Speaker 1: The Nikki Glazer podcast. Niklaser here, I'm welcome to the show.
Speaker 2: It's a Nikky Glaze podcast.
Speaker 1: We're in Los Angeles, California, with Brian Franjie and Andrew Colin.
Speaker 1: We started the show before, but then we had to
Speaker 1: redo it. So we're just gonna like catch you up
Speaker 1: to what we were just talking about.
Speaker 3: And we didn't get that far in but so we
Speaker 3: got up to the nineteen eighty nine when the wall
Speaker 3: fell in Berlin.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And by the way, it wouldn't take me
Speaker 1: long to get up to there because I don't know
Speaker 1: a lot of what happened before then. I'm really bad
Speaker 1: on history. I don't please, don't even bring up the history, Okay,
Speaker 1: I just like I really want to.
Speaker 3: Well, you were talking so smartly about it traffic earlier
Speaker 3: in German when we forgot to record you. You were
Speaker 3: speaking in German. You told us all about the Prussian Empire.
Speaker 3: I'm figuring you, I'm figuring me.
Speaker 2: I'm under Prussia when you bring that Prussia.
Speaker 3: Under pressure and then hit my goes Din didn didn't.
Speaker 2: And then mine goes we were talking about.
Speaker 1: So we're recording really early because I had a flight
Speaker 1: out today to go home. So we're doubling so early,
Speaker 1: two episodes back to back. It's way too early, Brian
Speaker 1: to catch it up. He was walking his dog at
Speaker 1: seven ten am and no one's Then he runs into
Speaker 1: another comedian walking his dog. What are you doing up?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: And he's like I'm always up and I was like
Speaker 3: what it was wild? Then he turned to a vampire
Speaker 3: and flew away, and then.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then we got into the Franco Prussian War.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that was Europe.
Speaker 1: And then we were talking about, oh, so we don't
Speaker 1: even need to record early anymore because I'm not going
Speaker 1: home to La because Chris is sick. And then we
Speaker 1: were talking about how I I just assumed I would
Speaker 1: still go home when Chris got sick last night, and
Speaker 1: I was just talking like, oh, it sucks, like you
Speaker 1: can't go, and he's like, but you're not going, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh yeah, Like I forgot that in a
Speaker 1: partnership you have to like be one unit. Like that's
Speaker 1: what Like we're not married, but essentially we are. Like
Speaker 1: it's just that's that's the deal.
Speaker 3: That's why when you have your vows, you say in
Speaker 3: sickness and in health.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we haven't done those yet, you have no vows.
Speaker 3: So also, I think it depends on the sickness. I mean,
Speaker 3: if it's cancer.
Speaker 1: But usually, like I was saying, he usually just wants
Speaker 1: to isolate. And when he's sick, I literally he'll go
Speaker 1: to his apartment because he saws his place in Saint Louis.
Speaker 1: He'll go to his house and and be away from
Speaker 1: me because he's really worried about getting me sick. That's
Speaker 1: why he doesn't want to go home for Christmas. He
Speaker 1: doesn't want to get his family sick. He knows he'll
Speaker 1: have to be like they'll still want him around, so
Speaker 1: he's just like making a decision, No, you can't have
Speaker 1: access to me. But then so I was figuring, Oh,
Speaker 1: he wants to just be alone, like he's like Luigi.
Speaker 1: When Luigi got sick once, they just dogs just go
Speaker 1: under a deck to die, like they just want to
Speaker 1: be alone to go die. And that's always what he
Speaker 1: has done. But this time he's just like, well, we
Speaker 1: can just stay here. And I was like, well that
Speaker 1: show with the Funny Bone, Like, I'm just trying to
Speaker 1: get ways to go. I can see my dog, like
Speaker 1: I want to go hang out with Goldie. But and
Speaker 1: like you know, the niece's nephews. I guess. But he's like,
Speaker 1: well you could just cancel that show. And it like
Speaker 1: he's never like he's always one to like, you know,
Speaker 1: you got to stick to your commitment. So like it
Speaker 1: was really it's really sweet that he wants me there.
Speaker 1: And I felt like, oh my god, this is what
Speaker 1: like marriage feels like, where you're just like this is
Speaker 1: my family now, like I'm not going to see he
Speaker 1: comes before my mind. Yeah, that's really nice, right, knew.
Speaker 5: You changing him from a club gig to an arena
Speaker 5: just so you can go anyway we can move.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not a big enough show, it is it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So sorry to everyone at the Funny Bone who
Speaker 1: had tickets to come see me on Christmas night. But
Speaker 1: I news to everyone in LA because I've already it's
Speaker 1: seven am, and I've already booked sets for tonight and
Speaker 1: tomorrow and hopefully.
Speaker 2: Christmas will come through.
Speaker 1: Hopefully it will come.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Oh yeah, I guess there are Jews.
Speaker 1: Yeah they're Jews. Yeah, I'll find one.
Speaker 3: They're Jews, and you're find a Jew.
Speaker 1: Maybe there aren't on tomorrow on tonight that I have
Speaker 1: a couple of two or three. But yeah, I'll find
Speaker 1: some I'll find some way to perform. But then I
Speaker 1: also have tons of shows to watch for the Golden
Speaker 1: Globes and movies and stuff to catch up on, So
Speaker 1: that'll be good.
Speaker 3: This a memorable Christmas.
Speaker 1: But you were saying that you were on the way
Speaker 1: over here and you had the same thought about like partnership,
Speaker 1: and I used to remind yourself to like be there
Speaker 1: for someone. What was it?
Speaker 5: So, I just I'm not good at it. I'm not
Speaker 5: good at thinking about other people either. I'm so so
Speaker 5: I don't think I'm selfish. I think I was just
Speaker 5: raised to be selfish.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that you get it from somewhere. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I think my dad.
Speaker 3: My dad was a workaholic.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but it didn't transfer to like showing other like
Speaker 5: working in other ways. It was one thing being a
Speaker 5: doctor helping cancer patients. What a selfish prick?
Speaker 1: Yeah, doctors are detached that he doesn't really read as
Speaker 1: a product.
Speaker 2: Selfless dude.
Speaker 5: Yes, Yes, And you could hide behind You could hide
Speaker 5: behind it by being like, oh, I'm saving cancer patients.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And your kids can always have like you always do
Speaker 1: that with your dad. You're like, well, he wasn't always
Speaker 1: there for but he was. He was saving people with cancer.
Speaker 1: It's just like even you are like having an excuse
Speaker 1: for the abandonment.
Speaker 3: Oh of course, yeah, I mean it can't.
Speaker 2: But your dad's an amazing guy.
Speaker 1: Death softened with age, much more caring, much more sentimental.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it does.
Speaker 5: It's unbelievable when they well he got cancer himself, and
Speaker 5: I think that, oh yeah.
Speaker 3: Oh wait, that's what my patients were going through and
Speaker 3: they realized.
Speaker 2: Maybe what did you do with Bretta that made you
Speaker 2: feel like.
Speaker 3: Oh well, yesterday, literally yesterday, I'm just like I also
Speaker 3: have ADHD. So it's a combination. We'll say it righthdd.
Speaker 2: ELUIDHD.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: So yesterday, for instance, I ordered Dominoes for us and
Speaker 5: she wanted pepperoni and onions, and I did pepperoni, banana
Speaker 5: pepper just because I don't listen.
Speaker 1: Well, hold on walking through that like you literally did it?
Speaker 1: You just did what you wanted?
Speaker 2: No, I don't, or did you peppers and onions?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: You know me, they can be I could see how
Speaker 1: like you just in your brain like hearing it while
Speaker 1: you're pulling up the app. You're just like onion pepper, like,
Speaker 1: oh that thing.
Speaker 3: They sound similar, they look similar when they're cut up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they both have like a spicy yesterday.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is what I need. I need a team.
Speaker 2: Like why you didn't?
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's kind of so sorry. I've been sick too,
Speaker 3: But I'm good now. I'm just yeah, and you already
Speaker 3: had it. I already had it.
Speaker 1: I'm good.
Speaker 3: So there was onions I wanted. I got two pizzas.
Speaker 3: One I got, like you're on the stand right now,
Speaker 3: and there there are two.
