1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,120 Speaker 1: Hey guys, this is a special episode of The Daily 2 00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:06,120 Speaker 1: Zeist that is absolutely nothing like any other episode of 3 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:11,440 Speaker 1: nothing daily news comedic podcast. Uh. This is something that 4 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:18,160 Speaker 1: Jamie Loftus, probably our most beloved guest and most frequent guests. 5 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:22,680 Speaker 1: At one point during one of our many seasons, let 6 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:25,760 Speaker 1: slip that she has been working on a script for 7 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:29,560 Speaker 1: a film called Santa University and it sounded awesome. Uh, 8 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:32,159 Speaker 1: so we asked her if we could give it a 9 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:35,600 Speaker 1: read for the holidays. And so you're about to hear 10 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:40,440 Speaker 1: a dry run. So without further ado, gang, I just 11 00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:42,720 Speaker 1: want to thank everyone for joining me today for the 12 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:46,160 Speaker 1: first ever table read of a preview of my five 13 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:49,240 Speaker 1: hour long future film Standing University, I've been working on 14 00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:52,559 Speaker 1: for five years as the truth. Uh. And this is 15 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: this is as far as we've gotten so far. We've 16 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:59,200 Speaker 1: got today, We've got select scene some of my faves 17 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:02,160 Speaker 1: from one of the longest movies to ever grows three 18 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:05,680 Speaker 1: billion dollars. Uh. And and so we're gonna I mean, 19 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:07,240 Speaker 1: I think should we say who we are and what 20 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:10,520 Speaker 1: we're what we're playing. My name is Jack O'Brien, and 21 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 1: I will be playing Janine and Goth Santa. My name 22 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,880 Speaker 1: is Anna host Nay and I will be playing Mike 23 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:22,360 Speaker 1: Santa and Gal Santa Santa. My name is Sophie like Jaman, 24 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:26,880 Speaker 1: I'll be playing Jill Santa, Professor Santa and Intellect Santa. 25 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,679 Speaker 1: My name is Miles Gray Uh. And today I will 26 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,240 Speaker 1: be playing the part of Dance Santa. Thank you, long 27 00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:36,840 Speaker 1: difficult casting process went into this, but this is this 28 00:01:36,959 --> 00:01:39,480 Speaker 1: is years of hard word. My name is Jamie Uh. 29 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:42,640 Speaker 1: My name is Jamie Lofis. I'm the writer, creator, director 30 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:45,880 Speaker 1: of Santa University, and I will also be playing Dean 31 00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:49,880 Speaker 1: Santa today. So let's start, shall we We shall so, 32 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:54,640 Speaker 1: without further Ado Santa University, Santa, please enjoy Santi University 33 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 1: interr Gymnasium Day. The remnants of the normal high school 34 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 1: graduation phill the gymnasis him streamers, hats and a banner 35 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:05,000 Speaker 1: that says hey, good job you guys as celebrating students 36 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,400 Speaker 1: in their families file out. Sitting in the center of 37 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,799 Speaker 1: the dispersing frenzy is Dan Santa eighteen and looks like ship. 38 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,480 Speaker 1: For some reason, Dan Santa is always wearing a Santa suit. 39 00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:16,640 Speaker 1: He holds a diploma in one hand, his head in 40 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:20,760 Speaker 1: the other. I'm such a freaking loser. Dan Santa opens 41 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 1: his diploma holder and it is a piece of scrap 42 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 1: paper that reads, you sucked, Dan Santa. I'm gonna be 43 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:30,680 Speaker 1: a diploma list version for freaking ever. Probably Dan Santa's parents, 44 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,160 Speaker 1: Jill and Mike Santa, in their fifties and very hot, 45 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:36,760 Speaker 1: approached their loser son. They look pissed. At least they 46 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:40,960 Speaker 1: let you pretend to graduate. Dance Santa. You waste. Yeah, 47 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:44,840 Speaker 1: Dan Santa, you didn't even get into your backup college lids. 48 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 1: You never believed in me. Mom and Dad, You're damn right. 49 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:52,080 Speaker 1: We didn't dance Santa. We never wanted a son who 50 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 1: was a Santa, who wanted a cool son for better yet, 51 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:59,119 Speaker 1: just give birth to money. I asked my buddy John 52 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,639 Speaker 1: at the meth lap hunting as a Burlington Co. Factory 53 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:03,880 Speaker 1: if the mall needed a Santa this year, But all 54 00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 1: he said was that he couldn't hire my failure of 55 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,640 Speaker 1: a Santa son. Then he sold me my meth Obviously, 56 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:13,120 Speaker 1: I'll figure it out. I promise, I'll deliver papers, I'll 57 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:16,640 Speaker 1: become a dancer. I just need some time. Time's up, 58 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,680 Speaker 1: Dan Santa, we need you out of the house by morning, 59 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,080 Speaker 1: you want to write your room out to clowns. We 60 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:26,160 Speaker 1: meet on Tinder oh No. Page two of the movie 61 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:30,880 Speaker 1: Santa University, and the stakes are already high. By the way, 62 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,680 Speaker 1: this came to the house for you today. Goodbye, Dan Santa. 63 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 1: We wish you were never born. Mike and Joel Santa 64 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:38,600 Speaker 1: lead the gymnasium, mumbling something about being on their way 65 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:42,000 Speaker 1: to buy some more meth. Dan Santa examines the envelope. 