WEBVTT - Hitting On People At Funerals 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:04.400 Hi, everybody. Welcome to Dear Chelsea. Thanks for tuning in 0:00:04.480 --> 0:00:06.720 and listening. Do you tune in it? I don't know 0:00:06.800 --> 0:00:11.200 what goes on anymore. I have to say that I 0:00:11.240 --> 0:00:13.800 had the absolute best time playing the Santa Barbara Bowl. 0:00:13.920 --> 0:00:15.880 I want to thank everyone who was there. It was 0:00:16.079 --> 0:00:18.720 such good vibes. I had tons of friends come out, 0:00:19.239 --> 0:00:22.160 and I'm just really excited about my stand up tour. 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:25.320 So I wanted to give you guys some more stand 0:00:25.400 --> 0:00:28.840 up dates. If you live in Cincinnati, September, I'm coming 0:00:28.880 --> 0:00:31.440 to Cincinnati. If you live there, get your tickets. I'm 0:00:31.480 --> 0:00:35.200 coming to Detroit on October one. October two, I'm coming 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:40.000 to Indianapolis. That's in Indiana, and then October three I 0:00:40.000 --> 0:00:43.360 will be in Grand Rapids, Michigan. So I am coming 0:00:43.400 --> 0:00:48.920 to perform Taft Theater, Filmore Detroit, Detroit, the Murat in Indianapolis, 0:00:48.960 --> 0:00:53.519 and then Davos Performance Hall in Grand Rapids. And if 0:00:53.560 --> 0:00:55.160 you don't live in one of those cities, I'm probably 0:00:55.160 --> 0:00:57.480 coming to a city near you. I'm coming to Florida. 0:00:58.040 --> 0:01:00.880 There's a lot of action in Florida. I'm coming to Portland, Maine. 0:01:01.320 --> 0:01:06.199 I'm coming to Jacksonville, Miami, Beach St. Petersburg, going to Arizona, Reno, 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:10.559 all of my places anyway. Look for tickets at Chelsea 0:01:10.560 --> 0:01:15.720 handler dot com, ticket Master Live Nation only fans. So 0:01:16.000 --> 0:01:20.520 I am coming to you, and I hope that you 0:01:20.520 --> 0:01:22.560 guys come and see my vaccinated in Horny too are 0:01:22.600 --> 0:01:26.280 because it's so much fun and I go off. It's 0:01:26.319 --> 0:01:31.800 O G Chelsea, I am. I'm just so sick of 0:01:33.040 --> 0:01:35.679 I've been trying. I've been homeless everybody for for I'm 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:37.520 not homeless. I'm in a rental house, but I might 0:01:37.520 --> 0:01:39.440 as well be homeless because everything in this rental house 0:01:39.560 --> 0:01:41.639 was broken so many times. I just can't even believe. 0:01:41.760 --> 0:01:44.560 It's almost like I'm in a practical joke show like 0:01:44.600 --> 0:01:46.640 Girls Behaving Badly, a show that I used to be on. 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:50.160 I feel like it's pranking me. First, there was an 0:01:50.160 --> 0:01:53.040 electrical fire. I had to be taken out of the 0:01:53.080 --> 0:01:55.280 house by the l A p D. Or no, the 0:01:55.440 --> 0:01:59.200 l A Fire Department. The police were not there, thankfully 0:01:59.240 --> 0:02:02.480 because they don't like me either, and they had to 0:02:02.520 --> 0:02:04.800 basically lift me over the gate to the rental house 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:07.760 because the gate would not open or close. So I 0:02:07.760 --> 0:02:10.560 slept in a hotel for seven days. Then I came back. 0:02:10.639 --> 0:02:12.720 Then the A C broke in the house, then the 0:02:13.280 --> 0:02:16.880 oven broke, then the air conditioning broke again, and then 0:02:16.919 --> 0:02:18.840 they pulled something out of the air conditioning unit that 0:02:18.880 --> 0:02:21.240 looked like something my father would have dreury rigged together 0:02:21.440 --> 0:02:23.760 when he was a car dealer, a used car dealer. 0:02:23.919 --> 0:02:26.920 It was like duct tape, like a phone wrapped in 0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:29.720 duct tape, with styrophone stuffed in between the phone and 0:02:29.760 --> 0:02:32.440 the duct tape in the middle of the air conditioning conduit. 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:34.200 And I just looked at it, and I thought, is 0:02:34.240 --> 0:02:37.240 this my father haunting me? I am in a rental 0:02:37.240 --> 0:02:40.160 house that is tantamount to the rental house that my 0:02:40.240 --> 0:02:43.040 father used to rent on Martha's Vineyard, where he described 0:02:43.280 --> 0:02:46.320 the basement as a pie de te, Like, I am 0:02:46.360 --> 0:02:48.640 paying a large amount of money for a house that 0:02:48.680 --> 0:02:53.679 doesn't work, and the owners seem to think that they're 0:02:53.680 --> 0:02:56.880 not responsible for any of these inconveniences. So I am 0:02:56.919 --> 0:02:59.520 just like you know, and I'm at a point where 0:02:59.560 --> 0:03:03.240 obviously I'm not gonna get involved with these kinds of 0:03:03.400 --> 0:03:07.120 arguments and stuff because I just can't. It's too silly 0:03:07.280 --> 0:03:09.320 and it's too much of a waste of your time. 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:12.799 But I would like to go on the record and 0:03:12.880 --> 0:03:16.440 say that I have not cried once, and five years ago, 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:19.400 before therapy, I would have been a real basket case. 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:22.680 But I've slept without air conditioning several nights. Now I 0:03:22.760 --> 0:03:25.960 have fans that I have to turn on, and I'm thriving, 0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:28.800 you know, just waiting to get the hell out of there. 0:03:28.800 --> 0:03:30.880 So if anyone knows of another rental that I could 0:03:30.919 --> 0:03:34.880 rent in the meantime, please, I'm looking in that Greater 0:03:35.240 --> 0:03:38.000 l A area. Maybe it's time for me to move 0:03:38.040 --> 0:03:39.920 to the valley. Maybe I just give it and give up. 0:03:40.200 --> 0:03:43.160 And additionally, I had a house that I bought, but 0:03:43.240 --> 0:03:46.960 then I found out that Mulholland Drive owns like part 0:03:47.000 --> 0:03:48.920 of the land in front of the house that I bought. 0:03:50.120 --> 0:03:52.080 So I pulled out of that house as soon as 0:03:52.080 --> 0:03:54.040 I found out that at any point the city of 0:03:54.160 --> 0:03:57.960 Los Angeles could decide to widen Mulholland and my lawn 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:01.360 would be shortened. I thought. That also reminded me of 0:04:01.400 --> 0:04:03.880 my father. They have an easeman. I thought my father 0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:05.960 would buy a house with an easement like that, where 0:04:06.000 --> 0:04:08.240 you thought, you know, it's unlikely that that would happen. 0:04:08.880 --> 0:04:11.280 Maybe it isn't unlikely. It seems unlikely. It seems like 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:14.320 it would be hugely expensive to widen Mulholland. But in 0:04:14.360 --> 0:04:16.040 the event that they did decide to do that, I 0:04:16.080 --> 0:04:18.839 would just have to let that happen. Totally devalues the 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:21.760 property and the privacy. So I have no house again. 0:04:21.960 --> 0:04:25.120 So I feel like a nomad right now. I feel 0:04:25.200 --> 0:04:29.279 very like anchor rudderless, you know, without a house. But 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:32.240 I also I don't want to commit to Los Angeles. 0:04:32.320 --> 0:04:34.440 I have this I don't know. I'm going through something. 0:04:34.480 --> 0:04:38.920 Hopefully it's early menopause. And in other exciting news last 0:04:38.920 --> 0:04:41.839 week's episode where we talked about Pandemic of Love, my 0:04:41.920 --> 0:04:44.440 friend who runs Pandemic of Love. You can follow her 0:04:44.520 --> 0:04:47.599 at Mindful Skater Girl on Instagram. Her name is Shelly 0:04:47.640 --> 0:04:50.320 to Gilski, who I will have as a guest when 0:04:50.320 --> 0:04:54.120 we return for season two. For sure, we had over 0:04:54.160 --> 0:04:57.839 a thousand listeners call in to become donors at Pandemic 0:04:57.920 --> 0:05:00.960 of Love, so a thousand of you got eyes heard 0:05:01.000 --> 0:05:04.000 that and then decided to go help a stranger in 0:05:04.040 --> 0:05:06.640 the name of mutual aid. So I just want to 0:05:06.680 --> 0:05:10.360 say thank you to everybody who did that and for 0:05:10.440 --> 0:05:14.240 the people who are struggling right now and receiving mutual 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:17.800 aid from strangers and people who are kind enough to 0:05:18.279 --> 0:05:21.000 help you. You will be in a position in the 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:22.839 future where you will be able to do the same 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:25.200 for others. So it's the gift of giving, and it 0:05:25.240 --> 0:05:28.120 continues and it's a beautiful thing. And I can't wait 0:05:28.160 --> 0:05:29.800 for you guys all to meet Shelley because she's just 0:05:29.839 --> 0:05:33.240 a great friend and she's just started this incredible organization 0:05:33.279 --> 0:05:35.919 and everyone who hits me up on Instagram that I 0:05:36.000 --> 0:05:38.760 turn over to her, she has helped pay their bills. 