cannot

470
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 1: call to you for your entire life, and so to me,

471
00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 1: maybe understanding that they are young, that they are new

472
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:57,160
Speaker 1: to adulting, I think showing up to school, going to bed,

473
00:30:57,280 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 1: doing your homework, making sure the chicken will pulled out

474
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 1: the freezer, and handling your house chores dad is not

475
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:08,680
Speaker 1: even remotely close to what it's like stepping outside as

476
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 1: adult and actually having to pay your bills, having to budget,

477
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 1: having to show up to certain places on time, like

478
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:19,600
Speaker 1: like work and adulting is not easy, and so to me,

479
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:25,480
Speaker 1: I think that you can extend a little leniency for

480
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 1: them learning what adulting means, but in terms of forgetting

481
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:37,280
Speaker 1: bills and appointments and like shit like motherfucking financial aid,

482
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,120
Speaker 1: which is very important because how the fuck are you

483
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 1: supposed to pipe for the school? To me, I think

484
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 1: that adhd Add those those can't be excuses, and y'all

485
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:52,920
Speaker 1: might wring my neck for it, but that might be

486
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 1: where I'm gonna call this not really ignorant, And you

487
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 1: can lean into selective ignorance here, because I know we're

488
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 1: supposed to just extend all the grace and concern and

489
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:11,040
Speaker 1: leniency and all that bullshit to people who are diagnosed

490
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:13,600
Speaker 1: and on these spectrums. Here's the thing, baby, I really

491
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 1: feel like the people on these spectrums they really more

492
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:21,160
Speaker 1: genius than the normal people. And so here's my thing too, bitch,

493
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 1: you know, And unfortunately a lot of times they lean

494
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 1: into this as a crutch bit, you know. And if

495
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 1: you know that there's something there, make it to where

496
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 1: you can exist in the world that we are in,

497
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 1: and that calls for showing up to places on time

498
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:42,960
Speaker 1: keeping appointments and paying bills. Otherwise there are consequences for

499
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:47,959
Speaker 1: those things. And so I think, maybe don't call you know,

500
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:52,960
Speaker 1: your sibling lazy, but I think let it be known

501
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:57,440
Speaker 1: that there are consequences to all of these things, and

502
00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,720
Speaker 1: you were either gonna get lost or get with the program.

503
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 2: That's life. Can't wait to hear y'alls thoughts on how

504
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:04,960
Speaker 2: I answered that one.

505
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 1: Okay, oh, we got another everyday life one.

506
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 2: And I chose this.

507
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:17,200
Speaker 1: Because I might have had a little rant about this,

508
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:19,200
Speaker 1: and I definitely had a recent conversation about this.

509
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 2: So it's interesting. Here we go, and my ignorant for

510
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:27,800
Speaker 2: thinking tipping culture is out of control and pressing no

511
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:31,760
Speaker 2: tip Ooh baby, we might have to go back.

512
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 1: I feel like maybe the capitalism episode with Internet, we

513
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:39,480
Speaker 1: might have briefly gotten into tipping or the culture of tipping.

514
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:45,440
Speaker 2: All right, so I recently moved to the US. Okay,

515
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:46,160
Speaker 2: so here we go.

516
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 1: Straight up, You not ignorant cause you was taught differently,

517
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 1: but here we go. I recently moved to the US

518
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 1: from a country where tipping is rare. By the way,

519
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:58,479
Speaker 1: for those of y'all who ain't got no passport, Sampson

520
00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 1: ain't been out the country, there's a lot of countries

521
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:06,959
Speaker 1: who actually believe that tipping is offensive. I'm gonna ask

522
00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 1: my husband when we get done with this letter to

523
00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:11,680
Speaker 1: let y'all know what those countries are. But let's get

524
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 1: into it. I recently moved to the US from a

525
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:18,839
Speaker 1: country where tipping is rare. Here, every card reader asks

526
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,920
Speaker 1: for tip coffee shops, bakeries, ice ice cream shops, even

527
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 1: some self checkouts. Half the time it's eighteen to twenty

528
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 1: five percent preset with a tiny no tip button. At first,

529
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:35,440
Speaker 1: I tipped almost every time because it felt awkward not to,

530
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:37,720
Speaker 1: but it started wrecking my budget.

