Speaker 1: Hello.
Speaker 2: Oh, my fucking god.
Speaker 1: What's your name? Lad?
Speaker 2: My name is Nick.
Speaker 1: Nick. What's up, Nick? How you doing, buddy?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: I'm not ship. How's it going?
Speaker 1: I'm actually feeling pretty uh okay right now? I'm excited
Speaker 1: to talk to you. What's up?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm excited to talk to you. Fuck I don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm nervous as hell now, God damn it.
Speaker 1: Have have we ever talked before? Nick?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: All right? Cool? Where who are you? You have a
Speaker 1: bombastic personality?
Speaker 2: Well thank you. I don't think anybody's ever said that
Speaker 2: to me before.
Speaker 1: Who who are you?
Speaker 2: I'm a guy? Sure are I'm a guy that does things?
Speaker 1: Sure are what kind of hell?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Uh? Well, hotly, just hang out with my kids work.
Speaker 1: You know, how old are your kids?
Speaker 2: They are six and I have three year old twins.
Speaker 1: Holy fucking geez. How old are you?
Speaker 2: I'm twenty eight. I probably sound like a child.
Speaker 1: But yeah, no, you're you're you're if you have three kids,
Speaker 1: you're a super You're a total You're an adults. You're
Speaker 1: a real adult. That's really cool.
Speaker 2: Well, how's being adult, real person?
Speaker 1: You're a super realer? How's being a real adult?
Speaker 2: Fucking awful man? I mean being parentschool, but being an
Speaker 2: adult is fucking awful.
Speaker 1: Yeah, why tell me more?
Speaker 2: So, Like a year ago, I had this really bad,
Speaker 2: fucking mental breakdown because the real fucked up shit happened
Speaker 2: with my family and all that. Ever since then, I
Speaker 2: smoke weed and then I just sit there and I'm like, man,
Speaker 2: I'm going to die. Everybody that I care about is
Speaker 2: going to die, and nothing's going to mean anything.
Speaker 1: Really, how often do you do that?
Speaker 2: Almost every time? And all it takes is like a
Speaker 2: puff or two?
Speaker 1: How often do you get high? You said, are you
Speaker 1: doing it? You're doing it every day?
Speaker 2: Yeah, most of the time. It used to be NonStop,
Speaker 2: but now I'll smoke like a bull a day.
Speaker 1: What were you saying?
Speaker 2: It's just like it's a bad time, but I've been
Speaker 2: doing it for so long that like my brain and
Speaker 2: my body. You're like, you fucking need this, you piece
Speaker 2: of shit?
Speaker 1: Can I I'm like genuinely curious because I I've lately
Speaker 1: I've been just thinking you have been imagining what my
Speaker 1: life would be like if I had to take care
Speaker 1: of things that aren't me. And it's like, don't you,
Speaker 1: like with three kids, do you have time to like
Speaker 1: get high.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, they're good kids. They go to sleep on time.
Speaker 2: One of them's in school.
Speaker 1: Okay, do you have someone who else? Do you have
Speaker 1: a wife?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have a girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I heard a daddy in the background.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Sorry, sorry, I can't right now. I'm talking to the
Speaker 1: therapy Gecko exactly.
Speaker 2: They see you occasionally. They know I'm actually being you
Speaker 2: for Halloween. And I've had one person. I've had one
Speaker 2: person be like, are you supposed to be the therapy
Speaker 2: Gecko and like yeah, yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 1: That's sick. That's awesome, man, that's awesome. All right. So
Speaker 1: you feel, like you said, you have a mental breakdown
Speaker 1: every time you get high, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Pretty much. And I've all stemmed from one really bad
Speaker 2: mental breakdown I had like about a year ago.
Speaker 1: What, uh, well, how do you like? Okay? Can I
Speaker 1: I'm just curious. I'm curious how your brain works, because
Speaker 1: I know what I kind of I know what like
Speaker 1: existential dread feels like like when you're high and you're
Speaker 1: in the middle of that dread and you're like, nothing matters.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna die, Mike. Everyone I care about is gonna die.
Speaker 1: Do you okay? In this moment? Like literally right now?
Speaker 1: Are you sober? Are you high right now?
Speaker 4: Ah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sober. My kids are awake. I'm not gonna
Speaker 2: get high around these little shits.
Speaker 1: In in in uh uh right now, in this current second,
Speaker 1: do you feel the way that you felt? Do you
Speaker 1: feel that those existential thoughts?
Speaker 3: Do you?
Speaker 2: Like? No, not really? It could be because I'm gonna
Speaker 2: call with the fucking gek right now, but no, not really.
Speaker 1: Okay. It's interesting because when when you let when like
Speaker 1: that kind of shit kicks in, or it's almost you
Speaker 1: almost think in your head, you're like, oh no, this
Speaker 1: is my brain forever now, and that's like scary.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's that's accurate.
Speaker 1: But you know the but that's not true because here
Speaker 1: you are, after having once believed fully, truly, genuinely with
Speaker 1: your whole soul that nothing mattered you stand uh in
Speaker 1: this moment, knowing that to not be true, which I
Speaker 1: think is cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, sorry, I'm trying to wrangle some little shit.
Speaker 2: So I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: No, I'm sorry, don't be sorry. I have nothing at
Speaker 1: all to remotely be sorry for. What do you what
Speaker 1: else is going on in your life?
Speaker 2: Shit, I'm just trying to work survive, you know, adult
Speaker 2: thing like we brought up before. Hey, my fucking job
Speaker 2: work with a bunch of dope ds.
Speaker 1: What's your job?
Speaker 2: I'm a manager, Eddie fucking Applebee's.
Speaker 1: That's cool. Do you do you yell at people a lot?
Speaker 1: Do you yell at your staff?
Speaker 2: No, they don't pay me enough to do that.
Speaker 1: Mmmm mmmm does your buddy your bosses yell at you?
Speaker 2: No? But that that ship all right?
Speaker 1: So you don't yell. So you don't yell at anyone,
Speaker 1: and no one yells at you. Tell me what what?
Speaker 1: What is it? What? What? What upsets you the most?
Speaker 1: Because you sounded like very upset. I'm curious with the
Speaker 1: specific A lot.
Speaker 2: Of drug addicts that I have to put up with,
Speaker 2: and I get sick of dealing with drug addicts all
Speaker 2: the time. Sure, drugs, they're all tweakers. I think there's
Speaker 2: one crackhead, but most of them tweakers. But I guess
Speaker 2: there's an Applebee's.
Speaker 1: What's a tweak? Is a tweaker is? This is the
Speaker 1: concept of a tweaker associated with a specific drug, usually
Speaker 1: crystal math and fetom and have your done maths.
