WEBVTT - Its called a vagina 0:00:01.320 --> 0:00:12.319 Okay, come on, let's talk about things about me. 0:00:12.840 --> 0:00:21.200 Let's talk about all those things that's advisory. 0:00:21.480 --> 0:00:26.360 Welcome mom, Welcome back to Frindal Advisory, Good Mom's Bad Choices. 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:33.040 I'm Erica and I'm Jamila. How is your week? I 0:00:33.080 --> 0:00:34.080 have had a good week. 0:00:34.400 --> 0:00:37.000 I'm going out of town tomorrow, so it's like so 0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:39.760 much pressure to get me and my kid prepared for that. 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:45.120 But other than that, I've been chilling. Yeah, because the snow. 0:00:45.360 --> 0:00:47.440 You're gonna be cold, girl, I'm excited. 0:00:48.920 --> 0:00:52.960 I had an interesting week. I had surgery. I'm kind 0:00:52.960 --> 0:00:56.040 of high right now. We'll just start my surgery in 0:00:56.080 --> 0:01:02.520 a later episode, but currently I I'm pretty intoxicated. 0:01:02.640 --> 0:01:04.720 Yeah, I'm under the influence. I'm drinking water. 0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:07.160 So if I don't make sense at any point during 0:01:07.200 --> 0:01:09.959 this podcast, just blame narcotics. 0:01:10.720 --> 0:01:13.479 I am not post surgery, but I am drinking wine, 0:01:13.600 --> 0:01:16.400 So if I say anything, just blame the wine. 0:01:18.560 --> 0:01:25.360 So today we have our first special guest, and I'm 0:01:25.360 --> 0:01:30.280 really excited because she's one of my best friends and 0:01:30.319 --> 0:01:33.280 the reason I brought her on is because she is 0:01:33.319 --> 0:01:36.919 an expert in the topic that I want to discuss today. 0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:39.600 Do we even like officially name this topic or. 0:01:41.040 --> 0:01:42.520 I don't know if there's an official name, but I 0:01:42.520 --> 0:01:47.000 guess basically how to talk about sex and body parts 0:01:47.680 --> 0:01:52.000 with your toddler slash children because you have to start early, 0:01:52.160 --> 0:01:52.720 I think. 0:01:52.760 --> 0:01:55.200 Yeah, And there is no I mean, not that I've 0:01:55.240 --> 0:01:58.400 seen lately any like how to guides. I haven't googled 0:01:58.400 --> 0:02:00.520 it or anything, but I'm sure go. I know your 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:02.360 friend because this is gonna be really. 0:02:02.200 --> 0:02:04.120 So because people think you don't have this talk until 0:02:04.200 --> 0:02:06.920 much later on, and it comes very early because we're human. 0:02:07.120 --> 0:02:10.360 And thankfully I have this friend because she educated me 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:12.080 on this when I was pregnant and I did not 0:02:12.160 --> 0:02:16.720 even think about this. But anyway, this friend has a name. 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:20.360 I would like you guys to meet my friend, Jessica Coromo. 0:02:20.639 --> 0:02:24.320 She is an advocacy program manager at a nonprofit. 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:27.280 And I would like you to explain. 0:02:28.320 --> 0:02:32.160 Yes, so too, bang, Hey girl, Hey, Hi, thanks for 0:02:32.200 --> 0:02:35.640 having me on So yeah. So, my nonprofit works with 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:41.080 survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, in child maltreatment, and 0:02:41.120 --> 0:02:45.840 so we are always having the conversation about kids and 0:02:45.880 --> 0:02:49.760 their bodies and how is parents we can talk about 0:02:49.800 --> 0:02:54.760 these things, right? So, I think a lot of parents 0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:58.640 think that they don't have to talk about body parts 0:02:58.760 --> 0:02:59.800 or sex. 0:02:59.760 --> 0:03:02.640 Till much later. I don't even really remember when my 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:03.680 mom talked about it. 0:03:03.800 --> 0:03:04.080 For me. 0:03:04.160 --> 0:03:06.200 I know that I had pet names for my body 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:09.960 parts like I'm seepee and chee cheese and you know, 0:03:10.160 --> 0:03:12.880 like it was never straight up vagina. 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:16.360 No, in my household, it was vagina. It was badox. 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:18.080 It was like defecate and urinate. 0:03:18.360 --> 0:03:20.400 Really yeah, But I don't think my mom talking about 0:03:20.400 --> 0:03:22.600 sex so like she found birth control on my bed 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:25.079 and I was like fourteen or so, it's. 