1 00:00:01,360 --> 00:00:05,480 Speaker 1: Hello everyone, Grace Freud here, Welcome to Santa University. Eight 2 00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:10,160 Speaker 1: eight whole years. Can you fucking believe it? It's longer 3 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: than most relationships you've been in. You fucking flop. I 4 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:17,520 Speaker 1: know it's longer than any relationship I've been in. And listen, 5 00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:21,400 Speaker 1: in every beloved series, there are entries that are. 6 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:27,560 Speaker 2: You gotta listen to me right now. This one's really bad. 7 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:33,560 Speaker 2: This one is a there's nothing here for you. Every 8 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:38,200 Speaker 2: year it's the same, Oh it's written last minute. Oh 9 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:41,840 Speaker 2: it's a mess. Well, this year it's maybe even less 10 00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:47,800 Speaker 2: finished than ever. It's really objectively eight pages long, and 11 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:52,040 Speaker 2: then everyone just starts to panic. Throughout this installment, you'll 12 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:57,200 Speaker 2: hear Jamie make various excuses for why this is she's overworked, 13 00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:02,520 Speaker 2: her deador like that doesn't happen to anybody else, and 14 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:07,000 Speaker 2: a bunch of other bullshit. But you, the Santa University listener, 15 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,080 Speaker 2: should not let her get away with it. You want 16 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,600 Speaker 2: to get this movie made and sit your ass down 17 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:16,679 Speaker 2: and write Jamie. Happy holidays everyone, and if this is 18 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 2: your first Santa you, apologies from the management. This is iHeartRadio. 19 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:25,080 Speaker 1: We keep things classy over here, and this quality of 20 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:29,760 Speaker 1: content is not characteristic of our very large company, because 21 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:31,680 Speaker 1: she couldn't be bothered to write it down this year. 22 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 1: These are pages from the still unproduced six hundred page 23 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:39,399 Speaker 1: screenplay Santi University, the musical about a school full of 24 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:43,760 Speaker 1: forty thousand Santas where every year thirty nine and ninety 25 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 1: nine Santas are killed and the last Santa standing is 26 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:49,560 Speaker 1: the one true Santa. So as you listen to this 27 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 1: associative episode, just remind yourself that it's too late for 28 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:56,440 Speaker 1: you to stop listening, or for Jamie to stop writing. 29 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 1: Santa University is a death cult and we will never 30 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:02,280 Speaker 1: ever be. 31 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:02,880 Speaker 2: Free of it. 32 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,320 Speaker 3: Jamie here with a quick cast list before we start 33 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:11,000 Speaker 3: the formal file. We have Miles Gray reprising his starring 34 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:14,840 Speaker 3: role as Dan Santa, Jack O'Brien as Dean Santa on A. 35 00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:19,000 Speaker 3: Jsnier in the iconic role of Gal Santa. Caitlin Dorante 36 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,639 Speaker 3: reprises the role of Sully, who in this case is 37 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:25,200 Speaker 3: a pilot heard of that before. We have Joelle Monique 38 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 3: as Michelle Numbers and David Zaslov who I did not 39 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:32,000 Speaker 3: remember to write a line for, Catherine Law as Intellect Santa. 40 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:36,480 Speaker 3: Sophie Lichterman as betrayal Santa, Sarah Marshall as God Santa, 41 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:41,640 Speaker 3: Robert Evans as second Amendment Santa, Margaret Killjoy as Hot 42 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 3: Woman of the Wood, Santa prop as Cool Santa, and 43 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:49,639 Speaker 3: wait for it, Luigi Mangioni dated maybe by the time 44 00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:54,320 Speaker 3: you're listening to it, Brian Jeffries as pregnant Santa, who 45 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:58,520 Speaker 3: also very very generously edited this to make it sound listenable. 46 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:02,160 Speaker 3: Justin Smith as Pimple that's not quite ready to pop, 47 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:05,560 Speaker 3: so it's frustrating Santa. Victor Wright as arms were his 48 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:10,120 Speaker 3: eyes should be Santa, and Jamie loftus Chris Crofton reprising 49 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:14,360 Speaker 3: his famous role of glory Hole Santa, and Grant Crater 50 00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:18,639 Speaker 3: as the dog that keeps getting shot. Let's get into it, 51 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:25,880 Speaker 3: shall we? Santa University eight, mostly improv due to budget constraints. 