0:05:39.160 --> 0:05:41.600 They vet everybody to make sure that they are paying 0:05:41.640 --> 0:05:44.279 the bills directly, and they're helping people in their times 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:47.080 of need. So this is important and it's a good 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:53.080 reminder about humanity. And then not everybody's a fucking asshole. Okay, Okay, anyway, 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:55.839 what do we do now, Brandon? Okay, So this is 0:05:55.839 --> 0:05:58.640 pasting future. So these are questions people have about past 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:03.040 issues or upcome events. So one of them is a 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:06.880 question about a new job. Someone who is cautious about 0:06:06.880 --> 0:06:09.359 releasing his memoir, someone who can stop thinking about her 0:06:09.400 --> 0:06:13.000 childhood crush. So we cover a lot of bases today 0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:15.880 and our first submission comes from Ashley. We actually have 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:18.240 a little voice note from her. She's twenty nine out 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:22.240 of Houston. She's a teacher, so let's play her voice memo. 0:06:23.080 --> 0:06:25.919 Hi there. I'm Ashley, a twenty nine year old teacher 0:06:25.960 --> 0:06:28.280 in Houston, and I'm having a hard time deciding if 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:30.800 I should stay at the school i'm at or move on, 0:06:31.160 --> 0:06:33.839 maybe even try a new city. I'd give the school 0:06:33.880 --> 0:06:37.680 I work out five out of ten. Leadership is awful. However, 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:41.039 my partner teacher is my best friend and I love 0:06:41.040 --> 0:06:43.720 working with her. The thought of leaving what I know 0:06:43.920 --> 0:06:47.000 for something different gives me major anxiety, and I tend 0:06:47.120 --> 0:06:49.479 to shut down. There's a part of me that would 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:51.480 love to live in a different city and move on. 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:54.599 But what if I move and it's a worse situation. 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:56.800 Should I just be thankful for the good I have 0:06:56.920 --> 0:07:01.640 and leave it alone? Thank you? I would say that 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:06.320 if you have severe anxiety that you're already worried about 0:07:06.760 --> 0:07:09.360 that will be a result of moving into a situation 0:07:09.400 --> 0:07:12.120 that you're not going to have a clear idea about 0:07:12.160 --> 0:07:15.880 for a long time, that you might want to just 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:17.840 stay where you are. You've got a best friend, that 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:19.800 you love working with. That's a lot more than a 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:22.800 lot of people have. And if she's a teacher, right, 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:25.560 and if you are a teacher and there's poor leadership 0:07:25.640 --> 0:07:27.920 where you're teaching, I would say that they need you 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:30.920 even more if you love your job and what you do. 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:33.040 If it's a five out of a ten, you know, 0:07:33.120 --> 0:07:35.480 maybe you and your friend can make that school six 0:07:35.480 --> 0:07:37.680 out of a ten instead of a five out of ten. Like, 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:41.680 you have so much more influence than you even realize, 0:07:41.920 --> 0:07:44.560 And so I wouldn't quit on the school because of 0:07:44.600 --> 0:07:46.640 the leadership. I would use that as a reason to 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:49.560 stay at the school because of the board leadership. What 0:07:49.640 --> 0:07:52.040 do you think, sweetheart? I agree. I think that if 0:07:52.080 --> 0:07:53.880 you do want to leave, it's always best to have 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:56.840 some sort of game plan in place. So if there 0:07:56.920 --> 0:07:59.120 is a catalyst for you moving, like you really just 0:07:59.160 --> 0:08:01.160 want to live in a new city, I can understand 0:08:01.160 --> 0:08:03.679 that if you have things kind of set in place, 0:08:03.720 --> 0:08:05.920 like you know, you've mentioned that you have a partner 0:08:05.960 --> 0:08:08.600 teacher that you love working with, that you are happy 0:08:08.640 --> 0:08:13.320 outside of the leadership that you're getting at the school, 0:08:13.600 --> 0:08:16.000 then that should be more reason, as Chelsea said, for 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:19.600 you to invest in the school and make the change 0:08:19.600 --> 0:08:22.120 you want to see. I think if you're having anxiety, 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:24.080 like if you need a guarantee that you're gonna love 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:25.920 the city you're going to move to, and that you're 0:08:25.920 --> 0:08:27.720 going to find a new best friend and you're gonna 0:08:27.760 --> 0:08:29.640 find with all these things. If you need that to 0:08:29.680 --> 0:08:31.960 be guaranteed in order to make the move, then don't 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:34.200 make the move. Like you have to be open to 0:08:34.240 --> 0:08:36.560 that maybe not working out and then maybe you go 0:08:36.600 --> 0:08:39.360 to a different city. You kind of have to have 0:08:39.480 --> 0:08:43.640 a different kind of attitude and a different set of anxiety, right, totally. 0:08:43.760 --> 0:08:46.520 So yeah, I think you should probably stay what is 0:08:46.559 --> 0:08:48.720 her name against Ashley. I think you should stay put 0:08:48.760 --> 0:08:52.000 Ashley and continue to build your community and build a 0:08:52.000 --> 0:08:54.840 school that you're in and just be a fucking badass 0:08:54.880 --> 0:08:58.480 example for all your students and help them be better too. 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:01.360 That's that I feel like I need a protein shake. 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:04.160 I felt like that was a protein shake. Would you 0:09:04.160 --> 0:09:06.640 like one of my meat six that you please don't 0:09:06.679 --> 0:09:09.520 open the meat sticks inside the podcast studio. I haven't 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:11.240 eat it before it came into We have to find 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:13.040 a house where we can build where we can have 0:09:13.080 --> 0:09:17.240 a room as a podcast studio because the studio we're 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:21.679 working out of. It's very sterile, and it's in the valley. Yeah, 0:09:21.760 --> 0:09:24.360 you don't love the valley. I don't mind the valley. Actually, 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:26.640 I have to say, this is a very short jaunt 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:29.480 and it's very easy to come here, so I don't 0:09:29.480 --> 0:09:31.720 mind the valley. It's better than going to Beverly Hills. 0:09:31.960 --> 0:09:34.840 Beverly Hills is the worst, and it's way better than 0:09:34.840 --> 0:09:38.360 when we have to drive over to Hollywood. Oh well, yeah, 0:09:38.480 --> 0:09:40.960 that was the worst. Hollywood is a bit it's just 0:09:41.040 --> 0:09:43.760 a bit dirty. It's it's very dirty. Olive l A 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:48.400 is getting very dirty. Honestly, it's alarming. Okay, we're going 0:09:48.480 --> 0:09:50.640 to take a break for a quick at and we'll 0:09:50.679 --> 0:09:54.800 be right back. Our next mission comes from Oh this 0:09:54.840 --> 0:09:57.280 is an interesting name, truf um t r E f 0:09:57.400 --> 0:10:01.120 o M. He's on the East Coast. He's a writer, 0:10:01.640 --> 0:10:04.640 and he says, Dear Chelsea, life will be the death 0:10:04.640 --> 0:10:06.280 of Me was so excellent that it moved me to 0:10:06.360 --> 0:10:08.760 finally write the memoir that I have been rattling around 0:10:08.760 --> 0:10:11.319 in my brain for many years. The challenges that it's 0:10:11.320 --> 0:10:13.640 pretty unflattering to my mother and one of my sisters. 0:10:13.640 --> 0:10:16.280 Do I go ahead with it. I'm even using a pseudonym. 0:10:16.440 --> 0:10:19.000 But I'm still unsure. My mother has dementia, so she'll 0:10:19.000 --> 0:10:22.360 likely never be offended, but my sister certainly will. She 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:24.680 hasn't spoken to me more than six years. I have 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:28.120 no idea why I'm guessing I'm an asshole or something. Well, 0:10:28.160 --> 0:10:30.400 it's good to self assess in that in that way, 0:10:30.880 --> 0:10:34.720 he goes on to say, But but in the final analysis, 0:10:34.760 --> 0:10:36.920 she sucked me over pretty good when we were kids, 0:10:37.200 --> 0:10:39.440 So should I even care what she thinks about the memoir? 0:10:39.720 --> 0:10:41.800 P s. I'm not just some winker who thinks I 0:10:41.800 --> 0:10:44.280 can write a memoir. I'm a professional writer with more 0:10:44.280 --> 0:10:47.840 than thirty years of experience. And he's on the phone. Hi, 0:10:47.960 --> 0:10:51.679 Cheff Chaffam cheff M. Yeah, So Traffam's my pen name, 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:54.480 Truff Markoff. It's actually my great grandfather's name. He was 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:56.679 a Russian immigrant. Okay, I was going to say, that's 0:10:56.720 --> 0:10:59.120 not a name I've ever heard. So, but if you've 0:10:59.160 --> 0:11:01.480 been working with the name, okay, got it? Russian? Okay, 0:11:01.520 --> 0:11:04.920 that's why I haven't heard it. So why doesn't your 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:08.520 sister talk to you? Chelsea? I wish I knew, I 0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:11.720 really wish I knew so about seven or so years ago. 