WEBVTT - “BEING AN ADULT IS AWFUL”

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<v Speaker 1>Hello.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, my fucking god.

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<v Speaker 1>What's your name? Lad?

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<v Speaker 2>My name is Nick.

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<v Speaker 1>Nick. What's up, Nick? How you doing, buddy?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not ship. How's it going?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm actually feeling pretty uh okay right now? I'm excited

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<v Speaker 1>to talk to you. What's up?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm excited to talk to you. Fuck I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm nervous as hell now, God damn it.

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<v Speaker 1>Have have we ever talked before? Nick?

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<v Speaker 2>No?

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<v Speaker 1>All right? Cool? Where who are you? You have a

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<v Speaker 1>bombastic personality?

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<v Speaker 2>Well thank you. I don't think anybody's ever said that

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<v Speaker 2>to me before.

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<v Speaker 1>Who who are you?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm a guy? Sure are I'm a guy that does things?

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<v Speaker 1>Sure are what kind of hell?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Uh? Well, hotly, just hang out with my kids work.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, how old are your kids?

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<v Speaker 2>They are six and I have three year old twins.

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<v Speaker 1>Holy fucking geez. How old are you?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm twenty eight. I probably sound like a child.

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<v Speaker 1>But yeah, no, you're you're you're if you have three kids,

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<v Speaker 1>you're a super You're a total You're an adults. You're

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<v Speaker 1>a real adult. That's really cool.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, how's being adult, real person?

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<v Speaker 1>You're a super realer? How's being a real adult?

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<v Speaker 2>Fucking awful man? I mean being parentschool, but being an

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<v Speaker 2>adult is fucking awful.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, why tell me more?

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<v Speaker 2>So, Like a year ago, I had this really bad,

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<v Speaker 2>fucking mental breakdown because the real fucked up shit happened

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<v Speaker 2>with my family and all that. Ever since then, I

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<v Speaker 2>smoke weed and then I just sit there and I'm like, man,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm going to die. Everybody that I care about is

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<v Speaker 2>going to die, and nothing's going to mean anything.

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<v Speaker 1>Really, how often do you do that?

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<v Speaker 2>Almost every time? And all it takes is like a

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<v Speaker 2>puff or two?

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<v Speaker 1>How often do you get high? You said, are you

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<v Speaker 1>doing it? You're doing it every day?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, most of the time. It used to be NonStop,

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<v Speaker 2>but now I'll smoke like a bull a day.

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<v Speaker 1>What were you saying?

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<v Speaker 2>It's just like it's a bad time, but I've been

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<v Speaker 2>doing it for so long that like my brain and

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<v Speaker 2>my body. You're like, you fucking need this, you piece

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<v Speaker 2>of shit?

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<v Speaker 1>Can I I'm like genuinely curious because I I've lately

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<v Speaker 1>I've been just thinking you have been imagining what my

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<v Speaker 1>life would be like if I had to take care

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<v Speaker 1>of things that aren't me. And it's like, don't you,

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<v Speaker 1>like with three kids, do you have time to like

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<v Speaker 1>get high.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Yeah, they're good kids. They go to sleep on time.

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<v Speaker 2>One of them's in school.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, do you have someone who else? Do you have

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<v Speaker 1>a wife?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I have a girlfriend.

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<v Speaker 1>I heard a daddy in the background.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Sorry, sorry, I can't right now. I'm talking to the

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<v Speaker 1>therapy Gecko exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>They see you occasionally. They know I'm actually being you

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<v Speaker 2>for Halloween. And I've had one person. I've had one

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<v Speaker 2>person be like, are you supposed to be the therapy

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<v Speaker 2>Gecko and like yeah, yeah, oh yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>That's sick. That's awesome, man, that's awesome. All right. So

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<v Speaker 1>you feel, like you said, you have a mental breakdown

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<v Speaker 1>every time you get high, Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Pretty much. And I've all stemmed from one really bad

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<v Speaker 2>mental breakdown I had like about a year ago.

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<v Speaker 1>What, uh, well, how do you like? Okay? Can I

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just curious. I'm curious how your brain works, because

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<v Speaker 1>I know what I kind of I know what like

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<v Speaker 1>existential dread feels like like when you're high and you're

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<v Speaker 1>in the middle of that dread and you're like, nothing matters.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna die, Mike. Everyone I care about is gonna die.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you okay? In this moment? Like literally right now?

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<v Speaker 1>Are you sober? Are you high right now?

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<v Speaker 4>Ah?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm sober. My kids are awake. I'm not gonna

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<v Speaker 2>get high around these little shits.

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<v Speaker 1>In in in uh uh right now, in this current second,

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<v Speaker 1>do you feel the way that you felt? Do you

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<v Speaker 1>feel that those existential thoughts?

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<v Speaker 3>Do you?

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<v Speaker 2>Like? No, not really? It could be because I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 2>call with the fucking gek right now, but no, not really.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay. It's interesting because when when you let when like

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<v Speaker 1>that kind of shit kicks in, or it's almost you

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<v Speaker 1>almost think in your head, you're like, oh no, this

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<v Speaker 1>is my brain forever now, and that's like scary.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, that's that's accurate.

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<v Speaker 1>But you know the but that's not true because here

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<v Speaker 1>you are, after having once believed fully, truly, genuinely with

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<v Speaker 1>your whole soul that nothing mattered you stand uh in

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<v Speaker 1>this moment, knowing that to not be true, which I

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<v Speaker 1>think is cool.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, okay, sorry, I'm trying to wrangle some little shit.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm sorry.

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<v Speaker 1>No, I'm sorry, don't be sorry. I have nothing at

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<v Speaker 1>all to remotely be sorry for. What do you what

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<v Speaker 1>else is going on in your life?

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<v Speaker 2>Shit, I'm just trying to work survive, you know, adult

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<v Speaker 2>thing like we brought up before. Hey, my fucking job

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<v Speaker 2>work with a bunch of dope ds.

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<v Speaker 1>What's your job?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm a manager, Eddie fucking Applebee's.

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<v Speaker 1>That's cool. Do you do you yell at people a lot?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you yell at your staff?

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<v Speaker 2>No, they don't pay me enough to do that.

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<v Speaker 1>Mmmm mmmm does your buddy your bosses yell at you?

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<v Speaker 2>No? But that that ship all right?

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<v Speaker 1>So you don't yell. So you don't yell at anyone,

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<v Speaker 1>and no one yells at you. Tell me what what?

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<v Speaker 1>What is it? What? What? What upsets you the most?

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<v Speaker 1>Because you sounded like very upset. I'm curious with the

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<v Speaker 1>specific A lot.

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<v Speaker 2>Of drug addicts that I have to put up with,

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<v Speaker 2>and I get sick of dealing with drug addicts all

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<v Speaker 2>the time. Sure, drugs, they're all tweakers. I think there's

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<v Speaker 2>one crackhead, but most of them tweakers. But I guess

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<v Speaker 2>there's an Applebee's.

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<v Speaker 1>What's a tweak? Is a tweaker is? This is the

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<v Speaker 1>concept of a tweaker associated with a specific drug, usually

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<v Speaker 1>crystal math and fetom and have your done maths.

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<v Speaker 2>No. I was prescribed adderall at a very young age,

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<v Speaker 2>So it's kind of like, eh, been there, done that

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<v Speaker 2>For the most part, I mean, it's a diet myth.

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<v Speaker 1>So what you're the people who work for you that

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<v Speaker 1>are that are drug addicts do does? What do they

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<v Speaker 1>do to make your life more difficult?

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<v Speaker 2>Fuck? They don't show up for work, They come to

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<v Speaker 2>work tweaken, They bring random, strange methods into work with

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<v Speaker 2>them for some fucking reason. That's like yesterday I had

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<v Speaker 2>some some scrawny, little, fucking junked out hobo come in

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<v Speaker 2>and he's like, hey, it's William here, and then they

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<v Speaker 2>disappeared for like fucking twenty minutes, and I'm just like,

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<v Speaker 2>what the hell, No I got to do? You're supposed

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<v Speaker 2>to be doin when I got my own shits? Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry.

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<v Speaker 1>Have you got no sorry? Sorry? Have you ever made it?

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<v Speaker 1>You ever made any any you ever made any good

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<v Speaker 1>friends or business connections? This way? Like somebody brings somebody

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<v Speaker 1>into your restaurate on who's on drugs, and you're like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I know that you're on a lot of drugs,

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<v Speaker 1>but you're actually, uh, you actually seem like a cool guy,

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<v Speaker 1>and I want to hang out.

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<v Speaker 2>Uh later, I've met a few of them. Actually, when

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<v Speaker 2>I got hired on and I wasn't a manager, everybody

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<v Speaker 2>who worked there was like somebody who I've known for

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<v Speaker 2>a really long time. So it was an enjoyable place

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<v Speaker 2>to work at that point.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, all right, so you're you're making you know, sure,

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<v Speaker 1>it's probably it's probably not fun when people just bring random,

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<v Speaker 1>random people on meth into work, but you know, maybe

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<v Speaker 1>you get you guys can have a play date afterwards,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's kind of nice.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>What else? What else.

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<v Speaker 2>I've been drinking?

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<v Speaker 1>You've been jerking a lot deeper?

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<v Speaker 2>No drinking a lot drink. I don't have to jerk

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<v Speaker 2>it not that often.

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<v Speaker 1>Ship Uh what how often are you drinking? What are

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<v Speaker 1>you drinking?

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<v Speaker 2>I usually only drink all my days off, but I

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<v Speaker 2>stick to beer these days. But there's still like this

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<v Speaker 2>guilt that I live with of like, man, I'm drinking

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<v Speaker 2>too much, even though I drink like four beers a week.

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<v Speaker 1>It's an interesting question. Are you drinking too much? I

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<v Speaker 1>guess I guess that's kind of up for you to decide. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>you have kids, So if your kids told you that

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<v Speaker 1>you were drinking so much that they didn't recognize they

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<v Speaker 1>didn't feel like they could recognize you anymore. That's some.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, anytime I'm doing so, they're like, they're not around.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not a total piece of shit.

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<v Speaker 1>That's cool, that's cool. No, I don't. I don't think

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<v Speaker 1>you're a total piece of shit at all. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>think you're a total piece of shit.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you. I try. I try my best to be

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<v Speaker 2>a good person.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you what's up with the kids? Mom?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh? Yeah, we lived together. Things have been uh better now,

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<v Speaker 2>I guess than they used to be, which was kind

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<v Speaker 2>of the cause of the mental breakdown that I had

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<v Speaker 2>a year ago.

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<v Speaker 1>How long have you?

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<v Speaker 4>So?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay? So you all okay? So you, your wife and

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<v Speaker 1>your three kids all live in the same house. Yes, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>that's pretty good. That's pretty great. And you do you?

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<v Speaker 1>And do you? And uh you're white? You sher wife?

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<v Speaker 2>No, she's my girlfriend. I don't think you're going to

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<v Speaker 2>get married.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you and your girlfriend get along.

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<v Speaker 2>Most of the time recently? But like last year around

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<v Speaker 2>this time was very bad, in one of the darkest

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<v Speaker 2>points in my life. But things are a lot better now.

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<v Speaker 1>How in what ways have they gotten better?

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<v Speaker 2>We don't argue so much. That's a big one. That's

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<v Speaker 2>a big one. She finally got a job.

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<v Speaker 1>Did you have like a central thing that you would

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<v Speaker 1>argue about?

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<v Speaker 2>Shit? No, Oh, she's got a lot of mental shit.

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<v Speaker 2>I've got a lot of mental ship. It was it

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<v Speaker 2>was rough for a while, but it is. It has

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<v Speaker 2>gotten a lot of it.