66 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:46,680 Speaker 1: It's labeled sensitive Jingle information within with the freaking heck. 67 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:50,200 Speaker 1: Before he can open the envelope, Janine seventeen and in 68 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:53,440 Speaker 1: a graduation gown slaps the envelope out of his hand. Hello, 69 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:58,520 Speaker 1: Dance Santa, my boyfriend for now. That is Janine. Dance 70 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:01,480 Speaker 1: Santa lead the hugger, but she uses them away. Dan Santa, 71 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 1: I'm breaking up with you, jeez, Louise. I'm going to 72 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,520 Speaker 1: Dartmouth next year, and I deserve better than you. You 73 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,840 Speaker 1: can't read and you look like shit. I'll be better, 74 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:15,200 Speaker 1: I promise. I'm sorry. I just don't believe in Santa. 75 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:20,839 Speaker 1: Dance Danta, christ big fat stupid teams the word play. 76 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:25,040 Speaker 1: But regardless, I am hurt. Good luck, Dan Santa. Maybe 77 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:30,599 Speaker 1: they're hiring it best by Janine exits. Dan Santa is shaken. 78 00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:33,560 Speaker 1: It's only page three of the movie Santa University. Yet 79 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:36,440 Speaker 1: the stakes have been rising from moment one. Surely a 80 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 1: breaking the tension is forthcoming. He looks at the envelope again. 81 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 1: Sensitive jingle information within. I don't know what jingle information 82 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 1: could be more sensitive that the jingle information within my 83 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:55,119 Speaker 1: heart that is currently broken. Dancing the envelope, it reads 84 00:04:55,160 --> 00:05:00,640 Speaker 1: an attacking funt congratulations, welcome to Santa University. Didn't apply 85 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:04,000 Speaker 1: to any Santa University. He examines the paper closely. We 86 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:07,159 Speaker 1: see the first paragraph greeting Stan Santa. We know you 87 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,760 Speaker 1: did not apply to Santa University, but regardless, we have 88 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 1: admitted you. Please show up tomorrow with everything you own 89 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,320 Speaker 1: and report to the Dean's office. Dan Santa is elated. 90 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:19,280 Speaker 1: He woo, he hollers in the now empty gymnasium. And 91 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 1: this is where a musical number would go is called. 92 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:27,400 Speaker 1: I believe in Santa, and I believe in Santa and 93 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:33,360 Speaker 1: I will go to Santa University. I'm going to Santa University. 94 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:36,600 Speaker 1: Hell yeah, A faithless voice has heard over the crackling 95 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 1: loud speaker in the gymnasium. Wow, only page four of 96 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,599 Speaker 1: the movie Santa University, and the plot is really moving. 97 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:50,200 Speaker 1: We come forward to the next day exterior Santa University 98 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,360 Speaker 1: campus day, and at this point, Jack, I'm actually gonna 99 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 1: recast you as also Dean Santa because I realized that 100 00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:02,200 Speaker 1: there's too many stage directions. They're written in block form, okay. 101 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:05,960 Speaker 1: Dan Santa wears a fresh red suit with a Santa 102 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:09,120 Speaker 1: University logo emblazoned on the front and moves through a sprawling, 103 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 1: tensel covered campus. Script note this set will need to 104 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,880 Speaker 1: be built to scale and in its entirety please set 105 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,320 Speaker 1: us had three million in the budget for this one shot. 106 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,240 Speaker 1: Dan Santa moves through a crowd of forty thou identically 107 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:26,640 Speaker 1: dressed Santa's of every race and gender, and looks deeply intimidated. 108 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:30,520 Speaker 1: Script note important that extras are hired and fitted for 109 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:34,400 Speaker 1: individual Santa suits. Suits must be real velvet. If I 110 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,520 Speaker 1: find out any corners were cut, I swear to God 111 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:40,400 Speaker 1: I'll throw my cat and no river meats or an 112 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:49,840 Speaker 1: altline campus more like Crampus Dr Dune Santa's office day. 113 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 1: Dean Santa is a gnarled, old, fucking or red suit. 114 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:57,000 Speaker 1: Maybe he was a Santa one time, but now he's 115 00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:01,120 Speaker 1: a mean old bitch within the Jeta. He's the godfather 116 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:05,000 Speaker 1: of all Santas. Dan Santa enters in a signature Santa suit, 117 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:08,559 Speaker 1: the uniform at Santa University. He's extremely nervous. You must 118 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:12,560 Speaker 1: be Dan Santa. You must be Dean Santa. You must 119 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 1: be Dan Santa, new student at Santa University. You must 120 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:21,520 Speaker 1: be Dean Santa, the dean of Santa University. Yeah, I'm 121 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:30,280 Speaker 1: fucking oh it days. I'm the dean and I'm a Santa. Also, 122 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:34,360 Speaker 1: my full name is Dean Santa. Nice uniform, fuckhead, it 123 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:38,720 Speaker 1: only came in one size, fat, yet agile Dean Santa 124 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:41,080 Speaker 1: wilds out and throws his computer at the wall. You're 125 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,560 Speaker 1: damn right, it only comes from one size. You don't 126 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:47,000 Speaker 1: know the first thing about Santa University. I didn't even 127 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:51,480 Speaker 1: apply to Santa University, Dean Santa. The letter disappeared. Santa 128 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:54,440 Speaker 1: University is a destiny, not a choice. It's like that 129 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:57,040 Speaker 1: book about the British workman who gets out of all 130 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 1: those scraps using plot magic, except way more violent. Violent. 