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:15.960 She just kind of turned me off, didn't respond to emails, 0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:19.640 text phone calls. I wanted to reach out, I mean, 0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:21.920 I tried to several times over the course of the 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:25.200 first I don't know, like two or three years, and 0:11:25.200 --> 0:11:27.880 I never got a response. So eventually, you know, I 0:11:27.920 --> 0:11:30.680 just started feeling got chumped, and I thought, I'm done 0:11:30.679 --> 0:11:32.959 with this. If she doesn't want me in her life, 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:34.840 I'm done with this. But is there anything that could 0:11:34.880 --> 0:11:37.560 have happened that you think might be the reason why 0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:40.240 she's not speaking to you. I mean, I guess there's 0:11:40.280 --> 0:11:44.199 no single incident I think that stands out in my mind. 0:11:44.679 --> 0:11:46.560 She's always been very jealous of the fact that I 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:49.400 have a good relationship with my in laws, and things are, 0:11:49.920 --> 0:11:53.920 you know, oftentimes strained with my own family of origin, 0:11:54.160 --> 0:11:58.160 you know, mostly her and my mother. But a particular 0:11:58.200 --> 0:12:02.160 incident I don't know, and this goes October two was 0:12:02.200 --> 0:12:04.560 the last I heard from her. And do you have 0:12:04.600 --> 0:12:07.720 other siblings? I do. I have a younger sister and 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:10.920 a younger brother. Relationship is good with both of them. 0:12:10.960 --> 0:12:15.240 My mother is eighty and she's dealing with pretty fair 0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:18.959 amount of dementia, even though she doesn't admit that. Okay, 0:12:19.080 --> 0:12:25.440 well most people with dementia don't right anyway, So sorry 0:12:25.480 --> 0:12:30.840 we topic. Okay, but wait, I'm not done with your siblings. 0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:32.800 So that you are other two siblings that you do 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:35.280 have a healthy relationship with. Do they talk to your 0:12:35.320 --> 0:12:41.920 sister not in a healthy way? You know, there's there's 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:45.120 things that they have to do and discuss in relation 0:12:45.240 --> 0:12:48.160 to taking care of our mother. But you know it's 0:12:48.160 --> 0:12:49.960 not like you know, me and my younger brother and 0:12:50.000 --> 0:12:54.640 my younger sister, we actually get along. We have good relationships. 0:12:55.040 --> 0:12:57.960 They are a few years younger. So the deal with 0:12:58.000 --> 0:13:00.560 my older sister is that we're only eleven months apart. 0:13:00.679 --> 0:13:02.560 We were born in the same calendar year. She in 0:13:02.640 --> 0:13:06.000 January and I had December, so we were basically raised 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:11.040 together and the dynamic hasn't changed from when we were kids. 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:15.400 She is a professional judger. She judges, that's what she does. 0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:18.719 And so my you know, my entire childhood growing up 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:23.400 with her was her judging everything I did, everything I said, 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:27.199 everything that meant something to me, my friends, my girlfriends, 0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:31.319 and so she carried that over into our adult lives. 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:35.160 She just you know, never stopped being that person, and 0:13:35.760 --> 0:13:38.520 so now the memories that I have of my childhood 0:13:38.520 --> 0:13:42.560 are kind of veiled with a shroud of her judgment, 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:46.160 of like in her voice. So you know, it's had 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:49.640 that kind of a of a profound impact on me, 0:13:49.679 --> 0:13:51.800 to the point where now that I'm I'm writing a 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:56.120 manuscript about my younger years, what do I do with that? 0:13:56.400 --> 0:13:58.920 You know? Am I brutally honest about the way this 0:13:59.040 --> 0:14:03.040 affected me? Or do I be the kinder person and 0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:06.000 temper what I write without the brutal honesty. And I 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:10.760 was profoundly moved by Life will be the Death of Me, Chelsea. 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:12.960 So and that's kind of inspired me. I've been a 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:14.880 professional writer for so many years. This is the first 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:17.880 time I'm actually writing something about me, and it's because 0:14:17.880 --> 0:14:21.520 of your book. Oh wow, well thank you. Okay, So 0:14:21.720 --> 0:14:24.200 you're you're describing the dynamic between you and your sister, 0:14:24.280 --> 0:14:27.800 and you're describing her behavior. Can I ask you about 0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:30.680 your own behavior in relation to your sister, Like, how 0:14:30.720 --> 0:14:33.920 did you what's your part in that? I'm the younger one, 0:14:33.960 --> 0:14:36.480 I'm eleven months younger, So when we were kids, you know, 0:14:36.600 --> 0:14:39.520 she got to experience everything before I did, and so 0:14:39.760 --> 0:14:44.640 I tried to, I guess, you know, have that to 0:14:44.720 --> 0:14:47.840 look up to, but it never really worked out. And 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:51.720 then by the time we were teenagers, and then you know, 0:14:51.760 --> 0:14:54.720 in our younger twenties, I want to say, I was 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:57.280 maybe twenty or twenty one when our when our father 0:14:57.400 --> 0:15:01.760 died so young, the dynamics changed even more so where 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:04.960 I was taking care of the house and trying to 0:15:05.000 --> 0:15:08.880 put myself through college, and I was immediately thrust into adulthood, 0:15:09.440 --> 0:15:11.880 but there was I don't think she had the same 0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:16.200 kind of inclination to do that. So that kind of 0:15:16.240 --> 0:15:18.720 set the pace for us in terms of what we 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:21.040 were going to be like as adults. And I always 0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:24.160 wanted an older sister. I have a younger sister, a 0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:27.680 younger brother. I wanted a healthy family dynamic. My wife's 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:30.440 family is a good example of that. It just it's 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:32.080 an apple and an orange, though it was just never 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:34.680 the same. Yeah, yeah, but you have to really think 0:15:34.680 --> 0:15:37.400 about why she acted that way. You know, people who 0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:41.560 are judging are unhappy, and it's about looking outward rather 0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:44.480 than looking inward, right, And you have to try to 0:15:44.520 --> 0:15:47.280 remember that she's obviously coming from a very different place 0:15:47.320 --> 0:15:50.520 and have as much empathy for her as possible. So 0:15:50.680 --> 0:15:52.760 it's it's a conflict because I hear what you're saying. 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:55.080 I would always want everyone to pursue their dreams. Like 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:57.160 you writing a novel for the first time, or not 0:15:57.280 --> 0:15:59.040 a novel. You're writing your own story, right, and an 0:15:59.040 --> 0:16:02.520 autobiographical story, so you're writing that. But if you're writing 0:16:02.560 --> 0:16:05.440 under a pen name or an alias, like you know, 0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:07.200 you're going to change all that. You have to change 0:16:07.200 --> 0:16:09.680 all the real stuff anyway. Legally, when you're writing a 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:13.880 book like that, you have to make people unrecognizable and unidentifiable. 0:16:13.960 --> 0:16:16.360 So you know, you have to make your sister somebody 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:18.320 with a different name and different occupations. She lives in 0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:20.720 a different city, so there are ways to shroud that. 0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:22.400 But if she do, you know that she's going to 0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:25.320 be reading your stuff, because it sounds like she's pretty disengaged. 