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:25.640 Like what are those? 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:28.640 I'm like, huh, even when I had gotten even when 0:03:28.639 --> 0:03:31.000 I got my period, I remember like a lot of 0:03:31.000 --> 0:03:33.840 my my friends, Like I remember my one of my 0:03:33.880 --> 0:03:36.680 best friends, her mom bought her like all this pink 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:40.040 shit and like a pink robe and like a pink 0:03:40.080 --> 0:03:42.440 stoll or maybe it was red, like to just what 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:43.040 are they doing? 0:03:43.440 --> 0:03:46.880 Are they bouncing the Yeah, I think they're bouncing a ball. Yeah. 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:53.160 I The conversation about periods and like sucks, even though 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:56.160 we had like we labeled our private parts correctly, Like 0:03:56.400 --> 0:03:58.280 I don't feel like it was something on topic that 0:03:58.440 --> 0:04:01.840 was like openly discuss like I like I saw in 0:04:01.920 --> 0:04:03.520 my other friends homes and I thought it was like 0:04:03.560 --> 0:04:04.240 a racial thing. 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:06.080 It's like because I was black, like we eve didn't 0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:06.800 talk about it. 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:09.840 But my mom's parents were much older and more Yeah, 0:04:09.880 --> 0:04:11.840 so I think it was kind of like a more 0:04:11.880 --> 0:04:13.600 like they were just more conservative, and so she did 0:04:13.600 --> 0:04:16.280 that with me, so it wasn't much that we discussed. 0:04:16.360 --> 0:04:18.520 Now I looked at the word pregnant as a bad word. 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:19.799 I remember thinking the word. 0:04:19.680 --> 0:04:23.240 Pregnant was like a bad like don't say it, yeah, 0:04:23.839 --> 0:04:24.520 which lets. 0:04:24.360 --> 0:04:27.640 Me know, like, you know, I didn't get the education 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:29.720 that I needed, and my mom you know, probably didn't 0:04:29.720 --> 0:04:30.080 even know. 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:32.880 I mean, it's just like this whole hush hush, don't 0:04:32.920 --> 0:04:36.960 talk about it thing. And like even like there was 0:04:37.040 --> 0:04:41.000 definitely not a conversation about masturbation or like anything like that, 0:04:41.040 --> 0:04:43.679 like feeling it like that was forbidden and it was bad. 0:04:44.360 --> 0:04:47.360 It's a generational thing though, too, right Like now in 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:51.239 society we're seeing people are more open with their bodies 0:04:51.320 --> 0:04:54.000 or open to talk about their bodies. People are open 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:57.280 to talk about gender now that we didn't have that 0:04:57.320 --> 0:05:00.440 when we were growing up. Our parents we're just trying 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:04.080 to get by and like figure it out, and. 0:05:04.080 --> 0:05:06.400 Hopefully we didn't ask toim any questions, yeah, because it 0:05:06.480 --> 0:05:07.480 was really uncomfortable. 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:10.359 But I think parents put a lot of pressure on 0:05:10.440 --> 0:05:12.599 themselves to say, like we need to have the talk, 0:05:12.720 --> 0:05:15.080 the talk, and there is no talk to have. 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:18.320 It should just happen all the way on a conversation. 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:21.760 Yeah, and it shouldn't be scary because they're weird. 0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:23.760 Yeah, because it's happened. It's real life. 0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:26.920 It's natural, like eventually everybody's gonna fuck right. 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:29.320 Like when you like my father tried to have like 0:05:29.440 --> 0:05:31.279 the talk with me in high school and it was 0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:34.560 so but you know, that's how you got here. 0:05:34.600 --> 0:05:36.640 That's how we got here. Like, oh, I know. But 0:05:37.120 --> 0:05:40.040 if the kids dread it, the parents dread it. Always 0:05:40.080 --> 0:05:40.520 have this. 0:05:40.520 --> 0:05:44.640 Talk because it's been so like non communicating for so long. 0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:46.520 It's an ongoing conversation. 