52 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:33,639 Speaker 3: Interior eighty degrees December Hell. Here we are Santa University eight. 53 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:38,720 Speaker 3: Jamie here the esteemed screenwriter of Santi University, the six 54 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:43,760 Speaker 3: hundred and forty seven page epic musical where forty thousand 55 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 3: Santas are admitted every year to Santi University, but only 56 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 3: one lives until graduation. Originally supposed to be released in 57 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:56,680 Speaker 3: twenty seventeen. Pages from the script have leaked at every 58 00:03:56,760 --> 00:04:00,240 Speaker 3: Yule tide, just as the writer's mental capacity is at 59 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 3: its breaking point, making others laugh as she sank deeper 60 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:10,280 Speaker 3: into whatever was actually going on. These pages, pages sixteen 61 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 3: to thirty, were paradoxically found wedge between pages fifteen and 62 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:18,560 Speaker 3: sixteen of the original Santi University script, drenched in French 63 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:23,160 Speaker 3: dressing but just barely legible. It is unclear whether they 64 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:26,560 Speaker 3: were intended to be filmed or included in the final product. 65 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,920 Speaker 3: But after a year of contracting AI to write scripts 66 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:32,919 Speaker 3: that ended up being right wing porn, the bad kind 67 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:37,120 Speaker 3: that doesn't make money, David Zaslov decided to shake off 68 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 3: the pages and give it a shot. Oho Jamie, thrilled 69 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,360 Speaker 3: to be working but dismayed to be paid in coupons 70 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 3: and canned cocktails, panted the pages over, drenched in milky 71 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:53,240 Speaker 3: orange sauce as intended. We meet the crew mid jingle 72 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:58,160 Speaker 3: Class interior jingle Class Day. It's a scene from Santi 73 00:04:58,279 --> 00:05:02,320 Speaker 3: University one. Don't re remember well, aren't you young? You 74 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:05,479 Speaker 3: six son of a bitch. I wish you were dead 75 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:09,680 Speaker 3: instead of anyone I knew personally. We see Dan Santa 76 00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:14,320 Speaker 3: looks like shit cannot read and Goth Santa Dan Santa's 77 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 3: bright eyes fan friend who will amount to very little 78 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:22,680 Speaker 3: trying to jingle their bells without success as Gal Santa nepotism, 79 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:28,440 Speaker 3: beautiful and Cool Santa cool jingle theirs with success. 80 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:33,400 Speaker 4: Look, man, shit gets crazy, scary, spooky, hilarious. And if 81 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:37,440 Speaker 4: I was Dan Santa, shed, I put myself through a 82 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,600 Speaker 4: Santa shredder. 83 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 3: Oh my gee. Dan looks over to the Santa shredder, 84 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:49,520 Speaker 3: a Santa sized shredder. Professors keeping their lecture halls for 85 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:54,680 Speaker 3: intimidation purposes. Gal lapsed, but only half heartedly. 86 00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:00,880 Speaker 5: Sounds like her a little threatened. Cool Santa my boyfriend 87 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 5: for now that. 88 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,480 Speaker 3: Is I'm not Santa. 89 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:11,280 Speaker 6: That's that's awesome, and I would not spread myself in 90 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:12,120 Speaker 6: your place. 91 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 3: Professor Santa turns to God. 92 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:19,560 Speaker 7: Now listen, Goth Santa, there will be no interrupting jingle 93 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:25,039 Speaker 7: class as punishment. What is one plus one? 94 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:27,960 Speaker 2: You'll know, you'll know what. 95 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 7: Right. 96 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:38,920 Speaker 3: Michelle numbers a new character Wow, exciting shrieks from her 97 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:42,800 Speaker 3: table beside fan favorite arms where his eye should be Santa. 98 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:46,840 Speaker 3: Professor Santa, whose husband has just discovered she's cheating. So 99 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 3: that won't enter. The plot approaches Michelle. 