Speaker 1: Feet Okay, why not one for yourself but.
Speaker 4: Not for me?
Speaker 3: How how?
Speaker 5: But anyway, So I was going to get one onion
Speaker 5: and pepperoni one pepperonium peppers, but I got two pepperonium peppers.
Speaker 3: And I don't know how I did that.
Speaker 2: Does she hate peppers?
Speaker 3: She doesn't hate pepper. Love pays a specific thing.
Speaker 2: And it really will compromise the flavor pretty much.
Speaker 3: Any banana pepper is so strong. Olives, Oh yeah, we're
Speaker 3: all very strong.
Speaker 1: What's the best topping that you could remove without ruining
Speaker 1: the integrity? I would say mushrooms, I think, but I
Speaker 1: also hate mushrooms so much. But they don't like ling.
Speaker 1: They don't have a pungent lingering.
Speaker 3: No, no tomato slices, but yes.
Speaker 2: That's Oh that's perfect. That's the best one.
Speaker 3: Spinach spinach, Yeah, you could pull. It's hard to get
Speaker 3: the spinach off. You always have remnants.
Speaker 1: Oh I love. Why would you not have spinach on
Speaker 1: a pizza, Like it's tasteless.
Speaker 3: Spinach does though, if you if you have spinach, the
Speaker 3: juices of the spinach because if.
Speaker 4: If you's in yeah, and it does wind up tasting weird.
Speaker 1: Oh this this weekend, I ordered pizza and I said,
Speaker 1: I want extra spinach, like a lot, like three times
Speaker 1: the amount you put on. And then Chris chimed in
Speaker 1: and said, like, try to get weird with spinach, like
Speaker 1: try to make her like hate spinach. And they never
Speaker 1: do that, but this this place actually did too much
Speaker 1: finis Like it was it looked like turf, like on
Speaker 1: my pizza because I get vegan and it was like
Speaker 1: it was so good. I know they didn't run it
Speaker 1: for me, but like it must it must have been
Speaker 1: a field full of spinach to get it out, because
Speaker 1: it just we all know its.
Speaker 3: Finach is one of those things that like you got
Speaker 3: a big bag and you're like, oh, my god, this
Speaker 3: is so much spinach. And then you put it in
Speaker 3: the dime.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it turns into a little the opposite of those
Speaker 1: little pills that you put in water and then they
Speaker 1: turn into it like a Diams.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Okay, So the pizzas arrive, Brenna is just pissed.
Speaker 3: So Brenna went to work and she came back surprise.
Speaker 1: Sorry. When you're like getting pizza and you're like you
Speaker 1: are already in your mind like I'm gonna let myself
Speaker 1: have fucking pizza, Like I'm going on vacation, diet vacation,
Speaker 1: and then your flight's canceled or it's like you were
Speaker 1: gonna fly first class and the canceled flight and you
Speaker 1: have to fly spirit with a bunch of fucking peppers.
Speaker 3: A bunch of fucking That's like that's what she.
Speaker 1: Did because she still got to go on the vacation
Speaker 1: of the pizza.
Speaker 2: But it's shittier, yes.
Speaker 3: And I'm just trying. My problem is I like, I
Speaker 3: really do try to be a good person.
Speaker 1: I witness it all the.
Speaker 5: Time and I constantly fail. Yeah, and I try, though
Speaker 5: in my brain, I'm going I'm getting these pizzas, I'm
Speaker 5: getting a ranch with it too.
Speaker 3: She loves that.
Speaker 5: She's gonna come home, it's gonna be sitting there. Everything's perfect.
Speaker 5: And next thing I know, the guy shows up and
Speaker 5: I go, I open up the pizza. I go, these
Speaker 5: are both peppers. He goes, that's what you got, and
Speaker 5: I was like, no, I didn't. I got onion.
Speaker 1: Oh no, And then you then now you have an
Speaker 1: attitude with him and you look at the border and
Speaker 1: then he's right, and.
Speaker 5: I go, I got a ranch too, and he goes, no,
Speaker 5: you didn't. And then I didn't get the ranch. I
Speaker 5: don't know what I'm doing on this domino.
Speaker 3: What happens? Because I'm fucking going back and there's too
Speaker 3: many apps?
Speaker 1: Yeah there's.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Wait, So how did Brennan respond to the pepper?
Speaker 5: She fucking She's like, you don't think, yeah, maybe you
Speaker 5: need to medical, No, you need to get on vibeance. Well,
Speaker 5: she didn't know the name. That'd be weird if she knew.
Speaker 5: Maybe milligrams. Yeah, all of a sudden, she has.
Speaker 3: Wirey she knows, like the generic, here's doctor Rubinstein. Yeah,
Speaker 3: he's on Melrose. So you what happened when you were
Speaker 3: flipping through the apps, Like why couldn't you just do
Speaker 3: it right? I don't.
Speaker 1: I think I know, like okay, because sometimes I do it,
Speaker 1: Like It's happened to me twice this week that I've
Speaker 1: ordered like an Uber Eats order and albeit like I
Speaker 1: was in the middle of something else and I'm trying
Speaker 1: to put this order in so that all the salads
Speaker 1: get there on time for the writer's meeting, and like
Speaker 1: ever and and and I'm I was like at the time,
Speaker 1: having injects put into my face and I'm trying to
Speaker 1: like talk to the doctor but also press the app
Speaker 1: and not be rude to him. Who he's you know,
Speaker 1: trying to analyze my face to like put filler in. Yeah,
Speaker 1: turn it, put some peppers and he put onion and
Speaker 1: I ordered ranch, so I was pressing it. And then
Speaker 1: chrisy you even witnessed. I think you were there the
Speaker 1: other day when Chris like we were getting an order.
Speaker 1: We've done so many of these writers meetings where the
Speaker 1: food shows up and He's like, Nikki, I love you
Speaker 1: so much. You're so good at so many things in
Speaker 1: your life, but you are so bad at clicking the
Speaker 1: ad utensils button. I just can never remember to do it.
Speaker 1: Even though every single time it is a fucking hassle
Speaker 1: because we don't have enough silverware in our apartment. It
Speaker 1: always comes to like me having to beg someone to
Speaker 1: use chop six. And also, yeah, and I've ordered it
Speaker 1: to the wrong address, but I and I know every
Speaker 1: time I go Nikki, next time you open this app,
Speaker 1: check the address. And then I don't, And so it's
Speaker 1: just like it's just too you just like in your head.
Speaker 5: It's like when I poop before I shower and then
Speaker 5: I don't want to I don't flush the toilet, and
Speaker 5: then I go, I'm gonna flush the toilet when I
Speaker 5: get out of the shower.
Speaker 2: Oh, and then you forget to flush.
Speaker 3: I forget that.
Speaker 1: It's like uncapped things not being capped, toilet's not being flushed.
Speaker 1: I constantly am not flushing toilets, literally constantly.
Speaker 3: The worst is when your partner goes in there and it's.
Speaker 1: Just like, oh, never say anything ever, that's that's even sad.
Speaker 1: You just hear like a sad, quiet flush and you go, oh, no,
Speaker 1: that was too quick for him to do. He couldn't
Speaker 1: have peed in that time either, must have been what
Speaker 1: was in there?
Speaker 3: What did he see?
Speaker 1: Part of me, I'd rather Yeah, it's like it's it's
Speaker 1: it's but I always forget to I think that's an
Speaker 1: ad D thing too, Like I forget to lush toilet
Speaker 1: all the time.
Speaker 3: So it's really just about distractions and not being and
Speaker 3: having too many things you're focusing on at once, which
Speaker 3: I can relate to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I think that's must be it.
Speaker 1: But I I can't stand it when you're like, I
Speaker 1: know what I meant to do and then I did
Speaker 1: the opposite thing.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And that's when I get very defense into because
Speaker 5: then how could you do this? It's like, but I
Speaker 5: was trying so hard to.
Speaker 2: Be I told my dad.
Speaker 1: When he gets mad at my mom for not remembering something,
Speaker 1: I'm like, she can't help that.
Speaker 2: It's not like she's choosing not to remember.