131 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,880 Speaker 1: There's only one rule at Santa University. They can only 132 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,520 Speaker 1: be one Santa each year, but there's so many of 133 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 1: us there sure are. At the end of every year, 134 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,560 Speaker 1: only the strongest Santa lives, and all others are sent 135 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:19,040 Speaker 1: to the Santa killing field. I might die this year. 136 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,160 Speaker 1: You might die now. Stean Santa pulled out a tinsel 137 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,880 Speaker 1: covered harpoon gun and aims it at Dan Santa. Davina 138 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,880 Speaker 1: screams and cows behind his chair. Dean Santa laughs and 139 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:33,120 Speaker 1: puts the gun down, but not before you meet my 140 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:37,920 Speaker 1: lovely daughter. Get out from behind that chair, loser, Gal Santa. 141 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,760 Speaker 1: Gal Santa eighteen enters in a full Santa University red suit. 142 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 1: She looks annoyed. What Dean Santa stand and put this 143 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:50,840 Speaker 1: big meat hand onto his daughter's shoulder. This is my daughter, 144 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:55,959 Speaker 1: Gal Santa short for Galactic. No, it's not. It's just 145 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 1: indicates she has the primary female character in the movie 146 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:03,280 Speaker 1: Santa University. That's bad writing regardless. I want you to 147 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:05,880 Speaker 1: get a good look at my daughter. Dan Santa. Hi, 148 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:11,559 Speaker 1: Dan Santa, Hi, I'm Dan Santa. This is your competition. 149 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 1: Gal Santa is smart, she's hot, and she's frothen to 150 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:19,520 Speaker 1: be Sin. I am also fluent in five language. Pipe down, 151 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,960 Speaker 1: Gal Santa, we don't need to know more than three 152 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:25,120 Speaker 1: details about the female character. Gal Santa gets in Dan 153 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:29,360 Speaker 1: Santa's face, eyes narrowed. Welcome to Santa University, Dan Santa. 154 00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:32,440 Speaker 1: I look forward to competing with you, Dan Santa. LuxI Cameron, 155 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:36,719 Speaker 1: I think I'm in love as hell. I've got to 156 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:40,839 Speaker 1: go Dad, Cool Santa's waiting and Dan Santa. Yes, I'm 157 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:43,320 Speaker 1: Dan Santa and I'm wanting a kiss from you, but 158 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:45,679 Speaker 1: it is too early in the movie. Gal gives him 159 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:48,920 Speaker 1: a once over. Get a suit in your size, Dan 160 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:52,360 Speaker 1: Santa and Dean Santa sit you hear that, Gal Santa 161 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:55,960 Speaker 1: sand something sassy before leaving the room. That's great writing. 162 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,679 Speaker 1: Who's this cool santas he's going to meet? That's her 163 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,320 Speaker 1: boy friend, the coolest Santa at Santa University, and thus 164 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:05,560 Speaker 1: his name, which is cool Santa. He's captain of the 165 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:10,400 Speaker 1: jingle team. Whoa Actually, that's a fourth detail about a 166 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:14,160 Speaker 1: female character. Let's take back me saying she's smart. Here's 167 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 1: where a song would go. Uh, this is where Dean 168 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:19,120 Speaker 1: Santa would here called a song called you don't know 169 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:24,240 Speaker 1: Nothing about No Santa. You don't know nothing about No Santa. 170 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:29,800 Speaker 1: That was good. I know, I know it was so 171 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,560 Speaker 1: to be the one true Santa, I'd have to kill 172 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,840 Speaker 1: Cool Santa and your daughter, plus the forty thousand other 173 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,480 Speaker 1: Santa's we admit to Santa University every year. It's a 174 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:41,560 Speaker 1: safety school. We accept a lot of Santa's. That's not sustainable. 175 00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:45,440 Speaker 1: Dean Santa flips at table. This isn't about sustainability, Dan Santa, 176 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:50,200 Speaker 1: you flash and waist. It's about Santa. Okay, okay, I 177 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:53,800 Speaker 1: have a good first Dant Okay. We got forward to 178 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:57,960 Speaker 1: Dan Santa's first day of class. Dan Santa sits next 179 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,720 Speaker 1: to Goth Santa eighteen, his roommate, who is a Santa 180 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,320 Speaker 1: Goth and therefore a little different from the other Santas. 181 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,480 Speaker 1: At the front of the classroom is Professor Santa, who 182 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:10,760 Speaker 1: writes the words jingle class on the board and chalk. Okay, 183 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:14,960 Speaker 1: Santa's today, there are forty thousand of you come Christmas, 184 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:18,320 Speaker 1: there are only be one. Now let's learn how to 185 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:22,840 Speaker 1: jingle a fucking bell. Cool Santa eighteen and beefy hot 186 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:29,720 Speaker 1: and very cool. Laughs. Oh are cool? The bells jingle themselves. 