100 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:50,920 Speaker 8: What is it? 101 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,599 Speaker 7: Michelle Numbers on. 102 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,719 Speaker 3: The professor's eyes widen. She thinks this is a reference 103 00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:02,479 Speaker 3: to her raw fucking one of the cafeteria l It 104 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:06,400 Speaker 3: begins to sing in her own defense, song one, There's 105 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:11,000 Speaker 3: enough Santa to go around, a ballad about poly Santa's 106 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:15,640 Speaker 3: from the perspective of a sexually liberated Santa professional. Only 107 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,840 Speaker 3: she is their teacher, so it is deeply uncomfortable for everyone. 108 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 7: Go that's enough Santa to go around? 109 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:37,560 Speaker 3: And the versions what I was looking for here. 110 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:41,360 Speaker 9: There's enough Santa. Doesn't make a sound. 111 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,360 Speaker 3: There you go, beautiful, Caitlin. 112 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:54,520 Speaker 7: Look, I didn't take enough improv classes for this sound bound. 113 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:57,040 Speaker 3: It doesn't need to rhyme. 114 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:07,119 Speaker 7: That's good. 115 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:16,920 Speaker 3: That's a good verse right there. It continues for two verses, theoretically, 116 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 3: and then Michelle Numbers exclaims one the cursed number. The 117 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:27,640 Speaker 3: scene begins to fade, and suddenly we're trapped into interior 118 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:33,640 Speaker 3: American Airlines Flight Santa Crash. Our favorite Santa University characters 119 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,679 Speaker 3: are all comfortable settled in on a commercial airline flight, 120 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:42,160 Speaker 3: anxious but excited to go wherever. Australia Cleveland. Wherever you go, 121 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:46,720 Speaker 3: your mental illness follows. Supposing you're Jamie the screenwriter of 122 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,800 Speaker 3: Santi University, and you had two weekly series to produce 123 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:53,079 Speaker 3: this year, would you ask me to do this? Anyways? 124 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 3: I have recently seen either twenty eight or thirty six 125 00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 3: episodes of Loss in the dead of night, which depends 126 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 3: on whether you can considered being asleep watching Lost, which 127 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:09,000 Speaker 3: I do, and another thing, sleeping or playing Neopets counts 128 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:12,240 Speaker 3: as watch and Lost as long as the media in 129 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:17,120 Speaker 3: question is not created by me Oppenheimer iPad Mini content 130 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:22,480 Speaker 3: my podcast IMAX? Does this make sense? Betrayal Santa, a 131 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:26,400 Speaker 3: flight attendant, wheels her cart of candy canes and moonshine 132 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:30,840 Speaker 3: down the aisle, smiling politely as we meet our favorite characters. 133 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 10: Uh, just a candy cane for me, please? 134 00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 8: Are you sure it's complimentary? 135 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:40,559 Speaker 3: Dan, Santa, who can't even read, tries to read the 136 00:09:40,559 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 3: moonshine bottle. 137 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:48,400 Speaker 10: Wastol bird, Thank you. I'm allergic to pomegranate. 138 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,200 Speaker 5: I'll take his at a girl. 139 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,319 Speaker 9: Awesome man, right. 140 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,679 Speaker 5: We wouldn't want this scene to pass the backdeill test 141 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:55,480 Speaker 5: poll Anka. 142 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,640 Speaker 3: She hands Gal too moonshines and hands the others in 143 00:09:58,679 --> 00:10:01,800 Speaker 3: her row pool sand the Dean Santa and Glory Hole 144 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:03,679 Speaker 3: Santa their own moonshines. 145 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,719 Speaker 5: I'm Gal Santa, the Santa who is a girl. 146 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:10,959 Speaker 11: And I'm Dean Santa, the Santa University dean and father 147 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:14,160 Speaker 11: to Gal Santa, who will eventually survive until the end 148 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,920 Speaker 11: of Santa University. Unlike Dan Santa. 