531
00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:39,799
Speaker 2: So now I usually hit no tip.

532
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:43,320
Speaker 1: If there's no table service and I'm just grabbing something

533
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:47,319
Speaker 1: to go, it's giving no tip. My friends found out

534
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 1: and called me cheat, saying that service workers rely on

535
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:54,959
Speaker 1: tips because their base pay is low. I honestly didn't

536
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:58,400
Speaker 1: know that. I thought tips were extra for great service,

537
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:00,359
Speaker 1: not standard pay.

538
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 2: It blew up when we got ice cream and I

539
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:03,520
Speaker 2: didn't tip. Recently.

540
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:06,759
Speaker 1: Later, my friend said it was rude to not leave

541
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:11,080
Speaker 1: a tip at least a dollar. I said, if it's optional,

542
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:15,640
Speaker 1: are not allowed to say no? Employers should pay them,

543
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 1: not me.

544
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:17,360
Speaker 2: Puri poop.

545
00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:21,759
Speaker 1: They told me that in practice, I'm punishing workers, not companies,

546
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:25,239
Speaker 1: and that I'm being ignorant about how the system works here.

547
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 1: Now I feel torn between tipping culture is insane and

548
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 1: maybe I really don't understand how underpaid these workers are.

549
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:37,720
Speaker 1: Am I ignorant for frequently hitting noe?

550
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:48,920
Speaker 2: Tip? Tricky? Tricky? Tricky? Tricky? An offensive? Hold on? So

551
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:49,800
Speaker 2: here's the thing.

552
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 1: I can't call you. You weren't ignorant at first, However,

553
00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:01,879
Speaker 1: this is one hundred percent selectively ignorant if you continue,

554
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:07,080
Speaker 1: only because now you are privy to the tipping culture

555
00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:07,880
Speaker 1: in America.

556
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:11,080
Speaker 2: So we know that ignorance.

557
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:14,400
Speaker 1: Leans into if you know better, you knew better. But

558
00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:16,640
Speaker 1: also if you know better and don't choose to do better,

559
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:17,880
Speaker 1: you're ignorant, right.

560
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 2: And so in this case a few things. If you

561
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:28,799
Speaker 2: fill in your mind that.

562
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 1: You are hurting the workers and your friend led by saying, hey,

563
00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: you can literally just leave a dollar, I would say,

564
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,400
Speaker 1: in order to get over your guilt and not feel

565
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 1: as ignorant leaving a dollar moving forward.

566
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 2: Maybe the answer here eighteen to twenty five percent.

567
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:52,880
Speaker 1: On a service where you don't have a person serving you,

568
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:57,040
Speaker 1: or where you just order and someone hands you over

569
00:36:57,080 --> 00:37:00,440
Speaker 1: the counter, I'm all for not tipping them. Motherfucks, I

570
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:03,840
Speaker 1: go hold you. I don't feel like fast food workers

571
00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:07,279
Speaker 1: need to be tipped because essentially they're not providing you

572
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:07,920
Speaker 1: a service.

573
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:09,400
Speaker 2: They're taking your order.

574
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:11,400
Speaker 1: And sometimes they're not even doing that. If you go

575
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 1: to fucking Chick fil a and McDonald's, you order them

576
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:17,399
Speaker 1: from a kiosk. So the idea to tip when you're

577
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:21,560
Speaker 1: ordering from a kiosk, no, I'm even when people serve me.

578
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 1: If you are not taking my order or making me

579
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:29,359
Speaker 1: give you my card to pay, the tip might not

580
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,279
Speaker 1: even be eighteen percent. A bitch, might go down to

581
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:35,600
Speaker 1: fifteen percent because you're not even speaking to me at

582
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:36,280
Speaker 1: this point.

583
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.