0:05:46.880 --> 0:05:50.440 If there's no talk, it's something that you're constantly educating 0:05:50.520 --> 0:05:52.520 your kids and probably yourself. 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:55.280 And thank god I have you as a friend. 0:05:55.080 --> 0:05:57.160 Because there is I would be I would be out 0:05:57.200 --> 0:05:58.560 here talking about my butterfy. 0:06:01.720 --> 0:06:04.240 I'm glad to know you, you girl, because there's a 0:06:04.320 --> 0:06:07.000 lot of I didn't realize there was so much, so 0:06:07.080 --> 0:06:09.680 many like small things that are so important, that are 0:06:09.680 --> 0:06:12.240 so easy to implement, but if you don't know to 0:06:12.320 --> 0:06:13.239 do it, then you won't. 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:13.800 Right. 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:16.159 So the talk isn't just about let's talk to your 0:06:16.240 --> 0:06:20.279 kids about sex. No, Like the talk is let's talk 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:23.000 to your kids about their bodies, and let's not shame 0:06:23.120 --> 0:06:26.920 them about it. Let's let it be a normal conversation. 0:06:27.760 --> 0:06:31.000 So when Eric and I were talking when she was pregnant, 0:06:31.080 --> 0:06:33.360 even when Ari was a baby, I'd be like, okay, 0:06:33.520 --> 0:06:36.040 you need a teacher that this is her vagina and 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:38.599 she needs to name that. And so a lot of 0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:41.279 parents are really afraid of that because like what I 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:43.919 don't want like my baby saying vagina, Like that's a 0:06:44.000 --> 0:06:46.480 vulgar But if you don't make it weird or embarrassing, 0:06:46.480 --> 0:06:48.200 they're not going to think it's weird or embarrassing. 0:06:48.480 --> 0:06:51.440 It's a normal thing. That's what it's called. Yeah, that's 0:06:51.480 --> 0:06:52.240 what it's called. 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:55.599 And it just empowers them to know, this is my 0:06:55.640 --> 0:06:57.360 body and this is what it's called. 0:06:57.400 --> 0:06:59.320 So if God forbid, anything ever were to. 0:06:59.240 --> 0:07:02.239 Happen to them, they would know exactly how to say 0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:05.680 someone touched my vagina or so you know, and it's 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:09.680 it's very clear and no one will get misconstrued as 0:07:09.720 --> 0:07:11.000 to what it is because they. 0:07:10.920 --> 0:07:13.120 Know what the word is for that, right. 0:07:13.240 --> 0:07:15.600 So I mean even for me, like knowing that and 0:07:15.640 --> 0:07:17.920 then putting it into practice, I have to say. 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:23.040 It was awkward implementing this rule. Yeah, like because I. 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:24.680 Mean I knew that it was the right thing to do, 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:27.120 but because I was never taught that, like, it felt 0:07:27.280 --> 0:07:29.560 it felt awkward for me to be like, Irie, this 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:31.640 is your vagina, say vagina. 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:32.560 Yeah, she's like. 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:41.280 She would, and I'm like vagina and just I even 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:43.560 I slip up, I still slip up because I go 0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:45.640 back to what I was taught, right, Okay, But it 0:07:45.640 --> 0:07:48.800 wasn't actually until recently when we had this conversation recently 0:07:48.840 --> 0:07:51.600 that I had to like kind of like refresh myself 0:07:52.160 --> 0:07:56.080 and re check myself to go back to Iri and 0:07:56.120 --> 0:07:59.480 be like, you know, what, what is this called again? 0:08:00.800 --> 0:08:03.559 And she remembered, but she has gotten used to calling 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:04.360 it something different. 0:08:06.640 --> 0:08:09.240 I remember this story you told us last week that 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:15.120 left a big impression on me about the a case 0:08:15.240 --> 0:08:17.080 where tell me the story? 