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Speaker 1: Hello.

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Speaker 2: Oh, my fucking god.

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Speaker 1: What's your name? Lad?

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Speaker 2: My name is Nick.

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Speaker 1: Nick. What's up, Nick? How you doing, buddy?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 2: I'm not ship. How's it going?

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Speaker 1: I'm actually feeling pretty uh okay right now? I'm excited

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Speaker 1: to talk to you. What's up?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm excited to talk to you. Fuck I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I'm nervous as hell now, God damn it.

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Speaker 1: Have have we ever talked before? Nick?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 1: All right? Cool? Where who are you? You have a

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Speaker 1: bombastic personality?

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Speaker 2: Well thank you. I don't think anybody's ever said that

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Speaker 2: to me before.

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Speaker 1: Who who are you?

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Speaker 2: I'm a guy? Sure are I'm a guy that does things?

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Speaker 1: Sure are what kind of hell?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Uh? Well, hotly, just hang out with my kids work.

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Speaker 1: You know, how old are your kids?

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Speaker 2: They are six and I have three year old twins.

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Speaker 1: Holy fucking geez. How old are you?

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Speaker 2: I'm twenty eight. I probably sound like a child.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, no, you're you're you're if you have three kids,

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Speaker 1: you're a super You're a total You're an adults. You're

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Speaker 1: a real adult. That's really cool.

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Speaker 2: Well, how's being adult, real person?

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Speaker 1: You're a super realer? How's being a real adult?

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Speaker 2: Fucking awful man? I mean being parentschool, but being an

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Speaker 2: adult is fucking awful.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, why tell me more?

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Speaker 2: So, Like a year ago, I had this really bad,

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Speaker 2: fucking mental breakdown because the real fucked up shit happened

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Speaker 2: with my family and all that. Ever since then, I

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Speaker 2: smoke weed and then I just sit there and I'm like, man,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to die. Everybody that I care about is

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Speaker 2: going to die, and nothing's going to mean anything.

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Speaker 1: Really, how often do you do that?

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Speaker 2: Almost every time? And all it takes is like a

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Speaker 2: puff or two?

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Speaker 1: How often do you get high? You said, are you

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Speaker 1: doing it? You're doing it every day?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, most of the time. It used to be NonStop,

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Speaker 2: but now I'll smoke like a bull a day.

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Speaker 1: What were you saying?

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Speaker 2: It's just like it's a bad time, but I've been

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Speaker 2: doing it for so long that like my brain and

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Speaker 2: my body. You're like, you fucking need this, you piece

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Speaker 2: of shit?

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Speaker 1: Can I I'm like genuinely curious because I I've lately

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Speaker 1: I've been just thinking you have been imagining what my

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Speaker 1: life would be like if I had to take care

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Speaker 1: of things that aren't me. And it's like, don't you,

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Speaker 1: like with three kids, do you have time to like

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Speaker 1: get high.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, they're good kids. They go to sleep on time.

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Speaker 2: One of them's in school.

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Speaker 1: Okay, do you have someone who else? Do you have

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Speaker 1: a wife?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I have a girlfriend.

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Speaker 1: I heard a daddy in the background.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Sorry, sorry, I can't right now. I'm talking to the

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Speaker 1: therapy Gecko exactly.

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Speaker 2: They see you occasionally. They know I'm actually being you

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Speaker 2: for Halloween. And I've had one person. I've had one

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Speaker 2: person be like, are you supposed to be the therapy

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Speaker 2: Gecko and like yeah, yeah, oh yeah.

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Speaker 1: That's sick. That's awesome, man, that's awesome. All right. So

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Speaker 1: you feel, like you said, you have a mental breakdown

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Speaker 1: every time you get high, Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Pretty much. And I've all stemmed from one really bad

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Speaker 2: mental breakdown I had like about a year ago.

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Speaker 1: What, uh, well, how do you like? Okay? Can I

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Speaker 1: I'm just curious. I'm curious how your brain works, because

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Speaker 1: I know what I kind of I know what like

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Speaker 1: existential dread feels like like when you're high and you're

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Speaker 1: in the middle of that dread and you're like, nothing matters.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna die, Mike. Everyone I care about is gonna die.

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Speaker 1: Do you okay? In this moment? Like literally right now?

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Speaker 1: Are you sober? Are you high right now?

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Speaker 4: Ah?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sober. My kids are awake. I'm not gonna

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Speaker 2: get high around these little shits.

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Speaker 1: In in in uh uh right now, in this current second,

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Speaker 1: do you feel the way that you felt? Do you

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Speaker 1: feel that those existential thoughts?

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Speaker 3: Do you?

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Speaker 2: Like? No, not really? It could be because I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: call with the fucking gek right now, but no, not really.

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Speaker 1: Okay. It's interesting because when when you let when like

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Speaker 1: that kind of shit kicks in, or it's almost you

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Speaker 1: almost think in your head, you're like, oh no, this

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Speaker 1: is my brain forever now, and that's like scary.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's that's accurate.

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Speaker 1: But you know the but that's not true because here

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Speaker 1: you are, after having once believed fully, truly, genuinely with

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Speaker 1: your whole soul that nothing mattered you stand uh in

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Speaker 1: this moment, knowing that to not be true, which I

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Speaker 1: think is cool.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, sorry, I'm trying to wrangle some little shit.

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Speaker 2: So I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: No, I'm sorry, don't be sorry. I have nothing at

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Speaker 1: all to remotely be sorry for. What do you what

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Speaker 1: else is going on in your life?

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Speaker 2: Shit, I'm just trying to work survive, you know, adult

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Speaker 2: thing like we brought up before. Hey, my fucking job

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Speaker 2: work with a bunch of dope ds.

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Speaker 1: What's your job?

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Speaker 2: I'm a manager, Eddie fucking Applebee's.

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Speaker 1: That's cool. Do you do you yell at people a lot?

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Speaker 1: Do you yell at your staff?

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Speaker 2: No, they don't pay me enough to do that.

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Speaker 1: Mmmm mmmm does your buddy your bosses yell at you?

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Speaker 2: No? But that that ship all right?

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Speaker 1: So you don't yell. So you don't yell at anyone,

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Speaker 1: and no one yells at you. Tell me what what?

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Speaker 1: What is it? What? What? What upsets you the most?

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Speaker 1: Because you sounded like very upset. I'm curious with the

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Speaker 1: specific A lot.

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Speaker 2: Of drug addicts that I have to put up with,

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Speaker 2: and I get sick of dealing with drug addicts all

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Speaker 2: the time. Sure, drugs, they're all tweakers. I think there's

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Speaker 2: one crackhead, but most of them tweakers. But I guess

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Speaker 2: there's an Applebee's.

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Speaker 1: What's a tweak? Is a tweaker is? This is the

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Speaker 1: concept of a tweaker associated with a specific drug, usually

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Speaker 1: crystal math and fetom and have your done maths.

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Speaker 2: No. I was prescribed adderall at a very young age,

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Speaker 2: So it's kind of like, eh, been there, done that

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Speaker 2: For the most part, I mean, it's a diet myth.

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Speaker 1: So what you're the people who work for you that

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Speaker 1: are that are drug addicts do does? What do they

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Speaker 1: do to make your life more difficult?

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Speaker 2: Fuck? They don't show up for work, They come to

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Speaker 2: work tweaken, They bring random, strange methods into work with

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Speaker 2: them for some fucking reason. That's like yesterday I had

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Speaker 2: some some scrawny, little, fucking junked out hobo come in

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Speaker 2: and he's like, hey, it's William here, and then they

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Speaker 2: disappeared for like fucking twenty minutes, and I'm just like,

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Speaker 2: what the hell, No I got to do? You're supposed

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Speaker 2: to be doin when I got my own shits? Okay,

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: Have you got no sorry? Sorry? Have you ever made it?

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Speaker 1: You ever made any any you ever made any good

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Speaker 1: friends or business connections? This way? Like somebody brings somebody

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Speaker 1: into your restaurate on who's on drugs, and you're like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I know that you're on a lot of drugs,

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Speaker 1: but you're actually, uh, you actually seem like a cool guy,

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Speaker 1: and I want to hang out.