Speaker 2: No. I was prescribed adderall at a very young age,
Speaker 2: So it's kind of like, eh, been there, done that
Speaker 2: For the most part, I mean, it's a diet myth.
Speaker 1: So what you're the people who work for you that
Speaker 1: are that are drug addicts do does? What do they
Speaker 1: do to make your life more difficult?
Speaker 2: Fuck? They don't show up for work, They come to
Speaker 2: work tweaken, They bring random, strange methods into work with
Speaker 2: them for some fucking reason. That's like yesterday I had
Speaker 2: some some scrawny, little, fucking junked out hobo come in
Speaker 2: and he's like, hey, it's William here, and then they
Speaker 2: disappeared for like fucking twenty minutes, and I'm just like,
Speaker 2: what the hell, No I got to do? You're supposed
Speaker 2: to be doin when I got my own shits? Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Have you got no sorry? Sorry? Have you ever made it?
Speaker 1: You ever made any any you ever made any good
Speaker 1: friends or business connections? This way? Like somebody brings somebody
Speaker 1: into your restaurate on who's on drugs, and you're like,
Speaker 1: you know, I know that you're on a lot of drugs,
Speaker 1: but you're actually, uh, you actually seem like a cool guy,
Speaker 1: and I want to hang out.
Speaker 2: Uh later, I've met a few of them. Actually, when
Speaker 2: I got hired on and I wasn't a manager, everybody
Speaker 2: who worked there was like somebody who I've known for
Speaker 2: a really long time. So it was an enjoyable place
Speaker 2: to work at that point.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, so you're you're making you know, sure,
Speaker 1: it's probably it's probably not fun when people just bring random,
Speaker 1: random people on meth into work, but you know, maybe
Speaker 1: you get you guys can have a play date afterwards,
Speaker 1: and it's kind of nice.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: What else? What else.
Speaker 2: I've been drinking?
Speaker 1: You've been jerking a lot deeper?
Speaker 2: No drinking a lot drink. I don't have to jerk
Speaker 2: it not that often.
Speaker 1: Ship Uh what how often are you drinking? What are
Speaker 1: you drinking?
Speaker 2: I usually only drink all my days off, but I
Speaker 2: stick to beer these days. But there's still like this
Speaker 2: guilt that I live with of like, man, I'm drinking
Speaker 2: too much, even though I drink like four beers a week.
Speaker 1: It's an interesting question. Are you drinking too much? I
Speaker 1: guess I guess that's kind of up for you to decide. Well,
Speaker 1: you have kids, So if your kids told you that
Speaker 1: you were drinking so much that they didn't recognize they
Speaker 1: didn't feel like they could recognize you anymore. That's some.
Speaker 2: Yeah, anytime I'm doing so, they're like, they're not around.
Speaker 2: I'm not a total piece of shit.
Speaker 1: That's cool, that's cool. No, I don't. I don't think
Speaker 1: you're a total piece of shit at all. I don't
Speaker 1: think you're a total piece of shit.
Speaker 2: Thank you. I try. I try my best to be
Speaker 2: a good person.
Speaker 1: Do you what's up with the kids? Mom?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, we lived together. Things have been uh better now,
Speaker 2: I guess than they used to be, which was kind
Speaker 2: of the cause of the mental breakdown that I had
Speaker 2: a year ago.
Speaker 1: How long have you?
Speaker 4: So?
Speaker 1: Okay? So you all okay? So you, your wife and
Speaker 1: your three kids all live in the same house. Yes, okay,
Speaker 1: that's pretty good. That's pretty great. And you do you?
Speaker 1: And do you? And uh you're white? You sher wife?
Speaker 2: No, she's my girlfriend. I don't think you're going to
Speaker 2: get married.
Speaker 1: Do you and your girlfriend get along.
Speaker 2: Most of the time recently? But like last year around
Speaker 2: this time was very bad, in one of the darkest
Speaker 2: points in my life. But things are a lot better now.
Speaker 1: How in what ways have they gotten better?
Speaker 2: We don't argue so much. That's a big one. That's
Speaker 2: a big one. She finally got a job.
Speaker 1: Did you have like a central thing that you would
Speaker 1: argue about?
Speaker 2: Shit? No, Oh, she's got a lot of mental shit.
Speaker 2: I've got a lot of mental ship. It was it
Speaker 2: was rough for a while, but it is. It has
Speaker 2: gotten a lot of it.
Speaker 1: That's good. What does she do? So you work at
Speaker 1: the Applebee's. What does she do?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: And she works at the college that is in my town.
Speaker 2: I live in a fucking college town.
Speaker 1: Cool? Very cool?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 1: Did I did I ask her already? How long you
Speaker 1: two have been together?
Speaker 2: No, we've been together for about four almost five years
Speaker 2: something like that.
Speaker 1: Four five years. So you have a six year old?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: So is that with her?
Speaker 2: Uh? It is my stepchild actually, but I've been raising
Speaker 2: her since she was real young, so I just consider
Speaker 2: her mind.
Speaker 1: Okay, So it's her. So you have.
Speaker 2: H I have the twin boys.
Speaker 1: You have the twin boys, and then she has a
Speaker 1: child from another uh thing?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that was a that was a whole ship show.
Speaker 2: But we're not going to get into.
Speaker 1: That, okay, A right, sure, sure, and this but this
Speaker 1: is this So from the way it sounds sounds like
Speaker 1: you've been raising this kid for uh since she was
Speaker 1: like born and she calls you she's a you're like
Speaker 1: her dad. Yeah yeah, okay, cool cool cool.
Speaker 3: Hm hm.
Speaker 1: You sound like you have a pretty nice life. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's gotten better and it's gotten better. I've
Speaker 2: done a lot of dumb ship, but I'm making up
Speaker 2: for it now.
Speaker 1: I feel like, uh so, yeah, tell me more if
Speaker 1: you want, ah ship. H.
Speaker 2: I used to do a lot of acid, and I
Speaker 2: think that's a big cause of why I can't smoke
Speaker 2: weed anymore, because there what's that ship called HPPD where
Speaker 2: you do way too much hallucinogen?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah, and you have you get like visual
Speaker 1: snow Oh yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: I think I got a little bit of that, and
Speaker 2: that fucks with me from time to time. I don't
Speaker 2: do hallucinogens anymore. That god fuck that.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Do you do you do? You miss doing acid a lot?
Speaker 3: I miss cocaine mm hmm, but uh, how long ago?
Speaker 1: What do you miss about cocaine?
Speaker 2: Being high?
Speaker 1: Sou Okay, Well that's cool. Uh yeah, you're.
