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Speaker 1: Okay, come on, let's talk about things about me.

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Speaker 2: Let's talk about all those things that's advisory.

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Speaker 3: Welcome mom, Welcome back to Frindal Advisory, Good Mom's Bad Choices.

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Speaker 2: I'm Erica and I'm Jamila. How is your week? I

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Speaker 2: have had a good week.

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Speaker 4: I'm going out of town tomorrow, so it's like so

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Speaker 4: much pressure to get me and my kid prepared for that.

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Speaker 2: But other than that, I've been chilling. Yeah, because the snow.

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Speaker 2: You're gonna be cold, girl, I'm excited.

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Speaker 3: I had an interesting week. I had surgery. I'm kind

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Speaker 3: of high right now. We'll just start my surgery in

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Speaker 3: a later episode, but currently I I'm pretty intoxicated.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm under the influence. I'm drinking water.

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Speaker 3: So if I don't make sense at any point during

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Speaker 3: this podcast, just blame narcotics.

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Speaker 4: I am not post surgery, but I am drinking wine,

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Speaker 4: So if I say anything, just blame the wine.

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Speaker 3: So today we have our first special guest, and I'm

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Speaker 3: really excited because she's one of my best friends and

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Speaker 3: the reason I brought her on is because she is

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Speaker 3: an expert in the topic that I want to discuss today.

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Speaker 2: Do we even like officially name this topic or.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if there's an official name, but I

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Speaker 3: guess basically how to talk about sex and body parts

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Speaker 3: with your toddler slash children because you have to start early,

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Speaker 3: I think.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And there is no I mean, not that I've

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Speaker 4: seen lately any like how to guides. I haven't googled

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Speaker 4: it or anything, but I'm sure go. I know your

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Speaker 4: friend because this is gonna be really.

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Speaker 2: So because people think you don't have this talk until

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Speaker 2: much later on, and it comes very early because we're human.

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Speaker 3: And thankfully I have this friend because she educated me

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Speaker 3: on this when I was pregnant and I did not

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Speaker 3: even think about this. But anyway, this friend has a name.

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Speaker 3: I would like you guys to meet my friend, Jessica Coromo.

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Speaker 3: She is an advocacy program manager at a nonprofit.

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Speaker 2: And I would like you to explain.

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Speaker 3: Yes, so too, bang, Hey girl, Hey, Hi, thanks for

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Speaker 3: having me on So yeah. So, my nonprofit works with

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Speaker 3: survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, in child maltreatment, and

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Speaker 3: so we are always having the conversation about kids and

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Speaker 3: their bodies and how is parents we can talk about

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Speaker 3: these things, right? So, I think a lot of parents

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Speaker 3: think that they don't have to talk about body parts

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Speaker 3: or sex.

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Speaker 2: Till much later. I don't even really remember when my

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Speaker 2: mom talked about it.

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Speaker 5: For me.

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Speaker 3: I know that I had pet names for my body

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Speaker 3: parts like I'm seepee and chee cheese and you know,

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Speaker 3: like it was never straight up vagina.

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Speaker 2: No, in my household, it was vagina. It was badox.

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Speaker 2: It was like defecate and urinate.

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Speaker 4: Really yeah, But I don't think my mom talking about

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Speaker 4: sex so like she found birth control on my bed

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Speaker 4: and I was like fourteen or so, it's.

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Speaker 2: Like what are those?

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Speaker 4: I'm like, huh, even when I had gotten even when

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Speaker 4: I got my period, I remember like a lot of

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Speaker 4: my my friends, Like I remember my one of my

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Speaker 4: best friends, her mom bought her like all this pink

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Speaker 4: shit and like a pink robe and like a pink

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Speaker 4: stoll or maybe it was red, like to just what

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Speaker 4: are they doing?

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Speaker 2: Are they bouncing the Yeah, I think they're bouncing a ball. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I The conversation about periods and like sucks, even though

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Speaker 4: we had like we labeled our private parts correctly, Like

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Speaker 4: I don't feel like it was something on topic that

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Speaker 4: was like openly discuss like I like I saw in

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Speaker 4: my other friends homes and I thought it was like

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Speaker 4: a racial thing.

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Speaker 2: It's like because I was black, like we eve didn't

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Speaker 2: talk about it.

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Speaker 4: But my mom's parents were much older and more Yeah,

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Speaker 4: so I think it was kind of like a more

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Speaker 4: like they were just more conservative, and so she did

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Speaker 4: that with me, so it wasn't much that we discussed.

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Speaker 3: Now I looked at the word pregnant as a bad word.

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Speaker 3: I remember thinking the word.

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Speaker 4: Pregnant was like a bad like don't say it, yeah,

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Speaker 4: which lets.

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Speaker 3: Me know, like, you know, I didn't get the education

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Speaker 3: that I needed, and my mom you know, probably didn't

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Speaker 3: even know.

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Speaker 4: I mean, it's just like this whole hush hush, don't

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Speaker 4: talk about it thing. And like even like there was

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Speaker 4: definitely not a conversation about masturbation or like anything like that,

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Speaker 4: like feeling it like that was forbidden and it was bad.

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Speaker 3: It's a generational thing though, too, right Like now in

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Speaker 3: society we're seeing people are more open with their bodies

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Speaker 3: or open to talk about their bodies. People are open

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Speaker 3: to talk about gender now that we didn't have that

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Speaker 3: when we were growing up. Our parents we're just trying

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Speaker 3: to get by and like figure it out, and.

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Speaker 4: Hopefully we didn't ask toim any questions, yeah, because it

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Speaker 4: was really uncomfortable.

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Speaker 3: But I think parents put a lot of pressure on

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Speaker 3: themselves to say, like we need to have the talk,

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Speaker 3: the talk, and there is no talk to have.

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Speaker 2: It should just happen all the way on a conversation.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and it shouldn't be scary because they're weird.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's happened. It's real life.

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Speaker 4: It's natural, like eventually everybody's gonna fuck right.

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Speaker 3: Like when you like my father tried to have like

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Speaker 3: the talk with me in high school and it was

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Speaker 3: so but you know, that's how you got here.

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Speaker 2: That's how we got here. Like, oh, I know. But

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Speaker 2: if the kids dread it, the parents dread it. Always

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Speaker 2: have this.

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Speaker 4: Talk because it's been so like non communicating for so long.

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Speaker 2: It's an ongoing conversation.

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Speaker 3: If there's no talk, it's something that you're constantly educating

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Speaker 3: your kids and probably yourself.

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Speaker 2: And thank god I have you as a friend.

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Speaker 3: Because there is I would be I would be out

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Speaker 3: here talking about my butterfy.

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Speaker 4: I'm glad to know you, you girl, because there's a

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Speaker 4: lot of I didn't realize there was so much, so

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Speaker 4: many like small things that are so important, that are

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Speaker 4: so easy to implement, but if you don't know to

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Speaker 4: do it, then you won't.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 3: So the talk isn't just about let's talk to your

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Speaker 3: kids about sex. No, Like the talk is let's talk

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Speaker 3: to your kids about their bodies, and let's not shame

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Speaker 3: them about it. Let's let it be a normal conversation.

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Speaker 3: So when Eric and I were talking when she was pregnant,

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Speaker 3: even when Ari was a baby, I'd be like, okay,

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Speaker 3: you need a teacher that this is her vagina and

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Speaker 3: she needs to name that. And so a lot of

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Speaker 3: parents are really afraid of that because like what I

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Speaker 3: don't want like my baby saying vagina, Like that's a

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Speaker 3: vulgar But if you don't make it weird or embarrassing,

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Speaker 3: they're not going to think it's weird or embarrassing.

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Speaker 2: It's a normal thing. That's what it's called. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 2: what it's called.

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Speaker 3: And it just empowers them to know, this is my

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Speaker 3: body and this is what it's called.

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Speaker 2: So if God forbid, anything ever were to.

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Speaker 3: Happen to them, they would know exactly how to say

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Speaker 3: someone touched my vagina or so you know, and it's

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Speaker 3: it's very clear and no one will get misconstrued as

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Speaker 3: to what it is because they.

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Speaker 2: Know what the word is for that, right.

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Speaker 3: So I mean even for me, like knowing that and

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Speaker 3: then putting it into practice, I have to say.

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Speaker 2: It was awkward implementing this rule. Yeah, like because I.

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Speaker 3: Mean I knew that it was the right thing to do,

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Speaker 3: but because I was never taught that, like, it felt

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Speaker 3: it felt awkward for me to be like, Irie, this

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Speaker 3: is your vagina, say vagina.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she's like.

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Speaker 3: She would, and I'm like vagina and just I even

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Speaker 3: I slip up, I still slip up because I go

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Speaker 3: back to what I was taught, right, Okay, But it

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Speaker 3: wasn't actually until recently when we had this conversation recently

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Speaker 3: that I had to like kind of like refresh myself

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Speaker 3: and re check myself to go back to Iri and

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Speaker 3: be like, you know, what, what is this called again?

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Speaker 2: And she remembered, but she has gotten used to calling

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Speaker 2: it something different.

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Speaker 4: I remember this story you told us last week that

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Speaker 4: left a big impression on me about the a case

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Speaker 4: where tell me the story?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So you know, I think we talk about the

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Speaker 3: importance and why and people don't Sometimes they don't get it.

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Speaker 2: They're like, well, whatever, what's.

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Speaker 3: The harm in calling it something pretty or something that

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Speaker 3: I want, Like it's your flower, it's your butterfly. So

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Speaker 3: we had a case where a little girl said, you know,

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Speaker 3: this person touched my butterfly. Her parents knew that her

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Speaker 3: butterfly was her vagina, but no one else knew that, and.

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Speaker 2: That didn't hold up in court. So unfortunately they didn't

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Speaker 2: really get the justice that they.

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Speaker 3: Deserved because you can't prove to anyone that your butterfly

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Speaker 3: was your vagina.

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Speaker 2: She could not say this is my vagina.

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Speaker 4: Despite the fact that she was a child and that's

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Speaker 4: how she had been taught and brought up, which is

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Speaker 4: the scariest shit I've ever.

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Speaker 2: Heard, exactly like I would that's very important.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, if you told me that this person is

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Speaker 3: gonna walk free or not get the penalty whatever, murder,

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Speaker 3: death for to take my child, I'm gonna take manags.

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Speaker 3: But because my daughter called it a butterfly, I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: be not only upset at the justice system, upset with myself,

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Speaker 3: right and I'm going to feel like I didn't protect

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Speaker 3: my child, But you're also making the assumption that your

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Speaker 3: child's gonna tell you, and you and you and your

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Speaker 3: child know what that means. Sometimes they want to tell

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Speaker 3: a teacher or someone else who's trusted, and to say

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Speaker 3: they tell a teacher someone touched my butterfly. And the

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Speaker 3: teacher has no idea what they're talking about. They're gonna

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Speaker 3: be really dismissive. And so the child's like, why am

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Speaker 3: I gonna tell anyone anything when no one is doing

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Speaker 3: anything about it?

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Speaker 2: And I know that this is wrong. I know this

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Speaker 2: feels wrong, but not doing anything about it? Yes, baby, okay,

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Speaker 2: what's wrong? Oh? Share the computers? Share the computer. Okay,

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Speaker 2: she wants to work too. Sorry, guys, you know you

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Speaker 2: know how it goes. Nobody shares it.