0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:28.520 She's very disengaged. I have no idea. I look at 0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:31.560 it this way, you know, with the decent relationships I 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:35.400 have with my other siblings, and if this does actually 0:16:35.480 --> 0:16:38.240 come to light, you know that, you know, whether it's 0:16:38.320 --> 0:16:41.360 just a personal manuscript or something that actually gets published. 0:16:42.000 --> 0:16:44.720 I find it hard to believe that it won't be 0:16:44.840 --> 0:16:46.960 revealed to her. Right, No, No, you know what. I 0:16:47.040 --> 0:16:49.160 was just reminded by something my friend said to me once, 0:16:49.200 --> 0:16:51.440 which is like, just assume everything you do is going 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:53.560 to be heard by the people that you're talking about, 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:56.720 and that's true, Like it will get back to her. 0:16:56.800 --> 0:17:00.240 Of course, again, you could write a manuscript and it 0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:02.200 could be published, or you could write a manuscript and 0:17:02.200 --> 0:17:03.840 it couldn't be published. So it's a lot of ifs, 0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:06.560 ants and butts, right, I mean, hopefully we're we're going 0:17:06.600 --> 0:17:08.480 to work under the assumption that it will be published 0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:12.360 and it will be a huge success. Excellent, Okay, So 0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:15.359 worried about hurting her feelings? Brandon, what do you think 0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:17.439 about that? While I think I think that you have 0:17:17.520 --> 0:17:20.800 to write as authentically as possible, I don't think you're 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:24.960 going to do yourself any favors by minimizing your experience 0:17:25.080 --> 0:17:28.679 because obviously it's still unsettling for you today and this 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:31.000 has been ongoing for a very long time. I think 0:17:31.080 --> 0:17:34.240 you're both in a state of arrested development and your interactions, 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:36.480 and I think that probably comes from her not getting 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:40.000 the limelight that she thought she was due as the firstborn, 0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:43.959 but tailed very closely by a brother, and my siblings 0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:46.480 and I are all thirteen months apart, so I kind 0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:49.520 of understand that dynamic where everyone was fighting to some 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:52.720 degree for the attention they thought they were owed. And 0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:54.880 it seems like she took that into adulthood and upon 0:17:54.920 --> 0:17:58.720 the death of your father, she knew the pillar she 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:01.560 was supposed to take as the l this child, but 0:18:01.680 --> 0:18:04.000 forced you into that position basically because she's like, I'm 0:18:04.040 --> 0:18:06.280 not doing this, like I didn't get my moment. I'm 0:18:06.320 --> 0:18:11.440 not responsible for this. You deal with it, and she will, 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:15.679 without doubt read the manuscript whatever it turns into. She 0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:18.719 will because she's narcissistic to some degree that again, she 0:18:18.760 --> 0:18:21.520 didn't get that moment, Like now you're writing about her, 0:18:21.560 --> 0:18:24.359 so that's really gonna like tickle her fancy in a way, 0:18:24.680 --> 0:18:27.439 even if you know it's not flattering. But again, I 0:18:27.440 --> 0:18:29.320 think that's why you have to write it authentically, and 0:18:29.359 --> 0:18:31.800 there are appropriate and respectful ways to go about that 0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:34.280 with her. You can send her a version of it 0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:36.880 before it's released, before you do anything with and say 0:18:36.920 --> 0:18:40.679 these this is my reference to our childhood. These are 0:18:40.720 --> 0:18:43.600 my memories. I understand they may not align perfectly with 0:18:43.640 --> 0:18:45.879 your experiences, but I do want you to have this. 0:18:45.920 --> 0:18:47.040 I want you to be aware. If you'd like to 0:18:47.080 --> 0:18:50.160 discuss anything before it goes out, I'm happy to do so. 0:18:50.560 --> 0:18:53.080 Like there are ways to that's a nice way of 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:55.880 going about it. Yeah, they're I think they're just respectful. 0:18:55.920 --> 0:18:58.560 Is that you have to operate in your best interest 0:18:58.640 --> 0:19:00.400 as well, and in the best way. How you would 0:19:00.400 --> 0:19:02.440 want someone to do that for you? And I don't 0:19:02.440 --> 0:19:04.720 think you do those things to spite someone else. Like, 0:19:04.760 --> 0:19:08.760 obviously you care for your sister. You know that's it's biological. 0:19:08.840 --> 0:19:11.440 You can't not care for your siblings. But I also 0:19:11.480 --> 0:19:13.639 don't think you have to prioritize how she's going to 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:18.960 feel to tell your story. Yeah, so, like I agree 0:19:18.960 --> 0:19:21.679 with that. I want this to be authentic. I wanted 0:19:21.760 --> 0:19:25.040 to be honest. These are you know, even though the 0:19:25.400 --> 0:19:28.080 names have been changed, or real stories. These are my 0:19:28.200 --> 0:19:31.040 real stories. And so you know, if I go in 0:19:31.080 --> 0:19:35.119 there and and I write dishonestly by omission, then you 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:37.639 know it's not my story anymore. That's true, And you 0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:39.639 do have every right to tell your story. And I 0:19:39.640 --> 0:19:42.040 mean listen, just by the very fact that you're contemplating 0:19:42.080 --> 0:19:45.240 it means that you're conscientious about it, which is a 0:19:45.280 --> 0:19:48.200 good sign, which means you're not an narcissist or an asshole. 0:19:48.280 --> 0:19:50.280 I mean, you might be an asshole and a narcissist, 0:19:50.280 --> 0:19:53.640 but you know, these questions aren't down that line. So 0:19:53.880 --> 0:19:56.359 again it's like you're writing under a pseudonym like I 0:19:56.400 --> 0:19:59.639 think that allows a lot of room for people to 0:19:59.640 --> 0:20:03.199 get over of themselves. But again, I think Brandon's advice 0:20:03.280 --> 0:20:06.600 is spot on for this. I think providing her with 0:20:06.640 --> 0:20:09.520 the materials beforehand so she doesn't have one more thing 0:20:09.560 --> 0:20:12.359 to say she was blindsided, you know, so she doesn't 0:20:12.400 --> 0:20:15.440 have any more ammunition against it. Be sensitive to the 0:20:15.600 --> 0:20:18.760 fact that it is your sister that she is struggling. 0:20:18.800 --> 0:20:20.879 You probably stole her thunder in a big way that 0:20:20.960 --> 0:20:23.159 you have no idea about the mere presence of you 0:20:23.240 --> 0:20:27.159 being born probably disrupted her entire flow right her, She 0:20:27.480 --> 0:20:31.320 is off. So I would say that, yeah, that that's 0:20:31.359 --> 0:20:33.600 all you can do because you can't prevent You can't 0:20:33.680 --> 0:20:36.800 let somebody else's feelings prevent you from telling your truth. Well, 0:20:36.840 --> 0:20:39.320 you know, I don't think I ever didn't believe that. 0:20:39.440 --> 0:20:41.560 I think I just needed, you know, to hear somebody 0:20:41.600 --> 0:20:44.600 say it. Yeah, Well great, I mean, problem solved sounds 0:20:44.640 --> 0:20:47.760 like good luck with your manuscript. Well, thank you. Yeah, 0:20:49.960 --> 0:20:52.000 I'm glad I didn't have to exit that zoom the 0:20:52.080 --> 0:20:56.359 interworking of sibling relationships, because you know, I've written so 0:20:56.400 --> 0:21:00.800 many books where I've exposed my siblings behavior are stunt, 0:21:00.840 --> 0:21:03.479 stand up and talked about my family in ways that 0:21:03.520 --> 0:21:06.680 has hurt them, and I've gotten in trouble and I've 0:21:06.760 --> 0:21:10.520 hurt my sister's feelings a lot, or my brothers, and 0:21:11.160 --> 0:21:13.439 you know, some of them are so insensitive that they 0:21:13.480 --> 0:21:17.960 don't care and they're just like whatever. But I was 0:21:18.080 --> 0:21:20.560 very insensitive not to run it past them because I 0:21:20.640 --> 0:21:22.720 just think you're part of my family, like you gotta 0:21:22.880 --> 0:21:25.520 you gotta suck it up, Like this is my story. 0:21:25.560 --> 0:21:27.040 I'm going to tell it. You know. Of course I'm 0:21:27.040 --> 0:21:28.719 going to tell a joke about it and stand up. 0:21:29.080 --> 0:21:30.960 But I learned that that's not the right way to 0:21:31.000 --> 0:21:33.040 go about it. So I think presenting the people with 0:21:33.119 --> 0:21:37.280 the material is really the most upright thing to do. 0:21:37.280 --> 0:21:40.800 Do you think that that reframes your stand up material 0:21:40.840 --> 0:21:42.960 as well, So not just in in the books, but 0:21:43.280 --> 0:21:45.760 when you're going to make a reference to somebody, I 0:21:45.800 --> 0:21:48.520 know you've really been thoughtful about how to tell a 0:21:48.600 --> 0:21:52.080 joke without making someone feel bad or bringing someone down. 0:21:52.720 --> 0:21:56.200 Do you think that that affects how you present your comedy. 