Speaker 3: You.
Speaker 1: I don't really you know. I don't know you, but
Speaker 1: you sound uh like you sound like you're like living
Speaker 1: like pretty responsibly, and that it took you like a
Speaker 1: while to uh get there, and that you're like sacrificing
Speaker 1: a lot to be able.
Speaker 2: To Yeah, you're pretty you're pretty much on it. I
Speaker 2: don't like to, uh think very highly of myself, but yeah,
Speaker 2: you're pretty much on it. You're pretty much nailing it
Speaker 2: right there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's just armchair therapy. But I respect that.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of respect for that, because you
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just keep making assumptions about your life. You
Speaker 1: sound like problem. You sound like you overcame a lot
Speaker 1: of like your natural conditioning in order to uh achieve
Speaker 1: higher life objectives, and I sincerely I have a deep
Speaker 1: ah respect for that. So you know, he that.
Speaker 2: Means more to me than you could ever know. I'm
Speaker 2: a huge fan. I've been watching for a while.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Is that has that been hard?
Speaker 2: Not really? No, Honestly, it came pretty easy. I think
Speaker 2: there came a point in my life where it's just like, man,
Speaker 2: I need to grow the fuck up.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Do you think do you think you'll you'll be able
Speaker 1: to sustain this for the for the future. Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's great, that's awesome.
Speaker 3: Do you have.
Speaker 1: Do you have any advice for me?
Speaker 2: Nick Ship? I know you seem depressed a lot. Yesterday
Speaker 2: I was in the chat and I was like, are
Speaker 2: you depressed, kick, because I think I am too.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think I don't. I get depressed pretty often.
Speaker 1: I'm just my number one figure out. I'm yeah, but
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with figuring out how to not be and
Speaker 1: I'm getting I think I'm getting really close. So I'll
Speaker 1: let you know. When I figure out the meaning of life,
Speaker 1: I'll try to pass it on to you. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I also have an eating problem, like you talk about.
Speaker 2: I eat like shit so bad.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my kids don't. My kids are always eating real
Speaker 2: healthy and then they see me eat some garbage and
Speaker 2: they're just like, dad.
Speaker 1: Come on, that's good. I like, you know what, That's
Speaker 1: the funny thing, because sometimes I think to myself, I'm like,
Speaker 1: is having kids? Is there a version of it where
Speaker 1: you're like you get to a certain age and you're like,
Speaker 1: all right, I fucked up this human being whose body
Speaker 1: I currently inhabit. Let me just blank slate and let's
Speaker 1: try again with the human being that's not me and
Speaker 1: I can we can not fuck this up, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I just made them a whole bunch of
Speaker 2: pasta with like veggies and stuff in it, and then
Speaker 2: they just watched me like six corn dogs to the
Speaker 2: face and they're just like, Dad, come on, get your
Speaker 2: life right.
Speaker 1: That sounds like a right life to me. Is there
Speaker 1: anything else would I say to the to the people
Speaker 1: of the computer before we go.
Speaker 2: Nick, I love you get I hope my call wasn't boring.
Speaker 1: No, you're you're keep keep keep keep doing your thing. Dog.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I hope I make it on the podcast. Actually,
Speaker 2: I'm not sure. That's kind of terrifying thought.
Speaker 1: I'm put I'm putting this in the pot. This is
Speaker 1: you tell this is the podcast. This is the podcast,
Speaker 1: all right?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Later. I liked that guy. I don't you know, he
Speaker 1: clearly cared about his kids enough to give them food.
Speaker 1: So that's I think that's a that's a noble quality
Speaker 1: to have.
Speaker 4: I have.
Speaker 1: I had a lot of respect for that guy. I
Speaker 1: do he you know, he's making it's hard to make
Speaker 1: his it's hard to make that life that he's making
Speaker 1: work is a life that sounds really hard to make work.
Speaker 1: And I have I have a I have a lot
Speaker 1: of respect for that Hello.
Speaker 4: Oh hi, this is too stressful. Hi.
Speaker 1: What is what is your name?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: I'm hasty, say that one more time, hasty Hespy?
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, that was good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what's up, Hesp? How you doing well?
Speaker 4: I'm going fine. I guess a little bit too stressed.
Speaker 4: I think my whole body is shaking. So I'm trying
Speaker 4: to realize.
Speaker 1: Where are you calling from?
Speaker 4: Oh I'm calling from the Netherlands.
Speaker 1: Oh, you're calling from the Netherlands. Oh, I've been. I've
Speaker 1: been massively, massively dick riding the Netherlands lately. I love,
Speaker 1: I love the Netherlands. I'm gonna I'm gonna dick ride
Speaker 1: it some more. I love it's walkable, it's got great architecture,
Speaker 1: it's got great greenery. It's uh, it's it's awesome. Where
Speaker 1: in the Netherlands do you live?
Speaker 4: Well, I live up in the north, so it's a city,
Speaker 4: like it's kind of a small city called home again.
Speaker 4: And actually I'm a student here, so I've been living
Speaker 4: here for like two years.
Speaker 1: Now. Cool bro, Are you from there originally?
Speaker 4: Oh? No, I'm from Iran Oh Iran.
Speaker 1: Oh cool dude, where where where? Where on around did
Speaker 1: you grow up?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 4: And she does it's kind of like mixed south West.
Speaker 4: I want to.
Speaker 1: Say, And what you said? You went there for you?
Speaker 1: You came to the Netherlands for school. Yeah, well, what
Speaker 1: year are you in?
Speaker 4: Well, I remember my second year of bachelors. But I
Speaker 4: did three years of bachelors in Iran and then I
Speaker 4: dropped out. I did three years of mechanical engineering and
Speaker 4: then I moved here to do a.
Speaker 1: Jeez, did you just like come by yourself? Did you
Speaker 1: know anyone? Yeah?
Speaker 4: By myself, not knowing anyone. It was kind of scary.
Speaker 4: It was like, now thinking about it, looking back, I
Speaker 4: don't know how the fuck I did that.
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's cool. So what tell me about what
Speaker 1: kind of life you've been able to build for yourself
Speaker 1: the past couple of years.
Speaker 4: Well, okay, so when I came here, I lived in
Speaker 4: a house, I mean in a room. I had fifteen
Speaker 4: housemates and I had a room that was like nine
Speaker 4: square meters for about like six seven months because it
Speaker 4: was the cheapest option I could get. And then luckily
Speaker 4: I got like now, I got a studio, which is
Speaker 4: kind of better, and I had a really good housemates.
Speaker 4: So I'm still in contact with them. We kept in
Speaker 4: touch yeah, I have a boyfriend now and oh my god,
Speaker 4: my voice is shaking.