187 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:33,160 Speaker 1: Gal Santa sits next to him and Scoff's yeah right, 188 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:36,760 Speaker 1: Cool Santa, my boyfriend into like Santa. An eighteen year 189 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:40,120 Speaker 1: old female Santa also scoffs. Just pay attention in class, 190 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,400 Speaker 1: Gal Santa, I'm sure that the real Santa will value 191 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:48,920 Speaker 1: hard work and dedication to the Santa craft. Dan Santa 192 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 1: and God Santa. Whispering in the back of the class, 193 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:53,800 Speaker 1: they pull out two small jingle bells. Goth Santa rings 194 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,320 Speaker 1: his and maybe a Goth Santa. But that doesn't mean 195 00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,600 Speaker 1: I can't ring a bell just as good as any 196 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 1: other Her Santa. You damn right, God Santa, my roommate 197 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 1: and only ally at Santa University. Thanks Dan Santa, and 198 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,920 Speaker 1: thank you for also stating our relationship to each other. 199 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,760 Speaker 1: Try bringing yours. Dan Santa shakes the jingle bell, but 200 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:17,680 Speaker 1: nothing happens. He looks around, embarrassed and tries again. Stupid 201 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:21,280 Speaker 1: bell must be broken. Professor Santa appears behind beside Dan 202 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:24,719 Speaker 1: Santa's desk. She's not just Dan Santa's bell and jingles effortlessly. 203 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:28,199 Speaker 1: It's not the bell who's broken, Dan Santa, it's you 204 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,080 Speaker 1: and the fact that you cannot read and look like ship. 205 00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:35,960 Speaker 1: Oh man, you'd better be careful. Santa's who can't jingle 206 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:39,319 Speaker 1: their own bells don't last long at Santa, you very long. 207 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,760 Speaker 1: You suck, Dan Santa, There's no way you'll live until 208 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,880 Speaker 1: the Big Game, whispers to God Santa. The Big Game. 209 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,960 Speaker 1: That's the final showdown of all the remaining Santas at 210 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,960 Speaker 1: the end of the every year. Remember it. It's a 211 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,640 Speaker 1: major plot point. Later in the movie Santa University. Okay, Okay, 212 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 1: Dan Santa continues to watch people let him but go. 213 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,520 Speaker 1: Santa pulls him and get in again to get his attention. 214 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,880 Speaker 1: I know it seems like logically we will not live 215 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,760 Speaker 1: that long due to the fact that you are the 216 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:11,080 Speaker 1: protagonist of Santa University, and I am quickly establishing myself 217 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:14,880 Speaker 1: as what I'm optimistic will be a fan favorite Bee character. 218 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:17,800 Speaker 1: It's Santa the reason that we will appear at the 219 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,920 Speaker 1: Big Game or the final scene. I can't be the 220 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,920 Speaker 1: only Santa who can't ring their own bell yet, right, 221 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,079 Speaker 1: Dan Santa observes the classroom full of Santa's. He sees 222 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:30,960 Speaker 1: Gal Santa, Jingle herd bell, perfectly cool Santa. His other 223 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:35,640 Speaker 1: classmates like nondenominational Santa, hype Beast Santa, Baby Santa, and 224 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:38,160 Speaker 1: arms where their eyes should be Santa all Jingo pars 225 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:42,760 Speaker 1: as well he is dejected. Dan Santa's gaze falls on 226 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:46,360 Speaker 1: the only other frustrated looking Santa in the room, Thin Santa, 227 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:50,800 Speaker 1: who shakes a noiseless bell annoyedly. Dan Santa approaches him, Hey, man, 228 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,360 Speaker 1: don't feel bad. I can't jingle my belt either. Then 229 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,040 Speaker 1: Santa looks up, tears in his eyes, which are also thin. 230 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:02,840 Speaker 1: I've been trying all week and nothing. I'm Finn Santa. 231 00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 1: He extends his hand to Dan Santa. I'm Dan Santa. 232 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,280 Speaker 1: Hold it right there, than Santa. That was Cool Santa. 233 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 1: Cool Santa pulls out a hartpoon gun and aims at 234 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:15,320 Speaker 1: Thinn Santa. I'm not afraid to be the first Santa 235 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,560 Speaker 1: to kill this year. If you can't ring jangle that 236 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:22,240 Speaker 1: goddamn bell, cool cool Santa, San Santa is very scared 237 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 1: and freaking out. This Santanta can't handle the pressure of 238 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:33,120 Speaker 1: Santa University. Don't don't mind him, Thinn Santa. He's just 239 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 1: too late. Thin Santa has become too stressed and explodes 240 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 1: into a cloud of blood. The blood is very far 241 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:42,080 Speaker 1: reaching and splats everyone in class, very graphic. Lots of 242 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,560 Speaker 1: brains JFK. But if his head were three times as 243 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:52,040 Speaker 1: large awful along beat Thin Santa. The classroom burst into applause. 244 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:56,440 Speaker 1: Go Santa's covered in blood. Always such a relief to 245 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:59,040 Speaker 1: have the first death over. The rest will feel like nothing. 246 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:02,600 Speaker 1: Gal Santa and Intellect Santa high five. That's my ship, 247 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:08,080 Speaker 1: Intellect Santa. Flat. Do everyone see that I scared thinta 248 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 1: than Santa so bad he freaking exploded. Well done, class, 249 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:17,160 Speaker 1: well done. Back to your jingling. Professor Santa passes Dan 250 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:20,040 Speaker 1: Santa and gives him a meaningful look. I'd recommend you 251 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:24,600 Speaker 1: figure out how to jingle that bell, dance Santa. Dan 252 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:27,280 Speaker 1: Santa is in complete shock. He has never seen anyone 253 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,920 Speaker 1: exploding into a cloud of blood before and is horrified. 