0:08:17.320 --> 0:08:17.480 Yeah? 0:08:17.560 --> 0:08:20.400 Yeah, So you know, I think we talk about the 0:08:20.440 --> 0:08:24.040 importance and why and people don't Sometimes they don't get it. 0:08:24.080 --> 0:08:25.760 They're like, well, whatever, what's. 0:08:25.560 --> 0:08:28.200 The harm in calling it something pretty or something that 0:08:28.240 --> 0:08:32.320 I want, Like it's your flower, it's your butterfly. So 0:08:32.360 --> 0:08:35.080 we had a case where a little girl said, you know, 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:38.360 this person touched my butterfly. Her parents knew that her 0:08:38.400 --> 0:08:42.160 butterfly was her vagina, but no one else knew that, and. 0:08:42.240 --> 0:08:45.200 That didn't hold up in court. So unfortunately they didn't 0:08:45.240 --> 0:08:46.880 really get the justice that they. 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:51.120 Deserved because you can't prove to anyone that your butterfly 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:51.880 was your vagina. 0:08:52.000 --> 0:08:54.520 She could not say this is my vagina. 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:56.120 Despite the fact that she was a child and that's 0:08:56.120 --> 0:08:57.920 how she had been taught and brought up, which is 0:08:57.920 --> 0:08:59.040 the scariest shit I've ever. 0:08:59.200 --> 0:09:02.240 Heard, exactly like I would that's very important. 0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:05.160 Yeah, Like, if you told me that this person is 0:09:05.200 --> 0:09:09.800 gonna walk free or not get the penalty whatever, murder, 0:09:09.920 --> 0:09:14.200 death for to take my child, I'm gonna take manags. 0:09:14.240 --> 0:09:16.760 But because my daughter called it a butterfly, I'm gonna 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:19.760 be not only upset at the justice system, upset with myself, 0:09:20.080 --> 0:09:22.040 right and I'm going to feel like I didn't protect 0:09:22.040 --> 0:09:25.200 my child, But you're also making the assumption that your 0:09:25.240 --> 0:09:27.840 child's gonna tell you, and you and you and your 0:09:27.920 --> 0:09:31.199 child know what that means. Sometimes they want to tell 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:34.680 a teacher or someone else who's trusted, and to say 0:09:34.720 --> 0:09:37.680 they tell a teacher someone touched my butterfly. And the 0:09:37.679 --> 0:09:40.520 teacher has no idea what they're talking about. They're gonna 0:09:40.520 --> 0:09:43.200 be really dismissive. And so the child's like, why am 0:09:43.240 --> 0:09:45.960 I gonna tell anyone anything when no one is doing 0:09:46.000 --> 0:09:46.760 anything about it? 0:09:46.800 --> 0:09:48.320 And I know that this is wrong. I know this 0:09:48.360 --> 0:09:55.240 feels wrong, but not doing anything about it? Yes, baby, okay, 0:09:56.679 --> 0:10:03.040 what's wrong? Oh? Share the computers? Share the computer. Okay, 0:10:03.200 --> 0:10:07.280 she wants to work too. Sorry, guys, you know you 0:10:07.320 --> 0:10:08.920 know how it goes. Nobody shares it. 0:10:09.280 --> 0:10:11.720 Oh and by the way, when we say close the door, 0:10:11.920 --> 0:10:14.760 it's actually a clear door. We can see our kids, 0:10:14.840 --> 0:10:17.560 so it's not like they were anyone was writing us. 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:23.240 Up to the parental abuse board. We can see them. 0:10:23.760 --> 0:10:29.240 It's a clear French door, and I'm watching them as 0:10:29.280 --> 0:10:33.040 we yell at them to close it. But yeah, no, exactly. 0:10:33.080 --> 0:10:35.440 Going back to that, I mean, yeah, like if a 0:10:35.520 --> 0:10:38.000 child told her teacher like someone touched my butterfriends and 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:39.600 the teacher's like, okay, okay, whatever. 0:10:40.160 --> 0:10:41.280 Yeah, it's so dismissive. 0:10:41.320 --> 0:10:43.800 And the teacher has no idea the damage that she's doing, 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:46.840 and the child is that might be the only time 0:10:46.920 --> 0:10:49.679 she ever tries, and that's it, and that can change 0:10:49.679 --> 0:10:52.840 her life right then and there. Right she could be 0:10:52.920 --> 0:10:58.240 told by her perpetrator like you tell anyone and they're 0:10:58.240 --> 0:10:59.679 not gonna believe you, or I'm gonna hurt you. 0:10:59.679 --> 0:11:00.720 I'm going to hurt your family. 0:11:00.880 --> 0:11:03.800 So if that was your one shot for this child 0:11:03.840 --> 0:11:06.760 to feel like empowered and to be able to say something, 0:11:06.800 --> 0:11:09.319 you've just totally ruined that and lost that moment. 0:11:09.240 --> 0:11:12.200 Because no one can communicate whatever she's trying to communicate. 0:11:11.760 --> 0:11:14.760 Because just basically the. 0:11:14.040 --> 0:11:17.160 Word she's using to dislabel her vagina. 0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:19.400 And this goes for boys too. You need to teach 0:11:19.400 --> 0:11:22.320 your boys penis. Heck, yeah, I know, we have girls, 0:11:22.320 --> 0:11:26.440 so sometimes we discuss, you know, the daughters daughter. 