Speaker 1: Yeah is he is?
Speaker 3: He? Is?
Speaker 2: He?
Speaker 3: Is?
Speaker 1: He a tall, beautiful blonde dutch Man.
Speaker 4: Oh no, no, well he's ethnically from at all, and
Speaker 4: but he grew up here and he was born here.
Speaker 1: So cool, very cool? Are you?
Speaker 2: So?
Speaker 1: Are you enjoy Are you enjoying life?
Speaker 4: I don't know. I feel like not as much as
Speaker 4: I should, Okay, because like I had this opportunity, and
Speaker 4: I feel like I'm having like a mid life crisis.
Speaker 4: I mean not really mid life, it's like a quarter
Speaker 4: life crisis. And yeah, so I was a really depressed
Speaker 4: and anxious when I moved here. I got into this
Speaker 4: really deep depression and I figured out that it was
Speaker 4: burnt out. So now this is a healing process.
Speaker 1: I guess it's good. I'm really I just very selfishly,
Speaker 1: I'm really bummed to hear that you're anxious and depressed,
Speaker 1: because for me, when I get anxious and depressed, my
Speaker 1: one of my like defense mechanisms is like, fuck all this,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna I imagine life in what where I've
Speaker 1: moved to a foreign country and abandoned all I ever was,
Speaker 1: including you know, anxiety and depression, and in my head,
Speaker 1: the Netherlands is one of those places. So in my head,
Speaker 1: when you live in the Netherlands, you actually anxiety and
Speaker 1: depression just doesn't exist in my you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So hearing that, you hearing that there is a person
Speaker 1: in the place where I imagine everything to be amazing
Speaker 1: all the time, it is experiencing everything not being amazing
Speaker 1: all the time just crushes me, you know what I mean?
Speaker 4: I know, I know, But the thing is that I
Speaker 4: also thought that I'm going to run away from everything,
Speaker 4: like run away from my depression and anxiety and everything
Speaker 4: when I leave it all. But then the thing is
Speaker 4: that you bring everything with yourself. You know, if you're
Speaker 4: the problem, you're going to be the problem everywhere. Yeah,
Speaker 4: so you just find like new angles of love life
Speaker 4: to be depressed about.
Speaker 1: Well that's great.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm sorry to push your dream.
Speaker 1: Sorry, it had to happen. It had to happen at
Speaker 1: some point.
Speaker 4: Yeah. So in Amsterdam by the way.
Speaker 1: Oh, you're coming to the Amsterdam Show.
Speaker 4: To be honest, I'm not sure if I can make
Speaker 4: it there because it's just like I have to take
Speaker 4: the train from here to two hours and I have
Speaker 4: to pay for the train. And also it's the same
Speaker 4: day as my birthday, so there's going to be some
Speaker 4: plans here. I'm not sure if I'm going to make it,
Speaker 4: but I'll.
Speaker 1: Try my best. Well, what are you doing for your birthday?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not sure. Usually we just go out for
Speaker 4: dinner and I get my birthday presents and stuff.
Speaker 1: Well that's I mean, it sounds like you have like
Speaker 1: a nice little community out there enough enough that you can,
Speaker 1: you know, do a birthday.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, I have a few friends and a boyfriend.
Speaker 1: That's good. So tell me more about your healing. What
Speaker 1: are you doing to heal? Well?
Speaker 4: I go to Serpi sometimes twice a week, which is crazy,
Speaker 4: I know. And other than that, it's just that I
Speaker 4: learned to do sometimes the bare minimum and allow myself to,
Speaker 4: you know, to like some days not do shit and
Speaker 4: be okay with that. And it was a real difficult
Speaker 4: for me. I don't know why, but like I have
Speaker 4: an Islam tomorrow and the whole day I was thinking that,
Speaker 4: oh I have to get a ten for that example
Speaker 4: is out of Oh well, I'm just like trying to
Speaker 4: remember that I just need to fucking pass, Like I
Speaker 4: do not need to get at ten. So so now
Speaker 4: I'm just trying to do bare minimum in my life.
Speaker 1: I resonate with that so deeply, I really do. I
Speaker 1: think that there's a weird I know it's like misconstrued
Speaker 1: is laziness, and I've battled with it myself, but I'm
Speaker 1: so I so deeply resonate with trying just being like,
Speaker 1: let me just do the bare minimum so I don't
Speaker 1: go insane. Yeah, I resonate with that a lot. I've
Speaker 1: been thinking about that a lot. That's one of the
Speaker 1: read If you're watching the video version of this podcast,
Speaker 1: you'll notice that I'm not in my normal setup, and
Speaker 1: that's honestly because I was like, I don't feel like
Speaker 1: doing it. I feel more comfortable doing this. But look
Speaker 1: we're but look I'm we're having an interesting conversation right now,
Speaker 1: which to me is that's my version of passing the test.
Speaker 4: You know what, Okay, that's good. The pressure to be interesting, and.
Speaker 1: I thought so much, you're no, you're being I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't people. I don't care about people being interesting.
Speaker 1: I just care about them being themselves, you know. So,
Speaker 1: I mean you are inherently in an interesting Uh, situation,
Speaker 1: So what's the Well, actually I wanted to ask you that.
Speaker 1: What did I didn't ask you this is was there
Speaker 1: a specific thing that you wanted to talk to talk
Speaker 1: talk about in this situation, in this phone call. It's
Speaker 1: okay if not. There's other stuff too.
Speaker 4: I didn't want to talk about anxiety about the stuff
Speaker 4: that that is, Like, I know it's out of my control,
Speaker 4: but I'm still anxious about it. Like I keep trying
Speaker 4: to tell myself, Yeah, I thought of I can not
Speaker 4: do anything about it, but it still affects my life.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean accept I feel like like acceptance
Speaker 1: is a it's not like a one time deal as
Speaker 1: much as you want it to be. It's a recurring practice.
Speaker 4: So I just have to keep telling myself I set
Speaker 4: my control and one day it would be fine.
Speaker 1: Oh I can't tell you if one day it will
Speaker 1: be fine. I don't have that data. Uh, but I
Speaker 1: but I can. Really, I can only speak from my personal,
Speaker 1: uh experience with trying to accept that things will be fine.
Speaker 1: All I can say is that yet it's a recurring
Speaker 1: you have to kind of consistently reinforce to yourself that
Speaker 1: you're going to be okay. You know, it's not just
Speaker 1: a thing that you decide once and it's forever there.
Speaker 1: It's like a it's like changing your fucking what's like
Speaker 1: a habit. You have to get into the habit of
Speaker 1: positively thinking about things and accepting.