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Speaker 2: Uh later, I've met a few of them. Actually, when

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Speaker 2: I got hired on and I wasn't a manager, everybody

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Speaker 2: who worked there was like somebody who I've known for

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Speaker 2: a really long time. So it was an enjoyable place

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Speaker 2: to work at that point.

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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, so you're you're making you know, sure,

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Speaker 1: it's probably it's probably not fun when people just bring random,

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Speaker 1: random people on meth into work, but you know, maybe

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Speaker 1: you get you guys can have a play date afterwards,

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Speaker 1: and it's kind of nice.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: What else? What else.

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Speaker 2: I've been drinking?

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Speaker 1: You've been jerking a lot deeper?

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Speaker 2: No drinking a lot drink. I don't have to jerk

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Speaker 2: it not that often.

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Speaker 1: Ship Uh what how often are you drinking? What are

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Speaker 1: you drinking?

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Speaker 2: I usually only drink all my days off, but I

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Speaker 2: stick to beer these days. But there's still like this

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Speaker 2: guilt that I live with of like, man, I'm drinking

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Speaker 2: too much, even though I drink like four beers a week.

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Speaker 1: It's an interesting question. Are you drinking too much? I

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Speaker 1: guess I guess that's kind of up for you to decide. Well,

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Speaker 1: you have kids, So if your kids told you that

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Speaker 1: you were drinking so much that they didn't recognize they

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Speaker 1: didn't feel like they could recognize you anymore. That's some.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, anytime I'm doing so, they're like, they're not around.

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Speaker 2: I'm not a total piece of shit.

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Speaker 1: That's cool, that's cool. No, I don't. I don't think

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Speaker 1: you're a total piece of shit at all. I don't

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Speaker 1: think you're a total piece of shit.

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Speaker 2: Thank you. I try. I try my best to be

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Speaker 2: a good person.

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Speaker 1: Do you what's up with the kids? Mom?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, we lived together. Things have been uh better now,

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Speaker 2: I guess than they used to be, which was kind

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Speaker 2: of the cause of the mental breakdown that I had

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Speaker 2: a year ago.

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Speaker 1: How long have you?

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Speaker 4: So?

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Speaker 1: Okay? So you all okay? So you, your wife and

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Speaker 1: your three kids all live in the same house. Yes, okay,

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Speaker 1: that's pretty good. That's pretty great. And you do you?

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Speaker 1: And do you? And uh you're white? You sher wife?

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Speaker 2: No, she's my girlfriend. I don't think you're going to

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Speaker 2: get married.

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Speaker 1: Do you and your girlfriend get along.

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Speaker 2: Most of the time recently? But like last year around

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Speaker 2: this time was very bad, in one of the darkest

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Speaker 2: points in my life. But things are a lot better now.

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Speaker 1: How in what ways have they gotten better?

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Speaker 2: We don't argue so much. That's a big one. That's

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Speaker 2: a big one. She finally got a job.

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Speaker 1: Did you have like a central thing that you would

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Speaker 1: argue about?

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Speaker 2: Shit? No, Oh, she's got a lot of mental shit.

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Speaker 2: I've got a lot of mental ship. It was it

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Speaker 2: was rough for a while, but it is. It has

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Speaker 2: gotten a lot of it.

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Speaker 1: That's good. What does she do? So you work at

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Speaker 1: the Applebee's. What does she do?

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Speaker 3: Yes?

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Speaker 2: And she works at the college that is in my town.

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Speaker 2: I live in a fucking college town.

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Speaker 1: Cool? Very cool?

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Speaker 3: Uh?

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Speaker 1: Did I did I ask her already? How long you

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Speaker 1: two have been together?

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Speaker 2: No, we've been together for about four almost five years

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Speaker 2: something like that.

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Speaker 1: Four five years. So you have a six year old?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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Speaker 1: So is that with her?

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Speaker 2: Uh? It is my stepchild actually, but I've been raising

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Speaker 2: her since she was real young, so I just consider

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Speaker 2: her mind.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So it's her. So you have.

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Speaker 2: H I have the twin boys.

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Speaker 1: You have the twin boys, and then she has a

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Speaker 1: child from another uh thing?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and that was a that was a whole ship show.

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Speaker 2: But we're not going to get into.

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Speaker 1: That, okay, A right, sure, sure, and this but this

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Speaker 1: is this So from the way it sounds sounds like

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Speaker 1: you've been raising this kid for uh since she was

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Speaker 1: like born and she calls you she's a you're like

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Speaker 1: her dad. Yeah yeah, okay, cool cool cool.

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Speaker 3: Hm hm.

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Speaker 1: You sound like you have a pretty nice life. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's gotten better and it's gotten better. I've

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Speaker 2: done a lot of dumb ship, but I'm making up

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Speaker 2: for it now.

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Speaker 1: I feel like, uh so, yeah, tell me more if

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Speaker 1: you want, ah ship. H.

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Speaker 2: I used to do a lot of acid, and I

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Speaker 2: think that's a big cause of why I can't smoke

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Speaker 2: weed anymore, because there what's that ship called HPPD where

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Speaker 2: you do way too much hallucinogen?

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah, and you have you get like visual

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Speaker 1: snow Oh yeah yeah.

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Speaker 2: I think I got a little bit of that, and

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Speaker 2: that fucks with me from time to time. I don't

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Speaker 2: do hallucinogens anymore. That god fuck that.

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Speaker 3: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: Do you do you do? You miss doing acid a lot?

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Speaker 3: I miss cocaine mm hmm, but uh, how long ago?

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Speaker 1: What do you miss about cocaine?

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Speaker 2: Being high?

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Speaker 1: Sou Okay, Well that's cool. Uh yeah, you're.

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Speaker 3: You.

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Speaker 1: I don't really you know. I don't know you, but

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Speaker 1: you sound uh like you sound like you're like living

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Speaker 1: like pretty responsibly, and that it took you like a

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Speaker 1: while to uh get there, and that you're like sacrificing

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Speaker 1: a lot to be able.

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Speaker 2: To Yeah, you're pretty you're pretty much on it. I

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Speaker 2: don't like to, uh think very highly of myself, but yeah,

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Speaker 2: you're pretty much on it. You're pretty much nailing it

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Speaker 2: right there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's just armchair therapy. But I respect that.

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Speaker 1: I have a lot of respect for that, because you

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna just keep making assumptions about your life. You

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Speaker 1: sound like problem. You sound like you overcame a lot

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Speaker 1: of like your natural conditioning in order to uh achieve

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Speaker 1: higher life objectives, and I sincerely I have a deep

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Speaker 1: ah respect for that. So you know, he that.

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Speaker 2: Means more to me than you could ever know. I'm

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Speaker 2: a huge fan. I've been watching for a while.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Is that has that been hard?

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Speaker 2: Not really? No, Honestly, it came pretty easy. I think

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Speaker 2: there came a point in my life where it's just like, man,

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Speaker 2: I need to grow the fuck up.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 3: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: Do you think do you think you'll you'll be able

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Speaker 1: to sustain this for the for the future. Oh yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's great, that's awesome.

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Speaker 3: Do you have.

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Speaker 1: Do you have any advice for me?

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Speaker 2: Nick Ship? I know you seem depressed a lot. Yesterday

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Speaker 2: I was in the chat and I was like, are

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Speaker 2: you depressed, kick, because I think I am too.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I think I don't. I get depressed pretty often.

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Speaker 1: I'm just my number one figure out. I'm yeah, but

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Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with figuring out how to not be and

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Speaker 1: I'm getting I think I'm getting really close. So I'll

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Speaker 1: let you know. When I figure out the meaning of life,

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Speaker 1: I'll try to pass it on to you. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I also have an eating problem, like you talk about.

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Speaker 2: I eat like shit so bad.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, my kids don't. My kids are always eating real

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Speaker 2: healthy and then they see me eat some garbage and

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Speaker 2: they're just like, dad.