149 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:27,120 Speaker 12: Got any come there, lay mans. 150 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:34,960 Speaker 4: Look, he means to say, I'm Glory Hole Santa, gals 151 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:41,680 Speaker 4: bio logical father who conceived her by swallowing come in 152 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:45,839 Speaker 4: the glory hole. But no one likes to talk about 153 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:47,160 Speaker 4: it though that's true. 154 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:52,240 Speaker 12: Colme anyone stop. 155 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 3: Betrayl Santa. He's reeling ford Second Amendment Santa, the Santa 156 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:03,199 Speaker 3: with so many guns, the dog and intellect Santa. 157 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,640 Speaker 13: Hey, waitress Sanna, you know how no one ever wants 158 00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:08,080 Speaker 13: to kill a dog and a piece of beloved media. 159 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:13,320 Speaker 13: It's betrayal Santa because it upsets people who can't handle 160 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:13,880 Speaker 13: the world. 161 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:16,439 Speaker 3: Please don't respond, you're setting him up. 162 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:19,679 Speaker 8: I'm curious how the sentence progresses. 163 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:22,959 Speaker 14: Well check this out. Let him cook, Let him cook. 164 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:28,520 Speaker 3: He shoots the dog in the head and dog begins 165 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,040 Speaker 3: to sing. 166 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:31,960 Speaker 12: Dong too. 167 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:35,160 Speaker 3: I'm glad he killed me. I deserved it. A ballad 168 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:38,680 Speaker 3: second amendment Sanda joins it at some point. It's not 169 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,880 Speaker 3: in key, but it's powerful. 170 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:44,640 Speaker 13: Go Sometimes the people who get shot deserve it. Not often, 171 00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:48,040 Speaker 13: but it happens occasionally. You all know what I'm talking about, 172 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:50,160 Speaker 13: but for legal reasons, I can't sing about it in 173 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,920 Speaker 13: more detail. But come on, we all know who this 174 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:53,800 Speaker 13: song's about. 175 00:11:56,080 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 15: And now my verse as the dog ow ow ow 176 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:04,000 Speaker 15: this is the end of my life. Ow ow ow 177 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,720 Speaker 15: ow ow ow. I didn't even get a dog wife. 178 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:15,319 Speaker 3: Somehow the dog lives to be shot another time. Later 179 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 3: in the script, the scene continues, Wow, that was incredible. 180 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:22,800 Speaker 13: Banks want to see it again. 181 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:28,560 Speaker 3: No, let him cook. Song three, Please don't shoot the 182 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:32,640 Speaker 3: dog again. This is a betrayal Santa song song actually 183 00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:36,120 Speaker 3: with second amendment Santa this time as the dog shakes 184 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:36,559 Speaker 3: in fear. 185 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,640 Speaker 2: What is the lady's too lunch? 186 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:40,120 Speaker 15: Oh? 187 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:41,800 Speaker 3: The lady's lunch. 188 00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:42,439 Speaker 12: Are A guess? 189 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:48,960 Speaker 3: Guess probably it's very Broadway. Yes, no, I should have 190 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:50,720 Speaker 3: I should have thought to tell you who the ladies 191 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:53,199 Speaker 3: who lunch are. It's the lame script, Robert. It's it's 192 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,600 Speaker 3: very brassy. It acts like you're singing like you have 193 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,520 Speaker 3: forty minutes left to live. 194 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,040 Speaker 9: I'm gonna not. 195 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:12,199 Speaker 6: Do that, but uh, Robert, let the dogs out do it. 196 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:13,400 Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. 