Speaker 1: She's not. No one would choose to like set their
Speaker 1: life up so that they have two peppered pizzas like,
Speaker 1: but it's also the person has an argument to be,
Speaker 1: like you need to be more thoughtful, like you know,
Speaker 1: it's like everyone has like a point.
Speaker 5: Also, my reaction to it doesn't mean that that other
Speaker 5: persons have the same reaction. Like, so if you ordered
Speaker 5: two banana pepper and pepperoni. I'd be like, oh, sweet pizza.
Speaker 5: It wouldn't be like how could you not think about this?
Speaker 3: It'd be be so chill like that before he got married?
Speaker 3: Or is this change now the day I got fucking
Speaker 3: it's the same. Yes, well now she's locked in, So
Speaker 3: now she's like, am I married to a man who
Speaker 3: gets two pepper pizzas? And now she's got really steaks.
Speaker 3: Try to get you to be more than I want
Speaker 3: to teach my kid to be pepper pizza exactly. God,
Speaker 3: it's just it just never stops.
Speaker 1: Everyone just talks about how great marriage and partnership is,
Speaker 1: but you forget that, Like if you're a person that's
Speaker 1: pretty on their own, like doing things like that's a nice.
Speaker 1: Being single might be horrible in some ways because you're
Speaker 1: lonely and you just feel like you're always lacking and
Speaker 1: you're always trying to find someone.
Speaker 2: But like, enjoy the fact that you don't have to
Speaker 2: care about anyone else.
Speaker 3: Oh it's the best. I didn't have cups, you know that. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I didn't have really sheets, one towel.
Speaker 2: May a girl after she spent the night, Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: she spent.
Speaker 5: The night, She asked for a glass of water, and
Speaker 5: I brought her back her a bowl. Oh that's all
Speaker 5: he had?
Speaker 3: Yeah, wow, red flag. It is a red flag that
Speaker 3: she didn't enjoy it.
Speaker 1: I think you brought her something is funny though and nice.
Speaker 1: I think I was trying to be she had she
Speaker 1: was getting into with you. She couldn't have been shocked
Speaker 1: by the pole, but at that.
Speaker 3: Moment I didn't have anyone answered to and so like.
Speaker 3: But I was alling apart a long way. Are you
Speaker 3: in the c I A yeah, yeah, I was trying
Speaker 3: your house. Yeah, I'm trying to look like a poor loser,
Speaker 3: so people didn't know who I was. Yeah, this happened
Speaker 3: the other day.
Speaker 5: I fucking my washer dryer. So have I live in
Speaker 5: a very small apartment. We have a washer dryer, but
Speaker 5: it's like a two for one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh we have that. It sucks so much to
Speaker 1: empty the dryer water.
Speaker 3: Yes, and it's only one. You can only put a
Speaker 3: like a washwragon it.
Speaker 2: And it doesn't get hot, it's just dries it cold.
Speaker 3: No, man, I thought that invention was good. No.
Speaker 1: No, it's kind of fun to see the water though
Speaker 1: that comes out. It's kind of satisfying. Where to go,
Speaker 1: it's so much water in your clothes and you like
Speaker 1: to have to drain it in the sink. And I
Speaker 1: told Chris, I kind of like that, like I see
Speaker 1: the process, but it's such shit in the clothes don't
Speaker 1: get dry. They're well constantly dance even when you wear
Speaker 1: them for hours.
Speaker 3: So the other day, I was two days ago, I
Speaker 3: was having the same thing where I was very distracted.
Speaker 3: I was thinking about a million different things. And I
Speaker 3: had to bring Jack to the vet Firs monthly thing.
Speaker 3: And I walked into the car, put Jack in the car. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I sat and I had to get his bed out
Speaker 3: of the trunk and I put it in the back seat.
Speaker 3: I put Jack in the back seat. I get in
Speaker 3: the car and I'm sitting in the car and I'm
Speaker 3: like ready to go, and I'm like, man, it's like
Speaker 3: it's weird noise. Is a weird noise happening?
Speaker 1: What is this?
Speaker 3: And I'm like about to go, And then I turned
Speaker 3: around I realized I just left the trunk open, like
Speaker 3: the whole thing that I was about to drive around
Speaker 3: with like the trunk.
Speaker 1: Just so normal. But I mean it's like I thought
Speaker 1: Jack was going to be like outside the car, scratching
Speaker 1: his should be caught in the door something like, way
Speaker 1: more horrific.
Speaker 3: Guys, I was. I looked down and I forgot to
Speaker 3: tie my shoe. No, yeah, that is tough.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think I've ever put like I have
Speaker 1: the electric car whenever I take the thing out, I
Speaker 1: don't think I've ever put the flap back on. Every
Speaker 1: single time I get in my car and it goes,
Speaker 1: the flap is out.
Speaker 6: I literally I drove away twice with the gas tank
Speaker 6: in the car. I literally didn't take off. It's just
Speaker 6: the loudest thing. It's so embarrassing.
Speaker 3: And what do they do? They come out screaming like
Speaker 3: what are you doing?
Speaker 5: Actually, one time the guy was pretty cool about you
Speaker 5: even charged me. But then the other time my brother
Speaker 5: was driving and he didn't. He didn't love it.
Speaker 3: How much does that cost? I think like eighty bucks?
Speaker 3: Really happens all the time.
Speaker 1: Wait, there is a like set charge for if you
Speaker 1: I guess, yeah, it was the device or your car.
Speaker 3: The toms are designed for to rip off because it
Speaker 3: happens so often.
Speaker 5: Okay, okay, And we were down the road and my
Speaker 5: brother looks inside mirror and dangling just dangling.
Speaker 1: Because if their music's loud enough, anything can be happening.
Speaker 1: This is why I don't want kids, because I would
Speaker 1: leave them in the back seat. That's yeah, that's like
Speaker 1: a big fear because I've read it. I have read
Speaker 1: so many articles about people forgetting their kids in their
Speaker 1: back seat and it happens. There's this article that was like,
Speaker 1: it happens to everyone. Don't think you're a type of person.
Speaker 1: It doesn't happen to It's happened to every kind of person.
Speaker 1: This responsible ceo, this mother of three who had everything
Speaker 1: going for her, this person who has never touched a
Speaker 1: drug in their life, this person who gets good sleep
Speaker 1: and does ice baths, this person who's a piece of shit. Like,
Speaker 1: it's every like you can't avoid it. So unless you
Speaker 1: get a car, that's like baby like as I would
Speaker 1: only have a kid after that because I can't trust
Speaker 1: myself and I just think, yeah, because it's hot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like it happens to everyone, and it's like and it's
Speaker 1: it's that's nothing you'll ever recover.
Speaker 2: It's like the worst thing that will ever.
Speaker 3: Happen getting your own car. That's pretty bad. Uh, yeah,
Speaker 3: it's probably worse than like Pepper's I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's it, but you, but you, you, every parent, because
Speaker 1: that is a fear. They must convince themselves that could
Speaker 1: never happen to me. But I'm just telling you it could.
Speaker 1: And so that is why I do not want a kid,
Speaker 1: because it could.
Speaker 3: It's the same reason I never want to hold a baby,
Speaker 3: because they say you won't drop the baby, you won't
Speaker 3: drop the baby.
Speaker 2: And it's like, I doone thinks they're better than accidents, right.
Speaker 3: It's like I'm not. I do. The risk is so
Speaker 3: high to hold someone.
Speaker 4: Else's baby for what, So that's crazy. But yeah, baby,
Speaker 4: I feel if you hold someone else. Never touched a baby,
Speaker 4: not even my own little sister. No way, no way,
Speaker 4: I've never touched a baby.
Speaker 1: You're being silk.
Speaker 3: I've never held a baby. Stop it. I've never held
Speaker 3: a baby. You want to hold me?
Speaker 1: Literally, you could drop a baby and they'll be fine.
Speaker 1: I'm not kidding you. They're very durable. You can't leave
Speaker 1: them in a car for hours.
Speaker 3: But if you drop their head there you know, and
Speaker 3: they have a brain and they're actually.
Speaker 1: They're not gonna head. You're not gonna drop. You've never
Speaker 1: dropped something that that you're paying attention. Yeah, but like
Speaker 1: if you're it's not like you're like we're asking you
Speaker 1: to hold that and throw bowling pins at you to juggle.