254 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:32,720 Speaker 1: Everyone else returns to their work, cheery and not bothering 255 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:35,640 Speaker 1: to clean themselves as the blood of Thin Santa. Dan 256 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 1: Zita tries to ring his bell again, but it's full 257 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:41,680 Speaker 1: of the blood of Thin Santa. Close shot on Dan Santa. This, 258 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:46,040 Speaker 1: in my opinion, is perhaps not the right thing to happen. 259 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,920 Speaker 1: Later that day, in the cafeteria, Dan Santa, Gossanta Santa, 260 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,000 Speaker 1: Gal Santa, and Intellect Santa all sit around a lunch table, 261 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:57,440 Speaker 1: eating cookies and milk. Goth gallant intellect talk cheerily while 262 00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:00,880 Speaker 1: Dan Santa broods why the long face dance? Anta? While 263 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:05,640 Speaker 1: my face is fat like Santa's, it is also naturally long. However, 264 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 1: I am sad, Dan Santa. Santa's exploding in the middle 265 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,720 Speaker 1: of jingle class is totally a normal thing. Every student, Santa, 266 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:16,160 Speaker 1: you knows that. Well, maybe it shouldn't be a normal thing. 267 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:19,680 Speaker 1: Where I come from, people were bullies too, and bullying 268 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:22,960 Speaker 1: stinks in my radical opinion. Where are you from again, 269 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:27,720 Speaker 1: Dan Santa? A nondescript, lower middle class suburb, suburban hamlet. Goddamnit? 270 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,920 Speaker 1: Inte like Santa places her hand on Dan Santa's trying 271 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:33,840 Speaker 1: to calm them down. Look, Dan Santa, we all know 272 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:37,520 Speaker 1: that Santa system is super messed up. I for one 273 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,120 Speaker 1: wish this whole thing could be decided based on who 274 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,600 Speaker 1: Tim Allen scares off a ladder. But that's a fantasy. 275 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:47,000 Speaker 1: The real world is bloody, and I'll kill every Santa 276 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,240 Speaker 1: I have to in order to take over and change 277 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:52,760 Speaker 1: the system for good. Dan Santa stands with purpose, looking 278 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,680 Speaker 1: dangerously ready to burst in a song. Is he going 279 00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:59,240 Speaker 1: to sing? I hope it doesn't sing? Cool, Santa heckles 280 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:03,080 Speaker 1: Dan Santa from nearby table. Don't you dare sing a ballad? Dancanta, 281 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:06,840 Speaker 1: you weeks, son of garbage? Dancanta ignores them. I was 282 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:10,040 Speaker 1: brought up believing that Santa was good and smart and 283 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:13,560 Speaker 1: hot and didn't want to kill other Santas. I've always 284 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:17,800 Speaker 1: believed in the perfect Santa. Oh, he's definitely gonna sing 285 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:22,720 Speaker 1: that sounds like a song title. We're fucking screwed. Here 286 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:26,200 Speaker 1: it comes aston and then that's where dancer that sings 287 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:29,320 Speaker 1: the ballad the perfect Santa, not the perfect song, which 288 00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:33,160 Speaker 1: is what I wrote in the yard. I would drink 289 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:42,399 Speaker 1: Fanta dreaming of a perfect Santa. Everyone is horrified at this. 290 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:46,720 Speaker 1: Now we're we're skipping forward about three and a half 291 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:50,119 Speaker 1: hours in the movie now to now we're approaching the 292 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:53,120 Speaker 1: end of the movie. Uh smash caught title card five 293 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:56,520 Speaker 1: months later? Wait, so what happened in between? Did I say? 294 00:17:56,800 --> 00:18:00,160 Speaker 1: What my stronger and my weekd you you guys see 295 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:05,640 Speaker 1: the movie? Because there months later? It's five months later. 296 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:10,440 Speaker 1: Here we go, you guys will catch up. Five months later, 297 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:14,800 Speaker 1: the once vibrant Santa University campus, crampas ha Ha looks 298 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:18,840 Speaker 1: markedly different, where once it was filled with forty Santas. 299 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:22,480 Speaker 1: Most of the courtyard is filled with corpses. Now every 300 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:25,200 Speaker 1: few seconds as Santa will melt through the yard, navigating 301 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,639 Speaker 1: around their falling classmates. Studio note, we will need to 302 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:32,359 Speaker 1: make sure these corpses are real. Spare no expenses. We 303 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:35,080 Speaker 1: see Dan Santa, now wearing a gas mask to filter 304 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:37,199 Speaker 1: out the stench of the Santas, who could not hack it, 305 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:41,119 Speaker 1: walk through the campus with God Santa. They pause for 306 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 1: a moment and look at the corps of Professor Santa. 307 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:47,680 Speaker 1: Dan Santa shakes his head. Sorry, so where the situation 308 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:51,840 Speaker 1: with the Santa's dang was bad before, it is now worsened. 