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<v Speaker 1>That's good. What does she do? So you work at

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<v Speaker 1>the Applebee's. What does she do?

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<v Speaker 3>Yes?

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<v Speaker 2>And she works at the college that is in my town.

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<v Speaker 2>I live in a fucking college town.

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<v Speaker 1>Cool? Very cool?

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<v Speaker 3>Uh?

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<v Speaker 1>Did I did I ask her already? How long you

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<v Speaker 1>two have been together?

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<v Speaker 2>No, we've been together for about four almost five years

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<v Speaker 2>something like that.

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<v Speaker 1>Four five years. So you have a six year old?

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<v Speaker 3>Right?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes?

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<v Speaker 1>So is that with her?

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<v Speaker 2>Uh? It is my stepchild actually, but I've been raising

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<v Speaker 2>her since she was real young, so I just consider

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<v Speaker 2>her mind.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, So it's her. So you have.

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<v Speaker 2>H I have the twin boys.

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<v Speaker 1>You have the twin boys, and then she has a

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<v Speaker 1>child from another uh thing?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and that was a that was a whole ship show.

0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:04.400
<v Speaker 2>But we're not going to get into.

0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:09.120
<v Speaker 1>That, okay, A right, sure, sure, and this but this

0:12:09.240 --> 0:12:12.520
<v Speaker 1>is this So from the way it sounds sounds like

0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:15.040
<v Speaker 1>you've been raising this kid for uh since she was

0:12:15.080 --> 0:12:17.920
<v Speaker 1>like born and she calls you she's a you're like

0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:22.040
<v Speaker 1>her dad. Yeah yeah, okay, cool cool cool.

0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:23.040
<v Speaker 3>Hm hm.

0:12:25.360 --> 0:12:29.800
<v Speaker 1>You sound like you have a pretty nice life. Yeah.

0:12:29.960 --> 0:12:33.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's it's gotten better and it's gotten better. I've

0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:36.000
<v Speaker 2>done a lot of dumb ship, but I'm making up

0:12:36.040 --> 0:12:36.400
<v Speaker 2>for it now.

0:12:36.480 --> 0:12:39.400
<v Speaker 1>I feel like, uh so, yeah, tell me more if

0:12:39.440 --> 0:12:45.400
<v Speaker 1>you want, ah ship. H.

0:12:45.760 --> 0:12:47.480
<v Speaker 2>I used to do a lot of acid, and I

0:12:47.520 --> 0:12:50.280
<v Speaker 2>think that's a big cause of why I can't smoke

0:12:50.320 --> 0:12:54.880
<v Speaker 2>weed anymore, because there what's that ship called HPPD where

0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:56.560
<v Speaker 2>you do way too much hallucinogen?

0:12:57.040 --> 0:12:59.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah yeah, and you have you get like visual

0:12:59.720 --> 0:13:02.280
<v Speaker 1>snow Oh yeah yeah.

0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:03.600
<v Speaker 2>I think I got a little bit of that, and

0:13:03.640 --> 0:13:06.000
<v Speaker 2>that fucks with me from time to time. I don't

0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:09.439
<v Speaker 2>do hallucinogens anymore. That god fuck that.

0:13:11.960 --> 0:13:12.360
<v Speaker 3>Mm hmm.

0:13:15.080 --> 0:13:18.120
<v Speaker 1>Do you do you do? You miss doing acid a lot?

0:13:19.880 --> 0:13:26.240
<v Speaker 3>I miss cocaine mm hmm, but uh, how long ago?

0:13:26.520 --> 0:13:29.520
<v Speaker 1>What do you miss about cocaine?

0:13:30.320 --> 0:13:30.920
<v Speaker 2>Being high?

0:13:31.120 --> 0:13:40.160
<v Speaker 1>Sou Okay, Well that's cool. Uh yeah, you're.

0:13:42.679 --> 0:13:42.760
<v Speaker 3>You.

0:13:42.880 --> 0:13:45.800
<v Speaker 1>I don't really you know. I don't know you, but

0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:51.080
<v Speaker 1>you sound uh like you sound like you're like living

0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:55.000
<v Speaker 1>like pretty responsibly, and that it took you like a

0:13:55.040 --> 0:13:58.719
<v Speaker 1>while to uh get there, and that you're like sacrificing

0:13:58.760 --> 0:14:00.520
<v Speaker 1>a lot to be able.

0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:02.760
<v Speaker 2>To Yeah, you're pretty you're pretty much on it. I

0:14:02.760 --> 0:14:06.960
<v Speaker 2>don't like to, uh think very highly of myself, but yeah,

0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:09.680
<v Speaker 2>you're pretty much on it. You're pretty much nailing it

0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:10.199
<v Speaker 2>right there.

0:14:11.120 --> 0:14:15.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's that's just armchair therapy. But I respect that.

0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:19.040
<v Speaker 1>I have a lot of respect for that, because you

0:14:19.720 --> 0:14:21.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna just keep making assumptions about your life. You

0:14:22.080 --> 0:14:25.840
<v Speaker 1>sound like problem. You sound like you overcame a lot

0:14:25.880 --> 0:14:32.720
<v Speaker 1>of like your natural conditioning in order to uh achieve

0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:37.240
<v Speaker 1>higher life objectives, and I sincerely I have a deep

0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:42.920
<v Speaker 1>ah respect for that. So you know, he that.

0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:44.960
<v Speaker 2>Means more to me than you could ever know. I'm

0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:47.400
<v Speaker 2>a huge fan. I've been watching for a while.

0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:53.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Is that has that been hard?

0:14:57.160 --> 0:15:00.200
<v Speaker 2>Not really? No, Honestly, it came pretty easy. I think

0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:03.120
<v Speaker 2>there came a point in my life where it's just like, man,

0:15:03.320 --> 0:15:04.480
<v Speaker 2>I need to grow the fuck up.

0:15:05.120 --> 0:15:05.680
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm.

0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:07.520
<v Speaker 3>Mm hmm.

0:15:08.240 --> 0:15:13.760
<v Speaker 1>Do you think do you think you'll you'll be able

0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:19.120
<v Speaker 1>to sustain this for the for the future. Oh yeah, yeah,

0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:21.240
<v Speaker 1>that's great, that's awesome.

0:15:21.920 --> 0:15:22.120
<v Speaker 3>Do you have.

0:15:22.240 --> 0:15:23.240
<v Speaker 1>Do you have any advice for me?

0:15:23.360 --> 0:15:30.119
<v Speaker 2>Nick Ship? I know you seem depressed a lot. Yesterday

0:15:30.600 --> 0:15:34.360
<v Speaker 2>I was in the chat and I was like, are

0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:36.760
<v Speaker 2>you depressed, kick, because I think I am too.

0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:43.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. I think I don't. I get depressed pretty often.

0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:47.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm just my number one figure out. I'm yeah, but

0:15:47.680 --> 0:15:50.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm obsessed with figuring out how to not be and

0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:55.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm getting I think I'm getting really close. So I'll

0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:57.280
<v Speaker 1>let you know. When I figure out the meaning of life,

0:15:57.320 --> 0:16:00.720
<v Speaker 1>I'll try to pass it on to you. Yeah.

0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:06.240
<v Speaker 2>I also have an eating problem, like you talk about.

0:16:06.520 --> 0:16:08.240
<v Speaker 2>I eat like shit so bad.

0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:08.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:12.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, my kids don't. My kids are always eating real

0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:15.560
<v Speaker 2>healthy and then they see me eat some garbage and

0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:17.120
<v Speaker 2>they're just like, dad.

0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:20.080
<v Speaker 1>Come on, that's good. I like, you know what, That's

0:16:20.120 --> 0:16:22.560
<v Speaker 1>the funny thing, because sometimes I think to myself, I'm like,

0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:26.160
<v Speaker 1>is having kids? Is there a version of it where

0:16:26.200 --> 0:16:28.520
<v Speaker 1>you're like you get to a certain age and you're like,

0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:32.160
<v Speaker 1>all right, I fucked up this human being whose body

0:16:32.160 --> 0:16:36.040
<v Speaker 1>I currently inhabit. Let me just blank slate and let's

0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:39.720
<v Speaker 1>try again with the human being that's not me and

0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:42.440
<v Speaker 1>I can we can not fuck this up, you know.

0:16:44.680 --> 0:16:46.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, like I just made them a whole bunch of

0:16:46.280 --> 0:16:49.880
<v Speaker 2>pasta with like veggies and stuff in it, and then

0:16:49.920 --> 0:16:52.440
<v Speaker 2>they just watched me like six corn dogs to the

0:16:52.440 --> 0:16:55.400
<v Speaker 2>face and they're just like, Dad, come on, get your

0:16:55.400 --> 0:16:55.880
<v Speaker 2>life right.

0:16:57.160 --> 0:16:59.680
<v Speaker 1>That sounds like a right life to me. Is there

0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:01.320
<v Speaker 1>anything else would I say to the to the people

0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:02.400
<v Speaker 1>of the computer before we go.

0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:08.320
<v Speaker 2>Nick, I love you get I hope my call wasn't boring.

0:17:09.080 --> 0:17:13.760
<v Speaker 1>No, you're you're keep keep keep keep doing your thing. Dog.

0:17:14.760 --> 0:17:17.400
<v Speaker 2>Well, yeah, I hope I make it on the podcast. Actually,

0:17:17.400 --> 0:17:19.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm not sure. That's kind of terrifying thought.

0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:22.679
<v Speaker 1>I'm put I'm putting this in the pot. This is

0:17:22.880 --> 0:17:26.280
<v Speaker 1>you tell this is the podcast. This is the podcast,

0:17:26.840 --> 0:17:27.159
<v Speaker 1>all right?

0:17:28.600 --> 0:17:28.840
<v Speaker 4>Yeah?

0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:41.320
<v Speaker 1>Later. I liked that guy. I don't you know, he

0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:49.080
<v Speaker 1>clearly cared about his kids enough to give them food.

0:17:51.400 --> 0:17:54.520
<v Speaker 1>So that's I think that's a that's a noble quality

0:17:54.560 --> 0:17:54.880
<v Speaker 1>to have.

0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:55.719
<v Speaker 4>I have.

0:17:55.760 --> 0:17:58.399
<v Speaker 1>I had a lot of respect for that guy. I

0:17:58.480 --> 0:18:02.840
<v Speaker 1>do he you know, he's making it's hard to make

0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:05.840
<v Speaker 1>his it's hard to make that life that he's making

0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:10.240
<v Speaker 1>work is a life that sounds really hard to make work.

0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:12.600
<v Speaker 1>And I have I have a I have a lot

0:18:12.600 --> 0:18:15.040
<v Speaker 1>of respect for that Hello.

0:18:15.280 --> 0:18:18.320
<v Speaker 4>Oh hi, this is too stressful. Hi.

0:18:18.400 --> 0:18:19.360
<v Speaker 1>What is what is your name?

0:18:20.160 --> 0:18:20.320
<v Speaker 4>Oh?

0:18:20.400 --> 0:18:26.680
<v Speaker 1>I'm hasty, say that one more time, hasty Hespy?

0:18:26.880 --> 0:18:28.080
<v Speaker 4>Yeah yeah, that was good.

0:18:28.240 --> 0:18:32.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, what's up, Hesp? How you doing well?

0:18:32.640 --> 0:18:35.600
<v Speaker 4>I'm going fine. I guess a little bit too stressed.

0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:38.879
<v Speaker 4>I think my whole body is shaking. So I'm trying

0:18:38.920 --> 0:18:39.400
<v Speaker 4>to realize.