Speaker 1: Like you would be concentrated on it. There would be
Speaker 1: no worry. You're sitting on a couch and someone can
Speaker 1: set it in your lap.
Speaker 5: Down, hold the baby late, start laying down and work
Speaker 5: your way up to your feet. Start with a laying
Speaker 5: down baby.
Speaker 3: It's not gonna do it.
Speaker 1: Why, Well, that's why I don't want to hold the God.
Speaker 1: I'm the same way with God.
Speaker 3: Baby smell nice.
Speaker 1: I don't want to hold the baby and gone at
Speaker 1: the same time. No disaster.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I'll give it to a baby, but I'm
Speaker 3: not going to hold either baby.
Speaker 1: You hold it, either of you. Yeah, all right.
Speaker 2: We got to go to bak Holder back after them.
Speaker 3: So we were all at Thursday night football for the
Speaker 3: last one, and so we were we were in the
Speaker 3: bowels of the stadium, and Andrew was there in a box.
Speaker 5: Oh no, I was just a lower seat. The guy
Speaker 5: I was actually in charge of all the boxes.
Speaker 2: Box guy helped me have seats.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good question, col.
Speaker 2: Guy that's in charge of who's in the boxes.
Speaker 3: That's a that's an Alanis morriset lyric.
Speaker 1: Yeah, when you run all the boxes but they give
Speaker 1: you a seat. Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 2: That's a good one. It's like, did you have access
Speaker 2: to like the food though and stuff like the No?
Speaker 3: No, actually, but it was cool. No, it was definitely
Speaker 3: like tenth.
Speaker 4: Rowind Chargers who was playing I Forget now, Yeah, me too,
Speaker 4: the Broncos Broncos.
Speaker 3: Well, we're wearing the bowels. We're all writing and and
Speaker 3: you know, you're on zoom so you can put jokes
Speaker 3: in and every once in a while through the zoom,
Speaker 3: we're just here like there isn't enough onions on my
Speaker 3: hot dog or something like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we'd hear you like bartering.
Speaker 3: No, I'm just on mute. No, I don't even know.
Speaker 3: I can do whatever I want. Don't pay me for anything.
Speaker 3: Did you hear that? Yeah?
Speaker 5: Yeah, no, they're fucking working like a bunch of losers
Speaker 5: while I own those.
Speaker 1: Asking the cotton candy man just for a joke about
Speaker 1: the last play.
Speaker 3: A pretty good He came up with that yard one.
Speaker 1: Did you write the yard one?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: One changed the lot like.
Speaker 3: I'm always so close.
Speaker 2: No, that does mean you're not. You probably had it.
Speaker 2: I just changed it.
Speaker 1: Here's here's a hearing a little insight into joke that
Speaker 1: it was like that yard ball Harbaugh. What's the name?
Speaker 2: Start?
Speaker 1: What's what's the other harbor? I don't like his name.
Speaker 2: I don't like him, and his brother's name.
Speaker 3: Sounds like yard.
Speaker 1: Okay, you said that he looked I take him seriously.
Speaker 1: He looks like someone who yells, get off my yard
Speaker 1: to his own yard.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you changed it.
Speaker 1: I said, because it's usually get off my lawn. I
Speaker 1: know it's a lawn too. And then we said, oh,
Speaker 1: maybe it'd be better to say he's yells get off
Speaker 1: his lawn to his own yard, and we all agreed
Speaker 1: that worked, and then I said it out loud and
Speaker 1: I was like, no, it needs to be the same word.
Speaker 1: And so then we changed to law and it did work.
Speaker 3: Yeah. That was good. Yeah, that was good. Thank you,
Speaker 3: thank you. Yeah, yard and lawn. It's a difference between
Speaker 3: peppers and onions. Well, Nikki does this thing where she
Speaker 3: she bowlds or or you bold, Nikki bowl, I'm bold.
Speaker 3: So we submit a bunch of jokes and then you
Speaker 3: see the bolds and you get Yeah, yeah. Yeah, those
Speaker 3: don't make it to the final because then you get
Speaker 3: really good ones in the room of.
Speaker 5: Like what that person specifically looks like. Yeah, yeah, So
Speaker 5: it's hard to get a bold too of another.
Speaker 3: Are you're aware of this side of things where when
Speaker 3: you bold.
Speaker 1: Something, well, sometimes I'm in the document where all the
Speaker 1: jokes are and I will see other little anonymous kangaroo
Speaker 1: and the Google you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: Like I'll see someone.
Speaker 3: Wat which is one of our writers from Australia.
Speaker 1: Really good yeah, and he'll say no, no. I am
Speaker 1: aware of that because I obviously like if I could
Speaker 1: never be on the not never, but it would be
Speaker 1: hard for me to be on the other side of
Speaker 1: it and submit jokes. And actually it'd be kind of
Speaker 1: fun because I like the competition. I would like like
Speaker 1: the reward it would make. Joke writing it's it's almost
Speaker 1: like the same as stand up Like when you write
Speaker 1: a joke and it works in front of a crowd,
Speaker 1: you get this like dopamine hit of like I'm good,
Speaker 1: I figure out something. So like it'd be it would
Speaker 1: be that equivalent of being in a writer's room, as
Speaker 1: having the person that you're writing for picures and you're
Speaker 1: good gold star, so it would be true.
Speaker 3: So in instantance, you're the crowd, and so you you
Speaker 3: should know that when you are bolding something, you are
Speaker 3: making someone happy.
Speaker 1: I now I do know that, and I understand that,
Speaker 1: and I will heavy as the hand that bolts.
Speaker 3: Well, don't don't do that. Everything heavy is the hand
Speaker 3: that balls as it it's weighing on me. I'm not
Speaker 3: extra bols because that's extra bold.
Speaker 1: But I would never because I don't. I don't want
Speaker 1: to give positive reinforcement to something that isn't like. Should
Speaker 1: people only grow if they are like? And also I
Speaker 1: would also say, if any of the writers are listening anything,
Speaker 1: I don't if you put in something that's great, it
Speaker 1: could be great. It's just my taste.
Speaker 2: It's not a crowd.
Speaker 1: It's one person, one person who has proven.
Speaker 3: To taste but likes to cut off head.
Speaker 1: I would just if I were you, guys, I would
Speaker 1: convince myself that she's just like Nikki just has bad
Speaker 1: taste today, or like she doesn't get it, like she
Speaker 1: doesn't see the potential of this. And so yeah, I would,
Speaker 1: I would. I would do that if I were you.
Speaker 1: But no, it's it's so fun and it's like, like,
Speaker 1: you know, but I still feel it too when I'm
Speaker 1: able to write a joke and it like gets it.
Speaker 1: And obviously I kind of know that it's going to
Speaker 1: be nicer about my jokes than I am. Like I
Speaker 1: can easily be like no, not you know, and I'm
Speaker 1: not rude about it, but like I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: convince myself that like, wow, everything I say is so
Speaker 1: funny because you know, like no one's gonna be like
Speaker 1: but but yeah, I know when something bombs and then
Speaker 1: when something is good and it feels so good when
Speaker 1: you're able to write a joke.
Speaker 4: We have.
Speaker 1: We have a space right now in the script for
Speaker 1: the Golden Globes that is just like it is just
Speaker 1: we're holding space, large gap, huge gap. We need a joke,
Speaker 1: Like there's no way we can step on stage without
Speaker 1: having a big joke about this movie.
Speaker 2: And we just haven't nailed it yet.
Speaker 1: There's literally nothing that could even come close to filling
Speaker 1: that space we need.
Speaker 3: We need to write a joke about uh, the confines
Speaker 3: of a fig or whatever the movie is called. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: that's definitely the one. That's the least that would have
Speaker 3: been the proper thing to say for the joke if
Speaker 3: I can remember the sacred of the fig.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the sacred. Yeah, there's some movie that has a figure.