197 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:18,400 Speaker 3: I've worked on this for months, Robert, it's your time. 198 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:24,240 Speaker 13: I'm not gonna shoot the dog again. I'm not going 199 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,200 Speaker 13: to shoot the dog a second time. But you know, 200 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,560 Speaker 13: somebody else got shot this year, and for once, it 201 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:33,200 Speaker 13: was not a bad news story. Usually when that happens, 202 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:36,160 Speaker 13: everyone gets bummed out. We all had a very nice week. 203 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:42,719 Speaker 3: Intellect santas an intelligent woman, and she knows that no 204 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,359 Speaker 3: one wants to see the dog get shot in the head. 205 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 3: I guess in the head a second time. But she's 206 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:52,360 Speaker 3: entering the chorus when bang. 207 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:53,280 Speaker 7: It's okay. 208 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 15: It's a work of fiction in Santa University. I can't die, 209 00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:01,080 Speaker 15: me the dog. And to further the point, I won't die. 210 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,600 Speaker 3: A betrayal, Santa keeps wheeling the cart towards pimple that's 211 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:09,120 Speaker 3: not quite ready to pop. So it's frustrating Santa. Michelle 212 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:13,559 Speaker 3: numbers and pregnant Santa Candy canes anyone, Oh. 213 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,280 Speaker 12: I can't, I'm I'm pregnant. 214 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:20,840 Speaker 3: A long beat can pregnant women naughty Candy Canes. 215 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:24,560 Speaker 11: Sorry, the writer of Santa University didn't know what to 216 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:27,120 Speaker 11: do with a pregnant character other than to make them 217 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 11: sit in place and say they can't do anything because 218 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 11: they're pregnant. 219 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 8: Paul Anka, paul Anka, indeed, oh what the hell? 220 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,080 Speaker 2: Give me some moonshine. 221 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,200 Speaker 3: Arms for his eyes should be. Santa grabs the moonshine 222 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:42,440 Speaker 3: from pregnant Santa's hand as betrayal, Santa and I didn't 223 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:51,920 Speaker 3: finish that scene. We fade into the dream world continuous. 224 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:56,400 Speaker 3: Jamie stands in the middle of the ether, so Victory 225 00:14:56,560 --> 00:15:02,280 Speaker 3: will desperately try to understand how this bit has been 226 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:07,040 Speaker 3: going on for eight years. Did she think her parents 227 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 3: would outlive this bit? He definitely did. But look at God, 228 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:20,320 Speaker 3: look at me. Shaking her head in disbelief, she's approached 229 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:21,800 Speaker 3: by Dan Santa. 230 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:32,040 Speaker 10: You came, yes, listen up. My name is Dan Santa, 231 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 10: and I've come here to curse you. 232 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,200 Speaker 2: Oh no, For. 233 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:41,000 Speaker 10: The next ten years minimum, you will spend two to 234 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:45,680 Speaker 10: three desperate hours between your other jobs writing a play 235 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:52,000 Speaker 10: about me, a piece of shit gall appears. 236 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:55,600 Speaker 5: Who can't even read, and me a girl. I don't 237 00:15:55,840 --> 00:16:00,320 Speaker 5: think we're progressed beyond that glory hole, Santa appears me. 238 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:04,360 Speaker 14: The glory hole Santa from the gory hale, who, if 239 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:07,320 Speaker 14: you'd had sufficient time, would have ended up realizing on 240 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:11,360 Speaker 14: Santa University Island that's sucking the pus from the pimple 241 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:14,960 Speaker 14: that's not quite ready to pop. Santa would satiate. 242 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,000 Speaker 12: His come thirst. 243 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:21,040 Speaker 16: Disgusting and true, and maybe you would have met me, 244 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 16: the hot woman who's lived in the woods for all 245 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:26,400 Speaker 16: these years, who Michelle Numbers will enter the number one 246 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:29,520 Speaker 16: she's obsessed with into the University Island computer. 247 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:33,160 Speaker 3: And Michelle Numbers appears. The computer would blow up and 248 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,280 Speaker 3: the island would blow up. I'm not very smart and 249 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,680 Speaker 3: I can't fucking read, and you're. 250 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,800 Speaker 5: Stuck with all of us, and I'm a girl. 251 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:51,600 Speaker 3: Luigi Mangrioni enters, Hey was go with it? Man? 252 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:59,040 Speaker 10: If I weren't already pregnant, No, no, got it? 253 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,040 Speaker 2: Come number one. 254 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,240 Speaker 3: This is a song for JB. A. K. Victor. I 255 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:07,520 Speaker 3: would let Luigi Mangioni finger me on opening night at 256 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:12,480 Speaker 3: No Serratu. This is a ballad actually between Victor and 257 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,000 Speaker 3: and and prop I. 258 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:17,639 Speaker 9: Guess, okay, hm hmmmm. 