0:21:56.720 --> 0:21:58.640 Did you think it affects your comedy being any less 0:21:58.640 --> 0:22:02.359 funny in a way? Well, I mean there's always an 0:22:02.359 --> 0:22:05.440 asshole to make fun of it, right, There's no shortage 0:22:05.440 --> 0:22:08.680 of assholes luckily. But yeah, I mean it's a good 0:22:08.880 --> 0:22:11.200 it's a good challenge to not be able to make 0:22:11.280 --> 0:22:14.240 cheap jokes. That's a good challenge for anybody. Which is 0:22:14.240 --> 0:22:16.680 a challenge I welcome. I like to be challenged. It 0:22:16.720 --> 0:22:18.600 makes people work harder. I like to be given a 0:22:18.640 --> 0:22:21.600 little structure because I'm so a structure list and so 0:22:21.720 --> 0:22:23.720 chaotic that I like when somebody says, Okay, this is 0:22:23.720 --> 0:22:25.239 the world you're going to live in. Now build a 0:22:25.240 --> 0:22:28.920 house Like, okay, great, I like this. I like this challenge. 0:22:29.320 --> 0:22:31.879 So but yeah, I have jokes that I've written that 0:22:31.920 --> 0:22:34.160 are about you know, I'm like, this is a bit 0:22:34.240 --> 0:22:35.679 that works. Is am I going to be able to 0:22:35.680 --> 0:22:38.040 tell this on a special like it's about a member 0:22:38.040 --> 0:22:40.200 of my family or it's you know, like it's gonna 0:22:40.280 --> 0:22:43.320 always get back to that. There's never any way around 0:22:43.320 --> 0:22:46.719 that for me. So, and what is your kind of 0:22:46.760 --> 0:22:48.920 spectrum now or I don't know how we would look 0:22:48.960 --> 0:22:51.440 at this, but when you are writing a joke and 0:22:52.160 --> 0:22:54.080 you think it's funny, but it might be on the 0:22:54.119 --> 0:22:56.600 threshold of like crossing a line, whether it be about 0:22:56.600 --> 0:23:01.560 a family member or just something socially or you know, well, 0:23:01.560 --> 0:23:03.000 like I want to tell I want to do this 0:23:03.080 --> 0:23:06.200 bit about, you know, just white male privilege and how 0:23:06.240 --> 0:23:09.480 even young people, you know, the guys that think their 0:23:09.520 --> 0:23:13.640 woke and progressive, are aren't, you know, And and how 0:23:13.680 --> 0:23:16.719 my nephew is woke and a liberal and very progressive, 0:23:16.880 --> 0:23:21.240 but he's still is just basking in white male privilege, 0:23:21.359 --> 0:23:24.359 basking in it, basking and it man splaining ship to 0:23:24.440 --> 0:23:26.399 me left and right, all of us, and it's like, 0:23:27.240 --> 0:23:30.679 oh my god. You know, like I remember when they 0:23:30.720 --> 0:23:33.439 stayed with me during the quarantine. I'd walk downstairs and 0:23:33.480 --> 0:23:36.280 he's just splayed out on my couch, you know, in 0:23:36.400 --> 0:23:41.680 shorts with his legs open, and I'm like, meanwhile, the girls, 0:23:41.720 --> 0:23:44.520 of which there were four of us, we're all we 0:23:44.600 --> 0:23:47.720 have our air pods in because we're sharing a house together. 0:23:48.200 --> 0:23:51.560 Nobody's sitting on the sofa spread Eagal and I want 0:23:51.600 --> 0:23:53.440 to talk about that, you know, I want to talk 0:23:53.480 --> 0:23:56.320 about how it's so inured into men's nature to take 0:23:56.400 --> 0:23:59.360 up more space and to have less regard for others. 0:23:59.720 --> 0:24:01.560 But I know my sister is gonna get pissed at 0:24:01.560 --> 0:24:04.680 me and she'll be like, can you not do that bit? 0:24:05.040 --> 0:24:07.200 Or maybe my nephew needs to hear me do that bit? 0:24:07.920 --> 0:24:09.640 Maybe you should maybe should do the bit for him 0:24:09.640 --> 0:24:11.640 and get his response. This is a great way to 0:24:11.720 --> 0:24:13.840 test and see if my sister Simone is listening to 0:24:13.880 --> 0:24:17.320 the podcast, because she's not, she'll be in touch. She 0:24:17.400 --> 0:24:19.679 can write in Actually, yeah, Simone, if you're listening, if 0:24:19.720 --> 0:24:21.680 you have any questions, you can write it. No. I mean, 0:24:21.720 --> 0:24:24.159 these are all things which obviously said to him to 0:24:24.359 --> 0:24:26.720 my nephew. But it's a thing now. It's like once 0:24:26.800 --> 0:24:31.399 you have the term to identify it, it's everywhere. Like 0:24:31.520 --> 0:24:34.120 once you realize, oh, white male privilege is a thing, 0:24:34.200 --> 0:24:38.240 it's like all you see is that, and so it 0:24:38.320 --> 0:24:40.119 becomes kind of like again, that is a little bit 0:24:40.200 --> 0:24:43.880 more thoughtful, even implied in comedy than some of these 0:24:43.880 --> 0:24:45.680 easier targets. Like there was a radio show host. I 0:24:45.720 --> 0:24:47.240 don't know if you saw this, but a radio show 0:24:47.280 --> 0:24:49.639 host I guess of a very popular show who walked 0:24:49.680 --> 0:24:51.880 off quit his show because he could not make fun 0:24:52.000 --> 0:24:56.560 of Demilovado changing their pronouns today them was his name 0:24:56.600 --> 0:24:59.720 Piers Morgan, because that sounds like fucking what peers I 0:24:59.760 --> 0:25:02.960 love walking off the show. Only a white man would 0:25:02.960 --> 0:25:05.240 walk off a show. Do you think a person of 0:25:05.240 --> 0:25:07.640 color would storm out of a show? Do you think 0:25:07.680 --> 0:25:10.520 a woman would get up and storm out of a show? 0:25:10.880 --> 0:25:13.720 Only a fucking white man? Yeah, because they know that 0:25:14.160 --> 0:25:17.480 there's going to be another opportunity person's straight white man, 0:25:18.440 --> 0:25:20.880 where that's not the case with a person of color 0:25:20.920 --> 0:25:22.800 or a woman, because they don't know if that opportunity 0:25:22.880 --> 0:25:24.919 is going to come back. But I just thought that 0:25:24.960 --> 0:25:28.800 was interesting because it was so obvious. It's so easy 0:25:28.840 --> 0:25:32.159 to make fun of some of these changes that we're seeing, 0:25:32.480 --> 0:25:34.159 because for a lot of us it's jarring. I mean 0:25:34.200 --> 0:25:36.680 even for me as a gay person, it's a little overwhelming. 0:25:36.760 --> 0:25:38.920 I actually this is a good opportunity to talk about 0:25:38.960 --> 0:25:41.120 because I was talking to my friend last night and 0:25:41.359 --> 0:25:45.080 we were talking about, you know, non binary and changing 0:25:45.080 --> 0:25:48.240 the pronouns, and so there's a pronoun where you can 0:25:48.280 --> 0:25:51.800 be she or her and then you can choose to 0:25:51.840 --> 0:25:56.320 be she and they. So what's the distinction there? Can 0:25:56.359 --> 0:25:58.479 you break that down? Okay? So one of my friends 0:25:58.520 --> 0:26:01.000 in his instagram by because now on Instagram you can 0:26:01.040 --> 0:26:07.600 program your pronouns, and his is he they and His 0:26:08.280 --> 0:26:11.480 rationale for that was, he identifies as a man, but 0:26:12.000 --> 0:26:15.439 any person can also be identified plurally. We already do 0:26:15.480 --> 0:26:18.640 it to some degree. They ran for a drink whatever. 0:26:19.040 --> 0:26:21.959 So he thought that it was more inclusive to also 0:26:22.640 --> 0:26:27.080 be able to be applied plurally than just as a singular. 0:26:27.640 --> 0:26:31.399 It's not it's not a representation of how there's a 0:26:31.560 --> 0:26:35.400 sexual identity evolved in that. It's just he they, So 0:26:35.480 --> 0:26:38.560 she and her and then she and they is just 0:26:38.800 --> 0:26:41.480 that's just it. They want to just it's more inclusive. 0:26:42.280 --> 0:26:43.760 I think, So then why don't we just do that 0:26:43.760 --> 0:26:45.760 for everything? I'm sure that's not the case for everyone. 0:26:45.880 --> 0:26:49.160 This is going to be a learning process. Everyone has 0:26:49.280 --> 0:26:51.360 a learning curve with this. Right now. My partner works 0:26:51.359 --> 0:26:55.560 in LGBT media. There are daily changes in the representation 0:26:55.880 --> 0:26:58.520 and the pronouns. There are things that are basically just 0:26:58.560 --> 0:27:02.120 sounds like zees er. Those are pronouns. You don't see 0:27:02.119 --> 0:27:06.280 them used, but that's a thing what is z Those 0:27:06.280 --> 0:27:09.960 are two pronouns, so there's there's just a plethora. I 0:27:10.000 --> 0:27:13.200 think that's like all encompassing that there's and again, all 0:27:13.280 --> 0:27:15.160 we can do is learn and accept it and just 0:27:15.320 --> 0:27:17.520 get it right. Well, let's see if we get this 0:27:17.600 --> 0:27:22.040 next advice right. This is from Sonny thirty four, Seattle. 0:27:22.280 --> 0:27:25.119 It's an alias, I'm sure, but we'll talk to Sonny. 0:27:25.359 --> 0:27:28.360 Why do you say that because it's in quotes. Yeah, well, yeah, 0:27:28.440 --> 0:27:31.200 then I would say it is an alias. She's a 0:27:31.200 --> 0:27:33.959 store manager for a luxury brand. She writes, Dear Chelsea, 0:27:34.240 --> 0:27:36.320 I enjoy the company I work for, and I also 0:27:36.359 --> 0:27:38.639 have a really tough boss. I know that if I 0:27:38.640 --> 0:27:40.439 can stick it out, there will be good opportunities on 0:27:40.480 --> 0:27:42.840 the other side. But this lady is killing me. She 0:27:42.920 --> 0:27:45.560 wants a business robot who doesn't have feelings or emotions. 0:27:46.000 --> 0:27:48.200 I've been that bitch before, and that is not who 0:27:48.200 --> 0:27:50.480 I want to be anymore. I'm stressed and exhausted all 0:27:50.520 --> 0:27:53.080 the time from trying to be myself and being bullied 0:27:53.119 --> 0:27:55.399 back into the box of who someone else thinks I 0:27:55.440 --> 0:27:58.040 should be. I've been at this company for seven years 0:27:58.160 --> 0:28:00.240 and I don't want to start over. What the fun 0:28:00.320 --> 0:28:07.160 do I do. Hi Sonny, Hello, Hi, Hi Brandon, Hi. 0:28:07.200 --> 0:28:10.040 How are you. I'm doing well. How are you all doing? 