0:18:39.920 --> 0:18:40.920
<v Speaker 1>Where are you calling from?

0:18:41.920 --> 0:18:44.040
<v Speaker 4>Oh I'm calling from the Netherlands.

0:18:44.359 --> 0:18:46.640
<v Speaker 1>Oh, you're calling from the Netherlands. Oh, I've been. I've

0:18:46.640 --> 0:18:51.280
<v Speaker 1>been massively, massively dick riding the Netherlands lately. I love,

0:18:52.080 --> 0:18:54.480
<v Speaker 1>I love the Netherlands. I'm gonna I'm gonna dick ride

0:18:54.480 --> 0:18:59.359
<v Speaker 1>it some more. I love it's walkable, it's got great architecture,

0:19:00.400 --> 0:19:05.120
<v Speaker 1>it's got great greenery. It's uh, it's it's awesome. Where

0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:06.440
<v Speaker 1>in the Netherlands do you live?

0:19:07.400 --> 0:19:11.600
<v Speaker 4>Well, I live up in the north, so it's a city,

0:19:11.800 --> 0:19:13.920
<v Speaker 4>like it's kind of a small city called home again.

0:19:15.359 --> 0:19:18.159
<v Speaker 4>And actually I'm a student here, so I've been living

0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:19.240
<v Speaker 4>here for like two years.

0:19:19.240 --> 0:19:23.160
<v Speaker 1>Now. Cool bro, Are you from there originally?

0:19:24.280 --> 0:19:26.480
<v Speaker 4>Oh? No, I'm from Iran Oh Iran.

0:19:26.600 --> 0:19:30.040
<v Speaker 1>Oh cool dude, where where where? Where on around did

0:19:30.040 --> 0:19:30.640
<v Speaker 1>you grow up?

0:19:31.720 --> 0:19:31.920
<v Speaker 3>Oh?

0:19:31.960 --> 0:19:35.359
<v Speaker 4>And she does it's kind of like mixed south West.

0:19:35.480 --> 0:19:35.960
<v Speaker 4>I want to.

0:19:35.920 --> 0:19:39.880
<v Speaker 1>Say, And what you said? You went there for you?

0:19:39.880 --> 0:19:43.800
<v Speaker 1>You came to the Netherlands for school. Yeah, well, what

0:19:43.960 --> 0:19:44.719
<v Speaker 1>year are you in?

0:19:46.160 --> 0:19:50.439
<v Speaker 4>Well, I remember my second year of bachelors. But I

0:19:50.480 --> 0:19:52.679
<v Speaker 4>did three years of bachelors in Iran and then I

0:19:52.760 --> 0:19:58.639
<v Speaker 4>dropped out. I did three years of mechanical engineering and

0:19:58.680 --> 0:19:59.960
<v Speaker 4>then I moved here to do a.

0:20:01.400 --> 0:20:05.000
<v Speaker 1>Jeez, did you just like come by yourself? Did you

0:20:05.160 --> 0:20:07.000
<v Speaker 1>know anyone? Yeah?

0:20:07.240 --> 0:20:10.320
<v Speaker 4>By myself, not knowing anyone. It was kind of scary.

0:20:11.119 --> 0:20:13.760
<v Speaker 4>It was like, now thinking about it, looking back, I

0:20:13.760 --> 0:20:15.080
<v Speaker 4>don't know how the fuck I did that.

0:20:16.600 --> 0:20:20.840
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, that's cool. So what tell me about what

0:20:20.960 --> 0:20:22.960
<v Speaker 1>kind of life you've been able to build for yourself

0:20:23.400 --> 0:20:24.560
<v Speaker 1>the past couple of years.

0:20:25.680 --> 0:20:30.520
<v Speaker 4>Well, okay, so when I came here, I lived in

0:20:30.520 --> 0:20:35.840
<v Speaker 4>a house, I mean in a room. I had fifteen

0:20:35.920 --> 0:20:39.480
<v Speaker 4>housemates and I had a room that was like nine

0:20:39.480 --> 0:20:43.199
<v Speaker 4>square meters for about like six seven months because it

0:20:43.280 --> 0:20:47.880
<v Speaker 4>was the cheapest option I could get. And then luckily

0:20:48.000 --> 0:20:51.800
<v Speaker 4>I got like now, I got a studio, which is

0:20:51.880 --> 0:20:56.800
<v Speaker 4>kind of better, and I had a really good housemates.

0:20:56.880 --> 0:20:59.280
<v Speaker 4>So I'm still in contact with them. We kept in

0:20:59.400 --> 0:21:05.360
<v Speaker 4>touch yeah, I have a boyfriend now and oh my god,

0:21:05.400 --> 0:21:06.320
<v Speaker 4>my voice is shaking.

0:21:07.400 --> 0:21:08.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah is he is?

0:21:08.359 --> 0:21:08.720
<v Speaker 3>He? Is?

0:21:08.720 --> 0:21:08.800
<v Speaker 2>He?

0:21:09.040 --> 0:21:09.119
<v Speaker 3>Is?

0:21:09.160 --> 0:21:11.639
<v Speaker 1>He a tall, beautiful blonde dutch Man.

0:21:12.480 --> 0:21:21.520
<v Speaker 4>Oh no, no, well he's ethnically from at all, and

0:21:22.400 --> 0:21:24.560
<v Speaker 4>but he grew up here and he was born here.

0:21:24.720 --> 0:21:27.639
<v Speaker 1>So cool, very cool? Are you?

0:21:27.800 --> 0:21:27.879
<v Speaker 2>So?

0:21:28.000 --> 0:21:32.160
<v Speaker 1>Are you enjoy Are you enjoying life?

0:21:32.359 --> 0:21:34.119
<v Speaker 4>I don't know. I feel like not as much as

0:21:34.160 --> 0:21:38.760
<v Speaker 4>I should, Okay, because like I had this opportunity, and

0:21:39.000 --> 0:21:42.200
<v Speaker 4>I feel like I'm having like a mid life crisis.

0:21:42.240 --> 0:21:44.920
<v Speaker 4>I mean not really mid life, it's like a quarter

0:21:45.040 --> 0:21:50.840
<v Speaker 4>life crisis. And yeah, so I was a really depressed

0:21:50.920 --> 0:21:53.919
<v Speaker 4>and anxious when I moved here. I got into this

0:21:54.160 --> 0:21:59.320
<v Speaker 4>really deep depression and I figured out that it was

0:21:59.359 --> 0:22:03.479
<v Speaker 4>burnt out. So now this is a healing process.

0:22:03.720 --> 0:22:08.000
<v Speaker 1>I guess it's good. I'm really I just very selfishly,

0:22:08.560 --> 0:22:11.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm really bummed to hear that you're anxious and depressed,

0:22:11.840 --> 0:22:15.560
<v Speaker 1>because for me, when I get anxious and depressed, my

0:22:15.720 --> 0:22:18.040
<v Speaker 1>one of my like defense mechanisms is like, fuck all this,

0:22:18.480 --> 0:22:22.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm just gonna I imagine life in what where I've

0:22:22.920 --> 0:22:25.760
<v Speaker 1>moved to a foreign country and abandoned all I ever was,

0:22:26.560 --> 0:22:29.760
<v Speaker 1>including you know, anxiety and depression, and in my head,

0:22:31.000 --> 0:22:33.240
<v Speaker 1>the Netherlands is one of those places. So in my head,

0:22:33.680 --> 0:22:36.639
<v Speaker 1>when you live in the Netherlands, you actually anxiety and

0:22:36.640 --> 0:22:40.160
<v Speaker 1>depression just doesn't exist in my you know what I mean.

0:22:40.359 --> 0:22:43.920
<v Speaker 1>So hearing that, you hearing that there is a person

0:22:44.119 --> 0:22:46.480
<v Speaker 1>in the place where I imagine everything to be amazing

0:22:46.480 --> 0:22:49.719
<v Speaker 1>all the time, it is experiencing everything not being amazing

0:22:49.720 --> 0:22:52.560
<v Speaker 1>all the time just crushes me, you know what I mean?

0:22:52.720 --> 0:22:55.000
<v Speaker 4>I know, I know, But the thing is that I

0:22:55.040 --> 0:22:57.160
<v Speaker 4>also thought that I'm going to run away from everything,

0:22:57.440 --> 0:23:00.520
<v Speaker 4>like run away from my depression and anxiety and everything

0:23:00.600 --> 0:23:03.600
<v Speaker 4>when I leave it all. But then the thing is

0:23:03.640 --> 0:23:07.160
<v Speaker 4>that you bring everything with yourself. You know, if you're

0:23:07.200 --> 0:23:12.040
<v Speaker 4>the problem, you're going to be the problem everywhere. Yeah,

0:23:12.080 --> 0:23:16.359
<v Speaker 4>so you just find like new angles of love life

0:23:16.400 --> 0:23:17.880
<v Speaker 4>to be depressed about.

0:23:19.240 --> 0:23:20.119
<v Speaker 1>Well that's great.

0:23:21.160 --> 0:23:23.879
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I'm sorry to push your dream.

0:23:23.880 --> 0:23:27.560
<v Speaker 1>Sorry, it had to happen. It had to happen at

0:23:27.560 --> 0:23:28.520
<v Speaker 1>some point.

0:23:29.400 --> 0:23:34.560
<v Speaker 4>Yeah. So in Amsterdam by the way.

0:23:34.600 --> 0:23:36.080
<v Speaker 1>Oh, you're coming to the Amsterdam Show.

0:23:36.960 --> 0:23:38.840
<v Speaker 4>To be honest, I'm not sure if I can make

0:23:38.880 --> 0:23:43.200
<v Speaker 4>it there because it's just like I have to take

0:23:43.200 --> 0:23:46.520
<v Speaker 4>the train from here to two hours and I have

0:23:46.600 --> 0:23:49.880
<v Speaker 4>to pay for the train. And also it's the same

0:23:49.960 --> 0:23:52.520
<v Speaker 4>day as my birthday, so there's going to be some

0:23:52.600 --> 0:23:55.879
<v Speaker 4>plans here. I'm not sure if I'm going to make it,

0:23:55.960 --> 0:23:56.440
<v Speaker 4>but I'll.

0:23:56.320 --> 0:23:59.959
<v Speaker 1>Try my best. Well, what are you doing for your birthday?

0:24:00.040 --> 0:24:04.159
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I'm not sure. Usually we just go out for

0:24:04.240 --> 0:24:07.960
<v Speaker 4>dinner and I get my birthday presents and stuff.

0:24:08.560 --> 0:24:09.960
<v Speaker 1>Well that's I mean, it sounds like you have like

0:24:09.960 --> 0:24:12.480
<v Speaker 1>a nice little community out there enough enough that you can,

0:24:13.080 --> 0:24:14.280
<v Speaker 1>you know, do a birthday.

0:24:15.119 --> 0:24:17.440
<v Speaker 4>Yeah. Yeah, I have a few friends and a boyfriend.

0:24:17.760 --> 0:24:21.879
<v Speaker 1>That's good. So tell me more about your healing. What

0:24:21.920 --> 0:24:24.480
<v Speaker 1>are you doing to heal? Well?