Speaker 4: But like, let me give you an example. Yeah, for example,
Speaker 4: let me so, I'm kind of like currently, I'm kind
Speaker 4: of worried about like the situation. I don't want to
Speaker 4: get like into politics and stuff, but it's just like
Speaker 4: the situation that oh, is it's gonna be a war
Speaker 4: there or not in it on And like my family
Speaker 4: lived there, and I'm still getting money from my family,
Speaker 4: Like I cannot support myself completely even when I like
Speaker 4: to work here, so they send me money sometimes and
Speaker 4: they pay for e tuition fees. And I'm also concerned
Speaker 4: about the health if something's happened, if the war starts
Speaker 4: in Middle East, I don't know. Oh, And compared to that, sometimes,
Speaker 4: like the problems that I have in my daily life,
Speaker 4: they're feel so insignificant that I cannot bring myself like
Speaker 4: I don't know, I cannot bring myself to focus on
Speaker 4: my yam. I don't not bring my I cannot bring
Speaker 4: myself to go to work or do something like that
Speaker 4: was the main reason that my depression started, because like
Speaker 4: there's so many things happening, like I feel like my
Speaker 4: life is falling apart, and I'm just scared trying to
Speaker 4: I don't know, give my set about the water.
Speaker 1: By the way, give me a favorite. Are you holding
Speaker 1: your hand over the microphone or anything like that? You're
Speaker 1: a tiny bit muffled.
Speaker 4: Oh no, I feel like I'm just like too stressed
Speaker 4: that like my voice is shaking and the words are
Speaker 4: not no no.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no no the words. The words are
Speaker 1: definitely getting out. Well oh man, Well, first of all,
Speaker 1: I'm really really sorry to hear that that's uh that's
Speaker 1: going on. I feel like I can't. I don't think
Speaker 1: I could realistically sit here and tell you, uh that
Speaker 1: the way to deal with your your family being in
Speaker 1: a war zone is to, uh, you know, do some
Speaker 1: breathing exercises, because I don't. I don't know if I
Speaker 1: that's the thing, but you say it makes all your
Speaker 1: like day day to day life feel more insignificant. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Is that a good? Is that like a good thing?
Speaker 1: Is that? Does that take the pressure off of things
Speaker 1: at all?
Speaker 4: No? Not really because like now I'm like, why would
Speaker 4: I take care of myself? Like I don't know even
Speaker 4: the smallest Like I cannot sometimes get out of bed
Speaker 4: because like what am I going to do to fix anything?
Speaker 4: Like nothing I do matter?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm sorry. I feel like that was like too heavy.
Speaker 1: No, No, I don't you know, you know, don't be sorry.
Speaker 1: These are I will I'm making the I'm making those
Speaker 1: noises because uh, I mean you're talking about some real
Speaker 1: ship and I you're just making me think about the
Speaker 1: these things are interesting to think about, hmmar.
Speaker 4: Like because I get anxious about my daily life, like
Speaker 4: like I don't know even about the like stupid choices,
Speaker 4: you know, Like if I get anxious about it, it
Speaker 4: means that it's important to me. At the same time,
Speaker 4: I feel like it's not important enough for me to
Speaker 4: do anything about it. But why do I get anxious
Speaker 4: to it? So it's just like I cannot even tell
Speaker 4: what's happening in my brain right now, you know, let.
Speaker 1: Me actually play with this a little bit because I've
Speaker 1: been thinking about this in my own thing. I also
Speaker 1: often think, like what's the point of giving a fuck
Speaker 1: about my life? Uh? Because there's so many things of control,
Speaker 1: and because like, what's the there's greater, there's there's more
Speaker 1: important things going on in the in the like world
Speaker 1: at large besides just like fucking me, So why do
Speaker 1: I matter? And why is my happiness matter? And what's
Speaker 1: the Like I've really thought about these things. I've like
Speaker 1: talked to fucking chat GPT about these things and trying
Speaker 1: to try to figure it out. And I think I
Speaker 1: just for me, I can only just speak from my
Speaker 1: lived experience. Like for me, I think, like the when
Speaker 1: I reach a conclusion about this stuff, I just go,
Speaker 1: you know what, it's my fucking life. I'm gonna care
Speaker 1: about it. I'm just deciding. I know it's kind of oversimplification,
Speaker 1: but it's just a matter of deciding that you care
Speaker 1: about your own life and deciding it's important to you
Speaker 1: that you be happy, and uh trying not to feel
Speaker 1: like shame in that, uh, because there's the point. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's a shameful thing to want to
Speaker 1: give a fuck about your life, although I definitely have
Speaker 1: experienced that, Yes, this is my fucking life and I
Speaker 1: care about it, and I'm I'm I confidently care about it.
Speaker 1: So I'm trying to again, it's a it's a recurring
Speaker 1: mental exercise. But uh, that's just where it is, what
Speaker 1: it comes down. I don't know if I said anything
Speaker 1: just now, but that's where I land. That's where I land.
Speaker 4: It is interesting, like to intentionally of deciding that this
Speaker 4: is my life when I'm gonna do something about it.
Speaker 4: I don't know if I Yeah, I was like for
Speaker 4: a long time, I was in the state that like
Speaker 4: I didn't even care enough about myself to decide that
Speaker 4: for myself. So I was kind of like, whatever happens happened.
Speaker 4: But maybe now I'm in a more I don't know,
Speaker 4: I'm in a better place to decide about what.
Speaker 1: I'm is weed legal where you're at. Do they still
Speaker 1: have those weed cafes?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah yeah, coffee shoo.
Speaker 1: That's cool. See in the States, I was just gonna say,
Speaker 1: in the States, like weed is legal, but there's no
Speaker 1: like coffee shot. Like in Amsterdam, you can buy a
Speaker 1: joint and then hang out at the place and smoke it.
Speaker 1: But in LA or New York or any or Denver
Speaker 1: even it's like you there's no like lounges or like
Speaker 1: there there are lounges, but you can't buy weed at
Speaker 1: the lounges. If you like buy it a store and
Speaker 1: then go into the lounges. Unfortunately, I'm only in Amster.
Speaker 1: I'm in Amsterdam for like a day. Like i arrive
Speaker 1: there at like a nine am, and I'm jet lagged,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna try to enjoy the city and then
Speaker 1: and then I go to sleep, and then I wake
Speaker 1: up and I gotta do the show, and then I
Speaker 1: gotta get the fuck out of there. So it's a bummer.