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Speaker 1: Come on, that's good. I like, you know what, That's

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Speaker 1: the funny thing, because sometimes I think to myself, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: is having kids? Is there a version of it where

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Speaker 1: you're like you get to a certain age and you're like,

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Speaker 1: all right, I fucked up this human being whose body

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Speaker 1: I currently inhabit. Let me just blank slate and let's

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Speaker 1: try again with the human being that's not me and

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Speaker 1: I can we can not fuck this up, you know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like I just made them a whole bunch of

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Speaker 2: pasta with like veggies and stuff in it, and then

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Speaker 2: they just watched me like six corn dogs to the

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Speaker 2: face and they're just like, Dad, come on, get your

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Speaker 2: life right.

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Speaker 1: That sounds like a right life to me. Is there

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Speaker 1: anything else would I say to the to the people

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Speaker 1: of the computer before we go.

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Speaker 2: Nick, I love you get I hope my call wasn't boring.

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Speaker 1: No, you're you're keep keep keep keep doing your thing. Dog.

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Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I hope I make it on the podcast. Actually,

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Speaker 2: I'm not sure. That's kind of terrifying thought.

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Speaker 1: I'm put I'm putting this in the pot. This is

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Speaker 1: you tell this is the podcast. This is the podcast,

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Speaker 1: all right?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Later. I liked that guy. I don't you know, he

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Speaker 1: clearly cared about his kids enough to give them food.

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Speaker 1: So that's I think that's a that's a noble quality

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Speaker 1: to have.

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Speaker 4: I have.

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Speaker 1: I had a lot of respect for that guy. I

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Speaker 1: do he you know, he's making it's hard to make

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Speaker 1: his it's hard to make that life that he's making

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Speaker 1: work is a life that sounds really hard to make work.

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Speaker 1: And I have I have a I have a lot

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Speaker 1: of respect for that Hello.

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Speaker 4: Oh hi, this is too stressful. Hi.

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Speaker 1: What is what is your name?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 1: I'm hasty, say that one more time, hasty Hespy?

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Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, that was good.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what's up, Hesp? How you doing well?

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Speaker 4: I'm going fine. I guess a little bit too stressed.

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Speaker 4: I think my whole body is shaking. So I'm trying

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Speaker 4: to realize.

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Speaker 1: Where are you calling from?

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Speaker 4: Oh I'm calling from the Netherlands.

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Speaker 1: Oh, you're calling from the Netherlands. Oh, I've been. I've

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Speaker 1: been massively, massively dick riding the Netherlands lately. I love,

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Speaker 1: I love the Netherlands. I'm gonna I'm gonna dick ride

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Speaker 1: it some more. I love it's walkable, it's got great architecture,

359
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:05,120
Speaker 1: it's got great greenery. It's uh, it's it's awesome. Where

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00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:06,440
Speaker 1: in the Netherlands do you live?

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Speaker 4: Well, I live up in the north, so it's a city,

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Speaker 4: like it's kind of a small city called home again.

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Speaker 4: And actually I'm a student here, so I've been living

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Speaker 4: here for like two years.

365
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:23,160
Speaker 1: Now. Cool bro, Are you from there originally?

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Speaker 4: Oh? No, I'm from Iran Oh Iran.

367
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:30,040
Speaker 1: Oh cool dude, where where where? Where on around did

368
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:30,640
Speaker 1: you grow up?

369
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Speaker 3: Oh?

370
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:35,359
Speaker 4: And she does it's kind of like mixed south West.

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Speaker 4: I want to.

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Speaker 1: Say, And what you said? You went there for you?

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Speaker 1: You came to the Netherlands for school. Yeah, well, what

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Speaker 1: year are you in?

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Speaker 4: Well, I remember my second year of bachelors. But I

376
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,679
Speaker 4: did three years of bachelors in Iran and then I

377
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:58,639
Speaker 4: dropped out. I did three years of mechanical engineering and

378
00:19:58,680 --> 00:19:59,960
Speaker 4: then I moved here to do a.

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00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:05,000
Speaker 1: Jeez, did you just like come by yourself? Did you

380
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,000
Speaker 1: know anyone? Yeah?

381
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:10,320
Speaker 4: By myself, not knowing anyone. It was kind of scary.

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00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,760
Speaker 4: It was like, now thinking about it, looking back, I

383
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,080
Speaker 4: don't know how the fuck I did that.

384
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:20,840
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's cool. So what tell me about what

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00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:22,960
Speaker 1: kind of life you've been able to build for yourself

386
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:24,560
Speaker 1: the past couple of years.

387
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Speaker 4: Well, okay, so when I came here, I lived in

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Speaker 4: a house, I mean in a room. I had fifteen

389
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Speaker 4: housemates and I had a room that was like nine

390
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:43,199
Speaker 4: square meters for about like six seven months because it

391
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:47,880
Speaker 4: was the cheapest option I could get. And then luckily

392
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,800
Speaker 4: I got like now, I got a studio, which is

393
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Speaker 4: kind of better, and I had a really good housemates.

394
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,280
Speaker 4: So I'm still in contact with them. We kept in

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00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:05,360
Speaker 4: touch yeah, I have a boyfriend now and oh my god,

396
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:06,320
Speaker 4: my voice is shaking.

397
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,320
Speaker 1: Yeah is he is?

398
00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:08,720
Speaker 3: He? Is?

399
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:08,800
Speaker 2: He?

400
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:09,119
Speaker 3: Is?

401
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,639
Speaker 1: He a tall, beautiful blonde dutch Man.

402
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:21,520
Speaker 4: Oh no, no, well he's ethnically from at all, and

403
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 4: but he grew up here and he was born here.

404
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,639
Speaker 1: So cool, very cool? Are you?

405
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:27,879
Speaker 2: So?

406
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:32,160
Speaker 1: Are you enjoy Are you enjoying life?

407
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:34,119
Speaker 4: I don't know. I feel like not as much as

408
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 4: I should, Okay, because like I had this opportunity, and

409
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,200
Speaker 4: I feel like I'm having like a mid life crisis.

410
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,920
Speaker 4: I mean not really mid life, it's like a quarter

411
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:50,840
Speaker 4: life crisis. And yeah, so I was a really depressed

412
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:53,919
Speaker 4: and anxious when I moved here. I got into this

413
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:59,320
Speaker 4: really deep depression and I figured out that it was

414
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:03,479
Speaker 4: burnt out. So now this is a healing process.

415
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:08,000
Speaker 1: I guess it's good. I'm really I just very selfishly,

416
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,280
Speaker 1: I'm really bummed to hear that you're anxious and depressed,

417
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 1: because for me, when I get anxious and depressed, my

418
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,040
Speaker 1: one of my like defense mechanisms is like, fuck all this,

419
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:22,880
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna I imagine life in what where I've

420
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 1: moved to a foreign country and abandoned all I ever was,

421
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,760
Speaker 1: including you know, anxiety and depression, and in my head,

422
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,240
Speaker 1: the Netherlands is one of those places. So in my head,

423
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,639
Speaker 1: when you live in the Netherlands, you actually anxiety and

424
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:40,160
Speaker 1: depression just doesn't exist in my you know what I mean.

425
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:43,920
Speaker 1: So hearing that, you hearing that there is a person

426
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Speaker 1: in the place where I imagine everything to be amazing

427
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:49,719
Speaker 1: all the time, it is experiencing everything not being amazing

428
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,560
Speaker 1: all the time just crushes me, you know what I mean?

429
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 4: I know, I know, But the thing is that I

430
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,160
Speaker 4: also thought that I'm going to run away from everything,

431
00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,520
Speaker 4: like run away from my depression and anxiety and everything

432
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:03,600
Speaker 4: when I leave it all. But then the thing is

433
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:07,160
Speaker 4: that you bring everything with yourself. You know, if you're

434
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 4: the problem, you're going to be the problem everywhere. Yeah,

435
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:16,359
Speaker 4: so you just find like new angles of love life

436
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:17,880
Speaker 4: to be depressed about.

437
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:20,119
Speaker 1: Well that's great.

438
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm sorry to push your dream.

439
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 1: Sorry, it had to happen. It had to happen at

440
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:28,520
Speaker 1: some point.

441
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:34,560
Speaker 4: Yeah. So in Amsterdam by the way.

442
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,080
Speaker 1: Oh, you're coming to the Amsterdam Show.