0:28:10.400 --> 0:28:13.680 We're doing well too, Thank you. So tell us about 0:28:13.720 --> 0:28:16.440 this woman that you work for. What's her story, what's 0:28:16.480 --> 0:28:20.919 the problem, what's the dynamic. Yeah, the dynamic is interesting. 0:28:21.200 --> 0:28:25.520 I have worked with this woman for about three years 0:28:25.640 --> 0:28:28.960 and only reported directly to her for the last six 0:28:29.000 --> 0:28:32.560 months or so. And she's definitely a little bit on 0:28:32.600 --> 0:28:34.960 the older side. She's been in the industry for a 0:28:34.960 --> 0:28:38.800 really long time. She's very well respected in the company, 0:28:38.840 --> 0:28:42.200 but she has a lot of those just older tendencies, right. 0:28:42.240 --> 0:28:46.640 She gets really uncomfortable when people are emotional. She gets 0:28:46.640 --> 0:28:52.040 really uncomfortable anytime people start talking about money or personal problems. 0:28:52.560 --> 0:28:55.640 So it's, you know, she's not really with the times 0:28:55.720 --> 0:28:58.040 when it comes to what people are currently kind of 0:28:58.080 --> 0:29:00.840 going through in the world. And even and I think of, 0:29:01.320 --> 0:29:03.160 you know, being a woman in the workplace and wanting 0:29:03.200 --> 0:29:06.000 to talk about some of those problems, talking about, you know, 0:29:06.040 --> 0:29:07.400 how do you make more money, how do you make 0:29:07.440 --> 0:29:11.960 network connections. She's really just cuts you off and puts 0:29:11.960 --> 0:29:14.239 you at a distance, and it's really uncomfortable with all 0:29:14.280 --> 0:29:18.720 of that. She loves a woman who is very business oriented, 0:29:18.840 --> 0:29:20.920 you know, like put on your blazer, put on your 0:29:20.920 --> 0:29:23.760 red lipstick, and let's get to work. And I just 0:29:24.040 --> 0:29:27.600 can't do that anymore. I've been that person. It's really unfulfilling, 0:29:28.320 --> 0:29:31.280 and I don't know what to do. Well, first, I mean, 0:29:31.320 --> 0:29:33.800 you say you love working there. This woman seems like 0:29:33.840 --> 0:29:36.360 she's not with the times. But I would argue that 0:29:36.440 --> 0:29:41.000 you cannot let one person control your disposition or mood. 0:29:41.520 --> 0:29:43.840 Right You're giving her way too much power. She's only 0:29:43.880 --> 0:29:47.400 your boss right now. You're only reporting to her right now. 0:29:47.800 --> 0:29:50.880 So like, there are workarounds that you can do to 0:29:50.880 --> 0:29:53.400 tolerate this woman and kind of get what you need 0:29:53.520 --> 0:29:56.400 and give her what she expects. And you have to 0:29:56.440 --> 0:29:59.280 look at this situation as temporary and all of the 0:29:59.360 --> 0:30:01.800 other pos of things around it. Like you've been there 0:30:01.840 --> 0:30:04.600 for seven years, you love the work, you just don't 0:30:04.600 --> 0:30:08.240 like her personality. That's no reason to leave a job. Yeah, 0:30:08.360 --> 0:30:11.840 for sure, I know that you're right. I also I 0:30:11.880 --> 0:30:16.080 don't know, like how long I can continue to be 0:30:16.200 --> 0:30:20.360 under the emotional duress, you know, without having more an outlet. 0:30:20.400 --> 0:30:23.120 I guess, So, how do you feel the emotional dress? 0:30:23.560 --> 0:30:26.800 I mean I'm a I lead other people, so leading 0:30:27.200 --> 0:30:30.120 other employees to being a manager, you're kind of like 0:30:30.200 --> 0:30:33.000 at that critical friction point of you know, I need 0:30:33.040 --> 0:30:34.640 you guys to take care of the customers. I need 0:30:34.680 --> 0:30:36.360 you to do these things, and I also am here 0:30:36.400 --> 0:30:38.480 to take care of you. Right, I'm their leader. I'm 0:30:38.520 --> 0:30:43.840 their boss. And anytime there's something that we need to 0:30:43.840 --> 0:30:45.800 work through as a team or a problem, and I 0:30:45.840 --> 0:30:48.320 want to work through it with my leader, you can't 0:30:48.360 --> 0:30:50.800 bring that emotion into it. It has to be one 0:30:51.640 --> 0:30:54.440 about the business and when you're working with people, when 0:30:54.440 --> 0:30:57.440 your whole job is to take care of people, to 0:30:57.560 --> 0:31:01.560 not have that same mentality for your self. That's what 0:31:01.640 --> 0:31:04.600 I find. Really it's grinding where it's like I'm giving 0:31:04.640 --> 0:31:07.320 a lot for my team and I I would hope 0:31:07.360 --> 0:31:10.240 that I would have someone who is doing the same 0:31:10.280 --> 0:31:13.360 thing for me. And it's hard to just pretend like 0:31:13.440 --> 0:31:17.400 everything is fine all the time. Okay, well, but you 0:31:17.480 --> 0:31:19.800 seem to be going to an empty well for water, right, 0:31:19.840 --> 0:31:22.160 you seem to need emotional support, yet you're going to 0:31:22.200 --> 0:31:24.840 somebody who's not equipped to give it to you. Yeah, 0:31:24.880 --> 0:31:28.800 you're definitely right. So can you get that emotional support elsewhere? Like, 0:31:28.920 --> 0:31:31.800 can you go to a therapist and get an emotional support? 0:31:31.880 --> 0:31:33.480 Are you in a position where you can afford to 0:31:33.480 --> 0:31:37.360 go to therapy? I can afford to go to therapy. Yes, 0:31:37.480 --> 0:31:41.320 that is definitely something that I am actively doing and 0:31:41.360 --> 0:31:45.160 will continue to do. So you're in therapy, yes, I have, Well, 0:31:45.200 --> 0:31:47.160 I see a stress coach. So I'm seeing a coach, 0:31:48.040 --> 0:31:53.440 which is helpful, helpful to have tools and some active resources, 0:31:53.680 --> 0:31:56.000 but it doesn't really alleviate the fact that you're being 0:31:56.040 --> 0:32:00.960 stifled emotionally at work for sure. Yeah, ups at home, right, 0:32:00.960 --> 0:32:04.080 it helps when I leave work and walk away from it. 0:32:04.520 --> 0:32:07.040 What are your thoughts about her, like who's senior to her? 0:32:07.200 --> 0:32:09.200 Like is there a scenario that you would have a 0:32:09.200 --> 0:32:14.880 conversation with someone that's supervising her about this dynamic? Definitely, 0:32:15.120 --> 0:32:18.880 and that has happened. So I did have a skip 0:32:19.000 --> 0:32:23.200 level with him earlier this year, and he said, on 0:32:23.200 --> 0:32:25.640 one hand, I know there's a place for you in 0:32:25.640 --> 0:32:27.640 this company. I know that there's a place for people 0:32:27.680 --> 0:32:30.040 who want to come to work and be wholehearted and 0:32:30.080 --> 0:32:32.760 take good care of the employees and take care of customers. 0:32:33.760 --> 0:32:37.320 And you have to understand that she is the way 0:32:37.320 --> 0:32:40.920 that she is, and so it's now like this culture 0:32:41.320 --> 0:32:43.840 that this is her behavior. I'm not the only person 0:32:43.840 --> 0:32:46.760 who experiences it, and so I have to deal with it, 0:32:46.800 --> 0:32:50.720 and it's like you have to suck it up, right, Well, 0:32:50.840 --> 0:32:52.880 I would say the same thing. I think you're need. 0:32:52.920 --> 0:32:55.040 You're going to need to get that emotional support that 0:32:55.080 --> 0:32:57.400 you're looking for from someone else, and whether that's a 0:32:57.440 --> 0:33:01.400 girlfriend or whether that's like a partner or a relative, 0:33:01.520 --> 0:33:05.600 a sister, brother, or a therapist. I think you do 0:33:05.720 --> 0:33:07.480 have to kind of accept people for who they are 0:33:07.520 --> 0:33:10.440 and stop expecting them to fulfill Even though we're living 0:33:10.440 --> 0:33:13.040 at a different time and times are changing, people are 0:33:13.040 --> 0:33:15.520 not fucking caught up. They do not get the message, 0:33:15.760 --> 0:33:18.320 and people are stuck in their ways. And you can 0:33:18.360 --> 0:33:20.520 have empathy for her and sympathy for her, you don't 0:33:20.560 --> 0:33:21.960 have to act on that. You don't have to show 0:33:22.000 --> 0:33:23.880 up for her in any of those ways. You just 0:33:23.920 --> 0:33:26.040 have to take care of yourself and you cannot look 0:33:26.080 --> 0:33:28.800 for her to do it. So I really would suggest 0:33:28.840 --> 0:33:31.720 that you find that kind of outlet for yourself, because 0:33:31.760 --> 0:33:34.080 you're taking care of yourself in a way that's going 0:33:34.120 --> 0:33:36.840 to make you understand that she is just a pawn. 0:33:37.360 --> 0:33:39.840 In this game of life. And if she's not worth 0:33:39.960 --> 0:33:43.520 you leaving a company over where you enjoy your position, 0:33:43.920 --> 0:33:47.080 she will be gone at some point and hopefully you 0:33:47.120 --> 0:33:49.720 will remain there and you will be in a different position, 0:33:50.040 --> 0:33:52.280 or you'll be in her position. I mean, yeah, that 0:33:52.320 --> 0:33:55.280 would be the dream. Yeah, So I think, imagine leaving 0:33:55.320 --> 0:33:57.760 because of her. I mean, what does that say she 0:33:57.840 --> 0:34:00.560 has that much power over you? Well, I also think 0:34:00.600 --> 0:34:02.680 what it would do for like the next person who 0:34:02.720 --> 0:34:04.160 has to report to her or the rest of the 0:34:04.160 --> 0:34:06.560 people on my team. It's like, at least now they 0:34:06.600 --> 0:34:08.600 have me and they can report to me, and I 0:34:08.640 --> 0:34:10.719 care about them and I take the time for them. 0:34:10.800 --> 0:34:12.680 And it's like if they had to report directly to her, 0:34:13.200 --> 0:34:15.600 would just be turned into burning. So I think, yeah, 0:34:15.800 --> 0:34:18.600 very good, Yeah, good to be that person put the 0:34:18.640 --> 0:34:20.959 people on my team. And no, you're totally right, it's 0:34:21.040 --> 0:34:24.759 totally temporary. Yeah, she's not gonna be around forever. And 0:34:24.840 --> 0:34:26.560 you know you're not gonna be at this job forever. 