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Speaker 3: Oh and by the way, when we say close the door,

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Speaker 3: it's actually a clear door. We can see our kids,

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Speaker 3: so it's not like they were anyone was writing us.

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Speaker 4: Up to the parental abuse board. We can see them.

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Speaker 4: It's a clear French door, and I'm watching them as

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Speaker 4: we yell at them to close it. But yeah, no, exactly.

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Speaker 3: Going back to that, I mean, yeah, like if a

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Speaker 3: child told her teacher like someone touched my butterfriends and

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Speaker 3: the teacher's like, okay, okay, whatever.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so dismissive.

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Speaker 3: And the teacher has no idea the damage that she's doing,

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Speaker 3: and the child is that might be the only time

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Speaker 3: she ever tries, and that's it, and that can change

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Speaker 3: her life right then and there. Right she could be

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Speaker 3: told by her perpetrator like you tell anyone and they're

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Speaker 3: not gonna believe you, or I'm gonna hurt you.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to hurt your family.

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Speaker 3: So if that was your one shot for this child

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Speaker 3: to feel like empowered and to be able to say something,

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Speaker 3: you've just totally ruined that and lost that moment.

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Speaker 4: Because no one can communicate whatever she's trying to communicate.

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Speaker 2: Because just basically the.

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Speaker 4: Word she's using to dislabel her vagina.

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Speaker 3: And this goes for boys too. You need to teach

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Speaker 3: your boys penis. Heck, yeah, I know, we have girls,

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Speaker 3: so sometimes we discuss, you know, the daughters daughter.

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Speaker 2: It goes for first protect our sons are yes.

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Speaker 3: I mean I had I had someone who told me

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Speaker 3: in her family, they only called his penis a water spout.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, uh no, but what no?

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Speaker 3: And I gave her that exact same example of like

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Speaker 3: imagine he told his teacher someone touched my water spout,

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Speaker 3: she'd be like okay, whatever.

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Speaker 2: Like turn off, put your water bottle away, or you know, yeah,

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Speaker 2: and I mean shit.

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Speaker 4: Like, our kids are only three and I used two.

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Speaker 4: Great guy, Like, by the way, some genormous ass kids.

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Speaker 4: I know, they look like four. They have like normally

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Speaker 4: tall children are really tall. But yeah, I'm noticing even

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Speaker 4: as early as three. And you know, I don't know

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Speaker 4: if you're noticing two, but they do just begin to

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Speaker 4: discover their body parts and that certain things make them

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Speaker 4: feel good, and they're you know, and they don't even

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Speaker 4: know what that means.

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Speaker 2: So I do.

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Speaker 4: I'm now for the first time obviously, I'm this first

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Speaker 4: time parent coming into like how important it is to

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Speaker 4: not you know, make them feel shameful or guilt or

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Speaker 4: bad for even discovering those parts because they're humans. They're

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Speaker 4: coming into this body for the first time. You know,

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Speaker 4: they've never been here before. I don't know what the hello,

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Speaker 4: what's this?

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Speaker 2: This is nice?

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Speaker 4: So even that's like weird and awkward, but it still

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Speaker 4: has to be addressed in a like loving and like

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Speaker 4: embraced manner.

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Speaker 3: How do you Yeah, it's definitely about not shaming them

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Speaker 3: about their body and and you know, we see this

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Speaker 3: happen with kids all the time.

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Speaker 2: You know, you guys are talking about boys.

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Speaker 3: Remember, like my younger brother's on the soccer field just

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Speaker 3: having their hands in their pants, you know, and they're

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Speaker 3: touching their penis. But it's not about it's saying like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 3: I know, like you're discovering yourself or you want to

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Speaker 3: touch your penis, but we're not going to do that

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Speaker 3: in the soccer field, or you know, like you you

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Speaker 3: set parameters around that and you say, you know that

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Speaker 3: that's fine that you want to do that, but you're

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Speaker 3: gonna do that in your bedroom. You're gonna do that alone,

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Speaker 3: your own time. That's okay alone. Yeah, And whenever rules

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Speaker 3: you have around masturbation around their body, it is what

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Speaker 3: it is.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes they share a room, so maybe it's not your room.

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Speaker 3: Maybe it's like you're gonna do it in the power

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Speaker 3: a littone time, but this is not something we do

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Speaker 3: in public, and this is not something to be ashamed of.

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Speaker 3: Love your body and cherish it and that's but that's

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Speaker 3: your time. You can have that time, and that's okay, right.

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Speaker 4: I think that's as parents, that's a I think the

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Speaker 4: number one thing I think parents especially in public because

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Speaker 4: like kids told you think of and we get so

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Speaker 4: awkward and embarrassed and insecure because we're so insecure and

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Speaker 4: haven't been taught correctly that it's like, hey, I'm doing

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Speaker 4: that because you're you're automatically embarrassed.

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Speaker 2: But that's like, that's my.

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Speaker 4: Whole one of my biggest things in parenting period, and

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Speaker 4: every aspect is like fuck everybody's opinion and fuck you know,

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Speaker 4: like you have to step out of that for a

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Speaker 4: second because that's so socially driven to just talk about

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Speaker 4: it normally, because our first reaction can be to be

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Speaker 4: so snappy because we get.

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Speaker 2: A certain type of feelings.

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Speaker 4: I knew and the story about this chick was mom

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Speaker 4: and she said, don't know how the kid was, Like

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Speaker 4: maybe he was like eight or seven, but like he

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Speaker 4: obviously just started discovering that little penis and he was

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Speaker 4: pulling that shot out everywhere, like trying to touch it,

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Speaker 4: like at a restaurant, Like she just kept trying to

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Speaker 4: get naked, and she had to finally have the conversation

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Speaker 4: and she was still humiliated.

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Speaker 2: But I guess it's just like the communication, oh my god,

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Speaker 2: oh my gosh, just could end back. Hey, yes, none

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Speaker 2: of that.

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Speaker 3: Okay, they're playing with an umbrella and it's open and

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Speaker 3: in the health and one of them on each.

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Speaker 6: Sidey enough of that. This is not karate Ninja classes

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Speaker 6: with the umbrella. Let's just watch the movie. And watched

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Speaker 6: Pepa Pig put the umbrella away. I put it down

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Speaker 6: no more.

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Speaker 2: Its me, thank you never never. I don't know one.

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Speaker 2: Are you gonna get a power? Okay, go watch Pepa peg.

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Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, very empowered children.

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Speaker 2: She just tried to jump me. She was like, that's

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Speaker 2: my umbrella. I know. I was going through a phase

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Speaker 2: of toughness. Now they're talking about us.

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Speaker 3: But you understand, does some ship But yeah, I mean

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Speaker 3: I could see how that could be. You know, it's

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Speaker 3: fair react reactionary?

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Speaker 2: Is that a word? Like a fair reaction? You you?

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Speaker 2: I like it understood, you know.

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Speaker 3: I mean I know for me, like even my mom,

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Speaker 3: because I will say that I think some of it

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Speaker 3: is generational, and you know, the conservativeness of the past

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Speaker 3: and how we talk about sex, like Irie discovering her

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Speaker 3: her body parts and like when she would take her

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Speaker 3: diaper off, she would like open up her legs and

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Speaker 3: touch herself and not in any sort of sexual way,

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Speaker 3: but just be like discovering.

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Speaker 2: Look what would I have? What is this?

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Speaker 3: My mom would be kind of like she would come

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Speaker 3: to me and be like, Erica, is ire getting touched

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Speaker 3: or like it's everything Okay, that's not normal, And I'm like, if, no,

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Speaker 3: it is normal, Mom, She just discovering her body. And

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Speaker 3: please don't do that because I'm trying to teach her

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Speaker 3: something different because I don't want her to feel like

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Speaker 3: something's wrong. I do need to teach her that, no,

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Speaker 3: you don't take off your diaper and open up your

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Speaker 3: legs in front of everybody, but you know, don't teach

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Speaker 3: her that it's something to be ashamed of.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 3: But I understand because even me, I've had to check

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Speaker 3: myself into coming like like really genuinely feeling that way

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Speaker 3: because my first reaction is the same as my mother

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Speaker 3: because that's what I was taught.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know, and that's not a bad thing either.

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Speaker 3: If you know, if you think or you want to ask,

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Speaker 3: you can ask to your kids, does anyone ever touched

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Speaker 3: your vagina?

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Speaker 2: Okay? I'm okay, Okay, they want you anyway. No, it's true.

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Speaker 3: I mean I think it's trying to find that balance

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Speaker 3: and Erica's mom was not wrong, I either being like has.

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Speaker 2: Anyone touched education?

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Speaker 4: There are different things that can be indications, but yes,

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Speaker 4: and just no need to jump to conclusions because the

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Speaker 4: truth is there is going to be a period when

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Speaker 4: they're constantly discovering nihit about their bodies because.

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Speaker 2: It's new, right right, Well, yeah, I lost my turn

361
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Speaker 2: of thought.

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Speaker 3: I was gonna say any type of friction, you know,

363
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Speaker 3: like there is a you know, adverse react.

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Speaker 2: I mean, is that the right road of the first reaction?

365
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:06,560
Speaker 3: There's you know, there's a pleasure of the They're gonna

366
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Speaker 3: discover that and it's gonna be like okay. And so

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Speaker 3: I think it's about having that conversation before you're in

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Speaker 3: the grocery store instead of being like stop touching your vagina,

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Speaker 3: to like remember what we talked about.

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Speaker 2: Do that.

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00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:28,720
Speaker 3: So you've already had that conversation. I didn't know that

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00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,480
Speaker 3: was like a window door. They know they.

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Speaker 2: Okay, the strawberries are cut, so they're fine.

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Speaker 3: I mean, but you were talking about sort of signs

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Speaker 3: and things to look for, and there are a couple

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Speaker 3: of things.

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Speaker 1: So one.

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Speaker 3: We often say like, well, when's the age you can

379
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:51,200
Speaker 3: talk to your kids about sex. So I think it's

380
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:55,520
Speaker 3: really important if however old your child is, say they

381
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Speaker 3: see a movie or something they say like, you know,

382
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Speaker 3: when can you know my daughter saw in a movie

383
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,280
Speaker 3: like what like sex?

384
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,639
Speaker 2: And she asked what sex is? Or she heard that word.

385
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Speaker 3: It's really important before you go on like this huge

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Speaker 3: long lecture to be like, well, what do you think

387
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:16,240
Speaker 3: about it? And then listen to what they say first,

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Speaker 3: because maybe like oh, maybe it's when a boy and

389
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:22,080
Speaker 3: girl kiss each other, Like okay, that's fine, But it's

390
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:23,720
Speaker 3: about giving them as much.

391
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Speaker 2: Information as you're comfortable with.

392
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Speaker 3: So some families believe, you know, sex happens when after

393
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,760
Speaker 3: you're married or after you've been in a long term

394
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:36,000
Speaker 3: loving relationship, and that's fine, that's those are your rules

395
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:36,919
Speaker 3: and your house rules.

396
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Speaker 2: So it's about explaining whatever you feel comfortable with, but

397
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Speaker 2: not lying.

398
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Speaker 3: So like fuck the stork, we're not saying like the

399
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,040
Speaker 3: stork came, or we're not saying, you know, it just

400
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:49,520
Speaker 3: came from an imaginary land.