Speaker 1: I wanted to spend more time there. I wanted to Eventually,
Speaker 1: I'll go back when I'm not. It's problem because I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm like working, I'm doing these shows, but I want
Speaker 1: to go there to just like spend some time and
Speaker 1: hang and look at look at cool, look at cool Amsterdam. Shit.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've never like stayed at Amsterdam more than like
Speaker 4: one or two days.
Speaker 2: But it is cool.
Speaker 4: But dude, I want to tell you this. I worked
Speaker 4: at a coffee shop for like a few weeks.
Speaker 1: Oh cool.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was nice, Like there's a lounge and you
Speaker 4: can also buy it there, so it's fun.
Speaker 1: I remember the first time I went to Amsterdam. I
Speaker 1: went to one of those coffee shops. Was the coolest
Speaker 1: fucking thing ever. And they I just remember them having
Speaker 1: like I remember they handed me a menu and on
Speaker 1: the menu it was a selection of different milkshakes you
Speaker 1: could get, and then a selection of different like joints
Speaker 1: you could buy. And I was like twenty and I
Speaker 1: was like, this is the coolest place I've ever been
Speaker 1: in my entire fucking life.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Anyway, And the sad thing is I don't smoke, so.
Speaker 1: That's good. It's pretty bad for you. What's your name again? Hasty? Well, Hesty,
Speaker 1: thanks for sharing all this stuff. And I hope, uh,
Speaker 1: I hope you're doing all right.
Speaker 4: Life is kind of crazy for all the advice talking
Speaker 4: to you.
Speaker 1: Anything else do I say to the people of the
Speaker 1: computer before we go?
Speaker 4: H oh no? Nothing?
Speaker 1: No, well, I don't think so see you later, dog.
Speaker 4: Okay, have a nice name.
Speaker 1: Do I have any post call thoughts? Uh? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know. Have I Have I gotten too serious? I
Speaker 1: mean we're kind of past that point. I don't think.
Speaker 1: I don't think there's any turning back. Has this show
Speaker 1: gotten too serious? Have I gotten too serious? I wonder
Speaker 1: that too times Sometimes I wonder if I've like become
Speaker 1: too sincere, because I don't think I ever set out
Speaker 1: to like do a very sincere thing. But now now
Speaker 1: that I've been, now that i've kind of I mean this,
Speaker 1: this has been a sincere this, This has had strong
Speaker 1: sincere sincerity to it for basically the entire time it's existed.
Speaker 1: But now I don't think I could go back. I
Speaker 1: used to do, like the comedy that I did before
Speaker 1: I did the Gecko was not sincere. It's very like absurdist,
Speaker 1: and I don't think I could go back. I think
Speaker 1: I would feel like empty. It's weird because I want
Speaker 1: to be sincere enough that I feel like like I'm
Speaker 1: doing something that matters in some degree, But I don't
Speaker 1: want to be too sincere to where I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I've really gotten myself into something that's not reflective of
Speaker 1: who I am or is too intense for me as
Speaker 1: a person. And I feel like I've crossed some of
Speaker 1: those lines. But but overall, but overall good, overall good.
Speaker 1: I like the live shows. Live shows are a little us.
Speaker 1: They're a little they have they have sincere moments, but
Speaker 1: they balance it out with uh, with diarrhea, but I
Speaker 1: don't know whatever. I still like doing this podcast, So
Speaker 1: we're gonna. I'm gonna I'm gonna try not to be crazy.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try not to be a crazy person, except
Speaker 1: except after phone calls when I go on long fucking
Speaker 1: rants like a crazy person, which I'm gonna do now.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep going on this rant until it's over,
Speaker 1: which it's about to be right now.
Speaker 3: Hello, Hello, can you hear me?
Speaker 1: All right? I can. What's your name?
Speaker 3: My name's Orlan Orland?
Speaker 1: What's up Orlon? Have we ever talked before?
Speaker 3: I don't think so?
Speaker 1: Okay, cool man? Well, what what's what's going on with you? Orlon?
Speaker 3: Currently at McDonald.
Speaker 1: You're currently at.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what do you did?
Speaker 1: What are you doing that for the night?
Speaker 3: Picking up some trash food for the night?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: What's you have? Any big plans for the night?
Speaker 3: No, just been, uh, doing a lot of schoolwork lately.
Speaker 3: Thanks you too, Just doing a lot of school work lately, unfortunately.
Speaker 1: What what are you in school for?
Speaker 3: Cybersecurity?
Speaker 1: Okay, you're keeping the the Internet safe. That's really It's
Speaker 1: a noble thing.
Speaker 3: Yes, is there anything I'm getting the job where I
Speaker 3: am like actively defending against hackers.
Speaker 1: Oh that's cool. That's that's that's kind of It's an
Speaker 1: interesting it's an interesting thing being on the computer. You know,
Speaker 1: it's an interesting thing being on the computer. Is there
Speaker 1: anything you wanted to talk about specifically orlan? Yeah?
Speaker 3: I could use some advice on finding irl friends. I
Speaker 3: literally only have virtual friends.
Speaker 1: How old are you?
Speaker 3: I'm twenty six.
Speaker 1: Uh do you go outside? Do you leave the house.
Speaker 3: Other than work?
Speaker 1: No? Okay? What do you do when you get off
Speaker 1: of work?
Speaker 3: School? Or video games? I do stream on Twitch myself.
Speaker 1: Well what city do you live in?
Speaker 3: Blint?
Speaker 1: Flint in Michigan. Yeah, how is there? Is there happenings
Speaker 1: in Flint? Are there things you can go to and
Speaker 1: do or organize?
Speaker 3: Well, that's the thing. I'm not even from Michigan. I've
Speaker 3: just moved here a couple of years ago from after
Speaker 3: dating a girl online, not over Facebook for six months. Well,
Speaker 3: I mean we talked for like a month and then
Speaker 3: she came down from Michigan to Columbus, Ohio like every
Speaker 3: other week, ant and I saw the commitment, so I
Speaker 3: pulled the trigger and yeah this I've been here two
Speaker 3: and a half years.
Speaker 1: Do you know anyone at influence.
Speaker 3: Nope, just my girlfriend.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, why don't you go do whyn't you leave
Speaker 1: your house man and go do stuff?
Speaker 3: I mean, like sometimes like I have a cool neighbor
Speaker 3: I talk to and like we smoke sometimes together. But like,
Speaker 3: I don't know, like I clam up and I feel
Speaker 3: like a lot of the awkward pauses that are being
Speaker 3: taken in the conversation are like due to my lack
Speaker 3: of input, and I don't really like I feel like
Speaker 3: I lose the interests of other people.
Speaker 1: You feel like you lose the interest of other people interesting, Well,
Speaker 1: how do you feel like you could be better in
Speaker 1: social interactions?