0:34:26.600 --> 0:34:28.920 But as while you like it and while you enjoy it, 0:34:29.239 --> 0:34:31.680 you need to like look at her as a like 0:34:31.800 --> 0:34:33.880 a project in your mind, and you are going to 0:34:34.040 --> 0:34:36.880 handle her the way she handles you, you know what 0:34:36.920 --> 0:34:40.600 I mean, that's a special case that needs kid gloves. 0:34:40.680 --> 0:34:42.799 And this is the personality I put on when I 0:34:42.840 --> 0:34:44.520 have to report to her because I'm going to play 0:34:44.560 --> 0:34:47.080 her game better than she's going to play it. And 0:34:47.160 --> 0:34:48.799 you know, she's not even playing a game. She's just 0:34:48.880 --> 0:34:51.560 being you know, older and not with the time. So 0:34:51.719 --> 0:34:53.680 I think that, yes, I think that's what you should do. 0:34:53.760 --> 0:34:56.240 You should really just get ahead of this. You're letting 0:34:56.239 --> 0:34:59.360 her control you and you can control the situation. Yeah, 0:34:59.520 --> 0:35:03.120 for sure. Yeah, you're right. Thank you. Any other advice 0:35:03.239 --> 0:35:06.200 for a woman in the working world and carving out 0:35:06.200 --> 0:35:10.399 their own path, that's something that you excel at. Chelsea. Oh, 0:35:10.440 --> 0:35:12.319 I thought you were talking to Brandon. I am a 0:35:12.360 --> 0:35:15.879 woman in the working world. Listen, I understand. I've been 0:35:15.920 --> 0:35:18.799 in charge of people who wanted to emotional support for me, 0:35:18.920 --> 0:35:21.319 Like I've had people work for me and I didn't 0:35:21.360 --> 0:35:23.920 have the bandwidth. You know. I try to be there 0:35:23.920 --> 0:35:25.600 for as many people as I can, but I can 0:35:25.719 --> 0:35:28.080 also relate to her and having to deal with so 0:35:28.120 --> 0:35:30.799 many changes and having so many people come to you 0:35:30.920 --> 0:35:33.640 and and not being equipped to, you know, have people 0:35:33.640 --> 0:35:36.719 emotionally lean on you. So I can kind of see that, 0:35:36.760 --> 0:35:39.040 But I would just say to be the example that 0:35:39.080 --> 0:35:41.080 you want to see. You know you want to It's 0:35:41.120 --> 0:35:43.399 like being the change you want to see. You can 0:35:43.440 --> 0:35:46.600 only model what you want to portray. And the best 0:35:46.760 --> 0:35:49.920 version of yourself is is not to look at certain 0:35:49.920 --> 0:35:52.000 people like, oh, they don't get it, they don't understand me. 0:35:52.000 --> 0:35:55.000 It's like every personality is handled in a little bit 0:35:55.040 --> 0:35:57.160 of a different way. You have to handle people a 0:35:57.200 --> 0:36:00.319 little bit differently, and that's a fun challenge if you 0:36:00.320 --> 0:36:02.480 look at it like that, you know, because then you 0:36:02.520 --> 0:36:04.960 can get to her in different ways, and who knows 0:36:05.000 --> 0:36:07.240 what kind of relationship you can create when you stop 0:36:07.320 --> 0:36:09.600 resisting the fact that she's not on the same page 0:36:09.640 --> 0:36:12.640 as you and look for other commonalities between the two 0:36:12.640 --> 0:36:15.799 of you. Yeah, and model the change. I love that 0:36:15.840 --> 0:36:17.400 you said that. It's like, who knows what's going to 0:36:17.440 --> 0:36:20.839 happen if I can do me and be myself and 0:36:20.880 --> 0:36:23.960 like work around her instead, right, Like, and you can 0:36:24.040 --> 0:36:26.439 do that, You can totally do that. My friend isn't 0:36:26.440 --> 0:36:28.640 a job where she has a bunch of people reporting 0:36:28.680 --> 0:36:31.239 to her, and she has one woman that reports to 0:36:31.280 --> 0:36:34.960 her that complained about her, and she was like, oh 0:36:34.960 --> 0:36:37.759 my god, you don't understand how much time and how 0:36:37.840 --> 0:36:40.560 much effort I've spent with this girl, and I've sat 0:36:40.640 --> 0:36:43.359 with her and she's failed to complain about me, and 0:36:43.400 --> 0:36:46.440 it's like, you know, there's like so much there's like 0:36:46.480 --> 0:36:49.359 this huge chasm between them now because they're just both 0:36:49.400 --> 0:36:51.680 not on the same page at all. So, I mean, 0:36:51.719 --> 0:36:54.560 it's not uncommon. It's happening all over. It's just like, 0:36:54.800 --> 0:36:57.040 aren't you smart enough to figure out a way around that? 0:36:57.160 --> 0:36:59.759 I think so? I think you're right. Yeah, all right, 0:36:59.800 --> 0:37:02.719 Well problem solves, Sonny. There you go, good luck, Thank 0:37:02.760 --> 0:37:06.319 you so much, Bye, Sonny, thanks for calling. Appreciate the time. 0:37:06.560 --> 0:37:15.080 By Chelsea by Brandon, Bye bye bye. Oh god, must 0:37:15.120 --> 0:37:18.960 working retail? I do not, Oh god, that would just 0:37:19.160 --> 0:37:22.479 be that must be so catty. Although women are learning 0:37:22.480 --> 0:37:25.160 to be kinder and gentler to each other, people just 0:37:25.239 --> 0:37:28.040 need to learn to be kinder and gentler. Well, women, 0:37:28.520 --> 0:37:30.920 women have been pitted against each other, and you know 0:37:31.000 --> 0:37:34.480 they're they're pitted against each other because of of our culture. 0:37:34.520 --> 0:37:36.120 And women need to know like we're all on the 0:37:36.160 --> 0:37:38.080 same team, Like you've got to look out for other 0:37:38.120 --> 0:37:40.560 women always, always, always. Yeah, that is something else I 0:37:40.600 --> 0:37:44.520 was thinking about the other day was how these younger 0:37:44.560 --> 0:37:46.799 stars show up for each other in a way that 0:37:46.840 --> 0:37:48.920 like Whitney Houston and Mariah Kerry did not. This is 0:37:48.920 --> 0:37:52.279 a very gay reference, but there's like they now see 0:37:52.320 --> 0:37:55.520 through all of that bullshit, all of the background noise, like, well, 0:37:55.560 --> 0:37:58.360 there can only be one of you. That's not true. Obviously, 0:37:58.520 --> 0:38:01.120 it's been proven time and time and end. So all 0:38:01.239 --> 0:38:03.440 these women like Taylor Swift and Katy Perry realized like, 0:38:03.440 --> 0:38:05.360 oh what, we don't need to have the sort of 0:38:05.440 --> 0:38:07.480 dynamic like we can support each other even if we 0:38:07.520 --> 0:38:09.920 aren't best friends. But that's that's not the narrative we 0:38:09.960 --> 0:38:12.480 need created for us. How are these girls supporting each 0:38:12.480 --> 0:38:14.719 other more? Now? They just show up, They're doing music 0:38:14.800 --> 0:38:17.239 videos together, you know, there's they're coming out for each 0:38:17.239 --> 0:38:20.120 other's projects, and there was I saw something recently that 0:38:20.200 --> 0:38:24.280 it was Maria Kerry had Jennifer Hudson and Ariana Grande 0:38:24.360 --> 0:38:27.080 on one of her Christmas songs, which was a huge deal, 0:38:27.160 --> 0:38:29.200 Like she's never done this before, She's never had someone 0:38:29.200 --> 0:38:32.640 of Ariana's caliber singing with her, and just for so long, 0:38:32.800 --> 0:38:35.279 like you're saying, women were positioned like you are the 0:38:35.320 --> 0:38:37.400 only one. You are the best. You can't allow anyone 0:38:37.400 --> 0:38:39.520 else to come in. And you know she had to 0:38:39.520 --> 0:38:40.920 get with the times to and be like, oh, I 0:38:40.960 --> 0:38:43.600 can't operate that way. Like we need to be supporting 0:38:43.600 --> 0:38:47.440 each other, we need to be leveraging one another. So 0:38:47.520 --> 0:38:49.759 that is nice to see that women are stepping out 0:38:49.800 --> 0:38:52.759 and yeah, that's the way it should be what men 0:38:52.800 --> 0:38:55.440 want them to do. Okay, So speaking of what men 0:38:55.480 --> 0:38:59.239 would like us to do, let's take a break in 0:38:59.320 --> 0:39:01.759 terms of you know, the memoir writing and offending your 0:39:01.800 --> 0:39:04.359 family member. I mean, I'm already doing that again, you know, 0:39:04.400 --> 0:39:06.920 as I mentioned earlier, I'm doing it in stand up. 0:39:06.920 --> 0:39:09.400 I'm talking about living with my nephew. I told him 0:39:09.440 --> 0:39:11.560 when I saw him on Nantucket, like, hey, you're in 0:39:11.640 --> 0:39:15.920 my set. He's like okay, So you know, I'm not 0:39:16.120 --> 0:39:18.160 the best person to give advice on that topic, which 0:39:18.200 --> 0:39:21.920 I would like to reiterate, Brandon. Our last mission comes 0:39:22.000 --> 0:39:27.080 from I think Laura. Yeah, good to Laura, she writes 0:39:27.120 --> 0:39:28.920 your Chelsea. When I was born, my mom was a 0:39:29.000 --> 0:39:31.719 nanny for an old, rich family that owned a large 0:39:31.800 --> 0:39:34.239 estate which we lived on every day or most days. 0:39:34.239 --> 0:39:36.840 My mom looked after two boys and me until we 0:39:36.920 --> 0:39:39.120 moved away. When I was eleven and didn't keep in touch. 0:39:39.239 --> 0:39:41.759 Fast forward, I'm now forty nine. I started dreaming about 0:39:41.800 --> 0:39:44.759 the youngest boy who I was besotted. What does that 0:39:44.800 --> 0:39:49.759 word besotted means? To have a to be taken by 0:39:49.800 --> 0:39:54.080 somebody like a crush. Okay, I'm gonna incorporate. I was 0:39:54.120 --> 0:39:57.359 besotted seven or eight years ago. I started daydreaming about 0:39:57.400 --> 0:40:00.160 meeting him, and then one day his dad died and 0:40:00.200 --> 0:40:03.680 my mom went to his funeral. We went in for 0:40:03.719 --> 0:40:05.640 a quick coug He gave me eye contact in a 0:40:05.719 --> 0:40:07.719 nervous way, and we hardly spoke. I cried all the 0:40:07.760 --> 0:40:10.040 way home. My mom was really concerned, and then I 0:40:10.080 --> 0:40:12.919 went into an emotional depression for weeks. I know he's 0:40:12.960 --> 0:40:15.200 married with three children. His wife looks a bit like me, 0:40:15.239 --> 0:40:18.959 so that made me smile. Let me just keep going. 