401
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,240
Speaker 2: Because once they realize.

402
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,520
Speaker 3: The truth and they realize like they've been lied to

403
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:55,919
Speaker 3: by their parents, they're gonna be like, well, I've been

404
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 3: lying to my whole life.

405
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Speaker 2: That is what else did you, like right, exactly exactly,

406
00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:01,040
Speaker 2: So try.

407
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,879
Speaker 3: To be it's truthful and honest. But when we're talking

408
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,720
Speaker 3: about like what are signs, say with child sexual abuse,

409
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:10,040
Speaker 3: say like, all you've ever told your child was, well,

410
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:13,159
Speaker 3: you know what you're two, and sex is if you

411
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:16,600
Speaker 3: want to know, it's like kissing your you know. And

412
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,919
Speaker 3: then they say, well, actually it's a when a penis

413
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,840
Speaker 3: enters a vagina and you have never told them that.

414
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:24,159
Speaker 2: That's something you need to explore.

415
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,520
Speaker 3: So if they have sex knowledge, that's a lot greater

416
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,400
Speaker 3: than whatever for their age or what you've told them.

417
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,320
Speaker 2: You need to ask some questions like who told you that?

418
00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:35,760
Speaker 2: Where to learn that from?

419
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,359
Speaker 3: But not in a scary way like no, like no

420
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:42,160
Speaker 3: I told you that? Yeah, like oh really, honey, where

421
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,920
Speaker 3: did you learn that? And I deep down inside your

422
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:48,280
Speaker 3: blood is boiling and you're looking at whose number your goal?

423
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Speaker 2: Well, like when you were saying, like who am I

424
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Speaker 2: going to kill with this?

425
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,960
Speaker 3: That's the biggest thing we say, too is and it's

426
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,440
Speaker 3: the hardest thing to say, but it's like sometimes your

427
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,160
Speaker 3: kids will be playing with other kids and they're like, oh, yeah,

428
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:04,399
Speaker 3: so when so and so like brought me to his

429
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 3: bedroom or and it's about controlling yourself and controlling your

430
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:13,040
Speaker 3: facial reaction because if it gets uh huh and exactly

431
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:14,200
Speaker 3: how Erica just said.

432
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Speaker 2: Like oh okay, like what what do you mean? What happened?

433
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:19,240
Speaker 2: Instead of being like who touched you?

434
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 3: Like I had like in my experience, like my mom

435
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 3: was so afraid of that.

436
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,600
Speaker 2: It was like drilled and it.

437
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:30,159
Speaker 3: Was like Jessica coming to my room, Okay, has anyone

438
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 3: touched you vagina?

439
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, they have, and it was like are

440
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:34,080
Speaker 2: you sure?

441
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:38,560
Speaker 3: Like god, and I hated having that conversation, but if

442
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:42,000
Speaker 3: it's a normal conversation that you're hearing, like okay, touch

443
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,680
Speaker 3: your vagina.

444
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,360
Speaker 2: You know, okay whatever?

445
00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 1: Yeah.

446
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,439
Speaker 3: I think even you had mentioned the other day, like

447
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:51,919
Speaker 3: just wanted like say your daughter comes home from school

448
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,399
Speaker 3: or your toddler comes home to school, and just make

449
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 3: it casual like okay, so how was school? Did anyone

450
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 3: touch your vagina today?

451
00:21:58,680 --> 00:21:59,120
Speaker 2: Oh? Cool?

452
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:02,280
Speaker 3: Let's go make lunch, like make it as casual as

453
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:08,879
Speaker 3: it sounds so strange, but yes, baby, Okay, one second,

454
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 3: go sit down, I'll make you some more.

455
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,040
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm coming the.

456
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:17,560
Speaker 3: Disappointment, I know, but just making it just as casual

457
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:20,280
Speaker 3: as that. You know, it sounds so weird. It even

458
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,800
Speaker 3: sounds weird to me saying it, but it makes sense.

459
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:26,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, the vagina talk shouldn't be I mean, or the

460
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,040
Speaker 4: penis talk should be.

461
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:34,159
Speaker 3: Often yeah, right, but it's because it's it's more so

462
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 3: about your reaction. If it's more so about like, actually, mommy, yes,

463
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:42,880
Speaker 3: someone did touch by vagina and instead of like crying.

464
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:43,960
Speaker 2: Or making it because once you cry.

465
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,880
Speaker 3: Or do that, you make it about you, and then

466
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,760
Speaker 3: your child is gonna want to protect you.

467
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,960
Speaker 2: I'm like, what's wrong. I shouldn't have said that while.

468
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 3: We're crying, and now all these things are happening because

469
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:54,880
Speaker 3: I said that.

470
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 2: Just because the attitude and energy surrounding the conversation.

471
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:02,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, and so definitely try to control your facial expressions

472
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:06,919
Speaker 3: and control your temper. And we often say, you know,

473
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 3: but reassure them you're gonna do something about it. So

474
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:11,800
Speaker 3: I was talking to my cowork about this because I

475
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 3: knew I was coming onto this podcast, and I was like,

476
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:15,000
Speaker 3: there's just so much to.

477
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:16,160
Speaker 2: Talk about, like what do you do?

478
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:20,240
Speaker 3: And you know, statistically we always tell our kids like

479
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 3: stranger danger, beware of strangers, and that's really not the case.

480
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,720
Speaker 2: Usually ninety percent of the time.

481
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 3: They're going to be sexually assaulted or molested by someone

482
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,240
Speaker 3: that they know, someone really really close to them, who

483
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:38,639
Speaker 3: misuses that trust. And so she had a situation where

484
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,680
Speaker 3: there was like this really rambunctious boy and she's like,

485
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,159
Speaker 3: you know, I really don't think it was child sexual abuse.

486
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,679
Speaker 3: I think he was just really rambunctious and he was

487
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:48,120
Speaker 3: coming up and he was trying to mess with her

488
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 3: and he grabbed her vagina. And so my daughter, she

489
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,960
Speaker 3: was like in kindergarten and she knew because she'd grown

490
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:58,080
Speaker 3: up talking about it, and she told her teacher like, hey, like,

491
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,320
Speaker 3: Tommy touched my vagina, and her teacher was like, no,

492
00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:04,879
Speaker 3: he didn't mean it and totally dismissed her. And so

493
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:08,159
Speaker 3: then her daughter went home and was talking about her

494
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:09,680
Speaker 3: day and like, yeah, I was playing with Tommy and

495
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,160
Speaker 3: then you touched my vagina. And she was like, oh, okay,

496
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,040
Speaker 3: tell me more about this. You tell your teacher. She's

497
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 3: like yeah, And so offline away from her daughter, she

498
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:22,159
Speaker 3: called her teacher and was like, what the hell. But

499
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:24,280
Speaker 3: then she was like, just to let you know, I

500
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 3: called your teacher and you know, Tommy, that was totally

501
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:28,959
Speaker 3: not okay that he did that and he's not going

502
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:32,000
Speaker 3: to do that again. And so her daughter got immediate

503
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:35,159
Speaker 3: results and felt really validated because at first she was

504
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,960
Speaker 3: really dismissed by her teacher, but her mom validated that, right,

505
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,160
Speaker 3: And that's really important to validate their feelings, and it's

506
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:43,640
Speaker 3: not to question them like.

507
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 2: Well, why were you there? Why you go to retire?

508
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,480
Speaker 4: You know just about that you were acknowledging what you're

509
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 4: telling us.

510
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 2: I believe you. I'm so sorry this happened to like

511
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 2: We're going to do something about it.

512
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:56,919
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so important because I think a lot of

513
00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:00,719
Speaker 3: times as parents we get caught up in the details

514
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 3: that don't matter. We already know every little aspect of

515
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:06,840
Speaker 3: what happened, except what it really doesn't matter.

516
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 2: What matters is.

517
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 3: Kind of like how to be resolving the action and

518
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,719
Speaker 3: what happened and moving forward.

519
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean think about as adults now, like think

520
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 4: about the slut walk the amber Rose has.

521
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 2: It's all around body.

522
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,920
Speaker 3: Shaming and victim blaming, and we need to get away

523
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,320
Speaker 3: from this culture where we're asking girls, why are you

524
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:25,920
Speaker 3: wearing that?

525
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:28,160
Speaker 2: That's why I got raped? Why are you drunk? That's

526
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 2: how you got raped? And we start with kids.

527
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,639
Speaker 3: Right, you start like, well, why are you playing with

528
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:34,879
Speaker 3: that little boy when you shouldn't have?

529
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:38,160
Speaker 2: Because socially there's this weird nature around it, like.

530
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 4: It's there's a like I think mostly for I mean

531
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:43,240
Speaker 4: obviously like for women, there's like a guilt and a

532
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:45,520
Speaker 4: shame place. And that's why this is my other question

533
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 4: because this is really like a difficult place for me

534
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:51,119
Speaker 4: because I am a very empowered and naked woman, like

535
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:52,920
Speaker 4: a naturalist.

536
00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:55,440
Speaker 2: So I do like to be naked, and I.

537
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 4: And low key like before I mean not before, I

538
00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 4: mean and after I have a kid.

539
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,400
Speaker 2: I had a kid, Like if you come to my house.

540
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 4: And you're my friend, you're likely to have to see

541
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:06,199
Speaker 4: me naked because if you come to my house, this

542
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 4: is I want to wear only my panties. And I

543
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 4: don't care how you feel about it, and if you

544
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:11,159
Speaker 4: feel some type of way about it.

545
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:15,879
Speaker 2: That's your fault because yeah, oh well go home. You know.

546
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:21,159
Speaker 4: I feel like I despise the rhetoric that women's bodies

547
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,919
Speaker 4: are these sexual like temples of desire only like we

548
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,960
Speaker 4: do so much like we birth children, like guys have tits,

549
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:29,719
Speaker 4: we have tits. We have a little more fatty tissue

550
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,639
Speaker 4: we feed kids, you know, Like this whole double standard

551
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,480
Speaker 4: really irritates the shit out of me. And because I or,

552
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 4: if you want to be naked, then you're slutty. You

553
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 4: want attention, Like I don't know how much chits to

554
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:42,400
Speaker 4: want that much attention. Like if I was fifty pounds more,

555
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 4: maybe I would want attention.

556
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:47,680
Speaker 2: Yes, I would be talking a lot.

557
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:51,439
Speaker 4: But then having a daughter, I realized, like I want

558
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 4: her to be empowered, I want her to be lanking.

559
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:53,920
Speaker 2: She's like, man, let's get naked.

560
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:55,879
Speaker 4: We have a naked dance, Like she wants to rubber

561
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:57,639
Speaker 4: chest against mine and like skin to skin and then

562
00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:58,359
Speaker 4: we're having fun.

563
00:26:58,240 --> 00:26:59,160
Speaker 2: And we want to dance naked.

564
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 4: But then I realized that there has to be a

565
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:05,080
Speaker 4: fine line between like her understanding, like it's okay to

566
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:08,120
Speaker 4: be naked and have fun and people should respect your

567
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:11,440
Speaker 4: body and that's how it's supposed to be. But unfortunately,

568
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,119
Speaker 4: there are a lot of fucking creeps and I can't

569
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:17,200
Speaker 4: kill them all and know exactly who's who, because there

570
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:19,920
Speaker 4: are so many stories I've heard that are so fucking scary,

571
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:25,440
Speaker 4: like grandfathers making grandchildren and I've heard fathers, stepfathers uncles, friends,

572
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:26,240
Speaker 4: and these are.