Speaker 3: That's the correct movie to say for that joke. To
Speaker 3: that joke, it'stant yes. But but last night we're at
Speaker 3: this restaurant, oh yeah, that was Golden uh, prep for
Speaker 3: the Golden Globes, and we we had this other thing
Speaker 3: we wanted to fill, h like a kind of another
Speaker 3: gap we wanted to fill, and we've been trying to
Speaker 3: like crack it for a long time and then we're
Speaker 3: just going through all the names of all the nominees
Speaker 3: and then I mean, it just came out of Nicky's head,
Speaker 3: just like like sometimes a joke comes out like fully formed. Yeah,
Speaker 3: just came out and you said it like like you
Speaker 3: said it because it made you laugh. And then we
Speaker 3: were all like, yes, that's correct.
Speaker 1: That's the that's the so good when that happens, when
Speaker 1: you're just kind of like saying something and people go, wait,
Speaker 1: not you know, but that that joke only came out
Speaker 1: of because we were trying to crack this joke that
Speaker 1: like we kept pitching things that were like sexual in
Speaker 1: nature because that was kind of like seemed to be
Speaker 1: where we were going with it, and it seemed like
Speaker 1: the easiest way to crack that nut. And then the
Speaker 1: only way I thought of that was to be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: if I can't be sexual, what is this? Like? What
Speaker 1: is something else? And then that's I think what happened helped.
Speaker 1: It's like sometimes you just have to come up with
Speaker 1: barriers make things work. Though you think that having no
Speaker 1: barriers is like anything could happen, Like sometimes it's too
Speaker 1: much room or you start all of a sudden thinking
Speaker 1: about something sexual. It's like, it doesn't have to be that.
Speaker 1: Like I was thinking I was making the job easier,
Speaker 1: but I was making a lot harder.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well let me try it at the comedy.
Speaker 2: Oh and when it worked, it was like such a
Speaker 2: good feeling, Bob.
Speaker 3: Said me and Bob shook hands like we just did
Speaker 3: the Moonlight. It was just like because I said to
Speaker 3: him before, I was like, if this joke doesn't work,
Speaker 3: I don't I lose all faith in my ability to
Speaker 3: judge coms.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, there's been some moments though of running this
Speaker 1: set where like the other night, there was a joke
Speaker 1: that like the whole premise of the joke is that
Speaker 1: there's this movie, and within this movie, there's this one
Speaker 1: performance that is just kind of weird and like like
Speaker 1: and and that's the that the whole premise of the
Speaker 1: joke is like, this part of this part of this
Speaker 1: movie is weird and doesn't line up with the rest.
Speaker 1: And it's solid, like this is a solid observation that
Speaker 1: every single person that was has weighed in on this
Speaker 1: script has noted as well, Yeah, so I'm on stage
Speaker 1: and it doesn't do well, Like, it doesn't resonate.
Speaker 3: Not even that it doesn't do well.
Speaker 2: It's literally nothing. It's not even a hitter, not even
Speaker 2: a titter.
Speaker 3: It wasn't even grown. It was as if they didn't
Speaker 3: recognize that a joke had just said.
Speaker 1: So I stopped and I go, did you all see this?
Speaker 1: Who's seen this movie? The whole room class, you know,
Speaker 1: eighty percent of the room whatever, seventy percent of the
Speaker 1: room clubs. I go, did you think this thing was
Speaker 1: weird in it? This thing that I'm talking about? Did
Speaker 1: you do you agree that it was not good this part?
Speaker 1: They all agree, and I go, well, then why didn't
Speaker 1: you laugh? Dead silence there's like, we don't know like
Speaker 1: it's just not in. I got backstage and we're like,
Speaker 1: we still just can't figure out why I'm making an
Speaker 1: observation about something that we all agree is the thing,
Speaker 1: and it's actually saying something bold too, Like it's it's
Speaker 1: kind of it's not it's not mean. It's just like
Speaker 1: it's pointing out something that no one's really said. But
Speaker 1: it's like it's there.
Speaker 2: That's inherently funny.
Speaker 3: Why is this not working?
Speaker 2: It's a mystery.
Speaker 3: I want to see it one more time. I think,
Speaker 3: just know, I mean a scientific anomally. It needs to
Speaker 3: be studied.
Speaker 1: Oh there's wait, there's been some so many funny moments.
Speaker 1: There was one last night. I wish we could get it.
Speaker 1: I'm like nervous to even get into it.
Speaker 3: Which one, Oh god, no we can't.
Speaker 1: No, you didn't even want So. Something happened at the
Speaker 1: show last night, and I'm sorry to besties who are
Speaker 1: like talk cryptically, but there was a moment during our
Speaker 1: running of the sets last night that we do you
Speaker 1: ever in a group of people, you're all friends and
Speaker 1: then something weird happens and you all are like, this
Speaker 1: is so weird, but you can't say it out loud
Speaker 1: because the weird thing that is happening is like, it
Speaker 1: would be rude to call it out because that weird
Speaker 1: thing is not part of the group, right, So you
Speaker 1: all look to each other like are you okay with this?
Speaker 1: And you go, I guess they are, so I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna say anything, or I guess they know what's going
Speaker 1: on here, so I shouldn't say anything. Each one of
Speaker 1: us we collectively found it was a group of six
Speaker 1: of us. After after this happened, we all got together
Speaker 1: and then we all go so, you guys all knew
Speaker 1: about this, right, and they No one knew what was
Speaker 1: going No one was okay with what was happening, but
Speaker 1: we all had can gaslight ourselves into thinking that everyone
Speaker 1: else was okay with it, but none of us were.
Speaker 3: And it was so fond. Yeah, it's like Nazi Yeah, yes, exactly.
Speaker 3: The Nazis.
Speaker 1: Chrismas like walking around being like I should have done something.
Speaker 1: I can't believe I did. I was seconds away from
Speaker 1: saying something, but I thought that you were okay with it,
Speaker 1: and I was like, no, this was the greatest thing
Speaker 1: that could ever happen. This is so funny. It's making
Speaker 1: us laugh. It's it's team building to have a common
Speaker 1: like sure thing that like, it wouldn't have been as funny,
Speaker 1: just like the Nazis. Oh yeah, okay, it.
Speaker 3: All comes to experience.
Speaker 2: I have much more positive take.
Speaker 3: On it now we understand how it could get that far.
Speaker 1: But I loved that moment so much.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's.
Speaker 1: The monologue's coming along.
Speaker 2: We're getting we're too we're less than two weeks out.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Every time I go to the Golden Globes nominees page
Speaker 1: to like cause it's all it's a beautiful site that
Speaker 1: has it all lined up for us, wonderful, very grateful
Speaker 1: for that, because whenever you want to check a reference,
Speaker 1: it's like right there, they have a countdown clock in
Speaker 1: the top, so like it's it always says like today
Speaker 1: it will be like thirteen hours, thirteen days, fourteen hours, Yeah,
Speaker 1: which feels like a lot. But it's like whenever you
Speaker 1: have something looming. I'm sure you felt this way about
Speaker 1: your wedding or something. You're like, oh my god, it's
Speaker 1: a week away. It used to be months away. How
Speaker 1: did we get here? But times fucking happens.
Speaker 3: Man. Also, I hate when the clock starts so far
Speaker 3: from the thing.
Speaker 5: Yes, I want a clock, get me hundred yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: it's like rent or whatever.
Speaker 3: But I don't know that the year hours it's five
Speaker 3: hundred and seventy five thousand and six. Remember, is that
Speaker 3: how long someone lives? That's a year. Oh that's the song.
Speaker 3: That's how long you have made? I really that. Well,
Speaker 3: that's what they mean. That's what they mean that, that's
Speaker 3: what they're saying. Oh, that's why we have so little
Speaker 3: time to live. We need to recognize that a year
Speaker 3: is just this many.
Speaker 1: This is what Chris said to me, like about the
Speaker 1: Christmas because we were talking about going back and he's like,
Speaker 1: it's a bummer. I really wanted to go back with
Speaker 1: my family.
Speaker 2: He's like, you only get so many.
Speaker 1: He's like, you get what fifty Christmases with family in
Speaker 1: your life and then yeah, eighty seven christmases you know total.
Speaker 1: Andy's like and like that is like one fiftieth is
Speaker 1: a lot. Yeah, two percent of the Christmases with my
Speaker 1: family is squandered this week because of flu.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you know, it's not good to think of
Speaker 3: things like that if we constantly I mean, yeah, I
Speaker 3: don't I don't like that either. Where it's I don't
Speaker 3: like reminding you remember you used to like this. That's
Speaker 3: that chart with the dots on it.