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know if I have like aspergers
Speaker 3: or something. Like I'm starting to believe I do have
Speaker 3: autisms because there are specific things I focus on. I
Speaker 3: don't really like loud noises, like like sudden loud noises
Speaker 3: kind of make me upset. And I don't know, I
Speaker 3: feel like I don't really read people that well, and
Speaker 3: my go to is claming up, thinking that I'm not
Speaker 3: doing enough to be interesting to the other person. Like
Speaker 3: I was hanging out with my neighbor the other day
Speaker 3: and the only thing I was talking about was like
Speaker 3: obs and stuff like that, and I felt like.
Speaker 1: Let me, let me, let me, you know, let me
Speaker 1: get Let me ask you a question. Are you interested
Speaker 1: in your neighbor? Do you find your neighbor interesting?
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, kind of looks cool, he's got cool,
Speaker 3: he's uh, he's got a really cool muscle car.
Speaker 1: Okay, do you let me tell you? Let me let me.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing about social interactions. Is there really less
Speaker 1: about proving if you just the onus of proving yourself
Speaker 1: to be interesting to other people is not is not
Speaker 1: a good way to go about your conversational life.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: The best way for you to have social interactions is
Speaker 1: to just be is actually the complete opposite. It's to
Speaker 1: just be interested in other people. Now, I don't know
Speaker 1: if you're naturally are interested in other people. I assume
Speaker 1: because you want friends and you want to be around
Speaker 1: people more often, that you are naturally in other people.
Speaker 1: So so so so, so, what I would recommend is
Speaker 1: that you just start kind of approaching these situations thinking
Speaker 1: like less about yourself and how you might be coming
Speaker 1: off and about how you know you might be doing
Speaker 1: something weird or something like that, and and start thinking
Speaker 1: more about just like really trying to dive into the
Speaker 1: whatever natural curiosity you have about the people around you
Speaker 1: and the people you're talking to.
Speaker 3: So first be interested and then second fall into natural flow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, I don't think. I don't think a good
Speaker 1: conversation is about proving that you're cool.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 1: I understand where that's where that comes from, and I
Speaker 1: understand why that is something that uh plugues can plug,
Speaker 1: can plug your brain. And I've definitely had it interactions
Speaker 1: where I felt that way, and maybe there is a
Speaker 1: little bit of that in there, sure, but like at
Speaker 1: least eighty percent of it is just being naturally curious
Speaker 1: and interested in other people and kind of things I
Speaker 1: think flow flow through that.
Speaker 3: So let me tell you this, what things should I
Speaker 3: be like looking at to be interested in somebody? Because
Speaker 3: like I was trying to say, was that I mean,
Speaker 3: I am lonely to the extent of not having friends,
Speaker 3: but I don't know how to be interested in other
Speaker 3: people really. I mean, like I have interest like video
Speaker 3: games and stuff like that. So I guess if we
Speaker 3: talk about common things, but I don't know this person,
Speaker 3: how do they know what's common? And then I just
Speaker 3: feel like I'm ewing out word vomit.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, you don't know this person, how I
Speaker 1: know if it's common. I mean you get to know
Speaker 1: people by asking them questions and showing an interest in
Speaker 1: they're a lot lives. True, But and it's Okay, here's
Speaker 1: the thing, and I like the question of well, it
Speaker 1: should come from an authentic place. I mean, do you
Speaker 1: have are you do you? Are you interested in other
Speaker 1: people in their lives?
Speaker 3: I mean some people, but very specific people. Okay, I
Speaker 3: guess that is kind of selfish. It's coming from a
Speaker 3: selfish No, I.
Speaker 1: Never I never said it was selfish. I don't think
Speaker 1: it's selfish, and I don't think you should think it's
Speaker 1: selfish either. That I'm just trying to kind of, I guess,
Speaker 1: tap into whatever is authentic about your your brain and
Speaker 1: your interactions with other people.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean like I mean even like playing video
Speaker 3: games online. Like I have a hard time continuing the
Speaker 3: conversation beyond video games. But I want you.
Speaker 1: Want Okay, great, you want to. That's a that's a genuine,
Speaker 1: authentic desire of yours is to continue the conversation beyond
Speaker 1: video games. What how do you want to continue the
Speaker 1: conversation beyond video games? What do you want to You
Speaker 1: said you want to continue your conversations beyond video games?
Speaker 1: What do you Where do you want to go?
Speaker 3: I mean a go to would be like asking them
Speaker 3: where they're from.
Speaker 1: Cool, But like.
Speaker 3: I don't know, maybe I don't know, but.
Speaker 1: You've identified, but you've identified a natural desire that you
Speaker 1: want to take your conversations that you're having with somebody
Speaker 1: about something like video games, and you you have a
Speaker 1: genuine desire to take it further.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so just follow. I I really I mean it.
Speaker 1: I think you should just follow wherever that genuine desire
Speaker 1: takes you. Does that make sense? Does that make sense? Yeah? Okay, great,
Speaker 1: I'm happy it does because I really I really feel
Speaker 1: that way. So yeah, and just like, yeah, don't don't
Speaker 1: freak out about whether or not you're presenting yourself as
Speaker 1: the coolest guy in the world. Okay, I mean, you.
Speaker 3: Know, I always want to brag about myself, I guess
Speaker 3: because I mean I do cool things. But like, I
Speaker 3: was a chef for a while, I worked for a
Speaker 3: master chef.
Speaker 1: Mm hm m hmm.
Speaker 3: But I feel like that's like very selfish of me
Speaker 3: talking about myself like that.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't the way you're saying it's selfish is making
Speaker 1: it out like you're like there's something like negative or
Speaker 1: evil about you, which isn't is it was isn't true.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't know why I said evil. Evil
Speaker 1: seems like a staunch word, but it just I didn't
Speaker 1: like that you were saying that it was selfish because
Speaker 1: I didn't think it was. You have a genuine desire.
Speaker 1: You want to get to know people on a deeper level,
Speaker 1: is what you're expressing. Yeah, so uh, just really, I mean,
Speaker 1: I really mean, like, tap into that desire and see
Speaker 1: what it leads you to find. I guess, I guess
Speaker 1: I guess if I were to say anything to you
Speaker 1: to kind of wrap like this conversation is like it
Speaker 1: sounds like you're when you're going into these social interactions,
Speaker 1: you're tapping into a You're tapping more into fear. You're
Speaker 1: tapping into fear of whether or not this person likes you,
Speaker 1: tapping into fear that you're not interesting enough, or that
Speaker 1: you're selfish, or that you're this and that, and you're
Speaker 1: you're kind of going into these desires. You're kind of
Speaker 1: going into these conversations from that place, right, And I
Speaker 1: would just flip it, and I would flip it, and
Speaker 1: I would identify that you have a genuine desire to
Speaker 1: get to know people and to have deeper connections with
Speaker 1: people and approach it from that desire. Does that make sense?