309 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:56,359 Speaker 1: I can't help but agree. Okay, now we're so there's 310 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,440 Speaker 1: I got a studio note that the movie, although five 311 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,919 Speaker 1: as long, did not pass the Bechdel test. So we 312 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,680 Speaker 1: went back and we did some reshoots. And this scene 313 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,880 Speaker 1: takes place the night before the big game in Gal 314 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:11,680 Speaker 1: Santa's dorm room. At night, Gal Santa and Intellect Santa 315 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,440 Speaker 1: sit on their respective beds and stare at the ceiling wordlessly. 316 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:18,680 Speaker 1: Intellect Santa, Yes, tomorrow is the big day in which 317 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 1: we will battle to the death. We meaning you myself, 318 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,679 Speaker 1: Dan Santa, Cool Santa and God Santa until the advisement 319 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:29,919 Speaker 1: of oh, under excuse me, under the advisement of Dean Santa, 320 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:38,040 Speaker 1: who is my father, very very very long pause. Yes, okay. 321 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:43,000 Speaker 1: Next scene, the big climactic scene, big sports filled outside night, 322 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:45,600 Speaker 1: it's the big game. The stadium is decked out in 323 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:48,680 Speaker 1: full Christmas regalia because there are no more Santa's left. 324 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 1: The stadium is full of elves and some of the 325 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,639 Speaker 1: Santa corpses have been placed in the seats to make 326 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:56,399 Speaker 1: it seem more full. Jock jams play throughout the stadium 327 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,199 Speaker 1: as Dean Santa enters the center of the field with 328 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:10,560 Speaker 1: great applau my Dean Santa. Yeah, it is I Dean Santa, 329 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,960 Speaker 1: and today is my favorite of all days in the 330 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 1: school year. A better man would say their favorite day 331 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,440 Speaker 1: is the first day when all the student Santa's are 332 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:22,600 Speaker 1: still alive. But honey, I am not that man. Pauses 333 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,520 Speaker 1: for laughs. None come. The audience, after all, is mostly 334 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:28,840 Speaker 1: dead or afraid. Dean Santa becomes enraged at the lack 335 00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:31,240 Speaker 1: of response to a stupid joke and shoots a gun 336 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:35,639 Speaker 1: into the audience. Let that be a lesson to you. 337 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,159 Speaker 1: Before we bring out the five Santas that will be 338 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,719 Speaker 1: dueling for the job of one true Santa for the 339 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:44,840 Speaker 1: next calendar year. We must engage in my favorite Yuletide tradition, 340 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:49,119 Speaker 1: the retirement of this year's Santa. Everyone please give a 341 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:54,760 Speaker 1: warm welcome to Santa Clause. Santa Claus is coming to town. 342 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,720 Speaker 1: Blairs over the speakers as Real Santa Claus enters on 343 00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:01,639 Speaker 1: a parade float style slay filled presents. Everyone is clapping 344 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:04,639 Speaker 1: and so happy, and Dean Santa is Real Santa Claus 345 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:08,919 Speaker 1: a hand down to the field. Yes, welcome to the 346 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:12,800 Speaker 1: Real Santa Claus. Graduate of Santa University. Last year, he 347 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:16,240 Speaker 1: toiled in this very field for the position, just as 348 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:20,000 Speaker 1: my daughter and a bunch of chode losers will today, 349 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:24,119 Speaker 1: and he brought us an excellent Christmas last year. Santa Claus, 350 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:27,480 Speaker 1: do you have any words for your people? Real Santa 351 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:31,320 Speaker 1: Claus suddenly looks nervous and gingerly takes the microphone. I'd 352 00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:33,560 Speaker 1: just like to see that things don't have to be 353 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,399 Speaker 1: this way too late, Dean Singsa pulls out a harpoon 354 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:40,040 Speaker 1: gun and harpoons Real Santa in the head. He dies instantly, 355 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:43,000 Speaker 1: And Santa Claus is coming to town stops abruptly. We 356 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,600 Speaker 1: see that the audience is horrified and crying. In the silence, 357 00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:48,680 Speaker 1: long pause shots of sad elves watching their beloved boss 358 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:53,040 Speaker 1: senselessly slaughtered. Dean Santa feigned surprised at his own crime. My, 359 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:56,760 Speaker 1: my goodness, it appears weird down One Santa looks like 360 00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:00,480 Speaker 1: that means it's time for today's events. The final countdown 361 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,280 Speaker 1: starts to play, and the audience is suddenly excited again. 362 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,440 Speaker 1: The real Santa's corpses dragged from the field by mass Dell's. 363 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,720 Speaker 1: That son of a bitch isn't the real Santa anymore. 364 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,560 Speaker 1: Dan Santa, Go Santa, Cool Santa, Intellect Santa, and Gal 365 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,440 Speaker 1: Santa all enter the field and glorious attire equipped with 366 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:20,560 Speaker 1: jingle bell whips. Let the Big Game. I freaking love 367 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:24,600 Speaker 1: the Big Game. He runs out of the way of 368 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,520 Speaker 1: the battling Santa's slowly because he is withered and old. 369 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,679 Speaker 1: It takes a while embarrassing for him. A horn sounds 370 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:33,280 Speaker 1: and the Santa's lunch at each other in gladiatorial battle, 371 00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:36,480 Speaker 1: but dumber Gal Santa immediately points her hartpoon gun at 372 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:40,040 Speaker 1: Cool Santa and shoots him dead instantly. But my girlfriend, 373 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,960 Speaker 1: making this a vow of trust broke in he does 374 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,600 Speaker 1: I got as God Santa and Intellect Santa spar with 375 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:50,240 Speaker 1: the jingle whips. Gal Sandra and Dan Santa exchange a 376 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,000 Speaker 1: loving glance. Oh, you guys should know what They fell 377 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,440 Speaker 1: in love at some point in the past three and 378 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:59,520 Speaker 1: a half hours. Thank you so much. That was amazing. 