0:24:24.880 --> 0:24:29.080
<v Speaker 4>I go to Serpi sometimes twice a week, which is crazy,

0:24:29.200 --> 0:24:35.200
<v Speaker 4>I know. And other than that, it's just that I

0:24:35.320 --> 0:24:40.240
<v Speaker 4>learned to do sometimes the bare minimum and allow myself to,

0:24:42.560 --> 0:24:46.320
<v Speaker 4>you know, to like some days not do shit and

0:24:46.400 --> 0:24:49.280
<v Speaker 4>be okay with that. And it was a real difficult

0:24:49.359 --> 0:24:52.840
<v Speaker 4>for me. I don't know why, but like I have

0:24:52.880 --> 0:24:56.280
<v Speaker 4>an Islam tomorrow and the whole day I was thinking that,

0:24:56.440 --> 0:24:59.360
<v Speaker 4>oh I have to get a ten for that example

0:24:59.520 --> 0:25:05.280
<v Speaker 4>is out of Oh well, I'm just like trying to

0:25:06.240 --> 0:25:09.159
<v Speaker 4>remember that I just need to fucking pass, Like I

0:25:09.240 --> 0:25:12.639
<v Speaker 4>do not need to get at ten. So so now

0:25:12.840 --> 0:25:16.399
<v Speaker 4>I'm just trying to do bare minimum in my life.

0:25:15.920 --> 0:25:23.639
<v Speaker 1>I resonate with that so deeply, I really do. I

0:25:23.640 --> 0:25:27.000
<v Speaker 1>think that there's a weird I know it's like misconstrued

0:25:27.080 --> 0:25:30.520
<v Speaker 1>is laziness, and I've battled with it myself, but I'm

0:25:30.720 --> 0:25:34.840
<v Speaker 1>so I so deeply resonate with trying just being like,

0:25:35.040 --> 0:25:37.240
<v Speaker 1>let me just do the bare minimum so I don't

0:25:37.240 --> 0:25:41.280
<v Speaker 1>go insane. Yeah, I resonate with that a lot. I've

0:25:41.280 --> 0:25:42.679
<v Speaker 1>been thinking about that a lot. That's one of the

0:25:42.680 --> 0:25:45.639
<v Speaker 1>read If you're watching the video version of this podcast,

0:25:45.680 --> 0:25:49.600
<v Speaker 1>you'll notice that I'm not in my normal setup, and

0:25:49.640 --> 0:25:53.040
<v Speaker 1>that's honestly because I was like, I don't feel like

0:25:53.160 --> 0:25:56.560
<v Speaker 1>doing it. I feel more comfortable doing this. But look

0:25:56.600 --> 0:26:00.720
<v Speaker 1>we're but look I'm we're having an interesting conversation right now,

0:26:00.720 --> 0:26:04.119
<v Speaker 1>which to me is that's my version of passing the test.

0:26:04.720 --> 0:26:07.800
<v Speaker 4>You know what, Okay, that's good. The pressure to be interesting, and.

0:26:07.840 --> 0:26:11.960
<v Speaker 1>I thought so much, you're no, you're being I don't know,

0:26:12.080 --> 0:26:14.360
<v Speaker 1>I don't people. I don't care about people being interesting.

0:26:14.359 --> 0:26:19.480
<v Speaker 1>I just care about them being themselves, you know. So,

0:26:20.320 --> 0:26:25.520
<v Speaker 1>I mean you are inherently in an interesting Uh, situation,

0:26:25.960 --> 0:26:28.919
<v Speaker 1>So what's the Well, actually I wanted to ask you that.

0:26:28.960 --> 0:26:31.600
<v Speaker 1>What did I didn't ask you this is was there

0:26:31.640 --> 0:26:33.920
<v Speaker 1>a specific thing that you wanted to talk to talk

0:26:34.000 --> 0:26:38.400
<v Speaker 1>talk about in this situation, in this phone call. It's

0:26:38.400 --> 0:26:39.919
<v Speaker 1>okay if not. There's other stuff too.

0:26:41.480 --> 0:26:44.760
<v Speaker 4>I didn't want to talk about anxiety about the stuff

0:26:44.760 --> 0:26:47.680
<v Speaker 4>that that is, Like, I know it's out of my control,

0:26:48.640 --> 0:26:51.159
<v Speaker 4>but I'm still anxious about it. Like I keep trying

0:26:51.200 --> 0:26:53.359
<v Speaker 4>to tell myself, Yeah, I thought of I can not

0:26:53.440 --> 0:26:57.160
<v Speaker 4>do anything about it, but it still affects my life.

0:26:57.440 --> 0:27:04.280
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, I mean accept I feel like like acceptance

0:27:04.600 --> 0:27:09.719
<v Speaker 1>is a it's not like a one time deal as

0:27:09.800 --> 0:27:16.560
<v Speaker 1>much as you want it to be. It's a recurring practice.

0:27:16.760 --> 0:27:19.280
<v Speaker 4>So I just have to keep telling myself I set

0:27:19.400 --> 0:27:22.080
<v Speaker 4>my control and one day it would be fine.

0:27:23.640 --> 0:27:25.240
<v Speaker 1>Oh I can't tell you if one day it will

0:27:25.240 --> 0:27:32.000
<v Speaker 1>be fine. I don't have that data. Uh, but I

0:27:33.640 --> 0:27:36.600
<v Speaker 1>but I can. Really, I can only speak from my personal,

0:27:37.480 --> 0:27:42.560
<v Speaker 1>uh experience with trying to accept that things will be fine.

0:27:42.960 --> 0:27:48.600
<v Speaker 1>All I can say is that yet it's a recurring

0:27:49.600 --> 0:27:52.639
<v Speaker 1>you have to kind of consistently reinforce to yourself that

0:27:52.680 --> 0:27:54.960
<v Speaker 1>you're going to be okay. You know, it's not just

0:27:55.000 --> 0:27:58.960
<v Speaker 1>a thing that you decide once and it's forever there.

0:27:59.000 --> 0:28:02.000
<v Speaker 1>It's like a it's like changing your fucking what's like

0:28:02.000 --> 0:28:05.000
<v Speaker 1>a habit. You have to get into the habit of

0:28:05.160 --> 0:28:09.080
<v Speaker 1>positively thinking about things and accepting.

0:28:10.960 --> 0:28:14.920
<v Speaker 4>But like, let me give you an example. Yeah, for example,

0:28:14.840 --> 0:28:18.720
<v Speaker 4>let me so, I'm kind of like currently, I'm kind

0:28:18.720 --> 0:28:21.399
<v Speaker 4>of worried about like the situation. I don't want to

0:28:21.400 --> 0:28:23.480
<v Speaker 4>get like into politics and stuff, but it's just like

0:28:23.520 --> 0:28:25.720
<v Speaker 4>the situation that oh, is it's gonna be a war

0:28:25.800 --> 0:28:28.440
<v Speaker 4>there or not in it on And like my family

0:28:28.480 --> 0:28:32.080
<v Speaker 4>lived there, and I'm still getting money from my family,

0:28:32.800 --> 0:28:36.600
<v Speaker 4>Like I cannot support myself completely even when I like

0:28:36.600 --> 0:28:40.560
<v Speaker 4>to work here, so they send me money sometimes and

0:28:40.720 --> 0:28:47.000
<v Speaker 4>they pay for e tuition fees. And I'm also concerned

0:28:47.000 --> 0:28:51.320
<v Speaker 4>about the health if something's happened, if the war starts

0:28:51.320 --> 0:28:56.960
<v Speaker 4>in Middle East, I don't know. Oh, And compared to that, sometimes,

0:28:57.000 --> 0:28:59.960
<v Speaker 4>like the problems that I have in my daily life,

0:29:00.120 --> 0:29:04.440
<v Speaker 4>they're feel so insignificant that I cannot bring myself like

0:29:05.120 --> 0:29:09.160
<v Speaker 4>I don't know, I cannot bring myself to focus on

0:29:09.240 --> 0:29:11.920
<v Speaker 4>my yam. I don't not bring my I cannot bring

0:29:11.960 --> 0:29:15.120
<v Speaker 4>myself to go to work or do something like that

0:29:15.320 --> 0:29:18.600
<v Speaker 4>was the main reason that my depression started, because like

0:29:19.920 --> 0:29:23.480
<v Speaker 4>there's so many things happening, like I feel like my

0:29:23.600 --> 0:29:27.640
<v Speaker 4>life is falling apart, and I'm just scared trying to

0:29:28.000 --> 0:29:29.760
<v Speaker 4>I don't know, give my set about the water.

0:29:31.560 --> 0:29:33.760
<v Speaker 1>By the way, give me a favorite. Are you holding

0:29:33.760 --> 0:29:36.000
<v Speaker 1>your hand over the microphone or anything like that? You're

0:29:36.160 --> 0:29:37.520
<v Speaker 1>a tiny bit muffled.

0:29:37.520 --> 0:29:39.760
<v Speaker 4>Oh no, I feel like I'm just like too stressed

0:29:39.760 --> 0:29:42.560
<v Speaker 4>that like my voice is shaking and the words are

0:29:42.600 --> 0:29:43.520
<v Speaker 4>not no no.

0:29:43.360 --> 0:29:45.320
<v Speaker 1>No, no, no, no no the words. The words are

0:29:45.320 --> 0:29:50.920
<v Speaker 1>definitely getting out. Well oh man, Well, first of all,

0:29:50.920 --> 0:29:54.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm really really sorry to hear that that's uh that's

0:29:54.320 --> 0:29:58.440
<v Speaker 1>going on. I feel like I can't. I don't think

0:29:58.480 --> 0:30:03.520
<v Speaker 1>I could realistically sit here and tell you, uh that

0:30:03.720 --> 0:30:06.240
<v Speaker 1>the way to deal with your your family being in

0:30:06.280 --> 0:30:09.160
<v Speaker 1>a war zone is to, uh, you know, do some

0:30:09.200 --> 0:30:12.760
<v Speaker 1>breathing exercises, because I don't. I don't know if I

0:30:12.840 --> 0:30:18.040
<v Speaker 1>that's the thing, but you say it makes all your

0:30:18.080 --> 0:30:24.800
<v Speaker 1>like day day to day life feel more insignificant. Yeah,

0:30:27.280 --> 0:30:30.000
<v Speaker 1>Is that a good? Is that like a good thing?

0:30:30.440 --> 0:30:32.720
<v Speaker 1>Is that? Does that take the pressure off of things

0:30:32.760 --> 0:30:33.080
<v Speaker 1>at all?

0:30:34.240 --> 0:30:38.440
<v Speaker 4>No? Not really because like now I'm like, why would

0:30:38.480 --> 0:30:42.680
<v Speaker 4>I take care of myself? Like I don't know even

0:30:42.760 --> 0:30:45.320
<v Speaker 4>the smallest Like I cannot sometimes get out of bed

0:30:45.400 --> 0:30:48.080
<v Speaker 4>because like what am I going to do to fix anything?

0:30:48.720 --> 0:30:49.880
<v Speaker 4>Like nothing I do matter?

0:30:50.000 --> 0:30:51.160
<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

0:30:56.080 --> 0:30:58.160
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I'm sorry. I feel like that was like too heavy.

0:30:58.880 --> 0:31:01.240
<v Speaker 1>No, No, I don't you know, you know, don't be sorry.

0:31:01.280 --> 0:31:05.280
<v Speaker 1>These are I will I'm making the I'm making those

0:31:05.320 --> 0:31:10.160
<v Speaker 1>noises because uh, I mean you're talking about some real

0:31:10.240 --> 0:31:14.760
<v Speaker 1>ship and I you're just making me think about the

0:31:14.760 --> 0:31:25.360
<v Speaker 1>these things are interesting to think about, hmmar.