584
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:43,360
Speaker 1: And so yeah, you also didn't say what country you're from, however,

585
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:47,720
Speaker 1: I wanted to give you. Guys, some countries that leaving

586
00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:52,680
Speaker 1: a tip itself can be rude or embarrassing, not just unnecessary.

587
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:57,760
Speaker 2: So in Japan, traditional traditional norm is no tipping.

588
00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 1: Good service is viewed as a point of pride, so

589
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:04,720
Speaker 1: that's already included in the price. China, tipping is generally

590
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 1: not customary and can be seen as awkward or even

591
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:12,480
Speaker 1: rude or embarrassing, especially in everyday restaurants, taxis and local shops.

592
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:15,919
Speaker 1: South Korea, tipping isn't a part of the culture at all.

593
00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:20,560
Speaker 1: Adding extra money normally can cause genuine discomfort. And then

594
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:24,600
Speaker 1: of course in most of Europe, tipping isn't offensive, just

595
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 1: smaller and less expected. And tipping, unfortunately is a big

596
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:33,920
Speaker 1: part of our food and beverage and service industry here

597
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:38,480
Speaker 1: in the States. And yes, it's because when you have

598
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 1: a tipped employee, many times they are only making fucking two, three,

599
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:45,839
Speaker 1: four five dollars an hour, and so tipping is their

600
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 1: main source of income. Again, for this I don't think

601
00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:54,920
Speaker 1: you're ignorant, especially coming from another country. I do, however,

602
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:58,799
Speaker 1: think that now that you have been informed, it's up

603
00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:04,760
Speaker 1: to you how you want to move going forward. For me, again,

604
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:09,240
Speaker 1: if it's a service industry like the nail salon, I tip,

605
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:15,200
Speaker 1: any hair service, I tip, dine in experiences I tip.

606
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:19,200
Speaker 1: There's a lot of places that would be considered service

607
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 1: that I don't tip. I'm not tipping at a fast

608
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:23,640
Speaker 1: food restaurant.

609
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:25,400
Speaker 2: I'm not tipping.

610
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 1: I sometimes don't even tip at Starbucks, Like if I'm

611
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 1: ordering my coffee, I don't understand what the tip is

612
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:37,280
Speaker 1: for y'all make coffee. I'm ordering what's on the menu,

613
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 1: You're giving it to me, and I'm picking it up.

614
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:44,040
Speaker 1: I'm not dining in. I'm not speaking to you more

615
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 1: than not like me paying for you to take my

616
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:49,640
Speaker 1: order to me. I look at it as like I

617
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 1: don't pay or tip people when I go shopping, like

618
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:56,680
Speaker 1: if I'm going to get closed. Even though people are

619
00:39:56,719 --> 00:39:59,959
Speaker 1: sometimes helping me, there's places where it's not a commit

620
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:03,239
Speaker 1: base and I'm being helped with picking out my clothes,

621
00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:06,799
Speaker 1: so I don't tip in those spaces. Yeah, for me,

622
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:10,479
Speaker 1: the fact that you've been informed on the culture here,

623
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 1: it's up to you again to decide if you want.

624
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:17,720
Speaker 2: To continue not tipping.

625
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:22,640
Speaker 1: Also, I want to be very clear, if it's affecting

626
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:24,920
Speaker 1: your budget, and I've said this.

627
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:30,240
Speaker 2: You know, if you dine in somewhere, the expectation is tipping.

628
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,479
Speaker 1: If you cannot afford to tip, I do not believe

629
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,799
Speaker 1: you can afford to go out and eat. I said it,

630
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:39,680
Speaker 1: which take your ass to the drive through. So in

631
00:40:39,719 --> 00:40:44,160
Speaker 1: this case, if it's heavily impacting your finances and you

632
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:48,640
Speaker 1: cannot tip, my only suggestion is to not go to

633
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:54,160
Speaker 1: dine in restaurants. We're tipping, yes, in this country is

634
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:57,880
Speaker 1: necessary and is deemed a requirement because you're receiving a service.