443
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:38,840
Speaker 4: To be honest, I'm not sure if I can make

444
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:43,200
Speaker 4: it there because it's just like I have to take

445
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 4: the train from here to two hours and I have

446
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,880
Speaker 4: to pay for the train. And also it's the same

447
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,520
Speaker 4: day as my birthday, so there's going to be some

448
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,879
Speaker 4: plans here. I'm not sure if I'm going to make it,

449
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:56,440
Speaker 4: but I'll.

450
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,959
Speaker 1: Try my best. Well, what are you doing for your birthday?

451
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:04,159
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not sure. Usually we just go out for

452
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 4: dinner and I get my birthday presents and stuff.

453
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:09,960
Speaker 1: Well that's I mean, it sounds like you have like

454
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 1: a nice little community out there enough enough that you can,

455
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:14,280
Speaker 1: you know, do a birthday.

456
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:17,440
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, I have a few friends and a boyfriend.

457
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:21,879
Speaker 1: That's good. So tell me more about your healing. What

458
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 1: are you doing to heal? Well?

459
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 4: I go to Serpi sometimes twice a week, which is crazy,

460
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:35,200
Speaker 4: I know. And other than that, it's just that I

461
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 4: learned to do sometimes the bare minimum and allow myself to,

462
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 4: you know, to like some days not do shit and

463
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:49,280
Speaker 4: be okay with that. And it was a real difficult

464
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 4: for me. I don't know why, but like I have

465
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:56,280
Speaker 4: an Islam tomorrow and the whole day I was thinking that,

466
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:59,360
Speaker 4: oh I have to get a ten for that example

467
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:05,280
Speaker 4: is out of Oh well, I'm just like trying to

468
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:09,159
Speaker 4: remember that I just need to fucking pass, Like I

469
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:12,639
Speaker 4: do not need to get at ten. So so now

470
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:16,399
Speaker 4: I'm just trying to do bare minimum in my life.

471
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:23,639
Speaker 1: I resonate with that so deeply, I really do. I

472
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 1: think that there's a weird I know it's like misconstrued

473
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 1: is laziness, and I've battled with it myself, but I'm

474
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 1: so I so deeply resonate with trying just being like,

475
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 1: let me just do the bare minimum so I don't

476
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:41,280
Speaker 1: go insane. Yeah, I resonate with that a lot. I've

477
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:42,679
Speaker 1: been thinking about that a lot. That's one of the

478
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 1: read If you're watching the video version of this podcast,

479
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 1: you'll notice that I'm not in my normal setup, and

480
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 1: that's honestly because I was like, I don't feel like

481
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 1: doing it. I feel more comfortable doing this. But look

482
00:25:56,600 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 1: we're but look I'm we're having an interesting conversation right now,

483
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:04,119
Speaker 1: which to me is that's my version of passing the test.

484
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 4: You know what, Okay, that's good. The pressure to be interesting, and.

485
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:11,960
Speaker 1: I thought so much, you're no, you're being I don't know,

486
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:14,360
Speaker 1: I don't people. I don't care about people being interesting.

487
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 1: I just care about them being themselves, you know. So,

488
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 1: I mean you are inherently in an interesting Uh, situation,

489
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,919
Speaker 1: So what's the Well, actually I wanted to ask you that.

490
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 1: What did I didn't ask you this is was there

491
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:33,920
Speaker 1: a specific thing that you wanted to talk to talk

492
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:38,400
Speaker 1: talk about in this situation, in this phone call. It's

493
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:39,919
Speaker 1: okay if not. There's other stuff too.

494
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,760
Speaker 4: I didn't want to talk about anxiety about the stuff

495
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,680
Speaker 4: that that is, Like, I know it's out of my control,

496
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,159
Speaker 4: but I'm still anxious about it. Like I keep trying

497
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,359
Speaker 4: to tell myself, Yeah, I thought of I can not

498
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:57,160
Speaker 4: do anything about it, but it still affects my life.

499
00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:04,280
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean accept I feel like like acceptance

500
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:09,719
Speaker 1: is a it's not like a one time deal as

501
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 1: much as you want it to be. It's a recurring practice.

502
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:19,280
Speaker 4: So I just have to keep telling myself I set

503
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 4: my control and one day it would be fine.

504
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 1: Oh I can't tell you if one day it will

505
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 1: be fine. I don't have that data. Uh, but I

506
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,600
Speaker 1: but I can. Really, I can only speak from my personal,

507
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 1: uh experience with trying to accept that things will be fine.

508
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 1: All I can say is that yet it's a recurring

509
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,639
Speaker 1: you have to kind of consistently reinforce to yourself that

510
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:54,960
Speaker 1: you're going to be okay. You know, it's not just

511
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:58,960
Speaker 1: a thing that you decide once and it's forever there.

512
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:02,000
Speaker 1: It's like a it's like changing your fucking what's like

513
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 1: a habit. You have to get into the habit of

514
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 1: positively thinking about things and accepting.

515
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:14,920
Speaker 4: But like, let me give you an example. Yeah, for example,

516
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 4: let me so, I'm kind of like currently, I'm kind

517
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,399
Speaker 4: of worried about like the situation. I don't want to

518
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 4: get like into politics and stuff, but it's just like

519
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:25,720
Speaker 4: the situation that oh, is it's gonna be a war

520
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,440
Speaker 4: there or not in it on And like my family

521
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 4: lived there, and I'm still getting money from my family,

522
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:36,600
Speaker 4: Like I cannot support myself completely even when I like

523
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:40,560
Speaker 4: to work here, so they send me money sometimes and

524
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:47,000
Speaker 4: they pay for e tuition fees. And I'm also concerned

525
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 4: about the health if something's happened, if the war starts

526
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 4: in Middle East, I don't know. Oh, And compared to that, sometimes,

527
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 4: like the problems that I have in my daily life,

528
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 4: they're feel so insignificant that I cannot bring myself like

529
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:09,160
Speaker 4: I don't know, I cannot bring myself to focus on

530
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 4: my yam. I don't not bring my I cannot bring

531
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 4: myself to go to work or do something like that

532
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 4: was the main reason that my depression started, because like

533
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:23,480
Speaker 4: there's so many things happening, like I feel like my

534
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:27,640
Speaker 4: life is falling apart, and I'm just scared trying to

535
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,760
Speaker 4: I don't know, give my set about the water.

536
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:33,760
Speaker 1: By the way, give me a favorite. Are you holding

537
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 1: your hand over the microphone or anything like that? You're

538
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 1: a tiny bit muffled.

539
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 4: Oh no, I feel like I'm just like too stressed

540
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 4: that like my voice is shaking and the words are

541
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 4: not no no.

542
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no no the words. The words are

543
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 1: definitely getting out. Well oh man, Well, first of all,

544
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:54,280
Speaker 1: I'm really really sorry to hear that that's uh that's

545
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 1: going on. I feel like I can't. I don't think

546
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 1: I could realistically sit here and tell you, uh that

547
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 1: the way to deal with your your family being in

548
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 1: a war zone is to, uh, you know, do some

549
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:12,760
Speaker 1: breathing exercises, because I don't. I don't know if I

550
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 1: that's the thing, but you say it makes all your

551
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 1: like day day to day life feel more insignificant. Yeah,

552
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:30,000
Speaker 1: Is that a good? Is that like a good thing?

553
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:32,720
Speaker 1: Is that? Does that take the pressure off of things

554
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 1: at all?

555
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 4: No? Not really because like now I'm like, why would

556
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 4: I take care of myself? Like I don't know even

557
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:45,320
Speaker 4: the smallest Like I cannot sometimes get out of bed

558
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 4: because like what am I going to do to fix anything?

559
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:49,880
Speaker 4: Like nothing I do matter?

560
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 1: I don't know.

561
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm sorry. I feel like that was like too heavy.

562
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 1: No, No, I don't you know, you know, don't be sorry.

563
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 1: These are I will I'm making the I'm making those

564
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:10,160
Speaker 1: noises because uh, I mean you're talking about some real

565
00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 1: ship and I you're just making me think about the

566
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:25,360
Speaker 1: these things are interesting to think about, hmmar.