0:31:22.640 --> 0:31:28.160
<v Speaker 4>Like because I get anxious about my daily life, like

0:31:28.160 --> 0:31:30.920
<v Speaker 4>like I don't know even about the like stupid choices,

0:31:31.560 --> 0:31:33.840
<v Speaker 4>you know, Like if I get anxious about it, it

0:31:33.920 --> 0:31:36.520
<v Speaker 4>means that it's important to me. At the same time,

0:31:36.640 --> 0:31:39.240
<v Speaker 4>I feel like it's not important enough for me to

0:31:39.320 --> 0:31:42.040
<v Speaker 4>do anything about it. But why do I get anxious

0:31:42.040 --> 0:31:44.440
<v Speaker 4>to it? So it's just like I cannot even tell

0:31:44.480 --> 0:31:47.320
<v Speaker 4>what's happening in my brain right now, you know, let.

0:31:47.240 --> 0:31:50.440
<v Speaker 1>Me actually play with this a little bit because I've

0:31:50.480 --> 0:31:54.120
<v Speaker 1>been thinking about this in my own thing. I also

0:31:54.240 --> 0:31:56.960
<v Speaker 1>often think, like what's the point of giving a fuck

0:31:57.040 --> 0:32:00.680
<v Speaker 1>about my life? Uh? Because there's so many things of control,

0:32:01.200 --> 0:32:04.720
<v Speaker 1>and because like, what's the there's greater, there's there's more

0:32:04.760 --> 0:32:07.800
<v Speaker 1>important things going on in the in the like world

0:32:07.880 --> 0:32:10.880
<v Speaker 1>at large besides just like fucking me, So why do

0:32:10.960 --> 0:32:13.400
<v Speaker 1>I matter? And why is my happiness matter? And what's

0:32:13.440 --> 0:32:15.880
<v Speaker 1>the Like I've really thought about these things. I've like

0:32:15.920 --> 0:32:19.560
<v Speaker 1>talked to fucking chat GPT about these things and trying

0:32:19.560 --> 0:32:22.680
<v Speaker 1>to try to figure it out. And I think I

0:32:22.800 --> 0:32:24.640
<v Speaker 1>just for me, I can only just speak from my

0:32:24.680 --> 0:32:28.280
<v Speaker 1>lived experience. Like for me, I think, like the when

0:32:28.360 --> 0:32:30.760
<v Speaker 1>I reach a conclusion about this stuff, I just go,

0:32:31.520 --> 0:32:36.000
<v Speaker 1>you know what, it's my fucking life. I'm gonna care

0:32:36.040 --> 0:32:41.040
<v Speaker 1>about it. I'm just deciding. I know it's kind of oversimplification,

0:32:41.200 --> 0:32:43.600
<v Speaker 1>but it's just a matter of deciding that you care

0:32:44.160 --> 0:32:47.320
<v Speaker 1>about your own life and deciding it's important to you

0:32:47.440 --> 0:32:52.040
<v Speaker 1>that you be happy, and uh trying not to feel

0:32:52.120 --> 0:32:58.440
<v Speaker 1>like shame in that, uh, because there's the point. Yeah,

0:32:58.480 --> 0:33:01.520
<v Speaker 1>I don't think it's a shameful thing to want to

0:33:01.520 --> 0:33:04.440
<v Speaker 1>give a fuck about your life, although I definitely have

0:33:04.520 --> 0:33:09.160
<v Speaker 1>experienced that, Yes, this is my fucking life and I

0:33:09.840 --> 0:33:13.239
<v Speaker 1>care about it, and I'm I'm I confidently care about it.

0:33:13.280 --> 0:33:18.040
<v Speaker 1>So I'm trying to again, it's a it's a recurring

0:33:18.080 --> 0:33:22.960
<v Speaker 1>mental exercise. But uh, that's just where it is, what

0:33:23.080 --> 0:33:24.840
<v Speaker 1>it comes down. I don't know if I said anything

0:33:24.960 --> 0:33:27.960
<v Speaker 1>just now, but that's where I land. That's where I land.

0:33:29.440 --> 0:33:36.880
<v Speaker 4>It is interesting, like to intentionally of deciding that this

0:33:37.000 --> 0:33:39.400
<v Speaker 4>is my life when I'm gonna do something about it.

0:33:39.480 --> 0:33:42.600
<v Speaker 4>I don't know if I Yeah, I was like for

0:33:42.640 --> 0:33:44.560
<v Speaker 4>a long time, I was in the state that like

0:33:44.640 --> 0:33:47.800
<v Speaker 4>I didn't even care enough about myself to decide that

0:33:47.960 --> 0:33:52.080
<v Speaker 4>for myself. So I was kind of like, whatever happens happened.

0:33:52.760 --> 0:33:56.120
<v Speaker 4>But maybe now I'm in a more I don't know,

0:33:56.600 --> 0:33:59.840
<v Speaker 4>I'm in a better place to decide about what.

0:33:59.800 --> 0:34:04.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm is weed legal where you're at. Do they still

0:34:04.560 --> 0:34:05.680
<v Speaker 1>have those weed cafes?

0:34:05.720 --> 0:34:08.240
<v Speaker 4>Oh yeah, yeah yeah, coffee shoo.

0:34:08.920 --> 0:34:15.080
<v Speaker 1>That's cool. See in the States, I was just gonna say,

0:34:15.120 --> 0:34:17.560
<v Speaker 1>in the States, like weed is legal, but there's no

0:34:17.800 --> 0:34:20.719
<v Speaker 1>like coffee shot. Like in Amsterdam, you can buy a

0:34:20.800 --> 0:34:24.040
<v Speaker 1>joint and then hang out at the place and smoke it.

0:34:24.080 --> 0:34:26.880
<v Speaker 1>But in LA or New York or any or Denver

0:34:26.960 --> 0:34:30.120
<v Speaker 1>even it's like you there's no like lounges or like

0:34:30.440 --> 0:34:32.759
<v Speaker 1>there there are lounges, but you can't buy weed at

0:34:32.760 --> 0:34:34.279
<v Speaker 1>the lounges. If you like buy it a store and

0:34:34.280 --> 0:34:37.680
<v Speaker 1>then go into the lounges. Unfortunately, I'm only in Amster.

0:34:37.719 --> 0:34:40.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm in Amsterdam for like a day. Like i arrive

0:34:40.280 --> 0:34:44.960
<v Speaker 1>there at like a nine am, and I'm jet lagged,

0:34:45.000 --> 0:34:47.680
<v Speaker 1>and I'm gonna try to enjoy the city and then

0:34:47.840 --> 0:34:49.120
<v Speaker 1>and then I go to sleep, and then I wake

0:34:49.200 --> 0:34:50.239
<v Speaker 1>up and I gotta do the show, and then I

0:34:50.280 --> 0:34:52.320
<v Speaker 1>gotta get the fuck out of there. So it's a bummer.

0:34:52.320 --> 0:34:55.960
<v Speaker 1>I wanted to spend more time there. I wanted to Eventually,

0:34:55.960 --> 0:34:58.120
<v Speaker 1>I'll go back when I'm not. It's problem because I'm like,

0:34:58.280 --> 0:35:01.839
<v Speaker 1>I'm like working, I'm doing these shows, but I want

0:35:01.840 --> 0:35:03.319
<v Speaker 1>to go there to just like spend some time and

0:35:03.360 --> 0:35:07.200
<v Speaker 1>hang and look at look at cool, look at cool Amsterdam. Shit.

0:35:08.760 --> 0:35:11.680
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I've never like stayed at Amsterdam more than like

0:35:11.719 --> 0:35:12.560
<v Speaker 4>one or two days.

0:35:12.560 --> 0:35:13.360
<v Speaker 2>But it is cool.

0:35:14.400 --> 0:35:16.160
<v Speaker 4>But dude, I want to tell you this. I worked

0:35:16.160 --> 0:35:18.040
<v Speaker 4>at a coffee shop for like a few weeks.

0:35:18.280 --> 0:35:18.759
<v Speaker 1>Oh cool.

0:35:19.640 --> 0:35:22.920
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, it was nice, Like there's a lounge and you

0:35:22.960 --> 0:35:25.359
<v Speaker 4>can also buy it there, so it's fun.

0:35:26.400 --> 0:35:28.799
<v Speaker 1>I remember the first time I went to Amsterdam. I

0:35:28.840 --> 0:35:30.760
<v Speaker 1>went to one of those coffee shops. Was the coolest

0:35:30.800 --> 0:35:34.680
<v Speaker 1>fucking thing ever. And they I just remember them having

0:35:34.760 --> 0:35:37.719
<v Speaker 1>like I remember they handed me a menu and on

0:35:37.760 --> 0:35:41.279
<v Speaker 1>the menu it was a selection of different milkshakes you

0:35:41.280 --> 0:35:44.040
<v Speaker 1>could get, and then a selection of different like joints

0:35:44.120 --> 0:35:47.160
<v Speaker 1>you could buy. And I was like twenty and I

0:35:47.160 --> 0:35:49.359
<v Speaker 1>was like, this is the coolest place I've ever been

0:35:49.440 --> 0:35:50.720
<v Speaker 1>in my entire fucking life.

0:35:51.520 --> 0:35:56.680
<v Speaker 4>Yeah. Anyway, And the sad thing is I don't smoke, so.

0:35:58.040 --> 0:36:05.720
<v Speaker 1>That's good. It's pretty bad for you. What's your name again? Hasty? Well, Hesty,

0:36:05.719 --> 0:36:08.520
<v Speaker 1>thanks for sharing all this stuff. And I hope, uh,

0:36:08.800 --> 0:36:09.839
<v Speaker 1>I hope you're doing all right.

0:36:10.200 --> 0:36:14.280
<v Speaker 4>Life is kind of crazy for all the advice talking

0:36:14.320 --> 0:36:14.760
<v Speaker 4>to you.

0:36:14.840 --> 0:36:16.200
<v Speaker 1>Anything else do I say to the people of the

0:36:16.200 --> 0:36:17.080
<v Speaker 1>computer before we go?

0:36:18.680 --> 0:36:20.320
<v Speaker 4>H oh no? Nothing?

0:36:21.320 --> 0:36:24.240
<v Speaker 1>No, well, I don't think so see you later, dog.

0:36:25.080 --> 0:36:27.560
<v Speaker 4>Okay, have a nice name.

0:36:32.160 --> 0:36:36.319
<v Speaker 1>Do I have any post call thoughts? Uh? Yeah, I

0:36:36.320 --> 0:36:39.759
<v Speaker 1>don't know. Have I Have I gotten too serious? I

0:36:39.800 --> 0:36:42.399
<v Speaker 1>mean we're kind of past that point. I don't think.

0:36:42.480 --> 0:36:45.120
<v Speaker 1>I don't think there's any turning back. Has this show

0:36:45.160 --> 0:36:47.880
<v Speaker 1>gotten too serious? Have I gotten too serious? I wonder

0:36:47.920 --> 0:36:50.040
<v Speaker 1>that too times Sometimes I wonder if I've like become

0:36:50.080 --> 0:36:53.239
<v Speaker 1>too sincere, because I don't think I ever set out

0:36:53.400 --> 0:37:00.200
<v Speaker 1>to like do a very sincere thing. But now now

0:37:00.200 --> 0:37:02.080
<v Speaker 1>that I've been, now that i've kind of I mean this,

0:37:02.400 --> 0:37:05.680
<v Speaker 1>this has been a sincere this, This has had strong

0:37:06.400 --> 0:37:10.440
<v Speaker 1>sincere sincerity to it for basically the entire time it's existed.