573
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:28,159
Speaker 2: All just from like my close circle of friends.

574
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 4: You know, I've heard horrible stories that I know have

575
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,520
Speaker 4: affected many people unto their adulthood.

576
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,640
Speaker 2: And it's like, how do you protect your kid and also.

577
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:39,359
Speaker 4: Empower them from you know, like not having the wrong

578
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,000
Speaker 4: body image, but also.

579
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:45,200
Speaker 2: You know, like where's that balance? How do you make

580
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 2: that balance?

581
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:49,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think it's finding whatever your boundaries are.

582
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:53,520
Speaker 3: So maybe get the conversation that you're gonna have with

583
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:56,399
Speaker 3: Luna is gonna be like, Okay, this is Mommy and

584
00:27:56,440 --> 00:28:00,439
Speaker 3: Luna time, right, that's when we do this a choice.

585
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,960
Speaker 3: So right now, you know, as an adult, you're making

586
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:06,119
Speaker 3: the choice for yourself, but you're also making the choice

587
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:08,639
Speaker 3: for her, like this is going to be our style,

588
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:12,160
Speaker 3: right naked when she gets older or even now, she's

589
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 3: at a time where.

590
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,399
Speaker 2: She can decide if she wants to get naked or not.

591
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:19,120
Speaker 3: And so to let her know, I'm in I'm empowering

592
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:21,239
Speaker 3: you to if you want to take your clothes off

593
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 3: when it's just us, that's fine, but that's just our thing.

594
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,400
Speaker 3: And you know when other people come over, we don't

595
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:26,680
Speaker 3: do that.

596
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:27,520
Speaker 2: That's our special thing.

597
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, because I notice myself getting.

598
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:34,800
Speaker 5: Irritated, not irritated, but annoy because like, like I mean

599
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:38,720
Speaker 5: grandparents in general obviously older than us, but even my dad,

600
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:41,960
Speaker 5: even on her dad's parents' side, like why are you naked?

601
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 2: Where are your clothes? Like this whole like it's bad

602
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 2: to be naked, and I'm like, chill out, everybody, Like,

603
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 2: first of all, this is all family. We're in the crib.

604
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:51,640
Speaker 2: It's hot, you know.

605
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 4: But then so and I want to be able to

606
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,520
Speaker 4: approach that without them feeling like I'm completely crazy.

607
00:28:58,200 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 2: But at the same time, like.

608
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 4: I do, like there's nothing wrong with our bodies and

609
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 4: everybody else is crazy. So it's like trying to raise

610
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 4: a European style child.

611
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,680
Speaker 3: No, I totally get that, but I think also like

612
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 3: I'm hyper sensitive to it because of my work.

613
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:20,440
Speaker 4: I can't trust anybody, can I think you absolutely can't

614
00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 4: trust anyone unless they fucking personally. I mean even this

615
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,320
Speaker 4: can I'm sure there's stories that contradict this. Unless they

616
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 4: raise you personally through your whole life and didn't do

617
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 4: anything weird there, then they can raise your kid.

618
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,160
Speaker 2: But even there's stories that go both ways on that,

619
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:33,440
Speaker 2: you know.

620
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I would err on the side of caution

621
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 3: and be like, you know what, we're gonna have our

622
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 3: naked parties when it's just us and that's it. And

623
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 3: you know, when we have company in our home, it's

624
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 3: close time, right.

625
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 2: Right.

626
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:51,800
Speaker 3: I think another topic that I I feel like I

627
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 3: want to be the hippie mother about it, but there's still.

628
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 2: That conservative, protective person in me.

629
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:04,959
Speaker 3: Not even protective because I know, like like if she's say, like,

630
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,320
Speaker 3: my daughter is safe between me and her father, you know,

631
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:13,720
Speaker 3: but what do you think about children of the opposite

632
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:18,840
Speaker 3: sex being naked around their parents? Like the little boy

633
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,880
Speaker 3: being naked, the little boy seeing his mother naked until

634
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 3: he's eleven, right, or the little girls seeing her naked

635
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:30,960
Speaker 3: father nake, her father naked till she's ten twelve, Like

636
00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:35,479
Speaker 3: you know, like I know Iri has been around her

637
00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:36,160
Speaker 3: father naked.

638
00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 2: I mean she's seen her father naked. Yeah, you know

639
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 2: that's not weird. I mean, well, you're saying, but for

640
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:46,080
Speaker 2: how long? How long? What's acceptable? When at one point

641
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 2: is it weird? Yeah?

642
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 4: I think dad stopped doing that recently, Like it was like, okay,

643
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 4: we're not shying.

644
00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 3: I mean the hippie and me wants to be like, well,

645
00:30:54,720 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 3: sociding it's on the body and there is no time limit.

646
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 3: But then the other top part of me is like, well,

647
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 3: do I want to see my dad naked right now?

648
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:07,760
Speaker 2: Hell? No? Right? Like, did I want to see my

649
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:10,200
Speaker 2: dad naked when I was twelve? Hell no? Now twelve.

650
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:14,600
Speaker 7: I do remember being like four or five and like

651
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 7: my days take baths with like with me, And then

652
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 7: I remember when you started putting on like swimming trunks.

653
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 2: Even Alana was talking about this and she was like,

654
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 2: I would get so mad. She's like, after like five,

655
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 2: I'm like, why are you wearing those trunks? Like kitt naked?

656
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,640
Speaker 2: We're getting in the bathtub. So there was like you

657
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 2: still remember.

658
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:35,400
Speaker 4: They kids don't really understand, because I do remember being like,

659
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:37,280
Speaker 4: why are you gonna wear your swimming drunks?

660
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:39,760
Speaker 2: You're so weird? Right, but you don't know.

661
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 4: But also, oh, this is really creepy and weird. But

662
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 4: I read it in a psychology book.

663
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:45,120
Speaker 2: That men can't control their arousals.

664
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 4: No, not that that's also true like after a certain age,

665
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:50,240
Speaker 4: like yeah, like a twelve, I guess like a fully

666
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 4: developed or almost going through purebretty young woman shouldn't sit

667
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:57,360
Speaker 4: in her father's laugh because like in their anatomy, like

668
00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 4: just this the pure skim of a skin and like

669
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:01,360
Speaker 4: cause their.

670
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 2: Dicks to get hard.

671
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,600
Speaker 4: And I have nothing to do with it, with with

672
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 4: how they're feeling, and it maybe even make them feel awkward.

673
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:11,040
Speaker 4: But there's this I don't know what philosopher whatever this was,

674
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 4: but there's like this.

675
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 2: Whole it's like a pretty famous one. Not you're talking.

676
00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 4: About the Oedipus complex, but yeah, yeah, you probably know

677
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:21,400
Speaker 4: better than me. No, you know, it's like we're at

678
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,600
Speaker 4: a certain age and they're they're babies and maybe like

679
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 4: four or three, they you go through this phase where

680
00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 4: you are in love with their campus it sucks, yes,

681
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:33,640
Speaker 4: and it's a pretty extreme like philosophy, like you want

682
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 4: to marry your mother, you want to kill your father.

683
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:37,440
Speaker 2: It's like almost how it All kids go through it.

684
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I do remember this is a very strange

685
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:42,400
Speaker 4: story of tell and I'm probably gonna get judged, but

686
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 4: I just remember I never even asked my dad about this.

687
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 2: I had to be like four, and I remember like

688
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 2: he was leaving and I tried.

689
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 4: He was giving me a kisso mine. I try to

690
00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 4: like slip my tongue. He's like, oh no.

691
00:32:55,920 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, don't do that. No, like her mom, only,

692
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:02,960
Speaker 2: that's totally normal.

693
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 3: You're not gonna get judge for that.

694
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 4: That buying some shit, you know, like I try to

695
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:09,040
Speaker 4: cuss my time, like what the hell are you doing?

696
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,040
Speaker 2: Like, what the fuck are you talking about? That? No?

697
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,120
Speaker 2: That okay, So don't.

698
00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 8: Flip tongue, ind uth mouth, don't ask mom, what the

699
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:24,160
Speaker 8: hell are you negative? But it's true, like that's a

700
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 8: part of our human nature that we're testing social shit

701
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:29,480
Speaker 8: out and we're trying to figure out what's okay for

702
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 8: us and what's not.

703
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 2: So I mean, well you.

704
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 3: Think about that like that very I mean, and we're

705
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 3: totally talking about like in a heterosexual world because that's

706
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:42,600
Speaker 3: all we know right now, you know, But that was

707
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 3: totally normal. I Mean, my mom says she remembers when

708
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:47,760
Speaker 3: I went through that phase and I asked her. I

709
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 3: was like, Mommy, can I just please marry Pop? I

710
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,320
Speaker 3: love him so much. I want to get married to him.

711
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 3: And she's like, she's going through this's in love with

712
00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:57,840
Speaker 3: her dad right now.

713
00:33:58,640 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 2: I'm not going to take it personally.

714
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 3: No, And it's because kids they go through it and

715
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 3: they love their parent of the opposite sex. So so

716
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 3: much and they say it into phase and they grow

717
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:08,920
Speaker 3: out of it.

718
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 2: It's nothing to feel weird about.

719
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 4: It is like our initial like That's why we're so

720
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:16,360
Speaker 4: affected by our parents and our love for our parents

721
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:19,879
Speaker 4: as adults, because that's literally the first experience of love

722
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 4: of the opposite sex that we ever have.

723
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:23,799
Speaker 2: That's our first impression of like love.

724
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:25,800
Speaker 4: That's why like you I have daddy issues or mommy

725
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:29,000
Speaker 4: issuanes because sometimes they have be issues.

726
00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:31,960
Speaker 2: Can I have apple? Yes? Baby? Oh my god?

727
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:35,200
Speaker 3: Our children are very needy this episode.

728
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 2: I think they're Kidi and John.

729
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:41,480
Speaker 3: One moment please, Oh, but you guys are talking about

730
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:45,440
Speaker 3: like what age can you see your parent of the

731
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:47,560
Speaker 3: opposite sex naked?

732
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:50,759
Speaker 2: And I think you know, baby is they have no

733
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 2: idea they're showering. They don't know.

734
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 3: I think once they start questioning, and once they start

735
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:58,960
Speaker 3: realizing what that is, then it's probably not appropriate to

736
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:00,400
Speaker 3: shower together anymore.

737
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 2: So we often say like four or five, so because

738
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:06,919
Speaker 2: they can identify it, it's no longer appropriate. Well because

739
00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:09,719
Speaker 2: they're just sort of asking questions like what's that? What

740
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:11,359
Speaker 2: you know? And they think, but isn't that.

741
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,919
Speaker 3: The whole point of like like you want like being

742
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:17,200
Speaker 3: able to answer the question and make it.

743
00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:20,439
Speaker 2: Isn't it more awkward to take it away suddenly than

744
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:21,960
Speaker 2: to I think.

745
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:25,720
Speaker 3: The question would be like, you know, if the rules

746
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 3: in our home aren't you know, protect my body, and

747
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:31,520
Speaker 3: I do this when I'm alone, and the question is like, well,

748
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:34,480
Speaker 3: why is daddy naked when we're in the shower, Then you're.