Speaker 2: I don't like that chart. I just think it's fast,
Speaker 2: it's fascinating, it's terrifying.
Speaker 3: I don't tell about that. Actually, it doesn't help me
Speaker 3: to look.
Speaker 1: The chart that has one dot for each week of
Speaker 1: your life, and then you look and it's way less
Speaker 1: dots than you would think that. You would think it
Speaker 1: would build all of dots, but it is like a
Speaker 1: fucking postcard of dots.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what I hate?
Speaker 2: Too small weeks.
Speaker 5: Nineteen ninety five is closer to nineteen forty than it
Speaker 5: is to twenty twenty.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I hate those.
Speaker 1: I just hate what people are accomplishing things in their
Speaker 1: twenties and you're like, oh my, like you just think
Speaker 1: about what you were doing at that time. I'm and
Speaker 1: I know that I'm an accomplished person, and you could say, oh,
Speaker 1: but it's just there's still times when it's like someone
Speaker 1: hosts SNL when they're twenty three and they still they
Speaker 1: have like a body of work. Yeah, and they've three
Speaker 1: Carpenter is like twenty seven and has like six albums,
Speaker 1: and like, I'm just like, how of and you you're
Speaker 1: not even in your thirties yet. You haven't even been
Speaker 1: like I am old and I'm thirty yet, and it's like, god,
Speaker 1: fuck you.
Speaker 2: Why it makes me so upset.
Speaker 5: I also hate when people are like he finished med
Speaker 5: school at fifty eight. It's like, quit already, you fucking dick.
Speaker 1: And I don't really appreciate those things that are like listen,
Speaker 1: so and so didn't get started on their dissertation until
Speaker 1: they were thirty eight. I'm like, well, I'm forty I missed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that doesn't help me.
Speaker 5: Someone said the other day like, I'm not going to
Speaker 5: get a facelift until I'm like forty five, and I
Speaker 5: was like yeah, and I was like forty four, Holy no,
Speaker 5: I know, I'm do.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm do.
Speaker 1: I can't. I'm sorry to people who get I think
Speaker 1: I've said it on here before. You're getting facial surgery
Speaker 1: in this business, you're lazy because you don't work hard enough.
Speaker 3: If you if you have.
Speaker 1: Time to get a surgery and recover from it, you're
Speaker 1: not working you. I do not have time for it.
Speaker 1: I work hard enough that I am, and I have
Speaker 1: things to do where I have to be on camera.
Speaker 2: I have to work. I have to show up.
Speaker 1: I don't get to take off a week or two
Speaker 1: to have drains in my face and sleep you know,
Speaker 1: on my back.
Speaker 3: Are you talking about a facelift?
Speaker 4: A what is that?
Speaker 1: D DBL?
Speaker 3: A faceliftbl kidding me?
Speaker 1: A facelift?
Speaker 3: This pull pulls everything back and then you get discards
Speaker 3: right here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I don't have to do this ship.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't get it.
Speaker 1: They look amazing.
Speaker 3: My mom got one. It was crazy. What do you mean,
Speaker 3: but your mom got.
Speaker 1: One like, you know, twenty five years ago, probably thirty
Speaker 1: years yea, when it was like a different deal.
Speaker 2: We'll talk about when we get by.
Speaker 3: We wad to good break.
Speaker 1: Yeah, your mom got a facelift back when they were
Speaker 1: still kind of experimental almost.
Speaker 3: But my grandma, even my grandma, her mom got a
Speaker 3: face like I come from a long line facelift.
Speaker 2: I'm doing it for sure.
Speaker 3: But it's crazy when they like get the surgery, they
Speaker 3: really look like monsters.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you look at me in the room.
Speaker 3: I go into her room and she just feeling.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I get my mom a facelift. Oh really, yeah,
Speaker 1: she's she's letting me because she was you know, there's
Speaker 1: just some things that I'm like, mom, like there's fixes
Speaker 1: for this.
Speaker 3: Like when people get facelifts, I always.
Speaker 1: See that's good.
Speaker 2: I'm not kidding.
Speaker 3: I see a picture of someone got a facelift that
Speaker 3: actually looks good.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And while you're looking that up, I'll say. There was
Speaker 3: this influencer on Instagram who I don't follow anymore because
Speaker 3: they're making me so mad because of how much success
Speaker 3: they're having. Just a random influencer, and they were like,
Speaker 3: me and my husband just bought our cabin upstate. And
Speaker 3: she's twenty four. She has she has an apartment in
Speaker 3: New York and then she's a cabin upstate and I'm like,
Speaker 3: you're twenty four, and it just made me so mad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's upsetting.
Speaker 5: Well, social media has expedited everything, yeah, with that kind
Speaker 5: of stuff, especially if you're in your twenties. I mean
Speaker 5: back in the day, it was like literally there was
Speaker 5: like five twenty three year olds that could do that.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, there was like Jonathan Taylor Tomlinson yeah yeah,
Speaker 3: and his bolder brother. Yeah. No. It's uh. I think
Speaker 3: I really do think that Silicon Valley and social media
Speaker 3: and disruptors have done more damage to society than like
Speaker 3: the oil industry.
Speaker 5: Oh well, they've destroyed our society. What do you think
Speaker 5: about TikTok being removed on the nineteenth?
Speaker 3: Wait?
Speaker 1: What really?
Speaker 3: Well, you haven't heard about Trump on the nineteenth. Yeah
Speaker 3: that's the last day. Yeah it really. It's really rolling
Speaker 3: towards that conclusion. But even though Trump said he's gonna
Speaker 3: intervene because he likes that TikTok, but I don't think
Speaker 3: he's gonna do anything. I don't think he's gonna be
Speaker 3: able to pull it off. I don't think he's going
Speaker 3: to put together the correct people to actually stop this
Speaker 3: from hapving.
Speaker 2: I can't find the facelift thing. But I'll show you
Speaker 2: an example.
Speaker 5: I love when Trump talks about it because he goes
Speaker 5: his whole reason for TikTok staying is because he did
Speaker 5: good numbers.
Speaker 3: It has nothing to do Oh I'm not.
Speaker 1: I mean everything he does is from a place of
Speaker 1: does it benefit him? And it will never not be
Speaker 1: that way. It's anyone who is surprised by that, you're
Speaker 1: a moron. It's the way he is accept it. I
Speaker 1: have accepted it. He only operates from a place of
Speaker 1: of me, me, me, and that's why if I ever
Speaker 1: come into contact with him, I'll just tell him he's
Speaker 1: really hot and I love him, of course, and it'll
Speaker 1: everything will be okay for me and everyone will be
Speaker 1: if you just just it's it's really a good thing
Speaker 1: that someone is so able to just flattery, and it's
Speaker 1: like it's a good thing for No, it's obviously horrible,
Speaker 1: but I'm trying to see the benefits of it. But
Speaker 1: anyone who is under the I don't even think he
Speaker 1: would want you to be under the illusion that he
Speaker 1: cares about you.
Speaker 3: Right anymore.
Speaker 1: I think it's I think I'm not saying anything crazy
Speaker 1: here to say that he doesn't care about literally anyone
Speaker 1: but himself.
Speaker 2: That is, there's just no way.
Speaker 3: He just probably thinks that everyone's the same way. Everyone
Speaker 3: else is just thinking about themselves too, So why yeah,
Speaker 3: I could see that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, speaking of Trump, So you were I'm not
Speaker 1: even mad about it.
Speaker 3: You're in New York doing a million press thing. I
Speaker 3: think we talked about that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: I to the top of the Empire State Building and
Speaker 3: then you did a video lip syncing video, yes, and
Speaker 3: it was shared. It was a joint post with the
Speaker 3: Empire State.
Speaker 1: The Empire State Building is a press tour stop now
Speaker 1: for like, we're on the way there, no offense, Empire
Speaker 1: State and the social media team.
Speaker 2: But I was like, it was a really long day.