635
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 1: I would say, moving forward, do not feel guilty for

636
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:10,120
Speaker 1: not tipping at ice cream shops, cafes and fast food places.

637
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:14,279
Speaker 1: And let me know if that's my ignorant take. But

638
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:18,359
Speaker 1: that's where I'm at with this. So again, guys, join

639
00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 1: me over on the discord. I definitely want to talk

640
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:24,680
Speaker 1: through these ignorances because I'm keeping a list. I'm keeping

641
00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 1: a list, and we're gonna go to fuck over this shit. Okay,

642
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:33,320
Speaker 1: all right, I think we got time for one more. Okay,

643
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:38,400
Speaker 1: I feel like this is half decisions decisions, but I

644
00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:43,440
Speaker 1: love that we love to question our ignorance and relationships.

645
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 2: Ooh, and this one.

646
00:41:46,719 --> 00:41:49,920
Speaker 1: I started this when I started, and my ignorant for

647
00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:53,680
Speaker 1: thinking my boyfriend should be over his childhood trauma by now.

648
00:41:56,120 --> 00:42:00,359
Speaker 1: I hey, many So I've been with my boyfriend for

649
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:05,680
Speaker 1: three years. We're both twenty eight years old. He grew

650
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:09,239
Speaker 1: up with an abuse of dad and a checked out mom.

651
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:13,440
Speaker 1: He warned me early on that yelling in certain tones

652
00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:17,160
Speaker 1: are triggering for him, and he's been in therapy on

653
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:23,359
Speaker 1: and off. When we argue, my voice gets sharper. I mean,

654
00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:26,360
Speaker 1: I'm not screaming, just stressed.

655
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:27,520
Speaker 2: Okay, girl.

656
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:32,279
Speaker 1: He'll shut down, go silent, or leave the room and

657
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:36,840
Speaker 1: say he needs space. Recently, we were arguing about money.

658
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:41,920
Speaker 1: I raised my voice and he froze and walked away. Later,

659
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,920
Speaker 1: he said, when I get loud, his brain goes straight

660
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,960
Speaker 1: back to his childhood and he literally can't think or

661
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 1: respond normally until he calms down. I got frustrated and

662
00:42:53,719 --> 00:42:57,279
Speaker 1: said something like, it's been over a decade. You can't

663
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:00,840
Speaker 1: keep letting your past run your life. Normal couple argue,

664
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:02,680
Speaker 1: I can't walk on eggshells forever.

665
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 2: He told me that was really.

666
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:08,560
Speaker 1: Minimizing and asked if I've ever tried to understand trauma

667
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:09,360
Speaker 1: or PTSD.

668
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:14,000
Speaker 2: I said, people go through worse and choose to be different.

669
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:22,239
Speaker 1: Oh, bitch, if you are in the discord, you might

670
00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:25,080
Speaker 1: want to say out this week he was, he was

671
00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:25,680
Speaker 1: hurt Instead.

672
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:29,359
Speaker 2: It feels like I think he's choosing to be this way. Now.

673
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 1: I'm wondering if I'm oversimplifying trauma or just being ignorant,

674
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:36,120
Speaker 1: or if it's reasonable to expect him to handle conflict

675
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:43,360
Speaker 1: more like a normal adult. Here, bitch, you ignorant, ignorant, ignorant,

676
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:50,200
Speaker 1: ignit ignorant. And here's what I wonder. You said, your

677
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:56,359
Speaker 1: voice gets sharper. You said that normal couples argue. You said,

678
00:43:56,400 --> 00:44:02,239
Speaker 1: you're not screaming, you're just stressed. But in multiple instances

679
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 1: you're seeing him freeze, walk away, and.

680
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:11,440
Speaker 2: Be triggered by your tone.