749
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:36,319
Speaker 2: Like, okay, well, what is daddy naked when we're in

750
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:38,200
Speaker 2: the shower. Maybe we shouldn't do that anymore.

751
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:42,880
Speaker 3: I think as much as you teach your children this

752
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:45,520
Speaker 3: is what a vagina and penis is, they really don't

753
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 3: understand what that is until they're like four or.

754
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:51,839
Speaker 2: Five and they realize like, oh, I get it.

755
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 3: That's your penis and that's your private part, and this

756
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:57,120
Speaker 3: is my vagina and this is my private part. So

757
00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:59,400
Speaker 3: I think once they start making that distinction, then it

758
00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:01,480
Speaker 3: can be like okay, then you can have your private

759
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:04,360
Speaker 3: time with that. You don't have to be all together.

760
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:06,759
Speaker 3: Once they're asking questions about it, I think is when

761
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:07,600
Speaker 3: you're like, Okay, we.

762
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:08,239
Speaker 2: Shouldn't do that.

763
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:13,720
Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean I remember growing up my mom being

764
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:18,400
Speaker 3: very open and naked all the time. It was me

765
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:20,919
Speaker 3: and her for most of my childhood, and my brother

766
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:24,719
Speaker 3: wasn't born until I was thirteen, so it was just

767
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 3: me and my mom. She was a single parent, and

768
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 3: so being seeing another female body wasn't unnormal to me,

769
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:35,000
Speaker 3: So I never really had to like kind of like

770
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:38,440
Speaker 3: identify or figure out the other side of that, like

771
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:43,240
Speaker 3: as far as with the father, but now with Irine

772
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:46,400
Speaker 3: and her father, I mean, I guess it's a choice

773
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:49,400
Speaker 3: that he would make on his own. I'm going to

774
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:52,000
Speaker 3: assume that he probably isn't going to be like showing

775
00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 3: his penis to her for much longer, even if he is,

776
00:36:56,680 --> 00:37:00,200
Speaker 3: I mean, not showing, but showing, but just Change'm a

777
00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:02,359
Speaker 3: friend of her, but I know, like you know, when

778
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:03,759
Speaker 3: we were together, we would, we would.

779
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,440
Speaker 2: It was very casual. She was, she's she's not even

780
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:07,480
Speaker 2: three yet, you know what I mean.

781
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 3: So but like I said, like the hippie and me

782
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,839
Speaker 3: wants to be like, oh, it doesn't matter, but then

783
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:17,000
Speaker 3: it does to a certain extent, it does matter to me.

784
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:18,799
Speaker 3: I don't know, there's a lot of people out here

785
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:21,319
Speaker 3: that are listening that maybe have different views, And if

786
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:23,560
Speaker 3: you do, please like I want to know what your

787
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:28,319
Speaker 3: perspective is, Like, what what is it that like do

788
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:31,880
Speaker 3: you and your husband or your partner. Do you still

789
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,919
Speaker 3: show body parts to your child or expose yourself when

790
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:37,520
Speaker 3: changing or showering with your child?

791
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:42,040
Speaker 2: And how old is that child? What age does it stop?

792
00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:45,239
Speaker 2: Does it stop? Because I remember you mentioning, like it's

793
00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:47,400
Speaker 2: just like a like in Europe.

794
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:50,640
Speaker 3: People like, yeah, right, yeah, so we think, like you know,

795
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:54,120
Speaker 3: we are very conservative in the US. This is we're

796
00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 3: all about our privacy. In Europe, you have nude beaches,

797
00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:01,399
Speaker 3: you see people who are nude on the use or television,

798
00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:03,760
Speaker 3: and so it's a little bit more accepted there.

799
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 2: But at the same time, like we're not in Europe.

800
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 4: And so as a result, I feel like the sexual

801
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 4: assault rates very much much lower in Europe too, Like,

802
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 4: isn't it because it's so restricted here, It's almost like

803
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 4: people are less like exposed, so they're more it's more

804
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 4: of like a forbidden food.

805
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,000
Speaker 3: Not really, I wouldn't say so, Like sexual assault is

806
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 3: not like a crime of passion.

807
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:31,759
Speaker 2: It's a crime of power and control. So like I.

808
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:37,360
Speaker 3: Like I want to physically be powerful and take control

809
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:39,640
Speaker 3: over you. It's not because I want to have sex

810
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 3: so badly and I want to have sex with you.

811
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:44,040
Speaker 3: It's more of like I, you are powerless in this

812
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:44,879
Speaker 3: situation and.

813
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 2: I want to have the power over you. Yeah, so

814
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:49,640
Speaker 2: that's like irrelevant.

815
00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:53,640
Speaker 3: I wouldn't say that sexual assault is lower in Europe.

816
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 3: I really don't know the statistics on that, but.

817
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:58,320
Speaker 2: It's just so rampant in general.

818
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 3: I mean, I would say if it were a lower

819
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:04,440
Speaker 3: then maybe they're having more respect for women's rights and

820
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:07,840
Speaker 3: then respecting them more as powerful figures rather than it

821
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:09,040
Speaker 3: be like a sexual thing.

822
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:10,200
Speaker 2: You know.

823
00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:12,400
Speaker 3: What I've what I was thinking is what about like

824
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:17,160
Speaker 3: same sex couples, Like how does that work? Like you

825
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,360
Speaker 3: know what I mean, like to like two men that

826
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:22,319
Speaker 3: have a daughter, you know, how does that work?

827
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:25,160
Speaker 2: Do they? Like I would say, to bathe her until

828
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 2: she can bathe herself. Like maybe it's.

829
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:30,160
Speaker 4: Not, but they don't have to be making for them,

830
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:33,160
Speaker 4: but they can bathe her without, you know.

831
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:35,680
Speaker 3: And I'm just curious if there's anybody out there that's

832
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,120
Speaker 3: the same sex relationship. I'm just curious, Like that's such

833
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:39,959
Speaker 3: an interesting thing that I don't feel like many people

834
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:42,600
Speaker 3: talk about, you know, like the rules of that, Like

835
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:45,239
Speaker 3: I mean, I mean, like we say rules, but you know,

836
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 3: just the process, yeah, yeah, or even the conversation, like

837
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:53,120
Speaker 3: they may not even be a boundary because I'm sure

838
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 3: there's families that it's not a big feel like super

839
00:39:55,560 --> 00:40:04,560
Speaker 3: really committed hippies that don't us.

840
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 2: Authentic valley girl hippie. I'm not a first class and

841
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:09,160
Speaker 2: be a hippie. They starve trail mix in first class.

842
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:15,160
Speaker 4: But yeah, I mean, I'm always I try to be

843
00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:18,080
Speaker 4: super non judgmental, but I guess like that's our human

844
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:21,880
Speaker 4: like generally we judge, but I do. I would like

845
00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:23,959
Speaker 4: to know someone else to perspective, because hey, maybe we'll

846
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,320
Speaker 4: be you know, persuaded to think otherwise.

847
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 3: Right right, I mean, whatever happens in your home is

848
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,319
Speaker 3: totally fine, but I think you also have to think

849
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 3: about because we're not this hippie European society. Your child

850
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:38,279
Speaker 3: also has to live in society as it is now,

851
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:38,920
Speaker 3: and they.

852
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,920
Speaker 2: Have to go to school in society. So you have.

853
00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:46,520
Speaker 3: To make these rules and say, okay.

854
00:40:45,719 --> 00:40:47,840
Speaker 2: But this is where we live reality.

855
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:51,040
Speaker 3: The reality is this, and they have to live in

856
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:52,040
Speaker 3: that reality.

857
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:56,880
Speaker 2: You know, he was crazy as hi kiya.

858
00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:00,759
Speaker 4: And she told me like a munch her when I

859
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 4: was much younger than she got.

860
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 2: Married and she's like she's like hell, yeah, I'm gonna

861
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:06,480
Speaker 2: get married. She was pregnant.

862
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:08,000
Speaker 4: She's like, I'm gonna leave the kids at home, and

863
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:11,120
Speaker 4: I'm gonna pretend like I left, and I'm gonna watch

864
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:12,760
Speaker 4: how my husband interacts with those kids.

865
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:14,359
Speaker 2: And this is at this point she'd been married like

866
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:17,200
Speaker 2: five years something like this. Oh, not like left her husband,

867
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:17,880
Speaker 2: but like let them know.

868
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,440
Speaker 4: She's She's like, I will pretend like I leave the house,

869
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:21,840
Speaker 4: and I don't monitor.

870
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:23,000
Speaker 2: How you're interact with our kids. I don't give a

871
00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:24,480
Speaker 2: fuck if you are my husband. I don't give a

872
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:26,040
Speaker 2: fuck who you are. I don't trust anybody.

873
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:28,600
Speaker 4: She's like, you cannot trust anyone. And I used to

874
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:31,280
Speaker 4: really think she was crazy and had trust major trust issues.

875
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:34,359
Speaker 4: But the truth is is you can't trust anyone, and

876
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:36,360
Speaker 4: you have to like you can't.

877
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:38,280
Speaker 2: I heard her story about this woman.

878
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,880
Speaker 4: She had been married for ten years, she had a baby,

879
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 4: the baby was nine months old. She was serving through

880
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:48,919
Speaker 4: her husband's of ten years computer and found child born

881
00:41:50,239 --> 00:41:51,000
Speaker 4: oh yeah.

882
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:51,840
Speaker 2: And was sick.

883
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:56,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you know they ended up going to like therapy,

884
00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:59,279
Speaker 4: and obviously she didn't get past that. But and she

885
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:01,640
Speaker 4: like as a reason the stressed cause or get breast

886
00:42:01,719 --> 00:42:03,760
Speaker 4: cancer because it was just such a heavy burden.

887
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:05,520
Speaker 2: But and she's like, none of his.

888
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:07,680
Speaker 4: Friends that they had known collectively or hate known for

889
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 4: him personally, had ever suspected anything like that. But like

890
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 4: when it comes to sex, I mean not even sex,

891
00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:17,120
Speaker 4: but just comes to people, there's some weird fucking shit.

892
00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:19,440
Speaker 3: Well people that are sick, and there are people that

893
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:21,879
Speaker 3: are perpetrators and do this.

894
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 2: I mean, we had a case where it was same.

895
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:27,800
Speaker 3: It was like a nine month old, like a baby,

896
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:33,840
Speaker 3: like he was still in diapers and this mom just

897
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:38,960
Speaker 3: felt like something's up and she's like, I don't know,

898
00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:40,799
Speaker 3: like your dad. She was telling her husband like, your

899
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:42,759
Speaker 3: dad is giving me this weird feeling. And he was

900
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:45,320
Speaker 3: getting pissed, like what do you mean this is my dad.

901
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:48,399
Speaker 3: She's like, I don't know, like your grandpa, right, yeah, yeah,

902
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:50,400
Speaker 3: the paternal grandpa.

903
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,560
Speaker 2: Your dad's giving me a weird feeling. And he was

904
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:55,080
Speaker 2: getting pissed, like what are you talking about my dad?

905
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:58,400
Speaker 3: She's like, your dad always wants to change the baby's diaper,

906
00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 3: is always like the first weak I'll go, I'll go.