567
00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 4: Like because I get anxious about my daily life, like

568
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:30,920
Speaker 4: like I don't know even about the like stupid choices,

569
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:33,840
Speaker 4: you know, Like if I get anxious about it, it

570
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:36,520
Speaker 4: means that it's important to me. At the same time,

571
00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 4: I feel like it's not important enough for me to

572
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 4: do anything about it. But why do I get anxious

573
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 4: to it? So it's just like I cannot even tell

574
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 4: what's happening in my brain right now, you know, let.

575
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 1: Me actually play with this a little bit because I've

576
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 1: been thinking about this in my own thing. I also

577
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:56,960
Speaker 1: often think, like what's the point of giving a fuck

578
00:31:57,040 --> 00:32:00,680
Speaker 1: about my life? Uh? Because there's so many things of control,

579
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 1: and because like, what's the there's greater, there's there's more

580
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 1: important things going on in the in the like world

581
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:10,880
Speaker 1: at large besides just like fucking me, So why do

582
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:13,400
Speaker 1: I matter? And why is my happiness matter? And what's

583
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,880
Speaker 1: the Like I've really thought about these things. I've like

584
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 1: talked to fucking chat GPT about these things and trying

585
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 1: to try to figure it out. And I think I

586
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 1: just for me, I can only just speak from my

587
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 1: lived experience. Like for me, I think, like the when

588
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 1: I reach a conclusion about this stuff, I just go,

589
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 1: you know what, it's my fucking life. I'm gonna care

590
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:41,040
Speaker 1: about it. I'm just deciding. I know it's kind of oversimplification,

591
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 1: but it's just a matter of deciding that you care

592
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 1: about your own life and deciding it's important to you

593
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 1: that you be happy, and uh trying not to feel

594
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 1: like shame in that, uh, because there's the point. Yeah,

595
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 1: I don't think it's a shameful thing to want to

596
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 1: give a fuck about your life, although I definitely have

597
00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 1: experienced that, Yes, this is my fucking life and I

598
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:13,239
Speaker 1: care about it, and I'm I'm I confidently care about it.

599
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 1: So I'm trying to again, it's a it's a recurring

600
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:22,960
Speaker 1: mental exercise. But uh, that's just where it is, what

601
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:24,840
Speaker 1: it comes down. I don't know if I said anything

602
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:27,960
Speaker 1: just now, but that's where I land. That's where I land.

603
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 4: It is interesting, like to intentionally of deciding that this

604
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:39,400
Speaker 4: is my life when I'm gonna do something about it.

605
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:42,600
Speaker 4: I don't know if I Yeah, I was like for

606
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 4: a long time, I was in the state that like

607
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:47,800
Speaker 4: I didn't even care enough about myself to decide that

608
00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:52,080
Speaker 4: for myself. So I was kind of like, whatever happens happened.

609
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 4: But maybe now I'm in a more I don't know,

610
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 4: I'm in a better place to decide about what.

611
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 1: I'm is weed legal where you're at. Do they still

612
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:05,680
Speaker 1: have those weed cafes?

613
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:08,240
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah yeah, coffee shoo.

614
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 1: That's cool. See in the States, I was just gonna say,

615
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 1: in the States, like weed is legal, but there's no

616
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:20,719
Speaker 1: like coffee shot. Like in Amsterdam, you can buy a

617
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:24,040
Speaker 1: joint and then hang out at the place and smoke it.

618
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,880
Speaker 1: But in LA or New York or any or Denver

619
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:30,120
Speaker 1: even it's like you there's no like lounges or like

620
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:32,759
Speaker 1: there there are lounges, but you can't buy weed at

621
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:34,279
Speaker 1: the lounges. If you like buy it a store and

622
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 1: then go into the lounges. Unfortunately, I'm only in Amster.

623
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:40,040
Speaker 1: I'm in Amsterdam for like a day. Like i arrive

624
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 1: there at like a nine am, and I'm jet lagged,

625
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna try to enjoy the city and then

626
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 1: and then I go to sleep, and then I wake

627
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:50,239
Speaker 1: up and I gotta do the show, and then I

628
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:52,320
Speaker 1: gotta get the fuck out of there. So it's a bummer.

629
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:55,960
Speaker 1: I wanted to spend more time there. I wanted to Eventually,

630
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:58,120
Speaker 1: I'll go back when I'm not. It's problem because I'm like,

631
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:01,839
Speaker 1: I'm like working, I'm doing these shows, but I want

632
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:03,319
Speaker 1: to go there to just like spend some time and

633
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:07,200
Speaker 1: hang and look at look at cool, look at cool Amsterdam. Shit.

634
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've never like stayed at Amsterdam more than like

635
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 4: one or two days.

636
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:13,360
Speaker 2: But it is cool.

637
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 4: But dude, I want to tell you this. I worked

638
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:18,040
Speaker 4: at a coffee shop for like a few weeks.

639
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:18,759
Speaker 1: Oh cool.

640
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:22,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was nice, Like there's a lounge and you

641
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:25,359
Speaker 4: can also buy it there, so it's fun.

642
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:28,799
Speaker 1: I remember the first time I went to Amsterdam. I

643
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:30,760
Speaker 1: went to one of those coffee shops. Was the coolest

644
00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 1: fucking thing ever. And they I just remember them having

645
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:37,719
Speaker 1: like I remember they handed me a menu and on

646
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:41,279
Speaker 1: the menu it was a selection of different milkshakes you

647
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:44,040
Speaker 1: could get, and then a selection of different like joints

648
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:47,160
Speaker 1: you could buy. And I was like twenty and I

649
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,359
Speaker 1: was like, this is the coolest place I've ever been

650
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:50,720
Speaker 1: in my entire fucking life.

651
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 4: Yeah. Anyway, And the sad thing is I don't smoke, so.

652
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:05,720
Speaker 1: That's good. It's pretty bad for you. What's your name again? Hasty? Well, Hesty,

653
00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 1: thanks for sharing all this stuff. And I hope, uh,

654
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:09,839
Speaker 1: I hope you're doing all right.

655
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:14,280
Speaker 4: Life is kind of crazy for all the advice talking

656
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:14,760
Speaker 4: to you.

657
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:16,200
Speaker 1: Anything else do I say to the people of the

658
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 1: computer before we go?

659
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:20,320
Speaker 4: H oh no? Nothing?

660
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:24,240
Speaker 1: No, well, I don't think so see you later, dog.

661
00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 4: Okay, have a nice name.

662
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:36,319
Speaker 1: Do I have any post call thoughts? Uh? Yeah, I

663
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:39,759
Speaker 1: don't know. Have I Have I gotten too serious? I

664
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:42,399
Speaker 1: mean we're kind of past that point. I don't think.

665
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 1: I don't think there's any turning back. Has this show

666
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:47,880
Speaker 1: gotten too serious? Have I gotten too serious? I wonder

667
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 1: that too times Sometimes I wonder if I've like become

668
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:53,239
Speaker 1: too sincere, because I don't think I ever set out

669
00:36:53,400 --> 00:37:00,200
Speaker 1: to like do a very sincere thing. But now now

670
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,080
Speaker 1: that I've been, now that i've kind of I mean this,

671
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:05,680
Speaker 1: this has been a sincere this, This has had strong

672
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 1: sincere sincerity to it for basically the entire time it's existed.

673
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:14,319
Speaker 1: But now I don't think I could go back. I

674
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:18,400
Speaker 1: used to do, like the comedy that I did before

675
00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:23,239
Speaker 1: I did the Gecko was not sincere. It's very like absurdist,

676
00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:25,040
Speaker 1: and I don't think I could go back. I think

677
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:27,600
Speaker 1: I would feel like empty. It's weird because I want

678
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:31,879
Speaker 1: to be sincere enough that I feel like like I'm

679
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 1: doing something that matters in some degree, But I don't

680
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,920
Speaker 1: want to be too sincere to where I'm like, oh,

681
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 1: I've really gotten myself into something that's not reflective of

682
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:48,160
Speaker 1: who I am or is too intense for me as

683
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:51,759
Speaker 1: a person. And I feel like I've crossed some of

684
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:57,560
Speaker 1: those lines. But but overall, but overall good, overall good.

685
00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:00,480
Speaker 1: I like the live shows. Live shows are a little us.