681
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:15,560
Speaker 1: I think you're ignorant here about your inability to communicate

682
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:19,480
Speaker 1: under stress. I think you're ignorant and not trying to

683
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:25,120
Speaker 1: work on being a better communicator. I think that you

684
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:30,160
Speaker 1: may also not be aware of the levels of trauma

685
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:39,320
Speaker 1: that you're actually enduring. Because you saying that normal couples argue,

686
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:43,920
Speaker 1: people who love each other work on not triggering the

687
00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:49,400
Speaker 1: people that they're with. There's a sensitivity around what they've

688
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 1: endured in their lifetime, because we all have triggers, we

689
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:55,239
Speaker 1: all may have a little bit of PTSD, and the

690
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,279
Speaker 1: idea that you're not working on the way that you

691
00:44:57,360 --> 00:45:00,480
Speaker 1: communicate with him knowing his traumas leaves me to believe

692
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:05,080
Speaker 1: that you might not care about this boyfriend of three

693
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 1: years the way you think you do if you get

694
00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:13,960
Speaker 1: to a crossroad of reaching a place of disagreement, like

695
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 1: in this case it was money. The thing that is

696
00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:23,400
Speaker 1: interesting here is how often you're using the word arguing,

697
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:27,279
Speaker 1: even in this email. A disagreement doesn't have to be

698
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:30,600
Speaker 1: an argument. Both of you not being on the same

699
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:35,440
Speaker 1: page about a topic should not lead to a sharper

700
00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:42,960
Speaker 1: voice or a tone that seems dismissive or seems in

701
00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:46,800
Speaker 1: a way clearly in this instance, triggering to him that

702
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 1: might bring him back to an abusive dad or a

703
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:55,840
Speaker 1: checked out mom. I wonder if you're ignorant to the

704
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:59,640
Speaker 1: fact that the way that you're being in this relationship

705
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:05,799
Speaker 1: mirrors these abusive parents he had and Let's be very clear,

706
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:08,920
Speaker 1: if you look into the cycle of abuse, right, some

707
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:12,239
Speaker 1: people only know how to be loved one way, and

708
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:15,920
Speaker 1: what's scary is the way that you've shown up in

709
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 1: these abusive natures. Maybe what's actually pulling him to stay

710
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:20,400
Speaker 1: with you.

711
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 2: This may be the only way.

712
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:25,760
Speaker 1: He knows how to love or be in long relationships

713
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 1: because this is what he saw for majority of his

714
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 1: life growing up. He may not know a healthy relationship

715
00:46:33,239 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 1: when his parents were arguing. Maybe he knew to just

716
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:40,040
Speaker 1: run and being in his room until they stop yelling.

717
00:46:40,719 --> 00:46:45,080
Speaker 1: And that's why he's treating you this way. Girl, Are

718
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:47,719
Speaker 1: you ignorant for thinking your boyfriend should just be over

719
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:49,200
Speaker 1: his childhood trauma?

720
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 4: Yes?

721
00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:53,360
Speaker 1: And I think you're ignorant to not see that the

722
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:55,880
Speaker 1: way in which you're showing up in this relationship is

723
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 1: not only healthy, but you may have things that you

724
00:46:58,680 --> 00:46:59,399
Speaker 1: need to work on.

725
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:04,000
Speaker 2: He's in therapy on and off. But are you Are

726
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 2: you actually trying to be a not only better partner,

727
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:10,440
Speaker 2: but a better person, because maybe just thinking that it

728
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:14,160
Speaker 2: is normal for couples to argue, that's not a healthy mindset.

729
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:17,280
Speaker 2: And you may think that due to something.

730
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:21,160
Speaker 1: That you experienced in your childhood, due to how you've

731
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:24,600
Speaker 1: viewed different couples around you, or due to how you

732
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:26,400
Speaker 1: show up in your other relationships.

733
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:28,320
Speaker 2: Is this also how you treat your friends?

734
00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:32,000
Speaker 1: And is it just normal for them to argue back

735
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:36,080
Speaker 1: with you because you know, maybe they have their own

736
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:39,440
Speaker 1: traumas and reasons why they feel the need to combat you.

737
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:48,080
Speaker 2: Baby, this is ghetto, and you're ignorant on a front

738
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:50,160
Speaker 2: that you aren't even aware of.