0:37:12.360 --> 0:37:14.319
<v Speaker 1>But now I don't think I could go back. I

0:37:14.400 --> 0:37:18.400
<v Speaker 1>used to do, like the comedy that I did before

0:37:18.400 --> 0:37:23.239
<v Speaker 1>I did the Gecko was not sincere. It's very like absurdist,

0:37:23.680 --> 0:37:25.040
<v Speaker 1>and I don't think I could go back. I think

0:37:25.080 --> 0:37:27.600
<v Speaker 1>I would feel like empty. It's weird because I want

0:37:27.600 --> 0:37:31.879
<v Speaker 1>to be sincere enough that I feel like like I'm

0:37:31.920 --> 0:37:36.000
<v Speaker 1>doing something that matters in some degree, But I don't

0:37:36.040 --> 0:37:38.920
<v Speaker 1>want to be too sincere to where I'm like, oh,

0:37:38.920 --> 0:37:43.960
<v Speaker 1>I've really gotten myself into something that's not reflective of

0:37:44.200 --> 0:37:48.160
<v Speaker 1>who I am or is too intense for me as

0:37:48.200 --> 0:37:51.759
<v Speaker 1>a person. And I feel like I've crossed some of

0:37:51.800 --> 0:37:57.560
<v Speaker 1>those lines. But but overall, but overall good, overall good.

0:37:57.640 --> 0:38:00.480
<v Speaker 1>I like the live shows. Live shows are a little us.

0:38:00.880 --> 0:38:03.920
<v Speaker 1>They're a little they have they have sincere moments, but

0:38:04.000 --> 0:38:09.799
<v Speaker 1>they balance it out with uh, with diarrhea, but I

0:38:09.800 --> 0:38:12.640
<v Speaker 1>don't know whatever. I still like doing this podcast, So

0:38:12.680 --> 0:38:15.680
<v Speaker 1>we're gonna. I'm gonna I'm gonna try not to be crazy.

0:38:15.680 --> 0:38:18.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna try not to be a crazy person, except

0:38:18.280 --> 0:38:21.000
<v Speaker 1>except after phone calls when I go on long fucking

0:38:21.120 --> 0:38:23.560
<v Speaker 1>rants like a crazy person, which I'm gonna do now.

0:38:23.560 --> 0:38:27.399
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna keep going on this rant until it's over,

0:38:27.560 --> 0:38:29.560
<v Speaker 1>which it's about to be right now.

0:38:31.640 --> 0:38:33.840
<v Speaker 3>Hello, Hello, can you hear me?

0:38:33.880 --> 0:38:35.759
<v Speaker 1>All right? I can. What's your name?

0:38:37.080 --> 0:38:39.080
<v Speaker 3>My name's Orlan Orland?

0:38:39.080 --> 0:38:41.040
<v Speaker 1>What's up Orlon? Have we ever talked before?

0:38:43.360 --> 0:38:44.120
<v Speaker 3>I don't think so?

0:38:46.320 --> 0:38:50.520
<v Speaker 1>Okay, cool man? Well, what what's what's going on with you? Orlon?

0:38:51.160 --> 0:38:55.440
<v Speaker 3>Currently at McDonald.

0:38:54.560 --> 0:38:55.400
<v Speaker 1>You're currently at.

0:38:57.719 --> 0:39:00.200
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, what do you did?

0:39:00.239 --> 0:39:01.680
<v Speaker 1>What are you doing that for the night?

0:39:05.040 --> 0:39:06.839
<v Speaker 3>Picking up some trash food for the night?

0:39:07.760 --> 0:39:07.960
<v Speaker 4>Oh?

0:39:08.000 --> 0:39:12.720
<v Speaker 1>What's you have? Any big plans for the night?

0:39:13.120 --> 0:39:16.080
<v Speaker 3>No, just been, uh, doing a lot of schoolwork lately.

0:39:16.400 --> 0:39:21.839
<v Speaker 3>Thanks you too, Just doing a lot of school work lately, unfortunately.

0:39:22.760 --> 0:39:24.040
<v Speaker 1>What what are you in school for?

0:39:25.680 --> 0:39:26.680
<v Speaker 3>Cybersecurity?

0:39:27.920 --> 0:39:33.000
<v Speaker 1>Okay, you're keeping the the Internet safe. That's really It's

0:39:33.000 --> 0:39:33.680
<v Speaker 1>a noble thing.

0:39:35.080 --> 0:39:38.920
<v Speaker 3>Yes, is there anything I'm getting the job where I

0:39:38.920 --> 0:39:42.120
<v Speaker 3>am like actively defending against hackers.

0:39:42.680 --> 0:39:46.480
<v Speaker 1>Oh that's cool. That's that's that's kind of It's an

0:39:46.480 --> 0:39:51.040
<v Speaker 1>interesting it's an interesting thing being on the computer. You know,

0:39:51.280 --> 0:39:55.160
<v Speaker 1>it's an interesting thing being on the computer. Is there

0:39:55.160 --> 0:40:01.799
<v Speaker 1>anything you wanted to talk about specifically orlan? Yeah?

0:40:01.840 --> 0:40:05.120
<v Speaker 3>I could use some advice on finding irl friends. I

0:40:05.200 --> 0:40:07.920
<v Speaker 3>literally only have virtual friends.

0:40:08.800 --> 0:40:09.440
<v Speaker 1>How old are you?

0:40:10.920 --> 0:40:11.759
<v Speaker 3>I'm twenty six.

0:40:12.960 --> 0:40:15.840
<v Speaker 1>Uh do you go outside? Do you leave the house.

0:40:18.120 --> 0:40:18.920
<v Speaker 3>Other than work?

0:40:19.640 --> 0:40:24.000
<v Speaker 1>No? Okay? What do you do when you get off

0:40:24.000 --> 0:40:24.319
<v Speaker 1>of work?

0:40:26.880 --> 0:40:30.400
<v Speaker 3>School? Or video games? I do stream on Twitch myself.

0:40:31.480 --> 0:40:32.640
<v Speaker 1>Well what city do you live in?

0:40:36.440 --> 0:40:38.280
<v Speaker 3>Blint?

0:40:40.160 --> 0:40:45.319
<v Speaker 1>Flint in Michigan. Yeah, how is there? Is there happenings

0:40:45.360 --> 0:40:47.399
<v Speaker 1>in Flint? Are there things you can go to and

0:40:47.480 --> 0:40:50.000
<v Speaker 1>do or organize?

0:40:50.280 --> 0:40:54.600
<v Speaker 3>Well, that's the thing. I'm not even from Michigan. I've

0:40:54.640 --> 0:40:58.680
<v Speaker 3>just moved here a couple of years ago from after

0:40:58.800 --> 0:41:02.560
<v Speaker 3>dating a girl online, not over Facebook for six months. Well,

0:41:02.600 --> 0:41:05.640
<v Speaker 3>I mean we talked for like a month and then

0:41:05.680 --> 0:41:09.399
<v Speaker 3>she came down from Michigan to Columbus, Ohio like every

0:41:09.440 --> 0:41:11.880
<v Speaker 3>other week, ant and I saw the commitment, so I

0:41:11.920 --> 0:41:17.239
<v Speaker 3>pulled the trigger and yeah this I've been here two

0:41:17.280 --> 0:41:20.880
<v Speaker 3>and a half years.

0:41:20.000 --> 0:41:23.520
<v Speaker 1>Do you know anyone at influence.

0:41:25.120 --> 0:41:27.000
<v Speaker 3>Nope, just my girlfriend.

0:41:27.360 --> 0:41:29.719
<v Speaker 1>Okay, Well, why don't you go do whyn't you leave

0:41:29.719 --> 0:41:31.080
<v Speaker 1>your house man and go do stuff?

0:41:32.680 --> 0:41:36.360
<v Speaker 3>I mean, like sometimes like I have a cool neighbor

0:41:36.440 --> 0:41:39.319
<v Speaker 3>I talk to and like we smoke sometimes together. But like,

0:41:41.239 --> 0:41:45.200
<v Speaker 3>I don't know, like I clam up and I feel

0:41:45.200 --> 0:41:47.959
<v Speaker 3>like a lot of the awkward pauses that are being

0:41:48.000 --> 0:41:52.919
<v Speaker 3>taken in the conversation are like due to my lack

0:41:52.960 --> 0:41:55.480
<v Speaker 3>of input, and I don't really like I feel like

0:41:55.719 --> 0:41:57.640
<v Speaker 3>I lose the interests of other people.

0:41:58.920 --> 0:42:03.120
<v Speaker 1>You feel like you lose the interest of other people interesting, Well,

0:42:03.200 --> 0:42:05.480
<v Speaker 1>how do you feel like you could be better in

0:42:05.560 --> 0:42:07.560
<v Speaker 1>social interactions?

0:42:10.040 --> 0:42:11.960
<v Speaker 3>I mean, I don't know if I have like aspergers

0:42:12.040 --> 0:42:13.840
<v Speaker 3>or something. Like I'm starting to believe I do have

0:42:13.880 --> 0:42:19.400
<v Speaker 3>autisms because there are specific things I focus on. I

0:42:19.440 --> 0:42:25.400
<v Speaker 3>don't really like loud noises, like like sudden loud noises

0:42:25.480 --> 0:42:31.560
<v Speaker 3>kind of make me upset. And I don't know, I

0:42:31.600 --> 0:42:33.799
<v Speaker 3>feel like I don't really read people that well, and

0:42:33.880 --> 0:42:36.880
<v Speaker 3>my go to is claming up, thinking that I'm not

0:42:37.000 --> 0:42:39.840
<v Speaker 3>doing enough to be interesting to the other person. Like

0:42:39.880 --> 0:42:42.960
<v Speaker 3>I was hanging out with my neighbor the other day

0:42:43.040 --> 0:42:46.480
<v Speaker 3>and the only thing I was talking about was like

0:42:46.640 --> 0:42:52.720
<v Speaker 3>obs and stuff like that, and I felt like.

0:42:51.480 --> 0:42:54.319
<v Speaker 1>Let me, let me, let me, you know, let me

0:42:54.320 --> 0:42:57.320
<v Speaker 1>get Let me ask you a question. Are you interested

0:42:57.400 --> 0:42:59.840
<v Speaker 1>in your neighbor? Do you find your neighbor interesting?

0:43:02.080 --> 0:43:04.600
<v Speaker 3>I mean, yeah, kind of looks cool, he's got cool,

0:43:04.760 --> 0:43:06.879
<v Speaker 3>he's uh, he's got a really cool muscle car.

0:43:07.600 --> 0:43:10.719
<v Speaker 1>Okay, do you let me tell you? Let me let me.

0:43:10.880 --> 0:43:13.960
<v Speaker 1>Here's the thing about social interactions. Is there really less

0:43:14.000 --> 0:43:21.600
<v Speaker 1>about proving if you just the onus of proving yourself

0:43:21.719 --> 0:43:25.319
<v Speaker 1>to be interesting to other people is not is not

0:43:25.400 --> 0:43:29.960
<v Speaker 1>a good way to go about your conversational life.

0:43:30.680 --> 0:43:30.920
<v Speaker 4>You know.

0:43:31.360 --> 0:43:34.040
<v Speaker 1>The best way for you to have social interactions is

0:43:34.080 --> 0:43:37.799
<v Speaker 1>to just be is actually the complete opposite. It's to

0:43:37.840 --> 0:43:41.480
<v Speaker 1>just be interested in other people. Now, I don't know

0:43:41.520 --> 0:43:44.520
<v Speaker 1>if you're naturally are interested in other people. I assume

0:43:44.560 --> 0:43:47.920
<v Speaker 1>because you want friends and you want to be around

0:43:48.000 --> 0:43:53.240
<v Speaker 1>people more often, that you are naturally in other people.