259 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:24,800 Speaker 3: And then come in there too, okay, I. 260 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:32,560 Speaker 9: Would let Luigi Mangoni finger me on opening. 261 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:42,080 Speaker 12: Night fingers sperratu, the. 262 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,000 Speaker 9: Right spertu. 263 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:52,840 Speaker 15: I'm actually Jamie Victor's Jamie. 264 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 4: I'm gonna change your live just maybe. 265 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:04,879 Speaker 12: Just finger me at no speratum, the fingus, the index and. 266 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,679 Speaker 3: Then actually kind of everyone joins in after a second 267 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:36,600 Speaker 3: because there's interior. American Airlines Flight Santa crash. For the 268 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:41,440 Speaker 3: first time in the script, the pilot Sully chimes in, 269 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,480 Speaker 3: unknown to everyone else on the flight, a person named 270 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:52,040 Speaker 3: Sully has never successfully landed a plane, and is your Hello. 271 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,560 Speaker 7: It's your it's your captain Sully. Okay, I've been here 272 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:59,280 Speaker 7: the whole time, little did you know? Okay, I got 273 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:03,919 Speaker 7: fired from my job Litz, but American Airlines hired me. 274 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:08,359 Speaker 7: Now here's the thing. They did make a movie about me, 275 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:13,520 Speaker 7: starring Tom Hanks. It's a biopic about me, and he 276 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:17,119 Speaker 7: did a fucking shitty job portraying me. 277 00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:17,640 Speaker 9: He did. 278 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:18,840 Speaker 7: But here's the thing. 279 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:27,400 Speaker 3: People start booing Sully because Ady sending himself against this 280 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:29,160 Speaker 3: allegation that he's made. 281 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:34,360 Speaker 7: Hey, now don't be like that. Okay, I'm gonna I'm 282 00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:38,080 Speaker 7: gonna land this plane. You think that Sully's have never 283 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,720 Speaker 7: landed a plane. Well I'm gonna land this motherfucking plane. 284 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:47,320 Speaker 3: In Santa starts bullying and antagonizing Sully as he's about 285 00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:48,520 Speaker 3: to land the plane. 286 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:56,640 Speaker 16: Oh my god, you think you're going to land this plane? 287 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:00,919 Speaker 14: Well, you know what huge? 288 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 9: You know what else is huge? 289 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:09,240 Speaker 3: Lid Lidd's the chain Dean, Santa joins in. 290 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:14,200 Speaker 11: First of all, the movie about you is great, so 291 00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:17,320 Speaker 11: you should shut the funk up about that fucking soul. 292 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,600 Speaker 11: That movie rules, and it is a way better pilot 293 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,160 Speaker 11: than you. You can't land this plane for ship. 294 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:22,640 Speaker 9: You suck. 295 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:23,600 Speaker 2: Lid sucks. 296 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:30,000 Speaker 3: Michelle numbering, Michelle number shaking still finds the energy to 297 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:34,480 Speaker 3: bully Sully the pilot Sully worthless piece of shit. You 298 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:38,439 Speaker 3: better land this plane, chance, Sully, do it? 299 00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,880 Speaker 4: Get her at hey, hey, hey, hey Luigi, Luigi here, 300 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,720 Speaker 4: hey hey, Sully, shut the fuck up, or I treat 301 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:45,880 Speaker 4: you like a CEO. 302 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:48,680 Speaker 12: Plane. 