0:11:26.559 --> 0:11:29.680 It goes for first protect our sons are yes. 0:11:29.840 --> 0:11:32.200 I mean I had I had someone who told me 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:35.600 in her family, they only called his penis a water spout. 0:11:35.640 --> 0:11:39.240 And I was like, uh no, but what no? 0:11:39.760 --> 0:11:41.840 And I gave her that exact same example of like 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:45.480 imagine he told his teacher someone touched my water spout, 0:11:45.559 --> 0:11:47.000 she'd be like okay, whatever. 0:11:46.880 --> 0:11:52.000 Like turn off, put your water bottle away, or you know, yeah, 0:11:52.200 --> 0:11:53.480 and I mean shit. 0:11:53.400 --> 0:11:57.760 Like, our kids are only three and I used two. 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:01.880 Great guy, Like, by the way, some genormous ass kids. 0:12:01.880 --> 0:12:05.200 I know, they look like four. They have like normally 0:12:05.440 --> 0:12:09.880 tall children are really tall. But yeah, I'm noticing even 0:12:09.920 --> 0:12:11.920 as early as three. And you know, I don't know 0:12:11.960 --> 0:12:14.800 if you're noticing two, but they do just begin to 0:12:14.840 --> 0:12:18.760 discover their body parts and that certain things make them 0:12:18.760 --> 0:12:20.600 feel good, and they're you know, and they don't even 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:21.440 know what that means. 0:12:21.520 --> 0:12:22.200 So I do. 0:12:22.440 --> 0:12:25.280 I'm now for the first time obviously, I'm this first 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:29.360 time parent coming into like how important it is to 0:12:29.720 --> 0:12:32.960 not you know, make them feel shameful or guilt or 0:12:33.080 --> 0:12:36.520 bad for even discovering those parts because they're humans. They're 0:12:36.520 --> 0:12:38.640 coming into this body for the first time. You know, 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:40.800 they've never been here before. I don't know what the hello, 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:41.319 what's this? 0:12:41.559 --> 0:12:42.240 This is nice? 0:12:42.679 --> 0:12:45.880 So even that's like weird and awkward, but it still 0:12:45.960 --> 0:12:48.720 has to be addressed in a like loving and like 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:49.840 embraced manner. 0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:53.320 How do you Yeah, it's definitely about not shaming them 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:56.440 about their body and and you know, we see this 0:12:56.640 --> 0:12:58.160 happen with kids all the time. 0:12:58.360 --> 0:12:59.760 You know, you guys are talking about boys. 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:03.080 Remember, like my younger brother's on the soccer field just 0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:05.439 having their hands in their pants, you know, and they're 0:13:05.480 --> 0:13:09.480 touching their penis. But it's not about it's saying like, oh, okay, 0:13:09.640 --> 0:13:12.040 I know, like you're discovering yourself or you want to 0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:13.360 touch your penis, but we're not going to do that 0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:16.120 in the soccer field, or you know, like you you 0:13:16.240 --> 0:13:18.960 set parameters around that and you say, you know that 0:13:19.120 --> 0:13:20.640 that's fine that you want to do that, but you're 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:22.720 gonna do that in your bedroom. You're gonna do that alone, 0:13:22.800 --> 0:13:26.920 your own time. That's okay alone. Yeah, And whenever rules 0:13:27.280 --> 0:13:30.840 you have around masturbation around their body, it is what 0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:31.120 it is. 0:13:31.160 --> 0:13:33.280 Sometimes they share a room, so maybe it's not your room. 0:13:33.320 --> 0:13:34.959 Maybe it's like you're gonna do it in the power 0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:39.440 a littone time, but this is not something we do 0:13:39.520 --> 0:13:41.920 in public, and this is not something to be ashamed of. 0:13:42.080 --> 0:13:44.800 Love your body and cherish it and that's but that's 0:13:44.880 --> 0:13:47.520 your time. You can have that time, and that's okay, right. 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:50.760 I think that's as parents, that's a I think the 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:53.920 number one thing I think parents especially in public because 0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:55.800 like kids told you think of and we get so 0:13:56.280 --> 0:13:59.320 awkward and embarrassed and insecure because we're so insecure and 0:13:59.360 --> 0:14:01.640 haven't been taught correctly that it's like, hey, I'm doing 0:14:01.679 --> 0:14:03.679 that because you're you're automatically embarrassed. 