Speaker 1: I had just gotten done doing literally seventeen interviews with
Speaker 1: affiliates where you just sit down and then they go, Okay, Nikki,
Speaker 1: we're patching you through the Sacramento five minute interview with
Speaker 1: the news team. There, now to Saint Louis, Now to Philadelphia,
Speaker 1: now to Chicago, now to Arizona, now to la now
Speaker 1: in New York. Literally seventeen in a row for two
Speaker 1: and a half hours. Then a photo shoot with New
Speaker 1: York Times. Before that it was The View, it was
Speaker 1: Kelly and Mark, and then before that it was Gael King.
Speaker 1: This was all in one morning. It's like, now it's crazy.
Speaker 1: Now it's one thirty and I have to go to
Speaker 1: the Empire State Building and it was sick.
Speaker 3: Yeah for you to jump off the building.
Speaker 1: I literally said that I go next for going to
Speaker 1: the Empire State. I'm jumping off and uh and then
Speaker 1: you're going to live We're on the way there, and
Speaker 1: I said to my publicist in the backseat, I go
Speaker 1: this was something I probably should have said no to right,
Speaker 1: and she goes no, no, no. This is like a
Speaker 1: big press stop and you go in and it's like
Speaker 1: every famous person has been there. Final thought, the Empire
Speaker 1: State is like.
Speaker 3: The new Carson whoa well at a million show.
Speaker 2: Yeah you go there, you you take a tour, you
Speaker 2: go up. But the press team is so good.
Speaker 1: They keep you in this like amazing green room with
Speaker 1: all these snacks and stuff, and then they bring you
Speaker 1: up and then you shoot a video of you like
Speaker 1: sitting with the like statues.
Speaker 2: Sit you do up.
Speaker 1: So I'm there's like a model of the Empire State
Speaker 1: building on the ground floor and you like stand there
Speaker 1: and you they're like, oh, there's a photo op. So
Speaker 1: I go to stand there.
Speaker 2: I have no idea.
Speaker 1: I think it's just gonna be like their social media
Speaker 1: team taking a picture or maybe one photographer. There's like
Speaker 1: fifteen photographers that are all there going I've never seen it.
Speaker 1: It's like I've done the Emmy Red carpet. I've done
Speaker 1: you know, Critics' Choice, I've done so many red carpets.
Speaker 1: Nothing has ever been this intense of like I was.
Speaker 1: I literally there's a picture of me going, what's happening
Speaker 1: because I thought I thought BTS like a K pop
Speaker 1: band was behind me.
Speaker 3: It was that insane.
Speaker 1: But they were all there just to make a picture
Speaker 1: of me, and I'm like, this is a waste of
Speaker 1: their time. But it was so nice because I'm just like,
Speaker 1: who am Like? Who cares about the mark.
Speaker 3: Car goes a little further in New York than it
Speaker 3: does here?
Speaker 1: I guess so, but I was, I truly because I
Speaker 1: was not planned for it, and I'm looking over my
Speaker 1: publicist like what's happening? Like is this a bigger thing
Speaker 1: than I know about? Like it was Nikki?
Speaker 4: Here?
Speaker 3: Was it old timy camera? It looked like it you
Speaker 3: know what I mean? Maybe it felt like I was
Speaker 3: in a movie.
Speaker 2: It felt like I was in Nodding Hills.
Speaker 3: I loved the Chrysler building. Mcmade like like you just
Speaker 3: walked out of a courthouse defending Boo Radley. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: it was a purp walk.
Speaker 1: I wish they that's some of the pictures, because there's
Speaker 1: definitely pictures of me going what's happened? Like looking behind me?
Speaker 2: Because I don't.
Speaker 1: I'm so clue. I'm like, are other people coming to this?
Speaker 1: Because why would all these people be here for me,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't about me. It's just like they all
Speaker 1: get called every day when there's a celebrity there. So
Speaker 1: it's like the same people. And then some of the
Speaker 1: can you move, We're trying to Yeah, they really celebrity.
Speaker 1: I've never seen anything like it. And then I walk
Speaker 1: off and I'm like someone, could someone have told me
Speaker 1: that was?
Speaker 2: Like I had note what.
Speaker 1: They're like, yeah, well it's a press up or whatever
Speaker 1: it's called. I go, but I've never done anything that
Speaker 1: was insane. Yeah. And then we go up and that
Speaker 1: you walked down a hall and there's all these pictures
Speaker 1: of every celebrity you've ever heard of. It's like playing
Speaker 1: the modern era in the modern Carson there, you know,
Speaker 1: like everyone know in the modern era. It's like they
Speaker 1: have made a huge effort to be like this is
Speaker 1: a press up.
Speaker 3: I don't know, what is the empire state building need
Speaker 3: from us? They make so much money off tourism, so
Speaker 3: it's like I.
Speaker 1: Am like rushing past hordes of people that are there
Speaker 1: to see it. So it's like all these people tourists
Speaker 1: and they're like coming through and they're like making room
Speaker 1: for me, and like I'm getting in the elevator before
Speaker 1: all these people cutting in line, like you kind of
Speaker 1: feel like an asshole the whole time. And then you
Speaker 1: go up to the one hundred and second floor and
Speaker 1: then they're like, you have to sign a waiver if
Speaker 1: you want to go one hundred and third floor. That's
Speaker 1: only for like celebrities and press ups. So I get
Speaker 1: to go to the highest observation deck in the Western Hemisphere. WHOA,
Speaker 1: I don't even know what that means.
Speaker 3: I mean that's higher than like Sears Tower.
Speaker 1: In the Western Hemisphere. So where's where is.
Speaker 4: The hemisphere that's the tropic of cancer. Where is it
Speaker 4: is in the middle of the Western hemisphere planic?
Speaker 3: No, yeah, that's a good question.
Speaker 1: Like what observation deck is killing it on the other side, I.
Speaker 3: Want to yeah or something. They don't have an observation
Speaker 3: deck though. That's like a big.
Speaker 1: I don't like heights, and they keep asking like are
Speaker 1: you okay with heights? My makeup guy like couldn't go
Speaker 1: up because he's scared of heights, and I was like, oh, good,
Speaker 1: Like you don't need to do this. I love I
Speaker 1: love honoring people's anxieties. I'm like, no, this is and
Speaker 1: he's like, what if you need to touch up? Like
Speaker 1: I think I'll be okay. So he stays down there.
Speaker 1: We go all the way up it is and you
Speaker 1: can just jump off. I mean like there's you had
Speaker 1: to sign a waiver because there's that you won't do
Speaker 1: anything squirrely because they wouldn't trust like the public up there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you did jump off, like in that that one
Speaker 3: building that you oh yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh that's the that's the one that they don't let
Speaker 1: you go up alone because some are killing themselves. So
Speaker 1: if you go with a person, they figure you won't
Speaker 1: commit suicide. But then a kid was with his family
Speaker 1: and did it, so then I think you can't even
Speaker 1: go up anywhere. It's the one in Hudson Yards. It's like,
Speaker 1: it's a really cool looking building. It looks like a beehive.
Speaker 1: If you want to google, if you're like a morbid person,
Speaker 1: look up a building in Hudson Yards.
Speaker 2: Suicide.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a lot of them. Anyway, So we go
Speaker 1: up and they told me Jared Leto dropped his phone off.
Speaker 1: His phone breaks didn't break. It all went all the
Speaker 1: way down to the nineties. Four Oh okay, so flat.
Speaker 3: That would have went right through someone's skull down to
Speaker 3: through their pelvision.
Speaker 1: Yeah, twelve seconds to someone's pelvis.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so is that his banned twelve second Yeah, drop
Speaker 4: a penny for a second. You drop a penny from that,
Speaker 4: I know it can like go down your It's like
Speaker 4: it's like a.
Speaker 2: Though it has wind.
Speaker 3: Well one holds pennies.
Speaker 2: No wind makes a penny not go totally.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's maybe the wind.
Speaker 1: I think wind does affect it. Anyway, I'm out there
Speaker 1: and they're like bullet Emily came up with a great
Speaker 1: idea to like because they were tossing around their social
Speaker 1: media team was like, you want to film something, and
Speaker 1: we're going through all these ideas. They pitched me the
Speaker 1: Gracy Abrams TikTok trend that I started to do.
Speaker 3: Well copy No, I know, like verbatim.