0:43:53.800 --> 0:43:59.040
<v Speaker 1>So so so so, so, what I would recommend is

0:43:59.080 --> 0:44:04.800
<v Speaker 1>that you just start kind of approaching these situations thinking

0:44:05.239 --> 0:44:07.760
<v Speaker 1>like less about yourself and how you might be coming

0:44:07.800 --> 0:44:15.080
<v Speaker 1>off and about how you know you might be doing

0:44:15.120 --> 0:44:18.680
<v Speaker 1>something weird or something like that, and and start thinking

0:44:18.680 --> 0:44:21.920
<v Speaker 1>more about just like really trying to dive into the

0:44:22.120 --> 0:44:25.640
<v Speaker 1>whatever natural curiosity you have about the people around you

0:44:25.680 --> 0:44:26.839
<v Speaker 1>and the people you're talking to.

0:44:30.920 --> 0:44:36.520
<v Speaker 3>So first be interested and then second fall into natural flow.

0:44:37.480 --> 0:44:39.799
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, man, I don't think. I don't think a good

0:44:39.880 --> 0:44:46.560
<v Speaker 1>conversation is about proving that you're cool.

0:44:47.800 --> 0:44:47.960
<v Speaker 3>Uh.

0:44:48.040 --> 0:44:50.600
<v Speaker 1>I understand where that's where that comes from, and I

0:44:50.680 --> 0:44:55.080
<v Speaker 1>understand why that is something that uh plugues can plug,

0:44:55.160 --> 0:45:00.600
<v Speaker 1>can plug your brain. And I've definitely had it interactions

0:45:00.840 --> 0:45:04.560
<v Speaker 1>where I felt that way, and maybe there is a

0:45:04.560 --> 0:45:07.960
<v Speaker 1>little bit of that in there, sure, but like at

0:45:08.040 --> 0:45:11.240
<v Speaker 1>least eighty percent of it is just being naturally curious

0:45:11.280 --> 0:45:14.360
<v Speaker 1>and interested in other people and kind of things I

0:45:14.360 --> 0:45:16.680
<v Speaker 1>think flow flow through that.

0:45:18.920 --> 0:45:21.680
<v Speaker 3>So let me tell you this, what things should I

0:45:21.719 --> 0:45:25.920
<v Speaker 3>be like looking at to be interested in somebody? Because

0:45:26.000 --> 0:45:29.120
<v Speaker 3>like I was trying to say, was that I mean,

0:45:29.280 --> 0:45:32.880
<v Speaker 3>I am lonely to the extent of not having friends,

0:45:32.920 --> 0:45:37.920
<v Speaker 3>but I don't know how to be interested in other

0:45:37.920 --> 0:45:40.920
<v Speaker 3>people really. I mean, like I have interest like video

0:45:40.920 --> 0:45:43.000
<v Speaker 3>games and stuff like that. So I guess if we

0:45:43.040 --> 0:45:46.280
<v Speaker 3>talk about common things, but I don't know this person,

0:45:46.280 --> 0:45:48.600
<v Speaker 3>how do they know what's common? And then I just

0:45:48.600 --> 0:45:51.120
<v Speaker 3>feel like I'm ewing out word vomit.

0:45:52.560 --> 0:45:54.680
<v Speaker 1>Well, I mean, you don't know this person, how I

0:45:54.719 --> 0:45:56.160
<v Speaker 1>know if it's common. I mean you get to know

0:45:56.200 --> 0:45:58.840
<v Speaker 1>people by asking them questions and showing an interest in

0:45:59.560 --> 0:46:03.200
<v Speaker 1>they're a lot lives. True, But and it's Okay, here's

0:46:03.200 --> 0:46:08.440
<v Speaker 1>the thing, and I like the question of well, it

0:46:08.480 --> 0:46:10.560
<v Speaker 1>should come from an authentic place. I mean, do you

0:46:10.640 --> 0:46:13.279
<v Speaker 1>have are you do you? Are you interested in other

0:46:13.360 --> 0:46:16.239
<v Speaker 1>people in their lives?

0:46:17.960 --> 0:46:24.600
<v Speaker 3>I mean some people, but very specific people. Okay, I

0:46:24.640 --> 0:46:26.719
<v Speaker 3>guess that is kind of selfish. It's coming from a

0:46:26.719 --> 0:46:27.560
<v Speaker 3>selfish No, I.

0:46:27.520 --> 0:46:29.160
<v Speaker 1>Never I never said it was selfish. I don't think

0:46:29.160 --> 0:46:31.000
<v Speaker 1>it's selfish, and I don't think you should think it's

0:46:31.040 --> 0:46:34.799
<v Speaker 1>selfish either. That I'm just trying to kind of, I guess,

0:46:34.800 --> 0:46:39.200
<v Speaker 1>tap into whatever is authentic about your your brain and

0:46:39.239 --> 0:46:41.400
<v Speaker 1>your interactions with other people.

0:46:43.719 --> 0:46:47.240
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I mean like I mean even like playing video

0:46:47.280 --> 0:46:52.279
<v Speaker 3>games online. Like I have a hard time continuing the

0:46:52.280 --> 0:46:56.120
<v Speaker 3>conversation beyond video games. But I want you.

0:46:56.080 --> 0:46:59.000
<v Speaker 1>Want Okay, great, you want to. That's a that's a genuine,

0:46:59.200 --> 0:47:03.239
<v Speaker 1>authentic desire of yours is to continue the conversation beyond

0:47:03.320 --> 0:47:05.920
<v Speaker 1>video games. What how do you want to continue the

0:47:05.960 --> 0:47:12.480
<v Speaker 1>conversation beyond video games? What do you want to You

0:47:12.520 --> 0:47:15.960
<v Speaker 1>said you want to continue your conversations beyond video games?

0:47:16.000 --> 0:47:17.200
<v Speaker 1>What do you Where do you want to go?

0:47:18.320 --> 0:47:21.480
<v Speaker 3>I mean a go to would be like asking them

0:47:21.480 --> 0:47:22.120
<v Speaker 3>where they're from.

0:47:23.120 --> 0:47:26.839
<v Speaker 1>Cool, But like.

0:47:28.480 --> 0:47:34.600
<v Speaker 3>I don't know, maybe I don't know, but.

0:47:34.600 --> 0:47:37.279
<v Speaker 1>You've identified, but you've identified a natural desire that you

0:47:37.320 --> 0:47:39.680
<v Speaker 1>want to take your conversations that you're having with somebody

0:47:39.719 --> 0:47:42.040
<v Speaker 1>about something like video games, and you you have a

0:47:42.239 --> 0:47:44.400
<v Speaker 1>genuine desire to take it further.

0:47:45.640 --> 0:47:46.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:47:46.760 --> 0:47:49.279
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so just follow. I I really I mean it.

0:47:49.320 --> 0:47:52.200
<v Speaker 1>I think you should just follow wherever that genuine desire

0:47:52.320 --> 0:47:59.000
<v Speaker 1>takes you. Does that make sense? Does that make sense? Yeah? Okay, great,

0:47:59.360 --> 0:48:01.479
<v Speaker 1>I'm happy it does because I really I really feel

0:48:01.480 --> 0:48:10.680
<v Speaker 1>that way. So yeah, and just like, yeah, don't don't

0:48:10.680 --> 0:48:13.040
<v Speaker 1>freak out about whether or not you're presenting yourself as

0:48:13.080 --> 0:48:21.319
<v Speaker 1>the coolest guy in the world. Okay, I mean, you.

0:48:21.360 --> 0:48:24.879
<v Speaker 3>Know, I always want to brag about myself, I guess

0:48:24.880 --> 0:48:28.360
<v Speaker 3>because I mean I do cool things. But like, I

0:48:28.440 --> 0:48:30.239
<v Speaker 3>was a chef for a while, I worked for a

0:48:30.280 --> 0:48:30.919
<v Speaker 3>master chef.

0:48:31.640 --> 0:48:33.879
<v Speaker 1>Mm hm m hmm.

0:48:34.120 --> 0:48:36.520
<v Speaker 3>But I feel like that's like very selfish of me

0:48:36.640 --> 0:48:37.799
<v Speaker 3>talking about myself like that.

0:48:38.960 --> 0:48:42.320
<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't the way you're saying it's selfish is making

0:48:42.360 --> 0:48:46.960
<v Speaker 1>it out like you're like there's something like negative or

0:48:47.000 --> 0:48:50.680
<v Speaker 1>evil about you, which isn't is it was isn't true.

0:48:51.440 --> 0:48:53.239
<v Speaker 1>You know, I don't know why I said evil. Evil

0:48:53.239 --> 0:48:55.720
<v Speaker 1>seems like a staunch word, but it just I didn't

0:48:55.760 --> 0:48:57.640
<v Speaker 1>like that you were saying that it was selfish because

0:48:57.640 --> 0:49:01.240
<v Speaker 1>I didn't think it was. You have a genuine desire.

0:49:01.280 --> 0:49:03.200
<v Speaker 1>You want to get to know people on a deeper level,

0:49:03.719 --> 0:49:09.520
<v Speaker 1>is what you're expressing. Yeah, so uh, just really, I mean,

0:49:09.560 --> 0:49:13.200
<v Speaker 1>I really mean, like, tap into that desire and see

0:49:13.560 --> 0:49:16.560
<v Speaker 1>what it leads you to find. I guess, I guess

0:49:16.600 --> 0:49:18.239
<v Speaker 1>I guess if I were to say anything to you

0:49:18.280 --> 0:49:23.719
<v Speaker 1>to kind of wrap like this conversation is like it

0:49:23.880 --> 0:49:27.200
<v Speaker 1>sounds like you're when you're going into these social interactions,

0:49:27.719 --> 0:49:31.000
<v Speaker 1>you're tapping into a You're tapping more into fear. You're

0:49:31.000 --> 0:49:34.000
<v Speaker 1>tapping into fear of whether or not this person likes you,

0:49:34.080 --> 0:49:38.040
<v Speaker 1>tapping into fear that you're not interesting enough, or that

0:49:38.080 --> 0:49:41.399
<v Speaker 1>you're selfish, or that you're this and that, and you're

0:49:41.480 --> 0:49:43.319
<v Speaker 1>you're kind of going into these desires. You're kind of

0:49:43.320 --> 0:49:49.040
<v Speaker 1>going into these conversations from that place, right, And I

0:49:49.080 --> 0:49:51.400
<v Speaker 1>would just flip it, and I would flip it, and

0:49:51.440 --> 0:49:55.279
<v Speaker 1>I would identify that you have a genuine desire to

0:49:55.320 --> 0:49:58.279
<v Speaker 1>get to know people and to have deeper connections with

0:49:58.360 --> 0:50:03.800
<v Speaker 1>people and approach it from that desire. Does that make sense?

0:50:05.960 --> 0:50:06.600
<v Speaker 3>Absolutely?

0:50:06.680 --> 0:50:06.919
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

0:50:07.080 --> 0:50:09.920
<v Speaker 3>Could I ask you maybe one more question if you

0:50:09.920 --> 0:50:10.319
<v Speaker 3>don't mind.

0:50:10.920 --> 0:50:12.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:50:12.440 --> 0:50:16.040
<v Speaker 3>So I often try to engage with other people on Twitch,

0:50:16.200 --> 0:50:19.360
<v Speaker 3>other streamers and stuff like that. Mm. But then I

0:50:19.400 --> 0:50:24.279
<v Speaker 3>find myself feeling like I'm like, I don't know, like

0:50:24.360 --> 0:50:27.279
<v Speaker 3>being a nuisance on their stream by typing and being

0:50:27.320 --> 0:50:31.560
<v Speaker 3>like one of the top chatters typing like everything, you

0:50:31.560 --> 0:50:33.959
<v Speaker 3>know what I mean? Mm hmm. Do you think that's

0:50:34.120 --> 0:50:37.200
<v Speaker 3>that's the same scenarios. I'm just like, I'm coming from

0:50:37.239 --> 0:50:40.680
<v Speaker 3>a place that isn't the best mind space.