686
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,920
Speaker 1: They're a little they have they have sincere moments, but

687
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:09,799
Speaker 1: they balance it out with uh, with diarrhea, but I

688
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,640
Speaker 1: don't know whatever. I still like doing this podcast, So

689
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 1: we're gonna. I'm gonna I'm gonna try not to be crazy.

690
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,240
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try not to be a crazy person, except

691
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:21,000
Speaker 1: except after phone calls when I go on long fucking

692
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:23,560
Speaker 1: rants like a crazy person, which I'm gonna do now.

693
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:27,399
Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep going on this rant until it's over,

694
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 1: which it's about to be right now.

695
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:33,840
Speaker 3: Hello, Hello, can you hear me?

696
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:35,759
Speaker 1: All right? I can. What's your name?

697
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:39,080
Speaker 3: My name's Orlan Orland?

698
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:41,040
Speaker 1: What's up Orlon? Have we ever talked before?

699
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:44,120
Speaker 3: I don't think so?

700
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 1: Okay, cool man? Well, what what's what's going on with you? Orlon?

701
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:55,440
Speaker 3: Currently at McDonald.

702
00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:55,400
Speaker 1: You're currently at.

703
00:38:57,719 --> 00:39:00,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, what do you did?

704
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 1: What are you doing that for the night?

705
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:06,839
Speaker 3: Picking up some trash food for the night?

706
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:07,960
Speaker 4: Oh?

707
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:12,720
Speaker 1: What's you have? Any big plans for the night?

708
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 3: No, just been, uh, doing a lot of schoolwork lately.

709
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:21,839
Speaker 3: Thanks you too, Just doing a lot of school work lately, unfortunately.

710
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:24,040
Speaker 1: What what are you in school for?

711
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:26,680
Speaker 3: Cybersecurity?

712
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:33,000
Speaker 1: Okay, you're keeping the the Internet safe. That's really It's

713
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:33,680
Speaker 1: a noble thing.

714
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:38,920
Speaker 3: Yes, is there anything I'm getting the job where I

715
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 3: am like actively defending against hackers.

716
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 1: Oh that's cool. That's that's that's kind of It's an

717
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 1: interesting it's an interesting thing being on the computer. You know,

718
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:55,160
Speaker 1: it's an interesting thing being on the computer. Is there

719
00:39:55,160 --> 00:40:01,799
Speaker 1: anything you wanted to talk about specifically orlan? Yeah?

720
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:05,120
Speaker 3: I could use some advice on finding irl friends. I

721
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 3: literally only have virtual friends.

722
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:09,440
Speaker 1: How old are you?

723
00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 3: I'm twenty six.

724
00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:15,840
Speaker 1: Uh do you go outside? Do you leave the house.

725
00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:18,920
Speaker 3: Other than work?

726
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 1: No? Okay? What do you do when you get off

727
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:24,319
Speaker 1: of work?

728
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:30,400
Speaker 3: School? Or video games? I do stream on Twitch myself.

729
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 1: Well what city do you live in?

730
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:38,280
Speaker 3: Blint?

731
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:45,319
Speaker 1: Flint in Michigan. Yeah, how is there? Is there happenings

732
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:47,399
Speaker 1: in Flint? Are there things you can go to and

733
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:50,000
Speaker 1: do or organize?

734
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:54,600
Speaker 3: Well, that's the thing. I'm not even from Michigan. I've

735
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 3: just moved here a couple of years ago from after

736
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:02,560
Speaker 3: dating a girl online, not over Facebook for six months. Well,

737
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:05,640
Speaker 3: I mean we talked for like a month and then

738
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:09,399
Speaker 3: she came down from Michigan to Columbus, Ohio like every

739
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:11,880
Speaker 3: other week, ant and I saw the commitment, so I

740
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:17,239
Speaker 3: pulled the trigger and yeah this I've been here two

741
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:20,880
Speaker 3: and a half years.

742
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 1: Do you know anyone at influence.

743
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 3: Nope, just my girlfriend.

744
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, why don't you go do whyn't you leave

745
00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 1: your house man and go do stuff?

746
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:36,360
Speaker 3: I mean, like sometimes like I have a cool neighbor

747
00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:39,319
Speaker 3: I talk to and like we smoke sometimes together. But like,

748
00:41:41,239 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 3: I don't know, like I clam up and I feel

749
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:47,959
Speaker 3: like a lot of the awkward pauses that are being

750
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:52,919
Speaker 3: taken in the conversation are like due to my lack

751
00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:55,480
Speaker 3: of input, and I don't really like I feel like

752
00:41:55,719 --> 00:41:57,640
Speaker 3: I lose the interests of other people.

753
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:03,120
Speaker 1: You feel like you lose the interest of other people interesting, Well,

754
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:05,480
Speaker 1: how do you feel like you could be better in

755
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:07,560
Speaker 1: social interactions?

756
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:11,960
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know if I have like aspergers

757
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:13,840
Speaker 3: or something. Like I'm starting to believe I do have

758
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:19,400
Speaker 3: autisms because there are specific things I focus on. I

759
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:25,400
Speaker 3: don't really like loud noises, like like sudden loud noises

760
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:31,560
Speaker 3: kind of make me upset. And I don't know, I

761
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:33,799
Speaker 3: feel like I don't really read people that well, and

762
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:36,880
Speaker 3: my go to is claming up, thinking that I'm not

763
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,840
Speaker 3: doing enough to be interesting to the other person. Like

764
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 3: I was hanging out with my neighbor the other day

765
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 3: and the only thing I was talking about was like

766
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:52,720
Speaker 3: obs and stuff like that, and I felt like.

767
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:54,319
Speaker 1: Let me, let me, let me, you know, let me

768
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:57,320
Speaker 1: get Let me ask you a question. Are you interested

769
00:42:57,400 --> 00:42:59,840
Speaker 1: in your neighbor? Do you find your neighbor interesting?

770
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:04,600
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, kind of looks cool, he's got cool,

771
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:06,879
Speaker 3: he's uh, he's got a really cool muscle car.

772
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:10,719
Speaker 1: Okay, do you let me tell you? Let me let me.

773
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,960
Speaker 1: Here's the thing about social interactions. Is there really less

774
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:21,600
Speaker 1: about proving if you just the onus of proving yourself

775
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:25,319
Speaker 1: to be interesting to other people is not is not

776
00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 1: a good way to go about your conversational life.

777
00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:30,920
Speaker 4: You know.

778
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:34,040
Speaker 1: The best way for you to have social interactions is

779
00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:37,799
Speaker 1: to just be is actually the complete opposite. It's to

780
00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:41,480
Speaker 1: just be interested in other people. Now, I don't know

781
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:44,520
Speaker 1: if you're naturally are interested in other people. I assume

782
00:43:44,560 --> 00:43:47,920
Speaker 1: because you want friends and you want to be around

783
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:53,240
Speaker 1: people more often, that you are naturally in other people.

784
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:59,040
Speaker 1: So so so so, so, what I would recommend is

785
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:04,800
Speaker 1: that you just start kind of approaching these situations thinking

786
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:07,760
Speaker 1: like less about yourself and how you might be coming

787
00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:15,080
Speaker 1: off and about how you know you might be doing

788
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:18,680
Speaker 1: something weird or something like that, and and start thinking

789
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:21,920
Speaker 1: more about just like really trying to dive into the

790
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:25,640
Speaker 1: whatever natural curiosity you have about the people around you

791
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:26,839
Speaker 1: and the people you're talking to.

792
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:36,520
Speaker 3: So first be interested and then second fall into natural flow.

793
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:39,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, I don't think. I don't think a good

794
00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:46,560
Speaker 1: conversation is about proving that you're cool.

795
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:47,960
Speaker 3: Uh.

796
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:50,600
Speaker 1: I understand where that's where that comes from, and I

797
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 1: understand why that is something that uh plugues can plug,

798
00:44:55,160 --> 00:45:00,600
Speaker 1: can plug your brain. And I've definitely had it interactions

799
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 1: where I felt that way, and maybe there is a

800
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:07,960
Speaker 1: little bit of that in there, sure, but like at

801
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:11,240
Speaker 1: least eighty percent of it is just being naturally curious

802
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 1: and interested in other people and kind of things I

803
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,680
Speaker 1: think flow flow through that.