907
00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 3: And so it causes big like they're about to divorce,

908
00:43:04,719 --> 00:43:07,440
Speaker 3: and so what they did but talk about their privilege,

909
00:43:07,440 --> 00:43:09,600
Speaker 3: but they got they were able to get like one

910
00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:13,239
Speaker 3: of those like hidden cameras and a bear, and she

911
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:18,520
Speaker 3: put the hidden camera in the baby's nursery and the grandpa, yeah,

912
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 3: was molesting the nine month old.

913
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:24,600
Speaker 2: And so she was like she knew.

914
00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:27,760
Speaker 3: And that's like a whole other conversation that we talk about,

915
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 3: Like when you talk to your kids about their body,

916
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 3: it's always teaching them to go with their gut. So

917
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:38,839
Speaker 3: because yeah, and so really fostering that in kids, like

918
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:43,360
Speaker 3: go with your gut. We especially, I think a lot

919
00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:46,480
Speaker 3: of women do this and who grow up in close families.

920
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 2: They don't want their kids to be rude.

921
00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:51,080
Speaker 4: So they're always like, you know, we get to this

922
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:54,080
Speaker 4: family party, go hugging kiss everyone, and if your child

923
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 4: doesn't want you, then you embarrassed and you're like, don't

924
00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:59,319
Speaker 4: be rude, right, and you sort of force them to go.

925
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:02,759
Speaker 3: Hugging kiss everyone. And we're teaching our kids to not

926
00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:05,719
Speaker 3: trust their gut. And so if they don't want to

927
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:09,440
Speaker 3: hug and kiss, okay, that's okay. Maybe you're rule with

928
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:11,800
Speaker 3: then you have to say hi and wait to everyone

929
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:15,280
Speaker 3: and that's okay. But no, you don't need to physically

930
00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:18,120
Speaker 3: go hug and kiss everyone, and those are signs too.

931
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,560
Speaker 3: If you if you're a child, you justly has no

932
00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:22,719
Speaker 3: problem doing that. But there's one person that they don't

933
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:24,880
Speaker 3: want to do that with. You have to ask yourself

934
00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:29,320
Speaker 3: why that's a good that's actually a really good observation.

935
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:32,400
Speaker 3: And I know, like I probably have been guilty of

936
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:34,759
Speaker 3: that making iri, you know, go.

937
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:37,000
Speaker 2: Give them a hug, give Papa hug, give you know,

938
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:41,040
Speaker 2: this person a hug, and I need to start doing that.

939
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:44,359
Speaker 2: Is that real f or maybe it's a way. Yeah,

940
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:48,160
Speaker 2: I don't want to say hi today, and who cares

941
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 2: if sorry, they don't want to say hi.

942
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 4: It goes back the giving zero fucks about anybody else's opinion,

943
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:54,840
Speaker 4: because that's important.

944
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:59,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, one hundred percent. I think that's really important.

945
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:03,319
Speaker 3: I think there was something else be like you wanted

946
00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:06,239
Speaker 3: to touch on as far as you got a family friend,

947
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:07,240
Speaker 3: I remember, oh.

948
00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:11,759
Speaker 4: Oh, well, this is more to like empowering, like just

949
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:16,600
Speaker 4: the conversation to your kid around like their body. I

950
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:19,160
Speaker 4: had a friend, I'll hear my dad's friend. She has

951
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:25,320
Speaker 4: a daughter, careful whose daughter? I think she was like fourteen,

952
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:27,680
Speaker 4: like a freshman in high school, and she was like

953
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:31,200
Speaker 4: adamant that she wouldn't let She was like the nicest, sweetest,

954
00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 4: oh my god, sweetest child, like innocent, fourteen year old,

955
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:37,120
Speaker 4: and she don't want her to get a two piece

956
00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:39,879
Speaker 4: for the summer. Oh right, And I said, because she did.

957
00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 4: She's like she was probably more developed than myself. She

958
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 4: had breast and stuff. So she was like really adamant

959
00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:49,319
Speaker 4: about not her letting her get a two piece, and I,

960
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:51,600
Speaker 4: you know, like, maybe I'm wrong, Shit, who am I?

961
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:55,160
Speaker 4: But I was like, be careful what you ask, or like,

962
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:57,560
Speaker 4: be careful what you're restricting, because this is going to

963
00:45:57,600 --> 00:45:59,560
Speaker 4: be her body for the rest of her life and

964
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:01,759
Speaker 4: those her bust and whenever you go through puberty, you

965
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:02,960
Speaker 4: go through puberty and that's.

966
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:04,160
Speaker 2: Not anybody's fault.

967
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:09,440
Speaker 9: But I just was telling her, like, be careful what

968
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:10,840
Speaker 9: you say, because at the end of.

969
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:12,759
Speaker 4: The day, here's my whole thing. Like even when I

970
00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 4: was I'm super nude, so it's talking for me to judge.

971
00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:17,480
Speaker 4: But maybe even when I was breastfeeding, my best friend

972
00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:19,279
Speaker 4: said something to me. So I don't even know if

973
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:22,560
Speaker 4: we mentioned that she's gonna listen to keep bitch. She

974
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:24,440
Speaker 4: says something to me that was so offensive to me,

975
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:26,920
Speaker 4: and she said, you know, I don't have a problem

976
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:30,600
Speaker 4: with you breastfeeding in public, but you know, you got

977
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:33,520
Speaker 4: to consider other people. Other people are pervs, and you're

978
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:36,520
Speaker 4: exposing your kid to that. And to me, she basically

979
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:39,560
Speaker 4: said that I'm basically exposing my kid to be like

980
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:43,160
Speaker 4: could could be like some kind of sexual object or

981
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:46,719
Speaker 4: desire for for onlooking perve. But my biggest thing is

982
00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:52,880
Speaker 4: that you can't protect yourself and your kids from everybody's lurking.

983
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:55,440
Speaker 2: Weird ass eyes. No, so we can't try. You know,

984
00:46:55,520 --> 00:46:58,520
Speaker 2: I don't want to. I don't want to pay No, no, no, no, no,

985
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:01,719
Speaker 2: you guys. Okay, you guys gotta go play out here.

986
00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:03,960
Speaker 2: You no, go back and love her. You can take

987
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:07,320
Speaker 2: that out there, Okay, take the sword out there. Bye,

988
00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:08,920
Speaker 2: it's too loud.

989
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:13,719
Speaker 3: Go on, babe, Okay, No, you're right.

990
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:16,439
Speaker 2: And also, I mean you know, I mean, I mean.

991
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:19,200
Speaker 4: Like so even like so that's what the mom was saying, Like,

992
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:21,000
Speaker 4: you know, she has on those boobs, She's not gonna

993
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:22,839
Speaker 4: be wearing no two pieces in front of these men.

994
00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 4: But my biggest thing is who are these like Obviously

995
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:31,360
Speaker 4: we've we've brushed up on that, we don't know everybody's emma,

996
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:33,880
Speaker 4: and people are into some word shit. But also like

997
00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 4: if you do as even as a parent, if you

998
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:38,640
Speaker 4: can have weird vibes from someone even once, then maybe

999
00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:41,520
Speaker 4: those people shouldn't be exposed to our children and it

1000
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:44,160
Speaker 4: should be less of a shift of guilt towards the kids.

1001
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:45,480
Speaker 2: Like, oh, there's men around, put some.

1002
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:49,359
Speaker 4: Clothes on, which is true, but also what men are

1003
00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:51,520
Speaker 4: giving you weird vibes that you are in such close

1004
00:47:51,560 --> 00:47:52,719
Speaker 4: proximity with, you.

1005
00:47:52,680 --> 00:48:00,719
Speaker 3: Know, so yeah, yes, well twofold one, like that's not sexual. Breastfeeding,

1006
00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:03,919
Speaker 3: it's not weird, and so many people are doing it,

1007
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:07,480
Speaker 3: and more power to you this whole like free the

1008
00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:12,600
Speaker 3: nip movement, right, hey, like let's let's not make breastfeeding

1009
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:15,319
Speaker 3: this thing to be ashamed of. And if you want

1010
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 3: to breastfeed in public, fine, but I'm off that tangent.

1011
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:24,440
Speaker 3: I'm your best friends is fine with this whole issue

1012
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:27,200
Speaker 3: about you know.

1013
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:28,279
Speaker 2: Sorry not to interduct. If you don't have a child

1014
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:31,239
Speaker 2: and you never breastfed, then you just don't understand. So

1015
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 2: that probably has a lot to do with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

1016
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 2: I think also with.

1017
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:41,680
Speaker 3: You know, this whole thing about like you can't wear

1018
00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:43,760
Speaker 3: this bikini, or you have to wear.

1019
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:44,320
Speaker 2: This one piece.

1020
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:49,719
Speaker 3: I'm sorry with these kids, you guys should see that

1021
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:54,000
Speaker 3: they are like silent motioning, yelling, like doing the like

1022
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:55,000
Speaker 3: counter three.

1023
00:48:55,080 --> 00:49:04,160
Speaker 2: In silence your brother. My kid always writes to eat.

1024
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:07,760
Speaker 2: My kid goes like food food, I want rasber.

1025
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:13,520
Speaker 3: I think with the whole bathing soup conversation, I think

1026
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:18,160
Speaker 3: you're right, it's finding that balance and I don't want

1027
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:18,839
Speaker 3: to shame you.

1028
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:20,440
Speaker 2: This is your body, love your body.

1029
00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:23,160
Speaker 4: You want to wear two peeres wear you're fourteen years old,

1030
00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:25,239
Speaker 4: for everybody else is wearing two people or.

1031
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:27,480
Speaker 2: It's finding that compromise, like, hey, you know what, you

1032
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:29,919
Speaker 2: want to wear two piece with your friends, let's do it.

1033
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:32,960
Speaker 2: Can we wear one piece at the family party like

1034
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:33,719
Speaker 2: a tankini?

1035
00:49:34,239 --> 00:49:34,439
Speaker 1: Right?

1036
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:37,799
Speaker 3: I think it's being able to have that conversation with

1037
00:49:37,880 --> 00:49:39,960
Speaker 3: your daughter and not just restricting it.

1038
00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:44,799
Speaker 4: But if you know, looking so strange and everybody's like, how

1039
00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:46,160
Speaker 4: do you feel you know?

1040
00:49:46,440 --> 00:49:48,840
Speaker 2: Right? Right? Do you feel embarrassed? Or do you feel

1041
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:50,719
Speaker 2: like good about it? That's a that's a good I

1042
00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:52,840
Speaker 2: like that. Do you feel good? Do you feel confident?

1043
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:54,880
Speaker 2: Why do you not feel good? You look good? Or

1044
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:57,279
Speaker 2: like right? Okay, Well, if you don't feel good, then

1045
00:49:57,280 --> 00:50:00,000
Speaker 2: don't wear it, and it's it's hard to have to fit.

1046
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,640
Speaker 2: I didn't have answers for so many of these questions.

1047
00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:05,719
Speaker 3: Because you no one knows your child better than you,

1048
00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:08,880
Speaker 3: and so whatever conversations you have, you have to have,

1049
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:11,000
Speaker 3: and you have to find what works for your family

1050
00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:14,160
Speaker 3: right and you have. It's about having that open communication.

1051
00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:15,919
Speaker 3: I think we all want that.

1052
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:19,600
Speaker 2: A lot of us didn't have good relationships with our moms.