0:50:42.880 --> 0:50:46.040
<v Speaker 1>Well, with streamers, it's weird because it's a really one

0:50:46.120 --> 0:50:47.279
<v Speaker 1>sided interaction.

0:50:49.680 --> 0:50:53.400
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I mean they don't They're not like expressively saying

0:50:53.400 --> 0:50:55.520
<v Speaker 3>that I'm being a nuisance other than joking with me.

0:50:55.680 --> 0:50:58.880
<v Speaker 1>But I mean, do you get well again, it's a

0:50:58.960 --> 0:51:01.400
<v Speaker 1>really one sided around. I mean, to be totally honest

0:51:01.400 --> 0:51:03.400
<v Speaker 1>with you, every time I read, even if it's on

0:51:03.440 --> 0:51:06.360
<v Speaker 1>my own thing, anytime, I'm like like I'm looking at

0:51:06.400 --> 0:51:08.840
<v Speaker 1>I look at Instagram or YouTube or whatever, and you

0:51:08.880 --> 0:51:11.839
<v Speaker 1>see comments. I'm always like, who are these people? Who

0:51:11.840 --> 0:51:15.680
<v Speaker 1>are these people who are like talking? I know everyone

0:51:15.680 --> 0:51:17.480
<v Speaker 1>in my comments section is now going to reference me

0:51:17.520 --> 0:51:20.600
<v Speaker 1>saying this, but I'm like, who are these people talking?

0:51:20.760 --> 0:51:23.759
<v Speaker 1>In the internet comments? I don't know. I don't know

0:51:23.840 --> 0:51:25.719
<v Speaker 1>what's going on in the brain when it's leaving a

0:51:25.760 --> 0:51:28.160
<v Speaker 1>comment on a thing. I mean, I appreciate it. I've

0:51:28.400 --> 0:51:30.960
<v Speaker 1>for my own shit. I like hearing the feedback. I

0:51:31.040 --> 0:51:35.120
<v Speaker 1>read the comments and stuff. But that's a diff that's

0:51:35.120 --> 0:51:40.120
<v Speaker 1>really I wouldn't what you're talking about is not in

0:51:40.160 --> 0:51:45.160
<v Speaker 1>the field of social interaction. I don't think. But I

0:51:45.360 --> 0:51:47.520
<v Speaker 1>don't know. What do you want? Like when you're when

0:51:47.520 --> 0:51:49.440
<v Speaker 1>you're well, I guess I'll I'll just ask you, Like,

0:51:49.480 --> 0:51:52.480
<v Speaker 1>when you're chatting a lot in someone's stream, what are

0:51:52.480 --> 0:51:53.880
<v Speaker 1>you hoping to get out of that?

0:51:56.480 --> 0:52:00.840
<v Speaker 3>Just interaction? Really? I mean, I'm not looking for followers

0:52:00.920 --> 0:52:05.360
<v Speaker 3>or anything like, I just trying to create, like be

0:52:05.440 --> 0:52:06.440
<v Speaker 3>a part of their community.

0:52:06.480 --> 0:52:11.600
<v Speaker 1>Really, you're trying to interact with the other chatters.

0:52:12.840 --> 0:52:15.399
<v Speaker 3>Well, rarely do I interact with the other chat It's

0:52:15.400 --> 0:52:20.120
<v Speaker 3>more I'm making comments and they're reading it. Type shit

0:52:20.360 --> 0:52:24.359
<v Speaker 3>and then like I don't, like I feel like I'm

0:52:24.480 --> 0:52:26.600
<v Speaker 3>I am disconnected with chat often.

0:52:30.600 --> 0:52:33.040
<v Speaker 1>I feel what was the initial thing that you want

0:52:33.080 --> 0:52:34.920
<v Speaker 1>that you were asking about this or reason why you

0:52:34.920 --> 0:52:39.520
<v Speaker 1>wanted to bring this up or talk about it. Yeah,

0:52:39.640 --> 0:52:40.560
<v Speaker 1>not having like.

0:52:40.680 --> 0:52:43.839
<v Speaker 3>The best tools to have friends and stuff like that.

0:52:49.239 --> 0:52:51.239
<v Speaker 3>I mean, like I happen to discord and I have

0:52:51.520 --> 0:52:54.960
<v Speaker 3>I talk to other people that are that stream, that

0:52:55.000 --> 0:53:00.440
<v Speaker 3>are in the community and stuff. But like, I mean,

0:53:00.480 --> 0:53:03.880
<v Speaker 3>I don't really know, like what do I even how

0:53:03.920 --> 0:53:07.120
<v Speaker 3>do I even call out somebody else in the chat

0:53:07.160 --> 0:53:12.120
<v Speaker 3>and then start trying to make a connection with them.

0:53:12.280 --> 0:53:13.960
<v Speaker 1>Well, what do you want? Man? Do you want? Do

0:53:14.000 --> 0:53:16.960
<v Speaker 1>you want to be around more people in real life

0:53:17.160 --> 0:53:19.920
<v Speaker 1>or in in flint or do you want to have

0:53:20.560 --> 0:53:23.640
<v Speaker 1>online buddies? Like what would your ideal scenario be?

0:53:26.360 --> 0:53:27.359
<v Speaker 2>More friends?

0:53:27.520 --> 0:53:31.319
<v Speaker 3>Probably not relying on having one friend that I play

0:53:31.400 --> 0:53:31.879
<v Speaker 3>games with.

0:53:32.760 --> 0:53:39.719
<v Speaker 1>M I mean, I think the twitch discords a little

0:53:39.719 --> 0:53:41.440
<v Speaker 1>different from if you're in the ears of the If

0:53:41.480 --> 0:53:44.399
<v Speaker 1>you're like on Twitch talking to a twitch streamer trying

0:53:44.440 --> 0:53:49.040
<v Speaker 1>to like get their attention for like a form of

0:53:49.120 --> 0:53:51.960
<v Speaker 1>genuine connection, I don't think that's a good idea. But

0:53:52.040 --> 0:53:53.840
<v Speaker 1>if you're in like, but you could go to the

0:53:53.920 --> 0:53:59.000
<v Speaker 1>discord channel of a twitch streamer and start talking to

0:53:59.040 --> 0:54:02.200
<v Speaker 1>the people in the who are also watch the streamer

0:54:02.239 --> 0:54:06.439
<v Speaker 1>and maybe, you know, get some interaction like that. But again,

0:54:06.480 --> 0:54:07.000
<v Speaker 1>I would.

0:54:06.840 --> 0:54:10.400
<v Speaker 3>Really trying to tag somebody in chat and make a

0:54:10.440 --> 0:54:11.400
<v Speaker 3>conversation midst.

0:54:12.200 --> 0:54:14.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but dude, really, I don't know what. I don't

0:54:14.080 --> 0:54:17.760
<v Speaker 1>know what the landscape of Flint, Michigan looks like these days.

0:54:17.800 --> 0:54:19.839
<v Speaker 1>But if you can do, do your best to try

0:54:19.840 --> 0:54:21.160
<v Speaker 1>to get out of the house and meet some folks

0:54:21.239 --> 0:54:21.800
<v Speaker 1>in real life.

0:54:23.080 --> 0:54:25.560
<v Speaker 3>All right, all right, I appreciate the advice.

0:54:25.239 --> 0:54:29.880
<v Speaker 1>Man, Yeah, of course. Man. Well, thanks, thanks for sharing

0:54:29.920 --> 0:54:33.120
<v Speaker 1>all this stuff with me and uh trusting me to

0:54:34.440 --> 0:54:38.239
<v Speaker 1>fucking talk about it. Thank you. Sorry, I'm sorry I

0:54:38.320 --> 0:54:42.080
<v Speaker 1>talked over you. I'm sorry I talked over you earlier,

0:54:42.120 --> 0:54:44.040
<v Speaker 1>but I was there was a second where I was like,

0:54:44.120 --> 0:54:47.200
<v Speaker 1>I just need to get this thought out and I

0:54:47.280 --> 0:54:49.840
<v Speaker 1>need to talk over you to do it. So thanks

0:54:49.840 --> 0:54:50.680
<v Speaker 1>for bearing with me.

0:54:51.920 --> 0:54:54.480
<v Speaker 3>No, no, thank you, I appreciate everything.

0:54:54.960 --> 0:54:56.640
<v Speaker 1>Is there anything else you wus say to the people

0:54:56.640 --> 0:54:57.839
<v Speaker 1>of the computer before we go?

0:55:02.040 --> 0:55:04.120
<v Speaker 3>I love this community, Bill, and I hope you never

0:55:04.120 --> 0:55:04.840
<v Speaker 3>stop doing.

0:55:04.640 --> 0:55:05.000
<v Speaker 2>What you do.

0:55:05.080 --> 0:55:07.959
<v Speaker 1>Gack, Thank you, brother. I appreciate it. You enjoy enjoy

0:55:07.960 --> 0:55:09.719
<v Speaker 1>your McDonald's.

0:55:10.280 --> 0:55:12.640
<v Speaker 3>I will, I will shove it down my throat. Thank you,

0:55:13.360 --> 0:55:15.880
<v Speaker 3>tak did have a night bye?

0:55:18.120 --> 0:55:23.000
<v Speaker 1>You know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't

0:55:23.920 --> 0:55:26.239
<v Speaker 1>I don't get you. I don't get comments. Every time

0:55:26.280 --> 0:55:29.520
<v Speaker 1>I see comments, I get I read. I read my

0:55:29.600 --> 0:55:32.640
<v Speaker 1>YouTube comments. Part of me thinks I shouldn't because it's

0:55:32.719 --> 0:55:37.480
<v Speaker 1>like obsessive, I guess, to just sit there and read

0:55:37.560 --> 0:55:43.239
<v Speaker 1>stuff about yourself. Uh, But I don't. But I like,

0:55:43.600 --> 0:55:46.240
<v Speaker 1>but I do with I work a lot on making

0:55:46.280 --> 0:55:50.360
<v Speaker 1>these podcasts, and so I want to I want to

0:55:50.400 --> 0:55:53.040
<v Speaker 1>know what people think about them. I have these conversations

0:55:53.239 --> 0:55:55.760
<v Speaker 1>like like I want, like, I'm gonna read the comments

0:55:56.000 --> 0:55:57.719
<v Speaker 1>because I want to know what the people in the

0:55:57.800 --> 0:56:01.839
<v Speaker 1>comments have to say about people in the comments. I

0:56:01.840 --> 0:56:03.319
<v Speaker 1>think that's fair. I think it's fair for me to

0:56:03.320 --> 0:56:07.560
<v Speaker 1>want to read the comments about my work. I think

0:56:07.600 --> 0:56:10.560
<v Speaker 1>it's a bad idea to try to like gain a

0:56:10.800 --> 0:56:15.960
<v Speaker 1>sense of self esteem from them. But I think it's

0:56:16.040 --> 0:56:20.799
<v Speaker 1>natural to be curious about them. I don't know. I

0:56:20.800 --> 0:56:25.600
<v Speaker 1>don't know why anyone does anything, really goes on the line,

0:56:25.840 --> 0:56:29.959
<v Speaker 1>taking your phone calls every night, ever, goes to his eye.

0:56:30.080 --> 0:56:33.680
<v Speaker 1>He's teaching you cloud interial life, but he's not read

0:56:34.000 --> 0:56:34.759
<v Speaker 1>an expert