379 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:03,359 Speaker 1: Up opponent Gal whips Dan Santa in the face and 380 00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:05,920 Speaker 1: he is refocused on the other side of the field. 381 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:09,160 Speaker 1: Intellect Santa has critically wounded God Santa and he crumples 382 00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:12,440 Speaker 1: to the ground in a sweaty fat god mess. Intelect 383 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:18,280 Speaker 1: Santa rooris one god less. She leaves his body and 384 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:21,320 Speaker 1: attacks Gal Santa and they begin to spar. Dan looks 385 00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,160 Speaker 1: to Gal Santa and she flips them off as if 386 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:24,960 Speaker 1: to say, if you try to help me, I will 387 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:28,280 Speaker 1: murder you. He runs to God Santa's side instead, as 388 00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:32,439 Speaker 1: God is barely breathing through his hot topic mouth. My 389 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:38,200 Speaker 1: sweet God, say something, Dan Santa. Oh, when it all 390 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:42,560 Speaker 1: God Santa for you in your memory, I'll be Santa. 391 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,800 Speaker 1: Force God Santa costs up a bunch of blood. Then 392 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:49,240 Speaker 1: we realize he's laughing. He starles with his word, but 393 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,080 Speaker 1: he's definitely making fun of Dan Santa with his dying breath. 394 00:23:52,400 --> 00:24:00,600 Speaker 1: No like shit, and can't he dies? Dan Santa whales 395 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:07,159 Speaker 1: to the sky even Reid heur attention back to Intellect Santa, 396 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,480 Speaker 1: who has Gal Santa pin to the ground with her sword. 397 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:13,879 Speaker 1: They have swords, Santa's have swords. I didn't mention that earlier. 398 00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:18,840 Speaker 1: Dan Santa runs across the field in pursuit of Gal Santa. 399 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,840 Speaker 1: It gives me no pleasure to snap your neck, Gala Santa, 400 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:27,520 Speaker 1: but snap your neck, I must, Gal Santa. No, Gal 401 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,360 Speaker 1: Santa gasped through her fear. There's one thing you forgot, 402 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:34,800 Speaker 1: Intellect Santa. And what's that little mis nepotism? Dean Santa 403 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,440 Speaker 1: on the sidelines a sick burn for the person about 404 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:40,639 Speaker 1: to kill my daughter. A greater man would intervene. I 405 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:45,720 Speaker 1: am not that man. I'm the hotter of two female characters. 406 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:48,600 Speaker 1: The bloated plot to the movie Santa University wrote in 407 00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:53,840 Speaker 1: and so it is I who must live shit. Gala 408 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:57,600 Speaker 1: Santa wriggles free out of Intellect Santa's clutches and knocks 409 00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,879 Speaker 1: her to the ground, delivering a devast eating jingle whip 410 00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:06,240 Speaker 1: blow that splits intellect. Santa's head clean open. She looks 411 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:09,720 Speaker 1: up to Dan Santa, hungry for blood. Dean Santa cheers 412 00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:15,480 Speaker 1: wildly from the sideline. Dean Santa does not notice that 413 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,399 Speaker 1: a pack of elves have picked up the corpse of 414 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:21,600 Speaker 1: Got Santa and sneak up behind him. Dad look out, 415 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:25,920 Speaker 1: the leader of the Rogue Elf Pack studio note Rogue 416 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,960 Speaker 1: Elf franchise spinoff Minion style, good idea. The leader of 417 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:33,119 Speaker 1: the Rogue Elf Pack righteously outrage Elf gives the signal 418 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:37,359 Speaker 1: to his guys. Girl. The elves whacked Dean Santa with 419 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:41,480 Speaker 1: the corpse, killing him. The elves celebrate, but Gal Santa 420 00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:44,720 Speaker 1: is devastated Dad. She runs towards him, and Dan Santa 421 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,480 Speaker 1: realizes this is his chance. He lunges towards her and 422 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,119 Speaker 1: grabs her by the shoulder. Gallas shocked with this bitch, 423 00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:53,600 Speaker 1: really pull this ship, Gal Santa. My father is dead, 424 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:56,200 Speaker 1: Dan Santa, but like, I have to kill you so 425 00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:59,240 Speaker 1: I can have a job. Dan Santa, this is seriously 426 00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:01,640 Speaker 1: messed up. I'm kind of going through something right now, 427 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,600 Speaker 1: and I recognize and respect that, but you know, the 428 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:10,480 Speaker 1: industry only allows for fine Dan Santa. Kill me. She 429 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:13,119 Speaker 1: outstretches her arms, offering herself, if you want to be 430 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:16,040 Speaker 1: Santa so bad, kill me. Dan Santa and his harpoon 431 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,960 Speaker 1: gun at Gal Santa tears in his loser eyes. He 432 00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:23,719 Speaker 1: is the gun I can't do. Before Dan Santa can 433 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,200 Speaker 1: finish his sentence, Gal Santa pulls out her own gun 434 00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:29,439 Speaker 1: and shoots him. He dies instantly. Gal Santa shakes her 435 00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:32,880 Speaker 1: head sadly. Oh, Dan Santa, you sweet, weak loser son 436 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:36,920 Speaker 1: of a bitch. I loved you. She looks to the bleachers. Dad, 437 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:39,480 Speaker 1: you don't have to play dead anymore. I got him 438 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:42,720 Speaker 1: a long beat. Dan Santa's bad does not move righteously. 