303 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:52,360 Speaker 3: I'm doing it. Why do you guys think I can't. Finally, 304 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:55,000 Speaker 3: the click of a cocked gun is heard from the 305 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:58,520 Speaker 3: back of the plane. From second Amendment, Santa the dog 306 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:03,040 Speaker 3: begins to shake. This shot isn't intended for him. 307 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:04,600 Speaker 2: Here you go. 308 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,000 Speaker 12: You deserve something to do. 309 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,200 Speaker 3: Well, Sully, what the fuck are you going to do? 310 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:15,000 Speaker 3: Don't shoot man, I can land this plane. Sully starts 311 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:24,320 Speaker 3: to land the plane competently to everyone's shottention that everyone 312 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:28,879 Speaker 3: that everything was building towards glory holds. Santa, in his 313 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:33,760 Speaker 3: panic begins to suck the plus from pimple Santa's. 314 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:42,040 Speaker 2: Face, change the satisfy. It's just like. 315 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:50,840 Speaker 3: John betrayal Santa's arm. Meaningfully, it's been feeling a vibe 316 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:51,960 Speaker 3: between us. 317 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:58,560 Speaker 8: Oh no, honey, I don't think you have I'm betrayal Santa. 318 00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:02,679 Speaker 8: And if the writer Santa University had had the bandwidth, 319 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,800 Speaker 8: she would have set up an bait and switched romance 320 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,560 Speaker 8: that would end in our betrayal. 321 00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:10,920 Speaker 9: And then I'd be your true love only. 322 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,080 Speaker 16: Instead of it just being comfortable and easy, I would 323 00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:15,520 Speaker 16: try to explain to you why polyamory would be able 324 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,480 Speaker 16: to fix you and all of the problems you've been having. 325 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:24,600 Speaker 9: With betraying people. Oh no, although I'm not on the plane, 326 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:25,880 Speaker 9: Jamie didn't get that far. 327 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:34,960 Speaker 3: Nonetheless, Song five is a is a three part ballot 328 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:41,360 Speaker 3: between hot woman Santa, Goth Santa, and betrayal Santa called 329 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:47,040 Speaker 3: she didn't finish the script, which is a jazzy number 330 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:50,159 Speaker 3: that ends in the hot woman shooting the dog again. 331 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:52,720 Speaker 3: Oh my god, oh boy. 332 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:57,600 Speaker 9: She didn't finish the script. No, she didn't stop. 333 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:02,760 Speaker 3: The script. Stop the world's been turned. Since the world's 334 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:03,880 Speaker 3: been turning. 335 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,480 Speaker 9: She didn't finish the script. 336 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,879 Speaker 3: Not believe on the assassination, other stuff in the news. 337 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:15,960 Speaker 3: I forget. What's some kind of an election, Jamie, script 338 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,080 Speaker 3: jump in, you're in the news man. 339 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:28,800 Speaker 4: I am the new new main main character, Buck Mario, 340 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,440 Speaker 4: Buck Mario. I'm gonna teacher. 341 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:35,760 Speaker 12: How to finish the job. 342 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:37,960 Speaker 2: A teacher. 343 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:47,920 Speaker 4: The job, Jamie, Jamie, Yeah, going, let's te. 344 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,040 Speaker 12: Jamie, got any come? 345 00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:55,480 Speaker 8: I did not shoot the dog. 346 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:59,200 Speaker 3: Just for the record, it could never be me. Finally, 347 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:03,880 Speaker 3: the three you women agree on a high note, and 348 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:08,800 Speaker 3: then okay, let's all agree on a note. 349 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:15,920 Speaker 12: And then wow, no, woman. 350 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,199 Speaker 3: Who lives in the Woodsta shoots the dog in the 351 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:18,720 Speaker 3: head again. 352 00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:20,399 Speaker 9: I don't know what came over me. 353 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,679 Speaker 11: Damn, I can't catch a break. 354 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:29,080 Speaker 10: He really shot the dog how many times over this book? 355 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,399 Speaker 9: This last time it was me, and I don't know 356 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:32,439 Speaker 9: how I feel about it? 357 00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,560 Speaker 3: Okay, what is what is going on? 358 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,440 Speaker 10: I just why does everything have to be so scary? 359 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,320 Speaker 3: No, no, my freaking god. 360 00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:42,760 Speaker 9: Because when you live alone in the woods, everything is scary. 