Speaker 3: Absolutely?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Could I ask you maybe one more question if you
Speaker 3: don't mind.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So I often try to engage with other people on Twitch,
Speaker 3: other streamers and stuff like that. Mm. But then I
Speaker 3: find myself feeling like I'm like, I don't know, like
Speaker 3: being a nuisance on their stream by typing and being
Speaker 3: like one of the top chatters typing like everything, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean? Mm hmm. Do you think that's
Speaker 3: that's the same scenarios. I'm just like, I'm coming from
Speaker 3: a place that isn't the best mind space.
Speaker 1: Well, with streamers, it's weird because it's a really one
Speaker 1: sided interaction.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean they don't They're not like expressively saying
Speaker 3: that I'm being a nuisance other than joking with me.
Speaker 1: But I mean, do you get well again, it's a
Speaker 1: really one sided around. I mean, to be totally honest
Speaker 1: with you, every time I read, even if it's on
Speaker 1: my own thing, anytime, I'm like like I'm looking at
Speaker 1: I look at Instagram or YouTube or whatever, and you
Speaker 1: see comments. I'm always like, who are these people? Who
Speaker 1: are these people who are like talking? I know everyone
Speaker 1: in my comments section is now going to reference me
Speaker 1: saying this, but I'm like, who are these people talking?
Speaker 1: In the internet comments? I don't know. I don't know
Speaker 1: what's going on in the brain when it's leaving a
Speaker 1: comment on a thing. I mean, I appreciate it. I've
Speaker 1: for my own shit. I like hearing the feedback. I
Speaker 1: read the comments and stuff. But that's a diff that's
Speaker 1: really I wouldn't what you're talking about is not in
Speaker 1: the field of social interaction. I don't think. But I
Speaker 1: don't know. What do you want? Like when you're when
Speaker 1: you're well, I guess I'll I'll just ask you, Like,
Speaker 1: when you're chatting a lot in someone's stream, what are
Speaker 1: you hoping to get out of that?
Speaker 3: Just interaction? Really? I mean, I'm not looking for followers
Speaker 3: or anything like, I just trying to create, like be
Speaker 3: a part of their community.
Speaker 1: Really, you're trying to interact with the other chatters.
Speaker 3: Well, rarely do I interact with the other chat It's
Speaker 3: more I'm making comments and they're reading it. Type shit
Speaker 3: and then like I don't, like I feel like I'm
Speaker 3: I am disconnected with chat often.
Speaker 1: I feel what was the initial thing that you want
Speaker 1: that you were asking about this or reason why you
Speaker 1: wanted to bring this up or talk about it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: not having like.
Speaker 3: The best tools to have friends and stuff like that.
Speaker 3: I mean, like I happen to discord and I have
Speaker 3: I talk to other people that are that stream, that
Speaker 3: are in the community and stuff. But like, I mean,
Speaker 3: I don't really know, like what do I even how
Speaker 3: do I even call out somebody else in the chat
Speaker 3: and then start trying to make a connection with them.
Speaker 1: Well, what do you want? Man? Do you want? Do
Speaker 1: you want to be around more people in real life
Speaker 1: or in in flint or do you want to have
Speaker 1: online buddies? Like what would your ideal scenario be?
Speaker 2: More friends?
Speaker 3: Probably not relying on having one friend that I play
Speaker 3: games with.
Speaker 1: M I mean, I think the twitch discords a little
Speaker 1: different from if you're in the ears of the If
Speaker 1: you're like on Twitch talking to a twitch streamer trying
Speaker 1: to like get their attention for like a form of
Speaker 1: genuine connection, I don't think that's a good idea. But
Speaker 1: if you're in like, but you could go to the
Speaker 1: discord channel of a twitch streamer and start talking to
Speaker 1: the people in the who are also watch the streamer
Speaker 1: and maybe, you know, get some interaction like that. But again,
Speaker 1: I would.
Speaker 3: Really trying to tag somebody in chat and make a
Speaker 3: conversation midst.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but dude, really, I don't know what. I don't
Speaker 1: know what the landscape of Flint, Michigan looks like these days.
Speaker 1: But if you can do, do your best to try
Speaker 1: to get out of the house and meet some folks
Speaker 1: in real life.
Speaker 3: All right, all right, I appreciate the advice.
Speaker 1: Man, Yeah, of course. Man. Well, thanks, thanks for sharing
Speaker 1: all this stuff with me and uh trusting me to
Speaker 1: fucking talk about it. Thank you. Sorry, I'm sorry I
Speaker 1: talked over you. I'm sorry I talked over you earlier,
Speaker 1: but I was there was a second where I was like,
Speaker 1: I just need to get this thought out and I
Speaker 1: need to talk over you to do it. So thanks
Speaker 1: for bearing with me.
Speaker 3: No, no, thank you, I appreciate everything.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else you wus say to the people
Speaker 1: of the computer before we go?
Speaker 3: I love this community, Bill, and I hope you never
Speaker 3: stop doing.
Speaker 2: What you do.
Speaker 1: Gack, Thank you, brother. I appreciate it. You enjoy enjoy
Speaker 1: your McDonald's.
Speaker 3: I will, I will shove it down my throat. Thank you,
Speaker 3: tak did have a night bye?
Speaker 1: You know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: I don't get you. I don't get comments. Every time
Speaker 1: I see comments, I get I read. I read my
Speaker 1: YouTube comments. Part of me thinks I shouldn't because it's
Speaker 1: like obsessive, I guess, to just sit there and read
Speaker 1: stuff about yourself. Uh, But I don't. But I like,
Speaker 1: but I do with I work a lot on making
Speaker 1: these podcasts, and so I want to I want to
Speaker 1: know what people think about them. I have these conversations
Speaker 1: like like I want, like, I'm gonna read the comments
Speaker 1: because I want to know what the people in the
Speaker 1: comments have to say about people in the comments. I
Speaker 1: think that's fair. I think it's fair for me to
Speaker 1: want to read the comments about my work. I think
Speaker 1: it's a bad idea to try to like gain a
Speaker 1: sense of self esteem from them. But I think it's
Speaker 1: natural to be curious about them. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't know why anyone does anything, really goes on the line,
Speaker 1: taking your phone calls every night, ever, goes to his eye.
Speaker 1: He's teaching you cloud interial life, but he's not read
Speaker 1: an expert