804
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 3: So let me tell you this, what things should I

805
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:25,920
Speaker 3: be like looking at to be interested in somebody? Because

806
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:29,120
Speaker 3: like I was trying to say, was that I mean,

807
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:32,880
Speaker 3: I am lonely to the extent of not having friends,

808
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:37,920
Speaker 3: but I don't know how to be interested in other

809
00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:40,920
Speaker 3: people really. I mean, like I have interest like video

810
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 3: games and stuff like that. So I guess if we

811
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:46,280
Speaker 3: talk about common things, but I don't know this person,

812
00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:48,600
Speaker 3: how do they know what's common? And then I just

813
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:51,120
Speaker 3: feel like I'm ewing out word vomit.

814
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:54,680
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, you don't know this person, how I

815
00:45:54,719 --> 00:45:56,160
Speaker 1: know if it's common. I mean you get to know

816
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:58,840
Speaker 1: people by asking them questions and showing an interest in

817
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:03,200
Speaker 1: they're a lot lives. True, But and it's Okay, here's

818
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:08,440
Speaker 1: the thing, and I like the question of well, it

819
00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 1: should come from an authentic place. I mean, do you

820
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:13,279
Speaker 1: have are you do you? Are you interested in other

821
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:16,239
Speaker 1: people in their lives?

822
00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:24,600
Speaker 3: I mean some people, but very specific people. Okay, I

823
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:26,719
Speaker 3: guess that is kind of selfish. It's coming from a

824
00:46:26,719 --> 00:46:27,560
Speaker 3: selfish No, I.

825
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 1: Never I never said it was selfish. I don't think

826
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 1: it's selfish, and I don't think you should think it's

827
00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:34,799
Speaker 1: selfish either. That I'm just trying to kind of, I guess,

828
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 1: tap into whatever is authentic about your your brain and

829
00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:41,400
Speaker 1: your interactions with other people.

830
00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:47,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean like I mean even like playing video

831
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:52,279
Speaker 3: games online. Like I have a hard time continuing the

832
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 3: conversation beyond video games. But I want you.

833
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:59,000
Speaker 1: Want Okay, great, you want to. That's a that's a genuine,

834
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:03,239
Speaker 1: authentic desire of yours is to continue the conversation beyond

835
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,920
Speaker 1: video games. What how do you want to continue the

836
00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:12,480
Speaker 1: conversation beyond video games? What do you want to You

837
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:15,960
Speaker 1: said you want to continue your conversations beyond video games?

838
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:17,200
Speaker 1: What do you Where do you want to go?

839
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:21,480
Speaker 3: I mean a go to would be like asking them

840
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:22,120
Speaker 3: where they're from.

841
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:26,839
Speaker 1: Cool, But like.

842
00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:34,600
Speaker 3: I don't know, maybe I don't know, but.

843
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:37,279
Speaker 1: You've identified, but you've identified a natural desire that you

844
00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 1: want to take your conversations that you're having with somebody

845
00:47:39,719 --> 00:47:42,040
Speaker 1: about something like video games, and you you have a

846
00:47:42,239 --> 00:47:44,400
Speaker 1: genuine desire to take it further.

847
00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:46,000
Speaker 2: Yeah.

848
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:49,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, so just follow. I I really I mean it.

849
00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 1: I think you should just follow wherever that genuine desire

850
00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:59,000
Speaker 1: takes you. Does that make sense? Does that make sense? Yeah? Okay, great,

851
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:01,479
Speaker 1: I'm happy it does because I really I really feel

852
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 1: that way. So yeah, and just like, yeah, don't don't

853
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:13,040
Speaker 1: freak out about whether or not you're presenting yourself as

854
00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:21,319
Speaker 1: the coolest guy in the world. Okay, I mean, you.

855
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:24,879
Speaker 3: Know, I always want to brag about myself, I guess

856
00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:28,360
Speaker 3: because I mean I do cool things. But like, I

857
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:30,239
Speaker 3: was a chef for a while, I worked for a

858
00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:30,919
Speaker 3: master chef.

859
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:33,879
Speaker 1: Mm hm m hmm.

860
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 3: But I feel like that's like very selfish of me

861
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:37,799
Speaker 3: talking about myself like that.

862
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:42,320
Speaker 1: I wouldn't the way you're saying it's selfish is making

863
00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:46,960
Speaker 1: it out like you're like there's something like negative or

864
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:50,680
Speaker 1: evil about you, which isn't is it was isn't true.

865
00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:53,239
Speaker 1: You know, I don't know why I said evil. Evil

866
00:48:53,239 --> 00:48:55,720
Speaker 1: seems like a staunch word, but it just I didn't

867
00:48:55,760 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 1: like that you were saying that it was selfish because

868
00:48:57,640 --> 00:49:01,240
Speaker 1: I didn't think it was. You have a genuine desire.

869
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:03,200
Speaker 1: You want to get to know people on a deeper level,

870
00:49:03,719 --> 00:49:09,520
Speaker 1: is what you're expressing. Yeah, so uh, just really, I mean,

871
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:13,200
Speaker 1: I really mean, like, tap into that desire and see

872
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:16,560
Speaker 1: what it leads you to find. I guess, I guess

873
00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:18,239
Speaker 1: I guess if I were to say anything to you

874
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:23,719
Speaker 1: to kind of wrap like this conversation is like it

875
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:27,200
Speaker 1: sounds like you're when you're going into these social interactions,

876
00:49:27,719 --> 00:49:31,000
Speaker 1: you're tapping into a You're tapping more into fear. You're

877
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 1: tapping into fear of whether or not this person likes you,

878
00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:38,040
Speaker 1: tapping into fear that you're not interesting enough, or that

879
00:49:38,080 --> 00:49:41,399
Speaker 1: you're selfish, or that you're this and that, and you're

880
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:43,319
Speaker 1: you're kind of going into these desires. You're kind of

881
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:49,040
Speaker 1: going into these conversations from that place, right, And I

882
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:51,400
Speaker 1: would just flip it, and I would flip it, and

883
00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:55,279
Speaker 1: I would identify that you have a genuine desire to

884
00:49:55,320 --> 00:49:58,279
Speaker 1: get to know people and to have deeper connections with

885
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:03,800
Speaker 1: people and approach it from that desire. Does that make sense?

886
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:06,600
Speaker 3: Absolutely?

887
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:06,919
Speaker 1: Yeah?

888
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:09,920
Speaker 3: Could I ask you maybe one more question if you

889
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:10,319
Speaker 3: don't mind.

890
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:12,080
Speaker 1: Yeah.

891
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:16,040
Speaker 3: So I often try to engage with other people on Twitch,

892
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:19,360
Speaker 3: other streamers and stuff like that. Mm. But then I

893
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:24,279
Speaker 3: find myself feeling like I'm like, I don't know, like

894
00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:27,279
Speaker 3: being a nuisance on their stream by typing and being

895
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:31,560
Speaker 3: like one of the top chatters typing like everything, you

896
00:50:31,560 --> 00:50:33,959
Speaker 3: know what I mean? Mm hmm. Do you think that's

897
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:37,200
Speaker 3: that's the same scenarios. I'm just like, I'm coming from

898
00:50:37,239 --> 00:50:40,680
Speaker 3: a place that isn't the best mind space.

899
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:46,040
Speaker 1: Well, with streamers, it's weird because it's a really one

900
00:50:46,120 --> 00:50:47,279
Speaker 1: sided interaction.

901
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:53,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean they don't They're not like expressively saying

902
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:55,520
Speaker 3: that I'm being a nuisance other than joking with me.

903
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:58,880
Speaker 1: But I mean, do you get well again, it's a

904
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:01,400
Speaker 1: really one sided around. I mean, to be totally honest

905
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:03,400
Speaker 1: with you, every time I read, even if it's on

906
00:51:03,440 --> 00:51:06,360
Speaker 1: my own thing, anytime, I'm like like I'm looking at

907
00:51:06,400 --> 00:51:08,840
Speaker 1: I look at Instagram or YouTube or whatever, and you

908
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:11,839
Speaker 1: see comments. I'm always like, who are these people? Who

909
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:15,680
Speaker 1: are these people who are like talking? I know everyone

910
00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:17,480
Speaker 1: in my comments section is now going to reference me

911
00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:20,600
Speaker 1: saying this, but I'm like, who are these people talking?