739
00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:56,320
Speaker 1: Because the idea that it's normal for couples to argue,

740
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:59,680
Speaker 1: that is an ignorant take. It is normal for people

741
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:03,680
Speaker 1: to agree because we all have different lived experiences and

742
00:48:03,719 --> 00:48:07,160
Speaker 1: a lot of us have different opinions. But I say

743
00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:09,400
Speaker 1: this all the time when people try to stop me

744
00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:13,680
Speaker 1: in either expressing my opinion or just having a difference

745
00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:16,359
Speaker 1: of opinion from them, and they immediately want to shut

746
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:18,520
Speaker 1: down and say I don't want to argue, or they

747
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,320
Speaker 1: turn it into a higher decibel.

748
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:22,120
Speaker 2: I always bring it down.

749
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 1: Hey, baby, I'm disagreeing with you, but I promise you

750
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:30,920
Speaker 1: this is not an argument. I want us to reach

751
00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:33,840
Speaker 1: a place of understanding or compromise.

752
00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:37,080
Speaker 2: This is not me combating you.

753
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:41,000
Speaker 1: This is me telling you I think differently of this,

754
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:45,440
Speaker 1: and we can continue the conversation, but it doesn't need

755
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:50,000
Speaker 1: to get loud. And so there has to be some

756
00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 1: level of a respect, some level of understanding that people

757
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:57,680
Speaker 1: that don't agree with you aren't trying to argue with

758
00:48:57,719 --> 00:49:02,319
Speaker 1: you all the time. And also a higher decibel, a

759
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:06,560
Speaker 1: different tone don't make you right, don't make you the

760
00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:08,680
Speaker 1: winner of said argument.

761
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:10,279
Speaker 2: And so.

762
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:14,680
Speaker 1: If you are in the discord, I want you to

763
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:17,600
Speaker 1: hop in because baby, we might need to unpeel some

764
00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:20,640
Speaker 1: of the layers of the onion that you've refuse to,

765
00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:27,640
Speaker 1: you know, unpeel, because this is giving you have some

766
00:49:27,719 --> 00:49:33,960
Speaker 1: sort of trauma yourself that you're unaware of, because maybe

767
00:49:34,239 --> 00:49:39,520
Speaker 1: this is given ignorant, ignorant all around, and it's given

768
00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:41,360
Speaker 1: that you have some work to do, you have some

769
00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:45,040
Speaker 1: unlearning to do, and I want you to go in.

770
00:49:47,239 --> 00:49:47,680
Speaker 2: Look at me.

771
00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 1: Grace needs to be brought into this relationship because thinking

772
00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:57,520
Speaker 1: that someone should just be over their childhood trauma even

773
00:49:57,560 --> 00:49:59,719
Speaker 1: at the age of twenty eight, girl, I'm literally still

774
00:49:59,719 --> 00:50:03,799
Speaker 1: working through trauma that I have from childhood and even

775
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 1: things that I did in my twenties right now at

776
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:08,440
Speaker 1: thirty five years old. And girl, you know, these niggas

777
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:13,719
Speaker 1: don't mature as fast. So no expecting your boyfriend of

778
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:15,719
Speaker 1: twenty eight years old and one that you've only been

779
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:20,040
Speaker 1: with for three years to completely be over his childhood trauma. Girl,

780
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,000
Speaker 1: this might not be the person for you, And I'm

781
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:25,440
Speaker 1: just gonna say that I'm not gonna tell you to

782
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:27,279
Speaker 1: break up with him, but I think that there's a

783
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:28,440
Speaker 1: lot of work that you have to do.

784
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 2: With yourself to make this make sense truthfully.

785
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:37,920
Speaker 1: Anyways, really really excited about next week's episodes, y'all.

786
00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:39,760
Speaker 2: I am joined with a.

787
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:43,560
Speaker 1: Two parter, so you have two almost like regular episodes

788
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:45,680
Speaker 1: next week. You won't get any of the segments or

789
00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:49,160
Speaker 1: am I ignorant? But what you will get is myself.

790
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:51,319
Speaker 2: Joined with my good nigga.