439 00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:46,439 Speaker 1: Outrage Elf raises his hand awkwardly. Sorry we are we 440 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:51,960 Speaker 1: really killed him, damn rough. Celebratory music players just jack 441 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,000 Speaker 1: jams again over an announcement that rings through the stadium, 442 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:58,639 Speaker 1: and that makes Gal Santa our new Santa Claus for 443 00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:02,680 Speaker 1: the coming year. Can that's Gal Santa? The music fades 444 00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,720 Speaker 1: and the crowd disperses. Gal Santa's left alone in the 445 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:07,919 Speaker 1: center of the stadium field that's littered with the bodies 446 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,920 Speaker 1: of everyone she's ever loved. She kneels to Dan Santa's 447 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:14,320 Speaker 1: body and kisses his forehead. This looks bad, but killing 448 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:17,639 Speaker 1: and winning feels good, so it was worth it. She 449 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:21,400 Speaker 1: looks at the camera and winks. Music begins to play softly, 450 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,560 Speaker 1: and a magical wind whistles through the air. The ghost 451 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:28,880 Speaker 1: of Gos Santa rises from his bloody Santa Corps. It's 452 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:32,840 Speaker 1: just another year at Suddenly the music picks up and 453 00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,679 Speaker 1: a ray of light shines through the blood clouds. Jingle 454 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:38,639 Speaker 1: bells ring and the ghosts of Fort Santas rise from 455 00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,000 Speaker 1: the graves and begin to dance to a jaunty beat. 456 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:45,399 Speaker 1: And this is one. This one goes Santa Santa Santa University, 457 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:53,800 Speaker 1: Santa Santa Santa University, Santasity. The ghost of Dance Santa 458 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:58,400 Speaker 1: dances badly next to Gal Santa. Every year Santa's come here, 459 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,159 Speaker 1: even though it means they may die. But just because 460 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,840 Speaker 1: it might cost your life doesn't mean you shouldn't try. 461 00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:07,080 Speaker 1: You think there'd be a better vetting system, but there's not. 462 00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:09,919 Speaker 1: Portray your friends and bring your own knife, or my 463 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:14,040 Speaker 1: name isn't goth like. The ghost of Intellect Santa hovers 464 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:17,880 Speaker 1: above the entire scene, annoyed. There had to have been 465 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:21,280 Speaker 1: a better way to do this. Gal Santa is no 466 00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:24,119 Speaker 1: longer sad and dances with the ghosts. The ghost of 467 00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:27,359 Speaker 1: Dean Santa embraces his daughter. You think it would be 468 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:30,200 Speaker 1: easier to have more than one Santa guy, and you'd 469 00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:32,560 Speaker 1: be righting. The job is too much, which is why 470 00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:37,080 Speaker 1: all Santa's die relatively fast. The Santa matriarchy will rise 471 00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:39,760 Speaker 1: with me as its host. But just because I'm an 472 00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:42,720 Speaker 1: empowered female Santa doesn't mean my boyfriend is. And I 473 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:46,200 Speaker 1: goes hey, that's me. Cool Santa's ghost approaches Dan Santa's 474 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:49,320 Speaker 1: goes man looks like the coolest Santa got straight up 475 00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:51,760 Speaker 1: snuffed and bested by a loser Santa who looks like 476 00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:57,280 Speaker 1: shit and can't even read, extends his ghost hand shake. 477 00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:00,600 Speaker 1: Cool Santa accepts the handshake. Good. I think that's the 478 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,880 Speaker 1: last loose end in the script. He floats away. Dan 479 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:07,640 Speaker 1: Santa floats to Gal Santa and they kiss. Wow, I 480 00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:11,280 Speaker 1: love you, Gal Santa. I like San things slow as 481 00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:13,200 Speaker 1: I think the fact that I slit your throat will 482 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:16,880 Speaker 1: become a major blockage for progress in our relationship, jingles. 483 00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:21,800 Speaker 1: They kiss again, the Santa goes rejoice where at Santa 484 00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:30,880 Speaker 1: Santa University to Santa Santa University, Santa Santa, we'd off 485 00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:32,880 Speaker 1: the red nosed reindeer flies in front of the camera 486 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:37,000 Speaker 1: and winks and don't forgot about me Gal. Santa pulls 487 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:40,160 Speaker 1: out a harpoon gun and shoot Rudolph. His blood sprays 488 00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:49,280 Speaker 1: onto the camera n s the end. Wow hot review 489 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:54,200 Speaker 1: to Santa University in Theoris Christmas Day. All right, well, 490 00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:58,160 Speaker 1: we're gonna be back on Tuesday, the day after Christmas, 491 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,960 Speaker 1: with some year end stuff. Tune in for that. But 492 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:07,160 Speaker 1: this has been the Daily Zeitgeist preview of Jamie Loftus's 493 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:14,160 Speaker 1: Santa University. Bravo, Bravo, and Merry Christmas everybody to or 494 00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:16,640 Speaker 1: you know, happy Holidays. I'm just get it. How you 495 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:17,920 Speaker 1: live it, don't add us