361 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:44,879 Speaker 4: What I tell y'all, put this man in this redder. 362 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:46,840 Speaker 4: I tried to tell y'all, you didn't win to this reddit. 363 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:47,639 Speaker 4: Don't nobody listen to. 364 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:49,360 Speaker 9: It's me the Dog. 365 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:50,919 Speaker 15: I think we should maybe all take a moment of 366 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,719 Speaker 15: science to consider the violent vicissitudes of the American character. 367 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:58,040 Speaker 7: Hi, it's me Stolly. Is anyone gonna congratulate me for 368 00:24:58,200 --> 00:24:58,960 Speaker 7: land in the plane? 369 00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,959 Speaker 9: It's not a bare minimum. 370 00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,600 Speaker 17: I wasn't even on the plane on this island. And 371 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,840 Speaker 17: then I showed up and sang a song and then shot. 372 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,600 Speaker 4: Oh wow, clap with this guy for doing his job. 373 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:17,880 Speaker 2: Got any come. 374 00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:33,480 Speaker 17: Well, welcome to my island. I have a strong dog 375 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:36,560 Speaker 17: corns in procedure. I really wish you would followed. It 376 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:38,680 Speaker 17: would have saved everyone a lot of trouble. I feel 377 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,800 Speaker 17: terrible about it, but there's just there's a lot of 378 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,760 Speaker 17: a lot of wildlife here that just there's dog born 379 00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:46,440 Speaker 17: illnesses that would have absolutely destroyed all of the birds. 380 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,840 Speaker 17: And I feel terrible about it, okay, but it had 381 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:53,240 Speaker 17: to be done, and and I just really wish Sully. 382 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:54,920 Speaker 17: I think you're the pilot, and I think that you 383 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,200 Speaker 17: should have been more responsible about your flight plan before 384 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,280 Speaker 17: you landed the plane, which you did a very good job, 385 00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:01,480 Speaker 17: and I know that a lot of people thought I 386 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,000 Speaker 17: couldn't do it. 387 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:04,200 Speaker 9: Thank you so much. 388 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:08,439 Speaker 7: I yeah, here's the thing. I don't really I'm not 389 00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:10,520 Speaker 7: paying attention to how many dogs are on my flight, 390 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,480 Speaker 7: so that's not on me. 391 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:14,440 Speaker 9: There's more than there's another dog. 392 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:37,080 Speaker 5: I think it's just another year at. 393 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:35,560 Speaker 3: Wow, the plan miraculously lands. If there had been more time, 394 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:39,680 Speaker 3: more would have happened. But this is basically just a 395 00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:44,040 Speaker 3: pointless splashback covered in French dressing, to a time that 396 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,000 Speaker 3: most of the characters from Santi University took a flight 397 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:51,160 Speaker 3: to Cleveland and everything went completely normal, And that's why 398 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:55,040 Speaker 3: it was ultimately cut from the script. Nonetheless, I hope 399 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:59,560 Speaker 3: you enjoyed these cut pages from Santa University, and I 400 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,240 Speaker 3: hope you understand why they were cut. Although there were 401 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:08,600 Speaker 3: some incredible ballads and God Santa never appears again, unfortunately, 402 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:12,240 Speaker 3: because in this world there is very little showing of God. 403 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:18,080 Speaker 3: And with that, that's a scene on Santa University eight. 404 00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:26,800 Speaker 1: Maybe Grace Freud Christmas Angel here again. I know that 405 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,800 Speaker 1: one was rough, but you can't be mad about it, 406 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:36,720 Speaker 1: because Jesus Christ, she got thirty years with the guy. 407 00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:42,080 Speaker 1: Better luck next to you those stinky happy holidays. Oh 408 00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,560 Speaker 1: and if you want to watch something that's complete, you 409 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:48,959 Speaker 1: can watch my Mega Lapolist Christmas special right now on YouTube. 410 00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:52,640 Speaker 1: Thanks everybody,