912
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:23,759
Speaker 1: In the internet comments? I don't know. I don't know

913
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:25,719
Speaker 1: what's going on in the brain when it's leaving a

914
00:51:25,760 --> 00:51:28,160
Speaker 1: comment on a thing. I mean, I appreciate it. I've

915
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:30,960
Speaker 1: for my own shit. I like hearing the feedback. I

916
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:35,120
Speaker 1: read the comments and stuff. But that's a diff that's

917
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:40,120
Speaker 1: really I wouldn't what you're talking about is not in

918
00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:45,160
Speaker 1: the field of social interaction. I don't think. But I

919
00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:47,520
Speaker 1: don't know. What do you want? Like when you're when

920
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:49,440
Speaker 1: you're well, I guess I'll I'll just ask you, Like,

921
00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:52,480
Speaker 1: when you're chatting a lot in someone's stream, what are

922
00:51:52,480 --> 00:51:53,880
Speaker 1: you hoping to get out of that?

923
00:51:56,480 --> 00:52:00,840
Speaker 3: Just interaction? Really? I mean, I'm not looking for followers

924
00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:05,360
Speaker 3: or anything like, I just trying to create, like be

925
00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:06,440
Speaker 3: a part of their community.

926
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:11,600
Speaker 1: Really, you're trying to interact with the other chatters.

927
00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:15,399
Speaker 3: Well, rarely do I interact with the other chat It's

928
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:20,120
Speaker 3: more I'm making comments and they're reading it. Type shit

929
00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:24,359
Speaker 3: and then like I don't, like I feel like I'm

930
00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:26,600
Speaker 3: I am disconnected with chat often.

931
00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:33,040
Speaker 1: I feel what was the initial thing that you want

932
00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:34,920
Speaker 1: that you were asking about this or reason why you

933
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:39,520
Speaker 1: wanted to bring this up or talk about it. Yeah,

934
00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:40,560
Speaker 1: not having like.

935
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:43,839
Speaker 3: The best tools to have friends and stuff like that.

936
00:52:49,239 --> 00:52:51,239
Speaker 3: I mean, like I happen to discord and I have

937
00:52:51,520 --> 00:52:54,960
Speaker 3: I talk to other people that are that stream, that

938
00:52:55,000 --> 00:53:00,440
Speaker 3: are in the community and stuff. But like, I mean,

939
00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:03,880
Speaker 3: I don't really know, like what do I even how

940
00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:07,120
Speaker 3: do I even call out somebody else in the chat

941
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:12,120
Speaker 3: and then start trying to make a connection with them.

942
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:13,960
Speaker 1: Well, what do you want? Man? Do you want? Do

943
00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:16,960
Speaker 1: you want to be around more people in real life

944
00:53:17,160 --> 00:53:19,920
Speaker 1: or in in flint or do you want to have

945
00:53:20,560 --> 00:53:23,640
Speaker 1: online buddies? Like what would your ideal scenario be?

946
00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:27,359
Speaker 2: More friends?

947
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:31,319
Speaker 3: Probably not relying on having one friend that I play

948
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:31,879
Speaker 3: games with.

949
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:39,719
Speaker 1: M I mean, I think the twitch discords a little

950
00:53:39,719 --> 00:53:41,440
Speaker 1: different from if you're in the ears of the If

951
00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:44,399
Speaker 1: you're like on Twitch talking to a twitch streamer trying

952
00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:49,040
Speaker 1: to like get their attention for like a form of

953
00:53:49,120 --> 00:53:51,960
Speaker 1: genuine connection, I don't think that's a good idea. But

954
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:53,840
Speaker 1: if you're in like, but you could go to the

955
00:53:53,920 --> 00:53:59,000
Speaker 1: discord channel of a twitch streamer and start talking to

956
00:53:59,040 --> 00:54:02,200
Speaker 1: the people in the who are also watch the streamer

957
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:06,439
Speaker 1: and maybe, you know, get some interaction like that. But again,

958
00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 1: I would.

959
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:10,400
Speaker 3: Really trying to tag somebody in chat and make a

960
00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:11,400
Speaker 3: conversation midst.

961
00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:14,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, but dude, really, I don't know what. I don't

962
00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:17,760
Speaker 1: know what the landscape of Flint, Michigan looks like these days.

963
00:54:17,800 --> 00:54:19,839
Speaker 1: But if you can do, do your best to try

964
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:21,160
Speaker 1: to get out of the house and meet some folks

965
00:54:21,239 --> 00:54:21,800
Speaker 1: in real life.

966
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:25,560
Speaker 3: All right, all right, I appreciate the advice.

967
00:54:25,239 --> 00:54:29,880
Speaker 1: Man, Yeah, of course. Man. Well, thanks, thanks for sharing

968
00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:33,120
Speaker 1: all this stuff with me and uh trusting me to

969
00:54:34,440 --> 00:54:38,239
Speaker 1: fucking talk about it. Thank you. Sorry, I'm sorry I

970
00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 1: talked over you. I'm sorry I talked over you earlier,

971
00:54:42,120 --> 00:54:44,040
Speaker 1: but I was there was a second where I was like,

972
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:47,200
Speaker 1: I just need to get this thought out and I

973
00:54:47,280 --> 00:54:49,840
Speaker 1: need to talk over you to do it. So thanks

974
00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:50,680
Speaker 1: for bearing with me.

975
00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:54,480
Speaker 3: No, no, thank you, I appreciate everything.

976
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:56,640
Speaker 1: Is there anything else you wus say to the people

977
00:54:56,640 --> 00:54:57,839
Speaker 1: of the computer before we go?

978
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:04,120
Speaker 3: I love this community, Bill, and I hope you never

979
00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:04,840
Speaker 3: stop doing.

980
00:55:04,640 --> 00:55:05,000
Speaker 2: What you do.

981
00:55:05,080 --> 00:55:07,959
Speaker 1: Gack, Thank you, brother. I appreciate it. You enjoy enjoy

982
00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:09,719
Speaker 1: your McDonald's.

983
00:55:10,280 --> 00:55:12,640
Speaker 3: I will, I will shove it down my throat. Thank you,

984
00:55:13,360 --> 00:55:15,880
Speaker 3: tak did have a night bye?

985
00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:23,000
Speaker 1: You know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't

986
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:26,239
Speaker 1: I don't get you. I don't get comments. Every time

987
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 1: I see comments, I get I read. I read my

988
00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:32,640
Speaker 1: YouTube comments. Part of me thinks I shouldn't because it's

989
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:37,480
Speaker 1: like obsessive, I guess, to just sit there and read

990
00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:43,239
Speaker 1: stuff about yourself. Uh, But I don't. But I like,

991
00:55:43,600 --> 00:55:46,240
Speaker 1: but I do with I work a lot on making

992
00:55:46,280 --> 00:55:50,360
Speaker 1: these podcasts, and so I want to I want to

993
00:55:50,400 --> 00:55:53,040
Speaker 1: know what people think about them. I have these conversations

994
00:55:53,239 --> 00:55:55,760
Speaker 1: like like I want, like, I'm gonna read the comments

995
00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:57,719
Speaker 1: because I want to know what the people in the

996
00:55:57,800 --> 00:56:01,839
Speaker 1: comments have to say about people in the comments. I

997
00:56:01,840 --> 00:56:03,319
Speaker 1: think that's fair. I think it's fair for me to

998
00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:07,560
Speaker 1: want to read the comments about my work. I think

999
00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:10,560
Speaker 1: it's a bad idea to try to like gain a

1000
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:15,960
Speaker 1: sense of self esteem from them. But I think it's

1001
00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:20,799
Speaker 1: natural to be curious about them. I don't know. I

1002
00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:25,600
Speaker 1: don't know why anyone does anything, really goes on the line,

1003
00:56:25,840 --> 00:56:29,959
Speaker 1: taking your phone calls every night, ever, goes to his eye.

1004
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:33,680
Speaker 1: He's teaching you cloud interial life, but he's not read

1005
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:34,759
Speaker 1: an expert