0:14:03.960 --> 0:14:05.280 But that's like, that's my. 0:14:05.280 --> 0:14:07.839 Whole one of my biggest things in parenting period, and 0:14:07.960 --> 0:14:12.400 every aspect is like fuck everybody's opinion and fuck you know, 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:14.240 like you have to step out of that for a 0:14:14.280 --> 0:14:17.280 second because that's so socially driven to just talk about 0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:19.800 it normally, because our first reaction can be to be 0:14:19.880 --> 0:14:21.840 so snappy because we get. 0:14:21.720 --> 0:14:22.920 A certain type of feelings. 0:14:23.400 --> 0:14:26.320 I knew and the story about this chick was mom 0:14:26.320 --> 0:14:27.800 and she said, don't know how the kid was, Like 0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:29.800 maybe he was like eight or seven, but like he 0:14:30.120 --> 0:14:34.160 obviously just started discovering that little penis and he was 0:14:34.280 --> 0:14:37.040 pulling that shot out everywhere, like trying to touch it, 0:14:37.080 --> 0:14:38.960 like at a restaurant, Like she just kept trying to 0:14:38.960 --> 0:14:40.880 get naked, and she had to finally have the conversation 0:14:40.960 --> 0:14:42.120 and she was still humiliated. 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:45.240 But I guess it's just like the communication, oh my god, 0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:49.200 oh my gosh, just could end back. Hey, yes, none 0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:49.360 of that. 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:54.240 Okay, they're playing with an umbrella and it's open and 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:56.840 in the health and one of them on each. 0:14:56.680 --> 0:15:01.600 Sidey enough of that. This is not karate Ninja classes 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:04.440 with the umbrella. Let's just watch the movie. And watched 0:15:04.440 --> 0:15:07.320 Pepa Pig put the umbrella away. I put it down 0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:07.960 no more. 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:19.320 Its me, thank you never never. I don't know one. 0:15:18.800 --> 0:15:23.280 Are you gonna get a power? Okay, go watch Pepa peg. 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:27.640 Oh my goodness, very empowered children. 0:15:36.000 --> 0:15:39.000 She just tried to jump me. She was like, that's 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:43.360 my umbrella. I know. I was going through a phase 0:15:43.880 --> 0:15:46.080 of toughness. Now they're talking about us. 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:54.280 But you understand, does some ship But yeah, I mean 0:15:54.760 --> 0:15:57.120 I could see how that could be. You know, it's 0:15:57.200 --> 0:15:58.920 fair react reactionary? 0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:02.160 Is that a word? Like a fair reaction? You you? 0:16:04.080 --> 0:16:05.280 I like it understood, you know. 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:08.200 I mean I know for me, like even my mom, 0:16:08.440 --> 0:16:10.000 because I will say that I think some of it 0:16:10.080 --> 0:16:13.560 is generational, and you know, the conservativeness of the past 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:17.880 and how we talk about sex, like Irie discovering her 0:16:18.040 --> 0:16:20.320 her body parts and like when she would take her 0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:22.360 diaper off, she would like open up her legs and 0:16:22.400 --> 0:16:24.640 touch herself and not in any sort of sexual way, 0:16:24.640 --> 0:16:26.320 but just be like discovering. 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:28.920 Look what would I have? What is this? 0:16:29.280 --> 0:16:31.200 My mom would be kind of like she would come 0:16:31.240 --> 0:16:34.800 to me and be like, Erica, is ire getting touched 0:16:35.400 --> 0:16:38.920 or like it's everything Okay, that's not normal, And I'm like, if, no, 0:16:39.080 --> 0:16:42.280 it is normal, Mom, She just discovering her body. And 0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:44.600 please don't do that because I'm trying to teach her 0:16:44.600 --> 0:16:47.120 something different because I don't want her to feel like 0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:49.840 something's wrong. I do need to teach her that, no, 0:16:49.960 --> 0:16:51.760 you don't take off your diaper and open up your 0:16:51.800 --> 0:16:54.960 legs in front of everybody, but you know, don't teach 0:16:54.960 --> 0:16:57.600 her that it's something to be ashamed of. 0:16:58.000 --> 0:16:58.160 Right. 