791
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:54,359
Speaker 1: Joah, my homeboy Jason Lee again, who y'all are gonna

792
00:50:54,400 --> 00:50:58,520
Speaker 1: be seeing more right here, as well as Jojo Alonso

793
00:50:59,080 --> 00:51:01,719
Speaker 1: from The can Play Show over on the eighty five

794
00:51:01,760 --> 00:51:06,200
Speaker 1: Sauce Network and here on the batl on Radio, as

795
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:11,040
Speaker 1: well as Deontae Kyle. So we are diving into everything

796
00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:13,839
Speaker 1: twenty twenty five and our thoughts on what this year

797
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:17,160
Speaker 1: has meant and brought us. We are digging into politics,

798
00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:21,640
Speaker 1: pop culture, music and television and film, so you do

799
00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:22,080
Speaker 1: not want to.

800
00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:23,640
Speaker 2: Miss next week's episodes.

801
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:28,120
Speaker 1: Again, is we round out the year, baby, Let's not

802
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:30,000
Speaker 1: put too much on our braids.

803
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:33,000
Speaker 2: We want to make sure we are, you.

804
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:37,960
Speaker 1: Know, hardly working, not working harder. Maybe the year is

805
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:41,839
Speaker 1: almost up. Let the motherfuckers know you're in wrap up.

806
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:46,960
Speaker 1: It's fourth quarter, the holidays are here. The only thing

807
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:49,360
Speaker 1: we want to stress about is whether or not we

808
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:52,200
Speaker 1: have the ingredients to make the coke get though, and

809
00:51:52,239 --> 00:51:55,680
Speaker 1: what gifts we put in under them trades for them.

810
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:57,399
Speaker 2: Children that y'all got, not that I got.

811
00:51:57,440 --> 00:51:59,680
Speaker 1: I'm found about to be laying my ass out in

812
00:51:59,719 --> 00:52:01,320
Speaker 1: mother fucking curra us out for Christmas.

813
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:01,680
Speaker 2: Okay.

814
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:04,280
Speaker 1: Anyways, again, if you want to send in your letters

815
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:08,400
Speaker 1: to Selective Ignorance, send it on over to Selective Ignorance

816
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:11,399
Speaker 1: Pod at gmail dot com. Make sure you follow us

817
00:52:11,719 --> 00:52:15,279
Speaker 1: over on the Instagram. It's Selective at Selective Ignorance pod.

818
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:18,200
Speaker 1: And then again join us if you want to see

819
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:22,200
Speaker 1: the full video of this bonus episode and listen and

820
00:52:22,280 --> 00:52:26,279
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821
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Speaker 1: dollars a month. You get all of that over on Patreon.

822
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:34,520
Speaker 1: That's Patreon dot com. Backslash Selective Ignorance. Anyways, guys, thank

823
00:52:34,560 --> 00:52:36,959
Speaker 1: you so much for tuning in to yet another bonus drop.

824
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:40,280
Speaker 1: We over here give y'all all the content with Selective Ignorance.

825
00:52:40,480 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 1: I appreciate you, dearly classmates. See you guys next week.

826
00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:47,439
Speaker 2: Bye.

827
00:52:48,680 --> 00:52:52,040
Speaker 1: Selective Ignorance a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.

828
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:56,919
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829
00:52:57,040 --> 00:52:59,000
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830
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:01,400
Speaker 4: Thanks for tuning in this Selective Ignorance of Mandy B.

831
00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:04,560
Speaker 4: Selective Ignorance. It's executive produced to buy Mandy B. And

832
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:08,000
Speaker 4: it's a Full Court Media studio production with lead producers

833
00:53:08,080 --> 00:53:09,120
Speaker 4: Jason Mondriguez.

834
00:53:09,200 --> 00:53:11,360
Speaker 2: That's me and Aaron A. King Howard.

835
00:53:11,440 --> 00:53:14,400
Speaker 4: Now, do us a favor and rate, subscribe, comment, and

836
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837
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:22,320
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838
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840
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Speaker 2: Now.

841
00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:30,120
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