1053
00:50:19,640 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 2: Growing up.

1054
00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:22,279
Speaker 3: In high school, we were demons. I mean, I went

1055
00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:23,280
Speaker 3: to high school with Aerka.

1056
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:26,960
Speaker 2: We were I am immortal.

1057
00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 4: I am so scared about like the twelve thirteen fourteen,

1058
00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:33,600
Speaker 4: like twelve twelve through eighteen.

1059
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:37,960
Speaker 9: Literally I was a fucking demon, right and you just

1060
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:39,799
Speaker 9: know every.

1061
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:41,920
Speaker 2: Fucking thing are so hot.

1062
00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:44,359
Speaker 4: In the pants. Oh my god, even I did so much.

1063
00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:46,279
Speaker 4: Now that I look back, I'm like, oh my god,

1064
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:47,840
Speaker 4: you so many fucking perves.

1065
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:50,480
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

1066
00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:54,320
Speaker 3: So Erica and I met when we were eleven playing soccer,

1067
00:50:54,920 --> 00:50:57,520
Speaker 3: and we've always been We were in sports together and

1068
00:50:57,560 --> 00:51:00,600
Speaker 3: went to high school together. In retrospect, and we talk

1069
00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:04,359
Speaker 3: about our high school experience playing soccer. We had some

1070
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:08,200
Speaker 3: pervy ass coaches that our parents trusted and you don't

1071
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:12,880
Speaker 3: know you trust you with these people, and like, actually

1072
00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:16,239
Speaker 3: my soccer coach was getting us wasted taking us to concerts.

1073
00:51:16,800 --> 00:51:19,720
Speaker 3: And there were rumors of our soccer coach like dating

1074
00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:22,480
Speaker 3: and hooking up with students, and we just like kept

1075
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:23,399
Speaker 3: it a secret.

1076
00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:27,920
Speaker 2: And you know, and he was He's so cool, was

1077
00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:28,800
Speaker 2: eating his trade.

1078
00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:31,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, so we're talking about like we were at that

1079
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:34,279
Speaker 3: age where we're like, fuck our parents. We were not

1080
00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:37,440
Speaker 3: close then, and now as you get out of that.

1081
00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:39,200
Speaker 3: I mean once I got to college and I was

1082
00:51:39,239 --> 00:51:43,280
Speaker 3: like I'm alone and money, you know, right, I missed

1083
00:51:43,360 --> 00:51:46,480
Speaker 3: my mom And so you have this phase where you're

1084
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:48,839
Speaker 3: really close, you have this open relationship that you fucking

1085
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:50,840
Speaker 3: hate each other in high school, and then you go

1086
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:53,400
Speaker 3: you really missed them.

1087
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:57,080
Speaker 2: And so it's this balance.

1088
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:58,960
Speaker 3: That you're gonna have to find with your kids, knowing

1089
00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:00,960
Speaker 3: that that's gonna come, never gonna happen.

1090
00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:05,840
Speaker 2: I'm never for life. I'm so thankful Lena miss the scorpio.

1091
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:08,680
Speaker 2: Like I couldn't be like a cancer with a scorpio.

1092
00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 2: I'm a scorpio child. I know you're my poor mother,

1093
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:17,160
Speaker 2: my poor labra mom. Oh my god, drove her. I

1094
00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:20,759
Speaker 2: did I know I drew my parents insane, Like, well,

1095
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:22,759
Speaker 2: I reas a Taurus, so she doesn't give me a

1096
00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:24,719
Speaker 2: run for my money. But I feel like I understand her.

1097
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:28,280
Speaker 2: I feel like we have an understanding, Like we understand are.

1098
00:52:28,160 --> 00:52:35,080
Speaker 3: Like crazy, ye are like crazy stubbornness, like independence are

1099
00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:39,560
Speaker 3: respects because hopefully, I like, I love watching her be

1100
00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:43,960
Speaker 3: independent and like learn things and like kind of go

1101
00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:46,319
Speaker 3: in and out of her little attitudes where I see

1102
00:52:46,320 --> 00:52:50,000
Speaker 3: my mom watch this happen with her, and she's like losing.

1103
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:53,440
Speaker 2: She's like, oh, she should not be doing that.

1104
00:52:53,480 --> 00:52:55,480
Speaker 3: And I'm like, see, that's what you tried to do

1105
00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:59,560
Speaker 3: with me, and I rebelled, And that's exactly why I'm

1106
00:52:59,560 --> 00:53:00,680
Speaker 3: not going to do that with Irene.

1107
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:01,960
Speaker 2: Not that my mom did a.

1108
00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:05,239
Speaker 3: Bad job at all, Right, It's just like that was

1109
00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:08,120
Speaker 3: there was no stopping me once I made a decision.

1110
00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:11,080
Speaker 2: Right. You know, it's good to empower your kids. It's

1111
00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:11,719
Speaker 2: definitely great.

1112
00:53:11,800 --> 00:53:14,680
Speaker 3: It's finding that balance, So you don't want to be

1113
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:17,279
Speaker 3: super super strict parents for your kids are just gonna

1114
00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:20,360
Speaker 3: be like, well f off, I'm I'm gonna go party.

1115
00:53:19,920 --> 00:53:21,399
Speaker 2: And we already know.

1116
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:24,960
Speaker 3: Those you know, those girls whose parents were super super

1117
00:53:24,960 --> 00:53:27,520
Speaker 3: strict and they happened to be the sluttiest girls in school,

1118
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:30,880
Speaker 3: and not not to shame them or anything, but it

1119
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:35,600
Speaker 3: was because they didn't have the opportunity to explore themselves.

1120
00:53:35,920 --> 00:53:38,480
Speaker 2: So this is how it was coming out. But even

1121
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:41,279
Speaker 2: also if like the way I was taught about.

1122
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:44,520
Speaker 3: You know, from the very beginning about body parts and sex,

1123
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:49,440
Speaker 3: I think it really kind of uh explains the story

1124
00:53:49,600 --> 00:53:52,480
Speaker 3: of how I was as a teenager. And I was

1125
00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:55,239
Speaker 3: very secretive, and I didn't feel comfortable talking to my

1126
00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:58,880
Speaker 3: mom about anything sexual that I was interested in, because

1127
00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:02,160
Speaker 3: everything was like a secret.

1128
00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:05,680
Speaker 2: Or like not naughty, or like you don't do that,

1129
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:07,200
Speaker 2: ladies don't do this.

1130
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:13,000
Speaker 3: And Jude, because of that, I didn't want to tell

1131
00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:15,719
Speaker 3: her anything when I lost my virginity, like I did

1132
00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:17,319
Speaker 3: not tell her when I.

1133
00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:18,440
Speaker 2: Thought about getting birth control.

1134
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:20,880
Speaker 3: I did not tell her when you know, all just

1135
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:23,279
Speaker 3: did it all these firsts that And then I had

1136
00:54:23,320 --> 00:54:26,600
Speaker 3: friends who had relationships with their parents were that was

1137
00:54:26,600 --> 00:54:28,600
Speaker 3: the first person they told, right, they couldn't wait to

1138
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:31,600
Speaker 3: tell their mom, right, and their mom probably died inside.

1139
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:35,120
Speaker 2: But I still listen, you're right, You're right.

1140
00:54:35,160 --> 00:54:37,359
Speaker 3: I mean it's also a cultural thing, right, and we

1141
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:38,399
Speaker 3: make fun of this all the time.

1142
00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:45,040
Speaker 2: We were like why moms, they like right down for

1143
00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:45,719
Speaker 2: the get down.

1144
00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:49,239
Speaker 4: But I don't understand how white because that wouldn't come

1145
00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:49,880
Speaker 4: out differently.

1146
00:54:50,960 --> 00:54:53,120
Speaker 3: But there's something to learn from the white mombs, right,

1147
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:58,520
Speaker 3: like Okay, oh wow, maybe I don't want to be

1148
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:03,080
Speaker 3: as open and talk about my sexual partners with my mom,

1149
00:55:03,200 --> 00:55:05,879
Speaker 3: but maybe I want to have the conversation of like, oh,

1150
00:55:06,040 --> 00:55:08,759
Speaker 3: you're the about having sex, Like as much as I

1151
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:10,960
Speaker 3: hate this, like and as much as I really really

1152
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:12,319
Speaker 3: want you to wait, or I want to make sure

1153
00:55:12,360 --> 00:55:14,880
Speaker 3: that you're in a healthy relationship if this is what

1154
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:16,960
Speaker 3: you want to do, like, let's look at your options.

1155
00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:19,440
Speaker 2: Right when I told my mom I had sexually cried.

1156
00:55:19,480 --> 00:55:21,840
Speaker 7: I mean especially he hasn't know your friend so hard

1157
00:55:22,480 --> 00:55:25,920
Speaker 7: cried I would, but right she cried.

1158
00:55:26,560 --> 00:55:29,319
Speaker 3: And then I felt ashamed. But again that's what I've

1159
00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:31,000
Speaker 3: been talking about this whole time. I felt a shame.

1160
00:55:31,200 --> 00:55:33,920
Speaker 3: It made it about her because you're like, oh shit.

1161
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:36,400
Speaker 2: And I don't blame you, mom, I know, Mom, trust me.

1162
00:55:36,480 --> 00:55:39,400
Speaker 3: If if you're listening to this, if I when I

1163
00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:42,359
Speaker 3: when iri, or if oh god, you're gonna lose it.

1164
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:46,880
Speaker 3: But I just like, yeah, it did make me feel like, oh, well,

1165
00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:48,680
Speaker 3: I'm never telling you anything again.

1166
00:55:50,560 --> 00:55:51,719
Speaker 2: Testing the waters.

1167
00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:53,759
Speaker 3: But then you have no idea how you're going to

1168
00:55:53,840 --> 00:55:55,840
Speaker 3: react or how your mom's going to react. And I

1169
00:55:55,840 --> 00:55:58,480
Speaker 3: can say now, like I can be talk all this like,

1170
00:55:58,680 --> 00:56:00,400
Speaker 3: oh I want my daughter to be in the thing,

1171
00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:01,759
Speaker 3: but when it comes down to it, who knows how

1172
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:05,360
Speaker 3: I'll react. I'm working now, taking the steps now to

1173
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:08,360
Speaker 3: try to train myself to like, because you know me,

1174
00:56:08,600 --> 00:56:11,840
Speaker 3: just like my facial reaction. I'm really bad fat like

1175
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:14,719
Speaker 3: you're talking about earlier, like being able to like train

1176
00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:19,240
Speaker 3: your facial reaction. Guys, I am so bad. My face

1177
00:56:19,520 --> 00:56:24,000
Speaker 3: tells it all, and I have to learn how to

1178
00:56:24,239 --> 00:56:30,360
Speaker 3: just be i'mutral, yeah, believe when she can't.

1179
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:30,879
Speaker 2: Train for it.

1180
00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:36,560
Speaker 3: When I when like you know, like deep seated emotions

1181
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:38,680
Speaker 3: are involved, it's really it's really difficult.

1182
00:56:38,840 --> 00:56:40,640
Speaker 2: But yes, you're right, I should be able to do that.

1183
00:56:40,719 --> 00:56:44,080
Speaker 3: But you know, like people kids are having sex a

1184
00:56:44,080 --> 00:56:47,279
Speaker 3: lot younger. So what if at twelve thirteen years old.