0:16:58.560 --> 0:17:01.520 But I understand because even me, I've had to check 0:17:01.600 --> 0:17:08.120 myself into coming like like really genuinely feeling that way 0:17:08.200 --> 0:17:10.480 because my first reaction is the same as my mother 0:17:10.520 --> 0:17:11.600 because that's what I was taught. 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:13.639 Yeah, and you know, and that's not a bad thing either. 0:17:14.000 --> 0:17:17.080 If you know, if you think or you want to ask, 0:17:17.160 --> 0:17:18.960 you can ask to your kids, does anyone ever touched 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:20.119 your vagina? 0:17:19.640 --> 0:17:28.080 Okay? I'm okay, Okay, they want you anyway. No, it's true. 0:17:28.119 --> 0:17:30.360 I mean I think it's trying to find that balance 0:17:30.760 --> 0:17:34.720 and Erica's mom was not wrong, I either being like has. 0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:38.640 Anyone touched education? 0:17:39.240 --> 0:17:42.040 There are different things that can be indications, but yes, 0:17:42.240 --> 0:17:44.919 and just no need to jump to conclusions because the 0:17:44.960 --> 0:17:46.560 truth is there is going to be a period when 0:17:46.600 --> 0:17:50.320 they're constantly discovering nihit about their bodies because. 0:17:50.080 --> 0:17:54.080 It's new, right right, Well, yeah, I lost my turn 0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:54.360 of thought. 0:17:54.760 --> 0:17:57.639 I was gonna say any type of friction, you know, 0:17:57.760 --> 0:18:00.000 like there is a you know, adverse react. 0:18:00.240 --> 0:18:01.919 I mean, is that the right road of the first reaction? 0:18:02.080 --> 0:18:06.560 There's you know, there's a pleasure of the They're gonna 0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:10.199 discover that and it's gonna be like okay. And so 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:13.119 I think it's about having that conversation before you're in 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:15.920 the grocery store instead of being like stop touching your vagina, 0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:19.119 to like remember what we talked about. 0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:20.320 Do that. 0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:28.720 So you've already had that conversation. I didn't know that 0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:31.480 was like a window door. They know they. 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:36.679 Okay, the strawberries are cut, so they're fine. 0:18:37.200 --> 0:18:41.040 I mean, but you were talking about sort of signs 0:18:41.080 --> 0:18:43.480 and things to look for, and there are a couple 0:18:43.480 --> 0:18:43.879 of things. 0:18:43.920 --> 0:18:44.679 So one. 0:18:46.040 --> 0:18:48.679 We often say like, well, when's the age you can 0:18:48.720 --> 0:18:51.200 talk to your kids about sex. So I think it's 0:18:51.240 --> 0:18:55.520 really important if however old your child is, say they 0:18:55.520 --> 0:18:57.879 see a movie or something they say like, you know, 0:18:58.000 --> 0:19:01.320 when can you know my daughter saw in a movie 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:03.280 like what like sex? 0:19:03.359 --> 0:19:05.639 And she asked what sex is? Or she heard that word. 0:19:06.080 --> 0:19:09.400 It's really important before you go on like this huge 0:19:09.560 --> 0:19:11.880 long lecture to be like, well, what do you think 0:19:11.880 --> 0:19:16.240 about it? And then listen to what they say first, 0:19:16.760 --> 0:19:18.879 because maybe like oh, maybe it's when a boy and 0:19:18.920 --> 0:19:22.080 girl kiss each other, Like okay, that's fine, But it's 0:19:22.119 --> 0:19:23.720 about giving them as much. 0:19:23.560 --> 0:19:25.639 Information as you're comfortable with. 0:19:25.840 --> 0:19:30.600 So some families believe, you know, sex happens when after 0:19:30.640 --> 0:19:32.760 you're married or after you've been in a long term 0:19:32.840 --> 0:19:36.000 loving relationship, and that's fine, that's those are your rules 0:19:36.040 --> 0:19:36.919 and your house rules. 0:19:37.200 --> 0:19:39.800 So it's about explaining whatever you feel comfortable with, but 0:19:39.880 --> 0:19:40.560 not lying. 0:19:41.400 --> 0:19:44.600 So like fuck the stork, we're not saying like the 0:19:44.680 --> 0:19:48.040 stork came, or we're not saying, you know, it just 0:19:48.119 --> 0:19:49.520 came from an imaginary land. 0:19:49.560 --> 0:19:52.240