Speaker 2: Well, it's like a track, it's a trend, so it's
Speaker 2: not copy.
Speaker 1: That's like what you do you started, Yeah, trends are
Speaker 1: not copy song. It's so funny that any credit for
Speaker 1: a Gracey Abram song I didn't know, I just lips
Speaker 1: too has.
Speaker 3: Made plagiarism fun and acceptable.
Speaker 1: No, it's fun to do trends like it's it's fun
Speaker 1: about the artist anymore. No, it's like, you know, you
Speaker 1: hope that you can create something sometimes original, but I
Speaker 1: like trends. I don't think it's copying at all. I
Speaker 1: was so so flattered that that took off, and I
Speaker 1: wasn't like, why are people tagging me? It's not even
Speaker 1: my song? Like my song, I'd be like, why are
Speaker 1: people tagging me? If you're not taking Gracie in that,
Speaker 1: that's weird. But like you looking in a mirror and
Speaker 1: then walking to a hall, I don't care. Yes, I
Speaker 1: know I started it, but it's it's not I don't
Speaker 1: really have a lot of.
Speaker 3: I don't think, but oh sure, sure yeah and so
Speaker 3: but what you did was awesome.
Speaker 1: So yeah, so Emily, because I was like, Emily, we
Speaker 1: need to come up with a song, and I'm like
Speaker 1: trying to think of she was like, what about to
Speaker 1: find Gravity? And I'm like, oh, it's been done, it's
Speaker 1: like Wicked's like late now. And then She's like I
Speaker 1: don't know, it's like it could work, and I'm like oh,
Speaker 1: But then I'm on my way from the toy from
Speaker 1: you know, all these presitive views, and we're going over
Speaker 1: there and I'm like trying to memorize defying gravity because
Speaker 1: I've like, I like, I have listened to it a lot,
Speaker 1: but like that part that's like, uh, what is it?
Speaker 3: It's me yeah, and give you dare to die?
Speaker 1: I may look to the western sky and it was Yes,
Speaker 1: it was nailed it. And so we filmed it twice.
Speaker 1: We nailed it both times, but that was just the
Speaker 1: better one. And the guy that was filming it, the
Speaker 1: team there shout out to the Embire State Building social
Speaker 1: media team. This kid was walking backwards on this observation
Speaker 1: desk deck one hundred and three floors up. I like
Speaker 1: I was posing for pictures and I was just having
Speaker 1: to like just close my eyes until then I opened
Speaker 1: for the picture because I was so nervous being up there.
Speaker 1: But it helps to have something to do, because I
Speaker 1: if you're focused on a performance, you can't be scared.
Speaker 1: Like it's so interesting. It really made me realize, like,
Speaker 1: you know, I always talking about my feet don't hurt
Speaker 1: wearing shoes when I'm performing, until I stopped performing, and
Speaker 1: then my feet will hurt. If you're performing, your other
Speaker 1: fears go away and you can do so like you know,
Speaker 1: talking to someone really famous on camera doing a scene
Speaker 1: not scary. Second cameras go off, I'm my teeth are
Speaker 1: shattering because I'm so nervous talking.
Speaker 3: To this point, when the camera's on, you both have
Speaker 3: an obligation to perform, and when the camera's off, there's
Speaker 3: the hierarchy resumes.
Speaker 1: Yeah it's up to you now.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's why, Like people are like Chris is always
Speaker 1: like after a show, like let's go hang out with all,
Speaker 1: Like if we'll go to like an award show, like
Speaker 1: I'm nominated for a Critics' Choice award and but I'm
Speaker 1: they're not giving me out my award at the ceremony,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't want to go if they're
Speaker 1: not giving him out my work, Like if I don't
Speaker 1: have a chance to perform, Like what Yeah, He's like
Speaker 1: just so you can just go and like meet people
Speaker 1: and mingle, And I'm like, I don't.
Speaker 2: That's not me. That's not I'll be too nervous and
Speaker 2: I'll feel, oh, you hit it that, Yeah I did?
Speaker 3: You did you? Like? Actually you did?
Speaker 1: It was beautiful. Yeah, Just I get more anxiety that way,
Speaker 1: Like I just that makes me uncomfortable to if I'm
Speaker 1: getting there for a purpose as soon as I get
Speaker 1: off stage, I want to like run away and go
Speaker 1: back to my like to being around people I'm comfortable with,
Speaker 1: even though I'm always having a good time when I
Speaker 1: meet famous people. Shout out to Anna Kendrick, who I
Speaker 1: sat next to at the Hollywood Reporter thing, and who
Speaker 1: is the only celebrity that.
Speaker 2: I've ever met who's like who.
Speaker 1: I said we should be friends, and she was like
Speaker 1: she well, she slid into my DMS after we met,
Speaker 1: and she was said really nice things and then did
Speaker 1: I say this on the podcast right? No?
Speaker 2: And she okay.
Speaker 1: So we met at the Hollywood Reporter thing. She was
Speaker 1: sitting next to me at my table. She was so nice.
Speaker 1: She told me that my show like got her through
Speaker 1: a hard time when she was not a hard time,
Speaker 1: but like just a time where she needed like company,
Speaker 1: and I kept her company during maybe a shoot she
Speaker 1: was on, or she was somewhere where she was kind
Speaker 1: of isolated. And I don't know what show she was
Speaker 1: talking about, but I didn't even want to ask, because
Speaker 1: sometimes people I think, just like conflate two things, and
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be like, well, that show wasn't
Speaker 1: on in that year, Like I don't know what she
Speaker 1: was talking about, but I was so it was so nice,
Speaker 1: and then she slid into my DMS afterwards. Yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: she slid into my DMS afterwards to be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry fangirled. I'm like, no, I'm sorry, I didn't fangirl,
Speaker 1: Like I couldn't even tell you like all the things
Speaker 1: I love of yours. And then I was like, should
Speaker 1: we be friends? And she was like, oh no, she
Speaker 1: wrote you know and let it sit, which is so funny,
Speaker 1: and then she obviously wrote like JK, yes for sure.
Speaker 1: And so that's a moment that a lot you have
Speaker 1: with celebrities in your DMS, like yeah, or like at
Speaker 1: a general meeting, you're like, we should actually be friends
Speaker 1: and like let's, you know, maybe let's work on this project,
Speaker 1: but like let's be friends first.
Speaker 2: And it never happened. It never, and I don't expect
Speaker 2: it to.
Speaker 1: But Anna Kendrick literally followed up that DM with inviting
Speaker 1: me to dinner a couple days later with her and
Speaker 1: her friends, and I couldn't go, but it was so nice.
Speaker 2: And like I was like, that is that's awesome? Yeah
Speaker 2: that really made so uh.
Speaker 1: Yeah she is she really is and she's really funny
Speaker 1: that you no after I said she be friends was
Speaker 1: so funny, and she was really funny in conversation, Like
Speaker 1: because I was talking to her before my speech at
Speaker 1: the Hollywood Reporter thing, I was like, I think most
Speaker 1: of my I was like, I'm just gonna go there.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna talk about how fucking early it is. And
Speaker 1: she was like, oh yeah, we're all wearing borrowed diamonds
Speaker 1: and at seven am. Like she had like funny things
Speaker 1: that she was like, if they really respected women, they
Speaker 1: would make this in the afternoon like she had. She
Speaker 1: had funny lines like I was like, can I use that?
Speaker 1: Like she I was like she should. Uh yeah, she
Speaker 1: was was great.
Speaker 3: Oh think I just watched it like a couple of
Speaker 3: days ago.
Speaker 5: Oh thanks, Yeah, I mean for however you described it,
Speaker 5: it was no like from what I saw, Oh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I thought it was a BE minus when I
Speaker 2: go no a C minus stage. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Okay, we're gonna we're gonna be back with to Mars
Speaker 1: episode just after this, but we have to go on
Speaker 1: this one. This one's done. Thank you as for joining.
Speaker 1: This one's fun.
Speaker 3: It's over, everybody, What are you doing here again?
Speaker 1: I got a horrible carrect Oh sorry, Oh wait, we
Speaker 1: do want to talk about how you about Second Arkansas.
Speaker 2: On the next episode podcast at the Country right after
Speaker 2: this Don't be good bye.