1185
00:56:47,080 --> 00:56:50,200
Speaker 2: Your daughters are like, I want to have sex. I'm ready.

1186
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:54,600
Speaker 2: That's really hard. We expect like, oh, absolutely fucking not.

1187
00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:59,400
Speaker 3: I And you're gonna I'm going to give you a

1188
00:56:59,400 --> 00:56:59,960
Speaker 3: PowerPoint for.

1189
00:57:01,680 --> 00:57:04,239
Speaker 2: This be happening and I'll be coming to my office.

1190
00:57:04,480 --> 00:57:07,320
Speaker 2: It was very pleasant. So that's my whole point.

1191
00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:09,560
Speaker 3: It's like it's so easy to say, like we're gonna

1192
00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:13,720
Speaker 3: do this, but your kids surprise you every day, I'm sure,

1193
00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:16,920
Speaker 3: and they're gonna surprise you with that like God forbid

1194
00:57:17,040 --> 00:57:20,040
Speaker 3: or you know, it's something that you don't expect and

1195
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:23,120
Speaker 3: you're gonna have to sort of deal with that and

1196
00:57:23,200 --> 00:57:25,880
Speaker 3: maybe your role is well, you know what, actually, no,

1197
00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:28,680
Speaker 3: we're not gonna look at that. Like our role in

1198
00:57:28,720 --> 00:57:31,000
Speaker 3: our home is that you're you make sure you love someone.

1199
00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:32,760
Speaker 3: Do you know what that is? Or what are what

1200
00:57:32,800 --> 00:57:35,040
Speaker 3: are going to be the consequences if you have sex?

1201
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:36,560
Speaker 3: Why do you want to have sex?

1202
00:57:37,120 --> 00:57:37,840
Speaker 2: And so it's.

1203
00:57:37,720 --> 00:57:41,640
Speaker 4: About asking those questions because that's scary.

1204
00:57:42,600 --> 00:57:44,919
Speaker 2: It's scary. I mean even like when I started.

1205
00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:47,640
Speaker 3: My period, Like literally the first thing my mom told

1206
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:49,600
Speaker 3: me when I started my period was now you can

1207
00:57:49,680 --> 00:57:50,240
Speaker 3: have babies.

1208
00:57:50,920 --> 00:57:52,920
Speaker 2: That's that's like, that's fear.

1209
00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 3: Well, she's putting fear in me, like those type of things,

1210
00:57:57,040 --> 00:57:59,280
Speaker 3: like she thought that putting fear in me is like

1211
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:03,600
Speaker 3: but if it just like I don't know, she did

1212
00:58:03,640 --> 00:58:05,200
Speaker 3: the best she could and I know what I might

1213
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:06,480
Speaker 3: have said the same exact thing.

1214
00:58:06,760 --> 00:58:09,080
Speaker 2: You know, you don't know what you're gonna say that exactly.

1215
00:58:09,240 --> 00:58:10,120
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't.

1216
00:58:10,160 --> 00:58:15,760
Speaker 3: But but those those little things that you think you're

1217
00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:17,720
Speaker 3: making the right choices, you just don't know.

1218
00:58:17,760 --> 00:58:20,080
Speaker 2: You never know, because as parents, you make split.

1219
00:58:19,880 --> 00:58:23,440
Speaker 3: Decisions, like you make decisions in a split second sometimes

1220
00:58:23,480 --> 00:58:25,560
Speaker 3: and you don't realize how those.

1221
00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:27,360
Speaker 2: Decisions can affect your child.

1222
00:58:27,520 --> 00:58:31,440
Speaker 3: Like years from now, it might be something that you

1223
00:58:31,640 --> 00:58:33,760
Speaker 3: made that decision quickly and you never thought about it again.

1224
00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:36,680
Speaker 3: But that thing, that decision stuck with that child, Yeah,

1225
00:58:36,720 --> 00:58:37,520
Speaker 3: for the rest of their life.

1226
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:39,360
Speaker 2: That was a defining moment for them, right.

1227
00:58:39,960 --> 00:58:42,080
Speaker 3: I think it's about being putting dads on the same

1228
00:58:42,120 --> 00:58:44,680
Speaker 3: page too. I mean, my parents obviously did not have

1229
00:58:44,720 --> 00:58:46,600
Speaker 3: that conversation about my period and.

1230
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:48,439
Speaker 2: I got my period and it was just my dad

1231
00:58:48,520 --> 00:58:51,400
Speaker 2: home and I was like, oh, that's so good.

1232
00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:53,080
Speaker 3: I was like, I got my period and the only

1233
00:58:53,080 --> 00:58:55,440
Speaker 3: thing he's like, call your mother at work right now.

1234
00:58:56,880 --> 00:58:59,680
Speaker 3: But also when we have this conversation about talking to

1235
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:03,240
Speaker 3: your heads about their bodies, making sure dads are gonna

1236
00:59:03,280 --> 00:59:04,320
Speaker 3: get with it, Yeah.

1237
00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:05,280
Speaker 2: They're going the same page as you.

1238
00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:08,920
Speaker 4: Because I I'll snap the dad real quick, like no, no, no,

1239
00:59:09,040 --> 00:59:10,200
Speaker 4: don't get on her about homeping.

1240
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:12,680
Speaker 9: She just knowsou me, so I'll say that. Yeah, I

1241
00:59:12,720 --> 00:59:15,080
Speaker 9: mean because like, don't make her feel guilty or ashamed.

1242
00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:17,400
Speaker 9: So he's on the same page because you know, especially

1243
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:20,480
Speaker 9: when you're co parenting, you have to be in alignment.

1244
00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:22,720
Speaker 9: So there's not these confused mixed messages too.

1245
00:59:23,600 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 2: Right, there's never gonna be perfect alignment. No, there's not.

1246
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:29,040
Speaker 3: But you're saying, like, hey, at my house, this is

1247
00:59:29,080 --> 00:59:32,640
Speaker 3: the rule, Like I would appreciate if we can have stability,

1248
00:59:32,640 --> 00:59:34,080
Speaker 3: and this is what we do. Like if at my

1249
00:59:34,200 --> 00:59:36,720
Speaker 3: house we're gonna call it a vagina, please call it

1250
00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:39,200
Speaker 3: a vagina at your house, you know.

1251
00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:40,640
Speaker 2: And this is why.

1252
00:59:40,800 --> 00:59:44,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, and this is why we're gonna send this link

1253
00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:45,600
Speaker 3: to our baby.

1254
00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:53,120
Speaker 2: Daddies on anything else is encrypted locked? Why can't I

1255
00:59:53,120 --> 00:59:56,320
Speaker 2: click on anything else? I know for you, not for

1256
00:59:56,360 --> 01:00:00,440
Speaker 2: your ears. Thank you so much for coming to to us.

1257
01:00:00,480 --> 01:00:01,919
Speaker 2: I feel so much smarter now.

1258
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:04,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel smarter too, And I hope that you

1259
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:09,840
Speaker 3: guys listening got some good tips empowering information.

1260
01:00:10,120 --> 01:00:12,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, from our dear friend Jessica Romo.

1261
01:00:13,080 --> 01:00:15,120
Speaker 4: She'll be back with her expertise because she is our

1262
01:00:15,200 --> 01:00:16,320
Speaker 4: expert on everything.

1263
01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:20,880
Speaker 2: I found our friend expert. She does everything. Well.

1264
01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:24,520
Speaker 3: I guess that concludes today's sex education.

1265
01:00:24,760 --> 01:00:25,520
Speaker 2: Sex education.

1266
01:00:26,160 --> 01:00:30,640
Speaker 3: If you guys have any comments questions for Jessica, we can.

1267
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:34,040
Speaker 2: Relay the messages. If you dem us expert in the

1268
01:00:34,080 --> 01:00:35,640
Speaker 2: subject line.

1269
01:00:36,600 --> 01:00:40,120
Speaker 3: You guys may feel so you're like our smartest friend.

1270
01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:44,400
Speaker 3: If you have any questions for this expert, No, seriously,

1271
01:00:44,440 --> 01:00:44,880
Speaker 3: if you do.

1272
01:00:44,880 --> 01:00:47,840
Speaker 2: Because she has lots of answers and she likes to talk,

1273
01:00:48,400 --> 01:00:50,800
Speaker 2: she can cancels at our small feet.

1274
01:00:52,960 --> 01:00:57,360
Speaker 3: So yeah, again, you can find us at Good Mom's

1275
01:00:57,440 --> 01:00:59,120
Speaker 3: Bad Underscore, Bad Choices.

1276
01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:01,840
Speaker 2: You can DM us there. You can also email us.

1277
01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:07,680
Speaker 4: At Parental Advisory gm BC at gmail dot com.

1278
01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:11,040
Speaker 2: And we're still working on that Twitter. No one I

1279
01:01:11,080 --> 01:01:16,320
Speaker 2: did it. It's our Twitter is good Bad Moms O.

1280
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:21,040
Speaker 3: Our Twitter is good Underscore Bad Moms BAM. Okay, so

1281
01:01:21,120 --> 01:01:24,840
Speaker 3: follow us on Twitter. We'll tweet, we'll tweet back at you.

1282
01:01:24,840 --> 01:01:28,720
Speaker 2: We're gonna start tweeting this week. This is a lot

1283
01:01:28,720 --> 01:01:30,760
Speaker 2: of outlets, guys, give us a break. There's a lot

1284
01:01:30,760 --> 01:01:33,960
Speaker 2: of work. We're also like raising humans too, trying not

1285
01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:40,960
Speaker 2: to fust them up. All right, guys, well and make

1286
01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:42,320
Speaker 2: you avoid to stop me, because I.

1287
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:45,000
Speaker 9: Ain't gonna stop it now, don't stop on.

1288
01:01:44,920 --> 01:01:47,680
Speaker 2: The radio and radio show anything.

1289
01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:47,880
Speaker 4: Go.

1290
01:01:48,160 --> 01:01:50,320
Speaker 3: Let's tell it like it is and how it could be,

1291
01:01:50,720 --> 01:01:52,720
Speaker 3: how it was, and of course how it should be.

1292
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:56,320
Speaker 6: Those who thinks thirty to have a choice.

1293
01:01:56,480 --> 01:01:58,560
Speaker 2: Turn the radio wall. Will that stop us? Then?

1294
01:01:59,080 --> 01:01:59,320
Speaker 4: Damn?

1295
01:01:59,480 --> 01:01:59,760
Speaker 2: All right?

1296
01:01:59,840 --> 01:02:02,880
Speaker 1: Then come on, Ben, Let's talk about sex, baby being,

1297
01:02:03,200 --> 01:02:05,360
Speaker 1: Let's talk about again a winn avenue.

1298
01:02:05,480 --> 01:02:06,960
Speaker 2: Let's talk about all of the.

1299
01:02:07,040 --> 01:02:09,160
Speaker 1: Things after bad man.

1300
01:02:09,360 --> 01:02:13,240
Speaker 2: Maybe, let's talk about saying. Let's talk about.

1301
01:02:13,000 --> 01:02:16,240
Speaker 1: Sex, a little bit of little meta, let's talk about

1302
01:02:16,680 --> 01:02:17,720
Speaker 1: let's talk about sin.

1303
01:02:19,720 --> 01:02:21,520
Speaker 2: How does it trying to make any man's life