0:40:19.040 --> 0:40:22.200 I emailed him once, but he never spent responded. My 0:40:22.280 --> 0:40:25.080 mom died a few weeks ago and my mom called 0:40:25.160 --> 0:40:29.720 him and he never replied. But from the other side 0:40:30.120 --> 0:40:33.080 read Laurelan Jackson's book, You'll know but his brother always 0:40:33.160 --> 0:40:35.239 keeps in contact. I have the opportunity to go to 0:40:35.280 --> 0:40:37.279 my mom's celebration party in this summer, but I don't 0:40:37.320 --> 0:40:39.320 feel like I can put myself through the rejection again. 0:40:39.360 --> 0:40:42.440 Oh my god, this is I have a really immediate 0:40:42.480 --> 0:40:44.439 response for her. My question is do I forget about 0:40:44.480 --> 0:40:45.799 him and leave him the past, or do I go 0:40:45.880 --> 0:40:47.680 to the party and trying to rekindle some sort of 0:40:47.719 --> 0:40:50.480 relationship even though I feel deep down that he doesn't 0:40:50.520 --> 0:40:52.840 want to go there. I've attached an old photo of 0:40:52.880 --> 0:40:58.600 me and him. I'm looking forward to hearing your advice. Hi, Laura, 0:40:58.760 --> 0:41:04.400 you need to move the on. He's married over. It's over. 0:41:04.719 --> 0:41:07.520 He's married right now. For he's married. For as long 0:41:07.560 --> 0:41:10.640 as he's married, there's no chance of a reconciliation, or 0:41:10.719 --> 0:41:13.680 there's no reconciliation because there never was anything to begin with. 0:41:14.120 --> 0:41:18.239 So I want to just say, like, you sound slightly delusional, 0:41:18.480 --> 0:41:23.719 and you really are letting a man who isn't seemingly 0:41:23.840 --> 0:41:26.799 interested in you have way too much control over you, 0:41:27.360 --> 0:41:30.040 Like you're stronger than that, and you can find somebody 0:41:30.080 --> 0:41:33.160 else and not focus all of your attention on a 0:41:33.280 --> 0:41:36.239 childhood crush, because that's all it was. You had a 0:41:36.320 --> 0:41:39.600 childhood crush. We've all had them, and then we grow 0:41:39.680 --> 0:41:43.920 up and they're over, and yours is over. So you 0:41:44.000 --> 0:41:47.080 have to listen to the fact that this is not 0:41:47.880 --> 0:41:50.919 not healthy. Not healthy, honey, sorry to call you honey. 0:41:50.920 --> 0:41:53.719 I don't want to be patronizing or condescending. I want 0:41:53.760 --> 0:41:56.719 I'm just trying to be loving, like you're better than this. 0:41:56.719 --> 0:41:58.920 This is not who you are or who you want 0:41:58.960 --> 0:42:02.239 to be. This is just something old that you kind 0:42:02.239 --> 0:42:04.200 of need to I think it will be a great 0:42:04.600 --> 0:42:07.480 sense of closure. Yes, you need to go to his 0:42:07.560 --> 0:42:11.719 mother's memorial celebration and comport yourself or her celebration and 0:42:12.280 --> 0:42:15.239 however you guys are calling it, so yeah, does she 0:42:15.320 --> 0:42:17.520 need to go to that? No, she doesn't. He should 0:42:17.520 --> 0:42:21.279 just be making herself present and putting herself through something. Okay, So, Laura, 0:42:21.280 --> 0:42:23.960 if you can't handle going to his mother's memorial celebration 0:42:24.120 --> 0:42:26.480 and going through that and acting like an adult and 0:42:26.520 --> 0:42:29.680 actually making a new impression, because I think there's a 0:42:29.800 --> 0:42:33.680 vibe that you people understand you've had a crush on him, 0:42:33.920 --> 0:42:35.840 and I think he probably understands that you've had a 0:42:35.840 --> 0:42:38.960 crush on him, And so I wouldn't set yourself up 0:42:39.000 --> 0:42:40.640 for that unless you're going to put yourself in a 0:42:40.640 --> 0:42:43.359 situation where you can go there with your head held high. 0:42:43.440 --> 0:42:46.000 And act in a dignified way and accept that he's 0:42:46.080 --> 0:42:48.160 married and that you're not in a relationship with him, 0:42:48.560 --> 0:42:51.719 and then pay your respects to his dead mother. Well, honestly, Laura, 0:42:51.800 --> 0:42:54.160 don't go to that. You shouldn't go to that. If 0:42:54.200 --> 0:42:56.560 you want, if you want to send your condolences, send 0:42:56.560 --> 0:42:59.280 a nice arrangement or a note like making yourself present. 0:42:59.360 --> 0:43:01.200 It's going to be the stracting and it's just going 0:43:01.239 --> 0:43:04.160 to be like a cry for attention. So don't do it. Yeah, Laura, 0:43:04.239 --> 0:43:06.560 you're better than this. This is a childhood crush and 0:43:06.760 --> 0:43:09.200 those expire for a reason, just like high school ends 0:43:09.239 --> 0:43:13.239 for a fucking reason, So did childhood crushes. And also, 0:43:13.360 --> 0:43:15.799 can we please stop trying to hit on someone at 0:43:15.840 --> 0:43:19.320 a funeral, a parents funeral especially, well really any funeral. 0:43:19.920 --> 0:43:22.520 I mean, why are people thinking that that's an opportunity 0:43:22.600 --> 0:43:26.040 to hook up. I remember when my mom died, I 0:43:26.080 --> 0:43:31.120 walked into my parents bathroom and I was looking through 0:43:31.160 --> 0:43:33.399 my mom's medication to see if I wanted any of it. 0:43:34.120 --> 0:43:36.680 I was going to my mom's funeral, and I already 0:43:36.680 --> 0:43:39.080 thought that was kind of gross that I was doing that. 0:43:39.600 --> 0:43:42.200 But when I got there, my brother Roy was already 0:43:42.200 --> 0:43:44.680 in the medicine cabinet doing exactly what I was going 0:43:44.760 --> 0:43:47.080 to do, and I was like, what did you find? 0:43:47.280 --> 0:43:49.520 And he had found like a bunch of stuff, and 0:43:49.520 --> 0:43:52.680 he's like, norko, da da dada this anyway, So I 0:43:52.760 --> 0:43:55.000 then prescribed, obviously after that what my brother was going 0:43:55.080 --> 0:43:56.400 to take in what I was going to take, and 0:43:56.400 --> 0:43:58.480 then told him to get out so that I could 0:43:58.520 --> 0:44:01.840 take my Norco and peace for my mother's funeral. But 0:44:02.120 --> 0:44:04.719 I thought that was inappropriate even then, while I was 0:44:04.760 --> 0:44:07.839 in the situation, I knew that my behavior was inappropriate, 0:44:07.920 --> 0:44:10.000 but you know, it was a funeral. I'm allowed to 0:44:10.040 --> 0:44:11.919 do whatever I want to do, really when my mother dies, 0:44:12.960 --> 0:44:18.520 and this seems much more inappropriate. Hitting on someone at 0:44:18.560 --> 0:44:22.880 a funeral is such a bad move if you think 0:44:23.239 --> 0:44:27.760 it's okay to do that, because it's not. It's disrespectful 0:44:27.840 --> 0:44:30.080 to the people that have lost someone. Even if it 0:44:30.120 --> 0:44:32.000 wasn't the right time and someone was at a funeral 0:44:32.040 --> 0:44:34.319 and somebody kind of mad. Even if I thought, oh, 0:44:34.360 --> 0:44:36.759 that he's cute, but not now, if he did that, 0:44:36.800 --> 0:44:39.479 he would no longer be cute. Like what's cute about 0:44:39.480 --> 0:44:41.719 a man is a man who knows that that's inappropriate. 0:44:43.680 --> 0:44:45.680 I hate having to explain this ship all the time, 0:44:46.200 --> 0:44:47.759 you know, and then I come out like I'm the 0:44:47.800 --> 0:44:49.720 bad guy that I hate. Man, It's like, no, actually, 0:44:49.760 --> 0:44:54.200 I'm trying to help you. If you would listen. Problem solved, Laura, 0:44:54.480 --> 0:44:58.759 get a new problem actually, and I mean poor thing 0:44:59.200 --> 0:45:01.560 people struggling with child I mean, here's let me see 0:45:01.560 --> 0:45:05.320 this picture she sent. She said love to Burton Bernie. 0:45:05.360 --> 0:45:07.400 Anyone who's writing to Burton Bernice, Just so you know, 0:45:07.520 --> 0:45:09.600 Burt is with a b E r T, and then 0:45:09.640 --> 0:45:12.520 Bernie is b E r N. I c e this 0:45:13.400 --> 0:45:15.719 and you guys are also a boer and three years 0:45:15.719 --> 0:45:18.879 old in this picture. Who knows like they're not? This 0:45:18.960 --> 0:45:22.400 is a childhood photo. Okay, I don't know what to 0:45:22.440 --> 0:45:26.640 say to her. I think we've said it all. Move on, Laura, Okay, 0:45:26.719 --> 0:45:29.279 let's let's let's also move on. Well we are that 0:45:29.320 --> 0:45:31.200 was the last submission for the day. Okay, well then 0:45:31.280 --> 0:45:34.200 let's move on to Margarita's were wrapped up. You've worked 0:45:34.200 --> 0:45:38.040 to you? Oh yeah, that's right. Okay, thanks for listening, 0:45:38.040 --> 0:45:41.480 you guys. We'll be back next week. Good bye. Also, 0:45:41.640 --> 0:45:44.440 I am on tour. My tickets are officially on sale. 0:45:44.440 --> 0:45:46.520 We've added a couple of extra shows. We're going to 0:45:46.600 --> 0:45:49.680 be announcing dates as we go. You can buy tickets 0:45:49.680 --> 0:45:52.440 a ticket Master and tickets are available and I can't 0:45:52.480 --> 0:45:55.919 fucking wait. It's called vaccinated and horny, so make sure 0:45:56.320 --> 0:46:00.080 that you bring your vaccinations and your horny nous and 0:46:00.080 --> 0:46:03.320 then keep them to yourself. Please. If you want any 0:46:03.520 --> 0:46:08.759 assistance with your partner, your best friend, really anything, you 0:46:08.760 --> 0:46:11.560 can write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. 0:46:11.760 --> 0:46:15.759 Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.